hiiragi7

[hiiragi7]

Another issue I have with AGAB language being used the way it is nowadays is that our community now defines and talks about trans people through what we were born as, not by what we currently are.

I feel like Julia Serano in her book Whipping Girl says it well: "While there are certainly times when discussing "assigned sex/gender at birth" is useful, referring to trans people en masse as "AMAB transsexuals" or "AFAB transgender people" goes against everything that trans communities have worked for. We should be recognized for who we are, rather than the mischaracterizations and expectations that other people originally thrust upon us."

#trans issues #trans #transgender #transsexual #lgbt

[hiiragi7]

I feel that a part of the issue is that, for many of those who are anti-endo, endogenic plurality and CDDs are inherently linked, if not even one in the same - for many anti-endos, there is no viable plurality outside of CDDs, and so any claim to plurality is inherently a claim to CDD. In discourse, variations of "you cannot be plural without a CDD" is a major arguing point for many anti-endos. Endogenic plurality is not viewed as its own concept but rather as an extension of CDD issues (misinformation, ableism, etc). Pro-endos, therefore, are seen as supporting anti-CDD sentiments. I feel like it will be difficult to seperate endogenic discourse from CDD spaces until pro/endogenic and anti-CDD stop being conflated with each other, though I feel like "everybody deserves resources" is a good place to start.

The people who insist that you have to be anti-endo/cannot be pro-endo or even neutral in order to access CDD resources, be those informational posts or discord servers or communities or anything else, are part of the problem of making it really hard to even separate CDDs from plurality as a concept. The more you double down on making these resources inaccessible to others with a CDD who have a different opinion from you on endogenic plurality, the more you conflate that endogenic plurality and CDDs are tied to each other.

Like, if your point is to curate a space for *yourself* where *you* feel safe and comfortable, that's one thing. But if you're out there making "communities" and "resource posts" and the like for the wider public, these things absolutely should not be gatekept. If specific individuals are in these spaces spreading harm and misinformation, then sure I understand wanting to keep other safe from people like that. But someone having a pro-endo stance and not even necessarily advertising that or not even engaging in conversation about endogenic plurality shouldn't be kept from CDD spaces.

#syscourse

[hiiragi7]

On Final Fusion: Violence or Health?

The ways in which we as a community of multiples talk about final fusion comes from a place of deep community trauma and attempts to navigate how we make sense of ourselves and how it relates to and conflicts with pathological views of our minds and ideas of how we should "recover" (with recovery, as an idea, differing not only between medical and multiple/plural communities but also within multiple/plural communities themselves).

Many multiples seek out final fusion and/or experience final fusion very positively, while others have heavily negative experiences and/or views regarding final fusion and may even be against final fusion as a concept entirely. Disagreements occur as to whether final fusion is a violent attack on multiples' right to exist as themselves or whether final fusion is valid as a recovery method. I wish to explore final fusion from a couple different angles, from a violent "cure" to a good recovery method.

In approaching final fusion as violence, it makes sense to take into context final fusion first as a medical tool, and one which has been used to coerce or force multiples into presenting as though they are a singular personality; with a medical system which functions as a weapon of ableism (among many other -isms), the approach to anything which is pathologized is often an attempt to erase it entirely as "cure". Although modern psychological takes on multiplicity rejects any comparison to the supernatural, the clinical approach has been and in many ways continues to be similar to an attempt at exorcism, with multiplicity approached as a haunting of an individual which holds this individual back from living a fulfilling life.

It is no surprise to me that the approach which the multiple community has taken in response to this medical violence mirrors that of other disability advocacy movements and language in response to medical violence; using language such as "smashed together", "murder", and even comparisons to conversion therapy to describe final fusions and the medical abuse which has accompanied it for many.

As well, many clinical approaches to multiplicity are incredibly dehumanizing and anti-multiple, and may be used as methods to coerce multiples into final fusion. In addition to final fusion itself, it is not a surprise to me that certain other clinical language or methods related to multiplicity have similarly developed a poor community reputation.

