possibeelities

[possibeelities]

When I grow up, I want my own Robin and I want to be someone's Robin ❤️

[possibeelities]

The built up to this love story was legen --- WAIT FOR IT --- dary! ❤️

[possibeelities]

“I always have fun with you.”

[possibeelities]

Sleeping Beauty ❤️🥰

#possibeelities #diary #dear diary #pets #dogs #petblr #dogblr #dogs of tumblr #pets of tumblr

[possibeelities]

#mood

[possibeelities]

I miss my comfortably uncomfortably old self.

I miss being able to write about random stuff just because...

I miss reading a book so hard I forget the time...

I miss taking long walks and talking to my self... (It’s therapeutic). 

I even miss my ugly cries... (Also therapeutic).

While I am amazed and grateful that I am at a place in my life where I don’t (1) overthink, (2) get anxious and (3) worry about the next thing I need to get done, I find myself a little uncomfortable for being comfortable. 

This is an ongoing struggle, something that’s been quietly but consistently bothering me since I turned 30. 

This year, I turn 32. All I really want is a bike. Seriously.

But then, I also want to know (1) how it feels to be on a date, (2) how it’s like to  have someone look at me with wonder and amazement, (3) how a kiss could feel, (4) how can I be better a teacher, (5) how to be a real writer, (6) where my profession is leading me, (7) how to be more than my usual self, and (8) if I’ll ever be able to find myself beautiful, as opposed to just acceptable, sometimes.

*SIGH*

It’s all moot, though, because after I post this, I’ll let myself stay comfortable, no matter uncomfortable I am about it, because in all honesty, I’d rather me uncomfortably comfortable than anything else. 

And I’m really just fine with missing my old self

#possibeelities #deardiary #rants

[possibeelities]

"Gagawa pa ako ng exams..." https://www.instagram.com/p/B8ALqvUlXOcJgbaX9dwjb_XfZB-iBTfJNJqVVQ0/?igshid=2swfp7je9wgn

[possibeelities]

Day 11 and 12 | bias in the airport and her airport fashion ✨👌

I love how she went from sweet and fresh to seductive and mature in the last four years. 

©tto Source: Pinterest

#possibeelities #aletheia #jihyo #park jihyo #bias #2020challenges #twice #airport #looks through the years

[possibeelities]

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t really like what I see.

So I stop looking.😶

A couple of years back, when I was still a rookie teacher, the faculty I belong in went out together to visit a co-teacher who has just given birth. We were standing right outside the hospital, waiting to know if we can still see here, when a random old woman came up to us, begging for food. I remember her saying some weird comments about each of us. I don’t recall what was said about the others, but I can never forget what she said to me, and these last few years, I keep on remembering it.

She said I was lazy.

Back then, I took this as a joke: I was far from lazy. I was determined, I wanted to get approval, I did beyond what was asked, at the expense of so many other things.

I am turning 32 this year. I have never been in a romantic relationship. Why? The defensive answer would be because I don’t want to be. It’s true though; I enjoy my independence a lot. I don’t like waiting for other people and most of the things I like are done solo, including some that may be more fun with another person/s.

The honest answer, though, is because I am absolutely terrified of being rejected again. I don’t think I can handle it. I have been turned down by guys I was heavily infatuated with. Good thing it wasn’t love. I remember, around the same time that woman came; I also had my worst infatuation. I cried to God to remove the pain, and with it, the feeling.

And He did.

The thing is, I recall most of my 20s as turbulent times of self-discovery. It was just tiring. All aspects of my life was a mess back then; not to say that they aren’t anymore now, but at least I’m getting a steadier footing. My finances are my priority. With my lifestyle, I need to ensure my future.

My second concern is my health. God knows I need to get moving. I used to like walking. The idea of paying for the gym to make sure someone will hold me accountable has come to mind as well, though I am really not into it. I don’t eat a lot, but the stuff I do eat, well… I also need to upgrade that.

The funny/ weird/ annoying thing that has come back from my 20′s is the discomfort I feel for being comfortable with mostly everything. I keep asking myself what I want to change and/ or improve on.

I know it has something to do with how I see myself, physically. I also want a real balance between work, life, and play. I know I also need to stop being afraid, relationship-wise.

I keep on putting off getting these written down. It’s been swirling in my brain for quite a while, and it has hindered me from facing my other responsibilities. I know the ultimate thing I need to do is to get out of my comfort zone. Back in my 20s, I will say that I will, but then I won’t.

I don’t know how to discipline myself. I’m a ten-year professional teacher who disciplines young children every day, but when it comes to my own organization of thoughts, of feelings, of priorities… I put up a front.

I like it when people think I’m organized. I like it when people see me and say that I am reliable because I am organized. Well, maybe not as much this year; my table in the faculty room is a mess. But in other work-related cases, I am in control.

My key thing is that I want to enjoy what I am doing. Life is too damn short to be suffering. I’d rather laugh or be entertained, which now that I am re-reading it, doesn’t seem very realistic.

Life is difficult, and painful, and saddening. It is maddeningly out of our control. Yes, we can control some parts of it, but then, we still need to be vigilant with what can happen outside of our control.

I think my discomfort comes from that knowledge, that as I let my circle of control be in chaos, I am putting myself in great disadvantage once other things outside of my control catch up on me.

I used to love TTDs. Last year, I came up with a system of choosing three top TTDs to accomplish within the day. Once I finish them, I am done for. All of my TTDs are work-related. None addressed my responsibilities at home, or even to my personal needs.

This might be a good place to begin adapting.

In my silent quest to finding happiness again, I have put off stuff that I just couldn’t face, under the semi-lie that I wasn’t feeling well. I am grateful for the people who had my back as I “recuperated”.

