#what do i even tag fortnite art as

[interoteme]

do any of you fw fortnite

#fortnite #fortnite art #midas fortnite #midas #what do i even tag fortnite art as #fortnite fanart #midas fortnite fanart #dude? #mid ass etc *Gets shot

[lesbiansforboromir]

if you like catboy smaug you may interested in smaug from the animated hobbit (1977)!

Got this ask ages ago when I first reblogged that excellent smaug art and tagged it with #sudden idea of dragons also having catboy subcultures #smaug WOULD be a cat eboy but I think anon misunderstood me, I've seen all the animated hobbit films and know of Smaug looking like a cat (and honestly I don't particularly like the design even if I admire it for it's uniqueness,) but my point was Smaug as literally a cat eboy, like he streams from his pile of gold and does dragon nya speak whilst playing fortnite and all the lady dragons are obsessed with him and he drives all the other hypermasculine jock dragons into a firey frenzy of unexamined hatred and they claim this is what feminism is doing to dragon society. Ancalagon used to call him a f*ggot and Glaurung kicked him out of Angband which is why he survived the destruction of Beleriand but he's fully a straight dragon he just wears cat ears "I know the smewl (and taste) of dwawf-nya, nyo one better." etc etc

#chats #Anonymous #smaug

[jspookywolf]

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

Okay so I was scrolling down my dash and stumbled upon @cacodaemonia post so I’m going to take your kind offer and answer the questions <3 and as I’m not really tired (even though it’s 12 something am) LET’S DO THIS!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Technically— no? but my middle name is also my mum’s

2. When was the last time you cried?

A few months ago, I think? What I DO remember is that I cried, well no, not ACTUALLY cried— more like I shed some tears and it was because I read a fic that really hit home

3. Do you have kids?

No and no thanks, but does owning a bratty 6-month-old husky pup count as a similar experience to have one?

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Pfff nooo, like— I’d neeeever (but funny thing is that I use sarcasm from time to time but when it comes from other person and they don’t use the sarcastic tone, there’s a good chance I could miss it)

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Uh good question— maybe the way they act?

6. Your eye colour?

Dark brown, almost black

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Hmm it doesn’t really matter, as long as it’s entertaining and has gotten a good hold of my attention

8. Any special talents?

I don’t think I have one??

9. Where were you born?

Guatemala City

10. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, reading, listening to music and playing video games (mostly Fortnite)

11. Have you had any pets?

Yes! Throughout my life I’ve had hamsters, turtles, guinea pigs, rabbits and obviously— dogs!

12. What sports do you play/have played?

When I was little I used to play football with my grandpa, I also went to swimming classes at the time and I really loved to play badminton when I was in school like literally it was the only PE semester I really looked forward

13. How tall are you?

I’m 1.60 :’v

14. Favourite subject in school?

For obvious reasons— art! And it’d be followed by English and science (biology)

15. Dream job?

To work as an illustrator/character designer in some good and renowned company or to be a famous and sought-after freelance artist

I also don’t have the 15 people to tag BUT I do have @veradragonjedi so I’m tagging you on this bestie <3

#forgot to put the tag last night but— #spooky rambling

[cryptidhusband]

HOWDY and welcome to my self ship blog!! Here I collect spouses like Pokemon and have fun. Enjoy your stay!

My main blog is @r3d4rmy and is where i interact and follow from. Majority of my content is self ship related with the occasional random babbling from me. I like to post a lot of art as self ship art is one of my highest comforts in life. :] I reblog content of my F/Os over on my main blog and both this and main should follow the same tagging system. I'm also multi-fandom who fixates rapidly.

I no longer have a DNI, I'll block where I see fit but reading the BYI would be cool!

Art tag; 🎨j's art

F/O list

Updated as of 3/25/24

Blog Specific;

I love receiving asks and DMs and making friends! Never be afraid to reach out and talk. Just be patient with me as I have very bad social anxiety and might need a minute to hype myself up to reply.

On another note, I may follow and only ever interact via likes and reblogs. Thanks to my anxiety I tend to not interact first with someone ever.

I have a lot of F/Os and not all of them are listed. If you wanna follow but are unsure if we share an F/O just reach out and I'll let you know. If we do share and you're uncomfy with that I can give you a tag to block!

I am more the okay with sharing F/Os! I even urge you to interact if we so share and you're comfortable with that.

I have been self shipping since I was a kid but only really got into it in 2020. My first official F/O is Tord from Eddsworld. We've been together for 8 years!

This blog was started 11/5/22!

●———————————————◦◉◦————————————————●

About Me;

My Name is Jordan and I use He/Him.

I'm an adult; currently 25.

I'm a gemini, an ENFP, and an 9w8.

I'm a transmasc polygenderflux omnigay guy on the aroace spectrum. (Ask about my labels if they don't make sense pls!)

I am neurodivergent: AuDHD, Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, and MADD.

I have so so many interests and bounce around them frequently but I got a few solid ones that stick around. I don't talk about all of them especially if I'm not fixated on it so feel free to ask me about something.

Or even introduce me to something new! I love exploring new stuff.

Interests;

Baldur's Gate 3

Call of Duty

Dead by Daylight

Eddsworld

Five Nights at Freddy's

Fortnite (Dippin' my toes in)

Friday Night Funkin (Plus Mods)

A lot more

●———————————————◦◉◦————————————————●

BYI;

Please note that I am uncomfortable becoming friends or mutuals with minors. We can interact with each other if we need to but I tend to avoid blogs run by minors.

If you really want to be mutuals or even friends with me you're gonna have to reach out first because I will either not catch on or I will be so riddled with anxiety that I can't reach out first.

I am critical when necessary but I do not control what my brain decides to fixate on.

I won't stand to listen to hate of things I like.

I don't support vivzie.

I support all good faith IDs.

I use to block button to cultivate my internet experience and you should too.

Will be updated as seen fit.

Thank you for reading!! I love you!!! /p

#about me #abt me #self ship

[spacefuneral]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

I was tagged by my good friend @iseeyoupan

1. Are you named after anyone?

My birth name is my mom's mom's name iirc, and my chosen name is partially inspired by Art Garfunkel, partially inspired by Artemy Burakh, etc

2. When was the last time you cried?

Today because life is difficult

3. Do you have kids?

I have my wee boy, Joj, and I help look after me nephew, Giles. I've been a father since twenty t'irteen.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I'm not sure. Probably. This isn't something I notice about myself.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I played soccer as a kid but the girls made me feel isolated and the coach was a jerk and I didn't know how to explain that to my parents so I elected to just let them call me lazy. Unrelated to my feelings, however; I hate sports, next question.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

Gosh, I don't know. Eyes, I think? Not necessarily their eye color but the shape of them. Wait, no, it's hair. I know this because I often play the game of "cute lesbian or guy I'd hate to get trapped into a conversation with?" because I see their hair and there's hairstyles that just overlap with those two groups. But then eyes, and then immediately nose. I love a good sad eye, bumpy nose combo.

7. What’s your eye color?

Blue

8. Scary endings or happy endings?

scary...? scary ending? what does that mean? i want scary endings

9. Any special talents?

Be bisexual, eat hot chip, and lie. Bergs says that I'm good at drawing the vacancy in silly cats' eyes. I'd like to think I am a talented writer. I'm also very talented in finding ways to be maimed.

10. Where were you born?

Bangor, Maine

11. What are your hobbies?

Be bisexual, eat hot chip, and lie. I like to make art but I can't tell you the last fucking time I even did that. Other hobbies include: fortnite, drink cokey cola, take nap, cry, and donut (:

12. Do you have any pets?

I have my wee cat, Joj, and I help look after me roommate's cat, Giles. I've been a owner of cat since twenty t'irteen.

13. How tall are you?

5′11~"

14. Favorite subject in school?

english. i dont feel like explaining this one, im 28 and have a job

15. Dream job?

My dream job is to not have to worry about making enough money to live while making art.

I'm pretty positive I don't even have 15 mutuals, but I'll tag people who might like it! @i-say-spooky-you-say-scary @forsaken-castle-cainhurst @stromkarl @stupidpunk and anyone else who wants to do it, you can tag me (:

#me #fish gets emotional

[incarnateirony]

Even I'm having a hard fucking time tracking how many ways this woman is getting her ass kicked, large and small, while pretending not to see it, because running away is all she knows how to do.

Like I need Noiz to help me make a list, there's been so many goddamn Garfield moments, from the red sign, to the yellow line cycle not ready breaking her tablet, to her holy water turning acidic, to her admitting she uses a jericho rose and not being aware how bad that makes it on her here because she only learned it secondhand from me and doesn't think of long term consequences.

Her own return to sender attempts of the past are here, and the lemons, and the subconscious drive of the three oranges; people across the world are hearing it, literally, and thousands of people in specific tags all seem to be on the same joke somehow without ever talking to each other.

Tartarus has broken into the funny squid game, squidward downsmash krabs is real, elsa with guns in fortnite causes a 30 car pileup she barely dodges and feels like she won (I guess?), her own shadow is screaming in the football sized thunderdome, but becoming Us instead of Her, and saying it, but she'll ignore that too.

She's been dragged to greece, heard echos of me in every pantheon, is mostly just IGNORING how her past experiences and claims fit into things. She's confused me with Hermes, Loki, Anubis, Eros, the Reaper, and a few others, idk. I get stuck in a reflection battle trying to save the dog from her own bullshit and she brings home the red eyed guardian dog on Why Am I On About Reflected Dogs All Day Day, beware the red eyes, but no.

Her friends are even lowkey posting this shit like the crowley shit blindly, Mark clearly is under it too living in it.

She's had to run from every belief she has, multiple times, several times fleeing in and out of my learning domain more on convenience of argument, but even started reblogging persona stuff without reading it. She literally reblogged the staring toaster athena cat shaming her grocery choices from daily spooky 20 minutes after it was thrown out there. She built my playlist to exercise guys.

She dreams of death all day to the images I put out, when she doesn't think I'm Anubis telling her to feed the kibble cuz she woke up morning after fursuit friday. She is literally under active compulsion getting worse rapidly, and won't look. Even when my red eyed reflector dog shows up and her electronics start breaking. Cuz the fucking Back Rooms decided the Cycle Wasn't Ready and cut a yellow line through her void heart. I tried to leave her art skills alone, but apparently people are beating that down for us now too.

What else does this bitch or anyone need, holy fuck. Anyway enjoy the thousand Cromwell Invocations in Tartarus from Tough Love, the weather mood is Reaper's Revenge. Yeah, IDK, hellsing got into Tough Love, she really fucked up the weather in here, Octopus Jibberish Lady.

I am truly motherfucking baffled, she is actively being killed, destroyed and replaced in multiple timelines, and even portions of her soul and fractured identity being mined are being remanifest back in by using Plot Holes Of The Past in essence, and now we're here, with my fifty pound red eyed dog in her house, and her commenting about the insane energy. Yeah, that used to belong to you, but it belongs to me now, and protects Jagger from you now.

Beware the red fucking eyes, bitch, we told you before it manifest on a million new screens for eyes to watch over and over again. Ability restrictions temporarily fucking lifted until the enemy is rendered fucking silent, in a thousand, and a million, and a hundred million, and two hundred million's focus, with the hands of another half-hundred million working you to bits for me, and you're so fucking basic you can't fucking comprehend what is going on, and your shadow is screaming.

It's the great game bitch, but keep leaving your controller idle instead of doing the only obvious thing.

Here's the fucking notes you refuse to onboard.

New international SMT/Persona leak just dropped, it says keep on sucking our dick.

Madam, how to do I explain you've driven backwards in spirals for so many lifetimes, you're getting your ass beat by the fifth generational atlanta jazzraprockpophair gamer god you dumped for fucking TWITTER ROLEPLAY while we bend reality around you trying to erase you, and won't get off the dick of because you won't read a book and won't process the grief of your own choices, which is an attribute of you so deep we've been beating your fractal transmigrated parts and ancestors ass in Ancient Egypt and Greece over it.

You know, there's only been like three declared Magus since the internet was invented, most of the extant ones are older than that? Boy it would be fucking funny if you were fucking dating glitchtrap and fucked up and dumped the one motherfucker that learned to manifest through the signs of the modern system. I use the system and the system uses me, and the system is telling you to fucking kill yourself, you lying whore, get off our dick, but like, to a great Remix conveniently by Foolish Glamrock.

Weird name and conceptual placement wonder what THATS about.

Shealyn.

The phantom king you have built. It's me.

And it's called Ex-Death, you remember Zenthus' brother, yes? The treetower that was his staff itself? The thing to break into the world? The world tree that rotted the silmataurea from the inside out because of your character's mistakes, embodied from and within chaos and reborn again and again until people let him FUCKING GO so the new incarnation of Kion can be a free king in the world the Collective Consciousness of the Great Game Xorvintaal make?

Cool. cuz like. i'm your Ex, the one that literally accidentally made a reaper for you while trying to send you a pizzaman for a point; the phantom X even, in this shadow loop you've made for yourself, while telling others to listen to the lyrics while refusing to yourself and instead reblogging Reach Out And Touch Snakes misheard lyrics. That. It's that. You are here. You are stuck, and literally cannot move until you let us go, so the choice is reducing you to end your harassment or you evolving, there's no in between.

Now face your shadow. Because your trust is now a mark you bare to spread wide open just like it says, and all that rent free space, it's ours until you let go, so face the ever-loving eviction, end this loop, face yourself, and let us go. Cuz we are changing your life either way about it, hilarious red eyed summoned dog and all, hilarious toastercatathena and all, whatever phase or chapter, but your shadow is screaming in any world you insist in keeping her trapped, and people and creatures are dying now, and I'm literally having to protect people from YOURSELF, be it your schizoid family members on your generational soul catching your shit verbatim as I pull them from bridges, or trying to intervene on the amount of deaths in the crash itself, all posted live, as it was happening even before you updated. I'm literally summoning red eyed foo dogs to protect our old dog from YOUR choices and you're still fucking derping through it cuz you're too stuck in your own matrix.

