#(besides maybe the coach but that’s a whole other problem)

[uswnt-has-my-heart]

I am absolutely livid about our loss to Sweden, mainly because a bunch of assholes are using this as an opportunity to harass the team, especially our beloved P.

i’ve seen a bunch of people saying that they lost because they were too focused on politics, and my only thought is, “where have you been??”

#this year has been tame compared to 2019 #and anyone who says that’s why they lost had a fundamental misunderstanding of what this team is about #and also women’s sports in general #because god forbid women doing anything ever without being hyper-criticized #but anyway i agree #i think any sort of hate to the players right now is absolutely worthless #it’s not productive and it’s not a great look for the community imo #i think every player that played could have been better #but also any player (alex megan alyssa ANYBODY) could literally be a god on earth #and we still wouldn’t have won because it’s a team sport and the fate of the game is NOT on the shoulders of one person #(besides maybe the coach but that’s a whole other problem) #uswnt #woso #megan rapinoe #women’s soccer

[octuscle]

this is an urgend call for help! I'm a 29yo teacher in europe and I have a problem with one of my students. He's 18yo, the star of the soccer team and of the whole school. he's looking at me and talking with me in a very special way. So I think he has a crush on me. I've to give him a lot of detention but he seems to enjoy it. Last time he says at the end: "soon you're one of us - your countdown is on...' pls tell me he hasn't used your program. If he has, stop this countdown immediately

According to a scribble in the student restroom, you are supposed to be the school's sexiest teacher for the third year in a row. Someone has sketched your cock next to this note. Obviously life-size, because the doodle is impressively large.

Well, you can't be the sexiest teacher for the third time because you've only been here at the school for two years. Before that you were at university. First in Milwaukee. Then actually only for two semesters in Lund, Sweden. But you fell in love with Sweden. And now you are very happy to have got a job as a sports and math teacher at the sports high school in Malmö. Sport here at the school usually almost automatically means "soccer", but as a native American you have less to do with it. Your sports are badminton, athletics and windsurfing in the summer.

You almost despair of the soccer star. A stinking lazy pupil. Certainly not stupid. But really lazy and uncooperative. According to his coach, he is the most disciplined person imaginable on the pitch. Here in math class, he's definitely not. Absolutely not! "Soon you'll be one of us - your countdown is on". That was yesterday… Today, once again, he didn't even show up for math class. Shit, he's ruining his whole career. Besides, you kind of miss him… He's not just a student… He's also kind of… A buddy! Damn, you can't have thoughts like that with a student!

You are looking for your student on the soccer field. Of course he's there. Of course he doesn't have a guilty conscience. Shit, of course you can understand him. After all, soccer is your life too. It was always your dream to become a professional soccer player. But unlike him, you were simply never good enough.

You try to talk him into his conscience without being such a bourgeois. You want to come across as cool. But on the other hand, you also know that you have to assert yourself as a teacher. It's your last traineeship. You'll graduate next year. Now you're still somewhere between the teachers and the students. It's a shitty situation. And the jock just laughs at you when you reprimand him. He says you'll soon be in detention together.

You are actually a really hard-working student. You are very keen to do well in your exams. You definitely want to work as a teacher at this sports high school. Soccer and math. That would be exactly your combination of subjects. But you can't study tonight. The day as a volunteer at the school was really exhausting. Before you go jogging for another hour, you look in the mirror as you change into your sports clothes. The fucking spots just won't go away. You still look a bit like you're still in puberty. But you finally seem to be growing hair on your chest. Maybe you will become a real guy after all. Whether the soccer star likes hair on his chest. Or if he has any himself? The thought of him gives you a boner!

When you wake up the next morning, you pick up where you left off yesterday. With a boner. My goodness, since you've been doing the internship here at the school, you've been kind of hard all the time. Of course, you've got a whole lot of damn tight guys among the other freshmen at your university… But the boys here at the sports high school are in a different league. They wank wherever they go and wherever they stand. And since you've been here, you've joined in.

You've been given a single room at the sports boarding school for the duration of your internship. You have a washbasin in your room, but you share the toilet and shower with the boys from the upper school. You're 21, hardly older than the guys who will be graduating this year. But you're still not allowed to fuck them. Even as a freshman and an intern, you are formally a member of the teaching staff. What a load of shit! How you'd love to let the star of the soccer team fuck you in the shower. It's obvious he wouldn't be averse either.

The internship sucks. Sitting in class without being able to shape it but already knowing everything is even more stressful and boring than it is for the students. Nevertheless, you try to look like you're paying attention and taking notes. This is actually more of a strategy to avoid falling asleep. You can hardly wait until soccer practice finally starts. You can just play along. You're more of a pupil than a teacher. The coach praises you and says that you're wasting a great talent as a sports teacher. He asks you to take the team star under your wing for a while. He could certainly learn a lot from you. Hehehehehe, you think to yourself. I'm sure you could from him too!

After training, you go to the gym for a bit of strength endurance training. Suddenly the soccer star is standing behind you. He runs his hand under your sweaty jersey and plays with your nipple. Thank God you're alone in the gym. You take off your jersey and he sucks on your nipples like a puppy on its mother's teats. Shit, his smell of wet grass and sweat alone is driving you crazy. With one hand you take your boner out of your pants. With the other, you push his head down. He blows like the devil. And you cum like a fire hose.

A delicate fuzz appears on your upper lip. That's the only good thing about fucking puberty. Your voice is cracking. Your pimples are annoying. And every other morning you wake up in a huge mess in your bed. Every morning that Lars hasn't blown you first. Or you blew him. You're congenial on the soccer pitch. Whatever congenial means. But the coach always says that. You think you're totally congenial in the shower and on the toilet and in all sorts of other places too. The fact that Lars and you met here at the boarding school is damn lucky!

You've been inseparable since you were 18 at the latest. During the week at Intermat, at the weekends either with your parents. Or at his. Your parents are cool. Although you're not sure if they know what you're up to.

Lars and you both think school sucks. You're here to become professional footballers. You don't need fucking math or history for that. Your coach predicts a glorious future for both of you. The man is cool. He's ancient, probably already 30 or so. But much more relaxed than your other teachers. And he'll cover for you if you skip math again. But only if you've used the time for fitness or technique training. If you don't show full commitment, the coach has no mercy.

It is an honor to have been accepted at this school. You have no intention of disgracing the school!

It's a common saying that the two of you only exist in a double pack. Your classmates have turned 'Lars' and 'Zlatan' into 'Latan'. It's no coincidence that your name is Zlatan. Your parents are huge fans of Zlatan Ibrahimoviv. And the fact that you made it to school here in his community, that you are the second Zlatan to become a national player from Rosengård, makes your parents proud. But if you become a national player, Lars will also have to play for the national team. That's a matter of honor. You look at yourself in the mirror. The fuzz on your upper lip isn't quite ready for a cool beard like the one your role model has. And your parents never allowed you to have long hair. But since you've come of age, you've let it grow. It won't be long before you look like the great Zlatan!

You don't like it when Lars and you are put on opposing teams in tournaments. But Coach is right, of course, he needs to train your killer instinct. An opponent is an opponent. Even if you occasionally get shagged by the center forward. And how you get fucked. Shit, your cock is already famous in the changing rooms near and far. But against Lars' beast… You're nothing…

It's pouring with rain. The soccer match was a mud fight. But you won. "As we agreed, the loser has to blow the winner" you tell Lars after the final whistle. "I can't wait to suck your cheesy boner clean" Lars replies with a grin. Even though almost everyone knows that you are a couple, you are usually rather reserved in public. But today… Fuck it!

#male tf #reality change #age reduction #race change #ai image

[joanquill]

Strong!Reader Headcanons

How the Moriarty gang treats a reader who's as strong as a mountain.

Moriarty Gang

William scouted you because you were the strongest person he met. Almost indestructible, to be honest.

The gang once caught you with a couple of gunshot wounds, but you acted back to normal after a couple of days.

It kind of scared some people how unbothered you were with the injuries and scars you got from missions.

You're the one usually doing the heavy lifting around the manor.

Carrying heavy groceries inside, helping Fred with the gardening equipment and tools, bringing Herder's inventions to missions, moving around the furniture...

You once even lifted the couch with Sebastian, Fred, and Bonde sitting while sweeping the floor.

You sometimes even coach the others on working out and exercising, so they stay in shape. Surprisingly, Master Jack was the one who usually kept up with you.

You're the designated caretaker when Sebastian, Bonde, Albert, and maybe even Paterson when they go out for a drink.

Bonde is one thing, but Sebastian was beet red and flailing as you carried his 6'5" ass back to the manor over your shoulder like he was nothing.

Albert was laughing beside you, and Paterson shook his head at the colonel the whole way home.

You once instinctively lifted Louis by the waist when a mouse came running by in the kitchen, Simba-style. He couldn't look you in the eye for the rest of the day.

Bonde, on the other hand, treats you like his personal carriage and sometimes asks you to carry him when he's feeling tired or just plain playful.

Speaking of Bonde, he once dared you to carry Moneypenny around when she sprained her ankle. You agreed, not seeing a problem, but Moneypenny kept hiding her face in your chest and kept quiet the whole time.

Even though you can crush a man's skull with your bare hands, you wouldn't hurt a fly.

...Unless William orders you to, but they love you all the same.

#yuukoku no moriarty x reader #moriarty the patriot x reader #albert james moriarty #albert moriarty #william james moriarty #william moriarty #louis james moriarty #louis moriarty #ynm sebastian #sebastian moran #ynm fred #fred porlock #ynm james bond #james bonde #jack renfield #zack paterson #miss moneypenny #ynm von herder #von herder #headcanons

[leonsliga]

https://twitter.com/BayernNewsw/status/1762100914259648872?t=UVN8cg2KCTKBeOaVs0qNMQ&s=19 what do you think of this?❤

Hey anon! Thanks for sending me this ❤️ if I’m honest, I’m generally distrustful of bild as a news outlet. Even though they’re not always that way, they’ve just got this tabloid vibe that I find tough to swallow. Their articles always feel crafted in such a way as to pit fans and footballers against one another, and I don’t think that’s always fair.

That said, they did provide photographic evidence of them partying (supposedly). The guy in the first pic in the thread looks like Leon, but I’m not entirely sure. I couldn’t quite locate Phonzy in the pic either, but that’s not to say neither of them were there. I’ll be curious to see if other news outlets apart from bild report on it (as far as I can tell, they’re the only ones who have); maybe then we’ll get a bit more information and insight.

Now let’s talk about the party itself. Should they have gone? Probably not. Should they have stayed out that late, knowing they had training later that day? Definitely not. I understand wanting to blow off some steam (and wanting to meet up with the legendary David ‘Alaboom’ Alaba lol), but the problem with being in the public eye is that someone will inevitably find out you’re doing it. Bild’s business is quite literally finding out other people’s business, and if you want to have a party or go to one, they’ll be the first to know about it. Hell, they’ll probably invite themselves to it in some facet. Such are the perils of being in the public eye, I suppose.

