angelic-eros

[angelic-eros]

Sometimes I wonder how much of myself I have to bend and shape and work around before someone will say they’re proud of what I’ve become

#I’ve done so much this year #I’ve been published as a model in a magazine and a book #my face was on display at comic con this year #I did my first ad job #I’ve travelled across the country for conventions #I’ve finally started earning money for my work #and I still feel like it’s not enough #or that this is just the standard somehow #because no one seems interested in any of this #and I’m starting to feel like all of this is just expected of someone creative and I’m stupid for being excited #sorry I had to vent a little #I’m very tired #and I feel shitty #and I want to feel talented #or pretty or photogenic or something #my copy of the magazine I’m in arrived today #and all I can think about is how many people just stared at me when I told them like it was nothing to them #or sent one word responses #and I don’t get it #vent

[angelic-eros]

Wonderful selection of eight 19th century carved angel wings.

#wings

[angelic-eros]

I think I finally learnt that love is something to experience but it is so rarely forever. I will love hundreds of people in my life and I will carry parts of each with me. Necklaces and candles and jumpers and bottles of hair gel and perfume and a book of Sappho from a person who didn’t understand why I can’t love them in the way they need. Each item carefully kept on an altar to adoration for the gods to take pity on my heart. My first love missing from the collection but seen in my other memories none the less

#god #I keep rambling on here #I think it’s the sleep deprivation #or maybe it’s the new kind of love I’m experiencing #I don’t know #angel #angelkin #actuallyangelic #actuallydivine #angel kin #angelcore #divine #divine kin #vent

[angelic-eros]

I love this blog. My own slice of heaven to come onto and post loose poetry for people who know nothing about my life and who I’ve been. I’ll talk about the people I’ve loved and you’ll know none of them but understand all regardless.

#I’ve done a lot of learning recently #angel #angelkin #actuallyangelic #actuallydivine #angel kin #angelcore #divine #divine kin #vent

[angelic-eros]

I’m doing much better today. I’m feeling more alive than I was a while ago.

A man walked into work today who I hadn’t seen in months. One who told me I remind him of his home and who I planned to paint my room with. He had one drink and then left to pack for his flight to Scotland.

A friends cat climbed onto my lap and reached to place her paw on my neck the way my cat who passed earlier this year did. I started to tear up in my friends living room while we talked about concerts and clothes.

I fought to remember a store me and an old fling used to pass when we would walk to the park we’d sit and drink in until midnight but never went in. Instead we’d walk past and buy cheap alcohol and talk about sex and drug parties I’d never plan on attending, if just to make the time go quicker.

I made a white dress for an event next week that makes me feel beautiful. On Sunday I will have a day off work and a regular told me I should go to church. Instead I will spend it making the outfit for a concert in the city I travelled to to lose my virginity with a man I haven’t spoken to since I came out as a lesbian.

Today I will go to a museum and look at the artists that came before me and I will be with the partner who I confessed to after time in a rose garden and a blossom tucked behind my ear that still is saved in my phone case.

All this happened today and all these events first happened in the first few months of this year. I feel exhausted but I feel alive and I feel loved. And that’s better than I felt a few months ago.

#it’s been a hard year #but today has made me feel a lot #it’s 4am and I can’t sleep #but I’m thinking about the choices I’ve made #and the people I’ve met #and I hope each man I’ve tried to fix myself through is having a good life #I hope each person I’ve looked at for help that I didn’t need is loved #and I hope I some day find peace in my sexuality that isn’t filled with Revolution #vent #maybe ?

[angelic-eros]

And all I hear is a choir of voices yelling over me because they did something today too and I only wanted to say that for once, just this time, I have shown myself in my body and been proud of the outcome. I have shown myself and allowed it to be photographed and I am glad I did so. But every time I open my mouth to say as much the topic is changed and I start to wonder if I was wrong and the choir is right and perhaps I should go back to a back pew and hush.

#vent #it’s been a lovely day #but I tried to talk about it and the topic was changed immediately #so perhaps I’m a dumbass #and perhaps I should just shut up #but I needed to get the words out

[angelic-eros]

They said they care for me in the middle of a train station surrounded by people and all I could hear was their voice and all I could feel was their breath and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more connected to something greater than in that moment

#gay ramblings #divinity in romance and all that #i think about it often

[angelic-eros]

I’m yearning for a peace I don’t remember and can no longer survive.

#angel #angelkin #actuallyangelic #actuallydivine #angelcore #vent #angel kin

[angelic-eros]

🕊️ | ANGEL

— moodboard for an autistic masc angelkin who's scared of flying but is overly kind with soft themes in gold, white and pink with hints of light blue

#moodboard

[angelic-eros]

I think I love too hard. Too much, too fast. Like the stars all circle a person until they leave without warning and I’m left dreaming of heaven together and sunrises in bed and roses on the windowsill and a loveless marriage.

#vent #angelkin #actuallyangelic #angel #actuallydivine #angelcore

[angelic-eros]

I want to be pure and holy and loved and holy and all marble stone to be seen and admired. To be loved in all forms and none at all. To be perfect in a deeply flawed way and to be forgotten in a moment but leave a scratch in the mind of those who see me. I want to be every contradiction and be wanted regardless.

#vent #I’ve had a difficult few months #i want to go home

[angelic-eros]

#fashion

[angelic-eros]

(via)

#home

[angelic-eros]

#home

[angelic-eros]

La Catedral de Granada, Andalucía, Spain

#home

[angelic-eros]

Angelic mlm/nblm lovecore moodboard for the soul

#moodboard

[angelic-eros]

my favourite part of spring is all the forget-me-nots in bloom🌿🌸

#flowers #forget me not