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#while i do genuinely mean 'and anyone else who wants to join' it ALSO means 'i don't remember y'alls usernames'
pan-de-queer · 7 months
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20 Questions Game
Tagged by @jadedloverart! for once, i've finished work early and am free to write fic and answer tag games today hahaha thanks for the tag!!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
31 lmao, feeling a lil fandom old or whatever haha
2. Total AO3 word count
157,459 ??? wild considering i mostly post one-shots hahaha
3. Fandoms you write for
for the past few years it's been supercorp but you can also find bechloe, junksen/embry, some choices (the cyoa game), and les mis sprinkled in my ao3. all wlw too
4. Top 5 fics by kudos -
ruined nights make for perfect first dates (bechloe)
'cause you know all of my secrets (supercorp)
maybe i matter (because i knew you) (bechloe)
love tastes like spring and blood (bechloe)
kept my face to the sun (you drive away my shadows) (supercorp)
most interesting thing for me abt this is that ruined nights is the shortest one out of all five of these??? love that ppl liked it so much tho
5. Do you respond to comments?
as much as possible yeah! which reminds me that i haven't replied to @jadedloverart's comment on my fic. and other comments. i should do that hahaha
6. Fic w/ Angstiest Ending -
i don't end with angst haha i'm angst with a happy ending or bust lmao BUT the closest to angst would probably be love tastes bc the issue isn't solved until the very end
7. Happiest ending? -
all of them 💕 but if i had to choose then probabbbly cause you know
8. Do you get hate on fics?
not that i'm aware of!
9. Do you write smut/what kind?
nope! never been interested in writing it mostly bc my brain sees it as "action with even more emotions" and i have a hard enough time with action as it is lol
10. Do you write crossovers?
used to! and if you count the mcu+comics!marvel crossover i only posted a tidbit of, then yes, i still do
11. Ever had a fic stolen?
again, not that i know of
12. Ever had a fic translated?
yeah! can't remember for what tho but someone very kindly asked and i said ofc!! and then they sent the link but i can't remember where lmao
13. Ever cowritten a fic?
a long long time ago haha, wouldn't be opposed to doing it again though!
14. Favorite ship?
it's been supercorp since the pandemic! but who knows where the winds of my silly lil whims might take me?
15. A wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
all of them 💕 lmao jk jk but seriously i have a LOT of wips and i put them all under ONE file so it's like wading through a garbage dump trying to see what i'll do next and that's just for supercorp, i have separate untouched wips for allll my other old fandoms too lmao (some wips i doubt i'll ever finish for sc though are the undercover fake lovers one, the coastal cleanup one even though it SHOULD be easy in theory, the hanahaki au that's lena's version instead of kara's, and the one based off of emily the song by jeremy zucker)
16. Writing strengths?
anything descriptive! i can go in depth about shit forevveeerrrr
17. Writing weaknesses?
dialogue. like i can WRITE it and i can even write it WELL but that dialogue came from the bloodbath of thousands of drafts so
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in a different language?
many thoughts! number one being that if you don't know it, get someone who's above average fluent to help you if you feel like the language is needed in the story! and if the language is fake (like using kryptonian) then make the inclusion of it make sense! other thoughts are for my thinking only 💕 (and my unfortunate friends who have to listen to me lecture)
19. First Fandom you wrote for?
MAYBE ranger's apprentice or percy jackson
20. Favorite fic you've ever written?
i can't pick favorite for my babies but i'm hella proud of all my supercorp fics rn! it had been so long since i joined a new fandom that i felt suuupppeerrr awkward posting at first! but it's been a nice experience shifting fandoms ever since :)))
for the no pressure tags! @nostradamus0 @sssammich @ridiculously-over-obsessed @tiny-maus-boots and anyone else who wants to join!
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maxidentscene · 2 years
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skz habits that shine through when they get comfy with you
⚘ genre. fluff
⚘ members. ot8
⚘ hi I didn’t proofread this at all so I apologize in advance
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chan always saves you a seat, and I mean always
“Oh, they decided to come with today?” Hyunjin wondered aloud as he saw Chan reserve a seat on the couch for you specifically. Everyone else found their own spots around the empty space, all knowing him too well
“Not positive but they said they’d stop by,” Chan shot the members a small smile, pleased with how everyone accommodated quickly, whether it meant them lying on the floor or sat on top of each other
You were more than surprised to enter the apartment a half hour late to the movie only to see that Channie had, yet again, managed to keep a spot reserved all for you
It tugged at your heartstrings. You were sure that he’d do this for anyone else he cared for, but that just meant that you were one of those people to him. Skipping over to your seat, you threw yourself onto the couch with a dopey smile, “you really made Seungmin sit on the floor for me?”
“He’d do it just to do it,” you heard Seungmin grumble from underneath you, shaking your head and clinging to Chan in an instant
lee know sits on the bathroom floor and talks about anything and everything with you while you shower
You weren’t sure when this routine started, but it was almost mandatory for Minho to seat himself on the tiled floors beside the shower after you’d get in
He claimed it was boredom, he didn’t feel like lying on the couch and waiting on you. “What if I drop some ice cubes in there?” He laughed more to himself than to you, enjoying the reaction it got out of you from behind the curtain
“I’ll start locking the door when I come in here,” you tested him, a smile planted on your face as you heard a dramatic sigh in defeat. “Tread carefully.”
You couldn’t see it, but you knew that he had his eyes rolled to the back of his head in annoyance, the shadow of his figure visible through the shower curtain. The two of you stayed like that until you were finished, as soon as he heard the water stop, he excused himself
It was always amusing to picture him waiting right outside of the door like a puppy, tail wagging and patiently waiting for you so that he could join you in whatever activity you planned next
changbin allows himself to be himself in your presence
Not only is Changbin a hard worker with a lot of responsibility, he also has personal schedules to keep up with and oftentimes, it’s hard to be around other people while watching your every move and making sure to not come across a wrong way
Of course, he can count on the rest of the kids to help him feel comfortable and he doesn’t have to put up a front when with them but that’s about it. With everyone else, he always had to filter himself, always had to be 100% present which was genuinely tiring
But with you? Someone new, someone who he was still taking time to learn and explore? He could allow himself to zone out completely. He could do his own thing when you were around without worrying about being interrupted
“Bin,” you called his name several times from the kitchen, wondering what he had been up to and what he wanted to get for dinner. However, when you found him sat down and working on some work on his laptop, you knew it was best to let him go
He acknowledged this too, the way you accepted the fact that he needed time alone to do something that he was really invested in. Changbin was full of so much love for you in that moment
hyunjin puts his freezing hands all over you when he’s cold
Although this happens almost every day, you still can’t hide a shriek every single time Hwang Hyunjin strikes. This man seems to be coldblooded or something because he is always seemingly freezing to the touch, even holding his hand out of nowhere can be a jumpscare
“Hyune!” You resist the urge to instinctively kick out as he runs a cold hand underneath the hole of your pants and up your leg, chasing the warmth of your body heat. His head is thrown back as he laughs, entire body shaking as if your suffering was the funniest thing in the world. “Give me warnings!”
You’ve come to notice that he doesn’t do this much with anyone else, though. Not even the guys he’s been with 24/7 for several years. “How come it’s only me?” You ask when he does it again on a following day, to which he just shrugs
“Why would I want their warmth?” His voice is laced with fake disgust but his words were genuine, he’d rather be freezing than have to warm up with the help of someone that isn’t you, as corny as it may sound
Ever since his explanation, you suppress your complaints, understand that this is a very unique but fond form of affection from your boyfriend. It’s annoying and you’ll never get used to his feet being pressed up against your back at random moments but you wouldn’t want to tolerate it for anyone else
han kisses. that’s it.
You’ve seen it, he’s a huge kisser whether it be a shoulder kiss or a head kiss and that doesn’t stop when it comes to you. If anything, it’s intensified because you’re just so endearing to him
“Hannie,” you can’t hide the pouty tone when you lift your finger up to his face, a very visible paper cut presented to him. He nearly flies out of his seat, quick to place the most gentle kiss
“That was fucking disgusting,” you hear one of the other residents of the dorm comment from afar, biting back your giggle as Han stands proudly to defend himself
It was evident to everyone that he has become a totally different person for you, he was already a big ball of love but it just seemed that he couldn’t keep his hands or his lips off of you. He was such a sap now that he had someone that he craved affection from so strongly
You loved it, undeniably. Loved the stupid random kisses placed on your arm or your shoulder whenever you were trying to get something done. Loved the pecks behind your ear even when they tickled. Loved the smooches all over your face when you had just finished crying
felix takes all of your Instagram pictures for you
He’s a natural at taking pictures, he loves taking them and especially so if they are of you. It’s a give and take in your relationship, being each others personal photographers wherever you go
Lix describes it as documenting all of your fondest memories together and you couldn’t agree more, you must always take a picture when out no matter how extravagant the date was. Let it be a small picnic or a big trip, every day you spend together is precious to him
“Flash a smile,” Felix orders and you obey, giving him the biggest smile he’s seen all day, loving the way he gets giddy behind the phone. “So pretty!”
Absolutely has worked out all of the perfect angles, majority of your best pictures of yourself were taken by the one and only. One thing about him is that he will never disappoint
The type to deadass get on the ground just to get the perfect shot, he does not care how extra it may seem. You are a work of art and you deserve to be treated and admired as such,at least that’s how he sees it
seungmin makes sure to order food for the both of you whenever you feel too nervous to do it yourself
He could already tell by the way that your lip was caught between your teeth, you weren’t feeling too excited to order your ice cream. The both of you stood in line, a few people ahead of you, your eyes anxiously darting across the board and trying to quickly come up with your order
“What’re you thinking of getting?” Seungmin swings your arm back and forth with your interlocked hands, grounding you and bringing you back to Earth. “Tell me and I’ll take care of it.”
Your legs felt like jelly, you were sure that the lopsided smile you sent back at him looked silly but you were smitten. There was no denying the comfort that he brought you so easily. After telling him your order, you snuggled into his arm a little deeper, maybe as a way of thanking him
As long as he could see the way your eyes sparkled when you got your treat, it didn’t matter what he needed to do. Anything was worth it to him. It amazed you how he could read you so easily
“Is it good?” He wiped the corner of your mouth with a napkin, massaging the back of your neck gently as you gave him a rather aggressive nod
jeongin takes a shit load of selfies whenever you leave your phone lying around
You could be gone for 30 seconds or an hour, as long as Jeongin could get his hands on the camera button on your phone, you’d have at least 20 new photos in your gallery
This time around, he was pleased to find a folder filled with all of the selfies he’s taken on your phone throughout the years. It made his heart a little warm to see that you hadn’t seemed to delete any of them and it also made him wonder if he should even keep the tradition going
“I saw that you’ve kept all of my pictures,” he smiled up at you from his spot on your lap, ignoring the dialogue of the movie you were watching together. “All of them? You haven’t deleted a single one? I think I should stop and spare your storage.”
It was hilarious, your reaction came a lot faster than he expected. You denied him instantly, shaking your head and grabbing at his hands, you would’ve gotten on your knees and begged if he weren’t laying on you. “I’ll buy as much storage as I need, please don’t stop.”
It was cheesy. Yeah, it was super cheesy, but god, it made him feel so warm. So good, so fuzzy, you made him feel so many things that he hasn’t felt before and he loved it. He loved knowing that you adored him
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chuunai · 5 months
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hey, congrats 100 followers !! i would love to join your celebration♡ may i request beastzai (or js adazai) with the scenario married life (1) & all in all, it was a typical tuesday (8) as the prompt ?
congrats on 100 again !!!! it’s a big number and a big achievement !!
I think Dazai is really hot too.
✧˚ · . vroom vroom, than a table for two - dazai osamu
he certainly couldn’t complain.
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summary ⋆ ★ comfort, fluff, established relationship (marriage with reader), SFW → icky PDA, cutesy nicknames, minor mention of sex (it’s like barely there though) and overall puppy husband dazai. also obvious mentions of suicide its DAZAI
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It was Tuesday.
And also another hardworking day at the Agency. So, so tiring, according to your husband—not that he ever worked—to the point where he simply needed a break with his lovely spouse. That’s how you found yourself hand-in-hand with him during your lunch break, walking down the sidewalks of Yokohama while he excitedly spoke about a new suicide method he had heard of.
Yesterday was a homemade shrapnel bomb, today was a wrecking ball.
“Basically, you hide out in a building that’s scheduled to be demolished and eventually it collapses on you! Pretty sweet, isn’t it?”
Quirking an eyebrow, he turned to you expectantly, a cheery smile on his face. It was quick, painless enough method of suicide. Beautiful in a way, too. Sunlight would be warming his skin, the air fresh and crisp and then tons of concrete and plaster would crush his entire body in one fell swoop. No pain, just gain of access to the afterlife.
Looking back at him, you sheepishly shrugged, replying back to amuse both him and yourself. 50% of the time, his attempts were idiotic and funny, the other 50% was genuinely worrying and mildly terrifying. Today seemed to be the former, though. Thankfully.
Plus, it wasn’t like the method would even work due to some random info you found out about on the internet.
“Yeah, but I’m like, ninety-nine percent sure they check the buildings for people before they demolish them. So you’d get found out.”
Your tone was as equally playful and light as his. He wouldn’t really kill himself. You weren’t ready for a double suicide yet, sadly. His lips curled into a frown when you mentioned how it wouldn’t work, his fingers squeezing yours as he exaggerated his sigh.
“And here I was, certain of my demise! Guess that means I’ll be with you a bit longer, darling.”
Not that he really minded.
Sure, he constantly went off about suicide and how beautiful the whole concept was, but at the end of the day, he wouldn’t want to die without you at his side. He’s firmly one of those people who’d kill himself after his beloved died. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself after you died. Sure, he made Odasaku a promise, but he made you a vow.
Until death do them part.
When you died, so would he.
But no one was dying today. Just a happy day for a happy couple.
Dazai’s hand slipped out of yours, curling around your hips instead as he pulled you closer to his side. He wanted to show off his pretty partner to anyone who happened to look over at you two. Show off the person who owns his heart and soul and is his perfect reason to live for just a little bit longer. No one else deserved his gorgeous belladonna.
Just him and him only.
Only Dazai could kiss your lips at any given moment—publicly or privately—, and only he could watch you dress up for dates, brushing out your hair while he mumbled compliments into the spot where your collarbone met your neck. Only Dazai could spend hours with you at night, hearing his name from your lips while his fingers intertwined with yours at the intimate moments.
No one else could hope to do the same with you.
That’s why he soon was leading you into a bakery, the smell of pastries and bread flooding the air as he looked over the treats in the display cases. Black sesame roll cakes, all squishy looking and yummy. The cookies ranging from chocolate chip to matcha and plain vanilla. They all looked so good, but the prices weren’t quite the same.
God, when it came to money, Dazai wished he was still in the Mafia. At least he had tons of it back then.
Now, he had to be a bit more frugal with his income from the Agency. Sure, you guys weren’t dirt poor or unable to afford food and other necessities, but you couldn’t always get special snacks like this. Maybe once every week or two, if you could do so.
Nudging your shoulder, he tapped the glass, looking at you expectantly. He always did this—letting you choose what the two of you would eat. Dazai didn’t mind either. You had good taste unlike his diet of canned crab and alcohol.
“I trust my lovely spouse’s taste and that you’ll pick something good like always.”
He was such a puppy. Only for you, he thought.
“Uhmm…dunno. Pick a number, one or two.”
Dazai placed a finger on his lips, pretending to be in thought like it was the most important decision in his twenty-two years of life so far. Brows furrowed in concentration, eyes darting between you and the sweet treats while he hummed quietly. One or two? Eh. He’d go with two. There was the two of you here, after all.
“Two.”
He watched as you pointed at a slice of strawberry cheesecake, your eyes looking at him for approval. Honestly, Dazai never understood why you wanted his approval for everything. You were his equal—his life partner, nonetheless—so there was really no need for this behavior. But he couldn’t blame you. Even now, he had a bit of a commanding aura.
“Oooooh, that looks good! Knew you’d pick something tasty.”
Dazai pecked your cheek affectionately while he held your hand walking to the counter, ordering two slices of strawberry cheesecake, taking out Kunikida’s credit card that he had ‘borrowed’ from the blondie earlier at work. Compared to the thievery he had committed in his younger years, it was practically begging to be used with how his wallet was smack dab in the middle of his desk.
Carefully holding the two plates of the cheesecake slices, he led you over to a table in the corner, giving you a fork as he sat down across from you. He didn’t eat until you dug into your piece first, making sounds of contentment as sweetness coated both your taste buds. Geez, it was good. Worth the price for sure. The corner of your lips were stained with the white frosting, and so he swiped his thumb over the mess, cooing at you like a parent.