I think I can understand why they went though. They were probably still buzzing off the adrenaline of their victory and wanted to celebrate. Couple that with the prospect of a reunion with an old teammate, and bam! You’ve got reason enough to party. Not only that, but Leon, Phonzy, and Serge are under scrutiny at Bayern, and maybe they thought they could escape the pressure for just one night. Besides, let’s think of football like a normal job. When you’re off the clock, that’s your time, and you can spend it how you like. Should football really be any different? Should bild or other news outlets really have the right to judge how they spend their time off? I guess the tricky thing is when you look at this event through the eyes of disgruntled Bayern fans. And that leads me to my next point:

Can I understand fan anger towards this? Of course I can. It was right after a match, and the way we’ve been playing this season doesn’t exactly scream “party time.” Far from it actually. But truth be told, if the rumors are true and they stayed out as late and partied as hard as bild seems to imply they did, the coaching staff will probably punish them accordingly; besides, if this is all true and not exaggerated in the slightest (because let’s face it, we can’t rule out bild exaggerating some details), TT actually has a chance to do something right for once and score some easy points with Bayern fans on his way out the door 😂

Quite honestly though, I’m sure showing up to training massively sleep-deprived and possibly hungover is quite the punishment in itself 😅 if they’re old enough to make their own choices, then they’re old enough to know the consequences of them ahead of time. Leon, Phonzy, and Serge aren’t the first to go out and party after a match, nor will they be the last, but that doesn’t mean it’s wise, but they’re still relatively young, and I’m guessing suffering through training while wishing for death that morning was lesson enough lmao. It would be for me anyway 😵

Now that I’ve said my piece though, I’d love to hear from you all. I know I’m biased when it comes to Leon and our Bayern squad as a whole, so I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the matter. Do you feel the same way about it as me? Do you have a different take? Or is there something you noticed that I might’ve missed? I welcome any and all opinions—just please be respectful 🫶

#anon 💖 #quite a few of you sent me an ask with this twt thread in it…so if it’s ok I’ll probs just answer it here #and then answer any subsequent asks based on my response here/the article anon posted #I also go into more detail on my thoughts in the comments #leon goretzka #my asks

[heavensbeehall]

"Mockingjay", Chapter 6

Part 1: The Ashes

Chapter 6: The chapter opens by telling us the previous chapter was yesterday, which is a bit of an odd way to continue things. Katniss left the studio once she heard Haymitch. Now we gather around in Command and discuss Katniss's performance. Haymitch argues she can't be coached so it's decided she will go to District 8 later. Haymitch and Katniss clear the air. Katniss gets remade up and Beetee explains her arrows. But then Finnick arrives in a hopsital gown. Everyone's favorite scene!!! Boggs takes her to meet her team. District 13 is bigger than she knew. Fulvia wants to talk about how handsome Gale is, but Boggs is not impressed. Plutarch explains that all the Districts, except District 2, are in revolt. He gives Katniss poison that he calls "nightlock" after the berries in the arena.

-- The gang is all here. Haymitch, The Preps, Gale, Greasy Sae, Beetee, Finnick, Boggs and Dalton? What a group. All stars (except for Coin who can suck it. If we got her out of here were could solve some real world problems).

-- Why is Gale so wary of Haymitch all the time?

-- Why do we need to know Boggs has "incredible posture"? It's such a random detail.

Alone, I can't be the Mockingjay.

This line gets me. Katniss is quite down on herself here. And luckily Haymitch knows how to get what they need out of her or else Plutarch's whole "mockingjay" concept would--because she is the one Snow is obsessed with. (So in that way she is the Mockingjay because the villain chose her, kind of like Harry Potter?) But I also appreciate this journey she has taken with Peeta's media savvy. She nearly strangled him in the first book. She gushed over how smart he was in the second. And here I just get the sense that she misses him and doesn't like to do it alone.

He looks slightly yellow and has lost a lot of weight, giving him a shrunken appearance. For a second, I'm afraid he's dying. I have to remind myself that I don't care.

That's not how caring works, babe.

I'm surprised that the next speaker is Boggs, who I think of as a muscular robot that does Coin's bidding. "When she sang the song. While the little girl died." Somewhere in my head an image surfaces of Boggs with a young boy perched up on his hip. In the dining hall, I think. Maybe he's not a robot after all.

Katniss has a way of noticing but not knowing she is noticing people. Like she knew a lot about Peeta's wrestling and such in the first book. She just didn't admit to herself she was noticing him. Her interactions with Boggs are similar but different. She noticed him because he was a Dad doing Dad things but she can't really process that because she's got so much other emotional trauma to deal with now besides her dad being dead.

Tried to carry Mags.

If this was Finnick's suggestion of when she moved him, just kill me now.

"Wash her face," says Dalton. Everyone turns to him. "She's still a girl and you made her look thirty-five. Feels wrong. Like something the Capitol would do."

I appreciate you, bro.

At the word trident, it's as if the old Finnick surfaces. "Really? What's it do?"

They should've given the mental health patient the dangerous weapon sooner.

She snags Gale, who's in a conversation with Plutarch, and spins him toward us. "Isn't he handsome?" Gale does look striking in the uniform, I guess. But the question just embarrasses us both, given our history. I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, "Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear." I decide to go ahead and like Boggs.

Katniss will go on for paragraphs about Peeta's eyelashes but if someone says something about Gale's appearance she is like "idk." Meanwhile Boggs is like, "This kid needs a Dad joke."

#thg reread #mockingjay #suzanne collins #thg mockingjay #boggs #finnick odair #dalton #haymitch abernathy

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Is Trent Crimm deeply disappointed that he missed the whole locker room scene where the team airs their “stop hogging Jamie” grievances or deeply relieved? On the one hand, reporter instincts for a good story, on the other hand his own morals would never let him put it I the book, massive (reporter/writer) blue balls.

re: Jamie Hogging Ask- some days ago on the Colin/Jamie post, you mentioned that you'd daydreamed out a bit of an AU where Jamie ended up dating a whole section of the team on some sort of rotation schedule. I assume that there was some dramatic locker room scene where they all hashed out that they felt it was unfair that only Colin on the team got to date him. I assume Trent was no longer hanging around the locker rooms at this point (but who knows, he may be a fixture now. also it could be mid season 3 when this all goes down, idk). But he still has the instinct to know when a really good/interesting story is around. On the one hand, he knows his conscience won't let him publish the level of ridiculousness that Richmond can sink to. On the other hand, it would be really really funny to write a whole chapter on the way that this was negotiated out, and also that a google calendar/groupchat was created specifically for coordinating who gets to monopolize Jamie and when.

Ooh, love the way you think, nonny!

If Trent weren’t around for all that he’d be massively disappointed, I think. Yes, as a (former) journalist he’s driven to share the truth, but I think he’s even more driven to know the truth. He can keep quiet when he has to – see: Colin kissing Michael – but realizing he’s missed out on Something Good? Ah, no, that’ll drive him nuts.

But now that you’ve suggested it, I am convinced he was there. Admittedly, in my head this whole thing goes down quite some time after the S3 finale, but that’s not a problem! Even though the book’s both written and published, I’m sure Trent finds plenty of reasons to stop by Nelson Road for a visit. He’s a Diamon Dog now, right? Gotta drop in for the weekly barking session! (Ted Zooms in sometimes, which is always a treat.) Besides, Trent grew very fond of the whole team while he was there, and though he gets most of the gossip from Colin – they obviously stay in touch, Trent knows all about the Jamie situation – he still wants to hear the coaches’ takes on everything that goes on, hang out with the rest of the lads for a bit. So, yeah, he’s there.

I think he might write the chapter, actually – knowing full well he can’t ever publish it, but needing to put it down even so. Get it out of his system, somehow. Also, it gives him a chance to indulge in all the (affectionate!) sarcastic and wry little comments he dutifully left out of the actual book!

Say Trent’s showed up one morning before practise while everyone’s getting changed and let’s say Roy shows up with Jamie and sort of hand him over to Colin and Colin and Jamie start enthusiastically making plans for the evening and maybe it’s Jan Maas who notes that “It’s not actually fair Roy and Colin both get to date Jamie when no one else does.”

As Roy stares at him incredulously and Dani pipes up. “I agree with Jan. It makes me happy to see you together, but it also makes me sad”, Trent’s spidersense is not only tingling but absolutely exploding and he discreetly pulls out his notebook and start jotting things down as fas as he can while the room unravels before his very eyes:

JT says he’s willing to date anyone who wants to date him, if OK with RK, KJ & CH. They are.

Explicitly wants in: Jan Maas, Dani Rojas, Jeff Goodman, Paul Reynolds, Bhargava, Sasha Kukoč.

Suspect might want in but didn’t say: Potentially everybody but Sam, but especially Arlo Dixon and Martin de Maat.  

Bumbercatch volunteers to sort out a calender & group chat bc better if it’s someone who doesn’t want to date Jamie, make sure it’s fair.

CH pleased MB doesn’t want to date JT?

McAdoo claims first date even though he doesn’t actually want to date Jamie, bc his right & duty as captain to make sure it’s ok for everyone else. JT: “What? The fuck do you mean, why wouldn’t it be ok?” IM: “I’m the captain, and I say this is happening.” JT: “Fine, but you’re taking me somewhere fancy and you’re paying.” IM: “Just to be clear, we’re not having sex.” JT: “This is the worst date I’ve ever been on and we haven’t even been yet.”

JT questions why Sam doesn’t want in on the schedule and seems offended on principal when SO explains that JT is his best friend and not some one he wants to date. JT pouts until SO offers to take him out on friend dates.

Cockburn also wants to go on friend dates with JT.

Brief but heated discussion if friend dates & boyfriend dates should be different schedueles and if it’s OK to sign up for both. CH’s attempts to question how friend dates is different from just being friend and hanging out from time to time is shut down.

Tom O’Brien wants to know if he can sign up for a date with Jamie, Keeley and Roy. RK stares at him for 1 good minute before saying “No.”

Discussion about the etiquette of not wearing Jamie out if he’s scheduled to have another date soon after your date with him.

JG: But we don’t have to check in with everyone else if we want to sleep with him, right? RK: You better fucking check in with him. B: I don’t think I want to know what anyone else is doing. JM: Yeah, that’d be weird. JT: I don’t think anyone else should get to decide if I have sex with someone or not. RK: *clears his throat meaningfully* JT: I mean, as long as Roy and Keeley and Colin don’t mind.

That’s just the first page of Trent’s notes, btw, they go on for like four more, practice is delayed by at least an hour. Keeley follows the whole thing on video call (obvs they had to run it by her before handing Jamie out to everyone who wants a piece). Rebecca stops by, blinks once and then nopes the hell out of this madness. Nate wonder if he ought to sign up for a date with Jamie, if everyone else is doing it, but he doesn’t think Jade would approve.

Colin can’t quite let go of the notion that maybe this means he could date Bumbercatch, Roy questions his sanity every other second, and Jamie is living his best life (and is delighting in the fact that the next time he sees Roy and Keeley, they are going to make very sure Jamie knows where he ultimately belongs).

#i would love to read this chapter #but realistically speaking i’m not going to be the one to write it #as i’m a terribly slow writer and it would take me forever #and if I keep getting distracted i’ll never finish the little fic i’m actually working on #ahahahah who am i kidding i will absolutely keep getting distracted #but i do what i can #anyone else want to play with this idea you go right ahead #asks #crack crack crackity-cracking #jamie tartt #a team of himbos #jamie/everyone #jamie/colin #roy/keeley/jamie

[miscmonstro]

You Strike Me as Familiar (I’ve Never Met You Before)

Remember that poll? Now its time to fanfic! If you’re wondering how this fanfic + poll thing will work, check out this post. 

Current Characters: Tim Drake, Wes Weston

Summary: Tim forgot to change his shoes after PE. This creates more problems than one might think, but it also opens up a whole world of opportunity.

🪤 + 📱 - Segment 1 - 🪤 + 📱 

He’d forgotten to change his shoes, and honestly? Tennis shoes were more comfortable than the stiff oxfords the dress code required. Of course he’d try to get away with not changing his shoes at some point.

…or maybe he’d made the mistake after running on four hours of sleep. Not that he’d admit it. In any case, he couldn’t go to class like this. With a frustrated exhale, Tim turned sharply on his heel and marched back to the locker room. He tried the door and couldn’t hide his grimace when he realized it was locked.

