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multi-fandom-of-madness · 2 years

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Just to Love and Be Loved in Return

Fandom: Victorious

Pairing: Beck Oliver x Reader (she/her)

Type: Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: Swearing, Jade is a bitch (I love her though), theater kids being theater kids, Jade calls someone a whore, I didn’t fully proofread, and a few Moulin Rouge references

Summary: You and Beck broke up two weeks before a Halloween party. You're still deeply in love with each other, but after being put through that pain, you don't want to listen to him. So what do you do?

Word Count: 5,422 (I got carried away...)

Notes: This has a song in it (I don't own the rights or anything), but I recommend listening before reading (It's linked below). All characters are 18+.

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—

It was one of the best times of the year: Halloween. Everyone was getting ready to dress up and tick-or-treat (even if they were too old), going to parties, or just hanging out at home watching scary movies. It’s the night to be scared and eat so much candy to the point of tooth decay, and it is always one of the best holidays.

You, however, were not entirely excited.

Your friend, Tori, and her sister were hosting a Halloween party to participate in tonight's festivities, and you had decided to help with the set-up. It wasn’t like you were nervous to hang out with Tori while setting up; she wasn’t the issue. Some of the other people, who made an offer to help, were the issue.

You knew that this could be a bad idea considering your recent breakup with one of the helpers, Beck. It had been maybe two weeks, but your feelings for him still lingered; hope keeping them there.

You had left for Tori’s house around 10:30 a.m. and had gone to get coffee for the two of you. You debated on asking if anyone else wanted some, but when Tori told you no one was there yet, you didn’t bother.

You got to Tori’s house, and texted her so that you could get some help with taking stuff inside. There were a few decorations she wanted but couldn’t find, and since you hosted a Halloween party last year, you brought them.

“Hey, Y/n!” Tori said as she opened the car door and took the two coffee cups. “You’re a lifesaver; I am so tired.” You grabbed a few bags and followed her inside. “Thank you for coming to help with the setup, by the way. I really appreciate it.”

“It’s really not a problem, I didn’t have anything better to do anyways,” you said with a smile. That was a lie. You had plenty of better things to do. For example, not seeing Beck or Jade today sounded like a great idea.

You had left your makeup and costume in the trunk of your car, so you left to go grab them, Tori tagging along just for the hell of it.

You got to your car and had set your coffee and costume on the top of your car when you heard another car pull up. Looking to see who the driver, and apparently passenger, was. You held your breath. Jade drove Beck. Of course she did.

You tried to quickly grab your things, but fate had many other things in store. Your coffee fell, spilling everywhere, and as you tried to pick it up, you felt your costume fall on your head. “Good god, does anything else want to fall and make this day worse?” Tori had your makeup bag in hand, and you watched as it slowly unzipped, the contents spilling everywhere. “The universe is out to get me,” you complained, picking up your costume to keep it from getting in the coffee, and making attempts to grab the makeup.

Tori apologized, and grabbed your costume to take inside so that you could grab the makeup. It wasn’t her fault, you didn’t properly close the bag, so you couldn’t be upset with her. Thankfully there wasn’t too much damage to any of the more expensive things. You could tell that an eyeshadow pallet had busted considering the amounts of shiny pigments now littering the concrete.

You almost had everything back in the bag as Beck walked up to you. “Need some help?” He offered. You didn’t answer, but he grabbed the remaining lipsticks and a few other things that were still out of the bag. “Here.” He put the rest of your things back in your bag, and you zipped it up. You muttered a quick thank you, and quickly went inside.

“Hey, wait,” Beck called as he walked up to the door, Jade following close behind, but you just decided to shove past Tori and make your way to drop the stuff off in her room, knowing that any conversation with him would lead to you in tears. You knew they would both have to come upstairs, but you just needed a minute, so you threw your stuff on Tori’s bed, and walked into the bathroom right across the hall.

“Just let her go, she obviously doesn’t want to talk to you,” you heard Jade tell him as they made their way upstairs. You always assumed there was some sort of jealousy behind her actions. You knew that she used to have a crush on Beck, but he never reciprocated those feelings.

