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luwupercal · 1 year

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this post got five likes so i'm posting this vignette. it's part of an au i discussed w @horuslupercal a while ago i might've posted about it? anyway here's a little under 1000 words written at 5 AM. very funny i guarantee!! if you can guess when it's set and/or what's going on you win an internet cookie <3. but with no more addendums here is:

PUNCH.

They would be known as "cameras", to you, the flock of glass-eyed artefacts that descend upon the occasion. Recording footage for a—now perhaps not-so-glorious—posterity, these clockwork vultures are the emotionless wandering eye of an empire that’s not so much in mourning as it is in doubt: how can the mighty fall? How many lies have they promised? How mad should they be? The remembrancers manning the swarm will provide, hopefully, part of the answer to these questions; the rest of it, tonight at 8, on every planet unlucky enough to have figured out 24-hour media circuses.

One of these cameras seems unremarkable. Its model isn't even gold-plated and engraved like the fashion demands nowadays, shy in its bare steel shell—but it is, actually, a very lucky camera. In fact, it might be the luckiest. (Its contents will soon propel its wielder into non-literal Sainthood for the next century, and if possible, literal Sainthood for two after that—no small task, dare I say).

This camera is not trained on the procession: its larger and better sister has that job, and the lucky little camera's operator instead is swerving around the crowd, trying to capture this energy. She wants to do her own documentary filmmaking, you see, but she's stuck apprenticing; but this is such a powerful moment in the history of Humanity, she gathers, that, even if nothing happens, any footage she captures—on this humble silver creature—of the unnameable emotion currently permeating the air is something that can, and will, be used for millennia to come.

But remember: this camera is lucky, and so her operator—her name would translate to Daisy, with some liberties—notices a break in a vital part of those gathered, in a half-shadowed corner.

Two relatives, both tall and long haired; one steps aside, the other follows on cue, invited. They separate somewhat from the crowd, and Daisy's lucky, lucky camera zooms closer. As the view inches forward, the shorter figure's body language changes; he steps back, away from the other. Then his—limbs, so to speak, his whole body, the soft enormity of it, raises its hackles. He steps closer to the taller one, who looks unphased, surprised maybe, annoyed at the surprise. And then, right after the camera jerks forward one last time, the action comes.

The lucky, lucky camera is the only one who records any footage of Sanguinius punching the everloving shit out of Lion El'Jonson's jaw at the late Warmaster's funeral.

It remains its homeworld's most prized possession, even today.

The Lion, of course, has an approximate shit-tonne of metric force directed to his face by a man who flies with those back muscles. So, yes, he stumbles. It is in fact a testament to his strength that he doesn't fucking crashland on his derrière. He doesn't get the last word in the argument; Sanguinius rejoins the funeral procession, now fuming at the audacity. New warmaster. New warmaster! A proposal to fill the post! At their brother's funeral—Sanguinius never believed the Lion to be so thoughtless, but this is something else. At their brother's—when they should be—his eyes well up once more. Sanguinius thought grief was an old friend, for those who raised him, for his sons, for—for unnameable people. He didn't expect the suddenness—he likes the Baalite word, súbito—of this loss. It feels like an old and loveable neighbour is pummeling him across the chest with a hammer; these are not, necessarily, tears he wants to turn into a fashion statement.

The Lion rejoins his family after a minute, pride wounded in more ways than one. Fulgrim shoots him an unabashed look, then makes a maddened grin of disbelief that the Lion actually growls at. Fulgrim ignores that, shooting a wide-eyed glance and a head-tilt at Ferrus—who's been occasionally side-eyeing Fulgrim's thicker-than-usual makeup for the funeral with confusion, and Lion has noticed that, thank you very much—to indicate to him Lion's new angel-given bruise. Ferrus doesn't have the willpower to hold back a snort, and the Lion swears vengeance on both of them—failing to notice, of course, how his appearance has been the first thing to produce such a reaction out of an unusually quiet Fulgrim in the whole day.

Next to Ferrus is Guilliman—Angron is absent, as is Curze, for perhaps the obvious reasons that they're technically-at-large-Terra has it covered do not even worry; Roboute notices Ferrus's double-take and steels his expression, still trying to will away with determination alone the ugly redness that creeps over his patrician features when he's recently cried in fear. Mortarion, next over, doesn't see any of it, his face under the hood a terrifyingly blank mask; Magnus, fresh from colloquial house arrest and with his hair tamed perhaps for the first time since the Lion met him, has already turned to Sanguinius, sensing a new emotion in the maelstrom of his grief. (It isn't so much anger or offence as it is wrath). Besides Fulgrim, Perturabo peers at him so discreetly the Lion almost doesn't notice and then looks back at Horus's grave, dissociated; Jaghatai Khan not so much sees as perceives a disturbance and crosses something off a mental bingo with genuine bitterness. Slowly, the information trickles, Rogal Dorn blatantly ignoring them, Vulkan frowning in obvious concern, Leman's disappointment a surprise to the both of them, Corax an enigma as he always is.

But it's Lorgar's reaction that sticks with Lion—he struggles to read faces at the best of times (misses Luther's assistance when he sees it, regrets leaving him back with his Legion). But he remembers it—and he will ignore it at first, but later, when things come to light, he won't be able to help but think that what his paranoid mind saw now makes for a sickening picture.

The pure, unadulterated guilt that knits together Lorgar's face is unmistakable, even to him.

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thessalian · 7 months

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Thess vs MCM Comic Con, Day 3

So before I start with the rundown of today, I will say this:

It was worth it.

I may not entirely believe that now, when everything fucking hurts and the stress and frustration of that level of people and noise and exertion and pain is still pretty much flattening me? But I know it was. The memory of how worth it this was will stay fresh long, long after the pain of the actual doing of it is gone.

So. Anyway. Day 3. Starting from after I made sandwiches and prepped to get an exchange on my d20-less gold sparkly dice.

We managed to get there in good time for the Critical Role panel. Now, obviously not in good time to get a seat in the main stage area where they were actually doing the panel, but giving it some thought, we didn't really want to be there anyway. We'd already been up close and personal with the Critical Role crew; we didn't need more than that. Plus the noise would have been way, way too much. So instead, we went over to one of the stages that was streaming the panel on their big screen. Which was better because the camera crew zoomed in when a question was directed at a particular person so we actually got to see them. And the panel was really good. It was so endearing when an audience member asked how they managed the whole thing with being business partners and friends and they talked about how Matt insists that they all hang out just as friends outside of the game space and the business space, and how Travis is this really supportive protective Big Poppa Bear of a CEO, and how it's easier with a group of friends than it is with a two-person partnership or trio because you've got people who can step in and mediate when tempers run a bit high ... and most of all when Ashley said she literally didn't know what she'd do without them (and then had to hand off the mic because she was about to start crying) and Sam said how he really just wanted them to be doing this - being the friends and family they'd become - for the rest of their lives ... and to wear a T-shirt with Matt's face on it at Matt's funeral. I honestly have zero worries about Critical Role LLC and its potential effects on their friendship. Seems like they're doing just fine.

There were no problems with taking my dice back. Thankfully, I got the same guy who sold them to me in the first place, though given the ambient noise and low light levels in the area, it was a bit of a struggle to get him to understand the problem. When he finally understood, he did go the extra mile finding me a replacement set. I repaid that kindness by stopping him when he went to put the dice set I was returning back into the box of merchandise for display / sale. Didn't want him to go through that again, y'know?

(Side note: turns out that the little golden shinies in my Alisaie-themed dice set are, in fact, small golden capital As. That's serendipity on a ridiculous level, right there.)

After that ... I admit it all caught up to me and on top of the body aches, spasms, and migraine, I remembered just how difficult it is to wander a convention hall with someone whose interests in terms of art and entertainment kind of vary from yours. So I suggested to Marion that we split up for an hour and a half, and meet up somewhere to devour lunch and see where we were going from there. I browsed a bit, but mostly I just found a place to sit down and watch the cosplay go by. I mean, I did make an attempt to go outside, partly for a smoke but mostly for someplace where I could be more than two feet away from any human being ... but it had started to rain and so I still ended up crammed under the awnings with my fellows who also wanted fresh air and/or nicotine.

By the time I met up with Marion again, I was getting to that "I am struggling to form coherent sentences" level of migraine, holding it at bay with some co-codamol that I took with the first can of A&W root beer I've had in years, and it was just what I needed, thank you. So we scarfed down lunch. I was honestly ready to leave right then, but Marion wanted one last turn-around to look for a couple of things she hadn't spotted in her first trip. I couldn't really deny her that no matter how much I wanted to go home, so we agreed to meet up in about an hour at the "Reset Room" (they had a room especially designed for people who just needed to decompress; probably the most useful thing they actually did in terms of accommodations, I have to say).

In that time, I caved and bought a copy of Flavours of the Multiverse - a D&D themed cookbook. It wasn't my only purchase of the day, mind you. I also got three pin-badges - one "That's How I Roll" one, one "Shiny Math Rocks" one ... and one that just reads "They/She". That and a "They/Them" nonbinary flag-coloured lanyard. At least there, I could wear those things without being too afraid. Anyway, after my few purchases and another trip outside (where, thankfully, it had stopped raining), I read my new cookbook until Marion rejoined me and we headed home. Unfortunately, on top of all the stairs at London Bridge and Elephant and Castle stations, there were a surprising number of people cramming themselves on the 363 at 5pm on a Sunday. So my Time of Squishening unfortunately got a little bit extended. Still, I am now home and have had coffee and more painkillers and I feel a bit better.

That was probably my last MCM Comic Con. It's definitely the last one I go to for all three days. The accommodations were insufficient (though in all fairness, that's entirely down to the organisers - the stewards were so nice and tried so hard to make things work when it was clear that the original organisational scheme was a shit-show), and the attendees ... well, most of them were really nice but I cannot count how many people I had to nearly throw myself at a wall to avoid because they were walking through a crowded convention hall while looking at their phones. Or just anywhere but straight in front of themselves. And public transport ... well, some of that "step-free access" is only on a technicality, put it that way, and it's actually easier to just struggle with the stairs if you can. I think the worst part of this has been that it's basically opened a window on another part of how hard my life is going to be now.

But never mind. I'm going to decompress a bit. I am going to make breakfast-for-dinner in the form of French toast and bacon, I am going to sit Marion down through the rest of Arcane, and I am going to enjoy my last evening with my houseguest. And at some point I am going to look into the work of the Hire A Bard guy I saw at the convention, who will set your character and/or campaign to music for a fee. This might be worth considering as a Christmas gift (however delayed) for the Cupcake Coterie.

Anyway. Yeah. I hurt. I am very much not at my best. But it was worth it.

#mcm expo

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pixiedoodlein · 2 years

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Wellllll amazing babysitter was short-lived. Turned out to be kind of a psycho then went AWOL before I fired. Friend from the org I worked at when we first moved to the country just got fired (by the jerk who was our jerky boss, who then got fired for firing her) and is going to help me w/ the kiddos a bit. I love my new (not so new anymore, 2.5 mos) reentry/ comms job, work a ton (too much, should lower the bar, but it’s fun and I like it), and have a v full plate— returning to grad school to finally finish my MFA and it was a real cartwheel trying to schedule my 4 hours/month of (virtual) grad projects meetings. A will be working 24/7 til mid-Oct, some weeks somewhere a few hours away. M is coming back to home school (she tried the local little pub school last year, was adored for being the awesome smarty pants she is, decided it’s too easy/ too full of republicans, decided she was over it) + has forest school one day a week (half hour away) she needs to get taken to/ picked up from, zooms throughout the week (piano, Spanish, math) she may need adult assistance navigating and sometimes I have work zooms at the same exact moment. Little guy (who is almost 3, HOW) is starting a preschool coop 2.5 hours, 2x week he’ll also need to get taken to/ taken home from (also half hour away, thankful for the existence of the high-end hippie town to the west). Not sure how I’ll be in 50 places at once so my work friend having time/ desire to be our part-time caregiver/ lifesaver is incredibly helpful (plus I love her and love having her around; I didn’t love having the not-actually-awesome-AWOL-sitter around, I’m antisocial and don’t like having many around, etc).

