doctor-fancy-pants

[doctor-fancy-pants]

THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY

just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.

(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)

i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.

the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.

i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.

PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE

a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)

ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.

months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’

turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes

at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)

as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.

fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.

when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM

SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:

CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:

well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.

PART TWO: RESCINDED

a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask

right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.

of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered

there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA

first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.

second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.

in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.

TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.

i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.

but here we are.

PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?

this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:

when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.

it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?

i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not

my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.

at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense

PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES

it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say

BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?

is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.

if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.

and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?

(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)

i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.

you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.

if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.

so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.

THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.

as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING

AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?

let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.

when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.

if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?

or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.

PART FIVE: GENDERED

this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.

if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned

PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY

there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?

i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'

putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.

i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY

another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions

PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL

i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.

i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)

which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.

if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME

KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck

UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:

true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo

to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love

please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it

[doctor-fancy-pants]

The Traditional Doc Fancy Xmas Blessing

(I try to do this every year. Apologies if you also see this on Discord, Twitter, WhatsApp and/or Facebook/FB Messenger. It’s my thing.)

<ahem>

Axial tilt is the reason for the season — raise a glass, but before you tilt it towards your mouth, I propose a toast:

If you are super into Xmas, may you enjoy fantastic traditional foods and see sparkly decorated trees everywhere. I wish you gingerbread (or, at minimum, tinsel).

If you're into the family stuff, hope everyone is happy and fun and loving and that your racist uncle drinks too much brandy and passes out happily before he can upset anyone. I wish you happy family times.

If you dread Xmas and find the whole thing appalling, may you glide through the season with a minimum of fuss and end up with at least one present that makes you cheery, or may you steal your uncle's brandy after he passes out and spend the day too pleasantly fuzzed to be bothered. I wish you peace of mind.

And if the whole thing just doesn't bug you or excite you either way, and you can take what you like and leave what you don't, then your mental flexibility impresses me and I offer a high five, and I'll just have to wish you non specific good times.

Cheers, my friends.

#xmas 2023 #xmas blessing #the festive season is more festive for some than for others and I always want to pick up on that #all the best truly

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Wednesday Words

Drama 1

“All that drama.” The wave of a hand, dismissive. “Throw out the drama.”

You wonder how to throw away the heartbreak, the pain, the anger, the injustice; you wonder how not to throw yourself out at the same time.

You ask how it could have been avoided. Everyone’s full of ideas, until you lay it on the line.

It’s the line that’s important. Which side of it are you on?

Because whether what’s happening is a deep personal trauma or simply pointless drama always depends on which side of that emotional line you’re on.

Drama 2

He’s quiet.

From the wings, he watches the cast take their final bow. It’s closing night – someone drags him on stage, introduces him as the playwright, and between the stage lights and the applause, there’s a war between terror and exultation.

There are no small feelings. He’s quiet on the outside. The rest of it, he shapes. Every time an actor nails the delivery - even better than he imagined - every time an audience member sniffles, he thinks this is so much bigger than he imagined.

He imagines vastness.

And when he imagines drama, he is borne aloft by it.

Drama 3

I have a big voice. If I’m warmed up, if I’m living inside the notes, I can hammer volume, fullness, vibrato, liquid fire in my lungs. I don’t need the microphone.

I need the drama.

I can pour myself into the lyrics, I can leap intervals with precision and delight, as though I’m flying. Nothing feels like this, nothing.

But I can’t do it without the drama.

I can’t do the wordless cry. I need the words to launch me.

I can hit the stratosphere, if I have the drama.

Otherwise, I just drift, in a lost, precise, ambivalent note.

I have a Wednesday night writing group. We do prompts, and drabbles, and it’s a good time. Everyone comes out with something so different! They’re short snippets – the drabbles are only supposed to be 100 words, a warm-up for the later prompt. I'm trying to remember to post my favourites as I go. This is the first time I came up with three in the fifteen minutes... and yes, I have fallen behind on this, I plan to pick it up again! So many things have been set aside while I try to juggle the absurdity that is my life, but... I like sharing these. I want to keep doing that.