You knew that you were being childish about the whole situation, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. The relationship ended kind of poorly. He decided that he wanted to take a break, but he wasn’t communicating why, and he just suddenly broke it off with no explanation.

It took a week to do anything other than get out of bed and go to school, where all feelings were just worsened because as soon as Jade found out, she had taken advantage of the situation. Even though you two had become really good friends, she was being a bitch, to put it simply. You knew Jade would try to say something about it, that’s all she has been doing, and you really didn’t want to hear it today.

“I don’t see why you’re so upset about it, you just need to drop it,” you heard Beck say from the other side of the door.

“Well she doesn’t have to act like a bitch. You broke up with her, and she needs to accept that,” Jade responded. You knew she was just jealous, but there is no reason for her to act like this over something that she shouldn’t even be involved with.

“This isn’t your thing, though. You need to accept that.”

“I’m just saying that you could use someone who will actually be good for you. Y/n isn’t that person anymore,” she continued. You knew she wouldn’t stop until she was given a ‘good enough’ reason, but you didn’t have the energy to give her a reason. You opened the door to the bathroom as they walked into Tori’s room, and you looked behind you to see Beck freeze in the door.

He turned around and opened his mouth, but you just turned the other way and went downstairs.

—

Shortly after the little interaction, Cat and Robbie joined, and the decorating could finally commence.

“Okay so I need Jade and Cat to go put out the stuff for the lawn. Beck and Robbie, if you could get the stuff that needs to be hung up in tall places put up, that would be great. Y/n and I can work on the inside stuff.” Tori gave out lists of things that she wanted in each area, with a diagram of suggestions (that weren’t really suggestions) telling people where things should go.

You watched as everyone quickly went over to where the decorations were and got started. It hopefully wouldn’t be a long process as long as everyone was helping out.

It had been about an hour and as the decorating continued, you noticed that you and Tori were the only ones in the room. Setting down the garland you were holding, you walked over to her. “Tori, can I talk to you about something?”

She put the bats that were in her hands down. “Of course. What’s up?”

You sighed. You didn’t want to be the girl who constantly talked about her ex, but you needed to talk to someone, and she was the closest. “It’s about Beck,” you paused, waiting for her to say something, and you continued when she kept quiet. “I went upstairs earlier and hid in the bathroom, but I could hear Jade and Beck talking. Jade was being rude, talking about how Beck needed to forget about me. Beck didn’t really respond because I walked out, but he looked like he wanted to. I know I’m just being silly, and I’m probably overthinking, but it got me wondering about me and him. He’s been trying to talk to me whenever he gets the chance.”

“Maybe he just needs to explain himself and give you closure. Whether you want to talk to him about it or not is up to you, but I would say wait until you’re ready.” You weren’t sure if that’s what you wanted to hear or not.

“I don’t really want to talk to him. I honestly don’t even want to look at him,” you explained. She gave you a look of pity, placing a hand on your shoulder, and you just sighed. “I don’t know. I probably should just forget it for now. We have a party to get ready for.”

—

The decorating was coming together nicely. The party wasn’t for another few hours, and everyone was getting pretty hungry. You decided to go pick something up for everyone because it was an easier choice, and you needed to get out of there. Calling Andre, you got in the car and started driving. You didn’t want to be alone right now, and he was your best source of comfort.

“So from what I’m hearing, you should talk to Beck,” he said.

“I wouldn’t even know what to say. ‘Hey, I’m still desperately in love with you, and Jade sucks, so come back and date me because I’m the best person for you?’”

“I think that sounds perfect. See, you’ve got this. No reason to stress,” he joked.

“Thanks, Andre,” you huffed. “I don’t know what to do. A part of me doesn’t want to be with him at all because he was the one who broke it off, and left me without reason, but the other part of me is still very much in love with him. I honestly don’t want to even go to this party…I’m just so tempted to drop off the food and ditch.”

“I don’t think you should do that. Maybe you’ll find someone to hook up with, it might make you forget about Beck.”

Rolling your eyes you responded, “You know, you’re really not helping.”

He laughed before yelling something, most likely to his grandma. “Hey, so I have to go, but I can call you later if you absolutely need me to.”

