#10 IS STILL A SHITTY DEX ROLL

[autisticangus]

justin during the entirety of the cambria fight chain argument

#angus.txt #ethersea relisten #griffins just that fucking cat w all the knives aimed at him yelling like #A SOLID METAL CHAINS AC IS HIGHER THAN 10 #A SOLID METAL CHAIN IS NOT A CREATURE #10 IS STILL A SHITTY DEX ROLL #its so fucking funny justin is just vibin keepin it tight punching a big worm god #while travis and clint grapple w the horrifying concept of a solid metal chain

[hockey-prose]

Bitty Breaks the Internet

Summary: The AC in Jack and Bitty’s apartment is broken. So what better way to beat the heat than go out on the water? Bitty wears a new swimsuit, Jack takes his picture, and the picture ends up online. (Cross posted to AO3.)

It all started with that blasted weather. Simply put, it was stifling. Bitty was used to dry Southern summers and slight humidity. But he wasn’t prepared for this years incredibly humid Eastern summer. It made it worse that the AC in his and Jack’s apartment was broken and wouldn’t be fixed until next week.

So, while the two of them were boiling in their apartment, Bitty got a text from his mama.

Mama: Dicky, why don’t y’all just rent a boat and stay near the water for a few days?

That’s a great idea! Thanks Mama!

“Jack, honey,” Bitty said, adopting his extra thick accent. He knew it meant Jack would give him anything he wanted because he was sweet on his Southern side.

“Yeah, bud? What’s up?”

Bitty sat up, allowing the washcloth soaked in ice water to fall to his lap. He looked to his fiancé across the couch from him. It was so hot that the only parts of them that had been touching were their feet and ankles. There were at least 10 fans angled towards them.

“How about we rent a boat for the weekend? It’s the off season for you, and my deadline isn’t until next week.”

Jack lowered his phone, revealing the hair plastered to his forehead. Bitty’s heart squeezed with love for his man.

“I don’t know how to drive a boat.”

Bitty smacked Jack gently on the thigh.

“I do, honey! I spent I don’t know how many hours on boats in Georgia. Good Lord, the sunburns I’ve gotten. The point is that I know how to drive and I could teach you.”

“Do we want to invite other people or just have it be us?”

Bitty thought. As much as he loved every one of their shared friends, it would be nice to be just the two of them. Quiet.

“I think just us for this first time would be nice. Just the two of us?”

Bitty heaved himself forward to slide between Jack’s open legs. Jack’s eyes widened, but he covered Bitty’s hands where he’d placed them on his chest. Jack hummed.

“I like the sound of that. Want me to see if I can find any boat rental places?”

“How about we look together, huh handsome?”

The week came and went, and on Friday afternoon, Jack and Bitty took to the water at Providence Marina. Turns out, Marty had a boat docked there and gave Jack the keys to use it. The cooler that was clutched in each of their hands contained beer, soda, chips, sandwich fixings, fruit, and lemon blueberry mini pies.

After everything had been situated on the boat, and they’d had an awkward conversation with one of Marty’s dock neighbors, Bitty pulled them out to sea. They didn’t go very far, just out of view of the docks, and dropped the anchor.

Bitty turned on his portable speaker to some soft pop music, stripped off his clothes, and began making house on the boat. He could hear Jack snapping pictures with his camera. A quick look revealed that the subject was him.

“Well, now, Mr. Zimmermann. Who said you could take pictures of me just before I was about to fix you a sandwich,” Bitty sassed, planting his hands on his hips.

Jack took the camera away from his face, a love struck smile on his lips. He was also shirtless, and had laid himself on the deck of the boat to get a good angle.

“Sorry, Bits, you’re just so gorgeous I couldn’t help it. That swim suit is definitely doing you a favor.”

Bitty felt his cheeks warm, and a smile cross his own mouth. He’d bought the suit as soon as the boat was secured. It was almost a Speedo with just a bit more length. The print on them was white with light and dark blue sail boats.

“Oh hush now.”

A click.

“Jack Laurent Zimmermann!”

The afternoon passed with Bitty alternating between sunning himself on the deck and taking dips in the water. Jack kept mostly on the boat, occasionally dipping his legs in when Bitty swam. By the time they pulled into the dock, his shoulders were bright pink and he winced when he lifted the cooler.

“I told you to put on some more sunscreen, honey. There’s some aloe at home, but it’s gonna take more than that.”

“Bits, bud, don’t feel too bad. I’ll wear sunscreen tomorrow and bring a shirt too.”

“You still want to go out tomorrow?”

The couple buckled themselves into Jack’s car.

“Of course, Bits. You looked like you were loving it out there. As long as it makes you happy.”

Bitty leaned across the center console and planted a kiss on the underside of Jack’s jaw.

“You’re so sweet, honey. As long as you’re up for it.”

By the end of the weekend, Jack had taken over 100 pictures. At least 50 of them were Bitty. There was a handful of scenery, other boats and the ocean. And then a few were of the two of them. One for each day. They had gotten progressively pinker as the days went on.

Sunday night, the couple went to a nice seafood just off the water before heading home to fall into bed for a restful night sleep.

Wednesday rolled around quietly, and Bitty woke to about a thousand notifications on his phone. Some were texts. Some were notifications on Twitter. By far the most notifications came from Instagram. Even though he’d made an account, Bitty barely posted to Instagram except to promote his cookbook.

Deciding to look at the texts first, he was greeted with no context chirps from his Samwell friends. All of them were about him in a swimsuit?

What?

Bitty continued to flick through his messages. There were individual messages from everyone on his former team, but also in the big “Haus 4.0” group chat.

Holster (Adam Birkholtz): dUDE BITTY MY GOD HOW HAVE YOU STAYED SO HOT????

Ransom (Justin Oluransi): Jack’s lucky that nobody saw your ass or the internet would be broken brah

Lardo (Larissa Duan): bro, bitty DID break the internet have you seen his insta and twitter??

Shitty (BS Knight): I swear on the gods above if Bitty was not single and I was not straight, I would sweep him off his feet

Nursey (Derek Nurse): chill. was truly a kim k moment for Bitty

Dex (Will Pointdexter): Love the confidence my dude. Was really a monumental picture tbh

Honey 💞: Can we not talk about Bitty like a piece of meat?

ERB: What on earth are y’all talking about?

Lardo (Larissa Duan): bits, you gotta check jacks insta first before you come in here and ask questions

So that’s exactly what Bitty did. Goodness knows where Jack was because he was not currently in bed with him. The last text he sent was at 8:45 am and it was now 9.

Instagram proved to be a tough navigator. Not because Bitty was media illiterate, but because the sheer amount of new followers he got prevented the app from running properly. After three app crashes, Bitty grew frustrated. He logged out of his public account and into his private one.

Once on his smaller scale Instagram, he searched Jack’s name. The most recent post was of their weekend relaxation trip. It was one of those collections of images. The first three were of the ocean, some seagulls, and the view from the front of Marty’s ship. The next six were of Bitty and Jack in various stages of couple poses. Somehow Jack had even managed to capture Bitty feeding him some grapes. But the last image was what set a fire under Bitty.

The picture was of that first day. Bitty was wearing his, now scandalous in his eyes, swim suit. His sunglasses were perched on the edge of his nose. You could see the heat he held in his eyes for Jack, who had been behind the camera. Admittedly, Bitty had not been thinking of his body image at the time of wearing that swimsuit. But now that he had attracted so much attention to himself due to his body, he figured a once over couldn’t hurt.

The Bitty in the picture had a firm stomach, no defined abs to speak of. What was the need for them? He was perfectly healthy. The cut of the swimsuit allowed the camera to see the faint lines that traveled down from Bitty’s hips past the line of his swimsuit. His hair was shining in the sun. The skin of the Bitty in the picture looked a little pale, but he had no qualms otherwise.

He looked good.

Putting the praise of his body aside, Bitty knew he needed to find Jack.

ERB: Thank y’all for your kind words. It means the world to me. Now I have to find Jack and have a word with him

Shitty (BS Knight): AAH SHIT JACKS IN TROUBLE WITH BITTY AHAHAHAHA

Lardo (Larissa Duan): pls don’t kill jack

Bitty locked his phone and went out into the living room. No Jack. The entire open concept apartment was empty. Bitty knew the bathrooms and home office were empty. The doors always stayed open unless there was someone in there.

As Bitty pondered how to find his fiancé, the door unlocked with a small click. Jack emerged with several bags of groceries in hand. Bitty assumed position with his fists on his hips, but this time around, it was not nearly as tempting.

“Jack Laurent Zimmermann.”

“Bits! Uh, hey.”

Bitty tapped a foot on the floor.

“Euh, I didn’t know that post would go viral. I tried to soften the blow by bringing home everything you’d need to stress bake.”

Bitty came forward, taking the bags from Jack and going to the kitchen.

“Crisse,” Jack muttered before following Bitty.

“Bittle? I’m really sorry.”

“I know,” Bitty replied, his tone light. “I’m not mad, Jack. I only wish you’d told me you were going to post that where my mother could see it.”

Jack made a groan of displeasure as he approached Bitty from behind. Firm, warm hands pressed themselves into Bitty’s hips.

“Sorry, Bits.”

“Stop apologizing, honey! I’m just gonna have to field a call from my mama. I don’t think this’ll be worse than the cup, but I guarantee my family will chirp her for the rest of time.”

Jack buried his nose in the crook between Bitty’s neck and shoulder.

“George said the PR was good. We didn’t really need any more positive additions, but it doesn’t hurt.”

“Well I certainly hope not,” Bitty said with a scoff. “You didn’t post a picture of me nearly naked on the Internet for nothing!”

Jack laughed, and Bitty followed not long after. Together the couple baked breakfast pastries and Bitty got his own revenge.

Jack’s picture was also shirtless, but he was wearing his sweatpants reserved for lounging at home. His arms and stomach were so much more than Bitty’s. He had a workout routine to keep up with.

Once again, the Internet broke because of Eric Richard Bittle.

#omgcp #zimbits #check please #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #lardo duan #shitty knight #adam holster birkholtz #justin ransom oluransi #omgcheckplease #eric richard bittle #jack laurent zimmermann #omgcp fanfic #omgcp fanfiction #check please! #my fic

[tigerkirby215]

5e Qiyana, Empress of the Elements build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Aley Ghallan. Made for Riot Games.)

So it turns out I was wrong about Evelynn: there is another champion who doesn’t have “the” in the title! Leave it to Qiyana to be special. Anyways: after making this post my brain decided to hype fixate on a potential Qiyana build and then... oops. It suddenly got made. Truth be told I still haven’t got a goddamn clue how Qiyana works in-game.

GOALS

Not my fault; they should have bowed - Qiyana’s an assassin which of course means we need assassin damage.

Let us throw rocks at them and laugh - The Empress of the Elements needs elements to control! Earth, Wind, Fire, and Air!

Why are you in my space? - Riot sort of just... decided Qiyana should have two dashes in her kit? I guess?

RACE

Qiyana is clearly human but the Ixtali have some innate magic to them, so for control over the primal magic of (area with trees) go for a Half-Elf for Fey Ancestry to resist charms and sleeping.

But we won’t just be going for any Half-Elf. You know me I use Dragonmarks way too much, but it works since the Dragonmarked houses are above the rest. We’ll be going for a Mark of Storm to control both the oceans and the river! As a Mark of Storm Half-Elf your Charisma increases by 2 (as per usual) and your Dexterity increases by 1. You have Windwright’s Intuition to add a d4 to any Acrobatics checks you may make (as well as Navigator’s Tools which is slightly less important), and the Storm’s Boon to resist Lightning damage. "I see you have mastered the element of wind."

Of course what we’re mainly here for is Headwinds for a bit of elemental manipulation! You can cast Gust at will, and at third level you can cast Gust of Wind once per Long Rest as a very shitty version of your ultimate! You can also learn a language of your choice and Primordial would let you speak to the earth; it’s up to you to make sure it listens!

IF DRAGONMARKS AREN’T AN OPTION: Both Drow Half-Elf and Wood Half-Elf work very well for Qiyana. Drow gives you more spells while Wood makes it easier for you to hide. You’d also get more ASIs by going for a regular Half Elf (as opposed to a Dragonmarked race) so put the +1 you’d get into Strength.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Qiyana is a master of acrobatics, doing flips and kicks as she so desires.

14; CHARISMA - A ruler is meant to be attractive... and imposing.

13; STRENGTH - That ring you carry is heavy. Also it’s a multiclassing requirement.

12; CONSTITUTION - Qiyana is squishy in League but that doesn’t mean she has to be squishy for this build.

10; INTELLIGENCE - You must know your legacy in order to rule, and while your magic is a natural gift it’s good to know your way around Arcana.

8; WISDOM - So what if you have a hot head? You can shape the river to cool yourself off!

BACKGROUND

And here you were thinking I’d use Noble... Not many know of the Ixtali people, so you’re more of a Far Traveler than anything else. You get proficiency with skills but they don’t really fit you to be honest, so take Arcana and Nature proficiency to know your natural magic. You also gain proficiency with a musical instrument or gaming set of your choice (pick your fancy) and a language of your choice (also pick your fancy!)

But most importantly you know that you have All Eyes on You. Everyone knows you’re from the great land of Ixtal, and some will offer you service to know of the history of your great land. Won’t they be excited to know they’ll be joining your kingdom too?

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

You are an assassin, and an empress needs as many skills as she can get. Take proficiency in Acrobatics (obviously) and the three big Charisma skills: Deception, Persuasion, and Intimidation. You could get Performance instead for some TRUE DAMAGE, but trust me when I say Performance barely ever comes up in standard D&D. You also get Expertise in two skills: Nature and Arcana are kinda your thing, so...

As an empress you know just the right way to word your phrases to sound like Thieves’ Cant, and can understand any roguish discussion of those trying to overtake your throne. But of course as an assassin you’re expected to build lethality and Sneak Attack, doing an extra d6 to any enemy who mispositioned. 

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Second level Rogues get their Cunning Action, allowing you to have the Audacity to Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a Bonus Action. It’s really nice when I can recreate League of Legends dashes as just... the Dash action.

LEVEL 3 - ROGUE 3

Third level Rogues get to choose their Roguish Archetype and Swashbucklers can move from enemy to enemy with ease and taunt them all the while. As a Swashbuckler you get two features but it’s more like three features: Fancy Footwork lets you dash away from a foe you’ve just hit without taking opportunity attacks.

Rakish Audacity meanwhile lets you Sneak Attack anyone who doesn’t have bodyguards, and has the added benefit of letting you add your Charisma to initiative rolls! "Some wait their turn, and some take what they deserve." Speaking of Sneak Attack: your Sneak Attack also increases to 2d6, and you also get Gust of Wind from your race now!

LEVEL 4 - ROGUE 4

4th level Rogues get an Ability Score Improvement: Dexterity kind of controls... everything that you do at the moment? So a +2 increase to DEX will go a long way.

(Artwork by eollynart on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 5 - PALADIN 1

Did you swear an oath to Ixtal? Well it doesn’t matter. As a Paladin you have a Divine Sense to know the lay of the land: if there are any Celestials, Fiends, Fey, or Undead walking through your river or if the land is Consecrated or Desecrated. The ability does have a limited number of uses and a limited range however, so be mindful.

You can also heal yourself (or others, I guess) with a Corrupting Potion thanks to Lay on Hands. You can even cure Poisons or Diseases with 5 health points, because no one is assassinating this empress!

LEVEL 6 - PALADIN 2

Second level Paladins get to choose their Fighting Style: while it may not be the most effective you need to control the elements, and Blessed Warrior will give you some more minor control over the world around you. Thaumaturgy is the main one we’re here for because we can’t get Prestidigitation, and while it’s perhaps not the most in-character Guidance is still always useful to have, if only to use it on yourself.

Now would also be a good chance to talk about your Ring Blade ohmlatl: I actually think opting for Two Weapon Fighting with Qiyana works quite well to recreate her weapon! I’d opt for two Scimitars but Shortswords obviously work well too. Alternatively a Rapier and Shield would still let you Sneak Attack while also letting you block attacks.

Of course you don’t just get cantrips: you get actual Spellcasting! You can prepare a number of spells equal to your Charisma modifier plus half your Paladin level (rounded down.) Divine Favor will let you use your passive to get more damage and Thunderous Smite will let you knock a foe down as if stunning them with an icy blade.

Other than that? Command suits you well but there are few other spells we really need. I’d recommend you ignore all of that and concentrate on Divine Smite, turning magic into raw damage with your blade! "I command you to die!"

LEVEL 7 - PALADIN 3

The magic of Ixtal is ancient and to bend it to your will look no further than the Oath of the Ancients. You learn both Ensnaring Strike and Speak with Animals as Oath Spells (one of which is far more in-character than the other, but hey the birds can bow to you too), and you get two Channel Divinity options:

Nature’s Wrath will let you ensnare a creature within 10 feet of you. (It’s supposed to be flavored as vines but I’d reflavor it as ice from the river.) They can make a Strength or Dexterity saving throw or get free, but if they fail they will be restrained until they break out. Yeah there’s no max duration on this! Yes they can repeat the save each turn but the point still stands!

