masterkirby

[masterkirby]

childhood child hid

how did i get over nightmares and panic attacks back then

I often hid under covers and behind curtains

there would be eerie noises in my dreams, drones and high pitches

waking up in the dark too scared to move because what if someone is watching me

at least i don't have that fear anymore (do i dare look at the window? yes, just checked)

i'm scared of the thin veil between sleep and waking, the overlap of the two, the thin curtains between me and the furry hunched back moving under our first home's windows

just how much fear has this small body faced

to grow into such deep lines of worry

It's me again too terrified to sleep but with no mom to run to

limbs of lead i lay and wait

#childhood #adulthood #panic attacks #motherless #mental health

[masterkirby]

Worst friend group to ever exist. Reblog to throw rocks at them

#🪨 #dungeon meshi #shuro dungeon meshi #kabru of utaya #laios touden #dunmeshi

[masterkirby]

stms there's a way too much going onness, in quite a good way tho

a super long walk thru the bagna of kampinos finished off with tikka masala, an amazing stop motion film & a shorter walk back from iluzjon

wybiło!

spokój wewnętrzny i zmęczenie w nogach

but then i had to pack for the trip next day that i thought would start with a train at 1400 but no! 9 in the morning

had a breakdown and kept repeating "i just want to sleep" to myself continually

went to sleep and managed to do all in the morning tho

so a trip to breslau to the national archive

my first time sleeping alone since my diabetes diagnosis? Not as alone in bed but alone in a house/apartment

it's basically trippy being alone in a place you don't know well but it was also nice since i kinda do know it already

so much happened i don't really feel like journalling...

Mby at a better time

#edit later

[masterkirby]

i recently learned that "tabarnak" comes from tabernacle lmaooo

and that curse words in Quebec French are generally from the realm of sacred words, like câlice (chalice) or ostie (sacred host) xdd i love this, imma start swearing in Polish by using

NOSZ TABERNAKULUM!

Bądź pozdrowiony, tabernaku!

KIELICHU TY! (To prawie jak dzbanie)

A hostia ci do tego

KRZYŻ ŚWIĘTY MNIE TO OBCHODZI

especially since Poland could use some profanity )) i'm kinda tired of kurwa (literally "whore") and chuj (dick) tho i still enjoy jebać (fuck)

#tabarnak #but in polish #etymology #of curse words #quebec #french #polishcore

[masterkirby]

Chronopolis (1982) Piotr Kamler

meet with the artist, notes:

screening during Timeless Film Festival in Warsaw

⚪ opowieść o kuli we wszechświecie

⚫ a story of a sphere in the universe

⚪ a wzięło się to z zachwytu nad geometrycznymi kształtami, jakie dwa kolory piasku robią, przemieszawszy się w pudełeczku, które się traca

⚫ for which the idea came from a love of geometric figures, and also shapes that arise from mixing two colours of sand in a small box and flicking that box

⚪ atomy, kulki, materia, czas

⚫ atoms, spheres, matter, time

⚪ z czego ta kulka jest urocza i plastyczna, bardziej jak piłka

⚫ but the sphere in the story is cute and malleable and springy, more like a ball

⚪ plastyczna i skoczna i zmienna w przeciwieństwie do nieśmiertelnych zamieszkujących Chronopolis, twardzi, ze skały, niemalże nieruchomi, niezmienni

⚫ it's malleable and springy and CHANGEABLE as opposed to the immortal inhabitants of Chronopolis; they're hard, made as if from stone, almost immobile, a constant

⚪ gotowi odejść na rzecz tańca i przemijalności?

⚫ but they're ready to leave and make room for dance and contingency?