This is a really boring update; everyone’s busy, blah blah blah. I used to use this space to process, share about deep shit, connect. When I first started posting here, after lurking a while, I was a (sorta, somewhat, at least by NYC standards) young (ish) single mom who’d been through the systems’ wringer, grappling with aftershocks of said systems involvement while living with the ongoing impacts of A’s, he was still in prison and we were kinda romantically back together but not always totally yet. It was enlightening and fascinating to me to be able to share experiences w/ other women, other moms, also in some way navigating the child welfare system, from different vantage points— foster parent, adoptive parent, professional in the field, foster parent and professional, etc. I went through the family court world and I went through the criminal court world but demographically I am not the typical person to be on the defendant side of those worlds; though I experienced and struggled with many of the things the “bios” experience and struggle with, demographically I was more like the foster moms in this online community. I’d read the foster mom perspectives— generally well-meaning, well-off, well-educated, cool liberal ladies— and sometimes I’d cringe at the lack of empathy for their foster kids’ moms & dads, the absence of acknowledgment of how horrendously horrible it is to have your beloved children snatched from you (even if you did something wrong), the occasional desire for kids not to go home, the wish for someone else’s baby to be their baby.

But because I connected with these humans in so many ways, related to and liked them, I was able to see and hear the different perspectives, which sometimes I agreed with and sometimes I didn’t, but it was a special and amazing thing to have this weird digital space where we came to be honest and vulnerable together. I hoped that by being honest and vulnerable too, I could also share a different perspective, like they’d entrusted me with their different perspectives, tell what it was like to be on the other side of the court room, articulate things that maybe the parents of the kids they were caring for might also be feeling but might not be able to, or have opportunity to, say, or might not be able to say the things that needed saying in a way that could be heard.

Over the years my life has changed a lot; over the years everyone’s lives have changed a lot. While the trauma and PTSD of systemic involvement is still very real to me, I no longer relate in the way I once did to the role assigned to me during that involvement. Some of the people here I was so drawn to, so invested in, are no longer posting; most are no longer fostering; everyone has moved on in one way or another. Over the years I was so privileged to be granted a window into experiences, and to see perspectives shift— people here thinking deeply about the system, reevaluating their place in it, realizing that so many times so much pain could be avoided by just giving people money instead of the state spending tons of it tearing families apart to spend buckets more trying, supposedly and ineffectively, to velcro those same families back together via absurd hoops in a Kafka-esque vortex of a dysfunctional legal system, people here living through various versions of it with various details, and learning more and seeing more and sharing stories and heartbreaks here, grappling with big questions of equity and family and future here.

I firmly believe that the child welfare system is the most fucked up and flawed of all the fucked up flawed systems in this country. Even before defund the police, defund CPS. Abolish it, burn it down, build something vastly different, it inherently can’t and shouldn’t be salvaged. I believe it’s a system that causes massive amounts of very real trauma taking kids from parents to prevent possible or suspected or unproven trauma, that the needless damage inflicted far outweighs the needed interventions, and I believe these things far more now than I ever did then when I was at its mercy. Having glimpses into other people’s experiences with this system, elsewhere and here, but especially here, carried me to this conclusion. I appreciate the trust and care and reflection and vulnerability that lived in this space, as so many of us struggled with the meanings of this system that so many of us were touched by in so many varying ways.

What this place used to be isn’t what it is anymore, for me. Maybe it’s that so much of my life has changed. I feel like when I come here now it’s to talk about the weather: childcare challenges, is it cove or is it flu, what should I make for dinner, and that’s not what I loved about coming here. Anyway. I think my Tumblr time has ended. If you want to see pictures of what I ended up making for dinner, follow me on the Insta.

It’s been real, ladies. Love many of you lots.

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groovetrill · 1 year

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Self-made now you’re self-paid with your own plans

(yallah mori 3a beiti)

Your family was so proud of you lama tarakti ilblad

Salmi 3a sido, salmi 3a teta w salmi 3a jad a5ooki

We have designer sex in the morning

Expensive when you moanin’

Hop on a Zoom call for an hour

Then come back to show you who owns it

Fly you to Beirut for the wintertime

But don’t post about it online

Took her to dinner in Hamra

And one thing she kept tellin’ me

[Refrain]

She has very few friends

She’s focused and has very few friends

[Verse 3]

Fa oltilha, you take away all my focus

But I’m down

Gotta bring you back to my town

Tiyara doghri 3a bladi

Oo akeed I’ll show you around

Bien—, bienvenue dans mon quartier

Sur son bracelet, c’est du Cartier

Elle veux que tu parles en français (Tu vas rien comprendre)

I wanna take you to Paris and spoil you

I wanna go to Marseille and enjoy you

I want those guys in your DM’s who talk to themselves

And then tell all their friends that they know you

I wanna make you forget about your ex

I want you overthinkin’ all your texts

I want the neighbors to hear you yell

Told me she’s a CEO, I can tell

So, you do you and I’ll do me

But when we come together it’s

When we come together it’s a fuckin’ problem

#saint levant #very few friends #groovetrill #Spotify

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lloverz · 2 years

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Everyone is afraid to love. Wait, let me rephrase that.

Everyone is afraid of getting hurt when they’re vulnerable.

it sucks doesn’t it? when you love someone so much just to find out they didn’t love you as much as you love them, because if they did then they wouldn’t have done those things that tore you apart so easily.

Let’s zoom out a bit, okay? Don’t get too emotional just yet.

If we take a serious, long look at what our pain has taught us from loving so hard, you will see that the abundant amount of lessons learned is worth going through. Personally, I’d rather take note of every single lesson I learn while young, because I don’t want to spend a lifetime ignoring them just to have to keep relearning them.

I just got out of a 4 year relationship. we were high school sweethearts and 3 years after dating, we had a baby. I was very gullible in the first few years of dating this boy. I’m very beautiful, popular, have a lot of people talking about me. I was so confident in myself. If I stood by another woman, I would’nt question my own beauty. The boy I dated, let’s call him “tf”, was a couple years older than me and had graduated a year before me. We live in a pretty small city, so there’s only 3 high schools to choose from. Here’s a list of a few things TF did while in a relationship with me BEFORE our baby:

-cheated multiple times and manipulated/lied/gaslit me by using violence and aggression ( when I was 18 )

-always had porn on his socials (instagram , twitter, etc) so I would state that it made me uncomfortable (the girls looked way bigger and curvier than me, I’m petite) but he would say things like “it’s just a big ass 😂”. I let him borrow my tablet one time and when I tried to get it back, he hid it from me and kept yelling in my face saying “YOU’RE FUCKIN INSECURE” *didn’t give back tablet EVER*

- after someone sent me screenshots of him trying to fuck in another city, he manipulated/gaslit/lied. I tried to break up with him and he broke my car window. There was blood and broken glass everywhere, so he immediately played victim and was begging for me to take him to the hospital. Blamed it on me. “you made me do it”

- even though I never showed any signs of cheating or talking to multiple people, he would constantly tell me about how I’m a “liar”. I didn’t have enough experience back then to know that is a clear sign of a cheater.

- He was always talking to multipple girls but when i said something about it, he would get aggressive and defensive. making up lies with such aggression to force me to just back down.

- by this time, I had started an eating disorder. I was depressed and didn’t want to eat.

so even though those things are pretty fucking horrible and traumatizing for an 18-19 yr old to go through, let’s talk about the things he did while I was pregnant.

- first week we found out I was pregnant we were living in a hotel. We both had jobs but rent weekly was super fuckin high just for a studio. There was a tiny kitchen with no oven and a bathroom next to it. a bed in the room and that’s it. The first week I found out I was pregnant, I suspected him of shit because he was super distant. I went through his phone and saw he was looking up his ex from 4 years ago.

- He argued w me about it, told me he would “happily pay for an abortion”, so I had a breakdown in the bathroom saying “you did this to me, I don’t want to get rid of my baby” so after 10 mins he felt bad and without showing any emotion he just said it’s up to me but he’ll be present if i choose to keep it

- We argued a lot the first week. I had no friends since he pushed them all away from me. So I went to a mountain, sat on a big rock, and just cried for an hour. I was so scared because I didn’t know how to tell my family and based off of how he was acting, I knew I was most likley going to end up a single mom. for a 20 yr old, that was an extremely stressful situation.

- moving on, we finally saved enough to get an apartment. We moved in and I wanted to feel whole, but something just wasn’t right. I was working from home at the time, by then i was 3 months pregnant. He also had a job, but got fired. I could barely afford rent on my own. He would sit on his ass and play video games all day instead of going out looking for a job. I tried not to stress about it, tried to convince myself that he was just in a bad state of mind and needed a boost. I needed him to have a job, so I made his resume and applied to places for him. He got his “dream job” at a dispensary because of my help.

- he was very distant from the beginning so it wasn’t much of a difference. later i found out that he was “hanging out” and talking to females while I was working my pregnant ass off.

- eventually my inutition and dreams told on him, my body filled with anxiety around him. so I decided enough was enough and I needed to move out before the lease has to get renewed. I broke up with him, packed my things, and told him he had to leave too (duh, the apt was in MY name and he’s careless).

- he didn’t help me pack my shit or carry things downstairs into the car. By this time, the baby was born so his excuse was that he was watching the baby even though he could’ve had the baby on him while helping my postpartum ass.

- i forgot to mention that when I gave birth, they fucked up my epidural so I was in bed for the first week with an epidural migraine. I was in so much pain and worried because the dr said i was leaking spinal fluid into my head. The first week he invited his whole family over and told me it would only be 2 people. I was stressed because of COVID, my headache came back. I wen to the room and told him to tell them to leave, he did. when they left he argued with me and got mad at me saying “why are you acting like that??” as if he didn’t know what i was going through. i ended up apologizing just to keep the peace.