Turn the Faithless meanwhile is your standard turning effect, only this affects Feys and Fiends. The jungle natives know to bow to you, and usurpers shall be made to bow!

LEVEL 8 - PALADIN 4

4th level means another Ability Score Improvement but I don’t think we’ve hidden in the grass enough. The Shadow Touched feat will let you increase your Charisma by 1 and will also give you the Invisibility spell for when you need it. You can also learn a first level Illusion or Necromancy spell like Disguise Self to change up your wardrobe as necessary. You can cast both these spells once per Long Rest without using a spell slot, but can then use your spell slots to cast them some more.

Speaking of spells you can prepare more of them. But again: not much I really want. I’d recommend waiting for...

LEVEL 9 - PALADIN 5

5th level Paladins get an Extra Attack, allowing you to attack twice in one turn for more chances to Sneak Attack, Smite, or both!

Additionally you get a lot of good stuff at this level! You can learn Misty Step and Moonbeam as Oath Spells to recreate Flash and what we’ll call your ultimate for the sake of this build. You can also prepare Branding Smite for more Elemental Wrath and uhhhh... oops that’s kinda all I want. I mean Lesser Restoration is nice in a pinch. Truthfully it’s 3rd level where the true Qiyana spells come in.

(Artist unknown. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 6

6th level Paladins can evade any danger with their natural beauty. Aura of Protection grants a saving throw boost equal to your Charisma modifier to yourself and anyone within 10 feet of you, so their empress can lead and put those who oppose her in the dirt.

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 7

Oh did you think a bonus to saving throws wasn’t enough? Well as an Ancients Paladin you get Aura of Warding as well, giving yourself (and your allies) resistance to magic! This means that if you succeed on a saving throw against a spell you’ll take a quarter damage total (half of a half), and even if you (somehow) fail you’ll still only take half damage! "You are right to fear my greatness."

LEVEL 12 - PALADIN 8

8th level means another Ability Score Improvement: cap off that uneven Charisma score as well as your uneven Strength, because a +2 modifier is nice even if you aren’t really using it.

LEVEL 13 - PALADIN 9

9th level Paladins can cast third level spells which means oh boy: I get to tell you all the spells you should prepare to be in-character for Qiyana that you’re never going to be able to cast with your limited spell slots! Regardless Ancients Paladins get Plant Growth and Protection from Energy added to their spell list, to manipulate the elements to their liking. But with four other spells to prepare what should we take?

Elemental Weapon is the “yeah duh” spell, letting you invoke Elemental Wrath and really get value out of your passive. (It also makes your weapon a +1 which is helpful.)

Spirit Shroud is like Elemental Weapon but objectively better except for the fact that it doesn’t deal elemental damage. (Well it can deal Cold damage.) But instead of a d4 extra damage you’ll do a d8, and you can also slow those near you!

And again: I don’t really want any other spells. Almost like Qiyana is an AD champ masquerading as a spellcaster. You are allowed to take Cure Wounds you know? Just saying.

(Artwork by Mavoly on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 5

Hey aren’t you an assassin? Shouldn’t we be concentrating on like, assassin stuff? 5th level Rogues get Uncanny Dodge, letting you spend your reaction to halve the damage of an attack against you. This would affect attack rolls from spells like Shocking Grasp, meaning it would stack with Aura of Warding, but you can’t Uncanny Dodge a spell to only take an eighth of the damage.

Oh and your Sneak Attack (finally!) increases to 3d6.

LEVEL 15 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills. By this point you should probably be at peak performance with Acrobatics. After that pick your poison for one of your Charisma skills if you want to deal in public relations, subterfuge, or pop music.

LEVEL 16 - ROGUE 7

Are saving throws still (somehow) getting you down? Well Evasion just makes it so you take 0 damage if you succeed on a Dexterity saving throw, and only half damage on a failure! It’s probably worth mentioning that you currently have a +13 DEX save. To put this into perspective Tiamat’s breath weapon is a DC 27 DEX save; meaning that you have a 30% chance to take zero damage from an attack from Tiamat.

Oh and your Sneak Attack increases to 4d6, so you can then destroy Tiamat with a Supreme Display of Talent.

LEVEL 17 - ROGUE 8

8th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement: Dexterity still controls our AC and attack rolls (along with many other things) and it still isn’t maxed, so capping it off at 20 would be a good idea. "Jaw-dropping, I know."

(Artwork by LittleKumaArt on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 18 - PALADIN 10

Rounding this build off with a final few levels in Paladin: level 10 Paladins get Aura of Courage, because if you’ve lasted long enough to hit level 18 why would you be afraid of anything? "So basic."

LEVEL 19 - PALADIN 11

11th level Paladins get Improved Divine Smite, letting them add a d8 Radiant damage to any hit with your weapon (not just hits with Divine Smite, despite the name.)

But I’m going to be honest: what I really wanted was the extra third level spell slot. Not that an extra d8 every attack isn’t good though! Show off that Royal Privilege!

LEVEL 20 - PALADIN 12

12th level Paladins get our final Ability Score Improvement: cap off your Charisma for a +5 Aura of Protection, and also more spells to prepare. "If talent were an element, perhaps I could throw some at them."

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Smash these idiots, won't you? - It may be a surprise to you but Rogues and Paladins are both very good at doing damage. 4d6 of Sneak Attack damage is never a bad thing, and that d8 from Improved Divine Smite helps too. And if they’re still standing then a regular Divine Smite will quickly force them to bow. What’s really nice is that unlike other Rogues you are practically guaranteed the Royal Privilege of Sneak Attacking your foes!

I would say “watch and learn,” but unfortunately you cannot learn this - Having a few spells in your back pocket never hurt anyone, and even your weakest spells pack quite a punch. Divine Favor stacks up over a long combat, and Ensnaring Strike can set an enemy up for failure.

Some people are just born better - I swear this happens whenever I make either a Rogue or a Paladin but it turns out that Rogue and Paladin are both extremely good at resisting damage. Evasion combined with Aura of Protection is huge but the biggest factor that makes this build so crazy is Aura of Warding. Ancients Paladin is one of the best Paladins in the game specifically because you take half damage from magic. Add this all onto a Rogue who can dash as a Bonus Action every turn, essentially got the Mobile feat for free, and has 135 health? You can be everywhere at once and you foes can’t do anything about it.

CONS

It is exhausting to crush you so much - While all your spells are amazing they’re also very limited. 3 spell slots for your best tricks means that you won’t pull them off too often. It also means that your Smiting abilities are a little limited overall.

That was no crushing; that was merely a squeeze - Multiclassing does give you a taste of everything but it also means that you miss out on the best of both worlds. Your sneak attack could be higher, and you didn’t get any of the particularly powerful Paladin features. 

I'm extremely good... at everything - Well except for one thing: Wisdom. While Aura of Protection helps you somewhat with Wisdom saves +4 means nothing against higher tier spells. And of course a -1 to Perception and Insight never helped anyone.

But your greatness far overshadows your flaws. Show them that greatness and let the nature around you help magnify your magnificence. It is your right to conquer above all, and subject those beneath you for the glory of Ixaocan. Don’t let silly things like “sisters” or “birthright” or “hard CC” stop you. Go fight that 1v5 and prove how great you are!

(Artwork by Jessica “OwleyCat” Oyhenart. Made for Riot Games.)

#dnd #dnd build #dnd guide #League of Legends #League of Legends Qiyana #dnd rogue #dnd paladin #Ixaocan #earth #water #grass?

[zimms]

First Lines Game

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

thank you for tagging me @trashynishiki!

1. Shitty’s absolutely fine with not having a soulmark. (x)

2. Jenny cranes her neck to look at where Mandy’s hand is dangling from the top bunk, swaying softly in time to the little huffs and whistles of her breathing. (x)

3. Connor leaps away from Drew as the door to the Haus’ basement opens, hands frantically running through his hair and fixing it as quickly as he can. (x)

4. Ollie pushes open the closet door to find Pacer hunched over, face pressed into his hands and the concrete below covered in covered in the faint shadows of tears from where droplets have dripped from the gaps between Pacer’s fingers. (x)

5. Eric’s always been different. (x)

6. Ollie groggily awakens to the feeling of two strong arms wrapped around his stomach, holding him close and grounding him. (x)

7. Ollie O'Meara’s eyes are blue. His hair is brown. His knuckles are bright yellow. Those are merely facts of life. (x)

8. Wicky squints at the corner of the attic, where his jockstrap’s innocently laying, in spite of the fact that he definitely never left it there. (x)

9. Hops slings an arm over Louis’ shoulders. “Hey dude!” He grins down at him, taking advantage of their height difference to ruffle Louis’ blond hair. “What’re you doing for Christmas?” (x)

10. Connor skates over to the boards, stopping just in front of Denice with a spray of ice showering his skates and socks. (x)

11. Mandy heaves a sigh, collapsing onto the double bed in the middle of the attic. (x)

12. Ollie’s wrist-deep in a pot of soil, sweat rolling down his cheeks and sunlight streaming through the windows of Faber’s Flowers, when the shop’s bell rings and a new customer stumbles through the door. (x)

13.

crocsby

i know this is a pens fanblog, but hot damn the aces lineup just levelled up. who decided that they were allowed to have parse, swoops and scraps all on the same team?? like we all knew that the aces were gonna win the cup this year, but they could have let us pretend for like 3 seconds. (x)

14. Derek sidles over to Dex and clears his throat, not taking his eyes off of where Ollie and Wicky are having their first dance to Party Hard. (x)

15. This year Nursey’s found himself at the Haus more often than not, even with Shitty having graduated. (x)

16. Nursey’s still sprawled on the ice when Birkholtz is skating dutifully over from the referee to the penalty box to serve his minor for tripping, so naturally no one else is around as he hears Birkholtz mutter “Still as clumsy as ever, Nurse?” (x)

17. The tinkling of the shop’s doorbell interrupts Derek whilst he’s in the middle of unpacking the last box from this week’s shipment of books. (x)

18. Derek rests his forehead against Dex’s, hand trembling as it lays against his freckled cheek. “Are you sure you wanna do this?” (x)

19. As the music flows from the little bluetooth speaker next to them, Derek plants his hands in the sand, allowing the grains to flow out over his fingers and bury them, as he leans back into the moonlight until his head rests equally on Dex and Chowder’s shoulders, his body fitting naturally between them. (x)

20. Derek’s never truly settled anywhere. (x)

yeah, most of my ficlets really follow the same 'start in the middle of the action, introducing the character immediately' structure, huh?

I really like the fics that i start with a statement about the character, like 5, 7 and 20, but the beginning of roads all even and peaceful (#13) will always have a special place in my heart bc i knew that was the opening line from when i first started writing it.

i don't really know who to tag, but if you want to do this, go ahead!

#tag game #my writing

[lobsterdex]

beach house living (part 2)

part 1

here’s some more beach au. the google doc is at like. 8k words. oops. but here is just some of it bc i want to share it but i also want to finish it before i post it on ao3. anyways. tagging some mutuals bc give me attention @birlcholtz @tonytangredis @pieplease @fasterthanthemoon @unfairlawyer

.

He’s back in his and Shitty’s room hanging his clothes up in his half of the closet when he hears a loud bang, followed by footsteps and a general commotion. 

“Holster,” someone says, “How many times have I said quit that, you’re going to dent the wall.” 

“Dex can fix it!”

“Fuck you, you can fix it yourself.”

The voices continue, along with what sounds like footsteps going up the stairs and another loud slam that Jack assumes is the front door being closed. A few minutes later after the noise dies down, someone knocks on the bedroom door, and it starts to open before he can answer. 

It’s Shitty, saying, “It’s me, hope you’re not naked.” He catches sight of Jack by the closet and grins. “Nice, yeah, make yourself at home.” 

Jack stares at him. “What if I had been naked?” 

Shitty laughs. “Then I would close my eyes out of respect for you and your beautiful body. We’re leaving in five to go grocery shop, just a heads up.” He starts pulling clothes out of the dresser, so Jack turns back to the closet and hangs up another shirt to give him privacy.

“You ready?” Shitty says behind him. Jack hangs up another shirt before turning around. He takes a moment to take it in. Shitty is wearing cutoff jean shorts and a neon pink tank top that’s so bright it almost hurts to look at. It says, “life’s a beach.” 

Jack remembers Shitty asked a question. “Yeah, let me get my wallet.”

Shitty heads for the door. “Pretty much everyone is in the den, I’ll introduce you before we leave.” 

Jack grabs his wallet from the night stand and follows him into the hall. He wonders how many people actually live here and if his father even knows. Bob had said it was a four bedroom house but not much else. 

In retrospect, Jack should’ve asked more questions.

Again, too late now. 

Shitty announces their arrival by cupping his hands around his mouth as a megaphone and screaming, “Silence!” 

The chatter dies down, and everyone in the room turns to look at them. 

Jack thinks, why. 

“This is our new roomie Jack Zimmermann,” Shitty says, gesturing at him. 

Jack tries not to cower behind him. He doesn’t know if they follow sports, or hockey, or if they know who exactly their landlord is, but no one seems to react to his name. Small miracles. 

“You met Lardo,” Shitty says, pointing. She nods at Jack. 

“That’s Ransom,” he points to a tall, dark skinned guy standing by Lardo, who is sitting on the kitchen counter. Ransom smiles at him. “That’s Chowder and Bitty,” he points to an Asian kid in a sharks tank top - so at least one person in this house follows hockey, fucking hell, who gives him a little wave, and a shorter, blond, white boy with freckles and a tan, who smiles brightly. 

“That tall bastard is Holster,” Shitty points to another blond white boy next to Bitty. Holster grins and nods.“And those two are Nursey and Dex,” he gestures to the brown skinned guy with a tattoo circling his bicep and a third white guy with freckles and bright orange hair. 

Why does no one have a normal name, Jack thinks. 

“Hi,” he says lamely. “I’m Jack.”

“Welcome, dude,” Nursey says. 

“Alright,” Shitty claps. “Anyone who wants to go to the store, up and at ‘em.” 

Jack has just enough time to hope it isn’t a long drive and that they won’t ask him about himself during it before five of them pile into a gold Subaru parked in the driveway. Shitty has the keys and Bitty calls shotgun, so Jack crams in the back with Ransom and Dex. He gets the middle seat, which Dex apologizes for. 

“Sorry we bitch seated you,” he says with a smile. “But since Bitty got shotty, you are the shortest.” 

Jack shrugs, or tries to. “It’s fine.” 

Shitty backs out of the driveway while Ransom and Bitty play rock-paper-scissors for the aux cord. Bitty wins it, plugs in his phone and starts playing pop music Jack doesn’t recognize. 

“Yo, Shits, guess what happened today,” Ransom says. 

Up front, Bitty twists around to face the backseat and rolls his eyes. “Are you going to tell everyone this, Rans?”

“Uh, yeah. I fucking am,” Ransom scoffs. Bitty rolls his eyes again and flashes a grin in Jack’s direction. 

“So this lady comes up to my chair, right. Total white suburban mom vibes, visor and, like, Ray Bans or Tiffany shades or whatever.”

“Oh boy,” Shitty says.

“Oh yes,” Ransom says. “So I’m like, okay, benefit of the doubt, maybe she has a reasonable question about riptides or our hours or sunscreen, I don’t know.”

To Jack’s right, Dex sighs. 

“But no,” Ransom continues. That would be too much to hope for. Instead, this woman--Shits. Guess what this woman asks me.”

“I cannot even begin to guess.” 

“She asks if it’s safe to go in the ocean even if you can’t swim.” 

“Bro,” Shitty says. 

“I know,” Ransom says. 

“Some fucking people,” Dex says. 

Bitty, still facing the backseat, rolls his eyes again. Jack snorts, which earns him a sideways glance and a grin from Ransom. 

“So I’m up there, leaning down to hear her better, and she says that, and for a sec I just fucking stare at her like I’m the idiot. Processing that. Thinking about how to phrase ‘no the fuck you can’t’ nicely. And then I go, ‘No, ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s not safe to swim unless you know how to effectively stay afloat.’ And then she says, ‘I don’t mean swimming, I just mean going in the water.’”

Jack frowns, and Dex sighs again, shaking his head. 

Up front, Shitty just says, “What.” 

“Right? So I ask, ‘What do you mean by ‘just going in the water?’ and she fucking gives me this look, like I’m the dumbass. And she says ‘I mean just the shallow part, where the waves crash.’ And I try my very hardest not to look up at the sky and ask the gods for help. And I say, ‘I’m very sorry ma’am, but that’s also dangerous due to the currents. Rip tides can be very strong.’ Which like, okay, she might not be taken out by a riptide, but assuming she has kids and shit and no athletic ability herself, she shouldn’t chance it if she can’t even tread water.”

“Lot of assumptions you’re making there, Ransy babe,” Shitty warns. 

“I know, I know. But in terms of safety, I’m trying to play it safe, and she’s the one who told me she can’t fucking swim.” 

“Hm,” Shitty says. “Acceptable. Carry on.” 

