#Amethystina Replies

[amethystina]

hello dear, hope you're doing well physically & mentally. lots of hugs for you!

i've been wondering about the physical touch in Gahan's dynamic especially. we all know how much physical abuse Yohan has gone through in his childhood, the kidnapping by Sunah, him willingly explode a whole ass room with bombs with him inside it too but pushing away his loved one out.

now compare to Gaon. this Bambi has better experience with physical touch in his life seeing as how he's comfortable leaning to Soohyun seeking comfort while grieving for the loss of his parents. reaching out to Yohan so easily when he sees Yohan woke up from a nightmare. how he reaches for Kkomi and put her on his lap, the lovely and respectful interaction with Elijah.

I always have this thought in my head that it would be tricky for them to have this physical touch without one misunderstood the meaning of one's action. personally i bounced back and forth of the idea Yohan can manipulate and charm ppl with his sex prowess. just because he knows being seduction and sex goes hand in hand with manipulation. It does seem like Yohan can be the type to do especially that the way he gazes at Gaon & Sunah. But we all know he has brother complex lol, while with Sunah he can get the rush of feeling powerful having someone around his level to play with. Either that idea or I think Yohan never has the chance to explore sex bcs it's too much physical touches and too much emotional investment in such a short period of time. Perhaps he can have sex while his sex partner is tied up, not touching Yohan but he's the one who has control to touch them, hence why the kinky dom Yohan exist. So i think domestic touches will be like taming stray or feral creatures. It would take a long time and patience on both sides to be in the safe space and trust.

now.. wdyt Gahan would be in if they were already in a romantic relationship. How would they interact? Who would initiate what? What difference would it be for them in domestic/ innocent interactions and in bed? I would like to know your thoughts on this one. I wish I can pour my detailed thoughts for this but i'm afraid to scare you off with my long-ass paragraphs hahaha it's been a while since I have conversations analyzing character's personality and their depths, just geeking out about them and it can be intense and intimidating for people if I pour all my thoughts out for these shit lol

I wish you well! Take your time on your recovery & in writing, we'll always be here for you!

I'm currently in pain from shoveling too much snow but, other than that, I'm pretty okay. Thank you for asking 💜

Physical touch is a very fascinating subject when it comes to these two, isn't it? Probably because there's so much tension between them.

Anyhow! I actually think that Yo Han has had a lot of sex but, like, only with the right people? He may have been abused as a child (and definitely has trauma and trust issues because of it) but he's also a very clever and intuitive man. And he'd know how to find partners he can have casual, enthusiastic, and fun sex with. Like, some random woman or man he meets at a bar who thinks he's hot? Definitely. Some random woman or man he meets in a professional setting who is clearly trying to gain something from having sex with him? Absolutely not.

Having sex is a very intimate act in some ways, but exactly how intimate depends a lot on the partner, the setting, and the circumstances. Yo Han would only go for people he's not feeling threatened by or knows he can control without exerting too much effort. But I also think he'd enjoy the challenge of wooing people. Like, how fast can he make this woman shed her clothes? What should he say to make this man swoon? Flirting would be a game for him, too, but "winning" just means he and the other person get to have sex so it's actually pretty harmless.

And I think he'd be fine doing it with strangers and letting them touch him. Because he doesn't actually seem averse to touch in the drama? Unused to it, yes — especially the tender kind — but not scared of or uncomfortable with it. He puts himself and his body through a lot, yes, but never in a reckless or self-destructive way. More often than not, he knows exactly what the risks are and deems them worth whatever payoff comes at the end (unlike Ga On who just... throws himself into danger without much thought).

One of the few (if not the only time) Yo Han seems genuinely scared of physical touch is when Ga On tries to comfort him after his nightmare. Which says a lot, I think. He's more scared of a touch meant to soothe than one meant to hurt, since he doesn't want to show weakness. He doesn't know how he will react to a touch like that and would therefore rather push it away.

But he doesn't even flinch when Sun Ah raises a hand to slap him, which is definitely a situation where some (but not all) who have been abused in the past would react. So, clearly, he's not as traumatised as he could have been, or has learned to control it enough for it not to show too much. To me, Yo Han doesn't seem averse to casual touching and does it quite a lot himself, like towing Ga On around at the gala, lightly patting Lawyer Ko's arm, offering his arm to Jin Joo at the other gala etc.

And I personally don't think there will be all that many misunderstandings between him and Ga On as to what a certain touch means? They both seem way too smart for that? There might still be general misunderstandings, of course, but not when it comes to that. If nothing else, the intent behind touches is something Yo Han had to learn long ago because you can't manipulate people only using sexual prowess. He needs more than one method and that means recognising what different touches mean, when to give them etc.

My personal headcanon for Yo Han is that he has no trouble using his sex appeal to manipulate when appropriate, but his strength lies in how he adapts to the situation, sometimes being kind and understanding, sometimes being firm and commanding, and, sometimes, being flirty and sensual.

The way he prefers to have sex is for fun, though, and he enjoys it a lot with the right people. But he'd never do it if he felt uncomfortable or threatened by his partner, and he's good enough at reading people that he'd know the other person's intentions long before the actual sex happens. So, for example, I don't think he'd ever want to have sex with Sun Ah even if he could tie her up. He'd be too suspicious to actually enjoy it xD

To me, Yo Han is the kind of man who has a lot of trauma, but has also worked a lot on overcoming said trauma. If he did so in a healthy way I will leave unsaid, but I don't think he'd allow himself to be wary of other people's touch. I think Yo Han would be frustrated by his own limitations if he could only have sex with people while they're tied up, simply because he's uncomfortable with them touching him. That's too big of a weakness — something someone could exploit. And he'd train that out of himself as soon as possible. His whole thing is that he's unshakeable and impenetrable and that's a choice — something he's putting effort into being. And so I, personally, can't see him allowing himself to have that kind of "flaw."

As a friend of mine said: "He's a man even more in control of himself than he is others."

That said, I think he enjoys tying people up because it gives him added control and makes it more fun to play with his victims partners. So I'm all for Dom!Yo Han — he is one in every fic I've written so far — I just think he does that because he likes it, not because it's the only way he can have sex.

And, to be entirely honest with you? I don't think Yo Han needs to tie people up in order to control them in the bedroom. I'm pretty sure that man can make his partners do pretty much anything he wants them to, without using a single tool or restraint. Because that is the kind of Dom he is.

ANYHOW. To your questions! (boy did I get derailed there for a while)

Ga On is definitely the cuddly one. Like, once he gets comfortable, he's the one who gives and asks for hugs, will walk up behind Yo Han and wrap his arms around him, snuggle up on the couch, put his head in Yo Han's lap etc. Because I definitely agree with you that the casual, domestic touches will be more difficult for Yo Han. He's used to giving some of them, like pats on the shoulder, a supportive hand, fixing Ga On's clothes — practical things. But the ones that are just because? Clearly, that's out of his wheelhouse and he's too prideful to ask for them.

Again, not because he's broken, scared, or doesn't understand them, but simply because he's not used to them. And he doesn't like feeling insecure or appearing weak, so he wouldn't risk asking and making a mistake.

So it'll fall upon Ga On to offer them, which he of course does. He's a pretty physical person with the people he trusts, provided that politeness and such allows it. Like, clearly, one of the reasons why Ga On doesn't touch Yo Han much in the drama is due to the workplace hierarchy, the fact that Yo Han is older (and it's considered rude to touch someone older without their permission), and just Yo Han's overall... Yo Han-ness. But once Ga On gets free rein?

Yo Han won't know what hit him.

But it'll take time for them to get used to it, yes. Like, just teaching Yo Han how to return casual hugs that aren't in a life-or-death situation is going to take a while. But he'll get used to it eventually and while I don't think he'll ever be the one to initiate certain things — like the more cuddly hugs that might make him look clingy — he'd always reciprocate when Ga On does.

Yo Han is a little too prideful to ask for cuddles, but he'll graciously agree to them when Ga On asks him to give them.

