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Wandering Hearts
I'm not really sure about a lot of things but I'm definitely sure that I don't ever wanna feel this way again. Therefore I will wrap my heart in titanium armor and thicken my skin with quick dry cement. I will arm my mind with a unbreakable steel fortress and layer my emotions with a forcefield like rubber shield. Being alone is okay..until the light of day peaks out on me. Situations sometimes are what they are and we need to accept them as they are. Sometimes trying to change them or rearrange them will only cause more confusion.....
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Here
Wow…I wonder how I got here.
I think and my brain begins to hurt just like the coldest ice cream in the world went down my throat.
It’s not a very happy place to be…here that is.
I could think of better ones.
Wasn’t my intentions to walk this path ever again…but…I guess intentions can sometimes be overruled by stupidity…
It’s sucks being HERE…..
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Here today...Gone tomorrow
Here today…Gone tomorrow
Here today…Gone tomorrow
Nothing in life is guaranteed
No man can predict the outcome
No human being can pull out a crystal ball and tell you exactly what’s instored for you in the future.
We as humans cannot predict the arrival of feelings and loneliness when the person you care about the most is no longer around…but we can inflict them.
Therefore I say!!! We must cherish those special moments spent with each other like it’s your last.
Every now and then we get complacent…slip into unwanted feelings from the past…that we can’t get rid of right away…then we run away to be in our own world to deal with the temporary glitch in our matrix.
Unknowingly placing neglect on the ones who actually have nothing to do with it…and right then is when we forget. The disconnect grows larger to a certain extent that might not be able to be reeled back in, worked on…fixed. Then we sit in a dark room thinking who.. where..what and why…how come I didn’t try instead of just laying in a sheet crumpled bed asking myself these questions… the person to ask is just a phone call away…“idiot!”…but I know things can get rough at times and that’s a part of lifes grand scheme and design just don’t get led to far away from the answers to the questions. Stay fully equipped with an open-mind…stay positive and hold on tight to the bungee cord of love…it’s flexible and durable it snaps back into place within due time…but… The real question is? if we truly cared about someone as much as we say we do…Would you rather for them to be.
Here today???
Or gone tomorrow???
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RPM's
I'm taking things day by day step by step, heel..toe...heel..toe....Heel.. toe...heel..toe. Nothing is in my way but I have to make sure I step in the right places on the ground...follow the right directions that are being sent out by the GPS of Life. Pay attention to the traffic signs that are posted on the corner of every street. Obey the signals red...yellow...green. Follow the officers directions when diverting traffic due to mental accidents. Yeild to oncoming situations when making a left turn into unpaved territory I've never traveled before. Hold the warped confused steering wheel steady and brace for intellectual impact when slamming into a brain fart. Hopefully the airbags deploy and keep me from flying through the windshield made of mangled damaged dopamine and save me by unleashing healthy cushions of receptors which keep me intact and safe through my travels.
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A look back
I just watched this movie called “I Smile Back” and it reminded me of some things I had to deal with in the past. It touched me in so many ways felt like I wrote the script myself. I ended up tearing up halfway through it because it was a reality check for me to look back upon life and celebrate having come this far. It also was a reminder for me to keep pushing no matter what the circumstances or problem may be because sometimes things get worse before they can get better then when things do come together that makes it even more special…Life that is…Live…Love…Laugh…Believe….
Breathe…
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(timezone617)
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Cold Front
My toes feel like miniature icicles…Bed sheets heated in the exact spot of my body print…Skin touches any other spot of sheets shivers…Room is dark barely lit by a color changing nightlight..
green…red…blue…green…blue…red…A delicate whisper through the vents sends a subtle burnt smell from the central heat that fills the quiet room…boxes thrown in many different places from packing for the move…the silence is deafening….the being alone is painful but strangely painless…seasons change…no car engine sounds outside just distant sirens of the passing ambulance this is the quietest time of the year…leaves begin to crumble….wilter… winters approaching…close… near…pretty soon loneliness appears…
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We haven’t done it in a long time and I miss u. We used to hang out at night til the wee morning hours. Now you look at me with a sour frown as if to say…maaan…what happened to us we used to be dooooown. Like “Brandy” in that song she made. I fell in love wit that record each time it came on the radio..each time it was played. But enough of that now back to us. We used to kick rhymes and beats like “Busta Bus”… Those make it clap hi hats n snares…Hard 909 bass…we would sample anything opera we didn’t care. No rules…there…was no method to our madness. So why is there so much sadness. Why can’t we chill together in the chair in the room bobbing our heads and create like we used to. Why don’t we jot down our thoughts wit a pen and a pad. It used to be the only thing that would keep us from being sad. But don’t you worry because we will be back at it soon. Last night I place an order online for this super fine design by the name of audio interface. And when the package is delivered we will once again go in.
We will reunite together again like old times. I need you….
I need Music.
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Growing Love
I want to be her everything and her only one..I want her to know I’m committed 100% to the relationship. But she feels a certain way about things and it’s hard for me to get in …at times….she runs……
I apply different techniques…but all she does is look at me….With a blank stare like I’m never gonna take her there.
A place where… everything looks or seems like it’s fresh out of a dream.
