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#*cry in her office
florallylly · 3 months
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i've seen model steve harrington aus. i've seen child steve harrington aus. i present: child model steve harrington
note: this came from my own desperate need to see this conceptualized and i SWEAR i've searched, i just can't find any content with child model steve so. :(
bc little steve harrington was remarkably cherub-like. his large brown eyes and soft pout ensured endless cooing and fussing from his mom's friends. and when he blushed and ducked his head in shyness, they only complimented him more. when he got home that day, his mom smiled at him.
so steve decided that he would put up with the cheek pinching and the squealing. he sat upright in his chair, sitting on his hands so he wouldn't fidget and ruin the image. because he'd do anything to keep his mom smiling at him. if he was being particularly good that day, she'd let him lay his head on her lap on the drive back home.
but everything changed at his father's birthday gala. a nearly eight year old steve harrington sat prim and proper in his seat, but a smile lit up his face--his cheeks round and his dimples showing up. he raised his hand up to cover his giggle, but he couldn't help but laugh at some silly old man with a loose toupee. then he sees his mom approaching, and his face quickly smooths over, going back to the more polite smile he usually adopted when it came to these events.
he'd ruined it. he hadn't continued being the sweet boy his mom wanted. but then, she smiles at him. and introduces him to the man behind her, who says he's a designer. the man holds out his hand, but when steve puts his hand into his palm, he doesn't shake it. the man simply holds his hand, his eyes scanning steve's face. steve tries not to squirm under the attention. but the man nods and smiles at his mom, and he gives two brief cheek kisses to steve, whispering in his ear "you're going to be a star, darling." steve looks at his mom, confused, but she waves him off to continue talking to the man.
a few months later, steve's mom whisks him off on a trip to france. and steve is so excited to go, nearly vibrating in his seat as the airplane prepares to take off. but instead of the eiffel tower and the seine, steve is taken to a studio. he's posed and changed. once again, he's being fussed over, but instead of wealthy socialites, gossiping make-up artists squeal over him. he's "perfect for the shoot" and "the most darling little boy." steve doesn't understand, but his mom is still smiling, so he lets the nice ladies brush powder over his face.
and he looks in the mirror. his hair is a little more tousled and his lips have a slight tint to them and his eyes seem to take up much of his face. he's put into new clothes, and he feels like a doll in their hands. and when he's put in front of the camera, he simply follows the photographer's directions. afterwards, he's bundled into the car and his mom can't stop gushing about how good he was.
apparently, he's a natural. and then she goes back to fussing over him, focusing more on appearance than his behavior now. but she takes him out shopping and they eat at an upscale restaurant along the champs-elysses. and steve is happy.
and then they go back home, and his mom is so much stricter than before. she has him try out all kinds of different hair products, determined to find the best combination to keep it looking shiny and soft. she controls his food intake and what he wears and makes him use weird creams and serums on his face. but this is what makes his mom happy, so he's happy to let her.
his mom is also on the phone a lot more lately, whispering harshly about the quality of brands and steve just assumes she's being picky about the clothes she buys. later, his mom picks him up and holds him, and asks if he'd like to move to italy. she looks at him intently and it's obvious what answer she wants, so steve nods. she smiles and holds him close, and it's the most loved steve has felt in a while.
so they move to italy, and suddenly steve is a lot more busy. he's put in front of more cameras for more people he doesn't know. but he's smiling and pouting and doing whatever they want him to do. his compliant attitude and polite nature have photographers and designers alike singing his praises, and steve always looks to his mom for approval. but she's been arguing with his dad a lot lately, so she's upset more often than not. but that's okay, the make-up artists are always kind to him.
but then one day, his mom takes a phone call in the middle of the shoot. and when it finishes, she's gone. steve goes back in, close to tears, but the make-up artists still hanging around look after him until a car is sent to pick him up. this becomes a trend. and eventually, steve goes alone to his shoots. he's always taken care of by the crew and someone is always there to pick him up, but it's not fun without his mom there.
but he knows that she's always enjoyed him taking pictures, so he continues to do so, hoping that she'll come watch him again sometime soon. and he busies himself with befriending the chatty make-up artists and the bossy photographers and the eccentric designers. and he's such a cute little thing that they can't help but dote on him.
