sxmriddhi

[sxmriddhi]

Hey lovely! So 2020 sucked, but I hope 2021 is treating you better! Sending you love in this new year x

HEY! Thank you so much!!!!

I’m hoping for good things too! We’re in the middle of our third national lockdown and I’m working in COVID wards as a final year medic. In theory, this year will include my graduation, moving to a new city, getting my first real job and finally returning to some normal life post-COVID. Lots happening and lots to plan in the coming months.

I hope you’re having a wonderful 2021!!!!

#ask #asked #answer #answered #anon #anonymous

[sxmriddhi]

Merry christmas! So glad you are happy this year! God bless you!

Thank you so much! Merry belated Christmas to you too!!! I hope 2021 brings you health and wellness.

#ask #asked #answer #answered #anon #anonymous

[sxmriddhi]

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL SWIFTIES! 🎄🎄Wishing us all lots of love, lots of presents, and enough beautiful trees to start a CHRISTMAS TREE FARM 😂🤪✨🎄🎁🎊🎉

omg i missed this but i hope you had a happy christmas too!!! mine was filled with studying for my finals during our national lockdown but i’m hoping for a better 2021 overall!

#ask #asked #answer #answered #anon #anonymous

[sxmriddhi]

Today was a bad year.

Hi guys,

Quick update from me: 2020 has been a minor nightmare.

I've had to deal with the losses of two grandparents (one of whom was the driving force behind me becomin a medical student and eventual doctor). I really struggled to keep my head above water for a while and wallowed in a lot of grief, much of it being done privately so that my partner and friends didn't know the true extent of it.

I was placed into lockdown within days of my first grandpa passing and having been able to return from India to be placed in lockdown with my dad was a struggle. I felt entirely isolated for months, seeing nobody and studying for exams that I weren't sure would even happen. I wasn't massively close to this grandpa but he was the first grandparent that I'd lost so it hurt me to realise the frailty of life. My mother was stuck in India because of international travel restrictions and my father was working hard all day whilst I sat at home alone every day, studying and studying. Hours away from my partner and my friends. Not sure when things would move a step closer to normal.

I kept getting my hopes up that my partner may be told to work from home and could come to stay with me. Three times I let my dreams be dashed before giving up entirely and accepting that I'd have to spend the next 3-5 months alone before I could hope to see him. It was hard. I couldn't find motivation. I struggled with my diet and my activity.

I struggled with the loss of my freedom and my home in London. I had issues with housemates that I'd left behind. I was left to sort out money problems that I shouldn't have been dealing with. I felt abandoned without a hope.

The summer came. Taylor Swift released folklore. Lockdown started to ease. I was able to see my partner and my friends. I was able to celebrate a COVID-safe birthday. I thought things were looking up.

But no. Money problems raised their head again as my mom was placed under investigation. I had to move to a new place to live and deal with a new set of adjustment. I struggled to function normally with the new COVID restrictions.

Being in my final year of medical school, I should be looking forward to graduation and the leaver's ball and all the joy that finishing university can bring. But it's all cancelled due to the pandemic. I'm working full-tiem in hospitals of general practice. I'm taking on extra tutoring to help my parents whilst attmpting to look fluid for the sake of appearances (and my own comfort).

Then my next grandpa passed. The one I was closest to. The one who had suffered for years, just trying to stay healthy enough to make it to my graduation. He left me with 3 months to go. He left me without a chance to say goodbye. And I spiralled. And spiralled. And spiralled.

He was half of my cheer squad. My dad being the other half. They push me and support me and love me. And I cannot believe he's gone.

I tried to power through, I worked towards more exams. I fought every battle that my university threw at me (and there's been a lot, but that's another story). I tried to adjust to my new home. I tried to establish strong relationships. I tried to look forward and make my grandpa proud.

But it's all getting worse again. I'm losing friends again and feeling distant from my boyfriend and struggling to support my family now that we're down to a single income. I'm struggling to focus on my finals whilst fighting all these extra battles, battles I didn't ask to be a part of.

I'm struggling to look forward. I don't want to look back. I just wish I couldn't fucking SEE. I want it to be over. I want this month, this year, this life to be over.

I'm so, so tired. I don't understand why everything I touch has an expiry date. I don't know why everyone I meet leaves me. I don't know why everything I do becomes shit.

I don't know why I can't do anything right.