“Ah ah, ‘donna. You’re getting messy.”
Dazai liked the flush of your face. How flustered you were as you insisted you could clean yourself and that you weren’t a baby and a fully capable grown adult.
“I’m not a baby, ‘samu! I can take care of myself, ‘kay?”
Of course, of course.
“Uh-huh. And you’re not a baby. You’re my baby. My clumsy little baby who can’t eat without making a mess.”
Chewing on the rest of his slice, minutes passed, filled with conversations between the two of you about work, how Atsushi was doing—probably still traumatized and fucked over, is what you both agreed about—, plans for dinner. You tastefully ignored his comment about what he wanted for dessert. At least there weren’t any kids in the bakery.
Thankfully for everyone else in the establishment, your ‘lunch’ was finished. Walking out of the cafe, he clasped onto your hand firmly, feeling his wedding ring rub against your skin. The sounds of honking and birds chirping filled the air, but all Dazai could hear were your gentle breaths coupled with the sound of your footsteps.
Nothing really mattered besides you, in his eyes.
His everything—his reason to live.
Eternally.
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Tags: @twst-om-lover, @sinfulthoughtsposts
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cat3ch1sm · 9 months
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hii i think this is my first time requesting from you so hopefully I do it right..
can you do sfw headcannons of Hisoka, illumi, and Kurapika with an s/o who has a terrifying nen aura? like stronger and more menacing then theirs? and can you do gender neutral reader? thanks :]
🕷️~ hello!! welcome to my inbox 💚 thanks for your request! if you’re ever wondering what info to put in a request just view the pinned post on my profile! tyy <33
(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) gn!reader, sfw
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𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐤𝐚, 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐢, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐤𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧 𝐬/𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐚
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hisoka
hisoka isn’t usually fazed by anyone’s aura because his own is so overpowering. his aura is just so eerie and unsettling that he never needs to pay any mind to anyone else’s because he’s usually the one people stay away from. but when you enter the picture, that all changes. the second you even enter a building every person in there is instantly weighed down by the darkness and menace of your aura, including hisoka, and he can’t help but feel fearful because that is simply the only emotion your aura allows anyone around it to feel. but fear doesn’t affect hisoka like it does other people. rather, he’s intrigued.
hisoka obviously has a thing for people who can kill him, so he likes to be around you just for the twisted euphoria he experiences of being actually genuinely scared. he knows that if you wanted to or he made one wrong move, that you could kill him in a second, and that fills him with an uncanny amount of pleasure. as a matter of fact, he’ll regularly push your boundaries just to feel the rush when your aura spikes. it’s like his favorite thing to do
illumi
okay let me just say you’ve gotta be pretty goddamn scary to overshadow an aura like illumi’s. even when he’s not trying he’s still scary as shit 🙏🏾
illumi isn’t someone who normally feels things like fear, anxiety, anything along those lines. but when he first encounters you, he can’t deny the overpowering sense of dread he’s filled with when he’s even near you. it’s not like he’s legitimately scared of you or anything, but it’s more like trepidation is literally forced into him. like he has no choice but to fear your aura. this is a brand-new thing to him, too- not even the phantom troupe or anyone in his family has such an awful presence. and to be honest, illumi doesn’t like having the tables turned on him- he’s usually the one people run away from and go out of their way to avoid.
i imagine he’d watch you from a distance for a while- either by having needle people go keep tabs on you or by constructing some other nen tactic so he can observe you. the dread that comes with being too close to you and that horrible aura is too much for him to handle for now, especially since like i said it’s a new feeling. i think only after illumi has watched you long enough to discover a weakness that he’s able to exploit would he go and approach you, so if you try and pull something illumi can have a better chance at taking you out.
illumi’s next thought, though, is to make an ally out of you- and what better way to do that than have you literally join his family? that’s what causes him to seek you out in a “romantic” way- his goal is literally immediately just to marry you so you become a zoldyck and can’t turn against him.
i feel like during the relationship illumi might be a bit distant for the reasons i listed earlier. also illumi just isn’t a clingy or affectionate person. with how powerful your nen is and the hostile nature of your aura illumi isn’t inclined to be near you often. basically you both just do your own thing, but illumi does keep tabs on you and still doesn’t let you see other people. not that anybody wants to because you’re scary but still😭
kurapika
realistically, i doubt kurapika would be with anyone whose aura is this horrible. it reminds him way too much of the spiders. and in his mind, nobody with an aura as ghastly as yours can mean anything good for anyone. plus, kurapika has destructive tendencies of his own, so having someone even worse than him around would not benefit him at all. so i think he’d want to stay far away from you, and would be protective of those around him when you’re near.
but because these are headcanons and we are supposed to be delusional, let’s say that kurapika isn’t immediately deterred by your nightmarish aura. his mind goes a similar route to illumi’s, so Kurapika is going to want to get you on his side for sure. he isn’t someone who approaches people that much, so he devises a situation in which you both can be alone so he can try and develop some sort of bond which you can build on.
usually Kurapika would be more protective than not of people he’s in a relationship with, but not with you. he kind of keeps his distance, actually. if you want to do something dangerous or deadly he just steps back and lets you. he doesn’t feel the need to protect you at all, more so like protecting other people from you lmao 😭
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these were mid asf but it’s 2 am 💔 i hope u enjoyed <33
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raayllum · 4 months
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More Than Anyone or Anything
or why I think Callum is Like That: The Meta.
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AKA because I realized that while I've talked about Snake Boi Callum and why I view him that way before, it was mostly in regards to explaining his canon traits that aren't usually very disputed. These being:
His sometimes obsessively dangerous qualities, specifically surrounding magic (1x04, 1x05, 2x04, 4x01, 4x02, 4x04)
His ambitious side (man heard from the one magical 'expert' he knows that humans just flat out cannot do primal magic naturally, said fuck that, and got it in a week after one week of practice)
His temper (1x01, 1x06, 1x09, 2x07, 3x08, 4x01-4x04, 5x01, 5x05, 5x08)
His ruthlessness (turning on Viren the second Ezran is in danger despite trusting him for years beforehand; his attitude towards Claudia in 2x07 after she's likewise betrayed him; smiling when killing corrupted soldiers in 3x09 even when Ezran expresses grief and Janai expresses horror when she was facing a similar scenario during the timeskip; arguing to take the violent route in 5x05 whereas Ezran and Rayla pick the more preventative one).
Therefore, for this meta, I will be focusing specifically on why I interpret Callum as Selectively Loyal to the point of being willing to help free Aaravos in order to spare, specifically, Ezran and Rayla's lives (and not necessarily anyone else's, such as Zym and Soren).
Strap in boys — this is going to be a long one.
Disclaimers: As always, this is just my opinion, and an interpretation being popular in fanon does not automatically mean it's better or more valid / rooted in canon than any other kind of (less popular? maybe common) interpretation. I will also be making it clear when I'm drawing on sections/snippets from supplementary material (TDP short stories, novelizations, and Tales of Xadia) but give that it's supplementary material, feel free to take it with the ultimate grain of salt.
Related Metas (that's worth reading if you're interested in other Snake Boi aspects that are not going to be heavily touched on here):
Callum's temper (S1-S3) and how it links to him typically feeling helpless to fix/aid his loved ones, causing him to lash out even sometimes at them
How Callum operates differently from Ezran and Rayla (S1-S4), but very well embodied I believe by the scene in 5x05 where Ez and Rayla side with the "violence as a last resort" option and Callum does not
How Callum views Zym and the egg in Arc 1 differently from Ez and Rayla, or how Callum sees things as tools and why he gets fixated on / what he projects onto objects (much like Viren with the mirror)
Differing Priorities for Callum and Rayla in TTM, in which Rayla only engages in their scheming because she thinks Viren is a threat to the whole world, and Callum comes up with their scheme because he just wants to give her closure
What does the Trio's Tales of Xadia's bios actually mean? (this one will be touched on the most down below, so feel free to skip unless you want a more detailed refresher)
Specifications:
If you're someone who doesn't see Callum this way, but you're genuinely interested in reading a differing perspective, please read on. If you're someone who doesn't necessarily see Callum this way, but you're curious and/or on the fence, please read on. If you'd like to add your own thoughts to this post, feel free to add on if it's in support; if it's differentiation, please make your own post (I'll engage respectfully with if it I want to).
If you're someone who is only going to get upset with my viewpoint, please curate your internet experience and do not read this post. If you're only going to make thinly veiled meta rebuttals of this post in a rude way ("even though some people may think...", linking to this post, general assholery), please do not read this post. You would be far happier if you were less obsessed with an opinion I've held for 5+ years and months & months before you likely joined the fandom. i just want to chill in my corner, please do not chuck pillows at me for doing what I've always had a good time doing that doesn't hurt anyone.
With all of that out of the way, let's get into it
What do I mean when I say selective loyalty?
Loyalty has always been an interesting trait to me, simply because in the bulk of storytelling, it is a necessary character trait for a story to function. One of the biggest things that a character can do to be disliked is be a traitor towards someone that trusted them, and if a character is too disloyal, they can be hard to engage with due to a lack of consistency. Characters who start out loyal to no one/nothing inevitably have arcs, provided they stick around in the story long enough, of garnering loyalty for someone (usually found family loved ones > a cause) in order for them to be able to progress as a character. We want characters to bond, and we want them to be there for each other, and if they're not at all, we want to see what happened or what other bonds they might form with other people. If not loyal, we want to see why they're working with someone at the very least.
Therefore, everyone in real life or in fiction has some elements of 'selective loyalty,' since we all have people (the people we know and love) we are more loyal to, fundamentally, than others (strangers / people don't know at all). It's just a natural normal thing to adhere more to valuing and looking after the people in your immediate circles over people you don't know at all, even if that doesn't mean we're void of caring about strangers, either. Our empathy or compassion, as well as the social structure of our living units and lives, are more cohesion for caring for strangers than it is for competing with strangers or being wholly indifferent.
For a quick overview of the way selective loyalty can work, I'm actually going to talk about Claudia quickly, and her internal hierarchy. While she is loyal to the princes ("Their Dad is dead and you lied about it. Plus they're our friends. It's wrong") to the point of that possibly being an opportunity for severance, initially, with her father ("Careful, if you tell the truth you will lose her"), Claudia's loyalty to her father ultimately trumps her loyalty to the princes, and even to her family with Soren.
For the opposite approach of selective loyalty, I'm going to talk about Rayla, who regularly bails out strangers (the boys in 1x03, Phyrrah in 2x07) and enemies (Bait as a frenemy in 1x05, Nyx in 3x05) as well as the people she grows to love (the boys on regular intervals). She and Runaan, as is Soren, are all willing to put their perceived missions/duties not only above but in direct opposition to their familial loyalty / family ties.
Callum, TO ME, is not, and here's why.
When I say that Callum is selectively loyal, I mean that there is ultimately nothing he will put above Ezran and/or Rayla at any interval with very few exceptions (aka if they're still breathing, he's still going to be fighting for them). This is for a few reasons.
I'm going to talk more about why it's Ez and Rayla specifically later, but for now I want to talk briefly about how they factor into his decision making and what see of them from people who have lost his loyalty.
Despite knowing and having trusted Viren for the bulk of his life ("Claudia! Lord Viren! Anyone!"), as soon as Callum learns that Viren has put Ezran substantially at risk ("Two [targets]? What do you mean?" "I'm here for the king, and I'm also here for his son, Prince Ezran") Viren is fucking Dead To Him.
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It's not just that Viren lied, it's that Viren's lies and choices put Ezran in danger, and that's just not acceptable. We see this happen again with Claudia in S2, even after Callum defending her and trying to give her chances. She lied, yes, but she scares Ezran and attacks Rayla again, and that's the breaking point.
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When you threaten the people he loves, when you scare them, if he trusted you, he will never look at you the same way again. Any loyalty he felt towards you will snap and snap hard, permanently, like a wishbone.
Callum loves and cares for other people. He loved and cared for Viren and Claudia. But unlike Ezran, who is willing to give Claudia a chance in 3x09 to the point of running after her, helping hand extended, and unlike Rayla, who still adamantly loves Runaan even after their fight and with no hint of change from him, Callum does not take other people hurting his family lightly, at all.
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He loves and cares for Amaya, and Soren, and Harrow. But even Harrow, his father, is someone he's willing to put on the backburner — despite having an offered chance from Rayla to save him — in order to do what Harrow asked and what Callum's first instinct is: to look after his brother, because it is fundamentally unsafe for Ezran to stay at the castle for any longer, and he knows it.
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Callum knows what the egg might mean, but he does not follow Rayla out the dungeon door blindly. He runs only after Ezran does, and only after Claudia might hit Ezran with lightning. Then he acts. Then he makes a choice. Because his loyalty to his brother outweighs after other substantial relationship in his life, at this point, but it doesn't necessarily stay that way.
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Inner circle
In Tales of Xadia, all the characters are given values. While the values have more generic explanations (i.e. Callum's highest one, Liberty, is labelled as, "Have you ever resisted the control of others? This value is about freedom and autonomy. You’re motivated by a world without oppression or suppression") the characters individual bios help offer more clarity on their specifics. Callum's, specifically, states, "I am beholden to my inner circle, not some silly kingdom." Ouch, from Katolis' crown prince and Ezran's heir apparent.
It is, of course, important to not take this trait entirely literally. If Callum truly valued his own personal autonomy over everything else, he would've taken Finnegrin's deal in 5x08 in a second if all he wanted as his own freedom. Instead, Callum's highest value being Liberty is far more about his place with Freedom as a Theme more than something he wholly actively desires; again, we see in 5x08 he's willing to risk more of his freedom by doing dark magic in order to save Rayla.
There are things that Callum values more than his own personal freedom and there are things that he values more than magic (2x04: "Callum, you're being an idiot! Why would you do that? You can't risk your life to learn magic") vs throwing himself off the top of the Storm Spire at the slimmest chance of, once again, saving Rayla.
That said, this value and quote is still very useful, as it does then, beg the question, of who exactly is Callum's inner circle? Well...
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Ezran and Rayla are the most important people in the entire world to him. Full stop. There is nothing he will fundamentally put above them. He only stays behind in 1x06, thereby not sacrificing the egg by proxy, because Rayla points out "We'll need to be up here to pull [Ezran] out." Even when he was stressing about whether they'd gotten to the Sea of the Cast Out on time, the second Rayla showed a hint of major discomfort/potential self-deprecation, he was offering to get back into the goddamn boat to comfort her ("I'm getting out—" "No. I can't do it, but you have to"). He's hesitant to go into town to find a vet for the egg because "We will definitely find some elf hating humans," pouting further when Rayla brushes him off, and flings himself off his balcony when he thinks there's even a chance that Ezran isn't okay into what he knows would subsequently be a trap. He's the first to say that they need to leave Rex Igneous' chambers after protecting Ezran from falling rocks with his own body, and the last to actually leave, almost being crushed by rocks himself because he's so committed to standing there and watching Rayla leave.
He equates Rayla's love for him with his love for Ezran on Day Nine (2x03: "I couldn't tell him. And I understand why you couldn't tell me. When you care about someone, it's hard to hurt them. Even when what you're saying is the truth.")
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Hell, he even forgets that Sol Regem is there in 3x01 because he tunnel visions on Rayla needing his help so intensely she has to point out the massive ton dragon actively trying to kill them to him.
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He's a nurturer, a fixer, a solution seeking. He wants to make you feel better ("See it's working right? Don't you feel a little better?"), he is a kind reassuring word ("Don't be so hard on yourself, Ez") always, he thinks of your problems even when you don't (Rayla's binding in 1x07), he will lay his life down for you without question ("I am Prince Ezran"), he will get mad at you for treating yourself poorly (3x04, like almost all of S4), he dotes, he notices, he will compromise his beliefs for you ("Could he really bring himself to go through with his plan? What if he didn’t succeed? What if he compromised his beliefs and it was all for nothing? [...] But Rayla was in trouble"—S2 novelization).
You mean everything to him: "Rayla's strong, thin arms wrapped around him meant everything" (S2 novelization of the hug scene in 2x04) / "You're my brother, and you mean everything to me" (2x06).
You are his whole world.
If you're part of his inner circle, and not everybody is, so let's talk about it.
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[ Callum, excluding Claudia and Soren from their support system, even though the siblings haven't yet betrayed them, while including Rayla, even though he and she haven't made up yet. ]
What about Soren and Zym?
As stated before, Callum's selective loyalty does not mean he doesn't care about other people in his life, such as Claudia (in the past) and people like Amaya, Soren, and Zym in the present. Merely that, slightly like Claudia, Callum does have an internal hierarchy of care — the way you might have friends vs best friends — of who takes priority, and we see S1, S4, and S5 in particular demonstrate this quite well.