- I would only ever ask for help when i was extremely exhausted, and when i asked for help he would constantly ask me why i couldnt just do it myself.

after we broke up, he put on a very specular show crying about how he wanted his family back. he would tell me that we didn’t have a family because of me. he let his anger out on me by going through my phone when i would let him visit the baby and add my friends on his socials. he talked mad shit saying iw asn’t letting him see the baby. eventually no one wanted to be involved so all my friends left me to suffer with postpartum depression and a horrible partner. eventually he pushed me to a point where I felt like I was always going to struggle and be alone. He wouldn’t give me money to support the baby even though I was the only one taking care of him and he always had excuses. There were times when i had to beg him to see him for more than an hour a week. I was living with my nana at the time (my tata passed when i was pregnant and he still did all of this), and i had no money. my baby was teething and i cried because i couldn’t afford $3 teething medicine. My gas gauge was also fucked up so I couldn’t go anywhere without worrying about gas, especially with no money. eventually i just couldn’t handle my situation, and I took my son to the babysitter. I told her I was going to be gone for a while to take care of him. she agreed and understood. that night, i walked myself into the ER and told them i ahd suicidal thoughts. it was the darkest day of my life.

that night, i slept at the hospital. i got woken up at 2-3 in the morning to speak with a crisis counselor. she told me that due to the severity of my condition, the best option was to take me to a psych hospital to get treatment. i agreed. my parents had no idea this was happening, so i called them and told them where i was at and where i was going. my dad immediately came to the hospital to visit me. he was grieving as well from my tata (his dad) so there wasn’t much for us to talk about. we could just havea short convo about how we’ll get through it and everything is okay.

the next day i was taken to phoenix, az to a hospital in an ambulance. i was strapped down and the lady next to me was telling me about how i’m going to be okay and she was in the exact same position as me with postpartum depression when she had her kids. it made me feel a little better but i couldn’t get over the fact that i was strapped down.

i arrived at the hospital how i came, strapped. they wheeled me into the psych area and everyone looked at the new girl. a female staff member looked at me when taking my picture and said “wow, you’re so pretty”. thank you beautiful black woman.

i spent a week there. i talked to psychiatrists and told them I had ppd. they diagnosed me with 4-5 mental health disorders and put me on antipsychotics. i tried a total of 6 meds in one week. they made me feel dizzy, weak, cloudy asf (zoning in and out), i saw lines on the bathroom floor that weren’t there, and i could barely walk to get breakfast in the morning. I didn’t have a choice but to take their meds because they wouldn’t release me until they made me “think right”, or not at all. i was getting visitations from my ex. my i showed him paperwork of symptoms ( i really do have mental disorders such as bipolar, etc and even though that’s not what i was there for, it helped to have a professional tell me im not crazy just bipolar and bpd). after that, i told him to leave because he was the reason i went to the ER that night ( recently found out he was fucking around w females before and after that week yet he wanted to say he really cared and was really concerned ).

when i was finally released, i took my meds for a month then stopped. they were making me too tired to do anything. a couple months later he messaged me about how he missed his family, so i took him back. i thought that after everything i went through and if he really wanted his family, we should be alright. everything i stated above that he did previously, he kept up. sending pics of my baby to other females from when we were broken up talking about how he missed them and wanted to move in w them. keep in mind, i NEVER cheated or even talked to another guy like that since high school, the very beginning.

just recently in March was a birthday party that i set up and decorated, invited everyone to but no one showed up. while opening presents, he was acting weird with his phone. I asked to take pictures on it and he tried hiding it from me. i looked at the notifications and he was messaging a girl right then and there asking her to go to the strip club with him, talking about “sharing” me! this happened 2 WEEKS AFTER I HAD AN ABORTION OF HIS BABY (baby #2). i was suffering the loss of my second child and from the pain i experienced having rods inside me, seeing a friend i made in the clinic cry her heart out, etc. after he got caught, he told me the messages were “old” and “she just so happened to reply that day”, “you thought i trusted you? lol”, “this is all your fault you dont have to be like this but you CHOOSE to and it’s your fault we don’t have a family”, etc. i can’t remember the rest because those words alone were the most hurtful words i’ve heard in my life.

moving on to recently, i broke up with him. he kept acting like it didnt happen even though i broke up w him due to domestic violence. i figured the only way i can get him to understand is by doing what he’s always done to me and what i didn’t want to do. i slept with someone else and allowed myself to get caught. more domestic violence heppened, and he kept calling me a cheater even though i kept telling him we broke up a while ago. now we are living in different households and so far we are coparenting well. this is current, 4 years after being together. I’m filled with peace and optimism. my confidence went up because i no longer have to deal w my partner looking at naked girls on social media while im in the same room.

im 21 currently and after this breakup i thought i couldn’t trust anyone anymore. these past few days i’ve been processing everything. I’m processing the abuse i survived for years. mental, phsyical, and verbal abuse is the reason why i couldn’t leave no matter how many times i tried. i forgive my old self because she didn’t have enough experience to know how to deal with those situations. she thought she was forever stuck. i’m proud of how much shes improved. it takes serious strength to go through all of that the past 4 years and to come out stronger, better, smarter.

I want to share my story with the girls out there stuck in repetitive cycles. I made a post previously of lessons I learned while being with him and I can continue that list in another post if you’d like. I’m sharing my story to let you know the real deal. the nitty-gritty of this situation. I left out a few things that I had to go through as well because it was outside of this relationship, but there isn’t a single thing I would take back or change if i could. I’d rather come out as a strong 21 yr old already knowing the things i know now than to be ignorant of my situation and waste years of my life being abused by someone i love so much. I still love him of course, but i know that to be with him is the same thing as self-sabotage and I’m not willing to put my health at risk again. btw, your health SHOULD NEVER be at risk when you’re in a relationship point blank PERIOD!! they should be there for you when you’re grieving instead of cheating & abusing your state of mind. that was a little too specific and obvious but you get the point.

so to all the young ladies out there, i have a few tips from my experiences. if you never want to experience something similar, please pay attention.

- you don’t have to settle for anyone you don’t want to settle for and you don’t need a reason either. this is YOUR life and it’s important that you recognize that whatever you’re going through is a result of your choices.

- when someone lies for no reason, that;s enough of a reason to leave. they don’t care how their lies effect you and if they lie about small shit/for no reason how do you know your whole relationship/friendship isn’t a lie?? these are the type of people that’ll talk shit about you to your enemies, i learned from him.

- if someone undertsands how specific people have horribly affected you and they continue to speak with them on a daily basis, take that as they chose those people over you.

- if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries you need to leave bc that is also a form of abuse. they walk all over you and end up controlling you slowly but surely

- if they bring up traumatic experiences from your life in a malicious way, that’s abuse so leave

- if they constantly trigger you, that’s abuse so leave

- always choose other peoples sides over you even when others are wrong, theyd choose to backup anyone but you. that aint a real one thats a fake

- if it’s hard for them to understand how much pain they put you through, leave bc it’ll only get worse and they don’t care until it’s them

- if they know you love language but refuse to tend to it because its “pointless” to them, they dont actually love you

- pay attention to what they say when they’re mad. they’ll tell you how they really feel about you. anger doesn’t lie, liars do.

- if you have emntal health issues and they keep doing their own thing at the expense of your mental health, understand that they truly do NOT care about you.

- someone who doesn’t see the wrong or severity in THEIR actions but always sees the bad in everything YOU do is a narcissist (please do your research on this topic)

- if they spend more money on weed than necessities, they’ll lead a clear path of addiction for you

- if they are okay with putting their hands on you saying “you made me do it” or “i did it for a reason”, they don’t see anything wrong with physically abusing you

- a push eventually leads to headbutts and getting thrown on the floor. i left before headbutts turned into slaps and punches

- if they tell you someone else will end up beating you, they want to do it themselves and will eventually. it’s best to leave ASAP and never look back

- if they know you need money but refuse to give it to you, they’re making you dependent on them and it IS a form of abuse too

- if they know you need basic things like clothes but spend money on themselves instead (weed, etc), they do NOT care about you

I’m truly sorry for all of the women and young ladies, even kids who have to go through the tortures of a man. It seems as though men have been conditioned to be selfish for so long that it’s in their DNA. Personly I have had bad experiences with every single man in my life EXCEPT for my tata who passed in January of 2021. He was truly the most genuine man in my life, always took care of me and talked to me about the most important things in life. I would take naps when i was little and wake up to him waiting for me to wake up, smiling and adoring my little face. When he left, I lost the most important person in my lifeat the time. Now my main focus is teaching my son to be just like him, because I have never had such a lifetime of positive experiences with any other protective figure in my life. It’s important to understand that as a woman who’s fully capable of being independent, YOU are the catch because for someone to walk into YOUR life is a PRIVILEGE.

I love you all. domestic violence happens all too often. My sisters have been through it and i watched them fall apart, then rebuild their lives in their 30s. My aunt has died from domestic violence, my mom has experienced it, etc. we must stick together, defend each other, teach each other, and help each other. A long journey of helping your loved ones through these situations is better than losing them forever. protect these girls and women, stand together, recognize that you just as capable as a man, and you’re the boss in your life. hire and fire people accordingly. to be a woman is a beautiful thing. we can go through hell and come out stronger, prettier, more confident, and independent.

if you are currently going through a similar situation, i see you. i feel you. i WAS you. i know how hard it is to leave, and even though you want to, i know you have to strategically plan that shit out. dont worry, talk to the Universe, cry, and make the choices that right for YOU. you will survive, you will come out stronger, and you are loved, extremely loved. you’ll get out of it soon, just promise yourself to hang in there until your victory day comes.

affirmations for the survivor:

i am safe. i am divinely protected. i am loved. i am whole. i love myself. i am beautiful. i am sexy. i am captivating. i am confident. i trust myself.

affirmations for the person going through it rn:

i am who i say i am. i prove everything to myself, i dont need external validation. i am wonderful. i am loved. i am taken care of by the Universe. i am strong. i will get through anything i set my mind to.

stay safe, look out for each other 🫶✌️

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tinyyoungblood · 3 years

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hi!! adore your work love. could you maybe do smth where stark!reader has to get her wisdom teeth out but HATES the dentist so she brings her boyf peter and her dad w her?? and then when they get home the avengers are all waiting with like comical amounts of flowers and stuffed animals and then reader says some funny shiii and thor thinks she’s like dying lol. idk if that made sense but i’m getting my wisdom teeth out soon and i’m scared😭 thank u so so much love u babe

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

a/n: tysm lovely :,) i rushed through this like my life depended on it, but i hope i’m not too late. either way, i hope you’re okay! it’s frightening but those bad boys gotta go because we don’t need that kind of energy in our lives. enjoy x

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

wisdom teeth? more like wisdoom

y/n has to get her wisdom teeth removed and it’s the singular most dreadful thing she’s ever had to do, which says a lot because her dad is tony richling stark

doing dreadful things she doesn’t want to do but still somehow end up doing just because she can is a personality trait at this point

no one really makes a big deal out of it since ~death~ is part of their job description, but y/n is terrified

and when a stark is terrified the only thing that will keep them one step from insanity is researching the hell out of it

that information will be info dumped into every conversation for the next few weeks leading up to the appointment

“y/n you need anything from the store?” "no thanks, did you know the side effects of getting your wisdom teeth out include ✨sudden death or blood clots✨ tho” “……..i have a coupon?”

