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nevermore-selfship · 8 months

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Sorry if this is a personal question but i noticed you reblog alot of proship related things and was curios if you wer proship yourself

I honestly was wondering if I was ever gonna get this question considering antis have already shown up here prior-

Now I'm not really the biggest fan of labels pertaining to the whole thing of selfshipping (you're a person who wants to hug fictional characters, familial, platonic, romantic, that's the gist of it), but I'm gonna explain how I am as a person with this stuff and if it does make me proship, then so be it it's not like antis haven't pathetically tried shit with me before laksjdljkgalkd

I know what I like, and I know what I dislike, but I don't purposefully go and attack the people who do things that I'm not the biggest fan of, the block button in a wondrous instrument to weed out the things you *DONT WANNA SEE*, and I use it when I need to.

I'm also a MASSIVE advocate of "if you're not hurting REAL ACTUAL PEOPLE, then do what you want, I don't care", and everything in this selfshipping place deals with characters THAT DO NOT EXIST, we fabricate stories that we can daydream and retreat to when we need to and when we want to, but at the end of the day, they're just that, they're stories and imaginations we find comfort in, and if you're okay with it, you can share them with other people.

If this makes me proship by definition, then it does, but I can confirm and guarantee something, that my blog is unapologetically proship safe - I'm not gonna judge you or berate you or threaten you if you don't fit my norm, I don't control you in the slightest, so proship selfshippers, please don't hesitate to come here and interact with me, I promise, you're safe here-

And if you're an anti thinking about attacking anyone or myself on m blog's ground, then do yourself a favor reserving the one brain cell you have in the shriveled up raisin you have as a mind, and get the fuck off of my blog 🖤

#angel rambles #Seriously it takes literally no fucking strength whatsoever to just be kind to people #But then I remember this is the internet and casually telling someone to fucking DIE is a normal thing #But when you have confirmed stories of antis putting fucking needles in cookies and giving them to proshippers #YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING INSANE AT THIS POINT #JUST LET PEOPLE BE PEOPLE #HOW ABOUT THAT #IF YOU DON'T WANNA SEE SOMETHING #DON'T __LOOK__#DON'T INTERACT YOU ONLY MAKE IT WORSE #THE BLOCK BUTTON EXISTS #SOMEBODY DOESN'T HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR LIKES AND DISLIKES AND WHO THEY ARE AS A PERSON JUST TO MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE #ARE YOU KIDDING

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stellarsightz · 9 months

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“All that I've been taught // And every word I've got // Is foreign to me” — Hozier, Foreigner’s God

Aka "nooo dont grieve the life you spent running away from everything and wish you could go back to that life of uncertainty, where you constantly wonder if you can survive another day, rather than stand in the middle of a civil war which has nothing to do with you, you're so cool and sexy you're literally the mythical hero of a land where everyone detests your kind ahahahh"

A silly drawing of my Bosaltmer Dovahkiin, Baltana :))

I fiddled with her design a little, aka i added a different facial tattoo (which mirrors Lynwallyn's because hehe they're twins)

-> a companion piece to this older drawing of Lynwallyn

(Alternative version under the cut; possible eyestrain warning)

#oh tana we're really in it now #oc: baltana #i love me a reluctant hero <3 so thats what she essentially is #like imagine being a nobody your entire life then later become an assassin whose main deal is to be a silent executor #so she's really used to not being noticed and then bam. the whole province knows about her and she has these weird powers #that can make people explode and stuff. not to mention they all hope she was someone different & keep forcing their dreams and hopes #on her when she literally did not ask for any of it. suddenly her name opens a lot of doors and grants her so many contacts but she sees #through everyone's smile and knows they're full of shit. she's everything they hoped the dovahkiin not to be and yet.#she wants to belong so bad but her entire existence is just contrary yo everyone's beliefs. and it hurts so so much but she doesn't let #it consume her nor convince her to use her powers to destroy everything. she saves a world she cares very little about and doesn't even get #proper recognition for it which makes her so frustrated but yknow. what can you do #in the end it's better for her to be remembered as something entirely different than what she actually was bc ironically it means #the real her becomes forgotten. goes unnoticed #so yeah. no i cant make a normal happy character why do you ask #long tags #digital art #stellar.artz #stellar.ocs #tesblr #skyrim #skyrim tes #skyrim dragonborn #dovahkiin

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black-and-yellow · 2 years

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I’ve Got Your Number

New tablet, new Loudspeaker.

