#was on the verge that year. was being very very very heavily bullied on the schoolbus that year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zvnphoria · 3 years

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- how being koko’s best friend would be like

a/n - had too much fun with this. THIS IS VERY LONG UM. this is an apology for being inactive.

contains - fluff, teeny bit of angst, just platonic because YEAH, fem!reader, implied strong reader, reader has mommy issues (definitely not projecting), reader had a friendship with akane and looked up to her like an older sister

you and hajime go way back since you were kids. you two met in an interesting way but not necessarily in a good one.

you were walking to the nearest park to get out of your crazy house because your mom kept screaming at you over the littlest thing again. you forgot to wash the dishes (you didn’t necessarily forget that’s for sure). you stopped once you saw a boy around your age getting beaten up by some older kids. his hand gripped tightly on what looked like a school bag and protected it like his life depended on it.

it didn’t matter anymore because you had just knocked out both of the bullies in no time without a thought— almost as if it was normal to you. when you looked at the boy, he had blood going down from his forehead to his cheek, heavily panting and on the verge of passing out. he’s not the fighting type, huh. luckily you had a towel wrapped around your neck since you had just gotten out of the shower when you walked out your house, you weren’t gonna spend much time at the park anyways

you kneeled down and wiped the dripping blood off his face and noticed a bigger figure running towards you both. it was.. a girl?

“hajime-kun! what happened here?!” she panicked as she checked your surroundings

“akane-san.. it’s no big deal i promise..”

“no big deal?! i knew something was up when you rushed the other way. and my bag also happened to be missing! why didn’t you ask for help? you don’t need to be independent all the time.”

“and you,” she began, making eye contact with you

“are you okay? are you hurt?”

“no no! i’m fine don’t worry.”

“she was actually the one who knocked them out, akane-san,”

the older girl looked at the unconscious bullies, then back at you with shock and amazement in her eyes

“you did this? that’s amazing!” she says as she quickly takes your hands and wraps it around hers

“uh.. yes i promise it’s really not a big deal. i’ve dealt through worse, trust me,” you say as you gaze at the direction of your house

“worse or not this is still definitely something! even i cant beat someone up, and i’m way older than you!” she chuckled

“well it’s not like you have the heart to do something like that, akane-san,” the boy comments

“hahah you’re right, you’re right. anyways we should get going now— the sun is gonna set very soon, and you should get home as well. is your house nearby? we can walk you if you’d like,”

even ‘til this day you still don’t know why you didn’t decline her offer. was it because she was nice? it didn’t matter anymore, because if you had declined, you wouldn’t get to meet such amazing people.

it’s been a few months after meeting hajime and akane, and you had also met akane’s younger brother who was your age— seishu! you four would often hang out, whether it was at the inui home or at hajime’s house. getting to know them was pretty fun, and very interesting because a certain someone had a crush on akane.

it was definitely not seishu because they’re siblings and that’s just weird, definitely not you because akane had reminded you of your older sister who was almost never in your life, so that only left one choice— hajime.

his crush on her was so painfully obvious that you couldn’t stand seeing him try to impress her every now and then. he even ditched his glasses and bought contacts just for her to compliment him! he’s whipped huh..

one day you decided to help him out a little with his crush. it was another day of your usual hang outs except this time it was at your local mall! akane’s birthday was coming up and you three had collectively agreed to take her to the mall and see if she would see anything she’d like. turns out she was eyeing some platforms with red on the bottoms, and you took notice.

seishu dragged her to go to the food court with him because he was “hungry” so you and hajime took the chance to buy the heels. you were both now at the cash register, waiting for the register person

“i don’t understand you,” you began

“i don’t understand why you like her so much. i mean— i get that’s she’s amazing and nice and pretty and all but.. there’s another reason why you like her. something must’ve happened for you to be so attached to her so what is it?” you meant no harm with this question whatsoever. you were simply curious and that’s all.

before he answered, he smiled to himself and looked back at you

“she’s the only one that makes me feel not under pressure all the time. she’s the one who constantly reminds me that i shouldn’t be so independent and that i should always ask for help.” as you took a breath in to reply, he stopped you

“before you say anything, i know. i know she doesn’t like me. i know she’s just being nice. but there’s nothing wrong with a one-sided crush right?” he grins

even though he was beaming with a smile in front of you, you knew. you knew this wasn’t how he truly felt. you knew that deep down he was hurt but it was understandable. after all, he was just a kid wasn’t he? you saw right through him.

it was a shame after what happened the next couple of weeks after that conversation. it all happened so fast and none of you were prepared for it. you weren’t prepared for the incident that had happened to akane. a few days before it occurred, koko proudly told you that he was planning to confess and you were way against it.

“huh?! but i need to get this off my chest, y/n! i don’t care if she rejects me or not!”

“haji, i have a bad feeling about this.. i’m serious. you know how i always get bad feelings and they turn out to be true!”

he groaned and scooted far from where he was originally sitting which was right next to you. you sigh and got up to sit down next to him and laid your head on his shoulder so he wouldn’t escape

“i just don’t want you to get your hopes up, that’s all.” deep down you knew the truth. akane wasn’t interested in boys one bit despite all the confessions she had received almost every week.

“fine. you have a point. but im still going with this,”

all you could do was do nothing but let him. oh how you wished you protested more, because in return all he got was a huge burden on his shoulders.

“please ma’am, just please tell me what room akane inui and seishu inui are in,” you shouted as tears were rolling down on your cheeks. “107, right down the hall and take a left ‘hon”

you bowed and quickly made your way into the room. as you burst the door open, your eyes immediately go on seishu who looked so sad to the point where he didn’t even bother to look up at you. you hug him with a feeling of relief flowing in your body, but soon that feeling was gone when you asked where akane was.

you stood outside the door, not knowing why your feet couldn’t move. what’s wrong, y/n? her voice rang your ears. go on, don’t worry i’ll be right here next to you and if you get scared, just hold my hand! right. that was the time you were at a “haunted” house together and you were scared to go in. why are you being reminded of this right now?

you gulped and slowly opened the doorknob and found a crying boy in front of you, hands grabbing on the sheets with his head on the edge of the bed. you couldn’t do anything. all you could do was sit next to him with your head resting on his shoulder while you were crying.

a few years after that, you both acted as if nothing had happened. not because you wanted to forget akane, but because you knew akane would’ve wanted you both to continue living on without her.

despite not dating, you two would always have couple tendencies like feeding food to eachother or hugging often but you’re just THAT close to the point you can probably kiss without feeling any romantic attraction whatsoever

you couldn’t hang out with him as much anymore because of all the gang related things he’s doing. to make it up to you, he knocks on your window late at night and sleeps over most of the time. you talk to him about the usual— have you been eating? you should get more rest. and so on.

you were the one who got him to start wearing eyeliner! at first he just looked at you with a confused face when you handed him it as his present, but then you explained that if he wants to go fully dedicated to the black dragons, the wings of the eyeliner would represent the wings of the dragon. he didn’t wear it at first, all he did was ruffle your hair and said he’d think about it— and he kept his word! so now he’s the iconic money-making genius that wears eyeliner.

after all that’s happened between you two, there isn’t a single awkward moment you share. you know those friends who bring up an adult related topic out of completely nowhere? you two were those friends.

“i was walking by an alley and i heard a girl getting fucked,” he says while chewing the piece of gum you handed to him

“..and??”

“i’ve never walked away so fast in my life.”

there are days where you’re sad but, of course, you don’t tell him. in fact you don’t need to tell him because he’ll know when you’re upset.

“so are ya gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he says as he rests his head on your thighs

“ugh how do you always know..”

“because we’ve been together for the longest, duh.”

he doesn’t show it much, but he cares for you more than you think he does. overprotective and can’t help but show it at times, but don’t worry! he’s doing it because he loves you. remembers the littlest things you talk about and are interested in. he’s also constantly on the lookout so that you don’t get hurt or even worse.

when he’s the one who’s upset, you immediately know. he’s quieter than usual, zoning out a lot and just not paying attention to what you’re saying to him, almost like he’s in his own little world. before you initiate a conversation, you play with his hair so he’ll feel comfortable as a way for you to convince him to tell you what’s wrong.

even though it happened such a long time ago, he still thinks about her. you cant blame him, you do too! if you were to describe your best friend with one sentence, the first thing that would pop up in your head was weak little boy. not weak as in physically weak, but weak as in mentally weak. he can’t help but get emotional when it comes to her, which is understandable.

“it’s not your fault, hajime. she left you with no proper closure, and now you’re carrying guilt and burden on your shoulders. anyone would feel the same or even worse in your position.”

he didn’t respond but he doesn’t need to. all that matters to him is that you’re next to him, comforting him with your kind words like you always do. you both have some differences which caused a few arguments, but in the end you would still be best friends.

speaking of arguments, you argue either over the dumbest things ever or over serious topics. one time you got mad at him because he was beating you in a video game and his smug expression was not helping at all. you kicked him out of your house because you were just THAT frustrated. you felt guilty so you decided to walk to his house and apologize but stopped once you saw a certain figure trying to climb up to your window.

in the start of the serious argument, it was completely something different than what you were yelling at each other about now.

he showed up at your house with your favorite boba and snacks. you demanded him to put those down.

“hajime. food— no. MONEY cant keep me happy forever, and that also applies to you!”

“then what else am i supposed to do?!” his voice started getting weak. he was never the type to argue because he’d always get emotional.

“what am i other than a money-making genius? other than a wallet?”

“i cant do anything about my situation, y/n. nothing. because that’s all i am. just a stupid wallet for everyone to use.” he says about to walk away until you grab his sleeve to stop him.

“that’s not even true. you’re so much more than that, hajime. i’m sorry.. i’m so sorry.” you were crying into his chest and he couldn’t help but cry with you.

he spoils you 100%, no doubt. there was a point in life where you would always decline but you had just gotten so used to the offer that you got tired of fighting back. i mean, how could you? he was so willing and eager and most importantly HAPPY to do this for you.

hajime cant drive motorcycles and you constantly tease him about it, which he just responds to you by squeezing your cheeks together so you could shut up. the bad thing about this is that you guys always have to walk or go on a bus to the specific place you’re going to which is pretty tiring at times. although that doesn’t matter because what matters is that you both have each other.

back to the overprotective part.. you got called by this boy to meet him at the rooftop by the end of school and you already knew what was about to go down because of your shoujo manga reading sessions. the first thing you did was call hajime and he immediately got there to warn you about what you were gonna get yourself into.

“don’t you already have someone you like??”

“uh.. no?”

“i couldve sworn you liked that ‘tora dude..”

“keep your mouth shut!”

“…so you’re gonna reject him right?”

and you did! nicely, of course. hajime advised you should make come off as mean so he wouldn’t bother you again but you just ignored him and pretended like you didn’t hear anything.

being his best friend contains some ups and downs, but that’s the point of true friendships— it’ll never be perfect.

#tokyo revengers x reader #hajime kokonoi #kokonoi headcanons #kokonoi fluff #kokonoi x reader

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readyplayerhobi · 4 years

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Flower | 30

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Angst, fluff

; Warnings: Discussions of sex, questions of consent (no rape, don’t worry), body issues, body weight issues, self-esteem problems, self-confidence issues, brief mention of self-harm thoughts, mentions of bullying

; Word Count: 4.2k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: This chapter is one pretty close to me and might be tough for anyone else who’s also overweight or has been overweight during those tough times in school! Don’t worry about the MC, she’s okay. There’s no rape, the consent thing is briefly mentioned as a question. Please reblog this if you enjoyed so others can read, leave me comments or asks so I can know what you think :) only 10 more chapters left...

; Flower Masterpost

Giggling quietly to yourself, you scroll through the pictures on your phone carefully. It takes you forever to finally move onto the next one as you feel the need to carefully scan over each one in depth to catch all the little things. There’s so much to find in each picture and you spend as long as you can looking them over in amusement, grinning at the odd fashion choices.

“What are you laughing at?” Hoseok asks, coming over from the kitchen with a fresh glass of water for you and a cup of peppermint tea for himself. He’d only been home from work for about ten minutes while you’d been home for over half an hour now. Taking a sip from your glass, you smirk at him slightly as he sits next to you with a deep sigh.

Tiredness is etched into his face today, the dark circles under his eyes a little deeper than usual. He’d been struggling to sleep lately for some reason, waking up repeatedly apparently. Reaching over, you gently cup his cheek and stroke his skin softly, enjoying the welcome smile he gives before you turn your phone around to let him see.

“Interesting hair. How many jars of hair gel did you go through when you were a teenager?” You tease him, watching as his eyes widen when he realises what the photo is. It’s of Hoseok when he was a teenager; maybe fourteen or fifteen and with what looks like a bucket of grease on his head. The spikes of his hair turn quickly into an overly long hairstyle in the next picture, straightened but with a distinctive fringe covering one eye.

“You had an emo phase! Look at you! All that eyeliner and those neon streaks. I never had an emo phase, you know. I don’t think I had any phase to be honest. Except for a horse phase when I was really young.” Hoseok goes to grab for your phone, his mouth pulled into a cringe as you scroll to the next picture and reveal yet another emo looking Hoseok with an abundance of sweatbands, colourful wristbands and more. He looked distinctly drunk, even though he can’t have been more than sixteen.

It’s so strange seeing Hoseok with slightly chubbier cheeks, his body gangly and lean in that teenage boy way as it went through the process of puberty while his face still maintained such a youthful look. Despite that, you can see the template for the statuesque face he’d end up with already in the pictures. The elegant slope of his nose was still pretty, even if he’d not quite grown into it at that point and a jawline that’s not quite as strong as it is now.

“Mom sent you this, didn’t she?” He groans, rubbing at his eyes before peering back at the phone through gaps between his fingers. Chortling softly, you shake your head before looking back at the screen.

“No, actually. She put them on her Facebook. Apparently she found the pictures while cleaning and scanned them in. Reminiscing about your wild years.” That makes Hoseok make the strangest noise, a combination of a groan and a shout. He’s looking at his own phone instantly, face palming when he sees the pictures.

“Moooom,” He whines pathetically, looking through them. You place your phone down on the coffee table and shuffle closer to him, letting yourself see the photos through his screen. Glancing at his face, you take in his slight frown and the pout of his lips, hoping he’s not too annoyed that his mom has put them up.

“Are you angry at her?” Shaking his head, he sighs deeply before letting his phone drop onto the table too.

“Not really. Just...it’s more embarrassing. Though, isn’t that her job at this age? As you can see through; I’ve always been good looking. Maybe not always with the best style admittedly but...at least the music is still great. My Chemical Romance remains one of the best bands in my opinion, even if they’re not as heavy as what I listen to now.” Rolling your eyes, you pull your legs up and rest a hand on your knee.

“I mean...it was certainly a style.”

“So come on then, I’ve shown you mine. Where’s your embarrassing teenage pics?” Hoseok teases, sticking his tongue out at you playfully. The silver ball of his tongue piercing catching the light momentarily before it disappears into his mouth once more.

Awkwardly, you smile back at him before shrugging slightly. The sudden change in your behaviour is obviously noticeable as Hoseok frowns, tilting his head in a silent question at you. Licking your lips, you realise that you’re playing with your fingers. A nervous habit.

“I don’t have any,” At the confusion Hoseok shows, you clear your throat. “I mean, outside of graduation photos. I...I wouldn’t let myself be photographed back then.”

“Wha-, seriously? Like...none? I don’t think my parents would have let me, even as grumpy as I was to them all the time.” You can understand why he doesn’t understand. There’s not many people you can think of who have near enough zero pictures of those years. For many teenagers today, the very idea of not having a million pictures might be unthinkable.

“Have you ever been overweight?” You ask quietly, the question seemingly random as you lean into him until he has to wrap his arm around you to make it comfortable. For a moment, he doesn’t respond. Being with him for well over a year now means that you’ve come to understand him, the knowledge that he’s not ignoring you but considering your question carefully.

“No. Can’t say I have.” He finally answers, running his fingers along your arm slowly.

Twisting your lips, you sigh heavily and let your head fall back against his shoulders as you let your mind wander back to when you were younger. Back to where your insecurities began, all those years ago. Swallowing hard, you decide to go ahead with it. You’d alluded to it enough and now felt like the right time to finally talk about your formative years.

But your breath stutters, throat closing tighter as you realise it’s hard to go back to then. To when you were so easily hurt and affected by everything. Even in the safety of Hoseok’s embrace, you felt the tremor of fear and anxiety as your memories came back tainted.

“I have. I mean, when I was a little kid, I was like a stick. I could eat whatever I wanted and I used to spend so much time running around having fun. We don’t have too many pictures from back then; my parents couldn’t really afford a camera. Occasionally they’d get a disposable one but that’s about it. But...when I hit puberty around twelve or thirteen...I just kind of, ballooned? I don’t think I even realised it at the time, but it’s like my metabolism just plummeted or something. And before I knew it...I was the fat kid in class.” The heat in your eyes tells you that you’re on the verge of crying and you take a moment to breathe, blinking hard before looking up at the ceiling.

Hoseok remains quiet, letting you tell him without interrupting or anything.

“I mean...no one outright bullied me or anything, you know? It wasn’t like in the movies where you’re getting beaten up or shoved into lockers. It was more...the comments, the looks and just the general knowledge that you’re not attractive. Teenagers are really good at making those sly comments that are so hurtful, especially when you’re so young and still finding yourself. It’d be like...we’d be watching something and a pig would turn up on the screen and somebody would snicker and say it was me. Or someone else would joke about dating me and...I could just tell that it was an insult. And that their reasoning was my weight.” The arm around you tightens suddenly, as if hearing the casual cruelty you’d endured had ignited Hoseok’s protective instincts.

Memories flit by in your mind as you recall incidents; someone in your class finding out your crush and spreading that you liked them. Their disbelieving snort as they looked you up and down, their eyes falling heavily on your stomach before saying it would never happen. Without even realising it, you’re cradling your stomach now. Still not flat like you’d always fantasised, but not like it used to be.

You didn’t hate it now at least. Never loved, but not hated anymore.

“That...that sticks with you. Something I’m not too sure people realise is that, like, when you’re overweight...you’re constantly aware of it. It’s not just your body, it’s your life. It is you. There’s this weird mentality that people think overweight folk don’t know it, that you’re oblivious. You’re never oblivious. You’re not allowed to be oblivious. People make sure you’re aware, you know? The people telling you it’s unhealthy or it’s ugly and stuff. If you’re overweight, you’re well aware of these issues. But trying to resolve them is just as hard. You go to the gym and you’re aware of all the fat rolls, the way you jiggle and roll. How you’re out of breath doing the simplest thing while super fit people are probably watching you in disgust, even though you’re there to get fit,”

“If you eat, then you feel uncomfortably aware that you’re not just eating. That you’re fat and eating. So you become self-conscious over food. If it’s something healthy like a salad then you just think everyone is laughing at you. ‘What’s she bothering with that for?’. If it’s unhealthy then it’s more like, ‘of course she’s eating that, the lard ass’. You’re hyper aware of every aspect of your life and that’s the worst thing. Just...being so aware. You’re convinced that everyone is judging you, staring at you or talking about you. I felt so many times when I was like, fifteen or sixteen that I just...took up more space than I should.” Wiping at your eyes, you sniff before looking at Hoseok and giving him a watery smile.

The concern on his face for you makes your heart swell, the knowledge that he’s listening to you openly. That he cares. Even if you’re exposing a part of you that you’ve never let anyone see. Not even Chungha or Soyeon. It had felt far too personal, something that they couldn’t understand.

“It’s like...everyone has a certain amount of space they’re allowed to have, but when you’re fat, you realise that you take up more. And you become so aware that other people don’t like that. That they’re disgusted by the idea, and you become afraid of things like...sitting on a seat in a bus because you’re terrified of spreading past your ‘space’. Or sliding through a small gap and the panic that you’re just being...too much. I’d always try and run to the school bus when class finished so that I could find a seat first. And I’d always let the other person sit next to the window so that I could hang as close to the edge as possible and get off quickly. Then I’d panic that I’d look disgusting to others, half-hanging off the seat. I just...it affects you. Mentally. You just do things differently because you’re always aware of your body. In negative ways,”

“I’d never go swimming with anyone else. Mandatory swim classes left me panicked because it meant people would see me. See all the lumps and the bumps, everything I hated. I’d never look at myself naked in the mirror, or even in my underwear because I hated it. I was disgusted. I used to fantasise about just...slicing off bits of me to make myself nice and thin. I don’t even know if that’s normal.” Your voice breaks slightly, going slightly hoarse as you recall the pure hatred and revulsion you’d felt for yourself back then. The way your body felt like a cage you were trapped in.

Sitting up straight again, you take a deep breath to fortify yourself before smiling at him gently. Taking his hand, you squeeze it for reassurance and feel comforted when he squeezes back.

“I hated myself. Didn’t ever think I was going to be anything amazing. Or that I’d ever fall in love. How could anyone fall in love with me when I hated myself, right? When I was seventeen, I finally took the plunge and joined this free gym. Started eating healthier. It was really hard. I hated it so much. Vomited everywhere from the exercise, cried a lot. I wanted to lose weight healthily though, not too fast otherwise I’d end up thin but with skin flaps. So it was gradual. I wasn’t hugely overweight thankfully, but I only felt finally happy when I was nineteen.” Now you laugh at yourself, rolling your eyes and poking at your stomach in amusement before kissing Hoseok’s cheek playfully.

He doesn’t laugh back, causing you to kiss him gently. A silent way of letting him know that you’re okay, that it’s okay for him to laugh and smile too. When you pull away, he hesitates for a moment before giving you a slightly awkward smile. It’s enough for you.

“That’s why I didn’t have any experience until college. I was nineteen when I met Chungha and Soyeon in class. They were like...these ridiculously beautiful girls who were so confident and full of life, you know? Partygoers and everything. And I wasn’t. But somehow, we found things in common and it’s like...they knew I needed encouragement. So, it was slow but...I did stuff. I went to the parties...hated them just as much as I thought I would. Finally kissed a guy; wasn't as good as I thought it’d be. Lost my virginity to a random guy at a party in some house when I was twenty. Also wasn’t that good. The extent of my dating life was a few guys who didn’t last long. Both in terms of relationship and sex.” You grin at Hoseok, wiggling your brows and causing him to chuckle in amusement.

His chest gets a little bigger as he pushes it up, a smug look on his face. “All those memories obviously pale in comparison to my amazing kissing and sex skills.”

Snorting, you push at him playfully before reaching up and pulling him down, hand resting on the short undercut hair on his neck as you bring him into a kiss. Hoseok obviously wants to prove his skills, kissing you a little more intense than you’d expected but you just laugh into it before pulling away and smiling at him happily.