Functional multiplicity has also been heavily downplayed as a valid recovery method and relatively underresearched in comparison to final fusion, and in response, many multiples have opted to push final fusion down in order to lift up functional multiplicity, spreading ideas that final fusion does not work and does not/cannot exist.

On the final fusion as health side, there are many multiples which have found a final fusion approach extremely helpful, and who even reached final fusion outside of the guidance of a therapist. There are many multiples who actively seek out final fusion as a goal, and many who have decided to go through with final fusion on their own terms, or who ended up at a state of final fusion naturally without intentionally taking action to do so. There are plenty of multiples who report being much happier as fully fused.

Final fusion is very clearly not only a possibility but even a positive natural course for many multiples to take, and indeed can be described as health in this context. As such, while final fusion exists as a violent medical tool, its existence and function is not limited only to this. Final fusion exists as genuine healing outside of curative violence. Those multiples which positively experience and/or seek out final fusion will inevitably be pushed out of the conversation when final fusion is treated as though it is an inherent violence or even a myth.

How can our community acknowledge the medical violence attached to final fusion, validate survivors of that abuse, and at the same time not foster negativity about final fusion as recovery and the positive experiences of those who seek final fusion within our spaces? Personally, I believe an overlooked approach lies in bodily autonomy, and I feel that our community should work to distinguish final fusion as recovery from coerced or forced final fusions.

With this shift, we focus not on whether final fusion is "good" or "bad" or whether final fusion is "better" or "worse" than functional multiplicity, but rather on a multiple's right to define their own recovery and choose what treatments they do and do not want, as well as an emphasis on consent and autonomy regardless of whether or not one recovery method is considered "better" than the other.

I also believe it would be useful to open a conversation about the amount of power and control medical professionals have over their patients, and to connect these conversations up to broader disability movements and criticisms of the medical system.

Abuse disguised as care has no place in a professional mental health care setting. This is of course a far broader issue than final fusion or multiplicity, but applying a multiple perspective to it is a conversation I would love to see more of within the community. At the same time, given the way these conversations have been happening when they do happen, I also find it incredibly important to emphasize that the issue is that of bodily autonomy and ableism, not of final fusion itself.

I would love to hear others' thoughts and perhaps suggestions for how to approach these conversations, and perhaps even ways to distinguish between fusion as recovery and fusion as violence within the community.

#syscourse

[hiiragi7]

"Plurality as a concept exists outside of CDDs and can be found in many non-European and non-Western cultures and philosophies, and trying to discredit all forms of plurality as being fake is racist and xenophobic"

and

"Many people appropriate practices from other cultures and religions in order to validate their own plurality, which is a form of racism and xenophobia"

are both positions that can and do co-exist with each other at the same time.

It's like racism and xenophobia is an issue that's pervasive no matter what spaces you're in and what your discourse stances are.

#syscourse

[hiiragi7]

hi !! i really really need help. i think i might be intersex but i honestly don't know where to start with researching or what to ask people. i was assigned female at birth but ..... yeah. dont worry if this is awkward for you to answer, you can just ignore it. ^_^

I always suggest checking out interACT - they have lots of good resources.

#intersex

[hiiragi7]

This. While I call it final fusion, I've found that at least for me there isn't actually anything "final" about it. I don't think that multiplicity and singularity are static, binary concepts, I think that they're rather fluid states of being that people can move in and out of.

stupidest question, but what’s your thoughts on the term final fusion itself, particularly the final part as someone with a flexible perspective on the self?

I think its an imperfect term but I think it serves its purpose for those that do aim for / achieve final fusion and don't subscribe to the same flexible perspective of self / existence.

It's commonly used and communicates an idea close enough to serve a role and I respect that so I don't really have any issues with it.

Speaking completely on ideals and "if we wanted to do it best" I would say I think its greatly missleading and thus causes a lot of people to assume things about final fusion that isn’t true / isn't necessarily true and thus also generating a lot of fear around it.