“So she says, ‘But what about just the shallow part? Where the waves come up and go away?’ And yeah, okay, she’d be fine above the tide, but again, safety and liability and whatnot. I don’t want it to be on me if she pulls some shit. So I tell her again, no, it isn’t safe. And I fucking shit you not, this lady says, ‘Are you sure? Is there someone else I can speak to?’ This bitch really asked if she could speak to a manager. On the fucking beach.”

Up front, Shitty is laughing. Bitty is grinning and shaking his head. Dex snorts, and Jack finds himself smiling, because what. 

“So I fucking walkie beach patrol, and we wait 10 minutes for Ollie to roll up, and he tells her the same exact fucking thing, and she frowns and gets all huffy and has the audacity to ask us if we’re sure. Like, yeah, bitch, we’re pretty fucking sure. If you’d dug around in your brain a little bit for your common sense maybe you wouldn’t be so mad about it. Jesus Christ.” 

Shitty opens the front door, and Jack realizes they’ve arrived and parked. 

“What’d she do after that?” Shitty asks before getting out of the car.

Ransom opens the door and climbs out, saying, “Well, apparently, she walked to the other lifeguard stand and asked them the same fucking thing.” 

Jack climbs out after Ransom, finds himself saying, “You’re kidding.” 

“Bro, I wish,” Ransom says. “That lifeguard, I think it was April, also had to radio beach patrol, so Ollie went over there to check it out and had to call someone else from beach patrol ‘cause this bitch still didn’t like our answer. Ollie came back and told me about it, ‘cause he’s a bro.” 

“Ollie just loves to gossip,” Bitty says. 

“I said what I said. Guy’s a bro.” 

“I always get him confused with Wicks,” Dex says. 

Bitty grabs a cart from the front of the store. The automatic doors slide open, and they get blasted with air conditioning, which is a relief to Jack. Everyone splits up pretty much immediately, so Jack just trails behind Bitty because he has the cart and Jack has nobody’s phone number if he gets lost. 

Bitty notices Jack following him and flashes another smile. “Guess you’re with me! We’re doing the shopping for the next week or so. Or so we say. Someone always ends up going again during the week for snacks or butter or because they’re suddenly inspired by the food network.”

Jack nods, and Bitty steers them into the fridge aisle. 

“It gets a bit chaotic just because there’s so many of us. But we have a system now, of sorts, Shitty and Lardo shop for each other, Ransom and Holster shop for each other, lord knows they know each other well enough, and Dex or Chowder shops for the other and Nursey. Nursey, bless his heart, always forgets something.” 

It’s around this point that Jack notices Bitty has a southern accent. He also notices that Bitty has dumped about 10 packages of butter in the cart. 

He decides not to ask. 

“I shop for just me, myself, and I, but I also usually end up buying the most. Sometimes the other boys will make a store run for me though, which is nice of them, but they get some of the goods, so it balances out,” Bitty says. He’s talking really quickly. Jack has no idea what that last bit is supposed to mean. 

Bitty puts two cartons of eggs in the cart. Jack’s brain processes the “I shop for me statement” and he adds another carton for himself. 

“All the people that shop for each other have a texting system worked out, I believe. There are so many group chats, I can’t keep track. I know Chowder, Nursey, and Dex have one, which I think is how they cover everything grocery shopping. There’s a whiteboard on the fridge we add to, but it isn’t very consistent. Feel free to add anything you need to it, though, I always take a picture of it before we shop! Is there anything else you need in this aisle, Jack?”

“Oh, uh, no.” 

Bitty pushes the cart onwards, talking as they go. Jack isn’t really following, but Bitty doesn’t seem to be expecting answers, so Jack nods and smiles and adds things to the cart and eventually, Shitty reappears with his own basket full of groceries and he and Bitty settle into a comfortable sounding banter. 

Ransom and Dex find them near the checkout lanes, adding their groceries to the cart. 

The seating arrangement is the same for the ride back, except Ransom gets to play the music this time. He plays different pop music that Jack still doesn’t really recognize, but everyone - save Jack and Dex - is singing along. 

Jack helps unload the groceries. He’s about to escape back to his room when Holster says, “Hey, Jack, we’re grilling tonight, do you want chicken or a burger?” 

“Oh. Chicken is fine.” 

“Nice. We’ll start screaming when it’s ready.” 

Jack blinks at him.

“Or we can just come get you.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks.” Jack takes it for the dismissal that it is and heads back to his room. He finishes unpacking, does some sit ups in an attempt to get rid of nervous energy, and ends up lying in bed staring at the blank Safari tab on his phone. He opens his messages instead, lets his parents know he’s settled in. There’s a text from his therapist letting him know they can do phone sessions. He ignores it for now. 

There are no texts from Kent. Which makes sense. There haven’t been since they fought on the phone a few days after Jack got out of rehab.

Jack can’t decide whether or not he actually wants to hear from him. Can’t decide if he misses him or if he just misses hockey. 

A knock on the door stops that train of thought. 

“Food,” someone says. 

“Thanks,” Jack calls. 

Dinner is burgers, chicken, and grilled vegetables. It’s surprisingly good, better than Jack expected from a bunch of 20 somethings. They crowd around the glass dining table on the porch and it’s loud and cheerful, everyone talking over each other and laughing. He declines the offer of beer, but not everyone is drinking, so he doesn’t feel like the odd man out. He doesn’t say much, but he’s sandwiched between Holster and Shitty, the latter occasionally elbowing him and grinning.  They’re both loud and talkative, so he pretends he can’t get a word in and smiles whenever someone catches his eye.

At some point, Shitty and Holster are arguing over his head, and Jack catches Bitty looking at him. Bitty blushes, but offers a sympathetic smile and shakes his head. He says something that Jack doesn’t quite catch, so he leans forward and taps his ear. 

Bitty meets him halfway. “These boys,” he repeats, and he sounds incredibly fond. 

Jack goes to bed around ten. He lies awake for longer than he’d like to admit, but still falls asleep before Shitty returns to the room.

#check please #omgcp #omgcp fic #my fic #beach au #bhl

[hellyeahheroes]

Building Emiko Queen in D&D 5e

As we all know by now, I’m inspired to do these builds by those made by Tulok the Barbarian. But after a few of those (we had Cass Cain and Static for DC and Nico Minoru and Laura Kinney for Marvel) I wanted to try to challenge him somewhat. There is his Hawkeye build which is veeeery good and could work perfectly with almost any comics archer, be it Kate Bishop or Green Arrow. A challenge I want to give myself is to make a build that could function similar but does not use the same baseline, so no Arcane Archer. And I have a character I think can be perfect for exactly that.

First, let us write down our goals for this build. We need to make Emiko an archer so good even her own brother admitted she is better than him. Then we need to make her stealthy - she is a former assassin and you don’t put an arrow through Deathstroke’s head by loudly announcing your presence. Finally, we need to get our own equivalent of trick arrows.

For Ability Scores, I’ll be using standard points array, if you or you DM prefers to roll or use point buy, treat this as a guideline. Dexterity is our top priority since this is the basic of archery in the game. Wisdom next, Emiko surprises her enemies, not the other way around. Constitution next, we will need it for concentration. Intelligence as Emi isn’t known for bad grades. Charisma is on the low but, in all fairness, she can come off as abrasive or arrogant at times. And we will dump strength - you either go all-in with it or you drop it. The Stats should then look like this: STR 8 DEX 15 CON 13 INT 12 WIS 14 CHA 10

Now for species, or how D&D likes to call it, Race.  Emiko is a Human, there is nothing meta or alien about it, it’s part of the whole badass normal appeal. So we will make her the most badass human, Variant Human. Add +1 to your Dexterity and Wisdom, choose Athletics for your bonus skill, any language of your choice and Sharpshooter for a feat. It lets you make long-range attacks without disadvantage, ignore half and three-quarters cover and take -5 to the attack roll for +10 to damage if you hit.

For the Background, we cannot choose assassin but Urban Bounty Hunter will work just fine. It lets you choose proficiency with a musical instrument and a set of gaming tools and two skills. We will go for Deception and Insight. It also gives you an Ear to the Ground feature, which allows you to have contacts in every city, which you can use to get information on criminal activities. I assume Emiko gained a few of these during her time under Simon Lacroix, in Team Arrow or Teen Titans.

For the Classes, we are multiclassing two classes, one of which is Rogue. And if there is one thing that has been true in D&D even waay back during 3rd edition, it is this. If you’re multiclassing with Rogue, start with the Rogue. First level gives us proficiency in all simple weapons, light armors, thieves’ tools, secret Thieve’s Cant language, Intelligence and Dexterity saving throws and four skills - choose Acrobatics, Stealth, Perception, and Investigation. We then get Expertise in two of those, letting us double the proficiency bonus to them and you should pick Stealth and Perception.

We also get Sneak Attack, which allows us to deal an extra 1d6 damage on a hit with finesse or ranged weapon, as long as we either have advantage on the attack or the target is standing no less than 5 feet away from someone hostile to them who isn’t incapacitated and we do not have disadvantage on the attack roll.

You might have noticed that this does not give us one crucial thing - proficiency with the longbow. Let us fix that. First level of Ranger gives us proficiency with it and all martial weapons, one skill of choice, choose Survival. You also get two features. 

UPDATE Since this was published a new Unearthed Arcana presented variant features for the Ranger that let us replace the shitty ones from main build and still stack with prestige class we’re using, we’ll take them.

Favored Foe lets you cast  Hunter’s Mark, with a casting time of 1 bonus action and a concentration time up to 1 hour, lets you mark a single target, deal 1d6 extra damage whenever you hit them and gain an advantage on Perception and Survival checks to find them. If the target dies before the spell's duration ends, you can move it to another one. This spell does not count against the number of spells you know and you can cast it without expending a spell slot (more about that in a moment) number of times equal your Wisdom Modifier per long rest.

Deft Explorer lets us choose one of three options. Tireless let us remove one level of exhaustion whenever we finish short rest and let us heal 1d10+WIS modifier as an action, usable equal amount of time per long rest as your WIS modifier.

ALTERNATIVE: You might have noticed I’m using standard Ranger and not a much better, revised version. This is because we will be taking an archetype that officially cannot be combined with the revised Ranger. If your DM would let you combine them then a) cherish your DM like a fool they are and b) you get to choose only one type of humanoid for favored enemy but get +2 to damage rolls against them and you natural explorer gives you an advantage on Initiative rolls, advantage on attacks against creatures that have not yet acted during your first turn of combat and lets you ignore difficult terrain.

Second level Ranger gets to choose a Fighting Style and Archery gives us +2 to ranged attack rolls, helping mitigate that pesky -5 from Sharpshooter. We also get to learn our first two spells. Ranger’s spellcasting works like Sorcerer’s - we get to know a number of spells according to the level and have a number of spell slots and we have to burn to cast a spell. You can cast a spell using a higher level spell slot to give it a bonus, you can change one spell you know for another whenever you take a level in Ranger and you cannot learn a spell of a higher level than your highest spell slot available. If a spell allows a saving throw, the difficulty is your Wisdom modifier + your Proficiency Bonus and if it asks for an attack roll it’s those two +8. And thanks to Spell Versitality from Unearthed Arcana, you can replace spell you know with another spell of the same level every long rest.

We get to know two spells on the first level and we will pick two to make our first trick arrows

Ensnaring Strike - next time you hit a target with an attack, they must make a Strength saving throw or be restrained by magical vines until you break concentration, after a minute of time or whenever they or another creature wastes an action to take another Strength check to free them and actually succeeds. Also, the target takes 1d6 poison damage at the beginning of each their turn. This is our net arrow.

Fog Cloud creates a sphere of fog 20-foot radius, in which the area is heavily obscured. You can concentrate on it for up to 1 hour or until a strong enough wind blows it away. This is our smoke arrow.

Now back to Rogue at second level we get Cunning action, letting us take hide, dash or disengage as a bonus action.

3rd Level Rogue updates their Sneak Attack to 2d6 and gets to choose a Roguish Archetype. And we will, of course, go with Assassin. I mean, Emiko is one, it kinda goes without saying. 3rd Level gives us proficiency with disguise and poisoner’s kits and a creatively called feature of Assassinate - it gives you an advantage on attacks you make during the first round of combat against enemies that haven’t acted yet and makes any hit automatically count as a critical hit.

Neat, huh? Well, let us make it even better. 3rd Level Ranger gets to choose their own archetype, Ranger Conclave. Gloom Stalker gives you Umbral Sight, which grants you Darkvision up to 60 ft - you see like normal in dim light and like in dim light in darkness - AND in darkness you are invisible to any creatures trying to see you with Darkvision.

But the real treasure of this archetype is Dread Ambusher lets you add your Wisdom modifier to Initiative rolls. And during your first turn of combat your speed increases by 10 feet, as long as you won’t interrupt your move by any other action (eg. if you move, attack and move again you’re back to your normal speed) and lets you make an additional attack as a part of that turn and if that attack hits, you add 1d8 to the damage.

Let me lay it down for those who were not paying attention. You add two your highest modifiers to Initiative, you get to make two attacks with advantage and if you hit you add 1d8 to one and your Sneak Attack damage to both AND then roll that damage twice for an automatic crit. On top of having Hunter’s Mark

Gloom Stalker also adds Disguise Self to your Spells know, without it counting against the maximum number of spells you can know. It allows you to change your appearance for up to an hour without need for concentration and you cannot change your body type (in a sense you cannot grow extra limbs, horns or wings, not making yourself look more muscular, thinner etc.) and you cannot make yourself look more than 1 feet taller or shorter than you already are. It’s an illusion and falls doesn’t hold to physical inspection. I don’t know if it is an Emiko thing, you can always keep it to exchange for something else later.

Strategy: At your first turn pick up the most dangerous-looking soon-to-be-dead enemy, put Hunter’s Mark on them and make them take 26 on first and 34 on second attack on average, 52 and 68 respectively maximum. And that damage will only grow with the levels. Now imagine you also get advantage on Initiative rolls and +4 to that damage and you understand why a DM that lets you combine this with Revised Ranger is a fool.

You also get a rather mediocre and situational Primeval Awareness so we will exchange it for Primal Awareness from Unearthed Arcana, which allows us to add following spells to spells you know, without them counting against the limit of spells you know, on top of the one you get to pick. on this level

Detect Magic allows you to sense magic around you up to 10 minutes on Concentration, within 30 feet but blocked by 1 foot of stone, 1 inch of common metal, a thin sheet of lead, or 3 feet of wood or dirt. You see aura of magical objects and beings and can recognize what school of magic it is. Some sort of radar or scanner maybe?

Speak With Animals - up to 10 minutes, no concentration, you can communicate with animals and convince them to do you small favors or ask minor things like the location of monster they’ve seen within a day.

Hail of Thorns has concentration-time up to one minute and casting of 1 bonus action and lets you make your arrow burst with thorns. When you hit a target, it deals 1d10 (+1d10 for each higher level of spell that it is cast from) piercing damage to them and everyone within 5 feet of them, half on successful Dexterity saving throw. Exploding arrow.

Fourth level Ranger gets an Ability Score Improvement or a feat. We will pick Weapon Master, which lets us increase our Dexterity by 1 and get another Fighting Style out of Fighter’s list - Close Quater’s Shooter from Unearthed Arcana grants you +1 bonus on ranged attacks and lets you make ranged attacks within 5 feet of enemies without disadvantage on the attack roll.

Alternative: If your stats are high enough you do not need an extra point here to round everything up and prefer to stay away from enemies at all times, pick up Alert instead - you get +5 to Initiative, cannot be surprised and hidden enemies do not get an advantage on attack rolls against you.

Fourth Level Rogue gets their Ability Score Improvement, letting us add +1 to two stats and round up Dexterity and Wisdom.

Fifth Level Ranger gets an extra attack, letting you attack twice as a part of the same action. Making it three attacks on your first turn. You also get to learn a new spell and it can be a 2nd level spell even. 

Cordon of Arrows lets you place up to 4 arrows as an action in an area, protecting it for up to 8 hours, and whenever another creature will get closer to it than 30 feet to any, it will fire and force a Dexterity saving throw or deal to that creature 1d6 damage.

And of course, Gloom Stalker lets you learn another one - Rope Trick. It lets you turn a rope for 1 hour into a way to another dimension, where up to 8 medium or smaller creatures can rest protected from attacks or spells and invisible to anyone. Between these two spells I assume Emiko is paranoid about being ambushed.

Primal Awareness gives us two more Spells, Beast Sense has a concentration time up to 1 hour and allows you to touch a willing beast and on action hear and see all it does. I guess you put a small camera on it?

Locate Animals or Plants allows you to describe a specific kind of animal or plant within 5 miles.

But if we need something more defensive in combat, we should head back to the Rogue. 5th level Rogue rises our Sneak attack to 3d6 and gives us Uncanny Dodge - whenever you get hit with an attack, you can use your reaction to half the damage you’ve taken.

(Just to be clear, this is THE OPPOSITE of what she’s doing here)

6th level Rogue gains expertise in two more skills, Acrobatics and Survival will nicely fit the build so far.

7th Level Rogue gets Evasion, meaning that whenever an effect would call for a successful Dexterity saving throw to take half damage, you instead take no damage as long as you pass the saving throw. And Sneak Attack increases to 4d6.

