#; the way Mads is pissed off at first

[dustteller]

Esen is clingy, and Ouyang WILL complain about it (very loudly!), but he's half-laughing and not pulling away, so Esen will count it as a win.

#i think this is the first actual painting I post on this account in a very long time #it's been a while since I worked on something properly #she who became the sun #the radiant emperor #general ouyang #esen temur #anyways on to thoughts! #i imagine that in a modern AU Esen is kinda clingy and sappy #and Ouyang is desperately trying to avoid PDA because he's uncomfortable with people knowing they're a couple #but also its Esen so despite his best efforts to stay mad he's actually quite happy to be given affection #they're both very whipped for each other and sappy and it would be sweet except for the fact they're just way too intense all the time. #i also imagine they're both way too loud in public and Ouyang's love language is being a contrarian asshole #so they also manage to piss off everyone else that way too. #they're both completely oblivious to this #Ouyang only notices it bc friend group photographer Xu Da keeps sending him pictures of them clinging to each other in public. #ouyang also thinks xu da is doing it passive aggressively so he never mentions it to Esen bc he's embarrassed #xu da is just trying to be supportive tho. he genuinely thinks they're cute pictures and that Ouyang would appreciate them. #zhu tried to gently dissuade him bc they knew Ouyang would take it the wrong way but also annoying Ouyang is fun so she doesn't try too hard #my art

[gods-favorite-autistic]

I really need people to understand that they didn’t not listen to Cassandra because she was a woman she was quite literally cursed. Like Apollo got all pissy over something (varies from version to version yknow mythology stuff) like the gods tend to do and cursed her so that she could tell the future but no one would believe her. It was not because she was a woman like I’m begging you if you’re talking about people not listening to women talk about anybody else-

#hi I’m back and pissed off about greek mythology misconceptions again #with the new taylor swift song I’m just gonna get a little bit mad in advance honestly #also ‘they killed cassandra first because she feared the worst’ no they didn’t #no offense taylor but no they didn’t #trojan war happened trojans won cassandra was taken by agamemmnon as a spoil of war bc he was the literal worst #then they got home agamemmnons wife was not happy so she killed cassandra and then killed her husband for many reasons #shoutout to clymenestra by the way good for her kill your husband girl #absolutely asking my larin teacher for his opinion when I go to school monday btw #madurday night live

[rivalsilveryuri]

let’s him walk around on my palm

ruby and sapphire

#VOICEMAIL #funny 2 me that viz just. made his reoccuring...........bathroom joke into him pourign a can off of rooftops. but everyone else is still #reacting like he's killing someone while he's likr 'i love recycling :)' and emptying a can of pepsi or somethign #sorry that its what first comes 2 mind with him. #but i DO like emerald.... he's kinda the only hoenn dexholder i ... like??????????????? not in the way i DONT like the other 2 i just don't #have much 2 say on them. but also because reading rs may actually trigger my ptsd i think. a little. ummm. so i dont remember basically any #of rubys half.. i remember saphs just fine thoguh. but yeah what was i on about. umm. oohhh yeah i like emerald thr best #kinda makes me mad how people just infantilise him and look over. basically everythign about him. like his sibling relationship with crys #+ his backstory + the shit under the surface for the way he acts.. #+the interaction they have as a trio because i find it kind of fascinating but its honestly the shortest amount of time 2gether a trios had #idk. it feels likr 2. people out there are actually interested in *emerald* himself #and everyone else just likrs. ............how everyone else sees him in universe.... and the rest see him how emerald wants to be seen. idk #always shy about character analysis cause i always worry im pulling at nothign and cooking nothing but i feel decently confident that- #-thats the whole point of emeralds character and his childhood and behaviour n etc. #i have NOT read oras though. umm. heard mixed things about it but who knows. itll take me 50 years 2 get there n e ways... #also emerald and wally. wish they interacted at LEAST cmon. unless ive brain fogged it but whateva........ #how did me talking about piss jokes turn into character analysis