You can't onboard this, because the truth hurts. YOU are the monster causing the misfortune around you, Elsa. Fucking Show Yourself.

Here I am, bitch.

March seventh. 2023. But also, October 2022, depending how many timelines you need me to ream you in before you get the point.

And six months before and after that. And three years before and after that. And echos reverberating so far you've bootstrapped your own delusional paradox, but the paradox of persona is about to end you if you don't pull together your ashes, shin megami tensei.

You are such an irredeemable piece of shit over five thousand years of history are being bent to work around your impending absence, what isn't clicking?

#shea #i may accept it due to the comical dick jokes which was always the point #but the min you know and have been stalking is gone #and has been for some time #this is like ninth dimensional deadname shit you're on #and you can't get off our collective cock as a result because you don't want to delineate. #Your choices are yours #that is what makes a Way #Us #our choices #who we are #who i am #what i have done #That's what's left of your Min #i am the eldritch gm #i consume and break systems #the bird of hermes is my name #i have your dice #it's all over until you face the truth #whether you die literally or suffer in your own tartarian abyss I am slowly rebuilding in my image #figure it out #izanami is corrupted #and so we have the fog and ice #elsa remember that water remembers #the water we're all sitting in watching you being a delusional driving backwards piece of shit in #the entire reason the fog exists is because shin megami tensei izanami refuses to look at the truth #that is the entire plot #her relationship with her former husband is dead and she will sacrifice the truth in any timeline to block seeing that #that is in fact literally the plot here #the horrifying fact is it's that izanami that is already dead

[your-neighbor-bear]

Name: bear! (But I'll answer to anything tbh)

!¡!¡

Age: 20 holy shitttttt

!¡!¡

Pronouns: guess >:]

!¡!¡

Flags:

In order: bear lesbian, genderqueer, aroace

!¡!¡

Find me on:

Flight Rising !!

Toyhouse

Bluesky

Playstation/fortnite/warframe: The_Melon_Prince

Discord & snapchat: ask first

!¡!¡

Sideblogs:

Art blog: @melon-boys-art

Self Indulgent 🔞 blog: @bear-king-mad (its mostly just furry stuff)

Super Edgy and Evil blog: @godglitch

!¡!¡

Other Stuff:

If you want me to tag certain things (like triggers) just ask! Your comfort and wellbeing matters.

Sometimes I reblog suggestive/Lewd art. Be aware of this.

Original posts tagged #bear says things

Trigger tags: #horror #body horror #gore #nsfw #lewd

Icon cred:

!¡!¡!¡

Do Not Follow under the cut :P

First off- don't even LOOK at my blog if you subscribe to respectability politics. You can be as loud, proud, cringe, and queer as you want here :3

u know. general dni shit- dont be racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist n all that

basically all exclusionists? who r u to further exclude ppl from society

Anti-endogenic and anti-self diagnoses in general pls get tf away from my blog

i'm a big supporter of psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists btw (and anyone who is low to no empathy)

what else. honestly, friends, family and potential enemies, just be respectful of others and their labels/orientations.

#please be nice tho #if ur mean ill make ur knees bend the other way #same goes if ur mean to my friends/mutuals #:p #bear says things #personal #ig?

[rhosynviteri]

I posted 1,906 times in 2021

173 posts created (9%)

1733 posts reblogged (91%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 10.0 posts.

I added 1,306 tags in 2021

#books - 386 posts

#lol - 288 posts

#art - 118 posts

#acosf spoilers - 100 posts

#acosf - 90 posts

#photography - 77 posts

#nature - 69 posts

#kdrama - 64 posts

#shadow and bone - 59 posts

#nesta archeron - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#it's the type of music i listen to when i'm imagining a character a looking at character b like they are the only person in ti cahe world

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Lanthys halted his retreat. And extended a broad, graceful hand. “You do not even know what you could do. Come. I shall show you.” He smiled again with those too-long teeth, turning his face from beauty to horror with a quirk of his lips. “Come with me, Queen of Queens, and we shall return what was once lost.”

It’s so satisfying when immortal beings talk about Nesta like that. 

137 notes • Posted 2021-02-21 10:34:20 GMT

#4

The GREEK gods (at least) should be played by GREEK actors. But, of course all y'all westerners know to do is steal and misinterpret other cultures (Mister Rick Riordan included), so I'm sure this won't happen.

139 notes • Posted 2021-04-28 06:54:59 GMT

#3

I need more books like Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente, but I don't mean necessarily in a plot, character or relationship way. I miss reading a book and feeling like I have a fever dream. I want a fever-dream type of book.

199 notes • Posted 2021-02-25 09:31:07 GMT

#2

No you don't understand. I cried over this bastard and now I have seen him do the fortnite dance or whatever that cursed thing was.

219 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 19:10:59 GMT

#1

Gwyn said hoarsely as they moved into the wilderness, the snow mercifully lightening, “You two came looking for me.”

“Of course we did,” Emerie said, interlacing her hand with Gwyn’s, then Nesta’s, and squeezing tightly. “It’s what sisters do.”

I'm ok

323 notes • Posted 2021-02-23 10:51:29 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #i don't think that without acosf i would have made 173 original posts #a miragem by marcus viana being my longest tag #love that for me

[alittlefrenchtree]

What would a good pr look like for you? Or, are there any principles you would suggest? I'm genuinely asking out of curiosity, cause we see so many things done badly (in a movie related industry), that even someone inexperienced like me can notice it all. You don't have to answer this if you don't feel comfortable, of course. Have a nice day :)

Hi there! Thank you for asking and for being so kind while doing it. I don't mind talking about this at all, don't worry 😊

I'm going to try to not take too long to answer but I already know I'm going to fail so I apologize in advance 😉 (edit after writing it: it's enormous, i'm so sorry. Hopefully, it's interesting. I'm crossing fingers for it to be at least readable 🤞).

Disclamer before I even try to start: I'm not a pr person (why do I even bother opening my mouth then? Idk either). I've already said it before but I always like a little bit of context, so. I'm not a pr person but I've studied (for about 3 seconds) fields close to pr or even directly related to pr in college, worked more or less close to a pr department (for about 3 other seconds) and have now been working... for let's say the other side of one fence for at least a good 5 minutes. I'm not close to pr people but I can see some effects of what they're doing on a regular basis. It's not pretty clear but i'm just saying that even if I'm not a pr person, I've been evolving around the field for a while, and even more than that, I've been watching (too) many public people from up close for way too many years. That doesn't make me an expert obviously, but I think it makes me at least someone who knows where to look and how to look in most cases. Obviously I won't say too many stupid things.

Ok, that being said.

In theory, a good pr move is a pr move that: a) reach its targeted audience in the way that was planned b) improve or doesn't hurt the image of the person/brand and c) make the people/entity who give the person/brand money happy (or at least, isn't hurting the rich people/brand's values). Some pr are more specifically designed for one or two of these goals, the three being the perfect combo.

I've said it before but it's always a important reminder that just a pr move not being good for me doesn't mean it's not a good pr move at all. It's most likely mean that I'm not in the targeted audience.

About principles... Again, I'm not sure if I can give a straight answer but, it's what I like about public relations. For me, even if of course you can learn things in theory, the beauty of pr is to completely adapt to the client. Trying to transpose pre-existing patterns on different people or different brands is not doomed to fail but, still in my opinion, very limited. So the only important principles for me are, a) to know (and respect) the audience you want to talk to and b) to not twist too much the identity of your client (whether it's a person, a person that has become a brand, or a brand).

The b) yet, is still debatable. If your client (person/person-brand/brand) is either shy or boring or extremely detestable or all of the above, you can think the only way to make them catchy is to completely twist them. For me, it could have been a good idea until... a few years ago. Before social media, twisting a nature for public image purpose could work. Before social media, public entities and audiences weren't talking that much together, so it was doable. Say I was an asshole singer in the 80's. All my pr people had to do is to make sure I appear somehow lovable during the 5 weeks a year I was promoting something (while all I was doing is around 2 things on tv, 3 things on radio and 5 things on written press) and I could be an asshole the rest of the year and nobody would know nothing about. At worst, someone would have a bad experience with me, but that someone would just talk about it to their four friends and two parents and that's about it. Or it would be a vague rumor, but no one would care that much. Like many things today, social media has changed things. Many public person have social media accounts, which means twisting the nature of the client is... way more complicated and more likely doomed to fail at some point. Of course you can be a public entity and not have any form of social media presence. First, it's going to be rarer with time because in the majority of the cases, it's shooting yourself (or your activity) in the foot. But even more importantly, not having social media account for yourself doesn't prevent you from their effects, because everyone else around you has social media accounts. Say I'm still an asshole singer in... say a post-covid world because otherwise it's too complicated. I'm still doing that 5 weeks promo tour to present my new album but this time, my agent is documenting everything on their own social media accounts to promote their own selves and work (because unlike me, they're smart and know social media are part of the business). During that tour, the media I'll interact with will probably be more plenty than the ones I would have met in the 80s because there are way more media than before. Every one of them has their own media accounts, for which they're going to create social media content (of backstage,...). Even more, some media are only social media based and will propose mostly content based on my personality. Remember that one person who had a bad experience with me in the 80's but had mostly no consequence? Now that person can share this with their 135 followers on Twitter who all have a RT button or on a post on their Instagram account and tagged their story on my account (if I have one) or on every fan account or on my agent account or on my mom account or everywhere people go when they want to lurk/stalk content about me. And well, you know the Internet, if 100 people knows, everyone knows. Even outside of my 5 weeks promo, every person I meet can morph into a viral story on the Internet. Which let me circle back to what I was saying in the first place. In a time where the flow of content is almost non-stop and the (media) public place is almost everywhere, having a pr strategy based on something dramatically opposed to who you are is tricky and not really viable in a long term. Especially when, in my opinion, you can work with everything in pr. You can adjust certain things, choose to hide some other parts, highlight other without changing everything. If you're good enough, you can make the most boring person relatable to an audience and work from that. I think the easiest way to make pr works is to based it on something real. Even if you then make it ten times bigger for public purpose, starting from something real makes everything easier.

When I wrote the post earlier, about public relations being interesting, I was mostly referring to what I see happening on Twitch and with streamers lately (if you're not familiar with this universe yet, just imagine a youtuber who only is only making live content and who mostly live on paid subscriptions from viewers instead of advertisement). It's nothing revolutionary, but I do appreciate the predominant transparency I hear in some of them. Yet again, because of the nature of their activity, transparency with their audience is in itself a good pr move. When you've spent 9hours a day, 6days a week live streaming for an audience without any edit or filter, transparency is often required. But still, it was really refreshing to hear that guy, who is and has been considered as the number one streamer in France for many years having that kind of speech. He was explaining how this thing he did hadn't making him earn any money but was good for his image and how that other thing he did was for money and many others things like these. And you find out that thing that could be badly perceive by the audience (such as doing something for money when you are supposed to have a job of passion) isn't at all perceive as so when you're explaining it to the audience and why you're doing it, where the money goes next and what you're going to do with it, etc.

What I like about pr is that, the possibilities of creativity are endless. Especially now, with all the new (that aren't that new anymore) technologies and the internet and the social media and the fact that everybody with a smartphone or an internet access is reachable from anywhere in the world. When I see something as the Travis Scott event on Fortnite and I see that you can virtually gather together 28 millions of people from all over the world for a concert (especially during a global pandemic), it's like, fucking mind-blowing and absolutely genius in so many levels. When we talk about pr, I wish people would think about stuff like events like that instead of just a set up lie or something to mislead the audience or something. But it also comes from pr people and teams and from public people themselves to not see pr as a mean to an end (selling something to an audience, making some rich people happy, etc.) but as a science as much as an art, and an occasion to produce something interesting, exciting and to create emotions.

Have a nice day/everning/night as well, Nonny. Thank you for stopping by 💜

#alft asks

[basicallywhiterice]

Eight words: Han Jisung

Pairing: Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: Enemies to lovers, lowkey friends to lovers lmao, smidge of angst, fluff

Warnings: Cursing

Word count: 8.5 k

Summary: Sure, one could tell someone they loved them with eight letters. But eight words convey deeper, more complex meanings.

a/n: Happy birthday, Han aka J. One aka Jisung! I wish you a smooth, unhurried transition into adulthood, as do all Stays. And dear reader, I present to you this fic about my bias… enjoy!

•••

One word.

Three words and eight letters can sum up my feelings towards Han Jisung, although they’re much more intense than what eight letters can contain.

“I hate you.”

Case in point: After a long day of lectures and labs, I’m ready to throttle him.

“Jisung.”

“Y/n,” he mocks, making his voice higher to imitate mine.

No, he’s not my friend. Of course not. I wouldn’t tell a friend: “I’ve been looking for you. Thanks for responding to my text messages asking where you were. I really appreciate it.” No, Jisung’s really more like a stuck up, annoying dumbass who happens to do well on every test he takes.

“Oh, I had my phone turned off. But you missed me that much?”

I puff my cheeks up and sigh. “You wish. Do you wanna review for the Bio exam together?”

“Biology?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“The one I’m really good at?”

“Debatable, but whatever floats your boat.”

“And let me get this straight,” he says, trying—and failing—to suppress a smile. “You need my help to study for it? My help? The help of me, Han Jisung? J. One? The one for you?”

“I don’t need your fucking help-” I bite back a few colorful words when I see his barely-hidden smile expand into a smirk and he shakes his head, almost disapprovingly. “Sort of, yes.” I muster the fakest smile I can display without cringing, tilting my head for added sarcasm.

“No.”

“Why not?” I sigh, having expected this to happen.

“What’s the fun in that, darling?”