“Well...I’m not going to say you’re wrong. It did kind of depress me a little that it seemed guys were only interested when I was a bit thinner but, I also felt a weird sense of pride. That I’d finally done it. Gotten what I thought I’d wanted. Until I realised I hated that whole scene and wanted nothing to do with it. So...I just kept myself as in shape as I could over the years and tried to come to terms with myself. As you know...I’m not quite there. But I’m better than I was, I promise. I just feel a little bad that I was convinced being thin would change things. It changes some stuff but...not everything.”

You can tell that Hoseok isn’t entirely sure what to say. It isn’t surprising really, you wouldn’t have any idea how to respond to someone telling you all these sad things they’d experienced either. But then again, you were just generally useless when it came to anyone else’s emotions and feelings.

When he does finally speak again, his question surprises you completely as it seems to have nothing to do with what you’d just been telling him.

“Did you drink alcohol back then? I know you don’t drink it now because you don’t like the taste but if you went to parties…” He trails off, his face twisted in question as he considers what you’ve said. It was true that you didn’t like the taste, hence why you never drank it. You also just preferred to drink something like water as it was much healthier for you.

“I did. Too much. When I started going to them, I threw myself into the alcohol as it helped me to overcome my shyness. A drunk me is apparently very outgoing. I also have very little inhibitions when I’m drunk. Pretty sure the only reason I first kissed a guy was because I was completely fucked. And I’d drank a lot when I lost my virginity; there was no other way I was going to get naked in front of a guy.” You don’t notice the instant concern on Hoseok’s face when you say that, your gaze far away as you stare unseeingly at the TV screen.

You’re too busy remembering those wild years in college. Or what you can remember anyway. Another reason you hated alcohol was the way you didn’t feel in control of yourself and your emotions while inebriated along with the way you often end up forgetting parts of a night. Why anyone could possibly enjoy that all the time was beyond you.

“You...I hate to have to ask this but...you did...consent to it. Right? It wasn’t like...forced on you?” Hoseok sounds intensely uncomfortable as he asks the questions, causing you to frown as you look back at him. “I just...if you were really as drunk as you say you were, then I mean, well, I just...I wouldn’t have been comfortable sleeping with a girl who would only sleep with me if she was completely inebriated.”

He shifts in position on the couch, bringing a knee up so only one foot remains on the floor while taking your hands. The look on his face is completely earnest and filled with worry. For you. And you finally click as to what he’s talking about. Hoseok is concerned that you may have been raped for your first time.

Smiling at him gently, you squeeze his hands and shake your head. “No, no baby. Please don’t think that, I swear. It was consensual. I wasn’t that drunk. Just...enough to let me get over my worries. I needed the alcohol for the confidence and the lights off. I remember it all though. He wasn’t good but he wasn’t mean or anything either.”

His worry seems to decrease a little, shoulders lowering as he lets out a deep breath and you marvel for a moment that you’ve found someone who gets worried about things like that. Things that you hadn’t even bothered to properly consider. If you hadn’t been completely sure in the knowledge of your first time then you’d be concerned as well.

Leaning forward, you kiss his cheek affectionately before grinning at him and cupping his chin. “Thank you for being concerned about me though. I promise, I’ve never been forced into anything like that. I may not have enjoyed a lot of sex but I did it openly in the hopes of it getting better.”

Hoseok’s cheeks flush ever so slightly and you laugh sweetly, kissing his lips quickly before shifting back. Leaning against the couch sideways, you let your head flop onto the back and smile at him.

“So, yeah. That’s why I have no pictures of me from being a teenager. If you thought I don’t like being photographed now, then you’d be shocked to see me back then.” There’s a moment where Hoseok is stiff, unsure of what to do before he smiles back and shifts into a similar position, his head closer than you might have anticipated.

But you get the sense that he’s a little uncertain of how to proceed now.

So you make the move for him, gently pushing at him until he’s laying on the couch. The L-shape means he’s at the point the two halves connect, one half completely free except for Kasumi stretched out. But you want the safety and security of his body. Not only for yourself, but also to comfort him. Even if he hasn’t said it, you can tell he’s a little unsettled by your negative feelings towards yourself.

Hoseok let’s you move him with ease, smiling happily when you get yourself settled and comfortable. His natural scent is strongest at the base of his neck, and you inhale it happily while your arm rests over his waist. Even if you’d talked about your deep and painful teenage years as willingly as you could to him, it was still traumatic to remember. And you needed your own comfort to assure yourself that those years were over.

“Well, I don’t think you’d have wanted to meet teenage Hoseok. So it's probably a good idea we never knew each other.” Humming, you recall all the times Hoseok has told you about his own teenage years. Unlike you, he was much more open about them. Mainly because he acknowledged how bad he’d been.

“I doubt it would have mattered anyway. From what I’ve learnt from you, teenage Hoseok wouldn’t have given me one look. Nevermind two looks.” There’s a brief pause and you feel Hoseok’s chest rise as he goes to respond. He stops though and you chuckle, running your fingers along the soft material of his shirt over his stomach.

“...you might have got one look. I mean, I’ll be honest. I wasn’t exactly picky but that’s not a good thing. Just means I was an out of control teenager. Besides, it sounds like you were very shy and quiet. I was...not. Loud, brash, abrasive. Often drunk and high. God, I was terrible. I don’t know how my parents put up with me, honestly. I wouldn’t have wanted you to meet me. I’d have just hurt you even more.” Humming, you wiggle against him slightly and kiss his neck gently.

“I’m glad we met when we did. I think we’d both had enough time to grow and accept ourselves. There’s no way I would have reached out to you if I was still like my teenage self. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have said yes if you’d been like you were.”

“True. Three cheers for maturity! But on a more serious note; I’m glad you’ve told me. I figured there was something along those lines after all these months but...I understand more now. I hope I haven’t made you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.” Closing your eyes, you nuzzled closer to him while shaking your head.

“You haven’t. At least, not through anything you’ve done. It’s mostly been in my head. If anything...you’ve helped me to grow and become more...loving of myself. Just you accepting me has helped so much for my mind to understand that...well, I’m not ugly or anything. That you’re not judging me. And that you actually find me attractive. It’s a slow process.” You feel the press of Hoseok’s soft lips against your forehead, their warmth resting there for a few moments while the arm wrapped around you gently runs along your arm.

The very fact that you can talk with him like this is pure proof of the growth you’ve experienced over almost a year and a half with Hoseok. Just his welcome acceptance and love of you has created a safe space for you to explore yourself and grow comfortable in your own skin and mind. It was nice.

“I’m glad. And if I ever do anything that’s wrong, then please tell me. The last thing I want is to be an asshole by accident. Or remind you of a bad time.” Laughing gently, you smile and nod before tightening your arms around his waist fondly.

“I mean...I’m still considering the whole lingerie thing. Especially those super revealing ones. I’d love to wear one but I just...don’t think I look sexy in them.” Pouting, you shift as Hoseok moves until he’s looking at you with wide eyes that quickly become stern. Poking your cheek gently, he tuts.

“I’m not gonna push you into that, but there’s literally no way you wouldn’t look sexy wearing black lace lingerie. Oh god. Just the thought of you in it makes me hard. But for now, I’m content with my mind for that.” The way he presses his hips against you lets you know that he’s being truthful, the mental image of you in the lingerie you’d bought on a whim the other month causing the erection that presses against you.

Grinning, you push at him until he’s laying back again and crawl on top of him, raising your brows. “I think you just get horny at the thought of sex full stop.”

“Well...duh. I’m a man. With a beautiful girlfriend. Whom I enjoy sex with.” Laughing loudly, you lean down and kiss his nose playfully. The whine he lets out when he tries to follow you for a proper kiss causes you to grin as you press at his shoulders, holding him in place.

“Glad to hear it.”

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smolanon · 3 years

Text

Beautiful (Sapnap x Reader)

It had been about three months since you started dating Sapnap. You had met him through Dream about two years ago, and from the moment you started talking he gave you butterflies in your stomach, and after a bit of getting to know eachother, the feeling was mutual. The two of you'd had an unspoken boundary, however. You flirted mercilessly with eachother, teasing and pushing one another to the brink of flusteredness, but never made anything out of it. You had thought this unspoken limit was built because he had never seen your face, which you took as fair. You, much like Dream, liked to keep your anonymity as much as possible. You were very insecure and sensitive about your appearance, having been bullied about it since a young age. Every time your audience pushed you for a face reveal, you were filled with overwhelming anxiety and had to put the prompting to a stop. You remained under the impression that you wouldn't get together because of your facelessness for a long time. That was until he decided to break the tension between you two. You can still remember it like it was yesterday.

"Hey, (Y/N)?" Automatically, your heart rate quickened. He usually only called you by your real name when there was something serious he had to talk about. "What's cookin', good lookin'?" You responded, trying to sound casual and unbothered by the sudden shift in your conversation. The two of you had been casually streaming together on the SMP for a couple hours and you had thought everything was going quite swimmingly. You had flirted back and forth as usual, wheezing at how your chat went buck wild when you did. You thought everything was fine, so why did he sound so nervous? "I need to talk with you about something." Your chat sped up with concerned messages, also catching on the nervous tone in his voice. You tried to swallow the lump that had begun forming in your throat, but the attempt proved unsuccessful. "What's shakin', bacon?" You tried to lighten the tone of the conversation once more. "Like...after the stream." "Oh..." Your voice was hardly a whisper. "Okay..." A silence fell between you two, and you nervously chewed at your lip. You bounced your knee, not being able to take the awkward tension. "Everything okay over there, Pandas?" You asked, but your words were met with silence. "Snapmap?" You tried teasing a bit, but the silence seemed to thicken. You could hear your blood rushing in your ears. "Sapnap..?" You spoke timidly, like a child that knew they were about to get a thorough talking to from a frustrated parent. You checked your chat to see a lot of worried and confused messages. You saw a few saying that he ended his stream. You checked Twitch on your phone only to confirm that they were correct. You cleared your throat as you pocketed your phone. "Well, I think I'm gonna sign off for now, guys." You spoke in a faux cheery tone. "Go drink some water and get some sleep, nerds. Bye-bye!" You ended the stream as Sapnap left the game. You followed in suit, pulling your knees up to your chest as you stared at his still icon. "Hey, what's wrong?" You spoke softly, the tension in your hands causing your nails to dig into your arms. "Are you still there?" You were about to speak up again when the silence was finally broken by a sigh. "Yeah, sorry." "Hey, what do you need to talk about?" You let your feet rest back onto the carpet, leaning towards your screen in anticipation. "Or did you just want to listen to my pretty voice in private?" You attempted to lighten the mood, fiddling with the strings on your sweater. "That." He said, like he had been waiting for it. You blinked a few times. "Wh-what? My voice?" You asked, caught off guard by his slightly frustrated tone. "No, the..." He hesitated, "the flirting." Your stomach dropped, letting out an almost inaudible 'oh'. "Do...do you want me to stop? Is it making you uncomfortable? Cause I totally understand if it is, I'll stop-" "No." He sounded even more frustrated. You fell silent, staring at your hands. You never talked about

the flirting. Throughout your whole time knowing eachother, you talked about all kinds of things. From silly to philosophical to gross, you were comfortable talking about pretty much everything together but never had you talked about the flirting. "I'm sorry." He sighed. You could hear the creak of his chair as he leaned back. You could imagine him tugging at his hair in frustration, dragging his hands down his face. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm not...mad." You perked up a little at this, eyes snapping back up to the screen. "I just...what are we? What is...this? To you." "I-I don't know. I thought- I just-" The right words wouldn't pop into your mind. You stumbled and struggled, pulling at the strings. "I like you, (Y/N). A lot. A-and I don't want to be some casual thing to you. If you don't feel the same, I want to know. I want..." His voice quieted, as if he thought he over spoke. Your heart fluttered, your eyes widening to the size of saucers. Warmth flooded your cheeks at his honest confession. "What do you want, Sapnap?" You said, almost breathlessly. You needed to hear it, you couldn't mess this up. This was your only shot. "I want you." He replied quietly. "Not like, in a possessive way, I just... I want to be with you." Your mouth hung open slightly, staring wide eyed into your screen. The idea that he wanted to be with you as much as you wanted to be with him never crossed your mind. An incredulous laugh left your lips. "You can just say you don't feel the same." He mumbled, sounding embarrased and on the verge of tears. Your heart stopped. "No no no! That's not- I didn't- I feel the same!" You gripped your desk, standing up in panic. "I-I just...can't believe you feel the same." You grinned. There was some quiet. "R-really?" "Yes!" You laughed, pushing your hair out of your face with a hand. "So...does that mean you'd want to go on a date?" He asked tentatively, though you could hear the smile creeping onto his face in his voice. "Yes, of cour- wait." You stilled. "How would that work? We don't live anywhere near eachother." "I dunno...but you didn't answer me." "If you can figure out a way to go on a date, then yes." You responded, chuckling at the humor of the situation. "Deal." You could now tell he was grinning. You held onto this fond memory like it was a life preserver as you drove the rental car to your destination. Your fingers tapped nervously at the wheel. "(U/N)?" You heard Sapnap's voice from the phone that sat on the passenger seat. "I'm still here! Sorry, I'm just driving." He was streaming and in a call with you and Dream. Both you and Dream knew something that he didn't. You had just gotten off a plane and was now driving to his and Dream's house. You had talked on and off with Dream about visiting them for about a month previously, but he hadn't convinced you to actually go through with it until recently. During the plane trip, you had been too excited to panic, but now that you were actually on your way every possible bad outcome ran through your head. As you pulled up to the house and parked, you grabbed your phone, beginning to text Dream. 'What if he doesn't want to see me? Or he's mad that we didn't tell him?' 'I assure you, he wants to see you. Also he's gonna be overjoyed that you're here.' 'What if he doesn't like how I look?' You could hear Dream sigh heavily; his eyeroll was almost audible."I gotta go get something from outside, gimme a sec." Dream spoke over the call. He left the call. 'Don't you dare, Clay.' You texted. "Alright. I actually gotta mute for a bit." Is what you said quickly before muting yourself, spamming Dream with panicked, angry texts. Eventually he stepped out of the house, walking up to the car and trying to open the hastily locked passenger door. He gave you the exasperated look he always did when you were being difficult. His face, unlike to many people, was nothing new to you. He was a childhood friend that you'd grown up with, only separated when you moved far away. He ran a nail down the window,

making a terrible shrieking sound on the glass, which caused you to quickly submit and unlock the door. "Dude! This is a rental! If you fuck it up, you're gonna pay for it." You hissed out in a habitual whisper, punching his shoulder. "Stop freaking yourself out, everything is gonna be fine." He waved your worry about the car away with his hand. "It's really good to see you, by the way." He put a hand on your shoulder and lightly squeezed. "Good to see you too." You mumbled in response, not being able to help a small smile from tugging at your lips. "C'mon, if we don't hurry up a little he'll get curious and ruin the surprise." He patted your back encouragingly; you swallowed and nodded in response, getting out of the car.

"I'm back, Sap." You unmuted yourself as you shut the door. "Hey, I have a question."

"I have an answer." He responded.

"Do you love me?" You asked, stepping towards the house slowly.

"Of course."

"Even though you dont know what I look like?" You asked hesitantly as you stepped into the house. Dream rolled his eyes, giving you a Look and you put a finger over your lips.

"(U/N), I don't care what you look like, I love you no matter what."

"What if I'm ugly..? What if you could do better?"

"(Y/N). I fell in love with who you are, not because I think you'll be pretty. I fell in love with the way you pronounce things and the way you laugh. I fell in love with your morning voice and your sleepy giggles. I fell in love with the goofy voice you use when you talk to yourself. I fell in love with...well, you." He cleared his throat, probably thinking he got carried away. "Honestly, no matter what, you'll look beautiful to me."

Tears gathered in your eyes. His soft words eradicated every anxiety in your mind. You went quiet and walked up to the door.

"(Y/N)?" You heard him on the other side of the door. He sounded a little concerned as you hung up the discord call. You opened the door and he turned around, a look of confusion on his face. He glanced between you and Dream, searching for an answer as to who you were and why you were there.

"Hey, Sap." You said, a grin spreading across your face. His eyes widened immediately and he stood up, taking off his headset.

"Say something else."

"What's cookin', good lookin'?" You chuckled at the look of absolute awe on his face.

"(Y/N)?"

"In the flesh." The smile plastered to your face almost hurt. He suddenly moved towards you very quickly and pulled you into a bone-crushing hug. You laughed, hugging back and wheezing a bit.

"Holy shit, you're actually here!" He laughed, rocking back and forth with you still held tightly in his arms.

"I'm here!" You responded, burying your face in the crook of his neck. He pulled away, holding your face in his warm hands. You stared up into his shining eyes, your heart doing flips in your chest.

"Can- can I kiss you?" He whispered, eyes gleaming with tears of joy.

"Please do." You responded, placing one hand over one of his own. He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, holding you ever tighter. He moved his free hand to your waist, tugging you closer.

"Awe, you two are adorable." You were pulled out of the moment by Dreams voice. You laughed, breaking the kiss much to Sapnap's dismay.

"Fuck you, man." Sapnap replied, words holding no real weight, as he pulled you into a hug once more. You heard Clay laugh behind you, then shut the door. Sapnap pressed a kiss to the top of your head and you could feel his smile in your hair. You ran your fingers along his back, humming happily.

"Probably shouldn't abandon your stream, babe." You spoke up after a bit.

"Oh, yeah." He said, pulling you over to his computer.

"Hey, chat." You grinned as you watched the text fly by in the chat. Sapnap pulled up a chair for you and you sat next to eachother, streaming happily together. He kept a hand on your leg or in your hand whenever he could.

A dono popped up and you glanced over it.

'What does (U/N) look like?' The text-to-speech voice read out.

"They're gorgeous, you guys." He said, looking over at you. You grinned back at him, chuckling and shaking your head. "Their hair is so soft and the prettiest color and they have the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. They have the most delicate hands and this cute little mole on their wrist." He gently grabbed your wrist and lifted it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the previously mentioned mark. He placed his other hand on your cheek, brushing his thumb under your smiling eyes.

"Oh, stop it. I'm not all that special." You replied, leaning your cheek into his palm.

"You are to me." He spoke softly, placing a sweet kiss to your nose.

"Dork." You replied lovingly, turning your face and pressing your lips to his palm.

"I'm just being honest," he laughed lightly, "you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

#Spnp #Fluff #X reader #What? I'm not projecting onto this hahahaha #Why would you #Why would you think that

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sixsclassic · 3 years

Text

Where The Shadow Ends

Anne is in an unfamiliar park, seeing someone she hasn’t seen in years.

Inspired by the current season of Grey’s Anatomy, don’t worry no spoilers. I would recommend listening to the song that this story comes from.

TW: mentions of suicide.

WC: 3, 057

It was a quiet morning, something so peaceful about the empty space of the world. The dawn had just barely broken and the dew was free on the grass, it was so peaceful, she loved it. The world was just waking up, the birds were now chirping, and life was beginning to start. People beginning their morning runs as she sat on the faded picnic blanket, she was waiting for someone. The park was still relatively empty as she glanced around her horizons, attempting to see if she spotted those pink locks.

“Did you miss me?” a voice cracked behind her and she whipped her head around to see a small figure washed out by the rising sun. It was her little cousin, the one she hadn’t seen in a few years, and a smile instantly grew on her face. “Kat! You’re here!” she exclaimed, standing from the blanket and throwing her arms around her little cousin, who was barely fifteen. “Of course, I’m here. I’ve been waiting to see you, Annie.” the young teen smiled as Anne Boleyn grinned at her little cousin.

They’d grown up together, her mother and Kat’s brother being siblings, so every holiday and family vacation was spent together. Kat was only two years younger than Anne was and they were joint at the hip through childhood, Anne famously coloring Kat’s hair pink for the first time and giving her the nickname of Kat since two year old Anne couldn’t pronounce Katherine quite right so she insisted on calling then baby Katherine, Kat. Though Kat was no longer a baby, the girl was almost Anne’s height, but she always said that she stunted her growth from all the Starbucks coffee that she drank. The young girl’s hair was a mix of her natural caramel brown as well as highlights of neon pink. Pink had always been Kat’s favorite color, ever since Anne could remember, whenever they’d have to wear pretty dresses, Kat would be in pink and Anne in green.

“I missed you so much.” Anne spoke, gesturing for her cousin to sit down on the blanket and the fifteen year old took a seat across from Anne. During their early teenage years, they’d started to grow distant as Anne had begun high school and started on the cheer team while Kat was still in middle school and was becoming a shy, guarded character. It was the opposite of what Anne had grown up with, since Kat was the most outgoing toddler that always spoke her mind, even one time telling their grandmother that she hated her pumpkin pie with all her heart. That was one thing that she always loved about Kat too, that she was so honest.

“I missed you more, more than you could ever know.” Kat smiled, her hand swiping across the blades of grass, chuckling to herself as her hand got soaked from the dew. Her little cousin’s reaction caused a laugh to bubble in Anne’s chest, but only a cough was able to escape her body, causing Anne to hack into her arm for a moment as she cleared the cough from her system. Kat watched her as she did so, noting the cough and how Anne caught her breath from it a few moments after. “Asthma.” Anne informed Kat, on the question that Kat was silently asking her in her head. Something that Anne was also good at with her little cousin, was figuring out what she was thinking.

“Does that happen often?” Kat asks, her curiosity getting the best of her as Anne half shrugged, then copying Kat and moving her hand across the dew covered grass, noting how cold the dew was under her fingers even with the Sun rising and causing the air around them to warm up, the dew was still cold from the dusk before. “It comes and goes, especially with the pollen in the air.” Anne explains, pressing a hand to her chest, feeling herself breathe in unevenly. Her asthma was something that she had her entire life but it only became bad after getting walking pneumonia in ninth grade that left always on the verge of hacking up half a lung anytime she got remotely sick. It was her fault for not taking care of her body like she should’ve during high school.

“I grew out of mine, but I still have my inhaler.” Kat says, “Just incase I would ever need it.” Anne nodded in response, as she watched the expression that stayed on her cousin’s face, it was like she never aged, she guessed it was something that Kat’s mother’s genetics provided as she watched her own mother age rather quickly after having her and her two siblings, while Katherine’s mother passed on rather young and Anne wasn’t able to know her aunt as well as she wanted. “How’s Mary and George?” Kat questions, making Anne chuckle, she was taking her special talent of reading minds and speaking what’s on the other’s mind.