As already stated, Callum prioritizes Ezran over the egg in 1x06 and is held back emotionally by Ezran fuelled logic and physically by Rayla. In 1x07, he doesn't want to risk going into town — even to potentially find help for the egg — because of his last disastrous experience with humans and Rayla. In 2x04, Callum is perfectly happy to walk around a sea to let Rayla avoid her fear of water, and approximately 5 minutes later is getting on Ez and Rayla's case for goofing off (with Rayla's thinly veiled and fallible disguise) because "Sometimes getting someplace slightly faster is important, like right now." Wasn't quite the tune he was singing earlier, now was it? For Zym, we see this again in 3x04 — Rayla is having a breakdown, so she has more of an excuse, but Callum should conceivably be much more clear headed, and he still tunnel visions into leaving Zym alone with Nyx leading to the theft. Likewise in 4x07 when the group thinks Zym might be gone, Ezran is the one who states, "I'm not leaving without him," and Ez and Rayla are both pretty broken up about it; Callum is sad, for sure, but he mostly focuses on taking care of Ezran and placing a hand on his shoulder.
Then you have Amaya, who Callum loves dearly, but isn't particularly torn up over not trusting or lying to (1x04, 5x03) in spite of being close to her, and isn't as vexed even when he thinks that maybe something bad has happened.
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Even when Callum thinks it was bad, and potentially very bad ("The way Gren was talking, I thought maybe the world was ending or something!") he doesn't get angry and he doesn't get demanding. This is very different from how he responds to Ezran and Rayla being potentially in danger or just in trouble.
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Which on that note also highlights another key importance between how Callum treats Rayla, in particular, versus how he treats Soren. Now, you could argue that Callum in 5x01 has emotionally matured/healed further than he has in 4x01 prior to Rayla's return, and that would be perfectly fine to do. However, it doesn't change the fact that just the hint of Soren keeping a secret — even before Callum thinks, at all, that it's about Ezran — makes him wait on the battlements to coldly and sternly interrogate Soren about it. With Soren, he demands,
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C: I know this — the ties are true as the ocean is deep [...] It means I trust her. Unconditionally. Let her go. Now. R: About your key and the bow. I can explain. C: No, I meant what I said. You don't have to explain or justify anything to me.
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Even when Rayla engages in actually shady behaviour — omitting the truth if not outright lying, stealing his key, and retrieving a painfully poignant weapon — Callum doesn't get mad, at all. Soren just implied he was potentially keeping a secret from Callum at the council meeting and lowkey got his ass handed to him, with Callum literally shoving him out of his way and needing Corvus' help to coral the angry step-mage.
Furthermore, even when Soren goes missing in 4x06, although concerned, Rayla is by far the most broken up about it. Ezran is optimistic because he's, well, Ezran; Rayla is torn because even though she doesn't know Soren that well, she feels like it was 100% her fault he's gone missing and has possibly gotten hurt; and Callum, well... mostly focuses about how she feels about it, and less so about his actual friend (because if Ezran or Rayla are emotionally hurting, they will take priority to him). He's focused on making sure she feels better.
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Again: Callum loves Amaya, and Zym, and Soren. He loves them dearly. He wants to and does protect them. He can and will take care of them. But push come to shove, they're not in his inner circle — he doesn't trust them the same way, and he doesn't focus on them the same way, because when it comes to his inner circle, he loves them
More Than Anyone or Anything
So after seeing Callum like this from S1 onwards, you can imagine I was pretty thrilled upon opening up his bio in Tales of Xadia — which seems to be the most 'canon' of the supplementary materials thus far (scenes and ages are changed in the novelizations; timelines get a little wonky in the prequel graphic novels; some designs from "Callum's Spellbook" ended up being different; the art book is full of beautiful concepts, of course, that never understandably got off the ground) except perhaps for Though the Moon — said the quiet part out loud. Not only does TOX have plenty of lore drops and hints at future arcs that are coming to fruition (Aaravos' connections to Elarion, mentioning the Great Bookery of Lux Aurea and Leola, etc) but they did something very interesting when it came to what values which character had. There's some leeway as this is very much an Arc 1 reading (probably most clearly seen in Soren's bio) but there is still plenty of bleed over into Arc 2.
Now, as I said before, we don't want to take the Values too literally. As talked about previously, a lot of the characters highest values seem to be things their arcs are set up to thematically test rather than being a 1:1 what they value the most. But I feel like you can glean a good deal from them, so let's look at the trio:
EZRAN:
Justice — 10: I expect the best of people and try not to become an agent of cruelty.
Devotion — 8: All creatures—regardless of origin—deserve love and appreciation.
Liberty — 8: I value the liberty of everyone, sometimes even more than my own.
RAYLA:
Devotion — 10: Love and devotion compel and define me.
Justice — 8: At great personal cost I will strive for what’s right.
Liberty — 8: My only allegiance is to my heart and those who know it.
CALLUM:
Liberty — 10: I’m beholden to my inner circle, not some silly kingdom.
Devotion — 8: I value those close to me more than anyone or anything.
Mastery — 8: I aspire to know the great wonders of every primal magic.
Out of all the more 'heroic' characters listed in the handbook (Amaya, Janai, Aanya) only Callum and Lujanne do not have Justice, "Have you ever been compelled to fix what’s wrong? This value is about balance, virtue, and reward. You’re motivated by adherence to fairness and what you think is right" among their top 3. Each have it at a 6, instead, which the guide labels as, "This matters, but so do many things" and is the second lowest ranking a value can have. None of the main cast have any value at the highest ranking, 12, either, to help indicate scale perhaps.
Devotion, then, is the one we're currently the most interested in for Callum, since as said before, while the general value descriptions are useful, the specific ones help show more indication. Devotion is referred to in Tales of Xadia as, "Have you ever been obligated to others? This value is about duty, faith, and friendship. You’re motivated by the bonds of loyalty and your love for others."
Although devotion is Rayla's highest value, her devotion value makes no indication of who/what she is Devoted to. Whereas Ezran's reflects his deep love and appreciation towards animals (hence saving the baby glow toads in S5) and Callum's we'll get to in a moment, Rayla's we're not privy to. Instead, we can look at her Liberty value, as it states that her allegiance is to her heart ("My heart for Xadia") and to her loved ones (her friends, her family). Much of her arc is therefore feeling torn between what she thinks/feels her duty is versus what her heart is telling her, indicated by her letting Marcos go in 1x01 and the subsequent fallout.
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We can also see her state this more clearly in Through the Moon, in which Callum is the one primarily concerned with her parents ("he’s stuck worrying about her parents. About what happened to Runaan. She can’t move on, not without knowing the truth of what happened [...] I hope you find your parents. And Runaan"), versus Rayla going along with the plan, "Callum, listen. Soren was worried about Viren too. Worried that we never found a body. We need to know what happened to Viren. He’s a threat to the whole world! This might be the only way to be sure he’s actually gone! [Upon entering the Portal...] Okay. Viren. My parents. Runaan" and then 5x01 spells it out even more directly.
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R: Callum and Ezran need me. A great evil is trying to return to Xadia and we have to stop it, at any cost. I think this is what you would want me to do. I love you, and I haven't forgotten about you. I never will. [...] It hurts me to know they're trapped like this. It's agonizing. But our mission comes first. The world is in danger, and you can trust me to stay focused.
Now this makes sense, as Rayla having this push and pull has not only been a defining feature of her arc most seasons, but is ultimately what's going to be the most challenged when the Callum possession plotline rears its head. Does she kill/incapacitate the man she loves in order to protect the world, or does she fight to get him back no matter what, even if that may lead to ruin and chaos? (I'm hoping for the second one, but I will eat either up, lemme tell you.) Does she finally refuse to sacrifice, or does she barrel on hoping she'll only have to sacrifice herself?
The reason I bring Rayla up at all is because I think it provides a good contrast to how Callum operates, specifically in 5x04, in which case he reaffirms his devotion ("I would do anything for you") and then risks everyone's lives by staying late at the Great Bookery, even when Rayla says three times that well, this isn't the time: "Not yet, Callum... Believe me, I want to do something, but... Callum, we need to leave!"
Rayla cares about everyone, and is willing to risk her life for enemies and for strangers. She will abandon her mission for the world in favour of looking after individuals because they need help, regardless of what it asks of her: "Live or die, this dragon goes home." (And because she believes Ezran and Callum can accomplish the mission without her, but that's a post for another day.) As Bloodmoon Huntress makes explicit, as Ethari says:
Who I love, where I love, what I love, are all specific. But to Runaan and those like your parents... love is rooted in all families, all creatures. Souls like that feel called to protect everyone as fiercely as those they hold close. Each time Runaan leaves, it is with the weight of knowing that he may not come back. That to fulfil his duty, he may need to sacrifice everything, himself, and all that we have here.
Rayla likewise feels called to protect everyone, and that's precisely why by the end of Bloodmoon Huntress she's chosen to literally and figuratively follow in Runaan's career path, in order to be able to help protect and save people like Suroh (a stranger she immediately becomes entangled with). As Rayla says to the vision of Runaan and her parents in 5x01, "I think this is what you would want me to do," because they are ultimately all more alike (even in the occupations Rayla holds, such as assassin or dragonguard) than they are dissimilar.
The reason I highlight Rayla here is because 1) it is her highest value, being the only character to have it as said highest value (Claudia's, likewise, is only an 8 — but everything she does is indeed for her father, and unknowingly herself) and 2) I think it provides a clear contrast to Callum.
Because Callum's devotion does outline who, or what, he's loyal to. He isn't loyal just to causes and he isn't loyal just to concepts. While he cares about the world, when his back is up against the wall and it's a choice between that kind of security vs the life of a loved on (Ez, Rayla), Callum will always choose the latter. He cares about the world — to a Point.
I've talked about it before, but merely a statement of "I value those close to me more than anything" would accordingly be a lot more vague. There could be discussions and debates on what the 'anything' constitutes (morals, responsibilities, hurt feelings) with a lot more grey room as to whether it would include people (strangers).
“Maybe there is something I can do,” Callum said. “Ezran, you stay here. Protect Bait and Zym. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon—with Rayla.” [...] Could he really bring himself to go through with his plan? What if he didn’t succeed? What if he compromised his beliefs and it all ended up being for nothing? […] But Rayla’s blade bounced off with a clang, sparks flying. She reeled back and tried again. Nothing happened. She was in trouble. Callum inched toward Claudia’s [book].
—Book 2: Sky novelization
But the inclusion of "more than anyone" changes that. It does include people. There is no wiggle room about that.
Now, I'm not going to base my whole thing on one (1) statement from a supplementary material. As previously stated, I've seen Callum with that exact same sentiment for years now, well before Tales of Xadia (March 2022) was released, and well before S4 or S5 premiered. I've gone over a lot of the reasons I thought Callum had selective loyalty even in S1, but I haven't touched too much on one of the biggest reasons why I think that selective loyalty includes a devotional component that borders on dangerous (at least, in a story). And that's, well...
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“Rayla told me you used Dark Magic,” [Ethari] said, more stiff and cold. Callum shrank a bit, but his eyes hardened. “I couldn’t just let her die.” “You’d do it again." The prince scowled. “I’m not like Aaravos. He twisted the primal to be like Dark Magic. I would never do that.” “Unless you felt like you had to,” [Ethari] reiterated. “To save Rayla.” “Wouldn’t you do anything to save the person you love?”
—chapter 13 of a fic I co-wrote called in search of silver linings (we discovered gold) from july 2019, respectively
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As soon as Callum opened up the door with dark magic in 2x07, I knew it was something he likely would never be able to entirely close. Not for lack of trying or wanting — but that his willingness to engage in dark magic at all spoke to a few different things. The first was the effectiveness — what spell to use, what would be most useful, and what Rayla's biggest problem would be (her swords unable to cut chains) — but most of all was what pushed him there: his devotion.
While magic has always been the thing presenting Callum with paths (to be a mage or not a mage, to be a primal or a dark mage), his bonds with other people, and his love for them — Rayla in particular — has always been what's actually pushed him down certain paths. His love for his mother, and her love for him, is what helps him unlock the sky arcanum. Callum unlocks his wings out of his love for Rayla; he goes down on the path of mage because "you called me a mage, and that felt right."
Although mastery of magic is one of Callum's highest values (an 8, just like his devotion), it was always clear to me that magic is not something Callum values above the people he loves. He can be obsessive, and his love for magic can sometimes put himself and other people unintentionally at risk, but thus far we've always seen him course correct the minute he realizes what's happening. The second things begin to go south at the Banther Lodge, Callum reflects, "We never should've come here," and completely forgoes the quest for the cube. He tries to risk his life just for magic in 2x04, but as we've gone over, he's unable to go through with it, but he will risk his life for his loved ones.
His rejection of dark magic was, to me, of being a dark mage, of not also pursuing primal magic, of relying on dark magic. Not that he would never, under any circumstance, ever do dark magic again if the show put him in the right circumstances. And then he did, in spite of knowing it would make him more vulnerable to Aaravos, in spite of not having any confirmation it wouldn't bring on a second possession, in spite of the fact he was fine being tortured if that meant not doing it or participating.
Then we have Callum giving up the spell, and the fact that the Ocean arcanum is linked more directly to love within his arc — "To love is to simply know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep" (5x01, 5x08) — in addition to being aware that there are unknown depths in what he's willing to do for said loved ones/Rayla.
This is not to say that none of the main cast would do dark magic — although I don't think Soren or Ezran ever would, and I think Rayla would but only perhaps using herself as spell parts — but that, as the primary mage character, it's going to and is playing a much bigger part in Callum's arc than the others, who are given other thematic considerations.
He hates dark magic. He doesn't want to let Aaravos control him. He refuses to help Finnegrin. He folds on all of those things motivated by love. It's a weakness and a strength; something that, in my eyes, will likely lead to his fall to Aaravos ("Seems to me love's got a tighter grip on you than those chains around your wrists, so I'll do you a favour [by killing Rayla] and set you free") as well as what might save him. But to focus on the fall, with everything already said behind us:
Why Love Instead of Curiosity?
Now, obviously the theory of "Callum will free Aaravos because of [insert non possession reason here]" could be wrong. There's merits in having arcs about the tragedy inherent in losing your agency, it would still open up an interesting arc after the fact, and all that good stuff.
Callum has also very much always been an Icarus figure. He can be obsessive with magic, he can take it too far, and he does have a deep curiosity and thirst for knowledge that has already gotten him in trouble by not excluding dark magic from the bunch.
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And deep curiosity is already hinted to be what partially causes him to fall further into Aaravos' clutches in a few different places. The mirror ("What secrets are you hiding?") and the cube ("Perhaps it will be you, Callum, who discover's the cube's secrets") seem accordingly linked and fittingly so, for the Mystery of Aaravos, as is magic: "it's the secret of the primal".
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Zubeia also warns regarding curiosity, citing that, "Aaravos was able to give them something they wanted very badly. Aaravos chose as his instruments people who had strong minds and strong hearts… but who had an insatiable thirst and fascination with magic. Aaravos could offer them access to the great mysteries of the universe. Mages were his prey," which implies that this thirst for magic is what got them (primarily) into trouble. This is reflected (pun intended) in both Aaravos' reading of Viren as "You are too curious, hungry for knowledge and power," and while Callum is hungry for knowledge (and not necessarily power), his short story in which he finds the mirror highlights one of these things as well:
Callum’s eyes prickled with dust and tears. He rushed back to the spiral staircase—but as he reached for the figurine that would activate them, he noticed one last door he hadn’t checked. The small chamber beyond it lay dark and silent. A gleam caught his eye. Callum blinked at his own reflection. Curious, he stepped through the door—and there it was. A mirror.
With all that in mind, and I'm sure there's ones I've missed, too, why on Earth am I arguing that while curiosity may play a factor, I think it's going to be love that ultimately causes his initial downfall / playing into Aaravos' hands?
Well...
For starters, I personally find "doing terrible things for love" to be not only a primary theme of arc 2, but much more fundamentally sympathetic than just getting in over your head because you were a dumbass who couldn't read the signs. I know for myself that if Callum fucks around and accidentally gets himself into a place where (under possession at that point or not) he helps free, or just flat out helps, Aaravos knowing everything that he knows, if he does it for love I will defend his choice every step of the way. If it happens just because he wants more power or magical knowledge (hello Viren 2.0 beat for beat) I'm gonna be a lot more critical of him. After all, Claudia has done a lot of awful things but I still have sympathy for her because they were for her family, in their own fractured way, and operating out of a place of deep emotional pain. If she was doing that just because she wanted to be Powerful and Knowledgable, then no, I'm not going to be that sympathetic.
