#which is making my mood Worse zzz

[ev1lmorty]

weird weekend

#set up my sketchbook n tools etc to do some trad sketches bc it usually helps me feel better but im grr #i keep just opening pocket mortys n then getting annoyed bc nobody will battle me n the ones that do keep #oneshotting me or if i manage to kill one of their mortys just poofing #which is making my mood Worse zzz #kindve wanna doodle the last outfit reqs but i think i just wanna draw soft rnm stuff rn #> all my sfw wips are like dead srs edgy comics n i cant keep drawing edgy rnm art #anyways im rewatching it once again im on s3e1 again #i keep trying to watch other stuff but i cant focus + its keeping me sane #gotta speedrun a bunch of he tomorrow i got uhh #first pass of a 5 sec animation n a 3 page essay on the theory of magick #this is the easiest semester possible but i am for real going insane rn lol #bday officially in 4 weeks now #pisces season incoming babyyy

[schrodinger-swriter]

For the Sir Pentious fluff alphabet, can you do C, H, S, X, and Y? If not that's a-okay! I love how you write for him :)

C, H, S, X, and Y for Sir Pentious

Normalize having one of your writing friends swoop in and bounce ideas with you (hi friend C:)

I believe this might be the last post for tonight, then I may call it a day. Thank you all for the love you've all been showing towards my writings! I hope to keep providing you all with my brain juices C:

You can find the other two alphabet posts for Pentious in the masterlist!

CUDDLING:

As touched in a previous alphabet post in the ZZZ segment, he enjoys wrapping his entire body around you! He does this as a mix of seeking comfort and to get warmth from you. He does not prefer who's the little spoon or who's the big spoon.. usually it's a fairly even split on who's which. Loves cuddling, and will often initiate it anytime he gets the chance. Love nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. He makes happy rattlesnake sounds.

HARSH:

Sometimes his...energy can spark some disagreements between the two of you. Be it because he throws himself into something he's not equipped for, or something less... dangerous. Usually these disagreements don't breach into argument territory, and even rarer into fighting territory. This is mostly thanks to Pentious taking your concerns to heart and wanting to work to try to find a solution where you're satisfied. Typically he attempts to patch things up first in the event of things getting ugly.

SHH:

It's a coin toss on how well Sir Pentious keeps secrets. He's not as sneaky as he likes to think of himself of, if the second episode says anything. You'd likely find out what he's hiding before he has the chance to come clean! Even worse when it's a surprise for you, sometimes he just can't contain his excitement. He just can't wait to see the look on your face when you receive whatever piece of machinery he's made for you this time. Other times he might confide in you if what he's hiding is something taking a toll on his mental health. Once more, he seeks comfort in you, and it's no different here.

X-RAY:

I think he can read you fairly well, and he gets even better over time! He's not oblivious to other's feelings, even if he's a little awkward when trying to breach the gap... and sometimes backs out with what he intended... the episode where they're at the club and trying to get a drink for Cherri, for example... though he's not as helpless in the face of you being upset. He also tends to match your energy fairly well, flaring his hood as he shares your joy in whatever has you in a good mood!

YEARN:

He yearns, a lot. He will seek you out even when he doesn't really miss you and has nothing to do. He particularly struggles with separation, if you need to leave to go do something for an extended amount of time. Times like these can leave him more irritable than usual, snapping at egg boiz more than usual and perhaps even to others. He will beeline for you the second he hears that you've returned.. oh please spend the remainder of the day with him, he's missed you so much..! He doesn't seem like the type to have had many genuine friends.. at least not until he found himself in the hotel, and I believe that would feed into his yearning. He's had a taste and doesn't want it to stop, you know?

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin x reader #hazbin imagine #sir pentious x you #sir pentious imagine #sir pentious x reader

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Laito Sakamaki (Heaven END)

Because my friend didn’t plan on finishing his route I took it over for her♡ Look at them being super adorable together! I love them so much so this was literally a good ending to finish his route⊂(･ω･*⊂)

Place: Sakamaki mansion — Corridor

Yui: (Speaking of which, there was an assignment to be submitted at the beginning of next week)

(The teacher said it‘s going to be difficult, so I need to study hard for it. Next time I should go to the library ...)

*weird door noise*

Yui: ... Eh? What was that sound...

*weird door noise*

Yui: (It was... coming from the living room if I heard it correctly? I definitely should check it)

*time passed*

Yui: Uhh, that was a terrible idea...

(I‘m completely soaked wet because of it...)

Laito: Yahho, Bitch-chan ♪

... Hey, what happened to you? Where did you get so wet from, were you dressed up and took a bath?

Yui: It’s not like that...

I was wondering because I heard a weird noise, so I decided to look into the living room.

Ayato-kun was probably the one who put water on the door as a prank.

Because of that action, I got all wet...

Laito: Heh, so that’s what happened. Ayato-kun is still acting like a child after all.

Yui: I've been careful, but it still surprised me ...

Hm... how do you think I could make Ayato-kun stop pranking everyone... ?

Laito: You’re kidding, Ayato-kun to quit pranking? That's obviously impossible, isn’t it?

Laito: Ayato-kun got plenty of mischievous hobbies don’t you think? But he just does it to have fun.

Yui: (Pranking others doesn’t make life worthwhile...)

Laito: Anyway ... Fufu.

Yui: ..... ?

(For some reason I don’t like the glow his eyes suddenly developed...)

...What's wrong?

Laito: Oh sorry, sorry. It’s nothing. But it’s certainly no good that you’re standing here all wet.

Come on, let’s go.

*Laito grabs Yui’s hand*

Yui: Sure...

(He took my hand and started walking… I wonder if he’s going to take me to the bathroom?)

(Fufu, Laito-kun is really kind)

*they continue walking*

Yui: (Oh, uhm? We’ve passed it but... where are we going if it’s not the bathroom?)

Laito: Hmm, hmm ♪

Yui: (He seems to be in a good mood... Let's just go with it for now)

Place: Sakamaki mansion — Laito’s bedroom

Laito: Yep, we arrived~♪

Yui: (Laito-kun’s room? Why did he bring me here?)

*Laito closes the door*

Yui: Eh, the key? Why do you bother closing and locking the door...?

Laito: Because, nobody will be able to enter this room for now.

Like this I’ll be the only one to observe you ♪

Yui: Observe?

*Laito starts starring at Yui*

Laito: Hmm...

Haa... it’s nice to see your clothes sticking on your skin like that.

I can also see parts of your body that I usually can’t see when you have clothes on...

Yui: Eh!? W-What are you saying...

Laito: For me personally, the best point it shows is around your waist. Surprisingly some of my fang marks are still showing up there.

*Yui tries covering herself*

Yui: D-Don’t look any further!

Laito: Ehh, why are you trying to hide it? It’s not going to decrease faster like this, it’s okay to show it a little more you know?

Yui: That's not the topic! ...Did you seriously drag me here just to watch me?

Laito: Nope, that’s not it~

Yui: Maybe you even thought... nh, achoo... !

*Yui starts sneezing*

Laito: Oh, are you okay? I wonder if your body got cold because you got wet.

It will get worse if you stay like this, let me warm you up then.

Yui: (I still have a bad feeling...)

I-I’m fine! I'll come back to your room once I got to put on different clothes!

(This is the only chance to dissipate quickly—)

Laito: Hold on there, Bitch-chan. Running away isn’t good you know.

*Laito comes closer*

Yui: Kyaa!

Laito: It’s going to be over soon, you just need to act a little more mature.

*Laito undresses Yui*

Yui: A-A little more you say!? Why are you even trying to take my clothes off!?

Laito: It’s because I don’t want your cold to get worse.

I definitely don’t want that my dear Yui-chan has a hard time while she got her cold.

Yui: (He’s lying! He’s even laughing at me!)

*Laito continues to undress Yui*

Yui: Laito-kun! Stop it now... !

Laito: I won’t take it all off. It’s more exciting if you’re wearing at least a little bit after all ♪

Hey... Isn't your beautiful skin peeking through the gaps in your clothes?

It’s moist because your skin’s all wet... I wonder if it’s also feeling different from the usual time I touch you?

Yui: That is...

Laito: Those water drops on your hair... they are falling on your nape.

It’s sexy... I just want to kiss it all over...

Yui: Nh...

(N-No... I don’t want it... !)

Laito: ... Hmm? The smell of your blood has just become sweeter...

Is it because you’re getting a little shy over there?

*Yui blushes*

Yui: T-That's not true!

Laito: You’re lying and you even know it. Hey, Bitch-chan. Will you get even more shy if I do things like this?

Yui: Nn...

(He’s liking my right ear... it tickles...)

Laito: You even got excited yourself now, how adorable. Like this, we’ll be able to have a lot of fun—

... Soon, you’ll feel warm.

Yui: Feeling warmth... h-how will you do it?

Laito: Of course this is the only way to warm up your entire body... Ahh... Nn...

Yui: (Agh, his fangs are piercing my skin... !)

I-I won’t warm up like this!

Laito: Haa... It’s alright. It’ll get your body warm up soon enough... Ahh... Nn...

Yui: Nh... Nn...

(His fangs... they are digging into my shoulder... it feels painful but also good ...)

Laito: Nfu, Bitch-chan is getting fascinated by those powers as well...

Because your skin is wet, it might feel different from usual...

Perhaps because of your excitement the taste even changed drastically... it’s making me go insane if I don’t take a little more... Nh... Nn...

Yui: Nh... ahh...

(No... every time he’s sucking my blood, the pleasures rushes in my body and... it does... feel hot... )

Laito: Fufu... I was right, your body is really getting hot...

Yui: (Oh... ? He stopped... ? Why... )

Laito: I’d really like to suck your blood a little more than that—

But if you want more as well, you need to beg for it in an adorable way.

Yui: Eh?

Laito: If you can’t ask for it, we‘ll end this here.

Weren’t you even suggesting to go to your room and change your clothes?

Yui: T-That is...

(I’m ashamed to ask something like this... !)

(But right now my body is hot... I don’t want to be thrown out like this... Nh...)

Uhh... I’m begging you. Please... take more... please suck my blood...

Laito: Nfu, good job ♪

I swear to give you a lot of rewards for your perfect performance just now... Haa... Nh... Nh...

Yui: Nn... Ahh...

(He put his fangs even deeper in my skin now... it feels unbelievably good…)

(Haa... my head starts going dizzy... my consciousness... it’s... at its limit... nh...)

*time passed*

Place: Sakamaki mansion —Laito’s bedroom

Yui: Nh...

... Oh... um? Why am I here...

(I remember, did I faint while he sucked my blood?)

Laito: Zzz...

Yui: Laito-kun... ?

(I’m sleeping next to him... but maybe he was the one who brought me to bed?)

(My hair and body are also dry, this may have been done by Laito-kun as well)

...Thank you, Laito-kun

Laito: Zzz... Zzz...

Yui: Fufu, he’s sleeping really comfortably.

(I want to see his sleeping face like this way more...)

(... I badly want to kiss him. But as long as you’re sleeping, I can’t do it I guess?)

(... I just... have to be careful... )

Laito: .....

Yui: Nh...

(No, I can’t do something like that ...)

Laito: ... Fufu

Yui: Eh?

Laito: Good morning, Bitch-chan

Yui: ...... !? Y-You were awake!?

Laito: I woke up awhile ago. I thought you were going to do something so I pretended to sleep.

You were really close to bring your face near to mine, now your face is all red of embarrassment...

I wonder what exactly you were trying to do with me while I was unconscious?

Yui: I-I um! You’re putting words in my mouth!

(If he’s able to pretend to sleep and provide me from doing embarrassing things I can play the same cards...)

*Yui turns around*

Laito: Hey wait, why are you turning your back on me now?

Yui: .....

Laito: Heeey, Bitch-chan?

Yui: .....

Laito: Ignoring me is really terrible from you. B u t...

*Laito comes closer*

Laito: Isn’t it too defenseless to turn your back on me like that? ...Nh...

*Laito kisses Yui*

Yui: Uwah!

Laito: Finally you turned the other way around.

Yui: Because just now, there was something on my neck... !

Laito: I kissed you ♪ You were selfishly ignoring me so I thought placing it on your neck would be good.

Yui: But why so suddenly... !?

Laito: Let’s call it a little punishment for turning your back to me, alright?

Yui: Speaking of that, it’s not okay for Laito-kun to pretend to sleep when you knew I was up to something embarrassing!

Laito: If you were really planing on doing something as I thought, you’re really horrible at unpredictably kissing someone, you know?

Yui: (Uhh, after all he knew that I was trying to kiss him)

Laito: Because I knew you’ll react as fresh as ever. It's fun for me to see you do so.

Yui: It's fun you say...

(This may be even toughter than Ayato-kun’s mischief behavior today...)

(Huh? Talking about my hair!)

Hey, did you dry your hair, Laito-kun?

Laito: Oh, that’s right... Isn’t it natural to do this for his lover?

Yui: I was right. Thank you, Laito-kun.

Laito: No problem.

Yui: (There are still some problems with him, but I love it when he does small things like those...)

Laito: Oh, that's right. I’ve done so much, so I want some rewards for my hard work as well~♪

Yui: Oh, a reward?

Laito: Hey, Bitch-chan. What reward... is it?

Yui: Uhh...

(That’s hard to think of. But I’m sure I can’t do anything wrong if I ask him directly...)

Is there anything you want me to do?

Laito: Of course. I want an erotic yet special kiss from you.

Yui: Eh!? I-Isn’t that a little absurd?

Laito: Ehhh? It was such hard work to dry your hair while you were unconscious tho.

Yui: Uhh, I understand. Just stay still then.

Laito: Nfu, I’ll do so.

Yui: (Laito-kun, he even closed his eyes... I’m able to see his beautiful face features even clearer now)

(N-No I can’t. But I need to kiss him... kiss him...)

(Uhh, after all this is way too embarrassing for me)

Laito: ...Hey, it’s about time your teasing play comes to an end. After all I can’t wait any longer.

*Laito pushes Yui*

Yui: Eh!?

*Laito erotically kissss Yui*

Laito: Hm... Nn...

Yui: Ahh!?

Haa, Haa... you could have warned me.

Laito: I’m sorry, you were so cute that I couldn't stand it any longer..

It’s your turn. But this time, I want you to actually do it, okay?

Yui: Yes... I'll try to do it

Laito: Hm, do your best ♪

Yui: (My face can’t stop smiling... He is a lover who gets me in a lot of serious trouble most of the time...)

(I realized that I like him exactly for doing those unpredictable things)

(Even when I got wet, he tried his best to comfort me with pleasure and he even dried me completely—)

(Huh, wait a minute...)

Hey, who was the one changing my clothes... ?

Laito: Hmm? Obviously I was the one who changed them.

Yui: E-Ehhh!?

Laito: I had a hard time because it was all wet and stuck to your skin. Oh, I also put them out for washing so don’t worry about it.

Yui: Changing clothes... Then all of my clothes...

Laito: You’re turning all red just now. We really are doing an amazing job together as couple.

Yui: That's not the problem, you just shouldn’t do something like that without my permission!

Laito: Ehhh? Isn’t it a nice little play between lovers?

Yui: (I take that back! I’d like him to apologize for his annoying and unpredictable behavior right away!!)