Tilting his hand and raising his arm, Tim examined his watch and realized that he did not have much time before his next class.

He could still make it if he was quick.

Glancing around the hall to ensure no one was nearby, he pulled out a small, black rectangular box and used his thumb to pop it open. Inside was an array of slim tools with a variety of flat and curved and hooked tips, all designed just for this. Picking the lock and getting the door open was a quick process and he silently slipped inside, ready to grab his shoes and bolt. Instead, when he rounded the corner into the should-be-deserted room, he came across Wesley Weston.

Wesley was a classmate of his and was also the most unremarkable boy Tim had ever come across. Lean and stupidly tall, the redheaded boy had pale skin dotted with freckles and an obvious midwestern accent. He was a scholarship student from a small city in Illinois with two parents, divorced, and two sisters. Basketball and photography were his pastimes. He had a bit of a reputation for being a neat freak and he knew all the gossip, somehow. Wesley was very self conscious, however, and so while he was aware of the drama at any given time he was never really a part of it. Reserved and not-rich, no one paid Wesley much mind. He wasn’t worth much attention.

Or so Tim had thought.

He stared and wondered just how wrong he was. Automatically, he catalogued the sickly bruises dotted along Wesley’s arms. There were probably more under the tank top he had on.

One injury drew Tim’s attention more than the others. 

Wesley’s forearm was cut. It a long, ugly thing that started at the elbow and curved around to slice into and past his wrist.

It was the exact same injury Damian had inflicted on Spyris with his kusarigama two nights ago.

That was one heck of a distinct cut. Tim couldn’t call this a coincidence, not even remotely.

That meant he’d just discovered that Wesley Weston was Spyris. 

This was huge. Spyris was a vigilante? Villain? They didn’t know. In fact, they knew worrying little about the new player even through he’d been around for a good seven months. His movements were erratic after they’d confronted him initially and none of his actions had discernible patterns. Tim had spent many-a-night tearing his hair out as he searched for buried clues no one could find. The only thing the bats knew, besides the fact that he was a caucasian male, was that he had may or may not have had freckles. 

This was a golden opportunity to glean information- motives, goals, mode of operation, everything. 

Spyris was tricky though. Tim couldn’t afford to scare him off or he might never get another chance- he would have to approach this very, very carefully.

He could turn around and walk out. His reputation might take a hit if he showed up to class in the wrong shoes, but could he risk alerting Wesley? 

Or he could get his shoes and play it off, pretend the coach let him in. But maybe… he could dig. Just a little- they were alone in here anyway. And besides, it’s not like Wesley had any reason to be suspicious of Tim Drake.

#dpxdc #wes weston #tim drake #fanfic #fanfiction #poll #miscmonstro writings

[reminiscingtonight]

Here’s my problem with the whole vilda thing. If they win the federation won’t do anything because why fix something that’s clearly not broken. The next thing is everyone’s talking about the stars that left but in the list none of the 15 that had left at the time were Alexia Putellas. Alexia is the biggest star they have besides Mapi (she’s more popular now than Mapi) but if Alexis didn’t even join the 15 and stayed on the team again why would the federation do anything? Their star player stayed. This reminds me of US Soccer and Jill Ellis and how players wanted Ellis gone but US Soccer was like “lol why you’re winning” and then after 2019 there was this whole “if Jill stays she’ll have to win the Olympics” but she left before that. So idk maybe I’m thinking too logically and like a CEO but winning, yes gives the players a mic, but they won so who cares.

France got rid of their coach prior to the WC but their star players left (and I mean like the big big names) and something was done but if you leave one star and they’re your biggest nothing will get done. And even if more people spoke out the federation would likely still not do anything. So I’m just confused on why do all this if you really really want that man out?

Alexia was injured and not getting called up regardless when the whole las 15 thing happened, which is probably why she didn't outright join them. I totally agree with what you're saying, that if she had joined them the entire conversation would've been different (the France example is a great one; I fully believe if more players had been vocal about getting rid of jill we would've, there were still some support among the team I believe). I will say, however, idk if the other federations have the same abilities as RFEF to ban players from playing domestically if they refuse a call up. I personally think this is one reason (among the many) that many of these players (Alexia included) have been pressured to continue accepting call ups. I definitely don't believe they support V*lda as a coach, but I definitely believe they want to have the ability to stay at the successful clubs they're already playing for.

#under the cut cuz this is long #Ace's anons #asks

[hanna-water]

Mailins life is too easy. I tried to reflect about why I find it so hard to care about Mailin and her story and why I can`t really connect with her. I won`t even start talking about the fact that I think other characters would have deserved it more to be main in s8 then her, because I have already expressed my dissapointment about that. I just want to focus on her story so far. I believe that the main reason why I kind of dislike her and why I`m annoyed by her is, that her life seems way too easy, for me to care about her. I am always more drawn to characters who are broken or struggle with a difficult past, family comflicts, money issues, body issues or their sexuality/genderidentity. Mailin is a thin, pretty, white girl from a privileged family. She probably never had to worry about money and never personally experienced racism, homophobia or a lack of possibilities. Except the fact that she does not like her mums current partner (Thomas) and has no experiences in relationships or sex, the plot of s8 has not shown us any real struggles so far. She has a great and supportive group of friends too. All doors should be wide open for her since her grades are very good and financial aspects would not matter in case of her choice of university.  So why the heck should I care about her story and feel empathy for her? The only real conflict (besides the Finn-storyline) that happened so far was the fact that she failed her german exam because she simply did not do what the task requested (an analysis!) and only wrote down her opinion about the poem. What did she expect? That she would get an A for it and all teachers would applaud her? I do respect her for being so passionate about her believes but I don`t feel like she was treated unfairly. The teacher did not even criticise her opinion, she only informed her that she failed and would fail again if she did something similar during the re-take. So she did not really sacrifice anything yet. She can either do a re-take and be fine or not do it and still be able to graduate, just with a lower grade.  It is really hard for me to understand all the anger she developed because of the failed exam. If Druck would have showed me a different situation in week 1 (before the exam) in which Mailin was clearly treated unfairly because she is a girl or because of her opinion, that would have made it so much easier to understand her frustration building up over time. Before season 8 started I imagined that something like this would happen during football practise. In s7 she mentioned to Isi that its tough for her to be training the boys. If Druck would have shown how the younger male players are not respecting her when she is training them or maybe even the Coach making insulting comments because she is a girl, it would made so much more sense that she is so angry about male dominance and sexism. If a problem like this would have been presented to me in the beginning, I would have been much more understanding when she went a bit over the top with her activism. But Druck just decided to drop the whole football storyline, it seems.  I don´t know if we will learn to know something about Mailins past that could help us understand why this topic is so important to her.... but if not than it will remain difficult to feel a lot of sympathy for a priviledged, white girl whos main struggle seems to be that she does not feel like a “strong women”.  Ok this post got long  😅 but I felt the need to write my thoughts down. 

#druck #s8 #my thoughts #Mailin Richter #why did they not continue the football storyline? #after this was the only thing that ws teased in s7? #a chauvinistic coach would have made her actions much more reasonable

[bellarkeandclintashaandsuch]

Disjointed War of Y Thoughts

Dang. First his dad was too busy to come to family day, and now his mom is too busy to take his phone call.

Mean?? I love these little cameos they have. Only part of the reality show style of this segment that i like.

Tiny P and Dew crumbs! We're running out of time to learn about the true relationship between the Thailand BL OG Pair and why Dew suddenly is attached to stuffed animals!

Do I ship Earth and Kla? I absolutely love how excited they were to be teamed up again. So cute. I hope they stay friends after the competition is over.

Poor Most. He was just going out to stretch his legs and stumbles upon Peek and Kla making out and knows the drama will ensue.

It's nice that they're worried about Peek after everything. They might want him punished, but don't want him to go home. Except Achi, of course 😂

Yes! Honesty. Progress. Finally. I was wondering if they'd ever get here or just be kind of angry with each other the whole time. Thank you, Coach Vivien!

Do I ship Earth and Korn? I'm so-so on Korn. But I like Earth. They could be cute.

I do wonder what Most sees in Achi besides his good looks. He's supposed to be in love in the last segment, but Achi isn't even that nice to him really. It's also so funny to me how Achi is the villain of this story, but will be a protagonist of the next one. But I guess that's kind of how these are. Pan, Gus, Bew were all villainous at one point or another in their own stories. Or maybe Achi will continue to be the villain since he is cheating on Most. Very rude, Achi. He's so sweet! From what we've seen. Can't trust anyone here.

Where is Dew? Wasn't he supposed to be the host of this or something? And in any case, Dew and P both have teams. So where is he?

Do I... ship P and Achi?? I don't know, but I like the way P says Achi's name. And I like his hand on Achi's shoulder. So there's that. Achi does kind of have a point. Why is the team favoring Peek?

Love both these "couples" holding hands like this. Peek and Kla are actually having a moment and communicating finally. Meanwhile, poor Most is trying to have a moment with Achi to make him see he doesn't need to be so cutthroat to win. But Achi's just like, yeah! what can I do? What can I do to get Peek kicked out of here?!

Is this Pond? Has he been in previous episodes? Did he just show up to cause problems? You have to distance yourself from Kla. For me. Okay, sir. Back off. They just started making relationship progress, and there's only one episode to go.

#war of y #war of y the series #kla x peek #peek x kla #finally got some movement on the relationship front #just in time for their part to be over #i was not a fan of the phone hunt #that was not a good look for any of them #but achi promising most that he'd call their acting coach #to get tips to help them win #and then instead using his 10 minutes #to call his mom and cry when she hung up on him? #wow that hurt #the one and only time achi has chosen something that didn't directly advance his chances of winning #and it was this? #so sad #i'm glad we got some flashbacks of kla and peek because it seems like so much of their relationship and dynamic happened before #it was nice to see kla stick up for peek with the fanfic writer making him uncomfortable #but peek you may have chosen the wrong profession on this front #episode 14

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

I rather trust the various people who worked with Evan (some of them for years), people who met him and his friends, rather than a random ass blind item where we don't even know the source. I refuse to believe that "anger issues" is something he regularly deals with, based on everything we know about him from others (they say he is the polar opposite of his roles) and which he himself said about himself (that he is a non confrontational person who actually hates and feels disgusted by anger and yelling. I think disgusted is a very powerful word, which goes beyond "disliking" or "not approving". I think his body language also speak volumes but that's a whole nother thing to unpack). I think the amount is also important for reliability. If a blind item, for instance, claims that Emma chased Evan with a knife and smashed a bottle on his head, it makes it more believable to me because 1. that wouldn't be the first blind item that talks about her abusive behavior. 2. it meshes with her real life behavior and also well documented, violent real life occurrences. (her arrest, and abuse on cam) 3. A number of people, of which a big amount, isn't even anonymous have opened up about her not being a good person, and treating others with violence and disrespect. In that case the blind item only serves as a small piece of a much bigger puzzle. If someone out of the blue tells me a story of how Evan freaks out and rages on a regular basis (which is what we call anger issues), I would at least second guess that. That would not be consistent with anything we've seen of him. And I know we don't actually know him as a person, and I'm not saying he doesn't have his own flaws and imperfections (which everyone does). But it's pretty telling that out of over a decade of him being in the business no one ever said anything about him besides what a wonderful gem of a person he is and how humble and kind he is to others, which to me gives it that much more authority. Do i think Evan is an emotional person? Probably yes, based on what we heard of him on the set of MoE (him being a sobbing and crying mess). Does he feel anger? Yes probably to a certain extent WHICH IS HUMAN and it's a normal human emotion and not healthy if bottled up. But anger issues as in he has problems controlling his temper? Maybe they confused him with ER, but Evan? No.

i absolutely agree. i think when you're looking at blind items, you have to be able to put these rumors in context and hold them up against actual facts we know about a person/situation, in order to discern whether or not it's something worth believing. if emma had a squeaky clean record and one day we got a blind item alleging she threw a bottle at evan's head and busted him up, it would be shocking and we may not be inclined to believe something so extreme about an otherwise unproblematic person. but knowing that she bit and bloodied evan before and was arrested, and with SO many other character witnesses that paint emma as being volatile, it becomes believable and reasonable to think at least some of these stories must be true. saying that evan has anger issues and just providing a story about him arguing with hotel staff about his weed is taking a lot of liberties, in my opinion. if he genuinely had anger issues, you think there wouldn't be at least a few people who would have credible stories about it outside of blind items.

even with the blind item alleging that something happened on the set of x-men that required evan have a sober coach.. if it is true, which i think it very well could be - no one ever spoke up about him being belligerent or causing problems. even though it's generally accepted that evan has/had addiction issues, it's never caused him to amass a bunch of negative stories like emma has.

