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Yes.

#jaskier #geralt #geraskier #the witcher netflix #twn

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oh thats not a chastity cage. yeah no thats a muzzle. if my penis bites one more person theyre gonna have it euthanized

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #the witcher memes #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz

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*penis starts throbbing* my arch nemesis is near…

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #the witcher memes #twn #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz

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pissing each other off as foreplay

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #the witcher memes #geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geraskier

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#the witcher #jaskier #twn #the witcher netflix #julian alfred pankratz #geralt #geralt of rivia #geraskier #the witcher memes

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The Witcher Headcanon (Modern Au) - Error 404 Brain Not Found: Bonus Scene - Part 18

"Check this out! I can cast Igni!" Jaskier exclaimed, bursting into Geralt's room.

Geralt looked up just in time to see the tongue of flame Jaskier shot in his general direction.

"Oh calm the h*ll down, it's just a little bit of fire!"

"No, I didn't 'almost burn down your horsie collection!"

"Please! The fire was no where near it! The flame was maybe a foot long at most!"

"That's not even a curtain! It's just an old sheet held up by thumbtacks!"

"F***ing h*ll, Geralt, that stained, crusty thing deserves to be set on fire!"

"Don't 'Hmm' at me like that, I'd be doing the world a favor--!"

Jaskier gibbered, dancing backwards as a Geralt sent a controlled burst of Igni his way.

Geralt: *smug 'hmm'*

Jaskier flicked the lighter and sent another little jet of flame into the room.

Geralt scoffed at the small streak of fire. It was nothing compared to what he could do with Igni.

"Is that hairspray?"

"Yeah," Jaskier replied hesitantly, not sure where the conversation was going.

"Let me try?"

The hairspray and lighter were handed over, and Geralt sent a long burst of flame into the air.

The primitive parts of his and Jaskier's brains 'ooked' excitedly.

Oook! Make fire!

Ook! Fire! Fire!

"Do you have any more?"

"No, that was what I had left from when I went to that costume party."

Geralt made a disappointed sound.

A moment of contemplative silence followed.

"I know where we can get lots of hairspray!" Jaskier said.

Minutes later, both men were standing in the living room, armed with lighters and cans of hairspray. They whooped excitedly, homemade flamethrowers sending streams of fire into the air.

They chased each other through the house, somehow not setting anything on fire. There were a few close calls, where something got a tiny bit scorched, but it was nothing that couldn't be wiped off or hidden. Yennefer would never know.

And then Geralt's fire stream got a little too close to Jaskier.

"Hey, watch it, you daft b**tart!" *sizzle of return fire that almost burns Geralt's sl*t strands off*

"HhHmmM!" *fire*

"That was almost my face!" *more fire*

"You burnt my f***ing arm hair off!"

"It wAs aN AcCiDEnT!"

Jaskier squealed and ran as Geralt came at him, directing little bursts of fire at his a**.

He tried to leap over the back of the couch and landed a** up on the floor. He had a horrible flashback to the time Geralt had shot a nerf dart up his a**.

From the look on Geralt's face, he was remembering it too.

"Don't you f***ing dare!" Jaskier said, flipping over and raising his can of hairspray threateningly, just in case Geralt was Getting Ideas. He sent a burst of flame at him. Geralt stumbled back, and Jaskier twisted to his feet.

They circled each other cautiously, hairspray cans and lighters raised, poised. They sent little bursts of fire at each other, testing the other's defenses.

"What in Melitele's name are you f**kwits doing?" Geralt and Jaskier froze as Yennefer's shocked voice roared through the living room.

"Er, we're making flamethrowers...?" Jaskier ventured.

"Flamethrowers--! Are you stupid? Don't answer! I already know you are!"

"You're like two cavemen just discovering fire! Dumber than a box of rocks! A whelk has more brains than you--!" Yennefer paused, eyes landing on the cans the two imbeciles held in their hands.

"That's my hairspray! My expensive hairspray!"

Geralt took a surreptitious step away as Jaskier started talking. This was not going to end well.

"Calm down, Yen, you're agitating the snakes in your hair. Here, try taming them with some hairspray!" Then he activated his homemade flamethrower.

He also activated Yennefer's Mortal Enemies Mode. The angry witch lunged.

Jaskier saw the physical manifestation of Doom approaching. He threw the lighter and hairspray aside, and turned to run, but was not fast enough.

Yennefer caught him by the back of his shirt and wound up her arm. There was a loud, sharp crack! as she smacked him hard across his a**. There was absolutely nothing kinky about that slap. It was personal; pure righteous retribution.

Jaskier let out a sharp screech and fell to lie twisting in agony on the floor, holding his a**.

He wasn't sure if he had a spanking kink, but he was certain, in that moment, that if he had happened to have an undiscovered one, it had just been b*tch slapped right out of him.

Geralt didn't know what he was thinking, but for some reason, his brain screamed, "RUN!", so he did. Or, he tried to. He didn't get but two steps before he felt the burn of Yennefer's hand whipping across his a**.

Geralt joined Jaskier on the floor, too stunned to even 'Hm'.

Holy f**k, is that what Jaskier had felt?!

Godsd*MN! No wonder he was still laying on the floor!