The other half of it, which you might have already guessed, is that curiosity is not a Motivation. It's a manifestation of a character's pyschological makeup. Even for a character like Viren, who very much chased power, ultimately, for the sake of power, we take time to dive into WHY he wanted those things ("To know that I mean something to you, it means everything to me" / "I dream of a bright future for humanity") and his internal justifications, no matter if some of those turned out to be lies.
Characters who are curious are curious because they want to solve puzzles and have a hard time letting things go; or else they are curious because they want to prove themselves by solving things first; or else they are curious because they deeply love and want to understand and protect the world; or else they are curious because they want to know and have access to tools so that they can fix problems; or else... Well, you get the idea.
Even if it is primarily Callum's curiosity and love/thirst for magic that gets him into trouble (and thus far it largely hasn't been, as we see in S2 with his motivation for doing dark magic — yes, there was a part of him that was undeniably curious about what it would be like, but I don't think he would've pushed himself into doing it without the dire straits of "I had to, to save my friends")... That doesn't answer why he's curious.
Either he will pull a full Greek tragedy and be so scared of freeing Aaravos he accidentally walks into it by trying to prevent it directly (and one of the main reasons he's scared of Aaravos is because he's scared he might hurt people he loves through possession) or he needs another motivation, but it can't just be "Callum really wants this [insert magical knowledge here] and it ends badly," because that offers a plot summary, not an emotional character beat. There's no motivation. They'll have to explain why he wants the magical knowledge, why he's chasing it, why this level of curiosity is something he cannot or will not put down even with all the risk factors at play. It has to be grounded in some kind of sympathetic emotion, and love or fear or a desire to be helpful/useful, or all three makes the most sense to me and with all the prior setup.
Conclusion
As a closing note, as well as thank you for reading this far if you have because this got wildly long and out of hand, I want to reiterate that in many ways, to me, Callum's devotion to his loved ones — that he says "I would do anything for you" and mean it — is indeed his saving grace and biggest difference from Viren, who would rather offer up himself or others or have Harrow die than relinquish the egg, because he would never put a weapon into Xadia's hands. Being devotional — valuing the individual — is not always a good or bad thing, nor is prioritizing the 'greater good' always a good or a bad thing. TDP is deeply interested in exploring all the different circumstances of motivation, sacrifice, and choices.
Nor is selective loyalty a bad thing. I'm not wired that way, but some of my closest loved ones are (and of those in the fandom have, overall, greatly aligned with this perceived aspect of Callum). Merely, this meta is meant to examine the claim in Tales of Xadia that "I value those close to me more than anyone or anything," why I was surprised but delighted to see my view of Callum be so directly spelled out, why I had that view and continue to have it, in addition to aspects/pieces of the text that I think support it.
I believe that Callum is loyal to Ezran and Rayla on a fundamental level he does not really extend to anyone else (including many other people who are also his family) and while this is in many ways something that creates the best sides of him — his nurturing, compassionate, thoughtful and protective traits — it is also something that can be exploitable and dangerous, particularly in a narrative where he is set up to be controlled/coerced by the big bad.
And this meta hopefully explained why.
You can take it or leave it.
—Dragons out
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lawlietscaramels · 5 months
Note
The person that asked about L with a reader with motor tics made me want to ask about headcanons for Mello and Near being close with someone who has both verbal and motor tics?
Reader with Tics ╾ Mello and Near
I was going to put verbal and motor in the title but it was so long... M & N (m'n'm haha) separately let's go!
 ★━━─・‥…━━━☆
Mello
the main canon thing I know about Mello is he's a bit of a dick. so I hate to say it but he's probably going to poke fun at you. until he realises he's genuinely upsetting you, at which point he mumbles something and stops.
you might find a box of chocolates outside your door as a wordless apology.
there will still be the occasional jab
but he's going to go "secretly a sweetheart" mode
because if he's close with you, he's close with you for a reason and that reason is that he cares about you. (even if he kind of hates himself for it)
So, like L, he'll start asking questions, some insensitive, but he's trying to learn so he is no longer such a dick. unlike L he won't do any research at all lmao so the most obvious things will leave him with a shocked Pikachu face...
I actually think if your verbal tics are words as opposed to simply humming or clearing your throat etc, he'd start saying those words more often. just using them in general conversation no matter what they happened to be.
that's actually something that a lot of people do, did you know? we tend to use words more often if we're close with people who say them often
someone will have to tell him eventually that drawing attention to tics can make them worse, at which point he'll freeze up for half an hour and stare at the wall - probably in embarrassment, it's hard to tell. for a few days after that he'll be really awkward just because he's not used to not talking about things.
Mello is the kind of guy who completely blows past taboos, but knowing that focusing on your tics makes it harder for you means he won't want to bring it up anymore
but yeah after maybe a week or so things go back to normal
well as normal as things can ever be with Mello around...
Near
Near, on the other hand, will seem not to notice you have tics at all no matter how disruptive they are to you or how often they show
but of course when you tell him he just quietly says "I know" and goes back to building a tower out of pipe cleaners. though he might invite you to join in considering you're already there
He's so much better about it than Mello lol
he just doesn't really care either way if you have tics or not...
you're still you.
I also hc that Near has some kind of motor disability that affects his legs so he probably is more understanding of potential discrimination or struggles you may have faced
if one of your tics led to you knocking down one of his buildings he'd get a little upset but definitely not as much as if anyone else did it.. he'd probably make you help him rebuild it... that or make you sit five feet away for a while
Like L, I think Near would probably get a little bit scared if your verbal tics were yelling out words. no, actually, he'd probably get a little shocked at any sudden movement or sound. he's not obvious about it though, his body just jolts a little and he goes still for a moment, then returns to normal
he doesn't really ask any questions because he probably already knows everything he wants to know, but he's happy to sit and listen while you talk about anything - tic-related or not - if you'd like that. he will probably not talk back though haha
er
I think if he heard anyone, particularly Mello, giving you trouble over your tics, he'd throw dice at them
... anyway
yeah he's just chill about it in general. Doesn't see it as anything that needs particular attention: he's more interested in your hobbies and whether you like solving puzzles than the fact that sometimes your body acts in ways you can't control.
bodies are pretty stupid, aren't they?
mmm, I think that's it. thanks for reading :)
 ★━━─・‥…━━━☆
𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 ˏˋ⋆˖⁺˖⁀➷ 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 + 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜
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Text
Survivor Tessa AU (Murder Drones AU Concept???) [Episode 7 Spoilers]
So, you know when you want to make an AU but you also don't want to dedicate to the grueling process of actually writing a story and writing how we got to this part? No? Just me?
EDIT: I should clarify as well I also feel apprehensive in doing so since in my own opinion it feels mildly pretentious of me to essentially take someone else's work, rewrite it a bit and then be like "See! I did it better!" I'd much rather focus on my own original projects rather than take someone else's.
Well, regardless here are a couple of potential examples of scenes that could have unfolded
Click the "Keep reading" button if you either don't care or have already watched.
had Tessa been a survivor of the fall of Earth. I guess these are just concepts for potential scenes or something?
Unlikely Alliance
N: Fine. You're right. Maybe I'm not the real N. So I won't pretend to be. But that doesn't mean we can't help eachother! I want the patch to save Uzi, you want it to defeat Cyn. We can make this work!
Tessa: ... *Sigh* Fine. It would be smarter to work as a team for now I suppose.
*Suddenly Tessa presses the barrel of her gun right against the side of N's head*
Tessa: But I swear... if you even dare THINK, of trying to cross me... I'll kill both of you. Understand?!
N: Y-Yes... m'am.
Tessa: Good.
I Found You Faker
*The scene with "Tessa" and Uzi at the chapel unfolds the same until-*
"Tessa": No worries, makes my job easier.
*BANG*
*A gunshot reverberates throughout the chapel as a bullet rips through the back of "Tessa's" helmet and ejecting through her visor leaving a bulletwound behind*
*"Tessa" collapses to the ground bleeding heavily revealing the real Tessa standing behind her with a smoking gun*
Tessa: You must think you're real funny, huh Cyn? Running around impersonating me?!
Uzi: W-What?! W-Who?!
Tessa: Shut it! I'm getting to you. Where is the patch!?
Uzi: The what?!
Tessa: Don't have it? Bloody hell... Then who does?!
The Patch
*N reaches out expecting Tessa to hand over the crucifix usb but she steps back, drawing her gun on N with the other hand*
N: Tessa?
Tessa: No.
N: I-I thought you finally trusted me?!
Tessa: Trust you?! Please! You and that little monster took everything from me! Oh! But you weren't satisfied with just that! Now you oughta' go and destroy everything else while you're at it! Huh?!
N: Tessa... please-
Tessa: No. I won't let you have it. It means too much to me!
*Tessa clutches the crucifix tightly*
Tessa: This, this might be my only chance of finally destroying her. And I won't let you take it away from me too!
N: But... I thought... I thought we were friends.
Tessa: ... No. I was friends with the real N. Not you... You're just a fake...
N: ... Fine. I don't care what happens to me, but please! You have to help Uzi!
Tessa: Why should I? Doesn't she want to kill us all too?! Don't think I didn't overhear that. I'm onto you lot. Can't trust anyone but myself anymore. I learned from my past mistakes...
Old Enemies
Tessa: Fine... just do it already. Finish it!
Cyn: "Manical Laughter" I promised I wouldn't kill you, didn't I? Besides, I wouldn't get the satisfaction of watching you suffer if I do.
Cyn: ... But, there's still a chance. The Solver is pretty chill, maybe you could like join us or something.
Tessa: I'd rather DIE than to serve you!
Cyn: Oh well, it was worth a try. Have fun watching everything you know and love die for the second time. Loser.
I dunno what to call this one but I couldn't not include
*To Tessa most likely*
Cyn: I won't kill you and you can't kill me. I guess we can just sit in this room and glare at eachother until somebody drops dead. But I have a better idea.
End
I don't know what to call this. A proof of concept or something? I don't know. Because sadly I'm too lazy in addition to just not having enough time to make a full genuine AU about this but I thought the idea was interesting so I dunno, if people with more dedication or time on their hands want to steal these ideas for stories, art whatever. I don't care. You don't even need to tag me or credit me or anything. (And I mean that. It's not like my ideas are very original anyway.)
Basically in general the idea of this AU as I said at the start is the idea of the real Tessa having survived the destruction of the Earth. Now she's hellbent on destroying Cyn whom she perceives as the one that took everything and everyone she loved away from her.
She doesn't trust the disassembly drones in the slightest, not seeing them as her friends from the manor but as crude mockeries of her friends created by Cyn.
Cyn treats the entire thing like a game. Think of it like a sort've reverse Batman and Joker where Cyn refuses to kill Tessa due to her promise to not discard her. However all it does is fuel Tessa's unending rage when she laughs in her face and tosses her aside.
As for Tessa herself I like to imagine she's missing at least one hand and maybe even an eye. Of course her missing hand being replaced with a cybernetic one. (Definitely not a Berserk reference.)
That's about it. I imagine her personality would be totally different from Episode 5 Tessa as well. She'd probably still have funny moments or one liners but in general she'd probably be a lot more deadpan and monotone. When she's not being "Girl too angry to die" anyway. I imagine her in contrast to her past self being very quiet, cold and distant. Not wanting to be hurt again by becoming too attached to those around her.
All she wants is REVENGE. (You could even play with the idea of this desire slowly turning her into a monster too if you want to be really angsty with it.)
I imagine for the most part things would play out MOSTLY the same but with the added element of real Tessa also landing on Copper-9 to find the patch before Cyn (Disguised as Tessa) does. I guess serving as a rouge 4th element or something?
EDIT: I also like to imagine the real Tessa looks similar to canon "Tessa" (Which is just the fake Tessa in this version.) but without the stickers, hat and bow on her suit. Maybe a more visible oxygen system on the back too, like one of those big air tanks or astronaut backpacks. Something like that. Could get more creative with it, but yeah that's how I imagine it. I feel like the cybernetic hand probably wouldn't be visible due to the suit. As for the eye for me it alternates between it just being stuck closed like Guts or her having an eyepatch. (Personally I prefer it being permanently closed.)
P.S. EDIT: Most of this was born out of my disappointment that they killed off Tessa more or less. Yes, I admit I wasn't too happy to find out she was already dead since I felt like the character had a lot of potential to shake up the story. So, these ideas were kind of born from an idea of what might have happened had this not been done.
Oh yeah of course also feel free to like... reblog... whatever. Give your thoughts? I guess? I don't know. I just wanted to get these ideas out of my head I guess and this was the most efficient way to do it. Now if you'll excuse me I have more not actually working on my personal projects even though I really should be to get back to.
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hoxooster · 2 months
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On the DesBea situation:
I would've added my thoughts to the original post, but as I am not a part of their Discord server, I didn't think that that was any bit appropriate. However, I wanted to share some of my own personal experiences with her, so that y'all can see that her behavior in their server is a continuing pattern--I don't have pictures of what she said as proof, sadly, but I will explain why.
I'm also gonna slap this under a Read More. I apologize for its length, but the original callout post should be enough of an explanation as to why this post needs to be as long as it is.
And, as a quick aside, if any of you wish to completely block DesBea, NOT HARASS HER OR FEED INTO HER BEHAVIOR IN ANY WAY, be aware that her usernames are:
commence-screaming
des-paa-cee-toeee
pd3thoughts
If any of you know of any more, please tell me, and I will update this post. I don't want to be around her anymore than most people who've also interacted with her do.
About 2 years ago, I was invited to lilspacewolfie's server, Red's Ramblers, and I very quickly became a moderator there. Over time some people joined and a few left, but Ramblers remained stable through it all. DesBea joined later on into the server's lifespan, was around for awhile, said some nasty things, was given a warning (in the general), and just left without saying anything one day. After reading the screenshots in the callout post, I'm actually quite surprised by how much of a fit she threw in her efforts to make you guys apologize to her. Much like in the original post, with her gone from the server, things improved for everyone else, but the whole ordeal was rather confusing for all of us, in the aftermath.
See, DesBea was trying to be just as harmful in Ramblers, but it never really went anywhere.
Her hateful and self-pitying tendencies were the same around us as it was in their server. She really loved to talk shit about Yadoking and her writing--she would do this both in passing on random posts in the server, and while some of us were in-call when we'd play Payday 2 together as a group. It never smacked of genuine criticism for Yado's writing ability or style, as she only ever used childish language when doing it, and she would always do it right before she would try to push her own ideas and fics onto any of us who were online at the time. She was even trying to bully lilspacewolfie--which I will go more into later--over the tiniest of things. DesBea, in all of her posts, was either pushing someone else down, trying to make us all read about her rather disturbing fic ideas or headcanons, or trying to make herself look like the victim by claiming that she 'had bad experiences with abuse in the past' and that her 'PTSD was triggered over something someone in Ramblers had said' when we were trying to halt her bullshit.
It was all very aggravating to deal with, to say the least, but it also didn't have very much staying power, since most of us were just ignoring her in the server. And I do mean that, as most of the users in the Ramblers Discord server refused to interact with her posts over time, and people usually ignored her whenever she tried to insert herself into their conversations. It's probably why she left without much of a fight when lilspacewolfie posted "If you're being an asshole in this server, you better stop that shit right now" in the general chat. (That's not what she said, but y'all get the jist.)
Now, as for her bullying behavior in the server, I can't say for certain if she was targeting anyone besides lilspacewolfie (and badmouthing Yado from time to time, who wasn't even in the server), as I'm not a very outgoing or talkative individual. Despite the length of this post, I'm naturally quite taciturn, and even though I was a moderator in Ramblers, nobody in the server ever messaged me about any issues that they were having with anyone. But, I can say with accuracy that DesBea would go out of her way to harass lilspacewolfie--the creator and owner of the Red's Ramblers Discord server. Whenever she would join calls while we were playing together (but she was just watching from the server), she would only ever type in the voice chat channel, where she would wax poetic about her own fics and get rather offended that 'lilspacewolfie was intentionally ignoring her'. If we were playing a game of Payday 2 with her, DesBea would intentionally follow lilspacewolfie around as a character that she didn't particularly care for and spam callouts to scare and irritate her. And, when another user in the server was having an issue that caused them a lot of distress and made them go quiet for awhile (which had nothing to do with anyone or anything in Ramblers, when they were asked about it), DesBea tried to blame lilspacewolfie for it based on a lighthearted joke that she had made that dogged on Houston. So, not only was she trying to harass lilspacewolfie, but she was actively trying to turn others in the server against the owner of the Discord, as if she could muscle her out by making her out to be a villain.
Over a joke about a FICTIONAL character.
