craniotomies

[craniotomies]

#prose #poetry #writing #spilled prose #art #literature

[craniotomies]

every time you look at me, 

           i run out of oxygen

baby, 

you’ve turned me  h y p o x i c 

there’s glitter in the skies, 

    it falls into my eyes.                and blinds me

give me a taste of delirium - 

      we are ambrosial symbiotes

i would travel to the underworld

    if only to never thirst for you again. 

#prose #spilled prose #words #writing #literature

[craniotomies]

#words #spilled words #prose #writing #personal #emotional

[craniotomies]

fibrosis.

Your betrayal tastes like pungent water on a hot summer day.

If truth had a name, it wouldn’t be yours because all you know how to do is lie. Your words are like a poisonous snake striking at any unwitting opponent until it’s too late and you've buried yourself in the spaces between their ribs and filled their lungs with the toxic smell of you. I used to see you in the stars but now all I have are bruised knees and a body full of lackluster heartache.

My veins are full of unanswered prayers and enough regret to pulverize mountains.

You kept the pieces of myself that I gave you all wrapped up in a pretty little bow, only to use them against me like daggers aimed at my soul. I thought your love hurt me until I realized you didn’t love me at all - you just liked the love letters I traced on your skin, heartfelt symphonies of a guileless girl. I thought I made wildflowers bloom inside you but your heart is a graveyard of unsung apologies and synthetic hopes.

I swallowed a galaxy of emotions and now I’m trapped inside a monochromatic dream prison.

My lungs sting from saltwater, the wounds of your false dichotomies still recent like fresh bloodstains on my silk sheets. Wednesday’s used to smell of your fresh linen skin and blueberry pancakes but now we’re a pair of unsynchronized clocks unable to make up for lost time. You were a calculated mistake I’m still paying for but I woke up from my delusional fantasy and decided to forgive myself. I was drowning in an ocean of your lies but I threw myself a lifejacket and saved myself.

#writing #prose #nonfiction #literature #life #personal #heartbreak

[craniotomies]

lassitude.

My soul is tied down by an anchor that slowly drowns me in a sea of bitter ignorance. I’ve stopped wearing my heart on my sleeve because the last time I did, someone ripped it right off and trampled on it like a vicious herd of hyenas. And so, it fell to the ground like the petals of a flower, feeble and forgotten. So I sterilized my walls and I sterilized my heart, rearranging my cells to become a confluent army against the unwanted barrage of emotions that would swell inside me until they overflowed, snapping my bones and splintering my soul. My heart is blemished, a bleak graveyard of friendships lost, a thick tar running through my veins that haunts me in the form of blackened nightmares where my hands are claws that I turn upon myself, to try to rid myself of the noxious poison of unreciprocated love. For so long, my insecurities were continents etched upon the wide expanse of my skin for everyone to witness, until they took the synapses in my brain hostage and rendered me a slave to their desires. I used to wait for someone to come along and read me, praying that they would tell me I made sense, that my life wasn’t page after page of broken dreams that never took root, that I wasn’t just one person swimming in a vast ocean of lies. I wanted someone to put me back together so well that I would never realize I had been broken in the first place. Now I just hope that the world stays muted and that my silence speaks volumes, my eyes saying more than my words ever could.

#prose #words #writing #emotions #literature #friendship #life #tired