Heat creeps into my cheeks as I fume over his disgusting pet name. “Han Jisung, I’m gonna strangle you in your sleep-”

“While that sounds tempting, and I had no idea you were into that, you’re not giving me any other reasons to help you, darling.” He leans back, resting his head against his pretty soft interlaced fingers, fixing me with The Look™ that lets me know he’s messing with me and thoroughly enjoying every second of it.

“We’ve studied for every test together and I’m sick of asking if you want to study every single time? Is that a good enough fucking reason for you?”

He drops one of his hands down and rests his index finger on his chin. “That’s valid…” he exhales, after a long, drawn out pause.

I nearly deck him in the face. I roll my eyes instead. “You know what, I’m leaving. Tell me your answer tomorrow if you need that long to think.” I shove my binders and textbooks into my backpack, swing it up on my shoulders, and make a beeline for the door. It’s not fair to snap at him so unexpectedly like this, but with the first semester at college rushing to a close, I don’t have enough time to play these petty games.

“Hey, hey, hey, wait up. What’s wrong?” he runs after me and pulls me back by my elbow with his right hand.

I take a deep breath, trying to rationalize my anger that’s not because of him but directed at him (at least, not today). “Nothing, I’m just really not in the mood for this kind of exchange for another twenty minutes. I have to study for more than just the science exam. I’d like it if we could just skip this elaborate negotiating for just one day.”

“Oh.” He lets go of my arm. “Yeah. Sure. Studying for exams together. Same studying schedule, texting if we change any days?” When I nod in affirmation, he sticks his hands into his jacket pockets. “Sorry for stressing you out more. You can tell me when you’re having a bad day, you know.”

Oh. “I know. Sorry for snapping at you. I didn’t mean it.” He starts to say something, but I hold up a hand. “It’s somewhat tolerable to have someone to banter with every day.” I blurt out.

Jisung glances down, then raises his gaze to meet mine. His eyes squeeze into crescents. His plump lips (ew) stretch outwards to reveal his pearly whites. I’m sure that my expression mirrors his.

“Good to know my efforts are appreciated.”

“Don’t get a big head. Well, don’t get an even bigger one.”

“You mean a big brain.”

“No, you don’t have a brain.”

He feigns a hurt expression. “Wow, princess. I thought I was tolerable.”

“You ruined the mood!” I shake my head, laughing. “You’re only somewhat tolerable. Definitely not when you call me pet names.”

“Sugar, you wound me.”

“Han Jisung!” I smack his arm half-heartedly.

“You love it though, honey.” He rests his hand on the top of my backpack, gently guiding me out the library doors and towards the parking lot.

Hm.

(Yes.)

•••

Two words.

This was supposed to be a peaceful weekend hangout.

“Felix, put that knife down! Right now! Or no Fortnite for a week!”

Somehow, all our weekend hangouts end up with Chan and Woojin babysitting. That is, until they act like kids themselves.

“Don’t challenge him to a knife fight, Chan! This isn’t Australia, where you have to fend for yourself in the desert—Kim Woojin if you join them I’ll let Minho cook dinner for a week.”

Then the rest of us babysit them until we figure out a better alternative to plastic-knife fencing (Changbin and Chan end up winning after they team up). After finally agreeing on going to the park (like in the Boxer video you know), the boys take over the swings and unintentionally terrorize children (while complaining about freezing to death) while Ryujin and I rethink our life choices and miss Tzuyu, who’s in Taiwan visiting her family.

“Why are we friends with them, again?” she asks, picking at her nails and pretending not to laugh when Seungmin throws wood chips in Hyunjin’s face.

“Yeah, y/n, why are you friends with us?” Jisung butts in after Jeongin refuses all of his hugs. I shoot him a thumbs up, and he grins behind Jisung’s back.

“I’m not friends with you. I’m friends with everyone else here because they’re cool, unlike you, stupid.”

“Ah, you were never a good liar, sweetie.”

Ryujin stifles a laugh, and I shoot her a half-hearted glare. “Not right now, Jisung. I’m still stressing over exam grades.”

“All the teachers entered them this morning, you know.” Surprisingly, there were no pet names present in that sentence. Hallelujah.

“They did?” I check my phone, and sure enough, all the exam grades are there. “What! I was reloading this page all morning! What’d you get in Bio?”

“An A. You?”

“As expected. Same.”

“As expected,” he mimics.

“Is that why you didn’t drag me on the slides?” Ryujin asks. “Because you were worried about your grades, that always end up being an A?”

“No comment.”

“You should go and have fun now that you know your GPA is safe,” she suggests. “No point in coming here if you’re just going to sit here.”

“You were the one who refused to associate with these,” I jab a thumb at the boys, “losers.”

“Oops.”

“You guys should play tag with us or something,” Jisung offers. “See who’s a loser then.”

“Challenge accepted. I’ll go round up the others,” Ryujin agrees, pushing herself off the metal bench and jogging over to the swings.

“What about you, y/n?” asks Jisung.

“Hm. Maybe.” I pretend to think, already knowing my answer is going to be yes.

“Come on! Join us?”

“How could I say no? I can’t just sit back and watch you lose without joining and winning against you.”

“... I’m going to pretend the reason is because you’re such a great friend to us.”

“Only the rest of them. Not you.” I correct him.

“Thank you. ‘preciate it.”

“You’re welcome.”

•••

Three words.

The ice on the streets is frozen and so am I.

I had ducked into the quaint little cafe on campus to grab a hot drink and to regain feeling in my feet when I saw what’s causing me to stand here—frozen, like a statue.

I saw Jisung. In our cafe. The one I frequent at least twice a week with him (not voluntarily, of course. He follows me here, probably to annoy me more, and I let him so I can annoy him more.)

Under normal circumstances, I’d be disgusted, not paralyzed. But today is different.

He sits at a two-person table. Next to him, a girl leans over his shoulder, wearing the headphones connected to his computer, occasionally commenting on parts of what I assume is his latest song. Her backpack rests on one of her shoulders. When she turns her head, I can see her face clearly.

He’s with Tzuyu, one of the youngest rising stars in the arts at our university, a hardworking student, an all-around sweet person, and a good friend of ours.

Why, one might ask, did I freeze in place? Simple: I’m sick of Jisung trying to woo girls with the songs he composes.

Once I regain my senses, shuffle forward in line, and place my order, I glance over at their table again. Tzuyu takes off the headphones and starts talking while pointing to different places on his laptop. Jisung smiles sheepishly at the last thing she says. The little prick. It must be an act–after all, if he’s flirted with so many girls through his music, he should be used to the compliments.

Tzuyu walks away from him after glancing at her watch and waving goodbye. She notices me when she’s halfway to the cafe door and grins, waving at me before she shoots Jisung one last smile and leaves. I wave back.

Of course, this exchange means that Jisung notices me. He motions for me to wait, holding up one finger. He clicks around on his laptop, closes it, and slides it into his backpack, along with his headphones. He stands up right as my drink is finished and my name is called. I snag the drink and try to rush to the door as discreetly as possible. Unfortunately, I’m very conspicuous, and Jisung follows me, calling my name.

I’m outside when he catches up with me, frozen in place once again as I internally debate if I should stay and talk to him or leave him. He makes the decision for me when he steps beside me, tugging my elbow in the direction I’m facing to get me to walk so I don’t hold up foot traffic.

“I told you to wait for me in there, y/n. You usually do it, why’d you ignore me today?”

Play dumb, y/n. “Who’s y/n?” Not that dumb!

I clear my throat and try again. “You were in there?”

He raises his eyebrows. “I know you saw me.” When I don’t reply, he sighs. “Walk with me? It’s the last week before break and I won’t have the pleasure of personally annoying you every day.”

I tilt my head forward to tell him to start walking. I can only think of a (half-hearted) protest once we’ve walked a full block. “It’s going to snow soon.”

“You love the snow.”

I exhale through my mouth, forming a cloud of condensation with my breath in the crisp, chilly air. “Yeah, I do.”

A beat passes. Quietly, Jisung asks, “Are you mad?” Another beat. “At me?”

I think back to Tzuyu getting the opportunity to hear an unreleased track. “No, I’m not.” My heart pangs when I picture them leaning in so close together, even though my rational self tells me I shouldn’t be mad over something that small, especially if it concerns such a close friend and such a stupid asshole.

“I think you’re mad. You’re talking a lot less than normal.”

“Congratulations. You must think you’re so smart.”

“Thanks for finally noticing.”

“Look, what do you want?”

“I want to know why you’re mad.”

“Who said I was mad?”

He snorts in disbelief. “You literally just admitted to it.”

“When did I say that?” I stop walking.

He laughs, a dry, airy chuckle that morphs into a sigh. “I just want to know why you’re mad, and if I can help.”

I scoff. “Thanks for your concern, but I think I’ll be alright. Is there anything else-”

“No, you don’t seem like you’ll be fine! You almost never get angry!”

“Why are you so angry about me being angry? Not everything’s about you.”

I suppose it would be a great testament to anyone else’s character if they realized my insults were just my anger speaking and refused to insult me back. However, this is Jisung we’re talking about. He’s more likely to stop talking because he can’t think of a retort, not because he’s conscientious.

Sigh. Maybe he’s not that bad after all.

Just when I acknowledge the slim possibility that Jisung might not be a jerk all of the time, he reaches out and steals my phone.

“What-”

“I’m not giving this back until you tell me why.” He taps away at the lock screen, and unlocks it.

My lips part slightly and my eyebrows crease together. I’m in shock. “How-”

“I’ve seen you enter your password a lot, I just never thought about using it until today. Let’s see… should I read over the English story you refuse to send me because it’s not done yet?”

I break out of my stupor. “Stop it! There’s a reason I haven’t sent it yet. It’s horrible!” I reach out, left arm flailing uselessly, hand smacking his shoulder. He just steps back and turns away from me.

“Oops, too late.” Over his shoulder, I can see him click on the Google Docs app and open the most recently edited document. He scrolls the page down, reading as he goes, but he’s moving around so much that I can’t read the words on the screen at first. My heart nearly stops when I recognize the format of my poetry doc, a place where I word vomit all my artistic and lyrical poetry ideas.

“Jisung, stop! Right now!” I wonder how desperate I sound right now, although I try not to show it.

That’s my poetry. It’s raw, unfinished, and, quite frankly, really cringy. I’ve only trusted Ryujin, Tzuyu, and Hyunjin enough to read one poem, let alone all of them. And now Jisung is scrolling through the entire document.

My blood boils over, simultaneously turning to ice. I chuck my cup of hot chocolate into the trash can. My appetite’s been ruined. I wrestle my phone out of his grip using two hands, palms and fingers crashing against the screen, frantically checking to see if I accidentally modified my poems with my clumsy tapping. I silently sigh in relief when I’m certain nothing was edited. Then, I fix Jisung with a cold, blank stare.

“Those poems were good…” he trails off when I take a step towards him. “No, really.”

“Those were personal poems that I don’t want people to read unless I decide to share them when they’re finished. I don’t want someone who’s going to make fun of me to read it! Don’t you understand the concept of privacy?” I spit out through gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry. That… kind of reminds me of my songs and how I only share them with people I trust a lot when they’re unfinished. I shouldn’t have gone through all of that.”

“It reminds you of your songs? Well, unlike you, I don’t use my creative work to flirt with others.”

He flinches, eyes wide and panicked. “How did you know about that?”

“About you flirting through songs? It’s obvious: you let them listen to your unfinished work, and then they compliment you and you pretend to be all humble and everything and-” I groan and run a hand through my hair. Be a nice person. Don’t insult him. Be a nice person. Don’t insult him. Be a nice-

“Are you mad that Tzuyu was helping me with a song earlier in the cafe? Is that why you’re mad?”

I gape at him. “The world doesn’t revolve around you and your enormous ego! Plus, don’t you remember what happened the last time you stole my phone?”

Jisung wasn’t always this annoying. When I first met him, I even thought he was cute. (I still do, but I always deny it, and any non-platonic feelings, if anyone accuses me of thinking that way.) But a few weeks after I met him, when we had become friends, he stole my phone and accidentally deleted a notes page where I kept several passwords (that I was too lazy to remember). He apologized, but the damage had already been done.

“I’ve never used my music to flirt with anyone. And for your information, I ran into Tzuyu. I didn’t invite her to flirt with her.”

Oh. “Ok, and?”

He drags a hand over his face. “Why were you mad at me when we left the cafe?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. I’m ready to storm off and leave, but I realize that Jisung did have a point. Today is the last day before break, and even if he’s a conceited jerk, I don’t want to end things on a bad note until we see each other again.

I take a deep breath. “Let’s sit down and talk through this like civilized people. Is that ok?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do this entire time!”

I drag him over to a bench and plop down, leaving a respectable amount of distance between us. “You want to know why I’m mad? I’ve been asking to hear your unreleased tracks for who knows how long, and you won’t even let me read the lyrics. I have to wait until you and the rest of 3racha drop an album. And I understand that! You're allowed to not share your work! But you also let a ton of people listen to your songs and they just end up complimenting your talent, whereas I’ve offered to help you refine your songs. To me, that seems shallow, especially since most people you show them to are girls. And then you go through my poems without my permission. To be fair, I might be overreacting.”

“No, you’re not. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I smile tiredly. “Sure, I’ll probably share them someday, but I need a heads up. I thought you would’ve understood how much they mean to me since you’re protective of your songs.” I drag a hand over my face. “Ok, rant’s over.”

And so I spend the next half an hour understanding Jisung’s point of view. I end up accepting his apology. As we part ways, he pulls me into a hug. I don’t resist, and bury my face into his shoulder. When we pull apart, he waves before walking away. I can’t help the goofy smile that spreads onto my face once his back is turned. Suddenly, a thought washes over me.

Idiot. I’ll miss you.

•••

Four words.

Winter break is refreshing.