I also do think the term is rooted a bit in the old approach to treating DID where the goal was to "get rid of the other parts" and while I think most therapists / psychologists worth their worth in salt DO NOT approach DID like that, the term lingers from there.

Overall, I think itd be good to have a different term that isn't rooted in the toxic approach to "fixing DID" and that is less.... heavy handed? But I also don't think its anything that NEEDS to happen.

Honestly generally speaking, I like phrases like "late-stage DID recovery" and "resolution state" if we are more clinical than colloquial cause both functional multiplicity and final fusion don't really fit particularly well for me.

But yeah the whole "final" part is kinda silly to me, but it works for some people and some people do want it to be the "final" fusion, so hey, I ain't gonna sweat it. It can be a bit confusing / missleading, but hey, thats language in general. The important thing is how we discuss it imo.

#syscourse

[hiiragi7]

The silly strikes again!!

Why did the anti-endo howl at the moon?

Oh, you didn't know? Syscourse is turning people into werewolves now.

#syscourse #asks #joke post

[hiiragi7]

I’m the silly syscourser!

What is the pizza order of proendos, anti-endos, and syscourse neutrals?

Pro-endos are actually strongly for pineapple on pizza and anti-endos are strongly against it, so neutral always orders the pizza with pineapple on one half and no pineapple on the other half. Sometimes the order gets messed up and the entire pizza gets pineapple, so neutral eats the pineapple off one half of the pizza to keep the peace. Neutral doesn't actually have a strong opinion on whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not, but neutral enjoys pineapple, pizza, and being around friends, so it works out.

#joke post #syscourse #asks

[hiiragi7]

13 + 14/15!

13. Is there a media analogy for fusion that resonates with you?

I couldn't really think of anything too specific, and what I did end up thinking about probably reads more like a character grappling with trauma and learning how to grow into a person outside of what trauma made her to others... but I do really enjoy Talentless Nana, and personally I have always viewed Nana as a system which has become more integrated and perhaps fused over time. She started out with very different and very conflicting sides of her, but throughout the story I've noticed a lot less distance between those different sides of her over time, in a way that reminds me of fusion.

14. Have you had a positive fusion experience before?

Most of my experiences with fusion have been very positive, actually - To me it's always felt like a warm hug. It's a sort of love and warmth that is very different from love in any other kind of relationship I've ever experienced - it's very familial in a way that you can only feel with yourself. It's like meeting someone new and seeing an old friend again at the same time. It's deeply familiar and at the same time something you've never known before. It's learning who you are pieces at a time and falling in love with each part of yourself, over and over again.

15. Have you had a negative fusion experience before?

I have had some. Each time that it was negative it was because I was not ready for it and hadn't fully wanted it. It's very important not to rush it and that everyone involved consents and isn't pressured into it.

#asks #didosdd #actually did #recovery

[hiiragi7]

17

Have you talked about your fusion experiences with the people in your life? (Therapist, friends, partners, etc) How was their response?

I've talked to my therapist about it, and with my partner and some friends. In general the response I got was extremely positive and encouraging, I received a lot of support.

I was a bit nervous at first talking about it, it is quite personal and even though it has been incredibly positive for me it can still be a difficult topic to bring up to people, especially people close to me who have grown very attached to the different parts of me. Those parts aren't gone, of course, but it can still be a bit awkward to talk about when those parts fuse.

I used to worry a lot over whether fusion would hurt my friends/partner or not, but I've spoken to a lot of them about it and their opinion has pretty unanimously been "I support whatever is best for you and if I do feel sad about it I can deal with that."

I feel very appreciative of them, I am very grateful to have them in my life. It's made these conversations a lot easier and a lot more open, and I feel very supported by the people in my life with regards to whatever my recovery with DID looks like.

#asks #didosdd

[hiiragi7]

Fusion ask game because @system-of-a-feather mentioned wanting one, but also please ask us stuff as well

What was your most recent fusion?

Have you had any fusions that eventually split back to the (more or less) same parts?

Have you had any fusions that eventually split into new parts?