#recently remembered Passion Pit exist so that's your problem now #I don't know if anyone actually checks out the songs I link in my headings so it could very well not be anyone's problem at all #bnha #mha #present mic #bnha au #Loudspeaker au #hizashi yamada #last night I dreamt there was a shop called What Pigs Buy (it was pig themed for some reason it was pretty cute)#and it was like a social commentary on buying products marketed as being for a specific race #I'm not sure whether like deodorant for specific races of people exists in real life I'm 99 percent sure it doesn't #but in my dream it did and this shop had something to say about it #so all the products were labelled normally but with 'for pigs' at the end #cornflakes for pigs. bar soap for pigs. courgette for pigs #I enjoyed the theming #they were also selling Barbie dolls for £1 #not for pigs or anything just normal Barbies #the only explanation I have for this is that my brain was trying to think of the expression 'when pigs fly' and got dreadfully confused #but if there's a pig-themed shop anywhere I'd like to go and visit it #sorry for telling you all about my dreams but I can't suffer alone I have to make it everyone's problem

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 10 months

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Oh man I really agree with your tags on that one post. The whole king of delusion thing is terrible to me bc like. Delusions aren’t some gotcha you can use against him? It’s a serious mental health issue? But I’d also like to add I hate when people mock him for smelling bad or having poor hygiene or w/e… :/ It’s not funny when people with mental illness can’t properly take care of their hygiene lol I thought we were all understanding of this?

EXACTLY. It's not like "wow look how wrong you are and how terrible you are for being delusional".

Also the hygiene thing pisses me off too. I know lots of his fans use it as a joke, even affectionately, but like... he was homeless. He was living in the slums. Most people around him probably smelled bad. I'm sure they and he cleaned up whenever they could, but buddy, the slums isn't a public showering area. They'd be lucky if they were able to bathe. It's not something they take for granted. Even the "smelly cape" jokes bother me.

I've met homeless people. I've lived in a shelter where I met people who prior to that shelter lived in tents. Showering and bathing isn't something they could just get up and do before being in the shelter. Those people are lucky if they can even go to the bathroom in a proper bathroom, let alone being able to bathe.

Then like you said, on top of that, he's mentally ill. He's not thinking about his next bath. He's talking to people who are dead, believing they are answering him back and responding to their answers to him. There's also the general idea that Lambert's last words were not actually what were told to us via Dimitri's flashback, but the words he remembers because of his illness. He is very likely remembering wrong, because that version of Lambert matches the version of him that Dimtiri talks to, but does not match the version of him in Rodrigue's flashback.

Even depression can cause a lack of proper hygiene, and that's also a mental illness. In his case he has full on episodes of either psychotic breaks or having conversations with people who aren't there, and when he's out of those states he's desperately trying to do what he's been told to do by those voices. He's trying to do it both for those people and because, as he expresses later into AM, he wants them to stop. Those voices harass him day in and out and ridicule him and it hurts him, so he becomes desperate to do what they tell him so they stop tormenting him (which is part why he's so hellbent on hurrying to finish his tasks in the first half of AM).

It's an absolute spiral of a situation, where he already has these delusions but now on top of them feels absolutely terrible and like someone who has been emotionally abused by loved ones for years and years. He loves them but is terrified of them because they always say awful things to him or try to say things about him that aren't true. The worst part is that these are delusions of people who loved him and were nothing like this, so it causes even more suffering for him.

I don't really understand why it's so funny to people to poke fun at characters with or for bad hygiene. Like, firstly it's... just not a funny thing/topic? And secondly I'm sure there are people uncomfortable with it because they have bad hygiene or lower than "socially acceptable" hygiene due to mental illness and feel they're being laughed at as well for their hygiene. That's definitely a stereotypical mindset and something society does to make fun of people less fortunate than them, be it physically, mentally or both (like not having access to bathing.

Rich people can bathe whenever they want and often in media look down on "stinky people" who are always the poor, generally living in the slums). It's a very unfortunate dominant mindset and almost always comes from people who are more well off and haven't experienced it for themselves to realize how awful it can be (and there are of course people who don't need to experience something to know how bad it is, and I wish there were just more people like that).