#drabble #drama #singing #writing #human feeling #big feelings #performance #sincerity #lyricism #I sing so I can feel

[doctor-fancy-pants]

The immortalised wrench sonnet! (I'm imagining a shifter spanner. Devious creatures.)

blame @doctor-fancy-pants for this

The day I met that wrench was not so hot And birds sang sweetly in the twisted trees As I did use my tools to fix a spot Wrapped in a blanket for the freezing breeze.   The wrench was fine and dandy in its work It never made me slip or blame my tool But came the day I had to give a jerk Its use, my wrench, in hands of wretched fool.   My wrench! My wrench! I would have begged it back But he did walk away and with him joy The one and perfect wrench I owned was crack -Ed, and I did mourn its loss fore’er, boy.   But I got back at him, I did, you know For never met he so steadfast a foe.

prompt: write a sonnet about a wrench

#sonnet #wrench #more poems about standard shed tools please

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Wednesday Words

Messages

He sends her a message, and two miles away, her mobile chimes.

He wants to talk. He knows she’s busy. He’s worried, is all. When she’s got time.

She’s looking through the telescope, and ignoring her phone. Not because of him. She lost a friend, recently. She doesn’t know why. She asked, several times.

No answer.

No message. That, in itself, is a message, but it hurts, and it’s frightening. Now every delay from every message could be the beginning of a new message, a message of absence and silence.

She watches the stars. She thinks about radio signals, travelling through space.

It would take so long to get a message out there.

You wouldn’t know when to stop hoping, she thinks. People used to write letters, before the internet, the telephones, the telegrams. Letters, carried by ships at sea, or tiny reports on bloody homing pigeons.

What news from the front? she thinks, focused on a distant star. Who knows? Keep an eye out for pigeons. Or the postman. Or radio waves.

Now, you don’t know when to expect it, or when to stop expecting it.

You don’t know when the silence is safe.

She has her headphones on. The music helps. Songs have messages, have meaning. You can consider those at your own pace. They only go one way, and you aren't expected to answer, or know the right thing to say.

The music fills her head. She doesn’t hear her phone chime, another friend, sending another message, to let her know that he’s thinking of her, and he hopes she’s okay.

She is okay, in this moment. She doesn’t expect messages from the stars. Their silence has no weight.

They just burn. That is all they have to do.

I have a Wednesday night writing group. We do prompts, and drabbles, and it’s a good time. Everyone comes out with something so different! They’re short snippets – the drabbles are only supposed to be 100 words, a warm-up for the later prompt. I'm trying to remember to post my favourites as I go. This particular drabble prompt - Messages - hit something hard in my heart, and I didn't try to keep it to 100 words.

#heart hurts #drabble #not really a drabble #messages #silence

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Today on 'subject areas that use terminology that is way too suggestive for me to take seriously': structural concrete.

plain member

reinforced member

prestressed member

sequential jacking

yield penetration

top and bottom fibre stresses

'Tables are available that indicate the approximate size of a member required for different purposes.'

designing members for serviceability

I'm on the verge of calling in immature to work tomorrow, this is making me laugh way too hard.

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Two Years Since The Storm (Tuesday 4PM)

Sharing this is literally terrifying, and at the same time it feels like it's something I have to do. It's a rough vocal through GarageBand with some reverb tacked on, and it's raw, and it hurts. But singing it... helps. It helps me, at least.

(if you do listen please be kind about any vocal wobbles and maybe pretend that you didn't hear them, it can be our little secret)

#storm damage #june 2021 freak weather event #musical catharsis #complex PTSD #I want to go home

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Wednesday Words

Good Skin

The First Dragon had died. Dragons do not stop growing, and he carried eons within him. He became more weathered, slower in his thoughts and words. Every thought was a deep, slow thought, because with so much memory, and so much wisdom, a thought had to travel a long way.

Eventually he passed from the world, as all things must. He felt relief, for who could follow him through such thoughts? He had been lonely.

Dragons also do not decay. The inkwyrms, those who prepared the dead, who recorded the words, deeds and songs of the dragons who died, took up their needles and their drills. He had outgrown his scales, and that was fortunate. There was a lot of ground to cover, and prying up scales takes time.

Underneath, he was just soft enough for them to begin their work.

They would record each of those long, slow thoughts on this good skin.