[deus-ex-mona]

kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~

#(aka me when my acid burns randomly start throbbin’ when i bend over :( it’s very inconvenient) #in other news ​this week absolutely s u c k s can i trade it in for a better one— #first there was that acid spill. which. like. ouch???? but the mark is still there and is apparently very obvious. which sucks #then the day after the acid attack™️ meself and one other guy were called out under the assumption that we were doing unnecessary overtime #with the ‘unnecessary’ part running off the basis that there’s a low sample volume bc one single monday had fewer samples than usual #and we were singled out j u s t because our taxi claims for last month were through the roof due to the fact that we live across the country #like??? hellooo????? why are you treating it like it’s my fault that i have to pay upwards of $24 (at least) to get home??? #and??? excuse????? why are you extrapolating the previous day’s sample volume to the previous month’s workload as a whole???? #but. m a n. the way the mildly higher up lady abruptly shouted at me for asking a question just. pissed me off. for some reason. #she was talking in circles regarding the future of our taxi claims #so i asked if we (now) had to submit a second claims form for the transport company dudes to compensate us #and she yelled at me to stop talking before i could finish :( sadded and annoyed tbh #though i get the feeling that she hasn’t liked me ever since i left some results she asked for between her desk and some other guy’s desk #and someone else had placed their notebook or sth atop it so she couldn’t find it. and she blamed me for it. ha. #that was a few weeks ago though. so. hm. i wonder if she’s still mad about that… #either way. i applied for a couple of jobs that are closer to my place bc screw travelling across the country for an hour every day #s c r e w hour-long train rides i’d rather sleep #i prolly won’t even get the other jobs but. oh well. that’s life ig

[themyscirah]

New suicide squad is fucking horrible yet again (surprise, surprise). No shade specifically on Maines because she could be doing it worse (see anything TT has done w Waller & the squad) but her Waller and everything dc has done with the character the past few years makes me want to bash my head in. Also love how they changed Waller's origin to be exactly opposite to what it was before in a really major way

Absolutely no respect at all. Lovely

#DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND HOW THIS CHARACTER WORKS #first off. her compromising her morals is something that happens GRADUALLY. not from the fucking jump. jesus christ. #suicide squad is so fucked. just as like a concept with it set up this way. eay to make something cool and complex so interesting and stupi #like maines has done more than anyone else recently to make amanda seem even slightly like a human fucking being instead of the devil #incarnate but like. its still so terrible and awful and just not it and not her and!!!!! i fucking despise all of this #anyways i think she has potential as a writer and could maybe do something interesting if she was given allowance to do so and read up more #on certain things but like i do hate this book. makes me so pissed off #character assasination and mishandling so bad i cant even ignore the words and look at the art jfc #anyways im so fed up with this entire event and story arc and i despise it with everything in me. talk about boring stupid and trite. and #EASY its so fucking easy. why is every story beat w anything wallers in literally the same plot #which is ofc “waller is a massive fucking bitch who everyone hates and the heroes get mad at her” like PLEASE #DO WE NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO TELL A STORY THAT IS AT ALL ENGAGING #rant over but i fucking hate absolute power and everything abt it #blah #tuesday spoilers

[bmpmp3]

some day i will actually finish all my half finished cover projects instead of getting distracted and starting a new one., some day .

(propose by naisho no pierced, svp made from the midi they provided lol)