(He and Komi have that in common, I guess)

As for sex, that depends? I think they can both initiate it, but Yo Han enjoys it more when Ga On does so, just because he likes seeing Ga On horny and desperate xD Yo Han is definitely the one in charge, though. That's not to say that Ga On can't snatch control from him or throw him off-balance from time to time, but probably only during brief moments when he's being particularly cheeky and bratty. I think they both enjoy the push-and-pull — the fact that Ga On challenges Yo Han is a part of the thrill — but are more comfortable when Yo Han is in control.

Especially since Yo Han is very good at it.

All that said, I do think — and this might be an unpopular and scandalous opinion — that Yo Han could, eventually, let Ga On top him. But we're talking years down the line, when they're so comfortable with each other that there are no secrets or doubts. Because, yes, Yo Han is a man who prides himself on having control but, eventually, he's also going to realise that having control and having power isn't necessarily the same thing. And being in charge and having control isn't necessarily the same thing, either. Ga On has a tremendous amount of power over Yo Han despite not being in charge or in control the majority of the time.

I mean, there's a reason why they say that the sub is the one with the real power since they're the ones willingly handing it over to someone else. And if they can give it, they can also revoke that privilege — and there is absolutely nothing the Dom can do about that. In that situation, the Dom is, quite literally, powerless.

And I think, especially as he gets older and softer, Yo Han would realize that trusting Ga On to top him is, in fact, a sign of his own strength. And I don't mean that in a "real men know how to bottom" kind of way. But in a "I love this man and I trust him and myself enough to let him have this power over me because that, in itself, means I have power."

But, again, that's several years into their relationship and 99,9% of the time, Yo Han is the one topping. But, every once in a while, Ga On can be the one in charge. As a treat.

... I may have gotten off track again.

But I'd say that's about the gist of it? There are, of course, more specific examples and details, too.

Yo Han is definitely the one doing most of the dirty talk, but Ga On will not hesitate to use his doe-eyes to his advantage and say the most kinky, outrageous things sometimes, just for the pleasure of watching Yo Han bluescreen. I also think that Yo Han will develop a habit of burrowing his nose in Ga On's hair when they're hugging/cuddling. And, as I've mentioned in a previous post, Yo Han is the little spoon 90% of the time. I also think that Ga On is going to be pretty shy and prudish when it comes to talking about sex and anything relating to it (at least at the beginning), but kinky as fuck when it comes to the actual acts. Like, he can't say "cock" without wincing, but he'll gladly let Yo Han tie him up and fuck him so roughly and thoroughly he's covered in bruises afterwards.

I really could go on but then we'd be here forever and I have work tomorrow x'D

So I'm hoping you got something out of this long rant! Thank you so much for the ask! I admit that I don't often spend time thinking about fictional characters' sex lives, but I apparently have a lot of opinions regardless. Though, to be honest, I think Yo Han and Ga On is the couple where I've had to think about it the most, since physical closeness (of both the sexual and more innocent kind) is extremely important for their dynamic. So yeah.

Take care, darling! 💜

#Amethystina Replies #fr-wiwiw #I genuinely had to think on this one for a while before I was able to answer #A lot of things are already stored in my brain somewhere #But the tricky part is formulating it into a somewhat coherent reply #And I still don't know if I managed #I always feel like I forget so many details and aspects x'D #I stand by that thing about Yo Han bottoming btw #I think that would be wonderful character development for him #To eventually be able to trust someone that much #And you KNOW Ga On would be amazingly considerate #So yeah #That's my headcanon #And you can pry it from my cold dead hands

[avatarmerida]

Mushrooms & Manuals

Wholesome huntlow movie night. Don’t tell me you hate the title unless you have a better idea. I would also like a better idea. Blame any issues on me being on mobile k thanks.

———

“Oh, before I forget, is it okay if I use the living room tonight?” Willow asked as she sat down at the breakfast table.

“Yeah, sounds fine to me,” replied Luz as she added more sugar on her cereal. “Whatcha got planned Will?”

“There’s a new documentary on rare fungi premiering tonight,” beamed Willow. “And, not to spoil it, but I hear it has some great shots of Laccaria amethystina.”

“That sounds... perfect for you,” said Amity fondly, happy her friend had found something to be excited about. As tense and stressful as things were, they had all fond little things to enjoy and distract themselves with. During the day, all their energy went into finding a way back home but Mrs. Noceda has insisted they allow breaks for hobbies and fun, lest their burn themselves out.

Willow nodded enthusiastically. “It starts at seven,” she went on. “If anyone wants to join me!”

“Seven? Oh darn, that’s when Luz and I were gonna go try frozen beverages at the gasoline market,” said Amity, not really too heartbroken about not watching a mushroom documentary.

“That’s fine, what about you Hunter?” Willow asked the boy beside her who was currently focused on finding the perfect milk to cereal ratio.

“Hm? Oh, yeah uh a documentary?” He snapped back into the conversation. “It’s educational right? Sounds like a good time!”

“Awesome! What about you Gus?”

Gus’ eyes darted between his oldest friend and the boy who was so fixated on her at this moment that he didn’t realize or care that he was absolutely drowning his cereal. “Ya know, I think I’m gonna pass,” said Gus. “Vee was gonna take me to see one of those human stores that only sells shoes. What a weird business model!”

Willow giggled. “Okay, you have fun,” she smiled and got up from the table to take her bowl to the sink. “Hunter, I’ll see you at seven then?”

“S-seven it is!” He confirmed, a little too enthusiastically for his liking.

“Alright then; it’s a date!” Willow said, leaving to begin her part of the day’s research.

Hunter watched her with heavy eyes until she had completely left the room, resting his hand on his cheek fondly as if watching the sunset. He didn’t realize it, but he always did this. Little did he know, everyone was watching him watch her and when Willow was safely out of earshot, the rest of the table said in unison:

“Oooooooooh,”

Hunter leapt back at that, forced back into reality. He cleared his throat, trying to save face. “What?”

“Yooooou’ve got a date with Willooooow,” sang Luz with a mouthful of cereal.

“So?” Hunter sputtered. “It’s not my first date with Willow; we’ve all had dates with Willow. We see each other nearly everyday. So what?”

They all stared at him like he was on fire. “Uh, what?” Said Amity, confused.

“Dude, you do know what a date is, don’t you?” Gus asked.

“Yes, Gus I have seen a calendar you know,” scoffed Hunter smugly. “Today is the 13th, it’s also a Thursday.”

He was met with blank stares.

“What?” Amity repeated.

“¿Cómo es tan inteligente pero también el más tonto?” mumbled Luz.

“No, Hunter,” Gus started to explain. “Going on a date with someone is different than seeing them on a day of the week.”

“You literally just said the same thing twice,” said Hunter.

“Hmmm maybe an example would help,” thought Gus. “You know how Amity and Luz spend a lot of time together?”

“Yeah?”

“When they do something together, just the two of them, that’s a date,” said Gus.

“Gus, you’re not making sense,” said Hunter. “Everything has to be done on a date, it’s how we track time and events. What, is today like a holiday?”

“No, no,” Gus sighed. “But when Luz and Amity are alone on one of their dates, do you want to be around them?”

“Ew, no,” replied Hunter, sticking out his tongue. “They’re always holding hands and publicly displaying affection.”

“Hey! We’re adorable!” Insisted Luz, putting her arm around Amity.

“Debatable,” said Hunter with a small chuckle. “So what, your definition of a date is two people being obnoxious together?”

“No, it’s two people spending time together,” said Gus, hoping he was making progress. “Alone. Who like each other... romantically.”

Hunter’s eyes widened when it suddenly clicked for him. “What? No! The Captain asking m-me? Pfff!” Hunter panicked. “There’s nothing romantic about fungi!”

Before anyone could interject, he remembered exactly who he was taking about.

“No this is Willow we’re talking about, of course there is!” He was starting to spiral. “Especially if it’s Laccaria amethystina, even I know how romantic that species is!”

“I can’t tell if he understands or not,” whispered Amity to Luz. “Are we sure he also knows what ‘romance’ means?”

“Of course I do!” Hunter said loudly, hearing her. “I just never... never...oh!” He buried his face in his hands and groaned.

