#...yeah i care about this sportsball show now

[incarnateirony]

Another baffling, sociopathic point about shealyn bonds

I was with her for many, many, MANY years. Do you know how many of those years she made even a single post even tangentially related to the superbowl? Or even football in general? From first fling to leaving her? From like 2008 to 2021?

0.

0 years.

0 years of her life did she care about sportsball.

she cared so little about it that after watching one year of superbowl it, like the many parts of myself i separated from and divided from to attune to her fancies, that she seemed bothered, so it was packed away, like the many parts of herself that were packed away. it is not a fluke that it was within a year of leaving her that i found my own apotheosis and reached the highest attainable grade. Literally everything had been put on pause to attune to her delusions.

And now? Now that she's realizing the superbowl is important? Like, for stupid roleplay reasons she's belatedly assembling into mythological reasons, if only for partial reasons? Oh, no. Today, she's gonna drop exactly one post to tell us how unbothered she is by the superbowl she opted to take in, this year, specifically.

Only this year.

No other fuckin years.

Just this year.

This year, she suddenly cared.

About who? What? Did she think Kansas City winning would protect her? Sis I got news for you.

No, hon.

Kansas City winning just means the entire world dumped onto the triune sigil of erected and commanded servitors based upon me pulled from your illusional headspace and retranscribed and sigiled into their own beings to collect the attention of the masses.

The reason you suddenly cared about football today is that every single corner of your mind is being eroded for and to it.

But not to the sport, or the event. No, to the spirit within.

You're mine mine mine mine mine, bitch.

All that did was sign the death warrants for everyone around you between here and September. So yeah, cool, KC won, would have been neat if you had half a year of spellwork behind that. OH WAIT

What an insufferably dumb cunt, performatively trying to stick her foot into my and his ring only to celebrate the birth of her worst nightmares, quite literally. Put out a couple offerings, sweetheart. Oh wait, they won't be able to smell it over the bazillion americans already doing it. my entire block is a BBQ. Where's the BEEF bitch. No, don't show me your ass. 1. that's pork and 2. that's really unhealthy fat percentage pork, if I slapped your ass on a pan I'd get nothing but grease. Where's the fuckin BEEF?

Your mother and father will both be dead by September.

Thank yourself.

No, don't try to blame it on randomosity when it happens, like when I gave you a week of fog to save a life and you still let your spider get crushed under your ego and my broken rib. Your similar stubbornness is signing their warrant, and frankly has, without a termination of the contract it's subtitled to. But most specifically, you verbally offered your father up in the middle of a flow I could only redirect to try to save him, and instead crashed a plane instead of killing him, because you're so goddamn smug you don't care, but now, neither do I, so next time, he goes, then the one saved purely by our mercy goes, and that's how this goes.

You had no interest in seeing past the fog, and so your spider died. And still, you have no interest in looking at the truth you already know, and you will sacrifice others to maintain your lies and barbie dreamhouse.

I liked Brian. I genuinely did. If he was a person divorced from any relation to Shealyn bonds, we'd invite him to the cosmic pub. But her stain is so deep and so profound, and so readily sacrificial to everyone around her, I don't know if we could even bring him in ocne he ends or if he just ends up reduced like most sacrifices. Then I'll have to deal with explaining to the remnants of Brian Bonds why he's in my head, and what a sociopathic lunatic his daughter became, and why fragments of her grandfather are also in there. At least there'll be a family reunion.

I couldn't stand Cindy, but I enjoyed Brian. A genuinely good soul. But Shealyn doesn't care. More fuel for the vagina fire. The unfillable cosmic gap of attention whoring, the pure need to have essentially sold herself to satan and still fucked up and signed the wrong contract. Yeah, he'll be real proud, Shealyn.

They barely accepted, in general "I love my family regardless" means, your queer relationships, which I was also the open door to them knowing. But sure, daddy will take real good that your need for cosmic cock sent him into a thousand shards reaped by your ex husband's apotheosis in the afterlife, I'm sure that won't bother him while he floats next to the husk of your reconstituted grandfather.

Oh, and mommy dearest.

You. Signed. To. Me.

Like you understand I've already had to explain to what's left of your grandfather why he's here and why you don't care, yea?

oh you probably didn't explain that to mark

sorry mark, she had us reap her grandfather about a decade ago, and just assumed amidst all of this there would be no penalties

it's christmas and we're in tartarus

apotheosis is a bitch, shealyn.

Grandfather is gone. I don't care what you manage to conveniently tell yourself the one time you try to show up at a place and hear him in your schizophrenic voices. Grandfather is gone, and it is your fault, and there are more hostages to take.

We do not care about redeeming you now. That is not an option. We only want to see what level of monster you are.

I know what monster I am, but I know the reasons I fight for.

Do you?

Hello, Darlin.

Goodbye, Darlin.

I, like the lead pick of the chiefs, am not afraid to be the villain. As he said, there's a certain power with that. I've already been hated. You can Hate at me all you want, but you can't Stop me. Transfering from the Ravens was only new Resolve. You don't have that kind of resolve.

Like you have/had one option to stop me, but we intentionally left your psychological anchor to that in the skeleton of you as we move on, and so you cling, and show yourself once we dust out the rest of us. A bird caging monster that doesn't care if her own family's blood runs on the floor until it is erased.

So be it.

You thought you had mercy from him before? Consider that sacrificed too. Your thoughtless sacrifice of others even when given ample chance and knowing message dictates your equal treatment.

Your grandfather was claimed by us as a favor. You seemed to forget that.

It's Christmas.

And we're in Tartarus.

I told you. This game would be different from any other.

It's a carnival, and we're in Tartarus--Mardis Gras; hey, you American fool--have you ever googled when the European season of fools is? I'm going to give you a spoiler.

We're in overtime.

Your ex husband has already claimed the false shadow of your Fool King. What do you think will happen?

Deadpool, comin' at you live, real real wild. DEADPOOL! AND WOLVERINE! LIKE BROTHERS! IT JUST FEELS RIGHT.

You tatted my name on your titties, bitch. He can hit it, but you're still a borrow. And you're starting to notice I can take you back whenever I want.

[meinemung]

It was a dark and muggy night at the frat castle, a stately red brick building surrounding by ancient live oaks and a lawn littered with beer cups. The campus is semi-deserted as it’s the night before a long weekend.

Three college-aged boys, close friends, are in the common area doing bro things. Basically drinking beer and talkin’ sportsball. Close friends since they met at prep school, the trio are tall and generically handsome in a “my dad’s a lawyer” way.

Teddy, the tallest, has his long hairy legs stretched over the couch. He’s shirtless, wearing only his pineapple boxers, a healthy bulge showing through. He’s sipping on a cold one, as are all of the guys.

Christopher, the next tallest, sits next to him. Sandy haired, long-legged, with a ready grin framed by waspy good looks, he has an intense expression on his face as he focuses on the game on the flatscreen.

That leaves us with Harrison. A pre-med, he’s the shortest at six foot even, although if you ask him he’ll say he’s 6’3”. While Teddy and Christopher’s attention is consumed by the video screen, Harrison is leafing nervously through his textbook. As a pre-med, and a chronically neurotic person, he cares about his GPA to the hundreth point.

“Men, you have have got to try this new noot from my stack. It makes addy seems like skittles.” Harrison said enthusiastically, referring to a substance he purchased on the internet that would supposedly boost his cognition.

Christopher and Teddy exchanged a glance. The three were super tight, but Christopher and Teddy had to acknowledge that Harrison said a great deal of eye-roll worthy things.

Teddy belched loudly. “Thanks but no thanks. I have enough Adderall to get me through a million finals. Just read up the WebMD on attention deficit disorder, and my irrresitable heart melting looks at the female doctor sealed the deal.”

Harrison scoffed and made mock vomiting gestures.

Christopher looked concerned. “Teddy, are you sure that stuff doesn’t have any long term effects? I have trouble studying too sometimes, but I just get by with a latte or a Red Bull.”

For a second Christopher kept his concerned look. Looking into each other’s eyes for a second, they burst into laughter. They were at a university with high academic standards, complete with endless finals, theses, and projects. Other more pressing concerns, such as date events with lots of sorority girls in sunddresses, fantasy football, and beer, made it difficult to meet those academic standards, and thus prescription stimulants were ubiquitous.

“That stuff’s way better than any normie drug like Adderall,” Harrison remarked disdainfully. Harrison went on raving about this new substance, about how it upregulated some obscure neurotransmitter, while Christopher and Teddy belched, loud and long, in unison and high-fived each other. Ah, brotherhood.

“It takes a few weeks to take effect. But you know that patience is a virtue… I’ve found myself breezing through tests and not having to hit the books that much. I suppose this will help me with the boards .. and getting the right residency…” Harrison had a far-off expression, no doubt having grand visions of himself as a super moneyed physician.

His reverie was broken by a series of loud barking belches from Teddy. “As of now, it just affords me more quality free time,” Harrison laughs and picks up a controller to join in the game.

But he was excited and could not resist talking more about the substance, and going in depth. Harrison enjoyed sounding smart, and now was a good time to show off all he had learned in Neuropharm 101. Christopher and Teddy were used to such conversations, and they were used to making the “mmms” and “yeahs” that conveyed that you wanted to zone out in a semi-polite way.

But something caught Christopher’s attention.

“Do you think that all our thoughts, our memories, are experiences, are just … neurotransmitters? … chemicals?” Christopher said, taking a deep sip of his brew.

“… Well, yeah. There’s nothing to suggest otherwise,” Harrison said. “Science is just too good at predicting things.”

“I really want to know what chemical is it when you let out a huge belch, or a fart, that you’ve holding in a long time. That’s better than sex. Well maybe not really, depending on who it’s with,” Teddy said grinning and holding up his beer.

Harrison chuckled. “Well… technically it’s not the chemicals themselves that are the specific happy feelings. Dopamine. It’s probably dopamine. But that wasn’t my point. Feelings are a complex emergent property of the topology of the neurons, the pattern of activation gradients, and yes, the specific chemicals in the brain.”

Christopher looked thoughtful. “So everything, the whole world you’ve ever known, can be reduced to the arrangement of matter..? My first kiss, the sadness of our Golden Retriever dying, getting the acceptance letter, our friendship? That’s just … molecules, atoms, particles, whatever sloshing around?”

“Well, I don’t know if we can say definitively. Even if we can scan the brain perfectly to an arbitarily high degree of accuracy, we would have no way to scan what it feels like to be that brain. But yeah, it seems like that’s the most reasonable answer. Because what’s the alternative? There’s some invisible ghost living in your body, controlling your physical body, that will go frolick in paradise with the spirit in the sky after you die?”

“Well, maybe? It seems better than saying we’re just molecules. And both are equally unprovable. As you said yourself, even if you knew and could predict the exact arrangement of atoms that make up my brain, you couldn’t know exactly what it’s like to *be* me.”

“I don’t know about ‘equally unprovable’… But it seems like the better option of the two…”

Teddy looked thoughtful. “You guys remember the Matrix? Maybe everything’s not real. Maybe everything’s an illusion and we’re all in a simulation. That’s the third option.”

Harrison chuckled. “Beer is great, beer is awesome, but you’ve had too much, my friend.”

Christopher laughed. “Maybe we are living in a computer. But doesn’t that just delay the question. We just push things to the more “fundamental” layer of reality, in which this simulation is being run.” He sat up with a renewed focus toward the game, which had reached a pivotal point, and he and Teddy whooped and clapped each other on the back as the opponent’s defense was clobbered.

“Well, technically we’re not the molecules. I guess we can say that “we,” or our consciousnesses, or awareness, what have you, are the emergent properties that arise from these molecules. The aggregation of a large number of simple elements can form systems of unimaginable complexity. The gigantic number of proteins and their diverse behavior comes from simple chemical properties of amino acids which each individually are just simple hydrocarbons. Ant colonies have very complex behaviors that an individual ant just doesn’t. An individual neuron has no consciousness, but arranged in a sufficiently complex way, consciousness arises.”

“Bro, I know what emergent properties are. But that just doesn’t seem like a good enough explanation for me, for why when physical entities, defined solely in terms of numbers like mass, charge, and spin, put together in just the right way, does an entirely new, unmeasurable dimension just *emerge*: That just seems fishy to me, just as fishy as claiming the same god who created the world in seven days hates gay people.”

“Well, most things in science are not obvious. The obvious answer to ‘what caused life’ to early scientists was some invisble vital force, but that was before the process of abiogenesis was discovered. The process of natural selection is less ‘obvious’ than an almighty deity creating us as subjects and playthings. But time after time for disparate phenomena we’ve found natural selection does well in explaining our observations. Therefore we now take it as fact.”

“I don’t have anything against natural selection. It makes complete sense to me. I don’t have anything against the connection of the body and the mind nor neuroscience. What makes no sense is why there has to be something it feels like to be me. I could react to stimuli, do I want I do, get horny, et cetera, without being aware of any of it. Just like how I assume a robot feels - nothing. It’d probably be more efficient to boot if I had no inner life.”

Harrison wrinkled his nose. “Once you get to a certain level of information processing and integration, I assume, it just appears.”

“Do you think supercomputers are conscious?”

“That’s different! Maybe one day… but… Human life is way more complex than some computer. But… I did read something about this. I don’t want to say it since it sounds kinda dumb but maybe… consciousness is an illusion.”

Teddy, who turned out was actually listening after all, laughed whole heartedly. Harrison turned a bit red. “Now hear me out, dude. I think — I think that the brain sort of tricks itself into feeling that all the disparate processing, all of the disparate subsystems, are one continuous consciousness…”

Teddy let out a long belch and whistled. “That’s just a *little* hard to believe, hoss.”

Christopher thought for a second. He didn’t want to reject Harrison’s argument out of hand. But something still seemed a bit off about his line of reasoning. “But… I’m asking why does it feel like anything at all? Uh, doesn’t there need to be *someone* to be fooled by an illusion?”

Harrison grew slightly red. “There just is. We’ll know eventually. Science has not progressed to the point where we can make any firm conclusions yet. I’m sure with more work in the field we will unravel the mystery of the origin on consciousness, qualia, psychedelia, whatever. Science hasn’t failed us thus far…”

Teddy whistled. “Not so sure about that, broski. Science brought us bad tan jobs and TikTok. And Therac-25 and fracking. Anyway, isn’t science about challenging your assumptions? Including that conciousness is an emergent property of matter.”

“Well, what else could consciousness be? If natural selection holds, we must have originated from the non-conscious primordial hydrocarbon soup, which I assume isn’t sentient. And we’ve observed that damaging the brain has major effects on consciuosness. Just cutting a few nerve bundles can change a person’s entire personality…”

“Well, what if there was already primitive sentience in that hydrocarbon soup? What if every single particle in the universe had some degree of sentience?” Teddy said.

Harrison scoffed. “Evidently beer and neuroscience aren’t exactly the best combination. But… Come on now, Teddy. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a carbon atom, and I don’t think it’d be a hoot. And how exactly do the dull experiences of things like molecules come together to form the rich experiences of you and me? That doesn’t get us any closer to a solution.”

“I gotta give it to Harrison for this one,” said Christopher.

Teddy shrugged. “I was just throwing ideas out there. Hey, the game is coming on in ten minutes. Their new starters are going to be crushed!”

The boys chatted enthusiastically about sports, as guys usually do. Teddy gave some interesting insights about the other team’s coaching strategy, while Harrison said some choice words about the rival school, including casting aspersions on its academic quality and on the integrity of its female student populace.

But it soon drifted back to the original topic at halftime. Christopher had thought a bit more and his position on the topic had begun to solidify.

“You know, I’ve been thinking, that the only thing we can really be sure of is our own consciousness. We can’t even say for certain other people have minds. All we can know about them is second and third person; while we usually operate under the assumption that there’s a ‘first person’ we can’t really prove it, you know, definitively…” Christopher said thoughtfully, taking a sip of his longneck and scratching the barest hint of stubble on the side of his jaw and burping softly.

Harrison thought for a moment, blowing on his beer bottle casually. “That’s true. I think I said something about that.”

“Wait, there’s more. If something can evolve to respond to its environment, why would it need to feel anything? What effect would it have on its survival?”

“Well, maybe it’s inevitable. Who knows. It’s probably not any one factor, but a whole host of them. I think I read something about this, but the agent needs to represent itself and to manage its attention to prevent from being overloaded by information. I guess it evolved because animals needed a way to represent themselves, and crowd out competing impulses…”

Christopher shrugged. “Maybe. But my goddamn 4Runner has a navigation system and it represents itself with a little arrow icon; I’m not sure whether that has anything to do with you know, being able to have experiences, being able to feel something. And it seems like consciousness may even be maladaptive. If we were all tidy little biological automatons, we wouldn’t feel things like pride, depression, any moral scruples. We wouldn’t be able to stop and ahem, … admire a girl in a nice sunddress. We’d be hunting, fighting, and baby-making machines, and we wouldn’t be aware of any of it. It just seems so unnecessary, this capacity for subjectivity, yet it’s the only thing we really know….”

“So what are you saying? That natural selection is not valid? Are you one of *those* people? I never took you for one of them.”

“No, I definitely think natural selection is a, uh, thing. But I don’t know if it’s the whole story. And I question why you focus so much on matter as a means to explain consciousness.”

“As I’ve said, I’m wouldn’t exactly call myself zealous, but I think it’s better than believing in things like mind-matter duality. And I can’t stand the thought of being with all of those fundie nutters in heaven. Or going to hell for simply enjoying the finer pleasures of life.”

“Are those the only two options for explaining … things? Either we are nothing but matter sloshing around, deluding itself that it has feelings, or a wrathful and capricious god watches and cares about each and every dumb thought? There’s gotta be another option, something better.”

Harrison raised an eyebrow. “Got any other options? I’m listening.”

“Uhh… maybe as Teddy was saying… maybe we are in something like the Matrix…”

“That’s the best you can come up with?” Harrison smirked. “I thought you were a pretty rational guy, Topher.”

“Not the stuff about the aliens stealing our energy. I meant that maybe thought, experience, or some form of mentation is the … I don’t know, fundamental ‘stuff’ of the universe.”

“How does anything get processed … without a computer?”

“Well, first of all you’re assuming that matter creates mind. Isn’t debating that the whole point of this conversation?”

“I meant that information is always about something. If what you’re saying is true and the universe is fundamentally information, information can exist without there being anything the information could possibly be about? Isn’t data always ‘about’ something?”

“Uh, I don’t know if the ‘information’ would need to be ‘about’ something. But that brings up another point: if thoughts are just physical states, how can physical states be *about* anything? A chair, or a mountain, isn’t ‘about’ anything. And there are axioms and theorems in pure math which are not about anything physical.”

Harrison thought for a moment before replying. “We create the meanings. They don’t exist objectively. And I sort of disgree with that. But… I do think that mathematics and music, maybe a sign that …. the objectively measurable world may not be the whole picture…”

“Exactly. Dude, for a time, I was convinced that everything was just chemical, and we were just a speck of dust in the void. But I just don’t get how things like math can be physical. The time we’ve spent together, our friendship. I just don’t believe this is the result of the chance collision of subatomic particles.”

“Yeah… I get where you’re coming from. But I’m not agreeing with you, Christopher. I still believe that there are a ton of unanswered questions that science hasn’t matured enough to tackle. But I do have faith that science will address them anyway.”

“Fair enough.”

“It’s kind of funny.”

“You need a lot of faith to believe that insentient matter comes together and forms *you*: everything you are and will be is matter. Because matter is just a model, a helpful mental tool for explaining what our consciousnesses interacts with. It comes from our minds. The fact is that we only know one thing for certain: it’s our own mind.”

“That faith is justified by results. You know what they say: ‘science flies you to the moon…’”

Christopher’s conviction grew at a fast clip, and he spoke more confidently. “The results come from the scientific method as practiced by a number of individuals. Not some monolithic entity called ‘Science’, and certainly not the unproven ‘we are chemicals bumping together in the void’ shit, which is more dogma than anything. I think there’s sort of a false dichotomy here: either you are a hardcore materialist, or you are a fundamentalist nutjob.”

Harrison laughed. “Fair point. But it isn’t a false dichotomy. You’re forgetting about the new age wackjobs.”

Teddy suddely demonstrated that he was at least paying partial attention to their conversation. “You know how some people have multiple personalities? I think I dated a chick like that once; it was some ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ meets ‘Freaky Friday’ shit. Maybe we’re like multiple personalities, of like the Universe, or whatever.” Teddy piped up after a long period of focus on the game.

“I’m all for microdosing it for nootropic purposes, but taking LSD has never really apppealed that much to me,” Harrison sniffed.

Christopher was tempted to scoff, but bit his lip and thought for a second. “Why would the universe need to split itself into multiple personalities?”

Teddy shrugged. “Maybe it was lonely. You know that by definition, there is nothing else but the universe. Dude, I don’t know.”