#vocal synth wip #synthv #genbu lite #sorry i like. inexplicably fell head over heels for genbu both his fucked up lite and his actual bank #how do i explain that i love genbu Because i think he kinda sucks without pissing off both genbu fans and genbu haters #actually thats not fair his full bank seems decent and out of the volor voices hes not That Bad #he sounds a little worse quality than eleanor (who is personally not my taste but shes solid despite that) #but hes not quite renri level or anything (and i say that will all the love in my heart for synthv renri <3 <3 <3) #(although shes free so i cant get too mad either way LOL) #(but genbu was also the first male bank we got for synthv so i cant get too mad at him either <3 hes an old man) #but like. he sounds like a decent but slightly glitchy utau bank. and his lite sounds like a REALLY glitchy utau bank HJKDSHKds #listen. i havent been able to use utau in forever because i had gotten a new computer a few years back #and i didnt wanna break anything by switching locales so i havent been able to install it orz #and im still struggling to wrap my head around openutau.....i'll get there. i'll get there someday #but genbu and especially his fucked up lite is kinda scratching that itch you know #like his lite is apparently based off his higher range and not his mid range? so thats why hes always fucking YELLING #thats so so funny to me i love that he sounds so odd. fucked up little robot man who screams and whispers randomly #lemme tell u working with his lite specifically. i imagine this isnt a problem on his full because u have all the ranges #but the lite since its one range you have to FIGHT HIM to get him to either stop yelling or speak up HGKDHJds #its wonderful. i love a project

[whitephoenix81]

Okay guys, I have a theory/headcanon.

What if Harry's scar wasn't originally put there by Voldemort? What if it was Lily? Hear me out!

Imagine, Halloween, 1981. Lily had Harry up in his nursery. She prepared for this inevitable outcome. Being a prodigy in both Charms and Ancient Runes, she research a ritual that would protect Harry from the monster currectly climbing the stairs.

She doesn't have much time. Not having her wand on her, she finds the sharpest object she could find, and pricks her finger. Using her blood, she draws the Norse symbol for "Sun" for "Soul", upon Harry's brow.

Telling her baby boy to be strong and safe. That she and daddy loves him no matter what. And then kissing the crown of his head. For what she knows is the last time, is the most difficult thing she's ever had to do.

Standing between the monster and her innocent baby, she willing, gladly, takes the killing curse. If it means that her little Bambi was safe.

As the breath leaves Lily Potter's body, her willing sacrifice, combined with her love for her son. And her blood, marking Harry's brow, sealed the spell. And Voldemort's fate.

For when he turned his wand on the baby in the crib. A baby, who no longer had blood on his forehead. As the same killing curse, that took away his parents flew towards him, Lily's sacrifice powered spell came to life. Lily's love for her son, combined with her blood, Harry blood. And the ancient magic that Lily had invoked, meant that Voldemort and his magic, couldn't touch him.

The dark and evil curse rebounded off of Harry, and struck the one who cast it. Hitting him, ten-fold. Leaving nothing behind but his wand.

However, because the curse is meant to attack a person's very soul. And Voldemort's soul was already frayed as it was, a piece sheared off of what was left of it. And because it could not survive without a host, it search, and attached itself to closest, and most magically viable object in the room. Harry.

As Lily's spell had only just been activated, and was still fresh and new. It attached itself like a leach. Turning what was beautiful, and full of love and hope. A sacrifice that lived in Harry's very skin.

And twisting it. Corrupting it, into something dark. Full of pain and misery.

Turning it, into a scar.

#harry potter #headcanon #only way I will accept the little lightning emoge scar that Harry has #it's okay. Personally #I like what I had originally imagined for Harry’s scar #back when I first read the books. At least the physical look #physical look of it. That it looks like a literal bolt of lightning streaking across the sky. Framing his eyes. And when Harry get mad #truely PISSED OFF #his magic reacts to it creating an aura around him. And as his magic begins to affect the world around him where he stand #his eyes begin to glow. And his magical aura creates a mirage effect on his scar #making it look like it's moving. Like it's real lightning #crackling around his glowing eyes.Making his enemies. Piss. Their. Pants. #aesthetic #theory

[cinnamon-grump]

I feel like I’ve come to understand how my idiot cat comminicates well enough to distinguish different meows n shit…

He’s really pulling that fucking “mum… mumm… mummy! Ma! Mama!!!” bit EVERY DAY. Bitch doesn’t even WANT anything he doesn’t already have, istg he JUST wants to get me up and pissed off and keep me awake