I have a Wednesday night writing group. We do prompts, and drabbles, and it’s a good time. Everyone comes out with something so different! They’re short snippets – the drabbles are only supposed to be 100 words (eventually I got there!), a warm-up for the later prompt. I'm trying to remember to post my favourites as I go.

#drabble #dragons #good skin #wednesday words #do dragons only start out as fire elementals #but end as stone elementals? #that is how planets are born #they begin as fire #and end as stone #with their history buried in their skin #I am taking some artistic liberties with astrophysics do not @ me

[doctor-fancy-pants]

YES please let them research jellyfish, they're amazing, and honestly finding out just how freaking weird the sea is can really fascinate... well, anyone, but I am thinking of kids here. It's so different to anything they encounter in their daily life, on TV, at school. And it's a wonderful way to appreciate just how *complex* the world is. I hope Alex is kicking ass and taking names, and I hope she does end up researching the jellies - because there is still so much we don't know about them, they're a diverse and mysterious group. So. We need people to get on that. Godspeed Alex, and I hope more people do see the wild engine of enthusiasm in your brain. And also to you for supporting her. We need more people on that, too - so many more.

what the FUCK i was just on a wikipedia binge and i learned about the jellyfish life cycle and its fuckin WILD gang

#marine biology #education #the ocean is weird #the kids are alright #but also support them in their interests

[doctor-fancy-pants]

and I was wondering what the D chord did to get suspended. It has to be in year 12 if it's young enough to be suspended but old enough to not be a minor chord, right.

and then I realised that probably it had been buying booze for all the minor chords.

Look, I gotta make my own fun

So I was trying to figure out strumming pattern for a song I'd written - and I'd written the melody etc. and worked out key and such ages ago, and then scribbled some rough chords in to come back to later, right? But I'd left that one sitting for a while. And tonight I picked it up to work on again, and I was thinking how weird it was that I'd written the key at the top as "E minor" and then had a bunch of E major chords in it, and because of the… look it's a slightly odd song, my music knowledge is sadly limited in technicality so I don't know why it sounded fine with all those E majors in it...

(this song does not have many chords. It has… four. One of those only occurs once. The others are A minor and B minor.)

But it did sound perfectly okay with the E majors. ANYWAYS. I thought, "hmm, since I did apparently decide it was in E minor, I'm gonna try and play it with E minor, just in case I was a doofus and forgot to write the little 'm' next to the E when I was writing this out…" and MYSTERIOUSLY... yes, it sounds way better.

Hypothesis tested and supported, so I started scribbling the little m next to all the Es and began declaring loudly: "...and YOU are a minor and YOU are a minor and the B minor and the A minor and ALL you freaking E minors, that's right, NONE OFYOU CAN DRIVE. OR DRINK. OR VOTE. why? BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL MINORS."

pause

"Except for that one D suspended fourth. I think that one can drink. THE REST OF YOU ARE UNDERAGE, GET OUT OF MY BAR."

(this is a win because this is possibly the worst music pun I have ever made, I am so proud of myself)

#I'm not sorry #music puns #bad puns #songwriting #stop me before I hurt myself I am laughing so hard at my own jokes right now it should be illegal

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Look, I gotta make my own fun

So I was trying to figure out strumming pattern for a song I'd written - and I'd written the melody etc. and worked out key and such ages ago, and then scribbled some rough chords in to come back to later, right? But I'd left that one sitting for a while. And tonight I picked it up to work on again, and I was thinking how weird it was that I'd written the key at the top as "E minor" and then had a bunch of E major chords in it, and because of the… look it's a slightly odd song, my music knowledge is sadly limited in technicality so I don't know why it sounded fine with all those E majors in it...

(this song does not have many chords. It has… four. One of those only occurs once. The others are A minor and B minor.)

But it did sound perfectly okay with the E majors. ANYWAYS. I thought, "hmm, since I did apparently decide it was in E minor, I'm gonna try and play it with E minor, just in case I was a doofus and forgot to write the little 'm' next to the E when I was writing this out…" and MYSTERIOUSLY... yes, it sounds way better.

Hypothesis tested and supported, so I started scribbling the little m next to all the Es and began declaring loudly: "...and YOU are a minor and YOU are a minor and the B minor and the A minor and ALL you freaking E minors, that's right, NONE OF YOU CAN DRIVE. OR DRINK. OR VOTE. why? BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL MINORS."

pause

"Except for that one D suspended fourth. I think that one can drink. THE REST OF YOU ARE UNDERAGE, GET OUT OF MY BAR."