#diabolik lovers #chaos lineage #diabolik brothers #translation #chaos lineage translation #diabolik lovers translation #ayato sakamaki #diabolik lovers chaos lineage #diabolik lovers chaos lineage translation #otome game #ayato sakamaki chaos lineage #laito sakamaki #laito sakamaki chaos lineage #laito sakamaki chaos lineage translation #sakamaki laito #diabolik lovers laito #yui komori #otome game translation #laito sakamaki translation

[pikashadow]

Approaching That Summer Sky a Diamond no Ace fanfiction

Rating: T

Pairing: Sawamura/Narumiya (Established Relationship)

Words: 9,032

Plot: Mei finds out from Itsuki that Eijun became the ace. And he isn't pleased. In other news, Eijun decides he's alright with letting the rest of his team (and the public) know about their relationship

Set after the summer tournament opening ceremony. To be more specific, this takes place sometime after Itsuki tells Mei about Eijun becoming the ace during Act II Chapter 143 of the manga and episode 46 of the anime.

A.N.: Recently, I’ve been getting back into Daiya no A. And after watching Eijun become the ace for the nth time, a plot bunny came to me. Which is great because we need more Eijun and Mei interactions.

This is set after the summer tournament opening ceremony. To be more specific, this takes place sometime after Itsuki tells Mei about Eijun becoming the ace during Act II Chapter 143 of the manga and episode 46 of the anime.

This is part two of my Summer Sky series, but you don’t need to read the first part to read this part.

I hope y’all enjoy it!

Mei couldn’t believe the nerve of his boyfriend.

He strode around the stadium, dark blue eyes on the lookout for Seidou colors.

And their idiot of an ace.

He couldn’t believe that idiot was forcing him to look for him. Knowing him as well as he did, though, he knew it was on purpose.

His boyfriend was extremely competitive and hated losing to him. He always found such joy whenever he did win against him. And while it annoyed him that he would lose, it didn’t bother him as much as it used to. At least in person or over video call. Because then he would at least get to see his boyfriend’s cute happy face. Over text was still annoying (especially when he would just spam emoticons and ignore any attempts to continue the conversation).

Thankfully, people could tell he was in a foul mood, steering clear of him and leaving enough room for him to walk without bumping into anyone or having to step around someone.

He ignored the whispers and the other teams’ gazes, focused on finding Seidou’s ace.

A couple of brave (or stupid) players spoke in a normal tone, his ears pricking up when they said his name.

“Oi, isn’t that Inashiro’s Narumiya Mei?”

“Yeah, it’s weird seeing him without his teammates. I wonder where they are.”

“More importantly, I feel sorry for the person who angered him. He looks ready to kill.”

He almost snorted.

What an exaggeration.

While he couldn’t harm Seidou’s ace (not that he planned on it in the first place), he still planned on giving him an earful.

Because what the hell?

Seidou’s ace, his boyfriend, didn’t even tell him he became the ace.

Didn’t he think even a little bit that he would like to know?

(Especially after what happened during the spring tournament. Did he forget about how he encouraged him?)

He had of course heard about the game with Hakuryuu, unable to stop the warmth and… pride when his boyfriend personally told him the news himself.

(… Not that he said anything to the person himself. Instead, after congratulating him, he warned him not to let it go to his head, mentioning how one great practice game didn’t mean he would become the ace. And either he took the warning to heart (he doubted it) or something else happened, but he kept his feet on the ground.)

And after hearing all about the practice games they won, he could safely assume he had been doing well.

But becoming the ace?

What had happened for him to suddenly become the ace?

And why didn’t he tell him anything?

With the summer tournament starting, they wouldn’t get to meet up as often. So unfortunately, that meant he had to track down his terrible boyfriend before they left.

The only good thing was that no one dared bother him as he continued to look. Which was good (and very wise). He refused to waste his time on people he didn’t even know. Or care about.

Fortunately, it didn’t take long to spot the unforgettable Seidou uniforms. And a very familiar back with the unmistakable number one on his jersey.

(At first, he almost missed him. Seidou’s ace was rarely quiet, and because of that, it was easy to find him wherever he was. If it wasn’t for that back, he would’ve almost walked past them.)

As he walked closer, he heard a familiar laugh.

… Great. Kazuya’s there.

He couldn’t hear whatever Kazuya was talking about, but it seemed he finished whatever he wanted to say to the team, already turning around to speak to someone else.

Not that he cared if he interrupted whatever Kazuya was talking about, but if he finished, it would make things easier.

A few Seidou players he didn’t recognize spotted him, their eyes widening. But before they could speak up and possibly warn their ace, he reached out, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck.

Eijun squawked, almost losing his balance as someone grabbed him and pulled him toward them. He started struggling, trying to get them to let go.

And while the rest of Seidou were no doubt used to him squawking, they all turned to look at him, various degrees of surprise and shock on their faces once they registered his presence.

“Narumiya Mei?”

Eijun froze at the mention of his name, his struggling starting anew as he tried to twist his head and look at him. “Mei? What are you doing here?”

Belatedly, he realized his mistake, freezing and watching as his teammates’ eyes widened even more (if possible).

And while Mei would normally take great pleasure in their reactions, they (unfortunately) didn’t have time for this. He couldn’t help but smirk in their direction, though, amused as most of them glared at him.

(He could’ve sworn he heard a few people growling, but it was probably just his imagination.)

He pulled Eijun closer, ignoring his noticeably weak protests before looking over at Kazuya. “I’m stealing him for a bit.”

Not bothering to wait for a response, he already turned away, pulling Eijun with him. Eijun was still protesting at the way he held him, but he followed obediently, shooting his teammates a half guilty and half embarrassed look.

“Don’t take too long. And make sure to give him back,” Kazuya said, smirking that all too familiar (and annoying) knowing smirk of his.

He waved flippantly with his free hand, not in the mood to deal with him.

Eijun, on the other hand, glared at him. “We know that, Cap! We’ll—” His eyes widened, belatedly realizing what he was saying and cut himself off. “I-I mean, I’ll be back soon.”

Much to his irritation, Miyuki looked way too amused at his slipup. “Didn’t know you two were that close, Sawamura.” He snickered, giving him another knowing smirk.

But before Eijun could respond, Mei tugged him sharply, causing him to let out a pained yelp. It was awkward with the way Mei held him, but he managed to turn his head enough so he could give him a glare.

“Come on, Eijun. We don’t have time for this.” Mei looked over his shoulder, finally allowing Eijun to see his face.

Eijun almost flinched at seeing his dark blue eyes and scowl. So it wasn’t his imagination that his boyfriend sounded angry? He quickly racked his brain, wondering what he did to anger him but drew a blank. Besides not texting him as much recently, he couldn’t think of anything.

And knowing Mei as well as he did, he knew Mei wasn’t angry about the texting.

But then why?

Why was he angry with him?

He would apologize, but he didn’t even know what he did.

But before he could even attempt at asking him, Mei pulled him along, already walking away and ignoring the sudden vocal protests from his teammates.

Contrary to what Cap thought, he wasn’t hiding his relationship with Mei from the rest of his teammates. He just… never found a good time to tell them. He liked to comfort himself with the thought that if his teammates asked, he would’ve told them the truth.

As he watched them react now, though, he found himself wishing he could’ve told them earlier.

Worse, his only ally in this situation was Miyuki freaking Kazuya.

That guy was definitely enjoying this. And he would no doubt tell the rest of the team about his relationship with Mei.

He groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

As Mei frequently reminded him, he wasn’t the best liar. And he was planning on telling them about it anyway. So really, it was no big deal.

But knowing who he had as an ally made him dread the upcoming conversation.

ZZZ

It didn’t take long for the rest of Seidou to turn to Kazuya, multiple people loudly protesting at what happened and demanding an explanation.

(Because Sawamura and Narumiya? What the hell? When did this happen? Would their ace be alright?)

Kazuya tried keeping a straight face as he raised a hand, asking them to quiet down.

But Kuramochi glaring at him made him realize he had failed.

“What the hell, Miyuki?! Why did you let Narumiya Mei kidnap Sawamura?”

He almost snickered, but miraculously, he stopped himself from doing so. He couldn’t stop the amused smirk from appearing, though. “Calm down. Sawamura will be alright.”

But that only infuriated Kuramochi more (if possible). “Stop enjoying this! This is serious! Shouldn’t we do something?”

This time, he snorted, unable to help it at the ridiculousness of the situation. “He’ll be fine.” He clicked his tongue as he noticed Kuramochi and a few others looking in the direction they left, as though about to chase after them. “Don’t go after them.”

Some of his teammates froze, not wanting to annoy him further.

Kuramochi turned his head to look at him, still glaring. “How do you know he’ll be alright?”

Kazuya resisted the urge to sigh. So much for enjoying the situation.

But before he answered, an idea came to him, causing him to almost smirk.

If he played his cards right, he would enjoy a much different (but still very entertaining) show.

“Those two are close friends,” he said, barely stopping himself from smirking at how everyone’s eyes widened in unison.

“Those two? Close friends? Sure didn’t seem like it,” Kuramochi grumbled. He couldn’t say he was too surprised (because of course Sawamura managed to somehow befriend Narumiya Mei of all people). He just wished his roommate had told him about it himself, feeling annoyed Miyuki knew about it before him.

Haruichi hummed thoughtfully, causing everyone to look at him. “It makes sense, though.”

“What does?”

Haruichi frowned, remembering what happened during the spring tournament. “During the Inashiro and Teitou game, he kept looking up at us. I thought I was imagining things at the time, so I didn’t think too much about it. But now I understand. He was looking for Eijun-kun.”

What he didn’t tell them was how Eijun had looked after the game as he talked about an ace being cool.

Was Eijun-kun talking about Narumiya-san?

Kazuya almost snickered as everyone else let out understanding noises. He remembered thinking Mei was being a little too obvious (even for someone like him), causing him to shake his head in amusement.

But before he could relax, Kuramochi frowned, shooting him a suspicious look. “Why do you know about this and we don’t?”

Thankfully, he had an explanation ready. “He accidentally told me one day. You know him. He’s bad at keeping secrets. If you had asked him about it, he would’ve told you the truth.”

(He wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t telling the whole truth either.)

Kuramochi pursed his lips, not mentioning how they hadn’t even heard about this until now. “So?”

Being the guy that Kazuya was, he only raised his eyebrows. “So what?”

Kuramochi felt his eye twitch, resisting the urge to grab their sorry excuse for a captain and shake him like Sawamura used to. “How did they become so close? They’re enemies!”

Everyone else nodded, still a little surprised to hear about Sawamura’s relationship with Narumiya Mei but also eager to hear more about it.

But Kazuya only shook his head, looking amused as most of them glared at him. “That’s his business. I’ll let him tell you the details.”

“You don’t normally care about that sort of thing,” Kuramochi pointed out, looking suspicious.

Kazuya shrugged, unbothered by his suspicion. “What can I say? I turned over a new leaf.”

“Liar!”

He almost snickered at the immediate response, knowing no one would believe that. “I’m serious. If you want to know, you have to ask him yourself.” He smirked, amused. “And this way, we’ll all get to watch him squirm together.”

“… You really are the worst.”

He laughed, grinning. “Thank you!”

“It wasn’t a compliment!”

ZZZ

Eijun knew he could be oblivious and very dense at times.

But he would need to be blind to miss the way everyone stared at them.

They must be quite the sight.

Mei had gotten tired of holding him by the scruff of his neck, now holding the back of his jersey. He ended up half pulling and half dragging him (which surprised him because he didn’t know he was this strong. He wasn’t this strong the last time they met. He was both excited and nervous to see how it affected his pitching. … Come to think of it, Cap did say he didn’t have any weaknesses).

By this point, he had stopped struggling, allowing Mei to do what he wanted. He hadn’t said anything since they walked away from his teammates, so he could safely assume Mei was waiting until they were alone to start talking.

Which suited him just fine.

Their relationship was their business. No one else needed to know about it.

He suddenly felt grateful for his understanding boyfriend.

… Well, it wasn’t understanding so much as not caring what people thought. Mei had already told his teammates about their relationship and would’ve told everyone here if given the choice. The only reason Mei hadn’t done anything to out their relationship a while ago was because of him.

He felt bad for making him wait, but he had wanted to wait until he at least became the ace. Mei wouldn’t care what people thought about their relationship, but he knew it would’ve been much worse if they had outed their relationship last year. At least now, they were somewhat equal. Some people would disagree, of course, but he found he didn’t care. As long as they didn’t interfere with their relationship, he could care less what people thought.

“Oi, isn’t that Narumiya Mei?”

“Yeah, and he’s with Seidou’s ace!”

“Oh, that loud guy, right? They must have a cozy relationship.”

Eijun let out a surprised noise as Mei stopped walking, unable to stop himself from gaping as he promptly let go of him. He stumbled, briefly losing his balance without his support.

But Mei was there in a flash (was he always that fast?), easily stepping into his personal space to hold him up and provide support until he could stand up straight without it.

He opened his mouth to thank him, but Mei quickly turned around, only pausing to grab his wrist and continue walking as if nothing happened.

He blinked a few times, looking behind him at where they were a moment ago, confused.

… What just happened?

While he certainly felt grateful (and happy) to follow Mei on his own feet rather than being dragged along, he couldn’t help but feel baffled as to why it happened.

Wasn’t Mei still angry with him?

Maybe it was because those players were talking about them?

… No.

That was impossible.

Mei didn’t care what people thought. And this time was probably no different.

Maybe he got tired of dragging him and thought it was faster if he let him walk?

He looked back at Mei, nodding to himself.

Now that sounded more like him.

A few minutes later, they finally found a spot unoccupied near the northern exit of the stadium. Mei led them over to a pillar almost covered in shadows, only letting go when he felt satisfied no one would give them a second glance.

Eijun thought Mei would want to greet him (especially since they couldn’t do it in front of his teammates), but to his surprise, Mei created some distance between them, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He stayed close enough that he could reach out and touch him if he wanted, but when he tried reaching out, his boyfriend gave him a warning look, causing him to hastily drop his hand.

All they could hear was the buzzing of the cicadas in the trees around them.

… He couldn’t wait anymore.

“Why are you angry?” he blurted. And not happy.

Normally, Mei would be almost annoyingly happy to see him. His whole face would light up, that cheeky grin Eijun both liked and disliked appearing on his face as he teased him about being happy to see him. His bright blue eyes would sparkle with happiness and a bit of mischief.

He loved seeing Mei look happy. Especially when he was the cause of it.

It had been a while since he last saw it in person and not over a video call. If he were honest, he didn’t even think he would get to meet Mei today. So he was already happy Mei came looking for him.

He didn’t know what he did to anger him. He wanted to apologize for whatever he did so he could see his happy face.

Mei raised his eyebrows, as if surprised he even asked. “Why?” he echoed mockingly, finally uncrossing his arms. But his hands quickly formed fists at his sides, Eijun wishing he could reach out and hold them so he didn’t hurt himself. “You don’t know?”

When Eijun only gave him a blank look, he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Of course you don’t.” Eijun frowned, wondering if that was an insult. But before he could ask, Mei jabbed his chest with a finger. “Don’t you have something to tell me? Something important?”

If it were any other occasion, Mei would’ve laughed at his baffled look.