8th and Final level of Rogue gains Ability Score improvement, you should be able to cap out Dexterity

6th Level Ranger gets boring extra favored enemy and favored terrain. 7th level is better, you get a Gloom Stalker feature, Iron Mind, which gains you proficiency in Wisdom Saving throws so that Count Vertigo won’t trap you in fantasies about Nightwing again. 

You also learn a new spell but honestly and Unearthed Arcana added few good ones. While usually, I’d go with Enhance Ability, Gust of Wind feels like a better fit for trick arrows theme - it’s a concentration for up to 1 minute and creates strong wind in 60 feet long and 10 feet wide radius in any direction you want (which you can change on each of your turns), removing gas and vapor from it, extinguishing all unprotected flames and having 50% chance on doing so to protected ones. Creatures in line move with half of their movement speed against the wind’s direction and on the beginning of their turn they must make a Strength saving throw or be pushed 15 feet away. Wind Arrow?

8th Level Ranger gets an Ability Score Improvement, raise your Wisdom. You also get Land’s Stride, letting you ignore the effects of nonmagical difficult terrain and advantage on saving throws against plants magically made to impede your movement.

9th Level Ranger gets to learn 3rd level spells. Chances are you might also want to replace some less than useful ones you picked so far, so I’ll list all best options here

Conjure Barrage lets you throw an arrow in the ait to make it rain arrows, dealing 3d8 damage to every creature in a 60-foot cone, half on a successful Dexterity saving throw. Less a trick arrow and more you replicating that time Ollie fired five arrows at different targets all at once.

Flame Arrows - concentration up to 1 hour to let you make your arrow deal extra 1d6 fire damage. Heated arrow, if that is a thing.

Lighting Arrow allows you to transform your arrow into a freaking lightning bolt, dealing target 4d8 lightning damage on a hit, 2d8 on a miss and whenever you hut or not every creature within 10 feet of it takes 2d8 lightning damage, half on a successful Dexterity saving throw. Electric arrow.

Gloom Stalker adds to this Fear - every creature in a 30-foot cone must succeed a Wisdom saving throw or become frightened of you for up to 1 minute (requires concentration) or on successful Wisdom saving throw granted if the affected creature loses the sight of you. Frightened creatures drop whatever they’re holding and must spend their turn taking dash action to move away from you, if they can. “I Borrowed a Page From Scarecrow’s Book” Arrow.

10th Level Ranger gains another favored terrain and Fade Away from Unearthed Arcana, which once per short or long rest allows you to as a bonus action become invisible until start of your next turn.

11th Level Gloom Stalker gains Stalker’s Fury - from now on once on each of your turns if you miss an attack you can make another one as a part of the same action. Meaning if one of your 3 attacks with advantage and auto-crit won’t hit, you can just add another one to it.

Our Captsone is 12th level of Ranger, letting us cap that Wisdom.

You are Rogue 8/Ranger 12, let us consider the pros and cons of this build. First of all, you go first. With +10 to initiative (+15 with Alert) you plain and simple go. First. You go first and someone dies when you put three arrows in them and throw a fist full of d6 and d8 dice at the DM. With Sneak Attack, Dread Ambusher, Hunter’s Mark, advantage on attack rolls, automatic critical hits and an ability to reroll a failed attack because you can deal from 2 to 4 d8 + 10d6 damage. Second, you have multiple ways to ambush or sneak upon your enemies and make sure they do not sneak up on you. Finally, Hail of Thorns, Fear and Lighting Arrow give you something against a group of enemies.

Now for the cons. First of all, you’re pretty much a one-trick-pony, focused on taking an enemy down fast, before they can even act.You drop someone on the first turn but are not that effective on the next ones and DM can quickly learn to simply add more enemies to every encounter. Second, your Constitution is not that high and both your HP and Concentration are lacking, while you need the latter for many spells and the former...you’re not within the Power Word: Kill range, but a single attack could drop you there. You also deal piercing damage and even the alternate types of damage you can deal are ones that many high-level enemies will have resistance or immunity against. Finally, you are all about stealth so you may not work well with a group more about full-frontal attack. But you still work best with a team. Be it Team Arrow or Teen Titans, you are most effective when you keep your distance and support first-line fighters with deadly strikes. Remember, you took down the world’s deadliest assassin when he was preoccupied with Robin.

Suggested choice of partner to team-up with.

ALTERNATIVES:

If your stats are good enough you can max DEX and WIS with just 4 Ability Score Improvements, consider 2 levels of Fighter to gain action Surge - suddenly your 3 attacks in first round become 5 and you can still pick second fighting style without taking Weapon Master feat.

If you want to sacrifice your stronger trick arrows to be stealthier or deadlier, consider replacing 4 levels of Ranger with Monk - you gain unarmored movement, add Wisdom to your Armor Class, get an unarmed strike to defend yourself in close-combat. Pick Way of the Shadow for a set of spells that make you stealthier. 

If you want to say fuck off to the trick arrows aspect completely, be Rogue 8/Ranger 6/Monk 6 and pick either Way of the Kensei, letting your arrows become magical and allowing you to spend ki points to add even mroe damage to them or Way of Shadow for freaking teleport.

Mind you, do not pick Way of the Kensei for 4 levels of Monk, you can only add 1d4 to your ranged damage for a bonus action and Hunter’s Mark and Hail of Thorns just do it better.

You have any suggestions of criticism? Or maybe a character you would like to see turned into a D&D build? Always open to constructive criticism or ideas.

ERRATA: Since the publications for new class options from Unearthed Arcana I have updated the build to include them.

- Admin

#Red Arrow #Emiko Queen #DC #Dungeons & Dragons

[apopheniaandeisegesis]

Sucker Punch Island: Session 1

Players :

Masari Half-Elf Monk. High Wis + Dex. Low Int + Cha.

First impression : Capable and very ernest, but just not that clever.

Nonamei Elven Wizard. High Int. Very low Str + Cha.

First Impression : Can't sit still. Trigger Shy. Asks the right questions.

"Jinx" (Me) Half-Elf Cleric. Prophecy Domain. High Wis + Cha. Very low Con + Str.

Blind man with a full-size crossbow who can't stop talking. Makes up a new god every five minutes. Still has clerical powers, somehow.

So, we're all on this island populated mainly by Kenku (Crow people). It all starts out pretty standard, We're all answering a "Heroes Wanted" bulletin, right? There are some other hereos at the bulletin board that look pretty badly singed. We try to talk to them to see what happened, but they lose their voices when they try to answer us. One tries to write something, but magically can't do that either. Weird. We figure they must have been cursed by whatever they encountered on their job. We tried a few things, but can't really help them or figure out exactly what's wrong.

So, the person we're meeting for the job shows up, a kenku. Rube. He's nervous. Jinx makes him even more nervous by idly pointing his crossbow in worrisome directions. Blind man with a crossbow raises a few eyebrows.

Rube takes us to city hall. Jinx bullshits about the decor and the statues. Mostly to see which party members are gullible. Surprise, it's the Wizard. So now the Wizard and the Kenku think Jinx knows all sorts of things about the city's founder. Convinced them that the statue in the hall is actually a petrified person. Good fun. Not terribly important. Yet. We'll see.

The mayor himself (or some such official) is called Ergard, and he's the one that actually hired us. Monsters in the sewer attacking the city, and can we go exterminate them please. Good benefits. We promise to resurrect you if you're awful and die. Nominal 10gp fee (a bargain!). Here's some magic rings with extra powers to help make sure you don't die. Here, sign this contract to be employed by the city.

Contract? Really?

I did try to see if we were being duped. Sense motive did show he wasn't really being straight with us, but we all thought he was just withholding some pertinent information about the job. Boy was he. Jinx cast Detect Magic to see what other shenanigans he might be pulling,. Just paper contracts, though. Nothing special. Rings are just cantrip level magic. Big-ass mirror in the guy's office is hella magical, and the mayor himself has some serious equipment, but that's all we know.

The Wiz and Monk sign the contracts. Jinx is blind and can't read and is a complete bastard, so he folds his up into a paper airplane and flies it across the room. Nobody really pays attention to that. The mayor sets out some magic rings for us. Jinx pockets all of them.

We head for the sewer. Wat a mess. Jinx hands out the rings. He's not greedy. And besides, He can't really use more than two. We wander through the sewer. There's slime everywhere and eventually some of it gets annoyed at being walked on and wakes up. We kill of a couple of them. Jinx does a fair bit of damage shooting at them with his crossbow. Blames it on being blind when he rolls low. The slimes are fire resistant. Kinda odd, but whatever. They go down easy. A much bigger one comes out of the pond of sludge down here. Jinx fires of his one big spell at it, but misses. "Did I hit anything?" He does have blindsight in a small rage around him, but it's a good schtick.

Another couple of stabs and bolts and that slime goes down too. The DM is rolling really low. Hits nothing the whole battle.

Next room, there's a Lizard-Taur. Already wounded but still feisty. Dumb as a rock, but not instantly hostile. The Monk speaks Draconic, though so we chat with it for awhile. Of course my compatriots have shitty Charisma, so they go nowhere for a long time. Eventually the Monk upsets the Liz-Taur and gets bit. We run away, but it can't follow us through a particular rusted grate. So we halt there and continue trying to chat with it, from a distance.

Jinx gets bored and sets up camp. Makes an omelette. Figures, this Lizard is only slightly smarter than a puppy. He's speaking in one word sentences. So I throw half my omelette at the lizard. Apparently it's pretty good, because I roll well on the persuasion check and suddenly he likes me enough to let me in the room he's guarding. Alone. No others. I wander around in there for awhile. There’s a pile of gold and a big ol' egg. Some massive scorch marks on the ground. There's some growling noises, but Jinx bombs his perception and investigation. Confused he assumes the gold and egg belong to the Lizard and the noise is coming from the egg. Probably about to hatch?

I figure I should leave the treasure alone. Go back and tell everyone there's not a lot in there. Just  a bunch of gold that obviously belongs to the Lizard and an egg that's probably his. Hers? Who knows. They're still trying to be nice enough to get past the Lizard without hurting him, so I give him an herbal poultice for his injured leg. That makes him happy enough to get a real conversation going with the only PC that can actually talk to him. Eventually  we figure out that the Liz-Taur is smelling the Kenku on the rings we're wearing. Really hates those guys. So my buddies chuck their rings to gain the Taur's trust. JInx picks them up. Guess they're all mine now. Puts all the rings on one hand.

So, finally we can all go in the room with the gold so that someone with a half-decent Investigate skill can make a roll instead of Jinx with his sad little +1. The roll is bombed by all present. No idea what's in here. The one that should have been successful actually Crit Fails and gets overwhelmed by nausea from the smell of burnt slime.

Jinx is hanging out with Lizard Boy in the back of the cave, so he can't sense what's going on near the treasure pile. Apparently what we all failed to detect was a dropoff at the back of the cave where a colossal dragon was sleeping. It finally wakes up. Jinx heads to that side of the cave to see what the commotion is all about, so we're all in a nice formation when the dragon breaths on all of us and we all die. While the DM plays the theme to 'The Price Is Right' in the background.

Of course, that was the plan all along. We wake up after being resurrected in the Mayor's office. Chained to chairs. Lovely. The Kenku does some magical shenanigans so that our perfectly normal contracts look like they say the Resurrection service has a nominal 10,000,000 gold fee. The usual arguing and threats ensue, but really we don't have any options. Another spell is done sealing the rings (all of which I'm wearing. Sheesh) and manacles to prevent us from leaving the island. And prevent us from talking to anyone about any job we do here or the 'arrangement' we have to work off our 10,000,000 gp debt.

ME :Jinx shrugs "i don't get all the posturing. I mean, if you're going to be thugs, then just be thugs. As the Acolyte of Moodwise, I won't forgive you, though" Masari Monk:"No, no, they have an image to keep." DM :Ehgard (The Kenku Mayor) rubs a hand over his beak."This is what you signed for. Most of you." Wiz Nona:"We signed for 10 Gold." Nona insists ME :Shruggs "I can't read. Never sign anything." DM :"We can take back the services we've done for you, if that's what you desire, sir." ME :"I suspect that would be quite illegal, if you want to play that game. Your option was to not raise me in the first place. But, clearly you're going to do whatever you like. Get on with it." Wiz Nona:"Jinx..." Nona warns nervously Masari Monk:"Yeah, let's cut to the chase. What do you get out of doing this to us? What are you expecting us to do to pay back this forged debt?" DM :"Illegal. No, not me sir." ME :"I am a cleric of Normenglasterpastich. We do not suffer liars lightly." Wiz Nona:what a name Masari Monk:Masari eyes Jinx. DM :"I suppose you'll have to work it off. I can think of a few more missions for you to go on to start earning that money..." His eyes narrow at Jinx, shaking his head."So untrustworthy..." ME :"What a lovely complement. I'm blushing." Masari Monk:"More missions that involve certain death? More missions that put us deeper in the hole through ressurections?" ME :"Sounds like a good plan. Infinite access to decent heroes. It's a nice racket if you can get it. Man's got a dragon to deal with. You do what you can." DM :The Kenku in purple walks around, putting a bracelet on Nona and Masari. "Certain death? No, no. Ambassador's of a sort. For Kiebnis herself (name of the city)." Masari Monk:"What's this now?" ME :Jinks looks straight at him with white eyes, "She's going to eat you, you know. I'm a prophet of Ibnis. I've seen it." Grinning like a madman. Wiz Nona:"Jinx, now isn't really the time to make threats," Nona whispers warily under her voice DM :Ergard tilts his head, eyes narrow as he looks away from Jinx. ME :"That wasn't a threat! That was valuable information. Worth at least 1,000,000 GP. ME :rolling persuasion. just that I'm an actual prophet. I have been playing the part pretty well, i think. (A decent roll. Total 19) DM :xDDDDD ME :No derail or anything. I just wanna unsettle the old bird. DM :Alright. Now I have to figure out this guys religion lol Ergard's feathers pick up a might. "Those are the old ways..." He 'mumbles' under his breath. So, that's why those other adventurers couldn't answer any of our questions. Apparently this crazy Kenku does the same thing to all the nice heroes that visit his island. Kill with dragon. Fake a masive debt. "You belong to me now." Rinse Repeat. At least I got to give the Mayor a good scare, though. I very much intend to make it a true prophecy.

Anybody know what I do with three magic rings cursed to the same hand?

#D&D #dungeons and dragons #sucker punch island sessions

[bitsfordays]

Work Visits

Another part to my nurseydex children series! Ive offically deemed this Au “Things That Stop You Dreaming” and it can be found on AO3 under that title!

Enjoy Addy being cute af, plus an introduction to Bella! 

(pst, i posted this in two parts on AO3 but yall will get it all in one bc im lazy)

“Daddy, are we there?”

Derek sighed and looked at his daughter for probably the seventh time in the last 10 minutes he's been driving. This was the seventh time she asked.

“Addison, I know you have the route to the rink memorized, so I know that you know that we are literally in the arena parking lot. You don't have to antagonize me.”

Addison gave what could only be described as a shit-eating grin from her spot in the back seat. She swung her legs happily. “I know Daddy, but Papa says that I should mess with you more often. He says its funny”

Derek was going to kill his husband.

He pulled into one of the parking spots reserved for players families and shut off the car. He turned around so he could make proper eye contact with his daughter.

“Okay Addison, Papa is playing against Uncle Jack tonight. Uncle Bitty was in town already for his book tour and so he brought Bella with him and we’ll be sitting with them in the family section. Do you remember the rules for when Uncle Jack plays against Papa?”

“Boo when Papa gets checked but don't cheer if someone on Uncle Jacks team gets checked, unless it's by Papa.” Addison explained neatly.

“Anything else?”Derek prompted.

“Don't curse?”

Derek couldn't help but laugh. Addison had learned her fair share of curse words, despite only being 6 years old. It's what happened when a child had an uncle whose name was literally Shitty.

“Not quite, lovely but that's a good one. I was actually going for ‘don't heckle Uncle Jack.’ He needs to stay concentrated on the game ”

“Oh.” Addison shrugged her little shoulders. “I can do that. Can we go inside now?”

Derek laughed. “Yes, Addy. We can.”

They got out of the car and made their way inside, not even bothering to wave their passes at the security guards, who they knew by name and had for years now. They went to their seats in the family section, directly behind the glass and found their family already there.

“Bella!” Addison tore her hand from Derek's and ran to greet her best friend/pseudo-cousin. They hugged tightly in the way that only young kids could.

Bella was a year older than Addison but that didn't stop them from being as thick as thieves. They lived three hours apart so they didn't see each other often but they adored each other just the same. Bella was more soft spoken than Addison was,

“Nursey!” Bitty grinned and pulled Derek into a tight hug.

“Hey Bits.” Derek laughed and hugged the other man back, just as tight. “How was the book tour?”

“Oh, you would not believe...”Bitty launched into a story about his time touring for his newest cookbook and Derek let his thoughts drift as Bitty rambled on.

“Oh, there they are!” Bella interrupted her father, pointing down at the ice as the players skated on for warm ups.