Christopher thought for a long time and his eyes lit up as if he come to a fundamental realization, or got possessed. “I get it now. I get it. Everything just makes sense noThere are individualized minds deriving from the universal mind, individual drops from a stream. All so called physical phenomena, including blunt forces and drugs, are within universal mind, which can affect the state of dissociation. That’s why a blow to the head can change your personality…. …. If what I suspect is true, and mental ‘stuff’ is the fundamental ‘stuff’ of the universe, and mentation is fundamental… that means some form of cognition was always present. You see it in the well-behavedness of the universe, unreasonable effectiveness of the mathematical universe, regularities of the stars, whatever. But it was only with the evolution of mankind that the universe gained sufficiently concentrated consciousness to… think about itself, to experience, to love… And science, the practice of science… the universe or God or whatever has all this abstract knowledge, but you need subject object duality in order to appreciate and build on that knowledge, create and test hypotheses, and stuff… And a byproduct of that duality is the capacity to experience more reified and intense sensations and emotions. So we’re here to allow the universe to experience … itself to the fullest, to give it the full gamut of experiences, and to allow it to learn about itself through the self-awareness we provide it. And the learning comes a lot faster because having multiple sub-personalities allows for dialectic, the best way to generate new ideas and thoughts. Because what does a mind do but think? We are each the universe, and our job here is to provide it with experiences and more knowledge. The universe is a mind. What does a mind do but think? And how does it think? Through every one of us.”

Christopher looked surprised, eyes widened, after this dialogue, not knowing whether whether he was a genius, going insane, way too drunk, or all of the above. He snapped out of it after a few seconds of reverie, scratched the side of his jaw and took a deep swig of his beer.

Harrison shook his head. Then he thought for a moment. “I mean that it’s fair to question physicalism, but as a man of science I will not accept any woo woo nonsense. Soon we’ll be talking about the healing energies of Libra crystals.” he said, standing up, showing off his tight swimmer’s build with the hint of a beer tummy. “I need some more beer after that conversation.”

“A man of science? A man of sucking up to the biochem 101 professor in office hours for a rec letter, at least,” Teddy laughed.

Harrison grew red. “Shut up, Theodore! At least I’m not an econ major!” He huffed and stormed out of the room to get another six pack from the cellar. Teddy beamed.

“That’s deep, bro,” Teddy looked at Christopher.

“You didn’t think that I had gone off the deep end or anything?”

“Oh, I definitely did, bro. But I still respect you immensely.”

Christopher paused for a bit. He seemed like he was about to say something to defend his newfound views and then decided against it. He took a swig of his beer: “Hey, that new QB is absolutely going to change the dynamic for us. Going off how the season is going so far, we have a shot at conference champs.”

“Hell yes. That arm. That golden arm. That guy is such a goat. I would marry him. But not really. Because I’m not gay.”

“At least you’d let him live rent free in your house.”

“That at least.”

#bromance #mind body problem #college

[inkdemonapologist]

[BatIM Call of Cthulhu Masterpost]

nEW SESSION (summary here!), where there’s been an unexpected development to the music issue and its time to [checks my notes] taLK TO THE PROPHET AND BREAK INTO SUSIE’S APARTMENT??? Also, the Prophet and Joey have made.... a truce(???), Prophet is concerned Sammy isn’t going to stay on task now that music is returning and has left him a sort of alarming note, and Jack is uh, trying to hold, too many things, maybe some things he shouldn’t be holding, Jack please put those things back,

anyway heres a stack of out-of-context quotes from our session under the readmore:

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Jack] My favourite thing is, there are so many reasons that Henry could've avoided things that I have no idea WHY Henry isn't affected. [Jack] Like, is he not affected because his art isn't a performance? Is he not affected because he warded his house? Is he not affected because he'S FILLED WITH GLOWING BLOOD?!?

[Jack] He got as far as feeding his cat, and I feel like feeding cat isn't a performance-- [Sammy] Not usually, not unless you sing a song to your cat, which-- [Jack] Awww! [Sammy] -- which, now that I've said that, sounds like something Jack would do actually,

[Sammy] Ohhhh, that's right, Joey just heard some people play some bad notes and start panicking, and then he stood up and passed out, [Jack] Which is probably how Sammy feels every time he hears people mess up music!

[GM] He finds news on the radio, but they’re not talking about that right now. [Joey] What are they talking about? [GM] Something mundane; business or sports or something. [Jack] The, the sportsball team, got a…..uh….. a, a point. Congratulations, sportsball,

[Joey] If the sportscasters sound normal, then Joey is instantly VERY ANGRY.

[Henry] Henry’s not very musically inclined, but he knows some songs, [Sammy] Like, can you hum Twinkle Twinkle Little Star -- [Jack] “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.”

[Jack] Jack has made a vague list of the kinds of people who seem to be affected. [Jack] There’s also “NOT HENRY?????” with a bunch of question marks in this list.

[GM] He’s told that Peter is out of town for a week. [Jack] Hmm. [Sammy] PETER WHERE ARE YOU GOING? [Jack] Hmmmmmm. [Sammy] Jack, is Peter coming here, to check on you, [Jack] HMMMMMMMMMMMMM,

[Sammy] *exasperated* NPCs Stop Getting Involved In The Occult Challenge [Henry] Stop Getting Involved In The Occult Or Draw 25

[Joey] Peter had never seen a Bendy cartoon, and this needed to be fixed. [Joey] The premier is this weekend, and he sent tickets to Pete to correct this, error, in his ways. [Jack] ...I think it is very slowly dawning on Jack, that this means that Pete has been pulled directly into yet another… supernatural nonsense... [Sammy] WE DIDNT DO THIS ONE!!

[Sammy] I CAN’T BELIEVE PHONES ARE THE ANTAGONIST OF THIS ADVENTURE

[Henry] Oh wait--! oh, no, nevermind, I forgot he and Allison probably aren’t together yet. [Sammy] Yeah, I think they just met; they had a meet-cute where they found out they both like Frankenstein and that’s it. [Jack] They actually got married today, since nothing else was happening at the Studio, [Sammy] That’s why Allison hasn’t shown up, she was busy getting married!

[GM] Bendy might’ve been keeping tabs on Henry, but it depends I guess on how distressed Joey is seeming. [Joey] Joey is probably just going to bury his sorrow in studying magic. [GM] Okay! That’s fine and normal Joey behaviour!

[Sammy] Sammy will note that nothing got done in the music department, because he has good priorities.

[Jack] I like the idea that it’s just like, when the teacher isn’t in, and nobody does the work the substitute teacher gave you, [Jack] Everyone’s just playing pokemon in the back, [GM] I thought you were going to say “poker,” but I like the way you ended the sentence better.

[Jack] HMMMMMM. I wonder if we know, any suspicious women, who were around on that specific day, who are known to have, skill and interest in magical things,  [Joey] And also were aware of the cutouts, [Sammy] *cheerfully* Yeah, weird! Anyway!!!!

[Jack] Sammy was acting weird about Allison. Far too agreeable for a Sammy!

[Sammy] *talking about Prophet* If you want to lock him in somewhere, or restrain him, I’ll cooperate. [Jack] Just handcuff him to Jack! [Sammy] SAMMY IS UNEASY WITH THAT PLAN, [Jack] *laughing* What could go wrong! It’s not like Jack is significantly less strong or anything!!

[Jack] Not everyone makes up their entire self, Joey!!! (Affectionate)!!

[Sammy] I give my word, my sheep! [Henry] How good is your word? [Sammy] I mean. It’s pretty good.

[Henry] Henry’s trying to decide if it would be rude to doodle during this very serious conversation. [Jack] I mean, Jack is taking notes, so I feel like-- [Joey] --you can get away with fake note-ing. [GM] No one will know! [GM] Well, Bendy will know, because he’s up high. [GM] Ceiling Bendy

[Sammy] He’s not gonna give you a grade afterwards, like, this isn’t a lecture, [Jack] Time for Prophet Pop Quiz!

[GM] What’s Prophet writing? [Sammy] Um, I gotta think about this... [Jack] “Dear Frightened Shepherd, that Allison person sure is nice, isn’t she?” [GM] “What’s up with everyone ragging on her?” [Joey] “I think I have finally found a way to bridge the gap between us!” [Jack] “I think you need to replace your sheep, they seem kind of suspicious for no reason,” [Jack] “To Do List: Get Better Sheep”

[Sammy] Does this feel like something that’s trying to take his focus, like, very compelling creative ideas? [GM] Yes. [Sammy] ...Prophet will write “don’t get distracted” five more times.

[GM] His mind is abuzz with thoughts of dancing and actoring, [GM] Ideas to be the best Joey ever! [Jack] Oh no.

[Joey] He will wave at the cutout and make a “come here” motion. [Joey] Though also, he’s looking at the cutout like, I’m not quite sure how this works, but I’m going to trust you that it works! So I’m going to do this and see if Bendy shows up! [Jack] Like someone trying to learn how to do phone video calls for the first time, [Joey] YES. Joey’s actually like really close to the cutout, and the motions -- you can make them out, but it’s really awkward,

[Sammy] They’re in no danger. I will take care of the Shepherd’s sheep. [Jack] ...JACK’S BEEN DOWNGRADED!! He’s no longer PROPHET’S sheep!

[Joey] I like how everything Prophet says really just feels like, Knife Cat face.

[GM] You could probably make a Mythos roll to figure it out. [Joey] *rolls* Oh! Extreme success! [GM] Joey’s back!

[GM] Bendy will lead Joey back to the room, where hopefully there are three alive, non-fighting boys!

[Jack] Part of me was like, “What if Jack DOES turn into a cat…?! It’d be pretty hard to write things!” [GM] *laughs* We’ll keep that in our back pocket, in case Jack ever fails a Mythos check. [Jack] Meowthos check…

[Henry] I’m going to have Henry look, look with his Special Eyes.

[Sammy] *failing a roll* Prophet is just, NOT on the ball today, in any way shape or form. [GM] Really hard not to think about music. : ) [Sammy] Ohhhhhh boy, [Jack] Prophet just writes a note to Sammy that says “HOW do you LIVE like this???”

[Henry] Henry’s gonna try to scribble what he remembers of the symbol!  [Sammy] Didn’t we learn, from the last scenario, about reproducing weird symbols, [Henry] No.

[Joey] Did Joey get burnt? [GM] Make a dexterity roll! : ) [Henry] *mumbling* Y’all this entire building is made of wood. *Joey fails* [GM] 1 point of damage, you singe your hand -- on the plus side, you kind of were holding it as it burned up, so it doesn’t fall on the wooden floor. [Sammy] OH GOOD, we’re not LOCKED IN A CLOSET that’s about to burn down? GREAT!

[Joey] We could head over to the infirmary -- [Jack] Jack is already pulling the burn ointment out of his bag. [Jack] He’s prepared this time! [Jack] He’s been practicing, he knows what you’re all like,

[Joey] Joey will give him a smile that’s most recognisable as the “I know you will do good!” smile. [Sammy] Prophet will also smile! It is not a friendly smile. [Jack] It’s a “smile” in quotation marks, but it’s like, baring your teeth as an act of aggression. 

[Jack] Jack lets him go to do the call, but just before he picks up the phone, he says, “Don’t call him Petey.”

[GM] The phone rings, and is not answered. [Joey] Okay! Joey hangs up, says Peter checked into his room, but is not answering. Most likely asleep. [Jack] Half of my brain is going, “what if he’s just stood outside Jack’s house?” The other half of my brain is concerned about manias. I hope he’s not decided that now is a really great time to do more writing, and now he can’t stop, and this could go wrong-- [Jack] This is what Jack’s mind is doing, thinking of all the terrible possibilities. [Joey] While humming. [Jack] ...yes. He’s writing some very troubling lyrics.

[Sammy] *talking about Jack’s compulsive humming* Like Cornifer, [Jack] *starts humming Cornifer’s theme* Dangit, now it’s in my head, why would you do this to me? [Sammy] It’s in character! [Sammy] Method acting. : )

[Joey] Joey’s going to grab supplies to make sure Bendy can… hang around with them! [Joey] Sleepover supplies! Let’s grab your sleepover bag! :D

[Sammy] I don’t know why the idea of a wild Bendy running around across the rooftops is so cute to me… [GM] Probably on all fours, [Jack] Scampering,

[Jack] It’s a good thing Henry’s around because I don’t think Jack can… carry??? An entire Sammy??? [Jack] Like he’s good at holding but he’s not strong at holding.

[Joey] We’ve all been acting terrible for the last 24 hours… [Joey] WAIT. We’ve all been acting terrible for the last 24 hours!!!

[GM] Bendy hides under a blanket or something. [Jack] Comfey… [GM] Cozy boy, [Joey] Bendyrito. [Sammy] BENDYRITO,…….. [GM] Rolled up… snug...

[GM] Is everybody coming into the apartment, or just the two? [Jack] Hmmm….. Jack isn’t fond of either of these options. Going in is suspicious and weird; staying outside makes it look even more like they’re breaking in, to steal things, as opposed to, y’know, breaking in, for,,, “good” reasons(???) [Sammy] We’re not breaking in, we’re just walking into this apartment! What’s so weird about that?! [Jack] That’s breaking in. That’s what breaking in is, Sammy. [Sammy] They don’t have to know that we don’t belong here, maybe Susie gave us a key! [Jack] ...they heard us knocking. [Sammy] [Sammy] We’re BEING POLITE!! SHUT UP!!

[Henry] Jack, did you pick up kleptomania.. [Joey] I thought Jack picked up Being Prepared! [Jack] H-he’s just hoarding a little bit!! It’s fine!!! It’s very, useful, see, already Joey got injured!! It was useful to bring lots of things with him okay!!!!!!!!!

[GM] They do not have the police called on them, so that’s nice. [Sammy] Oh good! [Jack] Thank GOODNESS. [Henry] Love when that happens! [GM] If you guys got arrested, the Lurker’s just out in the car all night, [Henry] oh NO, [Jack] Worse punishment than jail… [Joey] Lurker learns how to drive for fun. [GM] *laughs* Gets curious, [Joey] “I said I wouldn’t leave the car, but--”

[Joey] WAIT. There’s a very important factor that we just decided but didn’t say. [GM] Oh? [Joey] If we have Henry heading home, and everyone else sleep over at Jack’s…. [Joey] ...the Lurker finally gets to meet a cat. *everyone gasps* [Jack] Oh that’s SO important

[Henry] And Henry will probably look at these, while in the car, to make sure they don’t have any gold writing on them-- [Sammy] Isn’t Henry driving??? [Henry] ……Henry is not going to look at them in the car,

[Sammy] We’re all going to bed, Sammy, you don’t need a banjo to sleep! [Joey] You might sleep worse if you have a banjo, actually. You might not stop.

[Sammy] Jack you wanna join us? We’re gonna just jam all night! [Jack] It really is Jammy… [Sammy] *laughs* TRUE Jammy!! Real Jammy Hours… [GM] That makes it a pyJAMa party… a real jammy jam…

#call of cthulu: haunted hijinx #sammy lawrence #Jack Fain #joey drew #Henry Stein #Bendy the Lurker #when in doubt just keep drawing #cthulhu game quotes #everyone except henry got a new insanity and we're doing... fine!

[thedeadhandofseldon]

The Anti-Mercer Effect

On the Accessibility of D&D, Why Unprepared Casters is so Fun, and Why Haley Whipjack is possibly the greatest DM of our generation.

(Apologies to my mutuals who aren’t in this fandom for the length of this, but as you all know I have never in my life shut up about anything so… we’ll call it even for the number of posts about Destiel I see every day.

To fellow UC fans - I haven’t listened to arc 4 yet, I started drafting this in early August, and I promise I will write a nice post about how great Gus the Bard is once I get the chance to listen to more of his DMing).

Structure - Or, “This is not the finale, there will be more podding cast”

So, first of all, let’s just talk about how Unprepared Casters works. Because it’s kind of unusual! Most of the other big-name D&D podcasts favor this long, grand arcs; UC has about 10 hours of podcast per each arc. And that’s a major strength in a lot of ways: it makes it really accessible to new listeners, because you can just start with the current arc and understand what’s going on!

And by starting new arcs every six or seven episodes, they can explore lots of ways to play D&D! Classic dungeon delve arc! Heist arc! Epic heroes save the world arc! Sportsball arc! They can touch on all sorts of things!

And while I’m talking about that: Dragons in Dungeons, the first arc, makes it incredibly accessible as a show - because it lets the unfamiliar listener get a sense of what D&D actually is. (It’s about telling stories and making your friends feel heroic and laugh and cry, for the record). If I had to pick a way to introduce someone to the game without actually playing it with them, that arc would definitely be it.

And I’d be remise not to note one very important thing: Haley Whipjack and Gus the Bard are just very funny, very charismatic people. Look. Episode 0s tend to be about 50%(?) those two just talking to each other about their own podcast. It shouldn’t work. And yet it DOES, its one of my favorite parts, because Haley and Gus are just cool.

And a side note that doesn’t fit anywhere else: I throw my soul at him! I throw a scone at him - that’s it, that’s the vibe. The whole podcast alternates between laughing with your friends and brooding alone in a dark tavern corner - but the laughs never forced and the dark corner is never too dark for too long.

Whipjack the Great - Or, the DM is Also a Player!

I think Haley Whipjack is one of the greatest Dungeon Masters alive. The plots and characters! The mechanical shenanigans! The descriptions!

Actually, let’s start there: with the descriptions. (Both Haley and Gus do this really fucking well). As we know, Episode 0 of each arc sees the DM reading a description - of a small town, or the Up North, or the recent history of a great party. And Haley always strikes this tricky balance - one I think a lot of us who DM struggle with - between giving too much description and  worldbuilding, and not telling us anything at all. She describes people and events in just enough detail to imagine them, but never so much they seem static and unreal - just clear enough to envision, but with enough vagueness left to let your imagination begin to run wild.

While I’m thinking about arc 3’s party, let’s talk about a really bold move she made in that arc: letting the players have ongoing control of their history. Loser Lars! She didn’t try to spell out every detail of this high-level party’s history, or restrict their past to only what she decided to allow - she gave them the broad outlines, and let them embellish it. And that made for a much more alive story than any attempt to create it by herself would have - but I think it takes a lot of courage to let your players have that agency. Most Dungeon Masters (myself included) tend to struggle with being control freaks.

And the plots! Yeah, arc one is built of classic tropes - but she actually uses them, she doesn’t get caught up in subverting everything or laughing at the cliches. And it’s fun! In arc 3, there really isn’t a straight line for the players to follow, either - which makes the game much more interesting and much trickier to run. And her NPCs are fantastic and I will talk about them in the next section.

Above all, though, I think what is really impressive is how Haley balances mechanics, and rules as written, with the narrative and rule of cool - and puts both rules and story in the service of playing a fun game. And the secret to that? She’s the DM, but the DM is a player, and the DM is clearly having fun. Hope Lovejoy mechanically shouldn’t get that spellslot back, but she does, and it’s fun. The changeling merchant in Thymore doesn’t really make some Grand Artistic Narrative better, but wow is it fun. And she never tries to force it one way or the other - the story might be more dramatic if Annie didn’t manage to banish the demon from the vault, but it’s a lot cooler and a lot more fun for the players if Annie gets to be a badass instead - and the rules and the dice say that Annie managed it.

Settings feel like places, NPCs feel like people, and the narrative plot feels like a real villainous plot.

Anyway. I could go on about the various ways in which Whipjack is awesome for quite a while - she’s right, first place in D&D is when your friends laugh and super first place is when they cry - but I’m going to stop here and just. Make another post about it some other time. For now, for the record I hold her opinions about the game in higher esteem than I do several official sourcebooks; that is all.

Characters - Or, Bombyx Mori Is Not an Asshole, And That Matters

Okay, I said I would talk about characters! And I will!

Just a general place to start: the party! All of the first three parties are interesting to me, because they all care about each other. Not even necessarily in a Found Family Trope sort of way, though often that too. But they generally aren’t assholes to each other. The players create characters that actually work together, that are interesting; even when there’s internal divisions like SK-73 v. Sir Mr. Person, they aren’t just unpleasant and antagonistic all the time. Listening to the podcast, we’re “with” these people for a couple hours - and it isn’t unpleasant. That matters a lot. (To take a counter-example: I love Critical Role, but the episode when Vox Machina pranked Scanlan after he died and was resurrected wasn’t fun to listen to, it was just uncomfortable and angering and vaguely cruel).

All of the PCs are amazing, and the players in each arc did a great job. If you disagree with me about that, well, you have the right to be incorrect and I am sorry for your loss. Annie Wintersummer, for one example: tragic and sad and I want to give her a hug, but also Fuck Yeah Wintersummer, and also her familiar Charles the Owl is the cutest and funniest and I love him. And we understand what’s going on with Annie, she isn’t some infinite pool of hidden depths because this arc is 7 episodes and we don’t have time for that, but she also has enough complexity to be interesting. Same with Fey Moss: yeah, a lot of her is a silly pun about fame that carries into how she behaves, but a lot of how she behaves is also down to some good classic half-elven angst about parenthood and wanting to be known and seen and important. (Side note: if your half-elf character doesn’t have angst, well, that’s impressive and also I don’t think I believe you).

There are multiple lesbian cat-people in a 4-person party and they both have requited romantic interests who aren’t each other. This is the future liberals want and I am glad for it.

Sir Mister Person, the human fighter! Thavius, the edge lord! Even when a character is “simple,” they’re interesting, because of how they’re played as people and not action-figures. And that matters a lot.