He shook his head, almost snorting. “You’re unbelievable.”

… Now that sounded like an insult.

“Look, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Stop beating around the bush, and just tell me!” Eijun huffed, frustrated.

All he wanted was to apologize so they could enjoy the rest of their time together. Mei had to know they didn’t have a lot of time left.

Why couldn’t he just tell him? Was that so hard?

Looking unfazed by his visible frustration, Mei reached out, pulling on the back of his jersey.

… Huh?

Why was he pulling on his jersey?

Just as he was about to ask, Mei huffed, pointing to his back. He frowned, not understanding why he pointed at his back. The back of his jersey only had his number…

His eyes widened, his mouth forming an O as realization dawned on him.

Mei gave him a scornful look, no doubt recognizing the reaction. “Is there something you want to tell me, Seidou’s ace?”

Eijun smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “So that’s what this is about.”

“You didn’t think I would like to know that information?”

Eijun winced at his cold tone and icy glare. It wasn’t his first time on the receiving end of Mei’s icy glare, but he couldn’t help but feel nervous. “This is all a huge misunderstanding—”

“Don’t give me that!”

Eijun shrank back, startled by his raised voice.

“I had to hear the news from Itsuki. You were supposed to be the one who told me that news. Not him!” Mei’s fists trembled by his sides, his normally bright blue eyes a dark blue. Eijun felt his heart clench at the noticeable hurt in his boyfriend’s voice, watching as his shoulders shook. He felt awful. “You’re lucky I heard it from him and not from the gossip going around or I’d—”

Eijun couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around his back. “I’m sorry!”

Mei froze at the contact, blinking as he belatedly registered the apology. “Eh?”

If it were any other occasion, Eijun would tease him for his less than eloquent response.

“I said I’m sorry,” he murmured, pulling back. But before he could completely let go, his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around his back, keeping him close and almost causing a smile to form on his face. “I wanted to surprise you,” he admitted. “I knew there was a chance of us meeting today, and I thought it would be great to surprise you with the news.”

He laughed humorlessly. “I forgot that I’m not in Nagano. And that people talk.” He pulled back enough so Mei could see the sincerity in his eyes. “I… wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Mei wanted to sigh. Because that was so Eijun.

He even wanted to protest that Eijun didn’t hurt him and that he only angered him.

But instead he shook his head, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Idiot,” he scolded. There was no heat in his words, though. Eijun gave him another sheepish smile, his smile turning into his normal one at the sight of fond bright blue eyes.

“You didn’t need to do that. I would’ve been happy if you had just texted me the news,” Mei said, giving him an amused look.

To his amusement, Eijun only nodded his head enthusiastically. “This Sawamura Eijun shall endeavor to remember that.”

Mei laughed. It was a bright and happy laugh (his real laugh), causing warmth to grow inside his chest and a goofy smile to appear on his face.

He felt happy (and smug) that only he could make him laugh like that.

Mei let go with one arm to poke him in the nose, smiling as Eijun only blinked. “You silly boy. I keep telling you that you don’t need to be so formal with me.”

“But you’re the one who keeps reminding me that I need to speak to you with more respect,” Eijun pointed out, grinning devilishly.

“And yet you never do it,” Mei said, raising his eyebrows.

Eijun shrugged. “Oops.” He laughed at Mei’s mock insulted look.

A thought came to him, causing his mouth to open.

Only to yelp as Mei jabbed him in his ribs with his index fingers.

“Ow! What did you do that for?”

Mei huffed. His boyfriend was definitely spending too much time with Kazuya.

… And he would spend even more time with him now that he became the ace.

Damn it.

“Stop being cheeky. It doesn’t suit you.”

But instead of looking insulted, Eijun only smiled, amused. “How could I forget? Being cheeky is your thing.”

Mei smirked, looking proud. “Exactly!”

“So wouldn’t you say that I learned from the best?”

Mei laughed, eyes happy and soft. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Eijun caught him off guard. He wasn’t normally this playful. Or willing to feed his ego. “What’s with you? You’re not normally like this.”

Eijun gasped, eyes gleaming mischievously. “What, you don’t want me to act like you? I’m shocked!”

“Shut it, you. You know what I mean.”

Eijun laughed. And it wasn’t his signature, loud laugh either. It was a much softer and happy laugh. “Does this mean you forgive me?”

Despite having seen it countless times before, Mei almost had to look away at his hopeful look. He was too cute.

… And it almost made him forget he was angry in the first place.

He frowned, lips twitching and threatening to burst into a smile. “… I suppose.”

Eijun accidentally let out a loud cheer, hugging him once more. “Thank you! I really am sorry. I’ll try not to do it again.”

“Idiot. Your voice is too loud. Someone will hear you,” Mei scolded. But just like earlier, there was no heat in it.

“… Bet you would like that,” Eijun murmured into his uniform.

“What was that?”

Eijun pulled away, shaking his head and giving him an innocent smile. “It’s nothing.”

Mei almost snorted at the obvious lie, giving him an unconvinced look. “Like I believe that.” He was about to press for more details, but his boyfriend reached out with one hand, touching his shoulder.

His lips twitched once more as Eijun gave him an expectant look. Knowing him as well as he did, he was familiar with that look.

An idea came to him, causing him to almost smirk.

He leaned in, kissing him.

But he couldn’t help but tease him, purposely avoiding his lips and kissing his cheek instead.

Pulling back, he snickered as Eijun glared at him. “So impatient,” he murmured, an impish gleam in his eyes. “I thought you liked all my kisses. No matter where they end up.”

And before a red faced Eijun could yell at him, he leaned in once more and finally gave him what he wanted by kissing his lips.

Eijun froze briefly at the contact before quickly relaxing, pressing himself further into his embrace.

The kiss was gentle and innocent.

Much to his disappointment, the kiss didn’t last long, his boyfriend already pulling away from him.

Mei gave him an amused look at the pout on his face. He waited purposely for a few moments before deciding one kiss wasn’t enough and leaned back in.

Eijun closed his eyes, tightening his grip on his uniform as he responded.

Mei’s lips tasted sweet, causing him to wonder if he had chewed some gum earlier.

It was a long moment before Mei pulled away, an amused smirk on his face as Eijun chased after his lips.

He gave in, allowing him to kiss him.

Eijun briefly remembered where they were, but it quickly disappeared as the kiss turned more passionate. He responded eagerly, trying to match the pace and not wanting to lose.

He shivered as he felt fingers brushing his sensitive sides, somehow feeling the touch through his uniform. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel that irritatingly familiar smirk on his face, causing him to huff into the kiss.

It was unfair how much Mei’s touches affected him. They’ve been dating for a while now, and for some reason, he thought his body would be accustomed to his touches by now.

The only good thing was that Mei was affected by his touches as much as he was by his.

As they pulled away to take a breather, Eijun couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and kissing every inch of his face that he could reach.

… Which was easy since he was taller than his boyfriend (by a centimeter and only a centimeter he liked to remind him, only amusing him further).

Mei stood still as he showed his love, unable to stop himself from laughing as he kissed both his cheeks, nose, and forehead in quick succession.

When it didn’t look like he was going to stop anytime soon, he reached up to his hair and pulled a little, causing him to pause and look at him.

“While I enjoy your attention,” Mei said, smirking as Eijun pouted. “Have you forgotten where we are?”

They were hidden by the pillar, and as long as someone didn’t look too closely, they wouldn’t spot them. But there was always a chance someone could see them.

Eijun pulled away, frowning at the reminder and Mei stopping him. “I thought that’s why you dragged me over here in the first place!” he whined.

Mei grinned, combing his hands through his hair fondly. “I’m just reminding you not to get carried away.” He snickered as Eijun grumbled about not getting carried away, watching as the other pitcher closed his eyes at the gentle touch.

“I thought you didn’t want to tell people about us.”

Eijun reluctantly opened his eyes, remembering what happened earlier. And before he could think too much about it, his mouth opened impulsively. “Is that what happened earlier?” he blurted.

Mei’s eyes widened before looking away from him with a huff. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Eijun couldn’t stop the disappointed whine from escaping as he stopped combing his hair and let go. “Don’t give me that. You were content dragging me until those guys spoke up.” He watched him for a reaction, but the only thing Mei did was shrug. “I thought you didn’t care what people thought.” His voice was soft and confused, almost sounding concerned.

Mei looked back at him, chin tilted condescendingly. “I don’t.”

“Then why?”

But to his confusion, Mei only gave him an unreadable look.

He let out a huff of his own, frustrated he wouldn’t talk to him. “I… You’re so… Why can’t you just—”

“You do, though.”

Eijun blinked a few times, confused. “Eh?”

Mei glared mutinously, reluctantly allowing him to hold his hands. “I don’t care. But you do, though.”

Eijun’s eyes widened, his mouth opening. “You… You did it for me?” His voice was impossibly soft. He wouldn’t be surprised if Mei didn’t hear him.

“… You heard what they said,” Mei grumbled, somehow hearing him. His ears reddened as Eijun continued staring at him. “I don’t want to taint your reputation. Especially now that you’re the ace.”

To his irritation, Eijun only snorted, giving him an incredulous look. “As if you’ve done anything that bad.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Unless it’s something I haven’t heard about.”

Mei scowled at his expectant look, tempted to jab him in the ribs again. “I don’t have anything to tell you.”

Eijun nodded, as if that made sense. “There you go. See? That wasn’t too hard, was it?”

Mei was about to scold him for patronizing him. But then he belatedly registered what he wasn’t saying. “You mean… you’re alright with letting people know?” he asked slowly.

Eijun shrugged. “As long as they don’t interfere with our relationship, I don’t care what they think.”

Mei couldn’t help but gape at him for a couple of moments. When did he start thinking that? He didn’t tell him anything. “What changed?” he asked, curious.

“… I wanted to wait until I became the ace. People will still talk regardless, but I thought it might make things easier.” Eijun smiled sheepishly.

Now Mei was the one confused. “Easier?”

Eijun let go of his hands to hold up his index fingers. “Before, you were the ace.” He indicated one of his fingers by wiggling it slightly. “While I was just a reserve pitcher. Not to mention a first year.” He wiggled his other finger. “But now, I’m the ace and a second year” -he wiggled one finger- “and you’re the ace.” He wiggled his other finger one last time before smiling proudly.

Mei blinked a few times, trying to decide whether what just happened was adorable or confusing. Or both. Only Eijun could do this to him. “… So what you’re saying is that the attention won’t be as bad since we’re equal in standing?”

Eijun beamed, pointing at him with one finger. “Exactly!”

“… You do realize that I’m still a year older than you, right?”

Eijun frowned at him, placing his hands on his hips. “I wasn’t talking about age. I was talking about experience.” When Mei only gave him a blank look, he hummed, wondering how to explain it. “As a first year, no one knows you that well. It probably would’ve been weird if people found out I was dating you last year. But now, people have heard of me. And they’re starting to hear more about me now that I became the ace.”

He paused, laughing his signature (and obnoxious) laughs. “And they’ll continue to talk about me when I pitch well during the tournament.”

Mei shook his head, rolling his eyes. “But I still outrank you when it comes to experience.” And I’m still the king.

Eijun huffed, pointing at him again, as if he somehow read his mind. “That isn’t important right now.”

Mei felt his lips twitch as he glared at him. “I thought we were talking about experience.”

“Ah! Exposure! That’s the word I was looking for,” Eijun said, looking at him triumphantly.

Mei laughed hard, giving him an amused look. “How did you mess that up?” Chuckles escaped his mouth as Eijun glared at him.

“S-Shut up! I didn’t mean to!”

“Let’s go back to what we were talking about,” Mei suggested, but his voice still sounded amused, causing him to feel irritated.

“Fine! But stop sounding so amused, jerk!”

“… Impossible.” Mei snickered as he gave him another dirty look. “I’ve still had more exposure than you.”

Eijun growled, tempted to hit him. “But every little bit helps! Besides, I’m not saying that we have to go out there right now and declare our relationship to everyone.”

“Oh? And here I thought you don’t care what they think.”

Eijun stomped his foot, agitated. “I don’t!” He paused before avoiding eye contact. “I don’t care. But I care what they think of you. What if they badmouth you?”

Mei scoffed. “I don’t care. And why exactly would they badmouth me?”

Eijun looked strangely hesitant, which was a rare occurrence with him.

“You could have anyone you wanted. And yet you chose me.”

He couldn’t stop himself from snorting, feeling relieved as Eijun met his eyes once more. “I don’t care what anyone thinks,” he repeated, placing his hands on his hips. “It’s not their decision who I end up with. I chose you because I like you. And I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon.” Eijun beamed at him, no longer looking worried. “Even if you’re a bit of an idiot at times and drive me crazy.”

Eijun squawked, pointing at him. “You didn’t need to add that last part!”

Mei snickered, reaching out and grabbing his hands. “It’s true, though,” he said cheekily. When Eijun only huffed, he rubbed his thumbs on his knuckles tenderly. “Speaking of letting people know… Do your teammates even know about us?”

Eijun reddened, giving him a sheepish smile. “Not yet. I meant to tell them before now, but I could never find the right timing.”

Mei almost laughed, shaking his head fondly. “You and your timing.” He had shouted about how the timing had to be right when he confessed, too.

(… And yet, he still chose the worst possible timing to confess, a fact he still liked teasing him over.)

“I think they know now, though.”

Mei furrowed his eyebrows. “Because of me?”

“No!” Eijun shouted impulsively, causing him to wince at the volume. “… Sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. I think Cap told them after we left,” he continued in a softer voice.

Mei pursed his lips at the mention of Kazuya. “Oh, that’s right. He’s the only one who knows on your team.” While it was helpful to have Kazuya looking out for his boyfriend (especially when he couldn’t always be there for him), he still found himself wishing someone else knew about their relationship.

Of all people on his boyfriend’s team, why did he have to find out?

Eijun nodded, looking determined. “Since they probably know now, I’ll admit to it and tell them the truth.”

Mei raised his eyebrows, surprised. But after a few moments, he nodded, looking thoughtful. “Yeah, that makes sense.” While it would’ve been fun to see his teammates’ reactions in person, he understood this was something Eijun had to do by himself. “What exactly do you plan on telling them?” he asked, curious.

Eijun beamed at him, tightening his grip on his hands. “That I like you and that we’re dating.”

Mei waited for him to continue, but when Eijun only continued beaming, he couldn’t help but laugh, caught off guard. “Wait… That’s it?”

Eijun blinked a few times, confused. “There’s nothing else to tell.” He grinned, eyes gleaming mischievously. “I’m not the type to kiss and tell. Unless you would prefer if I regale them with the whole story?”

Mei snorted, shaking his head. That was so simple and so Eijun. “Do whatever you want. You know that I already told my teammates all about us.” He almost snickered at his wide-eyed look. “Relax. I didn’t tell them everything.” He gave him a suggestive look, snickering as he turned red.

“Well, that’s… That’s good. Not that I would care if you did tell them everything.”

Mei gave him an unconvinced look. “Uh huh. Like I believe that.” He beamed, remembering something. “I tell them all about how nice you are to me. And about all our dates.”

Eijun’s lips twitched. “You mean you brag about it to everyone who’ll listen.”

“It’s to be expected. Everyone wants to listen to information about their ace,” Mei said, puffing his chest out and making Eijun roll his eyes.

