steeviesvent

[steeviesvent]

WOOOW that’s embarrassing. Every time I’m alone and hear footsteps coming towards me, I continue what I’m doing hoping the person is coming to talk to me for some reason. They never are coming to talk to me lol. I hate being in new places. I know nobody and I have no friends damn I’m pathetic asf.

#kms #ready to kms #haha depression #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #i hate everything #i hate it i hate it i hate it #depressiv #college #i hate people #fuck

[steeviesvent]

I will never be kenough 😭😭😭

#su1c1dal #kms #ready to kms #haha depression #depressiv #help lol #lolz #funny #dank memes

[steeviesvent]

I don’t know why every time I feel good for a little while I think it’s finally gonna last and then I’m like no suicide is bad but then it comes back worse and I’m like what was I saying about killing myself? That doesn’t sound like me

#fuck #this is depressing

[steeviesvent]

I would appreciate it if my family didn’t call everything I like or want weird, gross, and distasteful. Definitely doesn’t make me wanna be around them any more then is already required.

Like why is it such a big deal what fucking shape my eyebrows are or if I have any at all. Like I look fine asf regardless leave me alone.

ALSO I CAN LIKE PUNK MUSIC WITHOUT BEING BESTIES WITH SATAN LIKE WTF

Also if u know ur kid has hated themselves why ridicule the few things they like about themselves 🧐🧐🧐

#personal vent #kms #haha depression #family #vent #mental illness

[steeviesvent]

What am I fucking doing! It’s always worse and then worse and then worse. I wanna be done so bad please tell me I can be done with all of it.

#this close. #su1c1dal #kms #ready to kms #self h@rm #haha depression #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #i hate everything #i hate it i hate it i hate it #kill my self #depressiv #fuxk me #mentally tired #tired of being tired #very tired #im so tired #always tired

[steeviesvent]

I’m tired of wishing I was dead.

#su1c1dal #kms #ready to kms #self h@rm #haha depression #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #i hate everything #i hate it i hate it i hate it #i wanna die #kinda depressing #depressiv

[steeviesvent]

I never really took getting clean very seriously. That’s mostly because what I consider a relapse is pretty drastic. It’s started to sound like a really good idea today. Part of me wants to use it as a punishment; doing it when I break my restrictions. I’ve noticed only certain things motivate me enough. I don’t think sh will ever not be on my mind.

#su1c1dal #kms #self h@rm #haha depression #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #ready to kms #i hate everything #i hate it i hate it i hate it

[steeviesvent]

It’s my birthday tomorrow. I wanna do nothing so I can cry about it later.

[steeviesvent]

They said id feel better after a couple months seven years ago.

[steeviesvent]

I know a part of me didn’t want to get into college, and why I’m upset I did. Now I have a planned future ahead of me and my parents are happy. I would’ve killed myself as soon as I got rejected. Subconsciously I was so excited to not have any future so I could just end it easily without a second thought.

No wonder I only applied to one place, my top choice.

[steeviesvent]

Why am I still like this?

#sighhhh #ready to kms #haha depression

[steeviesvent]

I’m hopeless.

#su1c1dal #self h@rm #haha depression #i hate myself #ready to kms #kms #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #i hate everything #i hate it so much

[steeviesvent]

[steeviesvent]

I thought my new found discovery was gonna leave me feeling accomplished and at ease. For a while it did, but then I realized this means I’m truly alone. Since nothing is real, that means none of my experiences are either.

I see that every time my girlfriend says I love you I’ll never feel it anymore. If it’s all scripted that means nothing * says or does will ever feel genuine. I’ll never feel love again. When someone says I look nice I’ll never believe them. When someone does something kind, I’ll always know that it’s fake. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be.

[steeviesvent]

Does what I do in the game effect what happens to me when it’s over?

[steeviesvent]

I’ve always viewed life in an odd way. I was always trying to come up with answers as to what life actually was. Parts of those were true but now I finally know the whole truth. I figured out what this life is.

None of the choices I make matter because it’s all just part of the game. I’m basically inside of GTA, a simulation. I am the main character in my story and I can do whatever I choose. Of course what I do has consequences/effects but it’s nothing to be taken too seriously.

Nothing I do matters because everyone in my life are just characters in my game. “Non player characters” They don’t actually think, feel, or know anything. The things they say and the things they do are all just coding. They say what the game made up.

The only point in this game is to play. That’s what makes it so frustrating. So now I’m taking this shit by the balls. I’m going to fuck with the algorithm and see what happens when I stop giving a shit about so called “people” cause that’s not a thing. I can’t hurt feelings if “it” can’t feel.

You only get one life in this game, and the only way out is to die. And I’ll take that trip soon.

The game isn’t very fun when you know you’re playing. I think I’m gonna call it. Jumanji.

[steeviesvent]

I am rotting from the inside out and when I perish and completely decompose I hope something beautiful grows so I can finally contribute something good to this world