Because she started insinuating that lilspacewolfie had caused another user to 'go into a depressive spiral, and chased them away from the server with her insensitive comments about Houston', I got involved to shut that shit down. DesBea was always weirdly attached to me, because she had DM'd me a few times on Tumblr in the past. I can only guess that she thought that these few smatterings of messages made me her friend, and since, apparently, some people here think of me as being "Mr. John Payday", she figured that she could use me as an intimidating wall to hide behind whenever she was called out on her bullshit.
She was wrong.
After a while of still trying to get others in the server to hate lilspacewolfie for 'being mean to one of the other users in the server'--who ended up coming back once their mental health had improved, by the way--she finally left after the "Stop being a dick" post, and it took us a couple days to notice. So, all-in-all, it was a very weird and irritating experience, but, in this context, it shows a worrying trend of behavior that she ended up spreading to other servers.
Now, like I kind of glossed over earlier, I WAS a moderator in Red's Ramblers. (I ended up leaving the server last month due to personal reasons that're not germane to this situation, and I have no desire to talk about it on this forum.) As I was still a mod before I left, I took the time to delete every post and reaction made by people who were no longer in the server--this amounted to 7 people, DesBea included. So, all of her posts that I could've screencapped as evidence are gone, and even if they were still there, I wouldn't have access to them anymore, anyway. In fact, the only thing that I have left is this picture I took of my response to her whole "You're a bad person for hating Houston" spiel that she was going on and on about:
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(I censored this to give some privacy to the person who DesBea tried to use as a cudgel to smack lilspacewolfie with blame for their condition at the time. Even though most people here probably won't recognize them from their in-server nickname, I didn't want to take any chances.)
But, anyway, as you have read from the callout post and these personal anecdotes that I have provided, her behavior in their server was an unsurprising, but also a very worrying trend that has effected at least 2 Discord servers and a good chunk of some of the people who were or still are in the Payday fandom.
If anything that y'all have read over these posts has angered any of y'all to the point of harassing her, PLEASE DON'T. Don't send her hate--anonymously or not. Don't engage with her. Just block her and make sure that others in the fandom are aware of her behavior, so they can avoid her if they wish to as well.
And, again, please tell me if she's operating under any usernames other than the ones I've listed. I was tired of her bullshit a long time ago, and I have no desire to entertain her further under yet another pseudonym.
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tachibubu · 2 years
Text
Never Good Enough (2/3)
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∆ PAIRING ; Yandere!Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader/OC/Self-Insert x Slight!Jacaerys Velaryon
∆ SUMMARY ; Your wedding with your betrothed Jacaerys is nearing, while your secret pursuiter is growing ever more eager. Entering Kingslanding once again to prepare for your wedding and the succession of Driftmark, a supposedly family gathering became something much more than mingling.
∆ WARNINGS ; Incest obvs, spoilers of Episode 8, a bit actions of sexual sht? But did not continue, s3xu4l h4rassment, possessive sht obvs, no comfort, stalking, enemies to enemies, dont even fuckin do this in real life, just fuckin torture. Also OOC except for Jace cause I truly believe hes perfect i want to marry him. Also sorry Ewan if you're reading this.
PREVIOUS | NEXT
CAN BE READ AS ONE SHOT
It was a beautiful day. To clear your head before starting on your lesson plan and schedule for the day, you made the decision to compose an essay about the history of the current time. A letter from someone you knew too well was brought out by your sworn handmaiden after she had collected your daily mail.
To put it mildly, your daily life was comfortable, and you actually loved it that way. You spent the week studying with the maesters and (as proposed by your stepmother Rhaenyra, which you eagerly accepted) tutoring your brother-in-law Lucerys about economics, while on the weekends you became closer to your betrothed Jacaerys.
Lucerys and you had a lovely connection. Rhaenyra didn't trust the Maesters enough when he didn't enthusiastically express what he had learned, so you were his teacher for the remainder of your time as a fiancée. His ears perked up, and he nodded keenly to his mother when you said you could assist. 
Rhaena joined the class while you were educating Lucerys in order to support her fiancé, but after she saw how much she loved it, she began coming back frequently to take lessons from you. Baela would visit your small class when she crossed paths between you three, and you would gladly accept her insights on the topics.
Although you were disappointed in what happened to your one-eyed first crush, Jacaerys made up for it by showing up earlier than expected on your dates with multiple gifts and going on numerous dragon-riding escapades with his dragon throughout Driftmark. You’d admit it, you had fallen quite in love with the prince.
So you’d admit your shock when someone else hadn't moved on.
You asked the maid, "Who is it from?" without batting an eye, fearing that the note's sender and contents were the same person who had been constantly sending you letters ever since you left Kingslanding.
Your handmaiden Olea was hesitant to respond to your inquiry. Before responding, "It's from Prince Aemond Targaryen, my lady," she chewed her lower lip. 
You extended your hand as Olea placed the letter on it, and a sigh escaped your mouth. You scrunched your nose at the contents in disgust.
The letter stated, 'My beloved (Y/N), after several letters of my pursuing, you have yet to respond to any of my proceedings. I have received the news of the bethrotal of my dear nephew—I forgot his name, but I am sure you know it all too well. Was I divulging the news incorrectly? Was my hearing giving up on me as I was unable to comprehend the news easily? What I mean by this is that you are to be bethroted to my nephew. Is this genuine? I refuse to acknowledge it. You may be aware that rumors spread too quickly. My family, who are obviously too trusting these days, believed it immediately too. I also took note of the fact that your family will be coming within the next few weeks. I have to admit that I couldn't hold back my excitement. Earlier today, a servant told me that she had seen that I had been smiling while deep in thought. I made sure she wouldn't tell anyone the embarrassing news. I hope you experience today's enthusiasm in the same way that I do. See you soon, my dear bird. Signed, Aemond Targaryen.’
Yes, you tore that piece of paper.
Olea attempted to adhere the pieces of the letter together out of panic at your unexpected behavior, but you reprimanded her and instructed her to stop.
After a couple of nights, your family finished dining, and you made the decision to unwind by taking a stroll in the garden. The time until you leave for Kingslanding is rapidly approaching. You'll admit that you're a little nervous about going there, but tradition dictates that you should go there even if you are not specifically looking to meet someone there.
Truth be told, you were aware that Aemond would never forget you. You informed Jacaerys about the spies who had been dispatched to observe your everyday activities, and he took care of it. You were also aware of the several letters Aemond had sent to you that had gone unanswered, ranging from once a month to now every five days after the news of your betrothal. You wish to never come across his romantic delusions once again as they are both devastating and disturbing.
Perhaps it was God's gift, but Jacaerys seemed to have discovered you in the wide-open flower field. He accompanied you on your leisurely stroll as you shared your worries about the impending occasion. He made you a promise that he would always look out for you and do everything in his power to keep you safe as your husband. He then gave you a kiss on the forehead, and you two returned hand in hand back to your private quarters.
The time has come, and you and your step-sisters have arrived in a separate carriage. You didn't like the bumpy ride, so you nearly puked while Rhaena comforted you and Baela made fun of you.
You noticed that no one greeted your family and you when they announced your family's entering the castle. No green can be pin-pointed. Even though Aemond wasn't there to welcome you, you scowled at the lack of respect they displayed in public.
The elders stepped aside so that the younger ones could explore the castle. While Jacaerys and Lucerys extended their hands for you to join them, you declined and said that you'd prefer to be alone for the time being. Baela and Rhaena then took the children and introduced them to the new environment.
Your legs carry you to the library, where you run into Helaena Targaryen, your favorite from the Hightower family.
Before you and Aemond met, you were close friends with his sister. You were both interested in different types of literature; she was more interested in entomology, the study of insects, while you were more interested in botany and floriculture. It was due to her that you and Aemond were linked as playmates back then, because he was worried that somebody would harm his sister because of her unique interests and cryptic wording.
Helaena threw her arms around you and burst into sobs and giggles, "Thank the sevens, I have missed you so much, my dear friend!" You returned the embrace.
"I have missed you so much (Y/N), I was so alone, no one ever dared to talk to me normally."
"So am I, my lady."
She brought you to the tea table while beaming. The plump girl offered you some of her remaining dried apple pieces and poured you a cup of nettle tea.
You couldn't help but laugh as she clasped her hands together and said, "There are so many things I wish to tell you!" as you sipped the pleasant beverage.
"And what is it, my lady, you wish to say so eagerly?" you questioned.
She murmured softly as you cocked your head, "Blood would be on your lips, and you'd come in the light of a brute." You've been hearing that message since you were a youngling. You didn't comment because you knew Heleana's communication style was extremely peculiar.
"Oh, that is indeed great, my princess," you said rather nonchalantly, stirring the tea and adding additional sugar to it, not wanting to hurt the poor girl's heart if you told her to stop repeating the same words all over again.
"Don’t mention it," she smiled solemnly, before both of you continued your talk.
After quite some time, you two began to leave the nest at the library and continued to go towards the training grounds, where you knew the two Targaryen princes would be. Heleana wanted to meet them once again and learn more about the relationship between both of you and your betrothed, so you agreed gingerly.
You were unaware that the other prince was present alongside them too.
You smiled at your fiancé and enthusiastically called out, "Jace!" You and Helaena were linking arms, laughing girlishly as you both peered at the confused brown-haired man in the middle of the crowd. 
"My dear wife!" Jacaerys unintentionally made a quip and Lucerys playfully hit his sibling for the unexpected nickname. Jacaerys smiled princely as he acknowledged Helaena's presence, "My princess."
"You flatter me with your words, my Lord," you replied with a knowing grin as both of you halted your steps in front of the two princes.
"My beautiful, dear sister and niece." An all-too familiar voice boomed.
Your breath hitched before you sharply inhaled and slowly gazed at where the voice came from. The figure from your dreams, Aemond fucking Targaryen, was standing there. The searing gaze he had centered on you made you tremble, but you swiftly collected yourself. With a slight mouth twitch, he made a note of it.
"It's been so long, my prince," you bowed, taking your gaze away from the person you were speaking to.
He left Ser Criston Cole's side and strutted in your direction while throwing the blade to the dirt, "Ah yes, you have grown wonderfully, my lady."
Jacaerys left his position next to his younger sibling and moved to your side, weaving his hands through yours before the man could even get close to you. The Targaryen prince gazed at the conjoined hand with his one remaining good eye before sneering.
Jacaerys responded to Aemond's comment instead with a mocking smile, "I thank the Gods for delivering her to me. Certainly, my beloved wife has grown up to be a stunning beauty."
"And so I have heard that beauties are easily swayed too," Rather than considering the strong brown-haired male existence, Aemond returned his gaze to you, hinting at your actions with a smirk, "I would take note of that if I were you, nephew."
When Jacaerys started to march forward, you restrained him by seizing his outstretched hand. When you did so, the male's stare softened toward you, and he steadied himself before asking, more like demanding in his case, "And what does that mean?"
Jacaerys was the target of Aemond's mocking gaze, which then turned back to the clasped hands between you two. There was a pregnant pause. The white-haired man appeared to be gathering his thoughts before speaking. After a brief pause, he jeered, "It's merely a fable, my beloved nephew."
"Don't take it as truth," he emphasized, "but rather as a counsel from your dear uncle."
You didn't see Aemond prior to the disturbance, save from the feast and what occurred to your great-uncle Vaemond. You were shocked by what transpired. Although you never developed a tight relationship with the man, he was generally polite and friendly to you when you visited Driftmark. Yes, you were worried about the Driftmark succession because it would damage your husband's and his family's reputation, but you were also aware that someone was keeping an eye on your every thought and move while the succession happened. Aemond's mere stare disturbs your brain from focusing on what is happening.
The tall man only responded with an amused raised eyebrow when he recognized that you were monitoring eyes placed on him. The corners of his lips began to rise.
You did not miss Aemond's smirk when the infamous bastard remark was made, which was spoken by your uncle Vaemond. Not only did Aemond disrespect your future spouse, but he also knew you were a bastard, which did not leave you with a positive impression.
Soon after your grandfather's passing at the hands of your father, the succession was reconfirmed, and soon after that, a feast was held. Olea, your handmaiden, led you to the dressing table in your chamber. She starts to polish up your makeup and style your hair until you are content.
"I can't help but notice, my lady, if you wish me to say it," Olea started, while you were calmly entertained by how her fingers moved so delicately and beautifully.
"Go on."
"Is the man who has been stalking you for a while, my lady, the one with the one missing eye?"
You would have immediately spit out the tea if you were drinking tea right now, but you choked on your own spit instead. Barely looking back, you scowled at your handmaiden, who gave you a guilty look, "He would chop off your tongue if he heard you say that, Olea." 
She gasped, terrified at the idea, "Oh, I'm, I'm deeply sorry, my lady!"
"Do not worry," you said, gathering yourself so your maid could continue braiding your hair. There was an expectant delay before you finally murmured, "But yeah, that is him," with your eyes closed.
She suddenly returned to her bouncy self, who knew no bounds, commenting, "Now that I get to see him clearly, he is very attractive, isn't he?"
You chuckled and complimented her confidence, stressing, "You joke too much. You'd be grateful for how much I let you off the hook rather than torture you for your babbly mouth."
"But I'm not, my lady," she chuckled as she pinned your hair and then threaded it with a ribbon. She continued to babble in her fantasies, "I do admit, if I were in your position and Prince Jacaerys hadn't first shown me favor, I probably would have been persuaded by Prince Aemond, with his angular features and great stature."
You gave her arm a lighthearted slap, surprised by her candor, "Olea!"
"Was I wrong, my lady?" She inquired as she steadied your shoulders and drew close to you while you peered at one another in the mirror. "Prince Jacaerys is definitely quite masculine, but you can't pretend that Prince Aemond isn't as well."
"I would have you exiled if I were a different lady," you sighed and looked back at what had unfolded before. Jacaerys and Aegon, who used to tower above the once-young prince, are now shorter than him. You noted that his neck had acquired veins as he aged and that his calves were protruding depending on what he was wearing for the day. As soon as you imagined his attractive form beneath the bulky clothing he was wearing, you nearly smacked yourself for having such naughty ideas.
"But..." you waited before answering. "Yes, he grew up to be quite charming if it weren't for his personality."
When Olea flung open the door, Aemond appeared in front of you as if he waited for you for so long.
He said, rolling his tongue, "I must say, I am rather charmed to see you, my dearest (Y/N)." You silently berated yourself for sharing your private thoughts in the enemy's territory, but you straightened yourself and did not fall for his transparent claim of 'I have eavesdropped'.
You muttered honestly, your eyes honeyed, feigning innocence, "Aemond, I do not recall you supposedly helping me for the remainder of the day," then added something he'd be annoyed to hear. "Where is my husband?"
"Fiance," he corrected too quickly, thus it was succesful. "You are too eager, my dear. Let time pass naturally."
"And what is the difference? Referring to the title, a little early wouldn't conflict with anything," you hurriedly spoke, almost passing him when he took a step back and created some distance between you two. Before leaning in on you, he glanced across at your maid as Olea hurried off and whispered an apology.
With a deep voice that was distinct from before, he cooed, "If you want something to last, then don't go too fast. Some advice I received from my maester."
You cocked a brow at him, holding your pose, your head high, "Lovely, it seems you are quite fond of your maester's counsels, but that doesn't answer my question," you made a point of saying. How could he insult your marriage and its strength? You gave out a 'tsk' before you asked, "Why are you here?"
His face perked at your question. "I am here to assist you to dinner."
"That is what my husband is supposed to be doing. Until then, I'll wait here."
"My father, King Viserys, desired it," he concluded, his voice heavy and set to foot, the final response you could get from him. "It's in the goal of re-igniting friendship," he said, with a blank expression on his face.
You almost laughed at his face, "ah yes, how it reignited indeed."
"Do not be concerned, my dear niece," he said again in a suggestive tone, but this time his eyes were in a different expression. It almost seems as if you were both looking at the same person when you were younger and there wasn't any prejudice towards either side. "I'll treat you well," he said, holding out his arm.
After giving him a long, curious look, you reluctantly held his arm in yours as you two continued.
"Prince Aemond Targaryen, second son of King Viserys and Lady (Y/N) of House Velaryon." The knight announced it, as the door opened to the feast.
You would flee right now if you could, but as soon as you notice the joy in King Viserys' eyes, your brain immediately switches off. As your family and other members of the private audience watched you and Aemond arrive together, you could feel the uneasiness. How risqué this would have been in public.
Though you were concerned about how Jacaerys would react, you cast your gaze over him. You anticipated him being livid at your appearance with the enemy. You didn't anticipate that he would give you a sorrowful, knowing look.
If it weren't for Aemond's mother, Queen Alicent, gesturing you towards the seat next to Jacaerys, Aemond would have almost led you towards an empty seat next to him. Once seated, you whispered to your fiancé, "I am sorry."
