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charliewritesisashamed · 6 years

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Up In Smoke

Stoner+Suicidal Cas fic I never posted bc it is WAY to graphic for Wattpad. Like seriously huge ass fuckin trigger warning. I was in that place when I wrote it so I’m really stressing this it is REALLY graphic with the self harm. Please dont read it if that is triggering at all for you. I’m posting it now bc the non graphic parts are pretty good.

***I'm just sayin no drug dealer is ever gonna act like Crowley okay this is unrealistic af it's a fanfic not real life okay They will charge you every penny for what you buy I'm establishing that Crowley and Cas have known each other for a while and Cas has done many favors for Crowley

**also uh Moe's is the south east's version of Chipotle**

This has been a disclaimer.***

Cas slammed his truck door closed behind him. He tried to hold it in, but couldn't. He bawled into his stearing wheel. He rubbed his eyes, hoping no one in the school parking lot had seen his break down. He grabbed his phone and texted the contact "Crowley." Hey, it's been a rough couple days, and I just got paid. Can I stop by and fill up? Cas flipped the ignition and pulled up some Hollywood Undead on his iPod, waiting for a response from Crowley. He checked his phone. Sure, darling, mind grabbing me some smokes? Cas didn't bother answering, he just pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the nearest gas station.

He parked his truck behind a rather sketchy looking apartment building. Crowley was already outside, a cigarette in hand. He was short, dark, almost black hair. He wore a leather jacket and black t shirt with worn jeans, Stereotypical motherfucker. "Got my Pall Malls?" He asked, blowing smoke. "Yup. Hope you know, I can smell it from here," Cas walked up to Crowley and gave him his smokes. "Landlord buys from me, he doesn't give a shit. C'mon," he led Cas inside. Once inside, Crowley pulled out a freezer gallon bag rolled up, out of his inside coat pocket. "And because you're such a delight, half off." Cas pulled out his wallet. "Only $40," Crowley smiled. "$40 is not half of what I ordered." "Over or under?" Crowley unrolled the bag and examined the contents. "This is $120 so.. dude, I'm really baked, I'm sorry, whatever half of $120 is." Cas laughed, "I can tell, your apartment reeks, dude," Cas fumbled with his wallet, "here's half of $120 is $60, plus $10 for rolling." Crowley refused the extra $10. "No, Cas, rolling on me, okay?" Cas took the $10 and the now rolled up gallon bag. "Thanks, Crowley," Cas pocketed his wallet. "Cas," Crowley pulled him into a hug, "I love ya, buddy." Crowley wouldn't let go. "I'm really baked." "Get some rest," Cas urged, Crowley laughed.

Cas quickly grabbed an empty cigarette box from his center consol and gently placed in 20 joints, shoving the rest of gallon bag in the trash bag behind his seat. He pulled out an actual cigarette, Marlboro silver, and grabbed the lighter from the glove box. Cas quickly inhaled half of the cigarette before even turning his car on. He drove home finishing his cigarette.

Cas had smoked 3 joints and was pretty baked by midnight. "I'm sorry," he kept whispering to himself. His roommate, Gabe, had bought a pack of disposable razors, he had one in his hand. He'd shaven it down enough to expose the razor part. Cas just stared at it. He got up and took off his pants, and walked into the bathroom. Gabe won't be back until Friday. He's at Sam's.

((TW))

Cas didn't really notice what he was doing until he was covered in his own blood. His thighs sliced up in dozens of places, his boxers were soaked, if he'd been wearing a shirt, the bottom portion would've been, too. A few more slices and he fell asleep.

That morning he woke up in a pool of blood that had began to clot. It was going on 7, his first class was at 10. Cas went into his room and grabbed a pair of clean boxers, somehow without getting blood on anything.

Cas stepped around the large puddle and found hydrogen peroxide under the sink. He poured almost half the bottle around the blood and let it set, going to the kitchen to get a roll of paper towels. Between the paper towels and the peroxide, almost all of the blood was soaked up by 8:30. Cas peroxided the tile to get any dried clots up. Cas hopped into the shower and his legs extremely angry about it.

Cas tried to ignore his burning thighs as he sat in his psychology class. He wore a tank top and black jeans. Despite the jeans he still felt like they were bleeding through and everyone could see and they were all secretly making fun of him. He scribbled down notes and tried not to space out, despite still being kinda high.