the day of the appointment, peter comes along and literally doesn’t let go of y/n’s hand. he keeps touching her to let her know that he’s there and it’s so. adorable

he would rest his hand on her knee, gently stroke her back while holding her, or just play with her hair

happy drops them off and he’s too Cool™ for emotions but he knows y/n’s a wreck, so he just fist bumps her with a single nod and she almost breaks down bc it’s really affectionate

y/n is sitting in the dentist chair and genuinely nothing is happening yet, but she’s squeezing peter’s hand like it’s a sponge

peter might have a high pain tolerance but he’s in pain pain and he prays that his hand won’t just explode on him

the dentist notices how peter tries to keep it together and chuckles

“you okay there, son?” “yea it’s fine, had a better time when a building fell on me tho haha” “pardon?” “oh i mean i didn’t have a good time, i just had a better time”

because y/n is running Anxious Town™, the dentist gives her a sedative to help her relax

plus, an injection of local anaesthetic to numb the tooth and surrounding area

she doesn’t feel anything and it’s GREAT

the procedure is quicker than expected and now the real fun begins

she tries to walk but she falls down so peter scoops her up bridal style and happy stays glued at her side

y/n doesn’t mind although she literally doesn’t recognise them and they’re practically strangers to her

but girly sees an opportunity and tries to flirt with peter bc why wouldn’t she

“you’re pretty” *blushes* “why thanks” “you should let your girlfriend know” “i should let her know i’m pretty?” “so you do have a gf? :(” “yea it’s you” “:)”

they stop for gas and peter goes in to get some water for y/n, and in her infinite wisdom, she decides it’s burger time

her mouth is completely numb and she’s practically leaving a trail of drool behind her, but she’d kill for a burger right now

so she wobbles around aimlessly for an hour on some random parking lot as if the ground might just magically open up like a rabbit hole and lead her to five guys

she’s going places. not back to the car. definitely not five guys. they’re closed. but places

peter finally finds her and he’s drenched from head to toe in sweat. he doEsn’T wAnt tO tALk abOut iT tho so she lets him take her to subway instead

normally, she would know that peter’s usual subway order is bread-lettuce-jalapeño

but in her drugged-up state, it had simply slipped her mind so now she’s staring at him like he’d just murdered someone right in front of her

“that- that’s your order?? no meat or anything just bread, lettuce, and a little spice?”

meanwhile at the compound, sam and steve are ordering everyone around bc they want to decorate this place before y/n gets home to surprise her

they take it very seriously too. they’ve watched like one HGTV show and said it’s our time

they finally get home and tony gives y/n a big hug, asking her what took so long

happy tells him that she was keen on getting burgers bc apparently someone has taught her that stressful times call for ~cheeseburgers~

he proceeds to look at tony with a pointed look

tony just shrugs and goes “she was a problem child. we don’t mention her dark past”

she’s swaying on the spot and keeps grinning like a fool and thor just stares at her weirdly before elbowing bruce and whispering loudly,

“what’s wrong with her? is she dying? should i start collecting leaves, i know this remedy—"

no one can tell if y/n is just happy to see the newly decorated home or if she’s just delighted to see everyone but then she goes around hugging the entire team

she doesn’t even acknowledge the sky-high pile of teddy bears and flowers everywhere bc she’s just squeezing everybody

y/n is so high, she just starts to spill all of her feelings about everyone and they’re already so overwhelmed by the hug chain they can’t take this too

“wanda i just want you to know that you’re like my big sister and you’re always taking care of me and i know you and vision are just going to make such good parents one day”

“bucky you absolute PRICK, you FIEND, you’re the best chess player ever and that’ll never change and i wouldn’t be good without you, i hate to say it but you deserve happiness even after you made me lose five times in a row yesterday”

“dad, you’re so strong and smart, even though we’re like never on the same page, you’re always along for the ride, i want to be like you when i grow up, i swear i’m gonna try to be as good to the avengers as you were to us” “aww- wait makes you think i'll be the first to die“

“nat you’re such a bitch about your protein shakes but you’re my best friend and i wouldn’t have it any other way, you can try out as many make up looks on me as you want”

“bruce, brucey, i would live with you in your lab for the rest of my days if i had to, whenever you ask me to hand you stuff i feel useful and important”

“laura’s way out of your league clint i have no idea how the fuck you got her but don’t lose her and i want to be your next child’s godmother”

“steve…we’re your family now. we’re always gonna be your family now. okay?”

“loki you’re not fooling anyone with your attitude, we all know you’re part of the family, you were just misunderstood and messed up bc of your dad–FUCK him by the way–but i realised everyone deserves as many chances as they need because of you”

“sam i would genuinely kill anyone who wronged you, even if they cut you in line at the grocery store, i would knife them no hesitation”

“thor, you poor golden retriever have been through so much, on my way here i made a wish on an eyelash for you bc you deserve better, your postcards always make my day, love you”

she mumbles something to peter that no one else can hear but he blushes and chokes back a sob

y/n orders hot soup and bucky brings it to her but before he even has time to react peter drops everything and ZOOMS across the room in .3 seconds

he barrels into bucky so hard they both go flying, but peter just smoothly rolls out of it and onto his feet like some kind of super ninja

“DUDE WHAT THE HELL” “😠 y/n is not supposed to drink hot liquids 😠”

all of this happens in mere seconds but sam has filmed it all and now slow mo clips go viral online of some mysterious kid knocking over the winter soldier

y/n’s a little in and out after that, but when she fully regains consciousness, she’s on a pile of blankets, surrounded by the team on the floor <3

* * *

let me know if this is actually comforting lmao stay hydrated pals

hc masterlist

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x you #peter parker headcanon #peter parker fluff #avengers x you #avenger x reader #avengers headcanon #tony stark headcanons #steve rogers headcanon #natasha romanoff headcanon #thor headcanon #loki headcanon #bucky barnes headcanon #sam wilson headcanon #avengers crack #peter parker concept #peter parker x y/n #avengers x y/n

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daisiesonafield-blog · 2 years

Text

As It Was promo radio junket Apr 1 2022

Summary of main points and narrative in the BBC radio 1 interview, Apr 1 2022.

About the song As It Was, and what it's about:

"It was, I think the last song actually that was written for the album. It was written in the countryside, in England. It's about embracing change, losing oneself, finding oneself, I hope you enjoy it.

I set up a studio in my friend’s front room, just about an hour and a half outside of London. You know, I thought like ‘no problem’. I thought I was gonna bring a little bit of stuff. And I turned up with a lot of gear, and turned the whole front room into a fully functional studio. I think it was where him and his family used to watch tv, and there was no longer any room for that. I recently visited it as it was back to a tv room, and I think it's better as a studio, if I'm honest."

About Love on Tour US:

"I won’t forget it. Every night felt like people’s first show back."

About helping a fan come out on Love on Tour (TINA SHE’S GAY):

"I kept seeing her, she kept coming to shows and would always stand in the same place."

About everyone seeing him on a bed in front of Buckingham Palace:

“I think the large ballads across the mall was a touch of a give-away [that people were watching him]. That was for a music video, yeah. Which will be coming!”

Listen to the whole interviews here:

youtube

Here (59:00 - 1:12:40 min mark w/ commercials in between):

And here: Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3

And here:

youtube

Text H sent to Greg James when they were having difficulties connecting on Zoom:

For all other interviews in the As It Was promo junket click here.

#as it was promo #as it was masterpost #harry's house promo #as it was narrative #hs3 promo #apr 1 2022 #apr 2022 #BBC1 #greg james #Youtube

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mrskodzuken · 3 years

Text

pairing: Kozume Kenma x f!reader

genre: SOFT. AND. PURE. FLUFF.

wc: 975

warnings: alcohol, some product placement ads (lol; not sponsored by Tanduay and Sprite), slightly suggestive cheverlu (c/o the English translation to APO Hiking Society's "Yakap sa Dilim"), Kenma being so sweet to his s/o, a bit ooc-ish?

note: this fic was inspired by my last week's *coughs* spicy *coughs* interaction with my second visiting (fifth overall smh) Kenma anon here on my blog. Then the song "Yakap sa Dilim", originally sung by APO Hiking Society, came into my mind because it's so damn seggsy tbh *fidget fidget* At first, I thought of doing a bit smutty fic to complement the song but... siiigh, I'm still nowhere as good as by the likes of my other moots who write smut almost on a daily, weekly basis. Plus I have a good, if not great, imagination when it comes to writing fluff, so... ^^;;

another note: that part about Y/N mixing her alcoholic drink with clear soda and experiencing full-blown redness and itchiness from head to toe while drinking was based on my experience drinking alcohol straight away. And no, I'm not always drinking on a regular basis, just whenever there are family get-togethers and like New Year's Eve parties.

another ANOTHER note: this is my first entry for @lumpiang-toge 's Piliin Mo Ang Pilipinas server collab event. Huuuuuuge thank you for beta-ing this @/lumpiang-toge @love-amihan @imo-chan-imagines @kousukii @manjirosday @abuliawrites I LOVE YOU ALL MWAH <3 *headpats*

see also: listen to the original version of "Yakap sa Dilim" by APO Hiking Society here-

[00:45 am]

——— 💙💖

"...and that's all for tonight's streaming! Make sure to follow me on all my social networking sites, they're on the description below! Well then, this has been your favorite gamer cat boy Kodzuken, logging out!"

Kenma then removes his headset and closes his stream, stretching and yawning a bit in his gaming chair, before standing up and heading towards his and your shared (bed)room.

"Y/N~ Y/N, are you still awake? Y/N-" he opens the door to your room, only to find it silently empty.

Hmm... where did she go? Kenma then searches the kitchen. "Y/N?" And the bathroom. "Where are you?"

He taps on his phone and checks his contact list for a possibility of you being online at the moment. And sighs. Nothing.

"Y/N! Y/N-chan, where are you?"

"Kitten, I'm on the back porch!"

Kenma finds you sitting on the porch, chin up, your eyes watching the numerous stars twinkling, shining, across the wide clear night sky, and smiling.

"I just finished my stream earlier and was checking up if you're awake or not but-" He sits in beside you and snuggles a bit but then notices a slight flush in your cheeks, and spies your hands cradling a glass of familiar reddish liquid. Beside you stands a half-empty bottle of Tanduay Ice, its opened bottle cap sitting askew on the lips.

"How long have you been drinking, Y/N? And straight-up drinking a bottle of Tanduay Ice Red Mirage?"

You turn your slightly flushed face at Kenma, a goofy smile escaping your lips, and raise your glass. "Not about half an hour ago, and don't worry about me getting all red and itchy all over my body from too much drinking! I mix it up with some Sprite to lessen the alcohol intake!" You fish out a 2L bottle of Sprite, also half-empty, on the ground, to prove your point.

Kenma sighs exasperatedly and smiles back at you. Lovely and stubborn you, who isn't the type to back down from an argument and stuff.

Shit.

You gently place your drink on the wooden floor and suddenly stand up and walk. "Ah, you want something to drink? I can get you some can of beer if you-!"

You feel the grip on your wrist as he grab your hand before you go inside, and look at him.

"Kenma-"

"Please stay."

Kenma then brings your hand near his face and tenderly kisses your palm, looking you in the eye, the action making you more flushed but not because of alcohol. He smiles at you again.

"I love you, Y/N."

Steam runs off your ears, your face a full-blown tomato face. "I-I-I love you, too, Kenma!"

The former Nekoma high school volleyball setter and now-YouTuber can't help but softly chuckle. Kenma can't really resist teasing and making you blush.

Because he finds it very cute. And endearing.

He hangs his head down a bit. "Sorry... I forgot about our date earlier.”

"Eh? W-why are you saying sorry...? I should have known you'd have a busy day yesterday! Two 4-hour streams, company Zoom meetings, a date with Kuroo-san in the office-"

"-it's a meeting with the Japan Volleyball Association for an upcoming proposal, stop calling it a 'date'!"

Your boyfriend then pulls you closer and wraps his arms around your waist, his head being buried on your chest. You could hear his muffled sigh and voice from within while he speaks.

"I'm such a terrible boyfriend to you, kitten. How can I make it up to you?" While looking at you, pout on his lips, his golden cat orbs a puppy-like glance at your face.

A look that sends your heart aching with cuteness.

"Hmm..." You pull away from Kenma's embrace and grab your phone to scroll and tap on something. A smile creeps across your face as you place your phone back from where you got it earlier.