#its also kinda that game kids play of throwing shit on the floor so u HAVE to fetch it #like no fuck you #insolent little brat #eat your food and shut the fuck up #i am as good as i can be to this little bastard and all he does is scream and destroy things and climb where he shouldn’t #he thinks going UP NEAR THE CEILING FAN IS A GREAT WAY TO GET MY ATTENTION #YEAH BUT NOW IM SCARED AND MAD MARVIN #and he ALWAYS does this shit when i NEED to sleep.. #and the times where he just reeeaaally wants me to scrunch him on the rug??? #first of all FUCK YOU for ONLY liking to be pet in this one particular spot of the house #i literally cannot be on my knees there all the time iT HURTS ME #secondly ??!? do i fucking do this to you when YOU are sleeping??? i think the FUCk not #ahHHHHHH #shit man fuck #shut up ashwyn #the thing i hate most about it is how i HAVE to pet him or he wont stop #but he makes me SO f C ing angry that im SHAKING and have trouble controling my strength #so im pissed off and frantic and at the same time terrified im gonna break his stupid little cat bones with my big dumb human hands #the end result is almost always that i gotta get fUCKEC up high and cry into my pillow until i can pass out for MAYBE 4 hours before work #and trying not to kms for being rough with this stupid masochistic cat #like its well established he WANTS the nastiest most violent petting sessions u can manage.. but i still feel so guilty #the Anger in ME when it happens is probably the main culprit… #and/or whatever cocktail of mental illness my brain is sloshin aroun in #anyway… sorry.. #i think i will delete this within the hour i just.. im so tired n i needed to get this out of my system..

[britishraptor]

You know guys sometimes people are just smart right

#Luna rambles #seeing every single ‘smart’ character being assigned autistic is starting to grate on me #like I get it’s not the same as the old sitcoms where it’s all point and laugh #but guys you do know that going ‘haha they study science or math they’re obviously autistic’ is just. it’s kind of shallow at best #I say this as someone autistic btw #and I love seeing more autistic characters and ADHD characters #but it’s like seeing characters being reduced to ‘the mum friend’ or ‘the one with the brain cell’ or ‘the sunshine boy’ #it’s cute at first #but then you start to see the pattern and it gets old fast #look Evelyn maybe that mad scientist ISNT autistic. maybe he’s just got something wrong with his brain in a neutrotyoical way #anyway I don’t have a big following so people won’t see this #and normally I stay away from fandom drama #don’t know why this specifically pissed off enough that my usual method of writing and rewriting the post didn’t solve my rage #meh

[holdharmonysacred]

I woke up from a nap and want to swing at a hornet’s nest again, so I’m gonna give a hot take on villain redemption arc discourse:

A villainous character earning a redemption arc does not mean “Has this character become Morally Good enough to earn a slot on the good guys team?”, it means “Has the character’s writing earned this particular type of conclusion as the conclusion to this character’s arc, and can said writing sell the audience on it being the best narrative path for this character’s story to take? Or is the writing for this character such that giving the character a redemption arc without some serious groundwork leading up to it would at best give the audience intense narrative whiplash?”

Because a lot of villain redemption arc discourse - when it’s not dealing with the actual bad implications of the impulse of “Everyone who has ever been victimized by this character must magically forgive them, no one is allowed to have beef with this character who hurt them” that comes with a lot of redemption arcs - really just boils down to the redemption arc sucking ass because it’s being handed out to x characters when the writing around said characters has done nothing to really earn said payoff. You have to actually build up to the heel-face turn before you can say “This character is good now!”, the same way you have to have build up for any character arc’s conclusion. This is why it’s so common to have villains the writers want to redeem openly doubt their cause or get smacked in the face with The Consequences Of Their Actions - a villain with moral qualms about what they’re fighting for is more likely to leave and join the good guys, and a character Facing the Consequences Of Their Actions is more likely to go down the path of personal change that’s essential to any good redemption arc.