I just don't understand what's so funny about hygiene. If anything it just feels like people laughing at the concept of someone not being up to society's standards about health, and it's what literal kids do to make fun of each other. Like, if someone smells bad, I feel like we should be more concerned about the person and why that is... and that would be the case if society raised its people to think that way, but since society raised people to be the opposite (to make fun of smelly people), most people who haven't experienced it for themselves make fun of it.

Like... idk am I missing something lol, I just don't see the humor in someone smelling bad. Even without considering any implications behind it I still don't see the humor in it. Considering Dimitri's circumstances though it just feels very wrong to see people make fun of him for that. I know fans of his that do it are doing it harmlessly and most likely wouldn't make fun of real people for similar things, but it just doesn't sit right with me. There's just nothing amusing about poor hygiene.

Using it as fuel to hate on him though is just is a show of someone's true character and who they really are. :/ Anyone who makes fun of him for his hygiene and mental illness are the kind of people who look down on people with those problems and deserve to experience it for themselves to see just how awful that shit can be. It being fictional doesn't change the fact that it's a show on someone's true character to be able to make fun of someone suffering, and especially to the extent Dimitri does.

Like yes, Edelgard suffered, but she has her own way of moving past it. She's not suffering in the same way as Dimitri or handling it the same way and comes across as "strong" for that - another societal mindset from people who think it's "strong" to not show that you're suffering or have suffered. It's how she handles it, sure, and that's fine... but it's people's reactions to how differently they handle their trauma that's so obnoxious.

People can only be pushed so far, and people hate on Dimtiri for his violence despite that being part of his illness and trauma. Hating on people for being violent as a result of their feelings or past is an awful thing and I really think anyone who can hate on a good and well meaning/intentioned person (real or fictional) simply because they're violent toward bad things needs some serious introspection (like Dimitri having violent reactions to seeing innocents being slaughtered in front of him at Remire. It was an impulsive reaction that he would've hid if he could have, but he wasn't able to).

Like oh no, how dare someone be violent and aggressive toward murderers! How dare someone say off with their head when they've done terrible things! Not everyone is perfectly peaceful and puritan. Hell, Edelgard isn't either and chooses violence as her first and foremost answer to everything, and only considers "negotiations" (i.e. anything that will benefit her/the Empire and only her) if she's losing and only stands to gain from them.

Her first solution to everything is violence, and yet Dimitri is the one who gets shat on for... being violent. Because of his trauma and illness specifically, both in game and out. But since Edelgard has been able to moved past her trauma for the most part and has a different way of handling it that "looks better", he looks "bad" for not having gotten past his trauma yet. Good for her to be able to handle it the way she does, but why is it "bad for him" that he can't handle it "better"?

#DCB Ask #skybluelion #using mental illness as a gotcha against someone isn't cool and doesn't make you cool #it makes you a terrible person and very disgusting. using it as an excuse and fuel to #shit on someone is disgusting. BLAMING people for what they say/do for their mental illness is disgusting #the whole ''it's your fault you're like this'' mentality is the most disgusting gross horrific thing #it doesn't matter what the illness is. it's not someone's fault that they have it #you can dislike Dimitri as a character without using very real real life examples as fuel #bc that shit just expresses exactly how you feel abt real ppl with those problems #it's just admitting it via a fictional setting to avoid the backlash you'd get if you said that shit to real people #I know most Edelgard stans use that shit as fuel just to hate on him bc they just don't like him opposing her #and so use any reach they can get to hate on him but to pick those factors specifically is very telling #ESPECIALLY coming from the character who plans to make a Fodlan where only strong-by-her-definition ppl #will actually thrive and the rest will just rot bc ''it's their own fault they're weak''#same exact energy as ''it's their fault the mentally ill live like they do''#like damn man you know many mentally ill ppl would LOVE to be mentally NOT ill and live and thrive and do great things???#I can't speak for every Dimitri fan but as someone with mental illnesses and heavy fatigue and no real talented physical capabilities #a character like him is an example of and an inspiration for mentally ill ppl being able to actually be seen as normal #and to exist happily and to be able to get by in life and have chances like anyone else #I remember when the game came out how so many ppl applauded AM as a positive spin for the mentally ill #but that quieted down when the game wasn't new anymore and all that was left was the vocal discourse #unfortunately that resulted in us witnessing all the worst people showing their true colors

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shalvis · 11 days

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Xenoblade 1 is the best game like ever fucking made and it has two of the most dogshit sequels ever fucking made