The first few notes of your favorite song start to play in the background. You offer your hand at a slightly confused Kenma.

"Would the great Kodzuken care to dance with me?"

Hoping that you lay your head on the pillow

Your body, I'll cover like a blanket.

Problems you will forget

As long as we embrace in the dark

He accepts it, grinning, and finds himself swaying his body alongside you, your hands around his neck, his hands perching on your waist.

Don't stop if you feel like you have to cry unexpectedly

Hoping what you feel is relaxation

If you want, we can take a cigarette first

Before we embrace in the dark

"I'm so lucky I have met you, Y/N. I really am~" He places a kiss on your forehead before nuzzling your cheek, his nose wrinkling a bit. "You still smell of Tanduay Ice, kitten. Hope you won't experience an incoming hangover later."

"Kenma!!! I won't, silly! And I'm also lucky that I'm here, cuddling with you, dancing... it makes me happy!" You kiss his cheek and hug him closer.

This is something that we have been waiting for

We're right at this moment embracing in the dark

Oh, the satisfaction from the quick, stolen moments

While we embrace in the dark

"I love you, Y/N..."

"I love you more, Kenma..."

Come on and lie down by me in bed

Let's savor the good times together

To our love that we hope for

While we embrace in the dark

As the song ends, you find yourself yawning, sleepy. He notices this.

Kenma kisses your forehead again, snuggling you at his side. He yawns also. "Maybe we should go to bed now, kitten. It's getting late."

"And we can cuddle while we sleep?"

"Mhmm~ yes, we can! C'mon... but first, let's brush your teeth and get rid of that alcohol smell..."

"Kenma!!!!"

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT WITHOUT PERMISSION. PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME, KIDS. LIKES ESPECIALLY REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED. ALL WORKS © angrymongol01/kirakirasaku - 2021.

My Masterlist

#🇵🇭 — piliin mo ako #tw alcohol #kozume kenma #kenma #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu filo #haikyuu filipino #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x f!reader #kozume kenma x reader #kenma x reader #kenma fluff #kenma drabble #kenma imagine #🐱saku.fic

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tahdashi · 2 years

Note

miss

wanna do a little crush gush???(we would love to know how you got a boyfriend/if you’re comfortable sharing the story)💞💞

oh god what is this i love oversharing every detail of my life how’d you know ??? gather around kids !!!

it all started in bio lecture last semester. there she is, pretty girl sayu w her huge ass winter coat on. i sit down in my seat and he used to sit one seat away so there was always a seat between us (prolly bc it would’ve been awkward???? to sit directly next to someone you don’t know) anyway, every time i used to take my jacket off, i’d accidentally hit his arm or laptop w it and i’d be like omg sorry blah every . time .

and in this lecture there would be clicker questions so since he was next to me, we’d work on them together and then before exams started he asked if we could study together since we were p good at explaining to each other and bc i’m funny and had a Personality (so we ended up reviewing a bit after lecture in the lounge until it was time for our next classes) he also ended up sitting in the seat right next to me and was kinda touchy touchy w his shoulder :///

skip forward to him bringing me coffee when i was studying alone n he was in the same library. and then he left and i was like ☹️☹️ sad. but don’t worry bffs!!! bc after exams were over, he texted me one night to come outside my dorm building at like midnight and i was scared bc WHY?? but it was actually cute he asked me on a date :(??.! but this was the first time i was ever asked out by a boy and i could tell we were both equally nervous it was just v cute :(

a couple dates go by and now it’s winter break :( we go home and we live in different states (like 5 hours apart) and he told me he had plans to come to the city i live in to visit and i was like oh cool i can show you around if you want !!! but he ended up visiting for a few days and on the first day here, we went on a date (?) idk if it was considered a date but we got coffee n cake from a bakery and went to park that overlooked a bridge and city skyline and he asked me to be his gf 😟 and i was like !!! ofc !!! nothing else really happened except some good ol hand holding and some nice warm hugs in the freezing cold weather <3333

and now we’re up to date, approaching our 1 month together. i met his family over facetime bc they were celebrating lunar new year and i got to meet his lil sisters and cousins and it was all fun n cute :(((

anyway, we have a class together this semester and he looks real cute on zoom but once classes are in-person again, we’re gonna be bothering each other in bio lecture once again <33333 he also has a class w my sister and i make it awkward for them <3

#he’s really sweet and funny :(#and he has pretty hair #and is nice n tall n a gentleman #1000% sure it’s bc he has lil sisters #his whole family is so sweet #sobbing #he’s not a golden retriever but he’s also not a cat #he’s in between #like a hamster or smth #ok i need to stop #sayu’s other bf <3 #anon bby <3 #from the stars

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archonanqi · 3 years

Note

In Genshin, who are your favourite characters: 1) Lore and story wise, 2) Gameplay wise (how fun and useful they are) 3) Visual design wise and 4) Personality wise?

(Yo so I swear that I hit post on this but I just found this in my drafts... it’s been 3 months... I’m so sorry)

...I uninronically have to say Zhongli for all of these, but I’ll also add in another character for each because y’all already see me ramble about Zhongli every day 🥺

| Lore and Story

Zhongli - Do I need to say more... I absolutely love the narrative trope of “ancient powerful immortal learns how to be gentle with humans” and that’s Zhongli to a T. Even before I knew about Guizhong I was Hooked on him and now he lives rent free in my brain at all times.

Childe - His lore is deeply interesting to me, what’s with the whole falling into the Abyss as a tiny Babey. I feel like he’s going to be the gateway into a lot of important story elements, such as more information on the Abyss, the lady who lives there and saved him, the overarching villainy of the Tsaritsa, etc. Also we just love 1 (one) feral little boy who tried to fight everyone, got sent to the military as punishment, and then fought so good that he got Promoted to fight MORE.

| Gameplay

Zhongli - Uhhhh I have him at C6 so that might might skew my opinion a bit but hands down he’s my most used unit, and that’s with me having all units except Klee. I just don’t die with his constellation heal and burst shield, pillar is always nice during exploration, the mans is a Mining Machine, and the petrification for controlling adds is just 👌👌 I’ve also always been fond of the “summoner” playstyle in most games AND I love filling the bruiser / tank role so Zhongli being both of them was absolutely perfect. That said, the Zhongli buffs are absolutely welcome for those without his constellations, only the best stats and kit for the CEO of GEO.

Albedo - Geo supremacy gang rise up.. I love Albedo for being a super solid off-field, selfless support — I don’t have any decent artifacts on him but he still consistently adds on so much off field damage to my Phys DPS Zhongli with his super low cooldown E. It also charges up my Zhongli burst like no tomorrow, 10/10 best battery. The yellow blossoms are also just so so pretty and the tactile / visual / audio feedback on them is 👌

| Visual Design

Zhongli - The man could step on me and I would thank him. He can kick me like his spear. I bleached my hair ombré so I could begin to touch a hint of his divinity. I literally stand there in-game and just zoom in on him sometimes. Ever since I got the Kamera my hard drive has been screaming for the sweet release of death from the thousands of Zhongli pictures I’ve snapped. I'm learning Liyue music on a piano I haven’t touched in four years, so I can imagine playing his city’s music for him. My right hand is muscle memoried to repeatedly run his attack sequence and stop at the spear kick animation so I can imagine myself being the spear. Yeah I think he’s kinda cute! 👀 👉🏻👈

Xinyan - Trying to stray away from 5* characters here. Love her outfit, love her hair, love her facial design in general. Her ult animation was the highlight of the 1.1 trailer for me (besides Mr. Zhongli of course) She got swept under the rug because of the Zhongli debacle and it’s super sad because she’s a very solidly designed unit with beautiful animations. I also love that her instrument is a traditional lyre that she canonically designed to look like a rock guitar.

| Personality

Zhongli - We’ll be here all day if I really really start poppin’ about Zhongli’s personality so I’ll try and keep it short. Zhongli’s personality is an ENIGMA to me that I have and will continue to spend countless hours studying. I’ve been thinking of releasing my findings in a character analysis, tbh, because like. There’s so much. On the surface he’s a well-meaning, kind, gentle if not a little out-of-touch individual with a flair for the traditional / fancy.

But??? He won the Archon war? We know from Roald’s Adventurer Diaries, where he slips into Osial’s memories, that Zhongli was absolutely BRUTAL during the war. What changed him? (Guizhong) How long did he take to change? What has he learned during the last 6,000 years of life -- certainly how to manipulate mortals like puppets, as we see from his Archon quest, which no one seems to address?? Is there some part of Archon-War-Victor Morax still in there, waiting for the right spark to ignite his fuse? Yo??? I’m.... just have a lot of feelings about Zhongli’s character.

Beidou - Pirate.. lady... hnnghh,,, step me,, ; ; Beidou is a character we haven’t seen quite yet but just her voicelines and story intrigue me so much. She killed Haishan without a Vision, stopped singing completely after said kill, is doing some kind of dirty work for the most powerful people in Liyue whilst boldly proclaiming that she is their equal,,, has a huge family and a heart of gold, seems to be against the social hierarchy of Liyue yet tolerates working with the Qixing? There’s so much going on and I for one am eagerly awaiting 2.0 not for Inazuma, but for seeing her in the story

Thank you for the ask!!! It felt great to just let loose and examine my relationship w/ each of the characters in the game. :)

#anqi talks #ask

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avatarvader · 3 years

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A New Year’s Resolution

So this was made for the Romione Secret Santa Event in the HPRomione Discord (It’s a lot of fun and there are some great people in the server.). I was the secret santa for @be11atrixthestrange Hope you enjoy and happy holidays to all!

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Resolution

noun

A firm decision to do or not to do something.

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The night was waning upon the Burrow as snow trickled down upon its brightly lit windows. 2004 was coming to a close in about two hours. Ron was excited for the new year, another one in which he would get to spend with the most amazing and interesting person in the world to him. Ron felt his breast pocket for the box he had shrunk while Hermione was in the shower and grinned to himself.

He had it all planned out, when the clock would strike twelve everyone would cheer and Hermione would turn to give him a New Year’s kiss. He’d already be down on one knee, in one hand the ring he had purchased for her and roses in the other. He’d mastered the summon flowers charm when he learned that she’d gush over roses.

He had his speech already written down and he’d gone over it twelve times in the last week alone. Truthfully that’s why he worked at the Ministry so late recently. That and he was scared of blurting it out in the middle of dinner.

Thinking through everything and knowing it was finally happening tonight had made Ron parched. He made his way into the Burrow’s where he heard Angelina chatting with Ginny about their pregnancies while George was howling drunkenly about Verity to Harry.

“I can understand the need to make Christmas special,” George slurred “But Christmas is already a special time!”

“You don’t think that proposing on Christmas isn’t sweet?” Harry laughs, he too is on the tipsy side. “Better than what I did.” Harry lamented as he remembered his attempt to make his proposal to Ginny special. Harry had wanted to take her on a fly around Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, before stopping on a cliffside overlooking the Black Lake. However, when he had gotten to The Burrow and saw her grinning face he panicked and proposed right there, in the Burrow’s kitchen…. as Molly was cooking. To say that his mother-in-law was enthused was an understatement.

“Well at least yours was memorable,” George nudged. “Verity won’t be able to remember whether it was Christmas or her proposal in a few years. Holiday proposals are stupid and overrated.” George declared.

Ron felt a sinking feeling in his stomach hearing his brother’s words. Of course, it was stupid. Why did I think this would be special? Ron picked up his drink and walked into the family room, his mood shot to hell.