Another week of getting stoned and smoking and cutting blurred by. He stopped by the gas station near his apartment to pick up a new box of smokes. He walked in and took out $14 "Two Marlboro please, silver," Cas didn't look up from counter. "I'm gonna need to see some ID," an unfamiliar voice said from behind the register. "There is no way you're over 18." Cas looked up, the man behind the counter smiled and winked. "A-a-are you hitting on me?" Cas was taken aback. He pulled out his licence and handed to the man. "Yes, I am," he looked at Cas's licence, "Castiel Novak." "Cas," he handed the man the $14. "Change is 88 cents," Cas stared down at his wallet. The man chuckled. "Here is your 88 cents, your two Marlboros and," he grabbed a pen, circled his name at the top of the receipt and scribbled down 10 digit number. "My name is Dean and I get off work at 7." Cas blushed, "O-okay," he quickly hurried back to his truck.

At 7:02 Cas dialed the number Dean had given him. He quickly took another hit off the joint he was working on as his anxiety spiked. Dean picked up. "Hello?" "Hi, Dean, this is Cas, two Marlboros, from earlier today," Cas hated phone calls, he was shaking, he took another hit. "The cute one, Castiel Novak, 88 cents," Dean responded. "Yes, you said you g-got off work at 7," great now he was stuttering, he took two more hits. "Yes, sir, how would you like to have dinner?" Dean asked. "S-sure, w-where at?" "Moe's? D'you like Moe's?" Dean asked. "S-sure, meet you there at 8?" "Moe's at 8, see you there." "You too," Cas squeaked, hanging up.

Cas hit lock and his truck beeped in response as he walked toward the Moe's, his jacket billowing behind him. Dean stood outside, staring at the door. "Hey," Cas called over to him. Dean turned to him and smiled, "Hi, cutie, so they close at 9 so I'm thinking we get food to-go and eat at the park or your place or my place?" "Sure," Cas smiled.

"So where'd'ya wanna go?" Dean asked. Cas thought about the state of his apartment, reaking of weed and cigarettes and blood, a plastic laundry hamper with clothes covered in blood was somewhere in the hallway. "I have a couple blankets behind my seats, we can lay in the bed of my truck somewhere," Cas suggested. "Lead the way to somewhere," Dean unlocked his car.

Cas pulled into the parking lot of a park that was definitely closed at 8:45pm on a Saturday, Dean parked next to him. Cas grabbed the blanket from behind his passenger seat and hoped there wasn't any weed rolled up in it. Cas locked the cab behind him and jumped up in the bed, unfurling the blanket. "TARDIS blanket? Bonus points," Dean smiled, jumping up into the bed. He sat his bag down and sat down next to Cas.

"Good ass burrito," Cas said, breaking the silence. Dean chuckled, laying down. "Do you smell weed?" Dean asked. Cas was thankful he wasn't facing Dean as he went white. "God, I haven't smoked in forever, ugh what I wouldn't do for a hit or two." "Oh, thank God," Cas sighed. "What?" Dean sat up. Cas unlocked the cab of his truck and jumped out of the bed. He fished around in his coat pocket for his cigarette box. Without locking the cab, Cas jumped back into the bed, sitting directly in front of Dean, he placed the two boxes in between the two. "Cas, I meant weed," Dean chuckled. "I know," he responded, picking up the small box wrapped in duct tape, opening it to reveal 15 thin joints and a lighter. "This is Issac," Cas clicked the disposable lighter with an eye on it, "get it? 'Eye'sac? He's my best friend. I have more conversations with him than I do most other people. I was scared you'd be one of those people who look down on people like me, I'm really glad you're not, you seem really cool, but I'm also really stoned, so I could be wrong about that," Cas rambled. "You-you smoke a lot?" Dean asked. "Yes. I hope that won't be a problem," Cas frowned. "No, no, just curious, I wanna know more about you, I haven't learned much so far," Dean brushed some hair away from Cas's eyes. "Well, I'm in college, a lot of debt, I smoke a lot, both cigs and weed, I haven't had a boyfriend since sophomore year of high school, I've tried to kill myself 13 times this month, my roommate, Gabe, is-" "Wait, hold on, go back, you've tried to kill yourself? 13 times? This month?" Dean questioned. "Uh, yeah, I'm obviously not very good at that, or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough, I dunno," Cas rubbed his burning thigh. "My roommate, Gabe, is also gay, he's at his boyfriend's for a while, I've been avoiding making another appointment with my therapist, for obvious reasons, and if slash when we do sexy times stuff I'm going to do my best to not even look down at my legs at this point," Cas stopped and took a deep breath. Dean leaned forward and firmly kissed Cas. As Dean pulled away Cas took a deep breath in, "I have really bad anxiety issues I shouldn't be allowed to live on my own, there has to be at least half a gram of just pure THC currently in my body at this point, we can't go to my place, there's too much tobacco and weed and blood, I'm going to make stupid desicions tonight, and your eyes are really pretty," Cas grabbed Dean's face, pulling him back into a kiss.