Have you had multiple alters involved in one fusion?

After a fusion of named parts, how do you decide which name to go by?

Have you ever experienced a fusion and went by a completely new name?

Have you had fusions that surprised you?

What does fusion feel like for you?

Are your fusions usually planned or spontaneous?

Have there been any changes after a fusion that surprised you?

Do you plan to fuse with any other parts of your system?

Have you had parts that attempted to fuse but couldn't?

Is there a media analogy of fusion that resonates most with you? (Doesn’t even have to be called fusion itself)

Have you had a positive fusion experience before?

Have you had a negative fusion experience before?

Have you had a fusion that you weren't consciously aware of until later?

Have you talked about your fusion experiences with the people in your life? (Therapist, friends, partners, etc.) How was their response?

Has fusion affected your relationships with other alters in your system?

Has fusion affected your relationships with people outside of your system?

What is your system's thoughts on final fusion? Is it a potential end goal for your system?

#ask game #didosdd

[hiiragi7]

to the previous anon asking about CDDs without c/PTSD:

you sound very similar to us! we very much so have trauma and the CDD that came with it, but do not experience many day to day PTSD symptoms. this is because our daily life alter/host, me, was meant to be separated from those symptoms to be more functional. so as an individual (which is how society typically sees me) I would probably not be diagnosed with PTSD at this time - however, as a collective being, we definitely have c/PTSD and it very much effects us. you can have a CDD without “big” PTSD symptoms because one of the purposes of that sort of compartmentalization is to separate out the “big” stuff. but like OP says it doesn’t really matter, trauma is still trauma and a diagnosis from a doctor should not be the only lens you view yourself from. additionally a lot of people who go for healthy multiplicity instead of full fusion could be described as having a CDD w/o the PTSD element.

For me, as somebody who has gone down the final fusion route and was also at functional multiplicity for a time before that, I still have a CDD and I still have PTSD, they're just in remission to the point that I don't experience symptoms. Personally I don't really like framing it as if the disorder is not there anymore once you reach a certain point in recovery.

I think this person brings up a good point about compartmentalization though, and I think it's important to talk about this part of it too. When things are very divided up and dissociated out, you tend to not experience the trauma or symptoms related to it all at once, and certain aspects of it can be buried very deep.

For me, I tended to get more posttraumatic symptoms related to my trauma the more I remembered it; it's rather difficult to get visual flashbacks of something you don't even remember in the first place, for example. Those memories and anything related to them was dissociated very far back, hidden away in parts I didn't even know existed for a very long time.

#didosdd #complex dissociative disorder #ptsd #did system #actually dissociative #actually did

[hiiragi7]

hi there!! i've been reading some of the discussions you've had & many of them are super informative and some comforting to read from the perspective of someone who's questioning if they might be plural/have a CDD. i really appreciate ur blog & the views and experiences u share on it, it feels like a warm hug amidst The Horrors of Syscourse.

i've had something on my mind though. this is probably a silly question, but it's possible to have a CDD without (C)PTSD, right? admittedly i'm kind of just asking this for reassurance while i'm on my own discovery journey. like. i have experienced traumatic events and some of it is ongoing & i'm still living with the people responsible, but i don't think i fit the PTSD criteria due to not experiencing flashbacks or strong emotions related to the events—i usually just feel totally empty & detached from it. i still believe i've been negatively affected by the events hence considering them traumatic, but that doesn't include any kind of flashbacks.

i've been trying to look into it & find answers but i've seen a lot of conflating of having experienced trauma with having PTSD, so most of what i find is "can you be plural/have a CDD without trauma" discourse.

i think it'd be neat to see more conversations about this but free to ignore this ask if u don't want to answer it/if u don't feel equipped to! wishing u the best. have a great day!!

This is actually a very interesting question.

I've read a lot of medical literature on trauma, and each author in the field seems to define what qualifies as PTSD or PTSD symptoms differently, which also lines up with my own experiences with medical professionals in practice. In general, me simply being traumatized was enough for me to be given an automatic PTSD diagnosis, regardless of which therapist or psychiatrist I saw. Some professionals I saw were very specific with what they called what, others were a lot more loose with it.