This is also why so many people get frustrated with redemption arcs getting handed out to fantasy tyrants. A fantasy tyrant’s crimes are typically massive and far-reaching and affect the whole cast, and tyrants in general just aren’t the type of people who would naturally come to a conclusion of “You’re right, we should stop being evil!”. Something big usually has to happen on the level of the universe itself punishing said tyrant for their sins - whether it be them getting violently deposed and thrown out of their Fantasy Tyrant position, or them facing immense personal tragedy as consequence of being a Fantasy Tyrant - so that the writing has an actual catalyst for the personal change required for the redemption arc in the first place. Situations like these is also where the impulse to say “Everyone must magically forgive this character because they are Good now!!!!” tends to get really ugly, since now it’s basically forcing the entire cast of a work to shut up about their grievances and let the Fantasy Tyrant do whatever they please, and that’s just shitawful writing.

To put it all a simpler way - if you’re writing a character who is a cartoonishly vile villain who’s constantly cackling while kicking puppies and is overall Evil And Lovin’ It, you’re going to need the run time of basically the entire series in order to get that villain to an ending of “They’re a sweet person on the side of good who runs a wholesome well-intentioned orphanage”, because that is a massive change in characterization that’s going to be extremely goddamn hard to sell to your audience unless you put in the legwork to make your writing earn that outcome. And depending on the villain, you really might just be better off writing the more natural outcome of “And then they were a horrible rat bastard to the end” rather than trying to force a redemption arc you’re in no way equipped to write.

#this is also why a lot of villain redemption arcs cheat and have the villain in question be Not Really Evil in the first place #it's easier to redeem an Evil Overlord who's an Evil Overlord in name only and is just an awkward nice guy in spikes #VS trying to redeem an Evil Overlord who is like. 100% unironically an evil overlord out to conquer and burn the land #the former's writing is such that 'this person joins the good guys' is a natural outcome of their character #the latter's writing is such that you would have to be a literal GOD at writing to pull it off #and when you're bound by limits like 'episode runtime' and 'a set amount of seasons' there's no way you can do that #edited to fix a horrible typo i made! i wrote 'no one is allowed to have beef with the character who forgave them' #that's supposed to be 'character who hurt them'! oops! #the problem there is not 'the redeemed character cannot have beefs with the cast because they were Forgiven' #it's 'the rest of the cast cannot have beef with the redeemed character because they're Redeemed and must therefore be Forgiven' #the character who got the redemption arc prrrrrrrrrrobably shouldn't be pissed off at the people they hurt once they've gotten that arc #(unless you're trying to make a point of the character falling back into old ways because Getting Better Is Hard) #the rest of the cast however DOES have every right to still be pissed with the character who got redeemed #because redemption and Becoming Good is only one step in the process of Fixing The Problem #and some potential narrative problems (like the old classic 'you killed my father!!!') CANNOT be fixed with redemption #if the big bad evil knight who killed the hero's father gets a redemption arc that still doesn't bring the dead dad back #and hero guy has every right to be still mad at now-redeemed evil knight for their dad's death

[wovenstarlight]

physically pained by today's class where the prof's asked us to take turns reading aaloud. some of you do not fucking know how to read for the class and it SHOWS!!! you have to PROJECT YOUR VOICE so everyone can hear you, you have to ENUNCIATE so you can be understood, you have to speak with some fucking ENERGY so it isn't just a flat incomprehensible stream of words, i want to know if this sentence is a question or a statement or a comparison from the tone of your voice!! holy shit!!! if i wanted to listen to white noise i would turn on a fucking fan!!!