“… It’s not like they have a choice,” Eijun muttered.

“What was that?”

Eijun smiled innocently. “Nothing.” He snickered at his insulted look.

Only to shriek as he jabbed him in the ribs.

“Ow! Quit doing that, you jerk!”

Mei huffed, tempted to do it again. “Then quit being so cheeky.” He let out a shriek of his own as Eijun reciprocated, causing him to smirk.

“Now who’s the cheeky one?”

He glared at him, tousling his hair roughly. “Still you, brat!”

Not one to back down, Eijun reciprocated, causing him to squawk.

Their hands turned into a blur of jabs, the two basically wrestling at this point.

Several moments later, both silently agreed to call a truce, letting go to smooth down their hair. Eijun watched, amused as Mei huffed while trying to smooth down his hair.

“You know you could just wear your hat,” he couldn’t help but point out, grinning as Mei gave him another glare.

“Shut it, you. It’s not the same.”

Eijun tilted his head, confused. “What do you mean?”

“… I can hide it under a hat to prevent other people from seeing it. But I would still know it’s messed up.”

Eijun hid his laugh behind a fist. What a drama queen.

Mei finally gave up a few moments later, glaring up at his hair mutinously. His eyes widened, belatedly remembering something. He reached out, touching Eijun’s shoulders. “Turn around.”

When Eijun only let out a confused noise, he rolled his eyes. “I said turn around. Let me see the ace number on your back.”

Eijun furrowed his eyebrows. “But didn’t you see it earlier?”

“I wasn’t in the mood to appreciate it fully. Just… do as I say.”

To his amusement, Eijun turned around with a huff, dislodging his hands. But in the next moment, he stood up straight, proudly displaying his number.

The ace number looked good on his back. As if it belonged there. And while Mei knew this was just the beginning, he couldn’t help but feel… proud.

Eijun had always talked about becoming the ace, and while he hardly voiced it, he had always known he would one day become the ace.

His boyfriend was the ace.

(He wanted to brag about his boyfriend to anyone who would listen. And then watch smugly as everyone finally paid him the attention he deserved. Because frankly, it was about damn time.)

And although they still had multiple games to play first, he found himself already looking forward to the finals.

Where they’ll face Seidou.

Eijun had to have grown a lot as a pitcher since the last time he saw him pitch. He probably had some new pitches, too.

He had to watch him pitch sometime. Not just as his boyfriend, but as his future opponent and rival.

Eijun started to fidget, looking over his shoulder at him. It was only then Mei realized he hadn’t said anything yet.

He couldn’t help but snort as he reached out, amused by his inability to remain still for long. At first, he reached out with his right hand. But he paused before it could make contact, staring at it for a few moments before promptly switching hands.

It only seemed right to touch him with his pitching hand. Especially as a fellow southpaw pitcher.

Eijun froze at his touch, golden eyes wide. He almost stopped breathing as he noticed which hand touched him.

Mei gently touched the ace number, tracing it with his fingers and his eyes. His lips twitched as Eijun shivered slightly at his light touches, his body twitching to indicate that if he could lean back into the touch, he would. Once he finished tracing it, he moved his hand slightly to the left, his hand no longer touching the number one but still in contact with the ace number.

Mei looked up into golden eyes, Eijun’s breath taken away at the genuine smile on his face. That genuine smile made him feel on top of the world. Like he could take on any number of strong batters and not give up any hits. Or punch the stadium walls down.

(He tried it once. Would not recommend it.)

If Mei demanded him to pitch a no-hitter, he would do it if it meant seeing that smile.

“Congrats, Eijun,” Mei said softly. “I knew you could do it.”

Eijun flushed, pleased with his reaction. He flushed pinker as he noticed the pride in those blue eyes he liked so much. The best part was that Mei wasn’t even trying to hide it from him.

When Mei finally stopped touching him (his heart clenching at how reluctant he looked), Eijun immediately turned around, hugging him.

He let out a happy sound as Mei wrapped his arms around him, keeping him close.

“Thank you, Mei,” he said in a low voice. He pulled back enough so he could look him in the eyes. “That means a lot, coming from you.”

“… Because I’m the king?” Mei joked, one hand reaching up to touch his cheek.

Eijun rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he leaned into the touch, watching as Mei’s eyes softened at his reaction. “Because you’re the pitcher and ace I respect most.”

When he confessed, Eijun had said something about wanting to become an ace like him. So he knew Eijun somewhat looked up to him and respected him.

But it still felt immensely satisfying to know Eijun recognized his hard work and respected him for it.

(If he didn’t know Eijun as well as he did, he would’ve accused him of just saying that to please him. But Eijun couldn’t lie to save his life. And he was always so straightforward and honest that he knew he was telling the truth.)

For reasons unknown to him, he felt drawn to the boy in front of him. He didn’t care what people thought of him, but he found himself wanting to make Eijun proud of him. He wanted Eijun to be proud he was dating him.

(… Not that he didn’t feel that way already. He had to be, considering he was dating the king. But it still felt nice to hear him say it out loud and know he was… enough for him.)

It flattered him and made him happy to know that Eijun always saw him as an inspiration and a goal.

(Of course, Eijun hadn’t reached his goal yet. He refused to let him catch up that easily.)

“… I’m flattered you think of me that way,” Mei said, flushing. Eijun rolled his eyes again, probably thinking he was being sarcastic or smug. He shook his head and gave him a serious look, making Eijun catch his breath “Out of all the pitchers I’ve watched or played against, you’re the only one I’m interested in. Even though it irritates me at times, you command my attention.”

He couldn’t help but give him a teasing grin. “And maybe someday you’ll catch up to me. But not anytime soon.”

Eijun frowned, almost pouting. “Quit being an ass. You’re ruining the moment.”

Mei snickered, noticing his red cheeks. It felt good knowing he could still make him go red after all this time. Although, he supposed, it was probably more so because of the praise than anything he did.

Still cute, though.

“How’s this for a moment?” He tugged him closer, letting his hand fall from his cheek as he kissed him.

Eijun gasped into the kiss, kissing back enthusiastically after a moment. He didn’t think he would ever get tired of kissing him. He grumbled a protest as Mei pulled away with a breathless, barely audible laugh several moments later.

“Too short,” he muttered, holding onto his uniform and trying to tug him back in. “Again,” he demanded.

To his disappointment, Mei didn’t move an inch. His boyfriend let out another laugh, giving him a teasing smirk. “You must really like kissing me.” When Eijun only gave him a dirty look, his eyes softened. “… Okay,” he agreed. “Again.” He watched as his eyes lit up, feeling happy (but also smug) that only he could see him like that.

Eijun eagerly leaned back in, intent on kissing him longer than Mei kissed him (and maybe make him weak in the knees for once). Mei almost snickered at his eagerness, but he managed to stop himself at the last moment, knowing it would be hypocritical of him (considering he was just as eager to kiss him again).

… But just as their lips were about to touch, someone cleared their throat loudly, causing them to freeze.

They quickly pulled away, looking in the direction the noise came from.

To their relief, the culprit was only Itsuki. And while Eijun still felt a little embarrassed at getting caught like that, it was lessened since he knew Itsuki.

It also helped that Itsuki had his eyes averted politely.

Mei had no qualms about giving him a dirty look (not that he could see it) for interrupting them. “Itsuki~ I trust you have a good reason for interrupting us,” he drawled, causing Eijun and Itsuki to wince at the undertone of anger in his words.

When Itsuki hesitantly looked up, Eijun gave him a cheerful smile. “It’s good to see you, Itsuki! I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Itsuki, who had been looking nervous, immediately smiled at him. “It’s good to see you, too, Eijun. I meant to message you about the new series you got me into, but I keep forgetting.”

Eijun’s eyes lit up even more (if possible). “You’re enjoying it? Isn’t the main character adorable? How far have you gotten?”

Mei’s eye twitched as they started talking about whatever series Eijun had gotten into recently, completely ignoring him. Eijun had completely forgotten he was still holding onto him, waving his hands around as he described events or what a certain character did.

“Oi!” Both jumped at the interruption, finally looking at him sheepishly.

(He liked that his boyfriend and Itsuki, his battery partner, got along well. He really did. But not when they proceeded to ignore him. As if he wasn’t even there. Or important.)

“Was there a reason you interrupted us, or did you just come over to waste our time?” he said mockingly, causing both to wince (this time at the noticeable anger in his words).

“I’m sorry, Mei-san. I didn’t want to interrupt you two. I promise I have a good reason.” When Mei only raised his eyebrows, he gave them an apologetic look. “Coach sent me to tell you that we’re leaving.”

Eijun almost groaned at that. There went his alone time with Mei. Why did their time together always seem so short?

Mei blinked, confused. “He sent you? Why couldn’t someone just message me?” Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Eijun pouting, causing him to tighten his grip. Not enough to hurt (no, never hurt) but enough that Eijun could tell he didn’t want to leave him either.

That caused a small smile to form on his face, making him inwardly celebrate that he made him smile.

“We did message you, Mei-san. No one could find you either,” Itsuki said. He felt sympathetic, knowing the two pitchers couldn’t meet up as often as they would want to, which lessened any feelings of irritation or frustration. “By the way, I’m glad you’re not angry anymore,” he said, before looking at Eijun again. “I’m also glad you’re still alive, Eijun.”

Eijun looked over at him, bewildered. “Uh… thank you?”

“Also, while I don’t know Seidou’s schedule, I heard some people looking for you.”

Eijun paled, immediately letting go of him to take out his phone. Mei frowned at the loss of contact, reluctantly letting go of him. He watched as Eijun looked at the time, horrified. “Damn it! Boss is going to kill me!”

Eijun quickly scurried off, but he didn’t even make it a few feet away before stopping in his tracks.

Mei, who reluctantly understood he had to go, was about to complain he didn’t receive a kiss goodbye.

Only to feel surprised as Eijun turned around, running back toward him. Once he was close enough, Eijun threw his arms around him, pulling him into a kiss.

Mei quickly wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. And while the kiss was shorter due to the time constraint, they still managed to make it somewhat passionate.

They pulled away several moments later, Eijun beaming at him even as he breathed heavily. “I guess next time I see you, it’ll be time for the finals.”

Mei almost had to look away, his breath catching in his throat at Eijun’s smile. “You had better not trip before you face us,” he said, giving him a condescending smirk.

Eijun’s answering smile was feral, almost predatory. His golden eyes almost made Mei’s mouth dry up, the intense gaze reminding him of whenever his boyfriend pitched. “Right back at ya.”

Mei scoffed. “Who do you think you’re talking to? We won’t lose.”

(Some part of him felt insulted his boyfriend thought (even for a second) that they would lose. He would need to remind him that the loss during the fall tournament was just a one-time thing.)

He couldn’t help but point at him. “You’re not allowed to lose before you face us! Got that? Don’t disappoint me.”

To his surprise, Eijun smirked, eyes gleaming mischievously. “I would never think of disappointing the king.” He proceeded to bow mockingly.

Before he could reach out and swat him, Eijun scurried off, laughing at his disgruntled expression. “Get back here, you rude brat!”

Eijun only laughed, but before he left his sight, he raised his cell phone, silently telling him he would text him.

Mei grumbled to himself as he walked over to Itsuki, somewhat appeased by Eijun’s promise to text him.

He would have to show him exactly why he’s the king next time they meet.

But first, both needed to concentrate on their first game.

Or they might trip before even making it to the finals.

… Not that Mei was worried. He had complete faith both of their teams would keep winning and make the finals.

Where they’ll finally have a pitching duel as ace of their respective schools.

ZZZ

Kazuya watched, amused as the rest of the first string kept glancing at Sawamura out of the corner of their eyes.

They were all hanging out in his room, playing video games after dinner (during which he swore someone would cave and question Sawamura, but besides glancing at him multiple times, no one did anything). A few of their teammates looked tense, as if ready to chase if Sawamura tried to escape.

But just as he was starting to think Kuramochi would pounce on their ace, Sawamura cleared his throat loudly, attracting everyone’s attention.

He managed to keep a straight face as everyone immediately looked at their ace.

Time for the show to begin.

Sawamura looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his head. “I wanted to talk to you guys about my relationship with Mei.” If he didn’t already have everyone’s attention, they definitely would’ve started paying attention now. “I admit, I should’ve told you guys earlier. So I’m sorry.” A determined glint went into his eyes. “But I’m not apologizing about our relationship. I like him, and I’m going to continue to date him whether you guys like it or not.”

A shocked silence greeted his words, with multiple people gaping at their ace (much to Kazuya’s amusement).

“DATING?!” The team yelled, causing Sawamura to wince. Kazuya couldn’t help himself. He started laughing quietly. A few people sounded like they were choking, causing Sawamura to look alarmed (but also vaguely offended. He would probably never admit it out loud, though.)

Sawamura opened and closed his mouth a few times, resembling a goldfish. He looked around him multiple times, as if not understanding the reaction. In the next moment, though, he turned to look at him with his cat eyes, causing him to chuckle. “I thought you would tell them! What’s wrong with you?”

“You actually wanted me to tell them the truth? Isn’t that ironic?” Kazuya teased, smirking.

“Shut up! I just… What did you tell them?”

Kazuya debated not answering for a few moments, but he finally decided to give in, thinking it might be more amusing that way. He shrugged, trying to look innocent. “As close to the truth as possible. That you two are close friends.”

“Liar!”

Kazuya raised his eyebrows, feigning a hurt expression. “I’m telling the truth this time.” When Sawamura still looked suspicious, he gestured to the rest of the team. “Go ahead. Ask them. They’ll tell you what I said.”

Sawamura turned back to look at the rest of the team, biting his lower lip, as if trying to decide what or who to ask.

But then, as if the team were waiting for Sawamura to finish talking to him, they all exploded into action, many of them talking over each other.

Kazuya started laughing quietly at their ace’s bewildered expression. Sawamura tried to ask them to calm down (most likely so he could understand what people were saying), but no one wanted to listen to him.

“What the fuck? How did this even—”

“Why Narumiya of all people? Huh?!”

“Aniki is going to kill us…”

“Is he treating you right? We saw how he grabbed you earlier.”

Kazuya cackled hysterically as everyone shouted, trying to force Sawamura to answer them. Not that their ace could hear anything besides little snippets here and there.

… He was right.

This was much more entertaining than the situation he found himself in earlier.

He leaned back against the side of his bed, content to watch as the team collectively lost their shit with a lost (and now very offended) Sawamura in the middle of the chaos.

He would step in if things got too chaotic or someone went overboard.

But for now, he wanted to enjoy the show while it lasted.