“Aw, hey man I never meant to stress you out,” said Gus sympathetically. “I was only teasing. You’ve got nothing to worry about; trust me. Tonight it’s just gonna be you and Willow spending time together. You’ve done that before!”

“Yeah I guess,” Hunter grumbled, still hiding his face. “But before it just... happened. We’d split up or stray from the group. But now having something planned in advance seems... scary.”

“Well you don’t have to go if you don’t want-.”

“Shut up! Of course I wanna go!” Hunter sat up and explained, his face red. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, it’s just that... I do like spending time with the Captain. I’m just worried I’ll embarrass myself. Like, what if I identify a fungi species incorrectly? She’ll think I’m an idiot!”

“Or, she’ll just correct you and appreciate you taking an interest in her interests,” said Luz. “The only mushroom I know is the kind that goes on pizza.”

“Besides, Willow would never think you’re an idiot,” assured Gus. “She likes spending time with you too. There’s nothing to worry about, pretend we didn’t say anything.”

“Then why did you have to say so much?” Hunter sighed.

———

Hunter could barely focus on the tasks he had to finish that day, his mind kept jumping to tonight. He didn’t want to ask the others what people did on dates, so he incorporated it into his reading. He went to the library and along with his usual books on magic, he sought out books about romance.

A lot of the books proved unhelpful, consisting of stories rather than instructions. He skimmed and sped through pile until he found one covered in dust that seemed to be the perfect fit.

“‘Dating for Dummies,’” read Hunter aloud to himself. “It’s perfect!”

———

The book said that first impressions were everything, something Hunter already firmly believed, and it instructed him to look his best (rule#2) and arrive early (rule #6). At six, he put in what he considered his best outfit: a golden collar shirt and a pair of brown dress pants he had found at a thrift store. It was more of what Mrs. Noceda had called a “going out” outfit so he had been saving it for a special occasion. He couldn’t think of anything more special than Willow.

At 630, once he had brushed his teeth and fixed his hair the best he could, he went downstairs and got to work in the kitchen. He gathered all of Willow’s favorite snacks and placed them on the coffee table in the living room. He made sure the TV volume was just right and that there was no glare on the screen. He made sure there was the perfect amount of pillows on the couch and debated on which side he should sit on until a little before seven, Willow strolled into the living room.

“C-Captain!” Hunter stuttered, startled and delighted by her presence (as usual). “I’ve got everything set up for the viewing!”

“Oh wow,” murmured Willow, looking at his presentation, then back at him. “It all looks so nice, you look so nice...”

He beamed at her noticing, and then saw the expression on her face.

“Oh titan, I think I’m underdressed,” she said with a forced chuckle. Hunter then noticed she was wearing her gardening clothes, old clothes Mrs. Noceda never got around to donating and didn’t mind being covered in dirt and grass stains. Her hair was frizzy, as though trying to escape her braids and her face and legs were decorated with traces of dirt. She looked radiant.

“I was just gonna go wash my hands and get the dirt out from under my nails,” she said. “But maybe I should go change-.”

“No!” said Hunter, stopping her as she turned to leave. “I mean, yes wash your hands, hygiene is important ,but if you change you’ll miss the beginning of the documentary. I think you look fine. Great. Perfect.” No word seemed to fit and yet they all did.

Willow smiled. “Thanks, I’ll be right back!”

Once she left, Hunter felt like he was going to suffocate. “Nice going Hunter!” He grumbled to himself, flinging himself down onto the couch. “You’re overdressed and you made her doubt herself. The date hasn’t even started and you’ve already blown it! You’ve broken rule #7!”

“Did you say something, Hunter?” Willow asked as she reentered the room.

He stood up and straightened his spine to properly greet her (rule #10). “No, just trying to remember what channel it was on,” he lied, he had already memorized and preset the TV.

“Oh, that’s okay I’m pretty sure I remember,” said Willow as she took a seat on the couch. Hunter suddenly couldn’t remember how close they normally sat on the couch and panicked at how close he should sit now. He swung his arms and held his breath, mentally debating whether or not sitting on the same cushion as her was too forward or preferred. He felt he was taking too much time and closed his eyes and sat down. There was a small pillow separating them, it felt appropriate.

“Oh, before I forget,” he said, reaching over to grab a bowl on the table. “I made something special for us.”

He smiled and showed her his gift (rule #3)

“Oh wow- wait, is this what I think it is?” Willow asked looking at what he held.

“Yes!” He confirmed, delighted she instantly knew what it was. “Local edible fungi! I thought it would be a fun themed treat.”

“Hunter, that’s so sweet,” gushed Willow. “This must’ve taken all day to find!”

“This? No!” He lied. It had.

Willow took a piece before turning on the TV and squealed as the intro began to play. From there, Willow’s eyes were glued to the screen and Hunter’s alternated between the show and her reaction.

They would talk during commercial breaks, with Willow giving commentary on what they’d seen and overtime Hunter summoned the courage to chime in. Then he’d progress to asking her about herself (rule #4), not anticipating she’d ask him in return. It was just small talk (rule #4.5) but he got more comfortable.

But it was during the show where’d he let his nerves get the back of him. Trying to pay attention while also be hyper aware of how close she was to him proved to be a challenge. He wondered how he was doing, what she was thinking, and then also worrying about not paying attention in case she quizzed him. He also felt they were too far apart. She had taken the pillow between them held it against her chest, resting her chin on it. Surely that was sign?

He didn’t want to risk making a noise with the couch springs by shifting his weight or scooting closer to her. But then he remembered a tip the book had recommend for this exact situation.

He summoned his courage and raised his arm in the air, pretending to yawn. And it came back down, he lowered it at an angle so that when it went back down, it would gently land across her shoulders. It was so smooth, he-

“Are you bored?” Willow asked in response to his yawn, turning to him causing him to awkwardly stop his arm at a 45 degree angle.

“Uh, what? No, I-.”

“Because it’s okay if you are,” she said sincerely. “I know it’s pretty long and it’s not for everyone, I appreciate you watching as much as you have-.”

“Captain, I’m having a great time,” he said softly, returning his arm to his side, noticing the concerned look on her face. Was it possible she was just as nervous as he was? “I-I guess I’m just tired, not bored at all! Not sleepy either, more like comfortable. I promise!”

“No problem,” she said, playing with her hair. “I’m tired too, this is really nice after a long day.” She sighed contently and pulled her legs onto the couch, leaning over as she did. Her head leaning back and tilted as it landed on Hunter’s shoulder. The motion was so flawless and natural, Hunter couldn’t tell if she had done it on purpose. He tried to relax his shoulder to make it more comfortable for her, but he wasn’t very skilled at relaxing. He had to remind himself to breath, feeling as though he was melting... but in a good way.

———

“-because he was a fungi!” Hunter finished telling a joke he had read on the stick of what Luz called a ‘popsicle.’ “Haha! Get it? Like fun guy? As if the mushroom possessed person like qualities similar to a humorous man and therefore fun to spend time with?”

Willow laughed, she had heard this joke before but the passionate way Hunter told it made her genuinely enjoy it, and he could tell her laugh was genuine. It was the last commercial break before the end and for some reason Willow hoped it would last forever.

Hunter smiled at her reaction, feeling as though he was winning. He knew there was no competition, but his heart was racing the way he had only done once before when they had won the flyer derby game.

“Do all dates involve this much fungus discussion?” Hunter asked, chuckling with her.

“I don’t know,” Willow said, removing her glasses to wipe tears from her eyes, she had been laughing so hard. “I’ve never been on one.”

Hunter found that hard to believe. Wait-never? He heart suddenly bear so fast it froze. Did she mean “never” as in before now or “never” including now... which implied that this actually wasn’t a date? He gulped and frantically tried to remember what rule covered this.

“Really? Wow,” he somehow managed to say. “I mean, I don’t know what they talk about on dates either. So if we ever went on a date I guess we wouldn’t say anything then, Huh? Be-because we don’t know what to say, right? Heh.”