“I think I’ll be okay. I hope your grandma is okay.”

“She’s fine, she’s just being her.”

“Have fun with that,” you said.

“I’ll try.” And then he was gone.

You made it to the takeout place, and got everyone’s orders, checked to make sure everything was right, and went back to Tori’s house.

—

“I think that’s it!” Tori said, admiring the work done around the house. The whole atmosphere had changed and the decorations looked great. Fake spiders and bats were strung up everywhere, there was a zombie in a wheelbarrow with a party hat, sunglasses, and a coconut that Jade stole from Sikowitz, a fog machine, and definitely more that really made the room come to life. “If you guys wanna go on ahead and get changed people will start arriving in around an hour give or take.”

You looked over to Beck who had already gotten up to go do whatever, and couldn’t help but feel regret. Everything he did made you feel something. He was what you thought to be your perfect match, and it pained you to know that he no longer was. You looked away and tried to just focus on the party, hoping that it would make you feel better.

You had just gone upstairs to get ready when he walked in. You watched as he grabbed his bag and began to walk out, not saying a word until he stopped before grabbing the door handle. “Y/n?” He turned around. You didn’t know if you could handle him talking to you right now.

Trying to settle on a response, “Yeah?” was all that would come out. You didn’t want to have this conversation before the party.

“I wanted to talk to you. I haven’t-”

“Beck, I’m sorry, but I really just want to enjoy this party. I’m not interested in hearing anything about us tonight. You said it was over – we were over, and I…” you paused, not entirely sure whether or not you wanted to say something you didn’t really mean. “I’m okay with it.”

The look he gave you was that of pure pain. You thought that those words were the ones he wanted to hear, but from the looks of it, that was far from the truth. All you heard from him was a sad sigh, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry,” and then he grabbed his bag and he was gone.

You didn’t entirely understand what he was sorry about, and you didn’t even know if you should care. Except you do, and it just hurts so much.

You ran a hand through your hair as you picked up your bag. You started with makeup, which for the costume, was fairly simple. You and Beck decided that you would go as Christian and Satine from the Broadway version of Moulin Rouge as soon as you heard of Tori’s party. You didn’t know if he was still planning on being Christian, but you spent too much money not to use your costume.

You kind of just sat in Tori’s room while everyone else was getting ready, the only other person who actually used the room was Tori, and she didn’t mind. She needed help getting her eyelashes on anyway.

“So are you excited about tonight?” She asked as you held a set of teezers dangerously close to her eye.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” you responded, setting the eyelash perfectly.

“Why not? It’s going to be fun,” she insisted.

You blew on the other eyelash to get the glue tacky before also applying that one. “I just can’t help but get the feeling that Jade has it out for me, or that something is going to go wrong tonight.”

“I don’t think you should worry. There’s going to be a ton of people, and who knows, maybe you’ll find someone cute to take your mind off Beck,” she said with a smile.

“That’s almost exactly what Andre said,” you said with a small chuckle as you walk over to your bag. You pulled your black and tan bodysuit, robe, and fishnets out of your bag, and grabbed your boots. The outfit was almost an exact replica of the one Satine wears when she first meets the Duke. “I’m going to go change in the bathroom, I’ll be back in just a minute.”

It was an easy costume to get into, the biggest struggle was zipping it up, but it wasn’t anything that you couldn’t handle. You looked in the mirror and pushed your hair being your ears. So maybe it wasn’t that the costume was too expensive to not wear, it was returnable, but maybe you just wanted to make a statement. Wearing the other half to a couples costume after a breakup? Almost a power move.

You turned the handle to the door and walked out, hearing the floor creak from the room next to you. Jade was standing at the door. “You look amazing, Y/n,” she said, with a smile and tone that was almost definitely fake.

“Oh…thank you, I like your costume too,” you tried returning the compliment, feeling that danger was ahead and trying to defuse it in advance. She was wearing a costume that resembled Janis from Mean Girls.

She huffed out a laugh and you could feel embarrassment creeping up your face. “I just don’t understand why you’re being such a bitch to Beck. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“What?” Her statements took you off guard.

