patheticcmee

[patheticcmee]

[patheticcmee]

Why am I so unloveable?

#tw self destructive behavior

[patheticcmee]

Sometimes i wish i could relapse

#tw self destructive behavior

[patheticcmee]

I usually come off as aggressive to my friends and people in general, like i have a strong personality, when really that could not be further from the truth.

I am so deathly afraid of people that i felt like i had to appear strong to them, so that they would leave me alone.

Sadly, that only made them hate me more, so, now I'll try to opt for a doormat/pacifist approach. It will take a while for them to change their mind about me, but if i lie well enough and put in the work, then maybe I'll finally get what i want and they won't hate me as much anymore.

God I'm so scared

[patheticcmee]

I just realized, I'm not a likable person at all.

#mentally fucked #anorexik #low calorie #tw ana diary #tw self sabotage #calorie deficit #tw self destructive behavior #low cal restriction #tw self destruction #kinda depressing #tw depressing stuff #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #sorry for being depressing #depressiv

[patheticcmee]

I want to be so skinny that I trigger people

[patheticcmee]

Another one

[patheticcmee]

I want to be loved but the idea of someone actually loving me disgusts me.

How could someone love me if I can’t even love myself?

Am I even worthy of wasting someone’s love?

[patheticcmee]

Realizing that since I can’t physically self harm, I’ve started triggering myself as a form of mental self harm. (I’d rather cut myself to shreds tbh)

[patheticcmee]

Sometimes I feel the only reason I want to lose weight is that people will take finally serious my feelings when they see my sick body.

[patheticcmee]

[patheticcmee]

[patheticcmee]

after all who's gonna love the girl with scars?

[patheticcmee]

It’s when i need to talk to someone, that I realize I truly have no one.

[patheticcmee]

i want to self hxrm so badly , I’m getting so tired of trying to get better

[patheticcmee]

personally, it's a huge accomplishment and milestone to no longer immediately jump to self harm as a coping mechanism. ive been going through some tough shit and i feel like ive just lost the taste for doing it when upset.

the downside is that i now see it as more of a pass time. it no longer has the emotion attached to it and now i just kinda want to do it. i don't think about so often, but sometimes i just crave it. it has gone farther for me than just a coping mechanism and crossed into addiction, in which i no longer need a reason but just want to do it. im still clean, though. i wonder how long i can keep this up.

[patheticcmee]

Today’s meal

#mealspo #calorie deficit #anorexik #depressing shit #mentally fucked #just ed shit #low cal ed #tw ed stuff