nocherrybombs

[nocherrybombs]

Okay, so here's the vibe I'm getting from this picture:

Teachers have been mixing up the two Borts since second grade, even though they look completely different. The one nicknamed "Skinny Borts" is about to McFuckin Lose It.

For some reason, no one has ever confused the two Aidens.

Hammin let a massive fart rip right before getting his picture taken.

Hobem won the unofficial senior superlative category for "Biggest Chin".

Fooly and Fooby, despite being unrelated, have taken on the roles of Fred and George Weasley for this particular highschool.

Hunby did something and no-one has figured out what it was yet.

Briaden is the school's sole male cheerleader, and is inexplicably popular with all the girls despite being obviously gay.

Hogby is everybody's friend. Just the sweetest little thing. She also knows where to get the best weed.

Jort and Bhuinem once showed up to homeroom wearing the same outfit, and they almost started a fistfight over it.

Furus, Clarser and Foob frequently get into trouble for spending half-an-hour gossiping in the women's bathroom when they're supposed to be in class.

Shamp regularly starts arguments with the substitute teachers.

Chunus stopped going to Math class six months ago and is somehow still pulling a B+ average.

Bootus identifies as gender.

Asheliigynne (pronounced Ashlyn) brings chia-seed mango smoothies to English class every day and drinks them very noisily.

Broop usually has the misfortune of being the first to discover what Hunby did (he set a trash can on fire).

Tag yourself, i'm Asheliigynne

#ai image #school photo #no this has nothing to do with my own high school experiences why do you ask #what tags do you use on a post like this?

[nocherrybombs]

Apologies to all of my followers who didn't expect my blog to turn into a "Genshin Impact Fake Quotes" blog. In my defense, you should have known I was an idiot when you signed on.

[nocherrybombs]

Orientation Day at Zapolyarny

Young Arlecchino, during her Fatui Harbinger onboarding session: Greetings, small wooden child. I understand that your mother abandoned you as a baby to fend for yourself in an empty domain because she thought you were weak.

Scaramouche: Wow, okay. Even if it wasn't incredibly rude to call someone a "small wooden child", I'm still at least 470 years older than you are. And where do you get off talking about me and my mother like that?

Arlecchino: My mother was also a wretched, awful woman, so I killed her. Would you like me to kill your mother as well?

Scaramouche: Are you asking me if I want you to kill the Raiden Shogun? I mean, you can try if you're up for it. It's your funeral.

Arlecchino: Very well. After I kill her, would you mind terribly if I then adopted you as my son?

Scaramouche: What the fuck are you talking about?! Yes, of course I would mind! I don't want you to be my mom!

Arlecchino: That is good to hear, seeing as how I will be your father.

Scaramouche: Alright, this has gotten too goddamn weird, even for me. Jester, is this really who we're bringing in to fill the Knave position?

Pierro: Yes, she is. Would you prefer us to find someone more like Crucabena instead?

Scaramouche: ...point taken. Welcome to the team, newbie.

#genshin impact #genshin #fatui harbingers #arlecchino #scaramouche #pierro #headcanon: everybody hated crucabena #this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship #and by friendship i mean they despise each other #arlecchino has no clue what a functional family is supposed to be like but she got the spirit #pierro gets to babysit all of these dumb kids

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Freminet: So, um... I guess I'm not invited to the family barbecue any more, am I?

Arlecchino: Oh no, your attendance at the cookout is still mandatory. However, you have been demoted from "son" to "weird cousin who nobody likes that sits in the corner and we all talk about you behind your back".

Freminet: No...

Arlecchino: Every time you set your gaze upon my face, you will have to exist with the terrible knowledge that I am not mad, I am just disappointed.

Freminet: *gasp* You're a monster!

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin spoilers #arlecchino #freminet #post-4.6 trailer #unconventional parenting methods #cruel and unusual punishment #teyvat's number 1 dad

[nocherrybombs]

Shoutouts to Tumblr for being broken.

[nocherrybombs]

Ugh, I didn't realize that today was the arguments for the Trump Colorado primary ballot case thing. The front of the Supreme Court building is absolutely swarmed... by journalists.

#there are almost more cops and journalists than actual protesters #they never tell you who exactly shows up at these things #washington dc #supreme court

[nocherrybombs]

The Capitol Building, despite being a beautiful work of architecture, still houses the most hated institution in the United States.

#to be fair jourmalism is trying really hard to catch up #it's like 15% i think covid19 might be more popular than congress #washington dc

[nocherrybombs]

The ugliest presidential portrait in the National Portrait Gallery is Bill Clinton's, and it's not even close.

#the best one somehow belongs to Richard M. Nixon #washington dc #trump's portrait is trying to be intimidating but just comes off as sad clown #obama's still looks like that one simpsons meme of homer disappearing into a bush #reagan's is kind of smudgy and blurry for some reason?

[nocherrybombs]

The Washington DC metro is, I assume, what it would look like if a swarm of giant bees built a particle accelerator in the brutalist architectural style.

