metapianycist

[metapianycist]

hating furries is just a silencer on the gun that is hating on lgbt+ tbh

[metapianycist]

#aaron bushnell

[metapianycist]

just learned that there are places in the world where corporal punishment of children in the home is illegal, and i'm having an Emotion about how my childhood could have been much different if it had been illegal for my parents to hit me

#metapianycist original post #child abuse tw #corporal punishment #do not hit kids #do not tell me you were hit and turned out okay

[metapianycist]

sometimes i read old tumblr posts (or even old poems) that i think are beautifully worded or skillfully argued, and i am shocked to discover that i wrote them.

i am working on not viewing this in a self-deprecating "wow my brain is poop now, i used to be Smart™" way but in a way of "i had a lot more time and spoons and opportunities to devote to developing my writing/argument skills when i wrote that, and i'm proud of what I've done." i am out of practice now for multiple reasons, some of which are beyond my control but none of which mean "I've peaked and nothing i can write now will ever be as good, so i shouldn't bother trying" or "i was more valuable then than i am now."

as an undiagnosed neurodivergent child whose disabilities were ignored (or outright denied) because i was categorized as "gifted," i was told i was "too smart to have ADHD" among other fucked up things. my special interests (that teachers knew about) were diagnosed as gifted, my lack of friends was attributed to giftedness making me unrelatable, and all my struggles were diagnosed as laziness instead of executive dysfunction. opportunities when i was able to perform at my absolute best then became the standard i was expected to perform all the time, and my inevitable failure to do so was interpreted as more evidence of my laziness, instead of me being a human being.

tl;dr: i am realizing that i have more work to do in dismantling the Gifted® Kid™ bullshit that laid much of the foundation of my internalized ableism. accepting myself as disabled—more than a decade ago—was only the beginning.

#metapianycist original post #neurodivergent #actuallyautistic #gifted kid syndrome #giftedness #adhd #internalized ableism

[metapianycist]

Pete Buttigieg is just a faggot.

It's very important to me that younger queers understand this: to the people who you're trying to be more respectable for when you say things like neopronouns set the trans movement back or you're why the cishets don't accept us or including [aces/bi people with the 'wrong kind' of partners/non-binary people/kinksters/non-passing trans ppl/furries/polyam people] just hurts us, can't you wait until we get all our rights before we talk about some of yours? -- to those people? Pete Buttigieg is just a fag.

On Sunday at Pride Northwest, some kids -- late teens, early 20s -- asked what our button I survived Reagan for this? meant. All of the queer adults at the tables making up our ad hoc counter looked at each other and sighed a little. Emet and another adult started to explain the way that the Reagan Administration handled -- or didn't handle -- the beginning of the AIDS crisis. How many people died. How much we were ignored. The Ashes Action. The Time Magazine article which explicitly blamed bisexual men for passing the pandemic to the cishet community, playing on all the worst stereotypical bullshit. The way that even when the CDC started paying attention, they were so focused on gay men that they ignored AIDS in the lesbian community, leading to the "women don't get AIDS, they just die from it" poster. And so on.

I finished counting out change and passed the last Bear Pride raised fist pin over to a bear a little older than me, then turned my head and interjected, "they didn't care until it started infecting more than just the fags." I turned my head back and handed him his change. He laughed bitterly and said, "remember when they called it 'gay cancer?'"

That what I need you to understand. The people for whom you are folding yourself into smaller and smaller boxes will never see you as anything but a freak. A queer. A dyke. A tranny. A fag.

Never.

These are people who will stand by and let you wither away and die alone, gasping for breath in a cinderblock room, and not even claim your ashes, and they will say you deserve it, because of your lifestyle. If they speak of you at all it will be by the wrong name, with the pictures you hate the most. They will curse at your lover, throw him out of the home you shared, and steal the gift you gave last Christmas to throw it in the trash just so he can't have it and they'll say Jesus loves you! while they do it. They'll feel good and righteous and blessed and holy and pure for doing it.