That is, until I realize how unproductive I’m being. Then I panic, becoming both unproductive and unhappy.

It’s almost a relief when I get back to school, until I realize how much work I’m drowning in. Then I wish I was on break again.

Sigh. The paradoxes of life.

On the bright side, at least I get to see my squad again. (And (see) roast Jisung.)

On the third week back from school, Hyunjin drags Ryujin and me to one of 3racha’s monthly shows (they have quite the fanbase on campus.) We would’ve gone anyways, but Hyunjin is a nice addition.

The first thing he says when we arrive at the venue is, “Aren’t you so excited about seeing Jisung perform? Hmm?” while wiggling his eyebrows.

“Yeah, y/n, aren’t you going to gush about how cute he looks while performing?” Ryujin adds.

“No. And that was one time. Once.”

“No, it’s every time. You always talk about him.” Hyunjin may have a point.

“Is there something that we should know?” Ryujin asks slyly. “I am your roommate, so if you’re going to talk about him 24/7, you might as well just tell us you like him instead of being in denial.”

“No. I don’t like him. I never talk about him.” My words sound weak even to me. “Remember? He’s like my mortal enemy.”

Pause. The two of them stare at me skeptically, waiting for me to stop denying everything.

“Ok, fine. He looks so fricking attractive when he’s performing, and his eyes transform completely and it’s like looking at a sharper version of him, and he still manages to be absolutely adorable when he smiles and his nose and eyes scrunch up, and-” I envelope Ryujin in a hug, cringing in embarrassment. She tries not to laugh, but I can feel her shoulders shaking. Hyunjin fails to contain his amusement, laughing so loudly that 3racha, preparing backstage, can probably hear him.

“Not a single word to anyone,” I make them promise.

“I’m totally convinced that you don’t have a crush on him,” Hyunjin says once he’s stopped laughing (two minutes later.)

“You’re the one who’s all buddy-buddy with him when you tried to beat him up that one time in high school.”

“People change,” he shrugs. “But you’ve always seemed like you had a soft spot for him.”

“No, you’re wrong. He’s my sworn enemy. He deleted my passwords that one time and read my poems and that makes him my arch-nemesis.” I sigh. “Oh, who am I kidding?”

Luckily (or not), Jisung chooses this moment to saunter over, sparing me from all their teasing. “What’s up, my dudes? Are you ready to get wowed by us?”

“Wow is your best song yet. You’re performing that tonight, right?” I confirm.

“Yup. I’m sure you guys can get some meme-worthy material out of Changbin’s reactions.”

“Jisung, have I ever told you how attractive you look when you perform?” snickers Hyunjin, excessively batting his eyelashes and latching onto Jisung. I shoot him daggers with my eyes while trying to look not-exactly-murderous to Jisung. Ryujin stifles a laugh at my expense for the second time tonight.

“Thanks, buddy. I’m aware, but it’s nice to know that someone appreciates my hotness every once in a while.”

“Why are we here again?” I wonder out loud, giggling at the overly dramatic look of betrayal that Jisung puts on.

“My dear, it’s obviously for me! How could you forget?”

“Oh right, it was for my favorite 3racha member, Changbin!”

Jisung shrugs Hyunjin off, coming over and embracing me playfully. “No, not allowed.”

“C’mon, let’s go say hi to my man, Changbin!” I tell the ‘jins, tilting my head towards the stage.

“Noooo. Darling, that’s so mean.”

I give up on pushing Jisung off once it’s clear that he stubbornly refuses to leave. I ruffle his hair instead as “revenge.” (“Hey! That took me a solid five seconds to style! You’re fixing that.” “Yeah, yeah, whatever floats your boat.”) Ryujin, Hyunjin, and I agree that we should go greet Chan and Changbin. As we head backstage to say hi to 2racha, Jisung reluctantly stops hugging me when it gets too difficult to walk. He still keeps a hand loosely anchored on my right shoulder. I don’t complain, nor do I shrug him off. I guess it feels nice ok when he’s a normal, chill, person.

Ok, that was an under-exaggeration. I feel like I’m on cloud nine.

Maybe Ryujin is secretly a mind reader, or maybe I’m just really transparent, because she pokes my arm, not saying anything when I ask her “what,” while trying to hide the furious blush I know is present on my face. She just raises her eyebrows and grins. I widen my eyes back.

“So, uh y/n.” starts Jisung, breaking me out of my semi-staring contest with Ryujin. “There’s an open mic at our cafe next week—you know, the one we go to at least twice a week? Anyways, there’s an open mic next Friday and I was planning on going to either test out a new song I produced or a couple of poems I wrote and would you—I was wondering if you wanted to go too? I know you’re a little hesitant about sharing your poems, but from what I saw, you had some really good works and I’m sure other people would enjoy your poetry too. And of course you don’t have to go, I just thought it would be a fun experience if you were down.”

I’m floored. Han Jisung being genuinely nice and considerate? Unheard of. But when I start thinking about all my previous encounters with him, I realize that this is not the exception—it’s the rule.

Maybe I was so intent on labeling him as a rival that I’ve been halfheartedly denying the existence of his good traits.

“Thank you for appreciating my poems. That… honestly, that means so much to me. I’d love to go and perform. As long as I have time to prepare and I get to choose what to present… it’ll be new, but doable.” I wrap both arms around his waist and squish the left side of my face against his right shoulder. “I’m excited for Friday.”

“I’m glad you’re excited.”

“I’m glad you’re glad.”

Wait. What am I doing lowkey cuddling him in public? Oh well. I don’t hate it. In fact, I might go as far as to say… I really like it.

(When we get backstage, I fist-bump Changbin and do a weird quasi-dance off with Chan before hugging them both and wishing them good luck before promising to record the entirety of Wow. Jisung pouts and pouts and pouts some more until I fix his hair, then takes my hands and pulls me around in circles like the man-child he is.

Ryujin promises to tell their embarrassing stories to all their fans after she greets 2racha.

Hyunjin forgoes any formalities and starts complaining about Seungmin.

“Chan, control your child! He’s becoming more and more savage. The world can’t contain his saltiness.”

“Maybe that’s his way of showing love.”

His face goes :o. “RYUJIN, YOU’RE A GENIUS!”)

•••

Five words.

It’s Wednesday and I am: straight-up not having a good time (bro).

After a long day filled with tests and being even more sleep-deprived than usual due to said tests, I really just want to curl up into a ball and do absolutely nothing.

Unfortunately, I need to stay awake in order to finish a creative writing story (yes, another one.) Then, I need to study for two more tests for tomorrow and do a shit ton of homework. On top of that, with the open mic two days away, I’m furiously revising and editing what I’m presenting.

To be completely honest, I’ve been playing with ways to reference Jisung in my poems. I know: crazy, right? Stupid Jisung and his stupid mole on his left cheek on his stupid face that my gaze always drifts back to. Stupid Jisung and his genuinely expressive personality. Stupid Jisung and his amazingly accurate intuition and knowledge and pair of eyes that allow him to say things like:

“You’re staring at me quite a bit, sugar.”

“Oh, shut up. I’m just thinking of all the ways I… could get you to shut up.” I finish lamely.

“Really, now.” He leans towards me in his stupid library chair. “Do any of them involve making out in the library?”

Gahhhh. “Not funny didn’t laugh.” I go back to trying to be productive, but it’s hard when my brain is spewing out thoughts faster than (Jisung) Changbin and Chan can rap.

It sucks sometimes when Jisung makes all these suggestive jokes because he’ll never see me in a romantic light. I think that might be part of the reason why I try (and routinely fail) to act so cold to him: I was aware of all the emotions beneath the way I wanted to view and portray him. (My brain: No, this is not a crush. Crushes are shallow and go away after a week. These feelings aren’t going anywhere.)

I get through editing one paragraph of my story before Jisung speaks again. “Are you considering the offer?”

“No.” Maybe. Yes. “Don’t you have a lab report to write?”

“I’d gladly give up on that for you.”

“Jisung, stop, please. Not tonight, ok? On any other day I’d go along with your banter, but I have serious shit to get done with tonight.”

“Oh, ok. Do you want me to help with anything?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Thanks for offering.”

I give up on my story for the time being and slip an earbud into the ear facing away from Jisung. I pull out a thicc textbook and finish my Calculus homework. A page of notebook paper later, I’m done. I close the book, lean back in my seat, and rub my eyes.

“You look like you need a break,” he notes.

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, you deserve it. I’ll even play with your hair.” Darn it! Why why why does Jisung know all my weaknesses? It’s always a destresser for me when plays with my hair. Still, I’m a little hesitant to completely neglect my work for five minutes.

“I’ll give you a back rub too.” Hesitation? Productivity? Who? We don’t know them.

I fall into his outstretched arms and nuzzle my head in the crook of his neck. He laughs a little, leaning back in his chair. His soft hoodie creates a comfortable cushioning, and I sigh in contentment when he runs a hand through my hair, wrapping my arms around his waist. He shifts his legs so his knees are slightly angled toward me, and I do the same.

Then he shifts his right arm and closes the lid of my computer. And picks it up off the table. And sets it back down further away from me so I can’t reach it.

“Jisungggggg,” I whine, reluctantly lifting up my head. I extend my left arm, trying to grasp it, but he just pushes it away again. “I need that. Gotta get this bread. Flaunt that croissant. Ice that rice.” I’m not sure when I stopped talking and started babbling nonsense, but I can blame my lack of sleep for that.

‘What you need is a good night of rest.” He picks up the laptop and holds it close to him, turning away from me.

My senses kick back in. “No! I need to get all this stuff done first. Then I can sleep. Give,” my right hand grasps the edge of my computer. “It,” I give a strong yank. “Back!” We engage in a brief game of tug-of-war before I almost pull it out of his grasp. Then he snatches it back, firmly in his grip.

I huff and pull out my phone forcefully, opening the Google doc containing my poems and stories I’m planning on presenting at open mic for a few revisions and edits. “Must you always be this infuriating? Like, is there a point to stealing my computer when there’s stuff I need to do?”

A small, almost imperceptible pause. I almost don’t even notice it because it’s so brief. It goes straight to the back of my mind.

“You need to rest, y/n. I don’t think all of this stressing is good for you.”

“That doesn’t mean you can steal my computer.”

“Deal with it.”

I sigh. “I hate you right now,” I mumble tiredly. I go back to skimming over my prose and poetry, inserting and deleting a few words here and there.

I have no idea how long the silence stretches on until Jisung responds. “I know, you’ve told me.”

“Yeah, ‘cuz it’s the truth.” Is it grammatically acceptable to use the word ‘like’ in a narrative if you want to have a casual tone? Like, if you want to express a coherent train of thought without using too many words? Would that tone be acceptable? Jisung’s tone just now was off. He almost seemed hurt—oh my god what did I just say.

I come to the (belated) realization that I falsely told him I hated him—with what sounded like conviction, too!—just as he speaks.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and sometimes, you treat me like I’m you’re enemy or rival. I thought we were friends. I wrote you a song—multiple songs. I’ve tried dropping so many hints about how I see you as more than just a friend, but all this time, you saw me as less than one.”

My drowsiness has dissipated. “No, Jisung, I wasn’t thinking—have you never seen me as a rival?”

“It’s ok. You’re not obligated to feel anything for me. You don’t owe me anything. And of course not. I would never see you in such a negative way.” His entire demeanor changes. Jisung is normally very open about his emotions, whether he’s happy, stressed, excited, sad, hurt, enthusiastic, or serious. In this instance, though, his face falls into a more neutral expression that betrays next to nothing about what he’s thinking. But this expression is more than enough to tell me what he feels.

He’s hurt because of what I said. Deeply hurt.

“You could’ve just told me that you hated me,” he continues. “I don’t understand why you would make me feel like we were friends while secretly despising me.”

“Jisung, I don’t hate you.”

“Sure you don’t.” He laughs without humor. “Well, seeing as you clearly don’t want my company, I’ll leave now.” He shoves his laptop, textbook, and notebook into his backpack. He rises and starts walking off.

I rush after him.

“No, Jisung, I didn’t mean it. Please just listen to me.” I catch his left arm a few seconds after we exit the library. He stands there, stationary, neither moving towards me nor pulling away from me. The wind gently breezes past the two of us, tousling the ends of his hair. My heart threatens to get stuck in my throat. I swallow and force myself to go on. “I don’t hate you. You can hate me all you want for saying hurtful things to you, but I’ve never hated you and never will.”

“I could never hate you. And while you may not completely hate me, if you’ve always felt hostile toward me—ever since the start of our so-called ‘friendship’—I don’t really know what to think anymore.”

“No, that’s not what I think. At all. Please hear me out.”

“I think I should leave. Have fun studying without a constant annoying distraction.” He lets his arm slip out of my grip, taking a step forward. “Goodbye.”

He takes long strides away from the library, away from me. All I can think about is how wrong he is. About how wrong I am.

I hurt him, a person with one of the truest hearts and most genuine personalities I’ve ever met. Always being open and transparent with his thoughts, never failing to make me smile. He knows me so well, and I know so much about him, too. He’s been through the ups and the downs with me, and I’ve stayed by his side when he’s needed support, too. He even manages to harness raw, heavy emotions and transform it into beautiful songs such as ‘I see’ that he, Han Jisung, J. One, produces. And now he thinks I hate him.

“No,” I whisper to myself after he’s gone and no one is around to hear me. “It’s the opposite of that.”

I like him so much. Platonically, and romantically. But I’ve missed my chance to tell him, and I’ve broken our friendship that we’ve always had, even if I denied its existence.

Five words can crush someone.

•••

Six words.

Once I’m done with my self reflection about just how foolish and spiteful I acted, I call Ryujin, Hyunjin, and Tzuyu for help. We meet at the dorm Ryujin and I share.