Jack and Will  were both easy to spot. Even from under his helmet, Will’s ginger hair was easy to spot, just as Jacks distinctive blue eyes were easy to spot behind his face guard.

“Papa!” Addison jumped up and down in front of the glass and waved her arms furiously. “Papa! Papa, over here!”

Derek could see Will’s grin from the other side of the ice. Will waved at his daughter, who waved back energetically. Derek could see Jack’s shoulders shake as he laughed and saw Jacks mouth move in some chirp. Will grinned and said something back before they skated their separate ways to warm up with their teams.

Addison kept waving her arms, trying to catch her father's attention again until Derek had to put a stop to it. “Add,let Papa warm up in peace. You dont want to throw him off his game, do you?”

“Its preseason, Daddy, it doesn't effect the season.” Addison responded, not looking away from the ice. Bitty chuckled from his seat.

“Addison. Leave him be until after the game, okay? Then you can harass him as much as you want.”

“Fiiiiiineeeee.” Addison backed away from the glass and sat down between Derek and Bella with a pout but Derek couldn't help but chuckle. There were times where he wanted to do the same thing.

Addison kept pouting and Derek took pity on her. “Hey Addy, how about you tell Uncle Bitty how your skating classes have been going? Im sure he would love to hear about them.”

Addison perked up immediately and Derek smiled.

This was going to be a good evening.

Rangers beat the Falconers 4-3, with Dex getting the game winning goal at the end of the 3rd period. Jack clapped Will on the shoulder during the handshaking and from the stands, Derek could see him say something and Will laughed before they both went on to shake more hands.  

They met Dex outside of the Rangers locker room. He was sweaty and gross but he still beamed when he saw his husband and daughter. It made Dereks heart do flips, the same way it did when they met in college.

“Papa!” Addison tore her hand from Dereks and did a flying leap towards her father. Will dropped his hockey bag to open his arms as his daughter slammed into his chest. “Hi Papa! You played really good tonight!”

“Thanks baby.” Will hugged her tightly. “Did you enjoy watching the game with Uncle Bitty and Bella?”

“Yeah! Did you know Bella is taking figure skating classes? Im gonna have her show me all the stuff shes learning there and Ill teach her everything Im learning in my hockey skating class!”

“Thats wonderful, Addy-Girl.” Will smiled. He set her down and looked over at Derek. “Hey babe. Did you enjoy the game?”

“You know I did.” Derek smiled and kissed Will on the cheek. “Nice check on Jack during the 2nd. Had him rattled for a second there.”

Will shrugged. “He got me back in the 3rd, twice as hard. I felt my brain rattle.”

Derek frowned. “How's your head?”

“It's fine, Der. They got me all checked out and I'm fine.”

“Good. I like you better with your brain intact.”

“Same.”

“Quit being gross!” Addison jabbed Will in the leg to get his attention.

“Ow, Addison. That's not how you get people's attention.” Will chided.

“Sorry. Can we go see Uncle Jack and Bitty and Bella now?” Addison said.

“Sure. Lead the way.” Derek said.

Addison lead them around to the visitors lockers, just in time to run into Jack, Bitty and Bella, who was currently asleep on Jacks back.

“Nice game, Cap.” Derek said with a smirk.

Jack sighed. “I havent been your captain in over a decade, Nurse. Please stop.”

“Ah, but you were the best one Ive ever had. Sorry Bits.”

Bitty and Jack both rolled their eyes.

“We would love to stay and chat with you two but we gotta get headed towards the airport.” Bitty said. “Especially since Bells already asleep. Shes been up since 6am with me and is just bone tired.”                                                             

“Okay Bits. We’ll see you in a few weeks for the Falconers home opener. Wanna get dinner before hand, while our husbands do their thing?”

“Sure. We’ll see you then. Have a safe flight you three.”

“See yall later!”

The Zimmermann-Bittles walked away, leaving the Poindexter-Nurses on their own. Addison tugged on Dereks hand. “Are we gonna go home now?”

Will grabbed Addison's free hand and smiled. “Yes, Addy-Girl. Home for now.”

“Okay.” Addison gave a tired smile. “It was a good game, Papa.”

“Thanks baby.”

Together, the three of them left the area at the end of another good day.

Derek Poindexter-Nurse hates writing. Its difficult, its time consuming and tedious to do. He hates writing with an undeniable, fiery passion.

Which is why he does it for a living. Obviously.

When it comes to writing, Derek’s been lucky. Hot got published only a few years after college and he quickly made it onto the bestseller list. He has hordes of teenage fans who would probably commit many crimes if he asked them to, all of them clamoring for another installment, another book, another bonus story, another anything. He could give them a five hundred word shit stain and most of them would probably be content. Literally anything.

Which is of course, how Derek found himself holding down the ‘H’ key for ten minutes, thumping his head continuously on his desk, as if that will make the ideas come faster. Usually when Derek gets into a slump like this, he just goes and talks to Will but its early May and the Stanley Cup playoffs are looming in front of the Rangers, so Will’s at practice and will be for another four hours, meaning that Derek is stuck stewing in his own mind indefinitely.

Indefinitely doesnt last for long. Dereks stewing is interrupted by a knock on his study door and it being pushed open to reveal Addison in all of her 13 year old glory.

“Are you okay Dad?” Addison said, looking at her father with a mixture of concern and vague disgust.

“No.” Derek sighed. He thumped his head aginst the wood again.

“Um..” Addison walkedd ina nd leaned against the desk where Derkes head currently was. “Maybe stop hitting your head against the desk? I dont think getting a concussion would be very good for you. Besides, Papa’s gotten enough for the both of you.”

Derek leveled a glare at his daughter but he lifted his head off the desk and sat up. He rubbed the red mark on his forehead. “Ive gotten my fair share of concussions too, ya know. I did play hockey for a lot time.”

“I know, I know, all im saying is that Papa had a concussion like, a month ago. “ Addison shrugged. “So his might be a little more relevant.”

It was true. Will had gotten a harsh check and was out of the game for a while because of it. It was rough on all three of them, just as it always was whenever Will got hurt during games. It always made Derek worry, usually about how much longer Will could play in the NHL or if they should continue letting Addison play in her junior league. It sent his head in swirls and him and Bitty and Caitlin have spent hours talking about the stress of being married to three of the top players in the NHL. And Derek knew that their children have had similar conversations about being the children of NHL stars.

“Dad? Hello?” Addison waved her hand in front of Derek's face to get his attention. “You still with me or did you actually give yourself self a concussion? Do I need to drive you to the hospital?”

“You can't drive yet, Addison. You're 13.”

“I know but I figured that if you had a concussion you would let me try anyways.” Addison grinned.

“And that's where you're wrong.”  

“Worth a shot. So what's wrong?”

Derek let out a long sigh. “Writing is hard, Addy. Don't do it. It isn't a viable career. “

“I mean, it wasnt on my list. I was more thinking hockey.”

“Huh?” Derek stared at his daughter and his heart thumped extra hard. “Really?”

“Well, yeah.” Addison shrugged. “Its what makes sense and I like it a lot. Is there…..something wrong with that?”

Derek let out a breath. The idea of his daughter, his pride and joy, one of the two most important people in his life, playing a dangerous game that both him and his husband loved made him feel nauseous. He knew first hand how dangerous the game was and while he knew that Addison took after her fathers in her love for the game, part of Derek wished that she didnt.

“Just..be careful.” Derek said carefully. He didnt want to admit to her how much it scared him. “You have time to decide. Most kids your age have no idea what they want to do. But, me and Papa will support you no matter what, okay?”

“Okay Daddy.” Addison leaned over and hugged him tightly. Derek hugged her back, putting all of his concerns and hopes into that hug.

“So, how can I help you get past your writing block right now?” Addison asked, pulling away from the hug.

Derek glanced at his laptop, which was just showing a word document full with the letter “H”. An idea tickled at the back of his brain. Something about an over-do meeting between a main character and their parent. A nice conversation about fears. Derek grinned

“You've already have.”

#nurseydex #zimbits #future fic #kid fic #AU:Things That Stop You Dreaming #my writing #hockey screams

[annayareads]

Fix the Tune of My Heart Pt. 2

PT. 1

“Hello, I am Derek Nurse, your director, and I am so excited to work with every single one of you.”

The people in the seats erupted into applause and Derek felt his nervousness fade away. All these people believed in him, the least he could do was believe in himself.

“To my cast, thank you for looking at my script and giving it a chance. You guys killed it in the audition process and I know that there are no better people to bring my script to life. I look forward to getting to know you and pushing you to be better actors as I know you will push me to be a better director.”

Just then Ford joined him onstage.

“Here is my better half, Ford.”

“I wouldn’t say better, but definitely more organized. Nurse here is the creativity, but I am the megaphone to make sure you all are here 110% every rehearsal,” Ford said with a small smile, but a fiery determination in her eyes. She was even more radiant when she was in Stage Manager mode. It made Nursey proud to call her his friend.

“She downplays how amazing she is. I never could have gotten this far without her. To my crew, you are the beating heart behind this production. You are all extremely talented in your areas of expertise and I couldn’t feel more proud to have you in my corner.All of you have something special within you, I just hope that I can let all of you shine. I have a great feeling about this group of people. I can tell that we’ll be a family in no time.” He smiled widely. “Let’s kick some ass, guys.”

There was a thunderous roar of applause as Nursey took a joking bow. Ford had somehow made a clipboard materialize.

“Now, if we could get you all in a line, so I can get your phone numbers for a group chat,” Ford projected out to the people before her.

The steady flow of chatter returned to the space as they began to line up.

Shitty came up to him and said, “What a glorious motherfucking speech man. Brought tears to my eyes. It’ll be an honor to work under you, you beautiful fucker.”

“Thanks, Shitty. I’m still so happy that you agreed to join the orchestra.”

“Of course, man. I’ll bang some keys for you anytime. Better go get in line. See you.”

“See you, Shits.”

Derek looked around then slipped out of the theater quietly. He just needed to breathe for a second. Just as he exited the room, he was knocked down by what felt like a speeding train.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry. “

“What?” Derek mumbled.

“I’m sorry. I’m late and then I had to knock you down. Fuck. Bad first impression.”

Derek blinked his eyes open and said, “Chill.”

“W-what?”

Derek’s vision focused and he immediately recognized who it was. William Poindexter had crashed into him. He should probably get up now and not stare at Poindexter’s gorgeous biceps in his plaid button down.

“Derek Nurse. I’m very happy to have you working on my project. I can’t thank you enough for reaching out and clearing your schedule to help me with my baby.”

He held out his hand and William looked at it then smiled and shook it. Derek felt his heart skip a beat, not gonna lie. You would too if this beautiful man touched you and smiled. Oh right, he should probably listen to what Poindexter is saying.

“I’m William Poindexter. It’s really me who should be thanking you. I’m excited to work closely with you.”

They smiled each other for a beat longer than is polite. Their hands were still interlocked when Ford came into the hallway frantically.

“Oh, there you are, Derek. Come in quick, you know how actors get when there’s nothing to do. Oh, hello, Mr. Poindexter,” Ford said.

The two men hastily snatched their hands away and glanced away from each other.

“We should go in. You can meet your crew,” Derek said.

“Sounds good,” Will said and began walking into the theater.

Ford was right the actors and crew were getting rowdy in the absence of a director. It had to be squashed before they hit the point of no return. He hopped up on stage.

“Alright, kiddos! I’m going to need all my actors to head out with Cosima over there. Cos, raise your hand!” A short Greek girl with hair to the middle of her back went on her tiptoes and raised her hand.

“Yo! Y’all ready to warm up those pipes for some truly melodious singing?”

There were a few stray whoops as the actors filed out of the theater.

“Musicians, you’re heading off with the one and only Georgia Martin who will be your conductor.”

Georgia waved and said, “Please call me George. Come on.”

“And crew, I’m going to be sending you with Ford to properly get acquainted with who you’re going to be working with and the delegation of things.”

Ford was already at the exit with her hand up like the omniscient goddess that she was. “Come on, my group.”

“Poindexter, you’re staying with me,” Derek called out to stop the retreating William Poindexter.

Will turned around and headed towards the stage. Derek sat down criss-cross-applesauce and hummed “Hopeless” before overanalyzing the fact that he was humming Eliza’s pining song about Hamilton while William was approaching him.

“What’s up?” Will asked.

“So, I wanted to talk set design with you.”

“I would hope that’s what 90% of our conversations are about,” Will said rolling his eyes.

“And the other 10%?” Derek asked teasingly.

Will’s skin started to tint a bit red, so Derek filed that in his mind for later before deciding to act like an adult.

“Just teasing, Will. Can I call you Will?”

Will shrugged. “Most people call me Dex, but do what you want.”

“Alright, Dex.” Nursey paused. “Yeah, I like that. Dex.”

“Set design?” Will said impatiently.

“Chill, Dexy. I’m getting there. We’ll be working very closely together for 8 weeks. We should get to know each other.”

“Whatever, Nurse.”

“Nursey.”

“What?”

“Call me Nursey.”

“O-okay.”

“Do it.”

“What?”

“For Christ’s sake, Poindexter.”

“Fine! Nursey.”

Dex was flushed a deep red now and Derek was alarmed by a strong rush of fondness. Usually, all those muscles and an attractive face only stirred up lust, but Poindexter was...something else. Be productive, Derek Malik Nurse!

“Anyway, so I was thinking about the set and I was really in love with the idea of having an entire set system rigged to the ceiling and all the sets get like dropped and lifted between scenes. I mean, obviously, the beds and shit like that would get brought in through our crew or stage managers,” Derek rambled.

Will had this strange look on his face. “And you want this set to be three dimensional?”

“Of course, Dexy.”

Will looked up at the ceiling of the theater and frowned. “No.”

“What?”

“No. That’s not going to work in this space or really in most places.”

“You aren’t even going to try?”

“Nursey, you realize that I’ve worked on many shows before right?”

“Yeah, why do you think I was so excited to have you here?”

“Then you also realize that I will know what I’m talking about at least 99% of the time?”

“But what if now is that 1%?”

“Trust me. It’s not.”

“Fine.” Derek pouted. His vision was already not coming to fruition. Will sighed and awkwardly patted Derek’s shoulder.

“We’ll figure something out that will look even better. Don’t worry.”

“God, you’re awful and comforting, huh?”

Will spluttered a bit before saying, “See if I ever do it again, asshole.”

“Aww, Dexy. Don’t spurn me so.”

“Whatever.”

“Chill.”

“I’m getting really sick of you saying that.”

“Chill?”

“Yes,” Will hissed through his teeth.

“You mean,” Derek started with an evil gleam in his eyes, “you aren’t chill with me saying chill?”

“You’re impossible! I’m going to find Ford, who’s obviously the only reasonable person I’ll be working with, and talk to my crew.”

Will stormed out and slammed the door shut after him. Derek burst into rolling waves of laughter.

“God, he’s hot.”

I have no idea how making a musical works. My knowledge is based on my experience in highschool theater. 

There’s a bit of flirting, y’all. 

#omgcp #omgcp fic #dexnursey #nurseydex #dexnursey musical au #ford omgcp #derek malik nurse #nursey omgcp #william poindexter #dex omgcp

[omgpourquoi]

nothing subtle here (4/6)

~“supposed to fall in like before you fall in love” ~

Red tinged the edge of his vision as Dex threw their hotel room door open. It slammed against the adjacent wall with a satisfying thud. Nursey shoved past him into the room and violently threw his bag down beside the furthest bed. Before he had time to even turn around, Dex was on him.

 “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SHOT IN SECOND PERIOD, NURSE?”

They had lost, 5-0. And Dex felt like he was on fire. His whole body was vibrating with emotion. The game had been brutal and the refs had been blind. Typical hockey. Dex had contained himself until this moment, when he could let his anger free.

“THE SECOND? I GAVE YOU A BEAUT OF PASS IN THE FOURTH! WHERE WERE YOU, POINDEXTER?!”

 Nursey had been ready. Dex felt like he was about the burst into flames.

 “GETTING THROWN INTO THE FUCKING BOARDS!”

 “AND NOT GETTING A CALL!”

It was a typical interaction. Nursey and Dex: mad at each other, but furious with everyone else. 

“AND THAT GUY, WHAT WAS IT #32? HE JUST –”

“–FUCKING THREW HIMSELF INTO CHOWDER’S NET!! LIKE–”

“–WHAT THE HELL, INTERFERENCE!?!”

“HIT ME.”

“AND – wait, what?” Dex thought he had heard wrong.

“You heard me.”

Dex could still feel the adrenaline pulsing through his veins. He may be upset, but it had been a long time since he had really wanted to hit Nursey.

“What the fuck? I’m not going to hit you.” 

And then Nursey shoved him.

 “Hit me, Poindexter. Don’t be a wuss.”

“What the hell? Nurs-” Nursey shoved him again, this time with more force. Dex’s body moved for him, reacting (like it always did), before his head could catch up.

He pushed back, grabbing onto anything he could get his hands on. The force pushed them both to the floor, all shoves and grunts. Dex’s hand dug into Nursey’s shoulder. Nursey’s elbow slammed into his ribs. Nursey wrapped his arms around Dex’s chest and they rolled, hitting the edge of a bed.