#star.txt #IT IS PISSING ME OFF!!!!!! #guys who have been emcees will get so mad when people don't speak like cartoon characters #also when we have established a pattern of each of the first few speakers taking 2 paragraphs #and the professor has STATED that this an easy way to get the participation grade for the class #WHY would you read five paragraphs. this is a short fucking article let the others get a boost to their grade #them doing worse doesn't mean you doing better >:((((( #cheering myself up by remembering that time in 9th grade i was reading something off the board for the class #and the projector kept cutting out but because i read super fast i was mentally like a line or two ahead of what i was actually saying #so i just kept talking and finished the sentence #and the others were like HEY HEY HEY WHAT THE FUCK HOW ARE YOU STILL READING. THE PROJECTOR'S OFF. HEY. #one kid in particular got super freaked out and it was so funny i made a point of continuously doing that #and he just kept getting more and more scared cuz he couldn't get how i could read that fast and remember it all. lmao. lol. #okay im calm again

[distopea]

@nezumivc103221

It was the middle of the night; couldn't have been much past two or three AM if the darkness outside was anything to go by. The curtains had been closed at Nezumi's request, but through the sliver of space, a narrow, orange stripe of light indicated that the streetlamps were on and buzzing. The bedroom itself was quiet and cold; none of the outside ruckuses penetrated the thin walls of the apartment complex. During the day, Nezumi could hear various noises from their neighbours, but at night, they all fizzled out like a soda in mid-summer.

Mads' steady breathing was the only sound, usually a pleasant white noise that lulled Nezumi to sleep—except right now, Mads' every breath sounded like a drill through his ears. Nezumi tossed around, irritated, sleepy, anxious, hot and uncomfortable. A dream woke up him, not a painful one or a scary one, just a dream involving his Gran. A true fantasy that was too far out of Nezumi's reach. It made him sad; it made his heart ache with longing and his limbs numb with loneliness.

Nezumi huffed, frowning at the ceiling. He glanced to the side where Mads slept, unaware, then looked away.

Beside him, Mads shifted in his sleep. He turned his back to Nezumi.

Nezumi whimpered softly and chased after him.

" . . . Mads?" came the first tentative whisper. Nezumi circled an arm around Mads' shoulder and tried to get him to lay back down so he could place his head on Mads' chest. "Mads . . . are you asleep?" he whispered again, softly, inquisitively. ( Of course, he was. )

"Mads . . ." Nezumi pleaded again, gently petting Mads' cheek. "I can't sleep. Will you talk to me? Mads?" He nuzzled into Mads' neck. " . . . Please? I'm lonely."

//50s verse

From his peaceful and pitch-black land of dreams, Mads felt that something was bringing him back to reality. An everlasting poke onto his skin, like a dripping faucet that kept leaking. Poke, poke, poke. Mads waved his fingers in the middle of nowhere and grumble to whoever or whatever was trying to wake him up to fuck off. He felt that it wasn’t working at all. He frowned and grunted, scratched his belly, but the more he tried to fall asleep again and the more he was aware that someone was really trying to wake him up.

At some point, he blinked, his limbs completely numb, the urge to stretch invading every single cell of his body. “What is it?... ‘Fuck you want?...” He didn’t even realize to whom he was speaking right now, but at some point, consciousness was awakened. He understood that the person who was eagerly trying to get his attention was Nezumi, and it was quite strange for him to be so demanding – but in a physical way. Suddenly, Mads was profoundly aware of their proximity, the way he was throwing his limbs to have him closer, the warmness of his breathing…

“What’s happening?” He said while he rolled on his back, his hair completely disheveled onto his pillow and falling in straight lines over his tired blue eyes. He could perceive the emergency inside Nezumi’s voice. It was honestly a siren call Mads didn’t wish to resist. He sighed and rolled again, this time to wrap his fingers around Nezumi’s waist, pulling him against his chest.

“You’re not alone. I’m here.” He slowly caressed the length of his back, up and down, from the top of his skull to almost the birth of his bottom. Mads swallowed. Loneliness was a very familiar blanket for someone like him. He had been lonely most of his life after all. All these one-night stands were just a balm to appease the deepness of his sorry existence. He squeezed Nezumi a bit harder, pushing his nose into his long black hair.

