mafiaownedgaybar

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Mitski Slowdances with the stage light during Heaven

#mitski #🥺

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BLACK SAILS + text posts (1/?)

#PLEASE i can hear them saying this to eachother #black sails

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i accidentally hit a bug and totaled my car

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ID: A green userbox. The image on the left is a picture of a possum with its mouth open. The text on the right reads "This user (all capitals) bites you bites you bites you." End ID

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You can never be normal about these men you always gotta say shit like I wanna hold him in my mouth like hes a baby alligator

oh that is ABSOLUTELY entering my vocabulary, thanks anon, good one

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I hate when people say ohhhh your pets only love you because you feed them. as if that wasn't the first form of love any of us felt. get real.

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i've really been working on my human being impression, lately

#my face #punk #folk punk #dark folk #el gee bee tee #lgbtq #bisexual #bi #nonbinary #enby #nonmonogomy #ethical nonmonogomy #queer #piercings

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do you ever hear people talking about something and you’re like. fuck. let me be real for a second. i’m too much of a commie to have this conversation

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How i sleep knowing I’ll never bring a child into this world

#YES SIR #shitposting

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The last time we were on a long flight, my wife and I invented a game we call "Little Guy."

You start a game of Little Guy by saying, "I'm gonna hand you a little guy." The little guy is some kind of baby animal you are imagining. "Oh," she might say in response, "Okay," and hold out her hands for it. I will then mime handing her the animal. This provides some clues as to the little guy's size, weight, and general ungainliness.

She then gets to ask questions about what kind of little guy this is, BUT NO QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS ACTUAL APPEARANCE OR SPECIES ARE ALLOWED. Qualitative questions, or questions about his behavior, are the only ones permitted. She can ask "Is he soft?" or "Does he seem nervous about being held?" or "If I put him in the bathtub, does he seem okay with that?" or "Would he like a lil grape?" or "Is he the sort of little fellow who would wear a vest in a children's book?" but not "Does he have fur," "Is he a reptile," "Is he from Asia," etc. Some questions are in a grey area so you have to follow your heart, but the point is not to identify the animal as fast as possible: the point is to guess the animal purely based on vibes + how he would act if he were in your living room right now.

And I'm not limited to yes or no answers! If she asks, "Would it feel appropriate to see this little guy in a propeller hat?" I can reply, "Oh no, he has a gravity to him. A bowler hat would be a more appropriate hat." Or if she asks, "Does this little guy have protagonist energy?" I can say something like, "he probably wouldn't be the main character in a children's cartoon. He'd probably be the main character's ditzy best friend who's always eating sandwiches, or something."

We're big Twenty Questions to kill time in a waiting room people, but Little Guy is more about the journey than the destination. It's got a different kind of sauce that's nice if "killing time" and "lowering anxiety" need to happen hand in hand.

#i'll be having this thank you #gonna do this in the future

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*faking a limp and whining like a dog* oooh… ooooh *sees that the hot girl left the line at in and out* oh nevermind. *starts looking at hentai on my android phone*

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concerts should cost 3 shiny nickels and be a block away. beautiful women take my hand we're going

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Fluffy Jake

#art #adventure time

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this was like 8 individual slaps in the face