[aristobun]

‘ Come on, Auntie Deb—it’s not as bad as you think, ‘ Helene casts her gaze to her aunt and away from her candy floss for a few moments, taking in the look of fear on the older womans face and chuckling as she finds it amusing. ‘ I took Uncle Bobby on this one a few years ago and he handled it pretty well. My dad was the one who was walking in circles for a half hour afterward, but I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine, ‘ she adds, grabbing her aunts hand to reassure her.

‘ Darling, we’ve been sitting here at this picnic table watching the ride for the last fifteen minutes and by the looks of it, I don’t wanna be screaming the whole time, ‘ her aunt replied, grabbing the pretzel and tearing a bite size piece off before consuming it and taking her time to chew, as watching the speed of the ride combined with the way the individual cars were spun as the ride itself went round and round.

Helene burst into giggles at the horror on her aunts face, but she could understand, grabbing another chunk of candy floss and letting it dissolve on her tongue for a few seconds before sipping on the slush puppy they bought to share. It was blue raspberry, which was far superior than the other flavours.

‘ Okay, I won’t subject you to that one, but how about we go on the carousel? ‘ she is full of excitement as she says this and knows without a doubt her aunt isn’t going to say no. With it being still beside the entire ride itself going around in a slow circle, she figured her aunt would be less likely to bring up the pretzel she was so happily eating.

‘ The horses? Oh, definitely. They remind me of Mary Poppins so I’m all for that, but I get dibs on Deborah, ‘ she grins, the knowledge of eat individual horse being named springing to mind as they get up from their table and walk on over to stand in the queue. It wasn’t too big because most people seemed to prefer the much more horrifying rides.

‘ No problem, ‘ Helene feels the level of giddy inside of her creeping up second by second as the two of them get closer to the front of the line until they are up next.

‘ Your uncle Bobby have a go on these with you, too? ‘ Debbie asks, swinging her leg up over the golden yellow horse with the pink reins, while Helene climbs herself up onto the blue horse with the orange reins, right beside her aunt. 

Helene doesn’t mind being on the inside and she smiles at the look on her aunts face when the horses begin to slowly rise and fall with the carousel starting to spin in a circle. The joyous and fun-filled sounds that came from both women seemed to entertain the children around them as they started to giggle and make happy yelps of their own.

‘ He did, but he wasn’t happy about it, mostly cause he called it a kiddie ride, but I got him on it eventually and even pulled Joshua up here, ‘ her brown eyes shone as she chuckled at the memory of her cousin pouting and refusing just as much as his father did, but he had caved a lot quicker than Bobby.

‘ We should all come back here next summer, or maybe go to the bigger one in Flamingo Land, that’d be a really fun day out if we take the whole family— ‘ Debbie suggests, closing her eyes and smiling widely as the sun catches her features and warms her skin.

‘ That’ll be fun! I’ll arrange some time off and get everyone together next spring so we can plan the best dates. Probably be cheaper for us all to get a coach trip if there’s so many of us going, plus I’d wanna bring Cae and Colly, ‘ Helene says, agreeing with the summer plans. ‘ There’ll be at least eight or nine of us going, ‘ she adds, accounting for the boyfriends and girlfriends who would be dragged along as well.

#drabble #save #helene marie starling #debbie starling

[casspurrjoybell-17]

HEART'S DESIRE - CHAPTER 31

*Warning: Adult Content*  

  ~ Monty's Tale ~

My whole life, I always felt a little out of place, like everybody else was dancing to the same tune, and I just couldn't get the rhythm or the steps right. 

For example, coming out. 

The first of my siblings to come out was Freya. 

She couldn't hide it and even before she did her first Shift, it was pretty clear our parents had a daughter and not a sixth son. 

Then Dane quietly announced, one night over dinner as our parents discussed Pack relations, that he'd prefer a male Mate, if he had a choice. 

That was that and nobody remarked on it much. 

Noah was a little different. 

He never actually came out, in any formal sense. It was just obvious, from a young age, that he didn't see any hard lines when it came to gender and sexuality. 

Neither was he much inclined towards any particular variety thereof. 

By the time I woke up to my own inclinations, well into high school, it felt a bit late and awkward to bring up the fact that, on the few rare occasions when I found myself attracted to another person, that person was a man. 

It pushed the bounds of believability, I thought , that out of eight kids, four of us would be different like that. 

I knew my parents wouldn't be bothered but I worried what other people would think of them like maybe they'd done something wrong, raising us. 

It was a misplaced fear and now I understand it's not so surprising, given the words and the room to describe themselves, more people probably fall somewhere along the spectrums of gender and sexuality than inhabit either extreme pole.

Anyway, I ended up hiding it, almost unconsciously. 

In high school, I didn't want to be more different than I already was. 

Dane was lucky, he grew slow and only shot up to his full height the summer he was seventeen. 

I was always tall. 

Always the tallest kid in class, taller than my big brother when I was twelve, taller than most adults by the time I was fourteen. 

And once I hit puberty, I packed on muscle just by breathing, it seemed. 

Soon, I was the biggest, tallest guy in just about any crowd. 

You might think that made me popular, or cool but I'll tell you something, there's an upper limit on how tall you can get before it stops being a good thing. 

Beyond that, you become a freak. 

For me, in high school, anyway, that limit was six-foot-two and I passed it in my second year. 

It didn't help that I was awkward and shy and no good at making friends. 

I had my siblings, of course, Dane was two years ahead of me and the triplets a year behind but we didn't see each other much at school. 

Besides them, there was just the basketball team. 

I'd been roped in to trying out, of course and I got picked not because I was particularly good but on account of being tall. 

It was only later Coach James realized being tall wasn't always a good thing, I got in my teammates' way more often than I blocked an opponent. 

Coach kept me on the bench, most of the time but I didn't mind. 

Being quiet and out of the way was where I was most comfortable. 

Then, during a match one time, I was playing center and the other team had the ball. 

I saw this kid line up a perfect shot and I could've blocked it easily but he had such a look of pure hope on his face that I let him take it. 

Coach pulled me aside, afterwards and yelled at me for a long time. 

Later, when I went home, I asked my dad what a 'pussy' was and why it was such a bad thing to be. 

We had an interesting conversation, then and I came out of it enlightened on some points and still confused on others. 

Dad had a conversation with Coach James, too. 

I don't know what he said to him but I never got yelled at like that again. 

Course, I got dropped from the team, too. 

Math was the same. 

I did alright on tests and homework but as soon as I got called to the board to solve a problem, I'd forget everything except how to count from one to ten and sometimes I'd write my 3's backwards by accident. 

Before long, I had a reputation for being big as a boulder and dumb as one, too. 

Pretty soon the teachers stopped calling on me altogether and it was almost worse to be skipped over than to be subjected to the same torture as everyone else. 

Funny thing is, when people don't expect much of you, it's easy not to expect much of yourself. 

I got okay grades good enough to pass, anyway and just sort of slipped on by. 

That was okay by me, I didn't like attention, anyway. 

Meanwhile, my brothers and sisters were always winning some tournament or award and I could hardly blame my parents for failing to notice that, among so much talent, they had one underachiever.

And then, in my third year, I met Andrew Chen. 

He was new, small for his age and there weren't many other students who looked like him. 

He was a prime target for bullies and in need of a friend or of a protector, at least. 

I saw him getting hassled in the hallway one day and decided to step in, literally.

"What's your problem, Hunter?" Gavin Lowell said, shoving me hard with both hands. 

"You a fag, too or something?"

"If being a decent person makes me a fag, then I guess I am," I had said.

Gavin hadn't liked that answer and had hit me pretty hard in the gut. 

Luckily, I had a good layer of muscle by then and he hurt his hand more than he hurt me. 

The next day, Gavin came to school with his wrist in a cast and Andrew and I became friends. 

I made sure nobody bullied him and he checked my homework for missing words and backwards 3s. 

He showed me his collection of trading cards and since he didn't have any brothers and sisters of his own, I introduced him to mine. 

Andrew was the best thing about school, after that. I looked forward to seeing him every day and I wasn't lonely anymore.’ 

Then, that summer, he went away somewhere and when he came back he'd changed. 

He'd had a 'growth spurt,' like Dane, though not as drastic and he'd 'glowed up,' as they say these days. 

He'd gotten a hair cut and started wearing makeup and dressing like a pop star.

Pretty soon, I wasn't Andrew's only friend. 

He was always surrounded by popular girls and boys and he got invited to do popular things, like go to parties. 

I got invited, too but I wasn't always sure of my welcome. 

Andrew had changed in more ways than one. 

We seldom spent time alone together any more and he'd gotten rid of all his trading cards. 

He'd ask me to do stuff, too, like get his books from his locker, or lend him some lunch money. 

I didn't mind, we were friends. Except he never seemed to have the time to return the favor, any more. 

One day, when he was holding court in an empty classroom with a group of girls, he asked me to get him a bag of Doritos from the vending machines. 

I went and when I returned, I heard my own name. 

Surprised, I hung back by the door.

"I just wish Hunter would ask me," one girl said.

"Wait, you want to go with Monty?" another asked, sounding incredulous.

The first girl laughed.

"No, dumbass. Not that Hunter. His older brother, the hot one."

"Oh! For a minute I was, like, Whaaa?”

A chorus of laughs erupted at whatever expression she'd made. 

 "Gross. As if."

"Why do you let that freak hang around, anyway?" another girl asked.

Andrew answered. 

"I dunno. He's useful. Like a dog, or something. I say 'fetch' he goes."

More laughter followed. 

I looked down at the bag of Doritos in my hand. 

I'd got the Ranch-flavored ones because they were Andrew's favorite. 

I set them on the floor of the hallway, against the wall outside the door, so he'd find them on his way out. 

And then I left and I wasn't friends with Andrew Chen anymore. 

That was okay. I felt like I'd done my job and done something good. More importantly, I'd found my calling. 

I could protect people, shield them until they didn't need a shield anymore and as long as I didn't think they cared about me, I might not even get hurt doing it.

                                                       ~ ☾ ~

Fast-forward almost twenty years, I'd made a career of protecting people and a habit of keeping my distance. 

As my first boss at the first bodyguard agency told me.

“You can bleed for them. You can die for them, Montreal. It's your job. But the minute you think they care about you is the minute you set yourself up for failure. They don't care about you. They care about their own skin."

I listened and I lived by that for a long time. 

My job took me all over, all over the States and around the world. 

Los Angeles, New York, Taipei, Beijing, Seoul, Paris, London, Abu Dhabi, Moscow. 