He stroked your hand and held it while saying, "No need to, my lady," gazing lovingly into your eyes and concluded, "I trust you."
You continued, worried, "He told me the King asked it."
He smiled, and you could feel the love you carried for this guy anew, your eyes affectionately staring at him as you returned the smile. "He wasn't lying at least, though I made sure that he wouldn't touch you anywhere when his grace ordered it."
You could hear a tongue click at the other end of the table.
Even though there were a few side comments here and there, the dinner went nearly as smoothly and was actually enjoyable. After Helaena spoke about her relationship with her husband-brother, your bethroted, Jacaerys, requested your permission to dance with her. You enthusiastically agreed at his sweet idea, watching both of them dance cutely with one another. After a few minutes, King Viserys begged to be put to bed after experiencing excruciating agony, which caused you to get a little concerned. The roasted pig was shortly set on the table. You did not give it any thought until you heard your cousin Lucerys snort. He covered his mouth as he briefly giggled when you slapped his thigh in an effort to stop him.
A loud and unmistakable bang at the table halted every action that each member were performing. Aemond stood there, his gaze divided between the two brown-haired princes. "Final tribute, to the bethrotal of my two favorite nephew and niece. Both of them loving to one another; even when we were kids, they were kind to each other. "
He remarked, "They make a wonderful couple knowing they came from the same roots." However, since you knew what he was aiming at, the subtle jab didn't escape your notice. In fact, you were sober enough to see the true implications of what he was saying. Your hand held your glass of wine rather tightly.
"I'd also like to make a toast to the health of my nephews, Jace, Luke, and Joffrey." You gripped the hand of Lucerys in an effort to calm him down without reverting your eyes away from the eye contact you and Aemond had.
"Each of them handsome, wise, strong."
"Aemond," Alicent made an effort to stop her son, but it was already too late.
He carried on instead of heeding his mother's advice, raising his cup even higher. "Come, let us drain our cups of these three strong boys."
Jacaerys gritted his teeth, "I dare you say that again!" and flounced over to the man. You called to him, "Jace!" but to no avail.
Aemond grinned and said, "Why, it was just a compliment. Do you not think yourself strong?" When the man realized that something had been stirred up inside of Jacaerys, he loved the way the strong man looked. Though it did not last when he felt a force land on his face, he couldn't even utter another word before it happened. With a horrible snarl on his ordinarily serene face, Jacaerys struck Aemond violently. "I know what you are doing! You can call me whatever you may, but you may not call my wife a--"
"Jace no!" You cried out, running towards his side.
He towered over the younger man, one dagger-eyed stare locked on him, hissing, "Be careful with your words, my strong prince. You might say something you'll regret." Before Jacaerys could even punch him again, Aemond shoved him with a snicker, and his mother chastised him firmly and quietly in his ear. With concern written over your face, you hurried to assist your fiancé while he was on the ground. You repeatedly questioned him about whether he had been wounded, but he would not respond because he was too embarrassed to look at you. As you stormed at Aemond, you gazed at him with pure fury displayed on your face.
"Here comes the dear bride." He jested once he saw you coming, his body welcoming you before you slapped him very hard.
Your face was crimson, visibly shaken as you sneered at the prince, "You disgrace me."
You're positive his expression softened when you spoke.
Before the conflict intensified into a far bloodier clash, Daemon put an end to it. Your father brought himself in front of you as Aemond assessed him before conceding defeat and withdrawing. When your uncle left the room, you were still fuming with rage as the Daemon only giggled before being silenced by Rhaenyra with a scowl.
Because of your uncle Vaemond's death and the recent ruckus, your family has had enough and has requested a week's leave to recoup before proceeding with your and Jacaerys' wedding at Kingslanding. Despite the impediment, Princess Helaena asked you to tutor her after learning about your tutoring sessions with her nephew and niece from Aemond. You were puzzled on how she was aware of it given how covert it was, but it was soon mellowed into small irritation to learn the full truth that Aemond was responsible for the additional knowledge. Since it appeared like both families were hostile towards one another, Rhaenyra believed it was a wonderful idea, so you stayed, believing that it would soon end as you were to only stat for a week.
The following day, as you were speaking with Helaena in her chambers, Queen Alicent unexpectedly walked in. She was about to presume something, but she paused herself when she discovered you standing next to her daughter. Though the Queen thanked the Gods when Aemond entered, both of them shared a knowing look as the Queen proceeded towards you, "My love, I need to discuss something with Helaena. Aemond will assist you to your quarters if it's perfectly fine."
You almost scoffed, but decided against it and nodded defeatedly before saying farewell to your companion and walking along the back of your former friend toward your room.
"Are you fairing well, m'lady?" He started a conversation out of nowhere, which drew you back.
"My prince, I am fairing better than your other eye, if you ask me," you barked back.
"Do not test my waters today, (Y/N)."
"You inquired, and as a loyal friend, I responded."
You felt your back land hard and before you knew what was going to happen next, you gasped for air as the anguish overwhelmed you. You suddenly realized that Aemond had forced you up against the ice-cold wall, encasing you and leaving you with no choice but to look at his cunning grin. He turned his head innocently and remarked, "You could have said you hated me yesterday at the dinner, my lady, but you didn't."
"Did you know how happy I felt when, instead of being hateful towards me, you stated embarass? I was beyond happy, even ecstatic," the man continued before he trailed his eyes from your eyes to your parted lips.
"I'd rather you be ashamed of me than despise me." He hushed quietly before giving you a surprising, delicate kiss. His face was gentle as he pressed his lips to yours. His lower half grinded against yours eagerly while his other hand traced your back slowly.
Though the harmony was short-lived as you bit his lips harshly, causing him to grumble and leave the tenderness of your lips with blood trailing down his lips, "His Grace would not permit such deeds! Even though you are one of his children, he does not condone mistreatment of women!"
You believed you had made your point, but the man slowly emerged into fits of laughter as he threw his head back. His voice was charming if it weren't for the given circumstances.
"You're such a fucking idiot," he sniggered, his good eye piercing yours as you fixed your gaze on him; he displayed lust while you displayed hatred. He shook his head before nearing your ear to the point you could feel his hot breath, whispering, "The King's dead."
Your entire face became white with only a slight confirmation. The person who had kept the family together had passed away. "T-That's not possible."
He groaned as you attempted to wriggle free of his grip and confessed, "It's damn well possible, my love. Just as much as the potential that you're finally mine to claim." He half-laughed before kissing you more passionately and aggressively than before.
"I am bethroted!" You screamed and tried to make your voice as loud as you could, hoping someone would walk through the halls and help you.
He replied by clutching your neck so firmly that you gasped for air in your throat, "My patience is wearing thin," his annoyance grew. "I held myself for so long and I forbid you to be his as you have forbid yourself to be mine so many times."
He let go of your neck and you spat in his face, "My family will hear about this! Father will have your head severed, as he did with Vaemond, and Jacaerys will have your other eye amputated so you can glimpse our future, which is already nonexistent."
He held your chin in place with his fingers as he gazed at your eyes with a stone-like intensity.
"I'll let in you in a secret of mine, mother will set my buffoon of a brother on top of that iron throne and during his reign I will kill him and set Helaena faraway with her children," your eyes widened like saucers at the thought of the innocent princess being killed, Aemond loved the fear in your eyes before he let on the truth, "Of course I wouldn't kill her, I am not that evil. I love her as much as you do for her."
He grabbed your hand harshly and drew you towards him as he hurried across the corridor with keen resolve. "Until then, rumors would spread of their murder, and I would not allow myself be hidden if they intent to call me. I will name you queen, for a king's will would never be disregarded. Then, as we had promised when we were young, we would live happily, have a lots of babes, and have a good life."
As you realized how near you actually were to the boudoir, he dragged you a few more times before pushing you to the ground, crashing hard. He continued, "'Till then, you will do as I wish, so sit lovely as you were and do not tell anybody if you wish your Prince Jacaerys to become Vhagar's dinner."
There he left you wailing on the floor of your quarters, trembling from the adrenaline as your eyes and nose inflamed from sobbing. As they prepared to usurp the throne, you heard him close the door, the same door you keep banging hoping that help would reach soon.
Wellp, I thought my draft said 2k turns out I need new glasses as this is 5 fuckin k. Though Im thankful of the amount of people who liked the first part. This was supposed to be a one shot turned into two shots but I noticed how long it gets. I wouldve splitted this part into two but idk where to end so yeah have this. Next part would be the final one, i hope y'all psychopaths enjoyed this story.
Tags: @crazylokonugget ; @discowizard88 ; @sheetalkalkhandey ; @dangerousbluebirdpoetry ; @mysingularitybts ; @regulusblackismycomfortcharacter ; @felfei
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tiedsh0es · 3 months
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Ok Silver. I feel like people just write him off as mean and don’t get how well-written he is, and how actually crazy a character like him staying till the FINAL 4 is. He never, ever would have gotten that far, never ever would have grown as much as he did if viewer voting was still in. That said, it’s because of this that I’m even more heartbroken that he didn’t get much of a sendoff in the finale.
Silver is such a complicated character, while his personality never changes he himself does change a little. He’s egotistical, and puts the show above everything else. But there are also moments where he shows he does try to make connections with people. I remember in episode 4, after he gets OJ voted out. He’s pretty proud of this! And tries to get the others in his team to join in on his enthusiasm, when they don’t take it in a good way Silver sort of shuts down. Crosses his arms and stands away from the group. He never really shows emotion; he just goes to the sideline and ignores things. He doesn’t really have the best social etiquette and because of his abrasive personality people don’t really want to try with him. But Candle actually involves him in things, even when he messes up with OJ she takes his hand and includes him into the group.
And in his speech he knows people don’t actually like him. He has to cross his fingers and hope he can sweet-talk his way out of it.
But Candle is there and he’s been practicing his powers for her, so he tries to show off his powers not realizing how much of an insult this is- and when Candle shuts him down there is a moment where he looks genuinely hurt before he- in silver fashion- shakes it off literally saying out loud to Cabby none of that! He’s never learned to actually show the vulnerable side of him. There is no proper communication here.
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And the first part of the finale made me so- so hopeful!! The inner flame is such an important part to Silver and Candle’s character. It’s been mentioned and talked about since episode four, it’s what got them to first stick together. 
When the inner-flame takes over- and.. I saw a lot of people didn’t understand that Silver was NOT in control here, it was his inner-flame- it reveals the feelings he’s always hiding, he trusted that Candle believed in him, and “right when I finally felt like more than nothing” he feels betrayed. For a character that acts so egotistical to say that, he’s basically admitting he puts on an affront because he knows he’s unlikable and hard to get along with.
The inner flame is something he’s worked on, and gotten better at for candle. But he misunderstands the true meaning of it. And in his muddled up emotions he ends up hurting candle with it- the one person who has ever actually shown to care about him but not change him. He looks genuinely HORRIFIED that he’s done this. Finally his rash personality has real consequences. 
The first part of the finale was so good.. It put up so many stakes… it made me think I was going to get the silver send-off I’ve been wanting for like… actually a year 😭but then… Silver doesn’t really get to do anything. We never ever really get to hear Candle’s side of things, she just immediately forgives him… 
And they write off Candle as fine, as if she never got hurt in the first place as if her literal inner flame going out has no consequence. Silver mentions how he messed up but doesn’t really do anything besides that… He NEVER even got to conquer his inner flame!! That’s just a loose thread we never get to see! It would have been SO MUCH MORE impactful if Silver used his inner flame for another person, instead of using it for himself. If he mastered it to try and save Candle or even Springy or literally anyone!! But Silver didn’t get to do any of that!! All the consequences, all the episodes of him slowly learning he has an inner-flame for nothing?? Actually for nothing?? I’m actually devastated. He was so clever, so well-written, so complicated and this is how they ended his character?? I’m just so so sad.
I think the final episodes had a sort of writers-conflict, did they not  talk about how they wanted it to end?? Both episodes have very different stakes and feelings. It’s very sad that this is how they decided to end the final ep. I’m not happy with it. I have other complaints but Silver was what I was most disappointed with. Because even if there is a season 4 and he comes back for some reason they’ll never have the opportunity to show how clever he is, and let him grow as naturally as he did in invitational. (ok just realised both episodes had the same writer WHAT HAPPENED??????)
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brebreluvslove · 1 year
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Come Back to Me 🧸(Neteyma x Reader)
notes; this was a request from @sopiasleeps This was so exciting for me to write cause I don’t write a lot of angst so it was create for me!!
warnings; angst
word count; 920
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You and Neteyam started dating only a couple months ago but it’s felt like years. When you met him you had an instant crush on him and even now even though we’re together you still do. Like puppy love…
You standing by a body of water looking for some fish for me to cook later when Neteyam ran out of the bushes towards me. 
“Neteyam!! You scared me!!” You teased as he grabbed your waist.
“Sorry yawne I didn’t mean to scare you…” he whispered in my ear.
“…but I have some exciting news!!” He screamed his mood shifting from a soft one to more bubbly one. 
“What!!” You giggled at his smile and cheerfulness. He didn’t respond verbally but just grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards HomeTree. You followed behind him genuinely curious on what he was so excited about. 
When he finally stopped we were in a group of people and he was pointing at a Na’vi girl in the middle of it.
“There’s a new girl who’s joined our village (Y/N)!” He explains with the same smile on his gorgeous face. You just nodded and watched as he got closer to her. 
She was breathtaking, long hair last her waist, pretty eyes, it made me nervous. 
You just watched on the sidelines as he interacted with the woman. She was practically melting at everything he said. You could tell she was interested in him I mean it’s Neteyam who wouldn’t be interested in him. 
A big knot filled your stomach as you watched them laugh with one another you couldn’t help the jealousy that overcame you. I mean you’ve never seen him this giddy with anyone else other than yourself. 
As the days went by you were spending less and less time with Neteyam, you could feel yourself growing apart from him. You had discovered the new Na’vi girl’s name was Ani’va and you had also discovered that her and Neteyam were becoming closer. This thought pained you more than anything. You and Neteyam would only talk when he got home and when you would see each other on hunting trips. It was agonizing, the space between you two. You couldn’t bare it, you wanted him, needed him even but all you could do is watch him from afar. Wishing, hoping he would look at you for more than a minute before shifting back to Ani’va. 
A week had gone by since she arrived and you felt you were no longer in Neteyam’s mind like he was in yours. At this point you’d had enough. You’d had enough of the space, the tension, the distance, the silence, you were ending this now…
You looked around for Neteyam for hours. Looked high and low but you finally found him with Ani’va of course. They were fishing together so close you couldn’t even fit a hand between them. You just stood there until Neteyam finally noticed you. 
“Oh…hey (Y/N)!” He said with a slight nod. You kept your calm expression as Ani’va turned towards you and gave you a smile. 
“Neteyam…may I speak to you for a moment?” No emotion in your tone. From Neteyam’s reaction he could tell something was wrong and immediately excused himself to follow me. 
You walked into the forest far enough where Ani’va wouldn’t hear. Then turned towards Neteyam a look of utter desperation on your face. 
“(Y/N) what’s wrong? I could tell something’s been off with you for the past week what’s wrong?” He didn’t break eye contact with you for a second as he spoke. You on the other hand were looking for any where to look but his eyes. He lifted your head up to meet his eyes as he continued.
“ I mean it (Y/N) what’s wrong?” He was looking at you softly you were practically melting in his hands. Slowly you started to break down in front of him. Tears running down your cheeks as you started speaking. 
“I…I feel like you don’t love me anymore Neteyam…” You were sobbing at this point as he held you. 
“What would make you think I ever stopped loving you (Y/N)…” He asked while wiping the tears off your cheeks and pushing hair out of your face.
“I just…you’re always around Ani’va now…you don’t spend time with me anymore. I’m starting to think you want her and not me Neteyam…” You mumbled, you voice getting quieter towards the end of your words. Neteyam was shocked that you felt this way he felt guilty that he made you feel this way. 
“Oh yawne…I could never stop loving you. I’m so sorry I made you feel this way…” He was looking down at you with his beautiful eyes.
“My father instructed me to show Ani’va how to do things in the clan…he told me i had be with her always…I am so sorry for explaining that beforehand yawne” He kisses your forehead then you lips as he just held you.
You let out a relieved and content sigh not wanting him to let go of you. You finally knew what was going on, you finally were happy about what was happening. You look up at Neteyam tears still in your eyes as you start to speak. 
“nga yawne lu oer Neteyam.” You say a shake on your voice as you look into your mates eyes. He kissed your hand and looks into your eyes. 