In the same way: the NPCs. There really aren’t a lot of them! And some of them come from Patreon submissions, so uh good work gang, you’re part of the awesomeness and I’m proud of you! The point being, the NPCs work because enough of them are interesting to matter. It’s not just a servant who opens Count Michael’s door, it’s a character with a name (Oleandra!) and a personality and history. They’re interesting. Penny Lovejoy didn’t need to be interesting, the merchant outside the Laughing Mausoleum didn’t need to be interesting, but they ARE! And Haley and Gus EXCEL at making the NPCs matter, not just to the story but to us as viewers. I agree with Sir Mister Person, actually, I would die for the princesses of the kingdom. I actually care about Gem Lovejoy of all people - that wouldn’t happen in an ordinary campaign! That’s the thing that makes Unprepared Casters spectacular - and, frankly, it’s especially impressive because D&D does not tend to be good at making a lot of interesting compared to a lot of other sorts of stories.

And, just as an exemplar of all this: Bombyx Mori. Immortal, reincarnating(?), and described as the incarnation of the player’s ADHD. I expected to hate Bombyx, because as the mom friend both in and out of my friend-group’s campaigns, the chaos-causer is always exhausting to me. And yeah, Bombyx causes problems on purpose! But! She is not an asshole.

And that’s important. Bombyx goes and sits with the queen and comforts her. Bombyx gives Annie emotional support. Bombyx isn’t just a vehicle to jerk around the DM and other players; Bombyx really is a character we can care about. To compare with another case - in the first couple episodes of The Adventure Zone, the PCs are just dicks. Funny, but dicks. Bombyx holds out an arm “covered in larva” to shake with a count, and robs him of magical items, but she also cares about her friends and other people! She uses a powerful magical gem to save her fertilizer guy from death! Yeah, Bombyx is ridiculous, but she’s not just an asshole the party has to keep around for plot reasons; you can see why her party would keep her around. And one layer of meta up, she’s the perfect example of how to make a chaotic character like that while still being fun for everyone you’re playing with, which is often not the case. And I love her.

The Anti-Mercer Effect - Or, “I think we proved it can be fun, you can have a good time with your friends. And it doesn’t have to be scary, you can just work with what you know”

The Mercer Effect basically constitutes this: Matthew Mercer, Dungeon Master of Critical Role, is incredible (as are all of his players). They’re all professional story-tellers in a way, remember, and so Critical Role treats D&D like a narrative art-form, and it’s inspiring. Seeing that on Critical Role sets impossible standards - and people go into their own home games imagining that their campaigns will be like Critical Role, and the burden of that expectation tends to fall disproportionately on the DM. And the end result, I think, of the Mercer Effect is that we get discouraged or intimidated, because our game isn’t “as good as” theirs. (And I should note - Matt certainly doesn’t want that to be our reaction).

So the Anti-Mercer Effect is two things: it’s D&D treated like a game, and it’s inspiring but not intimidating. And Unprepared Casters manages both of those really freaking well. Because they play it like a game! A UC arc looks just like a good campaign in anyone’s home game. They have the vibes of 20-somethings and college students playing D&D for fun because that’s who they are (as a 20-something college student who plays a lot of D&D, watching it felt like watching my friends play an especially good campaign). They’re trying to tell a good story, sure, and they always do. But first and foremost, they’re trying to have fun, and it shows, and I love the UC cast for it.

And that’s the other half of it: it’s inspiring! It’s approachable; you can see that Haley and Gus put plenty of work into preparing the game but it also doesn’t make you feel like you need hundreds of pages of worldbuilding to run a game. Sometimes a cleric makes Haley cry and she gives them back a spell-slot from their deity! That’s fantastic! It’s just inspiring - listening to this over the summer, when my last campaign had fallen apart under the strain of graduation, is why I decided to plan and run my new one!

That quote from Haley Whipjack that I used as the title for this section? That’s the whole core of this idea, and really, I think, the core of the podcast.

The Mercer Effect is when you go “that’s really cool, I could never do that.” But Unprepared Casters makes you look at D&D and go “wow, that looks really fun. I bet I can do that!” And I love the show for it.

And I bet a lot of you do too.

#unprepared casters #bombyx mori #haley whipjack #long post #this is really rough but I don't have time to keep working on it and it's already a month later than intended

[percontaion-points]

Foxhole Court chapter 4

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 4

"I thought you had [your boyfriend] Erik," Neil said.

"I do, but Kevin's on the List," Nicky said. When Neil frowned, Nicky explained. "It's a list of celebrities we're allowed to have affairs with. Kevin is my number three."

Normally, I wouldn't even bat my eyes over such a casual mention of something like this. But in a story that's already pumped full of abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, and probably a lot more nonsense to come...

The idea of an “allowed cheating list” just rubs me the wrong way.

“Then the ERC threatened to revoke our Class I status and fire Coach if we didn't start winning more

often. Coach bribed Andrew into saving our collective asses with some really nice booze."

"Bribed?" Neil echoed.

"Andrew's good," Nicky said again, "but it doesn't really matter to him if we win or lose. You want him to care, you gotta give him incentive."

"He can't play like that and not care."

"Now you sound like Kevin. You'll find out the hard way, same as Kevin did. Kevin gave Andrew a lot of grief this spring,"

I know that this is probably difficult for these people to understand. But normal people don't make playing a sport their sole personality trait. That obsessing this much over a singular thing with no hobbies or interests outside of it isn't healthy.

"Kevin wants to know what's taking you so long. Did you get lost?"

"Nicky's scheming to rape Neil," Aaron said.

HAHAHA BECAUSE RAPE JOKES ARE JUST SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. /ALL THE GODDAMNED SARCASM

Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky's jersey. Where he'd pulled it from, Neil didn't know, but he refused to think Andrew wore one onto the court under his uniform. There had to be rules and regulations against that. The last thing Neil wanted was for Andrew to stab someone in the middle of a game. The Foxes would be banned from the league in an instant.

So this guy 1) is a drug addict 2) is an alcoholic 3) has to literally be bribed to even play 4) is clearly mentally unstable and ready to literally stab somebody at any given time

Tell me again why he's somehow better for the team than the risk of him going loco and costing the entire university team EVERYTHING?

"Andrew is a little bit crazy. Your lines are not his lines, so you can get all huff and puff when he tramps across yours but you'll never make him understand what he did wrong. Moreover, you'll never make him care. So just stay out of his way."

JFC, now Nicky is saying to just let this sociopath do whatever the fuck he pleases?

This overgrown child needs to be institutionalized; not allowed to play team sports for a university. This man is a danger to society.

"You be something. Kevin says you'll be a champion. Four years and you'll go pro. Five years and you'll be Court. He promised Coach. He promised the school board. He argued until they signed off on you."

"He—what?"

I don't know why Neil is surprised by this. These people pressured him so much until he agreed to sign to attend the school to play. Why the fuck is them making deals about Neil behind Neil's back somehow any different?

He hadn't even realized she'd been injured so badly after running into his father in Seattle.

Wasn't daddy dearest in prison? Why the fuck was he running around in Seattle? I'm so fucking confused.

This was why Wymack's contract, Kevin's lofty ambitions, and Andrew's words meant nothing in the end. It didn't matter what they offered or promised him. Neil wasn't like them. He was nothing and no one, and he always would be. Court wasn't for people like him.

THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME?!

What I'm going to tell you is an open secret. That is, we know it," he waved a finger in a circle, likely meaning the Foxes, "but no one outside our team does. It has to stay that way no matter what, do you understand? People could get hurt if this gets out. People could die."

I'm not going to deny that there are people in the world who would murder because of sportsball. But all I'm saying is that their mental state was probably not amazing to begin with, and they probably shouldn't have been in society in the first place.

"They built this complex around the same time we started construction on the Foxhole Court. Thought our team would be something and people would want to live in the area to be close to the stadium for games. Then we couldn't perform, so the apartments didn't fill. The lower floors are pretty full, and the middle floors get rented out during football season, but top two floors are pretty bare.”

Yeah, that's bullshit. People would still move into those apartments, sports team or no.

He hit full speed before he reached the street, going so fast he was nearly falling over, but he couldn't outrun his thoughts.

Chapter 4 summary: The next day, Neil tries to settle into his new life here. He goes for a jog before going to the stadium early to get changed before the others get in. They have summer practice with just those who are there (the wonder twins, Kevin, Nicky, and Neil).

After practice is over, Nicky randomly starts talking about how Andrew fucking hates the sport, which is baffling to Kevin. However, Andrew has a hard-on for Kevin. And Nicky warns Neil to stop openly staring at Kevin, or else Andrew might get jealous and attack Neil. Because that's fucking hilarious, you know.

Andrew shows up, and randomly threatens Nicky with a knife over how he was apparently flirting with Neil. Despite Neil stating that he only just wanted to play sports, not to hook up or have a relationship with anybody. Nicky relents, and after Andrew leaves, tells Neil that he isn't his type anyway. He also warns Neil to just let Andrew do whatever he wants. Because that's how you should deal with people like that... right?

They then go back to the field, where they set up a mock-game. And good grief. I thought that watching sports on TV was boring. Ain't got nothing on this tedious wall of bullshit. After a while, Kevin sends Nicky and Aaron inside, and it's just him, Andrew, and Neil. They continue to play for a bit longer, but then Andrew then starts to beat the shit out of Neil with his racquet. Which... okay.

Neil eventually goes home, where coach yells at him over having “blown out his arms”. And I get that this is college sports, and it's on another level than HS stuff. But at the same time... this is literally day two of summer practice. There is literally no reason to threaten to beat a literal child up.

We have a two-week time skip, and then Neil goes back to the stadium later at night to practice. Andrew is there, mostly sober because it's late and he apparently can't sleep with those drugs in his system? Sure, whatever. Anyway, he says that Kevin promised Neil over to some pro teams after his term at the university is over. Neil doesn't think that this is true. After Andrew leaves, and Neil tells Kevin that he came to practice, Kevin is rude about Neil's ability to play, and says that practice won't help. This goes into what Neil said: that Andrew is full of shit.

Neil then sits down in the locker room and thinks about his mother's death. I don't fucking care about any of this.

Neil sleeps in the stadium, and goes back to coach's apartment just in time to hear him getting into an argument with Kevin. The exy overseeing board (whatever they're fucking called; I don't give a shit), is like “We're forcing Kevin back to the Ravens.” and when Kevin refused, now they're going to make the foxes play against the ravens.

Coach then flat-out tells Neil that Riko smashed Kevin's hand because he was jealous of Kevin's playing. He says that he felt like the abuse had been going on for some time, but the hand breaking was the final straw, and Kevin decided to get out before something worse happened to him. He then tells Neil that the Moriyama family is part of the yakuza, or the Japanese mafia. This continues on for a long while, establishing just how shitty that this family actually is, and how the Moriyama family controls the entire sport of exy.

But despite how terrible that the foxes are, and Kevin's injury, he refuses to show any weakness to those assholes who screwed him over so badly. However, this just convinces Neil that he needs to leave, and he needs to leave ASAP.

#All For The Game #Foxhole Court #chapter 04 #Neil Josten #Nicky Hemmick #shitty people are shitty #Aaron and Andrew Minyard #WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK #What Is Happening #plot hole time! #David Wymack #HEADDESKING #do you even know how the world works? #Kevin Day #Riko Moriyama

[chemicalmagecraft]

Foresight is 20/20 Chapter 10

I laid on my stomach and rested my head on my hands. That I was doing it on a surprisingly-comfortable invisible barrier made of pseudomagically solidified air and even moving forward was natural. Honestly, what do you guys expect at this point? And of course my parasol was floating in just the right position that my entire body was covered even with the odd positioning. Because why not? "So what're we doing today?" I asked Gaara.

"I don't know," he said, fidgeting slightly. "Why are you with me?"

"I literally have nothing else to do. Plus we're raccoon eye buddies."

"Raccoon eye buddies?"

I traced my eye markings. "Raccoon eye buddies. I heard you've had trouble making friends in the past, so I figured you might like some company." I shrugged. "But if you don't, I can fly away."

I caught a tiny smile on his lips. "Don't go. Having a friend would be... nice..."

"Stinks that I'm going to have to leave soon... Maybe we should find you a friend who isn't from another village?"

"How do you make friends?"

I opened my mouth to say something, then paused. "I don't actually know, to be honest. The only person I became friends with without random chance playing a part was Naruto-chan, and he... let's just say he would've become best friends with whoever was the first person to actually show him kindness, and that just so happened to be me. Everyone else, one could argue I was guided to them by fate..."

"What about me?" he asked.

I shrugged. "No offense, but I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for Shukaku." He frowned a bit. "That doesn't make our friendship meaningless, if that's what you're worried about." I saw a group of kids playing kickball or something and pointed to them. "Maybe we could ask to join them?" We walked (and floated) over to them. I honestly didn't really know what to say, so I just waved.

"Woah, are you floating?" one of the kids asked me.

"Yeah," I said. "Can we... join? I promise to not use my powers if you don't want me to." I lowered myself to the ground, landing gently on my feet.

"Hey, isn't that the Kazekage's son?" another of the kids said. Gaara tensed up, so I squeezed his hand.

"He's cool," I insisted.

"But my mom said he's a demon."

I scoffed. "He has a demon sealed inside him. Big difference." I shrugged. "Sure, he used to have some trouble keeping the thing down, but I fixed that right up for him. As I said, he's cool."

"Thank you, Kouki-san," Gaara muttered.

I gave him a small smile and said, "So are we going to play or what?"

I was picked first. I guess the team captain figured I'd be awesome at sportsball because I could fly or something. Joke's on him, though, because I'm horrible at all manners of sportsball. Even with my ninja training, I was horrendous. On the other hand, Gaara was somehow the other team's best player. It didn't even look like he was trying to hard, he just... drifted over to the ball and launched it over to the goal net thing. Yeah, everyone ended up liking Gaara a lot more than me.

Just as planned.

Okay well I genuinely am terrible at sports but I totally planned it. It wasn't an accident at all. I am a puppetmaster.

kukukuku~

I floated in the air above Suna, my senses extended as far as I could. I'd caught a faint whiff of... something while I was playing with Gaara and the others. I scanned the area, moving around a bit to get the best feel of whatever I was sensing. Whatever it was, it was vast, almost spread out, and felt a bit like Shukaku but without the malice. It was like the sands themselves were possessed, especially around Gaara.

Come to think of it, I could think of a likely suspect. I drifted to an out-of-the-way alley near the Kazekage's house, sending a beacon to the presence as I flew. It responded to my psychic touch sluggishly, like its mind was damaged or something. It felt like sand slipping through my fingers, but I reeled the presence in. As I leaned on the alley wall, the sand in front of me shifted and slowly rose up in front of me, roughly in the shape of an adult woman. "Yo," I said.

"W͡h̘̠̩̱̬̬̱ͦ̔ͯͮ́ͮ̚o̦̙ ̫͖͐͑a͛́̃̆͢r̓̀̂̿͐̒̊e ̝̮̳͓̯͙ỹ̏̈́ͫ͌͊ͨ͞o̙͚͛͌u͛̏̿ͣ͞?̵͕͈͐̐" the sand witch asked hollowly. "...W͕͇̗̱̠͊ͥ͋ͤͭ̄ͅḥ̶͚̞̞̮ͬ̆̋̓̐ō̼̘͆.͇̠̆ͥ..͏̺ ̪̙͈͒̂̈͘a̡̤͔m I͕̫͎̱̮̗?̲̘̺͓̺͙̲͛͒͒̂̄̾ͩ"

I winced. "You... aren't in the best shape, are you?"

She made a few confused noises that I took as a 'yes.'

I tightened my grasp on her mind a bit. "Right, I'm going to try to help you. Can you tell me your name?"

After a few seconds of thought and me poking around in her nonexistent brain, she said, "I̷̤ͦț̢̞͓̲̟ͅ'̻͕͖͇̣̣ͤ̊̓ͯͩ̅ͦͅs̲̦̹͔ͯ́͒̓.̱͞.͕̩̮̥̦̻̇͊̋ͮ̃ͣͪͅ.̲͖ ̍͑͑ͧ̓ͬ̾͏̙̹̮̜͚̩͍G̠̣̗̪͝ȁ̢͉̥̋r̛̠̘̺͖̬̒̔̓͐̍uda.̘̫̲̬̺͓̇̀ͦ̊̍̿.̡̯͍̯̯̤̳̓́̋̍̒ͧ.ͧ͐̉̎͊" I tilted my head a bit and poked a few bits into place. "N̛o͓͉͎͢,̵̫̫̱ͨ̎ͮ ́ͫ̐͜i͖̱t's̀̏̚ ̨̲̬̓̂Ḱ̬̘͋ar͏u͓̥̞͆̂ͣ͟r̙̃̀a," she corrected herself.

"That's good," I said in a soothing tone. "Now, can you please tell me something about yourself? Maybe any family or loved ones you have? I need you to keep focused on something, anything."

"Th͔r̛e̙͎̜͡eͥ̃̒ ̢c̝̹h̲̹̙̎̉͌͘i͍̦̺l̨d̘̐́ṟ̔e͞ǹ̪͙̞̈̿͡,͔͖̯ a̓̇͂́ ̫̖̳͒ͩ̏d̲̮̖͊̄̿au̴g͕͎̀h̪͉͆̚t̵̐͂̚e͆r̴͔̤ ̥a̟̩̎ͦn͕̱̎̆dͣ̍ͦ ͫ͗͆tw̬̫̲ợ̀ ̴͚̩ͦ̂şo͘nś͍͎ͣ.̸ͪ T̹̫̱e̟͈̟͒̊̒mar̔ͥ̈i̥, K̟̪̝̈́͊ͭañ͙͔̼ͮ̌k̲̋uͧ͆ro,̼̓ ä́̄̐n̦͙͈ͮͭͤd̊ͦ́ ͑̓G͙̞̽͊a̬̾ar̗̥ͦͦa," she said. "I ̏͋alͭ̈́̍so ̎ḧ́̒av̅̚e ͪ̓a ̓br̊̊oͨͨthͯͣ̏eṙ̈́,̐ͨ̐ ̽̓Ȳ̈as͋h́ͩá̅mͪͫaͩͤruͭͦ...̒͒̓"

"Good," I murmured. "Now, this might feel a bit weird, but I need to do this to stabilize you." I took out my newest demon gem, one that I'd made from leftovers from the bandits and some insects I'd managed to attract. Okay, it was only almost done, but it was good enough for what I needed it for. I rammed the gem into Karura's sandy "navel," using it to work some yin-yang magic on the unstable chakra that made her up. Her form evened out and red lines spread from the gem to her arms and legs. Then I averted my eyes. "Aw, ew!" I exclaimed. "Put some clothes on!"

"I have no clothes," she noted.

"Then make some out of sand!"

"I have no idea how to do that..."

"And yet you managed to almost do a jutsu I still haven't figured out yet!" I shouted.

"My mind is still hazy..."

I grumbled a bit and formed a rough "cloth" out of the surrounding sand. "You even made yourself a body out of sand..." I wrapped the cloth around her body. "Right, you have to figure out how to keep that up." I opened my eyes as I felt the chakra of her body taking over the wrapping. Now that she was stabilizing, she looked just about human, only with the red markings and eyes colored like, though not shaped like, Shukaku's. The sand cloth had turned into a sort of cloak that made her really look like a sand witch. "You want to meet your kids now? Just to warn you, though, you've been dead for years, so they aren't exactly expecting you."

"Oh..." She looked very concerned, which was probably a good sign that her mind was becoming less fuzzy. "Oh dear."

kukukuku~

"Heeeey~" I said from outside the Kazekage's window. "Guess what I found today?" Thankfully, his family was already there, so I didn't have to do that much work.

Rasa sighed. "What?"

I smiled a bit. "Actually, it's more of a 'who.' I believe you've met her before, though you probably aren't expecting her." The platform of sand I was standing on floated into the room, deposited me on the floor, then turned back into Karura next to me. "Introducing, for the first time in almost four years, your wife."

"Karura," he gasped.

"Rasa," she scowled.

"Oh right, you were responsible for her death," I said smugly. "Ouch."

"Mom?" Temari asked. "Is it really you?" Karura floated over to her and picked her up, holding her close.

"Temari. I'm so, so sorry I left."

"How did this happen?" Yashamaru asked.

"I don't remember," Karura said, "but I'm grateful it did."

"If I had to guess," I said, placing one hand on my chest, "and I'm sorry to butt in here, but I think I might be the only one here who knows what's going on. So if I'm right, you had Shukaku sealed in her when she was pregnant with Gaara to see how prenatal exposure to Shukaku would influence jinchurikihood, then transferred the raccoon to Gaara, either not caring that she'd die or assuming your medics could resuscitate her because she was only jinchuriki for less than a year. That about right?"

Rasa nodded grimly.

"Right, so obviously that didn't work out quite like you hoped. Don't worry, I can tell you think past you was an idiot. Karura, while dying, found that she loved Gaara so much that she wanted to protect him even after death, so she imbued the sand around her with her will and chakra, or however that worked. In this, her having had Shukaku sealed inside her actually helped, as some of Shukaku's power was left over in her, so it ended up a success despite the fact that she didn't have much knowledge on the subject of yin-yang release, which would have otherwise been vital for that jutsu. 'Course, it still ended up rough, causing her to be scattered and unable to properly gather herself. The existence that was once Karura was scattered to the winds, spread about a wide area of sands and expending so much effort to simply exist that she couldn't do anything, with one exception that I do believe is still in effect." I licked my lips and pointed at Gaara, shooting a demon gem at him fast enough that it'd hurt.