I don't know anything anymore.

#text post #today was a bad day #i hate it here

[sxmriddhi]

Hi, hope you're doing okay! I wanted to bring some positive vibes and get to know you a bit more with some feel-good questions. What's your favourite thing to do? Who's your favourite person? What's your fondest memory? What's something you're looking forward to?

Hi! Sorry for the major delay in responding to this.

It’s weird to say as it’s not really a hobby but I honestly just adore doing anything with my group of friends. I charge my battery by being around people so I thrive off of social interaction (it’s one of the reasons quarantine is so hard right now). It doesn’t really matter where we are or what we’re doing if we’re all together. I love the idea of sitting around and playing drunk board games or cooking dinner together. It’s all just amazing to me.

My favourite person? I couldn’t really pick but I owe my entire existence to my father. He raised me and protected me and, even though he has his faults, he does what he can to support me. He’s my number one fan and I would do anything for him to be happy.

My 21st birthday was one for the books. I’ve never felt so loved and appreciated as I did that night. Everyone I cared about was in the same room and I got to feel like I was the reason for it. I was the centre of attention for once and the focus was on me having a good day. It was amazing.

I’m looking forward to sitting around a table with my friends and eating food we haven’t eaten in weeks and just catching up face-to-face. I can’t wait to hug them in person and share our stories from this time apart. I can’t wait to hear them laugh without the static of a computer mic. On the other hand, I also want to see my family in India. I just want to know they’re happy and safe. I want to be able to let them know that I’m okay and that we all got through this no matter what.

#ask #asked #answered #answer #anon #anonymous

[sxmriddhi]

FYI the way you described your relationship with your boyf sounds extremely destructive, unco-operative and unhealthy. Maybe that’s not what it’s legit like irl but I’m just saying that’s how you described it.

Not even remotely! He’s absolutely the most lovely human being and so so supportive of me. I think he’s just a much more logical thinker than I am. I’m highly emotional and a bit dysfunctional in myself which means he grounds me very well but I’ve been brought up with very unhealthy patterns in my life and that means I still crave them sometimes. Which isn’t good. He’s getting me out of that. I adore him.

#anon #anonymous #ask #asked #answer #answered

[sxmriddhi]

Is it better to be cynical and dark than to be hopeful and positive. Moving on from the past should allow you to be positive and believe in things. If people don't deserve to know the you that you've become, they don't deserve to define you either. It's hard not to let past experiences define you, but it's worth it. From my experience, cynicism only makes the world more painful. I've found it so hard to move on from bad experiences, but it gives you strength and freedom.

I believe in certain things. I think, if anything, I’m more strong now. I’m doing well overall and cynicism just makes me feel protected for now. Hopefully it edge away eventually.

#asked #ask #anon #anonymous #answered #answer

[sxmriddhi]

Why do you have to leave that part of yourself behind? I hope you find a way to be at peace with yourself and who you've become, you shouldn't let people who've hurt you ruin that

It’s better to leave some things in the past. I miss who I used to be but time and circumstance have changed me. I’m not innocent and naive and enchanted by the world anymore. I’m cynical and used up and aware. Yes, that seems harder and darker and more stressful but it’s just who I am. It’s made me who I am today and that is something I have to embrace.

#ask #asked #answer #answered #anonymous #anon

[sxmriddhi]

Reach out to them!! The worst they can do is leave you on read - say hi or say you hate them or say you love them just SAY IT! Whats the point of staying so silent and so powerless by yourself in your room? Staying silent at home is high school mess - take back your voice and TAKE ACTION! WWTD? (what would Taylor do?) Pain + lack of change = suffering. DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! If there was ever a time, its now!

Reaching out to people who have hurt and abandoned you isn’t all that easy, unfortunately. It’s not sensible to return to something potentially toxic just because you miss how it used to be. People change and you can’t cling on to the past even if the nostalgia feels unbearable sometimes.

#ask #asked #answer #answered #anonymous #anon

[sxmriddhi]

I think it’s so strange that we make such close bonds with people at different points in our lives only for them to wither away with the passage of time. I can’t even begin to comprehend the slices of my life that I gave so wholeheartedly to others only for them to take that snapshot of me and run away with it, refusing to allow me to retain that piece of myself so that it might only live in their memory. I’ve never felt so much grief for someone the way I feel for the person I once was when I was placed alongside another human being. The girl from high school does not exist anymore. The one from university barely exists either. I don’t know them. I don’t even know how to reach them. All I have is the vivid memory that they were once happy and something murdered them in broad daylight, leaving nothing but a shadow in it’s wake.