“I know how you feel.” He confessed while he rubbed the back of Nezumi’s ears. His gestures were slow and controlled, just in case the young man would freak out. Proximity was still a foreign language between them. “You know, when I was little, I was sharing my bed with my brother. His name is Mika.” Mads realized that he had never talked about him yet. Mika didn’t visit him for a while, but they would exchange letters or quick phone calls, from time to time.

“Mika often had nightmares when he was a kid, and he was clinging to me like a monkey to a trunk. It pissed me off back then… I wanted to throw him out of the bed for that. We fought a lot.” He continued to caress Nezumi’s back, tenderly. Mads chuckled to the memories. “But when I went to the army, when I was on my own… I couldn’t sleep at night for a while. I was almost missing his chaotic kicks and his sleep talking…” 

He hummed, looked down. He hoped Nezumi felt more at ease right now. “Oddly… When you grump at me, or scratch, or push your cold feet against my ankles… I always sleep like a baby. I don’t feel lonely when you’re here.”

#; nezumivc103221 #⌇he’s the angel of small death ( 𝙈𝙖𝙙𝙨 / 𝙉𝙚𝙯𝙪𝙢𝙞 ) #⌇The Rook ( 𝙈𝙖𝙙𝙨 | art thief AU ) #; SOFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! #; the way Mads is pissed off at first #; but he can't resist a demanding and lonely Nezumi #; and don't you dare saying he has bad intentions!! he's SOFT #; they both know intimately what loneliness means after all

[oldhabitsdiescrming]

.

#tate.txf #vent post #vent #tw vent #listening to so long london right now and fuck. fuck! #i remember hearing it the first time and realizing i was Not as healed as i thought i was. #while my relation to it isn't through a relationship-technically-it IS about the girl who groomed the fuck out of me at 13 years old ❤️ #i was friends with her for three years and jesus fucking christ. she fucked me up in ways i'm still reeling from. #i took care of her-this grown ass adult-through everything. things no kid should be hearing about. #i was fourteen and not sleeping. when i did she would threaten to off herself because i wasn't replying. #i went HOUSE HUNTING for her. i was looking into odd jobs because i thought she needed my help. #when i finally took a mental health break after three years of carrying her sadness like a weight #she called me a monster. i was sixteen years old and watching someone who swore they loved me say the most horrible #god awful things. things i wouldn't say to the person i hated. #i had so many panic attacks over her. i would get in trouble because of how hard i fought to be there for her. i was a kid. #carrying a sadness that became my own purely because she deemed me vulnerable enough to carry the weight. #it's been years #and i am finally so. so. so angry. #i'm finally the age she was when she groomed me and i just. i don't understand. i don't understand how you can do that to a child. #im pissed off she let me give her that youth for free. im just getting color back into my face. she deserves prison but she won't get time. #i'm so angry after all this time. i wish her well. i hate her. i'm hurting. i don't understand any of it. #why was it my job to carry her up the hill? how much sadness did she think i had in me prior to her entry into my life? #i'm still afraid to talk to people. to make friends. to respond to my existing friends. #because i didn't know it was coming with her. #for a while there i'd believed i could forgive her. now i know i don't owe her that. #i am just getting color back into my face. i am mad as hell because i gave up my youth for someone who couldn't care less at the end. #oh the tragedy. #to delete #just had to finally say it somewhere.

[luckystrike-x]

.