“I think we’d find something to talk about,” said Willow with a flip of her hair. “I like talking to you, I’m sure it would be hard to stay quiet.”

“Oh, well same,” he said. “But about you.”

“So I think both of us would do just fine on a date,” she said confidently. Did she mean on a date together or a date in general?

They finished the documentary and sat on the couch for awhile longer discussing their thoughts. A promo aired for the documentary premiering the following night about molds.

“Does that look like something you’d wanna see?” Hunter asked. “We could do this again tomorrow! I don’t think I’ll be able to do another themed snack for that though...”

“Let me try and think of something,” Willow smiled, the kind that reached her eyes and scrunched her nose. “Maybe we can watch a movie after. Your pick.”

“Sounds fun,” said Hunter with a nod. “It’s a date?”

“It’s a date.”

#huntlow #huntlow fanfiction #winter toh #toh #the owl house #willow park #hunter wittebane

[a-very-fond-farewell]

PEEPS I WANNA KNOW BETTER 👯‍♀️🥂😌

tagged by the lovely @fismoll7secinv ✨💕 (hello dear, hope u are well)

1. Last song: I’ve put Agassy by Soojin on repeat all afternoon >_<

2. Favorite color: dark red!

3. Currently watching: EVILIVE (still waiting for the finale), it’s really good, scrumptious even. full-fledged corruption arc of my dreams. I’ve decided to spend this month on a low stakes show (Evilive is only 10 eps) so I can binge Belief (40 eps 😰) in December. that’s the plan, either that or re-watch Winter Begonia for funsies 🙃, The Devil Judge for the hot evil ladies, or Beyond Evil for the sad horny inspectors.

4. Currently reading: too busy for that, I’m buried under textbooks :(

5. Last movie: I found a couple of hours to watch Polite Society and I loved it! highly recommended! It’s everything I love in a movie :D

6. Sweet/spicy/savory: savory for life babeey

7. Relationship status: I’m officially seriously definitely deliriously looking for a wife

8. Current obsession: felt? does that count?

9. Last thing you googled? are whales ungulates?

10. Selfie: I’ll pass, but thank u!

11. Currently working on: chapter 21 of my word of honor fic :( it’s taking so so so long, and studying studying studying...... all to find a more suitable job for my degree, hopefully :(

tagging: (only if you’d like! no pressure! you can also read my replies and be nosy in the most safe way possible, I’m ok with that too!) @goaheadandflysomeplane , @amethystina

#fismoll7secinv #lovely mutuals #tag game #yep that’s me

[writingfanficsfan]

Tech Support by Amethystina

"Are you spying on me?" The low, dangerous growl was actually quite frightening — and Tony battled supervillains for a living.

"No! Of course not," Tony quickly replied. "That would be all kinds of illegal. I don't even know your phone number. I just asked the computer that if you called, it should be forwarded to me." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

Tony frowned. "Why? I'm sorry because I lied about—"

"No," the man interrupted, "why did you ask the computer to do that? Why would you want to talk to me?"

That was somehow a more terrifying question than the previous ones, but the answer was just as obvious.

"Because I like talking to you."

Another silence.

"Oh."

------------

They are just sooooo damn cute and adorable! 

Read the fic here, you won’t be dissapointed. 

#fanfic rec #winteriron #tony/bucky #amethystina

[voldiebuns]

@bifilthatonthatseson replied to your post “The Losers fic search”

I KNOW I’ve read this. Hmm. Two possibilities: Amethystina’s Runaways has a scene where Jake helps but doesn’t show up. And this one has a final scene that is almost what you describe. https://archiveofourown.org/works/2807810

Rereading Runaways was actually what reminded me, but it was indeed Strangers! Which is really embarrassing that I didn’t remember bc it was a gift fic for me OTL Thank you so much!!

#bifilthatonthatseson #although now I've been reminded of another fic I want to reread #maybe I just need to... read through all the CougarJensen fic lol #that sounds like a good plan

[amethystina]

Can I just say I legit dropped my tea cup when I saw the news about a new fic from you!!! I'm so very bumped for it you cannot imagine!!! Please is there something else you can tell us about it? This is better than anything for Easter and birthday and Christmas!

Be careful and don't burn yourself!

And, well, it's a 5+1 from Ga On's POV that spans across the drama with the concept "five times Ga On touched Yo Han without thinking and one time he did it intentionally." It started with me wondering what would happen if Ga On actually had reached out to touch Yo Han when he first showed Ga On the scar on his back, and then it evolved from there.

And by "evolved" I mean that the touches snowball and cause some slight changes to canon events and their developing relationship. Things escalate a bit quicker than the original, I guess you could say?

And then there will be a bonus chapter (or a +2, if you will) just because I realised I wanted to make the story come full circle with Ga On touching Yo Han's back again and that, in turn, devolved into a sex scene. And, like, the downside of me never having written one with this pairing before is that my brain just went "OH SHINY NEW TOY, GOTTA EXPLORE THIS." So the sex scene is getting really long even if that definitely wasn't my intention, because some part of me can't help but want to explore the dynamic and intricate details of these two having sex x'D

I'm really proud of myself for keeping the rest short, though! (She says about a fic that's 13k, unedited, not counting the, so far, 7k long bonus chapter) Like, you wouldn't believe how tricky it is when I'm used to exploring every tiny nuance and, in this one, I couldn't. There simply was no time. So I had to completely skip any discussions about Isaac, Elijah isn't even in it (which I'm sure is illegal), and a lot of the emotional development happens off-screen.

It's a much quicker, contained story told in a different format than my other fics, but will hopefully still be enjoyable? There will be lots of touching and A LOT of tension, if nothing else. Especially since this is during the time when Yo Han and Ga On are still getting to know each other and Yo Han has more of his Abyss tendencies. And Ga On is more bold since he doesn't have quite as much baggage. So closer to Gravitational Pull than Who Holds the Devil.

But yeah. The thought hit me and even if I "should" maybe be writing on Who Holds the Devil instead, I decided to let myself write this because the concept sounded really intriguing and I knew it would be pretty short (for being me). The bonus chapter isn't quite finished yet and I also have to edit all of it so I don't know when I'll be able to post it, though. But hopefully sometime soon?

And I hope you will enjoy it once I do! Thank you so much for sharing your enthusiasm — it's really encouraging. Like, I still can't believe that people are this excited about my writing. I'm very grateful 💜

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Amethystina Writes #Each Touch (Brings Us One Step Closer) #Is what it's called #One step closer to what you ask? #Well #Read and find out ;) #For real though #I go HAM on the Dangerous Yo Han imagery #Because I admit that's a weakness of mine #I just love how dramatic I can be with him #It brings me so much joy #So look forward to that I guess?

[amethystina]

I'm waiting so excitedly for your updates, old and new, I can't begin to tell you! You are the fandom treasure! And as I'm waiting and biting my nails I wanted to ask something, what do you think about the final scenes of episode 8 where Gaon has dinner with his professor and tells him he chooses Yohan's side. How come Yohan knew where to find them and the precise moment to come in and pick Gaon up, was he following them or did he and Gaon had a deal?

And what's with leaving his car to stand next to Gain and look at professor? I love this scene so much but I don't know if I understand its message right. Was it posturing, laying a claim on Gaon or what? I tend to feel that Yohan was possessive of Gaon when it came to professor and his police friend and I think I feel some of it in this scene but I'm not sure, I just don't have a clear grasp on it. Would love to know your thoughts!

Aww, thank you so much, sweetheart! This is definitely the first time I've been called not just a fandom treasure, but the fandom treasure. Thank you 💜

Ah yes, the "Ga On runs off with his new sugar daddy" scene. Or, as I sometimes like to call it, the "You just don't understand, dad professor — I love him" scene.

I'm joking, obviously.

(... or am I?)

I would say that Ga On and Yo Han made an agreement beforehand, yes. They probably talked about Ga On's choice to switch sides and while Yo Han would no doubt have loved for Ga On to continue on as a double agent (feeding Professor Min intentionally faulty information) Ga On is way too honest for that. So he probably insisted that, no, he'll call Professor Min, meet up with him, and just flat out tell him that Ga On's spying mission is over. He's now going to elope work with Yo Han instead.