#quarantine 3 #thinking is weird #text post #thoughts

[sxmriddhi]

Spreading love and light 🌸🌼🌷🥀🌝🌝🌺🌻🌼💐💓💜❤️💛💔💗❣️💙💕💖💓💟☮️ answer this question with your problems or blessings ti spread awareness for #mentalhealth #alllove #peaceandjoy

This message has been sat in my inbox for absolutely ages and I never felt in a positive enough space to share it. At the time, it felt unrealistic to say that I had blessings and I wasn’t in a place to speak on my problems. But seeing the state of the world, I feel we could all use a place to unburden ourselves or share our joys. Thank you for this. I hope you’re doing well.

#ask #asked #answer #answered #anon #anonymous

[sxmriddhi]

Oh my goodNESS this got so deep but wait...how can someone be your rock but stressed about compatibility? What could be missing? Im so confused. And omg what happened with your school and roommates it sounds so freakin ominous. And yes gurl stay positive! I literally just float between other blogs to help people talk out their feelings - journalling can feel super weird but hey if its good enough for Taylor Swift then it must be good for everyone!!! SCREAM INTO THE VOID haha

Ahaha, basically my life is a mess but I’m getting through it. 

With my boyfriend, he’s basically the definition of The Way I Loved You. He’s perfect and kind and supportive. But we never have silly disagreements or debates. He’s quite apathetic towards things because he focuses on the things that matter whereas I love theoretical debates and arguing for the sake of it because I think it brings you closer together. I ask for his opinions and he won’t have them because he doesn’t care enough about the topic whereas I create opinions on everything because I think it’s important to have some sort of feeling towards things, even if you’re still learning information about it. We just approach life very differently. I feel like it might drive us apart eventually but idk how to fix it.

In terms of my school and my roommates, I can’t really talk about it until it’s over because things are very precarious right now. I’ve had to move home so that I don’t have to stay with my roommates and I’m currently in the middle of a complaints procedure against my uni so that’s all fun. Hoping that it all works out okay.

And yesss, sometimes journalling is just necessary. It’s very nice that you float between blogs and help others but please make sure you have someone there for you too! If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m pretty good at advice (despite my own life being a shitshow) and I’m always around to listen! Feel free to drop me a message whenever.

Stay safe!

#ask #asked #anon #anonymous #answer #answered

[sxmriddhi]

So I’ve been doing a lot of colouring whilst in quarantine. I’m thinking that it might be nice to post some of the finished products on here. I like the idea that people might see them and giggle a little bit during a rough day.

I’ve also been trying to play guitar. So far I’ve gotten through Wildest Dreams, You Belong With Me, Jolene and Man Who Can’t Be Moved. I really need to try to do something generic like Wonderwall so I can be That Girl at parties.

I really ought to find the motivation to work out. It’s truly ridiculous how inactive I’ve been. Hopefully I can pull myself together a bit more and start to care about my health.

#quarantine 2 #text post

[sxmriddhi]

Omg im so sorry i JUST saw the last post why all the anxiety????? Why the aching??????

It’s such been such a weird time! Honestly, I have no idea how to attack this current point in my life because so much is happening whilst simultaneously nothing is happening. Everyone is stuck in their houses but internally there is so much going on that needs to be sorted out that it’s entirely overwhelming.

I’ve had a pretty rough few months and my boyfriend has been my rock through it yet I still find myself worrying about our compatibility. It’s so stupid that I’m self sabotaging something good because I’ve somehow convinced myself that something is missing. It’s so so dumb.

My university is an absolute shitshow. I’m having to file complaints and formal appeals about how they’re handling situations and it’s just added pressure right now when I have an exam in a month and a pandemic in my back garden.

I’ve had to move home because of the dire situation with my flatmates just prior to lockdown which has made me feel quite homeless. It’s weird not being in the place that you’ve made your own and returning to a place where you felt quite stuck.

Overall it’s not great but I’m trying to stay positive. Everyone is struggling right now and it’s important that we’re all there for each other.

I hope you’re doing well!!

#asked #ask #answer #answered #anonymous

[sxmriddhi]

Quarantine

Well, well, well... it’s been a while since I’ve written on here.