Ron sat down on the love seat and stared at the fire that was roaring in the family hearth.

“Ronnie, you alright dear?” His mum asked with a smile. “You seem down.”

“I’m fine, mum.” Ron glanced away to see Hermione talking with Percy about a policy she was trying to pass. “Just- not feeling great is all.”

He felt his mum’s cool hand press on his forehead without warning. “Well, you don’t feel warm. Is it your stomach?”

It’s my heart, I really wanted to do this today.

“I’m sure it’s nothing Mum, how was Bermuda?” Ron replied, deftly wanting to change the subject.

“Oh it was lovely,” Molly gushed, “Your father and I had so much se-“

“Is that Charlie?” Ron cut in, blushing at what his mum was about to say. “I really don’t get to see him enough. Oi Charlie!” Ron got up and made his way over to Charlie and his lady friend he brought from Romania.

“5…4…3…2…1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” The Weasleys shouted as the clock chimed midnight, George and Angelina popped off some fireless fireworks in the house. They bounded from person to person pinging off of their noses before zooming away. Around them, couples turned into their respective partners and kissed in the New Year. Hermione turned to him and sank into his arms, her head pressing against his chest.

How perfect it would have been.

Hermione’s hands rested on Ron’s chest as she stood on her tiptoes to capture his lips with hers. Her hand pushes the small box in his breast pocket in his chest.

Oh fuck me, she’s going to find out!

“Ron, what’s that in your pocket?” She pressed his chest to feel the object again.

“N-Nothing.” Ron lied. Make this work in your favour, old boy.

“Did you forget to clean out your pockets?” Hermione scowled. “You KNOW they put cardboard in there so the shirt doesn’t wrinkle. I swear if our brand-new washing machine gets clogged up by cardboard you left in there, I’ll make sure you sleep on my side of the bed…” Ron cringed knowing her side was lumpy and stiffer than he cared for.

Execute this properly chap, timing is key.

“Hermione,” Ron sighed as she reached into his pocket and pulled out the deep blue box.

Ron watched Hermione’s eyes as she gazed at the box, he saw her eyes widen as she realized what it was.

Now old boy!! On your knee!

Ron sunk to his knee as he flicked his right hand to draw his wand from its holster. (Auror technique that makes for easy drawing.). He swooped it high over his head, never once letting his gaze be torn from Hermione’s eyes.

Rose petals appeared from nothingness and fell gently like snowflakes around them. The pair of them, despite being surrounded by the Weasley’s felt like they were alone in this one instance in time. All distractions unseen, all voices tuned out.

“R-Ron?” She gasped. “W-What are… What is this?”

“Hermione.” Ron’s heart was thumping in his chest. He held the box out for her to take from him. "Open it, love."

She opened the box and saw a beautiful, yet simple ring. It was the home to three (rather small) stones, Aquamarine and Sapphire on either side, with a slightly larger diamond in the middle. The band was silver, and woven in a lattice pattern. It was simple yet elegant.

“I-is that our birthstones?” Hermione said as she turned her attention back to Ron.

“I've wanted to ask you this to ask this for a long, long, time.” Ron swallowed thickly. “I love you. I love you so much a-and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” Hermione’s free hand covered her mouth to stop herself from blurting out her answer, he clearly planned this for her and she wanted to make sure he said what he wanted to.

“As daft as it may be to ask this question-” He took the box from her hand and took the ring out and held it just over her left ring finger. “-Hermione Granger. Would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

“Yes, of course, Ron. Of course!” She said, her eyes brimming with tears. Ron slid the ring onto her finger and she crashed into him, hugging him as tightly as she ever had before.

Ron stood up and leaned in to kiss her again, which she happily responded to.

Reality snapped back, all of the Weasley siblings were watching the newly engaged couple.

Bill and Fleur hugged each other and smiled knowingly, they had seen how tenderly and affectionately Ron cared for her during their stay at Shell Cottage during the war.

Charlie grinned at his little brother, he knew that Ron would eventually get the courage to ask her. Charlie had helped Ron move into their place together and when Ron took Charlie out for obligatory drinks afterward, Ron couldn’t stop talking about how amazing Hermione was.

Percy smiled at the couple, reminiscing at how he watched their friendship blossom, growing up and becoming friends together during their first three years of Hogwarts. Hermione would come to Percy in a huff to ‘Sort out that brother of yours! He doesn’t care about his studies!’ Percy would never say it to her face, but he always thought Ron was a calming force for Hermione.

George was crying. The combination of a generous amount of alcohol and seeing his brother proposing had sent him over the edge. He wasn’t crying because he thought Ron was making a bad decision, or that Hermione and he weren't compatible. He was crying because of the bet he lost all those years ago. Fred bet him during their 6th year that Ron and Hermione would get engaged at a family function and that Ron wouldn’t hesitate for even a moment. George thought that Ron would be a mumbling and stumbling mess. He owed Fred now and his twin wasn’t around to collect.

Ginny was surprised to find Ron on his knee, he was talking to Hermione in low tones, so only they could hear each other. It was quite clear what he was doing though. Ginny’s heart leaped as she saw her brother, her closest friend growing up, slide the ring on Ginny's best friend. She muttered a quick “It’s about time isn’t it?” To her husband jokingly when she realized. Harry was crying. She rubbed Harry’s back soothingly.

Harry took off his glasses as he watched his best best friend in the whole world propose to his other best friend who was like a sister to him. Harry knew they’d be happy together. Despite all their bickering and arguments at Hogwarts, it seemed that dating and living together seemed to ease the tension between them. Admittedly, there was PROBABLY another factor, but Harry didn’t want to think about their intimate life that deeply. It was bad enough walking in on them in the kitchen the one time. Harry knew they would make each other happy. That was all he wanted for them. His best friends, who gave him so much joy and happiness in his life when he needed it most. The pair that had almost acted as parents to him during school. They had a certain way with each other, their love for each other came naturally, all they had to do was get there. Harry only wanted the best for his closest friends, and the fact that they seemed to choose each other filled Harry’s heart with so much emotion.

Molly turned after kissing her husband to see Ron on his knee in front of Hermione a ring of rose petals shower down upon them and Ron slipped a ring on her finger.

“What just happened?!” She squeaked to her husband. “Oh, Merlin I missed it!!” She lamented as Hermione sank into her now Fiancé’s arms. The newly engaged couple kissed, both smiling into each other's lips. Ron pulled back and looked around the room and flushed red with embarrassment.

“So, erm…. Happy New Year?” He said sheepishly. Molly squealed with joy and rushed to wrap her youngest child in her arms. She kissed his forehead before she moved over to her future daughter in law.

Arthur smiled at his youngest boy as he was congratulated by his siblings. Ginny, Fleur and Molly were cooing over the beauty of the ring. Ron was being pounded on his back by Charlie, and George had slung his arm around Ron’s shoulders singing a hearty and happy song.

Arthur made his way into the crowd. “I believe an official 'welcome' to the family is in order, Hermione. We're so excited it's finally official.” Arthur opened his arms wide as she hugged him rather tightly.

“There’s no other family I’d want to join,” she said with a beaming smile as she pulled out of the hug. Hermione was soon distracted by Molly fretting over wedding plans so Arthur turned to his boy.

“Ronnie.” Ron looked up and saw his dad with slight tears in his eyes, “You’ve found your perfect person. I’m so happy for you, my boy.” Ron gave his dad a big hug and Arthur almost broke down then and there.

“What can I say, I know what a good match is after all.” Ron nudged his dad's side, “After all, I got to see how happy you and Mum were all this time. Gave me something to look forward to, y’know?” Arthur gave his son another hug.

The night progressed rather quickly after that. Soon enough it was two in the morning, and Ron and Hermione had flooed home. They were both dog tired after the events of the night and just wanted sleep. Ron had changed into his pajamas and laid on his side of the bed looking at the ceiling. He was remembering every little detail about his proposal, but he kept coming back to seeing Hermione’s eyes during his speech. They were the perfect shade of chocolate brown and he watched her eyes as they smiled at her new ring.

Hermione came in from the bathroom and sat down on her side of the bed. She snuggled up on Ron’s chest, her left hand resting on the other side of his torso. She looked at the ring again and her heart did flips at how perfect it was.

“So I have to ask,” She started, “How much of that went as planned?”

“Honestly? Pretty much exactly as I wanted it to.” She could hear the grin on his face without looking at him. “Didn’t expect you to find the ring, but after that, it went right as I wanted it to.”

“I'm so happy right now, Ron.” She sighed.

“Well good, It was my New Year’s resolution last year to make you happy and in typical Ron fashion I got it done… just a tad late is all.” Ron placed a hand against her back and she pressed against him closer.

“If that was last year’s then what is this year's?” She looked at him coyly.

“This year’s? Propose to you.” He laughed.

“Well, that job's done then, isn't it?!”

“Gotta be early for some things, right?” He ran his hands down her arms. “How about you? Any resolutions?”

“Marry the love of my life.” She kissed him deeply and tugged at his trousers. “And I fully intend to enjoy married life with him, as well.”

THE END

#2020 hpromione discord secret santa exchange #romione #ron weasley #hermione granger

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notveryglittery · 4 years

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so @/dysaniadisorder posted this really cute zoom moxiety art and then i posted some selfies in a discord server and the reactions from that + this moxiety art got me feeling even more Fluffy than usual so here’s a very rambly au that i stream of consciousness wrote in half an hour lol

idk about anyone else, but i had a pen pal through english class in middle school for a little while. so what if, patton and virgil meeting through being pen pals. patton's letters are as bubbly as his stories, he includes stickers on the pages and the envelope, and uses *so many* exclamation marks. virgil meanwhile, tends to write very little and mostly just in reaction to whatever patton said. because sure, the letters are sent to the school and they've been told not to give away personal information, but y'know... Just In Case.

except for one towards the end of the program, when patton really doesn't want to lose contact with virgil, so he shares his instagram. and he says no pressure of course i dont even know if you have an instagram but here it is if you ever wanna try to keep talking. and bc roman's his best friend, of course virgil has instagram (ugh). so of course he checks patton's profile. and oh *no* he's as cute as his bubbly handwriting and his stories and stickers and exclamation marks

virgil's never really mentioned this whole pen pal thing to roman, because roman's english teacher did not sign her class up for it and he knows roman would be jealous. but he made the mistake of checking patton's profile in roman's presence and if anyone's going to notice a Gay Panic™, it's roman

so of course roman grills virgil and virgil caves bc like what?? else is he gonna do?? but anyway, roman hits the follow button for virgil but then virgil throws his phone across the room and breaks it so can we get an f in the chat

meanwhile patton's studying with his step-brother logan when he gets a little chime from his phone and? oh a new instagram follow that's neat, who's [insert cool username for virgil]? except of course virgil's profile is private so patton has to follow back to see any photos. except virgil's phone is busted! bummer

cue virgil not getting a new phone for a week or two bc idk he's in trouble for breaking the old one to begin with and by the time he finally does get a new one, he totally spaces on installing instagram. so it's like a month and a half later when roman asks him why the heck he hasn't been liking roman's pictures that virgil remembers. and then he also remembers patton. *oh god patton* how could he ever forget, he is a fool, and patton probably hates him now, or he must be super worried, bc the pen pal program is over so they havent been writing and then he just disappeared off the face of the planet which?? well patton should have expected it a little because he did say it would be okay if virgil didnt want to keep in contact but *oh god patton*

virgil installs instagram and finds patton's follow request (and like 32 comments from roman demanding that virgil like his photos what kind of best friend is he smh)

and he accepts it

and then while he's still riding his bravery high, he messages patton "hey it's virgil" and then Very Calmly sets his phone down before screaming into a pillow

meanwhile patton's busy cheering logan on at his swim meet but this does mean that he's posting all sorts of encouraging cheesy stuff to his story which means virgil is already getting a sneak peak into patton's life and wait oh my GOD is that his voice???????