⚪ przepiękne rzeźby Kamlera

⚫ the figures are really beautiful, Kamler's that is

⚪ w czasie robienia filmu cała pracowania zawalona figurami i makietami

⚫ when the film was being made, his whole workshop was overfilled with figures and elements of the set

⚪ Krystyna Kamler odpowiedzialna za strój marionetki

⚫ Krystyna Kamler made the marionette's costume

⚪ opowiadała, że te rzeźby wzięły się z potrzeby jej męża do robienia rzeczy rękoma

⚫ she told us how she thinks that her husband makes figures because he just need something to do with his hands

⚪ na co on zaprzeczył, że to ma bardziej ideologiczny wymiar (nie nazwał tego tak), tj. reklamy i wszystko komputerowo tworzone w ciągłym ruchu, a animacja ma za sobą stałość, zatrzymanie

⚫ to which he disagreed that there's a more idealogical (he didn't use that word ofc) reason behind his drive, i.e. in opposition to the constant movement of ads and computer made films; where behind animation there is lack of movement, a stop

⚪ rzeźby i animacja, a rysunek; obok projektów zawsze, ale nie częścią "dzieła"

⚫ making figures and stop animation vs drawing; besides his animation projects there were always drawings but as a kind of antithesis, never part of the actual project

⚪ ale robił też animacje komputerowe

⚫ but he also did start doing computer animation

⚪ szczególnie że to pozwalało działać bez większego finansowanie, projekty mniejsze, łatwiejsze do robienia samemu

⚫ especially since this allowed him to work on a tighter budget, without waiting for financing, allowing him to work alone easier

⚪ bo właściwie sam zrobił Chronopolis przez 4-5 lat i jak ktoś z widowni go spytał o inspiracje, to powiedział, że unika inspiracji jak może, że niczego nie oglądał

⚫ because he liked working alone and he made Chronopolis by himself in 4-5 years; when a member of the audience asked him about his inspirations, he said that he avoids all and any inspirations

⚪ co mnie osobiście rozbawiło, bo chwilę potem opowiadał, że kompozytorzy eksperymentalni (Pierre Schaeffer, Iannis Xenakis, Luc Ferrari) pracowali po swojemu i trudno było się z nimi dogadać

⚫ which was funny because he soon said that working with experimental composers (like Pierre Schaeffer, Iannis Xenakis, Luc Ferrari) was difficult because they did their own thing and there wasn't really real cooperation

⚪ mówił, że Luc Ferrari właściwie skomponował ścieżkę do Chronopolis po fakcie, ale że zaproponował coś, co właściwie oddawało wizję Kamlera, przyjął to

⚫ he admitted that Luc Ferrari composed the score after the animation was finished but since he proposed a sth that was in line with Kamler's own idea for the film, he accepted it

⚪ ktoś inny spytał o kwestię narracji przez Michaela Lonsdale'a, na co Kamler powiedział po prostu, że to nie w tym filmie

⚫ someone else asked about the Michael Lonsdale narration thing to which Kamler replied that it was not a thing for this move

[might add more notes later]

#Chronopolis #1982 #Piotr Kamler #meeting notes #experimental cinema #stop motion #animation #cinema

[masterkirby]

Lost my Chronopolis notes because of a temporary lack of internet...

That's what it's like to use Tumblr as a notebook

But gonna try again... this situation also kinda fits the film

PRZEMIJALNOŚĆ

[masterkirby]

I needed this post. It makes things make sense

As an Autistic Person, I am Constantly Wondering am I Experiencing Autistic Burnout or am I Physically Ill?

Neurodivergent_lou

#autistic burnout #reblog #mental health

[masterkirby]

[image description: Photo of graffiti that says "merd!", somewhat socialist blocks in the background]

*merde or merd from merdać?

[masterkirby]

smol notes from meet:

cheap materials used creatively; hacked recorder for 15zł - circuit-bending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circuit_bending

but then again use of smartphone and apps? altho microphones & outside recorders allows for manipulation of direction of soundwaves

igafon, bo dla córki -- records and plays back but u can change the speed of playback

Purr-data for the poor, kinda straightforward; try it?

a take: music + visual image was the natural thing for ages and the radio is actually the weirdass futuristic thing, not the rise of music vids

the organic i-see-what's-playing principle of making sound art

being self-taught is real coolz ;))

robots [or perhaps just apps for the more layfolk?] for improvising with; reacting to the human input or human as primal mover for a collection of reacting musical robots

sampling the movement of switches instead of just recording and looping sounds; then u can add different samples on the go, creates rhythms real easy