#diamond no ace #daiya no ace #sawamura eijun #narumiya mei #meisawa #sawamei #daiya no a #fanfictions #pikashadows writing

[pixiemunsons]

tom holland smut alphabet

thank you for all your kind words! the next one up will be the harry ‘daddy’ blurb, then sam and haz’s alphabets with a new one hundred years chapter in there somewhere. hope you all enjoy!!

a = aftercare (how they are after sex)

very sweet and cuddly. i feel like he needs the physical contact as much as you do, so he just holds you and nuzzles into your neck and murmurs sweet nothings to you

b = body part (their favorite body part on them and you)

on himself- his arms. he’s worked really hard on them, and he loves them for a lot of reasons. he loves how you dig your nails into them, how they look pinning you down, how they look when he has them either side of your head. he also loves when you press tender kisses to them, and how they look slung around your waist when you sleep.

on you- your lips. he loves them all over him; on the tips of his fingers, on his neck, on his lips, on his cock. he would happily lie there for hours and just let you kiss him all over

c = cum

he loves seeing and feeling you cum. on his fingers, tongue or cock, it doesn’t matter. he loves how your whole body tenses, the look on your face, how shy you look afterwards. he just wants to make you cum all the time.

d = dirty secret

he would never tell you this because he would never want to pressure you into doing something you might find weird unless you brought it up first but i think tom would love to try role-plays with you. nurse and patient, cop and robber, even spider-man and mj. i think he’d love it

e = experience (how experienced are they)

i mean he’s like twenty-three so probably very. he’s a good-looking man, so i imagine that he has slept with a decent amount of people and is therefore pretty skilled in the bedroom. not that you’d be complaining, of course. you’re the one benefiting, after all

f = favourite position

my mans would definitely love a girl on top and i don’t care what anyone says. regular or reverse cowgirl, he would just love watching you enjoy yourself as much as possible, and if the best way to get you off is also the angle he loves seeing you at best, that’s just a bonus

g = good (are they good in bed)

i think he’d be very good in bed. like multiple-orgasms, screaming-pleasure kinda good in bed

h = hair (how well groomed are they)

i feel like with how well he looks after the rest of his body, that would be the same. very well-groomed, keeps everything trimmed, 10/10 would fuck again

i = intimacy (how intimate sex is with them)

very. i feel like he would enjoy closeness and whispered affection during sex, because he likes to remind you that he’s having sex with you because he loves you and he finds you very beautiful and he would like to vocalise this a lot

j = jack off (masturbation)

harry would probably send videos, harrison is a face-timer and tom sends photos. i don’t think it’d be standard dick photos, though. i’m talking shots of his hand moving over his erection, still covered by his boxers. pictures of him slowly peeling them down. his hand gripping himself, then more photos of his hand moving. finally, pictures of his cum spilt over his stomach with the caption ‘wish you were here’

k = kinks

i don’t think tom is submissive at all usually. however, i do think that if he came back from a really hard shoot, a busy press tour or a long flight, he’d just want you to take control. not in an overly dominant way, he’d just want you to rub his back and ride him slow and press kisses to his chest and run your hands through his hair, calming him down

l = location

you and tom would be absolute masters at quickies and sneaky sex with his busy schedule, so usually you can be found in a toilet cubicle, dressing room or trailer of some description fitting in five minutes with each other

m = motivation (what turns them on)

i think confidence is something that tom would love. if you knew you looked good and weren’t afraid to show it, he’d love that. to a degree i can imagine tom being almost reluctantly turned on by you making him jealous. sure, he hates seeing you rub knots in harrison’s shoulder or you and sam holding on just a little too long after a hug, but it would make him want to fuck you more than anything else

n = no (something they’d never do)

anything that might hurt you. sure, spanking and light choking is one thing, but anything that might leave bruises or make you bleed would be an absolute no for him, no matter how much you begged and pleaded

o = oral (preferences in giving or receiving)

he would love going down on you and making you feel good. he’d love the way you tugged on his hair, begged for his tongue, the way you moaned his name. but more than anything, he’d love the way your mouth felt on him. it was like being in heaven every single time, and he’d always let you know that

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

tom’s a sensual and slow kinda guy. maybe when he’s a bit more jealous, worked up or just needs a fuck he might be more rough, but sex is more about intimacy for him when it comes to you. he’d rather be able to whisper sweet nothings and press sweet kisses all over you than go fast and hard

q = quickie

you two have to get really good at quickies due to the nature of tom’s work and, well, as they say, practise makes perfect. he would have you anywhere and everywhere that he can, and the two of you only need five minutes to get each other off before you’re coming out, flushed and grinning

r = risk

risk comes with the territory when you’re having quickies, and on top of that tom’s always surrounded by people. i think sleeping together would always be risky and fun, and you guys would keep it exciting

s = stamina

because you guys have to have quickies frequently, when you do have alone time tom can go forever, spending time appreciating every part of you for as long as you both want- occasionally all night long

t = toy

he would LOVE to use toys on you. as well as the ones you owned before you two met, he would add to the collection with things he saw that he wanted to try on you. if he was walking past an adult shop in europe or found a website when internet surfing and saw something that he liked the look of, he’d buy it and try it out on you the next time he saw you

u = unfair

tom seems like the sort of person who might be into punishing you for things you say. if he had been working you up all day, getting you ready for him, and you were at the point of begging. he’d refuse to touch you, letting you get all pouty, whining about how unfair he was. he’d look at you with a gleam in his eye; ‘oh darling, you don’t even know the meaning of unfair yet.’

v = volume

i feel like tom’s more of a talker than a moaner. he might not make a lot of noises, but he loves praising you and telling you how good you feel wrapped around him and the things he wants to do to you

w = wild card (random head canon)

tom’s into cheesy holiday sex and no one can tell me any different. at easter, he has you dressed up with a little tail and calls you his bunny. birthdays, you guys eat cake and whipped cream off each other, and he definitely hums ‘happy birthday’ while he’s going down on you. his favourite? christmas. you cook his wonderful food, he gets to see all the people he loves the most and then, at night time, he makes you wear a santa hat and nothing else. tom holland is a slut for holiday sex and no one can tell me differently

x = x-ray (what’s going on in those pants)

just like harry, tom has BDE and i think we’re looking at somewhere between six and a half to seven and a half inches. he’s so built everywhere else, i can’t see him being anything but nice and thick there too

y = yearning (how high is his sex drive)

his sex drive would probably decrease a little as he got older and you guys were together longer, but you would still definitely have sex a few times a week while he’s home. while he’s filming, it definitely increases, as being away from you for extended periods does nothing but make him want you more

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

tom seems like the sort of person who would either fall asleep straight away or five hours later, no inbetween. it would be so annoying too, because you cant tell which is worse; having him wake you up constantly tossing and turning as he tries to get to sleep, or not having anyone to talk to when you’re wide awake and he’s passed out, snoring loudly

bonus: sometimes you guys get started and you’re both way too giggly to get going properly and he loses his boner because of it, which you both find more funny and manage to ruin the mood because of

#tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagine #tom holland smut #Harry Holland #harry holland imagine #harry holland smut #Harry Holland fanfic #sam holland #sam holland fanfic #sam holland smut #sam holland imagine #peter parker #peter parker fanfic #peter parker imagine #peter parker smut #haz osterfield #haz osterfield smut #haz osterfield fanfic #haz osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield fanfic #harrison osterfield smut #harrison osterfield imagine

[virgoes]

hey

2: Favorite song? right now i like remember by katie, come over by the internet, i fall in love too easily by chet baker, bp/aoa/pristin’s new songs too3: What's a band/artist you loved as a child but can barely listen to now? i didn’t really listen to music when i was a kid tbh !5: Are you going to any gigs soon? no :(6: Ever been to a festival? does warped tour count KSDJF if not nah 8: A song with a number in the title? 12:51 by the strokes9: A song that gets you through shit? i listen to albums that i know very well11: A song you'd have sex to? i feel like i’d have to be high to experience it truly but like l$d by asap or yeah i said it by rihanna or two weeks by fka twigs12: A song to shut everything out? cherry bomb by nct skdjf13: A song for when you're lonely? homeshake’s fresh air album make myself feel worse jklklsfjk14: A song that's become a joke between you and your friends? bank account by 21 savage !15: A song to jam out to at 4AM? trigger the fever by nct dream lmaooooo16: An album you could listen to for days on end? i think damn. by kendrick had the most plays last year so tht one17: A song that punches you in the gut every single time? lmao lonely by jonghyun18: A song for when you're crazy angry? 2nd sucks by a day to remember lmaoooo19: If you had to pick one song to represent what you're feeling right now, what would it be? bingle bangle by AOA20: A song that calms you down? hollywood by the black skirts22: A band with an insane fandom? bts :D23: What are some lyrics you love to pieces? when i actually listened to lyrics uh “sometimes the bedroom walls become my only friends” i liked a lot24: Would you ever get any song lyrics tattooed? If so which ones? i said this earlier but i do like “kill smile” a lot i would get songs from fob tatted maybe 25: What's a band/artist you'd addict your children to from an early age? i’d feed them all kinds of music LOL26: A vocalist you love? kyungsoo from exo hehe uhhh i also love patrick stump from fall out boy and dean!27: Has a band/artist ever inspired you to do something? ed sheeran and guitar lmfao..... i used to learn his songs on guitar LMAO and any artist with songs i like inspire me to write28: A band/artist you love but no longer exists? northlane with adrian lol. also wonder girls. also galileo galilei29: What was your favorite band/artist when you were 12? probably one direction?? 30: A band/artist you can't stand? la dispute tbh31: What's your favorite genre? r&b or indie!32: Can you play any instruments? mhm33: Do you sing? i try lmao i suck though35: Do you have a favorite piece of merch? uhhhhh i have a ptv shirt i guess idr wear it but 36: What's the first album you ever bought with your own money? i think avril lavigne’s album on accident kdsjflsjadf......37: Do you prefer buying physical copies of albums or do you download them on the internet? i just use spotify now38: CDs or vinyls? CDs39: Do you play your music out loud or with headphones? both depends on where i am and what mood i’m in40: A band/artist a friend showed you? ummm shinee!41: A song that gives you the chills? get you by daniel caesar slash all his songs tbh esp acapella42: A song to play at your funeral? sdfjsl idk rock me by 1d43: A band/artist with amazing an instrumental but really bad lyrics? any pop artist lol????44: A love song? recently been into bloom by troye sivan 45: A song you love to sing to yourself? the eye by infinite tbh46: What do you listen to when you go for a run? i don’t run....... But i would play like j balvin songs or smth47: A song that represents a deserted city at night? idk what’s going on by triple h48: A wild song? UUUUUHHH toxic by britney spears49: An upbeat song with grim lyrics? isn’t that twenty one pilots’ concept50: What are some song titles you love? honestly nothing is more iconic than fall out boy song titles. she’s my winona, the carpal tunnel of love, get busy living or get busy dying OH and also tell slater not to wash his dick by bring me the horizon 51: If your life ended today, what song would you chose to represent it? death & taxes by daniel caesar cos im listening to it lol52: Can you give me a 5 song playlist on ___? zzz :(53: Do you listen to instrumental music? i do on occasion i like hip hop based instrumental not like dubstep or hard edm u kno54: Weirdest band/artist you know of? i mean death grips is pretty weird or code orange kids55: A song about drugs? any the used song ksdfjl56: A heart-wrenching song? young forever by bts :)57: A band/artist you're proud of? bts! oh and nothing by thieves.59: A band/artist with a sick aesthetic? chvrches maybe? idk i liked her stage makeup. the pretty reckless.... rihanna........ no one has consistency so idk60: A song that has a lot of meaning to you? i can’t think of anything rn

#this made me sleepy #anon #ask

[scriberat]

Happy Magi New Year!

I was given @gio-zzz as my secret giftee, and wrote them a fan fiction based around Kougyoku and the Kou Empire! It’s almost 4,000 words (more than I originally intended before giving a realistic estimate) so I’ve put it under the cut.

Flower Crowns

Kougyoku wandered through the palace, Ka Koubun at her side. Ever since returning from Sindria, her older brother, Koumei, had been asking her questions about the country and its King.

I should’ve known that his support of me going to marry Sinbad was to bring Sindra into the Empire. Her hairloops drooped at the thought. Worse than her brother angling her like a pawn was Hakuryuu’s refusal to answer any questions or help out at all meant that Kougyoku was the only person who could say anything satisfactory.

“Princess, what’s the matter?” Koubun asked.

“My older brothers are planning out how they’re going to attack Sindria, even though I don’t want them to. Even Kouha is interested in it. He said he was all for an attack after they take Magnostadt.”

“Cheer up, Princess. I’m sure everything will be alright,” Koubun said, though he wasn’t sure how it could be alright. Kougyoku was about to lose her first love to her brothers’ conquest of the entire world --- though Lord Kouen would probably keep Sinbad alive, for one reason or another. Then, Ka Koubun saw the palace gardens, and more specifically, flowers.

Flowers with long stems that help with making flower crowns.

“Uh, Princess! You learned how to make flower crowns in Sindria, right? Why don’t you show me how to make them? From what I’ve heard and seen, you’re very good at it,” he said, hoping that his plan would work. At this moment, distracting the princess was what he needed to do. Making her happy was imperative. So, despite not really being interested in flower crowns, or learning the art of making one, Koubun maneuvered Kougyoku toward the gardens, getting his key to power out of her funk.

“Hm? Sure,” Kougyoku said. The two of them walked along the garden path, Kougyoku selecting flowers carefully from bushes, testing their stems for springiness and length. Once she had enough, she sat down on the grass and handed half of them to Koubun.

“Alright, you need to take two flowers, and twist them like this, then add another, and twist some more… yeah, just like that!” she said happily. Koubun breathed a sigh of relief.

“I’m glad this is making you feel better, Princess Kougyoku,” he said. Kougyoku smiled.

His first flower crown didn’t come out so great, but Koubun refused to be bested by some measly flowers. He made a second crown, correcting the mistakes from the first one. Kougyoku, meanwhile, decided to make some crowns for her brothers. Kouen’s was made of red, yellow, and orange flowers, like the fire of his djinn, and the fire he lit in the hearts of his people. He really is an amazing leader, Kougyoku thought. She wove wine-red roses together, making sure their leaves poked out, and set it down for Koumei. He was a fairly bland person, and not very attractive, so she made sure she found beautiful flowers for him. Since Kouha was around, preparing for a diplomatic mission to Magnostadt, she made him a crown, too. It was made from white flowers, with little pink ones woven in between.

Kougyoku smiled at her handiwork, then looked at the flower crown Ka Koubun made. His was made of soft yellows and pinks alternating with each other.

“Here, Princess. This one is for you,” he said, holding the crown out to her. She bowed her head instead, and Koubun placed the crown atop her head.

“Kougyoku! En-nii-san just arrived,” Kouha called, coming out to the garden. “Where are you?”

This was perfect timing. Kougyoku smiled widely, picking up the flower crown she had made for him. She rose from where she had been sitting. Koubun moved quickly to grab the other two flower crowns.

“That’s good to hear. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve seen him. Here,” Kougyoku said, holding the flower crown out so Kouha could look at it. “I made this for you.” With an appraising eye, Kouha examined the crown, then he smiled.

“It’s good craftsmanship. Put it on for me?”

“Of course!” Kouha removed his hat, fluffing his hair when he did so, and handed it to Junjun. Kougyoku had a brief moment of pride when she remembered which of Kouha’s trio was which. Kouha bowed his head slightly, and Kougyoku placed the crown on his head.

“It’s perfect!” she cried, clapping her hands together. It worked well with his outfit. Kouha smiled, then turned to his attendants.

“What do you think?” he asked them.

“It looks amazing,” said Junjun.

“Magnificent!” Jinjin clapped.

“I want a flower crown, too,” Rinrin said.