And I find it hilarious to think that, most likely, Yo Han was just sitting in his car, perhaps scrolling through his phone, waiting for his newly acquired sugar baby to finish telling his semi-father figure that he's going dark side. Because Ga On gets up and starts walking before Yo Han drives up, meaning that it's not like Ga On saw the car coming and went "oh, better wrap this up now." It was probably the other way around, where Ga On leaving the table was the signal for Yo Han to come pick him up.

So yes, they definitely had an agreement, especially since Ga On seems to know in exactly which direction to walk, even before the car shows up, and doesn't look the least bit surprised by Yo Han's arrival.

They planned that shit.

Brutal.

As for the fact that Yo Han gets out of the car? Well, buckle up, my darlings, because I think we should take a detour to discuss intent.

Now, intent isn't necessarily important when you want to interpret a scene, but I like the extra nuance it can offer. And by intent, I mean what the scriptwriter/director might have intended with a scene. Why is this scene here? What was the plan behind it? How is it supposed to impact the overall story? How does it tie into the rest of the plot?

Which is never something you can say for sure, of course, unless there are interviews expressly stating it, but, a lot of the time, we can guess.

The intent behind this scene, in its simplest, purest form, is to show that Ga On is switching sides. And, with that in mind, it makes sense that he crosses that road to Yo Han's car (if you know me and my metas, you know how much I love lines, characters crossing said lines, and the symbolism of that) and stops to stand next to Yo Han. It's a very simple yet effective way to show Ga On's choice and where it will take him.

Into Yo Han's arms.

NOW. Intent is very useful because, depending on how skilled the person writing is, you can hide a lot of subtext and leave room for a lot of interpretation with a cleverly formulated intent. That's how censored shows get away with so much, because they can point to the perfectly reasonable, heteronormative intent behind a scene and pretend that there aren't also a lot of subtler nuances to the reading.

And, if they're extra bold, they also add hints in the presentation and execution.

The scene where Yo Han invites Sun Ah to the house is a perfect example of this, where the intent is to make her feel lonely, like an outsider, as she's invited to observe this warm, comfortable family. Not a bad tactic as far as manipulation goes, I have to say. So, in other words, very reasonable intent — makes sense with what they're trying to achieve.

The fact that it ends up looking more like Yo Han is proudly showing off his doting, doe-eyed househusband who's passively-aggressively and not-so-discreetly staking his claim is... well, that's just an accidental side effect, isn't it? Not intent at all.

And that's true. It's not intent that makes it look gay.

It's the presentation of the intent.

(Sidenote: To be a fly on the wall when Yo Han and Ga On came up with this strategy. Because, clearly, they were both in on it and, I mean, how did that conversation go? Inquiring minds need to know.

Like, how did they go from: "We need to throw her off balance. We'll invite her to the house, show what she's missing out on, but also give her hints that she could have it all, if she's willing to surrender" to Ga On going: "I'll cook a fancy dinner. That'll make her jealous."

I mean, he's not wrong but, like, Mr. Sugar Baby. What? x'D

Also, imagine Yo Han's face. Transcendent.)

Anyway. Intent can also ruin a story. I think most of us have read a fanfic and gone: "... that character wouldn't do that. This makes no sense." That could be a sign that the author's intent is clashing with the characters or the story they're trying to tell. Or, put more bluntly, that the author is so focused on forcing an idea that they don't realise that they're going against the logic of the story or characters' personalities. Things happen because they want them to, not because it makes sense, meaning that the intent isn't tied to the story or characters, but what the writer wants. This is badly planned intent.

And, most of the time, readers can tell when the intent is off, even if you might not be able to put your finger on it while you're reading. But if you're feeling a niggling doubt at the back of your mind, wondering why this scene is here, what this scene even means, or why this character suddenly seems to act so strangely, it could be that the writer didn't plan it well enough.

That's not to say that a reader must always know the intent behind a scene. Ideally, the story should be good enough that they don't have to stop and think about things like that. If the intent and internal logic are sound enough, it should just flow naturally.

Because, when it comes down to it, pretty much all scenes in a story have an intent and that intent should be in harmony with the characters' personalities and how they would choose to behave. And I don't mean that there can never be conflict or that characters can't disagree — I mean that all scenes should have a reason for being there. It doesn't have to be a deep or complex reason, but there should be a reason that ties into the overarching plotline. And characters shouldn't be forced into a scene they have no business being in. Intent is very important from a crafting standpoint.

And intent is one of the things that makes The Devil Judge such an absolute joy. Because while there is always a perfectly reasonable — and very heterosexual, we promise — intent behind most scenes, they often choose to present the scenes in a way that leaves room for a much queerer reading. Now, that can happen with almost any story, but what sets The Devil Judge apart is that it seems to be entirely intentional.

The presentation is by no means subtle or accidental.

Like, they didn't have to make Ga On shuffle up in a soft, comfortable sweater and greet Sun Ah like a caring househusband, but they did. That was a conscious choice.

And this scene you mention, with Yo Han getting out of his car when he's picking Ga On up, falls into a similar category in my mind. The surface-level intent is clear — show that Ga On is switching sides — but he could simply have said so. He could have borrowed a car and driven himself. Yo Han didn't have to come pick him up. And he certainly didn't have to get out of the car.

But he did.

And that might be what you're picking up on when you're saying that you're not sure if you're understanding the message correctly. Because in a drama this clever, that puts so much effort into details and, again, intent, it feels almost a bit odd to leave this gaping hole, doesn't it? Yo Han stepping out of that car should mean something, right?

And, once you've gotten this far, you've got a couple of options to choose from to fill in the blanks. Either you can assume that it was just something the creators chose to do because it looked/seemed cool and therefore might not mean much at all. And considering that this drama does that a couple of times, this could honestly be the case. Maybe they just thought it would be more effective to have Yo Han to step out of the car? To really hammer it home to Professor Min what's happening?

Your other option is to bring in the harmonisation between intent and characters. Because, if the writer is good and their characters consistent, you should be able to pick up on secondary layers of intent, running parallel with the main one. Because while each scene has an intent, each character IN that scene also has one (though perhaps it would be more comfortable to call it purpose at this point?).

In other words: If "it looked cool" isn't the answer, could we find it in the character's behaviour instead? What is their intent, based on their personalities and previous actions? Does that give a more satisfying answer?

What reason would Mr. Kang "Abyss" Yo Han have for stepping out of that car?

I, personally, think that the answer is pretty simple.

He is absofuckinglutely staking a claim.

He's stepping out of that car because he's a Possessive, Dramatic Bitch and wants to rub it in Professor Min's face. He wants to show that he's won, that he's turned the spy Professor Min sent, and that he's, quite literally, taking Ga On away.

Yo Han is basically going: "Thanks for the sugar baby — I'll make sure to ravish savour treasure him."

So while the main goal of that scene is to establish that Ga On is switching sides, the intent Yo Han adds with his actions leaves room for a very gay reading. In fact, I'd argue that doing so only makes the scene more believable, since Yo Han's actions are otherwise kind of... unnecessary? He has no reason to step out of the car and make himself known, unless it's for the dramah.

Again, the presentation of the intent is where the magic happens.

So, why this long, godawful rant about intent, you ask? When I could just have answered the question right away?

Because while I know that I'm preaching to the choir in terms of this drama being gay as hell, I just want to highlight the importance of intent and how it can change the reading of a scene. I think intent — or specifically the harmony between characters and intent, and the various layers of intent — is absolutely fascinating, especially in this drama.

Especially if you want to argue that it's gay.

Because there is, in fact, some scenes where I just... I can't. The intent and characterisation don't match at all — unless you add a queer element. Like, this drama is so clever. Not perfect, mind you, but so clever. And so careful with especially Yo Han and Ga On's characterisation. Very little is left to chance.

And so, if you keep everything I've said about intent and characters in mind, and I ask you to explain the intent behind this one, singular shot, can you do so without making it gay?