“They’re really good, George had a little baby.” Anne smiles, thinking of her older brother than recently became a father in the past few months and how much she loved being an aunt to little Georgie. “George George has a baby?” Kat asks, making eye contact with her cousin as her own smile creeps onto her face and it was the first in a while that Anne had seen Katherine smile and she nodded in response. “George Junior was born in January.” Anne responds.

At the announcement of the name of George’s child, it made Kat chuckle slightly, “Of course George would name his son after himself, he always said he would, but I never believed him.” Kat replies, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”

“What’s it been four years?” Anne asks, “Well I haven’t changed all that much.”

“Four… it’ll be five in December.” Kat replies, “Have you started university?”

“I did, I went at eighteen for psychology and then switched over biology my sophomore year. I’m graduating in December…” Anne spoke softly, “I just turned twenty-one.” Kat’s head dropped down as the fifteen year old looked down at her lap as she fiddled with her long sleeves of her sweatshirt, that sweatshirt she’d always worn. Anne hadn’t seen it in years, she had one more similar in her closet back at her parents’ house, it caused her too much pain to wear it, even with it almost being five years. Almost five years since Kat had taken her own life.

Anne remembered the day like it was a bad memory, it haunted her to this day. Every single moment of that day and the night before haunted her, she blamed herself for not being there for Kat when she needed her the most. Kat had started high school the year before and hated every single minute of it, she was bullied for being different, for being quiet. Then she started sophomore year as Anne had began her senior year and they were both very different people. Anne was the cheer captain and was getting ready for prom and to graduate while Kat was getting death threats, all things that she was hiding from Anne as well as the rest of their family. It killed Anne everyday following her death to know that what was happening was right under her nose, that maybe she could’ve done something to help Kat.

But in reality, there was nothing that Anne nor their family could’ve done to help Kat out of that place, she was so far gone in her own mind that she felt she was no longer needed there. And on December 1st, Katherine had taken her own life around two in the morning, no one was really sure until Kat’s father found her in her room the following room as he was trying to get all his children out the door and to school. He did everything he could to save his daughter, but she was already far too gone. Anne remembered getting pulled from first period and being taken the guidance office where her parents were waiting for her, her mother was trying to mask her own tears as they told Anne what had happened.

Anne couldn’t take news and ran from the school, sobbing. She kept running until she collapsed at the park, this park. All the memories came rushing back to her at once as tears welled in her eyes and she glanced at her little cousin who outstretched her hand for Anne to take. “Why did you have to leave?” Anne asks as she choked on a sob, causing herself break into a fit of coughs, now Kat was in tears as well as people continued to pass by them in the park, but no one was paying attention to emotional messes of the cousins.

“The world was too cruel for me; I wouldn’t made it through high school. Someone would’ve probably killed me if I hadn’t.” Katherine replies as she wiped her tears away with her thumb as she gently squeezed Anne’s hand. “I got to see my mom though and I got to hug her and talk with her. I never realized how much I needed her.”

“She’s here?” Anne asks.

“She’s on the other side… you’re not ready for that yet Annie. You can go back…” Kat replies as Anne’s vision of her started to blur. “You can go back Annie.”

The vision of Kat faded out as Anne started to cough heavily again, feeling the covering of a mask over her lips preventing her from coughing out into the air of the room. “Kat?” she spurred out. Once her vision started to come back, she glanced around the room, noticing the hospital room that she’d spent the last eight days in. She hated hospitals with all her heart, especially after the pneumonia she had as a teenager almost killed her and kept her in the hospital for a week. She hated the smell; the food and the feeling of death surrounded these types of buildings.

Though this felt different from when she had been in the hospital last, she never saw someone like that before, then again, she still had Kat when she was in the hospital last. Her little cousin had come to visit her whenever she could after school and made sure that Anne had all her schoolwork during that week even though Anne did none of the world. “Ah good, she’s awake.” A voice spoke and Anne’s eyes darted across the room to someone entering her room in full protective gear, holding a tablet to her chest. She recognized the person as her doctor, Doctor Cleves. Her doctor had been with her since she was first admitted into the hospital with her serve covid symptoms that they believed would’ve gone away in a couple of days but with Anne’s pre-existing conditions, things only began to get worse once she was in the hospital.

“Look who’s here.” Doctor Cleves spoke as she turned the tablet around, to show Anne’s girlfriend, Cathy on the screen. Anne’s eyes studied the screen, she hadn’t seen Cathy in so long since Cathy wasn’t allowed to visit her in the ICU. They’d been together since freshmen year in college, it was the first serious relationship that Anne ever had, and she loved Cathy more than she could ever explain. She was hopelessly in love with her and was planning on proposing to her this year, in October so that they could both be done with school by the time they had a wedding to plan. But it was now June and those plans were halted to just being in Anne’s head as she laid paralyzed in her state of sickness.

She hated every minute of it, since she couldn’t see or touch her girlfriend, she wanted to be with her so badly, but her mind kept going back to Kat. It kept going back to the words Kat said before she woke up, ‘You can go back Anne,’ it left her confused, what did Kat mean by go back? Part of Anne wasn’t sure if that was just a dream, something that her mind had created to make her feel at peace a little bit with what had happened to Kat. “Bebe, it’s me it’s Cathy.” Cathy spoke through the screen, her eyes full of her concern.

“K-Kat. K-Kat. Kat.” Anne attempted to spurt out, making Cathy’s eyebrows scrunch, Anne would never call her Kat or anything remotely similar to her cousin’s name, even though the two shared the name, Anne had always had a cute pet name to call her. “Kat? As in little Kat?” Cathy asks as Anne blinked rapidly trying to give her girlfriend an answer.

“Did you see Kat, bebe?” Cathy asks, swallowing a deep breath as Anne once again repeated her rapid blinking. She wished she could’ve talked with Cathy in that moment as the room fell silent as Doctor Cleves checked Anne’s vitals and Anne felt that there was something she was missing as her heard the words echoing through her head. “She’s on the other side… you’re not ready for that yet Annie. You can go back…” Anne couldn’t understand why she kept hearing those words, as if, Kat was sitting right next to her, talking to her.

“A-Annie. It’s okay, if you’re ready to go. I don’t want you to hurt anymore. It’s okay, I’ll always love you, I’ll always be here for you and I’ll always remember you. You can’t ever forget that. I love you so much Anne Boleyn, go if you need to my love. I will see you where the shadow ends…”

“You’re back…” Anne’s eyes snapped up, she was no longer in the hospital, hell far form it since she was back home in the park again with Kat beside her. Where she’d started, her heart sank as she realized that she wasn’t a dream. This wasn’t a dream; Kat was here to help Annie in her final moments. “I get to stay with you?” Anne chokes out as Kat nodded a bit.

“Forever, we’ll be okay together. I promise.” Kat replies as Anne hugged her cousin once again.

“I’ll have someone for you to meet in a few decades. I think you’ll really like her.” Anne says.

“Don’t worry Annie, I already think Cathy is amazing and I would’ve loved to meet in that lifetime. I think her and I would’ve been good friends. We’ll come get her, when she’s ready. I didn’t think you were ready yet, you wanted to stay with her.” Kat explains, “You could’ve stayed with her, why didn’t you?” The fifteen year old’s eyebrows scrunched in her confusion as she looked at her cousin for an answer.

“I was losing, I could tell. I saw you for the fist time in almost five years. I knew I wanted to keep seeing you, I didn’t want to lose you again. I wouldn’t have seen you if I wasn’t ready to go. You were my sign, I was already a lost cause when I went into that hospital room, I knew it, but Cathy wanted them to everything they could, but my body wasn’t strong enough.” Kat listened to the words of her cousin closely, “You didn’t come visit me ever in those four years, I could tell that something was different.”

“I liked to visit from time to time. I saw you graduate. I was so proud of you.” Kat smiles as a smile cracked on Anne’s face as well.

“I wish I could’ve seen you graduate as well. You were always smarter than I was.”

“That life wasn’t for me, I’m better here than I was there.” Kat replies, “My soul is happier without my body. Yours won’t be for a while though, you had a lot more life left in you if you hadn’t gotten sick.”

“You had so much to give the world Kat, I wish you could’ve seen you through my eyes.” Anne states.

“I don’t think it would’ve changed anything, there was so much going on in my mind, that I could never explain.”

“Well now you’ve got entirety to tell me everything. We’ve got all the time in the world.” Anne says, patting Kat on the leg as her little cousin stood and outstretched her hand to Anne. The twenty one year old stood and took her cousin’s hand. Soon Kat was leading Anne away from the park as the older of the pair kept glancing back at the picnic blanket, her heart racing as she thought about how she was leaving Cathy in this lifetime. How she wasn’t sure how long before she was going to see her once again? Was it going be ten years or sixty years, the idea of spending so much time away from the love of her life scared her, but it was too late for her. “Kat?” Anne asked, halting in her tracks as her cousin stopped as well as looked back at Anne.

“Yeah Annie?” Kat questioned as she looked back at the blanket where Anne’s gaze was locked onto. Kat could tell how hesitant Anne was about leaving the life that she had behind, leaving behind family members, Kat had struggled with the same thing as she was introduced to this afterlife by her mother, someone she hadn’t seen since she was a toddler. But it gave her peace seeing her mom once again and she’d welcomed a grandparent into the afterlife as well, her and Anne’s grandfather. Kat knew there’d come a day when Anne would join her, but she never thought it would’ve been so soon.

“How will Cathy know where to find me?” Anne croaks as tears began to flow freely from her eyes again as Kat gently tugged her to look in the direction in front of them. It was like the time of day had completely changed, Anne wasn’t sure how long they’d been there, but she’d met Kat at the part in the early morning. Now there was a darkness up ahead. She looked at it confused, but something comfortable washed over her.

“Either you’ll come find her or she’ll find you where the shadow ends.” Kat says as she led Anne through the eternal darkness.

#six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #six fanfic #anne boleyn fanfiction #katherine howard fanfiction #six the musical fanfics

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polyamquackity · 4 years

Text

An anon requested Logince + Oh No! by Marina and it turned out significantly longer than expected.

Title: Oh No!

Warnings: Potentially panic attacks, implied bullying

Word Count: 1627

Read on AO3

It was common knowledge that Roman Williams was meant for better things. He had a genuine talent, his acting abilities bringing an abundance of new patrons to the school’s shows. He, in his own right, was relatively famous. Both locally and online. It was a surprise that he hadn’t left on some sort of show offer, he certainly had them. Rumors circled, but no one ever confirmed the reason. And of course, with fame and gossip, comes a torrent of people wanting a piece of the fun. If you asked, the students of Jonesville High would tell you that Roman had friends crawling out of the woodwork. His clique was that of the infamous popular kids, the preps. It wasn’t often that a queer theater kid was truly a school’s primadonna, but he managed it just fine.

Logan Arthur on the other hand, was significantly less well known. Most kids wouldn’t even know his name if you asked. This was by no accident, Logan didn’t want to be known. The only thing he wanted was to keep his head down and get the hell out of this city. To go to college and make something out of himself. The kids who did know his name, would be able to tell you that he was incredibly smart. 4.1 GPA smart. Had the knowledge to correct the teacher smart. He worked hard and had a seemingly never differing routine. This was a kid with no friends, a loner in the truest sense of the word.

Rumors followed Logan throughout high school as well, although these were significantly more malicious than those about Roman. One of the more memorable being that Logan was an emotionless robot. It could be argued that these were more insults than rumors. After taking day after day of comments such as this, without so much as blinking, even the most experienced performer would need a break. A moment to be himself and to let everything out. So one day, instead of heading to his usual lunch spot in the library- Logan headed swiftly towards the empty auditorium.

If you were quiet and paid attention, you would notice that the performing art kids talked about how easy it was to get into the catwalk when it was left unattended. And you would know that it was the perfect place for a breakdown. Conveniently, Logan was aware of both of these things. People tended to talk in front of him as though he wasn’t there.

He shimmied through the broken gate-like door, with relative ease. It was very broken. As he maneuvered up the steep, winding stairs, his tears began to fall. It was a slow thing, one tear slipping out at time. Finally escaping the dam that had been built long ago. Logan supposed that this was about far more than a few mean comments. Logically this was probably years in the coming, it wasn’t healthy to push everyone away as he had.

What none of the students' gossip could have prepared him for, was that upon breaching the entrance to the catwalk, Logan would find one Roman Williams. One Roman Williams who was equally as, if not more intensely upset than Logan.

There was an odd beat where they just started at one another. If Logan had not already been in tears, perhaps Roman would have said something needlessly cruel. And if the opposite were true, Logan may have simply left. But, as it was, they were both distraught.

“Do you want to come sit with me?” Roman offered, awkwardly gesturing the area beside him.

“I’ll just find somewhere else,” Logan mumbled, already beginning to back down the stairs.

“Nonsense, you’re already here, aren’t you? And it’s not like there’s anywhere else to cry without being caught. Well, more caught than we already have been.”

Logan squinted into the dark, assessing the actors' offer. He sighed, making his way back up the few stairs he had descended, “If you’re certain.” He took a seat next to Roman and a silence rose between them. Sitting in the dark, crying silently next to a stranger is a weird scenario for anyone to be in. But, it was especially odd for these two.

It was surprising to say the least, when this quiet was broken by Roman giggling, “What the hell are we doing?”

Logan raised a brow at him, “I thought it was obvious? We’re crying.”

More laughter bubbled out of Roman, “I know that! I just. We could at least be trying to help each other and instead we’ve elected to wallow in our miseries privately.” Roman wiped at his tear stained face, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“You don’t even know my name, why would I tell you about my feelings?”

Roman turned to get a better look at him, “Huh. I actually don’t think I’ve seen you around set before. Were you part of the crew freshman year or something?”

“No, I’ve never been involved with the theatre club.”

“Then how do you know about this place?”

Logan looked away and reached to fidget with his watch, “Hearsay.”

“So you were eavesdropping?” Roman accused, leveling the other with a look.

“Is it eavesdropping if people talk directly next to you, as if you aren’t even there? I’m certain that they noticed me, it’s not as if I was hiding.” Logan asked sheepishly.

“Hm. I guess that isn’t.” He reached out his hand, “I’m Roman then, if we have to exchange names before feelings.”

The other hesitantly gripped his hand in response, “Logan.” Another beat passed, “So, which of us should go first?”

Roman shrugged, “I asked you first.”

Logan ran a hand through his hair, “I suppose that I’m feeling rather upset at the moment. People tend to make assumptions and opinions about people who differ from them and I differ pretty heavily from our peers. Their incessant mocking seems to have gotten the best of me.”

Roman nodded, “People are assholes. I’m sure whatever they’re saying about you isn’t true.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“Yeah, but I know our school. And I haven’t met a kind person in a long time. I’m not sure if anybody is really anything more than a fake anymore.”

It was Logan's turn to nod. Both parties had ceased crying since they began talking to one another. Logan wasn’t much for talking about his emotions, so he decided to urge the conversation forward, “Do you want to talk about your feelings now?”

Roman took a breath, “Sometimes! Sometimes having to be perfect is too much! I have to act a specific way or else- Or else I lose my reputation. And that’s everything in show business. I need to be the best, to never falter or. Or I’ve failed. And I can’t fail, I have too much on the line to fail.” Roman looked close to crying again.

Logan carefully put his hand on the other's shoulder, “I’ve dealt with a similar issue, although at a much different level. I’ve pushed people away because of it, but from what I know you’ve done the opposite. Would you like my advice?”

This was met with a shaky nod.

“You are human Roman. Despite your reputation, you are going to fail sometimes. That is an entirely human thing to do. And people who truly care about you will be understanding of this. If there are people in your life that are making you feel otherwise, they probably aren’t good for you.”

“That makes sense.” Roman admitted. For the third time that day, a silence occurred between them. Although, this was the most comfortable out of all of them. The five minute warning bell rang in the distance and Logan shifted to stand up and head to class.

“Wait, before you go, can I have your number or something?”

Logan stared at Roman, mouth agape, “Are? Are you being serious?”

Roman rolled his eyes, “Dude, yeah. This might have been really weird. But, it was also the most genuine conversation I’ve had in awhile.”

“Yeah, okay then. My numb-”

“Just give me your phone and I’ll give you mine.”

Logan handed his phone over, standing awkwardly as Roman put his number in.

“There you go! Make sure to send me a text soon Logan!” Roman said far too brightly for someone who had just been on the verge of tears. He handed Logan his phone back before practically running down the stairs.

It wasn’t until the end of the school day that Logan took the time to text Roman. What the loner saw in his contacts made him freeze up for a moment, Roman had put a heart emoticon next to his name. That probably meant nothing he reasoned with himself, it’s not like they even talked for that long.

Logan: Hey this is Logan from earlier. You told me to text soon, so here’s a text.

Roman<3: Hey!! I’m glad you texted!

Roman<3: I wanted to tell you that you really helped me out earlier and I’m feeling a lot better. Although, I wish I could have helped you out more. It doesn’t even seem like you got to talk that much

Roman<3: Also, I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to get coffee sometime?

In the future, it would be common knowledge that Roman and Logan were made for each other. No one knew high school sweethearts who had a bond as strong as theirs. Forged in fire some would say. The two found success and comfort in one another. A sense of home that neither had ever felt before.

But, that was the future. For now, what they have is this first coffee date. A gentle start to something wonderful.

#logince #logan sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sides #ts sides fanfiction #my writing #ash writes #oh no!

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kaibashadow · 4 years

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Tsukishima and Yamaguchi - Fight Back

You’re never gonna make it.

Tsukishima Kei enters the gym and grabs his belongings. He glances over at the other teammates running and practicing their volleyball skills. He observes them from a distance and takes mental notes of their current strengths and weaknesses.

You’re not good enough.

Tsukishima attempts to hide those bad thoughts and goes to the Third Gym to train with a few other volleyball players. He tries so hard to block Bokuto Kotaro’s spikes, but alas, he could not stop them.

You really think you’re different? Man, you must be kidding.

Akaashi Keiji senses something must be on Tsukishima’s mind and walks over to talk to him.

Tsukishima notices, smiles, and assures Fukurodani’s setter, “I have to tell myself, ‘Think you’re gonna hit it,’” and turns away from him.

Akaashi does not believe Tsukishima for a single second but chooses to leave the matter alone for now. After all, he knows that the tallest Karasuno player does not really open up to anyone or admit his own faults easily.

But you just don’t get it.

Tsukishima knows that having these terrible thoughts is affecting him. He wants to get them out, but he is not sure how to. He makes an effort to work out with Yamaguchi and his other teammates to see if this could be his positive reinforcement.

It’s impossible. It’s not probable. You’re irresponsible.

Tsukishima gets easily exhausted and more negative notions continue to plague his mind. He cannot concentrate on what is going on around him. He feels out of breath. Sweat constantly drips out from him. He is on the verge of just giving up. What is he even doing this for?

Tsukishima looks up and recognizes someone from across the court. Oikawa Toru, one of his greatest rivals.

Oikawa points at Tsukishima, often challenging the tall player and baiting him just to get some kind of reaction. Oikawa does not have to say anything at all, but Tsukishima can tell that that Aoba Johsai’s setter is mocking him with every intent of making the blonde guy mad. It’s like he is telling him, “You can’t be a pro. Don’t waste your time no more.”

It’s one thing when Tsukishima knows he can’t do certain tasks or things on his own, but when somebody else tells him that, Tsukishima does not like it at all. He vows to beat Oikawa at his own game, and he will train even harder to reach that goal.

- - -

Kageyama Tobio realizes that Tsukishima is focused on the practice game more than usual, but just the mere thought of seeing Tsukishima there by his side somehow pisses him off. Something Tsukishima said earlier irks the Karasuno setter, “Watch your mouth.”

Tsukishima replies back with a snarky comment of his own, “I don’t give a damn if you disapprove.”

They start to fight with each other, and Ennoshita Chikara can’t help but feel embarrassed by them, knowing that someone is going to have to break the first years apart soon.

- - -

Tsukishima continues to practice even when he is not forced to. He watches everyone’s movements and the gameplay very carefully, especially Hinata Shoyo’s. He secretly wants to stop Hinata’s and Kageyama’s quick attack just even once. He will make his move because that is what he wants to do.

- - -

There is a practice game going on with Aoba Johsai and Karasuno. The positions are set for both teams and everyone knows their own roles. Oikawa specifically targets one person on the other side of the net, Tsukishima Kei. He knows for a fact that his dear ole Tsukki can never master any receives coming from his own powerful serves. He purposely wants to block Tsukishima’s vision.

Tsukishima knows that he was an easy target for the third year and tries his best to receive, but ends up failing to do so. Tsukishima has felt Oikawa’s strong serve bounce heavily on his arms. He beats himself up for it. “Damn!” Tsukishima knows that he needs to do better and he has to do it fast. Oikawa has his eyes set on him, and there is no way he is out of the zone in this state yet.

Someone once told Tsukishima this: “’Cause you hold the power as long as you’re driven.”

Oikawa serves the ball and aims straight for the first year again.

Tsukishima gets into position and receives the ball. The ball goes up, and the game continues on.

- - -

After the game, Tsukishima walks around at night to reflect on his own thoughts.

You’re never gonna make it.

He has many things on his mind, most of them often bringing himself down. Why am I doing any of this? What is the point-

“Tsukki!!!” That nickname alone stops the pessimistic guy on his tracks.

Yamaguchi Tadashi rushes out like a bullet train. He will not allow Tsukki to be alone with these thoughts in his mind. He knows what he has to do to bring his best friend back to his senses.

There’s no way that you make it.

Tsukki turns around and faces his childhood friend. “What?” he asks.

Yamaguchi starts getting mad at his best friend. He tells him, “You’ve been acting really lame lately, okay!”

Tsukki knows that Yamaguchi looks up to him like a role model, but Tsukishima wants, no, he needs to have a reason to keep playing volleyball. Tsukishima does not have the best experiences when it comes to this sport. “Why does it even matter?” he yells out to Yams.

Yamaguchi has had enough of Tsukishima’s lame antics, so he grabs Tsukki’s shirt and makes him listen to him. “Don’t be an idiot! It’s our sense of pride! What more do you need?” Yamaguchi rarely ever expresses his anger towards anyone or anything, but if this is enough to get through to his best friend, he will not hesitate to do this again.

Tsukishima is quite surprised to see Yamaguchi like this. Watching Yamaguchi makes Tsukki realize something as if he is looking at a mirror right now. But Tsukishima questions his best friend, “Are you just gonna take that?” He knows of his teammate’s failures and uses this argument against him, but he wants to know if this is his ultimate reason, his own drive to keep moving forward in all of this.

Yamaguchi does not let up and he does not back down. He is aware of his own faults, but he strives to get better. That’s all that once can do in life after all. Don’t give up and don’t quit now.