“I mean I get that he broke up with you, but he was probably just trying to save his reputation.”

“Jade-” you started before she cut you off.

“I mean look at you! You look so cheap. No wonder he left. Did you just put this on to try and impress him? Trying to win him back?” She put on a mocking tone, and gave a little pout.

“Why are you being so rude? Why are you always so rude?” you asked, trying to figure out a way to get her to stop. You knew she was just trying to get a rise out of you, but the words hurt either way.

“You’re pathetic,” she said, ignoring what you said entirely. “You think he would want to be with someone as disgusting as you? He doesn’t love you, he never loved you, and he never will. But by all means, continue to try, that way we all can enjoy the show when you inevitably embarrass yourself.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What the hell is wrong with you? All you’re doing is being an attention seeker, and it’s not cute.”

“Just leave me alone. There is no reason for you to be acting like this,” you thought you had raised your voice, but it was just a whisper. Tears began threatening to fall.

You heard Tori’s door creak open and watched as she walked out, trying to come to your rescue. “Jade? What the hell?”

“All you are is trash, just some leftovers Beck threw out.” She paused, and you began to walk away. “Stop being such a whore, and go home.” And then she was gone.

“Y/n?” Tori put her hand on your shoulder, but you just shrugged it off.

You watched as she went back down the stairs, and then the tears started to fall. They weren’t sad tears, they were angry. Angry because of Jade, angry because of Beck, and angry because of the party. “I’m going home,” you stated, not listening to the pleas from your friend. You grabbed your phone, which you didn’t realize you left in the bathroom and raced down the hall, not caring about the clothes and makeup you left in Tori’s room, you’d get them later.

“You shouldn’t listen to her, she’s just jealous. Please, don’t leave, it’s going to be a fun night,” Tori tried to bargain.

“If she wants me gone, then I’m gone.” You couldn’t quite hear what she said after that, you were trying to block everything out.

“Y/n?” Beck called as you ran down the stairs, angry tears flooding your vision.

“Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.” You didn’t know whether that was a lie or not.

“Y/n, please,” he begged, trying to grab your hand, but you slipped from his grasp, walking a little faster. The music had already started, but you could hardly hear it over your heart beating. Or maybe it was your head pounding.

You made it out the front door, not realizing he was still chasing you until he grabbed your arm tight enough so that you couldn’t escape this time. “Beck, please just let me go. You are the last person I want to see or talk to right now,” you said struggling against his grasp, trying to rip your arm away.

He gently cupped your face so that you would look at him, and you did, until it was too painful. “Look at me.” It didn’t sound like a demand, more like a request. You looked at him, and he began to wipe away your tears. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” you stated. His mouth dropped to a frown. “Just please leave me alone.” His hand left your face and dropped onto your shoulder.

“I’m not letting you go until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Coming here was a mistake. I just want to go back home.” You tried yanking your arm again, but to no avail he wasn’t letting you go. He tried pulling you over to lean on the wall, but you weren’t budging. “Beck, please,” you were pleading, metaphorically down on your knees, begging. “I just want to go home.”

“No you don’t. I know you too well. What is wrong?” He emphasized the last sentence.

“Everything is wrong. This party, me, you, this costume, us. Everything except for Jade. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Really?” He scoffed and you glared at him. “What did she tell you?” He demanded, but you remained silent. “I can guarantee you that it’s wrong.”

“Does it matter? We aren’t together anymore, in case you forgot. Now let me go, you’re going to bruise my arm.”

“It does matter because it’s obviously hurting you-”

“Why do you care?” you snapped. “You hurt me first, and you’re hurting me now. Now let go of my arm.” He dropped your arm at this, and just stood there, but you didn’t move. “You don’t get to try and make it better when you made it bad to begin with,” and then you walked away.

—

You made it home, but just sat in your living room while you texted Tori that you would come over tomorrow to get your stuff and help clean up. It was only 8:00 p.m. The party had started about an hour ago, and you couldn’t help but regret your decision. You really wanted to go, but you just felt so unwanted. There was too much going through your mind, but the genuine contemplation of whether you should go back still lingered. It could help you get your mind off of things, but you didn’t know what to do, and you didn’t want to embarrass yourself anymore.