It was hard to make friends on the move, harder to make anything else. 

I tried, for a while but I was usually on the clock during the usual 'hook-up' hours. 

The few times I dared, things didn't work out. 

The call-girl, or call-guy, more often, would take one look at me and I'd see this look of dread on his face and we'd end up just watching a movie and eating a pizza together. 

That was okay, too, all I wanted was some company, anyway. 

I figured that would be my life, being useful and keeping others safe, until my time and luck ran out. 

I had my family whenever I went home and didn't need more.

And then, about two years ago, I met Haydn. 

He was the son of a politician and he'd agreed to turn State's Evidence, to testify in court, against his dad and expose all the dark shit he'd been up to over the years. 

He was conflicted, though, his father's lawyer was his ex-boyfriend. 

The stakes were high for all involved, his dad had threatened to kill him if he talked and a lot of people would go to jail if he did. 

My job was to keep him safe and sane, until the trial was over and done with. 

I was prepared for a difficult, dangerous job.

I wasn't prepared for Haydn. 

He was so young, it seemed, only twenty-two and he had worlds within him. 

He wanted to be a writer, he told me and from the few pages he showed me, I judged he already was. 

He was also easily bored and easily distracted and half my job was arranging entertainment for him, small parties with carefully screened guests. 

Per my employer's instruction, I turned a blind eye to the drugs and alcohol and the sex. 

Haydn wasn't just a party-boy, though.

Most of the time he was thoughtful and quiet and sweet and he did things no other client ever did. 

He treated me like a human being and not just like a trained guard dog. 

He asked what I did on the weekends ‘guard him’ and what I liked to do in my free time ‘read and sleep. 

He asked about my family and once he got me to open up a little, he seemed really fascinated by the fact I loved my mom and dad and got along with all seven of my brothers and sisters ‘more or less, most of the time. 

Pretty soon, he got me talking about other things, home and how I missed it and memories I had and before long he knew almost more about me than I knew about him. 

When he threw parties, he always made sure there was some vegetarian food, even though he knew it was against my contract to join in and as time went by, the parties got fewer and farther between, until I had to look at my calendar to remember the last one. 

And so my second friendship was like a mirror image of my first, Andrew Chen's interest in me had diminished as his world expanded,  Haydn DeMain's increased as his world closed in. 

The first time he asked me to hold him, just hold him while he fell asleep, I didn't know what to do, or what to think.

"Just hold me," he'd said. 

"That's all I want."

And so I did. 

Gradually, we got closer, closer than bodyguard and client,  closer than friends but not quite so close as lovers. 

That was a line I couldn't cross because as much as I cared about him, I knew Haydn wasn't my Mate and he had no idea such a thing as werewolves even existed. 

It was the night before he was set to testify that he kissed me. 

He called and asked if I'd get him a glass of water. 

Things like that weren't in my job description but of course I did it anyway. 

When I handed it to him, he set it aside and then he reached for me and pulled me down to the bed at his side. 

I could have resisted, should have, probably but I didn't. 

He needed me, more than anyone had needed me before, I thought.

"Monty," he whispered against my lips, 

"What if we just ran away? Just you and me. We could go anywhere, right?"

"You'd do that?" I asked. 

"And let your dad get away with his crimes?"

He started to cry.

"I didn't ask to be his son, you know. I never asked to be..."

"I know." 

I pulled him against me, letting him feel my strength.

"I know. But none of us asked to be born. None of asked to be what we are. You gotta play the hand you're dealt."

I felt him nod against my chest. 

"Yeah. But after this, I'm gonna be free, Monty. One way or another, I'm gonna be free."

I should have listened more carefully, I guess.

                                                      ~ ☾ ~

The day of the trial, I helped Haydn dress in a navy-blue suit his lawyer said would convey innocence and believability. 

I didn't know why he'd need to convey such things, if he was telling the truth but then, I'm not a lawyer. 

I escorted him to the courthouse and before he went in, while we waited in the antechamber, he came up to me and pulled me down by my tie into a kiss. 

I fell back on my training and protocol, straightening my spine and standing like a statue against the wall. 

Haydn laughed.

"When we're out of this and if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna make you relax, Montreal."

Then he went into the courtroom and I didn't see him again for ten hours. 

Later, in his hotel room, he lay on his bed while I worked the tension from his back. 

Even though the testimony was done, it was still too risky to call in any outside services, like a masseuse, so jobs like this fell to me. 

I didn't mind. 

I liked the physical contact and the sense I was doing something real to help my client. 

My friend. 

My... 

Haydn rolled over and looked up at me, covered only by a thin, white sheet draped over his hips and thighs.’

"Monty..." 

He smiled.

"You know what I really want right now?"

"What?"

"I want champagne. Cold, perfectly chilled champagne. And... a cheeseburger. You know, I think I could die happy right now if had some good champagne and a really good cheeseburger. Could you get that for me?"

I looked at him, uncertain but he just smiled.

"Hey, it's over," he said. 

"I'm free. You and me, we're free, Monty. We can go anywhere, do anything. So let's go, okay? Let's just go somewhere. Where do you want to go?"

I thought for a moment.

"I never been to the Bahamas," I said and he grinned. 

"Then let's go to the Bahamas. You and me. Let's just go and see and find out what's there."

It sounded like such a good plan, I couldn't help but agree. 

Maybe a little getaway was just what he needed. 

I just had to clear it with my boss.

"Alright," I said. 

"We'll go. And in the meantime, I'll get you that champagne and cheeseburger."

I headed for the door and he called after me.

"Get yourself one, too, okay? And eat it on the way back, hot and fresh. Don't wait for me."

"Alright," I agreed, with an uncertain smile. 

"You're the boss."

                                                     ~ ☾ ~

First, I cleared the travel plans with my agency. 

I was so high-level by then, they'd give me pretty much whatever my client asked. 

Then I ordered chilled champagne from room service and looked up the best cheeseburgers in the city. 

Luckily, the top listed place was nearby and still open. 

I drove the two blocks, ordered one deluxe quarter-pounder and one veggie burger to go and drove back to the hotel. 

And of course I didn't eat my meal on the way, I wanted to share it with him. 

Even though the danger had passed, as Haydn had said, my instincts were on high alert the whole way, in the parking lot of the hotel, as I swiped my key-card to enter; riding the elevator to the second floor and walking down the deserted hallway with its diamond-patterned floor. 

Everything was fine, though, until I unlocked his door. 

Then, the scent of blood hit me strong. 

My Wolf senses, dormant so long, awoke in that instant and I knew in my heart that Haydn was dead. 

It was his blood and nobody could lose that much and live. 

I found him on the bed, right where I'd left him, with his veins laid open elbow to wrist and I don't remember much, after that. 

There were paramedics and police... 

There was my boss, telling me it wasn't my fault... 

There was an order for champagne on my credit card and two cheeseburgers going cold in a bag on the floor. 

Somehow, someone got me out of there and into a different room, in a different hotel. 

And some days after that, I turned in my resignation and I headed to California, to join my brother's Pack. 

I hoped to spend the rest of my life responsible for nothing more than babysitting my little twin nephew and niece.

‘We must tend to our garden,’ as Candide says to the philosopher Pangloss.

Mind our own lives, in other words. 

That's all I wanted. 

A garden, maybe a blacksmithing business, one day. 

And then you showed up on my doorstep, Kit. 

And here we are.

[helloalycia]

𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐋𝐘 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒 [𝐎𝐍𝐄] — 𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐂𝐈𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐁𝐍𝐀𝐌-𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐘

summary: it was only supposed to be a summer job, and yet it became so much more when you met the girl you'd soon fall in love with.

warning/s: none.

author's note: okay so being ill recently has delayed me getting this out lol, my bad. Either way, it’s finally here and will have a few parts. It’s an au so Alycia isn’t famous in this, but yeah! hope you like it! :)

just to note: Y/S/N = your sister's name and Y/M/N = your mum's name

two / three / four / five/ masterlist / wattpad

Prologue Part One...

"I want to congratulate you all, once again, on getting this job. Hopefully you'll enjoy this summer as much as we all do!"

I squinted my eyes as I looked at my employer giving a longwinded speech about how myself and a bunch of other 17-year-olds got the job to work as camp counsellors at a summer camp.

"Before you go, I want to remind you that your emails should have all of the relevant information regarding your buddy. This should help you both settle in nicely and make friends. After all, a happy team is good for the kids."

My employer, Mr. Fox, smiled at the group of us as we all waited impatiently to get on the coach already.

As if reading our minds, the coach driver approached him and mumbled something to him, making him straighten up and nod. The coach driver headed back to the coach, getting in, as Mr. Fox cleared his throat.

"Okay, you should all get going now, but remember to have fun! This is more than just a job, it's an experience!"

He looked out at us all, as if expecting some sort of reaction, but everyone stayed staring at him until he waved us away. I followed the group of teens onto the coach, taking a seat in the middle by the window since I was one of the first few on.

I didn't really know anybody, at least I didn't think I did. The job came up as an opportunity advertised at school and I applied because I needed the money before I headed off to university. My friends didn't want to do it with me which meant I was alone, but I tried not to worry about it too much. Making friends wasn't impossible.

As I put my seatbelt on and got comfortable, a pretty girl stopped by my seat and looked down questioningly.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked, and I noticed she had an accent that I couldn't quite pinpoint just yet.

"No, go for it," I said with a small smile.

She flashed me an easygoing smile in return, before putting her backpack up top and taking a seat beside me. Admittedly, I grew a little nervous as I realised there and then that it had been a long time since I'd had to make friends with someone, and I couldn't for the life of me remember how to make conversation.

"So what's your name?" she asked, taking the lead (to my relief).

"Y/N," I said with a nod. "Y/N Y/L/N."

"Y/N," she repeated, and I still couldn't figure out where she was from – Australia, maybe? Or New Zealand? I could never tell the difference – but it sounded pretty cool. "Nice to meet you, Y/N... wait, I think we're buddies! Hold on..."

She pulled out her phone and began to scroll through a bunch of stuff before nodding in agreement and showing me her email.

"Right there. Y/N Y/L/N." She smiled widely. "We're buddies."

I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "I guess we are... so you must be Alycia?"

"Alycia," she repeated in agreement. "Alycia Debnam-Carey."

"Well, nice to meet you too, Alycia," I said, before adding curiously, "I'm sorry, this is going to sound stupid, but where are you from?"

She chuckled and it sounded adorable, lighting up the whole coach. "I'm from Australia, but I've lived here for a few years now."

"Ah, I figured it was Australia," I said, nodding my head. "Makes sense."

"No problem," she said with amusement. "I'm guessing you're from around here then."

"Yeah, I go to [your school name]," I said, turning so I could face her better.

"Oh, see, I go to [another school name]," she said with realisation. "Not far from each other."

"Apparently not," I said with a stifled smile. "So what made you want to do this? You really love kids or something?"

She nodded in agreement. "Yes, actually, that's exactly it."

"I was kidding."

She laughed quietly. "Well, I wasn't. I just thought it would be nice to do something like this before I go to university. Spice up my summer a bit."

I nodded in acknowledgment and she stared at me curiously.

"How about you?" she asked, and the coach began to move off when she did.

"I'd like to say it was something cute like your answer," I admitted, "but I just needed the money to be honest."

She cracked a smile and I noticed how it matched her eyes perfectly.

"It seemed like a good way to make some more money before uni," I continued. "Plus, I guess, like you said, it should make for a good summer. I mean, the activities these kids get to do..." I raised an eyebrow. "Canoeing? Rock climbing? Pottery class? That's some rich people shit right there. I definitely never did that as a kid."

She snickered, nodding in agreement. "Fair point. It looks fun, that's for sure."