The sand blocked it.

"What was that for?" Rasa, Yashamaru, and Karura simultaneously demanded of me.

I shrugged. "Its trajectory was curved a bit. Looked like it'd hit him, enough for Gaara's still-active defense to catch it, but it would have missed if it wasn't caught. As you can see, a part of Karura was... anchored, I suppose, to Gaara, creating an automatic sand defense." I turned to the door. "Right, you guys probably wanna catch up, so I'mma go work on my seals or something now."

"Wait," Karura said. "There are still holes in my memory."

"Those'll hopefully clear up over time, though unfortunately some stuff is probably lost for good... Can't really do too much more for you. The best thing is probably to try to jog your memory, which I'm pretty sure your family and douchey ex can do better than me."

"Douchey ex?" Rasa asked.

"Until death did you part," I said with a grin. "That's the rules, right?"

Rasa blinked. "...Well you're not wrong. And Karura, I honestly wouldn't put it past you if you wanted to leave me."

"Yeah this is the part where I disappear and let you guys have a heartfelt reunion and however KaRasa's going to go." I grinned as I activated the Transparent Escape Jutsu. "And yes, that was a pun!"

kukukuku~

"Right, so maybe you should stay up on full moons," I told Gaara as I was checking the seal after his horrible, nightmare-filled sleep. "Default won't break at all under the light of the moon."

He rubbed his eyes a little more. "That was unpleasant..."

"Yeah, well at least it looks like it'll only be once every thirty days," I noted. "That should be manageable, right? Better than thirty times in thirty days."

He sighed. "I'm going to miss you when you leave..."

I gave him a small smile. "Don't worry, you can always find me..." I poked him in the chest. "...Riiiiiight here."

"But I would like to be able to talk to you more..."

"I know, I was talking about how you should theoretically be able to use Shukaku's power to telepathically contact me from anywhere in the world."

His eyes widened, and I could see a small twinkle in them. "How?"

"See, there's this thing called biju telepathy that biju have, and any two sources of the same type of biju chakra can be used as a sort of relay for it. You have Shukaku and I absorbed just enough of his power from the seals you guys sent me that I gained his power, which means that we're linked. Now, I should note that because of the seal I placed on you, any time I'm calling you, you'll get a notification from your seal and have to manually allow it. Now let's teach you a new psychic power!"

kukukuku~

"That was delicious~" I sighed in delight after finishing my dinner of the third day, this time some heavenly chicken tikka. "Thank you for the meal~. So how's my favorite chakra spirit ghost thing doing after a full day of life and activity?" I asked.

She poked at her food. "I still have no idea how I'm eating this..." she muttered.

"Magic?" I offered. "You holding up alright?"

"I don't feel as scattered as I did before. That's good, right?"

I shrugged. "I've literally never had to deal with a situation like this before, but that sounds about right." I stood up. "Now, I think it's you're bedtime, Gaara-chan. Let's see how the seal's doing today."

"But I want to stay up," Gaara protested.

Karura wagged her finger. "No 'buts,'" she said, then smiled. "Tell you what, I'll tell you a bedtime story. I've missed the opportunity to do that for too long."

Gaara smiled. "Okay, mother."

kukukuku~

"Goodbye!" I waved to my sendoff party as I mounted my lindwyrm. "I'll miss you all! I wish you the best!" I slumped back into Gai's chest. "And I'm pooped. G'night, Gai."

The journey home wasn't as eventful as the journey there. If there were any bandits, they were scared off by my giant monsters long before I even noticed them. I managed to make a new demon gem with all of the bugs that my gems attracted when we set up camp for the night, especially once we hit the forest. There were a lot of bugs in the forest. Never thought I'd say that positively...

"We're back," I said with a smile as I looked at the gates. "Suna was nice, but I was starting to miss home."

"Yes, Konoha is a nice place," Gai said. "Though I must admit that I'll miss being able to train in both hot and cold environments..."

"Pretty sure you're more than fine on the training front already, dude..."

#fanfiction #naruto fanfiction #naruto #Foresight is 20/20 #F20 CH10

[shirtlesssammy]

7x08: Season Seven, Time for a Wedding!

Then:

Sam Winchester deserves better

Now:

Las Vegas, Nevada

Dean’s enjoying the company of a grad student just trying to pay her bills. (Dean, what are you, 10 years her senior? Plz stop, your wrinkles are showing.) (And you’re a big fucking liar. You more than likely dropped out of school because it was too boring for your smart brain and your dad made you skip school for hunting trips so it became a two fold problem of you not keeping up with the school work load and you not seeing a reason to care to keep up with the school work load --only!! You got your GED so you must care on some level. Please enlighten us, Dean. #endrant) Dean unloads a ton of Winchester angst on the woman and then gets a text from Sam. He’s four blocks away and he wants Dean to meet him wearing his fed suit.

Dean heads to the Little White Chapel (it has a “24 hour drive up wedding window!” lol) Dean’s suspicious enough of the place to pull his gun. He finds Sam. Yay! Sam’s in LOVE y’all and he’s getting MARRIED! (Listen, we know the problems with this episode, but I’m going to lean real hard into the absurdity of the whole thing. My personal belief is to read this episode just like Red Meat. BECKY IS PROBLEMATIC AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO SEE HER THAT WAY. It’s kinda curious that we’ve never seen her again...kinda like this episode closed the door on how this show views those types of fans. Ahem.)

Just then Sam’s bride starts walking down the aisle. It’s Becky!

Dean is VERKLEMPT. He wants to know how this happened. “We met, we ate and then talked and fell in love.” Dean points out to Sam that it’s no coincidence that Becky showed up during their annual Vegas week. (Sidenote: Where are all the fics on Dean and Sam’s Las Vegas week? You know, the one where Dean meets a fellow craps player and there’s a friendly competition and a warm banter and somehow they end up back at Dean’s hotel room and maybe there’s a real marriage that they both forgot about and they go their separate ways and 5 years later Dean’s gonna marry his good friend Lisa to help her out for something and discovers he’s already married so he has to track down this mysterious guy Cas and whoops, they’ve got so much in common and well ---I mean, the story just writes itself.) She’s read all the books. She knows them inside and out. Sam tells Dean to take a moment to realize that this is real. They’re heading back to Becky’s place in Delaware.

Dean alerts Bobby to the situation as he’s heading out of town.

Becky and her new (and very attractive hubby) arrive at the Montgomery High School 10 year Class Reunion. Becky runs inside to buy tickets for the event. Also, she’s live tweeting her revenge plan it seems. She runs into Aaron Burr Guy (I mean, I’m not going to just breeze right past the fact that pre-Hamilton Leslie Odom Jr. was on Supernatural. WTF???). Becky introduces her good friend to her new husband (and Jared Padalecki is SO tall). He takes off to go inside and she runs to give him a hug and they exchange a mysterious vial.

Away from Sam, she reveals that he’s a witch.

Dean rolls up to the reunion just as Sam and Becky are pulling away. He heads to a bar. He sees a paper with the headline “Truck Kills Pedestrian in Freak Accident”.

At Becky’s place, Sam starts to break out of the trance she has him in, so Becky adds more mysterious juice to his champagne and forces him to drink. All is CRaZy iN BeCKy LAnD.

Cut to a baseball diamond where a dude is practicing hitting the ball. Another dude (that I KNOW has been in another episode of SPN) makes the ball machine go faster and then moves the ball machine over to hit the other guy in the head, breaking the fourth wall with blood. Lovely. #sportsball.

Dean brings his newly married brother a waffle iron (#bestgiftever).

Dean’s got a case. It seems the baseball guy is part of it. Turns out, Sam and Becky are already working the case. Dean points out that people are having their dreams come true in this town, and then he looks to Becky. Dean can’t get through to his brother so he leaves.

Cut to Dean wanting to work with Bobby, but Bobby has other plans.

Cut to Becky Rosen being a 28 year old teenager creeper. Ugh. Sam’s made them fake ID’s (twu luv) and says “check this out” to her. UGH. He points out another potential victim. He also notices her notebook of hearts and weirdness. But he likes it! Yay!

Dean heads to meet the hunter Bobby assigned to help him. No spoilers or anything, but IT’S GARTH!

Dean points out the case in the paper, but Garth needs to read Marmaduke first. OH GARTH.

They head to interview someone that just got a big promotion. Becky and Sam beat them to it. Becky and Dean exchange scowls. Sam and Garth exchange confused looks. Once in the interview, the guy doesn’t reveal much to Dean. Garth cuts right to the chase and asks if the guy made it to the top through “black magic or hoodoo.” Dean’s fake laugh GIVES ME LIFE. The guy admits that this isn’t his dream. Enter his wife: Hmmm. Dean and Garth catch up to the wife and Dean threatens her. “Why do people keep thinking I’m threatening them?” Oh, Dean Bean. The woman denies everything and takes off.

Back at Becky’s place (their place now?) Sam mulls over the evidence. Becky delightedly plots a romantic getaway when Sam suddenly crumples. Oops, better put that lovey-dovey vacation on hold until you can drug your husband again! She’s dismayed to see that she can’t give him a fix because the potion has leaked out into her purse lining. Wherps.

Dean saves the CEO’s wife from getting crushed by a falling light fixture at the company headquarters. Garth and Dean interrogate her and learn that she bargained with someone for her soul but lololol there’s no such thing as a soul so she got a great deal. Right? RIGHT?!! Garth makes plans to move her into witness protection - Garth style.

Sam’s doing increasingly poorly and Becky, desperate, beans him over the head with the waffle iron. Thanks for the gift, Dean! They used it already.

He wakes up in a Misery situation, bound to the bed. (note to self: watch/read Misery someday instead of just casually referencing it.) (Boris: Uh, yeah!) Becky fawns over him while simultaneously not freeing him. She then flits off to chat with Guy, panicking about the potion. “This isn’t the honeymoon I had in mind,” she says before amending, “Well, some of it is.” UGH. She frets about them not consummating their marriage yet and...at least there’s that.

Becky heads in to talk to Sam, once again cloaked in denial. Sam tells her that she roofied him (no I didn’t) and that her witch friend is the one killing all their victims (no, he’s just a wiccan). She insists that the killer is something or someone else. Becky PLEASE.

Sam tells her to wake up. “It's never something else. When are there ever two crazy things in town at the same time? Guy's the creep, and you're on his list.” Guy also fed her the line that the potion only works if Sam loves her “deep down,” to which Sam is incredulous. He tells her to untie him then, and in response she shoves a rag into his mouth. Yeah.

At the reunion restaurant, Becky meets up with Guy who starts to hand over the potion.

Guy pulls the potion back at the last minute. “Let’s talk price.” Becky learns that they are NOT in fact, besties. Guy’s price for Sam’s devotion is her soul. She recognizes him as a crossroads demon and, inoculated by her fan consumption of Supernatural, Becky sits tight and listens even after his eyes flash red. Guy LOVES reunions. They’re perfect for trapping people who are desperate to impress their old classmates or improve their lives. Speaking of desperate, Guy gives Becky a special bargain: 25 years before her soul’s collected if she promises to never breathe a word to the Winchesters about her bargain.

Dean and Garth bust into Becky’s apartment. It’s empty, but Garth finds a webpage open to Twitter on her laptop, and her feed indicates that she’s going on a trip with her “hubster.” Dean finds a picture of Becky holding a fish in front of a cabin, Garth makes a nonsequitur on the creepy nature of fish eyes (I love you, Garth), and they’re ready to track them to the cabin.

Becky returns to find Sam still tied to the bed. (Damn girl, who taught you how to tie a knot?) Becky mournfully reflects on her situation. She really wanted to prance Sam Winchester around to her ex-classmates. She calls herself a loser. Sure, Becky. That’s spelled F E L O N. She loved the message board communities and dating Chuck....life was good as a fan. She just wants love! Sam mumbles something at her through the handkerchief and she pulls it out. “If you want somebody to love you for you, maybe don’t drug them.” Decent Human 101, right? She pulls out the vial of potion and contemplates using it, to Sam’s horror.

Later, Becky nurses a drink at the reunion restaurant when Guy walks in. Becky missed the party, but she’s there to talk to Guy. She tells him she’ll agree to the bargain. Guy approaches for a kiss to seal the deal when Becky flicks a lighter and drops it to the floor. A flare shoots up and burns a quick devil’s trap on the floor, trapping Guy.

Becky tries to celebrate with Sam. Becky just….NO.

Dean confronts Guy, asking him how he’s managing to kill off all his soul acquisitions before their 10 years are up. Guy laughs and tells them that accidents happen - HE doesn’t kill them. His demon intern does. Cue the intern - the scraggly, hairy guy from earlier. Intern blasts them all across the room. The demon knife gets knocked aside but before Dean can grab it, Guy’s out of the trap. It’s looking bad for our heroes when Becky grabs the demon-killing knife and stabs Intern in the back. She passes it to Dean who holds the knife to Guy’s throat and tells him to release his last 15 deals.

“Oh crap,” Guy says, but it’s not because of Dean.

“Hello, boys,” Crowley says from behind them. Dean and Sam look worried but Becky practically has hearts and stars in her eyes. It turns out that Guy’s intern couldn’t keep his mouth shut and bragged about the scheme to Crowley. Crowley tears into Guy. “This isn’t Wall Street, this is Hell!” In Hell, they have INTEGRITY, and need to uphold their bargains or nobody will sell their souls to them anymore.

The Winchesters and Crowley size each other up. Crowley has nothing but the BEST intentions for the Winchesters. They haven’t encountered a demon in months, right? It turns out that it’s because Crowley’s been keeping them on a tight leash. Crowley is pro-Winchester when it comes to killing leviathans. “I hate the bastards. Squash ‘em all, please.” Dean tells Crowley to rip up Guy’s remaining contracts, and when he does so, Dean shoves Guy at Crowley. They zap out.

In Becky’s apartment, Sam signs the annulment paperwork and tells Becky that he won’t see her again. Sam’s a nice guy, though, so he tells Becky that she’s a “good person” and that someday she’ll find the right guy. I mean...I wouldn’t go THAT far but okay. We’re striving for rehabilitation here. Garth lights up and starts to smooth his hair. “No,” Dean tells him while I am yelling NO GARTH BBY DON’T.

Outside, the Winchesters say goodbye to Garth. “You don’t suck,” Dean tells him. Dean. Bean. He gets a HUGE hug for it and then Garth takes off.

Sam tells Dean that he didn’t mean what he said when he was roofied - he does need Dean to watch his back. Dean accepts the sentiment with grace. “For a whack job you really pulled it together.” Dean. BEAN.

Sam also tells Dean that since he doesn’t have to watch out for him, Dean can start looking out for himself for the first time in his life. Dean is THRILLED at this revelation and by thrilled, I mean sent into a self-pitying tailspin. Sigh.

_____________________________________________

These Quotes have been Garthed:

We all need to face ourselves sometime.

Shouldn’t she ask for my permission or something?

I’m gonna be sick.

Oh, Marmaduke, you’re crazy!

Why do people keep thinking I'm threatening them?

You're so pathetic, it actually loops back around again to cute.

Blueberry vodka. The answer to all of life's problems.

_______________________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 7x08 #season 7 time for a wedding #dean winchester #sam winchester #becky rosen #supernatural season 7

[setepenre-set]

Operation: Angler Fish (part 3)

Megamind/Roxanne, K+ rating, pre-movie AU

Minion encourages Megamind to give their damsel in distress an unusual present for her birthday.

AO3 | FFN 

(links disabled so that this will show up in the tumblr search tool. I will reblog this momentarily with the links; look for it in the notes.)

"Really? Now?"

Roxanne, tied extremely loosely in her customary kidnapping chair, sees, in the viewscreen over Megamind's shoulder, Metro Man is still sitting on his white couch, a plate of nachos balanced on his lap.

"Come on, man," he says, "the game's on!"

"Well, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt your busy day of couch-potato-ing, Metro Man," Megamind says, "but evil does not follow a sportsball shed-u-al."

"—really?" Roxanne can't help but interject. "Funny, how there's never an evil plot while there's a baseball game on. What a coincidence that the evil schedule always happens to be clear when the Metro City Wolverines are playing."

Megamind glances over his shoulder at her, barely suppressing the smile she can see threatening at the corners of his mouth.

"I have no idea what you mean, Miss Ritchi," he says.

"Can't it wait? Wayne says. "I mean—"

"Hey!" Roxanne says, a little sharply, "I could be in mortal danger, here!"

"Dire peril!" Megamind adds.

"Desperate straits!"

"Terrible jeopardy!"

"My very life at risk!"

"Ugh, come on," he says, "why do we have to go through this same silly charade again?"

Megamind's spine straightens.

"Silly charade?" he says, voice stiff, and Roxanne can tell by the set of his shoulders that he's genuinely offended.

Wayne, though, either doesn't notice or maybe doesn't care. He picks up a chip and takes a bite.

"Yeah," he says, mouth full, gesturing with the half-eaten chip. "Roxy's been kidnapped, I'm gonna stop you; we've been playing through this our entire lives. Why do you keep trying? Face it, little buddy." He pops the rest of the chip into his mouth. "I'm invulnerable. You're never gonna beat me."

Megamind's hands ball into fists at his sides. In the viewscreen, Metro Man eats another nacho with a bored, complacent air.

"You know," Megamind says, "what your problem is, Metro Man?”

"Besides you?"

"You think that you're above everyone else," Megamind says, "that the rest of the world is beneath you. You spend all of your time up on cloud nine, looking down on the rest of us. Well, you are about to be brought down to earth, Metro Man. Brought down by your one true weakness...Roxanne Ritchi!”

Megamind’s eyes flick over to meet hers as he says her name, a wicked smile playing around the edges of his mouth and Roxanne takes a sharp breath.

(Your one true weakness, Roxanne Ritchi, and it sounds so much like Megamind’s standard evil monologue, but it’s not—Megamind isn’t threatening her, isn’t even really playing at threatening her.

He’s threatening Metro Man with her.

Not a pawn, not a damsel in distress—a weapon, a partner.)

Wayne sighs a deeply put-upon sigh.

"Okay," he says, "okay okay okay—let's get this over with."

The air around him blurs as he starts up his superspeed, and then he disappears from the viewscreen. Megamind presses a button, making the screen go dark, and then he whirls around, cape billowing, eyes shining with anticipation.

“We are warmed up and ready to go, Sir!” Minion calls, and Megamind rubs his hands together in glee.

"Places!" he cries, for no apparent reason, since they're all already in their places, her in her kidnapping chair, Minion at the console in the corner, him at the viewscreen. "Places; places; places!”

"Bowg!"

"Bowg bowg bowg!"

"Bowg bowg!"

The brainbots seem to find Megamind's excitement contagious; Roxanne watches as Megamind runs around in a little circle, brainbot cloud spinning around him, before he ends up in exactly the same position as he started.

And—

—and—

—god, he’s so—so—

And maybe she should—maybe she should laugh, or at least want to laugh, but something that is definitely not laughter catches in her throat, beneath her sternum and what she wants, what she really, truly wants is—

Megamind glances over and meets her gaze, and his grin fades into a look of puzzled bemusement. He tilts his head, a question implied in the gesture, and Roxanne opens her mouth to say—to say—

She’s not sure what she intends to say, but it definitely starts with Megamind, and there’s a please in there somewhere, and whatever it is has her heart fluttering in her chest, a trapped bird in her ribcage and Megamind’s brows draw together in something that looks like concern, and he takes a step towards her and—

Metro Man bursts through the roof.

He comes through just where they expected, landing in the one conveniently clear spot which just so happens to have a spotlight on it which glints off of his hair and shiny white teeth.

He straightens up and strikes a heroic pose while the dust is still settling, hands on his hips, expression more sternly determined than threatening.

"Megamind," he says, "you—"

"Now!" Megamind and Roxanne shout at the same moment, and Minion's big robotic hand slams down on the console button.

And the gun, the big showy one which seemed so clearly to be pointed at Roxanne, goes off, shooting backwards.

The gravity beam itself is invisible to the naked eye, so Roxanne can't actually see it. She sees the moment it hits Metro Man, though, because he gets a very surprised look on his face and then promptly falls over, collapsing in a way that reminds Roxanne of Saturday morning cartoons, Wiley Coyote flattened abruptly by a falling anvil.

"Urgle," Metro Man says, and—

—completely fails to move at all.

Metro Man doesn’t get up.

He makes a strangled noise and Megamind can see his muscles straining, but—

He doesn’t get up.

(a trick it has to be a trick of some kind; there’s no possible way—)

Metro Man’s eyes bulge, his features contorting into an expression of shock—an expression so ridiculous that it has to be genuine, because there is no way Wayne would ever make his face look like that on purpose.

“Gnngh,” Metro Man says, and Megamind hears himself make a choked kind of noise, a spasmodic, half-smothered laugh that edges much closer to overwrought hysteria than evil exaltation.

(villainous plot after villainous plot, but he never expected any of them to really work, never expected them to succeed—)

Megamind looks up from Metro Man, still lying on the floor, to Roxanne, sitting in her kidnapping chair. Her lips are slightly parted, and her eyes, when they raise from the fallen Metro Man to meet Megamind’s gaze, are very wide.