“What. The. Fuck.” Dex managed as he pulled himself out of Nursey’s hold and shoved Nursey towards the ground. He was careful not to push as hard as he could, considering the fact that if Nursey had wanted, he could have held the hold on Dex. This wasn’t a fight; it was an outlet.

Nursey pushed him off and the two of them laid there for a minute, breathing heavily. 

“Do you feel better, asshole? Because I’m gonna have bruises,” Nursey asked, his tone airy.

Dex sat up and looked down at his disheveled d-partner. Nursey’s hair, already a mess from the game, was frizzy. His chest moving up and down rapidly, his shirt rucked up, exposing his stomach. His green eyes bright and slightly unfocused. Dex had done that to Nursey. Well, a hockey game and Dex. 

Fuck me, Dex thought, in both a self-loathing and a sexual sense.

 But then he realized that he had basically attacked his best friend.

“Oh, fuck, bro. I’m–” Nursey held up a hand as he sat up next to Dex.

“No, it’s chill. I came at you. You’ve been fuming since the end of the third and none of those guys were giving you any way to show them how pissed you were. If I had left it, you might have punched a hole in the wall.”

“I don’t have that bad of a temper, Nursey.”

“Maybe not, but it was an excuse to get you rolling around on the floor with me.”

For the second time in 10 minutes, Dex said, “Wait, what?”

Nursey rolled his eyes.

“Jokes, Dex? Ever heard of them?”  Dex knew Nursey was just fucking around, but that didn’t stop the clenching in Dex’s chest in response to the comment. His heart probably should have stopped racing, but looking at Nursey was having the opposite effect. So he stopped looking. 

You can’t want that, Poindexter. 

Dex leaned back against the bed frame and tried not to think about the way Nursey was pressed up against his right side. He timed his breathing with Nursey’s. Besides his fluttering pulse (that had nothing to do with exertion), Dex could feel the anger draining out of him, quickly being replaced with exhaustion. Dex would never tell him, but Nursey had probably just rescued him from a night of tossing and turning. As if he were reading Dex’s thoughts, Nursey bumped Dex’s shoulder.

“I know. Guess, I’ve been living with you long enough to know what keeps you up at night.”

Dex’s heart ached. God, Nursey, if you only knew.

Nursey knew he had said too much.

Stupid. Not Chill. Really fucking stupid.

How long had it taken to get to this point with Dex? Years. And Nursey was saying shit that definitely crossed the line in the sand.

And Dex breathing heavily, pressed close to his body? Call the fucking police, because Nursey was dying. For Nursey, being a writer meant that sometimes, at least for a second, reality and fiction blurred. He could see it so easily.

Reaching over to put his hand on Dex’s knee. Turning his head. The feel of Dex’s hands around his neck. In his hair. The heat of them rolling around, like before, but completely different. Dex having a way to vent after losses that involved less bruising, more tongue.

“I’m only gonna say this once…” Dex started and then trailed off. Nursey blinked, pulling himself back to the present.

Dex cleared his throat. “You’re a pretty good person, Derek Nurse. Thanks.”

Nursey was melting. His entire being felt light and heavy, all at once.

“Pretty good, huh?” he managed. Dex rolled his eyes and then shoved his knee against Nursey’s.

“I mean, you’re a halfway decent best friend, I guess.”

“Fuck you, Poindexter, I am an amazing best friend.” 

Bestfriend.Bestfriend.Bestfriend.Bestfriend.Bestfriend.

They had never said it out loud before and to Nursey it sounded like music. It sounded like it meant something. It sounded like a promise.

Dex shrugged –- probably the best reply Nursey was gonna get – and stood. He reached a hand down to Nursey.

“We should get some sleep. We have a game against Yale when we get back.” 

Nursey doubted he could sleep after what had just happened, but he accepted Dex’s hand up anyway.

This chapter has a lil baby subtitle: “supposed to fall in like before you fall in love”. This is from this kinda shitty (but I love it so) song called True Colors by DVG. It’s on my NurseyDex playlist that I listened to while writing. “Nothing subtle here” is a line from the Selena Gomez song, Bad Liar.

s/o to my sis @amonggsavages​​ for beta reading all this! Follow her, she’s actually the best??? She got me into this fandom, so you have her to blame.

Chapter 4/6.  Read the rest: part one here. // part two here. // part three here. // part four here. // part five here.

Will post on A03 soon! ((waiting to get accepted)). Thanks for reading and much love x

#nothing subtle here #erin writes #my writing #nurseydex #dexnursey #omgcp #omgcheckplease #I've been reading yalls tags and it is bringing me so much joy let me tell you #thanks for sharing and freaking out with me about these lil gay boys and their gay web of lies #mutual pining fic

[chirpingisflirting]

Sleepless nights (ii)

Continuation of this! I have a couple more nights of sleeping difficulty planned for poor Nursey, and eventually the whole thing is going up on ao3. This one got long. And if someone could help me figure out how to make the “keep reading” work for mobile...that would be GREAT - the internet is failing me.

***

Nursey’s bus leaves for Maine at 9:45am from Port Authority, and Nursey finds himself sprinting through the uptown building at 9:40 after initially going to the wrong gate. His duffle bag bounces against his side as he clambers down the escalator, finally arriving at his gate two minutes before the bus is supposed to depart. Panting, he hands his ticket to a very bored-looking driver, and hauls himself onto the bus. He finds a seat near the back, wanting to avoid the inevitable fall on the way to the shitty on-bus bathroom later on. Stowing his bag overhead, Nursey finally drops into his seat and lets out a long breath.

Me: made it :)

Dexyyy: Proud of you.

Dexyyy: What’s your ETA again?

Me: supposed to be around 7:30 I think? Bus takes fucking forever. Stops and shit

Dexyyy: Got it.

The bus leaves five minutes late. Nursey puts his headphones on and stares out of the window at the passing buildings. The bus meanders through the city, lurching through the Thursday mid-morning traffic. Nursey lets his thoughts wander according to the music that is valiantly trying to make a cohesive soundtrack for his life.

30 minutes later and the bus finally trundles out of Manhattan, picking up speed as the traffic lengthens out to create an ever-moving ribbon flying down the road. Nursey’s Spotify is on a metal kick, and he goes to change it to his running playlist, but sees that he has a missed text from Dex.

Dexyyy: Ma wants to know what you want for dinner. I told her about your peanut and tree nut allergies, but I forgot if you like burgers or beef stew more.

Me: mmm stew sounds great but burgers are probably easier

Dexyyy: Okay but which one would you prefer?

Me: oh my god decisionsssss

Me: why do you do this to me

Dexyyy: Nursey just pick a food

Me: ...stew

Dexyyy: Fuck yes

Me: lol

Nursey spends the next three hours alternating between reading Holster’s accounts of his and Ransom’s adventures (which are increasingly entertaining and implausible) as texted to the group chat, scrolling through Instagram (and rolling his eyes at all of the photos posted by his Andover classmates), and staring out at the passing scenery. He eats a quick lunch, gulps down a bottle of water, and naps. He jolts awake when a song from his angsty teenage days blasts through his headphones, and somehow manages to make it to the bathroom and back without faceplanting in the middle of the aisle. Nursey glares at his phone when it tells him that it is only 3:26. Four more hours. Nursey’s butt is going numb.

Me: dexxxxx

Dexyyy: What’s up?

Me: im boreddddd

Dexyyy: Well, I can’t help you with that

Dexyyy: Remind me why you decided to take the bus and not Amtrak? It takes like 6 hours on the train, the bus takes almost 10.

Me: idk

Me: i thought it would be prettier

Me: more whimsical

Dexyyy: Oh my god you’re such a poet

Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dexyyy: NURSEY

Me: tis my name

Dexyyy: Oh my god I can’t believe I willingly invited you to stay with me for a week. What was I thinking???

Me: dunno man

Me: but I’m excited

Me: TO GET OFF THIS BUS

Dexyyy: You suck.

Me: you love me

Dexyyy: Do I

Dexyyy: Do I though

Me: :)

Dexyyy: Anyway

Dexyyy: Ma forgot to get the beef for her beef stew so I have to go get it, I’ll text you in a bit

Me: drive safe!

Dexyyy: I’ll try.

Nursey drops his phone into his lap and tells himself to stop grinning like an idiot. Four more hours until he gets to see Dex, four more hours until what he knows is going to be the best week of his summer, four more hours until he can get off this fucking bus. Spotify chooses to play Sam Cooke’s What a Wonderful World.

Dexyyy: I’m at the store, do you want anything while I’m here?

Me: edibles

Dexyyy: If only

Me: could you get me a few vitamin waters or something?

Dexyyy: The pink ones? Power-C?

Me: yessss

Dexyyy: Ok, will do.

Dexyyy: How’s the ride?

Me: Dex

Me: I am. So. Bored.

Dexyyy: Write something?

Dexyyy: Oh wait, you can’t write in moving vehicles.

Me: yeah :(

Dexyyy: Can’t you type on your phone or something?

Me: idk it doesn’t work as well, I feel like I don’t usually like what I end up writing, you know?

Dexyyy: I guess? Yeah I kinda get it

Three hours later, exhaustion hits Nursey like a truck. Dex texts him to let him know that he’s leaving his house to make the hour-long drive to get Nursey from the bus stop, and Nursey valiantly tries to nap again but he is listless and dehydrated from being on the bus for nine hours. He checks his phone every 15 minutes and each time only five have passed, and the sun seems stuck in place, hovering over the edge of the world but refusing to go down. Time passes slower than when you’re high, and ten times more aggravatingly. But finally, finally, they’re pulling off of the main highway and onto a slower, smaller road, past a small town and coming to a stop in a parking lot, and Nursey can see Dex leaning against his pickup and suddenly his heart is in his mouth. Nursey shoots out of his seat and grabs his things, waddles down the aisle, thanks the bus driver, and trips down the stairs. Dex is laughing at him from where his is standing, and Nursey attempts to flip him off but ends up dropping his duffel and his phone, making Dex laugh harder.

“C’mon Nursey, Ma’s stew is waiting, we don’t have time for you to be a walking mess.”

“Hello to you too, Dex,” Nursey grumbles as he picks up his things.

“Mm. How’s your ass?”

“Still fine as hell.” Dex glares at him. “After sitting on it for that long, I’m surprised it’s not flat.”

“We’ve had roadies that take almost as long to get to.”

“Yeah but when you’re with the team, everything is so much more fun.”

“True.”

Dex starts his car and rolls the windows down. The air is sweet, lighter than what Nursey is used to. He takes a minute to just breathe, getting used to the quiet noise of wheels turning on the tar, the wind rushing past, music drifting quietly out of the car’s speakers. The sun has resumed on its path to give the moon authority, and Dex looks peaceful. They don’t talk for the hour-long ride back to Dex’s house, Dex content to focus on the road, and Nursey content to focus on Dex. He doesn’t know when he first started seeing calm in his defensive partner -- he didn’t think it was possible -- but more and more he’s been seeing Dex as a person rather than a flame. It’s nice. Nursey figures that he must be really, really tired, if he’s allowing himself to think like this.

Meeting Dex’s family, the tour of the house, and dinner passes in a haze for Nursey. He knows the stew was amazing, he knows he is surprised that Dex’s brother doesn’t have red hair, he knows that he is welcomed as a friend of Dex’s but treated only as a guest. He knows that he reverts back to some of his Andover ways (his white-people parent-pleasing ways), and he knows that Dex is frowning at his changed behavior. But Nursey is too tired to deal with anything, and dinner finishes late at nearly 10. Dex pulls Nursey up to his room, where an air mattress has been set up next to Dex’s bed. Dex and Nursey get ready for sleep, switching off in the bathroom in the rhythm they established for roadies, and Dex sets an alarm for 4:30am (“Why, Dex, why.” “I have to work, Nursey. You can sleep in, I’m not expecting your ass to last on a boat for more than five minutes.”) while Nursey smushes his face into his pillow.

It’s not until he turns onto his back that Nursey notices the glow-in-the-dark stars pasted onto the ceiling, and here is another fucking problem. The light from the stars is nothing like the street lamp outside of Nursey’s window at home, and he knows that they will fade out soon, but they are somehow distracting nonetheless. Nursey shifts onto his side, and then flips onto the other, trying not to make too much noise but suddenly unable to get comfortable. After five minutes of waiting to fall asleep, Nursey sits up and stares out into the darkness, sighing deeply.

Dex moves on his bed, and then whisper-shouts, “Nursey, why the hell aren’t you asleep?”

“I don’t fucking know, Dex. I want to go to sleep, it’s not like I’m like, ‘oh yeah, let’s just stay up all fucking night!’”

“Well what the fuck do you need?”

“I dunno!”

“Jesus Christ, I have to be up in six hours, I am not dealing with this,” and then flying out of the darkness comes a pillow, aimed straight at Nursey’s head. He catches it full in the face, and it startles him enough that he flops backwards. Dex chuckles.

“The fuck was that for, man?”

“You always sleep with two pillows, Nurse, and Ma only gave you one. Plus it was really satisfying to throw that at you.”

“Fuck you, Dex. I did not sign up for this.”

“Too bad, Nurse. You can’t get home unless I drive you to the bus stop, so you’re stuck with me until I get sick of you. Or next week, whichever comes first.”

“You don’t think you’ll be sick of me before that?” Nursey asks incredulously.

“Meh, we’ll see. Now go to sleep, Nursey, seriously, before I come knock you out.”

Nursey heaves yet another a put-upon sigh and lays back, sandwiching his head between the two pillows. The top one smells like Dex, and Nursey finds his breathing slowing as he takes in the new but not unfamiliar smell. The star stickers become a distant thought, and Nursey feels himself slowly being swallowed by a welcome sensation -- comfort, his tired mind supplies. Comfort and calm, it says. Dex, it breathes. Nursey falls down, down, down, to sleep.

#nurseydex #dexnursey #derek nurse #william poindexter #omgcheckplease #omgcp #i write #i hope this is okay #continuation

[geniusorinsanity]

nurseydex, 10!

REMEMBER HOW I WAS DOING THESE TO FIGHT OFF JETLAG

FUN FACT I LOST

anyway:

10. the one where you have a timer on your wrist that counts down to when you meet your soulmate.

i. 

“Ammi,” Derek says, tugging on his mother’s skirt. “Ammi, I got something on my hand.” 

His mother looks up from her laptop, brow furrowing, and he holds up his arm for her, sleeve pulled back to his elbow. “Oh,” she says, and she gives him the smile that’s his favorite, the one that’s just for him. She pushes her computer away. “These are your numbers, hayati,” she says, and rolls her own sleeve up. “Like mine and mama’s, you see?”

Derek stands on his tiptoes so that he can look at her wrist, at the 0.0.0.0.0., unmoving against her skin. He looks at his own, shifting as he watches: 13.129.12.6.22. 13.129.12.6.21. 13.129.12.6.20. “Yours don’t move,” he says, frowning. “How come mine move?”

“Because,” she says, touching his hair gently, her eyes soft. “They’re counting.”

ii. 

“Heads up, Billy!”

Billy snaps his head up on instinct, and then immediately yelps and ducks as his brother flings a baseball at his head. “Matt,” he whines, and then, louder, “Mom!”

“Take it outside, boys,” their mother says, without looking up, and Billy makes a face but lets his big brother drag him outside to the lawn.

“I was busy,” he says crossly, even as he takes the ball from Matt and picks up one of the gloves that they never bother bringing inside in the summer.

Matt rolls his eyes, picking up his own glove and jogging back a few steps. “You were not,” he says. “You’re just looking at your numbers again.”

Billy flushes. “I just like watching them,” he says, even though he knows it’s dumb. He knows it’s basically gonna be forever until they tick down to zero–11.36.8.49.37. 11.36.8.49.36. 11.36.8.49.35–but he likes it. It’s something to look forward to. 

“Dork,” Matt says, but it’s fond. “You better hope your soulmate likes romance.”

Billy makes a face. “Gross,” he says, winding back to throw the ball, and Matt laughs.

“With your luck,” he says, “you’ll probably get a poet.”

iii.

Derek rubs absently at his wrist as he reads the next page of Romeo and Juliet. When he concentrates, he can feel the seconds counting down, the shift of the bio-ink on his skin, but he shouldn’t be concentrating on that now. He has homework to do.

The door to the stairwell opens, and he shifts automatically to pull himself out of sight. He doesn’t quite move fast enough, though, and a moment later, Shitty Knight’s face appears over the railing. “Nursey?” he’s frowning. “What’re you doing down here, bro? We’ve got practice in twenty.”

“I know,” Derek admits. “I was. Uh.” Hiding sounds stupid, right? He shouldn’t be hiding. 

“Dude.” Shitty swings himself over the railing and sits next to him. “What’s up? You okay?” He frowns. “Is Connors giving you shit again? I’ll get that little motherfucker thrown off the team, dude, I swear to God I will.”

“No,” Derek says, quickly. “No, it’s fine. I’m just.” He shrugs. “Homesick, I guess?”