#possibeelities #diary #dear diary #deardiary #self-love #ttds #aletheia2020 #honest #how to be me again #redefining myself #who am i #what am i

[possibeelities]

Day 8 | bias singing

Jihyo in DTNA era is perfection 😍✨

#god jihyo #jihyo park #twice jihyo #twice #2020challenges #possibeelities

[possibeelities]

Day 7 | bias shirtless

EXO Suho is 😋

Yup, I have a thing for leaders.

#2020challenges #kpop #bias #EXO #exo suho #kim junmyun #junmyeon #shirtless #possibeelities

[possibeelities]

“There’s no way for there to be no hard times, so I won’t pray that there won’t be any.

Instead I pray that you can have as many happy and joyful times as possible.”

#Always_With_TWICE

© Twitter @SE012

[TAKE TIME TO READ THIS]

Jihyo Reveals She Suffers From Anxiety, Depression, And Fear As She Apologized For Her Previous Post 💔

Realizing that ONCEs perhaps could have been hurt and disappointed by yesterday’s V-App chat, I apologize.

Let me try to slowly explain everything.

"After a ridiculous rumor about me started circulating back in March of last year, I think my fear of meeting people began to grow.

Even the time when I cried at the airport was because of the huge terror I felt towards the people who took photos of me, looked at me, and shouted at me. I felt so scared about how these people would think of me and what kind of mindset they had while looking at me.

And in August, my private life was revealed. Groundless rumors began to circulate and all the negative feelings like anxiety, depression, and fear grew immensely. It became difficult for me to stand in front of people, say even a word, or to even perform.

My fears began too large that I had to go to the hospital during our tour. I received consultation and medication but they didn’t help me much. Time went by and our Japanese tour began, but ever since our Japanese performance right before MAMA, it became much too difficult for me to be in crowded places.

I cried for all throughout the 3 consecutive days of performances from my fear and I just wanted to hide. I performed at MAMA in that condition. I had to face a lot more people than normal, I had to talk and perform, and even breathing became difficult for me.

I was worried that I would start crying again at the airport and that I would show everyone that I’m suffering, so I decided to return back to Korea at a later time than the rest of the members.

During the time that I mentioned – no, ever since I debuted, I’ve faced endless amounts of people talking bad about me, mocking me, and cursing at me. I was so hurt by it and enraged, but I had work to do, I had my career to continue, and I had my fans, so I just did nothing about it.

This is all there is to say about MAMA.

I’m not asking you to emphasize with me. I’m not venting, and I’m not asking you to understand. I just wanted to explain why I ended up posting negatively about some people.

There was never a time when I approached ONCEs with anything but my sincerity. There was never a time when ONCEs weren’t precious to me. There was never a time I stopped worrying about ONCEs, and I was completely sincere yesterday as well.

What I’m most sorry about is that I know so well that our team and ONCEs are facing another very difficult time right now. So I’m so sorry about talking through my emotions yesterday. I saw the posts that my members posted while trying to explain to ONCEs and our team. I also saw what ONCEs were talking about, and I decided that it was best for me to write my own explanation and organize what happened through this post.

The reason why I sing, perform, and converse in front of ONCEs is because I truly, sincerely wish for my and ONCEs’ happiness. The reason why I continue in this career is because I have ONCEs who love me and embrace me warmly. I can persevere through many different things, so I hope ONCEs don’t have to look at things that can hurt them.

I’m sure that since I’m a celebrity and an idol, there will be many issues and rumors to arise for various reasons, but I don’t want us to lose our happiness, our joy, and bright smiles to something else.

I’m sorry for making you worry, and thank you, ONCE. —Jihyo❤

This is why she is my Ultimate Bias ❤️

When I first learned about Twice, it was Jihyo's background as a ten-year trainee that caught me. Her physical transformation from SIXTEEN to YOY (the era I became a Once) inspired me. But more importantly, her articulation and eloquence as the leader of the group, in her speeches and ments, made me a fan.

Really glad she was able to express her self. I hope finds peace by sharing her piece. Not everyone is going to like her, but in this turbulent times of idols falling into despair, the fact that she got the courage to face up to her being human is admirable and respectable.

#TWICE_네가있어난다시웃

#jihyo park #god jihyo #twice jihyo #once #twice #bias #love #possibeelities #Always_with_TWICE

[possibeelities]

Day 6 | bias pre-debut

baby Jihyo is so SQUISHY 😍

#twice #twice jihyo #god jihyo #jihyo park #baby jihyo #2020challenges #kpop #bias #possibeelities

[possibeelities]

SaJiDa my biases 😍😍😍

Too bad Chaeyoung isn't feeling well, I would have my TWICE faves in one pic.

I love them all but Jihyo is my ult, Sana is my main wrecker, Dahyun is my funny wrecker and Chaeyoung is my baby wrecker ❤️

#kpop #twice #dear diary #deardiary #diary #possibeelities #twice jihyo #twice sana #twice dahyun

[possibeelities]

Day 5 | bias in red

Their stylist(s) in Japan promotions should get 👏👏

*Almost* forgot to update today! Preoccupied with school work, re-watching DOTS (really curious and concerned how the Filipino version comes out) and watching TWICE GDA clips ✨🔥

Will queue the rest of the week! Back to reality tomorrow!

#bias #2020challenges #kpop #twice #twice jihyo #Jihyo #jihyo park #god jihyo #possibeelities

[possibeelities]

Highlights of the first five days of my 2020❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/B67lZYblbp8zTgLGOE55j8AvlWfL3Wu5ei4S100/?igshid=x9x1bf96in6x

[possibeelities]

God, keep my head above water I lose my breath at the bottom Come rescue me, I'll be waiting I'm too young to fall asleep

#possibeelities #now playing #avril lavigne #dear diary #diary #deardiary