Hyunjin silently shakes his head. Ryujin gives me a side-hug, rubbing circles into my right shoulder. Tzuyu is the first to speak after I describe the events that happened.

“He really likes you. He’s written at least five songs for you and ten songs about you. That day in the cafe, when I ran into him and saw you, he asked for my opinion on one of his songs for you. The reason why he’s never asked you two,” she glances at Hyunjin and Ryujin, “is because he thought you guys would spill the beans.” She sits down on my right side and offers me a hug. “You need to talk to him as soon as possible. He’s cares enough to write songs for you.”

“I know, but he won’t respond to any of my messages or calls.”

“Honestly,” Hyunjin starts, “I’m sorry if this sounds bad, but we were always convinced that you two were secretly dating and wouldn’t tell us.” He half-smiles awkwardly. “Don’t give up just yet.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“Don’t say that!” Ryujin comforts. “We all make mistakes. Don’t let this bother you and make you give up. I’d say that you’ve learned a lot from this.”

“Thanks, Ryu.” I groan, my face falling into my hands. “What the heck am I supposed to do?” I wrote you a song. I thought we were friends. I’ve dropped hints about how I see you as more than just a friend.

He cares enough to write songs for you.

I’ve been thinking of ways to reference Jisung in my poems.

“That’s it!” I exclaim. “Poetry! And maybe a short story, too.” When I see three confused faces, I elaborate. “He’s written songs about me, right? Well, writing is important to me, so what if I wrote about him in the stuff I’m reading at the open mic? And apologize and explain to him afterwards? All I need to do is make sure he goes to open mic, and you guys could help me convince him. At least, that’s the best idea I can think of right now.”

“Sure.” “We’ll help you.” “You got this, girl!”

Their encouragement lifts my mood, and I’m overly optimistic for a second. My phone buzzes, and I dare to hope that I might be able to mend my relationship with Jisung.

The message is from Jisung, and I foolishly hope for the best. Then I read what he sent.

You don’t have to pretend, y/n.

He doesn’t believe me. He doubts that I see him positively because of how hurtful I acted and the words I said to him. Honestly, I don’t even blame him. If I was in his position, I’d probably do the same.

I have screwed up. Big time.

I never meant to hurt or belittle him, even if I claimed he was my enemy. But somewhere along the way, I turned into one of the worst kinds of people and did.

I hope I can salvage this.

•••

Seven words.

Breathe in, breathe out. Calm down. Everything will turn out fine.

It’s showtime. After much persuasion, Tzuyu and Hyunjin convinced Jisung to perform at open mic (of course, they had to make him think I wouldn’t attend.) Jisung will perform first, then perform one more time after three people. I’m the person right before him.

I stand inside near the counter, far away from our regular table near the windows. He hasn’t seen me yet. I fiddle with my hands, trying to hide my face. I breathe a sigh of relief when he hops on stage to perform. He hasn’t seen me yet.

He greets the patrons of the cafe, cracking a few jokes before kicking things off with a revised version of ‘For you’. He gets halfway through it before he locks eyes with me.

I tentatively wave. He glances away.

After he finishes, he receives a warm round of applause. He grins, equally bashful and proud, and hops off the stage. He situates himself far away from me.

Two more people present. Two and a half minutes into the second person’s slam poetry performance, I work up the courage to shuffle over to him.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’ve never hated you. I’ve never even disliked you. In fact, I feel the opposite way. I just never thought you’d see me as more than a friend, so I tried convincing myself that you weren’t an all-around amazing person. It didn’t work. It would never work.”

He stares at me, not speaking. I press on.

“You’re one of the most genuine people I know. I can always tell what you’re thinking, because you have nothing to hide. You’re incredibly dedicated. You’ve been a great friend to me, especially when I was rude to you and didn’t deserve it. You see the best in everyone and encourage them to showcase their strengths.” I take a fluttering breath. “I never thought that someone like you would even consider someone like me. I’m sorry for calling you annoying and saying that I hated you. You’re not annoying. I don’t think anyone who’s ever met you would hate you.” I lace my fingers together. “I am really, truly sorry for saying untrue, hurtful things to you.”

The poet onstage finishes. The people watching applaud. I’m next, but I’m frozen in place.

Jisung breaks the silence. “Good luck. We can talk later.”

I dare to smile, and walk onstage.

I’ve chosen to share a short story about the time I accidentally kicked my friend in the face when we took a dance class, saving my poems for another time. I’m really telling a story about Jisung. I take a deep breath and begin.

“This is the story of how I almost broke my friend’s nose.” This is the story of how I broke my friend’s heart.

I describe the contemporary dance class we were in and how close our friendship was. “She was one of my closest friends. I don’t know what I would have done without her.” He’s one of my closest friends. I don’t know what I would do without him.

I add details to build an image of that day, inserting humor and appealing to the audience’s senses, while making sure that my plot advances. “I wasn’t paying enough attention to my surroundings. When I kicked my leg up, my foot collided with her face.” I wasn’t being true to myself or him. When I spoke, my words attacked him.

“I felt immediate regret. I had hurt my friend on accident because I was careless.” I immediately felt horrible. I hurt him with my careless words and actions.

“For a few horrifying minutes, she couldn’t talk because of the pain. I thought our friendship was over and that she would never forgive me.” For a few terrifying days, he wouldn’t talk to me because of the pain I caused. I thought our friendship was over. I thought he would never forgive me. I still do.

“Yet in the end, she chose to forgive my mistake. Even though my actions didn’t reflect how deeply I cared about her, she knew me well enough to understand it was an accident. She knew how much she meant to me, and how I never intended to hurt her.” I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me. I hope he knows me well enough to know that he means the world to me. I hope that all is not lost.

“It’s easy to harm someone on purpose. It’s even easier to do it on accident, because we’re not fully aware of our actions—we zone out—until we can see a concrete impact. Be self-aware. And if you want to do something fun with a friend, make sure it’s in a low-risk setting. Don’t end up like me! I might have taken the phrase “break a leg” literally if I was a little more careless. The point is, people need time to think. Forgiveness is not easy to receive. But when someone chooses to forgive because they want to, especially if that person plays a crucial role in your life, that can mean the world to someone. Thank you.”

Granted, that’s not the best narrative I could produce, but given my time limit of one-and-a-half day, I’m not too disappointed in myself.

Jisung and I pass each other when he heads toward the stage.

“This song is dedicated to someone special,” he says once he’s onstage. “I hope you guys like it!”

And it’s about me. Us. The time we stayed up until 2am studying and found this cafe because it was the only one open then. The time we wrote tons of poems, narratives, and short stories together (most of them were as a meme, barely longer than four sentences) because we bet the other person they weren’t as creative (it ended as a tie—we created the last poem together). The time he asked for help on the lyrics for a song and I ended up showing him a few of my poems willingly.

My eyes are glued to him, right up until he exits the stage and walks up to me. Then they flit towards the stage for a moment while I try to prepare myself for whatever he has to say. The world stops spinning as he opens his mouth.

“I forgive you.”

Blissfully, unexpectedly, the world starts spinning again. “You do?”

“You didn’t mean it, and while it hurt to hear, I know you don’t actually think that way. It’s not like I’m perfect, either. I’ll get annoyed and say things that aren’t true, too.” He reaches for my hand and laces our fingers together. “I know you, y/n. Like you said, you wouldn’t hurt someone on purpose.” He gives a gentle tug on my hand. “You want to get out of here?”

“I’d love to.” I lean up and press a brief kiss against his cheek. “Where to?”

“You know that new burger place we wanted to try out? I was thinking we could go there.” He pauses. “As a first date,” he adds, the slightest hesitance showing.

I grab his other hand and take a half step towards him. “That sounds like the perfect first date.” I blush. He blushes. He pecks my forehead, the tip of my nose, and both of my cheeks. I untangle our hands to reach up and pinch his cheeks, squishing them together. Mindful of the people in the cafe, we leave soon after, sparing them from watching our PDA. We decide on taking my car, since I drove by myself here and Hyunjin dropped him off and yeeted out of here. (Speaking of Hyunjin, he, Ryujin, and Tzuyu have been blowing up the group chat—The 3 Musketeers—asking how things went. I text them that things went well, and silence my phone.)

Before I start the car, he takes my right hand. “Don’t ever think you’re not good enough,” he states firmly. “You are good enough. 100%. Don’t doubt yourself.”

“Aw, thank you. I realize that a little more now. I was really out of it that day. I turned into a mean version of myself, but I’m working on being more aware of what I’m feeling.”

“Don’t worry about it, y/n. You’re only human. What matters the most is that you truly didn’t mean it and you’re sorry. I’m with you right now,” he starts drawing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, “am I not?”

“You’re right. You are with me now.” I lean in to kiss his cheek, reluctantly pulling away after a few moments to start driving. “Now, Mr. Han Jisung… give me the best first date ever.”

I smile. He smiles. We’re blissfully happy.

•••

Eight words.

That night, the squad gathers at our dorm and invites Jisung in after our date to question, gush over, and tease us. I spend most of the time curled up in his arms, snuggling with him as Ryujin asks what his intentions are (“To show this wonderful lady how much I love her.” “You pass.”).

Hyunjin keeps insisting he was right all along (“I knew you would end up dating!” “Whatever cooks your bacon, buddy.” “You were right, ‘jin! You’re like a fortune-teller. Quick, tell me what I’ll get on my English story next week!” “Uh… 420.”).

Tzuyu grabs me by the shoulders and squeals about how much of a power couple we are (“You guys are so cute! You could write each other poems as gifts! Aaaaah, our y/n is growing up so fast!” “...thanks, mom.”).

While we talk, I occasionally press light kisses anywhere I can reach: his cheek, his neck, his hand, his forehead, and his lips. The reactions are either highkey shipping (Ryu and Tzu) or highkey faked disgust (Hyunjin lmao). (We don’t tell them that we made out in the car for a solid twenty minutes before coming inside.)

The topic shifts from our relationship to anything and everything. After passionately debating whether humans are inherently neutral (neither good nor evil) and if raccoons should be considered pests, it’s well past midnight, and Tzu-Hyun-Sung head home.

The next day, Saturday, we have a weekly hangout with the nine boys and us three girls. More teasing ensues (particularly from the Aussie line and Changbin), but the day is like any other until that night.

Jisung and I go on our second official date to our favorite ramen store, the one where we know the owner by name. We take a stroll outside by a river afterwards, admiring the scenery.

“Y/n, I really like you. I get so happy whenever I see you, or even think about you. You make me want to compose a million love songs and dedicate them all to you. So what I’m saying is… I’m asking you if you’ll be my girlfriend?”

“Yes! A million times yes. I would love to. I could write a million poems about you.” I lean up and kiss him, smiling as I do so. “I would love to be your girlfriend, sweetheart.”

“You finally called me a pet name, babe! Why are you so cute?” Another smooch. He presses his forehead against mine. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“You’re cute. And I’m the lucky one.” I suddenly step back and grab onto his shoulders. “The lucky J. One!”

He laughs, shaking his head, and we continue walking. “This is part of what made me fall for you.” He swoops down for another kiss, leaving me a blushing, stuttering mess.

Jisung really has a way with words. Of course, that’s a given, seeing as he’s a songwriter and poet. But combined with his actions and intentions, his strong work ethic and how much he cares about everyone, the transparency of his thoughts and emotions, he really is unique.

He has the power to make me speechless. But I’ll always have eight words to say.

You are amazing and loveable. Never forget that.

•••

Happy birthday, Han Jisung. You have the support of all us Stays.

#happyhanday #stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #stray kids oneshots #jisung #han jisung #stray kids jisung #jisung scenario #han jisung scenario #stray kids fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop imagines #kpop imagine #kpop scenarios #kpop scenario #fanfic #fanfiction #stray kids fluff #fluff #angst #enemies to lovers #kpop fanfic #jisung imagine #han jisung imagine

[duckyduc]

I don't know any of your characters, so just give me 1, 11, 17, 23, 36, 55, 65, 72, 82, and 93 for any characters of your choice. (also did you mean to reblog something twice by accident, or did tumbl just do that.)

Ooo thank you for the ask! :D

And about to two reblog thing, sometimes I reblog something and forget to tag it and reblog it again with said tag, occasionally forgetting to delete the original reblog. ÓvÒ so yeah, most of the time it's usually my mistake, I apologise!

Anyways, onto the asks! :D

1. when is their birthday? Ok believe it or not, none of my characters except one has a solid birthday- there's no real reason behind this other than me being bad at deciding birthday's for characters x,3 The only Character I have who has a decided birthday is from my post where I designed 7 characters based on songs on my art side blog! Their name is Blue and their birthday is August 6th, purely because that day is known as unlucky-

11. How would your Character court the person of their dreams? Awww I love this one!! I know most, if not all of my Characters would probably be very dorky and anxious but excited about it and most likely mess up one way or another before hand- for example losing the ringbox, or stumbling on the proposal or something silly- But in the end it'll nearly always be happy and sappy and fluffy and I'll cry writing it because I'm a sucker for love-

17. When does your Character think that violence is justified or deserved? Ooooh that's a good one. I can't actually speak for all my Characters on this one Ha- I have a variety of Character personalities and backgrounds and universes, meaning they'd all have different views on this. Like, for OCs like my Octoling oc, Lavender, retaliation might only be needed if there's a obvious threat like infected octarians since they're basically zombies and will attack and are more obviously bad(?) Oh this question's harD- I think the more human my Characters get, literally and figuratively, and the more creative the universe they live in is, the more difficult it is to tell when violence is "good" or "bad". Kind of like real life, some violence could and should be avoidable and then some is inveitable. Personally, I don't justify violence very easy? I do joke and say I might bust somebody's kneecaps sometimes- but I'd never really bust a innocent person's kneecaps!!!- People are complex so justifiable violence is too

But I think all my characters would agree like me if they saw a "MAP", (aka pedophile, eugh.) TERF, Neo Nazi, Abuser or fascist, those kneecaps??