And for them, you spit in the eye of your sister. For them, you disavow your sibling. For their sake, you trim away bits of your heart and lace yourself up tight. Never too loud. Never too queer. Never inconvenient or embarrassing, never asking for too much.

Pete Buttigieg is what happens when your Boomer dad turns out gay. Middle America. Parents still married. Suburban-sprouted. Valedictorian. Harvard-educated. Rhodes Scholarship. Military service. More power to him: I hope he and Chasten are very happy together. Genuinely, I do.

You couldn't create a more respectable gay if you grew one in a lab run by concerned voter focus groups.

But Pete Buttigieg? Is just a fag.

That's the part you don't seem to get: when they abandoned us, they abandoned all of us. Rock Hudson was a beloved movie star and even personally friendly with that horrid pair of ambitious jackals. Nancy Reagan refused to help him get into the only place in the world that could treat him at the time, and he died.

It was 1985, 4 years after the CDC first released papers on what would eventually become known as HIV/AIDS and 7 years after the first known death from an infection from HIV-2. Reagan hadn't even said the word AIDS by the time Hudson died.

Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, and so am I. Unless I'm a dyke, which seems to depend on who's yelling what from which window and what day it is.

Yes, there will be people who genuinely love and accept you. Those people are worth all the frustration of the rest, thankfully, and they're the ones who love you in a pup mask or a leather harness and a neon jock like the ones sold by the men up the row from us last weekend. They're the ones who laugh out loud when you tell them you hid the word "dyke" in your company name, the ones who love you in all your messiness and uncertainty and the way you don't fit into neat boxes all scrubbed up and clean.

Most cishets, though... well, they don't actively mean you specifically any harm, at least not when they have to look at you. Not when you're right there in front of them. Maybe they'll be okay with you, personally, especially if you're the kind of gay who makes a good rhetorical device, and as long as you remain a good rhetorical device.

They need people to know that they don't have a problem with the gays, after all, and there you are, being all convenient. You make a nice token, and as long as you do, well. You're useful.

But they call you by your deadname when you're not around, and they put the wrong pronouns in your medical record even though they met you years after you came out, and they won't put themselves out to save you. Not one little bit.

I didn't want to be here again. The year I graduated from high school was the worst year of the AIDS crisis. The world into which I became an adult was a world in which an advisor and friend to Reagan, William F. Buckley, openly advocated for forcibly tattooing the HIV status of HIV+ gay men on their buttocks (and IV drug users on their forearms), and in which my father not only told me that when I was 14 or so, but when was told me that he'd advocated for that tattoo being "over their assholes."

(Buckley wrote that in '86, but he doubled down on it in 2005.

Fucker.)

But yeah. I didn't want to be here again. I wanted my daughter to inherit a better world. I wanted Obergefell and Lawrence v. Texas and Hope & Change to really mean something. I work for it, today and all days. I haven't given up.

I need you to know that, too. This isn't a white flag. I'm not surrendering. This isn't over. To misquote Henry Rollins, this is what Marsha and Sylvia and Stormé and Leslie and Brenda and Auntie Sugar trained us for. This is punk rock time.

But I need you to understand that if Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, if that human embodiment of a Wonder Bread, mayo and Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich is not respectable enough for them -- and he's not -- then the rest of us have absolutely no hope of measuring up. Not even if we trim away every colorful, beautiful piece of our community, not even if the Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence vanish into the ether, not even if we sacrifice the five elements of vogue on the altar of white supremacist cishet middle-class conformity: we can't trim ourselves down to something they'll accept.

The only other option is radical acceptance of our queer selves. The only other option is solidarity. The only other option is for fats and femme queens and drags and kinksters and queers and zine writers and sex workers and furries and addicts and kids and the ones who can look us in the eye and see all of us to say we're here, we're queer, get used to it just the way we did 30 years ago. It's revolutionary, complete and total acceptance of our entire community, not just the ones the cishets can pretend to be comfortable with as long as we don't challenge them too much, or it's conceding the shoreline inch by inch to the rising waters of fascism until we've got nowhere left to stand and some of us start drowning.