#not to sound dramatic but i think watching challengers reconciled me with cinema #or the things that are currently coming out in theaters more precisely #i've watched movies that i liked and enjoyed but it was nothing as good as i wanted it to be nothing really 'clicked' for me this year #i've been mostly disappointed and annoyed if not bored by the lastest popular releases #in january ive watched that disgustang la'thimos movie and the latest todd haynes which just confirmed that i don't vibe wirh #their work in general so i'll officially stop trying for the sake of my well-being #last movie i have watched in a theater setting that i truly loved and felt fresh and new was #another josh o'connor movie directed by yet another italian filmmaker but it was back in 2023 (so extremely long ago) #idk maybe that's just the secret ingredients for a movie i can love #what i liked about challengers is that it didn't desperately try to outwit its audience contrary to #these movies mentioned above + saltburnn which is my absolute biggest pet peevehfgyh #2024 was on its way to become the biggest year for recent releases that pissed me off so. hard. i'm glad luca saved it #thank u guadagnino mad respect u really choose your screenwriters well first james ivory then justin kuritzkes #who even is that guy? he's fabulous #i think i'm gonna have to watch it a second time next week

[thesearchforbluejello]

I fundamentally do not understand this show. The Dominion War was RIGHT THERE. Like, RIGHT. THERE. Why did we need some whack Romulus-blew-up backstory when the federation was already decimated by the war?? A follow up on the fallout of that and how the ceding of territory, the betrayal by allies, and the xenophobia of threats from both within and outside would have been SO much more interesting to me.

And they're so busy pulling half developed plotlines out of thin air that they're not even pounding in their anchor points for it all. Like, case in point, Jay looking for Icheb's cortical node. SEVEN HAS IT. IT IS LITERALLY IN SEVEN'S FUCKING HEAD. Like, okay fine easter egg? Maybe? But a major plot point isn't exactly an Easter egg?? Like obviously Beyer knows a shitload about Voyager, so at least one of them must be aware of that, so I assume it's implied... but not everyone has seen every Trek and that is from one specific Voyager episode, and Seven had the perfect opportunity to rub that in Jay's face... And are we not going to talk about Seven becoming a Ranger which is HUGELY antithetical to where she was at in Voyager? Because the fact that she became an individual on a ship that was what, 1/3 Maquis? Um, that's a super fucking important fact? Love that for her, but Christ alive nail. these. plot points. home.

idk I guess these two are nitpicks, but I have so many more and just don't feel like writing a novel expounding upon what I perceive as their many (MANY) failures in writing this show. But this show is just full of those moments and I don't understand their choices. Easter eggs only work when there's actually something semi coherent to hide them in (hence why most of M*rvel's fail nowadays, just saying). This feels almost as incoherent as Renegades, and I am SOOOOO very sorry to be actually saying that because woooooof that is not a compliment. Like... it's the Romulans, it's the androids, it's the Borg. It feels like whatever unholy combination is happening with Applebee's and iHop right now. Like... Okay I guess? But it's just a weird combination and very unnecessary. Just fucking pick one and go from there.

I do however need like a lot more ex-Borg bonding that was such a good moment okay thanks bye

#like I'm sorry we're meant to believe finding Soji is a screaming emergency and then Picard makes a pit stop? #and starts a fight? that he's then mad at Elnor for finishing? that made NO sense #and I'm doubly sorry but I do not give a shit about Raffi's son at all #like maybe give her enough characterization to support a backstory and then we'll talk but whatever #I don't mean to toot my own horn here I'm serious #but i am extremely detail oriented (literally my job that I get paid for okay) so I am very good at noticing details #and piecing together plots #and I was doing nothing else except watching that show no distractions #and i am fucking CONFUSED about so many things #and I genuinely do not believe that it's because they haven't been explained yet #i think it's just because the writing of the first half dozen episodes is hot garbage #i have read probably hundreds of unbeta'ed fanfics that were more coherent than whatever the fuck is happening here #I'm shaping up to actively hating this show but in a way that i will probably watch all of it so I can complain WITH RECEIPTS #will it be a full blown hatewatch or a general pissed off slog? tbd #like did i miss something? i thought y'all said this was good #am I the only one this irritated?? 😐 #I am once again asking why l*wer d*cks is the most concise #and legacy honoring of the Treks #I could go OFF about the difference there #it has been a hot minute since a show pissed me off this much #jo watches picard