steve is never catapulted into child stardom, as his mom is picky with his jobs, only choosing luxury brands and well known designers for him. but within the industry, they call him the "little prince."
and then steve is catapulted into puberty, but his intense skin regimen prevents him from getting acne, save for the occasional zit. and his diet and religious exercise schedule help maintain his look. and he's still doing remarkably well, especially now that he's fully aware that he is a Model.
and steve has truly grown into his looks. with time, he's grown more comfortable in front of the camera and made numerous friends. nearly all of them are older than him, but they're fun and loud and it fills up the space that normally surrounds him. and they're the ones who get him hooked on american movies. steve remembers living in america, but he's been in milan so long that everything he recalls is vague.
but he watches them and falls in love with the american high school experience. so when he finally catches his mom off the phone and actually in the house, steve asks if he can go to school in america. and his mom laughs. but steve keeps asking, which devolves into begging. and his mother snaps, slapping him across the face and calling him ungrateful. she cries and begs for forgiveness, cowed into shame by steve's desperate attempt to hold back tears.
and so she lets him go to school in hawkins, indiana. an odd choice, but his parents just so happened to own a property there. (in truth, both of his parents expected him to change his mind within the year). but steve finds his place at hawkins high, because even though nobody in hawkins has ever heard of versace, steve is pretty. he's pretty and charming and he knows the right thing to say. after all, he's spent his whole life perfecting his mask.
and even if his mom ended up moving back home with his dad, leaving steve all alone in that big empty house, steve is happy. he's finally hanging out with people his age and high school is so far removed from the glitz and glam of the fashion industry. and he's settled and content with tommy and carol by his side. while he misses his friends back in milan, steve finds himself longing for the clothes more often. hawkins was certainly the opposite of milan, what with the nearest mall being two hours away and only equipped with a macy's and jcpenny.
through it all, steve is determined to be normal. he laughs along with jokes he doesn't quite get and rolls his eyes at carol's cue, and he joins the swim team. and he joins the basketball team. and he goes to parties and kisses girls and wears dumb little polos with his letterman jacket and does everything that he saw in the movies.
but nancy wheeler is different. steve can't forget his time in italy and who he is and was, and he's reminded of his old life in everyone and everything in hawkins. but not nancy wheeler. she's all hawkins and all his. and then the upside down happens.
and then nancy wheeler breaks his heart.
even after three years, his parents continue to ask when he'll go back to modeling, but he's different now. the upside down and billy hargrove beat that starry eyed little kid who thrived in the spotlight. and nancy wheeler proved that adoration and love is fleeting, so what would even be the point of trying anymore? his dad was a little more approving of steve's retirement/hiatus, saying that steve must want to go to college so he can take over the family business.
but when steve doesn't get into college, he's once again badgered by his mom to go back. but he's grown and changed and he's not sure that he can pretend anymore, so he says no. and they cut him off. enter: scoops era.
the measly scoops salary is not nearly enough to cover all of the new bills and expenses steve has, but he's not willing to leave hawkins. so he reaches out to his friends back in italy, and they refer him to their american connections. steve doesn't model at the same level as before, but he poses for a couple of zines and one artist who got a little too handsy at his exhibition. but he's able to make it through until the mall blows up.
this routine continues and he starts working at family video with robin at his side, but he keeps his side job a secret from the kids, using the excuse of visiting his parents to leave town for his shoots. he's not ashamed, but he knows he wouldn't "be normal" anymore if they found out.
but how does he explain his near mental breakdown at the sight of his healing demobat scars. they're raised and ugly, ruining what should have been a perfect body. and even though he uses scar cream everyday, they refuse to fade away completely. and how could anyone stand to be near such an ugly thing when all his life, steve was meant to be pretty? after all, love and adoration is fleeting.
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tequiilasunriise · 6 months
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When Steph and Cass get married they don’t take the last name Brown (Daddy Issues™️) or Cain (Daddy Issues Prime™️) or even Wayne (Steph absolutely REFUSES to become a Wayne nosirree), but a secret fourth thing (Gordan).