So you sat there, still in your Satine costume, sipping on a cup of hot tea. You fixed your makeup after the crying stopped so that you could still take pictures because you were pretty proud of how your costume turned out, even if some people didn’t. You took a few photos and posted them with the caption “the unique, the indomitable, the one and only: Satine <3” and checked to see how the party was going. You scrolled through stories and posts until you got bored, so you set your phone on the table, turned on the T.V. and drank your tea.

Your phone lit up, so you went to check it when you saw Beck’s username pop up, saying he liked your post. You rolled your eyes and turned ‘do not disturb’ on, and decided to get some better clothes on.

Before you went upstairs to take off your costume and get ready for bed, you heard a knock at the door. You didn’t think any trick-or-treaters would come by since it was later and there was an empty candy bowl by your door with the sign saying to “only take one,” but you still wrapped your sheer robe to conceal something, trying not to scar a child.

But it wasn’t a child, it was Andre. “Hey pretty lady,” he smiled. He’d come dressed as a Grim Reaper, and you had to hand it to him, it was a good costume.

“What are you doing here? There’s a party going on.”

“I’ve come to collect the Sparkling Diamond so that she can have some fun,” he said, his smile growing a bit wider.

“I have had my share of that party, Andre.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! There’s karaoke, some pretty good food, and you look stunning in that outfit, and you should show yourself off.” You laughed at this.

“I just…I don’t want to talk to Beck right now. I can’t face him because I said things I regret and I don’t want to think about it,” you explained.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything, you won’t even see him tonight,” he offered. You contemplated the decision, wondering if it really was worth it.

“It could be fun…”

“It will be fun,” he corrected. You smiled at this. “So is that a yes?”

“Fine, I’ll go, I guess.”

He grabbed your arm and began walking before he froze and said, “Before we go…if I may…a bit more rouge? Yes?”

You let out a laugh at the reference. “Always.”

—

“Y/n! You’re back!” Cat was the first to greet you, giving you a hug. Her hair was pulled into two pigtails with black extensions spread throughout.

“I love the Daculaura costume, it's very cute.”

“Thanks! Come on, let's go dance, or sing some karaoke!” She did a little shimmy and grabbed your arm so you followed her to the dance floor.

Some kid was already on the stage, singing some song that you didn’t quite recognize. But you didn’t care and you danced, your mood beginning to life. It felt good to just throw away all of your cares and just dance.

“Oh my god, Y/n, welcome back!” Tori gave you a hug and paused. “There’s no karaoke line! You should sing something,” she said, putting an arm around your shoulder and walking you towards the booth.

“I don’t know…I wouldn’t even know what to sing,” you stopped, looking for them in the crowd, with no luck. Thank god. “Actually…I might.” You walked up to the booth, ready to request your song.

“Ay look, it’s the Sparkling Diamond!” The DJ called. “Whatcha thinking of singing?” He needed to shout over the crowd because it was so loud.

“Can you play-” A hand fell on your shoulder. You knew this hand because it has held your hands millions of times, cupped your face millions of times, landed on your shoulders millions of times. You knew this hand.

“‘Crazy Rolling’ from Moulin Rouge, please.”

“Ooh Christian is joining the party now! The stage is all yours!” He’s Christian. He wore the costume. You knew that he knew your feelings for this song. You two would sing it together all the time with no reasoning, but it became your song in the strangest of ways.

“What are you doing?” You asked, slightly shouting so he could hear over the people.

“Apologizing,” he got on the stage and held one hand out for you to take, and the other to give you a microphone. You hesitantly accepted both.

“This isn’t really the song to apologize to-” but it was too late. The music started. You looked out at the crowd of people. The song started out slow, so the dancing stopped and they were all just staring at the two of you. You didn’t know how you felt about it.