#destiel #suicidal #tw self harm #drugs #supernatural

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charliewritesisashamed · 6 years

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The Ghost Saves the World

This story is very near and dear to my heart, however I’ve never gotten around to finishing it. It’s all on Wattpad, but I’m posting the first couple chapters here. This story is the child of a dream I had once, my dad’s ex girlfriend’s house, and my own over-analyzation of the plot. I’ve revamped the title and cover a couple times but the basic premise has stayed the same: Malcolm is not who he seems, but he still Does His Best to help Levi save the universe.

I sat on the dirty wooden bench with my cleats untied. The likelihood of me being put in do to skill was close to zero. But just as I was getting confortable Coach Jordin called me up.

"Levi, shoes tied, outfield, now!" I rolled my eyes, Jordin was always so military with his "orders".

I quickly tied my shoes and grabbed my glove, jogging to the fence across the field.

Almost there and the sun hits my eyes and I trip. Someone in the crowd makes a noise of sympathy as I fall, but I land on a big conforter that is draped over the fence and spread out across the right side of the fence surrounding the diamond. How someone found a blanket that big I'd wish I'd found out. I open my eyes and find myself in some guy's lap. I scramble back, quickly apologizing.

"Uh, I couldn't see, sorry," I quickly forget the fact that the umpire is letting someone with a big ass blanket lay in the outfield. The guy's name quickly flashes in front of me, Malcolm.

"The fuck was th-" I began.

"It's actually my fault," Malcolm said. "I probably shouldn't have interrupted your softball game," he gestured for me to sit on the fluffy blanket.

"I'm supposed to stand," I answered.

"To them, you will be," Malcolm smiled. "I'm going to help you save the universe, of course I can plant images in people's minds. And all those questions you have, I'll answer 3," I finally sat, facing the game I was supposed to be participating in. "You can ask as many as you want, and I'll chose the ones I want to answer, deal?"

"10 questions," I compromised.

"5, deal?" Mal countered.

"Deal," I thought a moment. "Are you supernatural?"

"As in a supernatural being?" he asked. I nodded. "Yes."

"What kind of supernatural being?" I pulled part of the blanket around me, it was unusually cold for mid August.

"Next question," Mal glanced around. I rolled my eyes.

"Why are you here?" I looked at him.

"For you," he looked at me.

"Why me?" I asked, my third question that he would hopefully answer.

"Stand up," he ordered.

"What?" I frowned.

"Up," he stood up, too, and stood behind me. He grabbed my arms and held them up. I felt a ball land in my glove and Mal grabbed it and threw it to first base.

People were cheering.

"Now run back to the dugout, Levi," Malcolm kept ordering me around. He annoyed me, but I did as I was told. I glanced back as I passed the pitcher's mound and Mal and his giant blanket were gone.

I sat the closest to the way out of the dugout with Jordin standing in the frame of the way to the field. The catch Mal helped me make won us the game. Mal, was interesting. I sipped on the Caprison one of my teammates' mom brought and thought about the way he acted.

"Levi," I heard someone say. Instinctively looking up at Jordin, who was talking to the softball superstar, eye roll, Ali.

"Levi?" I turned, looking out the dugout, seeing Mal on his giant blanket against the same fence I was leaning against.

"You have 3 more questions," Mal said slowly, making me feel stupid.

"You didn't answer my last question," I grumbled. "Which was, why me?"