I've seen a lot of differing definitions and academic debate over what qualifies as a flashback, dissociation, a posttraumatic symptom, and so on. That is to say, it can all be very vague.

For example, there are other forms of flashbacks that exist outside of the well-known ones; some people only relive traumatic events emotionally, or through repeated thought processes, or somatic pain. A lot aren't even aware these are flashbacks, because it's experienced as 'random' emotions or pain or spirals or some other response, and a lot have trouble figuring out what even triggers these responses.

Would these experiences fall under what we call flashbacks in PTSD? Well, it probably depends on who you ask. And, in practice, whether someone with these experiences gets diagnosed with PTSD or a mood disorder or a personality disorder or somatic pain syndrome depends on the medical professional evaluating them.

To further complicate it, a lot of people don't experience overt c/PTSD symptoms until they are no longer living in the traumatic situation, which, for people who develop cPTSD, means they may not show obvious symptoms until a very, very long time after the trauma started. I didn't start getting "classic" PTSD flashbacks and "waking up in a panic attack in the middle of the night" type nightmares about the trauma until I wasn't around the people who did it anymore. However, I have experienced many other trauma-related symptoms and heavy dissociation ever since I was very very little. Before I was diagnosed with PTSD in highschool, I was diagnosed with a lot of other things first.

There's also just the fact that, for whatever reason, people don't all develop the same symptoms in response to trauma. Some people with very complex trauma never experience classic PTSD symptoms. Some people are very dissociative and numb, or develop mood disorders, or obsessive-compulsive symptoms, or somatic symptoms, or eating disorders, or some combination of things. Some people never externally harm themselves or cope using substances while others develop addictions to these things.

In addition, some people's experiences with trauma don't fall under the PTSD criteria's definition of trauma, so even if other symptoms are present they don't "technically" fit criteria. And sometimes medical professionals use their own judgement and diagnose these people with PTSD anyway, and sometimes they don't.

Plenty of people diagnosed with other childhood trauma-based disorders besides CDDs also don't fit c/PTSD criteria or show many c/PTSD symptoms or receive a comorbid c/PTSD diagnosis for whatever reason. It's complicated and messy.

This is all to say, I've encountered medical professionals who treat PTSD as synonymous with "traumatized" and are very loose with what they call PTSD and I've also encountered medical professionals who are very strict about the criteria and are very insistent on only diagnosing people who fit that, and I've met a lot of professionals somewhere in the middle as well. I've also encountered plenty who would much rather focus on helping the symptoms than on what the diagnosis is or isn't, and who don't really like the way mental health diagnosis is structured in the first place.

So, to come back to your question... I don't think there really is an objective answer to it, though personally I'd just say "sure it's possible, and I wouldn't really worry about it much."

In the end, what I've found is that it doesn't actually really matter that much? Regardless of whether there is comorbid PTSD or whether there isn't (or whether it's delayed onset or etc), in the end what you're dealing with if you have a CDD is still trauma, and the treatment for that is more or less the same, regardless of what you call it. There might be differences in, say, approaches to medication specifically, or specific symptoms, but even that is often just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. Honestly, in my experience, treatment mostly looks different based on symptoms and individual needs rather than diagnoses, really.

In general, I find that a lot of people dealing with trauma and mental illness tend to over-focus on diagnosis and getting it right and trying to figure out whether they "really" have something or whether they're mistaken or somehow faking or so on. I think that's an unhelpful approach to it; there's no objective way to confirm that sort of thing, and either way you still need ways to cope with your symptoms, and coping skills are useful regardless of diagnosis. Learning how to ground yourself is useful regardless of whether you "really" dissociate that bad, learning emotional regulation skills is useful regardless of whether you "really" have severe mood swings, learning calming techniques and self-care and how to be gentle with yourself are good things for everyone to learn, coping skills are not just for people with certain diagnoses. In fact, you don't even need a diagnosis of anything to do these things.