I hummed in agreement.

"Also, you're not like, a weirdo, so that means being buddies should be fun," she added.

I felt my cheeks heating up as I smiled with amusement. "Er, thanks, I guess?"

Her green eyes lit up as she mirrored my smile. "It's a compliment."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I figured."

She got comfortable in her seat and looked down the aisle before sighing to herself. "How long is this trip again?"

I checked my watch. "It's nine now, so... three hours, give or take."

"Awesome, I'm gonna take a nap," she said instantly, before crossing her arms and shuffling about until she found a spot.

"You're tired?"

"Didn't sleep much last night," she said as she closed her eyes. "Don't wanna be crabby when I'm there."

I quirked a brow as I studied her. She was anything but crabby, and in fact seemed like she was wide awake. Strange girl, for sure.

"You're staring," she said, before opening an eye and looking at me. "What's up?"

My lips curled into a smile and I soon began to shake my head, stifling laughter. "No reason. I guess I'll wake you when we're there."

She opened her other eye and smiled tiredly, before giving me a cute little nod. "Greatly appreciated, love."

I ran a hand through my hair as my smile somehow stayed fixed on my face. She closed her eyes again and I distracted myself by looking out the window, but all I could think about was how strange this girl next to me was.

I was unpacking my suitcase when the camp leader was making her rounds in the counsellors' cabin. There were several bunk beds and I was sharing with Alycia, who dibbed the top bunk after claiming she'd always wanted one as a kid. Again, strange girl, what'd I tell you?

"...and who do we have next?"

I looked up from my suitcase and saw the camp leader approaching Alycia and I with a warm smile – a blonde woman in her forties. Alycia jumped off the top bunk and joined my side, smiling widely at me before looking to the leader.

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N," I introduced myself, returning the leader's smile.

"Great to have you here, Y/N," she said enthusiastically. "I'm just introducing myself to everyone and letting them know who I am and what my role is. So, I guess," she laughed, "I'm Marissa and I'm your point of contact for any issues or queries you have."

"So, my boss?" I suggested with a raised eyebrow.

"Technically, yes," she nodded, then shook her head, "but I hate the way that makes me sound. So consider me one of your colleagues, like everyone else here."

"Okay, cool," I said with a nod, before looking to a quiet Alycia, wondering when she'd introduce herself.

"And would you look who decided to sign up for this summer," Marissa said knowingly, smirking at Alycia. "Alycia Debnam-Carey."

Alycia smiled awkwardly and I grew confused. Did they know each other or something...?

"I see you read my name on the list," Alycia said quickly, motioning to the clipboard in Marissa's hand. "I mean, how else would you know who I am?"

"What are you talking about, silly? Why wouldn't I know my only niece–"

"Nice, thank you! So are you, Marissa," Alycia cut her off, nodding her head.

I looked between them both as, clearly, Alycia was terrible at hiding the fact that she was Marissa's niece. I wasn't sure why she was hiding it, but whatever. It was too amusing to witness.

"Okay...," Marissa said with confusion, eyeing Alycia curiously, before looking between us with a smile again. "I'll leave you lovely ladies to settle in. There's no pressure today since the kids will arrive tomorrow, but do read your handbooks for more information. And if you have any questions, feel free to find me or any of the other supervisors."

I nodded and watched her leave, before leaning against the bunk as Alycia looked everywhere but at me.

With an entertained smile, I said, "So you're related, huh?”

She played it off very badly. "Pfft, what? What are you talking about?"

I chuckled. "You're very strange, you know that? But don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

She finally met my eyes, startling green ones filled with relief as a sheepish smile spread on her lips. "Thank you..."

"I mean, I'm definitely curious why you're hiding it, but I'm sure I'll find out eventually," I added, before going back to my suitcase.

"Sure...," she said sarcastically, before jumping up onto the top bunk to finish unpacking.

The next morning, the kids arrived in coaches and were getting their initiation in the main hall, leaving all the camp councillors to prepare for their daily activities.

Alycia and I were assigned to fishing for the morning, so we found ourselves by the lake in the early morning sun. It was beautiful out and I was grateful to be spending the summer in such a lovely area. I couldn't have imagined being somewhere like this otherwise, or even having the opportunity to.

"Okay, so according to this, we need to find the instructors and the fishing cabin," I said as I studied the handbook. "It should be nearby apparently. Hold on, let me get my map."

"No need, I know the way," Alycia said with a shrug, before leading the way.

"Oh, awesome," I said, following after her and falling into step. "How d'you know where it is?"

Alycia paused, before answering, "Studied the map last night."

I hummed, impressed. "That explains how you knew where to find breakfast this morning."

She chuckled and I cracked a smile before looking ahead. Indeed, Alycia was correct as I saw a cabin up ahead, presumably where the instructors were.

"So, are you excited to get our group of kids today?" I asked, glancing her way.

She smiled with ease. "Yeah, I am. It should be fun! Aren't you?"

"I guess," I said, noticing how her excitement was contagious and made me feel like a smile was permanently fixed onto my face. "Let's hope they like us."

She slapped me gently on the arm, taking me by surprise.

"Pardon you?" I said sarcastically with a quirked brow.

"Why would would you say that?" she asked incredulously, an amused smile on her face. "Of course they'll like us... right?"

I chuckled. "Seriously? You're fussed about that?"

"As much as I love kids, you can get some really evil ones," she said knowingly. "You don't want to be on the wrong side of an evil child, Y/N."

"Clearly you've been," I realised, finding her expression amusing. "Care to share?"

She rolled her eyes playfully. "It wasn't me actually. It was a friend of mine. We were doing work experience at some primary school when one of the boys threw water balloons at her."

"That doesn't seem so bad," I said with a shrug.

"She was holding a tray of hot tea," Alycia added bitterly.

I winced. "Damn... remind me not to carry tea around or piss off any water balloon-owning boys."

Alycia breathed out with exasperation, but I could see her laugh lines appearing as she held one in.

"C'mon, let's get settled," I said to her when we reached the cabin.

After meeting the fishing instructors and being told what and what not to do, Alycia and I joined them by the lake and waited around until our group would finish with initiation.

"You know," I said, earning Alycia's attention, "I was thinking about yesterday and how you didn't want me to know about Marissa being your auntie."

Alycia closed her eyes. "Oh, god..."

"Nobody will care, y'know," I said to her with a reassuring smile. "We're all grown up. Nobody cares how you got the job, if that's what you're worried about."

Alycia opened her eyes and forced a small smile. "Right."

"I mean, it's not like your family owns the camp, is it?"

I was only joking, but the way Alycia's face changed made me realise that maybe I was right. Her eyes widened so much that I could make out the green, even with the sun streaming in my eyes.

My jaw dropped. "Your family owns the camp?!" Everything started to fit together like puzzle pieces in my mind as I realised aloud, "That makes so much sense... why you know where everything is. You were here as a kid, right? You would have to be if your family owned it."

Overcoming her terrible ability to lie, Alycia moved forward and glanced around before smiling dismissively. "That's not it. I mean, it is, but–"

"Wait, aren't the people who own this place like millionaires?" I realised, raising my eyebrows. "This is one of their many camps around the world, right? Shit, is that why you wanted to hide it?"

"That's not right!" Alycia exclaimed awkwardly. "I mean, okay, it is, but it's not my family. It's my auntie's family! She's the millionaire. Not me."

I smiled with disbelief. "Holy shit. That's wild."

"Look, it's not that big of a deal," she tried to laugh it off nervously, "I just needed a summer job and my aunt helped me out. She lives here and runs this camp, so she didn't mind giving me the job. No biggie."

I was still very surprised, never knowing anyone who was this closely linked to a wealth of that amount. I always assumed people with that much money were quite snobby – presumptuous, I know, but can you blame me? – but Alycia was way too nice to be like that, as was her auntie. Guess I was wrong.

"Look, I get why you hid it now," I said, hoping to reassure her. "Terribly, might I add, but I get it." I smiled to hopefully make her feel better. "Like you said, it's not a big deal. Don't worry. I won't say anything to anyone."

She seemed very relieved as her shoulders relaxed and an appreciative glint was in her eyes.

"Thank you," she said gently.

Sensing her discomfort, I tried to change the subject as I nudged her in the shoulder gently and nodded to my fishing rod. "So, how are your fishing skills?"

"They should be good," she said, piquing my interest, "since I was one of the kids who did the 'rich people shit' here when I was younger."

It took me a second to realise where I'd heard that before, until I realised I'd said that to her on the coach ride yesterday. Cringing with embarrassment, I face palmed as I heard her laughter surrounding me.

"Sorry for saying that," I apologised with warm cheeks. "If I had known..."

"It's cool," she said with a suppressed smile. "But seriously? I can help if you need any. I fished at a camp back in Australia as a kid. Was pretty fun."

I nodded, but I still felt embarrassed as she studied me with humoured eyes.

Why was I like this?

"It's been two weeks, mum, are you really gonna do this every day for the next month?"

My mum smiled teasingly, knowing it would bug me. Nonetheless, I cracked a smile as she and my little sister stared at me through the phone.

I was FaceTiming them in my free time and updating them on my life since almost twenty-four hours ago when I'd last called them. I'd been doing it every day since arriving here because my family just happened to be that annoyingly protective.

"You know I'm extremely jealous of you, right?" my sister, Y/S/N, said with an eye roll, though she was smiling. "Mum keeps giving me chores. Bit of a piss-take if you ask me."

My mum slapped her upside the head, making me laugh at her expression.

"Mind your fuckin' language, Y/S/N," she warned, only making me laugh harder.

"I wonder where she gets it from," I joked.

"So, how's it going?" my mum changed the subject. "What did you do today?"

I thought to myself as I recalled the day. "Er, same old same old. Went for a hike this morning, then had some lunch. Did some rock climbing in the afternoon and now we're having some leisure time before dinner. It's not too bad. Really fun, actually."

"You should've taken me with you," Y/S/N mumbled, making my mum nudge her with annoyance.

"Shut up, you love it here," my mum said, before pulling her close with a teasing smile. She looked to me, adding, "We're having fun too, Y/N."

"All she keeps saying is how much she misses you," Y/S/N deadpanned, making me roll my eyes playfully.

"Funny since I feel like I've barely left 'cause I call you every bloody day," I said with a knowing look.

"You know your dad likes it when you check in," my mum countered.

"Yeah, so do you," I fired back, making her laugh.

"Yeah," she agreed between laughter.

Before I could say anything, I looked up at the sound of the cabin door opening and saw Alycia walking in. When she spotted me, a smile appeared on her lips and her eyes lit up.

"There you are," she said, approaching me. "I was looking for you. I wanted to ask if– oh, shit, are you on the phone? Sorry. I can leave if–"

"Who's that?" my sister asked curiously.

"Oi, you finally made friends?" my mum joked a little too loudly, making me smile with embarrassment and kill myself internally.

"Sorry, that's my family," I explained to Alycia. "It's okay. If you need me, I can–"

"Hi, Y/N's friend who I've never met before and probably never will!" Y/S/N sang from the phone, making me release a shaky breath through gritted teeth.

Alycia was clearly amused as she took a seat beside me on my bed and appeared in the camera.

"Hi there," she greeted politely, a shy smile on her face. She gave a little wave as she glanced to me, before adding, "I'm Alycia."

For someone with a big mouth, Y/S/N went quiet as she awkwardly waved back in response.

"Not so much to say now, eh, tit face?" I mumbled.

"Alycia, you must be Y/N's buddy, right?" my mum realised, surprising me with how much she listened. "The one from Australia?"

I sighed to myself as Alycia laughed from beside me.

"Yeah, that's me," Alycia said with a nod. "I'm guessing you're Y/N's mum?"