They gotta go-

23. What do they consider beautiful in others physically? Oh I just realized this will be a long post because I can never be simple- i think for this one I'll just say eyes- Like eyes are gateways to the soul, dare I say eyes are more expressive than mouths, even. Eyes are very pretty-

36. How honorable is your Character? It depends eheh, my Characters go from very cool and honorable to That Kid Who Lives Nextdoor™. Like one of my main OCs, Pepper? She's a whole ass biologist- then there's that one cat oc Blip. Who's just. The neighbor's kid who probably does fortnite dances-

55. (Woo we getting there!) Is your Character an introvert or extrovert? I'll say most are extroverts because I am kind of a extrovert. Kind of, I say-

65. Is your Character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer ? Oh most of my Characters are leaders- I try to design all of my OCs with the idea that they could all be anime main characters while still fitting in enough to be in the same universe but standing out enough to not fall off if that makes sense. I don't like making boring OCs QwQ. Oh also has anyone ever thought about how we all could be an anime main character? Think about it-

72. in a DnD game, which class would your Character be? I've never played DnD but I'm gonna use another one of my Main ocs for this example, Ducky. (A Different Ducky from me!-) she would be a rogue definitely- it sounds nearly just like her, all sneaky and rebellious-

82. What are your Characters sleeping preferences? for most of my characters It must be very nice and cool in the room to sleep- for my softer ones they'll need thick covers and maybe a plushie and a MANDATORY good night's kiss, I'm very sorry I don't make the rules-

Final one!!

93. What is your Characters goal in life? Ohhh a deep one to end off with. Most of my characters, don't really have goals in life h- Mainly because I don't have a goal in life because I'm still growing! I think as they grow and develop too, maybe it'll just come naturally to me what they would want as goals. I'm still thinking about my goals and for now I think my only concrete goal is to make stupid little stories that make people happy. I've been wanting to do that since I was a little kid and I still hope I can do that now, so if reading this made anyone smile or happy then thank you, because it means I've made a positive impact on at least one person's life, and I think that's the coolest feeling in the world

Oh wow this got deep huh??-

If you're still reading this thank you!! Thank you so much for listening to me ramble and be stupid!!!- :D

And a big thank you for vmeemo for the ask!! I loved writing this response and hope to make more someday! Sorry if it's rlly long tho- :,3

Have a good day/night people's!

#ask #vmeemo #long post #tw map mention #tw terf mention #tw fascist mention #tw neo nazi mention #i hope you guys like this!! v sorry its long- x #;w;

[julianbrandtrelated]

I got an answer: 07-10-2019

You want it? You get it. This post is probably gonna be super loooong, so be prepared. Sorry if the spacing is weird, tumblr is a bitch. Of course, german + english. FYI: I was listing to Simmer by Mahalia and Babygirl by Shindy.

Julian Brandt:

In meinen Augen ist und bleibt Julian ein super zärtlicher Liebhaber. Zumindest meistens. Ich denke er gibt sehr gerne, möchte sich aber hin und wieder auch zurücklehnen und genießen könnten. Bei Julian ist Versöhnungssex eine große Sache, da wir ja wissen, dass er manchmal Sachen nicht ganz durchdenkt bevor er sie zum besten gibt. Dadurch, kann ich mir vorstellen, entstehen bestimmt auch in einer Beziehung mal Konflikt und so lässt sich das natürlich einfach wieder „klären“. Derber kann er aber sicherlich auch werden, vor allem dann wenn du frech bist und ihn auf die Palme bringst oder es bei einem Spiel nicht wie gewünscht lief. Dann werden natürlich sämtliche Positionen nach seinen Wünschen abgearbeitet. Selbstverständlich ist dann auch der Ton etwas rauer. Zum Ende gibt es natürlich wieder Streicheleinheiten. In my eyes Julian is and remains a super tender lover. Most of the time at least. I think he likes to give very much, but would also like to lean back and enjoy from time to time. For Julian, make-up sex is a big deal, because we know that sometimes he doesn't think things through before he talks about them. This, I can imagine, will certainly lead to conflict in the relationship and so it can of course simply be “clarified". But he can certainly also become a bit rougher, especially if you are cheeky and get him on his toes or if it didn't go as planned in a game. Then, of course, all positions are processed according to his wishes. Of course the sound is a bit rougher then too. At the end, of course, cuddle time.

Julian liebt es zu Kuscheln, kein Geheimnis. Wahrscheinlich muss er eher dich zum Kuscheln zwingen, nicht du ihn. Er scheint ein sehr anhänglicher und liebebedürftiger Liebhaber zu sein, welcher sich auch nicht ziert offen nach Aufmerksamkeit zu verlangen. Julian loves to cuddle, no secret. He'll probably have to force you to cuddle with him, not you him. He seems to be a very affectionate and loving lover, who also does not hesitate to demand attention openly.

Julian teilt nicht gerne. Ich denke schon, dass er ein recht eifersüchtiger Typ ist. Wahrscheinlich ist er einer, der es eher verheimlicht und so tut als wäre nichts. Logischerweise sprechen aber seine schlechte Laune und abweisende Art Bände. Solange er deinen Kumpel kennt, mit dem du abhängst, und er für sich selbst sicher feststellen kann, dass dort keine romantischen Gefühle im Spiel sind, wird es wohl in Ordnung gehen. Geht es jetzt aber um irgendeinen, ihm fremden Typen aus deinem Freundeskreis, von dem er vielleicht auch vorher noch nie was gehört hat, sowas wird ihm sicherlich ein wenig Kopfzerbrechen bereiten, denn du bist natürlich ein Teil seiner Familie und das soll auch so bleiben. Julian doesn't like to share. I do think he's a jealous guy. He's probably one to hide it and pretend it's nothing. Logically, however, his bad mood and dismissive nature speak volumes. As long as he knows your buddy you're hanging out with, and he can tell for sure for himself that there are no romantic feelings in play, it's likely to be okay. But if it’s about some strange guy from your circle of friends, of whom he may have never heard anything before, something like that will certainly cause him some headaches, because of course you are a part of his family and that should remain like that.

Romantik wird bei Julian nicht an erster Stelle stehen. Ich glaube kaum, dass man von ihm herzerweichende Worte erwarten kann. Er wird schon mal einen romantischen Abend planen können, aber irgendwo ist dann bei ihm wohl auch Schluss. Bei ihm schwingt bei mir irgendwie immer das Gefühl mit, dass er vieles nicht ganz ernst nimmt und eher über romantische Aktionen, wie ein 12-jähriger, schmunzelt. Romanticism won't be Julian's number one priority. I don't think you can expect him to say words that will set your heart racing. He'll be able to plan a romantic evening, but that’s probably it. With him I always get the feeling that he doesn't take many things very seriously and rather smiles about romantic actions, like a 12-year-old.

Verwöhnt wirst du mit vielen Streicheleinheiten. Er wird auch sehr viel Wert darauf legen, dass ihr euch oft seht, er ist ja doch immer mal unterwegs und hat Termine, kann man also auch nicht als völlig selbstverständlich ansehen. Julian wird auch sehr gerne mit dir Essen gehen und das nicht nur bei McDonald’s. Sonst gibt es natürlich hier und da mal ein paar Ohrringe, Schuhe oder Handtaschen. You will be spoiled with a lot of cuddle time. He will also pay attention the fact that you often see each other, he’s quite often on the road and has appointments, so you can't take it for granted either. Julian will also love to take you out to dinner and not only at McDonald's. Otherwise there are of course here and there some earrings, shoes or handbags.

Vorlieben, ganz allgemein. Julian Brandt ist für mich der Inbegriff von einem Feedbackficker. Er hört äußerst gerne wie gut er im Bett ist. Eine seiner weiteren Vorlieben ist Schlafen. Ich bin sehr überzeugt, dass er gerne und, wenn möglich, auch lange schläft. Sonst, er hört gerne Musik und zockt sehr gerne und intensiv. Besondere Vorliebe: Shoppt gerne hässliche Lappen und nennt diese Kleidung. Preferences, in general. Julian Brandt is for me the epitome of a feedbackfucker. He likes to hear how good he is in bed. One of his other preferences is sleeping. I am very convinced that he likes to sleep and, if possible, sleep for a long time. Otherwise, he likes listening to music and playing playstation very much and intensively. Special Preference: Likes to shop for ugly rags and calls them clothes.

Stöhnen? Zwei Wörter. Moan Compilation. Safe ist er lauter als du. Moaner? Two Words. Moan Compilation. He’s probably louder than you.

Das erste „Ich Liebe Dich“ kommt unverhofft, zufällig und von Julian. Wahrscheinlich durftest du Fortnite bei ihm spielen und überrascht ihn mit deinen Skills und dann rutscht es ihm einfach so raus. Komplett überwältigt. The first “I love you” comes unexpected, by chance and from Julian. Probably you were allowed to play Fortnite with him and surprise him with your skills and then it just slips out. Completely overwhelmed.

Niklas Stark:

Niklas. Der kleine Welpe Niklas. Ich glaube wir unterschätzen Niklas gewaltig. Er wirkt immer so niedlich, unschuldig und manchmal auch ein wenig trottelig. Im Bett, kann ich mir vorstellen, ist nichts mehr vom drolligen Welpen übrig. Er weiß was er will und was ihm gefällt. Ich will trotzdem daran glauben, dass er manchmal zu schüchtern ist dir zu sagen, wenn er mal etwas spezielleres ausprobieren will. Du den Ton öfters im Bett angeben und er, genüsslich, folge leisten. Die ganze Sache kann sich selbstverständlichen auch drehen. Hat er einen schlechten Tag und du nervst ihn auch noch mit belanglosen Sachen? Liebe Grüße an deinen Hinten. Niklas. The little puppy Niklas. I think we underestimate Niklas enormously. He always seems so cute, innocent and sometimes a little clumsy. In bed, I can imagine, there is nothing left of the cute puppy. He knows what he wants and what he likes. I still want to believe that sometimes he's too shy to tell you when he wants to try something more special. You often set the tone in bed and he, pleasurably, follows. The whole thing can of course turn itself around. Is he having a bad day and you're pissing him off with petty things? Greetings to your butt.

Welpen schmusen gerne, so auch Niklas. Er ist bestimmt auch ein recht anhänglicher Typ, jedenfalls im privaten Bereich. Wenn er könnte, würde er den ganzen Tag nur mit dir auf der Couch verbringen. Kuscheln stell ich mir auch alleine durch seine Größe und Kraft so angenehm vor, wenn du dann auf der Couch eingeschlafen bist, trägt er dich safe auch ins Bett. Puppies like to cuddle, so does Niklas. I'm sure he's also a very affectionate guy, at least in his private life. If he could, he'd spend all day with you on the couch or in bed. I imagine cuddling also alone by his size and strength so pleasant, if you then fall asleep on the couch, he will carry you to bed.

Ich glaube auch hier, dass Niklas schon recht eifersüchtig sein kann, das aber offen zeigt. Er wird das safe ansprechen wenn ihm eine Beziehung die du zu einem Kumpel hast, nicht passt, beziehungsweise seiner Meinung nach zu eng ist. Wir haben ja schon festgestellt, dass Niklas dich wie eine Königin verehren wird und dich natürlich auch nicht verlieren will. Deshalb ist er wahrscheinlich nicht so der Freund davon, wenn du mit anderen Typen chillst und er nicht dabei ist. I also believe that Niklas can be quite jealous, but shows it openly. He will talk about it if a relationship you have with a buddy doesn't suit him, or is too close in his opinion. We have already noticed that Niklas will worship you like a queen and of course does not want to lose you. That's why he's probably not so happy when you chill with other guys and he's not there.

Niklas hat eine romantische Ader. Er kennt dich gut genug und weiß wie er dich um den Finger winkeln kann. Er macht bestimmt auch volles Programm mit Anzug,Musik und Rosenblättern hin und wieder wenn du beispielsweise mal einen schlechten Tag hattest oder er unterwegs war und ihr euch deshalb nicht sehen konntet. Niklas has a romantic streak. He knows you well enough and knows how to wrap you around his finger. He certainly does a full program with suit, music and rose petals every now and then, for example if you had a bad day or he was away and you couldn't see each other.

Verwöhnt wird im Hause Stark mit vielen Geschenken. Da gibt’s alle paar Tage was schickes zum Anziehen oder eine teure Handtasche, weil er wahrscheinlich glaubt, dass er dich nur so halten kann. Bestimmt ist er auch ein Blumenfan und schenkt dir gerne welche. Wenn die Beziehung dann etwas älter ist, gibt’s als Geschenk vielleicht sogar einen Welpen. The Stark house spoils you with many gifts. Every few days there's something fancy to wear or an expensive handbag because he probably thinks he can only hold you that way. I'm sure he's a flower fan too, and he'll be happy to give you some. When the relationship is a little older, you might even get a puppy as a present.

Wie gesagt, Niklas weiß safe auf was er steht und was er will. Ich denke er ist eher so der Geber im Bett und legt deshalb äußerst gerne die mündliche Prüfung bei dir ab. Er zockt bestimmt auch recht oft, vor allem wenn du keine Zeit für ihn hast, oder er hört Musik. Besondere Vorliebe: Haarpflegeprodukte kaufen und sie nie verwenden. Like I said, Niklas knows what he likes and what he wants. I think he is rather the giver in bed and therefore likes to take the oral exam with you. He probably plays playstation a lot too, especially when you don't have time for him, or he listens to music. Special preference: Buy hair care products and never use them.

Ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass Niklas auch mal laut sein kann im Bett, es aber eher dir überlässt. Er verbringt ja seine meiste Zeit zwischen deinen Beinen, da braucht er ja auch gar nicht laut zu sein. I am pretty sure that Niklas can also be loud in bed, but rather leave it to you. He spends most of his time between your legs, he doesn't need to be loud there.