#meows #remembering just how insulted I felt in 2017 when I preordered the sequel and really really tried to like it #I hadn’t experienced Game I Don’t Like before 2 and it took me like 40 hours to realize I hated it #and that shit at the end is such an INSULT. such an insult #you’re telling me that [redacted] was actually only half of himself the whole time and that 1 and 2 are taking place at the same time???#and that oh actually [expunged] is one of three computers when the first game made no mention of any of that #y’all really went back to say your complete first game actually is only HaLf of the story? that someone like [expunged] is only a third of #the force that ended our planet #y’all went back and hollowed out your existing characters to make room for worse versions of the same characters #AND you play as a dork nerd child who ends the game with three gfs bc this is story #and the gfs do nothing but sacrifice themselves for you like three times and look pretty #but they don’t look pretty to like. normal well adjusted people #they look pretty to the I like questionable art of 17 year olds crowd #and the GALL. the GALL. of changing [expunged]s design in the switch port to try to stitch his afterthought purpose into the old game #while also making him just whiter and whiter until by 3 he’s like fucking light grey #and having him have a canon genderbend that’s just anime waif #who is also fucking white #and giving Klaus’ counterpart a name that has nothing to do with Gnosticism #even though so much other stuff in the first game comes from Gnosticism.#who the FUCK is Galea!!!! her name is fucking Sophia #killing biting maiming #and the gacha system? with bad odds for no reason in a game you’ve already paid for #it’s so fucking messy #it lacks a unified art direction #it’s soulless and even a game like 3 where only HALF of it is 2 flavored can’t beat the original because of the portion of 2 in it #and like what. is it like the two universes reunited after [redacted] died🙃#why did any of this need to exist! why did any of this have to be retconned #x is fine I don’t hate x and I don’t count it as a sequel to Xenoblade 1 bc there’s no #half assed tie back to 1 in x #2 and 3 would have been better as like. tales of games

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paimonial-rage · 27 days

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I was thinking about this while helping my friend beta something yesterday like… I vaguely remember that at one time, I felt (punctuation) periods were too harsh. They had a sense of finality about them. They were too loud and vibrant. Commas were more comforting to use. They felt softer and not as exact. And then I look at my writing now and there's nothing I love more than a period. I love how sharp it is. I love its finality.

Like I can't understate enough how much a period makes a statement. Like that's what it's supposed to do, yes, but it's more than that. It tells the audience that what precedes is true. It's a fact. And when you yield a period properly, it emphasizes and highlights what is stated. It stands out. It's final. It has weight. It's such a powerful thing that it's addicting to use.

#thoughts #personal #writing #i should be putting this in the main post but the main post has a vibe that i don't want to interrupt #the way to properly wield a period is by varying the lengths of your sentences #a good key to remember is that long sentences are meant for providing information #*long sentences are not meant to stand out*#when you want to highlight something that is key you use a short sentence #making it short makes it clear to the audience that the statement is meant to hold weight #however it is important to keep variety in the lengths of your sentences #a short sentence after a short sentence does not stand out as much as a short sentence after a long sentence #think of it like this #if you have two short people standing next to each other they look normal #if you put a short person next to someone really tall it makes the short person look shorter than they actually are #their shortness really stands out #this is called juxtaposition #i can make a whole essay based off of the importance of juxtaposition too HAHA #periods can be loud but i highly recommend trying to learn how to use them #one of you said you like hearing my thought process when i write so i hope you find this one interesting!!#now i'm gonna speak more off the top of my head but i feel that ppl that dislike periods are very sensitive to the flow in their stories #there is a flow to a sentence when you use commas and periods tend to disrupt that flow #a period/short sentence is too abrupt and jarring #at least that's what i assume they feel #however imho i feel ppl that feel this way are overly sensitive to the flow they perceive exists in their sentences/paragraphs #i have to tell myself this constantly that things that flow seamlessly aren't always a good thing #imagine your writing like an orchestral piece. are they always flowy and legato? or are there moments where the music jumps or changes?#and what do those sudden jumps do? they wake the audience. they catch the audience's attention. they add variety and interest #imagine an orchestral piece that the tempo never changes. the volume never shifts. every note bleeds into the next #you get put to sleep!#so a period may seem abrupt in the scheme of the sentence but look at it from the view of the whole paragraph. it may be better than u thin