"She's probably talked badly of me when mentioning me, right?" my mum joked, making me groan loudly.

Alycia nudged me in the shoulder gently as she answered my mum, "Only nice things, Mrs. Y/L/N, honestly."

"Call me Y/M/N," my mum insisted. "So, how are you finding the whole camp thing? You enjoying it?"

"She's just gonna talk your ear off, so you may as well just take it," I said to Alycia, handing her my phone.

With amusement, she accepted it and began to chat to my mum on FaceTime. Y/S/N chimed in some times and I merely sat there, praying to God that none of them would say anything embarrassing, which of course was unlikely.

"Right, I'll leave you girls to it," my mum said after ten minutes of pointless conversation. "Enjoy your evening. Love you lots, Y/N."

Feeling Alycia watching me, I got out with embarrassment, "Love you too, mum. Bye."

She waved goodbye to me before hanging up. When I put my phone away, I stood up and avoided Alycia's eyes.

"Sorry about that," I said awkwardly. "She does that a lot."

"No need to apologise," Alycia said with a kind smile as she stood up too. "They're lovely."

I finally met her eyes, giving her a knowing look. "They're embarrassing. My mum literally insists on one call every day to make sure I didn't happen to die in the forest or anything."

Alycia's smile widened as she laughed at my joke. Admittedly, my stomach flipped at the sound, as I realised just how amazing her laugh sounded.

"That's sweet though," Alycia defended.

"It's sweet when it's not your own parents," I countered.

She shrugged. "I guess. Mine aren't that overprotective."

I leaned against the bunk as I asked, "Have you talked to yours since we got here?"

"Once, when we arrived, but nothing since then," she said with a shrug. "They're not fussed since my auntie is here.

"Ah," I said with realisation. "Makes sense. She literally does this for a living, no wonder they trust you."

She chuckled and nodded, before crossing her arms and looking down at her shoes.

"What do you parents do?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, you know...," she said dismissively. "Finance."

"Sounds... fun," I said with a confused smile, before adding, "Your parents and your auntie must be complete opposites."

She cracked a smile as she shrugged again. "Yeah."

"What did you need anyway?" I asked. "When you came in before my mum hijacked our conversation to speak with you?"

Alycia raised her brows with realisation. "Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask if you wanted to get dinner together. You don't have to though."

I couldn't help but smile. "Sure thing. I see you're not sick of me just yet."

As we began to walk to the door, she glanced at me with a playful smile. "Surprisingly, no, I'm not."

I shoved her jokingly, making her stifle a laugh, before feeling my phone vibrate. I saw it was a text from my sister.

She's way too pretty to be your friend, it read, making me roll my eyes.

"Who is it?" Alycia asked as she held the door open for me.

"Sister," I said, before nodding appreciatively at her and walking through.

"Already?" she asked with confusion. "She okay?"

As I wrote my response, I answered, "Yeah, she's just being a tit."

Dickhead, I texted her back, before smiling with satisfaction and pocketing my phone.

When I signed up for this job, I honestly didn't expect to be enjoying it this much. Not only were the kids lovely, but so were the other workers. Plus, the activities were super fun, especially because we basically got paid to have a good time.

I'd like to think I had a new friend also, which was Alycia. We'd grown closer in the past four weeks of being buddies and working together, and to my surprise, it felt like we'd known each other way longer. I couldn't remember the last time I'd grown this comfortable with someone so quickly, but I tried not to question it since I was trying to enjoy this summer the best I could.

Speaking of Alycia... I was talking to one of the instructors about where the spare hiking boots were one day, and when I finished my conversation and the instructor left, I was approached by the Australian herself.

She had something behind her back as she smiled brightly my way, making my stomach do another flip, something I noticed it had been doing a lot whenever I was around her.

"Hey," I greeted her, returning the smile. "You good?"

She glanced over her shoulder for some reason, before nodding and revealing what was behind her back – some freshly picked flowers.

"Aww, Alycia, those are beautiful," I said, admiring them and giving her a smile. I knew how much she loved flowers, so this wasn't too unexpected. "You wanna put them in the cabin?"

"No, actually, they're for you," she said confidently, before holding them closer to me.

I was certainly surprised, but accepted the flowers. "Oh, I– er, wow, thank you."

I wasn't too sure if she was giving me them in a friendly way or in a bit-more-than-friendly way, so my brain was still catching up.

"I wanted to ask you if you wanted to accompany me to the campfire this evening," she said, her gaze softening ever so slightly, making my throat go dry.

Was she asking me out?

"Oh, er...," I began, but was still a little confused.

She sensed my confusion and subtly motioned to the kid that was standing nearby, watching us in the distance. I wasn't sure what that meant either, but Alycia's little nod made me play along.

"I'd love to," I said, thought it sounded more like a question as I quirked a brow.

She grinned and stepped back slightly, eyes lingering on mine. "Great. I'll see you later, Y/N."

Waving goodbye to her with my free hand, I called back, "See you later...?"

I watched as she walked away and eventually met with the kid, a young girl, in the distance and began talking to her about something. I was pretty confused, unsure whether that was for show or if she actually wanted to go with me, so I tried not to think about it as I put the flowers in some water and headed to the pottery room for our next class.

About twenty minutes later, I was sat at one of the benches with a few of the other kids, focusing my attention on carving into a pot I had made. It was pretty darn good, if I do say so myself, so I barely noticed when Alycia slipped onto the bench beside me until she leaned down on it and peered up at me with shimmering eyes.

"Hello," I said with a slight laugh, looking at her. "You okay?"

"Great," she settled, before looking at my pot. "Just as great as that looks."

"Cheers for that," I said, a little chuffed with myself, before distracting myself with carving a pattern.

A comfortable silence settled between us as she played with her own clay and I decorated mine, but I couldn't help but think about earlier and what she'd asked me. I wanted to know if she was genuinely asking or not, so I figured I'd just ask.

"Hey, Alycia," I got her attention without fully giving her mine so she wouldn't think I was thinking too hard on it. "D'you know earlier, when you asked me if I wanted to go to the campfire with you?"

"Yeah...?"

I licked my lips, a nervousness suddenly washing over me as I asked, "That was because of the kid, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah it was."

I swallowed hard as I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment. "I thought it was."

I could see her staring at me in my peripheral vision as she explained.

"Basically, Angelina likes Taylor but didn't know how to ask her to the campfire tonight, so she asked me to show her how. So, I figured I'd ask you in front of her to show her."

I nodded, glad I wasn't meeting her gaze otherwise she'd know for sure that I was disheartened.

"Why? Did you want me to ask you?" she asked with a raised brow.

"No, that's not what I meant," I said quickly, flustered at the situation. "I– erm–" But I didn't know what to say, so stopped speaking.

Thankfully, she didn't take much notice as she looped her arm through mine and grabbed my attention. I looked at her and she nodded ahead, making me follow her gaze. I saw Angelina approaching another kid, presumably Taylor, with a bouquet of freshly-picked flowers, just like Alycia had done earlier.

I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Alycia was very interested as she leaned against me and watched like it was the most interesting thing ever. It must have been going well as it soon ended with Taylor accepting the flowers and both girls grinning to each other. Angelina eventually turned to walk away, but not before finding Alycia's eyes and giving her a thumbs up with an adorable grin.

Alycia returned the thumbs up before sitting up straight and smiling widely at me, a look of pride on her face.

"I am a genius," Alycia said aloud, before popping her collars on her polo shirt for added effect.

I cracked a smile, admiring how cute she looked. "Debatable, but you're definitely helpful."

She gave me a knowing look, her green eyes dark as she held our gaze. "Flowers always work, Y/N. Who can say no to flowers?"

"True," I agreed with a nod, whilst also thinking about how it helped that the girl holding them was pretty awesome too.

"Anyway, forget that," she said quickly enough, before leaning in the palm of her hand and staring at me. "What d'you say then?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

She looked to me like I knew what she was talking about. "You know... to going to the campfire with me this evening."

I tried not to laugh. "I mean, I guess so, but–"

"As my date," she clarified, surprising me yet again.

I felt my mouth go dry as I raised my eyebrows. "Oh."

She waited patiently, eyes flickering between mine with confident green ones, though there was a hint of nervousness shining in them. I realised she was asking me out for real now and had to take a moment to acknowledge it before finally responding.

"Yeah," I said, finding my words. "I'd love to... yeah."

She smiled with relief. "Great. I can't wait."

I felt my cheeks grow warm as I returned her smile, feeling butterflies in my stomach at the way she stared at me, before looking down to to my carvings again.

#alycia debnam carey #alycia debnam carey x you #alycia debnam carey x reader #alycia debnam carey imagine

[yeahyeahwhateverrr]

ok, to get to the point, i have a huge problem with men that Is causing me a daily obstacle/actually hindering my life at this point. And i guess I'll talk about that, but I'd like to make a point first before anything, that even though there is an explanation for my actions, there is no justification whatsoever, never will be. Men deserve delicacy and kindness just like everyone else, even if they may or may not be bad. But if they're bad, obviously I'm gonna be a shithead. Like bad, bad. Not normal bad, nobody is always morally correct. Even though my own triggers with normal men over small things make me not trust them easily, so i try to suppress rage and resentment towards them. And it's just healthier to tackle that and just talk about it, not to them, unless it's necessary i guess? But at least to someone not involved that sees a different perspective and is able to help, and God knows i can't afford therapy right now lol. So that's a long ways ahead. I'm doing what i can with the tools i have, but they're obviously shit and work sometimes. "I" statements and DBT therapy wasn't enough ok lol. That's on me but obviously i need some more intervention there. Bc i get unbelievably fucking mad out of nowhere, not even bc of men. Idk, but anyways -

I have a lot to work on, and I'm gonna make mistakes, so i should probably withdraw for periods of time. (even though that's proven bad for me, bc then people find me having episodes where I'm crying uncontrollably and talking incoherently about a lot of shit and i cant remember those. Then I'm fucking embarrassed, like i don't even drink when those happen, like do i get sleep deprived...? Wtf) but maybe during those times, I'll have have to take here and there to avoid, so i can still do self introspection and coach myself somehow? Or ask people how they deal with that personally, something that at least shows I'm trying to make the effort to change for the better. But men absolutely deserve to be nurtured and loved just like anyone else, and to feel security. And they shouldn't have to shut out their own emotions, and they definitely need people to be patient with them bc obviously men are taught at a young age to bottle shit up/ignore it/it's whatever, you're a boy, etc whatever fucking bullshit. I was raised the same way, but that's besides the point, really? But men really do deserve to have their inner child healed and dealt with appropriately as well. Eventually I'll have to work my way up to therapy though, and work on that one super hard and see if i can break through it. Bc it's been my strongest barrier my whole life, when i shouldn't be holding my problems against certain people against all men. They're not all aggressors or monster, they're people just like me. And when i act and do things a certain way i make myself unsafe not only to men but others as well. And i want to acknowledge that and apologize for that sincerely for anyone I've hurt. An apology will not mend or fix that hurt, but i want to at least realize the pain I've caused + as well as apologize bc i feel remorse, not bc i don't want to get caught. But bc it's not being fair to others, it's not giving people a chance, and it's just really fucking unnecessary, quite frankly. So i am sorry for that, and i don't expect to be forgiven.

Now i will talk about my examples with men, but as i said, not a justification, but merely an explanation for my behaviors. My experiences in life with men, so at least there is some understanding there.