virgil is very gay and he is having a Time

anyway patton also almost breaks his phone when he sees the follow request approved *and* the message!!! because lowkey , he considers virgil a pretty close friend!! he vented in some of those pen pal letters! said some things he couldn't bring himself to say to anyone else. and virgil was always so patient and kind and reminded him of all the good things to help and balance out the bad things.

so y'know, fast forward thru lots of instagram interactions. messaging each other late into the night. virgil always liking patton's photos and leaving a single "💜" comment on every one. they talk about roman - and how he's virgil's best friend and he may be dramatic and loud but he's reliable and genuine - and they talk about logan - and how patton wouldn't know anywhere near as much as he does w/out him and how they have sleepovers in the basement every saturday.

and fast forward to moving on from instagram to discord, and joining servers of fandoms they're both in. making a server for themselves + roman + logan (and *oh boy,* introducing roman and logan). sending silly memes and posts that "made me think of you", late night texting that ends with one sending the final “i guess you fell asleep, sweet dreams <3″ message, and the other sending the “oops i did, good morning <3″ message in return

and sure, roman might post pictures on instagram of himself and virgil, but virgil's always half-in half-out of frame or he's blurry or he's looking away. and so one day, he posts a selfie in their friend server because he's just got his hair dyed purple and he's *so excited* and patton. patton didnt even have time to prepare can we get an f in the chat

there are a LOT of keysmashes and hearts lol

roman is still laughing by the time patton manages to calm down. patton sort of flat out demands for a group video call aljsdf

logan and roman, all this time obviously because they can't be out done, have already had plenty of personal voice and video calls themselves. sometimes it's just to help roman run lines or help logan study for a test. but they have been on the receiving end of patton and virgil gushing about their respective crushes so they're in full support of this tbh

so they set up a group video call that night, roman and logan like immediately muting themselves bc let's be real we all know the real reason behind this. patton is gushing about virgil and virgil's hair like, right off the bat, and virgil is slowly but surely disappearing into his hoodie and the lighting in his room isn't very good, but gosh patton is *melting* and then

and THEN

patton pauses to finally drink out of his cooling hot cocoa and virgil takes the opportunity to clear his throat and sit up a little out of his hoodie cocoon and says thank you

and y'all we thought virgil was all Gay Panic™ when he saw patton's face in photos for the first time? and then he broke his phone when roman followed patton for him?

patton does a spit take and chokes on his hot cocoa and kind of maybe shorts out his laptop ajsdkjhsf

because we gotta go full circle baby

roman disappears from view on his camera because he just rolled off the bed he's laughing so hard

you know logan definitely anticipated this, so he's been on best buy's website this whole time, ready to find laptops on sale / schedule an appointment to get patton's laptop fixed

and uuuhhhh yeah :) pen pals to friends to lovers long distance moxiety, with background probably-qpr logince because that's the Vibe i'm getting. with bonus best friends prinxiety and familial logicality!! thanks for reading :D

#sanders sides fan fiction #moxiety #romantic moxiety #patton sanders #virgil sanders #platonic prinxiety #moxiety fan fiction #dani writes

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vivian-at-home · 3 years

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One giant leap of some kind

From a small step for a man, a video conference today. Today was the day things started getting a lot more real, but once again it was nothing but positive, even though I was crying at the end of it - they were tears of joy, of gratitude, relief. This is a long post; the tldr is basically yay me, a door has been kicked wide open and I have been welcomed inside.

The lady (let's call her Sarah) asked about my pronouns (idc but my name is Vivian, Miss Jackson if you're nasty); and even though I was sitting with open mind, the next question was kind of a curveball. Sarah asked me to use terms about my experience that made me feel comfortable, and it's a bit odd but I hadn't given it a second thought so it took me a moment to think of some good words; things like acceptance, positivity, conviction.

The whole thing is a bit of a blur now, of course, because of what it really entailed for me. Of course I had been waiting for weeks, and I had no idea what to expect so I just entered being completely open. There was no sexual aspect to any of the conversation, and although this was as much as I might expect from a preliminary conversation with a medical professional, it was nice to be able to 'tell my story' as Sarah put it. Since I started taking these small steps, momentum has been gathering for a giant leap, but I don't think it's going to work that way; I'm not to wake up tomorrow being Cinderella. Which is good because I just did my nails.

There's something really important I need to add here, not that I am trying to claim any kind of advantage or be poseur; but, I live in Canada. This is going to cost me nothing beyond the heavily discounted price of prescription drugs, and new clothes. If I lived in the US this would be an impossible dream, and although the vast majority of Americans would live nowhere else, the costs attendant with this procedure have to hold back a great many desperately unhappy people, and that makes me feel very sad. Having said that, because of where I am, the whole financial side is a giant nothing, and that absence is a giant comfort level inherent that others are mired under. This I get. To me it's just another huge positive about undertaking the journey; I already have clothes duh.

Anyway, the conversation was fairly brief, about half an hour, and by the end of it I am now in the lineup for voice coaching and mannerisms; a hormone assessment; and a Zoom peer group. Just. like. that. This person I see myself as; the one wearing those clothes, feeling more at home in my decrepit old body than I ever have. The thought of having breasts terrifies me as much as it want it for validation, and I will have nowhere to hide any longer, even if I'm not in the office, I can't pretend my camera is broken forever, and in one on one with boss it's going to be unavoidable.

I have no idea how I'm going to speak with my mother about it, and of course there is yet the whole "everyone I know except the 4 people who know thing"- the dozens of long time friends at work, the dozen or so close personal friends, and the dozen or so significant family.

I do know I have absolute faith and belief in myself, that I shall not waver at all - I found someone in myself that I feel compelled to be outwardly as much as inside, and that person's voice has become a clamour that has torn down walls and reshaped my mind, it is time now for me to start being her more, because if I truly want this, if Vivian is really who I am and love as me, it is here - the hand has been offered, and I have taken it.

I am way beyond any simple adjective like 'happy' or 'validated'; this is my whole being entering metamorphosis, up until now the whole experience has been mental and inward; it's now going to also be physical and outward. Here I come, world, fucking right these lovely new boots are made for walking.

The fact that I happened to find them in someone else's idea of the 'wrong' department, along with the nice 'skinny' b/w check tweed leggings, is nobody's business but mine. They are not women's clothes, they are my clothes, and I can't wait to take the next step now, which is an androgynous haircut and eyebrow work, and a makeup consultation.

Like I said above, for now at least there is nothing remotely sexualized, or to my mind deviant, about this change - it is a massive step forward in terms of personal growth, empathy, understanding, courage and self-reliance, and shoes.

Fortunately, the currently deleterious habits of being a budget driven designer whore with a penchant for shoes shall become advantageous vices as Vivian, and she is going to like that just fine. It's just something I feel inside; call it women's intuition lol

Love you all, and if you read this far thank you, I hope my experience helps you find that little extra bit of courage we will all need sooner or later. <3 one love :)

#mtf #mebeingme #self respect #transgender

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dumbkiri · 4 years

Text

Buried Secrets Two

Parts: [ 1, Here, 3 ]

Summary: [Name], knowing she and John are in danger, runs to the babysitter’s house to get John back to safety. She also gives the nice babysitter money to go out of the country. Then [Name] is in a stolen car wondering where and who to go for help. She reluctantly goes to the Titans. Although plans don’t go as planned. Dick tells the truth to the Titans and they figure out a plan to stop Deathstroke once and for all. Deathstroke has unfortunate news for [Name].

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Female! Reader

Genre: Slight Angst

Word Count: 3k

WARNINGS: Blood

“Wait, Ms. [L.Name], why are you suddenly leaving? Also you’re bleeding,” Samantha, John’s babysitter, had ran behind [Name]. The young teen was not understanding why she was given two grand for only taking care of John for a night.

[Name] held John closer to her body and noticed that he was going to cry soon. She set John down in a carrier then grabbed Samantha by her shoulders, “Look, sweetie, use the money to finally go to South Korea. Didn’t you say you always wanted to go there?”

“Y-yeah, but I can’t leave without notifying my parents. I’m just a sophomore in high school,” Samantha gave [Name] a weird look.

[Name] cursed under her breath and grabbed four grand from a duffel bag, “Here use this to bring your parents with you. Just get out of town, no, the country.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Samantha didn’t know when to stop asking questions and it was annoying the older female to no end. [Name] zipped up the duffel bag and grabbed the handle of John’s carrier. She walked over to the front door and zoomed over to her car that she stole. She opened the backseat car door and strapped John into a car seat.

John began crying now and [Name] closed the door after she stuffed her bags next to John. “Listen carefully, Samantha. Bad people are after me and they might use you to find me which is why you need to leave. Because they’ll only bring harm to you and your family for no reason.”

Samantha’s blue eyes widened, “Bad people like murderers?”

“Worst. Now call your parents and I’ll tell them what to do.”

……

[Name] looked at her phone and typed the address to the Titan’s Tower. Her fingers froze and she let her thumb hover over the start button. Deathstroke said that Dick brought the Titans back together. But she couldn’t bring herself to believe him. Deathstroke isn’t known to be a liar, manipulative, yes. If Dick really did bring the Titans back even their old friends, why didn’t he contact her?

“Ma...ma,” John whined in the back seat, his little feet kicking the air,

[Name] should feel grateful that Dick didn’t call her. It would be awkward to see him. It would be awkward to see them all and John, what would they think? Did Dick tell them about John? Her [e.color] eyes looked at the rearview mirror. She watched as John babbled in his spot. Drool dripping down his chin.

She worried for her son. [Name] promised herself she wouldn’t go back to being a hero. That was in the past and it was going to stay there because she didn’t want her son getting hurt or worse. He was too young to die. He’s just a baby.

“Starting route to Titan’s Tower,”

This was her only chance to keep him safe. They were her family once and John could be a part of it.

……

“Dick, come on, man, wake up”

“What happened to the three of them?”

“Do you think they all just passed out here like idiots cause I do.”

“Hank, no.”

Dick groaned and opened his eyes to see Rachel and Gar waking up as well. His brown eyes observing the two teens that laid on each other.

“Ugh, what happened?” Gar asked rubbing his head with his eyes adjusting to the bright light from Jason’s phone.

“They seem fine. Maybe they had a sleepover without us” Jason said and Hank chuckled at his remark. Jason turned his phone light off and backed away to give the trio space.

Rachel removed herself off of Gar’s body with a slight blush apparent. She sat on her knees and rubbed her hands on her thighs. [Name] was on her way. “Did you guys see what I saw?” Rachel asked the two males who were affected by her power.

Gar nodded his head, “Yeah it was strange. It was like I was next to her when she was fighting Deathstroke and Dr. Light. It was so weird, I couldn’t do anything for her.”

“Shit,” Dick cursed under his breath and jumped to his feet. He needed to go to the computer. He needed to see how far she was away from the tower. Dick ran out of the kitchen with everyone following him with questioning gazes.