#BARBRA GORDON IS CASS’ MAMA AND TO AN EXTEND STEPH’S TOO OKAY#yes Steph still has Crystal but yall can NOT tell me she didnt lowkey look up to Babs as a secondary mom figure#the only one who is in on the jig is Kate bc shes officating the whole thing bc DUH and the way she fucken WHEEZZEEDDD when Steph explained#the way Kate would stand at the podium and anounce with such a smug grin#looking DIRECTLY at Bruce#‘I pronounce you…. MRS STEPHANIE AND MRS CASSANDRA GORDAN!’#the sheer fucken UPROARRRR#Steph LAUNCHES herself into Cass’ arms and kisses her senselessly as her now wife effortlessly carries her in a bridal carry#babs takes a second to process before instantly losing her NIND bc oh these crazy kids did NOT no no shes not crying#(she is. she so is. her date Dinah is handing her a hankerchief)#the batbros minus dami are hollering and cheering bc YEAHHHH STICK TO THE MANNNN#dami himself is dismissive and muttering about how could anyone throw away the wayne name like this#(on the inside he actually thinks this is pretty funny and must admit Barbra’s last name is a worthy rival to the Wayne name)#Bruce. Bruce is stunned. shell shocked. this girldad just lost his fav kid his princess#Jim is just having a damn good time bro is clapping Bruce on the back and having a good laugh over it all#also does this mean he has two honorary grandkids? no? well suck it bruce theyre my grandkids now#the other gothmanites who were invited like the birds of pret or the gotham city sirens are also all clowning on Brucie Boy#dc#stephcass#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#batfam
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bumblingbabooshka · 9 months
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Hey, Star Trek Writers... -taps the glass-
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ssahotchnerr · 7 months
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s1 aaron is just so 💕💞💕💞💞💕💕😭😭😭😭😭😭💕💕😭😭😭😭 gentle and soft and lighthearted and witty and i can’t believe the writers had to change him in s2
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zer0point5ive · 5 months
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silly little details i suppose but i love how diana’s room is a mixture of so many things like i’m truly obsessed with the way it didn’t end up just being a generic pink princess sort of bedroom with bare walls and no clutter and instead she’s got some castle-y snowglobe and a picture with an extra funky frame on her bedside table, a massive snake toy across her headboard and teddies and dolls and a fancy little vanity, tons of horse riding awards and pictures she’s drawn hung on the walls and i just love how real it is to be honest
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carefulfears · 11 months
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thinking about tena taking the photos of her children out of the frames and burning them before she died and mulder’s first reaction being “this is all she had left of us”
and how he could’ve said “this is all she had left of her,” but he didn’t, and he’s right. it is all there was left of them. all there was left of two kids playing baseball and arguing over a board game. all there was left of him before he was walking into the same room every day, before he was chasing ghosts, before no one talked about it.
all there was left of there being nothing to chase, of being still, of being a whole person to someone, knowing where you stand in the world.
it’s all she had left of her children, together and complete for some of the last times, and it’s crime scene evidence to cover up.
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letting this breach containment.
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dylanconrique · 6 months
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"what's there to talk about? you don't love me. what else is there?"
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actual-changeling · 5 months
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seeing my therapist in half n hour and i don't even know how to begin talking about what my brain went through this week.
i have been feeling deeply frustrated without a way of expressing it for close to a year now and the worst part is that there's nothing i can do to fix the source of that frustration because it's just. my life lmao
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ryanthel0ser · 7 months
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I'm just filled with headcanons today
Nero and Kyrie have a designated wallspace for family and any mementos from those they've lost. There are several photos of Kyrie's family (some with little Nero), Credo's sword, the William Blake book, and the photo of Eva from Dante's office
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ghostofasecretary · 4 months
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it's been a while since i've cried hard enough to have a headache but. sure got there today, babes!
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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wideminded-dreamer · 9 months
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redemn · 2 days
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i am very tired today . this week is a bit hectic with a few work changes i'm not too keen on , and this after i found out the woman i credit as my whole reason for falling in love with writing and who made my high school years feel worth it passed away on saturday . i will be quietly on discord tonight playing my games as usual . if you'd like to plot things , i will be around @ wiedzmins .
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cannibalgh0st · 8 days
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Me when my supervisor actually gives a shet about my well-being and ask if I need any accommodations for work:
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dylanconrique · 2 days
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I WILL!!! GET YOU!!!! SOMEDAY!!!!! I WILL GET YOU SOME DAY TIMOTHY BRADFORD. I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU APART WITH MY TEETH IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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