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lulubeanie · 1 month

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Had a dream about Eliot finding a big abandoned library that a giant spider person has made into their home. the spider person was very not nice and the experience left Eliot afraid of spiders even though normally he likes them (the spider person was also in control of all the normal spiders that lived there or something)

#duck speaks #ocs #Eliot #there were other people who also found the library and sort hung around Eliot. but none that he knew already #and also I'm pretty sure they didn't make it out of there. so also none that he'd see again later #the only person who was another one of my ocs was Sage. and they showed up in sorta a flash forward thing #like. a scene that would happen a while after this #they were walking together somewhere and a spider was hanging down from a web in the path where in front of them #and Sage was about to tell Eliot to move it out of the way (put it in a bush or something) like he usually does #but Eliot jumped and looked all scared when he saw it #and Sage looked concerned and went '.. you ok bud?'#very compelling concept I think. Eliot solo adventure where he gets scared and experiences the horrors #at some parts of the dream I would even stop and think about how I could draw it out as a comic #I remember going 'oh we're gonna need to put a big arachniphobia warning at top of this one huh'#it's not even a comic normally.. it only exists in my head rn really

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cathalbravecog · 11 months

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Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.

before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.

definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)

and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about

because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)

and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.

and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...

and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)

some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.

it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).

like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...

anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.

it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!

but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.

it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.

not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.

there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.

this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.

one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.

i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.

every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.

i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.

why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...

i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.

like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...

not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It

like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.

there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.

but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.

#long #ramble #cathalposting #i...may delete this later i dont know. i both wanna talk to ppl i know about this #but also Do Not Percieve me. I am Afraid Of What People Think #Stay Back Foul Beasts !#alsoy eah i had other stuff to talk about...more on the negative side i guess but??? its. a bit difficult to #give and .. angstier things? negative thoughts? to a character who you see a lot of comfort in. they make you happy #they help you feel better about yourself. you want to see them happy. if theyre happy #youre happy. if theyre sad...well. you are sad. sadness is natural. its a real thing. it happens sometimes. its a part of life #and i have attached some of these things to cathal already. but a few things are hard for me to consider because of The Brain Worms.#i dont want to see him hurt either yknow.#anyways i hope you enjoyer my mental illness ramble. im not normal and you shouldve known that when you followed me #thank you for existing cathal ray toby braveswag #hey fun fact remember how i said i get tired of stuff myself easily well this whole thing made me tired. i was gonna #answer an ask but now im like. man. (melts into a puddle)#(doesnt take a break bc i need instant stimulation and makes things worse for myself)#do yall see why i like cathal so much now gamers?#ya. sorry this got personal. if any of you can handle reading this u deserve a reward.#and maybe i need to start talking about personal things this much. but whatever #this is my blog i can talk about anything and thats the COOL THING!#MWAHAHAHHAHAHA!#dies #ivegot a lot going on in my brain rn cant u tell

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47-protons · 7 months

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I love blorbo bingus from my brain. I'm going to put him through a pasta maker. Hes going to be like flat stanely by the time i'm done with him <3

#i am holding him like a stress ball and throwing him as hard as i can at the wall #have you ever mourned that which was still alive. and you can't go back to the people you remember or the guy you used to be #bc events since the time you left have changed you. and you might recognize them when you see them again. but they don't know you anymore #it's ''came back wrong'' except no one died. you left. and you changed. everyone else is the same and waiting for a son brother neighbor #who just. doesn't exist anymore. who died when wings were cut for the first time.#i'm so normal about blorbo from my brain i love him so much i need him crying in a ditch immediately #vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass. ask me about wing clipping. ask me about it. please ask me about why it's so fucking bad #for your birds. hey do you want fun facts aboutw ing clipping :)#he did it willingly. :) it's possible to clip wings painlessly. they were not gentle with it. :)#on an unrelated note. flick has always existed as a way for me to like. process things i'm experiencing. bc i'm really bad at doing that on #my own. this is a habit i originally picked up with fanfic that my therapist encouraged bc. i'm bad at internal brain stuff. make it Outsid #and then i'm Better at it.#he has Always existed as a way for me to hold and turn things around and look at them.#he gets to let his mom go willingly. with fond memories. and that's what i'm going to try so sososososososo desperately to do if i must

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ratgirlcopia · 9 months

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every night i sit in my study by candlelight writing ghost ministry gender theory on my antique typewriter so that i can explain it to the five people gathering at the town hall. who read my posts about how copia experiences misogyny.