"Oh look," Minion says, tone mild, clearly the only one here who actually expected this to really work. "We did it.”

“We…did it,” Roxanne says.

"...we did it?" Megamind repeats, clutching the edges of his cape in what feels like a vain attempt to hold reality itself together.

“We did it!" Roxanne crows, leaping up from her chair. She gives her wrists and ankles an impatient wriggle and the ropes fall away. “Ha! I was right! Didn’t I tell you, Megamind? Didn't I tell you his powers work off of antigravity?”

“Brilliant,” Megamind says, unable to keep himself from moving towards her, unable to keep himself from holding out his arms to her, all of his rationality drowned in the radiance of her, “Brilliant; you’re brilliant, Roxanne!”

She laughs, loud and jubilant and somehow wild, her eyes shining, and runs to meet him, feet barely seeming to touch the ground, triumph carrying her like Winged Victory into his arms.

Megamind catches her and sweeps her the rest of the way off her feet, whirling her around in a circle while they both laugh, until, dizzy and off-balance with spinning and with how glorious she is, he has to stop.

“—worked, did you see—”

“—absolutely genius—”

"Tell me, Megamind,” Roxanne demands, leaning against him, her arms around his neck, "tell me you couldn't have done it without me.”

The room is still spinning around them, as if the two of them are in the eye of a hurricane or a cyclone, and Megamind’s breath catches—catches at the command in her voice and at the nearness of her.

"Never," Megamind says, breathless with awe. "I could never have done it without you, Roxanne; I tried for years, and you! The very first time—"

“—help,” Metro Man says, voice very flattened.

"Oh, shut up, Wayne," Roxanne says, not even turning her head to look at Metro Man, her eyes still fixed on Megamind’s own, and Megamind’s heart absolutely thrills.

“—dying—" Metro Man says.

"No, you're not; you're fine," Roxanne says, rolling her eyes and still not looking over at him, still not looking away from Megamind. "It's literally just gravity, Wayne; normal people feel like this all the time."

Metro Man makes a pained, disbelieving kind of noise and Roxanne makes a sound of deep annoyance and turns her head at last to look at the fallen hero.

(her arms still around Megamind’s neck, his arms around her waist, her body pressed against his, and Megamind thinks that perhaps the room is never going to stop spinning, that he’s never going to be able to catch his balance again.)

She shifts her balance, leaning even more fully into him, and Megamind stops breathing.

"Roxy—why?" Metro Man gasps out. "Betrayed—"

Roxanne’s eyes narrow and her arms slip from around Megamind’s neck as she turns to Metro Man. She regards him for a long moment, long enough for Metro Man to falter into silence.

Then, slowly, deliberately, she stalks over to Metro Man, her spine straight and her shoulders set.

(a cape, Megamind thinks disjointedly, she needs a cape; it should trail out behind her, red like fresh blood or black like shadows or dark blue like deceptively deep water)

She stops directly in front of Wayne and looks down her nose and him, then smiles like slow-working poison.

“Wayne," she says sweetly, "when's my birthday?"

Wayne gives her a look of deep bafflement.

"And how many times," Roxanne continues, still in that same tone of honeyed venom, ”how many times have I asked you to stop calling me Roxy?"

Wayne's mouth opens and closes a few times.

“That’s—that’s it?” he manages at last, “That’s—what kind of a reason is that!?”

He sounds not just utterly flabbergasted, but actually offended, and Roxanne’s eyes and mouth harden, her chin going up, and evil gods, but Megamind wishes she were wearing her crown.

“You,” she says, lip curling with contempt, “are confusing the symptoms with the disease, Wayne.”

He blinks at her blankly.

“…disease?” he says. “What disease?”

Roxanne makes a noise of extreme annoyance.

“The disease is a metaphor, Wayne!” she says.

“Oh. Uh. For what?” he asks.

“For your personality!”

“Wh—I have a great personality!”

“No!” Roxanne says. “No, you don’t! You are, in fact, a giant dick! People just tell you that you have a great personality because you’re rich and superpowered and they think you’re attractive!”

“That! That is not true!”

Metro Man looks beseechingly at Megamind, as if expecting some kind of support from him.

“That’s not true…right?” he says.

“Uhhh,” Megamind says, trying to think of a tactful way to exit this conversation.

“Oh!” Minion says, with a note of barely-detectable malice in his cheerful, helpful tone. “Like you were saying yesterday—it’s lucky that he’s all muscle and beef, elsewise no one would want to date him at all!”

“Minion!” Megamind hisses, and Minion gives him a look of limpid innocence from his suit’s aquatic headpiece.

“Sir?”

“I have a great personality,” Metro Man says sullenly.

Roxanne gives a comprehensive snort of disbelief and Metro Man glares at her.

“Oh, right,” he says, “like you’re any better! I’d rather be muscle and beef than—than—needles and complaining!”

“Minion,” Roxanne says, casual, conversational, strolling around Metro Man.

“Yes, Ma’am?” Minion asks, and pretends not to see the way Megamind’s head whips around to stare at him, and then at Roxanne in turn.

(ma’am? since when does Minion call Roxanne—)

“You remember that higher setting I said we should put on the gravity beam?”

“—there’s a higher setting?” Megamind asks. “Since when is there a higher setting?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Minion says, ignoring Megamind’s question and radiating as much pure innocence as it is possible for a fish to radiate.

“Use it,” Roxanne says.

“You got it, Ma’am!”

“WHAT?!” Metro Man shouts, and then makes an undignified shriek of pain as Minion twists the dial.

Roxanne signals to Minion to lower the setting again—signals to  him with Megamind’s own private strictly-for-use-with-the-henchfish setting-lowering signal, which she is not supposed to know about! And which Minion is definitely not supposed to accept from people other than Megamind, and this was not part of the plan, never part of the plan, and—

“—no—” Metro Man chokes out.

Roxanne—Roxanne laughs, not a performatively evil laugh, but a real, wickedly-amused one, and Megamind gulps and has to stumble back to grab for the edge of the console when his knees threaten to buckle.

"Rox—anne," Metro Man says. "—not too late—turn back—side of good—help—"

“Help?” Roxanne says, voice rich with amusement. “What happened to I’m invulnerable? What happened to you’re never going to beat me?”

Metro Man makes a garbled noise and Roxanne laughs again.

Around Megamind, the shoal of brainbots are silent, hovering in the air, each of their eyepieces and attention fixed on Roxanne, each one of them as absolutely riveted by her as Megamind himself.

“You've lost, Metro Man," Roxanne says, voice soft.

She glances over at Megamind then, and smiles at him, slow and—and what he can’t help but think of as seductive and Megamind’s grip on the edge of the console is definitely the only thing keeping him on his feet right now.

"Say it,” she purrs, still looking at Megamind. “Say that you’ve lost.”

"—Roxy—"

“Minion,” Roxanne says. “The next setting again.”

"—no!" Wayne shouts, and then shrieks in as Minion twists the dial.

After a moment, Roxanne signals to Minion to turn the setting back down.

“Say. It.”

“I’ve—I’ve—lost,” Metro Man gasps out.

"And you're done," Roxanne says, beginning to circle him again, like a cat playing with a cornered mouse, "aren't you, Metro Man. This city—Metrocity...is ours."

She glances over at Megamind and he can’t remember how to breathe, can’t remember how to stand up properly, can barely manage to stop himself from falling to his knees.

When she smirks at him, Megamind promptly loses the battle with the last of his dignity and slides down the console and onto the floor.

Roxanne blinks at him, surprise and confusion and a little concern in her expression, and she takes half a step towards him before she checks herself. Out of the corner of his eye, Megamind sees Metro Man’s gaze moving back and forth between him and Roxanne, terrified and confused.

“I—yeah,” Metro Man says. “It’s, uh. It’s—yours.”

Roxanne’s head snaps back around and she pins him in place with a glare.

"Say that you'll never interfere with us again," she demands.

"I—I—yeah, sure, what—whatever you say—"

"Swear it!”

Her voice rings out, loud and snapping, and Megamind understands with a jolt that she was still toying with Metro Man earlier, because this, now, this is Roxanne being serious.

(Metrocity is ours and never interfere with us again, and she doesn’t realize, does she; she doesn’t realize she’s talking like—like—)

"I swear!” Metro Man says, sweat standing out on his brick-red face in beads, “I swear! Jeez—“

Roxanne bares her teeth, hands clenching into fists.

“I don’t think you’re taking me seriously, Metro Man,” she hisses, tone well beyond dangerous.

“I—”

“Hit him again, Minion.”

“NO!”

Minion does, and Metro Man thrashes, screeching before Minion once again turns the setting back down at Roxanne’s signalled command.

“Swear that you’ll never try to harm us again!”

“I—swear!”.

“That you’ll never try to convince anyone else to do it either!”

“Yes! Yes!”

“That you’ll never even attempt to work as any kind of hero ever again!”

“Yes! God—please—”

Roxanne holds up a hand as if she’s about to signal to Minion to turn up the dial again, and Metro Man sobs.

For a long moment, she stands looking down at him, hand half-upraised, and then she slowly lowers her hand.

"Release him, Minion."

"...Are you sure, Ma’am?" Minion asks, tone almost disappointed.

Roxanne whirls back around—really, she needs a cape—and Metro Man's eyes widen again in terror.

There is an indrawn breath kind of pause, and then—

“Oh, once more for old time's sake, Minion!”

Metro Man screams as Minion twists the dial.

“—all right, all right!” Roxanne says after a few moments of screaming. “Really, though, Minion, you can let him go now.”

Minion, sharp-toothed grin wide, presses the button and Metro Man sags in relief.

“—how—how could you?” he asks Roxanne, voice somewhere between tragedy and accusation. “You—you—what is so funny!?” he demands, as Roxanne and Minion and Megamind all exchange a look and then burst out laughing together.

“Oh, that was so much fun!” Megamind says, still sitting on the floor, giggling.

“I told you it would be!” Roxanne cackles.

“Fun!?” Wayne says, outraged. “Fun!? You—you tortured me! You—”

“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic,” Roxanne says, rolling her eyes. “I told you, it’s just gravity, Wayne. Earth standard gravity! Normal people feel like that all the time!”

“People that are used to it!” Wayne protests. “Besides, the—the higher—the higher—the higher setting—stop laughing at me!”

“There—there isn’t—any higher setting!” Megamind says, holding his sides.

“That—that was just—just a placebo dial!” Roxanne gasps out, tears in her eyes from laughing so much.

"Bu—wh—agah?" Metro Man splutters.

Megamind and Roxanne, who have at last managed to mostly stop laughing, look at him and then glance at each other again, which sets them both off again into peals of laughter.

Wayne looks between the two of them, and then draws himself up stiffly, offended dignity and muscle cramps.

“I,” he announces to the room at large, “am going home.”

“Good, good,” Minion says, mostly managing to smother his own mirth as he expertly herds Metro Man out, the brainbots following in their wake. “That’s, uh, that’s good. Why don't I call you a cab."

…to be continued.

notes: 

Only one more birthday celebration update left to go! I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter.

When Megamind thinks of Roxanne as like 'Winged Victory', he's referencing Nike, the Greek goddess of victory / Victoria, the equivalent Roman goddess. Nike/Victoria were generally portrayed as having wings. Nike was generally associated with victory in athletic games, while Victoria was associated with victory over death and victory in war.

Thank you to my own Victoria, @displacerghost, for betaing this, and for helping me so much with the style and tone for this. <3

#megamind #megamind/roxanne #fanfiction #operation: angler fish

[theostry]

Teen Wolf Scripts liveblog: Season 1 Episode 2

Second ep of the first season, appropriately titled:

Teen Wolf Scripts!

Back again, Wolfiends. Another lengthy post consisting of screenshots of the Teen Wolf script alongside my own rambling commentary. I’m not here to review the show; finer minds than myself have got that covered. Nor is it a photo-recap; that has been done by crazier bastards than myself. 

I am here, as no doubt we all are, holding up my empty bowl to Jeff Davis and saying in a pitiful voice, “please, sir, I want some more.” Now, eat your gruel and count yourself lucky because this batch has raisins in it. 

Excerpts have been selected based on the following criteria: 1) It did not make the final cut; 2) It was substantially altered; 3) It offers extra detail not apparent from the show, such as description and direction; and 4) I felt like including it.

Fun times (and, obviously, a hell of a lot of spoilers) below the cut.

Okay, let’s get started!

WhaaAAAAT? 

We open on a doozie here. Is this a sign that the elusive Greenberg may actually exist? Like, in corporeal form? Not just a figment of Coach’s fevered imagination? 

The lacrosse sequence we’re shown was more montage-y than the script suggests and we don’t see Coach pass the ball to anyone directly, but here’s the first player to try for goal:

Greenberg? 

Or actually, it might have been this guy (confusing montage is confusing): 

Greenberg (’s hairy leg)? 

Oh but now here is where coach is telling Greenberg to take a lap, and THIS GUY starts running. 

GREENBEEEEERRG!

Coach is doing more actual coaching than I had thought him capable of, that’s nice. 

I don’t know what these “slap checks” and “cross checks” are, but to me it just looked like two guys in plastic armour smashing into one another. But what do I know, I’m not a sportsball expert. 

Also, goats. 

Sorry, sorry. I meant 

*lurk*

Well there goes my headcanon that wolf-puppy Scott just wanted to pway wif his best fwiend!

I love this scene a lot, and I’m glad they made it more scary and dramatic than this, with the jumping up on lockers and crouching in rafters and such. Why go around something when you can go over it, amirite?

Hello, gorgeous!

A STRANGE SILHOUETTE. 

I don’t know who you think you’re kidding, Jeff Davis. By now I think we all know that, like “a figure” and “someone watching”, this is a synonym for   

Now 100% more grabby!

That part isn’t news, but— Pffffft Melissa. 

LMFAO

Come on though, Melissa’s not that old. She knows perfectly well what it means, she just does this because it amuses her to make Scott squirm and huff. 

Then Allison pops up to tell him that she too is excited to come and watch him play. 

He didn’t get the line, but his face said it for him.

Meanwhile, someone’s creeping on Allison! 

HOW VERY ALONE 

NOT A SOUL

Until——  

Just kidding. The script doesn’t say who it is. I guess we’ll never know. Or, canon confirmation that Derek Hale OR WHOEVER does not possess a soul

In math class— 

Yeah, buddy. Us too. 

Ah, Lydia 

Is LAX a hip new abbreviation for Lacrosse? Or have airports somehow become a high school sport? I hope not, I would lose so badly. 

Now I want a spin-off series of webisodes about Allison Argent versus the Totally Evil Popular Girls. 

Curious. Both the spinning business and the ever-tantalising ‘OMITTED’. Don’t omit things, Jeff Davis, it’s rude! 

Well that didn’t happen 

That didn’t happen either 

UM NO JEFF THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT HAPPENED. THAT IS LITERALLY THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT HAPPENED.

No theatrics here!

Pity this bit got cut. Not a huge difference to the scene — we still got Derek’s casual disregard for others’ property and heavy-handed metaphor  — but Derek’s control is a big deal to Scott, and that could have done with more emphasis. 

*Curiosity intensifies*

Good to know that half-second sight gag was planned from the start. 

Huh. I always thought he’d said “there were bite marks on the lady.” Also, he didn’t mention Allison here on screen. 

*Curiosity intensifies further*

Good instincts, Scotty! I wonder how much that was his burgeoning wolfy-sense, and how much was just genre-savvy. 

Ooh, that’s different - on the show Scott is not only surprised to see Stiles approaching the car, but desperately trying to signal him to stop. 

This is not an Ok, go face. This is a face that says Stiles, no. At least they rhyme?

The Sheriff is the Sheriff again. Order is restored to the universe. 

The only ‘squealing sound’ I remember in this scene was from Stiles’s long-suffering Jeep. 

And now— oh. Oh holy hell. Look at this. 

yes yes we saw that part but Scott’s gone he’s run off

What the figgins no he hasn’t!

Oooooh Scotty no this is stalking behaviour. Do not eat your Stiles, that is bad manners. 

Not the Jeep! Stalking your BFF is one thing but assaulting an innocent Roscoe is just bang out of order. No wonder Stiles abandons his calm entreaties to yell at him, you can’t hit a man in the Jeep and expect him to keep his temper. 

I’m biting my nails are you biting your nails

SDKJHADFKLASDFA EXTENDED KEYSMASH! 

I KNOW BUD IT IS VERY SCARY

THAT’S GOOD STILES DRIVE OUT FROM UNDER THE RAMPAGING WEREWOLF WHAT COULD GO WRONG

RAMPAGING WEREWOLVES ARE VERY PERSISTENT AREN’T THEY

well he wasn’t going to hit him what do you think he is an Argent

SDFLKJHGFLKLSDJFH

WHAT THE HELL

SOMEBODY CALL TYLER AND DYLAN AND FILM THIS SCENE, STAT!!

It’s like all those times when--

O_O

YEAH NO FashgfadsUCKING KIDDING, JEFF!

*deep breath*

Add that to the list of places the Argents have canonically lived. Unless it’s a reference to [Coach Finstock voice] cream cheese. 

*Curiosity levels approaching critical*

A ball-peen hammer? Oh, Coach. 

A crack? In his helmet? What and how? 

Sensible, random Lacrosse (LAX?) player. Your captain is a douche. 

Aw, we didn’t get Scott’s serial killer POV here. 

Bahaha he never even went for a ‘slap check’ (whatever that is), he just growled at him from five feet away. 

Interesting indeed, Coach! He doesn’t reply to Stiles in the show. This way it gives the impression that he’s going to be doing some investigating, maybe Scott will have to be more careful around him. 

Lol, the referee never called the goal. Coach argued with him, then blew the whistle himself, and the refs just went with it. 

That’s a different take - that in his heightened state the sight of Argent coming towards him triggered his flight response. We didn’t see Argent walking onto the field until after Scott was long gone, so there was no suggestion that Scott was reacting to him at that time. We do see an ominously thoughtful look on Chris’s face! 

Awwww sweet. You hold onto that brief second, wolf boy. 

I WONDER who it’s gonna be, say it with me now— 

Oh hey! We’re on first name terms with our stalker now.

wait-- 

what

Aaaahahaha no he doesn’t, as if Derek Actual Hale would smile and greet someone. Jeff you’ve been smoking again. 

 (Or, more likely, trying to seed the aborted Jackson Hale plotline.) 

Another ripper of a script! Some fun extra moments -- and nail-biting ones -- as well as a few where the production obviously decided to go in a different direction. We got Scott marvelling at Derek’s control, Melissa trolling her son like the A+ parent she is, Scott having extremely good spidey-senses for a canid, Derek as a luring lurker who lurks, even when the script tells him not to, this man cannot be stopped, not to mention everybody’s favourite Greenberg, with an actual face! Or leg. Whatever.

All outshone by the Jeep attack scene. Why, oh why, Jeff? Do you hate us? 

Nahhh. On reflection, I can see why they cut it. This episode showcased Scott’s lack of control over his wolfy side, but we already had a fair bit of Feral Scott -- on the lacrosse (sorry, LAX) field and peeping into Allison’s window -- so that point was made. And we’d already had him attacking Stiles specifically, in that excellent locker room scene. But the visual of Scott wolfed out and roaring to the sky from atop the Jeep would have been something to see. Not to mention that moment of terror as Stiles finally sees what his friend has become, in the clear light of day, no helmet or darkness to obscure him. 

It would have been the perfect punctuation to Scott’s complaint from just prior: “Stop enjoying this so much!” Stiles still thinks he’s in a superhero origin story. But Scott is stuck in a nightmare horror. 

At least he got his perfect moment. 

Exeunt

#teen wolf #TW scripts #theostry liveblogs the TW scripts #teen wolf season 1 #S01E02 #second chance at first line #long post

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’

In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.

There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.

I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

Let’s go.

           “When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.

           “Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”

           Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.

The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.

Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.

Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3

Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?

           Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.

FUCK YES I WILL.

This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”

I feel this so much, you have no idea.

Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3

Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.

This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!

And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.

Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).

Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.

Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.

Info dump done! Let’s move on!

           “We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)

           Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”

           “You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.

I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.

Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.

Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.

BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.

           “Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)

           “Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”

Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.

“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.

           “You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”

Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.

I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.

           “It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”

           “I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.

Wymack <3

Also, NICKY <333333333333

Brb, crying a lot.

Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.

I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?

           Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.

Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:

           “I can give you my number,” Marissa said.

           Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”

How is this boy real. HOW.

           “I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”

           She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.

OH MY GOD.

I AM HOWLING.

Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl Neil:…………………….. Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this

Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.

           “There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)

           “Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”

           Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”

Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.

Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!

I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.

However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading  than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:

It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.

Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.

           “Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.

This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.

First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.

           “The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”

Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.

Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?

Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??

           “Sorry,” Neil said.

           Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”

           “I’m no trying to ignore you.”

           “It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”

I love you :( <333

Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.

           “Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”

That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.

           Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:

Fearless Neil Josten.

           “I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)

           “Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”

Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.

GET FUCKED, RIKO.

           He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.

Oops.

           “A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)

           “I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”

           “You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”

           “We talked about your delusions.”

Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.

           “Let go of me, King.”

           “I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”

I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.

Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.

           “Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”

He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.

That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.

THAT FUCKER.

           “Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a  plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”

THAT FUCKING FUCKER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.

           Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.

NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.                    

I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.

A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.

As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.

          “What happened?”

          “Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”

          “What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”

I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.

Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.

          “I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.

          “No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”

Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.

          “I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”

          “Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.

Hell yeah.

          “I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”

          “He will break you.”

          “He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”

Hell fucking nope.

Is this happening?

This is the fuck happening.

Oh dear.

If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

#nicki reads tfc #trk #tfc #aftg #the raven king #the foxhole court #all for the game #nora sakavic #only two more chapters to go!!!! #im scared #and I know I'm not ready trust me I KNOW y'all keep fucking TELLING ME

[nowonderyouhavedemons]

All evens!

WOW I’m getting to this so fucking late I’m sorry I forgot to do this my entire day off so now I’m doing this at like midnight and I’ll post it tomorrow afternoon or something during my break

also thank you Allie once again for letting me ramble about my dumb self~

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe a 3 or so? I think it depends on if I’m familiar with the environment I’m in or not, and if the darkness is something planned. I don’t mind walking around my home in the dark in the middle of the night, but I’d be less okay with the dark if it was due to a blackout at home.

Probably shoots up to 4 or 5 when I’m in unfamiliar places. This includes haunted houses in amusement parks. I’m a huge baby I just try to hide it

4. What is your favorite word?

God, there’s so many good ones. I really like the word “dawn”. “Smorgasboard” is good too. Also “succinct” and “bracket.” Those words just feel fun to say for me!

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“god why does my facial hair grow back so fast?”

it doesn’t really, but I like being clean shaven and I swear it grows to the point of being noticeable within 3 - 4 days and it’s really annoying.

8. What do you label yourself as?

A bunch of stuff, really! Male, straight, raver, diabetic, dropout, all that sort of stuff. Depends on the context we’re talking about too because this question feels super broad.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I think I was in bed getting comfy to go to sleep. I got called into work that day and I was exhausted when I got home. Basically ate some food and watching a single youtube video and went to sleep.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Think it was my friend/coworker actually. Pretty sure she was playfully jabbing at me and roasting me. I agreed with her (because I either completely agree unless I have something wittier to reply with) and I think she was all “Ahhh, you know I love you.”

Having a good relationship with your coworkers is nice~

14. What is your current desktop picture?

Right now, it’s the Dishonored 2 main screen! I actually use Wallpaper Engine from Steam which lets you use videos and animated loops as desktop wallpapers, so I have about 50+ on rotation right now that get switched out every hour.

16. The last song you listened to?

CA$H by Barely Alive!

MAKE THE SPEAKERS *VIIIIIBbBRrAaAaAaTtEe*

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

The guy who was with his girlfriend as one of my customers yesterday when I got called in.

Listen asshole, the first thing I told you when you came up other than my “hi” was that we were out of slushies. We couldn’t make slushies. We refilled all the mix. What do you do? Ask me “what about the blue raspberry?”

“No sir, I apologize, but we’re out of slushies.”

“What about the lemonade?”

“Sir, like I just said, we’re out of slushie mix.”

“So you’re completely out of slushies?”

“Yes sir, that’s what I just said.”

and then when I gave you your change, you YANKED the bill out of my hand.

Like listen you fucking ignorant shit, you can’t be mad at me after I tried being polite multiple times and warned you multiple times and then get frustrated with you because you kept asking inane stupid fucking questions holding up my line of 20 OTHER CUSTOMERS

I hope that guy tripped later on that day and ate shit. God that pissed me off.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

Shit. I honestly hate my body in general. I guess my eyes can be pretty nice sometimes, but the light has to be hitting me in the right way. My eys are dark brown so you can’t really see a whole lot. I’ve always wished I had a different eye colour.

That, and I’m pretty tall for a Filipino dude, I think. Taller ones are growing up in Toronto now, but a lot that I see still are like 5′6″ or shorter. Being 5′8″ ain’t too bad.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

Not????? really???? I think? Like really anything that I could be remotely good at is already something I share publicly (which would be making music really but I haven’t even been doing that.)

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Honestly, it’d just be the cold cut combo sandwich setup from Subway I always get except also with ham and a shit ton of bacon added, really. I get it cheese and toasted with Italians Herbs and Cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onions, cucumbers, mayo, and chipotle sauce.

I’m a simple man. The greatest sandwiches I ever have are from Subway because I never have sandwiches otherwise.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

fucking nowhere I have work dude and I get no shifts during tourist off-season I’m working as much as I can while I can

for the sake of funsies, and I know it’d sound boring, but I’d either pick California/Los Angeles or Florida. I’m not in a rush to go overseas because I feel that’d require a lot more planning and possibly learning phrases in a new language. I have family in California and friends in Florida so I wouldn’t have to worry about being alone, the Canadian dollar is weak as shit compared to the USD so I could buy things on the cheap there, and it wouldn’t be as huge of a culture shock while still being new to me (because I barely explored California with my family the one time I went because we did VERY tourist-y things.)

Also portions. I fucking inhale food, dude. Give me those US portions for meals CHEAPER than here in Canada, holy god.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

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No littering. Fuck y’all, if I’m creating my own society, I’m not letting SAVAGES in that don’t know how to clean up after themselves and throw things out properly. We’re keeping it clean here.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

It’s gotta be my laptop just because it’s the most expensive thing I own that I deeply care about. I could eventually afford another PS4, I don’t need a glamorous TV or anything, and I only upgraded to the iPhone 6 because my mom got a deal on it for $100. I could use that as an excuse to switch to Android.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

To avoid a cop-out and using California as an answer AGAIN, I think I’d really like a place in the Philippines. Not deep inner city though. Like, further away in the quieter cramped backalley houses like the one one of my aunts has there. I don’t want to be completely out in the country either.

I’d want to be able to get into the inner city relatively easily, and I want to really feel in tune with the background country more!

34. What was your last dream about?

Oh god, what was the last dream I even remember? I get so bad at remembering them now. OH NOW I REMEMBER PART OF ONE. I forgot most of it but I know at some point I ended up in the back of a large sorta hippie van? Like the back seats were removed and the back was all lined up tons of nice rugs and blankets and decorations. There were a few of my college classmates lying there with me and I was cuddling with one of them. That was a nice part of the dream I remember.

I don’t have dramatic or weird dreams. A lot of my dreams are just stuff like this. I’m really fucking romantically lonely I want physical intimacy ugggggggggggggggggh

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Oh yeah, at least three times. I already have to visit a hospital fairly frequently for my diabetes. First time was when I was just diagnosed with T1 Diabetes, and the second and third times were when I was in danger of DKA because I wasn’t taking my insulin. Second time was worse than the third. My nurses weren’t happy both times though.

38. What is the color of your socks?

I’m not wearing socks right now! I don’t wear socks at home unless I find it cold.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets, since I’m not a morning person. Both are pretty though!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Is this that newfangled Sportsball I always hear about? I’m not hip with the times yo, sorry.

No seriously I really don’t care about sports and the only ones I MIGHT care a tiny bit about are my local ones like the Blue Jays and Raptors, and that’s just out of a sense of Canadian/Torontonian pride more than anything.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

lol whoops I dropped out

dream goal is still to be a music producer and DJ. If that doesn’t end up panning out, I’d still like to go into something involving music or audio engineering. Sound mixing for TV/movies maybe? Doing front-of-house mixing for concerts and raves would be cool too.

46. Are you reliable?

I like to think so, but I know I slip up a lot sometimes.

48. Do you hold grudges?

To be honest, yeah, I still do. I can be pretty fucking bitter about things from my past.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Not the MOST, but this just happened a couple weeks ago (and it wasn’t really a conversation but whatever)

A woman came up to me while I was on cash wanting to buy something. She was holding a Canadian $20 in her hand. She approaches me, looks at her bill confused, looks up at me again, and asks “Do you guys accept cash?”

Like???????????? nothing has ever taken me that far aback before????? like I don’t????? what??? the fuck like miss??????? miss we are an establishment that provides goods for currency??????????????? damn I HOPE we accept cash at this physical shop because we’d probably come across some issues with our customers

This happened weeks ago and I still bring it up to people. It still bewilders the fuck out of me. What would possess people to think a physical store would not accept cash? What has troubled you in the past that would lead you to think that this cashier and this till you walked up to would ONLY accept debit/credit cards? Holy fuck.

52. How long could you go without talking?

To another person physically? A good while, I think. Probably a week, two weeks tops. I’ve stayed inside my apartment for a week straight before and I swear I barely talked to my mom too.

If talking to myself counts, than maybe a couple hours. Maybe. I talk and make comments to/by myself a lot.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

God no. I’d probably be trash at baking stuff. I’m surprised I can manage some stuff on the stovetop.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter/margarine for the most part. I’m a simple person. I could say peanut butter and jelly too, but it’s actually been over a year or so since I’ve had a PB&J.

58. What would be you dream car?

One that worked, was fairly stable, and had a damn good audio system.

I’m not really a car person, I really wouldn’t give too much of a shit what the car was. Maybe not a pick-up truck or a mini-van though, and that’s really it.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Not in the stereotypical image of “aliens”, but I definitely believe that the universe is too fucking huge and operates on too massive a scale for there to not be any type of intelligent life somewhere else at SOME place.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Either A or M. A’s probably my favourite vowel, and for some reason “LMNOP” is my favourite part of the classic Alphabet song, and M is the letter I like the best out of that section.

64. What do you think about babies?

Babies can be super cute and adorable sometimes! Other times though? Devil spawn. They can be double-edged swords sometimes.

#alliekhaleesi #ask

[jo-the-schmo]

Doing it

I'm following @whatinfreenation 's example and do all dem questions (no one cared or asked for this but imma hit you) 200: My crush’s name is: I'm lonely and scared of relationships 
199: I was born in: Dayton, Ohio (Fuck me)
198: I am really: chronically depressed and anxious 
197: My cellphone company is: AT&T
196: My eye color is: blue-gray
195: My shoe size is: Women's 5
194: My ring size is: idk people just give me them
193: My height is: 5'2 (I'm smol)
192: I am allergic to: people 
191: My 1st car was: I choose not to drive 
190: My 1st job was: babysitting except I get no money 
189: Last book you read: In Cold Blood
188: My bed is: covered in clothes
187: My pet: is many, I have many pets
186: My best friend: is a little shit
185: My favorite shampoo is: MOTHERFUCKING DOVE ORANGE BLOSSOM YAS BITCH
184: Xbox or ps3: I have an Xbox but I prefer PlayStation 
183: Piggy banks are: Cute
182: In my pockets: I'm wearing exercise pants 
181: On my calendar: I don't have one but if I did it would be empty 
180: Marriage is: Scary
179: Spongebob can: love forever
178: My mom: is a bitch (yell at me if you want)
177: The last three songs I bought were?: I use Spotify
176: Last YouTube video watched: Game Grumps play Breath of the Wild episode 33
175: How many cousins do you have?: I'm Italian I have no fucking clue, too many
174: Do you have any siblings?: Yes, I am the youngest of 5 girls
173: Are your parents divorced?: never married, I was born out of wedlock (how scandalous)
172: Are you taller than your mom?: the same height, we all short
171: Do you play an instrument?: yes! I play several!
170: What did you do yesterday?: Cried myself to sleep [ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: Fuck no
168: Luck: eh
167: Fate: not really 
166: Yourself: Definitely not
165: Aliens: I mean probably 
164: Heaven: Nooo
163: Hell: I wish
162: God: I don't have religion 
161: Horoscopes: I think they're neat
160: Soul mates: Kinda?
159: Ghosts: yeah, I believe in ghosts for a lot of reasons 
158: Gay Marriage:OMFG YES I AM SO GAY AND SJEKDJEJSKKS
157: War:Is horrible, why do we have to be like this?
156: Orbs: what?
155: Magic: I wish! [ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs, last time I was kissed...it wasn't great for me
153: Drunk or High: 420!!!!
152: Phone or Online: Online
151: Red heads or Black haired: All hair, no hair, all the same for me
150: Blondes or Brunettes: whatever you want boo boo
149: Hot or cold: hot
148: Summer or winter: Summer
147: Autumn or Spring: SPRING
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla usually but chocolate is really nice 
145: Night or Day: Night
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples
143: Curly or Straight hair: I love curly hair!
142: McDonalds or Burger King: I'm trash and hungry 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: I just like milk in general
140: Mac or PC: ehhhhh
139: Flip flops or high heals: Heels, I like to kick people with them on
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I'm ugly and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama is a G
135: Burried or cremated: Idk yet 
134: Singing or Dancing: Fuck you
133: Coach or Chanel: I'm poor
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idek
131: Small town or Big city: Big City
130: Wal-Mart or Target: I go to Walmart but I wish it was Target
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who cares?
128: Manicure or Pedicure: I need short nails
127: East Coast or West Coast: MOTHERFUCKING WEST BITCJ
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, I hate my birthday 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney!
123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don't do sportsball [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: again, is fucking terrible
121: George Bush: Obama was cool so idec
120: Gay Marriage: IS JUST AS VALID AS STRAIGHT MARRIAGE OR MARRIAGE BETWEEN PEOPLE OF OPPOSITE SEX
119: The presidential election: was a train wreck, we should've felt the burn
118: Abortion: Needs to be legal in all states, by making it illegal we are putting more people at risk of harm 
117: MySpace: 3 old 5 me kinda
116: Reality TV: Do whatever you want TV I'm not your mama
115: Parents: my dad is cool, my mom is crazy, step mom is chill, step dad can go FUCKING DIE
114: Back stabbers: need to cease from stabbing 
113: Ebay: gets rid of my dad's crap
112: Facebook: ok I guess 
111: Work: I just wanna help people
110: My Neighbors: I don't know them
109: Gas Prices:I don't drive 
108: Designer Clothes: eh whatever
107: College: I want to go but I'm really dumb and not good at anything
106: Sports: Color Guard is my favorite sport
105: My family: is oddly chill for Roman Catholics 
104: The future: A thing I try to hope will be better [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: a few days ago, I was sad
102: Last time you ate: I am eating right now
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today, I'm visiting my mom and 2 of my sisters
100: Cried in front of someone: A couple months ago, I don't like people seeing me cry...
99: Went to a movie theater: like 2 months ago
98: Took a vacation: 5 years ago
97: Swam in a pool: last summer
96: Changed a diaper: I help my sister babysit 
95: Got my nails done: never
94: Went to a wedding: my dad's wedding 4 years ago
93: Broke a bone: I haven't done that yet
92: Got a peircing: I'm getting one soon
91: Broke the law: I am very dank
90: Texted: 6 hours ago [ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: my Best Friend KD
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my ability to cry in my room
87: The last movie I saw: A Time to Kill (I can't think about that)
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Possibly not feeling depressed? And finishing my fanfic!!!
85: The thing im not looking forward to: What I do after the fanfic is done
84: People call me: Jo or Mojo
83: The most difficult thing to do is: To look at yourself and tell yourself that you are worth it when you don't feel like you are
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope
81: My zodiac sign is: Capricorn 
80: The first person i talked to today was: my sister May :3
79: First time you had a crush: I was like 10
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: I can hide something from anyone I do it all the time
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Everyday I'm with KD, we are turning into the same person 
76: Right now I am talking to: Tayah 💜💚💜
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I either want to be a makeup artist, drama teacher, or art teacher
74: I have/will get a job: I want to, don't know if I'll live that long hahahahahah
73: Tomorrow: might be better
72: Today: I don't like visiting my mom
71: Next Summer: I'll be with my mom
70: Next Weekend: I'll be with my mom
69: I have these pets: many dogs and cats
68: The worst sound in the world: that sound that Music stands make against smooth tile 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is:
66: People that make you happy: my Tumblr friends💜💚💜
65: Last time I cried: last night
64: My friends are: Anyone who's nice to me
63: My computer is: not mine
62: My School: Can suck my dick, Lord Travis Richardson III
61: My Car: doesn't exist 
60: I lose all respect for people who: Hurt people out of amusement 
59: The movie I cried at was: A time to Kill 
58: Your hair color is: naturally it's a light brown 
57: TV shows you watch: Sleepy Hollow
56: Favorite web site:...Tumblr...
55: Your dream vacation: Naples, Italy
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Panic Attacks
53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium well
52: My room is: odd
51: My favorite celebrity is: DAVEED DIGGS
50: Where would you like to be: in with New York, North California or Oregon
49: Do you want children: I want to adopt
48: Ever been in love: I don't feel love
47: Who’s your best friend: KD
46: More guy friends or girl friends: It used to be guys but now they scare me
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Makeup
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Anyone who can help me feel better
43: Do you have a 5 year plan:
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No, because I can't think about dying too much ;-;
41: Have you pre-named your children: I promised my sister that if I adopted/had a baby girl her name had to be Winnrie 
40: Last person I got mad at: Myself
39: I would like to move to: anywhere but here
38: I wish I was a professional: Makeup Artist [ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: Gummy Bears :3
36: Vehicle: motorcycle 
35: President: OBAMA
34: State visited: America is weird
33: Cellphone provider: I don't care
32: Athlete: I don't follow
31: Actor: Lin Manuel-Miranda
30: Actress: PIPA SOO MY BB
29: Singer: does Daveed count?
28: Band: Queen and Black Veil Brides
27: Clothing store: Hot Topic
26: Grocery store: Jungle Jim's (it's an Ohio things)
25: TV show: SLEEPY HOLLOW
24: Movie: Tangled
23: Website: always Tumblr 
22: Animal: panther
21: Theme park: King's Island
20: Holiday: Halloween 
19: Sport to watch: WGI
18: Sport to play: MARCHING BAND
17: Magazine:History
16: Book: history text book
15: Day of the week: Thursday 
14: Beach: I don't do water
13: Concert attended: I've never been...
12: Thing to cook: Pasta!
11: Food: all food
10: Restaurant: all of them
9: Radio station: nope
8: Yankee candle scent: wedding cake 
7: Perfume: I wear Captivate
6: Flower: Bleeding Hearts an baby's breath 
5: Color: Purple and Green
4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon and John Oliver 
3: Comedian: Gabriel Iglesias 
2: Dog breed: Mutt Wuppy 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I have no reason to lie I guess ?

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

Ugh, tried to go down to San Francisco on my day off.  See what kind of flowers were out in the Golden Gate Park.  It was kinda nice actually.  But then came the trip back.  The loooooooong trip back in immobile traffic.  I was so tired at the end of the day that I, uh, kinda forgot to tell my TV to record the new MLP episode Saturday morning.

 But that’s what Sunday morning reruns are for.  This is episode 15, “2, 4, 6, Greaaat”

 * Oh great, sportsball episode.  Oh well, at least buckball isn’t likely to lead to many concussions.  Though it’ll still probably divert funding away from actual scholastics.  Though if Twilight’s school is about friendship and sports requires learning how to play on a team I guess that actually would support the school curriculum? And now I’m reminded of just how stupid of an idea the whole school of friendship thing is again.

* While it doesn’t seem like it’d happen, I wonder how some of the non-ponies would do at the sport. Like, Yona SMASH puny ball, Ocellus would probably be great at catching with her shapeshifting capabilities, and… uh… OK, I don’t think any of the other races have telekinesis so they’ll still need a unicorn.  Or possibly a Kirin student.  But it’s probably a bit late to be introducing one of those.

* Rainbow Dash coaching the cheerleading squad?  Well this has a bit of comedy potential, but I foresee more sour apples and trying to prove she should be coaching the buckball team instead.

* Oh, uh, I guess we’re getting the non-ponies in on this as well.  As part of the cheer squad.  This is showing a severe lack of guys getting dragged into something they don’t want to try but end up either loving it or being really good at it.  Come on, you can’t tell me it wouldn’t be hilarious to see Gallus in a tiny miniskirt.

* So yeah, cheer squad has no idea what they’re doing and Dash is completely uninterested in figuring it out. Good job!

* Huh, Snails is surprising good at telekinesis.  I mean, I knew he was good at catching, but I didn’t know he could hover too.  If it weren’t for the lack of intelligence he might actually be a fairly scary wizard.  Instead he’s… well to be honest an idiot wielding phenomenal power is also kinda scary even if he is nice and mellow.  And Snips has an surprising understanding of a business situation.  I wonder if his cutie mark actually implies a skill for “cutting a deal”?

* OK, going to Pinkie and Rarity I can understand.  AJ, um… well I guess she’s physically active and has been in competitions (though hers are more likely to include rodeo clowns than cheerleaders).  But why did she go to Zecora?  This is going to be a zany scheme to get out of actually doing work, isn’t it?  Or maybe Zecora’s supplying special effects with her potions?

* Oh, Dash needed help with rhymes.  That actually makes a little sense?  Mind you only a little.

* And apparently Zecora told Dash to go [hug] herself and she had to go to the library for that book. Man, now I kinda wish we’d actually heard that conversation.

* Not much to say, as there’s only so many ways you can say “Dash sucks at her job”.

* Montage.  Because montage.

* Celestia does not need a loudspeaker.

* Twilight has been putting points in Stealth Mentoring.  I wonder how long it will take her to figure out Celestia gave her a nudge in that direction?