I'm not joking when I say that this scene, right here, was the one that definitively made me go "oh fuck, this is gay gay."

Because in most others — if not all — I can find that safe surface-level intent which means that the people behind this drama can claim plausible deniability. Of course it's not gay! Look at this perfectly reasonable, heterosexual intent!

Except this one.

There's no explanation for this. Ga On has no reason to look this jealous unless his jealousy is the main intent behind this shot. There just isn't. And it's only made worse by his huff and the way he clenches his jaw a couple of seconds later. Not even the argument that Sun Ah is their enemy so letting her fix Yo Han's tie might be dangerous can justify this, since that's not a look of concern or alarm — that's jealousy.

The intent is jealousy. Plain and simple.

And that's why intent is important. Because, if push came to shove, the intent behind this one, singular screenshot could, theoretically, be the only evidence you need if you wanted to defend a queer reading of this drama.

Because there is, quite frankly — in my humble opinion as the fandom treasure — no other way to explain the look on his face in a drama this meticulous and obsessed with details.

In this scene, unlike all the others, the queerness isn't just in the presentation anymore — it's in both the intent and presentation.

So, if you want the scene that says "this shit's gay, fam"?

This is the one.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Dear LORD I went off on a tangent here #Sorry about that #But I also stand by it #That screenshot of Ga On keeps me up at night #Because THE INTENT #TELL ME WHAT THE INTENT IS #By the way #I feel a need to point out that I don't actually NEED Yo Han and Ga On to be canon #But it drives me ABSOLUTELY INSANE that some of these scenes exist #Because now they're just messing with me and my hyper-analytical mind #... filed under things going on inside my head I guess #It's never quiet or boring #That's for sure

[amethystina]

Hello sorry to bother you if you are already get that question, "who holds the devil "will get an update ? or it's on hiatus ? <3

It's not on hiatus, no. I actually have the first draft for the next chapter written already, I just need to edit it. But I really want to finish posting Each Touch first, simply for the satisfaction of actually finishing something, I guess?

Who Holds the Devil is incredibly dear to me and I have every intention of finishing it, but I can't lie and say that it's not exhausting sometimes. The determination required to keep writing a fic this long — to keep believing that I can see it through to the end — is going to wane from time to time.

And, when it does, it helps to finish something else, since it proves that I actually can. Like, even if Who Holds the Devil is nowhere near done yet, I'm not a complete failure.

So a new chapter is on the way, I just can't say for sure when I'll post it. But it'll most likely be what I focus on after I've finished Each Touch.

So just hang in there a little bit longer :)

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #I might be projecting a bit #Sorry about that #Because I genuinely feel guilty for prioritising Each Touch over Who Holds the Devil #Since I know a lot of people probably don't want me to #I've already gotten questions asking why I'm posting other things #And not Who Holds the Devil #Which in no way helps #Like #I'm glad people are enthusiastic about Who Holds the Devil #But it's kind of disheartening when I'm told to ignore other projects because of it #(this is not related to this specific ask) #(so don't feel bad anon) #(it's not your fault) #(I'm just projecting) #Ah well

[amethystina]

Hey! That ask you answered about protective Yo Han reminded me of this gem from the script book. I don't know if you're interested in anything script-related, but in case you are, here it is. A slightly different way the scene in E3 was supposed to go, when Yo Han came to the factory and attacked the man who put a bomb in the painting. (Also, 'forced' means 'Yo Han', all translators use this word instead of his name for some reason).

Personally, I loved the "do you know who you hurt?", the madness "increasingly" filling Yo Han's eyes, and him glaring at K when he asked if this was about Ga On. I'm amazed that he got so protective of him so quickly, it's just E3. To think of what he'd do post-canon... thank God (and you, of course!) for your amazing story. I can't tell you how much I'm waiting for everything you're going to bring down on us.

Hope you're doing better!

I haven't gone out of my way to look for the script, no, but I do read the little snippets I might run into on Tumblr and such. So I'm not NOT interested? But also too lazy to go look for it xD

And, tbh, I don't want to accidentally mistake something that was written in the script — but then taken out — as something that actually happened in canon. I have a really good memory but I don't always remember WHERE I read/saw/heard a specific fact so there's a chance I might mistake it as a part of canon even if it's not x'D

But, all that said, I am FASCINATED by this new information, not going to lie. I think that the increasing madness was still captured pretty well in the final version, but the "Do you know who you hurt?" Oh yes, I'm into that. Because while it COULD still just mean that Yo Han is referring to himself, I like that it leaves room for speculation. Very nice.

Though, at the same time, I feel like I have to be a responsible person and point out that, most likely, the reason why Yo Han reacts so violently as early as episode 3 is probably because of Isaac, not Ga On. Like, at that point, I think Yo Han is still struggling a bit with separating the two. Not that he ever mistakes them for each other, obviously, but it's probably a little disorienting until he gets to know Ga On better and can see all the differences more clearly. So it wouldn't surprise me if some of that protectiveness is because Ga On looks like Isaac, at least this early. It brings back very bad memories, and all.

But post-canon? That protectiveness would be for Ga On only. And, as always, Yo Han would hold nothing back.

And we will be exploring that a bit in Who Holds the Devil, yes. Not quite on the level of "I'm going to bring the entire country to its knees," but hopefully still enough to satisfy everyone's need for protective Yo Han ;)

Thank you so much for sending me this! I hope you have a wonderful evening 💜

#Amethystina Replies #k-s-morgan #The Devil Judge #I know it might sound weird that I want to limit the amount of information I have #It's usually the other way around #But I soak up facts like a sponge #But as mentioned don't always know where I got it from #And it can get muddled pretty quickly #Which is also one of the reasons why I'm not really reading any fics #Because I might accidentally steal something from someone else #Like an impression or an idea or a characterisation detail #So I limit it as best I can #Not that I run in the other direction if I happen to stumble over something #But I don't go searching for it either #It's better if it's just me and canon #My brain will do the rest xD

[amethystina]

Hello, I hope you're doing better.

I just wanted to tell you that since I read the latest chapter of Who Holds The Devil you have revived in me some ideas and scenarios I had in mind about the show.

Like what if everything worked out for Yohan's plans after episode 12 (when Gaon left Yohan and Elijah) without K or Soohyun dying? What would happen then?

Yohan will definitely leave after some point to Switzerland with Elijah because he already planned it for her treatment, even if he is not a criminal in Korea or presumed dead. But how long will it take him to leave?

And what will Gaon do? Will he start dating Soohyun or keep whatever they have between them as it is? If he dates her, will they work out or realise they were better together as friends and family but nothing more? ( I personally believe that when they start dating at the beginning, everything will seem perfect. But as time goes on, they will realise that it won't work out between them as they took a very long time to get to this point, and that it was too late.)

Will Gaon stay in contact with Elijah? (Maybe.) Or Yohan? ( I doubt it.)

Will Gaon miss them? Will he ever realise that Yohan loved him or that he had some kind of feelings for Yohan?

Basically, what would've happened if all the baggage from the last episodes never occurred. After the rejection on Gaon's part in episode 12, I believe Yohan will want to stay away from Gaon but I could be wrong.

The latest chapter reminded me of all these ideas and questions I had, but now we have a lot more baggage and issues to work through which makes me even more excited to explore what will happen next.

I trust your storytelling abilities as they have not once failed me for all this time I was following this fic.

Take care of your self, and when you feel better come back with a new amazing chapter as always.

I'm doing better, thank you 💜

Wow. Yeah, that's a lot of thoughts! And very interesting ones! And I think some of it depends on exactly how Yo Han decides to finish his plans. Like, killing people on national television would still make him a criminal, so I'm guessing that's not what he does? But he still gets his revenge somehow?

But yeah, he'd definitely still go to Switzerland since that has clearly been a part of his plan for years. And I think he'd actually go as soon as possible. Maybe he'd give Elijah time to say goodbye to Ga On, but that depends on what terms he and Ga On are, I'd say. If we assume that none of the baggage happened (including Soo Hyun dying, Ga On attempting to murder Yo Han, etc.) I think that Yo Han would keep his distance from Ga On, yes. Out of sheer pride and self-preservation, if nothing else. And Ga On has Soo Hyun so he wouldn't seek Yo Han out, since he knows that Soo Hyun doesn't like Yo Han and he wouldn't want to upset her.