I can’t say that things have been all positive because they haven’t. I’ve loved and I’ve lived and I’ve lost. A sparknotes would entail how my flatmate situations have been consistently tumultuous, my grandfather passed away just before the UK lockdown was initiated, I’m having a lot of anxiety about the status of my relationship with my boyfriend, I feel an ache in my soul daily about those friends that I had assumed were forever but who decided to move forward without me, my mom is still insane, my health is turbulent and my mental state is unstable.

Being in this lockdown has given me a lot of time to reflect and look at things from new perspectives. I’ve been rewatching shows that made me happy, learning to play the guitar like I always wanted, trying to be more active (and failing but that’s besides the point), being more present for my dad than I have in the past few years as we’re back under the same roof. It’s all feeling very strange to be back in a state where I feel like a teenager exploring my life whilst locked in my room. 

I hate feeling so distanced from the people I usually see. I even further hate the fact that I don’t have a home of my own right now, as I’ve had to come back to my family home due to COVID-19.

It’s a strange time for everyone. I wish that I could help more and do more for those who need it. I hate feeling selfish for prioritising things like my impending exams or my own fear of catching the virus. I want to get out there and join the frontlines and assist those who need it. I can’t wait to do it.

I think I might pick up writing on here again. Especially as I have little else to do and this was always a nice outlet for me.

Speak to you all soon,

Sam

#quarantine 1 #let's do this one more time #text post

[sxmriddhi]

Wow, i didnt expect such a thought-out answer! U are a true swiftie!And quarantine has us all feeling low so reach out to your friends or make it clear they should reach out to u! ✌🏻

Ahaha, thank you! 

I’m speaking to my friends pretty regularly actually, but I think we’re all just struggling with being on our own and feeling quite separated in general. We’re all just dealing with being on our own I think.

#ask #asked #answered #answer #anonymous

[sxmriddhi]

Hey! I came across your blog and saw that you love Taylor Swift! What are your top five fave songs? Peace and love ✌🏻

Hey anon! 

Oh my god, they change constantly. 

I’ve actually been extremely low mood recently due to being in self-isolation away from my friends and boyfriend. Songs that used to make me feel happy now make me feel very bittersweet. Especially the album Lover, it’s making me extremely emotional to be sat at home alone rather than with those I care about. However, I’ve been listening to them lots more so I actually have a lot of very serious thoughts on this topic. 

I think I’d potentially be able to give you an overall top 3 (in tracklist order) from each album because they’re like my children and it’s very difficult to pick just five! But I’ll do my best to pick the top song from each album out of that top 3:

TAYLOR SWIFT: Should’ve Said No, Our Song, I’m Only Me When I’m With You

FEARLESS: Fearless, The Way I Loved You, Forever & Always

SPEAK NOW: Sparks Fly, The Story of Us, Long Live

RED: I Almost Do, Holy Ground, The Moment I Knew

1989: All You Had To Do Was Stay, I Wish You Would, I Know Places

REPUTATION: Getaway Car, Dancing With Our Hands Tied, Call It What You Want

LOVER: Cruel Summer, I Think He Knows, Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

SPECIAL MENTIONS: Breathe, Tell Me Why, You’re Not Sorry, Enchanted, Haunted, Last Kiss, State of Grace, Wildest Dreams, New Romantics, This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, New Year’s Day, The Archer, False God, Afterglow, Daylight.

The issue I find is that I’m caught between songs that have significance to me, those that I listen to most frequently, the best songs creatively from a singer/songwriter perspective, and songs I would die to hear live. Making those distinctions tend to change my top 5 songs significantly. So here are those breakdowns too (once again, in tracklist/album order):

Songs of significance: Fearless, Sparks Fly, Long Live, I Almost Do, Call It What You Want (special mention to I Think He Knows)

Most frequently played: The Way I Loved You, Sparks Fly, The Story of Us, All You Had To Do Was Stay, I Think He Knows

Best songs creatively: Long Live, The Moment I Knew, I Know Places, New Romantics, Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince (special mention to Last Kiss and New Year’s Day)

Songs to hear live: Fearless, The Way I Loved You, The Story of Us, I Almost Do, Cruel Summer

#ask #asked #answered #anonymous #taylor swift #top 5 #top 5 songs #fearless #speak now #red #1989 #reputation #lover