“I’ll see if I can get flower crowns for all three of you,” Kouha said, preempting Junjun’s chastising of Rinrin’s whiny selfishness. The three of them cheered as Kouha turned to Kougyoku with a questioning look.

“I can teach you how to make them,” she said.

“That’s a good idea. It’ll be a better gift for your service if I make it myself. Right, we’d better get going to En-nii-san and Mei-nii-san.” The group headed toward Kouen’s personal study, where Kouha said their brothers were waiting. Kougyoku held their flower crowns, one in each hand, as carefully as possible. Neither was crushed in transit.

At least her princess training had taught her how to handle delicate objects.

Kouen’s study was directly attached to his bedroom, though it had its own door to the hallway outside, so a servant --- or a pair of siblings --- could come in without invading his privacy more than necessary. It was spacious, to say the least. The walls were completely covered by bookshelves, and the bookshelves were sagging a bit under the sheer number of scrolls and bound books they supported. At the center of the room was a large map of the entire world. In front of that was a desk, which had papers and scrolls strewn across it. Sitting in a chair behind it was Kouen. Standing next to him was Koumei, eyes open. At least he was awake… maybe.

Or maybe he had learned how to sleep with his eyes open, now? No, that wasn’t happening. He was talking with Kouen, chatting idly. Kougyoku suddenly felt very nervous. She was so young and inexperienced next to them, so utterly out of her element in comparison. She wasn’t even sure how to approach them, let alone give them the flower crowns she had managed not to forget.

“I found Kougyoku. She was out in the garden, making us some flower crowns,” Kouha said, pointing to his own. Kougyoku thanked him silently, walking toward the desk and holding the flower crowns up at the same time. Koumei raised an eyebrow, as did Kouen.

Despite being utterly intimidating, to the point that there was more than one instance where Kougyoku had merely nodded to him in the hall because her voice crapped out on her, Kouen smiled at the flower crown. He bowed his head, inviting its placement. Kougyoku gestured for Ka Koubun, handing Koumei’s to him so she could crown Kouen unimpeded. It looked good on his head, even if it was totally clashing with the rest of his outfit.

She doubted there were enough colors in the universe to match with the disaster he wore regularly.

Koumei proved to be more of a challenge. Kougyoku had to grab his ponytail --- so greasy --- and thread it through the crown first before it would set right on his head. Once it was on, she admired how the deep red matched with his dark magenta hair and eyes.

“This is too beautiful for me,” he muttered.

“Nonsense! You just need to take better care of yourself,” Kougyoku said. She didn’t dare touch his face. At all.

“Kougyoku,” Kouen said, capturing her attention immediately and bringing her back to the conversation having to do with her that they were about to have.

“Yes, brother?” She was motioned to sit, and did so promptly. Kouen smiled that wicked wolf smile he got when things were about to get interesting for the Empire in a good way.

It was better than the smile he had for “challenges,” as he called them.

“We’ve decided that you should take a position in the army.” That was a shock.

“R-really? What would I be doing?”

“You’ll be acting as General in the Western Subjugation Army,” Koumei said, his pretty flower crown barely piercing his constant gloom. “As we’ll be moving troops from the other armies to this one, in order to maintain the manpower necessary to conquer a new continent, we need more generals. You are one of them, but, since you’re new and have little experience, your contingency will be small, and essentially a reserve.”

“Don’t feel as though you’ll have nothing to do, however,” Kouen said. “Men fall all the time, and we’ll need fresh waves to keep the enemy from succeeding. You will be leading the charge later in the battle, bringing in the reserves to combat the tired enemy.”

“I see,” Kougyoku said, uncertain that she would be able to lead well. After all, this particular job required good timing. She had to be able to read the battle well enough to know when to charge in, didn’t she?

“You also don’t need to worry about when to move. That will be left to Kouen, or else another higher ranking officer. Your job is to lead the troops into battle, rally their morale, and charge the enemy with all the force you can muster,” Koumei said.

“It’s really not so hard. You’ll get used to it, soon,” Kouha said, patting Kougyoku on the back.

“We have confidence in you, Kougyoku. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be promoting you like this,” Kouen said. Kougyoku grinned with glee, then controlled her face and nodded.

“I promise, I won’t let you down.”

Ka Koubun smiled as they left the room behind her brothers. Sure, he could do things to lift her mood, but his powers were limited. Her siblings, particularly Kouen, had a special relationship with her. Their presence and words were always helpful to her sour moods.

Kouen entered the war room, striding confidently to his usual place at the head of the table. Present before him were other generals of the Western Subjugation Army, who had returned with him for some well-deserved rest before shipping off again.

They were staring.

Looks of confusion and glances between themselves tipped Kouen off to something distracting them. He tried to figure out what it could be, as he, Koumei, Kouha, and now Kougyoku, took their places at the table before them. Kougyoku sat nervously next to Kouha on Kouen’s left side. Koumei was seated on his right, looking rather bored. With the stalwart refusal that had gotten Kouen this far, he started the meeting.

“Generals of the Western Subjugation Army, this,” he gestured to Kougyoku, who tried her best to look regal and menacing at the same time like her brother, “is the Eighth Princess Kougyoku. She will be serving as a general from this day forth. I expect that you will respect her as an equal and teach her well.” All of the generals present nodded, less distracted now that Koun was directly commanding their attention.

Then it struck him.

The flower crown was still on his head. Their flower crowns were still on all of their heads. He shrugged mentally. Too late to change this now.

“How can we be sure she will lead well? She may be a part of the Ren family, but she’s hardly more than a child. Can she handle so many men?” one general asked.

“I am certain she will do exceptionally well. She, too, is a Dungeon Capturer, and a King’s Candidate. Leading people is a natural-born talent for her,” Kouen said.

“More than that, she showed both restraint and resilience during the Balbadd uprising. The new opening we were given as a result allowed us to bring Balbadd into the Empire without needing to depose their King,” Koumei added. Had Kougyoku not known him as well as she did, she would have missed the brief flash of disgust that flitted across his face. Or maybe she was just projecting her own feelings toward… that King.

Shuffling and muttering went around the table amidst muttering, griping, and further questions. Finally, however, one of the generals raised his hand.

“Speak,” Kouen said. The table went silent.

“I will put my trust in you, Princess Kougyoku. And, if I may be so bold as to pose a question, Lord Kouen...”

“Yes?”

“What is on your head?” Kougyoku had been in the room when her sisters were on the verge of a fight, but she had never felt tension fill a room so quickly.

“This is a flower crown. Kougyoku made them for us,” Kouen said, waving his hand at the flower crowns on the Ren siblings’ heads.

“I… I see. Well, if she can lead an army half as well as she can make a crown, I think we’ll be in good hands,” the general said. Kougyoku liked him. The tension left the room, and with the support of the other generals, the meeting was adjourned.

There is a question that some of the palace servants ask, which is when does Koumei sleep? There is a different question which those who know him ask instead: when doesn’t he sleep?

Chu’un could swear he’d once seen the Second Prince nod off in a war meeting, but he couldn’t be sure. Koumei had kept up with the conversation, somehow. Now, he was watching over his master, who was definitely asleep this time, to make sure no one disturbed him, at least until sunset. He hadn’t slept for the past forty-eight hours, after all.

Marveling at the rose crown on his head, Chu’un stooped down, abandoning his watch temporarily to stroke a flower petal, and then a crown. It was rare for anyone to get this close to the Second Prince when he was asleep. He was a light sleeper, unless he let his guard down.

Someone was coming along toward the two of them, in a dusty corner of the palace’s first library. Chu’un strode to the entrance of the corner, of which there was only one --- Koumei had had this section reorganized a long time ago for the express purpose of having his own space. As the intruder came by, he shook his head at their entrance to this place, and they hurried along.

It surprised him that Koumei could be so comfortable with the roses on his head. In Chu’un’s experience, roses had pointy thorns. How were they not digging in? Upon closer examination, Chu’un could see that they had been removed. He nodded. It was a smart move, and one he could appreciate. He made a mental note to thank Kougyoku later for making the crown safe to wear.

Later that night, as Koumei wandered the palace in search of… something… the flower crown was largely forgotten. Some daughter of a noble or other walked past, and smiled at him.

“You have a lovely headpiece on tonight, Koumei. Tell me, have you decided to wear this for a particular reason?” she asked, swinging her body from side to side like she was innocent or something. Koumei stopped to look at her, a bit confused that she was addressing him at all. He had barely even noticed she was there.

“No, there’s no particular reason.”

“So… you don’t have anyone you’re meeting with?” Oh, wait. She was flirting, wasn’t she?

No, thanks.

“I do, actually. I’m meeting with a representative of a King from a recently added country. We’re going to be discussing my marriage to his daughter,” Koumei lied. Thank the gods for his years of practice.

“Oh,” the woman said, visibly deflating. “Well, I hope it goes well.”

“I hope so, as well.” Koumei hurried off, trying to figure out what it was he had been feeling the need for before she confused him. Maybe he was hungry. When was the last time he ate?

He went to the kitchen, keeping the smile off his face. That was the first time in years a woman had approached him without hiding their disgust at his general appearance.

It was a fine day for a stroll through town, thought Kouen, walking leisurely along and looking at everyone bustling about their lives. There were women who were getting food for that night’s dinner with the money they and their husbands had earned. Children were playing merrily in the streets. Men were bringing crates and boxes from the transport center to the places they needed to go.

Altogether, it was an excellent day, and one which would be talked about for some time, as it was the day that the Crown Prince Kouen came strolling along wearing a flower crown. Many people stopped and stared for some time. For the second time since having it on his head, Kouen forgot that he was wearing a flower crown at all and kept walking, assuming the staring was because the royals always traveled by palanquin or horse, instead of by foot.

His household vessels followed dutifully behind, Shou En the dragon carrying a sack of gold, and not one of them sure why they were in town, or where they were even going. Kouen had simply said he was going out, and they had come along. Through the streets they went, the answer becoming more and more clear as they reached the artisan district. Seishuu stared at the flower crown on Kouen’s head, wondering what his plans were, but knowing that they probably had to do with the gift his dear little sister had made for him.

Sure enough, they made it to a jeweler who was known for making finely crafted items. While jewelry was a secondary need in society, it was necessary to keep the cash flow moving. People liked shiny things, and the women in this place tended to like shiny jewelry.

“Excuse me, sir,” Kouen said, entering the shop. Seishuu could see that the shopkeeper was, in fact, a woman. He stifled a laugh as she got indignant from where they couldn’t see, and bent down to mention her gender so Kouen could correct himself.

“Ah, forgive me, Madam. I didn’t see you properly,” Kouen said, as she came around the corner. She looked him up and down, raised an eyebrow at the flower crown, which Kouen promptly removed. “I was wondering if you would be willing to gild the edges in gold.”

“Gold? Do you think I have enough for all of these petals?” she asked, taking the flower crown in hand. It was bigger than the usual crown, with three layers piled on top of each other. While each was predominantly red, orange, or yellow in ascending order, there were flowers that were interspersed between each to make it come alive with vibrancy. She nodded at the handiwork.

“I do.” He gestured for Shou En to bring the gold in, and showed it to the shopkeeper.

“That’ll be enough. I’ll get to work on this right away, after we discuss cost, of course.” Kouen pulled out a few wads of cash, handing them over to be counted.

“This will be more than enough.” The shopkeeper nodded. Between provision of materials, and the fact that there was over a hundred thousand Fan in her hand, she couldn’t help but agree. Seishuu said nothing, but he was questioning the relative sanity of his master.

He wouldn’t be saying anything about that, either.

With the flower crown safely with the jeweler, and set to be completed quickly, Kouen and his Household members left the shop and went back to the palace.

“Was it really worth that much?” Seishuu asked, once they were back in the walls.

“Of course. That’s the first gift Kougyoku has ever made me. It’s important that I keep it safe and sound.”

It was later in the evening, and Kouha was walking home from the gardens. Well, home was a relative phrase for the place he was going. Anywhere in the palace was home, but there was only one place that was really home home for him: his and his mother’s wing.

In his hands, Kouha held a flower crown in his hand. While his own had started to wilt, this one was perfectly fresh, a good inverse of his own, mostly pink with little white flowers peeking out between each one.

He approached his mother’s room, knocking on the door.

“Mother? May I come in?” There was some shuffling on the other side, then the door opened a bit. Kouha knew the invitation for what it was, and walked inside. Even if his father never visited, he did often enough to know his mother’s mannerisms, strange as they might seem from the outside. It came with growing up with them during his younger years.

Inside was a mess. There were clothes everywhere, the bed was unmade, and, assuming the desk had managed to stay inside the room this time, half the furniture was stacked against the door’s wall.

So his mother was keeping people out again. Kouha nodded, then looked at the woman, and smiled lovingly. She was still beautiful, after all she’d been through.

“Hey, mom? Can we take a bath together?” He was still her parent, sometimes. Other times, thanks to his own insistence in being himself, she saw him as Kouha, her little boy. Rarely, in those moments, she saw him as someone who could take care of himself.

“Of course, Little Ha. Come on, let’s go take a bath.” They went to the bath room, where his mother drew the water herself. She preferred to do things herself, refusing to let others help her, or take control. Kouha set the flower crown on fresh clothes he grabbed from her wardrobe, gathering the rest of the clothing that was flung about and setting them in a basket outside the door. He could make the bed later for her.

Once the bath was ready, they hopped in, and washed each other, like they had for years. Kouha had always wanted to be more of a help to his mom, and, despite her protesting that she should be caring for him, Kouha had eventually won because he wasn’t a little kid anymore (at age ten.)

With his mother clean for the first time since her most recent anti-social spell --- at least, that was what he was figuring --- Kouha dressed himself in clean clothes, helped her with her waist sash, and presented the flower crown, putting his own on his head.

“Here, mom. I made this for you.” She grinned.

“Put it on, put it on, put it on!” Kouha obliged, getting the crown onto her head, then laughed as she danced around the room.

“I’m a queen! I’m a queen, I’m a queen!”

She was happy.

That night, as Kougyoku went to sleep, she hoped her brothers liked their crowns.

#magi new year exchange #gio-zzz #magi labyrinth of magic #kou empire #kougyoku #kouen #koumei #kouha #ka koubun

[howtomovefreely]

Objective (3-D) ¡  Keep track of lessons created to HELP (1) move freely throughout my day PHYSICALLY while tracking Triggers & Flashbacks (TF) AND NOW THE REFLECTION : huh?

This was an insurmountable task & I ALWAYS SAY, “EVERYTHING IS SURMOUNTABLE.”  It’s my two cats, one trying to mount the other & why I think about the question, “How did you get your cats?” and I start to see how fragments of sentences & words remind of other things, this not being the way my mind works only I was able to connect my thinking & not forget what I was saying. That is the same with reading and writing.  When there are multiple things in your life that mimicking each other & now visuals & touching are also areas that ARE WAY DIFFERENT.

     Two Options

Two options always, write or not write / to do any fine motor or gross motor requiring lifting or pulling my body & neck pain spikes!  