That's it. Either it's all of us or it's none of us, because if we leave the answer up to the Reagans of the world and all the people who enabled him in the name of lower taxes and Democrats who wring their hands, weeping oh I don't agree with it but we'll lose the election if we fight it right now, the answer is none of us.

The brunch gays can come, too, I guess.

#homophobic slurs #uncensored slurs #slurs #respectability politics #respectability #critique of transmedicalism #lgbtq

[metapianycist]

To anyone wondering if it's worth it to tear down fascist posters or whatever. I spent a few months last year engaged in silent battle with another student at my school who was putting anti trans stickers up everywhere. I had it down to a system where every night I would walk the five block radius they went up in, and tear down all the ones I could reach, and use a stick to put duct tape over the others. Like, within hours of the stickers going up, I would have already purged the whole zone. I knew the basic schedule of whoever put them up based on when and where the stickers appeared. I probably could have found them in person if I'd wanted to. And I told all my classmates and friends what the stickers looked like and got them to rip them down too. And after a few months of this, the stickers slowed, and then stopped forever.

My point is, a lot of this fashy or right wing stuff is one local weirdo. And if you pay attention, and do a little light organizing with your friends, you can basically make their efforts into a giant sisyphisean exercise in misery. You control your streets!

[metapianycist]

I just remembered I had a dream where there was a new chess piece that had really insane mechanics that included mechanics for being able to move up to 32 spaces (a regulation chessboard is 8x8 spaces.)

it was a bust of benjamin franklin's head that was allowed to move x number of spaces based on the types of pieces that were in the first 16 rows on front of it (a regulation chess board is 8x8 spaces.)

different pieces had different values when it came to calculating the score that decided how many spaces the piece could move, but it was widely agreed to be the most powerful piece due to not only it's wide range of movement, but also being able to clear out all trees on the board within its movement range (there are no trees on a regulation chess board.) and grant you resource tokens for each tree destroyed.

[metapianycist]

[metapianycist]

i had a dream last night in which i was back in high school and cast as one of the leads in a play. it was opening night, and I'd never gone to a rehearsal or even seen a script. i asked someone for a script so that i could study it in the three hours before the show, but no one ever gave me one. and they still expected me to perform, even though i knew none of my lines. i kept trying to navigate the maze my school had become, to find the room where the cast was supposed to be, but i never found it.

this is a metaphor for being expected to act neurotypical when you're autistic and/or have ADHD.

#actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #actually autistic #actually adhd #metapianycist original post

[metapianycist]

i got an ask asserting that amy sequenzia was fraudulently being manipulated by her carer and thus can't be credited for her contributions to autistic advocacy, which include significant work against the idea that nonverbal people should be pitied or presumed not to have thoughts.

i didn't want to let this sit in my askbox without a response.

you should always ask yourself what someone's goal is when they tell you that a prominent nonverbal activist—one whose entire body of work is about presuming competence and advocating for nonverbal people's agency and dignity—is in some way fraudulent.

you could also ask yourself: if it's true that this autistic person's caregivers are deliberately manipulating their words (or, as in related conspiracy theorizing I've seen about other autistic activists: if it's true that this person is faking being nonverbal...), who would be materially benefitting from this very effortful fraud, and what would be the goal of orchestrating such a complex fraud? if there's no clear benefit or goal to this kind of fraud, this should give you serious pause.

conspiracism about prominent nonverbal autistic people being fraudulent very frequently occurs alongside a reluctance to believe that a nonverbal person who uses communication supports can genuinely have and communicate thoughts, and doubt that such a nonverbal person could ever have thoughts as complex as a verbal person's.

ask yourself: what is the goal of asserting that a prominent nonverbal activist's words are not their own and that they've been manipulated by their caregivers?

is it to draw attention to legitimate harm done to the nonverbal person by their caregivers?