"Because you're good with kids and animals and kid animals," I didn't even know if Mal was joking. "2 more."

"What do we have to do to, 'save the universe?'" I asked using air quotes even though he couldn't see me.

Malcolm hesitated, "Kill a lot of people."

I quickly walked home from the park. I hadn't bothered changing my shoes, or putting away my glove so my neighbors knew pretty well where I'd just come from.

My headphones were blasting Every Avenue when the volume suddenly started going down. I noticed Malcolm walking beside me. His giant blanket slung over his shoulder, dragging behind him.

"You have one more question," he said over Tell Me I'm A Wreck.

"When are we leaving?" I asked as my music changed to Peach by The Front Bottoms.

"I'm not going to count that since it's an actually relevant question." Mal turned walking backwards, his blanket defying all physics and following his lead. "Preferably tomorrow."

I shoved my softball bag into my closet. The only reason I played this season was because it was either that or go to my mother's for the summer.

"Will I need a cover story as to why I'm gone or are you going to do your supernatural mumbo jumbo?" I kicked off my shoes.

"The second one," he hesitated.

"Who's someone you could live without?" Mal brought his knees up to his chest. I started noticing details about him. He looked young, every part looked about 17, except for his eyes. His eyes looked way older. He had longer hair, it fell around his eyes, which were an unusual shade of purple. "Levi?" he snapped me back to reality.

"How old are you?" I whispered, pulling my legs criss cross on the computer chair. Mal let his legs land on the floor, staring down at his feet. His black hair hung in front of his eyes.

"You don't want to know," he grumbled, except it wasn't really a grumble, it was more raspy and pained. Malcolm looked up at me, his hair still in his eyes, and he disappeared.

#fic #wattpad #supernatural #save the universe troupe

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charliewritesisashamed · 6 years

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The Girl in the Trench Coat

//.. So i wrote this back in like 2015ish it’s a fem!cas Hetero Destiel fic and it’s all fluff i hate it and it’s super short but it’s decent ig//

"Cas, you have to," Anna encouraged.

"No I don't. I don't have to finish High School. I can wait," I sat crossing my arms in the passenger sear my sister's dark blue Mustang.

"I'm going, so you have to," my little brother Gabe said from the backseat.

"Fine," I grumbled, pushing open the heavy door. This wasn't my first time switching schools, I knew how it went. New girl get all the attention from the guys as fresh meat, and gets all the bitches on her back for it.

I hauled my backpack to my locker which I remember from the toor I got back in December before we moved.

"You have to go to the gym first," one of the teachers who happened to walk past me, said.

"I will pay you twenty dollars to ignore me," I said grabbing my wallet from my purse. I hated purses but I needed one.

And need out ways desire.

"Someone else will probably walk down here, ddon't waste your money," she said.

"Fine, I'll be there in a sec," I touched up my lip gloss. Gotta make a good first impression.

I walked to gym feeling very self-conscious of my choice in clothes.

Should I have not worn my Trenchcoat? Should I have worn something with more cleavage? Less? Ugghhh!!

Dean

Sammy sat by his friends and I sat with Chuck, Kevin, Crowley, Abbadon, and Charlie.

I sat away from Crowley and Abbadon, who we're disscussing their world domination plans (not kidding), and Kevin and Charlie were coming up with ship names for Crowley and Abbadon who were 'obviously in love and just didn't want to admit it.' I watched the door, still not quite sure why.

The bell rang and I barely got a glance at her before she turned around and was swarmed by the crowd. But I remember every detail.

Her trench coat came to just above her knees. Her denim shorts were just below her waist and her button up shirt had little crinkles here and there. Perfect amount of cleavage, plus a lose blue tie. This girl was going to my own personal demon.

Cas

I found my first class alright. I felt everyone staring at me.

What? Too much? Too bold? Someone put a Kick Me sign on me?

Fourth hour and I was starving and sick of everyone. Fourth was..science. The teacher was the only new student considerate teacher I'd had so far.

"Everyone, this is..."

"Castiel," I blurted out. "Or Cas," I blushed, I stared down at the books in my hand.

"You can sit by Dean Winchester over there. He's all bark, no bite, don't worry about him, near the back," Mr. Singer whispered to me. "Just don't fuck with his brother and you'll be fine," he smiled. A teacher that knew how to swear. I liked him already.