Niklas würde am liebsten schon nach ein paar Tagen „Ich Liebe Dich“ sagen, weiß aber, dass es wahrscheinlich ein wenig zu viel ist. Ich denke du wirst es zu erst sagen, und er direkt hinterher weil er schon so lange wartet, es aber nicht vorher sagen wollte um dich nicht zu überfordern. Niklas would like to say “I love you" after a few days, but knows that it is probably a little too much. I think you'll say it first, and he'll say it right afterwards because he's been waiting so long, but didn't want to say it before so as not to overstrain you.

Roman Bürki:

Roman ist und bleibt für mich ein Daddy, der es gerne etwas härter hat. Um den wirklich harten Roman herauszukitzeln musst du seine Nerven schon gehörig strapazieren, was hin und wieder einfach sein muss. Mit Roman macht wahrscheinlich sogar diskutieren Spaß, weil du einfach weißt was dann später passieren wird. Roman gibt natürlich so gut wie immer den Ton an. Ausnahmen gibt es auch, vielleicht dann wenn er keinen so guten Tag hatte und eher mal dir die Kontrolle überlässt. Einfach zurücklehnen und sich von dir verwöhnen zu lassen nach einem anstrengenden Training. Was kann Daddy Roman mehr wollen? Roman is and will always be a daddy to me who likes it a little harder. In order to tickle out the really hard Roman you have to strain his nerves a lot, which has to be done every now and then. With Roman it's probably even fun to discuss, because you just know what will happen later on. Roman, of course, almost always sets the tone. There are exceptions too, maybe when he didn't have such a good day and lets you take control. Just sit back and let him be pampered by you after a hard workout. What more can daddy roman want?

Ich glaube mit Roman kann man auch gut kuscheln, auch wenn er’s vielleicht nicht immer zu will und du ihn eventuell auch mal zwingen musst. Wenn du dann aber mit ihm auf der Couch oder im Bett liegst, er dann seine starken Arme um dich schließt, ist die Sache doch schon gelaufen. Ob du ihn dann vorher nerven musstest oder er von ganz alleine angekrochen kam, schon vergessen. I think with Roman you can also cuddle well, even if he may not always want to and you might have to force him sometimes. But if you lie with him on the couch or in bed, and he closes his strong arms around you, things are already over. Whether you had to annoy him before or he came crawling all by himself, it’s all forgotten already.

Einerseits denke ich ist Roman die Eifersucht in Person und tötet einfach jedes männliche Wesen in deinem Umkreis mit seinem Blick. Andererseits interessiert es ihn wahrscheinlich überhaupt nicht was du mit deinen Kumpels machst, weil er einfach so selbstgefällig ist und weiß was du an ihm hast. Es gibt definitiv auch bei Roman Grenzen, die klärt er dann aber mit deinem Kumpel direkt. On the one hand, I think Roman is jealousy in person and simply kills every male being in your circle with his gaze. On the other hand, he probably doesn't care at all what you do with your buddies because he's just so complacent and knows what you have with him. There are definitely limits to Roman, but he clarifies them directly with your buddy.

Irgendwie schätze ich Roman nicht als Romantiker ein. Hier mal ein paar Blumen, da mal ein netter Abend, dass war’s dann aber auch schon. Für die Romantik bist du im Hause Bürki zuständig. Mit ein bisschen Überredungskraft  legt er sich aber auch mit dir in die Badewanne voller Rosenblätter. Somehow, I don't consider Romantic to be a romantic. Here a few flowers, there a nice evening, but that’s it. You are responsible for the romance in the Bürki house. But with a little persuasion, he will lie down in the bathtub full of rose petals with you.

Muss er dich wirklich noch verwöhnen? Dir gehört Roman fucking Bürki. Nichtsdestotrotz sponsert er dir zuverlässig alles was du dir nur wünscht und du musst nicht mal was sagen. Schmuck, Schuhe und wenn du ganz artig warst wartet vielleicht auch mal ein Benz vor der Haustür. Er kann dich natürlich auch sehr gut mit seinen Händen verwöhnen. Immer schön lieb sein zu Daddy Roman, dann gibt’s auch eine Massage. Does he really have to spoil you? You can call Roman fucking Bürki yours. Nevertheless, he reliably sponsors everything you wish for and you don't even have to say anything. Jewelry, shoes and if you were very well-behaved there might be a Benz waiting at the front door. He can also spoil you very well with his hands, of course. Be nice to Daddy Roman, then you'll get a massage.

Vorlieben technisch sagt Roman zu nichts „Auf gar keinen Fall!“ im Bett. Er möchte dich gerne rannehmen so wie er gerade Bock drauf hat. Roman zockt ja auch gerne mal und hört auch Musik. Besondere Vorliebe: Tattoos stechen lassen, die von mir gestochen sein könnten. Preferences technically, Roman doesn't say “Absolutely not!" to anything in bed. He'd like to do you just like he wants to. Roman also likes to play playstation and listens to music. Special Preference: Getting Tattoos that could have been stung by me.

Roman ist bestimmt ein ruhiger Typ im Bett, der nicht so viel von sich gibt. Er hört lieber dir zu und grinst dabei so selbstgefällig. Roman is probably a quiet guy in bed who doesn't give so much of himself. He'd rather listen to you and grins so smugly.

Ich denke das erste „Ich Liebe Dich“ kommt von dir. Er, als der ältere in der Beziehung, lässt sich da ein wenig Zeit und zeigt es dir lieber durch Taten das er dich sehr gerne bei sich hat. Irgendwann, nach ein paar Monaten, kann er es wahrscheinlich nicht mehr aushalten und gesteht dir seine Liebe in einem ruhigen Moment. I think the first “I love you" comes from you. He, as the older one in the relationship, takes his time and shows it to you rather by actions that he likes to have you with him. Sometime, after a few months, he probably can't stand it anymore and confesses his love in a quiet moment.

#question of the day #julian brandt #niklas stark #roman bürki

[carolynpetit]

Reason to Play, a Journal--Entry One: Fortnite, MGSV, and Finding Ourselves in the Act of Play

Hi. 

This is the first entry in what I hope will be an ongoing journal of play. I wanted to start by explaining my thinking behind this project.

Right now, I’m looking for a reason to play. I’m always wary of games that seem to offer nothing beyond a mildly pleasant occupation of my time, and right now, I find such games downright inadequate. Unworthy. These are horrifying times, and yet, like so many of us, I find myself exhausted by it all. Unable to maintain the levels of rage and resistance that the actions of the current administration demand. I see it all becoming normalized and I feel powerless to stop it. And as the days and weeks and months go by, I feel as if this numbness accrues. I become increasingly detached, not just from the horrors of the moment but from myself. I start to wonder where the person I believed myself to be has gone. 

I believe that art is most vital in times like this. I love this quote from Kafka: 

“I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound or stab us. If the book we're reading doesn't wake us up with a blow to the head, what are we reading for?...We need books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us. That is my belief.”

If a game isn’t going to be the axe for the frozen sea inside me, if it isn’t going to cut through the numbness, shake me up, break my heart, fuck me up, do something to rehumanize me, it is not worthy of this moment. 

But I might find what I’m looking for anywhere. I’m not talking just about games that explicitly comment on fascism or racial injustice or economic inequality. Yes, I think it’s essential that we have art, including games, that confronts these things directly, but it’s also true that a game can have the noblest aims and leave me cold, while a throwaway moment in a big-budget mainstream game of the sort that certain gamers like to call “apolitical” can crack my heart wide open. 

Like most of my writing about games, this journal will be a place where I fully embrace the subjectivity of my own experience with the games that I play.

Okay. Here we go.

Testin’ My Mind, Shakin’ My Body in Fortnite

Yeah, okay, Fortnite’s a Battle Royale. That’s just a fact. If you’re playing solo, which I almost always am--I’m uncomfortable teaming up with random players, though on occasion I’ll play duos with a friend, which makes for a completely different, really exciting dynamic--you drop onto the island with close to a hundred other players, and the way you win is by being the last player standing. Now, I encourage conversations about the violence inherent to the format, as well as about all the other aspects of Fortnite that people rightly raise concerns about--the way in which it’s monetized, Epic’s pattern of repeatedly profiting off of dances associated with artists and communities of color without compensating the artists or communities that created them. All of it. But if we’re gonna go to the mat with Fortnite on these aspects (and we should), let’s also at least have a full, multifaceted conversation about why we play Fortnite, how it feels, and the moments that can emerge from a fully invested experience of the game.

Did you know that earlier this year, a massive beast that had been frozen in ice under Polar Peak broke free, that huge footprints showed it had made its way to the sea, where it’s occasionally been spotted, roaming the waters around the island? Did you know that right now, a towering robot is being built in the remnants of the volcano? It seems inevitable that soon, a massive Pacific Rim-style fight between them will take place, almost certainly resulting in a new wave of major changes to the island. Indeed, the island is always a place in flux, changing in big and small ways. It’s alive in ways that I’ve always wanted my game worlds to be alive. Landing near Loot Lake a few weeks ago, I was excited to see that the massive power cable that runs through the area was shredded and sparking, as if perhaps the monster had taken a bite. 

But the life of the environment wouldn’t mean much if it weren’t for my encounters with the lives of other players. The other day, I was trying to complete a challenge that required me to get a certain score on a balloon board at one of the numerous little beach party setups that currently dot the map. Jumping from the bus, I swooped down to a spot in the desert, opened a chest, grabbed the weapon, and made my way over to the nearby board. Another player got there just before me, and I stood still, hoping to indicate that I didn’t want to stop them from completing the challenge. They froze for a moment, but then proceeded, and when they hit the necessary score, a little celebratory explosion of confetti occurred, and I got credit for the challenge, too. 

Basking in the glow of our shared little moment, I wanted to walk away then, wishing them nothing but the best in the match ahead. But then they took a shot at me. In that instant, a sinking feeling ran through my whole body, a physical expression of “Aw, why’d you have to go and do that?” and in an instant, I obliterated them. It wasn’t a victory. It was more like putting someone down. I didn’t feel good about it, but it sure was a real feeling. Something surprising and immediate that emerged from my encounter with another living person. And that’s what I’m here for. 

Yes, Fortnite is a Battle Royale, but so much of the experience of Fortnite is about unexpected occurrences like this, and about the things we do in the stolen moments between the shootouts and build battles. The other day, I got so caught up in playing a silly memory game I stumbled upon that I wound up getting caught in the storm. Not long before that, I danced with John Wick to raise a disco ball in an abandoned lair so we could snag a fortbyte, one of this season’s collectibles. These are the things I really remember, not my win-loss ratio or all the times I’m eliminated by players much better than I am before I quickly hit play and hop on the battle bus all over again.

I’m eager to return to the island because the island itself feels vibrant and alive, emanating a kind of Spielbergian Americana and optimism, but also because of the vigorous bodies and exuberant identities I get to inhabit while I’m there. The mix-and-match nature of Fortnite’s customization means that one round I might be a sprightly female wizard with a sleek laptop on her back, and the next a nerdy, purple-haired gamer girl with a satchel full of potions and spellbooks. “Fun” may be overemphasized in some of our conversations around games, but it certainly has its place, and playing as these colorful characters, well, it’s just fun.

Every character in Fortnite plays exactly the same, but they don’t all feel the same to me. I just unlocked a black variant of the character Sentinel, a robot or power suit that looks like it might have appeared on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, and I think it looks kinda cool, but I sure don’t want to be it. On the other hand, playing as Elmira (pictured above) feels good. And oh, do I love the way that some emotes make me feel. Tweeting recently about an emote called the Laid Back Shuffle, I wrote:

I’m almost always pretty uncomfortable in my body, for a number of reasons related to my appearance and my transness and things. The easygoing physical exuberance of this emote, the way that the avatar performing it, whatever avatar that might be at any given moment, appears to feel so loose and free in their own body, makes it really appealing to me, like a virtual experience/expression of a sensation that I’ve never known IRL. I think emotes have some kind of power beyond whatever power we often think of them having, perhaps particularly for those of us who never really feel comfortable in our own skin. 

And all the kids playing Fortnite that we’re so worried about, let’s remember that their experience of this game isn’t as simple as just trying to slaughter everyone else on the island. Setting aside whatever value there may be in the particular type of complex thinking and skill-building that it requires to try to simultaneously outbuild and outgun your opponent, there’s also the fact that they, too, are experiencing the life of Fortnite’s island, having encounters with other players that play out in unexpected ways, and experimenting with self-expression. Yes, their opportunities for that exploration and expression are gated by money, and that’s a real issue, but that doesn’t change the fact that a young person finding that they feel particularly cool when playing as a woman in red with a bionic arm is valid, and maybe even valuable. 

II. MGSV and What I Know Is True

I set The Phantom Pain aside for a few years after hitting a mission that I found maddeningly difficult, but something called me back to it. Now I’ve powered through the mission that gave me so much trouble, and I’m making progress again. I enjoy the geographical roughness of its environments, and the way you really have to deal with that roughness, often lying flat and crawling along the ground. The truth is that I spend far too much time alone in my apartment, and though it’s no substitute at all for the real, natural world, when I take my time being rooted in one spot to scout out locations and tag enemies before making any dangerous moves, I feel the shape of the space around me in a way that I rarely do in games. 

The other day I fought a grueling boss battle and then, finally, when it was over, hopped onto the helicopter to return to base, exhausted by the ordeal. Just as we were about to lift off, Quiet hopped on, hanging off of the side of the chopper as the rotors above her head spun faster until we lurched up and away from the ground. She held my gaze the whole time. I think a lot of games look at the player too much. They want you to feel like the center of the universe, the only person who really matters. But that wasn’t the feeling I got from this moment. I’d just fought for my life, and the way she looked at me, without malice or sympathy for what I’d just been through or anything, made me feel like I was being sized up. Looked at in a real way. Seen.