 And that’s the episode. It sure did exist!  Yeah, sounds all ironic and funny coming after a story was the moral was about caring for the people involved even if you don’t care about the subject, but… I just did not care about the subject.  Like, at all.  Um, nothing offensive at least?  Just very “meh” to me.

#tv talk #episode reactions #my little pony friendship is magic #mlp:fim #mlp s9 e15 #2 4 6 greaaat

[chemicalmagecraft]

I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya’s Butt Chapter 10

A/N: This is going to be a bit of a shorter chapter because, like I said in my other fic, college stinks and also because I don't want to end an arc mid-chapter either.

kukukuku~

I laid on my stomach and rested my head on my hands. That I was doing it on a surprisingly-comfortable invisible barrier made of pseudomagically solidified air and even moving forward was natural. Honestly, what do you guys expect at this point? And of course my parasol was floating in just the right position that my entire body was covered even with the odd positioning. Because why not? "So what're we doing today?" I asked Gaara.

"I don't know," he said, fidgeting slightly. "Why are you with me?"

"I literally have nothing else to do. Plus we're raccoon eye buddies."

"Raccoon eye buddies?"

I traced my eye markings. "Raccoon eye buddies. I heard you've had trouble making friends in the past, so I figured you might like some company." I shrugged. "But if you don't, I can fly away."

I caught a tiny smile on his lips. "Don't go. Having a friend would be... nice..."

"Stinks that I'm going to have to leave soon... Maybe we should find you a friend who isn't from another village."

"How do you make friends?"

I opened my mouth to say something, then paused. "I don't actually know, to be honest. The only person I became friends with without random chance playing a part was Naruto-chan, and he... let's just say he would've become best friends with whoever was the first person to actually show him kindness, and that just so happened to be me. Everyone else, one could argue I was guided to them by fate..."

"What about me?" he asked.

I shrugged. "No offense, but I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for Shukaku." He frowned a bit. "That doesn't make our friendship meaningless, if that's what you're worried about." I saw a group of kids playing kickball or something and pointed to them. "Maybe we could ask to join them?" We walked (and floated) over to them. I honestly didn't really know what to say, so I just waved.

"Woah, are you floating?" one of the kids asked me.

"Yeah," I said. "Can we... join? I promise to not use my powers if you don't want me to." I lowered myself to the ground.

"Hey, isn't that the Kazekage's son?" another of the kids said. Gaara tensed up, so I squeezed his hand.

"He's cool," I insisted.

"But my mom said he's a demon."

I crossed my arms. "He has a demon sealed inside him. Big difference." I shrugged. "Sure, he used to have some trouble keeping the thing down, but I fixed that right up for him. As I said, he's cool."

"Thank you, Kouki-san," Gaara muttered.

I gave him a small smile and said, "So are we going to play or what?"

I was picked first. I guess the team captain figured I'd be awesome at sportsball because I could fly or something. Joke's on him, though, because I'm horrible at all manners of sportsball. Even with my ninja training, I was horrendous. On the other hand, Gaara was somehow the other team's best player. It didn't even look like he was trying to hard, he just... drifted over to the ball and launched it over to the goal net. Yeah, everyone ended up liking Gaara a lot more than me.

kukukuku~

I floated in the air above Suna, my senses extended as far as I could. I'd caught a faint whiff of... something while I was playing with Gaara and the others. I scanned the area, moving around a bit to get the best feel of whatever I was sensing. Whatever it was, it was vast, almost spread out, and felt a bit like Shukaku but without the malice. It was like the sands themselves were possessed, especially around Gaara. I could think of a likely suspect. I drifted to an out-of-the-way alley near the Kazekage's house, sending a beacon to the presence as I flew. It responded to my psychic touch sluggishly, like its mind was damaged or something. It felt like sand slipping through my fingers, but I reeled the presence in. As I leaned on the alley wall, the sand in front of me shifted and slowly rose up in front of me, roughly in the shape of an adult woman. "Yo," I said.

"W͡h̘̠̩̱̬̬̱ͦ̔ͯͮ́ͮ̚o̦̙ ̫͖͐͑a͛́̃̆͢r̓̀̂̿͐̒̊e ̝̮̳͓̯͙ỹ̏̈́ͫ͌͊ͨ͞o̙͚͛͌u͛̏̿ͣ͞?̵͕͈͐̐" the sand witch asked hollowly. "...W͕͇̗̱̠͊ͥ͋ͤͭ̄ͅḥ̶͚̞̞̮ͬ̆̋̓̐ō̼̘͆.͇̠̆ͥ..͏̺ ̪̙͈͒̂̈͘a̡̤͔m I͕̫͎̱̮̗?̲̘̺͓̺͙̲͛͒͒̂̄̾ͩ"

I winced. "You... aren't in the best shape, are you?" She made some noises that I took as a 'yes.' I tightened my grasp on her mind a bit. "Right, I'm going to try to help you. Can you tell me your name?"

After a few seconds of thought and me poking around in her nonexistent brain, she said, "I̷̤ͦț̢̞͓̲̟ͅ'̻͕͖͇̣̣ͤ̊̓ͯͩ̅ͦͅs̲̦̹͔ͯ́͒̓.̱͞.͕̩̮̥̦̻̇͊̋ͮ̃ͣͪͅ.̲͖ ̍͑͑ͧ̓ͬ̾͏̙̹̮̜͚̩͍G̠̣̗̪͝ȁ̢͉̥̋r̛̠̘̺͖̬̒̔̓͐̍uda.̘̫̲̬̺͓̇̀ͦ̊̍̿.̡̯͍̯̯̤̳̓́̋̍̒ͧ.ͧ͐̉̎͊" I tilted my head a bit and poked a few bits into place. "N̛o͓͉͎͢,̵̫̫̱ͨ̎ͮ ́ͫ̐͜i͖̱t's̀̏̚ ̨̲̬̓̂Ḱ̬̘͋ar͏u͓̥̞͆̂ͣ͟r̙̃̀a," she corrected herself.

"That's good," I said in a soothing tone. "Now, can you please tell me something about yourself? Maybe any family or loved ones you have? I need you to keep focused on something, anything."

"Th͔r̛e̙͎̜͡eͥ̃̒ ̢c̝̹h̲̹̙̎̉͌͘i͍̦̺l̨d̘̐́ṟ̔e͞ǹ̪͙̞̈̿͡,͔͖̯ a̓̇͂́ ̫̖̳͒ͩ̏d̲̮̖͊̄̿au̴g͕͎̀h̪͉͆̚t̵̐͂̚e͆r̴͔̤ ̥a̟̩̎ͦn͕̱̎̆dͣ̍ͦ ͫ͗͆tw̬̫̲ợ̀ ̴͚̩ͦ̂şo͘nś͍͎ͣ.̸ͪ T̹̫̱e̟͈̟͒̊̒mar̔ͥ̈i̥, K̟̪̝̈́͊ͭañ͙͔̼ͮ̌k̲̋uͧ͆ro,̼̓ ä́̄̐n̦͙͈ͮͭͤd̊ͦ́ ͑̓G͙̞̽͊a̬̾ar̗̥ͦͦa,"she said. "I ̏͋alͭ̈́̍so ̎ḧ́̒av̅̚e ͪ̓a ̓br̊̊oͨͨthͯͣ̏eṙ̈́,̐ͨ̐ ̽̓Ȳ̈as͋h́ͩá̅mͪͫaͩͤruͭͦ...̒͒̓"

"Good," I murmured. "Now, this might feel a bit weird, but I need to do this to stabilize you." I took out my newest demon sage core, one that I'd made from leftovers from the bandits and some insects I'd managed to attract. Okay, it was only almost done, but it was good enough for what I needed it for. I rammed the core into Karura's sandy "navel," using it to work some yin-yang magic on the unstable chakra that made her up. Her form evened out and red lines spread from the core to her arms and legs. Then I averted my eyes. "Aw, ew!" I exclaimed. "Put some clothes on!"

"I have no clothes," she noted.

"Then make some out of sand!"

"I have no idea how to do that..."

"And yet you managed to almost do a jutsu I still haven't figured out yet!" I shouted.

"My mind is still hazy..."

I grumbled a bit and formed a rough "cloth" out of the surrounding sand. "You even made yourself a body out of sand..." I wrapped the cloth around her body. "Right, you have to figure out how to keep that up." I opened my eyes as I felt the chakra of her body taking over the wrapping. Now that she was stabilizing, she looked just about human, only with the red markings and eyes colored like, though not shaped like, Shukaku's. The sand cloth had turned into a sort of cloak that made her really look like a sand witch. "You want to meet your kids now? Just to warn you, mullo, you've been dead for years, so they aren't exactly expecting you."

"Oh... oh dear."

kukukuku~

"Heeeey~" I said from outside the Kazekage's window. "Guess what I found today?" Thankfully, his family was there, so I didn't have to do that much work.

Rasa sighed. "What?"

I smiled a bit. "Actually, it's more of a 'who.' I believe you've met her before, though you probably aren't expecting her." The platform of sand I was standing on floated into the room, deposited me on the floor, then turned back into Karura next to me. "Introducing, for the first time in almost four years, your wife."

"Karura," he gasped.

"Rasa," she scowled.

"Oh right, you were responsible for her death," I said. "Ouch."

"Mom?" Temari asked. "Is it really you?" Karura floated over to her and picked her up, holding her close.

"Temari. I'm so, so sorry I left."

"How did this happen?" Yashamaru asked.

"I don't remember," Karura said, "but I'm grateful it did."

"If I had to guess," I said, placing one hand on my chest, "and I'm sorry to butt in here, but I think I might be the only one here who knows what's going on. So if I'm right, you had Shukaku sealed in her when she was pregnant with Gaara to see how prenatal exposure to Shukaku would influence jinchurikihood, then transferred the raccoon to Gaara, either not caring that she'd die or assuming your medics could resuscitate her because she was only jinchuriki for less than a year. That about right?" Rasa nodded grimly. 

"Right, so obviously that didn't work out quite like you hoped. Don't worry, I can tell you think past you was an idiot. Karura, while dying, found that she loved Gaara so much that she wanted to protect him even after death, so she imbued the sand around her with her will and chakra, or however that worked. In this, her having had Shukaku sealed inside her actually helped, as some of Shukaku's power was left over in her, so it ended up a success despite the fact that she didn't have much knowledge on the subject of yin-yang release, which would have otherwise been vital for that jutsu. 'Course, it still ended up rough, causing her to be scattered and unable to properly gather herself. The existence that was once Karura was scattered to the winds, spread about a wide area of sands and expending so much effort to simply exist that she couldn't do anything, with one exception that I do believe is still in effect." I licked my lips and pointed at Gaara, shooting a demon sage core at him fast enough that it'd hurt.

The sand blocked it.

"What was that for?" Rasa, Yashamaru, and Karura simultaneously demanded of me.

I shrugged. "Its trajectory was curved a bit. Looked like it'd hit him, enough for Gaara's still-active defense to catch it, but it would have missed if it wasn't caught. As you can see, a part of Karura was... anchored, I suppose, to Gaara, creating an automatic sand defense." I turned to the door. "Right, you guys probably wanna catch up, so I'mma go work on my seals or something now."

"Wait," Karura said. "There are still holes in my memory."

"Those'll hopefully clear up over time, though unfortunately some stuff is probably lost for good... Can't really do too much more for you. The best thing is probably to try to jog your memory, which I'm pretty sure your family and douchey ex can do better than me."

"Douchey ex?" Rasa asked.

"Until death did you part," I said with a grin. "That's the rules, right?"

Rasa blinked. "...Well you're not wrong. And Karura, I honestly wouldn't put it past you if you wanted to leave me."

"Yeah this is the part where I disappear and let you guys have a heartfelt reunion and however KaRasa's going to go." I grinned as I activated the Transparent Escape Jutsu. "And yes, that was a pun!"

kukukuku~

"Right, so maybe you should stay up on full moons," I told Gaara as I was checking the seal after his horrible, nightmare-filled sleep. "Default won't break at all under the light of the moon."

He rubbed his eyes a little more. "That was unpleasant..."

"Yeah, well at least it looks like it'll only be once every thirty days," I noted. "That should be manageable, right? Better than thirty times in thirty days."

He sighed. "I'm going to miss you when you leave..."

I gave him a small smile. "Don't worry, you can always find me..." I poked him in the chest. "...Riiiiiight here."

"But I would like to be able to talk to you more..."

"I know, I was talking about how you should theoretically be able to use Shukaku's power to telepathically contact me from anywhere in the world."

His eyes widened, and I could see a small twinkle in them. "How?"

"See, there's this thing called bijū telepathy that bijū have, and any two sources of the same type of bijū chakra can be used as a sort of relay for it. You have Shukaku and I absorbed just enough of his power from the seals you guys sent me that I gained his power, which means that we're linked. Now, I should note that because of the seal I placed on you, any time I'm calling you, you'll get a notification from your seal and have to manually allow it. Now let's teach you a new psychic power!"

kukukuku~

"This is awesome!" I yelled as I finally got to avail myself the full joy of having flight-granting crystals adhered to my body. I still made sure to keep close to Karura, Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro, who were either standing on or being used as a floating sand platform.

"The view is breathtaking from up here," Gaara agreed with telepathy.

"How you holding up, Karura?" I asked.

"...I think I like being a sand spirit." She sounded fine. "My children are enjoying my powers as well."

I smiled. Sure, we were still over a tower because of safety concerns, but we were flying! And the others were having fun.

kukukuku~

"That was delicious~" I sighed in delight after finishing my dinner of the third day, this time some heavenly chicken tikka. "Thank you for the meal~. So how's my favorite mullo doing after a full day of life and activity?" I asked.

She poked at her food. "I still have no idea how I'm eating this..." she muttered.

"Magic?" I offered. "You holding up alright?"

"I don't feel as scattered as I did before. That's good, right?"

I shrugged. "I've literally never had to deal with a situation like this before, but that sounds about right." I stood up. "Now, I think it's you're bedtime, Gaara-chan. Let's see how the seal's doing today."

"But I want to stay up," Gaara protested.

Karura wagged her finger. "No 'buts,'" she said, then smiled. "Tell you what, I'll tell you a bedtime story. I've missed the opportunity to do that for too long."

Gaara smiled. "Okay, mother."

kukukuku~

"Goodbye!" I waved to my sendoff party as I mounted my lindwyrm. "I'll miss you all! I wish you the best!" I slumped back into Gai's chest. "And I'm pooped. G'night, Gai."

The journey home wasn't as eventful as the journey there. If there were any bandits, they were scared off by my giant monsters long before I even noticed them. I managed to make a new core with all of the bugs that my cores attracted when we set up camp for the night, especially once we hit the forest. There were a lot of bugs in the forest. Never thought I'd say that positively...

"We're back," I said with a smile as I looked at the gates. "Suna was nice, but I was starting to miss home."

"Yes, Konoha is a nice place," Gai said. "Though I must admit that I'll miss being able to train in both hot and cold environments..."

"Pretty sure you're more than fine on the training front already, dude..."

kukukuku~

A/N: And if you were wondering, mullo basically means "vampire," "ghost," or just generally something dead that's still walking about.

#I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya's Butt #fanfiction #IWTKJB CH 10 #naruto #naruto shippuden spoilers #naruto fanfiction

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 10 – Really Just A Whole Lot Of Dialogue (or: the Thanksgiving Prelude)

In which we finally get the Beautiful Murderous Snowflake content we deserve, the canonical gayness picks up speed, past predictions are confirmed, future ones are wildly formed and Neil discovers his new Powers of Persuasion.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

Hold yourselves – it’s not time for the epic Thanksgiving shenanigans y’all have been warning me about yet. Instead, we get a nice lil in-between chapter which really just consists of Neil talking to people.

Seriously. There is so much talking. This chapter is like 80% pure dialogue.

However, I am not minding one bit because –

MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.

THE RENEE CONTENT IS HERE.

Side note: I read this on the way to a convention while literally dressed as Renee. It was very, very surreal.

           “Last year Andrew took a few of us out to Eden’s Twilight one at a time,” Renee said. “You now know why Andrew invited Matt. He invited Dan to see if she was a woman worth following on the court. He asked me because he, like you, didn’t buy into this front.” She gestured at her face and rested her fingertips on her cross necklace. “He wanted the truth, so I told him.”

Oh, boy.

Oh, BOY.

Remember how I kept calling her my murderous snowflake earlier on?

Yeah. ABOUT THAT.

Apparently, Murderous Snowflake was in some pretty deep shit in a gang in Detroit – and we’re not talking the cute, ‘maybe we’ll spray a graffiti here or there’, squad-type gang, but the violent, ‘each of us owns a private collection of butterfly knives’, ‘they’re pretty sweet actually’, ‘also we’ll kill your family and your dog’, ‘with our butterfly knives’-type.

Fortunately for her, she got caught, had a nice lil time in juvie and was then adopted by Actual Angel Mom Stephanie Walker, despite the fact that her rebellious ass has tortured over a dozen foster people before her.

Also she’s responsible for the death of her mom and her boyfriend by putting them in jail where they were beaten to death.

Oh, what’s that? Oh, guys, this just in: I FREAKIN CALLED IT.

I AM AWESOME AT PREDICTING ALL THE THINGS.

Renee Walker, everybody - Murderous Snowflake, Cute But Deadly, Deliverer of Punches, Baker of Cookies, Owner of My Fucking Heart.

           Renee hadn’t exaggerated when she said she and Andrew were a lot alike. They had violent, unstable upbringings thanks to their mothers and spent time in both juvie and the foster system. Their paths split irrevocably after their respective adoptions. Renee let Stephanie shape her into a decent human being and atones for her past brutality whereas Andrew murdered his mother the first chance he got.

Ahh, it’s been way too long without any character parallels for me to cry over. <3

WHY ARE THE GOALIE BFFS THE BEST PLATONIC SHIP IN THIS ENTIRE SERIES MY HEART CAN’T HANDLE THIS.

Speaking of shipping!

My boy Neil apparently hasn’t gotten the ‘platonic’ memo yet.

           “Why haven’t you asked him out?” (…)

           “What is all this about, if you don’t mind me asking?” she asked. “You’ve never seemed interested before.”

Why do I have a hunch Renee will fucking captain the Andreil ship.

Anyone fancy some spontaneous Fox Feels™ in between?

           Neil grasped for a good way to explain. He didn’t want to tell her he’d spent Friday night thinking about dying. He hadn’t wanted to think about a future he didn’t have, so he stood at the railing and thought about his teammates instead. (…)

           They’d never be perfect, but they were going to be all right. They’d come to the Foxhole Court as fractured messes but they were fixing each other one semester at a time.

And if you look to your right, you’ll see me crying in a fucking corner.

I love :’( my fox babies :( so much :’(( what the fc u k k kkkkkk !!!!!!

I’ve just spent all weekend with a beautiful Andrew and Neil, my emotional ass is fresh out of feels hell and this has dragged me right the fuck back in.

           “If you can say ‘no’ so easily to me, why haven’t you set anyone else straight yet?”

           “It’s complicated,” Renee said, “and we profit more from silence.”

Apparently, the Goalie BFFs are also the Scamming BFFs as they cash in on bets made on them with Allison’s help.

You guys have no idea how much this amuses me.

It’s scamming for a good cause, in Renee’s case. Still. What a bunch of lil savvy shits <3

And then – this.

           “When I said I wasn’t Andrew’s type, I meant it. It’s not about my looks or faith. It’s that I’m a woman.”

I would have a really sweet surprised freakout over this, except for the fact that Andreil being endgame was the only fucking thing I knew about this series before starting it.

So I’m not exactly off my socks about this dramatic revelation.

Still – HELLO, MORE CANON GAY CHARACTERS. <3

           “Oh. Then Andrew and Kevin – “

           Renee laughed and waved that off. “Oh, no. You’ll meet Kevin’s girlfriend later this year, I’m sure.”

Aww. So glad to hear he and Exy made it official <3

No but for real. Kevin has a GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!?!

           “Kevin doesn’t have a girlfriend. He’s under too much scrutiny from the press and his fans to hide that sort of thing.”

And he’s also probably got an Exy ball where his romantic heart is supposed to be.

Funnily enough, my suggestions of Orange Sportsball being Kevin’s girlfriend turn out to be not that far off – he’s dating Thea Muldani, an Ex-raven who is now playing on the national Court.

I’m sure she’ll appear at some point later. I don’t actually care much about this as of yet. Next!

          He didn’t know what [Renee] and Andrew talked abut when they stood off by themselves. Thinking it was Exy strategies was laughable. Imaginig them having a serious conversation about Andrew’s closeted sexuality was equally impossible.

They talk about boys, knives, the hottest new all-black clothes and how best to scam their teammates. Duh.

Also headcanon that Andrew is the one who re-dyes Renee’s hair when her roots start to show up. Don’t question it. Just imagine it.

          “If you are as like us as we first predicted you to be, perhaps one day you can also come to see me as a friend. (…) Andrew understands me, and I him. It’s comforting knowing someone else has been where we once were. If either Andrew or I can help you, please know we are here.”

Did I mention I love Renee a heckin’ hell of a lot recently??

Did I??

DID I???????

          “Maybe now that I’ve sated your curiosity you can help me. I need a boy’s opinion on gifts for Aaron and Andrew. For their birthday – (…) they didn’t celebrate it last year, and Nicky says they haven’t celebrated it since they moved in together, but hopefully this one is different.”