Even the running water out of the sink tastes sweet. The cheeseburger tastes like it should be called Delmontico. The lettuce that tops my tomato is ripening and beginning to wilter but strangely it’s making the cheese burst wit even more flavor.
Love grows…..
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Understanding the footwork
What’s my purpose in life? What are some of my goals? What things mean the most to me? How am I gonna handle things when they go wrong? I need to be a strong independent black man. But I also need to earn my keep. I need to learn how to take situations for what they are and then put together a plan. I must be a problem solver when needed and produce strategic answers for what’s up ahead…Will I know what to do all the time? If… I knew everything then you could call me superhuman. Trying is better than sitting around waiting for someonelse to do it for you…and if you can’t fix the problem you can at least say you tried. Getting upset because you can’t fix it may happen especially when you take pride in doing things. No one is perfect on this earth and if you don’t show some kind of emotion about things then maybe you don’t really care about your work.
I take pride in going all the way for others and yes I get emotional from time to time but I am no different from everbodyelse. It just so happens I wear my heart on my sleeve and wouldn’t change it for nothing because that’s what makes me who I am. What should I do? Stand around and watch…or jump in and lend a hand to make things better. I am weak in certain areas but I am strong in others. Never been perfect…never said I was…Always emphasized with others and strived to help them in any kind of way.
I turned twelve years old this year and never felt better. I continue to grow and learn and enjoy being able to live life on life’s terms. I have some bad days and some good ones but in each of them I learn something new that will help me with the next situation around the corner waiting.
I will continue to try and help people out with my all to the end of my time here and when I leave this place hopefully my work will speak to everyone letting them know what I was all about and what I stood for.
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Letter to me
Sometimes i feel vulnerable because when I open my heart up to a woman things tend to take an unbelievable turn for the worst. Yes…I’m paranoid…but for Good reason. Why?????? I can’t seem to understand why or what went wrong..Is it something I did? Was she not into me as much as I into her? Did I rush her? Am I not good enough??? And the list goes on …ect…ect… I think and think and think and sometimes over think situations. I self-destruct about the smallest of things not intentionally at least..and I believe it has to do with the little holes in my heart that have not healed yet. These holes at one point were gapeing. But they are much smaller now…almost healed but maybe 8% left to go for its entirety. So I must remind myself to embrace the new found relationship and let it flow in the right direction. To never jump to conclusion… be appreciative and except the outcome whether good or bad…making sure the good outweighs the bad. Stay humble and pay attention to my and her feelings is something I’m working on and with that said…Put it up in the air. For he knows what’s best…..
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One
There’s not enough room in my heart for more than one woman. If I move on from one relationship to another one then that is the beginning of another relationship. If there were two or three or four women in my life I would completely go crazy from all the confusion. When you open the door of love two keys can’t fit in the lock at the same time together and if they did eventually one of them would get stuck become mangled or possibly break…but…there is a key that fits all locks and that’s a skeleton key which is very deceptive key…tricking the lock into thinking it’s the right one. Why is it called that I’m not sure but there’s still only one. When your in a relationship with somebody there’s two of you not three or four and the two of you bond together becoming one. One ceremony , one ring, one honeymoon, one car that you both share and drive together in life hopefully forever or until you find another. You can’t split the car into halfs because it won’t be able to drive with just two wheels. If it has a hitch for a trailer they will still be considered as individual items. Relationships are not meant to be shared and I never asked God to send me two or three or four women I only asked him to send me one.
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Motivational Speech
I will not become another ray of lost hope. I will stay determined to become what im supposed to be. I will stay relentless regardless of the situation and push through. Things can only be driven the way I want them to be when im in the drivers seat. Time to get back on the horse of life and ride it to the finish line. The checkered flag awaits and it is no longer patient. Lets get this ship moving and stop treading water…lets slice through waves like a world class surfer in Hawaii. Winning Championships is Great but just being a contender in the game is a start. So it’s back to the drawing board with a new architectural design. Gooooo!!!! Meeee!!!!
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Only
Only if we could predict the pain...only if we could predict the horrible feeling of losing ...only if we could predict the feeling of embarrassment...only if we could see things before they hurt us...only if we could see them before they got worse...only if we could detect the behavior...only if we relied on our savior(god)...Only if we knew it was gonna be complicated...only if we knew how to relate to it...only if we knew...
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(via https://soundcloud.com/timezone617/restore-soundcloud-version?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=tumblr)
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Everything does not require therapy.
~Drawanert and Associates
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Smiles
One foot in front of the other is the only way to go. Not side to side or back n forth.. Move ahead with caution at a steady pace while being aware of your surroundings and pay very close attention to your mishaps or mistakes and learn from them. Keep a positive outlook on life in general because their are great things waiting for you as you walk down the beaten path. Take the good with the bad and look on the brighter side of every moment…everything happens for a reason. Stay humble and be happy to be alive and well. Keep memories of the good times in a special place in your heart and open them up when needed. Erase negative experiences while also learning how to deal with the bad ones. Celebrate the ones you care about the most and tolerate the ones you don’t for we are all human. Eat vanilla ice cream and drink a Pepsi with a lemon slice in it and be happy to just….be happy…no reason.. just…be appreciative….stay humble😀
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