“I remember when, I remember…I remember when I lost my mind…” You stared at him as he started. He used the costume, and damn did he look good. He wasn’t using the coat, which is understandable because it was pretty hot. The sleeves were rolled up perfectly, the first button undone, exposing the top of his chest, his ascot loosely hanging around his neck. The blue was the perfect color on him. He was staring at you the whole time, but once he started to get caught in the song, you noticed the little things he does when singing. “See how I leave with every piece of you. Don’t underestimate the things that I will do.” The way his nose scrunched at certain notes, his hands waved in the air, how he would stomp when he said a line that was intense enough, all of it was perfect.

He continued the song, glancing up on the occasion, probably to make sure you weren’t running for the hills. “Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Probably…” His voice was enchanting. If someone told you that he was putting a spell on you, you would probably believe them, but you wouldn’t be complaining.

You listened for your entrance, knowing it was coming up soon, and when it came up, you let every emotion out. “Baby I have no story to be told, but I’ve heard one for you, and I’m gonna make your head burn.” You walked towards him, unsure of why, and placed your hand on his chest, pushing him back ever so slightly, a smirk crossing his face. He was watching your every move so intensely that you could feel every cell in your body light on fire. “Think of me in the depths of your despair. Making a home down there ‘cause mine sure won’t be shared.”

It had come to the part where you were both singing, and you were staring each other in the eyes. Focusing on your words rather than his, you sang. “The scars of your love remind me of us. They keep me thinking that we almost had it all. The scars of your love they leave me breathless…I can’t help feeling-”

“-We could’ve had it all.” You both sang, and you grabbed his arm as he grabbed your waist. “Rolling in the deep. You had my heart inside of your hand, and you played it to the beat.” You knew this couldn’t be acting because your emotions were running wild. Both of you were lost with each other, every person in the room vanished.

The song rolled back to just him singing and you let him go, watching his mannerisms as he put his heart into it.

A few more verses passed and you were nearing the end, unsure of what direction you were heading in together, but you were prepared for whatever happened. “Maybe I’m crazy.” His hand snaked around your back. “Maybe I’m crazy.” You looked in his eyes. “You had my heart inside your hand.” His hand went to the back of your neck. “And you played it, you played it, you played it.” His hand now under your chin, tilting your head up. Your heart was racing at this point. “You played it. To the beat.” The song finished, and neither of you could hold it in anymore. Your lips collided and you could tell everything he was feeling at the moment. The kiss was full of passion and love, anger and pain. Everything you felt was the same for him. You let each other go, and you could hear the applause from everyone, giving an awkward bow.

“Give it up for Christian and Satine!” The DJ yelled through the microphone and another round of applause burst out. Grabbing your hand, he led you off the stage. His hand was on your back again, he wasn’t letting you go. He wasn’t risking that again. You made eye contact with Tori, who gave you a thumbs up, and went back to talking to whoever she was talking with.

“I think we should go somewhere a bit more quiet,” Beck shouted over the speakers. You agreed and made your way out the front door.

As soon as he shut the door to muffle the noise, you were ready with your questions. “What was that?”

“I…I don’t know. I knew you wouldn’t talk to me without something giving you a nudge. I know how you are, and I know that I hurt you without any explanation, but I didn’t want to.”

“I don’t understand. You didn’t want to break up with me, but you did it anyway? That makes no sense,” you said, crossing your arms. This is the part you were dreading: the conversation. You wanted to talk about it, but it was terrifying. Communication is key, and you two always were great with communicating, but this is different.

“I know, and I know there’s no excuse for what I did. I just got scared, I guess. You are practically perfect, and I felt…unworthy. Like I just didn’t deserve you. I got scared, and I ran. I should’ve just talked to you about it, and now that I’m talking it over I’m realizing just how foolish I was. I love you, Y/n. I love you so much that I can’t even comprehend it, and it’s terrifying. You’re the one that I want, forever and always. I…I can’t lose you, but I felt as though I had to.”

“Beck…you didn’t have to lose me. I never would have left you because you are who I love. The only one I love, and the only one that I want to love for the rest of my life. I know we’re young, but it’s the truth.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, and I don’t know if there’s a way to make it up to you, but I guarantee I will not stop trying-”

“You coming back to me is enough,” you stated, softly stroking his arm. You brought a hand up to his cheek and he leaned into the touch.

“I’m back. We are back.”