is it drawing attention to harm done directly to nonverbal people by the activist's work?

or is the assertion meaning to discredit the idea of presuming competence at all in nonverbal people who need assistance communicating?

be wary of people who wear their skepticism as a badge of honor yet are committed to the idea that some prominent nonverbal autistic activist is either faking or can't possibly be responsible for their own words, especially if the self-styled skeptic shows no interest in figuring out ways to protect nonverbal people from harm in a way that presumes that they indeed have thoughts.

amy sequenzia is not the first nonverbal autistic person who's been the subject of conspiracy theorizing suggesting that her caregivers are using her as a puppet and that her entire body of work consists of their words and not hers. she will not be the last nonverbal person whose communication is questioned. but we can always critically examine these kinds of claims to see if they come from a place of genuine value for nonverbal people's agency and safety.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #metapianycist original post #neurodivergent

[metapianycist]

a few weeks ago i read Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown by Sherronda Brown and i'm glad i did.

the central theme of the book is a critique of the foundations of asexual exclusionism. asexual exclusionism is the position that asexuality is not in the category "queer," that asexuality is not in conflict with heterosexism, and that it is harmful and homophobic to assert that asexuality is a form of queerness. some exclusionists go as far as saying that no asexual people—not even those who are gay/bi—should describe themselves as queer, because, these exclusionists argue, being "asexual" is the end goal of anti-gay conversion therapy.

until i read Brown's arguments, i hadn't felt particularly strongly in a long time on the question of "are asexuals queer." i deliberately removed myself from that discourse a decade ago, because no one attempting to answer that question on tumblr could expect productive and nuanced conversations (i think this is still the case). i have had the experience of being targeted by organized harassment for my efforts c. 2012 to have nuanced conversations about asexuality in relation to the concept of queerness.

since reading Refusing Compulsory Sexuality, I've felt a new push toward resisting ace exclusionism as part of resistance to exclusionary politics in general.

i highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the nuance of "are asexuals queer" regardless of what your current answer to that question is. i am not going to excerpt anything here, so here's a link to my notes and highlights from the kindle edition.

#metapianycist original post #asexuality #asexual discourse #ace safe

[metapianycist]

Source ~ @/reberrabon_bon on TikTok

[Video Transcript:

Video of Riki replying to a comment that reads: "High and low support needs are just rebranded functioning labels and aren't helpful or respectful to us tbh I hate seeing them used."

Transcript of Riki's response follows:

"I want you to ask yourself why you feel this. Because the only people I see perpetuating this idea is autistic people with lower support needs like myself.

Because saying that I have low support needs is not saying the same as I'm high functioning.

It's saying I don't need as much assistance as other autistic people and there is nothing wrong with that.

That doesn't mean I don't have any support needs.

I can't figure out how to fill any sort of government document to save my life. I need support with that but I don't need support going to the bathroom. I don't need an AAC device a majority of the time.

If I need something I have drastically less trouble communicating it than other autistic people do.

It is just simply stating a fact as to what level of support I need from other people. And high support needs autistic people tend to hate it when we say things like this because it eliminates them from the conversation."

End transcript.]

[metapianycist]

autistic person: *info-dumping* adhd person: *interrupts them* autistic person: *has to start over* adhd person: *interrupts them* autistic person: *has to start over* adhd person: *interrupts them* autistic person: *has to start over* adhd person: *interrupts them* autistic person: *has to start over* adhd person: *interrupts them* autistic person: *has to start over*

#actuallyautistic #adhd

[metapianycist]

hi there

sometimes I'll forget tumblr exists for a while because ADHD

#metapianycist original post

[metapianycist]

“Don’t get into pointless arguments with jerks on the Internet” –the rabbis

#judaism #talmud

[metapianycist]

my tummy hurts and im mad at several countries' governments

#metapianycist original post

[metapianycist]

muffin tins gotta be one of the top five worst dishes to wash by hand. right up there with them fuckass blender blades. all those nooks and crannies like… don’t piss me off