So, sadly enough, I think Yo Han and Ga On would drift apart. Maybe they'd still cooperate somehow to take down the baddies, but, as horrible as it may sound, Soo Hyun's death actually brought them closer together. Even Ga On trying to kill Yo Han did in some ways since, from that point on, they're forever tied together what with Yo Han carrying the scar Ga On gave him. And without that? With Soo Hyun there to plead with Ga On not to do something dangerous? Ga On wouldn't chase after Yo Han. And Yo Han wouldn't chase after Ga On since he's already been rejected and is too prideful.

So I think that Yo Han would leave for Switzerland with Elijah and Ga On would stay in touch with her, yes, but not Yo Han. Maybe he'd try a couple of times, but Yo Han wouldn't respond. And, eventually, Ga On will stop trying because who is Yo Han to him anyway? Just his weird boss who he lived with for a while — and kind of wanted to take care of because he seemed so lonely — who was also a terrible influence on him. So, clearly, it might be for the better that they don't talk anymore.

(You keep telling yourself that, Ga On)

As for Ga On and Soo Hyun, I think they would start dating, yes, and I think they'd be pretty happy there at the beginning. If in a pretty boring and uneventful way. Like, there's not really much passion between them, is there? But they'd be content. It'd be safe and sweet.

I'm not sure if they'd notice that there's something wrong, though. I think that both of them have been waiting for this for so long that they'd be determined to make it work, even if that means ignoring the warning signs. I honestly think they'd both pretend everything was fine long after the point where it's not. And that both of them would silence the niggling doubts by saying that this is just how all relationships are — there will be dips. Nothing is perfect all the time. And it's not like they're arguing or anything.

It's just a little dull, that's all.

In short, I think they'd be stuck. Not in a way that makes them genuinely unhappy, but they certainly wouldn't be honest with themselves or each other, either. Which isn't the worst way to live, but it's also not the best one.

And I think that Ga On would miss Elijah and Yo Han, yes, though he wouldn't be honest about why he does. He'd just say it's because he cares about them and it's sad that he can't talk to them as often — or at all, in Yo Han's case. And, in a similar vein, I don't think Ga On would try to explore his feelings for Yo Han, or Yo Han's feelings for him. Because Ga On would be able to tell that danger lies in that direction and he'd rather remain in denial.

But he would think about Yo Han a lot. And probably do a doubletake every time they mention Yo Han or show his picture in the media. And he'd ask Elijah about how Yo Han is doing. He'd find himself cooking Yo Han's favourite food, even if he's not there to eat it. He'd miss the house. He'd miss the quiet nights reading.

He'd still wear the watch.

And all that longing would only make Ga On double down and be even more determined to make things work with Soo Hyun. Because the alternative is just too scary. He doesn't want there to be another explanation as to why he misses Yo Han. He wants his safe and happy life with Soo Hyun.

Everything else is shoved aside, pushed down, and ignored.

And, eventually, I think Soo Hyun would notice that something is wrong. But she doesn't know what and, even if she kind of hates herself for it, she's too afraid of the answer to ask. Because she doesn't want to lose Ga On and, deep down, she can tell that he is slipping away from her, slowly but surely. Just from the fact that his smiles are a little too hollow sometimes, and he's often staring off into space, lost in thought. So she tries her best to help him, as always, but, for some reason, it doesn't seem to work as well as it usually would.

But of course it'd eventually come crumbling down. And — since I'm a dramatic bitch — I suggest it'll do so when Yo Han and Elijah eventually drop by for a visit (mostly Elijah's doing, of course, with Yo Han reluctantly agreeing). More specifically the moment when Ga On comes face to face with Yo Han again for the first time in months — maybe even a year? — and everything he's been trying to suppress rushes to the surface and hits him like a freight train.

Because he's been living comfortably with Soo Hyun, sure, and he loves her dearly, but there's not much of a spark. But the one he had with Yo Han? That's been just a softly glowing ember since they parted ways?

Turns out that seeing Yo Han again — and being faced with all that intensity and enticing hint of danger once more — is all it takes to ignite it again. To turn it into a wildfire.

All of a sudden, Ga On is reminded of what real attraction feels like.

And the fact that it's not aimed at his girlfriend is definitely going to be a bit of a problem.

... aaaaaand maybe I should stop now. Because I'm not sure if you actually wanted me to answer what I think x'D

Anyway! Yes, very interesting things to ponder! And I think there are several ways to go, depending on what angle one wants to take and what happened during those last episodes. Like, if Yo Han and Ga On reconciled after their breakup, I think some parts would obviously play out differently. But, if they didn't? I'd go with something like what I said above.

But, again, that depends entirely on what you want to accomplish. Trust me when I say that there are always ways to tweak what happens to your liking but still make it feel in character and realistic. I'm somewhat of an expert on that, I've been told xD

Thank you so much for sharing, anyway! It was a very fun thought experiment! And I do hope to be able to get back to writing sometime soon. I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time, but I think I'm going to make a separate post about that. We'll see.

I hope you have a great day! Take care 💜

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #The Devil Judge #For real though #I don't need much to get going #I got this ask 23 hours ago according to Tumblr #And I'm not lying when I say that I already have a vague outline for a possible story #That starts around the point where Yo Han and Elijah return to Korea #Mainly focused on how Ga On will have to navigate the extremely gay feelings he suddenly has for Yo Han #While also coming to terms with the ones he DOESN'T have for Soo Hyun #My brain works fast and doesn't stop for anyone #Not even me #My favourite scene is one after Ga On has put on his big-boy pants and actually broken up with Soo Hyun #And has no idea how to say that to Yo Han in a natural way #(because he's secretly hoping that Yo Han will be interested in him now but he can't just SAY that) #And eventually just ends up blurting it out without any context whatsoever #And Yo Han just looks at him #And with an INCREDIBLY deadpan voice goes: 'My condolences?' #Because Yo Han is NOT going to be easy to approach #(until he is because it's Ga On and he's a big softie for Ga On)

[amethystina]

Hi hi, I was drooling all over the tags of Who holds the devil again and I remembered to ask if the kidnapping will refer to Ga On? Or if it's a big spoiler then maybe you could please tell if we'll see protective Yo Han because you write his feelings so well I just can't get enough or over it, you're so talented.

I wouldn't call it a big spoiler, exactly, since I think most people can (correctly) guess that it refers to Ga On xD I mean, what kind of BL fanfic would this be if it was someone else? Gotta check all those dramatic romance boxes!

That said, I will repeat what I've said before, which is that it won't happen anytime soon and, if I were you, there are other tags I would be more worried about. But that's just me ;)

As for Yo Han being protective, that will feature quite heavily as a part of another plot thread long before the kidnapping tag comes into play. And I do mean protective as in full-on Abyss — with all the violence and ruthlessness that entails. To be honest, one of the scenes I look forward to writing the most right now is the culmination of that whole plotline. Partly because writing Yo Han when he's like that is so much fun, but also because Ga On will do what Ga On does best.

That's to say: Place himself in front of Yo Han and be the immovable object to slow down the unstoppable force.

And it will be delicious.

Because with all that Ga On has learned about Yo Han at that point, he's going to realise that the best way to calm Yo Han's desire for vengeance — and remind him of his humanity — isn't to get preachy or aggressive and demand he stop. It's to go soft and vulnerable and needy and a little desperate and just say:

"Please come back to me."

... I think we ALL know Yo Han won't stand a fucking chance.

So you've got that to look forward to, I guess ;)

And thank you so much! I have a lot of fun with Yo Han's emotions, not going to lie. He's got a pretty unique way of both showing and dealing with them and it's particularly interesting to try and convey that from an outside POV (Ga On's in this case). Because even if Ga On is correct in his observation the majority of the time, there are still times when he misses certain details. He often gives Yo Han the benefit of the doubt when he maybe shouldn't, for example x'D

Like, there are times in this story when Yo Han may seem kind, caring, and vulnerable but, in reality, something COMPLETELY different is happening inside his head.