I found Mr. 'All Bark, No Bite' easily, given he was the only one sitting alone. He wore a green army jacket with a plaid button up underneath and worn out jeans. He's just my style.

I smiled at him just before I sat down.

"How do you like Allion Nation High also known as Hell so far? " Dean whispered.

"Well everyone's staring at me and every teacher but this one probably hates me, but it's cool," I smiled. I had a hot guy talking to me, willingly, on my first day.

"Sorry, the staring might've been my fault," he looked apologetic. Hot guy and actual feelings, everything's coming up Cas. I frowned.

"I might not hang out with the best people who may or may not have caught me staring at you earlier," he grinned.

"Dean! More science, less flirting with the new girl!" Mr. Singer called him out. I grinned, his face went red.

"Can I get a raise, Bobby?" he asked.

"Boy, what do you think?"

" 'No! Now get back to work! Balls!' " Dean imitated.

Mr. Singer didn't seem to mind the mockery. He smiled.

"Correct," Mr. Singer grinned.

"Do you have lunch next?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," I said staring at the board, holding back a grin.

"Good, I'll introduce you to the not so great crowd I hang with."

"Mr. Singer mentioned you had a brother," I hesitated bringing Gabe into this.

"Yeah," he clentched up.

"Is he a freshman, by any chance?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"My little brother, Gabe is a freshman, and I don't know how well he's doing," I whispered.

"Yeah, just bring him along at lunch. I'll introduce Sammy to him," he smiled.

Please go well.

I thought.

"Gabe, I think I've got you a friend," I smiled when I met my brother at his locker just before lunch.

"Oh thank god, I suck at making friends," he frowned.

"Well c'mon!" I smiled.

"Is he hot? He better be hot," he worried.

"I don't know but if he's anything like his brother, he will be," I led Gabe over to a table of 6.

"Kevin, Abbadon, Chuck, Crowley, Charlie, and my brother Sam," Dean introduced immediately. "Cas and.."

"Gabriel, Gabe, hi."

"He's a freshman," I saw Dean mouth to Sam.

"Hey," I smiled, and sat down. "Sabriel," Charlie blurted out.

"Oh my god," Sam's face went red and he put his face in his hands.

"Cas?" Crowley asked, British, neat.

"Castiel, religious parents."

"Destiel," Charlie said. "Croladon."

"Charlie, stop with the ship names!" Dean blushed.

"Croladon?" Crowley and Abbadon both asked.

"It's true love!" Chuck grinned.

"Not you too, Chuck," Kevin mummbled.

"I totally see it," I smiled. Crowley glared at me. "That only proves your undying love for her," I said without batting an eye. I'd been every type of those girls, he didn't scare me.

Abbadon burst out laughing, but she bit her too red lip. Maybe they were onto something.

"See what I mean," Dean whispered.

"Yeah," Crowley and Abbadon weren't the best influences in the world.

"So, doing anything after school," Dean asked.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit no! Mouth work work why won't you work??

"Uhhh, no," I somehow got out.

"Too soon?" he cringed.

"No, just...my brain stopped working for second there." STAHP TALKING

"Okay, so, you like diners?"

"Who doesn't?" I smiled.

"Good," Dean smiled.

I unraveled my earbuds and popped on in, blasting Can't Blame A Girl For Trying by Sabrina Carpenter.

"Crappy music taste, dump her now," Crowley said across the table.

I pressed the skip button a few times.

"You a Classic Rock boy?" I asked with Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas playing. //im not sorry//

"Or pop punk," 5 Seconds of Summer Social Causality.

"Or the best music you will ever hear?" American Idiot Green Day.

"Damn. Crowley's wrong for once," Sam smiled.

Crowley glared at me. I smiled back.

#fanfic #works #destiel #supernatural

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charliewritesisashamed · 6 years

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Diary of an Accidental Serial Killer

Oh geez okay I have some commentary for this one. So this was almost a “book” on Wattpad. (There’s more to it). SO I got really into like serial killer fics back in the summer of 2017 and this was the Writing Baby of that and I’ve gone back and read everything I have and I Hate It. But I’m publishing it all anyway, if you want to read it. Our main character is nb and a bunch of the board members are genderqueer so representation? Okay so here’s chapter 1.