Tsukishima does not have to hear a single word to know what Yamaguchi is thinking. He is an observant person, and he does not want to let his best friend down. “Or will you fucking fight back?”

Tsukishima’s response surprises Yams. He did not expect for Tsukki to believe him, let alone, see a genuine grin. All is well for both athletes.

- - -

The next practice game is between Fukurodani and Karasuno. Tsukishima focuses on everything that Nekoma’s middle blocker, Kuroo Tetsurou has taught him. “Insert power all the way up to your fingertips so they never get blown back.”

Tsukishima tries this method against Bokuto.

Bokuto senses a change in aura against Karasuno’s number eleven. It sends a chill down his spine that he is barely aware of where the volleyball is at that moment. The ace manages to send the ball over the blockers and score a point in that manner.

On that night after the game, Bokuto goes over to Tsukishima and points at him. He deems him worthy of being his opponent and his friend. He also helps his boy, Tsukki out by giving his own reasons for playing volleyball.

- - -

After a little while, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi decide to go to the park and have a couple of refreshments there. Tsukishima feels better being around with Yamaguchi as he listens to his music through his headphones.

Meanwhile, Yamaguchi takes this time to reflect back to his own past.

- - -

As a young boy, it was always easy for the other kids to pick on him. Maybe because he was small? Or he was weak? Or he did not fit in with the other kids at all. Yamaguchi gets bullied enough that he cries in front of all of his bullies, to which they make fun of him even more.

Yamaguchi does not often look at his own reflection in the mirror. It just reminds him of back then when he could not face his own problems. Luckily though, something good did happen during that one time in the playground.

Tsukishima Kei. Even for his age back then, Tsukki is quite tall. He was curious about the situation going on while he was walking from school to his house and notice that the small freckled-boy in the green hoodie was in trouble. Tsukki is not the type of person to intervene, but when Yamaguchi and the bullies see him, Tsukishima smiles and states, “That’s so lame.” With that, he starts walking away.

No one knows what he is talking about and has blank looks on their faces. One of the bullies decides to take matters into his own hands and chases after Tsukishima. He roughly grabs Tsukishima’s bag to get his attention. Little did he know that that would be a grave mistake.

Because of Tsukishima’s height, he uses this to his advantage and intimidates the bully. “Stop what you’re saying. Stop what you’re making.”

The scaredy-cat starts to run away, and his other two lackies follow, leaving Yamaguchi alone. The bully gets one last sentence in before leaving the scene, “Everybody here knows that you’re just faking.”

Tsukishima laughs. He is completely unphased by the short boy’s words and chooses to ignore him.

And from that day on, Yamaguchi has someone to look up to.

- - -

Tsukishima ponders to himself, (Wait, I was that cute back then?). Nah!

- - -

Kuroo and Akaashi try to talk to Tsukishima to see where his head is at. They know that he will eventually have to go up against Oikawa and his team, so they want to make sure that their fellow middle blocker is ready for them.

Tsukishima smiles at them and says, “I don’t wanna hear it anymore.” He leaves thm to go find some peace and quiet.

Yamaguchi finds Tsukishima and tries to talk to him, but Tsukishima is quite tired and sick of people asking him about Oikawa. “I don’t wanna hear it anymore,” he repeats one last time. Tsukishima knows that he is in a bad mood, but for once, he does not want to spend his time thinking about that setter. No matter how much he tries, it’s as if Oikawa has found a way to somehow psychologically mock him without being anywhere near him.

- - -

Tsukishima’s thoughts continue to consume him even in the next practice game against Aoba Johsai. He sees Oikawa talking with his teammates to boost their confidence and their morale.

Tsukishima decides that he has had enough. To truly get these wicked thoughts out of his head, he has to beat Oikawa. He knows he cannot do this on his own, so he has to rely on his other teammates, especially the so-called King. Kageyama Tobio.

Kageyama agrees to back up Tsukishima and puts his money where his mouth is. “I’m about to shut the motherf*ckin door.” Seeing this side of the king makes the middle blocker excited to see how the outcome of this game will turn out.

Tsukishima takes a page out of king’s book and trash talks the other team mainly to keep his spirits up. “With all you poor ass haters with your heads in the clouds, talking out loud so proud…”

Oikawa turns to look at the Karasuno players. He looks forward to this match and beating Tsukishima once again.

Tsukishima has a feeling that Oikawa is focusing more on him than the others, but is unable to say anything. Instead, Yamaguchi catches on and exclaims, “You better shut your damn mouth, before I do more than speak out!”

Tsukishima just stands there and eyes the setter in front of him. He may not show it, but he tries to remember when the last time Yamaguchi cussed someone out or even if he ever cussed at all before. He knows that Yams is serious when he says this, so he vows to back him up in any way that he can.

- - -

Yamaguchi clearly remembers the last time they had an official game against Aoba Johsai. He was a nervous trainwreck being put into the game at that time. He knew that he wasn’t like the other first-year players who started in the lineup. He has every single reason to be afraid at that moment, but he has to at least give it a try. Maybe luck was on his side. Maybe he can do it.

You’re never gonna make it.

Yamaguchi puts the ball up and serves. The ball touches the top of the net and stays in place for about two seconds before falling slowly back into the ground. The pinch server’s open mouth turns into one of disappointment. He’s upset. He feels sad. He has let himself down. Even when the coach tells hims that it was not his fault, Yamaguchi can’t help but feel like he is not like all the others.

There’s no way that you make it.

Yamaguchi does not want to just give up without trying. He looks for some kind of inspiration, some kind of goal to set and surpass in order to give him the drive that he needs to do better.

Maybe you could fake it.

Yamaguchi gazes at Oikawa, knowing that he is a very powerful volleyball player. His reputation precedes him. Oikawa is one of the best players out there in the court and in the country. Yamaguchi strives to be like him, but he is so far out of reach. If he puts the time and effort, would he be able to be like him?

But you’re never gonna make it.

Yamaguchi has his goal in mind, but in order to reach it, he has to clear many obstacles ahead of him. The first step is to get himself to calm down when stepping into the court.

He remembers that experience as clear as day. One step on the court, and the whole atmosphere changes. He isn’t someone just standing by in the sidelines anymore. He might not be a starter, but he was put into this game for a reason. All eyes are on him now. Will he be able to gain control, or will he falter once again?

- - -

Are you just gonna take that?

Yamaguchi is determined to get his pride back. He has to get it back. He needs to show Tsukki that putting all of this work is worth it.

Yamaguchi reminds himself, “I’m not a confrontational guy, but I still went off on Tsukki the other day.”

Yamaguchi has to back his own claim up. He had the courage to stand up against the one guy he admires most of all. His very own best friend. Tsukishima Kei. He got Tsukki to finally listen to him. Now, it’s time to prove it to himself and everyone else that he has the skills to play on this court.

Make them take it all back.

From taking advice from others, practicing countless hours into improving his craft, and his own past experiences, number twelve of Karasuno makes sure that he takes everything that he has learned into account and puts every single one of them into great use. He is going to take his shot. This is his chance. His chance to show them up.

Yamaguchi does not let any distractions from crowd interfere with his process. Karasuno has his back no matter what. It’s time to show Aoba Johsai what this team is all about.

Don’t tell me you believe that.

Kei does his best to give some helpful advice to Tadashi. “We’re all just thinking about how lucky we’ll be if we can get this.”

Yamaguchi remembers Tsukishima’s words. Tsukishima rarely ever shows his emotion, but he believes that this best friend can do this. He puts all of his trust and faith into the pinch server.

Yamaguchi holds the ball up in front of him.

Oikawa watches Tsukishima and Yamaguchi with careful intent. He thinks that Yamaguchi will mess up his serve just like he had done before. There is no need to be worried at all about this.

Yamaguchi takes a deep breath in and clears his mind. All eyes are on him now. He has the ball. He knows what to do. He has trained and conditioned himself well for this exact moment.

Are you just gonna take that?

The referee blows the whistle. That’s the start. He has eight seconds to get the ball up into play.

Yamaguchi tosses the ball up in the air. He eyes the ball carefully and jumps up in the air. He controls his body’s movements as the ball falls down towards him.

As soon as it is in his path, he hits it. The ball floats in the air and is over the net. Every player keeps their eye on the ball. Aoba Johsai’s libero tells his teammate, “It’s out.” But is he so sure?

The ball goes in between them and falls within bounds. It’s in!

Oikawa despises jump float serves. Its trajectory and its course can throw off players’ perception. He does not know if he should be mad that Karasuno got the point or if it’s that rival of his that was able to make a service ace at that time.

Yamaguchi feels that moment with pride. He got it in! Karasuno has another weapon in their arsenal, and it is their spear. All of his teammates and happy and excited that Yamaguchi was able to nail that service ace.

But the game is not over yet. After the short celebration, Yamaguchi knows that Aoba Johsai will soon figure out how to return his own serve, so he has to be ready to fight back. He has his eye on the ball at all times.

However, Yamaguchi is not the only one watching the volleyball. Tsukishima always assesses the situation and plans ahead. He knows exactly where and how to hit the volleyball to score a point for his team.

Tsukishima jumps up. Three blockers in his way in front of him, but that won’t stop this middle blocker. Oikawa has left a wide opening to his right, and Tsukishima uses this fact to his advantage.

He makes sure that the ball softly touches Oikawa’s fingertips. He did this mainly to ensure that he would win the point as well as mocking Oikawa at his own game. He was also not going to let Yamaguchi’s serve go to waste. Tsukishima faces Oikawa and feels satisfied over seeing his rival being annoyed at him for a change.

Tsukishima bends down to pick up the ball when he hears Yamaguchi cheering his name, “Tsukki!”

He turns around and tells his teammate, “Do it again.” He tosses the ball over to him.

Yamaguchi catches it, surprised to hear Tsukki say some encouraging words, but he knows exactly what he needs to do. He smiles and nods at him.

Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi continue to have their moments in volleyball. They encourage each other. They look out for one another. They represent numbers “Eleven” and “Twelve” of Karasuno. They are the Shield and the Spear. They understand their roles in all of this. They have an affinity for this sport. The sport that bonded them together since childhood. That time when they became best friends. Best friends who grow and learn how to fight back!

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kinderes · 5 years

Text

and then you crashed in

Summary: childhood best friends human!au w/ roman, remus and virgil! warnings for sympathetic remus and very brief, non-descript injuries and blood

Word count: 1212

Author’s note: part one of the boys will be bugs au! I was gonna wait until I had more planned for this au before posting this, but I have 0 impulse control and people seemed kinda interested so? here it is!! I might write more eventually, but no promises :P also tagging @jellopuffs and @kai-the-person bc they asked to be tagged if someone wrote this!!

Virgil barely knew what happened when Roman and Remus Duke crashed into his life. Literally crashed - Roman, seven years old and not looking where he was going, ran straight into Virgil on his first day at a new school and knocked him over. Roman somehow managed to stay on his feet, but Virgil hit the ground hard and grazed both his hands.

“Ow…” Virgil mumbled, eyes and hands stinging. He hissed in pain as he brushed the loose gravel from his wounds.

“Sorry, sorry!” The boy who’d just knocked him over apologised. “I was being chased by my evil twin brother, who was trying to- oh, it’s not important! Are you okay?” He gave Virgil a lopsided, worried smile.

Virgil secretly wished he wouldn’t talk so loud. He’d prefer not to embarrass himself on his first day of school, and this loud boy who’d just knocked him over was only going to draw more attention - especially if he started crying, which wasn’t impossible considering he was on the verge of tears. “It’s fine,” Virgil mumbled in reply, hands still stinging as he tentatively pushed himself to his feet. He looked down to properly examine his wounds - one of his hands was bleeding a little now, and the other was thoroughly grazed.

The boy frowned as he caught a glimpse of Virgil’s hands. “You’re hurt though! You should go to the nurse’s office so they can-” He was cut off by another boy running into him full speed and tackling him to the ground.

“Gotcha!” The new boy cackled. Virgil couldn’t get a good look at his face as it was covered with a wild mop of brown hair, but he looked almost identical to the boy he was wrestling with. “Surrender now, Prince Roman, or I’ll torture you!”

Roman struggled to escape. “Remus, get off! The game’s paused! I knocked someone over and he’s hurt, look!”

Remus looked over at Virgil, still keeping Roman pinned to the ground. “He looks like he’s about to cry! Roman, what did you do? I thought we both agreed that I’m supposed to be the evil twin!”

“Ugh… get off!” Roman finally managed to push Remus off him. He brushed himself off as he got up. “We’ll keep playing after I take… what was your name?”

“Uh… Virgil.”

Roman’s face lit up in recognition. “Oh yeah, you’re new, right? Today’s your first day?”

Remus grinned at Roman, nudging him harshly with his shoulder. “Wow, I can’t believe you’re already bullying the new kid on his first day! Maybe you are the evil twin!”

“Shut up, no I’m not!” Roman shoved Remus away from him and led Virgil away. “Ignore my weird brother, he’s adopted.” Given that the two were apparently twins, Virgil thought that was doubtful. “Come on,” Roman continued, “I’ll show you where the nurse’s office is.”

The nurse patched Virgil’s hands up with two colourful bandages in no time, and when Roman and Virgil left the nurse’s office Remus was waiting outside.

“I got bored of waiting, so I came to find you!” Remus said, before offering his hand out towards Virgil. Something was sitting in his palm.��

Roman narrowed his eyes at it. “Is that a cicada shell? Remus, Virgil doesn’t want your weird bug offering. Virgil, you don’t have to accept it.”

Virgil, despite Roman’s warnings, took the cicada from Remus’ hand. “It’s… cool,” he said, turning it over in his hands carefully.

Roman snorted. “You don’t have to say that just to make him feel better.”

Remus, on the other hand, looked delighted. “You’re just jealous that your first impression was to push him to the ground, whereas mine was a cool gift! Now Virgil likes me more than you!”

Roman gave an offended gasp. “He does not! And I didn’t push him, I just… ugh! It was an accident!”

“Sure it was.”

“It was! How dare you try to besmirch the name of the noble Prince Roman?”

“More like the evil Prince Roman!”

“You’re the evil one!” Roman picked up a nearby stick and brandished it at Remus as though it were a sword. “In fact, I’m going to smite you right now! Have at thee, foul fiend!”

He took a swing at Remus, but Remus dodged out of the way. “Ha! You missed!” Remus picked up two sticks, handing one to Virgil. “And now you’ve made an enemy of Virgil too, so he’s gonna be on my team!”

Virgil held his new makeshift sword awkwardly with both hands. Sure Roman had got him hurt, but he wasn’t really upset about it because it was, as Roman kept trying to convince Remus, only an accident. He glanced nervously at Roman.

Roman, on the other hand, had already taken it in stride. “What have I done, making an enemy of someone so powerful?” He pointed his stick out towards Remus and Virgil. “But it’s okay! Because I am the noble Prince Roman, and I can take on both of you at once!” Roman swung once at Remus, who easily dodged, and then looked at Virgil. “Just block when I swing at you, I won’t go too fast the first time,” he whispered, before yelling a battle cry and swinging his stick slowly towards Virgil.

At this point Virgil wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but he decided to go along with it. He held his stick up to block, and Roman lightly tapped it. Virgil looked to Roman and Remus, who both beamed in approval before getting back into character.

“Curses! My newest rival is so powerful, but I must stay strong!” Roman cried out dramatically.

“You’ll never defeat us!” Remus yelled, before taking a hefty swing at Roman.

“Hey!” All three boys looked up to see a teacher across the schoolyard looking at them. “That’s dangerous, you know you’re not supposed to play with sticks! Put those down and come here, you three!”

Virgil froze. Great, he was going to get detention on his first day. His mum was going to be so upset. He put his stick on the ground, but before he could do anything else, someone had grabbed his hand and he found himself being pulled along behind Roman.

Roman turned around and grinned at him. “We may be bitter rivals now, but we’re not getting you into trouble on your first day! C’mon, run!”

Virgil looked around for Remus, but he had somehow already disappeared, and despite his gut feeling telling him they’d get in even more trouble if they were caught trying to run away, he found that his legs had already started running on their own.

“We’re cool though, right?” Roman asked once they’d found someone far enough way to hide. “Like, you don’t… actually hate me, do you?”

Virgil shook his head, still breathing heavily from running. “W-we’re cool.” He gave Roman a shy smile. “You’re both cool.”

Roman beamed at him. “Cool! Because honestly it was getting boring with just Remus around, and he can be kind of mean sometimes and hits too hard and-”

Unfortunately for Roman, he didn’t see Remus sneaking up behind him. Remus signaled for Virgil to stay quiet, before leaning over directly next to Roman’s ear and shouting,

“Boo!”

Virgil had never heard anyone scream so loud.

#my fic #sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #platonic anxietwins #boys will be bugs au #sdksd i guess that's the official name now #anyway!! i hope you enjoy it!!#lemme know if you want more!!

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firsthopemedia · 3 years

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Will The Next Cold War Be An Economic One? FIRST HOPE FINANCIAL Several big stories hit the financial news this past week but the real significance of these stories were not discussed anywhere. Number one, the U.S. Congress pushed to file unfair trade practices against China, stating that the Bush administration’s quiet behind-the-scenes negotiation strategy was unacceptable as a tactic to bring economic reform to China. In another story this week, these words appeared - Rather than serve as "an apologist" for China, "I hope the administration will join this team," Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., told reporters after testifying before the Senate Finance Committee in the second hearing on China's economic and currency policies in two days. This article reported that Congress aimed to pass bi-partisan veto-proof legislation that will force the Chinese Yuan to appreciate against the dollar. American manufacturers have claimed that the Chinese government’s unfair manipulation of their currency has hurt them and their Congressmen are listening. Then finally at the end of the week, this headline appeared in an article: “The U.S. Commerce Department announced sanctions against paper imports from China, the first time in 23 years that U.S. duty law has been applied to imports from that country.” Reporting the above is fine, but what are its implications? Here is my view. For once, I agree that the Bush administration is taking the proper stance and their disapproval of these brash, flag-waving Congressmen is merited. When sending U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke and the U.S. Secretary of Treasury Paulson to China only resulted in China defiantly stating that they will not allow another nation to dictate to them how they should run their economy, U.S. Congress should have gotten the hint. Instead, they escalated an already potentially volatile situation with their threats and sanctions this week. Stephen Roach, the chief economist at Morgan Stanley warned Congress that currency valuation was far from being the sole component hurting American manufacturers. He stated that China’s cheap labor costs, burgeoning modern infrastructure and technology and growing investment in human capital and research also have greatly contributed to the burgeoning trade imbalance between China and the United States. Mr. Roach commented, "The foreign-exchange rate is not the answer, in my view. You in the Congress need to ask yourselves an important hypothetical question: How would you feel if you got your way on the Chinese currency adjustment but found that after three or four years the pressures bearing down on American workers had only intensified? As I see it, that's a very real risk that should not be taken lightly.” Although I have vehemently disagreed with Mr. Roach’s past views on other subject matters, I believe that he is on the mark 100% this time and I’ll tell you why. U.S. Federal Chairman Bernanke has already publicly stated that everybody knows that the weak dollar is good for the U.S. government because it makes their debt cheaper and also helps to close the trade gap. So if you don’t think that the U.S. is not guilty of manipulating their own currency as well to serve their purposes then you are living in some kind of economic fantasyland. There are a whole lot of American expats living abroad that would like to see their own government do something to protect the value of their own currency instead of lecturing other nations as to how they should be managing theirs. Furthermore, this event is indeed a watershed event in the ongoing re-structuring of the world’s economies. In the past, colonized nations had bitterly complained to Europe and the U.S. about the harm their economic policies inflicted upon their economies. But now we see a 180% reversal, with developed countries complaining to emerging nations about their policies. But this is almost beside the point when it comes to examining much more significant fallout of an open trade war with China. The reason the Bush administration is trying to negotiate quietly with the Chinese rather than take the more hard-line stance assumed by the U.S. Congress is that they know that the Chinese government holds far more important cards than the valuation of the Yuan, namely the more than one trillion dollars of U.S. dollar denominated assets that they currently hold in their reserves. As I stated in a blog I posted about a week ago to The Underground Investor, the U.S. Congress would be foolish to aggressively alienate the Chinese government with so much at stake. The problems with the U.S. economy are much more a product of past U.S. fiscal irresponsibility than the manipulative actions of the Chinese economy and if the U.S. chooses to try to scapegoat an economic giant like China for their current problems, I believe, as Mr. Roach stated, that re-valuation of the Yuan will not be the answer. Furthermore, it is exactly these protectionist measures that the U.S. is seeking to implement that have hindered emerging markets in the past. Instead of addressing the real reasons behind a lagging economy, protectionist measures many times seek to scapegoat another country’s economic policies for far more deep-rooted economic failures at home. Furthermore, protectionist measures often harbor and encourages domestic inefficiencies to persist instead of encouraging proactive solutions that attack the root of the problem. In fact, if the U.S. Congress pushes through their punitive measures, I can tell you right now that revaluation of the Yuan will NOT be the answer to the problems of the American economy. And despite the fact that offloading massive amounts of U.S. dollars will hurt the Chinese economy as well, there will also come a time when the Chinese government, if pushed far enough, will offload massive amounts of U.S. dollars because their strong economy will be able to absorb its negative effects much better than the weak U.S. economy. And if they do so, the U.S. Congress will have given them the perfect excuse to do something that I believe the Chinese government is planning to do anyway. However, they will be able to do it, save face at the same time, and do it earlier than anyone expects, as opposed to having the global community heap loads of criticism upon them for what would otherwise seem to be a sudden decision that came out of nowhere. Instead of such an action being viewed as the selfish actions of a nation, it will instead by viewed as a reaction to U.S. bullying, and U.S. Congress will have given the Chinese government the perfect out. In this case, quiet negotiations is the proper way because any other way is bound to bring harm to not only Americans in the future, but to the global economy as well. When I have blogged about governments being chronic liars in the past, certainly the Chinese government or any world government is not immune. While the Chinese government has publicly stated that they will not take any sudden actions that will greatly hurt the U.S. dollar, do you really believe that they want to hold a trillion dollars of a currency that continues to lose significant value every year? Trust me, they are planning to get rid of these dollars as soon as economically possible and behind the scenes, they have a plan in place to offload them. Again, I can tell you why punitive Congressional U.S. measures will not coax the Chinese to assume policies the U.S. wants but only anger them. To begin, Japan is on the verge of replacing America as China’s number one trading partner. If the Chinese choose to bow down to American pressure, they would undoubtedly anger the Japanese who have heavily invested in China and would be adversely affected by the Chinese government’s decision to appease the U.S. Congress. Angering your number one trading partner would be even worse than angering the U.S. And this just in, even as I write this blog, in a report originating out of New York: Today, China called the first of U.S. protectionist measures, tariffs on their paper imports, “unacceptable.” China strongly demands the United States to reconsider this decision and correct it as soon as possible," China Commerce Ministry spokesman Wang Xinpei said in a statement on a government Web site. Secondly, I believe that the Chinese government, despite what diplomatic statements they release to the financial press about being concerned not to enact any policies that will cause the U.S. dollar to fall quickly, desire to unload a significant portion of their $1 trillion dollar of U.S. dollar-denominated reserves. The Chinese government realizes that offloading significant portions of dollars, whether it is to purchase oil and natural gas for their state reserves, or the purchase of other assets, will automatically cause the Yuan to strengthen. They are not going to appease the U.S. Congress now and watch the Yuan strengthen and then see this effect multiply as they unload U.S. dollars from their reserves. I believe that this is how the Chinese will eventually allow the Yuan to strengthen – by merely cutting back on their dollar-denominated assets, something that they want to do anyhow. With this potential trade war, it is important to ignore the preening of the U.S. Congress but to consider the implications of their potential actions instead. U.S. Congressmen are no doubt influenced a great deal by their most important constituents, in this case, large manufacturers. However, in this case, it is not the concerns of the large manufacturers that are most important. Here they serve merely as a smokescreen. Sure, large manufacturers are being hurt right now by Chinese imports, but rather than considering this part of the equation which the financial media gives much attention to, it is more important to consider the other side of the equation that is never spoken of in the financial media. Rather than listen to the complaints of the hurt, seek out what t

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saintheartwing · 4 years

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Demon Slayer: A Full Review

So! At long last, the excellent manga series Demon Slayer’s reached its end. I’m very sorry its over...I’m going to miss it, the same way I’m going to miss reading new “The Promised Neverland” every week or so. But with Kimetsu no Yaiba, also known as “Demon Slayer” finished, I can now dive in deep into the story and explain why its so good. Warning.