“nga yawne lu oer (Y/N).” He whispers in your ear as you continue to just hold each other.
notes; “nga yawne lu oer” means I love you in Na’vi and “yawne” means love 💗
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wehaveimagineshere · 8 months
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Hello! I have a request for either Frost or Ren, both headcanons or scenario are good💞
Could we maybe have a Astarion/Gale/Halsin with an asexual gender neutral reader? Thank you!
Hi! So since Ren only accepts one character at a time per ask, I’ll be doing this! I hope you like it! I’m going to try my best to not make it similar to the other G/N post
Also I apologize for taking so long. A lot has been going on in my personal life that has kicked me in the ass and thrown in for a loop
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Astarion
• Astarion was confused and baffled at the thought that you refused to sleep with him
• He tried every tactic he could possibly think of. Sweet nothings, sexual innuendos, fluttering touches. But you still refused
• When you told him that you’re not sexually attracted to anyone he was at a loss. What was he supposed to do now?
• So he grew distant from you for a while. Sex was all he knew. How else was he supposed to make sure you never betray him?
• But you persisted on getting to know him on a personal level. To form a true bond with honest feelings
• You were there for him when he needed you to be. You tried to have him talk out his frustrations and worries
• He would still occasionally try again to have some sort of sexual relations but you had to stand your ground and tell him you were not comfortable with him doing that
• And if he tried again you were gone. That he needs to respect your choices and feelings like you do for him
• And he does. He’s come to learn that he values you more than just someone to sleep with. You trying your hardest to help him with his demons and form a real friendship made him see that honestly, he doesn’t like sex all that much either
• It was just all he knew how to do
• He’s fallen in love with you for you. For who you are as a person. He’s terrified
• But you’ve shown him that you’re sticking with him no matter what. Always and forever
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Gale
• Gale was surprised but more curious than anything
• He’s never met anyone who was asexual before and was ashamed to admit that he didn’t know much about it
• He would ask if it was okay to ask you questions about it. Like what exactly does being asexual mean and what your age was when you discovered you were
• Along with what you told him he would also go to libraries to see if there were any books talking about it so that he could become more educated because it genuinely intrigued him
• You would sometimes join him to the library and make it a date. He would point out passages to you and ask you how you felt about them
• He respected you immensely. From what he understood, it might’ve been hard on you to have that sexuality and still have strangers try to make sexual advances
• It angered him when you told him that you did in fact have situations like that in your life
• It made him want to protect you but you would tell him that you could handle it on your own, but you’re still thankful nonetheless
• Gale would prioritize dates where you get to know each other on a personal level
• Along with your now traditional weekly library dates, you’ll also have nice little homemade dinners
• You not having sex and constantly being there for Gale made him realize that he doesn’t need to risk his life to become better than the gods. That he’s fine just the way he is
• It’s not before long that you quickly move in together. Knowing that you want to be together forever
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Halsin
• The fact that Halsin is poly made the relationship easier for the both of you
• At first he was surprised. Your sexuality is the complete opposite of his
• But he was still so genuinely interested in you that he wanted to give your relationship a try as long as you were comfortable with it
• Halsin focuses more on the romantic part of your relationship
• He’ll take you on really nice dates in the forest where you’ll dip your toes in a river or lake while holding hands and basking in each others presence
• He’ll ask you personal questions while answering any questions you throw his way, even if they’re a little uncomfortable to talk about
• There will be times where he’ll spend a couple hours in a brothel but it doesn’t bother you a single bit. He respects your decision not to have sex. You can’t force him to follow in your footsteps. It’s not only wrong but it’s just not who he is
• So a couple times a month he’ll go to a brothel or find someone somewhere and have some fun while you work on some projects that needed to be done
• You have a talent for wood carving so in your downtime when you’re not constantly on the road, you’ll carve him ducks in different shapes and sizes
• He keeps them all and will display them in whatever home you’re currently residing. He absolutely adores them. Especially the ones you don’t like as much
• He’ll encourage you to make other designs as well to sell. What you can make with your hands is pure art that should be shared with the world. The ducks are only for him though
• The relationship and dynamic you two have together just works so well and not only do you compliment each other but you fill in the other’s needs that isn’t any less than perfect
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burnin0akleaves · 3 months
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This has been on the horizon for a while, but I think a part of me just didn't want to admit it until recently. I'll cut straight to the chase, you probably won't see much RA content from me anymore.
The topic of the fandom, the tags or quality of the posts have been discussed a few times already -mostly by me I think which should have been a warning sign haha- so I'm not going to go into too much detail. I'll just share my perspective.
The fandom simply just doesn't have much to offer me at the moment.
Everyone knows that a huge part of my interest in RA was and always has been TRR Will. If he didn't exist, I would have lost interest in the series a LONG time ago. But I can cook my own meals for only so long before I get tired and want to eat out for a change, and unfortunately for me no one is serving the food I want at the moment. I still love love love this man, but there just isn't enough content for him in the fandom (except the ones made by me) for me to want to actively keep engaging with it.
Not only that, art just doesn't get the same reception as it used to here. If I can draw another interest of mine and get triple the engagement, then it's just easier for me to be motivated to share my art of that other thing. Sure I draw because I want to first, but suprisingly for everyone I do want to draw things other than RA. And if those other things are more appreciated, then it just means I'm more motivated to keep posting them for everyone else to see. Most people probably remember I used to be very active in discussions and character analyses on here as well, but I just don't see the space for that sort of content here anymore. (Sorry to that one anon who said they liked my writing, you know who you are)
I still love RA and TRR Will, but I'll probably keep my thoughts or the occasional sketch I draw for myself from now on. I just don't feel motivated to share it.
Also just in case anyone asks my opinion after the recent discussion at the ask blog; yes, I don't like the current state of most of the posts here either. I don't want to go out bad-mouthing others though, the current style of content in the fandom just isn't my taste. Which is alright, maybe I've simply grown out of the series! The book getting newer fans is a good thing and I hope they have as much fun as I did when I first joined. This fandom has been my home for years now but I think it's around time I go out and explore more.
I'll still keep up with the series. Again, my fixation on Will is very much alive and well. It sucks that I don't have the energy to share my passion with others anymore, but I'm sure people will do just fine without me mauling every other guy that completely misunderstands his character to death. Don't get me started on the beard shit, genuinely frustrating how a fandom revolving around a book series has 0 literacy at times.
TLDR: I'm not going to be active in the RA fandom anymore because of multiple reasons. I still love TRR Will but I'm not motivated to share my work here in the current state of things. I loved my time here and I hope everyone else does too.
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Also if my feelings change in the future, then that will be that and I might come back. I'm not sending myself off to exile here. I'm not writing any of this because I believe I have to explain myself either, I'm doing it because I simply want to avoid causing people confusion. Feel free to send me RA related asks still, just don't expect to see me around the RA spaces as much. I'll stay in all the servers obviously, and my presence will be around indirectly since most of my friends are still here. Also, if you draw TRR Will do feel free to send him to me in the dms. Love that guy and his apprentice so much, wish more people did.
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avatar-anna · 2 years
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Do you think the reader would feel insecure if she started dating harry, and being aware that most of the songs on the Fine Line album are for Camille?
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“Say something.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Is it that you don’t know what to say or that you think I can’t take it? Because I can, Y/n.”
Harry looked at Y/n pleadingly, urging to say something. Anything.
“Oh for God sakes please, Y/n, I want to know what you’re—”
“It’s a shrine! To her! To the relationship you had with her!” she shouted, letting her deepest insecurities come to light.
She knew that this album would be about Harry’s previous relationship, that when she and Harry started dating, said album was in the final stages of production. He was completely smitten Y/n when they first met, anyone around him knew it, and while she’d been wary, he was quick to dash all her worries away.
But hearing this album, hearing just how deeply he felt for his ex-girlfriend, it worried her all over again. And he couldn’t even fathom why.
Camille was a model, she was well-liked—by his friends, family, and his fans—and they had clearly been very in love. How did it end? Did he still have feelings for her? What’s to say things wouldn’t be different? That he wasn’t still hung up on her? Y/n knew she didn’t necessarily have a right to know some of these things, but Harry was putting it out there for the whole world to hear. People were going to think she was an idiot for being with someone who was so clearly in love with someone else.
But in front of all that, the one thing she couldn’t shake was what she heard in undertones and insinuations within the music.
“Did—Did you cheat on her?”
Harry had been begging Y/n to speak, but she was sure he hadn’t been expecting that.
“What? Why would you ask me that?”
“Because it’s not just your heart you’re putting on your sleeve with these songs, it’s mine,” she said, voice cracking. “People will think I was the one you cheated on her with, or that I’m stupid for being with someone who—who dresses like his ex—”
“Y/n, baby, please let me just—”
“Perfect! Another thing I’ll be questioning! All the little pet names you shared,” she said. Wiping at her eye, she said, “It’s just hard. You normally don’t know all the details like this.”
Harry was a good guy who had a lot of love to share. Perhaps a bit too much. Y/n wasn���t like him, she was terribly guarded, something Harry didn’t mind. And over time, he managed to break down her walls, but hearing this album brought them right back up.
“Y/n, come here. Please,” he said. His hair was disheveled and looked genuinely upset to see his girlfriend so unhappy.
He knew this album would be cause for questioning on Y/n’s part, but he never expected this. This album was a way for him to pour his heart out, bleed every last drop of his love for Camille so he could move on from her.
He was proud of his work, but he was also falling in love with Y/n, and the two seemed to be at odds. Funny how Camille still haunted him, even after all this time.
“I don’t love her anymore, Y/n. That’s a promise.”
“Darling,” Harry said, taking a couple steps forward. “I know this all seems like it’s in the present, but it’s not. I’m with you. I want to be with you. Please don’t doubt that.”
She sniffled, willing to believe him after a little more reassurance. “You mean that?”
Y/n looked in his eyes, read every little expression lined there. He looked sincere, he sounded sincere, so it was only a matter of choosing to believe him.
And she realized she did believe him on that front. He’d been nothing but perfect since they started seeing each other. He bought her gifts and took her on surprise trips and joined her to watch her younger sister’s volleyball games. He not only cared about her, he cared about the people close to her too, and that was the thing that made her fall for him. Seeing Harry with her sisters, her parents and grandparents, holding and spoon feeding her little baby niece. He was the one, she’d been sure of it, and she had to be now too.
“I know, I’m sorry. I probably sound crazy,” she finally said.
“Not crazy. I think you just like me a lot,” he said, smiling just enough to let his dimples indent his cheeks. His forehead was against hers, his hand on her cheek, caressing her skin gently. “It’s just you and me. I promise.”
Y/n believed him, but she had to ask one last time. Even if the answer was one she didn’t want. “And did you? Cheat?”
It was funny to feel Harry’s head as he shook it against hers, but all Y/n could feel was relief that he said no.
“We drove each other crazy the last two months we were together, but no, although I understand why you would come to that conclusion.”
Y/n felt better. It would be an interesting journey the next few months as the album finally came out, but she believed Harry, and that had to be enough.
“It’s a good album, though,” she said quietly as he hugged her against his chest.
“Yeah?”
“Mmhm. I think I liked ‘She’ the most, even if it was written about your ex.”
Y/n felt the rumble of Harry’s chest as he chuckled. Tilting her head up, she asked him what was so funny.
“That one’s about you, actually.”
“You’re lying,” she said, looking at him in disbelief.
“I’m not, I swear. We wrote it accidentally. It was a couple days after we first met. Mitch and I were high on mushrooms.”
“You’ve done mushrooms?”
Harry held his hands up in mock-defense. “Listen, we were just experimenting—”
“Without me?” Y/n said, a knowing grin on her face.
Harry’s smile was full this time as he picked his girlfriend up and spun her around, leading her straight to bed. “You continue to surprise me,” he said, kissing her all over her face and neck.
Y/n just grinned. It seemed they were going to be just fine.
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Ok people seemed to really like the last post I made summarizing an unwritten fleshed out worm fanfic I had, so here's another! This one's an altpower and wait where are you going come back its good I swear.
(tw: suicide)
Taylor triggers with Ingenue's power after an incident involving Sophia (who is removed from the wards and not a part of this fic past this), and outs Sophia as a cape since Ingenue can see powers. She's forced into the wards because she has no ability to defend herself, is immensely powerful, and people will want her dead or on their side since she can out every cape in the city. She genuinely has no practical choice besides the Wards here, so she begrudgingly joins. It's not all bad though! She actually makes friends for the first time in so long :)
Her and Missy hang out a lot, and their powers synergize super well since Taylor can make Vista frighteningly powerful. She warms up to Dennis after some patrols, she can make his power non-touch based too! Dauntless is like a mentor figure, they meet up every day so she can make his charge way more powerful, speeding up his growth by like 3 times, and he gives her lots of advice, helps her begin to come out of her shell, and is generally chill. Good times.
So y'all remember that bit about Ingenue's power causing people to go insane in the long term? What if you didn't know about that and you constantly used your power on your friends? Wouldn't that be funny?
Clockblocker is the first to snap. He's on a train when he just decides fuck it, and freezes a pencil in the air. Everyone sitting to the left of him down the length of the train gets impaled by it, just goes clean through. It's covered up as a villain attack, he's ushered off to the asylum, and the wards are just. Really messed up by it. They miss him, they miss his jokes, and they don't get why he did it.
A week passes. Taylor confides in Dauntless about how she feels like it has to be her fault, like everything is, but he reassures her. It's fine, she's done so much good, sometime's people just go bad. Genuinely just a great pep talk, she still misses Dennis but she's grateful she has the rest of her friends and Dauntless is there to cheer her up. She also mentions how it's hard to walk around the city, she keeps seeing villains and she can't do anything about it. She mentioned a few weeks ago that a bunch of them keep going into the same building, but she's helpless and just has to sit by.
That night, Dauntless levels the Medhall building. A few E88 capes were inside and they fight, and he kills them. Everyone else in the building is injured at the least, collateral damage that Dauntless would have cared about before. There's no covering that one up, he's killed dozens. When he's caught more than half the empire is dead, along with upwards of a hundred bystanders, and he's sent to the birdcage.
Taylor doesn't leave her room for a few days. Vista reassures her that it wasn't her fault.
On their next patrol, Missy begs Taylor to use her power to remove her manton limit. Taylor doesn't, but she's pretty sure she sees the pattern now. Vista's going insane. Were the other two this obvious? Should she have noticed? Would everyone be alive if she had? Would she still have friends? How can she tell anyone about this, when she'll be blamed?
She goes to Piggot, pretty much accepting that she'll get birdcaged or something. She's a horrible person, she knows that. She never gets to talk to Piggot, because all the heroes get called into the field to stop an A class threat. Vista is twisting the city around her, killing countless people. She turns bullets back, she extends a knife with her powers like Jack Slash. She's finally proving what she can do, then they'll all see, and they'll respect her and let her fight the way she wants to.
(side note, ingenue's power makes people closer to their shards in this interpretation, which also means they're flat out way more powerful even without her touch after a while)
The heroes are fighting Missy, they're losing, none of them want to hurt her. Missy see's Taylor from across the city, she's using her power to see almost everywhere at once by distorting space. Within seconds, Taylor is next to Missy. She reaches out to touch her, if she can shut down her power then it'll all be ok and Missy can get help and they'll be friends again and it wont be her fault. The space between them is a mile long and a foot thick. Missy doesn't want her help right now, she wants to prove herself to Taylor so Taylor will finally appreciate her power and they can be a team. Taylor tries to look away as Missy kills someone, space is warped so her line of sight is directly on the act. She closes her eyes, and the space between her eyelids is stretched infinitely wide. She watches, unable to stop her, as Missy keeps killing and defending and destroying. Missy begins to try to upend the sea floor, to dump the ocean onto the city. She's taken out before that can happen. How doesn't matter, what matters is Taylor couldn't stop her. The city is in shambles, its her fault, she was RIGHT THERE and she couldn't do anything, she could just watch and watch and watch.
She tells the PRT about how she thinks her power is breaking people. She's banned from touching anyone. They don't do much more, legally speaking she's safe and it wasn't her fault. The rest of the wards don't talk to her anymore. They blame her, just like she knew everyone would. It's her fault everything went to shit. She can't blame them for hating her, she hates herself too. She sneaks out to go on a walk one night, when the hateful looks and resentment get to be too much. She sees a cape. Lung.
Taylor knows her power is practically useless alone, and she walks up to Lung and insults him, provokes him, riles him up to attack her. If she dies here at least she'll be remembered for dying as a hero fighting a villain, rather than someone who corrupts everything they touch. Lung burns her, bad, all over her right side. He lifts her up by the neck and prepares another fireball. This is what she wanted, but she can't do it. She twists his power, reducing his durability and fireproof nature to zero and ramping up his firepower. Lung burns himself to a cinder in seconds, erased by his own power once the protections were gone. Taylor gets burned again in the blaze. She couldn't even commit suicide without hurting anyone else. She couldn't even die without fucking it up. She's alive. Panacea refuses to touch her to heal her, for very understandable reasons.