Weapon of choice is the pencil for graphite and the color gray / the color of truth a blended mix of black & white why we’re going to do this mother right 

PEACE, LOVE, HARMONY, CUDDLES & SAFE PLACES to LEARN, PLAY & WORK IN / found all my old loves c’est la vie for the only Revolution

Dreamed in French on day 18 & why when I travel I try to live like a native, naturally / doing natural things, breathing is the objective, the way to, to sing

For every ptsd memory there’s a LOVING ONE doing battles with weapons & ways of death that are still haunting me / the body/brain duality enacted in times of misery that lasted for 7 and 9-months & still you ask for evidence to NEVER discuss the solutions that could seriously change this child’s life right now?  To have harmony with two opposing forces, The Day & The Night, demanding their due, a validation that led to BOO HOO & why this was the point that I knew to FOCUS ON to PULL THROUGH.  It requires “true friends” who can’t do anything but supportive : it’s simply too easy not to do.

Accountability & Transparency : MODEL IT : How?!

ED IT all triggers that are present in a safe space : created 20+ and finding what is most natural & how to take breaks that are the right amount of time to adequately step away to “not die” but also not to lose the tri(grrr) since it WILL COME UP AGAIN & the point is to snuff it out with self-awareness & the decision to say, “NO!”

magic : intrinsic motivation that’s in all of us : change trigger to tiger

with any new skill or bad habit, nothing changes overnight

Teachers who scaffold have put THOUGHT into learning styles, classroom management & their own job performance which quite frankly, if you’re doing the RIGHT THING & open to feedback, there should be no worry

Document if “nighttime” is better in terms of “triggers” & moments “fear is present” since if you’re able to MAKE A SCHEDULE that ACCOMMODATES sleep. Zzz the #1 direct correlation to pain, anticipated pain, fatigue rate, stamina level, literally, do EVERYTHING since then you’ve eliminated while helping self at the same time & then it’s on the next hurdle...

Allow all safe spaces to be open & accessible if feeling “open & accessible” & if not, then it’s okay to closer all safe spaces!

When I forget about a safe space, I wasn’t meant to go there.  If I “trip” across it, the NOW NATURAL reaction of the body is to not try and FIND IT thinking “this could be the thing that fixes it all.”  after trauma you are...

trying to end it for all & hopeful that you can with THIS ONE : isn’t this kind of like sports pressure?  Any ADRENALINE can alter body state & prepare for flight, fight or freeze. LOWER THRESHOLD for pain

quick review 

all the time in my neck, back, trapezius & head (dizziness: constant 2-4/10 & increases with activities/movement) since 4/2016 no nausea 3-5x/hour; since 2/2018

Tracking after I stopped triggering from the “t” sound.  T for Teacher.  Going from NO MOVEMENT since hurt to YES MOVEMENTS since now I can work through the pain is literally going from one extreme to another : kind of how depression & mania work but these terms are way too harsh.  You’re cranky because you’re in pain & 3-4 even 7 days in a row (level: immobile & mostly in shower trying to dampen it while hurling a little & can’t hold you know what).  This makes you mental & created a palsy in my face & hands & couldn’t operate mobile.  That was 8-hours & one day I’ll provide all the details, but not here & not until I’m ready, 100%.  What a luxury & why I don’t have to question why my life [to them] was worthless since the next thought is THEIR LIVES.  THE KIDS WHO I TAUGHT & this is where neck pain goes up!  Finger pains are up!  I feel my elbow, arm, leg, thigh...

RELIEF When there’s an hour, a minute, a second when pain shifts or the for the first time I NOTICED I was getting a headache instead of anticiaipting pain constnatly, there was a break and for a second I was PAIN-FREE/SENSATION-FREE.  The seconds mattered since once I counted to 8 & even addd 2 since I probably didn’t notice right away, but only did that when it started getting beyond 8 seconds, and you do that too (whatever you feel) to NOTE what it is you’re really trying to say.  When it’s safe to feel safe, you just do!  When you’re body feels better & your mood lifts, you are thankful, at last since it’s getting BETTER

and what about when it gets worse...

you question.  you look.  you listen.  you “confront” & this is where that pesky word “disagreement” enters 

all the time HOPE : no dizziness ever!  For 10 seconds!  Maybe 15 seconds.  Celebrate all goals.  

Physical check-in

Able to crouch (20 secs), jump (twice), run for more than a minute if necessary and my pain is beginning to cause more cracks, pops in my neck when moving side-to-side and fully up & down!!!  (in order to hold that pose, needed to have head on couch, with hand support & only for 2 seconds and created a “rolling” motion) ∆ MUST recognize impact & this is probably why so many things have been broken around me.  I grab too hard or not on target.  So go slower, but have more pain since quicker movements allow my body’s nerves to glide, but to go slow is the next step.  SLOW IT DOWN & let body adjust as you did when you had to go FAST to lower pain, problems with STIGMA (health care, big time!) & at the same time, a natural pain release.  

Did you know nerves like to glide?  

When I learned this 1.5 years in, it changed my life.  It’s allowed me to have minimal control over pain & that’s important.  So the last 3 years have been mastering the glide & slide & whirl & twirl & crouch & whip & hold & kiss.  These are easy movements because I demand that I get them down in order to be prepared for what’s unpredictable.  I can predict my pain so stay ahead of it.  Be ready for what comes at you without warning.  People.  Cars.  Lies.  Abuses.  Triggers.  Warnings & hate-filled assholes who will use whatever they can to “avoid blame.”  I’m ready to tell this story : It takes a very long time to get to safe place for your entire body.  The focus before was SUICIDE.  REMOVE that & there’s no problems so identified what it was 

Feeling of worthlessness that people did to you by lying to your face and removing safety becuase no one had CONTROL ✔️✔️

Removing it : present tense : currently doing that by sharing triggers to create “safe spaces” that is an iCloud.  REAL clouds remind self life is always changing, just like emotions, moods & feelings & this is LITERATURE & why it gets the biggest thank you of all!  There is never the same sky at any minute & how amazing to think all the different sunsets & sunrises they’ll be in one lifetime?  I’m not sure sure we’re not gazing at the clouds more, but for now the iCloud is the way to scatter their shit & since I wrote this, I know it’s flipped.

Live naturally, meaning desire for every breath, never done redundantly.  Life is death & death is what scares us, but never me, having faced that already at an early age, this physical abuse, you’re in the moment asking “What did I do?” but in this case, it was “How can you keep doing this?” and other questions, oh yes, I will persist.  I don’t know the word QUIT when it involved the HARMS these people in power positions did & no alarms were sounded. Discriminating children with special needs is NOT HOW MY WORLD WAS FOUNDED.

EDucate it : elevate difference : never be frustrated : the words I write are actually EVIDENT or NOT EVIDENT : how the hell can someone keep ignoring this!?

ED IT : 1st STEP ∆ Prerequisite knowledge ø brain structure, features, form/function, how to keep it healthy & why I am not going to teach anatomy or physiology, my strength is combining teams that have DESIRE to work collaboratively...

...in a nutshell, you go back to the past to learn how to adjust to the present (which was too harrowing due to violence)

ORGANIZE IT : 2nd STEP ∆  Labeled according to TYPE (1) put artIfacts away by maintaining a record of what I’ve learned about auditory processing & all factors that affect Attention, Concentration, Awareness of self, mind, body, environment & (2) learn from it now that I have my “thinking” back since physically head sensations have been diminished after leaving THE MOST UNHEALTHY SITUATION : stigma in the health care field & their very acts of denial of safety, acceptance of NO KNOWLEDGE & insistence of an opinion without any supporting evidence is what the PROBLEM is.  IDENTIFIED it & now, let’s fix it. 

Do this process with consciousness, finally, since it all goes out & that’s the FEAR, of telling the truth, that hasn’t sat well with me?  Ok, let’s explore this...

TYPE (vague on purpose) : H or S or HS or SH (depending on which one is MAIN versus which is a Trigger or Flashback e.g. SHT | crying and use of words “I’m going to kill you” or “I’m going to poke your eyes out” or “I’m going to kill myself” since happened in both settings, S, first (supported by H) and led to Flashback so direct connection to WORSE emotion which lead to issues of self-control; self-regulation due to darkness (most severe that snuffs out hope) 

this is code

Here’s the key:  the violence that occurred in a school/work setting was repeated in a home setting with the purpose of making it WORSE for someone who has verbally explained all fears in exactly the way that it happened.  These PTSD memories are obvious & they feel smaller every day now.  Called shit (as in their bullshit) and finally, scum since I see a dirty pond or marsh & when it’s in the bathroom, it’s really gross.  We’ve got the word & now let’s move on

What is necessary to shake TRAUMA : remove scum.  EZ

SENSING that boundary between “this is enough” & “I’ve had enough” : snuffs out humiliation : (2-D) ¡  A devotion to self, an unshakeable self-esteem to never need validation & what’s the harm in THIS : shows WHO IS IN YOUR BRAIN & if it’s a voice form the past who blamed you for something & you fight TO PROVE them wrong, you’ve chosen the wrong person since they vouched for you ALRIGHT : the goal : put all these pesky ptsd memories/moments away & to do that VALIDATE them & to do that show how EMOTIONS works in individuals who MUST guess & why must they guess . . . they’re observing, too and what do they see?!  Those without a way to understand emotions are trying their hardest & this is what I’ve learned with kids & adults with emotional dysregulation, they really need validation to say “you’re doing the right thing” even if it’s the wrong thing.  They can’t process their own behaviors because of PAIN & HURT they’ve felt every single day of their lives...

That creates an absolute & that means to VERBAL CUE : all, no one, every time, always, never, everyone, words that indicate in ability to properly & honestly self-assess.  This the power white color to get me to a blank canvas a spark a desire to create & what is it that I’m creating.  One FINal lesson to say this is what I’ve learned about violence & what should never be accepted.  Hypocrisy, cruelty & evil.  There is no other word for it. 

This is their first weapon in distracting from the real issues : destroy your voice

Said it 1,000,000x : good use of exaggeration & now GROWTH can accelerate

anxiety USES fears to maintain a buzz of constant attention, areas where voice matters (for once) : & now activate the USE of GUILT

sadness OVERWHELMED by acute loneliness over extended periods & this self-Identity of being REJECTED becomes too much 

anger that pops out of nowhere & the instantaneous sense of overwhelming loss of control where people “feel unsafe” so the rallying cry is to stabilize the one that is “losing it” and oh no oh no oh no...

A sense of immediate reaction heightened & then disappears is a cycle between _ _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ . 

sum up these emotions, give them their rightful owners & send it to the universe  

Process ¡  Emphasize cyclical relationship between mind + body & how tech can help & harm | How to understand FAITH in the invisible “truths” one must accept with tech since what you say is EXPERT & SPECIALIZED knowledge THROUGH GENERATIONAL dysfunction guided by PTSD memories of WHAT WAS GIVEN/PROVIDED/TAUGHT in childhood | not going to mention my childhood except when the ptsd memory relates to the very wrong assumption that was the catalyst for the past to come rushing up at me due to denial of bodily safety & continuation of denials after repeated attempts at some response. 

How many false starts & first days as the next day becomes a blank of the previous & makes me question how do organizational systems work...WORTH IT

Day 1:  Absolutes & Identify 2-D transformed to A, B, C --->  3-D

Always, never, no one, everyone : INTRO 1/10 t FLIP worst to best & to encourage hope | T-note

did this spontaneously above, noting the frequency of absolute which  means that ptsd memory is ready to bring into the light & it goes HERE ✔️

First step in identifying self is identifying self in all the ways you identify with.  This is from the past the bold ones are still true today.  Whatever is added at the end is added at the end & this is how you learn about yourself.  You think deeply & take risks at exposure & why you find a partner to trust since the only thing in this world are the stories you tell each other, to be who you want to be, and to a survivor, you want to be not damaged, not hurting & not scared.  

still the same !!! ✔️American, femme, cis-gender, warrior badass subconscious unicorn berserker : a teachable moment personified : imagineer & humanist who doesn’t know “no” : mentally fierce - emotionally complex - behaviorally predictable & severely feeling thanks to NERVE DAMAGE, TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY & several tag teams who told me, showed me, insisted, than persisted to reveal how they LOATHE DIFFERENCE to reveal HOW people can DO what they claim “I’ll never do!”  That was the crux of it all  what triggers one person is the SAME : the lie of “I never intended to...”

be stronger than these warmongers ✔️

activate imagination ✔️

destroy negative thinking while simultaneously launching love bombs one after the other meaning any opportunity to do good in small & large moments you take them, press in, and see what pops up.  Perhaps there’s beauty in places you never considered possible ✔️✔️🚀

The Confirmation 

How to successfully rebuild a life : prerequisite for SELF-LOVE, SELF-CARE & SELF-IMAGE is TRUST in SELF : use what you know, what you want to know & reflect on what you’ve learned to create the path that works for you.  I think I just did it.  I was honest with “safe” people from my past & their response was really kind.  Thank you for that.  It’s pretty easy once you get a sense for people & who they are when there’s “trouble” or “grief” or “pain” & you question how that happens?  What lives have they led?  

#ptsd recovery #ed it #self-education #emotions that hurt #uses&abuses #T note : ptsd memory #choose different over same #poetry #lesson plan #history #day one #let's begin

[selfishselflesslove-blog]

Getting some ZZZ’s

It’s been longer than 30 days because I kept getting derailed with doubt about continuing this blog. But here we are anyway. 

So I’ve been focusing on increasing the quality of my sleep for the past month or so by making little changes here and there. Here’s what my sleep was like pre-October ‘18: 

I’d feel increasingly anxious the later it became in the day. I would go up to bed when my friends would and on the rare occasions I felt sleepy enough to try sleeping straight away I’d become alert after a short amount of time from ruminating though patterns and intense emotions. 

I’d procrastinate until about 2/3AM rather than deal with my thoughts and emotions. I’d watch a series on Netflix or listen to an audiobook hoping I’d fall asleep whilst it was on in the background. I wouldn’t be able to settle unless there was some kind of background noise. Often, I’d have to extend the sleep timer on audible. 

I’d usually be fine once asleep, although when the anxiety was going through a particularly bad spell earlier in the year it was normal to wake up repeatedly with a dry mouth and then really early in the morning despite being exhausted. If I did wake up, I’d have to put the audiobook or Netflix back on again and would struggle to fall back asleep. 

Waking up could be very difficult as I was so tired and would find it hard to get out of bed before 9/10. I know that’s not late to some people, but as I am a morning bird it is late for me and made the anxiety about 10x worse. 

Poor sleep was having a major knock on effect on so many things during the day: mood (honestly, I often just cried about the level of exhaustion), motivation and productivity, caffeine intake and diet, ability to focus and think clearly. So, it was not a tough decision to make sleep the area in my life I needed to give my attention to first. I am aware my sleep improved slightly once a big chunk of the external stress was removed (I finished my dissertation and MSc), but nevertheless my poor habits and relationship with sleep already existed with stress having exacerbated it. Writing this I am now aware of how far I have come just by focusing on one particular area of my life to build healthier habits. 

I started off by keeping a sleep journal. I’d write down what time I went to bed, a guesstimate at the time I fell asleep, quantity of times awake during the night, overall duration and a score of quality /5. I also scored my mood before and after sleep. I noted my diet, caffeine intake, exercise, meditation notes and make a note of any other things that helped/didn’t. I stopped writing my diet down after a short period because I realised this is something I need to work on separately in the future, otherwise I’d be focusing on too much at once. 