Was with dad and his friend downtown, i was maybe 13-15 range, we used to listen to music every Saturday downtown. My dad wasn't drinking, not specifying for anonymity reasons. His friend was. My dad was standing beside him, listening to the music, his friend was behind me, uncomfortable close as i was sitting down in those fabric lawn chairs. Just excited to be with my dad, and his friend started leaning forward, and i felt something hard against my neck, and maybe he was just having a hard time keeping himself up. But wouldn't it be soft? Like idk, how do dicks work, i could definitely feel that shit on my neck, and i remember freezing up when i realized. He's just a drunk though so that has to be it, but every other of my dad's friends didn't like me. And he was the only one that actually went out of his way to talk to me.

Was with my dad outside his apt at the same age range, while he was working on his motorcycle, dude came walking from the bar, stopped by to talk to my dad, kept looking at me, and was like, "you have a really beautiful daughters, i have daughters myself." And just kept staring at me the whole time. Mf looked like Lester off of GTA 5 i shit you not, just skinnier. my dad didn't really acknowledge him, and then the dude walked off, and my dad didn't tell me to go inside or anything, it was night and summer. He drove off to test his motorcycle at the time, leaving me outside. And i was feeling weird, so i locked the door and went upstairs, looking out the window on the main street we were on, and the dude was walking across the street slowly (like the other side this time, he was lingering for a while actually.) and looked up at me and didn't pull away his eyes.

My stepdad and his SIL were drinking one night, and i came out. I was the same age, i used to get hit on a lot as a teenager. (Surprisingly, I'm not conventionally attractive, but i was really, really skinny at the time) and his SIL who was and still is with his daughter, started calling me cute and picking at me. And started joking that he wanted to take me to McDonald's so he could get me a "big Mac". i may be Autistic, but i understand fucked up social cues when i hear them. I'm not that retarded, not saying anyone is, but i wish people wouldn't undermine me. Constantly. My stepdad was coaxing it on, and he actually opened up the garage, and his SIL was trying to get me to come outside with him, very insistent. It didn't feel like a joke anymore. He had his keys ready and everything and wanted "to just take me for a ride." (Same man that put a gun to my stepdads daughters head btw threatening to kill him and her) i was like NO. And kept saying it over and over, my stomach was definitely churning that night. Something felt wrong, i don't think he wouldve raped me, i don't think he's that vile, but i felt really aggressive bc my boundaries weren't being respected. If you don't listen to me, sorry but idgaf about your feelings at that point. Maybe I'm looking too much into these experiences

First ex (cheated on me, admitted to it later bc i wouldn't give him what he wanted) i was 14 and didn't care about sex. And it was my first relationship. When we eventually got back together like 2 years later ish, he wouldn't even talk to me, acknowledge me, brushed me off and would actually push me off of him. Completely cold. I cried and said i was gonna go home, and he said what are you gonna do? Walk all the way home to your dad and tell him where you were? So i stayed and i don't really want to talk about it, not traumatizing. Can't say it was, not going to insinuate or say anything there. He wasn't a bad guy, just high sex drive. Did he make me cry a lot that night and got actually vocally shitty at me for crying? Yes lol

Being flirted with at gas stations when my dad used to send me down to them, with money so he could get 2 liters and maybe some candy lol. That's definitely a lot less malicious, not so bad. Having a man whisper to you in your ear some nasty shit when you're literally at the register is a different story though. I was 16 lol. At least when i told him he backed tf off. He was like oh shit nvm. So a respectful gentleman for that at least, definitely not traumatizing, just a funny story now.

My friends uncle hitting on me and looking me up and down heavily when i was at her house, i was definitely not 18 yet. But he also really flirts with any woman, to be fair. She was uncomfortable as fuck too. I remember when i went home with her one day in high school, her brother and uncle both picked us up, nothing said weird about me. But were saying the high school girls were jail bait and. Yeah. That's not really traumatizing, just made me feel gross.

Obviously i also have trauma with women, i was molested as a kid. But that has no relation to this. I will not explain further than that, bc I'm not mad at who did it to me, does it hurt and make things awkward? Yes. Absolutely lol. But i will never put it against them.

Now i will explain things a little more, but this should absolutely be taken with a grain of salt, and just moreso weird experiences. I do not want to incriminate anyone, i do not want to point fingers or even insinuate anything. I'm fine, im cool, the brain is just a weird thing. i used to have dreams of having sex as a kid, even though I didn't know what that was. Only explanation i can think of is accidentally being exposed to porn, but i can't say for sure bc i was really small. Someone would be on top of me, my vision would be blurry/like looking through a fishbowl lens, couldn't see the person's face, so maybe even sleep paralysis. But I'd feel someone on top of me, and then the motions of missionary. I'd have no thoughts at first, like just the vision and looking up. And then it was like a melting, like i was slowly becoming aware, and then i started to feel a spike of adrenaline and slight panic (?) (Only way i know how to explain that, and then i blacked out. I would just black out.) I remembered that when i got older, and then when i first had sex ever, it reminded me of it. I was like woah, this is familiar. But i can't quite pin my feelings on it. I talked to my sister about it, she used to have the same dreams all the time apparently. But she thinks it was spiritual warfare/spirits raping us, but she was also really whacked out of her mind on meth at the time. She's clean, at least she says she is now. Then asked, "what happened to you child?" Idk bro but we talk about something else now lol idk. Nothing happened I'm fine, repressed memories aren't real. Repressed Emotions are, however. But memories can be falsified and made up. So it was just dreams. I'm fine, I'm ok. I'm fine. Did i get night terrors apparently as a teenager? Yeah haha, but i got a few of them at my dad's. My mom never said anything. My stepmom and dad were watching a movie one night, i was asleep already in my room, and she heard me screaming and crying, just screaming NO and STOP over and over, so she came to check up on me i guess, and was thrashing about looking like i was trying to fight someone off and sobbing hysterically while my eyes were wide open. My dad said he heard nothing, so idk lol. The next morning, had no idea, she confronted me quietly, and was like, did something happen to you? Like who hurt you? Like why are we getting really quiet? 😳🥹🥹 I definitely woke myself up to sobbing quite a few times, like really heavily. Feeling pain in my chest. But that's not night terrors. I remember another dream i had as a kid, where i was sitting on the floor in front of my mom, the living room was dim, only one light on that she was sitting beside. I was in front of her sitting on the floor, in my Dora onesie. And she told me to stay out of the darkness and stay away from the ghost. (? Lol this sounds so fucking cliche or made up sorry, it's just an uncomfortable dream so it's sat with me forever) and sure as fuck a ghost comes down the hallway towards me, picks me up, starts taking me down the hallway, and started to unzip my Dora onesie, and the ghost started to rub around my nipple in a circular motion, and walked me into My parents bedroom, which it was at the time. Now it's just my mom's. And has been. The bedroom was dramatically dark in my dream lol. I had the weird sex dreams and that one literally both when i was In elementary school still. Funny how the brain works, right?

My sister i was talking about earlier actually is getting night terrors to this day apparently, and she's older than me. If that's saying anything. But she was an actual victim of molestation and rape in the same house. I didn't know about the rape until way later. She doesn't like to sit in silence or be with her thoughts or anxiety. So she usually needed something to occupy her mind. So now she's literally on sedatives and hardcore meds. I don't blame her, life has been tough on her. I love her and care about her, and i worry about her everyday. I don't think she's doing anything bad, we just been through a lot of shit together. She is my best friend.

[crookedmindset]

hi, it's certainly been a while. and there's no way in hell i'm reading those old posts (edit: i did), but i remember that this page used to be my safe space when i have no one to talk to and i really need to think some things through.

so, a thing happened. a lot of things happened. actually, a lot of great things happened. i'm reaching most of my ambitions and making some dreams come true. although, i don't feel like i've ever had anything i would call a dream. and maybe that's one of the problems.

but let me start with some quick highlights that my past self would be really happy to hear. first, i'm doing great at school and a lot of people praise me almost too much about that. i love the thrill of achievement, but the attention makes me a little overwhelmed. secondly, i plan to travel a lot this summer. i have no idea how it all will turn out but things are looking great at the moment. the third awesome thing is that i'm able to make a phone call without stressing too much about it. doesn't sound like a great achievement, but it sure is one to me. i also have some actual hobbies. i think. and i'm finally doing english certificates starting this year. i could name some more things, but that's definitely not the main reason to write this whole post.

so, a thing happened. people say sometimes that problems won't solve themselves, but, oddly, they do for me. there's this thing that i know for a fact for more than i can remember - i'm not in the right place mentally and i should seek some help, but can't talk about it to my parents. mostly because there's always a wrong moment. and even if they tried to do something about it in the past i used to shoot it down quickly because it was so stressful to be vulnerable in front of them. and it was a never-ending cycle to me. i couldn't even bring myself to actually look for therapists until earlier this year. maybe i just didn't want to admit it to myself that i, in fact, need help and some things aren't the way they should be. and right now with so much happening and being on top of the world it's even harder to consider my actual feelings. i always wanted to be too busy to think and now when it's happening i wish i could get back to the moment when i was crying almost every other night because i needed someone to help me so badly. i feel like a robot without an ounce of feeling sometimes. i don't think i'm able to experience some intense emotions anymore. is that even a thing?

and at the same time there's so much happening in my head that i literally don't see myself in the mirror most of the time. i have no idea how i look or how i am perceived by people. and most of all i don't know who i really am besides all that 'perfect to a fault' but closed off girl in your class. my fingers are in a critical state most of the time and i can't bring myself to care. because while i know the wounds are physically here, i don't see them. and all that leads to my too-busy-to-seek-help attitude. because while something inside me is screaming for something, i don't care. i don't hear it.

all that rambling and i still didn't get to the main point. my mother talked with my teacher about me and came to me with an idea to get me into some kind of therapy. but i don't think she really understands it the way i do. i mean, maybe for her it's just a thing that will help me build confidence and i just need a good motivation coach. that's not the way i see it. i think that we should start from the scratch and talk through all problems that i experience (which definitely won't be easy with a sudden amnesia whenever i try to think of something that would indicate that i'm not in the right place mentally), maybe try to diagnose something, start treating it and maybe then finally start working on other things. to be ready to achieve the 'perfect super-confident mental state' (as one might call it) we need to get on the ground level first. because right now i'm on the very bottom of my well-being.

there's one more thing. and maybe i shouldn't talk about it since it's all in the past, but i'm rambling and venting everything i could already, so why not. digital footprint? i don't know her. i remember the words 'if you kepp on behaving this way we'll take you to the psychologist and tell all your friends and then they will all leave you' like they were said to me just yesterday. and i sure am older and wiser (as if) right now so i know that therapy should be something to be at least a little proud of. it still doesn't change the fact that these exact words have haunted me for years. and not only have i got an irrational fear of therapy, but also the great beginnings of the 'everyone actually hates me and will leave me if i'm not perfect to them, because they are just using me' way of thinking. and maybe i didn't want to believe that at the time, because i knew all the way back then that my friends weren't like that and wouldn't leave me, but it sticks and it only proves to be true with time. a whole snowball.

and i feel like i just imagined that all. when i know for a fact that these words were said and even worse things used to happen - which i won't mention simply because i have no idea what's truth and fiction now. no one ever talks about it and everyone is suddenly so nice and understanding? it's so confusing to me. if i could blame it all on a bad childhood it would be so much easier but i simply don't remember everything clearly anymore.

all that rambling and still no idea what to do. should i give it a go? when i'm sure that i will get all defensive the minute someone tries to talk to me about something, because there's no such thing as being open in my vocabulary? will i be a burden for anyone that ever tries to help me? because it doesn't help that i'm so deep into the overthinking spiral that nothing is real anymore and everything is a potential threat.

in the end i would just like to say that i am not tough. i am not great. i am certainly not perfect, and i never will be. and i need help, but i have no idea how to ask for it even when it's given to me on a silver plate.