Dear Diary,

Well okay, "diary" I guess, I don't know really, you're just a Notes folder on my Mac so I guess you're not really a "diary," but it's the best I can handle with my current situation. Well, it's 5:38 am on June 4, 2016, and I have to write this, well, type, I guess, just so I can prove to myself that I actually did it. And I really hope the NSA doesn't, like, to hack my iCloud or some shit because then, well then, I'd be going to jail.

I can't sleep, I just can't. I don't know if I ever will again, honestly.

When I was little I started having nightmares, really bad nightmares. In them, I would hurt people. Not just a little, I would slice them up, drain their blood, shoot them, stab them, skewer them: kill them, in any way I could.

At first, I would wake up scared and cry and my parents would come and comfort me like any parent of an 8-year-old having nightmares would, but I wouldn't ever tell them what I had dreamed.

But then I stopped waking up scared. I was 9 and I was okay with dream-murdering people. In retrospect, that's pretty fucked up.

I mean, I know that I got used to them, but still.

I've been having these nightmares every night for 10 years. 10 years on the dot actually.

Last night was the 10 year anniversary, my 18th birthday, June 3rd.

For my birthday, I went out with a couple friends and just had dinner and then we went over to one of my friends' house and watched Supernatural and drank soda and ate popcorn and candy until we passed out. And I had my usual nightmare, except this one was more...loud. I woke up around 11, only minutes after I fell asleep.

I don't know what made me leave, but I ran into my friend's mom and told her I was just going home. But, I got into my car and drove in the opposite direction.

I got onto the interstate and drove into the city. I live in Naperville, but instead, I got on I-88 all the way across the river. I turned on South Holdon Circuit and parked behind the 7-Eleven. I went in and bought my first lottery ticket and a pack of smokes. I didn't plan on smoking them, but I could buy them now, so why not. It was weird, though, when I asked for some smokes, the cashier didn't card me, he just asked "The usual?" even though I'd never been to this particular 7-Eleven. I said "Sure," anyway. I went back to my car and put my items in the passenger seat. I didn't stay in my car long, I eventually got out and walked to South Michigan Avenue. I watched the cars for a while, something you wouldn't necessarily see 12:43am in a small town.

I didn't realize I'd sat down until a lady asked if I was okay.

I looked up at a nice looking woman, probably 25, dressed kinda like Dan Howell, a black hoodie, gray skinny jeans, black converse, and a black slouch beanie.

"Yeah, sorry, I must have zoned out," I responded, standing up.

"Do you have a ride home, sweetie? It's really late," she smiled.

"Yeah, my car is behind the strip mall on South State," I answered.

"I could walk you," she urged.

"Okay," I agreed.

We made the walk faster than I had originally and we didn't speak at all, she just walked me to my car.

"Thank you for letting me walk you I just had to make sure you made it, otherwise I'd be worrying all night," she confessed.

"No problem, I'm the same way sometimes," I smiled. I wish I'd just ended it there, gotten in my shitty white 91 Chevy Corsica and drove home. No, I don't wish, I should have.

She smiled back and turned around. I hit her in the back of the head, really hard. She fell down and didn't get back up. I bent down and checked her pulse, which was still there. She was still alive. I dragged her and put her in the back of my car. I went back in the 7-Eleven and bought a few rolls of plastic wrap then drove to the only abandoned place I knew was close: the Damen Silos.

By this point I felt weird.

I'd never really been to the Silos but I knew the building from some article online. I covered an area with the plastic wrap. I made makeshift gloves that went up my arms and covered my clothes with a plastic wrap apron and a little hat that had a veil that covered my face and neck.

I also wrapped the lady in plastic wrap. Tighter, though, so when she woke up she wouldn't be able to run, I also made sure to wrap her mouth, I sat her up against the far wall. And she did wake up, at about 1:40am.

She looked so scared and helpless, so why did I love it?

"Look, I'm really sorry about this," I began pacing and pulled out the small pocket knife that always appeared in every pair of pants I owned somehow. "It's nothing personal, honestly. I don't even like Dexter, really, he makes us seem so fucking predictable," I paused,

Had I done this before? I thought.