TWINYARDS BIRTHDAY HECK YEAH.

I wanna know what mystery gifts Renee got them. I need to know.

Also, I hope they’re throwing them a surprise party. I can see entirely no way this can go wrong in the slightest. Oh well.

However, it’s not birthday time yet – and it’s also not Thanksgiving time yet, which a lot of you have been warning me about.

(Seriously. Y’all are MENTAL over it. What the fuck is happening on Thanksgiving. It can’t be that bad.)

(I have a feeling I’ll be eating my words in a few days’ time).

First, it’s time for – you guessed it – even more dialogue!

          “I’m two seconds away from being dead,” Nicky said. “Mom just called to wish Andrew and Aaron a happy birthday.”

Considering the fact that Nicky’s parents are Prime Grade A Assholes, this is not exactly peachy news.

          “Why did she call, really?” Neil asked.

          “To invite us home for Thanksgiving dinner.”

Whomp – there it is.

Seriously. What will happen. I’m so intrigued.

          “If I go to Andrew with this, he’ll either laugh me off or pretend he doesn’t hear me. But he listens to you, right?”

Hell yeah he does.

Neil, you are gifted with the mythical powers of Talking Andrew Into Anything. You have Persuasion Powers, Neil. Use your powers for good, Neil. Become to hero Palmetto deserves, Neil. NEIL.

          “I know they think I’m a heathen doomed to burn for eternity, and I know I should give up on them, but I can’t. Maybe this call means they’re coming around. I have to know. Please, Neil? I want my mom back. I miss her more than you know.”

NICKY :’(((((((((((((((((( <3333

I’ll be your mom okay, I’ll cuddle you always, I’ll make you pasta and your bedtime is never.

Of course, even Neil can’t resist our chatty sunshine hurting like this, and so he goes over to the murder kitten for some Fun Andreil Persuasion Talk Times.

          “Today’s not a good day,” Andrew said. “Try again tomorrow.”

          “I wouldn’t crash your birthday party if it wasn’t important.”

          Andrew grinned. “Sarcasm from Neil? Your repertoire of talents is ever-expanding.”

Bitch, were you not there in the two (2) chapters where Neil absolutely dragged and sarcasm-WRECKED Riko Raven-Fucker? Seriously, how is this news to you.

          “Tick tock,” Andrew said. “You have my attention, now keep my interest.”

          “Nicky’s mother called.”

          “Oops, time’s up.”

BAHAHAHAHA.

No, you actually have no idea how hard I laughed at that part.

Tagged: Me dealing with my problems like.

However, Andrew does start talking sense after a few rounds of distracted bantering, and suddenly Fun Andreil Persuasion Times turns into Fun Andrew Story Times:

          “She was not my mother. (…) Cass, though. Cass? Cass would have been.”

So apparently, this woman called Cass Spear wanted to adopt Andrew – and yup, that’s the wife of the guy Higgins is investigating right now, which is of course not worrying at all.

This also means Drake apparently isn’t a surname. This just got even more interesting. WHO THE HELL IS DRAKE.

Not you, Drake.

Anyways, said Cass wanted to adopt Andrew, wanted to care for him and give him a good future, all that jazz. And Luther (aka Nicky’s asshole dad) was totally fine with it – except apparently Andrew wasn’t.

Yet he said both Cass and Richard never did anything bad to him – which brings me back to who the fuck is Drake, because the obvious answer now is that this Drake person did something to him.

And whatever fuckery happened, Andrew told Luther – who flat out did not believe him and called it a ”misunderstanding”, hence Andrew’s dislike for that word. Cool, cool cool, cool shit, what is h a p p e n i n g.

          “So did Luther not believe you or did he say you were wrong?” Neil asked. “There is a significant difference between the two.”

          “Oh.” Andrew half-turned to face him again. “Sometimes I forget you are sharper than you look.”

Ya boy Neil gets it. I don’t know why, but I loved this little exchange a lot. It just?? They begin to understand each other?? Also Andrew doesn’t think Neil is a complete idiot?? Good shit.

And now I begin to see why y’all may like the Thanksgiving chapter so much:

          “Maybe he’s sorry.”

          “You say that because you haven’t met Luther,” Andrew said.

          “Can I?”

What.

          “It could be entertaining,” Neil said.

          “It could be,” Andrew allowed.

          “Let’s all go. (…) Imagine how uncomfortable Nicky’s parents will be if they have to contend with the five of us.”

Oh SHIT. This will be fun. This will be very, very fucking fun.

And just like this, Andrew agrees to Thanksgiving dinner with the Asshole Christians - if they don’t do it on Thanksgiving directly and if his monster squad can tag along. I am suddenly even more for this next chapter than I already was.

Neil, realizing his opportunity of having turned Fun Andreil Persuasion Times into Fun Andreil Honesty Times, can’t help but dash out another tricky question while he’s at it:

          “Did you really kill Aaron’s mother?” (…)

          “Guess she hit him one time too many. I warned her not to lay a hand on him, but she didn’t listen to me.”

I can’t say I’m surprised, but still – Andrew, what the frickely FUCK.

          “My first memories are of people dying,” Neil said. “I’m not afraid of you.”

          “That’s why you’re so interesting,” Andrew said. “How aggravating.”

          He sounded amused, not annoyed, so Neil said, “I’ll try to be more boring in the future.”

          “How considerate.”

Is this…….. Andreil banter……….. that I’m witnessing………. With my own two eyeballs………

AMAZING.

And with that, the conversation is over, and the chapter almost is as well – except, obviously my baby Nicky is over the fucking moon.

          He yanked Neil into a fierce hug before Neil thought to dodge. “Oh, you might just be the best thing to happen to the Foxes.”

          “I doubt that.”

          “I don’t.”

ME NEITHER MY DUDE. <33333333333

Also, that was probably the first time anyone hugged Neil since his mother died. And that’s the thought I’m leaving y’all with today.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

#nicki reads tfc #trk #tfc #aftg #the raven king #the foxhole court #all for the game #nora sakavic #I'm late but here I am #as per fucking always

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 4 – Andrew Does Shit No One Expects Him To, Pt. 2

In which Orange Sportsball finally starts to form into something resembling teamwork, the Foxes drag Neil for “I’m fine”, I suggest a quality mascot design, and Neil pulls some sweet stunts, only to be dramatically and jaw-droppingly out-stunted by Andrew ‘Extra’ Minyard.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

GUESS WHO’S FCKNG BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have risen from the ashes of my shattered laptop, finally ready to once again bring you the foxy shitpost content you love and deserve. I’m writing this from a Dell brick that probably came out while I was still in elementary school and weighs as much as a small child, but I don’t care. It has a keyboard and a screen and Microsoft Word, and that’s all that matters.

Back not with a fizzle, but with a bang: I bring you an event filled with drama, shade and Extra, brimming with excitement and recklessness –

The first actually epic Exy game of this series: Palmetto State vs Belmonte University.

(This is a tad longer to make up for lost time, so strap yourselves in.)

           They were driving back after the game instead of checking into a hotel for the night. (…) They could have just hired a driver like most schools did, but Wymack was almost as leery of dealing with outsiders as his Foxes were. It was apparently better to be uncomfortable but safe than to trust a stranger with his fractured team.

This is ya friendly reminder that Wymack is a badass protective mother hen and deserves everything good in this world. My dude :’)))))))))) #dicksoutforwymack

           They stopped for gas and a bathroom break, stopped again for a quick dinner, and crossed a time zone on their way to Nashville.

And this is ya friendly reminder that American is large as hell. DIFFERENT TIMEZONES. IN THE SAME COUNTRY. How is this a real place.

They arrive at the stadium and Neil is once again faced with his worst enemy (besides new clothes):

Communal showers.

           The only reason the Foxes had private stalls on the men’s room was because Wymack specifically commissioned them. Neil forcibly focused back on the task at hand. First he had to survive the game, then he could worry about the showers.

I initially wanted to make fun of the fact that this is a real sentence, but actually I kind of understand what it’s like to not want to show parts of your body to everyone, so. He gets a pass.

Also, the idea of trans!Neil just does not leave my head. I want a billion pieces of fanart/fanfic now.

It’s almost game time!

           Neil didn’t see the Vixens, the Foxes’ all-girls cheerleading squad, or their mascot Rocky Foxy.

The have a fucking mascot??? Oh my actual God. What is it, an oversized Fox? Complete with a jersey, a black eye and a big FUCK YOU spelled on its forehead to match the team?

Why have we never heard of this before, this is the best thing ever.

           [Belmonte’s Terrapin mascot] stopped a safe distance back from their benches to make a couple crude thrusts at them. Nicky was happy to return it until Wymack swatted him upside his head.

Oh Nicky, never change. <3

           Kevin pulled one of his racquets free, fingered the strings like they might have come loose on the drive, and went over to the court walls. He didn’t spare the crowd a single look; all he cared about was right in front of him.

And if you look to your left, you’ll see Kevin being his usual Exy-obsessed, stoic and mighty self.

Also ahehehehe… Fingered. Hi, I’m 12.

As they are getting ready, Neil gets some sweet advice from Kevin – basically, only do boring ass gameplay until the second half and then go so hard you and I both bust a nut, also Andrew should realistically collapse field from withdrawal but he’ll probably hold up through sheer ego alone.

Sounds legit and like there could be nothing going wrong with it, at all.

We also briefly meet Katelyn, Aaron’s crush and – as I’m guessing – probably his date for the banquet thingy they’ve got coming up soon.

(You think I forgot about that, didn’t you. I never forget about opportunities for Fox banter, dress-up and hilarious social situations.)

However it’s not entirely a fun encounter as it’s time for another episode of our popular show What The Actual Fuck, Andrew?:

           “Oh.” Andrew slapped his fist into his palm as if the answer had just occurred to him. He flashed Matt a wicked grin but answered in German. “Maybe he’s afraid she’ll die on him like the last woman he really loved.”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, ANDREW. Also, what the actual fuck, backstory. I need it now.

No time to ponder on it, it’s game time, fuckers!

We’re kicking things off a bit unusual – literally:

           Neil listened for a serve that didn’t come. For a second he was afraid Allison would lock up and refuse to move. He was halfway to Herrera before he heard the distinctive thump of a ball against Andrew’s oversized racquet. Allison had served it back to him, and Andrew smashed it up the court toward the strikers.

Have I mentioned how much I love functioning teamwork amongst my children? Because fuck, yeah.

Have I mentioned what I also love? Some good ass Kevin/Neil Exy action.

           The only bright point was realizing his lessons with Kevin were paying off. (…) Passing wasn’t what Neil wanted to do in this game, but he could already see how he was improving. His shots were harder and more accurate, and it took him less time to figure out where to throw.

My beb :) improving :) being taught by Kevin because Kevin sees the heaps of potential in this boy and wants to make him the best he can :) I’m fine :)

           Wymack (…) send out his substitutes. Neil wasn’t between Kevin and the door, but Kevin detoured past him anyway on his way out.

           “Destroy him”, he said.

           Neil felt like he’d been waiting for this all his life. “Yeah.”

Fuck yEAH :’)))))))))))

(Again, reminding you all that I am passionate multishipper who gets into p much any ship if dynamics present themselves unto her, unless they are super problematic. If I make any comments about ships you don’t like – cool, we all have our own tastes but please don’t send me rude comments about it.)

From that point on, my friends, the game finally catches me and holds my attention way more than the first game did. It’s on, you guys. Passes are flying left and right and our faves are working together, I really cannot stress enough how much I love functioning teamwork.

And then, of course, Neil pulls This Shit™:

           He knew Herrera was right behind him for a body check. If he got crushed between the wall and Herrera, he’d lose the ball in the fight. Neil caught the ball right off the wall but didn’t try to protect it. Instead, he gave the butt of his racquet a hard pop with one fist. It sent the ball flying straight up out of the net. He dropped to his knees in the same breath.

           He almost wasn’t fast enough. Herrera crashed into him at full speed a half-second later, but Neil wasn’t where Herrera was expecting him to be. He tripped over Neil’s body and (…) crashed into the wall head-first. (…)

           Neil scooped the ball up and took off for goal. (…) He looked only at the goalkeeper and knew he was going to score. He put all of his first-half frustration behind his swing. The goalkeeper swatted at it and missed. The wall lit up red to confirm the point.

FFFUCKKK YEAHHH. This is the most badass shit he’s done since The Talk Show Incident™ (although nothing tops that ofc) and I am way proud of my son.

Also, Neil dealt with that backliner how I deal with my responsibilities: Letting them come at me full-speed and then swiftly ducking out of their reach.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not before long, the first half is over and they’re at an even score! Amazing, wonderful, 100/10 proud mama right here.

           Neil couldn’t feel his feet, but he assumed they were down there somewhere. The shoulder he’d hurt in the first half was still throbbing thanks to the well-aimed blows of his new backliner mark.

What a fucking asshole move. Oh, you’re already injured there? Let me hit you a couple extra times, just for good measure, just to really fuck you up.

Remember that thing about Andrew staying off his meds, and how it’s going totally well? Yeah.

           Andrew stood a silent stone in their midst, looking a thousand miles away from all of this. He was a vacuum his teammates rowdy cheer couldn’t touch.

           “Stop it.” (…)

           Andrew slid a bored look Neil’s way. “I’m not doing anything.”

           “Exactly,” Neil wanted to say, but he knew it was a senseless argument. He didn’t have the right words for that gnawing feeling in his stomach.

Ah yes :)))

Wymack shows up and scolds them for not pushing harder earlier, yadda yadda, team talk. And then, I present to you the genuinely funniest thing to happen this chapter:

           Abby came to Neil last and stayed with him, feeling the line of his shoulder armour through his jersey. “How are you doing?” (…)

           “I’m fine.”

           Nicky fist-pumped in triumph. “Thank you for being so predictable, Neil. You just scored me ten bucks with two words.”

           Matt look up. “Are you serious? Who the hell bet against you?”

           Nicky jerked a thumb at Kevin. “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

I am hOWLING. I cannot believe they bet on his “I’m fine” oh my god this is the bEST.

DRAG. HIM.

The running gag of Neil “I’m fine” Josten will never not make my day. Neither will the Foxes’ obsession with betting on everything. I LOVE IT.

Kevin, never able to be anything but serious, drags him even more, but not in a fun way:

           “You’re an idiot. Do you see this?” he brandished his left hand at Neil. (…) “Injuries are not a joke. They are not something to gloss over. (…) If you ever say ‘I’m fine’ about your health again, I will make you rue the day you were born.”

Yikes.

           Abby eyed Neil. “I’ll ask again, then. Are you okay?”

           “I’m –“ It was too automatic a response. (…) “It’s just sore. So long as I can keep my mark off my right side I’ll be – okay.”

           Matt laughed at the near-miss. “I don’t see this experiment ending well, Neil.”

           “Some people are just hardwired to be stupid,” Wymack said.

I’m literally loving every single thing about this.

Fun times over, they go back on the field for second half, where Neil sits out on the sidelines at first and uses this opportunity to talk about his favourite subject: Andrew.

           “Why does Andrew do this?” Neil asked, unable to stay quiet any longer. “If he doesn’t care about Exy, what’s the point of going through this every Friday?”

           “Would you want to be crazy high every day of your life?” Matt asked.

No, but in my opinion, that still doesn’t add up. He could have probably picked any day to go meds-free, Wymack would have taken him anyways – I don’t know, pick every Sunday or every Monday or every Wednesday after lunch, it doesn’t matter. Why Exy?

The only logical reason to pick Exy days over other days is the possibility that – shocking! – Andrew does care about this dumb sport after all.

Excited for the final explanation of this. I have a hunch there’s still more to it.

In other news – my feelings:

           The Foxes were notorious for their shoddy teamwork, so most people forgot they were a Class I school. (…) If the Foxes could get over their differences and learn to compromise every once in a while, they’d be a formidable force. (…)

           Neil wanted to be part of this evolution. He wanted to feel the team click into perfect synchrony, even if it lasted only a moment.

Give me all that good teamwork, and give it to me now.

           The Terrapins came as hard as they could, but the Foxes shoved back with a ferocity the home team wasn’t expecting. They were exhausted, but Matt rallied the defense around him and Neil had permission to run himself ragged on the offense. (…) Every minute on the court brought him one minute closer to saying goodbye to Exy forever. He didn’t want to miss a single second.

As always, angst is the best motivator.

They’re all getting fired up and playing their hearts out when we near the most dramatic part of the game – the Foxes in the lead by one point, sixty seconds left on the clock. And then –

           Eight seconds from the end a terrapin striker got the ball. Aaron ran after him, but he was too exhausted to close the gap. The striker’s ten steps took him all the way to the foul line for his shot.

Oh shit.

           The goal was too wide and Andrew too small; there was no way Andrew could stop a shot this close-range. (…) Even if Andrew could get there fast enough, the ball was too low to the ground for him to swing his massive racquet.

Oh. Shit.

           Except Andrew was moving before the striker finished taking his shot, as if he already knew where the striker was going to aim, and he didn’t even try to swing. He threw himself at the ground as far over as he could and slammed his racquet down between the ball and the goals so hard Neil heard wood crack all the way across the court. He was just fast enough; the ball hit the taut strings of his racquet and bounced off.

OH SHITTTTTTTTT!!!!! BOI!!!!!! THE FUCK!!!!!! IM YELLING!!!!

This is exactly the sort of Extra and Dramatic Shit™ I was missing.

HOLY SHIT, WHAT A SAVE.

And with that, the game is over, FUCK YEAH.

Andrew, of course, is now completely done.

           Kevin didn’t have to ask what was going on. He’d lied to cameras for years and knew how to buy Andrew time. (…)

           Andrew let go with one hand and gestured. Kevin gestured back as if having an actual conversation. The only sound either of them made was the desperate gasp of air through clenched teeth as Andrew tried not to get sick in front of the crowd.

Cool move, actually. They seem to have done this before? I continue being beyond intrigued by their dynamic.

           The rest of the team fell in around them, bringing the celebration to their strikers and forming an impromptu barricade around their fallen goalkeeper.

Team <333

Protect that smol sick bastard, he just saved all your asses.

They get Andrew off the court safely, and with that, it’s good things all around.

           Neil had never seen Wymack smile like this. It was small but fierce, as angry as it was proud. “That’s more like it. Draw sticks and figure out who’s helping me fend off the press. The rest of you get your sticky, stinky asses to the showers.”

What a DAD. Love him.

           “Renee and I will handle it,” Dan said as they headed to the locker room. “Neil, you can use the girls’ showers while we’re busy.”

           Neil stared at her. “What?”

           Dan frowned at him, so Matt explained. “There aren’t stalls here.”

LET ME FUCKING LOVE YOU. I cannot get over this move, what the hell, that is so sweet.

Foxes being there for each other :’) I’m fine :’)))))))))))))

           Neil had noticed, but he hadn’t thought his teammates would. That they had, and that they were doing something about it, knocked the wind out of him. He tried to answer, but he didn’t know what to say. The best he managed was, “Is that really okay?”

           “Kid, you’re killing me,” Nicky said. “Why do you always get that deer-in-the-headlights look when someone does something nice for you?”

Yet another installment in our popular series Neil Doesn’t Realize People Actually Care About Him, episode 4 of a billion!

Before we finally leave this long-ass trip of a chapter, Andrew briefly joins Wymack, Andrew, and Andrew’s new best friend Johnnie Walker Blue for a chat:

           “Why did you pay for stalls, Coach?”

           Wymack lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Maybe I knew you’d need them one day.”

           Andrew smiled around the mouth of his bottle. “Neil is a walking tragedy.”

           “You’re a pretty pathetic sob story yourself,” Wymack said.

Smol beans :’) bonding over how fucked up they are :’) love em.

Also #dicksoutforwymack, all day, every day. Maybe I knew you’d need them one day, holy shit, please have my platonic babies.

           Andrew headed for the door, but Neil put a hand in his path. “How did you do it? How did you know where to go?”

           “Coach said Watts always takes his penalty shots to the bottom corner. With the game riding on him he was bound to do the same.”

           Neil stared at him, startled and disbelieving. (…) It’d been an off-the-cuff remark amidst a lot of other information. Neil hadn’t thought Andrew was even paying attention to Wymack’s spiel.

Well, my dude, seems like someone gives more fucks than we all were starting to think. OF FUCKING COURSE. I’m still grinning my face off writing this.

And with that, they’re off, back on the bus home, and we’re letting this chapter ring out but some good ol’ Neil “Oh shit, what’s this, good feelings, get them away from me” Josten.

           As he listened to them, Neil realized he was happy. It was such an unexpected and unfamiliar feeling that he lost track of the conversation for a minute. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this included or safe. It was nice but dangerous.

           Someone with a past like his, whose very survival depended on secrecy and lies, couldn’t afford to let his guard down. But as Nicky laughed and leaned closer to talk about one of Neil’s goals, Neil thought maybe he’d be okay for just one night.

:’))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Nicki out.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee (or two)! Thank you so much <3

#trk #the raven king #aftg #all for the game #nora sakavic #nicki reads tfc #dicksoutforwymack #GUESS WHOS BACK BACK AGAIN #I MISSED YALL WHAT IS UP