And with trauma, like... it's all just trauma processing in the end, really.

I'll even go as far to say that even if you don't have PTSD, books and resources for PTSD might still be useful to you if you have a CDD or another trauma-related disorder, since a lot of symptoms overlap with other disorders and especially with trauma the recommendations for what to do about it tend to be applicable to a lot of different situations outside of strictly PTSD.

I realize I rambled a long time just to say "well, it's complicated and depends on what we mean by PTSD, but also it's all trauma anyway" but I hope this was helpful still?

I'm also glad to hear what you said about my blog, it was very nice to read.

#syscourse #long post

[hiiragi7]

Girl I was assigned a gender not a sex. I wasn't assigned Penis at birth but I wish i was because now I'm stuck with a GENDER assignment that misGENDERS me as male.

Penis isn't a sex...

A penis is a body part.

Sex is a socially constructed idea involving a large variety of factors including hormones, chromosomes, genitals, gonads, features such as facial hair and breasts, fat distribution, reproductive capabilities, and so on. Sex is also used as an oppressive tool and intersects heavily with other forms of oppression such as racism and ableism.

Sex, as a tool of oppression, also reinforces oppressive ideas about gender. Ignoring this gives us less ways to express how these oppressive structures interact and function and how to combat them.

As an intersex person, a lot of people in my community are quite literally assigned a sex, and we need ways to talk about this. It's not accurate to say we are just being assigned a gender when our genitals are mutilated and our hormones are changed to fit into a prescribed sex, and saying so conflates sex and gender in a way that is incredibly damaging, in my opinion. There's an implication that it is appropriate to forcibly assign intersex children as long as they grow into a gender identity which aligns with the forcibly assigned sex, and that intersex trans people who were forcibly assigned were simply assigned wrongly.

#intersex #trans #lgbt discourse #penis mention #intersexism

[hiiragi7]

"Bodily intersex" So you think someone can have an intersex brain? As a fellow intersex person that language is highly problematic because "intersex" already always refers to the body unless someone is blatantly misusing it, like some perisex trans people. "Bodily intersex" makes it sound like you can be intersex of the brain which is intersexist as fuck. Just say intersex. You sound ridiculously when you say "i'm bodily something that is inherently bodily".

Hi. The "bodily intersex" that was in my bio was left over from when I identified as multiple and wanted to clarify this was not a part-specific identity, it is something which applies to me as a whole. "Bodily" is a very commonly used phrase in plural/system spaces to specify experiences which "the body [which the system/collective shares]" has. I believe I've also used this language regarding my age on here before; "bodily 21". I know I have also used it regarding my skin color before.

It is a way of clarifying that this is the collective's lived experience, not an innerworld or exomemory experience.

It's something which I forgot to update since I no longer identify as multiple; I am still DID (it is a life-long disorder), but my system fused sometime in January this year. I haven't really spoken about it publicly other than quietly updating my about me, but it was/is a fairly big and exciting step in trauma recovery for me. It wasn't something I went out of my way for (my mindset was always "if it happens it happens and I will trust the process"), but is something I have very much embraced and am very happy with.

Anyway, like... all that aside, your ask has a lot of assumptions in it. It's a bit hurtful, and I think just asking me why I had used that phrasing would have gotten the same thing done without the added rant about something that isn't even true (that is, me supposedly believing you can have "an intersex brain").

#intersex #didosdd #recovery #complex dissociative disorder

[hiiragi7]

What would u call perisex ppl without misgendering them as male or female?

I'm not sure exactly what this means?

Perisex isn't meant to be used to create another binary; I don't want people to start saying shit like "perisex male" and "perisex female" like how they use AGAB language or male/female.

Perisex is a descriptor. It means not intersex. If somebody wants to use it in a way which attaches a specific assigned sex to it, then depending on the context I don't think that would necessarily be any more misgendering than assigned male/female language is; however, I would hope this would open a conversation about why we as a community of people with heavily variable experiences with sex and gender constantly seek to reproduce sex/gender binaries to describe ourselves with.