Yennefer collected her hairspray, gave them both one last angry scowl, then swept upstairs, leaving them groaning softly on the floor.

"Is there a scorch mark on my a**?" Jaskier hissed in a pained whisper once Yennefer was gone. "It feels like there should be a scorch mark."

Geralt actually rolled over and looked, "No. Is there one on mine?"

Jaskier looked.

"No."

"F***ing feels like I have a welt!"

"Same. Tell me if I have one."

Geralt nodded, and Jaskier gingerly shimmied his pants down, whimpering as the rough fabric rubbed over what felt like raw skin.

There was a vaguely hand-shaped welt across both cheeks. Geralt swore it was glowing and that he might have seen a few wisps of smoke.

Judging from how bad his own cheeks were stinging, Geralt knew he had a similar mark.

Jaskier slowly started getting up, wincing and holding his backside. "Where are you going?" Geralt asked, as the bard began limping away.

Jaskier replied, "My a** needs some popsicles."

Geralt grunted back, "Wait for me, I need some too."

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #the witcher modern au #geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #yennefer #yennefer of vengerberg #geraskier #geraskifer #geraskefer #yenralt #yenskier #yennaskier #yenneskier #yennskier #error 404 brain not found headcanon #brain not found headcanon #error 404 headcanon

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Potato, do your thing!

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Of course I would still love you! But I should warn you that I suffer from cute aggression and would probably bite you.

@penandinkprincess @0dde11eth @help-help-i-need-an-adult @fandom-junk-drawer

#the witcher #witcher cross stitch bullshit #jaskier #geralt #geraskier

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Leon in the other room: "Hehehe, I'll buy them at a HIGH price!"

Children: *panicking*

Chris: this one is mine. This one is Claire's. There ya go, buddy *separating Leon's lunch for him*

Leon with the merchant voice: Hehehe Thank you.

Jill: ?!?!?!?!?!

Chris:... Okay that was not creepy at all.

Did you know that in the Original Resident Evil 4 Leon and the Merchant have the exact same voice actor? Paul Mercier

#dadleon #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon scott kennedy #resident evil

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These are adorable!

Nobody:

My inner child: Make a Geraskier dress-up paper doll

My inner child: (satisfied)

#geraskier #the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher fanart

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Try adding some whimsical ephemera to the pages! It helps distract from the suffering!

#this was way too relatable #the way i laughed #geralt of rivera #geralt #the witcher #twn #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz

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Leon having a yard sale and a customer comes up:

Leon: what are ya buyin'?

Chris: *falls out of his chair*

Chris: this one is mine. This one is Claire's. There ya go, buddy *separating Leon's lunch for him*

Leon with the merchant voice: Hehehe Thank you.

Jill: ?!?!?!?!?!

Chris:... Okay that was not creepy at all.

Did you know that in the Original Resident Evil 4 Leon and the Merchant have the exact same voice actor? Paul Mercier

#leon #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon scott kennedy #resident evil #biohazard #chris #chris redfield

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Why? Is the bottom jealous?

@0dde11eth @help-help-i-need-an-adult @fandom-junk-drawer @97buttons @thequeeninyellowlace @catscraftsandcommentary @random-apollo-child

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #the witcher memes #yennefer #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geralt #geralt of rivia #geraskifer #geraskefer

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Shut up, we're keeping him!

@0dde11eth @help-help-i-need-an-adult @fandom-junk-drawer @97buttons @thequeeninyellowlace @catscraftsandcommentary @random-apollo-child

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #yennefer #yennefer of vengerberg #geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #getaskifer #geraskefer #potoo head geralt

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Jaskier over there like:

"Dear diary, it's day 5 of being lost in a godsforasken cave because Geralt was opposed to stopping to ask for directions."

Caves are weirder and more varied than you think

#the witcher #jaskier #adventures in photoshopping

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This is beautiful! Geralt would be so embarrassed. He'd probably dissociate. Just go off to his happy place and then snap back to reality several minutes later to find himself sitting down with Jaskier clutching the book to his chest, with just the softest look in his face.

Prompt 14

Jaskier is sure Geralt ignores most of what he says. That is, until Geralt leaves his journal behind when he goes to hunt one day. Jaskier trips on it and goes to put it in his pack, light-heartedly muttering to Roach about how much of a slob that man is, before seeing his name plastered all over the page. He takes a deep breath and prepares himself to read a page filled with nothing but insults and a rant of how annoying Jaskier must be, only to find out the journal is filled with paragraph after paragraph of loving descriptions and insights into everything Jaskier speaks or sings about, including the occasional highly-detailed sketch of him, made with love. Jaskier reads page after page after page after page after page, and only stops when interrupted by Geralt's shocked intake of breath as he comes back to camp.

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geralt #geralt of rivia #geraskier

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okay but i'm HOWLING about the idea of post-mountain jask trying to get himself law of surprised to geralt

don't wanna stay with him by choice?

FINE BITCH YOU'RE STAYING BY FATE

OH GREAT JOB WITH THAT HUNT. WHAT DO YOU GET IN EXCHANGE???

TWO MIDDLE FINGERS FROM YOUR BRAND NEW BARD, MOTHERFUCKER

#this is brilliant #pen posts #geraskier #geralt #jaskier