Donna was the first to reach him, “Whoa, Dick, slow down. Wanna tell us what’s going on?” The Wonder Girl looking at her friends for some help to get Dick to spill. They stayed quiet and watched him type on the keyboard. His fingers going at a crazy rate.

“Searching for [Name] [L.Name]...”

Hank stepped up to Dick with his hand placed on his head, “Hold up, why are you looking for [Name]? Is everything okay with her?”

“No,” Rachel spoke up, “My power, it allowed me to see that she was in danger. She was fighting Deathstroke and Dr. Light all by herself.”

“She blew her own home up, it was crazy and she has telekinesis!” Gar exclaimed pulling at his hair. He never saw such a powerful person with a cool ability. Dick tapped his foot impatiently waiting for the computer to give him results and it was painfully slow. His family was in danger. Can he call them his family? He hasn’t seen them in three years. Every time he wanted to contact [Name], he got cold feet.

“Dick, you got to tell us what is going on,” Dawn set her hand onto his shoulder. He looked behind him and they were all staring at him. Their eyes boring into him to tell them the truth. He took a deep breath in and pushed away from the computer.

“I haven’t been honest with you guys,” Dick crossed his arms over his chest, “the only ones that know this secret is Bruce and Alfred. Even if I told you a long time ago what had happened between [Name] and I, I don’t think it’s your business in the first place.”

Hank glared at him, “Now it is.”

“Yes,” Dick nodded his head, “Because they’re in danger.”

Dawn tilted her head in confusion and Donna spoke up, “They’re? Someone else is with [Name]?” The two women had no idea what was going on and neither did the rest. Dick was being hesitant and he took a long time to explain what was going on. He bit his lip and chewed on it. Rachel and Gar looked at each other wondering if they should help Dick with telling the truth.

“It’s not easy to say this,” Dick admitted with his head low in defeat. He had to tell them anyways because [Name] was going to show up to Titan’s Tower eventually. “[Name] and I...we have a son. He’s two years old and-”

“No fucking way,” An unexpected voice cut through and it was Rose Wilson, Deathstroke’s daughter. “You had a secret child and you didn’t bother to tell your teammates. What other secrets are you keeping?”

“None,” Dick said with a sharp tone.

Dawn removed her hand off of Dick’s shoulder, “Why didn’t you tell us? We’re your friends.”

“It’s because it was none of our business,” Hank bellowed, “obviously we weren't good enough friends for him to confide in us.” Dawn looked over her shoulder at Hank. Their eyes connected.

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

It was the front entrance. Someone was there and it was definitely [Name]. It had to be. Although when the camera footage popped up on the computer screen, no one was visible. Suddenly, they all heard the elevator dinging. Dick was the first one to investigate. They all waited in the main room to see the elevator doors opening.

What they saw made their hearts churn especially Dick’s. His eyes couldn’t believe what they were seeing. In the middle of the elevator was a bassinet with a crying baby in it and a woman bloodied and beaten holding tightly onto the bassinet. Dick reacted quicker than the others and immediately ran inside the elevator. His hands flying to the woman’s face.

Her nose was bleeding and her eyes were barely open. It was like she was trying to stay awake, but her body was forcing herself to sleep. Her breaths were shallow and her hands gripped tightly around the bassinet. She opened her mouth, blood coating her teeth, “Take care of him, okay?” Her head felt lighter in his hands and he understood.

“[Name],” Dick called softly tears brimming, “you’re not here, are you?”

She gave him a smile and her body disappeared right in front of him in red waves. The old titans rushed into the elevator and looked down at Dick kneeling in a fetal position. Then he looked up from the spot where [Name] had once laid in. Letting his anger out, Dick punched the elevator wall in front of him, “Goddammit!”

“W-wait, I don’t understand,“ Gar spoke up trying to see in the elevator, “[Name] was just here. What happened to her body?” The green haired thought of the worst. He thought she had died. Donna looked at the teens and pushed them away from the elevator telling them that the adults would handle this.

Dawn knelt down beside Dick, “Come on, Dick. We’re going to find her, but right now your son needs you.” Dick wiped his tears away and picked up the bassinet with shaky hands. Hank stopped Dick from exiting the elevator, “I can hold him...if you want.”

Dick shook his head, “Thank you, but I got him.” For the first time in a long time, Dick was with his son again. Yet he wished the circumstances were better.

……

“Alright an hour later, John is finally sleeping,” Dawn and Donna walked back into the main room where everybody sat in or around the kitchen. Dick gave them a grateful nod and focused his attention back on the wall.

“So is anyone going to explain what happened to [Name],” Gar asked very curious why the woman disappeared in the elevator.

Jason tossed a piece of popcorn into his mouth, “It’s because of her ability.”

The old titans gave him questioning glares.

“What? Bruce had me study potential allies and [Name] was one of them. According to what she knows, she has the ability to warp reality and teleport. Well that’s not all she can do, but it’s what she used in this situation. My guess is she used teleportation and put little John in the elevator before Deathstroke could get to him.”

“So her body was just her warping reality?” Rachel asked.

Rose shrugged her shoulders, “If she could teleport, why didn’t she do the same for herself?”

“Because she hasn’t used her powers in a long time ever since John was born. She didn’t want to risk him getting injured.” Dick answered. His brown eyes were directed to the floor in thought. [Name] was in danger and in the hands of Deathstroke. His second worst enemy.

Rachel slid off the kitchen counter, "Well, aren't we going to save her? Isn't that what the Titans do?"

Dick looked at Rachel and shook his head. He wasn't going to allow his new recruits, his friends, get involved with Deathstroke. He won't allow another young soul die at his hands. "No, you guys will stay here and keep watch on John."

"Great," Jason groaned, "you're putting us on babysitting duty while you guys fight a known villain. He's your son, how about you spend time with him for once?"

Dick growled, "Don't go there."

"Or what?" Jason challenged stepping up to Dick. The teen with black hair was beginning to push Dick's buttons. And they weren't supposed to be bothered with. "I say you sit this one out, Dick. Let us handle the bad guys for once."

"No," Dick said firmly. He was standing his ground. The presence of the new Robin didn't scare him nor did he tremble. "Deathstroke is mine. Now stand down or I'll put you on probationary timeout."

Jason scoffed and turned his back on Dick muttering a few curses. The old Titans walked up to Dick and they formed a tiny circle ready to discuss their plans on how to get [Name] back to safety.

……

“A caring mother, you are,” Deathstroke talked to [Name], sitting directly across from her. Their knees almost touching each other. “I could have promised not to lay a finger on your son, but you made things more difficult for you.”

[Name] swallowed down the blood from her mouth. The taste of iron bothering her taste buds. “I won’t allow my son to get hurt because you have a personal vendetta for his father.”

“You speak as if Grayson holds no meaning to your heart, is it true you two had a falling out?” Deathstroke asked with a tilt of his head.

“You can say that,” [Name] responded looking away from him. She wasn’t going to speak about her relationship problems with a psycho like Deathstroke. Her business was her business. This wasn’t a therapy session among a hero and villain.

“Huh, always thought you two were good for each other.”

“Ah, good one. An attempt of sarcasm by the one and only Deathstroke.” [Name] replied to his remark. Her right eye closed upon feeling the warm liquid that was blood drip down it. She forgot that she was hurting while chained to the chair in special handcuffs. Deathstroke’s presence didn’t allow her to relax. He forced her to be on the edge.

“Why don’t you use your powers, [Name]?” Deathstroke looked at her crossing his arms over his chest. She got him thinking. She needed him to think of the consequences he’ll reap.

The blood dripped onto her clothing in a slow rhythm. “I don’t know maybe because you got a hold of Cadmus’ tech. Did you steal them or actually request for them, I’m really curious.” She wiped her chin with her shoulder and sighed. [Name] didn’t like waiting and she hoped the Titans could find her. But it was nearly impossible especially if Deathstroke is good at covering steps and going off grid. It was his specialty.

“I made a bargain with them,” Deathstroke began ominously, “I give them you in exchange for the Titans.”

[Name] was puzzled. “Cadmus doesn’t have the Titans, you only put yourself in a situation which can’t happen because-”

“I hand you over to them now and they could experiment on you. Then they’ll send out their people and get the Titans for me. It’s an easy trade off.”

“I thought you wanted Dick for yourself. Why not get revenge by you doing what you do best. You’re a killer, Deathstroke. Blinded by your rage toward Dick and vice versa, you two killed an innocent boy. A boy I was beginning to love in my own way. A boy Dick took advantage of. A boy who was your dearest son. Why continue this vengeance and for what reason?”

“You are to blame for my son’s death. You allowed Grayson to let Jericho into the Titan life knowing who his father was. Who I was.” [Name] could feel the anger radiating off of his body with each sentence. “Yet you and the Titans didn’t stop Dick from coercing Jericho. You killed him.”

[Name] shook her head, “No, I left the Titans before Jericho died. I only heard about his passing from Dawn, Dick didn’t tell me the truth until I came back and threatened to search his memories.” She paused and softened her glare, “Slade, I’m really sorry about Jericho. He was a wonderful boy and he could have made a great man.”

Deathstroke uncrossed his arms and leaned closely to [Name]. He placed his right knee in between her legs and let his right hand hold the chair. His left hand wiped the blood away from her eye so she could look up at him with both of her [e.color] eyes. “You will be when I make you feel the pain my wife and I went through.”

[Name] knew exactly what he meant. His words struck her heart and her blood ran cold. "No, please, he's just a baby," Her voice was soft and fragile. Her eyes pooling with unshed tears of sadness.

Deathstroke gripped her chin tightly with his fingers.

"I'm begging you, Slade," [Name] was crying now. Her eyes closed as she cried for what Deathstroke was planning. She opened them up and begged again, "Please, don't go after my boy. He's innocent and he would never hurt anyone. Slade, please."

He removed himself from her and began walking away from her in silence.

[Name] struggled in her bonds. Her feet pushing against the floor and her chair tilted sideways. The weight of her body made herself and the chair fall on their left side. Her body ached, but that didn't stop her from calling out to him, "Leave him alone! Please!"

Dr. Light popped into the room and watched as the mother cried out to Deathstroke. Feeling a little remorse for her, he questioned the man who wiped his sword with a white rag. "You aren't really going after the baby, are you?"

"Does it matter to you?" Deathstroke placed his sword back into its sheath. He turned his body to Dr. Light waiting patiently for an answer.

Dr. Light nodded his head, "You said that she and the baby would only be bait for the Titans. All I want is the Titans, not for us to kill some kid."

"And all I want is revenge." Deathstroke finished and walked out of the room.

"Don't do this!" Dr. Light cringed at the hoarse yells coming out of [Name]'s mouth and he turned his attention back on the woman. She was lying helplessly on the floor with tears sliding down her face.

He wasn't supposed to do this.

“Alright, calm down, will ya?” Dr. Light ran over to [Name] and lifted her chair upright. She sniffled and brought her red eyes onto the villain. “Don’t look at me like that. I cross lines, sure. But killing a kid, that’s not for me...yet.”

That didn’t make [Name] feel any better.

“I mean a kid that hasn’t done any wrong to me. Fuck the Titans though, am I right?” Dr. Light chuckled and looked at the special handcuffs on her hands. He didn’t know how to take these off. “This is gonna sound awkward, lady. But I can’t take these handcuffs off you, only that bastard can.”

“That’s fine,” [Name] finally spoke up and her eyes were a bright red along with her hands, “all I need is you.”

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