SPOILERS.

Let’s begin with the basic plot. Tanjiro lives out in the woods with his mother and his brothers and sisters. His father, alas, passed on a few years back, now Tanjiro’s a primary breadwinner as oldest man in the house, and his sister Nezuko remains behind with the rest of his family one day as he goes into town to sell his wares.

That night, it’s getting dark out. It isn’t safe to return home. Not because of bears or the like...but demons. So he stays the night at an old man’s house who talks about demons. Tanjiro doesn’t exactly fully buy into it, but...then the next day when he gets home, his family is slaughtered. It’s a horrifying scene. But...Nezuko is heavily injured, not dead. So he tries to carry her to town...only for her to turn into a demon as he’s trudging through the snow! And he can’t bring himself to hurt her.

That’s when a demon slayer appears. The Water Pillar himself! He tells Tanjiro he has to kill his sister, she’s turned, she’s dead now, he’s not going to get her back. Tanjiro however, is able to impress the demon slayer with his skills, and when the demon slayer sees Nezuko trying to save her brother’s life...he realizes MAYBE there’s something special about her.

And so Tanjiro sets out to find a way to cure Nezuko, becoming a demon slayer himself along with Zenitsu, the cowardly Breath of the Lightning user, and Inosuke, a youth raised in the wild who wears a wild boar’s head as a mask. The culprit who murdered his family? Muzan, who’s been alive for eons, who can change his appearance, and has incredible powers, and can convert other people into demons like him! Can Tanjiro defeat him? Can he save his sister? All this and more in...DEMON SLAYER!

The characters are what makes the story so engrossing. Tanjiro is a sweet, kind, compassionate sort. He recognizes that demons have to be defeated, but he recognizes that they too are victims as well, many of whom were FORCED into becoming what they are. The cycle of abuse is very prevalent in the story, many of both the good guys AND the villains are the way they are because of abuse. Zenitsu was always being put down and emotionally abused by his comrade in training, fellow compatriot of the Lightning Breath, whom he viewed as a brother and his mentor as a grandfather figure. The Snake Pillar was abused by his family, only raised to be eaten by a snake demon who enjoyed eating the infants of the family he belonged to, but who was keeping him alive because of his unique heterochromatic eyes. The Wind Pillar’s father was abusive to him and his brother, forcing him to become, when their dad died in the street in a drunken brawl, to become the head of the family and try and protect their mother...but then when the mother became a demon and a murderer, the Wind Pillar was left with an even bigger responsibility. Now with only his brother left and the rest of his family dead, he ALSO became abusive because of the additional responsibility heaped on him AND the pressure AND because he wanted his brother to stay as far away from his demon slayer life as possible, so he thought being overly harsh and ignoring him would make his brother give up and just leave him alone. Several of the “Moons”, the main enforcers of Muzan who are demons, endured horrible abuse when they were young and that abuse led them to lash out at the world and, in their desperation to get out from their horrible life...to become demons. Akaza was dirt poor, forced to steal to buy medicine for his dying dad, and nobody sympathized with him, instead just beating him for stealing and threatening to cut his limbs off. He loses his father...then, just when he finds another father figure at a dojo, and true love, and spends years training as a martial artist and growing closer to the two and becoming happy...they get poisoned by a rival dojo. Akaza’s world is shattered, he becomes a demon because everyone he wanted to help and protect...is gone. The cycle of violence and abuse is continued and he becomes the sort of bully and coward he once hated so much.

That cycle CAN be broken...but it takes concern for others, and love. It is the love of others, and the desire to want to do right by them that helps lift them out of that cycle, that redeems them in the end.

That DOESN’T mean Tanjjiro won’t kill the demons. He has to, and often does. But when he can, he tries to be honorable about it, even to make it painless. He’s not a coward, nor cruel, and he’s totally devoted to his sister.

Nezuko, in turn, doesn’t speak much in the story because, to keep her from going wild with demonic power and eating humans, she has a “Seal” over her mouth. But she gets a lot across with her actions, like her dramatic refusal to drink blood or attack a Pillar that stabbed her earlier, even when he’s offering his bloody arm for her to sup on. Her gentle treatment of others, the way she can shift her size and tries to avoid fighting unless absolutely necessary speaks to a pacifistic but strong soul.

And no, there’s no ass shots or breast shots of her. The clothing she wears covers that up completely. There’s no fanservice-y shots of her. I appreciated that.

Zenisu is a cowardly moron, but has hidden talent within that can be awakened when he’s asleep. When he dozes off, its as if his inner warrior rises up, and with a single sweeping cut, he can slice through ANYTHING. He’s also a pervert, who likes letting women touch him, or touching women. Naturally, he gets beaten the hell out of for this. At the same time though, he’s portrayed as being very compassionate too. He KNEW Nezuko was a demon, just as Tanjiro has a superpowered sense of smell, HE has a superpowered sense of hearing, he could “hear” that Nezuko, (kept in a box that Tanjiro carries around because, as a demon now, she’d burn up in the sunlight), was a demon...but because Tanjiro’s so kind, and because Tanjiro said the box was more important than his life...Zenitsu lets Inosuke beat the living SHIT out of him just to defend the box. ANYTHING to keep Inosuke from hurting Nezuko inside it. He doesn’t even raise a fist to defend himself.

Inosuke, at first, starts off as a roughshod, rowdy jerk who, beneath that boar’s head mask, has a BEAUTIFUL, almost girly face. But it makes some sense, because he grew up without any family. No mother, no father, raised by boars, and only barely able to read because of the kindness of a few strangers whom he hung around their porch sometimes. Nevertheless, he’s got incredible raw power and skill and has a very strong code. He’s not emotionally open...but he when he DOES show it, his heart is on his sleeve and he’s able to cut right to the point.

Tanjiro is a good straight man for these two rather rambunctious, ridiculous types. He’s also clearly the heart and moral compass of the group, and the story. He’s able to touch people, to reach out to them and connect to others by being earnest, compassionate, and down-to-earth.

The story, aside from diving into themes of how terrible abuse is and how it affects people and how we should break free from it, also dives into “what makes a human being a human” as it looks at the sad lives of many of the demons. Is there anything human left of them? What does it mean to BE human? The demons are just as much victims as victimizers, they’re pitiable, pathetic creatures as Tanjiro insists.

Another thing the story has for a theme is that family. Many of the main characters have unusual families, or else tragically LOST family members, and this impacted them heavily. The Flame Pillar’s father was a good, sweet, loving father until he lost his wife, and then he turned into a despondent drunk. He’s too angry at the world and also, himself, to cry when he hears his son is dead, but when he hears his son’s final words were for him to take care of his body...in essence, “please stop drinking, you’re better than that”, he can’t help but sob uncontrollably. Tanjiro’s family is tragically taken from him and that loss motivates him to become strong. Inosuke was raised by boars because, alas, his mother and father aren’t around...but not by choice for his mom. She was FORCED to drop him off a cliff into a river after writing his name onto his diaper because she was being chased by a demon and she couldn’t think of any other way for him to survive. Zenitsu was abandoned himself, his only family was his grandfather mentor figure, and his brother Kaigaku. Both of them were very harsh on him, but his “grandpa” did truly love him and wanted to bring out his potential, despite not being of flesh and blood, and Rui, the Spider Demon, who ended up killing his own parents when he became a demon, ends up creating demons to replace his parents and to make a “happy little family” because, deep down, he wants to be happy with his family again...but he no longer really remembers what it means for a family to have a true bond. It takes dying and seeing Tanjiro protecting his sister to remember it again. Not everyone has to be family by blood...family can come from anywhere. But at the same time, there’s a responsibility that does come from it...a responsibility to be decent. To be kind. To protect those you love, and to try and do right by them.

In fact, the ONLY decent thing the Wind Pillar’s dad does...besides dying...is giving his wife company. She, becoming a demon, murdered her children. She can’t go to where they’re going...she’s going to Hell for that. And the Wind Pillar, on the verge of death, is happy to give her company. But...nope! His dad is there. It’s not time for his son to die yet. HE’S going to keep his wife company, punishment for his own sins and his own pathetic life. The Wind Pillar has to keep living...and stay strong. So he literally saves his son from slipping into Hell as a final act of remorse. The only good thing he did in life...or rather, after-life. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve Hell...but at least his final act was to try and do right by his son. And that does mean something.

So yeah, you should know this. The story is NOT afraid of death. It’s not uncommon at all for major supporting characters you’ve gotten to know very well to die. Quite a lot of them die. And I won’t give away any more spoilers beyond that. But..like, a LOOOOT of them die. A LOT a lot. Remember when I said the flame pillar tragically dies? He’s, like, the FIRST major death. Keep that in mind. He’s just the first indication that the manga’s willing to kill off its characters no matter how important or likable they are.

The villains of course are very memorable in their own ways. Some of them are just incredibly powerful swordsmen, others have magical abilities, and others are just so raw-powerful with their martial arts they’re a force to be reckoned with. And their leader exemplifies another theme of the story...that of selfishness and the disregard for life. Muzan is a selfish, egotistical, thinks-himself-perfect type who only desires to conquer the sun to be truly perfect. He’s insanely powerful, has NO value for human life or even much demon life, is manipulative, abusive, cruel, capricious, and quite sadistic. He’s like a baby, everything has to be HIS way and if he doesn’t get it, he throws a temper tantrum.

It’s a bit of irony. When he was born, he was born dead. They were about to burn his body when he started crying, coming back to life. So in essence, EVERYTHING he’s done can be boiled back to that. It’s all about just staying alive and f-k the consequences for anyone else or really, EVERYONE else. He doesn’t care how he does it. And he’s killed COUNTLESS people over the years.

So who leads the Demon Hunters to oppose Muzan’s Twelve Moons? Kagaya Ubuyashiki. He’s got a lovely wife and...creepy kids. Kagaya Ubuyashiki, tragically...can’t fight. He can’t even swing a sword properly. He tried, but he’s terrible at it. All he has is his money, his cunning, his wisdom, his MIND. He’s the brains behind their organization...and he’s also been blind for years. He’s slowly dying, in fact, which everyone’s aware of in the Demon Hunters. He’s not a king though on the board, he’s a pawn too, and he’s perfectly willing to kill himself if it means he’d hurt Muzan at all. And on top of that, he’s memorized every single name of every single individual who joined the Demon Hunters. It’s the least he could do.

But I know what some of you are wondering. “Are there any...problematic elements in the story?”

Well, several of the characters talk about being stuck in slavery, but its portrayed as clearly a disgusting practice, and society is viewed in the wrong for its horrible treatment of the poor. A magistrate angrily yells at one character to just get a f--king job instead of stealing, ignoring the fact that the medicine the character has to buy for his sick father is INCREDIBLY expensive, he can’t just go out and GET a job, nobody would hire a violent kid like him, and he’s desperate. Many girls are forced to be prostitutes just to get by, and it’s a somber thing, portrayed as a tragedy that they’re often at the whims of abusive johns or women who own the whorehouses they work at.

There is also some clear bigotry against the demons from the Pillars, but this makes some sense. They’re supposed to fight and kill demons, and the overwhelming majority kill and eat humans, often very cruelly, so if you’re exposed to that type of being constantly and never see any demons being kind or decent, you’d think ALL of them were like that. For them, the human inside died when they turned into a demon, you shouldn’t pity them. But as Tanjiro says, that’s the wrong way to look at it.

There’s also two demons that are friendly, “nice” demons. Tamayo and her assistant, Yushiro. Tamayo is an expert doctor and chemist, who seeks to try and help Tanjiro return Nezuko back to being a human, and she opposes Muzan. Tamayo was one of the first people Muzan converted and she was also a victim of his manipulative behavior. She was dying from a disease, all she wanted was to see her children grow up, and Muzan said sure, he’d cure her, all she had to do was drink his blood. Well, she did...and she became a demon and killed her family and a host of other people, and regretted it ever since. Since then, she’s sought a way to defeat Muzan...to kill him! It’s difficult though. You can’t cut off his head, his body is too strange. But the sun? The SUN can kill him, the same way it can kill other demons, who dissolve away in the sun. With her and her assistant Yushiro, the Demon Slayers finally have a way to beat Muzan.

Also, the anime is really gorgeous as well. I highly recommend it AND the manga. So anyway, the story’s great, check it out if you can.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #manga #anime #review #spoilers

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kaypeace21 · 5 years

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Mike Wheeler and other queer subtext

How come no one ever talks about how just changing one word in his speech makes what Mike said to Will sound like a marriage proposal?

“And I asked you to be my {friend} and you said yes ... you said yes. It was the best thing I’ve ever done”.

Is it just me? I mean think about all those speeches in the shed. Jonathan talks about the day their dad left (the same guy who called Will homophobic slurs) and lets be honest him thinking his son might be queer, may have been one of the reasons he left. Jonathan even mentions that ‘castle Byers’ was built after their homophobic dad left, the place where Will felt the most safe while in the upside down as he sang ‘should I stay or should I go’ was that place. He sings the same song Jonathan played for him when Lonnie didn’t show up for visitation and Jonathan told Will “He’s trying to force you to like normal things. And you shouldn’t like things because people tell you you’re supposed to ... especially not him.”

What makes Will feel safe is the antithesis of his father.Lonnie left when Jonathan was 10 so will was about 7 or 6 (maybe)? And it was on Jonathan’s 10th birthday when he was first taught how to use a gun, and was traumatized because he was forced to kill/shoot a rabbit to be “more of a man”. SO why does Will know how to shoot a gun when Lonnie wasn’t in his life at 10 years old ?! Can you imagine how much more shit he forced Will through (compared to Jonathan) if he thought he was queer and was forcing him to ‘man-up’?!

So then, what Joyce says before Jonathan’s speech about his “rainbow ship” and “being proud” isn’t just an overt hey look Will’s lgbt+ ! Its makes narrative sense given what the family knows and we’re supposed to put 2 in 2 together.

So the fact that Mike’s speech about how they first met, is RIGHT AFTER Jonathan’s speech about their dad leaving is interesting? So let’s think about this ; WHY does Lonnie think Will is queer? Speaking from personal experience , to most straight people if you aren’t an ‘over the top stereotype’ (nothing wrong with that, by the way) no on believes you even if you say it to their face (although that may be more of a queer women problem, but I digress.) My point is Mike met Will at age 5, BEFORE Lonnie left. And I sort of gather that Will & Mike were probably very close (especially because they probably weren’t taught yet what was considered normal-friendship behavior), and Lonnie got suspicious about how close they were. In other words, Mike was the literal catalyst for Lonnie leaving! I mean if as teens, they are still more affectionate than what the 80s deemed ‘acceptable’ who knows how they acted before being conditioned to be told what was considered ‘wrong’ and ‘not wrong’.

Essentially these stories tell us a chronological order of events: Mike and Will meet. Lonnie gets suspicious of their bond and his abuse escalates as he tries to ‘fix his’ “queer, fag” son, but he eventually gives up and leaves . Joyce even says “You never cared about him” (because he wasn’t straight), when she learns Lonnie wasn’t mourning for Will’s death but simply using him to make a quick buck. However, Will feels safer and happier without such a toxic individual in his life and his mom does everything to make up for the damage he’s caused- as she tries to support her son’s sexuality .

Will and Mike being ‘suspiciously’ close actually makes a lot of sense if you look at what other characters say about the 2 in season 1. When Will went missing in s1 , Mike’s mom said “ What’s been going on with Will, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. I just ... want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to HIDE anything from me” (she even emphasizes the word ‘hide” it’s so heavily queer-coded and it makes me feel like she suspects something because she was around to see the interactions between the 2 we never did).

Even his dad jokes “Absolutely not” *turns to wife* “our son with a girl?”. If you rewatch the scene Karen doesn’t make eye contact and literally freezes at the comment and blinks rapidly (She’s clearly uncomfortable). Bisexuality wasn’t really something people believed in so it’d be kind of funny to think Mike’s parents thought he would turn out to be gay the whole time because of his interactions with Will.

Also, how come no one talk about that binder? You know the binder (from s1) that Mike keeps, filled with 100s of Will’s drawings. Think about that! Will has been giving his drawings to Mike for years! And Mike not only accepts them but treasures them so much he keeps every single picture Will’s ever given him . When Will is believed to be dead, we see Mike look through the whole binder, he even gently strokes the drawing of the cleric, probably thinking he’ll never get another pic from Will again. Also when Will ‘dies’, “we can be heroes” by David bowie (a bisexual singer) plays, there’s no romantic lyrics in the song except one lyric “And we kiss as though nothing could fall and the shame” and this is the lyric that plays when Mike returns to his house and cries in his mother’s arms over the ‘death’ of Will. Do I have to explain how ‘kissing and shame’ are queer-coded XD

Hell, even when Lucas makes fun of his crush on EL, Lucas gets down on one knee and says “ I love you so much, will you marry me?” and literally 1s later, we’re introduced to the bullies and the idea that will is ‘gay’, and Mike is in the forefront of the scene and unlike his friends he is physically assaulted (like a gay-bashing) . It’s supposed to subconsciously hint he has feelings for both of them. The first interaction with the bullies, they mention Will being ‘gay’ right after they mention Mike’s crush on androgynous El , Mike says to “ignore them” but is assaulted anyways. And when asked what happed he doesn’t want to tell El the details cause he’s ashamed . 2nd time the bullies talk about Will, Mike is once again in the forefront , as his friends are in the background , and the bullies say Will is “flying in fairyland with all the other little fairies”. Mike was literally on the verge or tears at this comment (despite being happy a few moments earlier telling the others to ‘act sad’ because they’d look suspicious other wise). But this is the comment where Mike snaps and pushes Troy back (because he took it personally) and El protects him in the end. Then the last time the bullies appear , Mike jumps off the cliff and “flies like a fairy” thanks to El saving him . Nancy even says says “I thought you were acting weird, but I thought it was because of Will” And Mike responds “I thought you were acting weird too I thought it was because of Steve ... Do you like Jonathan now”?” Nancy: “No, do you like Eleven?”. They literally compared the explicit love triangle between Steve/Nancy/Jonathan to the Will-Mike-El dynamic!

And since this devolved into me talking about the Duffers making Mike bi since the very beginning. Lets not forget when El was in her wig , he called her “pretty” and she looks at the mirror happily restating the word “pretty”. And after she lost her wig and broke Troy’s arm, at the police station he says “ Her head’s shaved she doesn’t even look like a girl”. And in the same episode, El looks in the mirror sadly and asks Mike “Still pretty?” And he say “Yeah, pretty, really pretty.” And they almost kiss! Note that 3 separate characters said El looked like a boy, but Mike doesn’t care he still wanted to kiss her! Even one of the men thought El might be the missing ‘Byers boy’. I’m not saying Mike has a thing for quiet-brunettes with super powers, and daddy-issues but ... wait that’s exactly what I’m saying. XD

I mean in season 1 when El asks him the difference between friends and crushes, Mike literally uses gender inclusive pronouns by using the word “someone” (3 times), and embarrasses himself because he can’t articulate the difference. When he could of simply given the 80s heteronormative answer of ‘when a boy likes a girl’.

Mike: “ you go to school dances with someone. You know someone that you like”

El: “a friend?”

Mike: ‘not a friend uh ... uh someone like a” (gives up and kisses her)

And I mean the dance- we’d be here all day with all the hints! But, Will’s first instinct when asked to dance with a girl (who’s wearing a rainbow hairclip) is to look at mike and say “I.. uh, don't”, and then after Mike forces him you literally see Mike’s shocked expression like ‘what. why’d I do that ?’ After this, they show Dustin looking sad about Max/Lucas dancing and then they have Mike get into the frame (next to Dustin) and look sad when Will/girl are dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. They have 2 scenes of Mike moping - one where he's moping about El (and she shows up immediately to convey he was thinking about her) and another moping scene of him just looking at Will dancing with a girl.

Sorry for the rant but there’s just SO much subtext, a lot of which I didn’t even mention (like all the scenes that directly parallel byler and mileven ) and I’m really curious about what will happen between the 3 in later seasons, I want it to be July and until we get a teaser or something I’m going to bother people with content 😂

#byler #byeler #Mike x Will #bi mike wheeler #stranger things #Mileven #milevill #stranger things theory #stranger things meta

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lukatheselkie · 4 years

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June 18: Soulmates

College AU; Scars appear on your soulmate, and vice versa. TW: Physical bullying/assault. A small bit of cussing, and implied self harm.

“Control freak!” Berwald gets shoved harshly to the ground. “You don’t deserve to live!” There’s a sharp pain in his side as he’s kicked again and again. “Who forces someone that’s not even their soulmate into a relationship?” He pushes himself up, only to be kneed in the stomach. He falls onto his side, and watches the man place his foot on his chest, rolling him onto his back. “I should just crush you right now. Whoever your actual soulmate is would be better off without you.” He closes his eyes just before spit lands on his face. “Filth.” There’s a solid punch to his face, but he doesn’t react. He waits for the person to walk away before trembling.