Shitty’s face softens. “Oh.” He nudges Derek, almost fondly. “Hiding in a stairwell’s not gonna make you feel less homesick, bud.”

“I know that.” Derek rubs his wrist. Then, on a whim, he glances at Shitty. “Hey. Have your numbers hit zero yet?”

“Nah.” Shitty extends his wrist so Derek can see. 1.282.9.12.19. Derek feels a stab of jealousy. His own numbers are still ticking down from four years. Shitty raises his eyebrows. “Is that what you’re homesick for? You don’t have to be embarrassed about that.”

Derek shrugs, rubbing his thumb over his wrist again. “It just feels weird,” he murmurs, “to miss someone I’ve never met.”

iv.

Will looks at the pamphlets spread out over his kitchen table. He’s got offers for a few of them already, has already done a couple tours. It’ll be down to scholarships, he knows, if he’s looking to go private, and that’s kind of a lot of pressure, but…

“Penny for your thoughts, Billy,” his dad says, plopping down into the chair next to him.

“Um.” Will puts down the Samwell University booklet, hoping his flush doesn’t show too much on his face. “I was just, you know. Thinking.” He gestures to the piles of glossy materials on the table. “It’s a lot.”

“It is a lot,” his dad agrees. He pulls one of the pamphlets out. “I thought you were thinking UMaine? Keep the Black Bear generation going?”

His mom went to UMaine for nursing, and Matt’s there now, working on his Forestry and Survey Engineering Technology degree. It’s a good school, Will knows, and not too far from home, and the hockey team wants him. Playing Div I hockey at his mom and brother’s alma mater isn’t the worst prospect, but.

But.

But he’s been getting scouts from Samwell, too, and there’s something about that 1 in 4, and maybe more! that makes the numbers on the inside of his wrist tickle when he reads it. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t think I’m ready to rule out Samwell just yet.”

v.

Derek’s not a math guy, but he doesn’t have to be a genius to figure out that the numbers ticking down on his wrist are going to hit zero the same day he’ll be touring Samwell. He calls his sister in a panic when he realizes, and she laughs at him over the phone, tells him to get a good night’s sleep–“right,” he says, “like that’s gonna fucking happen”–and not to put too much product in his hair because his soulmate should like it the way he is.

She thinks she’s hilarious, probably. Derek hangs up and screams into his hotel pillow.

0.0.7.42.38.

He ends up awake half the night, too wired to sleep, and almost sleeps through his alarm. He grabs an Uber to Samwell’s campus and just about falls out of the car when it pulls up in front of Faber, the skin on his wrist tingling and prickling under his sleeve. 

0.0.0.04.49

The inside of the rink is as cold as they always are, but he’s glad for the sudden chill–it might actually cool the crazy flush in his skin. Derek peers around, looking for the rest of the prospects, and spots the group in the stands, halfway around the rink. 0.0.0.01.22. He takes a breath, pushes his hair off his face, puts his hat back on, and heads off towards them.

And promptly almost slips down the stairs–

Except someone grabs his arm. 

“Jesus,” says the kid holding onto him, looking at Derek with the prettiest fucking eyes he thinks he’s ever seen in his life. “I hope you’re smoother on the ice, dude.”

“Uh,” Derek says, staring. “I try to be.” 

He doesn’t need to look at his wrist to know his numbers just hit zero. He swallows. “Thanks, for–” he gestures, with his free hand, and clears his throat. “I’m Derek.”

The kid’s gaze flickers down, to the grip of his fingers on Derek’s sleeve, and he says, “I’m Will. Well–Dex.”

I’ve been waiting my whole life for you, Derek thinks. He says, voice hoarse, “You’re still holding my arm.”

Dex flushes scarlet under his freckles. “I–” he says, and then, “Yeah.”

He doesn’t let go.

Derek doesn’t really mind.

send me a soulmate au

#Anonymous #dexnursey #nurseydex #otp: you'd totally sing to me #AND THEN THEY SPENT THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTHS BICKERING LIKE CHILDREN #or something #soulmate au

[stelleralcid-blog]

I added an epilogue to “Tango’s Secret Santa” and realized i never posted the full work here

so yeehaw have the entire thing here or on ao3

Rated Teen for some swearing and heavily implied heavy makeouts

“Everyone, listen up, this is your captains speaking!”

Holster’s voice boomed to the back of the bus and shook Tango from his dozing against the window.

“I’ve always wanted to say that. Okay, Ransom, go!”

“Yeah, so! We’re doing a team gift exchange. It’s mandatory. And anonymous. Like a Secret Santa, or Secret Snowflake, or Nondenominational Winter Buddies. Blame Holster for that one.” “It’s true, my fourth grade teacher was afraid of offending the one Jewish kid (me), so we called it that. And I got to teach everyone Dreidel. That part was great.”

“Anyways. We’re putting a $25 limit on this. You all have a week and a half, we’re doing this the Friday night after finals end at the Haus. Homemade gifts are encouraged and treasured, but don’t make crap, yeah?”

“And Bits, pies don’t count, we know you’d make them for us anyways and we love you for that.”

“… I’m revoking your pie privileges, Mr. Birkholtz.”

“Fine, pie AND some other gift.”

“Deal.”

Ransom held out a snapback with folded scraps of paper inside. “Time to pick! We’ll come to you!”

He made his way up the aisle, as hands reached out from the seats to grab paper. Tango took a slip and unfolded it to see Ransom’s name scrawled in small, tidy handwriting.

“Be careful about keeping this a secret!” Holster shouted as Ransom made his way back to the front of the bus (Tango made sure to scrunch the paper into his fist tightly). “If your buddy finds out you have them before next Friday, that’s a fine!”

Ransom finding out was the last thing on Tango’s mind. It was still stuck in holy crap I have one of my captains he’s a SENIOR I can’t let him down but I have no idea what he wants/likes??? mode. What was Ransom even in to besides hockey? Could Tango get him something hockey related? Was that too much of a cop-out? He had a vague recollection of his captain being on a pre-med track. A stethoscope? One of those little round things they grow germs on?

Tango’s thoughts were interrupted by the bus pulling in to the parking lot of the rink, and Lardo standing up to give an overview of the evening’s game logistics. As the team filed off the bus, Tango’s usual stream of questions directed towards Lardo was strangely absent. Tango moved towards the storage compartment to collect his bag. As he grabbed it and turned to walk in to the rink, he came face to face with Lardo.

“Bro, if you’re out of ideas, ask someone for help. Trust me, guessing is not always a great plan on this team. I think Shitty’s ego is still wounded from when Wicks threw out the Hulk underoos he got.”

Tango had a brief image of Ransom in Captain America underpants, fervently insisting that they weren’t right, he was Canadian.

“Yikes, okay. Who should I ask? I don’t want to bug anyone—“ (Lardo rolled her eyes, Tango missed it) “—so I guess I’ll wait till after the game? Who would be good for this? Not Holster, obviously, because he’d definitely tell, but I dunno who…”

Lardo glanced over her shoulder at a head of orange hair retreating to the rink. “Why don’t you ask Dex? He’s your roommate tonight, right?”

“Oh! Yeah! He’s a defenseman, too, so he probably knows what Rans likes!”

“Sure, Tango. Kay, gotta go wrangle the rest of the team now. Good luck, see you later.”

Lardo flashed a peace sign, flipped her sunglasses down (why is she wearing them if the sun is setting? I have to ask her about that later.), and strode purposefully towards the rink.

---

Back at the hotel, as the Samwell Men’s Hockey team waited to check in, they relived the highlights of their victory.

“Dude, that pass to Ollie was slick. Some mad sauce to set him up for that shot.”

“Brah, not as sweet as Bits’ takeaway in the second. That defenseman didn’t know where the puck went for a solid 10 seconds.”

“Oh stop it, that was nothing. Look at Chowder! Stopping all those shots on that PK!”

Just then, Lardo turned away from the front desk and approached the gaggle of hockey players strewn about on the lobby furniture. “Got all your keys. I’m not your mom, but the bus is leaving at 5:30 tomorrow. Don’t stay up too late.”

Tango wasn’t planning on it, but he did still have to talk to Dex, and work on his communication assignment that he had missed for this roadie, and wait did the professor say she’d give him an extension until tomorrow or the next day? And what part of his grade would this go into? Participation?

“Hey, Tony, grab your gear, c’mon.” Tango was shaken away from his fretting by Dex chucking a key card at his head.

“Oh! What room are we in? Are all the rooms in a cluster like last time? I know Lardo told us to go to sleep early but is there a time we absolutely need to be quiet by? Because I know if we end up playing cards in Ransom and Holster’s room again we might get loud. But we don’t have to if we should all go to sle—“

“We’re in 212, don’t know, I don’t think so, we’re not all hanging out because I need to sleep. I’m turning the lights off at 10,” Dex snapped back.

“Okay.” Tango had learned that Dex was not always the happiest roommate after a long bus ride and a tiring game. He had offered at the beginning of the season to switch with Nursey into Chowder’s room, but Dex had prickled even more at that.

They rode up the elevator in silence. Dex frowned straight ahead at the door, Tango drummed his fingers on his thigh. They walked down the hall, Dex unlocked and opened the door, and immediately threw his bag on the bed closest to the door. “Great, I get the window, then? Thanks!”

Tango received a grunt of recognition as Dex dug his charger out and plugged in his phone.

“Hey, were you gonna take another shower tonight? Or one in the morning? If you aren’t, I’m gonna take the little shampoo bottles, because my mom said they have to throw them out anyways but she likes collecting them because hey, free soap.”

Dex raised an eyebrow as he focused on his phone. “All yours, T.”

“Cool!”

Tango threw on his pajama pants, plugged in his phone, then went to grab the soap and brush his teeth. He was planning on going to bed, but something was bugging him. He wanted to ask Dex something about… Oh! Ransom’s present!

“Hey ‘ex! Haat hould I ‘et hor Ransom?” Tango barreled out of the bathroom with a mouth full of toothpaste and an armful of soap. When Dex glanced up from his phone to give him an incredulous look, he ran back in, spit the toothpaste out, and tried again.

“What should I get Ransom? For the secret gift thing. I don’t know what he likes, and I don’t wanna disappoint him because y’know, captain, and I don’t have any good ideas.”

“Fuck, I don’t know. Isn’t he a bio major?”

“Something like that? I was thinking about some, like, icky medical equipment because maybe he could use it and he’s in a lab all the time but I don’t know where to get any and I’m worried it’ll be over 25 dollars. And you and him are both defensemen, so I dunno, maybe you had better ideas?”

Dex sighed, and put his phone down. “You’re not gonna shut up until I help you, are you.”

“I can stop talking to you! If you have work or something. I can just come up with something by myself. I might just talk myself through it a little, though, but I can do it quietly!” “No, you can’t.” Dex stared at Tango with a look strangely similar to the one Bitty always had when he said “oh, honey.”

“What’s something you know he needs?” Dex prompted.

“Um. Good grades? Less stress?” “Tony. That is literally every college student.”

“I could get him a starbucks gift card because he drinks coffee?” “Cop-out.”

“Red bull?”

“More interesting, but still a cop out, and you’ll get yelled at by Holster for ‘upsetting the coral reef with toxic waste’ or something like that.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve heard caffeine can really stress people out. It doesn’t do that for me, though. Does it do that for you?”

“No.” Dex frowned. “You might be on to something, though, with the stress thing. Ransom could use an outlet. I want to be able to be in the Haus while he’s studying and not be one hundred percent silent.”

Just then, Dex’s phone made a definitely not silent “BRAAAMMP BRAAAAAMP BRAAAAMP”.

“Shit, that’s my alarm, it’s 10. I’m turning in,” Dex said as he fumbled to stop the noise.

“You have an alarm to go to sleep? Doesn’t that wake you up?”

“Good night.” Dex got up, flipped the lightswitch, and collapsed back onto his bed, leaving Tango stranded in the darkness all the way next to the bathroom.

He picked his way back across the room to his bed, and ended up running into the coffee table. Tango must have hit it at an odd angle, because in addition to the clunk he heard a buzzing sound. Do tables make that noise? Maybe it was the carpet? Weird. He finally made it to (well, ran into) his bed, and crawled under the covers.

So I could get Ransom something for stress relief. A stress ball? Those are sometimes squishy rubber… so kind of like a round, soft, puck? Could I make one out of a puck? I wonder if they melt. Could someone freeze a stress ball and use it as a puck? I bet you could do that with a lot of things if they’re cold enough and round enough. Would they shoot as well? What else is small and round?... a cookie! Bitty would kill me, though, so maybe not…

Tango was drifting off to thoughts of baked goods flying around the Faber ice when he heard the soft kchunk of the door opening. He ignored it because Lardo said go to sleep and I want to dream about flying mini pies, until he heard sheets rustling and a low murmur from the other side of the room.

Well that is certainly weird. Tango was about to sit up and look over when he heard a groan choked off in a short gasp. He decided he most certainly did not want to see whatever Dex was up to. Instead, he stared at the clock on his bedside table, with a look of horror on his face, probably. He didn’t have a mirror.

Ten thirty seven that could rearrange to seventeen oh three or oh one thirsty seven OH SHIT THIRSTY SEX DEX IS DOING UNSPEAKABLE THINGS RIGHT OVER THERE.

He tried his hardest not to hear the bed creak or the occasional wet sound, or to wonder who Dex was making those scarring noises with. I can block the noises out and Dex won’t notice. I have a pillow. It’s fine, he doesn’t need to know I heard him. Just gotta be careful.

Tango steeled himself, shut his eyes, and rolled over, taking his pillow with him over the top of his head. The rustling across the room paused. Tango caught a faint whisper, “… owder… sleeps like a log…” and a reply: “let’s go.”

He heard soft padding footsteps, then a louder thud made his eyes fly open. Whoever it was had hit the door in a tangle with Dex. A hand fumbled for the handle, and pulled it open. The hall light briefly glanced off of a patterned band of a tattoo on an arm, and shone through half lidded grey eyes, then the door closed and Tango was left in the dark trying his best to ignore the fact that Nursey and Dex were making out next to him thirty seconds earlier.

---

The next morning, the team stumbled onto the bus in various stages of “didn’t get nearly enough sleep”. This ranged from Ransom and Chowder, quietly debating who had the tastier granola bar, to Bitty, snuggled up in a hoodie with the strings pulled to obscure his face, dragging his feet up the aisle. Tango could not tell if Bitty actually had his eyes open or not. Tango himself was probably closer to Bitty on the tired scale, as he had laid awake for a while after Dex and Nursey had left, trying to purge the memory of the sounds he had heard and the knowledge that ew, they were hooking up right there who DOES that??? From his mind. He couldn’t figure out when he had finally fallen asleep, but must have, because Dex reawakened him when he came in at 1:26 AM. That just set his brain off again.

Tango saw Dex head towards the back row of seats, so immediately ducked into one of the front rows. As he crammed his backpack under the seat in front and settled against the window, Ransom swung in across from him.

“Hey, T. You look a little tired. Sleep okay?”

Holster shushed him on his way to the seat behind Ransom.

“It’s before 6. Not everyone is as used to running on zero sleep as you.”

As Ransom reached back to punch him good naturedly, Tango realized this could be a good opportunity to make at least a little sense of what he had witnessed last night. He piped up as the bus started to pull out of the lot,

“Actually, I have some questions for you guys. As captains? It’s why I didn’t sleep well.”

“Contemplating life’s big questions, are we now?”

“Not really, it’s more romantic-related-ish.”

Holster gave Ransom a gleeful look. “It’s your turn to give the uncomfortable sex talk to the tadpoles!” “Nonono, not for me! Like, a third wheel question! Like, I saw something I shouldn’t have!”

“Oh?” Ransom quirked an eyebrow, which Tango took as an invitation to explain.

“Yeah, um, and it may have involved…,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “people on the team.”

“Oh.”

Ransom shot a look at Holster, held up a finger to Tango, and put his head over the back of the seat. The captains whispered furiously to each other, then turned back to a squirming Tango with what he recognized as their Serious Captain Faces. Mostly they just looked like they were slightly in pain, but Tango and the rest of the team always played along.

“Okay,” Ransom began. “First, thank you for coming to us first about this. You didn’t tell anyone else, did you?”

“No.”

“All right. Good. Thank you.” Ransom let out a breath. “You probably should not tell anyone. Because, not to name any names, but we know how this could turn out.”

“Right.” Tango was vague on whatever details Ransom seemed to be implying, but he could imagine grumpy Dex getting a lot grumpier if he had a secret get out without his control, and he didn’t want to imagine Nursey losing his chill.

“Also, probably don’t talk to him about it. He’ll let everyone on the team know when he’s ready, yeah? Don’t want to rush anything,” Holster said, and Ransom nodded sagely.

“Okay, that makes sense.” “As for getting it out of your head, we got nothing. We’re still reeling from when we found out. Baby animal pictures help as a good distraction, but that’s about all, and it’s not permanent. Lardo does have a pretty large file of ducklings she can send to you.” “Bro. Instead of dick pics, she sends duck pics.” “BRO.” Holster boomed.

“Shhhhh!!!” said the entire rest of the bus.