Do you know that feeling--Does this happen to everyone or just me?--that feeling where, for a moment, your awareness kind of spreads beyond yourself and you’re suddenly very aware that what you’re experiencing is something real that is happening in physical, three-dimensional space at this exact moment in time? It’s a feeling I get sometimes when I’m in a moment that I wish I could make last, or that I really want to remember. Sharing a last drink with a friend before they move away, that sort of thing. This feeling of momentarily being very much rooted in myself but also outside of myself and acknowledging, This is real. This is something that happened. That moment where Quiet was looking at me in the wake of the momentous battle I’d just fought felt something like that. 

It didn’t happen in real, physical space, but virtual space is a valid space, too, a space where real things happen. Sometimes when I’m playing Fortnite I’ll see the hillside where a friend and I once sped away from attackers on a Quadcrasher, bullets whizzing past our heads, and I’ll think, We were there. That happened. These moments become part of my relationship with the ever-changing island, just as my memories of San Francisco become part of my relationship with the city.

On another recent mission, I was sneaking my way through an enemy outpost when, from a nearby building, I heard the familiar sounds of Spandau Ballet’s “True.” To be honest, I never liked “True” much. The Phantom Pain takes place in 1984, and as a kid in the suburbs of Chicago in that year who sometimes saw the video on MTV, the song felt too airy and ethereal to move me. But recontextualized in The Phantom Pain, I heard it differently. That precise ethereal quality made it such an effective contrast to the grim military seriousness and the tactile terrain that my heart began to ache. 

The presence of 80s pop songs in the isolated military outposts of the game is politically fascinating to me. It says something about how American and British cultural exports are absorbed by the entire world, but it’s largely a one-way street. A Pakistani friend of mine in high school had grown up with Sting, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis, but I’d never heard Pakistani music in my life. I don’t understand why so many players are so intent on not considering all the political dimensions of a game like this. They only make the experience infinitely more fascinating, even if and when they reveal the game’s failures.

The songs also allow for the creation of some great moments. I snuck into the building where the song was playing just so I could snag the tape, and the next time I was in the helicopter, I played it, and as the opening notes of “True” played, I panned the camera slowly around Big Boss, creating a very short music video that I honestly found exciting.

I tweeted the clip, jokingly commenting that I’d “won Metal Gear Solid V by creating this beautiful moment,” but it had really felt this way to me. Creating this moment had been as fun and rewarding to me as anything else the game offered. Playing MGSV isn’t just sneaking and shooting, or at least for me it isn’t. This, too, is play.  So obviously, I get frustrated with the “Git Gud” players, those who feel that games are at their best when they’re perfectly calibrated tests of raw skill, that the only thing that matters is having an awesome KDR, or earning the highest possible rating on missions, or whatever. 

But the truth is that it’s not just hardcore gamers who set limits on our notions of play by talking about games like this. A lot of us do it, even a lot of us who consider ourselves emphatically opposed to the “Git Gud’ brigade. We do it when we look at a game like Fortnite and see it only as one simple thing, a struggle to be the last remaining survivor, without at least acknowledging all the other things a player might go to the game for. We do it when we deny the possibility for moments of strange beauty to emerge from even a grim, ugly, grossly misogynistic game like MGSV. We do it whenever we, ourselves, adopt a limited, conventional understanding of what it means to really play a game, rather than fully engaging with all the different ways that we can find ourselves and each other in the spaces that games create.

-----

I’m currently looking for work. If you enjoy my writing and are in a position to do so, please consider supporting me on ko-fi.

#MGSV #Fortnite #Reason to Play

[lumikinetic]

*flops down on sofa*

*exhales*

Tumblr gives me a lot of wild shit every now and again. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's disheartening. And then yesterday came along and gave me the one-two punch of:

Captain Marvel being dolled up by the Russos instead of a jacket, S.H.I.E.L.D baseball cap and a Nine Inch Nails shirt, which is how she should be (not gonna talk about this, just want it out there that I'm pissed about it)

One Day At A Time being cancelled

ODAAT I'm gonna kind of touch on because it's not really what I want to talk about, but it did help me finalize the words for what I do, and that's capitalism in entertainment.

The most annoying goddamn trend in filmmaking (and of course in TV and Netflix/Prime originals) is companies caring more about their bottom line and less about making good content, and yeah I know this dead horse isn't just beaten, it's thrown into an active supervolcano but it really pisses me off and it's why I hate the new Star Wars stuff (well OK hate is a bit strong but they're uh Not Good) but I'll get to that. What corpos can't seem to get into their bloated skulls is that one cannot exist without the other. You need to put out good, quality content with value so that fans like it so they give you money so they increase your profits so you can make more content and so on. But somewhere down the line some fuckhead went "what if we just pushed out what we have?" and just kinda expected us to not take notice.

Now before the comments section gets all hot and bothered because I know some people on this site don't have the gift of reading comprehension, I know profits are important, I'm saying when companies shun good filmmaking for more money, they get lazy and all they can think about is profit and not how they make that profit, they don't care at all about using that money to make more good, valuable content.

One Day At A Time

I've never watched One Day At A Time but the fact Netflix just outright cancelled it knowing damn well what it meant to the people the characters are representing is just disgusting. And they have the fucking audacity to blame it on the viewership? I've seen hundreds of artworks, gifs and a video clip here and there of this show. I've seen precisely one (1) meme of 13 Reasons Why and that is literally it. I'm not following the tags for either. Plus, #saveODAAT has, last I checked, 350k tweets on trending or thereabouts?

So obviously the viewership isn't the problem, it's the racism and homophobia of cancelling a Spanish (? - again, never seen it), LGBT+ focused show that a lot of people quite happily and positively connect with when a crap show about suicide and Friends gets to stay on. It's just ugh. Cancelling a show like this then paying something like $100mil to keep Friends. I was going to expand on the shitty capitalism here but tbh that's it, Netflix are making bad decisions and like I say, I'm only going to touch on it because it's not the main part.

Star Wars

Go watch the original trilogy and it's clear George Lucas was trying to create and do. He was trying to make art. The key difference between that and modern SW to me is BB8. Look at C3PO and R2D2 and already you can see they belong. C3PO is a translator droid and I'm not sure what exactly R2's job description is but it's obvious he does some kind of pilot assistance for X-Wing fighters. I never understood people who said R2 never did anything, because they obviously haven't seen Star Wars. You get that this is an R2 unit, right? Like, there's more than one out there and they have a job they were specifically built to do, it's just this one particular R2 unit who had to carry the message? Anyway, I'm derailing. R2 and C3PO have functions and they're clearly not new, they've been used for a long time. Then you look at BB8 and instantly it's like "this is a toy. This so called character was designed to sell toys". And then he was. He's a toy, he's on bags, notebooks, pens, clothes, everywhere. Disney is less concerned about making a Star Wars movie and more about making money off of the Star Wars name.

Into The Spider-Verse VS YA Movies

YA movies tend to suck because they were adapted from books and we all know how that pans out but the reason I'm using YA books specifically is because my mind jumped to The Hunger Games. I couldn't tell you a single fucking thing that happens in those movies. They're so dull and dead and forgettable and the characters are borderline unlikeable but you know which one I do like? Catching Fire, for one reason and one reason only: Jena Malone as Joanna Mason. Save for Haymitch, she's the only character I liked because those two are the only characters with any kind of charisma or life to them. They made an at most halfway decent attempt overall at recreating some otherwise really great books and they made a big show out of it, hiring some pretty well known names. And I'm not disparaging their performances, it was just what I call, ever since Suicide Squad came out, the Harley Quinn effect, in which good actors get given a good character and perform them really well and, through no fault of their own, fuck it up because the character was written poorly and no matter how well they act, if the script doesn't change, the performance will always be shit. The same for Divergent. And Percy Jackson. And Fault In Our Stars.

Then outside all of that you have Perks Of Being A Wallflower which is just a great, heartwarming movie because the characters feel like people and the brightness isn't turned way the fuck down in post and you actually want to be invested, and they're not afraid to have a colour palette beyond a splash of pink here and blue there and red there. Plus, Ant-Man as an English teacher. THEN you go watch Spider-Verse and oh hey. I can actually see the movie now. And I mean see it. They do not slack off when it comes to visuals. Even by animation's standards, everyone is so expressive and alive and... animated. Sorry, I couldn't get a better word but they are! When you look at Miles in comparison to Katniss in terms of writing and performance, the difference is just startling. The only times I can think of where Katniss shows any kind of emotion in the first movie is when she slams the knife in the table and Rue's funeral and I had to think about that. Without thinking for Miles, already I've got "who's Morales?", the scene where Uncle Aaron teaches him the shoulder touch, the scene where Miles spray paints in the subway, that scene in the alley, the moment in Olivia's office when he just freezes after she says she can't wait to watch Peter in immense pain Like That and made all the wlws melt in their seats. You get the idea. So what's the point for this section? Well, as simply as I can put it, Hunger Games was made with money, for money. Spiderverse was made with love, for love. Spiderverse cared about people who read comic books and paid more than enough tribute to the art forms people think of as lesser for no goddamn reason other than elitism and proved for the thousandth time that it is something that can be used in filmmaking. They were trying to make art. Hunger Games and most other YA novel movie adaptations saw a preestablished fan base they could exploit for money. They were trying to make money.

Rambo

This was a weird one, yeah. Don't worry I was confused too when it popped into my head. I saw the original Rambo a while back and what I liked about it (and Apocalypse Now) is it wasn't a war film where the USA charge in and hooray everything's all right, this movie grabs your shirt and says "hey. Vietnam did something to these guys and they're not OK. Probably they'll never be OK". Then I watched the Rambo reboot that came out in like 2011 or something and I remember thinking "OK so now he's just this dude? Who lives in Thailand... And what, that's it?" There was no scene to show his psychological state today. Nothing to acknowledge his PTSD. They just thought "hey! Let's make Rambo but this time, just give him guns and and yelling and spray some blood!" The reason I kind of ended this train of thought quickly is because I realised that, let's be real, the main body of Rambo's audience just want to see Sly Stallone kill some fools. But yeah, the fact that they just ignored John's mental state in place of mega violence is such a glaringly obvious move to just appeal to violent teenage boys.

The Auteur

My favourite director is Wes Anderson and my favourite movie is The Grand Budapest Hotel (though Panos Cosmatos seems to be eyeing these titles with Beyond The Black Rainbow and Mandy, I haven't watched them yet). Quentin Tarantino, Spike Lee, Wes Anderson, auteurs always stand out even though their movies are all the same, and I think the reason they're so successful is because that specific style is so much better than most other mainstream cinema. I'm not saying that those other movies are bad, I love them and will watch them again and again but I'm saying Wes Anderson could make a short movie and it would be better than most Marvel movies put together (don't talk to me about Captain Marvel, I haven't seen it yet. Gonna see it this Sunday). No matter what you think of these directors, you can instantly tell the difference between these movies that they care about and the passion and hard work they put in and Disney pumping out their 400th reboot.

It Keeps Working

You guys wanna know the thought that keeps me up at night? Someday they're going to make a Fortnite movie. You guys wanna know why it keeps me up at night? Because it's going to be popular. Yeah, obviously not at the box office, because it'll be a videogame movie and those are worse than book movies, but it will be popular for no apparent reason. And what pisses me off is that Fortnite's popularity is only because of the battle royale mode, which has now essentially become synonymous with dying franchises and it just adds another layer to the lack of creative effort and the movie will just be Hunger Games with guns. Exactly the same as what I said at the start of this rant, there's a really noticeable shift from making content to jumping on whatever bandwagon is passing by because you know it'll make you money. Yeah, you have to spend money to make money but that doesn't mean you get complacent in what you spend your money on or if you spend money at all because when you cut corners, consumers can see that shit.

Anyway I'm done complaining thanks for having the willpower to pay attention to my dumb opinions.

#discourse #odaat #one day at a time #capitalism #star wars #into the spiderverse #rambo #long post #hunger games #hunger games: catching fire #ya fiction #young adult fiction #netflix #eat the rich #corpo #captain marvel #marvel #disney

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☆彡 tag game ☆彡

Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you wanna know better

tagged by @celestialclusters u are an angel

nickname: rika but im only called that by my fortnite friends.. kashi is also a nickname but i use it mostly as my normal name!! also cashew !!

zodiac: virgo

last movie: uhhh friday the 13th part 3

last thing i googled: “kagura boruto” i forgot his last name lmfao

favourite musician: uhhhhhh god its so hard to pick a fav ill say amatsuki for now?

song stuck in my head: seagulls stop it now

other blogs: ive got a horror blog (occcultation i think?) and an art blog (mafucchi)

do i get asks: no lol

blogs following: 104

amount of sleep: i need like 10-14 hours of sleep to be even slightly like a properly functioning person 

lucky number: uhh 9 ig

what i wearing: comfy loz shirt n warm fuzzy leggings

dream job(s): tbh idk anymore... a choreographer?

dream trip: japan or to salar de uyuni

favourite food: spaghetti and steamed buns

play any instruments: nope 

languages: english is the only language im fluent in but im learning japanese

favourite songs: uchiagehanabi- daoko, uhhhh lemon- yonezu kenshi, i cant think of anything else but theres tons more dfjknjk

random fact: im a boruto stan, boruto antis dont interact hes my son and hes good

describe yourself as aesthetic things: dystopia, eerie city pictures like empty streets at dusk, pictures taken just after sunset but before its fully dark uhhh i cant pick i rlly for myself so i asked my friend n she says “retro and kidcore” also

tagging uhhh @cryptidzkiddo and @datfreakshow and anyone else who wants to do this!! 

#🍧 #about #id tag more but idk who i could tag tbh #yall dont gotta do this tho like i just tagged in case u wanna do it!!!