12tone vs xenharmonic

Bohlen Pierce tuning/scale https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aF61KtCVIM ; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohlen%E2%80%93Pierce_scale

the "natural" scales around the world <- the hegemonic instrument; so like ligawka -> skala kwarta zwiększona / metallophones -> gamelan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamelan

dur-moll is a blessing for harmony, harmonic progression, but also its bane; as with 4/4, a compromise

the idea and the PhD project: improvising with computers again; using algorithms to put constraints on the freely improvising musicians; postdigital saxophone, autoviola; pitch dictated digitally (sometimes)

[masterkirby]

Pigwa and Marien

#plushies

[masterkirby]

Exactly. Like, so much it hurts to read this. And i'm even at a similar age.

I lately watched Takahata's "Only Yesterday" and it felt like a late twenties middle age crisis, it felt so relatable, the being thwarted all the time and not fitting in. The film ended with a positive resolution of the crisis but irl a stardewvalleycore fantasy is just hardly possible, especially when disabled

I'm just so tired of things being so hard. Like, I really enjoy the intense joy I'm able to feel but it also hurts not to be able to share it; and it's also hard to enjoy anything with the constant pressure to make money which is just so, so hard. I have yet to find paid labour that doesn't destroy me within weeks/months

And yeah, bureaucracy is hell, any new "formal" situation is hell, getting to know new people is so awkward for so long & still, the bane of my existence stays, the feeling that I'm just not able to convey what's going on in my head/body overall -- which probably goes both ways

Sending warmth and strength your way

I’m not sure if this is a neurodivergent thing, but I really wish there was a manual for adults. I’m 27 and feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I also have no idea how to talk to people so I often stay silent.

Anyone else feel this way?

[masterkirby]

Perhaps it should be accusative?

Sunset Parapacem

Evil Kim Kitsuragi be like "Sunset Parapax"

I don't know Latin well sorry. This seemed funnier in my head.

#kim kitsuragi #sunrise parabellum #disco elysium #sunset parapacem

[masterkirby]

Sunrise, Parabellum 🌅 / Tequila Sunset 🍹

#disco elysium #disco elysium fanart #kim kitsuragi #harry dubois #sunrise parabellum #tequila sunset #love this artwork #thanks OP

[masterkirby]

Hwæt!

It would be nice to be less lonely, as in, there are good and great friends, found family over the years, but there is no community found

And i don't want to "start a family" in order to have that feeling

And with whom to have picnics in the park on the first sunny and warm (extremely hot in this year's case...) days of the year

Or go out for a walk at any time of day/night, after a slow breakfast together with a tea/coffee after

And have discussions well into dawn, vibes willing, and perhaps even some direct action to crown those _rozkminy_ i.e. deliberations or perhaps musings crowned with an epiphany, _ale rozkmina_

Phone calls can only do so much, i miss your (plural) entirety and simply sharing space and the randomness of going-ons, to share a look of gosh-how-good-this-breeze-feels or laughing in the warm rain (finally, clouds in summer, killing the streak of light blue days) or, because many of us prefer the regulatable cold, building a snowperson, perhaps even a snow fort (snow-willing, climate change-willing)

Or just sitting together and being able to share at any given moment a thought, an interesting fact or possibility or nonsense, a hug, an unstoppable kiss on the head because their personhood is just so beautiful (even if at many times unnervingly annoying and something to overcome)

I want you nearby, i want us together, a family (albeit each with their own space)

To found our found family

_

Kocham Was albo kochać zaczynam,

Zuzia, Krzysiu, Julita, Kryspin

Nika, Konrad, Piotr, Marek

Adaś, Filip, Krysia, Gac

Paulius, Lila, Bartek

#note to self #found family #kith #or kin

[masterkirby]

kith - found family, home, "known"

#words #etymology #english #found family

[masterkirby]

i will love you for all quaternity

#foursome #wordplay #fourplay #sorry #not sorry

[masterkirby]

writing reference: Gladiators who died from an injury to the diaphragm died laughing

p. 449

Harald Hoeffding