#copiaposting #i really believe in the ministry Not being like. cool gender utopia.#like i think they're on paper normal about trans people but still have pretty strict gender roles that get brushed under the rug.#rubs my hands all over the version of the ministry that exists in my head.#but tbh this seems uh. canon compliant to me.#my only contribution here is just. saying that copia has a rough time on account of sometimes being a woman.#copia is so gender to me you don't understand. i mean some of you do definitely understand. but. but.#“how does secondo factor into this”#secondo is on dozens of levels of stone butch blues and nihil literally does not remember the agabs of his own children.#secondo is not having a good time + avoids nihil like the plague + knows he would probably not be able to stick around if nihil knew.#“hey vinny when you get into ghost you're actually going to have a mind break and start making it about stone butch blues”#wish someone had told me this. months ago. i would have blocked them.#i need to make another emoji ask post i'm in gender mode.#obligatory “this is all because of the heatwave” disclaimer.

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fionnaskyborn · 1 year

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current mood:

#it's about people who have gone through events that are uncannily similar but have dealt it both the events and the aftermath in #drastically different ways. one of them was surrounded by people who didn't look and sometimes didn't act the part but ultimately meant #only well and the other only had one person who cared about him near him and not even that person was in a good enough place to give him #that sort of empowerment‚ the strength to try and fight against impossible odds and an inescapable situation #and i've seen takes (don't remember where) that state that rai is ultimately so much stronger than v because he managed to free himself #from the shackles of his assigned fate whereas v 'failed' to do so but like... i believe that v is equally as strong for just... existing.#and maybe the world would've been better off if he had died as soon as he learned the truth but he lived because he wanted to see a better #world and believed that him being stripped of his identity was a small price to pay for a better world but what makes him even stronger in #my eyes is the fact that he KEPT LIVING even when he realized that there was no way to make things better from his position as much as he #wanted to and when he saw that everything was going to hell and that he was doomed to just... stay there and be trapped and be forced to #work for ideas that directly oppose his own #and DESPITE ALL OF IT‚ HE KEPT HIMSELF ALIVE (until nato called and said ''hey bibo if you don't respond to the allegations we will nuke #your house'' (referring to V's OH) and bibo just. did not answer. and threw v under the bus and let him die like he was nothing #like i need you to understand this man has the mental resolve of joy herself but you aren't ready for that talk #look point is i think that if they were to ever meet rai would initially not like v at all and couldn't exactly pinpoint why he doesn't #like him - he's polite‚ relatively kind‚ a bit sassy at times‚ and really quiet‚ which in a way mirrors his own mannerisms - so he has no #clue as to why he /doesn't like him at all/ (and of course rai being rai would be polite in turn but he'd never be earnestly amiable)#UNTIL one of them tries to start a conversation about more mundane topics like music or movies and as they exchange opinions rai realizes #that he really doesn't have to bother with the whole thing about resolve and determination to pursue your own goals and differences in #ideologies and that he can just talk to this guy as if he were one of his friends from nyc from back when life was relatively normal #(aka before big shell and when the memories of his past were artificially surpressed HMM PARALLELS YES)#in conclusion v is less anti-raiden and more the second coming of joy and also the two of them would (eventually) be friends and talk about #film and music. rai would absolutely DIG some of the 80's stuff v listens to. thank you for joining me on yet another episode of 'insanity #with fionna'#zeta gear tag #i wrote a lot here and i've made some good points so in the tag it goes

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vadlings · 4 months

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Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #laios touden #shuro #toshiro nakamoto #the winged lion #autistic #autism #clay writes #i GUESS #this was so spur of the moment. im so busy right now i dont have time to be analysing laios touden #i wuont angry autistic rep..