(this is a win because this is possibly the worst music pun I have ever made, I am so proud of myself)

#I wish I knew the time signature so I could make a bar pun #I am too much of a music noob at this point #songwriting adventures #bad puns #bad puns are the best puns #okay but what did the D chord do to get suspended #oh man this is just a rich text I gotta call it here #oh no I figured out the D chord pun and now I have to add it

[doctor-fancy-pants]

For those who have the bandwidth, who want to understand, who are curious, who care

In their own words, written by someone that I feel absolutely honoured to know. (The trigger warning here is pretty obvious I feel.)

#australia #transphobia #queerphobia #protest #allyship #basic fucking human dignity should not be up for fucking debate #I want us to be better than this #I want my trans friends to be safe in their own skin #when bigotry wins we all fucking lose

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Wednesday Words

Good Things Can Come From Mistakes #1

Cell division is a glorious, microscopic ballet.

A dancer’s silhouette is revealed from an artful smoke machine; so too does our genetic material coalesce from the organised chaos of the nucleus into chromosomes.

Diligently, they twin themselves, then separate, pulled to opposite ends of the stage; and then the stage itself splits in two, and you don’t see that shit in Swan Lake.

But the most miraculous part of all this is how much it gets fucked up and you still end up with a human being at the end of it.

Only now you’ve got red hair. You’re welcome.

Good Things Can Come From Mistakes #2

A weed is any plant that grows where you don’t want it to grow. It’s a context-specific term. A mistake is to do something when you intended something else.

An error is a computer telling you to go fuck yourself, because you’re speaking gibberish (as far as the computer is concerned).

What do you get when you combine these things?

Well, I got a sarcastic cyborg plant person, and after 50 magical years of marriage, I don’t regret a single thing.

I have a Wednesday night writing group. We do prompts, and drabbles, and it's a good time. Everyone comes out with something so different! They're short snippets - the drabbles are only supposed to be 100 words (eventually I got there!), a warm-up for the later prompt. I've decided to post my favourites, because why not? This one was more recent, and I got two in the time limit that I liked.

#every living organism is a filthy mutant and we really don't say that often enough #mutation is the raw material of evolution #most mutations either do nothing or render the developing organism nonviable #some mutations do multiple things and it's real weird strap in #the mc1r gene is expressed in the skin and there's a version that codes for red hair and increased melanoma risk dammit but guess what #that same mutation is expressed in the brain and affects pain perceptions and analgesic response #more tolerant of many kinds of pain #more sensitive to hot/cold pain #varying levels of resistances to local analgesics #seriously my dentist has to give me like 3x the amount and she tried to trick me just to confirm #so this is what I mean when I say mutation is the raw material of evolution and all of it is a mistake in some aspect of cell replication #this means that you are a good thing that came from many many mistakes #feel proud #I'm not sure how this plays into the sarcastic cyborg plant person but I am picturing a steampunk triffid rolling its eyes

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Wednesday Words

Apocalypse Edition: Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows Everywhere

At the end of the rainbow, there’s a pot of gold.

At the end of the world, there’s a rainbow.

We sit in the ruins, the radiation rising around us, a haze of inevitable death. I sip my tea. The sun is low in the sky. In the distance, a forest is barely visible – a surviving forest, without the withered and blasted trees that surround us.

My companion leans over and turns off the Geiger counter, and picks up his guitar. He plays. I sing. For now, that is enough.

At the end of the rainbow, there is a forest.

I have a Wednesday night writing group. We do prompts, and drabbles, and it's a good time. Everyone comes out with something so different! They're short snippets - the drabbles are only supposed to be 100 words (eventually I got there!), a warm-up for the later prompt. I've decided to post my favourites, because why not? The theme for this particular Wednesday was Apocalypse, and the prompt for the drabble was "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows Everywhere."