He curls in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest. It hurts. He should be used to the pain by now. But it hasn’t gotten any easier. Being called names for doing something he hadn’t realized he was doing. Being assaulted because of those things. It’s not like he doesn’t regret wronging Tino. His ex still wanted to be friends, but he cut it off because he didn’t want him to have to re-live anything. The Finnish man’s expression at the news had broken his heart into a million pieces, but he knew it would be better in the long run. He couldn’t hurt Tino anymore if they weren’t speaking to each other.

“Dear? Can you get up?” He pushes himself up against the lockers, assuming the voice is asking him to get out of the way. “No, no. That’s not what I meant. Are you alright? Do you need help getting up?” Berwald lifts his head up weakly, but the face doesn’t come into view. He’s missing his glasses. Where are they? He slides his hand about the ground, searching frantically for them. “Here, love.” Something touches his hand, and he opens his fingers cautiously. He feels the man press his glasses into his palm, and he slowly puts them on, body stinging. He draws himself up against the lockers, shaking violently in fear.

“Why are du giving me my glasses? Du want to punch them off my face?” The man’s expression turns to one of shock. His eyebrows are incredibly bushy, and they stand out on his face. They work well with his facial structure though. They furrow, and he shakes his head quickly.

“Of course not. Why would you-” His eyes widen. “You’re bleeding.” He brings his hand up, and Berwald flinches away from him heavily. “I won’t hurt you. I just want to wipe away the blood. What have you been put through?” He brings his hand up again, very slowly. He lets him wipe at the blood, eying him strangely.

“I deserve everything I get.” He snarls his lip up slightly. “I did something horrible. But they act like I want to do it again. I didn’t know I was hurting him in the first place! If he had just said something…” His body shudders in a silent sob.

“Hey. That’s in the past. I know who you are now. I’ve heard what they have to say about you. What really matters is that you feel bad, and Tino forgives you. He knows you didn’t mean to, and he’s been telling as many of us that will listen not to be mad at you. He-” Berwald’s eyes catch on a scar, and he can’t help but speak out.

“What happened? To your lip.” He knows that thin scar! He covers his up though, because it was a stupid mistake. How does a papercut scar anyway?

“That’s not what's important right now! You’re bleeding because of some asshat. Let me fix you up before you ask about such trivial things. Can you stand?” He nods, and lifts himself up slowly. He hisses in pain when he’s straight, his ribs screaming in agony. Thankfully, they aren’t broken. He’s had that happen before, and this isn’t near as much pain as it was then. “We need to find a sink.” The stranger takes his hand, and leads him into the nearest doorway. He stares at his own reflection over the sink as the man wets a paper towel. He looks like shit. His nose is bloody, and there’s a few fingernail indents on his cheek. “I’m going to touch you now. Please don’t flinch away.” He closes his eyes, and lets the man work on cleaning him up. “My name is Arthur. And you’re Berwald, somewhat infamous around here. Tino is adored by everyone, you know. When you hurt him, your side of the story didn’t matter. Well, to most of us. Tino forgave you, and wanted to be friends. Why didn’t you take him up on that offer? You wouldn’t be treated so poorly if you had.”

“Shut up,” he growls out. “Du don’t know that. I would be in much more pain, because I would see him re-live that pain every single day. I never meant to hurt him. But now that I have, staying in his life is going to cause more damage than leaving ever could. I might reconnect when he’s healed, but for now this is the best choice. Think before du comment next time.” His voice is filled with venom, and he’s on the verge of shaking from rage.

“I hadn’t thought of it that way. My deepest apologies. I did not mean to upset you. Hold still.” He moves closer, causing Berwald to hold his breath. He doesn’t like feeling the warmth of another anymore. “You did what was better for the person you love, knowing you would be targeted. You’re strong for that. That’s very hard to do. You did the right thing.” He pulls away, and he starts breathing again. “Open your eyes, love. I don’t see any more blood, but you can feel it, so I need you to point me to any I might have missed.”

“There’s not any left,” he mumbles as he opens his eyes. “Now will you tell me about the scar?” Arthur frowns deeply.

“Why do you care so much about it? It’s old. I had nearly forgotten about it. But, if you must know, my soulmate cut himself somehow. We still haven’t quite figured out how though. I think it’s from him placing a needle there while he sews. I told him doing that wasn’t good!” Soulmate he knows? That can’t be right. “You got me off track. I know he didn’t just punch you in the face. Where else are you bleeding?”

“Nej, I’m fine.” Everything else is internal, he thinks to himself. “But I would like to show you something I think you will find interesting.” He grabs a bit of another towel, and vigorously rubs at his lip. The concealer comes off, and he hears Arthur gasp. “I have an answer to how that scar happened. It’s a paper cut. I tugged a paper out of my binder and it came up too fast for me to stop. It got infected because of the location, and turned into a scar.”

“We have to find Francis. He knows more about this soulmate thing than most do. He’ll be able to explain this to us. Follow me.” He grabs Berwald’s wrist and leads him through the halls, somehow flawlessly avoiding bumping either of them into anyone. He stops in a nearly empty classroom. “Francis!” An absolutely stunning man turns toward them, smiling easily. Jealousy sparks in the pit of his stomach. He wishes anything he ever did came off so simple to do.

“Oui, my sweet?” His eyes dart over to Berwald, and look him over lustfully. He yanks his arm away from Arthur and covers the vivid blush spreading across his cheeks. “Have you brought me another broken heart to fix?” He smirks. “That’s right, I know you. I have known you, since before you dated Tino. You have a unique, commonly unseen beauty. Why has my love brought you to me?”

“He says our lip scar is because of him. I want to check our other scars, but I thought bringing him to you first was the best idea. Have you ever heard of three Soulmates?” His eyes widen, then he blinks in surprise.

“I have. They honestly aren’t that rare, but it’s impossible to know if you have one or multiple soulmates. I suppose that’s why we aren’t taught about them. Everyone might think they have a third, or fourth, or fifth, or more soulmate. They would always focus on finding the possible others, instead of on loving the soulmate they do find, if they do.” He glances over Berwald again. “Show me your left shoulder.” He tugs his shirt down a bit, knowing exactly what scar he’s talking about.

“Who carved a star into one of du?” Arthur laughs awkwardly.

“That would be my brother. We thought it was a good idea at the time. It was a sort of branding we did, to show we would always love each other, no matter what we went through. He has a similar one on his right shoulder that I did.” Berwald bites inside his mouth to stop himself from smiling. That’s cute. He wishes he had done that with his ex best friend, Mathias. They were practically brothers, until the incident. Maybe a mark like that would mean they were still friends, instead of hating each other.

“So du are the hand scars. From your needles?” Francis huffs, and tosses his hair over his shoulder.

“I can’t help that I like things to look fabulous! From the store never works. So I sew in my own details. I used to be very clumsy with it though. So oui, the hand scars are me missing.” An uneasy silence falls over them. There’s other scars. Ones that Berwald knows he put on himself, but didn’t cause the other two to wonder. He bows his head, knowing he should speak up, but unable to. Thankfully, Arthur beats him to it.

“The… others… were from me. I have always been picked on for my appearance. Once Francis and I found each other, it became too much. I was ‘too ugly to be his soulmate.’ ‘Fate must be wrong about us.’ I ‘didn’t deserve him.’ A-and much more. It hurt too much not to…” Francis wraps an arm around him, and wipes away the unshed tears.

“They were all so wrong. I love you for exactly who you are.” He kisses his forehead. “I love you so very much, Arthur.” The Brit nods, words obviously stuck in his throat.

“We must have started at the same time.” Two heads snap up to look at him. Both of their expressions are full of worry, and before he can back away, they’re enveloping him in a tight hug. He melts into it, feeling truly safe for the first time in years. “I-I don’t want to-”

“No, you don’t have to tell us anything, love. We may be your soulmates, but we just met. It takes time to trust someone with that information.” Arthur cuts in, voice soft.

“Oui, I agree. Take as much time as you need. We’ll be here to listen when you’re ready to tell.” He nods, burying his face in the place their shoulders are touching, unsure if he wants to cry because he’s remembering the pain, or because he’s finally found love and safety.

Ngl, I really like this, so I'll probably turn it into a longer fic eventually. @aphrarepairweek2020

#aphrarepairweek2020 #SuFraUK #day 5

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mugsywrites · 5 years

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Prodigal Son Ep 4 Review

I’ve been roadtripping for the past few days, so only just now got a chance to sit down and watch the ep. It’s my favorite so far.

-Jessica Whitly remains my fave, she’s just so damn interesting. Jessica: “I don’t need you to love me, I just need you alive.” Ouch. She's a controlling jackass and her parenting skills leave a lot to be desired but I really thinks she feels she’s doing what is necessary to protect her kids. Later in the ep when Malcolm watches the tape of her interview just reinforced it--she feels horrible guilt for not knowing about her husband’s crimes, and responsible for the lives lost. I think she subsumes this guilt into protecting her kids--doing whatever it takes to keep them alive and safe even if they hate her for it. This being the show it is I won’t be surprised if they decided to do some tired ~*twist*~ that she was in on the murders/complicit, but for now I continue to believe she knew nothing and is a victim as well. Yeah, she seems shady still but I still think it’s a red herring, or if she knew/suspected it was more than an affair she didn’t think it was that he was a serial killer. Maybe doing something medically shady/unethical.

-She mentioned during those final months she was drunk a lot, and we know she still has problems with substance abuse. New theory: Dr. Whitly was taking Malcolm along with him for some of his murders, Malcolm is repressing it due to trauma/being drugged, and to top it off the Surgeon was drugging his wife as well so she wouldn’t catch on. She just didn’t realize it because she was also drinking heavily.

-I’m curious as to how old Mama and Papa Whitly are meant to be. I mean, obviously Bellamy Young is *way* too young to be believable as a mother of a thirty-something year old but I just roll my eyes and go with it. Still, I wonder if she is meant to be significantly younger than her husband. Like, they met when she was in her late teens and he was in his early twenties. This is verging more into “fanfic ideas”, but some thoughts on their relationship: College freshmen Jessica meets a freshly graduated from med school Martin, he’s dashing and brilliant and fucks her good™, she’s swept off her feet, madly in love, and her age makes her easier for the Surgeon to manipulate. SN: I wonder if there are way more victims than anyone guesses? He could’ve been killing people all through med school (there are quite a few serial killer nurses irl) but since he was only preying on the sick and elderly he was able to pass it off as natural causes. Eventually it stopped giving him a rush so he moved on to more elaborate murders.

-I really liked learning more about JT! In the pilot he just came across as a paint by numbers “rival” character who clashes with Malcolm, this ep gave him a bit more personality. His crush on the victim, something that could’ve come across as creepy, was very sweet and almost...wholesome? Mentioning how just her smile kept him going during his tour of duty. Plus his reaction to Malcolm calling him ‘partner’ was hilarious.

-The cases of the week remain boring and formulaic to me; only memorable for what they make us learn about the core characters. I feel like the writers are trying to make them weird/quirky but it’s not working.

-Related to the case of the week--I’m not a fan of how Malcolm bullied the stalker photographer. This is an issue I have with any show about the police; how cops “breaking the rules” and whatnot is portrayed as noble and the right thing to do, and how suspects and witnesses asking for a lawyer is a sign of guilt/a bad thing. True, Malcolm’s not a cop but he may as well be.

-Another issue I have with the cases of the week--Malcolm explaining things that homicide detectives should already know. I know it’s for the audience benefit but it takes me out of it every time. It wasn’t as bad this ep as when he explained what a goddamned family annihilator is but was still jarring. (I’m debating on whether to call this “Malsplaining” or “Brightsplaining”)

-Best parts of the show remain the Whitly family drama. I wish the show had more flashbacks and whatnot; sort of a cross between This is Us and Hannibal.

#prodigal son #prodigal son spoilers/

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weasleyheir · 5 years

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Double Trouble

Pairing- Weasley Twins x Muggle-Born Reader

Length- 1,501

Warnings- none slight bullying

Summary- Name Soulmate AU, future soulmate’s last name is written on your inner left wrist. You’re friends with the golden trio. Closest with Hermione but you are worried over the fact you both have the same last name on your wrists.

Y/N - your name Y/H - your house Y/L/N - your last name

You walk slowly through the halls trying to not think about your destination, Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Which just happens to be your worst subject. You’ve always preferred Advanced Transfiguration's.

“Hey Y/N”

Hermione’s voice rings out clear as a bell. You turn to see her jogging wanting to catch up with you.

“Hey Hermione”

The two of you sit down pulling your thick books out immediately getting ready for the start of class. Ron and Hermione have been together for a few months now after she revealed her soul mate mark to him. You on the other hand have never showed your mark to anyone before. The soulmate mark on your wrist is always on your mind, often you find it hard to think about anything else.

‘Weasley’

Spelled out in a beautiful script fits perfectly on your wrist, but seeing it often scares you. You’ve quickly figured out that of all the Weasley’s Ron was not your soulmate. Printed on his wrist clearly state Granger, but you’ve never had a chance to meet any of his siblings before. It could be any of them and there are so many on top of that!

Lots of students share the names on their wrists in the hopes of figuring out their soulmate, you on the other hand tend to keep to yourself. You don’t want your friends to see the name on yours when you are feeling so insecure about it.

Class finishes as quickly as it had started, you having not paid attention to a single part of the lesson at all.

You and Hermione walked towards the dining hall. Laughter fills the halls after a large bang the two of you turn to look towards the sound only to see the Weasley twins causing a ruckus with one of their pranks once again.

“Every time those boys are loud you know you’ll find trouble” Hermione exclaims with annoyance in her voice.

You don’t even turn to look at her, as your eyes are stuck on the boys with matching, messy, bright orange hair. You can feel the heat rush to your face. Hermione taps you on your shoulder getting your attention.

“What has gotten you so distracted today?”

“Do you know the name of their soulmate mark is?” You ask her in a low voice.

“The twins? Why? It’s not like they are your? Wait?” Hermione looks at you with heavy suspicion in her eyes “What name is your mark anyways? You’ve never shown me before” She pauses collecting her thoughts. “It’s not you have ever spoken to them before right? They don’t even know your name”

“Yeah so what?” The two of you find your seats seeing Harry and Ron are already waiting for you both. You sit down next to Harry as you always do as Ron and Hermione sat across from you.

“What’re you guys talking about?” Ron quickly asks.

“Nothing” you say in too loud of a voice that starts to catch the attention of other Gryffindors. You notice the twins sneaking into their spots not too far away from you.

“We were talking about our soulmate marks”

“Hermione!” you yell at her hoping that the conversation soon comes to an end.

“Now that I think about it I’ve only ever seen Hermione’s” exclaims Ron “Harry what’s yours?”

“Oh uhh.. It’s um it says Weasley actually” Harry mumbles

“Oh! We match” Hermione pipes happily.

“Yeah we all seem to match” you spit out bitterly realizing that there is one more person who can take another one of the Weasley’s from you.

“What” “What” “What” all three of your friends yell at the same time.

Now everyone is looking at you giving you way more attention then you have ever needed. Your eyes start to dart around the giant table immediately finding what your were looking for. Both of the twins eyes lock with your, quickly you blush and look away. Ron reaches over the table grabbing your wrist, before you have a chance to process what he is doing your soulmate mark is laid bare for everyone to see. ‘Weasley’ is clearly printed for everyone to see. You glance over to Fred and George wishing for them to have lost interest and not been looking. To your demise they had seen it.

You’ve never before spoken a single word to either of them and now you have their complete attention on you. The two of them continue to observe the conversation without involving themselves, you can tell they are just watching to see how things played out.

“Ron have you seen any of your siblings marks?” Harry inquires wanting to solve his own curiosity about his mark.

“No we’ve never shared the names of our marks with each other”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore” you say peeling your arm back out of Ron’s hand. “I think it’s time for me to go to bed. I’m very tired” you stand up leaving the table as fast as you can, basically running at this point. You feel the eyes of the Weasley’s on your back but you don’t dare attempt to look back. Not noticing Fred and George starting to follow behind you.

You’re basically running through the halls, without looking you hit something, and you hit it hard. Landing with your back on the ground, you look up to see Draco standing in front of you backed by a group of Slytherins. He’s given you plenty of trouble before for being muggle-born, even to go as far as to call you out on being muggle-born. He has made you cry multiple times before but today was different, you were already close to the verge of tears after the conversation during dinner.

“Well, well, well, if isn’t the poor little mudblood Y/L/N”

“What do you want Malfoy” you manage to say with your voice shaking heavily as you begin to feel tears stream down your face.

“Bugger off Malfoy” George says startling everyone.

Fred and George step in between you and Draco. You look up to the boys, vision slightly blurry, you wonder why the two of them are defending you in the first place. You’re aware that the Weasley’s don’t share the same view on muggle-borns as the Malfoy’s do even if both their families are pure-blood wizards.

“Whatever Weasleys you should know better than to patronize with mudbloods”

“Call her that one more time and you’ll be punched in the face harder than last time” Fred warns as George starts to laugh thinking of Hermione’s story of a few years back.

Draco leaves with a huff. The rest of the Slytherins following behind right on his heels.

George helps you to your feet. You can’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes.

“Come on, let's go to the common rooms” Both of the boys lock arms with you on each side, making it impossible for you to get away from them. You reluctantly let yourself be pulled along by these beautiful boys.

Walking into the Gryffindor common room the boys finally release your arms taking their heat away with them, and you wish for them to be beside you again. You sit down on the couch closing your eyes trying to make yourself as comfortable as you can, even though you can feel their stares on you. Fred sits down on your left and George sits on your right. You’ve stopped crying for a while now. Finally you open your eyes and look from one boy to the next, curious as to what they’re doing.

“What did Draco call you?” asked Fred

“You know what mudblood means” you say quietly

“He meant say your name again”

“Y/N, Y/L/N” you give George a questioning look

At the same time both boys revealed their left wrist to you putting their hands in your lap. Easily you can read Y/L/N on each of the boys wrist. No thoughts were forming in your mind, it was completely blank. You couldn’t think.

You stumble through your words struggling to get a full sentence out. “But.. but both of you?”

“Yes we’re both your soulmate” Fred and George say in unison.

Hugs come from both sides and you’re wrapped in warmth. There isn’t words to describe the happiness you feel at this moment. You’ve finally found the one or the ones.

“But we’ve never spoken a word before now”

“Then I guess we should start huh?” George suggests voice full flirting.

“I’m a muggle-born though’

“You know we wouldn’t care about that” George continues, getting closer.

“Besides that just means our dad will approve even more” Fred explained

Before you realized both boys are close enough that you can feel their breath on your face. Each planting a kiss on your cheek, you blush as red as a rose, and the boys burst into laughter.

“Oh this is gonna be fun” smiles Fred.

“Agreed” George says through his teeth.

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anhed-nia · 6 years

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BLOGTOBER 10/23 & 10/25/2018: HALLOWEEN (2007) & HALLOWEEN II (2009)

By the time Rob Zombie made the bold move of remaking John Carpenter’s name-making classic HALLOWEEN, the horror rock-star’s directorial career had already proved to be incredibly divisive. His 2003 film debut, HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES drew a cult from among diehard fans of his music, but was largely panned by critics who identified it as a ramshackle, self-indulgent disaster. The movie was little more than a Frankensteining-together of Zombie’s favorite things, but he managed to follow it up swiftly with 2005′s semi-sequel, THE DEVIL’S REJECTS. With this project, he appropriated three of the principle characters from his cartoony, ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW-like first feature, and reimagined them as the redneck antiheroes of a story that plays like a cross between THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE and THE WILD BUNCH. While DEVIL’S REJECTS showed major improvements in terms of drive and focus, it still felt unsettled. It is an emotionally confused movie that has trouble deciding whether its tale is more tragic for the innocent victims of its psychopathic protagonists, or more triumphant, for the Rejects’ anti-establishment swagger and charisma. Rob Zombie displays a refined aesthetic sense, and seems sincere in his storytelling, but he didn’t have much time to let these things ferment into a more potent cinematic brew before he stepped up to bat again with his controversial remake of the beloved HALLOWEEN in 2007.

Reviled even by the likes of John Carpenter himself, Zombie’s dour, ponderous retelling of the archetypal slasher story was baffling to critics and genre buffs alike. Loaded up with clunky psychoanalysis that flies in the face of Carpenter’s original intention--Michael Myers is PURE NO-REASON EVIL, FULL STOP--this iteration of HALLOWEEN worked for few people besides Zombie’s hardcore stans. In spite of that very large and general problem, the writer-director was back again in 2009 with a sequel to his own remake. With HALLOWEEN II, he took two major creative risks: Bringing the ubiquitous Sheri Moon Zombie back even though her character died early in the first film, and centering the narrative on Laurie Strode’s psychological recovery, or lack thereof, from her original ordeal. It is easy to see how this setup would draw more complex and ambivalent responses. Mrs. Zombie’s appearance as the ghost of Myers’ mother, whose character is plagued by a lot of Jungian nonsense, was identified fairly as ludicrous by many viewers. On the other hand, Scout Taylor-Compton’s return as Laurie Strode takes a character who was little more than a cardboard cutout in the first film, and turns her into a convincing mass of trauma who undergoes a profound transformation over the course of this sequel. As with THE DEVIL’S REJECTS, HALLOWEEN II suggests that even while Rob Zombie can be an incredibly frustrating filmmaker, he still seems to be on to something. Even in my most stuck-up moments, when his smug use of slow motion and arias of unshocking cuss words make me want to forget everything I just watched, his movies nag at me in a way that I have a hard time describing. I’m just now starting to formulate an understanding of why.