"And, again, this is nothing personal, it just has to happen. There are just some of us that understand population control. And I am sorry that you're just now starting a family," I paused again, the look on her face confirming she was pregnant.

How did I know she was pregnant?

"He's probably really nice, and everything and I promise I'll make it as painless as possible. I'm sure you're a nice lady, but this needs to happen, I'm really sorry. And I mean, it's kinda your fault, you didn't have to walk up to me but you did."

She was struggling against the plastic wrap but it wasn't doing any good. I pulled a lighter that had appeared somehow in my jeans and the pack of smokes that ended up in my back pocket.

"Want one?" I asked her waving the pack. She stopped struggling, and shook her head 'no'. I sighed. "You're literally about to be murdered and you refuse something that calms nerves?"

She looked down. I walked across the room and bent down next to her. "So I'm gonna ask you again. Do you want one?"

She shook her head yes.

"Good girl. Open," I smiled and poked a hole in the wrap around her mouth with the knife and placed a cigarette in it. I put one in my mouth too but lit hers first. I quickly took a drag from mine and was surprised when I didn't cough. I'd never smoked before. But I'd never killed anyone either and it felt like I was running on autopilot, kinda like you feel a little ways into the school year when you're going from class to class. It felt like I'd done this a million times.

"This is usually the part where I ask what your name is but you don't have to answer if you don't want to. The only difference is when I'll know it. You'll be on the news in about 48 hours after your...boyfriend?" I guessed, she nodded. "Calls the cops, freaks out, and they won't do anything until it's been 48 hours."

That's when I knew chunks of my memory had to be missing. I had definitely said that before. At this point, it felt like someone else was controlling my body and mouth while my mind was just stuck doing nothing.

I took her cigarette out of her mouth and she blew the smoke out.

"Blaine," she coughed from the smoke.

"Well, hi Blaine, I'm Zannder, and I would shake your hand but, yeah," I smiled. And put her cigarette back in her mouth.

She is unusually calm.

"How far on are you?" I added, taking her cigarette again.

She blew out more smoke.

"Four months, is it that obvious already?" I replaced her cigarette in her mouth.

"No, don't worry, I can just tell by body language, humans, or at least most humans, are very predictable."

I checked my watch, which I didn't know I had.

"Well, Blaine, I'm sure you're very nice but it's almost 2 and we need to get this moving on," I hinted.

She tried saying something, so I pulled out her cigarette. She blew out the smoke.

"You know these aren't cigarettes, right?" she giggled.

"Yes, Blaine, I know," I smiled. "I told you I'd make as painless as possible," At this point I was positive I was not in control of my body or my mouth. I let her finish her joint, and mine, and she passed out by 2:15.

I kissed her forehead and rewrapped her mouth, this time wrapping her nose as well. I pulled her to be lying down on the floor that was still covered in plastic wrap. I pulled out my knife and started cutting. I plunged the small blade through her right temple cutting off most brain activity, then I did the same on her left, just to be sure. I did promise mostly painless.

Then I went to work on her abdomen. I cut through the skin, through the muscle, though it was more difficult and pushed past her intestines. There, was her uterus.It was bulging a bit, but not enough to be noticed through all the organs I had to get though to get here. I stuck my knife in quickly, so they didn't have to suffocate or die of starvation or even just lack of warmth due to the fact that Blaine was dead. I was, apparently, a serial killer, not a monster. I then started cutting Blaine into smaller pieces. Due to the size of my knife, this was a little difficult as I couldn't cut through bones.

When I was done cutting Blaine up, I knocked out most of her teeth. I individually wrapped each piece of her I had cut in plastic wrap but before I did I put a tooth wrapped by itself in each. I took one of her molars, examined it, and dropped it into the cigarette box. I kept the plastic wrap that had come in contact with me in a ball.

Teeth are usually used to identify when fingerprints can't. That way the boyfriend can know it's all only her and their child if they ended up finding anything.

I loaded her body into my car and got onto I-90E to East 114th Street, which was apparently dead around 3am. I threw each part of her into different parts into the Calumet River so she would be distributed in it and down to the lake. I drove back home and put the remaining ball of plastic wrap in our bonfire stone circle and set it on fire. That was about an hour ago.

What is happening to me?

Sincerely fucked up,

Zander

#works #gross #serial killer #nonbinary

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