The things I did and the changes made:

Headspace

Meditation has always been my happy place. I started the 30-day sleep pack which involves noting (acknowledging thought or feeling as they arise and bringing yourself back to the present moment once you have) and a visualisation technique for body relaxation. Andy also gives loads of sleep tips which have been useful, such as ways to alter your environment in the bedroom (kinky) to promote sleep and relaxation. This pack emphasises that the goal is not to necessarily sleep better but to change your relationship with sleep so that even if you don’t fall asleep straight away you are still resting. This helps to put less pressure on the falling asleep process and increasing mindfulness throughout the day prevents so much tension and negativity building up to an unmanageable amount at bedtime.

They’ve really pimped up the sleep section recently by adding a whole host of sleep sounds and podcasts (takes you on a visual story). There’s a sleep meditation specific to falling asleep which is supposed to be used alongside the daily meditating but I’m not a massive fan. Rather, I incorporate aspects of it (progressive muscle relaxation and then gently focusing on the breath) whilst I have the Harry Potter audiobook on quietly in the background (I think I’ve associated Stephen Fry’s voice with sleep). I tend to fall asleep within the 15-minute timer and if I don’t I am usually now content enough to rest in the silence until I do. Sometimes I use the sleep sounds and podcasts provided by Headspace because I really enjoy them, it just depends what I fancy as I’m getting into bed.

Goodbye caffeine

Giving up caffeine has made a tremendous impact. On average I used to drink about 10 cups a day. I started out by switching to decaf after 2PM so that it had enough time to get out of my system before bedtime. It’s only the other day when I had a couple of brews around tea time (oops) that I realised what impact this had on my ability to fall asleep (I didn’t sleep until 2/3!).

It also brought to my attention to how much the caffeine intake was contributing to the physical symptoms of anxiety. So, it helped by reducing the overall anxiety level I was feeling in a given day. I still implement the 2PM rule but it is not very rare I drink it at all.

Regular bedtime

I struggled with this at first as my pattern was so out of whack. 10:30 is my bedtime and 07:30 is my wake time. Initially I would get to bed for this time but would of course still struggle to sleep and then get up in the morning. Over time whilst I implemented the other changes this became easier to do. A few things helped with this:

Setting an alarm for 21:30 on my FitBit to remind me to start winding down.

Having a herbal tea just before bed (Yorkshire bedtime brew)

Setting my alarm to an upbeat song (Bare Necessities - The Overtones).

Of course I didn’t commit to this 100% of the time due to social plans etc, but even so I no longer stay up really late procrastinating.

Journalling

Initially I would do a ‘brain dump’ and write out all the things I was thinking and feeling to get it out of my system. But now I just write down the positive things that have helped in the day and end it with at least one thing I am grateful for. It helps to have a specific positive focus and a record of the things I’ve achieved which reduces the critical thinking/self-attack. I now feel much better having reflected positively on my day rather than beating myself up for all the things I didn’t do.

I also have a bullet journal in progress (something to develop later) which is essentially a book of lists at the moment. Pinning the things down I have to do on paper rather than have them ramble around in my head really helps. The lists give me a clearer direction of where I’m going after I’ve had a good sleep, with writing it down giving me peace of mind that I don’t have to remember everything.

Environment

I had a mass organisation and declutter of my bedroom which worked an absolute charm. With my belongings all tidy and in order my internal world felt a little less cluttered too. I started making sure I have a drink on my bedside table so that if I wake up thirsty I don’t have to wake myself up by going to the kitchen (and let the kittens into my room) - it also helps to have a drink to wake myself up in the morning. I try not to go on my phone as much in the evening with do-not-disturb coming on automatically at 21:30 so I don’t get disturbed with notifications, and have started plugging it to charge across the room rather than next to my head. Cutting down on screen time has made me feel much more settled in the hour before bed. Lavender on the pillow is also a WONDER.

Understanding sleep

I listened to the audiobook - Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. I think it’s always important to understand thoroughly what you change and implement. This book is easy to understand and very informative. It’s given me a tremendous insight into our biology and the vital role sleep plays. Enhancing my understanding has fuelled my motivation for creating and sticking to healthier habits.

This is what sleep is like now:

I don’t feel anxious in the evening and enjoy going up to bed. I love the feeling of sleepiness and my thoughts don’t trouble me as much as all as I am more able to put them to the side.

I fall asleep usually within 15 minutes of settling down.

I usually get around 8 hours sleep which is good in quality.

If I wake up it’s only because I need the loo and I manage to fall asleep again very quickly.

I find it easy to get up in the morning and get going, often waking up just a little earlier than my alarm which I’m happy with.

So, overall, a success!

I am always interested to hear of your journey’s and the techniques you have found to be helpful!

Mentioned: 

Headspace

Audible

Yorkshire Bedtime Brew

Bare Necessities/I Wanna Be Like You - The Overtones

Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreams - Matthew Walker

#self love #self care #self awareness #mental health #psychology #anxitey #happiness #personal #personal growth #self actualization #accountability #headspace #health #health and wellbeing #sleep

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Coming Innovations That Will Make Flying Economy (Mostly) Better

Its tempting to envision the vehicles of the future the way Passengers does—luminous, spacious, expertly designed. But in reality, you’d probably settle for an air travel experience that’s even slightly better than what you get today—or at least, not worse. In which case,you’re in luck.I dont envision any grand, over the top cabin and seating designs,” says Raymond Kollau, founder of Amsterdam-based research and innovation agency AirlineTrends. “Certification standards are strict in the industry, budgets, in general, limited, and airlines quite conservative.” But you can expect gradual change: Even economy class will someday feel abit softer, a bit warmer, a bit faster, a bit easier to sleep in. Mostly. Here’s what’s coming.

Mood Lighting

Virgin Atlantic is the pioneer in the fancy lighting space, its clubby LEDs welcoming riders and then calming them to zzzs. Now Airbus and Boeing are in on the act, with honest-to-jeez scientifically proven light progressions that help passengers adjust to jet lag. The next step: Boeings projections concept, which can briefly light up the ceiling with images of your destination, a starry night sky, or (sorry) advertisements. (The manufacturerfiled a patent in September.) Icelandairs Boeing 757 has offered a Northern Lights experience since 2015. You can expect more technicolor fireworks in the future.

Virgin Atlantic is the pioneer in the fancy lighting space, its clubby LEDs welcoming riders and then calming them to zzzs. Now Airbus and Boeing are in on the act, with honest-to-jeez scientifically proven light progressions that help passengers adjust to jet lag. The next step: Boeings projections concept, which can briefly light up the ceiling with images of your destination, a starry night sky, or (sorry) advertisements. (The manufacturerfiled a patent in September.) Icelandairs Boeing 757 has offered a Northern Lights experience since 2015. You can expect more technicolor fireworks in the future.

The Flying Office

Youve been let down before. But its coming this time, we promise: inflight Wi-Fiso acceptable, you can even take calls from your very own phone as you glide closer to the stars. Thanks to larger but still aerodynamic mounted antennae and reliance on Ka-band systems, the internet in the sky could get 10 times faster, raisingcapabilities to an insane 100 Mbps. (Those speeds wont happen on most aircraft, though.) Oh, and some terrible news: The Department of Transportation is considering letting people take phone calls midflight. Im going to start saving all my billing questions and help desk inquiries for the plane, one flyer told the WSJ. Help?

Credit: Getty Images

Youve been let down before. But its coming this time, we promise: inflight Wi-Fiso acceptable, you can even take calls from your very own phone as you glide closer to the stars. Thanks to larger but still aerodynamic mounted antennae and reliance on Ka-band systems, the internet in the sky could get 10 times faster, raisingcapabilities to an insane 100 Mbps. (Those speeds wont happen on most aircraft, though.) Oh, and some terrible news: The Department of Transportation is considering letting people take phone calls midflight. Im going to start saving all my billing questions and help desk inquiries for the plane, one flyer told the WSJ. Help?

In-Flight Virtual Reality

Forget that too-small seatback screen. This fall, the Californian-French startup SkyLights rolled out its in-flight virtual reality experience on the French budget carrier XL Airways. For $16, passengers can rent out a headset and 3D Hollywood films. That middle seat stinks, but pretending you’re actually in amovie theater may make it more bearable. Three other airlines are testing out the headsets, according to an airline industry group. VR games may well followjust dont smack the poor soul wedged in next to you.

Credit: SkyLights

Forget that too-small seatback screen. This fall, the Californian-French startup SkyLights rolled out its in-flight virtual reality experience on the French budget carrier XL Airways. For $16, passengers can rent out a headset and 3D Hollywood films. That middle seat stinks, but pretending you’re actually in amovie theater may make it more bearable. Three other airlines are testing out the headsets, according to an airline industry group. VR games may well followjust dont smack the poor soul wedged in next to you.

Toasty Seats

Ah, the familiar sweater-on, sweater-off dance. One moment, the air conditioners are blasting; another, youre awakened from your nice nap by the trickle of sweat. Fancy seats to the rescue. Heating and cooling seats—the kind now commonin cars—are on their way to private jets, and maybe even business and first class for the proles. Tech and aircraft interior experts like Panasonic, Fraunhofer IBP, and Gentherm already have working concepts, and the latter says to expert to see their seats on commercial flights inthree to five years’ time. Please grace our freezing rears, already.

Credit: Gentherm

Ah, the familiar sweater-on, sweater-off dance. One moment, the air conditioners are blasting; another, youre awakened from your nice nap by the trickle of sweat. Fancy seats to the rescue. Heating and cooling seats—the kind now commonin cars—are on their way to private jets, and maybe even business and first class for the proles. Tech and aircraft interior experts like Panasonic, Fraunhofer IBP, and Gentherm already have working concepts, and the latter says to expert to see their seats on commercial flights inthree to five years’ time. Please grace our freezing rears, already.

Spotless Lavs

Going to the bathroom on a plane may never be pleasant, but those adorable airlines really are trying. Boeing unveiled a self-cleaning lavatory concept last spring, which uses hands-free technology and UV rays to zap 99.9 percent of the bacteria you leave when youre done with your business. Just three seconds of light, and the lav is clean enough for the next flyer. Airbus, meanwhile, is developing anti-bacterial surfaces for its WCs, and Diehl Autosystems, the aircraft interiors company, is working to separate its toilets from its handwashing stations, la European. True luxury!

Going to the bathroom on a plane may never be pleasant, but those adorable airlines really are trying. Boeing unveiled a self-cleaning lavatory concept last spring, which uses hands-free technology and UV rays to zap 99.9 percent of the bacteria you leave when youre done with your business. Just three seconds of light, and the lav is clean enough for the next flyer. Airbus, meanwhile, is developing anti-bacterial surfaces for its WCs, and Diehl Autosystems, the aircraft interiors company, is working to separate its toilets from its handwashing stations, la European. True luxury!

Premium’s All About You

If you’re going big, goselfish, too. That’s the concept behind a new premium class concept from the aircraft interior specialists at PriestmanGoode. “The concept is all about creating a bespoke environment for the passenger,” the design firm says, which is a little precious—but also intriguing, yeah? Each single, double, or ensuite cabin contains its own particular materials, colors, and finishes, like the hippest of boutique hotels. This lush space is also modular, so an airline can reconfigure its cabins to fit the needs of eachflight’s fancy passengers. Futuristic, sure, but the firm says customgreatness is not too far off. “We are already creating tailor made interiors for some of the leading airlines in the world,” says Nigel Goode, the firm’s director.

Credit: PriestmanGoode

If you’re going big, goselfish, too. That’s the concept behind a new premium class concept from the aircraft interior specialists at PriestmanGoode. “The concept is all about creating a bespoke environment for the passenger,” the design firm says, which is a little precious—but also intriguing, yeah? Each single, double, or ensuite cabin contains its own particular materials, colors, and finishes, like the hippest of boutique hotels. This lush space is also modular, so an airline can reconfigure its cabins to fit the needs of eachflight’s fancy passengers. Futuristic, sure, but the firm says customgreatness is not too far off. “We are already creating tailor made interiors for some of the leading airlines in the world,” says Nigel Goode, the firm’s director.

Supersonic Returns

Its been a bleak 15 years for supersonic air travel, after the 2000 Air France Concorde crash and a non-performing business model left ultra-fastairplanes covered in dust. But Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic space venture has teamed up with Denver startup Boom Technology topromise a prototype Mach 2.2 airplane in 2017. (Thats twice the speed of most passenger jets and 330 mph faster than the old Concorde, for those playing along at home.) NASA announced last year that its working on its own, much quieter supersonic jet. Welcome back, raw power.

Credit: Boom

Its been a bleak 15 years for supersonic air travel, after the 2000 Air France Concorde crash and a non-performing business model left ultra-fastairplanes covered in dust. But Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic space venture has teamed up with Denver startup Boom Technology topromise a prototype Mach 2.2 airplane in 2017. (Thats twice the speed of most passenger jets and 330 mph faster than the old Concorde, for those playing along at home.) NASA announced last year that its working on its own, much quieter supersonic jet. Welcome back, raw power.

Security Tweaks

The very smart folks at Northeastern UniversitysAwareness and Localization of Explosives-Related Threats(ALERT) Center have a plan for your next security check, and it involveswalking. Their millimeter wave scanner concept uses the same tech that scans your bod now, but at speeds of up to 300 people an hour, instead of 100. Ideally, youll never have to break your stride, much less dig that errant makeup kit from the bottom of your bag. While were waiting for this fancy system, though, expect to see more automated security points like the kind the Transportation Security Administration installed in select airports this fall, which push and organize bins themselves.

Credit: Northeastern University

The very smart folks at Northeastern UniversitysAwareness and Localization of Explosives-Related Threats(ALERT) Center have a plan for your next security check, and it involveswalking. Their millimeter wave scanner concept uses the same tech that scans your bod now, but at speeds of up to 300 people an hour, instead of 100. Ideally, youll never have to break your stride, much less dig that errant makeup kit from the bottom of your bag. While were waiting for this fancy system, though, expect to see more automated security points like the kind the Transportation Security Administration installed in select airports this fall, which push and organize bins themselves.

More OptionsFor Better or Worse

They will show you the world—right after you pony up for that seat that actually reclines. More and more airlines are differentiating their products nowadays, offering not just coach and first class, but premium economy and business, too. Oh, and basic economy, the hot, new thing from United Airlines. In its bid to compete with budget carriers like Spirit and Frontier, United now offers passengers the ability to forego a carry-on, their seat selection privileges, and accruing elite status miles, all in the name of a better deal. Airlines love to copy each other on fee structures, so soon, basic mightbe the baseline.

Credit: JodiJacobson/Getty Images

They will show you the world—right after you pony up for that seat that actually reclines. More and more airlines are differentiating their products nowadays, offering not just coach and first class, but premium economy and business, too. Oh, and basic economy, the hot, new thing from United Airlines. In its bid to compete with budget carriers like Spirit and Frontier, United now offers passengers the ability to forego a carry-on, their seat selection privileges, and accruing elite status miles, all in the name of a better deal. Airlines love to copy each other on fee structures, so soon, basic mightbe the baseline.

Read more: http://bit.ly/2iLwyz9

from Coming Innovations That Will Make Flying Economy (Mostly) Better

#Coming Innovations That Will Make Flying Economy (Mostly) Better