Often, I find myself asking: Who is Rob Zombie? First and foremost, he is a professional nerd. His music, art, videos, and feature films are strung together by his scholarship in all things genre, whether he’s invoking Tobe Hooper’s snuff-like realism, or the innocent sitcom pleasures of the Munsters. Zombie is vastly erudite about horror, and really anything remotely culty. This is actually to the detriment of HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES, which is so bloated with pop culture references that it almost chokes out the movie’s dubious originality. But while he has that irritating nerdy compulsion to competitively show off what he knows, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who buys and bags comics without even cracking them open. Rob Zombie is clearly, legitimately passionate; it’s heartwarming, and enough to make you want to root for him even when you don’t totally love what he’s doing. His craftsmanship is on point, too, as a multimedia artist whose talent has been abundantly evident since the early band flyer days. It comes as no surprise that he attended Parsons School of Design, and he occasionally shows his hand as an amateur film historian with a love for golden age Hollywood. So, whatever he wants you to think about his hellbilly stage presence, he’s clearly no hick, and no basement-dwelling dweeb either. He’s an educated artist with a background in New York City’s brainy ‘80s noise rock scene. It’s because of this that I find the worshipful attitude his films take toward their sociopathic murderers to be, well...kind of annoying. Why am I supposed to think it’s so cool, as the movies’ punk rock tone suggests, that the Firefly family tortures random bystanders to death for no apparent reason? Why doesn’t Rob Zombie know how tired the whole “scary clown” thing is, and has been for a long time already, even when it’s someone as magical as Sid Haig under the greasepaint? Why do I feel like Zombie’s interest in pimps and ho’s is deeper than just exploitation pastiche, which makes it potentially worse than if it were just a shallow affectation? The thought of this Massachusetts-born college boy fantasizing obsessively about being so crude and violent and salt-of-the-earth is kind of lame. So, instead of just, you know, being a hater as usual, I looked it up--and discovered that Rob Zombie’s roots are actually in the fairway. As Wikipedia aggregates from various interviews:

While raising their sons, Rob's parents worked in a carnival, but they chose to leave after a riot broke out and tents were set on fire. Zombie recalled the experience in an interview, stating, "Everybody's pulling out guns, and you could hear guns going off. I remember this one guy we knew, he was telling us where to go, and some guy just ran up to him and hit him in the face with a hammer – just busted his face wide open. My parents packed up real quick, and we took off."

Suddenly, it all started to make sense. Sure, the costumed popstar isn’t an undead cross between Jerry Lee Lewis and Charles Starkweather in real life, but he isn’t a complete poseur either. It isn’t immediately clear, from underneath his mountain of collectory movie references, that he is, more or less, writing what he knows. He isn’t just emulating his cultural heroes, he’s mythologizing his own childhood.

In view of this, the key to Rob Zombie’s movies is not an awareness of horror history and semiology; it’s actually all about outlaw culture. So, back to 2007′s deeply flawed HALLOWEEN. It’s a heavily bro-y movie, in its outsidery way, that breaks up the Dr. Loomis-Michael Myers-Laurie Strode love triangle, and focuses almost entirely on building a Myers biography. The fascinatingly sullen Daeg Neergaard Faerch plays young Michael, a fatherless boy on the verge of snapping from the relentless torment coming at him from all directions: his slutty sister, school bullies who fixate on his stripper mom (Sheri Moon Zombie), and his mother’s latest violent, depraved boyfriend. Michael follows the serial killer script perfectly, graduating rapidly from torturing animals to brutalizing other kids to annihilating his sister, her boyfriend, and his mother’s beau one Halloween night when his sibling chooses sex over taking her little brother trick-or-treating. He soon finds himself installed in a mental institution where he moves on to slaughtering the staff. Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) spends years evaluating the boy, though he is ultimately stymied by Michael’s profound lack of humanity. As Michael increasingly retreats behind the folksy homemade masks he spends all day crafting, the opportunistic Loomis gives up on him, instead committing his energy to a money-making true crime/pop psychology book about Myers. Flashing forward, we find the hulking adult Michael Myers (played by the 6′8″ wrestler Tyler Mane) getting ready to bust out of the asylum and wage war on his home town of Haddonfield. There we finally meet teen dream Laurie Strode, a spunky babysitter with a gaggle of gal pals who are perfect grist for the slasher mill. In the final leg of the film, Myers carves his way through Laurie’s social circle, in an apparent attempt to reunite with his sister: Laurie herself. Sheriff Brackett (Brad Dourif) reveals that when Michael’s despairing mother committed suicide years ago, he took her infant daughter and had her adopted out anonymously to insulate her from her family’s tragic history. Laurie, for her part, is unaware of anything other than her need to survive, which she only barely accomplishes.

Naturally, Laurie’s story is the weakest part of a movie that is otherwise so focused on male experience. That is, the experience of needing a father, the ambivalent and ambiguous craving for maternal intimacy, the trauma of having your masculinity impugned by your (fag-obsessed) peers, and perhaps even the undermining influence of academia and capitalism on a man’s natural-born strength and worth. When the newly-freed Michael Myers storms through a truck stop to begin his pilgrimage to Haddonfield, and Rob Zombie chooses to accompany this scene with Rush’s regal outlaw anthem “Tom Sawyer”, it tells you everything you need to know about this take on HALLOWEEN. Like the rampaging Firefly family in DEVIL’S REJECTS, Michael is certainly evil, but he also represents something essential about the formation of and reinforcement of one’s individuality in the face of castrating societal norms--something the carnies among whom Rob Zombie grew up would have found very relatable.

It’s worth noting here that, while the sexuality of the women in Michael’s life plays a role in his distorted development, he is not reacting to their sexuality in and of itself. Michael Myers is not driven by the kind of covetousness that we associate with the archetypal slasher, who gives sexually frustrated male viewers a vicarious thrill by punishing sluts and teases. Michael’s problem is that his mother and sister’s sexuality contributes to his isolation. His classmates use his mother’s profession against him, and that profession keeps her from being able to tuck him in at night. Similarly, Michael doesn’t get to enjoy Halloween with his family and the other neighborhood kids, because his sister is too busy getting laid. Michael is abandoned, even while he still has a home to return to, an outsider even in his own house.

This leads me to an important point about why the portion of the movie that is devoted to Laurie's struggle is so ineffective. It is a flaw in the film, but a virtue of the director: Normal, attractive teenagers are not Rob Zombie’s people. He doesn’t even participate in traditional slasher movie misogyny, he’s so far away from thinking about them. His movies are full of badass women who are fully possessed of their sexuality, and who wield it like a weapon against hypocrites and assholes, and this is always shone in a heroic light. Moreover, he delights in casting women of all shapes and ages, often assigning them immense personal power, as in LORDS OF SALEM, an enormously satisfying movie about society’s original persecuted outcasts: witches. Rob Zombie is deeply committed to outsiders, and his definition of them isn’t limited to banal lawbreaking--he also rejects conventional beauty and our cultural obsession with youth. His films are populated by all manner of human beings, and the farther away they are from looking like model material, the more likely it is that they’re meant to be the heroes. On that note, whatever you think of his movies, you have to acknowledge that they are almost never dehumanizing. Zombie is an accomplished actor’s director who gets a full spectrum of emotion out of his performers, and who excels at creating a feeling of camaraderie within his ensemble casts. It is this surprising sweetness, and compassion even for the victims of the villains he lionizes, that makes HALLOWEEN II so peculiarly effective.

If 2007′s HALLOWEEN was a remake on which Rob Zombie couldn’t resist draping some of his personal hangups, HALLOWEEN II is almost a completely original and separate entity from what one thinks of as the franchise started by John Carpenter. In it, Michael Myers is presumed dead but his body is missing--and indeed, his character is missing for much of the movie. We find a disturbed, scarred-up Laurie Strode living with her surviving friend Annie, and Annie’s father, Sheriff Bracket. Laurie is dealing, poorly, with a heavy dose of PTSD. Along with nightmares and flashbacks, she also has trouble just being nice to people, or accepting affection. Annie and her father’s attempts to be charitable with their adoptive family member are no match for Laurie’s increasing surliness and mistrust of the world. Once a good-natured and optimistic young woman, her appearance becomes vagrant-like (curiously similar to Rob Zombie’s own casual look), her attitude is more and more nihilistic, and she develops a drinking problem. I’ve always wanted to see a movie with a slasher-like narrative foundation, but that focuses on aftermath and recovery, and recent gimmicky efforts like FINAL GIRL and LAST GIRL STANDING did absolutely nothing for me. HALLOWEEN II--at least, the superbly-acted Strode part of it--is the movie I’ve been asking for.

The other part of the movie is also interesting--or more specifically, it’s as ballsy as it is flawed. The movie gets off on kind of a bad foot when a title card quotes an obscure psychology text book called The Subconscious Psychosis of Dreams:

WHITE HORSE - instinct, purity, and the drive of the physical body to release powerful and emotional forces, like rage with ensuing chaos and destruction.

This is the excuse we have for the fact that the ghost of Deborah Myers arrives with a white horse to compel her son to find his sister Laurie Strode, aka Angel Myers, to reunite their family, presumably in the afterlife. Deborah Myers is kind of a spectral cross between Glenda the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West, at once welcoming and sinister, drifting in and out of Michael’s consciousness in the company of a sort of ghost of his childhood (Chase White Vaneck, who is no Daeg Faerch honestly). It might be easy to dismiss this anomaly as an expression of Michael’s mental illness, and his desire to experience an idealized version of his youth in which his mother still looks after him--except that later in the movie, during the final standoff, Laurie is shown to be physically affected by these spirits. Maybe the implication is that she and Michael suffer the same psychological ailments, but for them to share such specific hallucinations without speaking is borderline supernatural in and of itself. So, while Sheri Moon Zombie does her best with her impressive force of personality and compelling physical presence, it’s hard to say what this part of the movie serves. When I first saw the film, I was completely outraged by this, not only because it made no sense to me, but because it felt like a cheap ripoff of Sarah Palmer’s similar prophetic visions of a white horse in Twin Peaks. That was all I managed to make of it.

Today, I still don’t love it, but I have more trouble faulting Rob Zombie for trying to make HALLOWEEN his own, something more than a remake. He also does this by truly letting go of the Shape. The famous William Shatner mask was blown in half by Laurie at the end of the 2007 HALLOWEEN, and scarcely makes much of an appearance in this movie. Michael Myers is a disheveled drifter, literally haunted by his past, whose only real aim is to find a place to belong. It’s sort of funny, in retrospect: When John Carpenter made the first HALLOWEEN, he-by-way-of-Dr. Loomis declared Michael an empty shell of a person, someone who was simply born evil, as reflected by the empty-eyed mask he wears. For some reason, though, a whole legacy of directors just couldn’t resist trying to explain Myers away. The original HALLOWEEN II then says, “Well...what if Michael Myers is on a rampage because LAURIE STRODE IS HIS SISTER? What’s that you say? Why is that a reason to rampage? Ummmm...” And then HALLOWEEN 4 sees him pursuing other young female relations of his, and then in subsequent movies there’s an accursed rune, and druids, and immortality rites, and by the time you get to HALLOWEEN 6 you have this absurd stone soup of bad ideas. It’s a miracle that this franchise became such a thing. Rob Zombie makes the same fundamental mistake, but at least he tries it in the simplest possible way, asserting plainly that Nurture, not Nature, made Michael into a killer. Now, terminally lonely, he’s like a clown waking up in his trailer to find that the carnival left without him. Exiled from mainstream society, he seeks out what remains of his family, who, due to his own violent actions, has grown up more like him than he may have imagined.

I’m not saying I think this was the best thing to do with HALLOWEEN 2. Personally, what I crave in horror movies is something that is farther beyond explanation than this--something that gesturally resembles my life experience, but that plunges past the veil of mundanity into a deeper, darker world of primordial fears and urges, addressing things that unsettle me because I cannot rationalize them. For me, horror is definitionally incomprehensible, and Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN diptych is fundamentally sane. But, I think what I’ve discovered is that these movies are not proper horror movies, in spite of their relentless sadistic violence. They are outlaw fables, with more DNA in common with something like EASY RIDER, than with FRIDAY THE 13TH. It’s funny to watch myself coming to a compassionate understanding of these movies that are themselves about outsiders and rejects who are specifically deprived of understanding. My goal in all this was not so much to convince people of the value of these movies, which one might reject on any number of reasonable counts, but to explain to myself why I keep coming back to them. It isn’t to condescendingly heckle them, and it isn’t just because they’re often handsome-looking, or because they’re so emotionally authentic even when the narrative is less than compelling. It must be because, even when I’ve found him challenging, I can’t help seeing Rob Zombie as a person with vision, someone who heroically eschews common consensus on taste and sense-making--the consensus even among horror fans and his own cinematic heroes--in order to say what makes sense to him personally. Finally, he has begun to make sense to me, too.

#rob zombie #halloween #2007 #halloween ii #2009 #blogtober #remake #John Carpenter #sheri moon zombie #michael myers #laurie strode #scout taylor-compton #brad dourif #malcolm mcdowell #tyler mane #the shape #horror #slasher #outlaw culture

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queenofcats17 · 5 years

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Epic

I’ve written BATIM fics to Hadestown songs before. But I recently rediscovered this song, and I wanted to write it. This video held a lot of inspiration too.

This story is very much about my version of Joey, but the song works for many of them, I believe.

@halfusek ‘s Abomination also heavily influenced this.

Heavy and hard is the heart of the king King of iron, king of steel The heart of the king loves everything Like the hammer loves the nail

Joey Drew had long since convinced himself that the world was against him. A lifetime of bullying and ostracization had told him that no one was ever going to support him. The school had never done anything to help him. His parents had brought up the subject time after time, and the administration had said they’d do something. But they never did. Because he was different. The administration couldn’t very well tell the students not to beat up the sickly Jewish kid, right? After quite a while of this, his older sister Esther just started beating up those who dared hurt her brother. Of course, most had been quick to demonize her for this, but it had made Joey feel better.

“You don’t need to beat them up,” Joey said as Esther cleaned off the fresh scrape on her knee. “Everybody just gets mad at you for it.” Their parents had told her off for getting into another fight, especially given she was about to go into high school. They were more worried about her than anything else, though, unlike the school administration. They didn’t know how much they could protect her.

“So?” Esther didn’t look up, wincing a bit as she applied the rubbing alcohol to her scrape. “They hurt you, so they deserve to be hurt back.”

“But Ma and Pa are always really mad when you beat them up.” Joey hugged his knees, trying to hide his smile.

“I don’t care.” Esther looked up, her eyes meeting his. “You’re my brother and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

At the time, he’d felt comforted by her words. He felt better knowing that she was on his side. But then she’d gotten into high school, and she’d turned her back on him like everyone else. Suddenly she had responsibilities and expectations to uphold. Suddenly, she didn’t have time for him anymore. His parents weren’t much better, in his opinion. They too talked about expectations and responsibilities.

“A career in the arts is rather risky, don’t you think?” They’d say. “Are you sure you’d be able to get by?" They were always talking about money, if he’d be able to make a living, if he’d be comfortable. Their families had had nothing when they’d come here. They knew what it was to be hungry. Their worry had nothing to do with his abilities. But to Joey, barely 18 and angry at everything, it felt as though they didn’t believe in him. So, he decided that he didn’t need friends nor family. Obviously, everyone would only abandon him in the end. They’d never believed in him anyway. If he wanted to be successful, he had to harden his heart. He couldn’t let anyone get in the way of his ambition.

After Henry had left, he’d hardened his heart once more. He’d thought Henry would stay. He’d thought Henry would support him, would share in his dreams and be by his side forever. But Henry too had abandoned him. Everyone left in the end. And so Joey’s talk of dreams grew hollow. Not even he believed himself anymore.

But the heart of a man is a simple one Small and soft, flesh and blood And all that it loves is a woman A woman is all that it loves

He had moments of what he called weakness, of course. Moments where he missed his family, missed having friends, missed having people to support him. But he knew how to deal with those moments of weakness. He knew how to numb his feelings to make sure they didn’t bother him. Alcohol usually did the job well enough. He’d sit in his office, drinking until he couldn’t see or think straight.

“You shouldn’t drink so much, sir,” Grant told him whenever he found Joey doing this. “It’s bad for you.”

“Shut up,” Joey growled from behind his bottle. “Just give me the reports and get out.” There were very few who had seen him in this state. Grant was one of them because Joey knew Grant could keep his mouth shut. And so, Grant bowed his head, put the reports on the table, and left.

Alone once more, Joey cursed his heart. No matter how hard he tried, these moments always crept up on him. Some little thing would happen and remind him of better days, of what he’d once had. He’d gotten rid of any reminders of Henry in the years after his friend had left, and no one dared speak Henry’s name for fear of setting Joey off. For all his smiles and talk of dreams, Joey was a cruel and unforgiving person. Sammy was the only one who could talk back to him without getting fired.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Drew?!” Sammy yelled, slamming his hands on Joey’s desk.

“Is something wrong, Sammy?” Joey asked, trying to hide the slight slur in his words. That day hadn’t been a particularly good one. It was the anniversary of the founding of the studio, a reminder to Joey that the man he’d thought he could depend on had left him high and dry. Sure, Henry visited, he sent letters, but it did nothing to mend Joey’s broken heart. He’d coped with it the way he always did. By drinking.

“You’re giving me two days to write three songs,” Sammy growled. “That’s not enough time and you know it.”

“I’m sure you can do it,” Joey said dismissively. “If you can’t, I’ll find another music director.” Sammy was about to launch into a tirade but suddenly stopped. He leaned closer, eyes narrowed, and sniffed.

“Have you been drinking?” He asked, his voice softening. He looked genuinely concerned. Immediately, Joey felt rage well up in his chest.

“That’s none of your business, Lawrence.” He snapped. “Are you going to get me the songs or not?” But Sammy was undeterred.

“Are you alright?” He asked, leaning on the desk. “You can tell me if you’re not.”

“I’m fine.” Joey gritted his teeth, forcing himself to smile. “Don’t you have songs to write? We’re on a deadline. I won’t have you missing it.”

“You’re not alright.” Sammy insisted. “I can smell the alcohol on your breath, Joey. What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I’m fine.”

Sammy drew back a bit, eyes narrowing in thought. Then recognition passed over his face.

“Oh...” He stood up. “It’s the anniversary of the founding of the studio.”

“Yes, it is. But that’s not important.” Joey’s smile was so wide and so clearly forced it looked unnatural. “You should get back to work, Sammy.”

“You know you can talk to me if you need to.” Sammy moved to lean on the desk again, to get close to Joey. Joey shoved him as hard as he could, sending the music director stumbling backward.

“I don’t need your pity. I’m paying you to work, not to hold my hand and play shrink.” He growled, letting the facade drop. “If you can’t do your job, I’ll find someone who can. Do you understand?” For a moment, Sammy looked hurt. Then his face settled into a mask of irritated indifference.

“I understand.” His voice was monotone as he turned and left. Joey collapsed back into his chair, fishing out his nearly empty bottle of whatever booze he’d picked up from the liquor store. It didn’t matter what it was. Just so long as it got him drunk.

And Hades is King of the scythe and the sword He covers the world in the color of rust He scrapes the sky and scars the earth And he comes down heavy and hard on us

He taught himself not to care about other people, to put his own success and happiness first. Nothing else mattered as long as he survived and his name was remembered. He wasn’t a good boss, he knew that full well. He pushed his employees further than they were able to go, demanded more of them than he should have. Sammy and Grant were perpetually on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of him, the animators were overworked and underpaid, the studio was hemorrhaging money, and that wasn’t even touching on the absolute mess with Bendy Land.

His employees talked behind his back, sure, saying that they didn’t understand what he was doing with the company. But when push came to shove, they were afraid of him. They’d do what he asked because he was the one with the power. He was king in this studio, holding their souls in the palms of his hands. Whether they liked it or not, they would give up their lives for the sake of his dream. Their lives were inconsequential. They didn’t matter. No one mattered but him.

He was justified he told himself as he sliced Norman’s neck, the blood soaking into his white shirt and staining his skin rust red. The projectionist had been poking around, snooping in on Joey’s plans. He’d gone looking and had found the grotesque version of Bendy that the GENT Ink Machine had produced.

“You should have left well enough alone.” He whispered as he watched the light fade from the older man’s eyes. He didn’t enjoy this. The killing. He liked having the power over other people, but the process of killing was...messy. It wasn’t a pleasurable experience for him. Some part of him was sickened by the killing. But it was necessary. No one would stop him.

He dragged Norman’s body to one of the coffins, setting it beside the one that held Susie’s body. She’d been one of the earliest sacrifices. So eager to reclaim Alice Angel. It still tickled him how easy it had been to manipulate her into giving up her life. Sammy had been furious with him, of course, but Joey had managed to talk him around to it.

“She’s happy. She’s embodying the role she loves. Besides, now she’ll be young and beautiful forever!” Joey had told him. “She’ll never have to worry about losing roles because she’s getting too old or she’s not pretty enough. Don’t you want her to have security?”

Susie was a sweet girl, but so terribly insecure. Both Joey and Sammy knew this. Her insecurity was what had driven her away from Sammy and into Joey’s arms. From what Joey could tell, she’d always been riddled with anxieties. Always afraid of not being good enough, not being pretty enough. She’d been voicing Alice Angel for years when Joey decided to replace her, so it was natural that she’d grow attached to the character. Of course, he didn’t really think Allison could do better. He just needed a reason to make Susie desperate.

Allison herself had been rather unaffected by Joey, but that was only because Thomas had stepped in and protected her. Joey wasn’t sure if she knew what he’d done. She was always polite and courteous to him, so he imagined she didn’t. Still, she was much more confident in herself than Susie was, and thus harder to manipulate. She could be flattered, yes, but that only went so far. He knew he couldn’t seduce her the way he had Susie, nor could he prey on her insecurities. Her only weakness was Thomas, and Joey wasn’t eager to take on the other man in a fight.

It was their fault for falling for his manipulation, he told himself. If they were smarter, they wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Of course, most weren’t fooled by his act. They could see through his bullshit smiles and fine words. But those who did believe him...Well, he didn’t let them get away.

But even that hardest of hearts unhardened Suddenly, when he saw her there Persephone in her mother’s garden Sun on her shoulders, wind in her hair

Joey had known he was gay since he’d been very young. He’d learned quickly not to publicize his attraction to men, especially after he’d been mercilessly bullied for kissing another boy on the playground, but it was still there. No amount of suppression would make it just go away. When he’d been 18, his attempts to harden his heart were much less successful than he’d hoped, especially after he met Henry. The moment he’d laid eyes on Henry, his heart had melted. Henry had always been rather babyfaced, but as a fresh-faced college student, he’d been downright cherubic.

The two of them had run into each other on their first day of classes. Joey hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, and neither had Henry apparently, so they’d run straight into each other. Joey wasn’t exactly in the best of moods, so he was prepared to scream at whoever had run into him. Until he saw Henry’s face. Henry was flat on his ass, his large glasses askew, his soft brown hair mussed in a way that was frankly adorable. He was wearing an oversized sweater, pants that were too big for him, and some beaten up loafers. He looked like just about every nerd Joey had gotten stuffed in lockers with, and yet infinitely cuter. His lips looked so soft and plush, and Joey just wanted to bury his face in the other boy’s fluffy hair.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry!” Henry looked distraught, trying desperately to gather up his and Joey’s books. “I wasn’t looking where I was going. I-”

“I-It’s okay.” Joey cleared his throat, helping to gather the books as well. “I wasn’t looking where I was going either.”