#brutalism is remarkably popular in dc #after fake greco-roman nonsense but before fake colonial nonsense #why are the subway stations so damn dark? #washington dc #liveblogging the last day of my vacation

[nocherrybombs]

I think I assumed that as I got older, my tastes would adjust so that I would only ever be occupying a fandom space with people roughly my own age. I didn't account for the possibility that people would keep making cool things that I like that younger people also like.

Obviously this isn't new, the phenomenon of somebody's fifty-year-old mom writing Harry Potter x Draco Malfoy fanfic for consumption by teenagers has been around forever. I just never thought that I would be the mom.

#aging #fandom #i write many things that will never see the light of day #feeling old #what are all of these babies doing here? #a lamentation of morality #is this process easier for people who enjoy stuff like football?

[nocherrybombs]

There's something nice about the idea of there being someone in the universe who is invested enough in your success to try to set you up with somebody they think you'd like, instead of a cold, emotionless black void stochastically shitting on you for your entire life.

Now I kind of want to see a soulmate AU where the matchmaker is a benevolent but unfathomable eldritch outer god.

I've def. said it before but I find the widespread popularity of soulmates deeply confusing for many reasons, but most fundamentally because if God came down out of heaven and pointed out one specific person in all the world I just had to fall in love with, I feel like the only dignified and self-respecting option is to tell him to get fucked and never talk to them out of spite?

#soulmates #soulmate au #tropes #cthulhu just wants you to settle down with a nice cultist boy/girl #matchmaker matchmaker

[nocherrybombs]

Man, capturing lightning in a bottle twice is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

[nocherrybombs]

Lumine: I just saw the Knave walking around Romaritime Harbor looking very pleased with herself. You didn't give her something you shouldn't have, did you?

Neuvillette: I did gift her the Hydro Gnosis as part of a diplomatic exchange, yes.

Lumine: God damn it, why?! Why do you people keep giving extremely powerful magical artifacts to the undeniably-evil criminal organization?

Neuvillette: Well, as the fully-restored Hydro Dragon Sovereign, I have no need of the gnosis' power. Moreover, my research has led me to believe that the gnoses are actually made from the dismembered corpse of an ancient interdimensional space alien, and I am not inclined to keep that sort of energy in my house. But if I am being honest, above all else I gave the gnosis to the Knave to make her go away.

Lumine: ...okay, that's fair. Also, did not know that thing about the alien corpse. I'm gonna have to talk to Nahida about that ASAP.

Neuvillette: Certainly. Please do let me know how it goes.

Lumine: I'm still mad at you.

Neuvillette: I am sorry to hear that.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin spoilers #lumine #neuvillette #archon quest #neuvillette already has too much nonsense in his life #deadpan but he's crying on the inside

[nocherrybombs]

Lyney: Father, Master Childe has disappeared from the Fortress of Meropide. No one has seen him in over a week.

Arlecchino: ...yes, and? Why are you telling me this?

Lyney: It seemed important. Is it... not?

Arlecchino: Only insomuch as it gives me a good excuse to fuck with Furina. Although, fucking with Furina is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do, so I suppose I owe him for that.

Lyney: Should we be looking for him?

Arlecchino: I was not promoted to the position of Fourth Fatui Harbinger to be Tartaglia's babysitter. That was La Signora's responsibility, and it would still be her responsibility but for the fact that apparently we needed someone to babysit her too. So no, do not waste your time and energy trying to find Master Childe. That said, if you do happen to find him, please bring him back here so I can give him the beating he so richly deserves.

Lyney: Understood. Then we will continue with our plans to infiltrate the Fortress of Meropide.

Arlecchino: Very good. You are dismissed.

Lyney: Yes, Father.

Arlecchino: ...I swear to the gods of this world, if this is what Pierro meant when he said that the Knave position involved "childcare"...

#conversations that must have happened #genshin impact #genshin #fontaine #genshin spoilers #fatui harbingers #lyney #arlecchino #good childecare is hard to come by these days

[nocherrybombs]

Neuvillette: Monsieur Tartaglia, I must advise you to cease this disgraceful behavior immediately, or I will have no choice but to hold you in contempt of court.

Childe: I would love to see you try to hold me in court!

Neuvillette: What?

Childe: What?

Lumine: ...there's no way he's not going to jail, is there?

Paimon: Nope.

#genshin impact #genshin #fontaine #neuvillette #childe #tartaglia #lumine #paimon #order in the court #conversations that must have happened #this is not shipping #it's just a stupid joke #fatui harbingers

[nocherrybombs]

Accidentally made my villain NPC way more evil and gross than I intended to. I mean, the guy sucks, but it wasn't supposed to be immediately obvious.

On the plus side, maybe my players will try to kill him, which might be interesting.

#only dm problems #dnd #dungeon master

[nocherrybombs]

This is a stupid argument to have, but if we're going to have it, I propose that FromSoft implements a pause option that is separate from the menu and can only be used when you are disconnected from online play.

#elden ring #dark souls #there i solved it #now we can go back to doing something important #like arguing over whether the game needs an easy mode #we can make him better #we have the technology