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mariamlovesyou · 5 months

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tuned into Plestia's live with Rahma Zein's second account (she got shadowbanned). key moments:

plestia talked about her adjustment to living in australia. "it's 1:30am now and it's normal for me and many palestinians who live abroad to be awake hours into the morning. i am scared of sleeping. because of the time difference, i'm scared if i sleep i will wake up to bad news. in gaza i was scared of the sound of the bombs, here i am scared of the quiet."

contacting family and friends in gaza is near impossible. "sometimes i feel like a crazy person, calling 20 times in a row hoping that on the 21st time the call might go through."

on the destruction of entire communities and neighbourhoods: "i'm scared when i go back to gaza i won't recognise it anymore. someone sent me a picture of my neighbourhood, and i couldn't tell it was mine at first. all my favourite places, cafes where the aunties used to give me extra food and ask about my day, have been destroyed. i dread looking at my gallery or seeing snapchat memories because most of these people in the pictures are no longer alive."

rahma asked plestia to talk about one story that stuck with her. plestia said "i remember walking one time on the 'safe corridor', that's what they called it anyway, and i saw an older woman clutching onto a donkey cart where her son's body was, refusing to let go of it. i asked my colleague what the smell was, he said it's dead bodies under the rubble. it was the first time i familiarised myself with the smell. the son's body was decaying and the woman told me about cats and animals eating away at it. i've had children talk to me about birds eating away at their parents' decomposing bodies and not being able to chase them away."

"it seems so silly to go to hospitals for minor sicknesses now. i can't even think about how many palestinian children are going to be terrified of hospitals now. there was a girl who was taken to the hospital to get treatment for injuries by one of the bombs, and while she was in the bathroom another bomb landed nearby. the impact from that sent the ceiling crashing down on her.. she got another injury while getting treated for her first one."

"i hate how people talk about our resilience - as if it's okay that this is happening to us. we are only surviving because we have to, because we have no other choice."

rahma brought up the way family homes are set up in palestine and asked plestia to elaborate. "basically, there are floors. someone will live on the ground floor, and then their married son lives with his children on the floor above them, and then their successors above them and so on. so when family homes are targeted, they wipe out entire families. many families officially no longer exist."

"i used to wear my journalist helmet and vest all the time, felt naked without it, even slept with the vest on sometimes until i realised it only made me more of a target. they didn't give me any protection, only headaches and back pain."

"i am an optimistic person, i loved covering sweet sentimental things, like at my graduation asking parents of top graduates how they feel about their children graduating. that's what i love reporting on. i wanted to cover things like that when i came back to gaza, show the beautiful side of gaza that the media didn't really show, but i didn't have the chance." "do you think they'll give you right of return?" "i can only hope."

plestia mentioned how hard it was being a journalist with limited access to the internet, charging facilities, no mics, lack of equipment and how difficult it was uploading things. rahma asked her what's one story that wasn't really recorded or posted due to these constraints; plestia said "the evacuations. sometimes they informed us about them, sometimes they didn't. you have no idea how hard it was, everyone looking for their family members, making sure every one was there, taking to the streets in 5 minutes and not knowing which way to go. i remember i went to my friend's house for shelter for 30 minutes before the first evacuation was announced and we ran to another family's house, stayed there for 2 days before another evacuation was announced. me, my friend, and that family all evacuated together to another family's house. there were already so many people there seeking shelter, it wasn't just one family staying there. none of us knew how long we had in any place."

before october 7th, palestinians were used to limitations on electricity. plestia used to plan her day's tasks around when the electricity was working. "for example when the electricity was on from 12 to 4, i would say i will do my laundry and charge the phones during this time. life wasn't exactly 'normal', but all of us pray to have those days back in comparison to what we are experiencing now." plestia also said that cars are running on cooking oil now because there is no fuel.

on hygiene: "many pregnant women have to give birth without any pain medication or medical attention. once we ran out of medicine, that was it. women who had to get C-sections couldn't stay to recover or get followup treatments because someone else needed the bed. we have no water, no tissues, no pads, barely any bathrooms. in the shelter schools you have to wait an hour before even getting to use the bathroom because of how many people are there."

"something you don't hear about is how many people die because of sadness. there's so many ways to die in gaza, because of the bombardment, because of starvation, the lack of resources, but i also know many elderly people who died because their hearts couldn't take it anymore. i have been in gaza before and lived through 4 aggressions, but nothing compared to this one."

a recurring sentiment that was echoed in the video: "sometimes i thought to myself: who am i recording this for? because we've already shown everything, we've already talked about everything. everything has already been said, the proof is everywhere, nothing i talked about today is new." rahma said the first video posted about what's happening in palestine should've been enough.

she is 22 today. plestia's closing words: don't stop talking about us, don't stop boycotting, don't stop protesting, please don't get bored of fighting for palestine.

#this is all off the top of my head if i remember other key points i will add them

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