“I guess we were both lost in our own worlds, huh?” Henry smiled. And Joey’s heart melted.

“Yeah.” Joey smiled back, a tad awkwardly. “Um, I’m Joey. Joey Drew.” He held out a hand to the smaller boy. Henry stared at the offered hand for a moment before gingerly shaking it.

“Henry. Henry Stein.” His smile turned shy. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“So, um, which class are you headed to?” Joey withdrew his hand, shoving it in his pocket.

Henry fumbled his books a bit to pull out his schedule. “Umm...Introduction to Art History, room 406.”

“Me too!” Joey’s face lit up.

“Really?” Henry brightened as well. “What a coincidence!”

“Maybe we could sit together,” Joey suggested, a hopeful note in his voice. He hadn’t been able to make a lot of friends since he’d come to the college. It didn’t help that he was living in a ratty apartment a mile from campus because he couldn’t afford on-campus housing.

“I’d love that!” Henry gave him a big smile, and Joey’s heart melted.

The smell of the flowers she held in her hand And the pollen that fell from her fingertips And suddenly Hades was only a man With a taste of nectar upon his lips, singing: La la la la la la la…

Being Henry’s friend was the best thing that had ever happened to Joey. For what felt like the first time in his life, he had a friend. Henry was in his corner, no matter what happened. He was Jewish too, although Joey had long since abandoned his faith. Absolutely no one was allowed to know about that part of him. He wanted to make something of himself, and he’d seen how being open about their heritage and faith had affected his parents. Even his sister hadn’t publicized her faith. Sometimes Joey wished he could find the comfort in religion that Henry and his family did. It would have been nice to have something he could believe in.

Henry wasn’t ashamed of who he was. He had none of the persistent self-loathing that Joey did. When they’d met, Henry had admittedly still been figuring himself out. But even as the two of them grew into adulthood, Henry showed no signs of developing any kind of self-hatred. He proved to be easy-going and calm, reigning in Joey’s more manic tendencies. The two of them worked well together, especially once the studio was set up. Joey had the charisma and silver tongue to get through the business parts, as well as quite a lot of ideas, while Henry supplied the actual content.

Joey was never happier than when he was with Henry. Henry was such a genuinely good person, always polite and kind to everyone he met. Or at least, polite. There were some cases where he didn’t particularly want to be kind. He made Joey want to be a better person, always pushing him in the right direction or to do the right thing. He relied perhaps a bit too much on Henry to be his moral compass. Henry had never been one for confrontation, something Joey only really noticed in passing. He didn’t often speak out against Joey, tending instead to keep his grievances to himself. After all, his grievances were always rather small. Just little things. But as time went on, his grievances began to build. Still, he kept quiet, always telling himself he’d bring his complaints up at a later date.

Then they’d opened the studio together. Henry had been seeing Linda for nearly a year at this point. He’d met her when he and Joey were working odd jobs in order to get up enough money to start the studio. Joey hadn’t been all that fond of her at first but had relented his displeasure after seeing how happy she made Henry. He was also a little scared Linda would beat him up. She was a small woman, but she’d been working a factory job when they’d met her.

“This is it!” Joey said, wrapping an arm around Henry and pulling him closer. “Our own studio!”

“It is pretty exciting, huh?” Henry grinned, unable to stop himself from laughing.

“Come on! You have to see the inside!” Joey let go of him, fumbling out some keys and opening the door with a flourish. Joey’s expression was enough to send Henry into another wave of laughter. His friend very much resembled an excited child, eager to show their parent something they were proud of.

He stepped inside, looking curiously around. The hallways still smelled faintly of sawdust. Everything was new and fresh, completely untouched. Henry almost didn’t want to venture further in for fear of sullying this place with his presence.

“What do you think?” Joey asked, striding in behind him.

“Well, it’s great so far.” Henry glanced back at him with a smile. His excitement continued as he entered what seemed to be the main lobby. Until he saw the company name plastered onto three reels.

“Joey Drew...Studios?” His smile fell a bit. He turned to Joey, who was standing nearby with an eager look on his face. “Why is the studio named after you?”

“I thought you said you didn’t mind being out of the spotlight?” Joey’s eager expression dampened a bit.

“I don’t. It just...” Henry pursed his lips, then sighed and shook his head. “You know, nevermind. It’s not important.”

“Are...Are you sure?” Joey asked.

“I’m sure.” Henry nodded. “Now show me the rest of the studio.”

“Well, alright.” Joey gestured for him to follow.

The rest of the tour went well, but Joey couldn’t put that moment from his mind. Henry had seemed rather upset to see Joey’s name on the wall and not his own. But Henry had said that he didn’t mind being out of the spotlight. So what was the problem with it? He tried to put it from his mind and focus on getting the studio off the ground.

Norman, Sammy, and Wally were some of the first few to be hired. Both Henry and Joey had become friends with Sammy after working at a bar where he played music. He was responsible for bringing in most of the band, since he had more contacts in that field. Wally and Norman, meanwhile, had responded to ads put in the paper by the studio asking for a janitor and a projectionist.

At first, Henry was the only animator they had. Joey trusted no one else to draw Bendy and Boris. Henry had always had a tendency to work himself harder than he should, but with Joey relying on him like this he’d gotten even worse. The other employees would often come in to find that Henry hadn’t gone home, finding him asleep at his desk or drinking an ungodly amount of coffee in order to keep going. Everyone became rather worried about him, especially Linda.

She came by the studio a lot to check on Henry. Joey heard her talking to Henry in hushed tones whenever she visited. Occasionally, she’d stop in to say hello to Joey and ask how he was doing, but more often than not she just made a beeline for her husband’s desk. Joey mostly tried to stay out of her way, but he had a bad habit of eavesdropping when it came to Henry.

“I’m fine, Lin, really.” Henry’s words were slurred by his lack of sleep. “I just need to meet this deadline.”

“You say that every time.” Linda sighed. “You can’t keep going like this. You’ll end up killing yourself.”

“I’m not going to die.” Henry laughed, but the sound was hollow. Joey felt his heart sink at the sound of Henry’s voice. God, Henry sounded so tired. He wasn’t killing his best friend, was he? He quickly shook his head. That was ridiculous. If Henry felt he was being overworked, he would have told him. And so he walked away, failing to hear the rest of Linda and Henry’s conversation.

“Well, have you at least talked to Joey?” Linda asked, glancing down the hallway to the staircase that led to Joey’s office.

“Not...yet.” Henry hunched his shoulders, drawing into himself. “But I will. I promise, I will.”

“Henry...” Linda cupped her husband’s face in her hands. “You can’t keep putting it off.”

“I know...” Henry averted his gaze but lifted his hands to touch hers. “I just don’t want to bother him. The studio’s just getting off the ground, so we’ve all been busy. It wouldn’t be fair for me to dump my problems on him.”

“If he’s really your friend, he’ll understand.” Linda pulled away. “I hope you’ll be home for dinner tonight.” She knew full well he probably wouldn’t be. But she could hope.

As more time passed, Henry’s grievances began to build. He tried to push them down, but he was almost at his breaking point now. No matter how hard he tamped them down, they rose up again, constantly at the back of his mind.

Joey relied on him far too much to push him in the right direction.

Joey took credit for work Henry had done.

Joey expected far too much of him.

Joey took and took and took and never gave anything.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. When he entered Joey’s office, his friend was a little surprised. Henry had a rather grim look on his face, one Joey was rather sure he hadn’t seen before.

“Is something wrong?” Joey asked, quickly shuffling away his paperwork.

Henry took a deep breath, leaning on Joey’s desk. “We need to talk.”

“We...We do?” Joey felt his stomach begin to sink.

“I can’t do this anymore, Joey.” Henry continued, his eyes on the floor. “I haven’t seen Linda in weeks now, I’m working so hard I can't remember what it’s like to sleep on an actual bed. It’s just...It’s too much.” Joey stared at him for a moment, licking his lips. Why did his mouth suddenly feel so dry?

“I...I understand.” He managed to force the words out, putting on a shaky smile. “I’m so sorry, Henry. I didn’t know how much pressure I was putting on you.”

Henry immediately relaxed, as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders. “I know this was supposed to be our dream, but I really need to find somewhere else. I can’t work for you. You’re my best friend. I can’t be strictly professional around you.”

“I understand.” Joey nodded again, his smile staying in place. But Henry could tell his friend was forcing himself to put up a happy front.

“I’m not leaving you, Joey.” He reached out and took Joey’s hand in his. “I’m still going to be here for you. I’ll visit. I just can’t work here anymore.” Joey looked down at Henry’s hands, admiring the callouses on Henry’s fingers and the ink that forever seemed to outline the ridges of his fingertips.

“I know.” His voice was soft as he lifted his gaze to meet Henry’s. “I hope you’ll be happier elsewhere.”

“Thank you.” Henry squeezed his hand. “And I hope you make this the most amazing studio the world has ever seen.”

Joey wished he could believe him.

And what has become of the heart of that man, Now that the man is King? What has become of the heart of that man, Now that he has everything?

One could count on one hand the number of people who brought up how much Joey had changed. Wally was one, but that was only because he tended to just say whatever was on his mind without thinking. Sammy was the one who brought it up the most often. He was one of the original employees, after all. He’d seen Joey’s slow descent into madness and wasn’t afraid to call him out on it.

”What happened to your dream?!” He demanded after Joey had given him yet another impossible deadline.

“What does the deadline have to do with my ‘dream’?” Joey asked coolly. Grant had delivered that month’s expense reports, so Joey was already in a rather sour mood.

“You’re practically a slave driver now!” Sammy slammed his hands on the desk. “You’re working everyone too hard and expecting too much of us! You used to care about the employees here! Now you just treat them like machines!”

“I do care about my employees.” Joey looked the slightest bit offended. “I’m simply pushing you all so you can achieve your true potential.”

“Our true potential.” Sammy scoffed, drawing away and folding his arms. “That’s bullshit.”

“Well, it certainly worked for Susie.”

Sammy stiffened at the mention of Susie. He hadn’t been allowed to see her since her transformation into Alice. Joey had told him that Susie didn’t want to see him, which was partially true. He also didn’t want Sammy undoing all of his hard work and showing Susie how she’d been manipulated.

“Is she...She’s still alright, isn’t she?” His voice was much softer and he wouldn’t look at Joey. His fingers began to twitch as he fought the urge to start fidgeting.

“She’s fine.” Joey smiled, folding his hands on his desk. “Although, if you keep pushing me, she might not continue to be.”

“Don’t hurt her.” Sammy’s eyes snapped up.

“Then keep doing your work.” Joey’s smile widened.

“I can’t do it,” Sammy said, giving in to his desire to fidget. “There’s too much to be done and not enough time.”

“You just have to believe, Sammy.” Joey’s voice was soft and soothing. “Have faith in me.” A flash of annoyance passed across Sammy’s face, but he said nothing.

“If you do as I say, everything will be fine.” Joey continued. “Now go on. You have songs to complete.” He gestured to the door. Sammy gritted his teeth and hung his head. Without another word, he turned and left the office.

Joey sat back in his chair, satisfied by this outcome. Perhaps, though, he should pay a visit to Alice. It had been a bit since his last visit. She’d been a bit...emotional the last time. She was still upset about the whole debacle with Allison, not to mention that she hadn’t come out ‘perfect’ enough to earn Joey’s praise.

He filed away the rest of his paperwork and headed to where Susie was. She was a floor or two up, along with a few other transformed employees. It was a bit sad that no one had asked where Wally had gone. Perhaps they were all happier now that he wasn’t constantly chattering in their ears. He’d been a terrible mechanic too. Joey hummed to himself as the elevator screeched upwards. He saw Thomas talking to Allison on one of the floors and waved. Thomas gave him a poisonous glare.

“Hey, Mr. Drew.” The employee in charge of watching the ink creatures greeted him when he stepped off. They were a skinny kid of indeterminate race and gender who called themselves Adrien Amsel. They tended to blend into the background because everything about them was brown, from their hair to their clothes. Joey had just kind of found them on the street and decided they’d be a good person to hire since they didn’t ask any questions or care about much of anything. They had something that was like a reception desk or guard post. It was just a desk with a chair.

“Hello, Adrien.” Joey strode out of the elevator. “How is my angel doing today?”

Adrien shrugged, their gaze mostly on their book. “I mean, she hasn’t started screaming or anything.”

There was music coming from inside, which was probably a good sign. Joey moved to the door, looking over at Adrien. The teenager flipped a page. They were reading a copy of Grimm’s Fairytales.

“Fairytales, hm?” Joey paused with his hand on the doorknob.

“It was a present from my godfather,” Adrien said. “I thought it’d be rude if I didn’t read it.”

“Alright.” Joey turned back to the door. “You know what to do if things get out of hand.”

“Yep.” Adrien gestured vaguely what looked like a fire extinguisher at their side. It wasn’t really a fire extinguisher. It was filled with acetone. Susie’s body was made of ink now, so acetone was a good deterrent for...unwanted behavior.

Joey smiled and walked in, closing the door behind him. He was rather pleased with the scene he found before him. Alice was sitting in the middle of the room singing while the other ink creatures played instruments. They couldn’t play well, since most of them had malformed limbs, but they were playing all the same. A chorus for an angel. Boris was playing the clarinet, but it was wildly out of tune. Alice stopped, gently slapping Boris’ back.

“What happened to your musicality?” She asked. “You’re great at the clarinet!” Boris looked sheepish, hunching his shoulders.

“Don’t give him too hard of a time,” Joey said, entering the room with the pomp and circumstance he thought was necessary. “He’s still getting used to this new world.” Boris moved away from Joey, whimpering. Or at least, he was trying to whimper. Joey had made sure he couldn’t make any noise.

“Joey!” Alice immediately stood up. She was the perfect image of Alice. But without a halo. He needed to find some way to get her a halo.

“Hello, my darling angel.” Joey walked forward, cupping Alice’s face in his hands. “You’re as lovely as ever.”

“I thought...You said I wasn’t perfect.” Alice lowered her eyes shyly, her cheeks coloring.

“You’re not perfect yet, but we will make you perfect.” Joey rubbed his thumb across her cheek. “After all, you’re my angel.” Alice smile, but then quickly looked back at him.

“But what about Allison?” She demanded, taking Joey’s hands off of her. “You aren’t going to replace me again, are you? You haven’t come back in a while. How am I supposed to know that you didn’t just decide you could do better with her?!” The ink around her began to bubble, the ink making up her body began to dribble. Boris whimpered, backing up.

“I won’t replace you,” Joey assured her, keeping his cool. “In my eyes, you’re the only Alice. I only had Allison take the role to see if it would drive up sales. Obviously, the world wasn’t fooled.” He took her hand again. “You are the only Alice Angel.”

“...You better not be lying to me.” Alice stared at him. She hadn’t been a dangerous person as a human. But ink creatures had certain powers. And Alice was a very powerful ink creature.

“I would never lie to you.” Joey kissed her cheek. He was lucky Susie had always fallen for this sort of thing. Lucky that she’d never picked up on his unrequited crush on Henry. Boris watched him warily, holding the clarinet to his chest as though it would save him. Joey kept smiling.

Alice seemed satisfied by this, a smile returning to her face. She walked back to where she’d been sitting, arranging herself primly on her chair.

“So, what brings you here?” She asked. “You never visit anymore.”

“Things have been...busy,” Joey said slowly, sitting down next to her. “I’ve been dealing with quite a bit.”

“You’re always working so much nowadays.” Alice rested her head on his shoulder. Her horns dug into his shoulder a bit. “Always so serious.”

“I suppose you’re going to bring up how I’ve changed, hm?” Joey let the bitterness slip into his voice.

Alice pulled away, her brow furrowed. “Did someone else bring it up?”

“Sammy did.” Joey’s smile fell a bit as his irritation became plain. “Kept talking about how I’d forgotten my ‘dream’. All of this is for my dream! I push them so that they can achieve their true potential! So that we can all be better!” He slammed his fist down on the chair beside him. All the other ink creatures had shied away from him at this, especially Boris. But Alice stayed.

“You have changed. But it’s not a bad thing.” She said, smiling and taking his arm. “Sammy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He never did.” Her nose wrinkled in disgust for a moment. “You’re making dreams come true.”

“Yes, I am.” Joey smiled back. “And it’s all thanks to you.”

She was such a fool for trusting him. It would only bring her pain in the end.

The more he has, the more he holds, The greater the weight of the world on his shoulders See how he labors beneath that load Afraid to look up, and afraid to let go And he keeps his head low, and he keeps his back bending He grows so afraid that he'll lose what he owns But what he doesn't know is that what he's defending Is already gone

The bigger the studio got, the tighter Joey held to it. No one could say he didn’t love this studio. Everything he did was to ensure its success. But somewhere along the way, his love had become twisted. He loved the studio as a possession, something he could own, something he could use. He loved his workers not as people, but as tools. Everything within the studio walls was his, and woe to anyone who tried to take what was his. The employees could call him incompetent all they liked. He was in charge. He couldn’t let this studio fail. He couldn’t. If he failed, then those who had doubted him would be right. He wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction.

He became controlling, demanding perfection from everyone in the studio.

Bertrum and Lacie tried to take it away from him. Bertrum had threatened to quit, to take all his plans and go elsewhere. He and Joey had been having an argument about it near the elevator shaft on Level S. Bertrum had his plans and blueprints shoved in a bag and clutched to his chest.

“Bertie, please, you can’t leave.” Joey’s smile was forced and fragile. He felt he might snap at any moment. He knew he probably wasn’t going to get Bendyland off the ground. Not with Grant dead. They’d found the accountant hanging in his office. The pressure had gotten too much for him.

“Let me go, Mr. Drew!” Bertrum snapped. “There’s no point in me staying! This park clearly isn’t going to happen!”

“It will happen! It will!” Joey was practically begging now, trying to grab at Bertrum as the park architect dodged him.

“You’re deranged!” Bertrum yelled. “A fool! I never should have agreed to work for you!” For a moment, Joey saw red. A fool?! He’d show him a fool! Before he knew what he was doing, he’d shoved Bertrum into the elevator shaft. He stood there, staring into the darkness, listening as the architect’s body hit the bottom of the shaft. He felt...relieved. Bertrum had been so irritating! Always questioning him! But Bertrum was gone now.

“Bertie? I’ve got the rest of your....papers.” Lacie came walking up with another bundle of papers. She trailed off when she saw Joey standing in front of the shaft, Bertrum’s papers scattered about. She looked at Joey and she knew what he’d done. She dropped the papers and ran at him. All Joey had to do was step out of her way. Even then, she managed to grab one of his suspenders as she went by. If she was going down, she was taking him with her. Joey barely got a hold of the post on the edge of the shaft, and the jerk nearly sent him tumbling down. The only thing holding Lacie up was Joey’s suspender, and it wasn’t very strong. Lacie knew this.

“I hope you rot in Hell, Drew.” She growled. Then the suspender snapped. Joey managed to pull himself back onto the landing. He sat there for a little, composing himself, then he threw the rest of the papers into the shaft. Everything was going to be fine, he told himself. It was all going to be fine.

It wasn’t fine. He’d underestimated just how badly in debt they were. Esther was the one to give serve him the bankruptcy papers. Her firm wasn’t handling the case, but she’d wanted to serve it to him. She’d wanted to help him. Her eyes were tired and pleading and she promised she would help him. He didn’t want her help. He didn’t want anyone’s help. He had to find some way to fix this. He couldn’t lose everything he’d worked so hard for. So...He panicked. No one was going to take this away from him. No one. Everything here was his, everyone here was his. They would die for his dream. They had to.

On the last official day of operation, Joey locked the doors to the studio and went down to where they kept the twisted copy of Bendy. He wasn’t allowed near the other creatures as they’d found he tended to...dissolve other ink creatures. He opened his spellbook and began to chant. He’d held a goodbye party in the breakroom, with provided cake and coffee. Everyone had gotten something. They hadn’t even noticed the inky taste in everything. As Joey chanted, the employees began to feel strange. Soon enough, they began to vomit, shocked and horrified when they saw they were throwing up ink. The ink continued to pour out of them, starting to consume them. The employees screamed, scrambling for the doors. Their panic and fear spiked when they found the doors were locked. Joey could hear their screams even from where he was.

“This is my studio.” He said, closing the book. “No one is taking this away from me.” Bendy tilted its head to the side curiously.

“Tommy said you needed a soul.” Joey smiled. “So I’ll give you a soul.” He wrapped his arms around the demon, allowing the ink to spread over him, consuming him whole. He’d wanted to live forever. Now he would.

Where is the treasure inside your chest? Where is your pleasure? Where is your youth? Where is the man with his hat in his hands? Who stands in the garden with nothing to lose, singing: La la la la la la la…

It was all over now. The studio he’d worked so hard to build had crumbled, leaving him trapped in a hell of his mistakes, gazing out over his crooked empire and the people he’d destroyed. The dreams were gone. Had it been worth it? Had his actions been justified, in the end?

He’d brought his creations to life, hadn't he? They walked and talked and breathed and thought, didn’t they? But...No. They didn’t. Bendy had been born without a soul, and Joey’s fusion with him had produced a twisted and horrifying monstrosity. He’d taken Boris' voice, and all subsequent Borises lacked voices as well. Alice’s mind was fractured due to an ill-fated run-in with Joey himself. The Butcher Gang were twisted mockeries of their animated counterparts. None of it was right. None of it was the way it was supposed to be. And he knew it was his fault. He’d been so unwilling to let his studio go he’d turned it into a horror show.

“You just have to believe.” He’d said that before, in an audio log. He wondered if he’d ever actually believed that before he’d adopted that persona to manipulate his workers. Henry had believed. Henry had always believed. Henry had always pushed him to do the right thing. Without his family there, Henry had been his moral compass.

“He should have pushed harder.” He growled to himself, trapped within the ink, surrounded by the reminders of how he’d failed. Henry should have done something. Henry should have stopped him. Henry should never have left. If he could just get Henry back...Henry would fix things. Henry would put everything right! All he needed to do was get Henry back into the studio. Henry had the heart that Joey needed. Henry had always been the soul of the studio. If he could just get Henry back, then everything would be fine. It was Henry’s fault that this had happened, anyway.

But deep down, Joey knew that this was his fault. All of it was on him. He’d lost sight of what he and Henry had sought to create together. He’d lost sight of his dream, his happiness. He should have listened to the others, should have accepted their help, should have acknowledged his own shortcomings. He was in too deep, though. He’d become too wrapped up in his own ambition. He couldn’t just admit his mistakes now. And so, in the ink, he let his anger fuel him. The young man who’d stood side by side with Henry was gone. There was only a monster now.

La la la la la la la…

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