---

Rain poured from the December sky as Tango hurried through the yard up to the Haus. He was just glad that it was warm enough to rain today; 40 degrees felt downright balmy when it had been in the 20s the week before. He opened the door to warmth and the smell of something fried, and as he took off his jacket he pulled out the small present with a card marked “Ransom” in his pocket.

“Bitty? Ransom? Holster? Chowder? Lardo? I’m here!”

“We’re in the kitchen, come on back!”

Tango poked his head in to see Bitty at the stove with Holster, and Ransom, Lardo, and Chowder at the table. Lardo was holding a piping bag, and Chowder was covered in powdered sugar.

“Hey, Tony!” Chowder smiled. “We’re helping Bitty and Holster make snacks for later! They’re like jelly donuts, but not quite, I guess. Holster can explain better.” He spotted the package in Tango’s hands. “You can put that in the den! Or I can do that, I need to go get mine and put it there, anyways.”

Chowder took the present from Tango and ran upstairs to grab his own. Tango turned his attention to the piping bag Lardo had.

“What’s that for? And is Bitty making donuts? Are those the ones Chowder was talking about? Oh, and is that why he had powdered sugar all over, too?”

“One answer to all of those, T. Bitty and I are making sufganyot!”

“Bless you.”

“No, Tango, that’s what they’re called, dear. They’re for Hanukkah, Holster wanted me to try making his grandma’s recipe.”

“They were a tradition, until my mother decided that she didn’t want the entire house smelling like fried and banned us making them. I haven’t had them since high school! Basically, Hanukkah’s one of those ‘they tried to kill us all, they failed, let’s eat’ Jewish holidays, which also involves an oil-related miracle. So the ‘let’s eat’ portion is fried food.”

“Holster’s turned us into a production line,” said Lardo. “You can take over powdered sugar duty from Chowder, if you want. Take the ones I’ve already put the jelly in.” She nodded towards a plate of golden fritters leaking jelly from their ends.

“Okay!” Tony grabbed the plate and the sifter full of powdered sugar. “When are we starting with presents?” “Oh, the youth, always on about their presents.” Ransom put on his best old man voice. “When everyone else gets here. You’re like 10 minutes early.”

“Oh! All right.”

They listened to the rain beat on the windows of the kitchen and the pile of completed sufganyot grew steadily larger. The rest of the team slowly trickled in, and the volume of the conversation grew until Ransom and Holster announced it was time for the gift exchange. Everyone filed into the den, and Tango found himself squashed between Whiskey and Nursey on the couch. Dex was on Nursey’s other side. Tango couldn’t stop himself from raising his eyebrows at that, and he saw Dex catch him and turn red. Ohmygod he knows I know. I’m going to have to move to Australia. Do they have hockey there? He almost missed Holster’s explanation of how opening gifts would work.

“We’ll pick one person to go first. Find your gift from the pile and open it! Whoever gave it to them, fess up, and you can do the hugging/thanking/whatnot. The person who gave the gift that just got opened then goes next.”

“Also, if there’s a card, read that first. We were not raised by wolves. Well, I hope not.”

“Okay, the captains have decided that one of the taddies has to go first because we said so. Whiskey! Go!”

Whiskey extracted himself from the couch, walked nonchalantly to the gift pile, and drew out a bag with tissue paper. He pawed through the bag, and pulled out what looked like a little booklet.

“Does this count as a card?”

“No, that’s part of your present. What’s it say?” Holster encouraged.

“101 reasons to stay away from the lacrosse team.” Whiskey raised one eyebrow. “I’m guessing this was you, Holster?”

“I can’t take all the credit, Shitty helped too.”

“Gee, thanks…”

“What else is in there?” Whiskey pulled out some stick tape and held it up.

“So you can remember where you come from, my dude.”

As he sat back down, Tony saw Whiskey roll his eyes.

“Holster, your turn!”

Holster extracted a small package, covered in what looked like burlap splattered in acrylic paint.

“I totally know who this is from,” Holster grinned.

He peeled the fabric back to reveal a book on coral reef care. “Lards, this is a terrible joke, thank you.” “Only the dad-liest for you, brah.” Lardo pointed at Holster and winked. Nursey leaned over to Dex and whispered something in his ear. Tango wished he had picked a different spot that was not on the couch.

The gift opening continued. Lardo got a box of crayons and a dictionary for her next project from Nursey, Nursey got a Falconers scarf from Bitty, Bitty got an Amtrak gift certificate from Ransom. Tango barely had time to wonder why he would need that, the train only ran to Providence, when Ransom got up to open his gift.

He picked the small package out of the pile, and peeled back the tape clumsily holding the paper together to reveal a stress ball and some ballpoint pens. Tango piped up, “I thought you could use the pens to take notes, and also click them to have something to fiddle with in your hands? Or just use the stress ball if the pens aren’t going to cut it.”

Ransom looked over at Tango with a look of mild surprise on his face. “No, the pens are perfect! How’d you know I needed more?” “I didn’t?”

“I sort of broke the rest of mine clicking them too hard. But like you said, I can use the stress ball if they’re getting too beat up on.” Ransom put the present down and crossed the room to the couch, and promptly put Tango in a friendly headlock. “Thanks, Tony, now everyone knows I’m a nerd!” He mussed up his hair, then let him go.

“Tango, your turn!”

“Oh!”

He approached the pile and saw a small box with a bow and an envelope with “Tony” scrawled across. Remembering Holster’s words, he opened the card first.

“Tony,

First of all, don’t read this out loud. Second: I’m sorry about that night on the roadie. I realize that was probably really uncomfortable for you. I also owe a lot to you for not telling anyone about it, or us (oops, Tango thought. Well, I think they already knew, so I guess it’s okay?). These are some things I wish you had, and you could probably use them for the rest of college, too. Especially if you end up in the Haus. I’ve heard the walls are thin. Nurse and I will tell the team when we’re ready, but till then, thanks for having our backs, and we’ve got yours too.

                                               William Pointdexter”

He opened the box to find a small bag of earplugs. Chowder peeked over his shoulder.

“Who’s this from?” Dex raised his hand from the couch.

“What are they for?” Chowder asked.

“Dex snores on roadies,” Tango blurted out, and glanced at the couch. Dex mouthed “thank you” or “fuck you” at him, he couldn’t quite tell.

“Practical and snarky! Nice, Dexy,” Nursey elbowed Dex in the ribs. “Your turn!”

The gift unwrapping moved on, and Tango felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He munched on a pastry when they were passed around, laughed at the cat in a Sharks hoodie that Whiskey gave to Chowder, and when he noticed Nursey and Dex’s hands pressed together in the small space between the couch cushions, he didn’t freak out. He had a lot of baby goat pictures saved on his phone, and that was good enough.

---

Epilogue

---

“To sum up: Me and Jack are dating, and it’s really important that you all keep this a secret. I’m sure y’all could guess how the media would react if they knew there was an NHL player who isn’t straight. But we really trust everyone on this team, and wanted to share this with you.”

“We’re really glad you did, Bitty. Thank you for trusting us, and we won’t let you down. Right?” Holster glared at Tango, Whiskey, and the other tadpoles piled onto the couch. “Right!” said Tango, elbowing Ells and Brady on either side, and kicking Whiskey, who was leaning up against everyone’s legs.

“Yeah, Bits, we got your back.” “Yep, that’s what this team’s about.”

“You’re cool, Bitty, we got you.”

“You all are the best teammates.” Bitty beamed. “Oh! I almost forgot! I baked a thank-you pie, it’s chocolate chess! If all y’all want to come to the kitchen, I can serve it up!”

Whiskey, Ells, and Brady immediately sprang up and jostled each other in an effort to get to the kitchen. Tango was about to follow them, when Ransom spoke up from where he and Holster were standing.

“Hey, Tango, wait a sec.” Uh oh. They both had their Serious Captain Faces on.

“Um, if this is about the soccer ball through the window, I want to say I do know who did it, but I’m not going to narc.”

Holster lit up. “Wait, you do? Shit, Tony, why didn’t you—wait, no, that’s not what this is about.”

“But we’ll come back to that later,” added Ransom, raising an eyebrow. “We wanted to thank you for keeping Jack and Bitty’s secret. It’s hard to do that sometimes.” Tango frowned. But I just found out about them?

“Yeah, I gotta say, we were a bit worried when you first came to us.”

Wait…

“Not to mention a bit confused,” Holster plowed on. “We didn’t know how you could have seen something because Jack isn’t around that much, but whatever, they weren’t exactly discreet.” Tango’s mouth fell open. They thought I saw Bitty and Jack Zimmerman. “Oh, before I wasn’t talking about—”

“Seriously, all the pet names over the phone? Gross. I sort of wish Bits told us earlier so we could have fined them more. Dex has been grousing about the dryer for months.”

Tango didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the mention of Dex.

“I know, Rans. At least he hasn’t been taking it out on Nursey. Tango, if you heard the way those two used to go at it…”

Tango rushed to the kitchen to cram his mouth with pie and stop himself from blurting out “I already did”.

#tango #check please #tony tango #nurseydex #dex #nursey #holster is jewish #emma writes sometimes

[alternianfun-blog]

Here is Celty’s Olive blood

Celty Shae

INFO

NAME-Deizra Lezeti CLASS-OLIVE BLOOD RACE-TROLL HEIGHT:4'9" (base 4'8"+ 2d10")---->1&0----> 4'8" + 1" = 4'9" WEIGHT:115lbs (base 110 lbs + (2d10 x 2d4))---> 4&1--->110lbs + 1(from above) x  5 = 115 lbs   AGE:9 sweeps (my age in sweeps ( age / 2.5 rounded up) SEX-FEMALE ALIGHNMENT-chaotic neutral BACKGROUND-CHARLATAN (from PH) EXP-0 LVL:1

AC:10+dex-->12 INITIATIVE:( )CHANGES EVERY FIGHT SPD:60ft/turn HP((1d8 + constitution mod)per level): Temp HP-0 HIT DIE:0 -Total:0

DEATH SAVES: -Success:()()() you alive! -Fails:()()() you dead!

ABILITY SCORES: (+0)Strength-10 (+2)Dexterity-14 (+0)constitution-10 (+1)intelligence-12 (+1)wizdom-12 (+2)charisma-14

INSPIRATION:(0) given by DM or other players who have inspiration

PROFICIENCIES:

SAVING THROWS:(add modifier from ability scores) -Dexterity -Charisma

SKILLS:add modifier when making these   -acrobatics (DEX) -perception (wiz) -pursuasion (cha) -deception (cha) (background) -slight of hand (dex) (background)

OTHER: ADD proficiency to roll when using these -light armour -simple weapons -hand crossbow -longsword -rapier -shortswords -instruments -disguise kits (background) -forgery kit (background)

LANGUAGES: -COMMON

PERSONLITY TRAITS: -flattery is my preffered trick for getting what i want

IDEAL: -independence- I am a free spirit-- no one tells me what to do (chaotic) (background)

BONDS: -somewhere out there, I have a child who doesnt know me. im making the world better for them.

FLAWS: -I cant resist swindling people who are more powerful than me

LIKES: -videogames -reading -shitty horror films Dislikes: -snakes

FEATURES TRAITS:

-BACKGROUND INFO: -FAVORITE SCHEME: -I run sleight-of-hand cons on street corners -FEATURE: - FALSE IDENTITY: you have created a second identity that includes documentation, established acquaintances and disguises that allow you to assume that persona. additionally, you can forge doccuments including offical papers and personal letters, as long as you have seen an example of the kind of document or have the handwriting you are trying to copy.

-SPELL CASTING ABILITY: ---Charisma -SPELL SAVE DC: -8 + proficiency bonus + charisma mod -ATTACK MOD: -Proficiency bonus + charisma mod -BARDIC INSPIRATION:  -inspire others through words or music: -use bonus action on your turn to chose one creature other than yourself within 60 ft of you who can hear you. this creature gains one Bardic inspiration die, D6 -once within the next 10 mins the creature can roll the die and add the number rolled to one ability check attack roll or saving throw it makes. (after d20 is rolled)

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: HEIGHT:4'9" (base 4'8"+ 2d10")---->1&0----> 4'8" + 1" = 4'9" WEIGHT:115lbs (base 110 lbs + (2d10 x 2d4))---> 4&1--->110lbs + 1(from above) x  5 = 115 lbs   AGE:9 sweeps (my age in sweeps ( age / 2.5 rounded up) -SEX-FEMALE -Gray skin -Horns: short nubs -other characteristics - blood smear across nose (char blood color) - black hair- a-sym bob -

PASSIVE WIZDOM(PERCEPTION): -

INVENTORY: CANTRIPS: -Blade ward: -Cast time: bonus action -range:self -Duration: 1 round -INFO:you extend your hand into the air and draw your mark. until your next turn, you have resistance against all weapon damage -Friends: -Cast time:bonus action -range:self -Duration:concentration, up to 1 minute -INFO:for the duration, you have advantage on all charisma checks directed at one creature of your choice that isnt hostile toward you. when the spell ends, the creature realizes that you used magic to influence its mood and becomes hostile toward you. a creature prone to violence might attack you. another creature might seek retribution in other ways(dms discretion), depending on the nature of your interaction with it.

SPELLS: spellslots--->()()()() LVL 1: -4 Spell slots --KNOWN SPELLS -ANIMAL FRIENDSHIP -cast time: 1 ACTION -Range: 30 FT -Duration:24 hours -INFO:this spell lets you convince a beast that you mean it no harm, chose a beast that you can see within range. it must see and hear you. if the beasts intelligence is 4 or higher, the spell fails. other wise the meast must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be charmed by you for the spells duration. if you or one of your companions harms the target, the spell ends. AT HIGHER LEVELS: when you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, you can affect one additional beast for each slot level above 1st. -BANE -cast time:1 action -Range:30 ft -Duration: consentration, up to 1 minute -INFO:up to three creatures of your choise that you can see within range must make charisma saving throws. whenever a target that fails this saving throw, makes an attack roll or saving throw before the spell ends, the target must roll a d4 and subtract the number rolled from the attack roll or saving throw. -CHARM PERSON -cast time:1 action -Range:30 ft -Duration:1 hour -INFO:you attempt to charm a humanoid you can see within range, it must make a wizdom saving throw, and does so with advantage if you or your companions are fighting it. if it fails the saving throw,it is charmed by you until the spell ends or until you or your companions do anything harmful to it. the charmed creature regards you as a friendly acquaintance. when the spell ends, the creature knows it was charmed by you. AT HIGHER LEVELS. when you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, you can target one additional creature for each slot level above 1st. the creatures must be within 30 feet of each other when you target them. -COMPREHEND LANGUAGE -cast time:1 action -Range:self -Duration:1 hour -INFO:for the duration, you understand the literal meaning of any spoken language that you hear. you also understand any written language that you see, but you must be touching the surface on which the words are writte, it takes about 1 minute to read 1 page of text. -CURE WOUNDS -cast time:1 action -Range:touch -Duration:instantaneous -INFO:a creature you tough regains a number of hit points equal to 1d8 + your spell casting ability modifier. this spell has no effect on undeat or constructs. AT HIGHER LEVELS. when you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, the healing increases by 1d8 for each slot level above 1st -DISGUISE SELF -cast time:1 action -Range:self -Duration:1 hour -INFO:you make yourself--including your clothing,armour, weapons and other belongigns on your person-- look diferent  until the spell ends or until you use your action to dismiss it. you can seem 1 foot shorter or taller and can appear thin, fat or inbetween, you cant change your body type, so you must adopt a form that has the same basic arrangement of limbs. otherwise the extent of the illusion is up to you. the changes wrought by this spell fail to hold up to physical inspection. for example, if you use this spell to add a at to your outfit, objects pass through the hat and anyone who touches it would feel nothing or feel your head and hair. if you use this spell to appear thinner than you are. the hand of someone who reaches out to touch you would bump into you while it was seemingly still in midair.to discern that you are still disguised, a creature can use its action to inspect your appearance and must succeed on an intelligence(investigation) check against your spell save DC. -DISSONANT WHISPERS (need whistle) -cast time:1 action -Range:60 feet -Duration: instantaneous -INFO: you whisper a discordant melody that only one creature of your choice within range can hear, wracking it with terrible pain. the target must make a wisdom saving throw. on a failed save, it takes 3d6 psychic damage and must immediately use its reaction, if available, to move as far as its speed allows away from you. the creature doesnt move into obviously dangerous ground, such as a firepit. on a successful save, the target takes half as much damage and doesnt have to move away. a deafened creature automaticallly succeeds on the save. AT HIGHER LEVELS. when you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd or higher , the damage increases by 1d6 for each slot level above first. -LONGSTRIDER -cast time:1 action -Range:touch -Duration:1 hr -INFO: you touch a creature, the targets speed increases by 10 feet until the spell ends. AT HIGHER LEVELS: when you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, you can target one additional creature for each slot level above first.

LVL 2:

MONIES:0

Equipment: -lute -Rapier 1d8 piercing -Greatsword 2d6 slashing -trinket: old chess piece made out of glass. (rolled d100 found on trinkets page in PH)

#alternainfun #homestuck #d&d #D&d5e #celty