In other words, even if it were used in a way which was not misgendering, I don't think perisex should be attached to male/female at all unless perhaps in very specific conversations with a very specific intention, such as to discuss the differences between intersex variation and non-intersex, with "perisex male/female sex development" serving as a replacement for "typical male/female sex development", and even that can get rather messy depending on the conversation; not every person who is otherwise a perisex person will have xyz internal organs (if, say, they were medically removed), have gone through abc puberty (if, say, they transitioned rather young and went on puberty blockers and/or HRT), or so on.

Perisex is an incredibly loose category, and is not meant to be used as a black/white box or a this-or-that binary. It isn't meant to be "the sex binary, but inclusive of intersex people this time". Perisex describes people who are close to the idea of binary sex, it does not describe actual binary sex because binary sex does not exist.

Long way to say, just say "perisex". Male and female generally do not need to be specified and I hate when people say "sex isn't binary, intersex people exist" yet still have this fixation on making every conversation and queer discourse about male/female, AMAB/AFAB, so on. It's like, even when intersex people are acknowledged, people see sex as "male, female, or intersex" and continue on as usual without deconstructing their colonialist ideas of sex at all. It bothers me.

#intersex #intersexism #queer discourse #lgbt discourse

[hiiragi7]

Over the years, I have noticed a troubling conflict in the way people speak about disorders and disabilities which are different from their own.

"You don't have tics, you have Munchausen's"

"You don't have DID, you have schizophrenia"

"You're not chronically ill, you're just a narcissist"

This sentiment that you cannot have xyz disorder, are lying or "insane", and must truly have this other disorder instead.

It is as if there are the Good Disorders; those which are Morally Correct to have; those which you are subjected to; those which make your life harder, and the Bad Disorders; those which are Morally Wrong to have; those which you deserve to have; those which make other peoples' lives harder. And so, there is this idea that those with the Bad Disorders attempt to trick others into believing they actually have the Good Disorders, and that this must be called out and these people shamed and exorcised so as to not taint the purity of those with the Good Disorders.

It is what is behind this common demand of "You must acknowledge you have The Bad Disorder and seperate yourself from those of us with The Good Disorder, or else you will further our oppression, harm us, steal our resources, and spread lies about our disorder."

And then I realized, it is that a lot of people believe that Good People have Good Disorders and Bad People have Bad Disorders.

Good People have disorders such as PTSD, anxiety, depression; Bad People have disorders such as personality disorders, bipolar, schizophrenia.

And so, Bad People cannot have Good Disorders. I feel that this also ties into ideas of what "victims of disability/abuse" look like, and the idea of the Good Victim; this idea that in order to be truly victimized, you must be entirely and wholly pure behaviorally, emotionally, physically, racially, and sexually, or else you are considered to be deceitful and deserving of abuse and disability. Those who are "truly" victims are those who are deemed to fully reject their abuse and disability, and who are also deemed to be wholly pure and good.

For those who are held up as Good Victims [of disability/abuse], it is said that they deserve support, justice, and healing. For those who are decided to be Bad Victims [of disability/abuse], it is said they deserve isolation, institionalization, violence, and perhaps even death.

Even within communities for specific disorders, there are the Good Symptoms and the Bad Symptoms, and it is a common sentiment that those with the Bad Symptoms must not truly have the disorder; to imply otherwise would risk the purity of the disorder (or, if it is a "Bad Disorder", it damages the possibility of the disorder someday moving into a Good Disorder status).

This entire structure relies on deeply ingrained ableist ideals and concepts of morality, purity, and dis/ability. It keeps us divided from each other and damages attempts at community.

Dismantling ableism requires supporting each other; when we perpetuate the idea that other disabled people are lying about their disability, that they are not who or what they claim to be, and that they require immediate curative interventions in order to not harm others, we reinforce ableist ideas and stereotypes about disabled people within our communities.

#disability politics #disability #ableism