She goes to the asylum, despite her request for the birdcage.
Filled with guilt, afraid to touch anyone and everyone, blaming herself for everything that happened, avoiding Dennis at lunchtime while he glares at her, closing up and being silent for days on end, haunted by the people Vista forced her to watch die. Her fault, all of it.
And that's the end! Woooo! She's broken forever, no coming back from that one!
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bumofthewild · 19 days
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what are your thoughts on the stormblood characters. did you like fordola at all
i wanted to organise my thoughts (oxymoron) on the sb chars actually so this is a good opportunity to start. none of my thoughts are positive though bc i think sb's writing is really bad so when i probably start to sound aggro during this while remembering this expansion i'm sorry.... i try not to be mean when criticising things but i have very little respect for stormblood. also this is about to be extremely long like im not kidding but i figure ppl expect that by now? i hope
i can't really talk abt the stormblood chars without mentioning how much this expansion worships whiteness. and thats even after playing heavensward????? with all of the stuffy white (though beloved) elves who love their white elf history??? fantasy rpgs in general ig. and from square enix. idk why i was so shocked by sb... its a fantasy rpg from square enix....that was truly my bad...................
but fordola isn't who bothers me the most anymore at least. while i was playing sb she used to be the worst sb character to me bc i just thought she was silly and hard to take seriously. initially i was just uninterested in her personality solely being a traitorous attack dog for the empire. that's not to say i don't think sellouts are interesting--i actually think characters like that are very interesting, hence why yotsuyu is one of the more interesting chars (but not by much). it's more that i dont think a single stormblood character was doing anything interesting enough for me to really appreciate, or if they were, it went nowhere or was so poorly developed that any new thing i learned about a character felt random. i feel like anything that could have been interesting in sb was squandered constantly. a lot of them had the potential to be interesting, but were instead so bizarrely flat and almost kind of cliche that i genuinely struggle to put it into words how sb managed to achieve this. possibly bc the story was so preoccupied with repeatedly driving home the same uncomplicated ideas about war and oppression (this would require a separate post) that any sort of actual personality was more or less lost? maybe because it didn't really have a foundation it was working from to keep itself focused? i feel like a lot of time would pass with the characters making the same realisations over and over again (we have to defeat zenos...!) and then when it came time for actual developments it had to rush, thus the feeling of being random. of course, unless, the character was from othard, which the game obviously gave more of a fuck about developing as a location.
like i think fordola's really serious and unwavering personality, the fact that she would do literally ANYTHING to accomplish whatever it is she wanted, could be interesting. if there wasn't so little else going on with her. and also that unlike her fellow ala mhigans she's white. i can't stress how ridiculous it was to watch her or lyse be presented as so important/be the more relevant ala mhigans and everyone else is brown and they're just white. but it wasn't only that she was white. there was just nothing else really going on with her whenever you saw her that provided any kind of intrigue or texture to her scenes. nothing about her character ever changed. until they reveal her motivations for joining the imperials (????)
ok anyone can correct me if i'm wrong, but her goal is to free the ala mhigans from the imperials.....?????? like i'm 100% sure that's what she said. but how does upwards mobility in an imperial nation that relishes in using the word "savage" to describe your people seem even remotely like how that's going to happen? i actually could not fathom for a long while that was what she had said. like i fail to find another way to describe this aside from idiotic, and i often try not to consider things in those terms, but i really don't know how else to describe this. like. this is what i mean when i say the backstory for the characters feels so poorly constructed it genuinely feels random. nothing about her behaviour to me suggested she gave a fuck about ala mhigo. it didn't turn out to be some grand farce when she had her skulls or whoever stomping on the brown guy who they collect dues from in the middle of the road the first time she was introduced. so i just have no idea why that's what her goals are or how i'm meant to believe that's what she wants. i have no idea why she would care about ala mhigo except that her father does or something? but that explained so little to me bc it was lazily done and she definitely does not demonstrate any resolve re that memory except for the one time you see it so okay
similarly, nothing suggests to me that she's deluded enough to believe this path she's on will lead to freedom, either. she didn't seem unaware of the cruelty of the imperials. she's actually meant to seem very capable and smart considering she's established her own unit amongst the other garleans and ends up getting the apparently desirable prize of being zenos' little pogchamp but then what???? why does she think that zenos will give her what she wants?? i literally do not understand what her angle is supposed to beeeee
so i considered the angle that what she said is actually not what we're meant to believe and we're actually meant to extract from the story that she's on a revenge quest for her father against the ala mhigans, and the best way to enact that would be to join the side that's oppressing them. except how she's expressed her motives and how the game makes it clear shes carrying on her father's beliefs for a better ala mhigo doesn't really imply that this is out of revenge either? also she'd be doing the exact same thing yotsuyu is doing, which could be possible bc this expansion can't write. but i just don't think that's it. i think if she truly believes that's what will help ala mhigo like her father did i don't care about it being wrong or right and whether she learns that won't work... but then it just seems so silly.......like girl there is literally no way..................... i am stumped trying to think of what this was supposed to mean or what insights her character could possibly be providing aside from the extremely banal "everyone deserves forgiveness" argument stories about colonialism are OBSESSED with trying to make. hmm i wonder why that is, square enix japan? why cant you properly research colonialism? why is media so obsessed with sympathising with colonisers and pretending its even remotely original to keep saying "if we kill this imperialist...we're just as bad as the people who have been systematically oppressing us for decades...." well...!!
im ngl i actually forgot about fordola until u brought her up bc post-sb really seemed to be gearing her up for the aforementioned redemption arc. but then i forgot how much ala mhigo gets pushed aside to put the spotlight back on doma. bc after she helps you fight sri lakshmi (another character who they just had to make white btw despite the vira/qalyana being brown bedlah babe snake women. they worship a white god. whatever i hate my life) she just vanishes. i thought that was maybe the most interesting thing they did with her character even despite my hatred for lazy redemption arcs for colonialists and cheap backstories about dead parents, bc i liked that she wasn't forgiven and that she herself didn't seem to know what was in store for her own life anymore, but stubbornly chose to help everyone fight and was still really driven despite all her L's. and then you just never see her again. as far as i can tell anyways, and i do not want to know actually bc im still in shadowbringers.
in a parallel world where stormblood is well-written i see myself liking fordola a lot. but this is not that world and i can't keep spending my time imagining a world where sb could be good. like... she just lacked a foundation that really made any of her actions make sense to me. was i meant to feel bad her dad got stoned for selling out to garlemald? i'm not being sarcastic i genuinely dont know if thats what the game wanted. i assume it is bc this entire expansion reeks of endless humanisation for white characters, but ive said the writing is so bad as to leave me genuinely confused abt its purpose many times already.
anyways the absolute worst waste of a char to me is zenos. i haven't had such a hard time taking a character seriously in a long time, and asahi gets introduced shortly after so competition was definitely fierce. i think part of it was that he was one of the few chars id seen fanart of b4 i got to him in the game which gave me the impression he was going to be insightful or something, so maybe i had given myself expectations. but ultimately i was left with maybe the most simplistic main villain this game has produced thus far. which is a shame, bc like fordola there's aspects of his char that i found really interesting, only for them to be routinely squandered with each new cutscene. initially i thought his disinterested, calmer demeanour was interesting in comparison to the other imperial chars, like gaius, who had a lot of thoughts about/passion for what he was doing. i like characters who feel a sort of existential boredom...like a real dead inside char who discovers a sort of esoteric way to live or regains meaning thru someone else--i love that trope! wanting to forever be locked in a cycle of violence with wol. sure. why not! i like that sort of thing! i was even willing to ignore the blonde hair and blue eyes (i wasn't) like i've done this before as someone who used to devote a lot of time to dimitri fe3h. this is not new to me.
but the thing is the moment zenos started talking about the thrill of the hunt i felt something in me wither and die. that trope is not interesting! i will never find it interesting!!!!!!!! if you do i'm happy for you but not me. his nihilism could have been interesting if it wasn't manifesting itself thru the subjugation of the fantasy brown people this game invented just to subjugate like...can we be serious. even just the scale of that was so beyond moronic to me. i had such a hard time suspending my disbelief whenever he opened his mouth... that i was supposed to care about this prince who was deathly bored of it all but somehow still gave a fuck about maintaining the occupation and fetishising the struggle? it was so hard to reconcile any of what he said with his actual apparent years of behaviour. like okay, i already know whiteness is synonymous with violence and ppl are unwilling to take that seriously, but seeing that realised in the sheer scale of colonial violence zenos apparently engages in and then for him to turn around and be like grr i'm gripped by such potent ennui and this is really deep. what about this was supposed to be complex or interesting or well-thought out. i genuinely have no clue
what made it even funnier (worse) to me was that before i got to stormblood i was back at home watching my dad play two separate video games where the main villain was a white guy with the exact same motivations: everything else in life now bored them except for this very specific (and not socially constructed at all apparently!) thrill of hunting real people/framing life as some social darwinist thought experiment that definitely has to be true bc look at how many ppl ive killed and conquered? what's left for me in this life now that i'm at the very top of the very real and not invented and not racist social pyramid.........? but it's not just a me thing humans are just like violent and actually love killingand i am very smart <- like how is this not just a blatantly normalised concept in life in general. nothing about zenos having this outlook reads as crazy or interesting to me, it actually just feels monumentally simple. he was just reading from the coloniser textbook. my sis actually told me while we were talking about the game that there's a book called "the most dangerous game" where i'm assuming this trope as it exists in media probably stems from, if not just the like usual racism/unfortunate fascination with imperialism over and over and over and over again. i just...that his thoughts on the consequences of his actions, the sheer amount of conquest he's engaged in, are largely due to some fatalistic boredom that comes from just being way too strong and too powerful and elevated above the savages. like okay dude.
i think if they had just removed that shit (except idk if thats possible the colonialism is so entrenched in this expansion bc ff couldnt conceive a non-white race without oppressing them) then his character would have been a lot better......maybe..? idk all that shit he says to you before he goes shinryu mode about violence or his being self-serving wouldn't have been original but at least it'd have been a lot easier to believe as his ideology without this nonsensical pile of bodies behind it that i literally could not take seriously. his final monologue was hard to sit through bc it all felt so random. my sis also pointed out that he doesn't feel relevant to the story, especially ala mhigo's story, at all, and i genuinely agree. i feel like they must have had a lot of ideas for him separately and then shoved him into this expansion because they needed a strong villain or something to keep their already thin plot running. with other villains you can see where they get their ideas from or why they're doing what they do and how their actions might progress the story. gaius for eg is a char i find really interesting bc i thought his opinions on primals in arr which is about primals was really interesting, and his conceptions of an ideal empire as well. like he actually has a leg to stand on and compelling things to say. nidhogg is also a good enemy to me, and i dont care so much for thordan but i still think he had interestingly selfish motivations and contributed ideas to the story. maybe that's because hvw didn't wallow so much in a simplistic good vs. evil like stormblood did...like hvw isnt just war its revising centuries of propagandized history and learning to change your own beliefs and going thru a lot of interesting discomfort (to put it mildly). stormblood i thought tried to be complicated at times when for eg meffrid (one of the only chars i liked in sb btw) would occasionally argue with lyse on what's "right" for occupied ppl to be doing during their occupation, like how a lot of ala mhigans wanted to keep their head down. you can see where that idea gets used throughout sb like in namia, but it never actually gets complicated into something worth thinking about bc again the chars are constantly reachign the same realisations over and over by the end (we have to kill zenos...! ANDTHEN THEY DONT EVEN FUCKIGN KILLGHI). like the ideas don't go anywhere, which might be for the best bc in my perfect world this game would not be writing about any of this. and now meffrid is dead bc ff doesn't give af about the ala mhigans or developing their thoughts/beliefs beyond the occasional potentially interesting idea on the map dialogue. atp i just feel blessed zenos doesn't have a backstory so that his personality isn't the result of some lazily done traumatic event. well i say that but the game couldn't even keep him dead so fuck my life. who knows what's in store for me. plz dont tell me.
all the thoughts i have are negative i'm so sorry but the chars i actually liked like gosetsu just get ruined by the time post-sb gets its evil evil hands on them so this expansion is genuinely just dead to me. i used to like gosetsu a lot, and i thought the shame he carried with him for abandoning hien a long time ago was a fun addition to his character. one of my favourite tropes is when a character just wants to die...like they feel like they've emotionally exhausted themselves and don't know what to do with the end of their life. i find that kind of thing really poignant. and i'm pretty satisfied w how they wrapped up his arc, actually, with him deciding to go on a sort of pilgrimage. it was just how they got there i absolutely hated.
it just keeps going back to an inability to write. for eg, if what they wanted was to complicate gosetsu's character by demonstrating how someone extremely self-sacrificial and devoted to his country's cause could actually really want to indulge in something, they choose to do it by having him play an uncomfortable game of house with someone who's murdered an innumerable amount of their country's people. but its okay bc instead of giving that idea any meaningful thought, here's a throwaway line about how he had a granddaughter so it makes sense he's doing this, also we're going to age regress the coloniser so its okay she's basically a child now which isn't a total slap in the face for everyone involved including the player, and then we're going to play these scenes for laughs and everyone is totally fine with it and it's not lazy writing at all.
asahi too i thought was an example of just poor writing, bc why is a single almost zero-context scene of zenos saving him supposed to do anything to explain his behaviour. does that not just seem lazy? he doesn't like zenos for any other reason...? we don't see asahi's thoughts on zenos except for this one cut scene where the chars could be replaced with how meaningless it is and then from then on his suddenly passionate behaviour is just supposed to be engaging...? i personally thought he was a lot more interesting when he seemed to genuinely believe in the bullshit he was saying about the empire being gracious and forgiving and rubbing his hands obsequiously at wol and being overly flattering and just a sort of greasy spoiled bastard. but then of course this totally obvious reveal happens and he's just some "crazy" guy who just wants to be his coloniser's lapdog bc he's sooooooo strong. fascinating. post-sb felt like a bad tv drama. its like the ideas in somewhat isolation are alright but they just stopped caring
tbf to asahi i did like his moments with yotsuyu. if they weren't so steeped in like....the weirdest plot points ever (random-ass yandere behaviour and yotsuyu behaving like a child) i would have been a lot more invested in the punishment they enacted on their parents for grooming one to be an imperial officer and the other being sold off. yotsuyu's backstory is still kind of typical but i thought she was like. interesting enough. she was ok. i could believe in/enjoy their callousness a lot more readily than a certain other character ive already said too much about. i think their truly awful sibling relationship had potential. dare i repeat myself about what happens to potential in this expansion
i wish i had more to say about hien and yugiri and lyse but they kind of just...idk. they just feel kind of shallow......... i don't think they really get developed much, i mean i definitely have things to say but there's just nothing really there that inspires me to do so and this post is already way too long. maybe when i finally write like an essay on how mjuch i dont respect stormblood. i like yugiri though. her hometown is very cool but she just gets relegated to "dutiful ninja" that they use when something needs to be done that wol isnt going to do, and they don't go into much detail about what really pushed her to leave or how exactly she felt, they just kind of have her parents tell you thats what she did. i liked the part though where she was like WE NEED TO KILL ZENOS RN bc it suddenly seemed out of character almost but then well where did that go...ok. hien just feels genuinely evil to me like his vibes are so off and i could not tell you why but he's kind of just there to move the plot forward so i really don't have much to say about him. and talking about lyse would just make this post even longer and more hateful. i used to really like her too.
time for something positive...? i really liked the azim steppe when it wasn't being so randomly misogynistic. that was where i was most interested in what was going on bc it had less to do with the war, but then you bring the war to them so...*screaming*. like it's a shame to me that the xaela are still framed by a focus on war, but the dotharl's concept of rebirth and the other practices the different groups had were maybe the most interesting things to me in the entire expansion. also how gosetsu had that moment with one of the dotharl warriors who died without it being some weirdly ignorant clash of beliefs. i liked that part a lot. sadu and magnai and cirina arent developed enough for me to have much of worth to say about them rn bc like yugiri and hien they kind of just become channels for the story, but at least they have a lot of personality and there's a lot to work with. also its 2am. i'm hoping to have more ideas re the xaela when i get around to doing the sidequests in that area, which i think will help me round out their characters more. i called cirina having a thing for hien from like a mile away btw bc this game is so unserious. anyways i think there should be like a spin-off about sadu magnai and cirina and if it doesn't come to exist soon i will grow like ten extra hands and make it myself
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