#drabble #it's the end of the world as we know it and i feel fine #pieces of this world will survive our own ending and that eases the sting #also by that point the geiger counter has well and truly outlived its own usefulness

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Goddamn, I knew none of this 😮 💜

Sometimes I think abt Billie Joe Armstrong and I get so emotional. Does he know how many kids he gave the courage to come out as bisexual. How many people saw him and realized they were like him. Realized there were people like us and he told us what that was and it was Bisexual loud and proud and fuck you if you’ve got a problem with that

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Ok we all talk about the Pevensies’ trauma at returning to Earth at the end of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and their trouble readjusting to life there again but think of all the funny/good parts too

They return from the country, and their mom is surprised when all her children hug her at the station. Even Peter, who thinks he’s all grown up. Even Edmund, who went away surly and withdrawn. She doesn’t know her children haven’t seen her in over a decade.

They miss their dear Cair Paravel, but they absolutely do not miss its chamber pots. Indoor plumbing is amazing.

It takes a while to remember how modern technology works, though. How many heart attacks did the siblings give their parents or the professor because they walked into a dark room only to turn on the light and find the children sitting there in the dark. (They were by the window! There was still plenty of light from the sunset! They would have gotten a candle in a minute!) The kids sheepishly remember oh yeah electricity is a thing.

(Edmund has a new electric torch in Prince Caspian. He was so excited to get that torch. Almost more excited than you’d think a kid his age would be, and his parents expect Peter at least to tease him, but the siblings all agree light in your hand at the touch of a switch is terrific.)

Suddenly getting really high grades in some subjects and terrible in others. Their grammar, reading comprehension, spelling, vocab, even penmanship? Amazing. History and geography? They don’t remember anything. One time in class Susan forgets Earth is round and wants to die.

Also they can never remember what the date is supposed to be because Narnia uses different months and years. They can estimate time really well by looking at the sun though, and Edmund at least can always tell which way is north etc without thinking about it (again, using the sun)

Okay but how many times did they go to pick something up or reach something and realize they are so much shorter and less muscled than they expect? It’s a common sight to see Peter climbing on counters to reach a top cabinet, grumbling about how he’s High King this is demeaning. (No he never takes the extra five seconds to grab a stool. He will climb that shelf.)

Peter and Susan being delighted because they are no longer almost thirty. (In a few years Edmund and Lucy will tease them about being old and their parents will not understand.)

Lucy doesn’t have to deal with periods anymore for a few years yet. Susan might not either. Heck yeah

Lucy loves to climb into her siblings’ laps and be cuddled. In Narnia she eventually she grew too big, but now she is small and snuggleable again. Peter is her favorite, and if she’s upset, he’ll tickle her and tell bad jokes until she’s smiling again, but really she loves cuddling with all her family. She grew up without her parents; how many times did she just want to crawl into her mom’s lap and her mom was a world away? Imagine the first time she realizes she can now. Or, imagine one day, a cold and grey sort of day, when the rain is pattering against the windows, and it sounds like the rain on the windows of the Professor’s house, that first day they went exploring. It sounds like the day they played hide and seek. It sounds so like the rain on the windows of Cair Paravel, that if Lucy closes her eyes she can imagine she’s back there, having tea and chatting with Mr. Tumnus before the fireplace of her room, and soon the rain will stop, and they will go out on the balcony and wave to the naiads and the dryads and the mermaids, who have come out to enjoy the rain and visit one other on the banks of the Great River winding past Cair Paravel down to the sea.

But if Lucy looks out the window, all she’ll see is the rain over London, so it’s not only a cold and grey sort of day, it’s a lonely sort of day too.

Susan and Edmund are playing chess in the living room (and they must have studied with Professor Kirke, thinks their mother, because they certainly weren’t that good when they left). Lucy goes over to Edmund, and oh dear, thinks their mother, now he’s going to call her a baby and be horrible to her, but instead he picks her up and puts her on his lap without even taking his eyes off the chessboard; it’s simply a matter of course.

“Doesn’t the rain sound familiar?” says Lucy in a solemn, wistful way.

Their mother doesn’t know what that means, but her siblings must, because Susan says, “Yes, Lu, it does,” and Edmund gives her a little hug with his free arm as she tucks herself under his chin to watch the chess match.

(Five minutes later there is a crash from the next room as Peter falls off a counter. Their mother does not understand the words he must have picked up from the Professor, but he’s grounded for them anyway. His siblings have no respect for their High King, because they refuse to stop laughing.)

[doctor-fancy-pants]