Chapter 39 was actually a good example of that, specifically when Yo Han was pressing his thumb against the scar on his palm. Ga On automatically assumed that had to mean Yo Han was in pain, but that's not it at all. Not even close. Pressing the scar (which was first established in The Gentle Light, which I wrote over a year ago now) has become Yo Han's way of curbing his less-than-moral impulses when it comes to how he approaches his and Ga On's relationship.

Yo Han wasn't pressing the scar because it hurt (though he does have flashes of psychosomatic pain, too) but because he needed to remind himself not to do what he ACTUALLY wanted. Which certainly wasn't to resign himself to being rejected and go: "Then I won't."

In that moment, Yo Han wanted to claim and possess — not surrender.

And it was a struggle for him to choose the path he knew Ga On wanted him to.

In short, both Yo Han's protectiveness and possessiveness are sometimes hidden in the small things he does, which might not always be apparent to Ga On or the reader. Remember that Ga On is an unreliable narrator and while he is astoundingly good at reading Yo Han sometimes, not even he sees all.

And that, on the whole, Yo Han is a lot more vicious and immoral than Ga On wants to admit. It may not be as apparent now that Yo Han is without a revenge quest and more focused on doting on his family, but it's by no means gone. Just dormant.

The Abyss will never fully stop abyssing.

(Yes, I am definitely making this fic and the characterisation unnecessarily complex with breadcrumbs sprinkled across stuff I've written literal years ago — thank you for asking)

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Who Holds the Devil #I almost feel like you all are going to be disappointed when the kidnapping eventually shows up in the story #I'm not sure if it's going to be as amazing as you all seem to hope >_> #I mean #I WILL be dramatic #But a lot of you are REALLY looking forward to it #And I feel like I'll disappoint you #But that might be because I know how it'll all play out I guess #And have for at least the past two years #So it's not very exciting to me xD

[amethystina]

I catch myself thinking about Who holds the devil when my mental stability is falling apart. Your story helps me to stay afloat.

Thank you

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling and, if I could, I would definitely give you a big hug. But, since that's not possible, I'm glad that I can still offer some comfort through my fic.

I've said it before, but knowing that my writing can give people hope, stability, or even just a distraction is the reason why I post. I will always write, but I choose to post it online because, just maybe, it can brighten someone's day.

And so please remember that. Even if I might not be able to update as often as I used to (due to my own health problems) I will always keep posting as long as there are people like you. As long as people enjoy what I do, I'll continue to share it.

I do it for you 💜

And while I don't have any snippets and such that I can share to maybe help you along, here's a simple sketch I just finished of Yo Han, on the subject of "You want to fuck that old man so bad it makes you look stupid."

As I said to my friends:

Benefits of drawing: If I want to know what Yo Han looks like in the black Henley outfit I gave him in Who Holds the Devil, I can draw it

Downsides of drawing: I now know what Yo Han looks like in that black Henley outfit

... and now you all do too. You're welcome.

So yeah. Hang in there, darling, and do whatever you have to do to get through the day. I'm so glad that my writing helps. And even if I don't know you — and even if it may sound cheesy — please remember that I care about you. And, if I could, I would take all the pain away.

Take care 💜

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #I wish I could do more #But I'm glad I can at least do SOMETHING #Even if it's just posting this fic #Also #On the subject of the sketch #I know that Yo Han wasn't technically in the study with this kind of lighting during the fic #I just wanted to draw it because... #Well because #I knew it would make him even hotter xD #Second also #Yes #This counts as a simple sketch for me #Because I have a tendency to overwork everything #Leave me alone xD #I'm getting good at the quick and sloppy backgrounds though #So that's something #Third also #This is going to be a series of sketches #So brace yourselves

[amethystina]

I wonder how Gaon and Yohan are going to explain the change in their interactions to Elijah, since it's going to be obvious to her that something has happened between them. Since Elijah knows that there's nothing between Gaon and Soo hyun, I wonder if she will play a role in clearing Yohan's misconception? Thanks for the update! I can't stop thinking how many ways this story can play out😅 Btw i really appreciate the time and effort you put into responding to our questions with such detail.

That definitely depends on who's doing the explaining xD Yo Han would just brush it off and pretend that nothing is happening — which would just piss her off — while Ga On would make a stilted effort to explain without making it too obvious what it's actually about. Which would also annoy her.

That poor girl, seriously. She doesn't deserve to get caught between these two idiots.

I'm not sure I agree that Elijah "knows" that there was nothing between Ga On and Soo Hyun, though. I think she very much thinks there was something between them. I mean, sure, they denied it when she asked if they were dating, but THE WAY they did so was pretty telling (especially in Soo Hyun's case). Even more so since Elijah is a bit... well, innocent? I think most of her experience with love comes from media, books etc. and how Ga On and Soo Hyun behaved is, well, straight from a drama xD

And Elijah also had that talk with Soo Hyun when they were eating ice cream on Ga On's terrace, where it became pretty obvious that Soo Hyun is in love with Ga On and has already confessed to him several times.

So I think Elijah very much believes they were in love. Which means she won't really play a role in convincing Yo Han otherwise — if asked, she'd probably only make it worse, even. Because her understanding of love is a bit superficial and probably pretty geared towards straightness. That's not to say that she's not aware of gay people (I think she might actually know more about that than Ga On does xD) but from the evidence she's seen both Ga On and Yo Han seem straight to her (because I can't imagine that Yo Han has flaunted his dalliances with other men in front of her).

I know I'm very, very firm about this but Elijah doesn't know that Yo Han and Ga On have the hots for each other. And not because she's stupid, but because she's grown up in a country where straightness is the norm and Yo Han has done everything he can to hide the depth of his and Ga On's relationship from her. Also, she's a self-centred teenager x'D

Like, take me for an example. I was around 23-24 and very comfortable in my own pansexuality but was still IN NO WAY PREPARED when my mum basically went: "I may only have had sex with two women in my life but, let me tell you — 10/10, would recommend." Because I had only ever seen her date and talk about men before and therefore assumed she had no interest in anything else. That's how easy it is to miss that someone close to you isn't entirely straight — especially if it's a parent/guardian.

So I really don't think that Elijah would notice until it gets a lot more obvious than this xD

Which wasn't technically what your ask was about (sorry for the tangent xD), but still important to know because Elijah really won't be all that helpful when it comes to Yo Han and Ga On figuring out their feelings for each other. In fact, she might just end up making things harder for them without meaning to. But more about that in later chapters ;)

ANYWAY. Thank you so much for the lovely ask! I'm so happy to hear that people are this excited and involved in my story! And, tbh, I can't help replying because I'm very excited, too, and love talking about my writing, my thoughts, and my takes on these characters. How could I resist? More often than not, I have to cut my answers short because I keep writing longer and longer ones.

Like, you guys have no idea how long the first drafts of my author's notes usually are. One time I had to cut half of it because it was reaching truly spectacular lengths. And sure, I know that some of you probably wouldn't complain if I had posted that first draft, but I'm trying to contain myself, okay? And also not reveal too much since it might end up spoiling future plot points. It's a constant struggle.

So yeah. I'm actually consciously holding back a lot of the time because I'm trying to not come off as completely unhinged x'D

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Who Holds the Devil #I admit that I sometimes feel a little bad about being so firm about the Elijah situation #A lot of people seem to want her to be aware of Yo Han and Ga on's feeling? #And help them along? #But I genuinely don't see why she would be based on her character in the drama #She's incredibly clever yes #But also socially inept #(much like her uncle) #And a teenager #She's got her own problems to worry about #Her weird uncle's sexuality is NOT high on her list of priorities okay?

[amethystina]

Hey! Just wanted to tell you how deeply in love I am with Who Holds the Devil. This is a stunning story, it's so in character and so realistic, it's really like S2 that you chose to bless us with. Of course I love the show's ending, but it leaves so much up in the air that seeing it explored in such meticulous detail is a blessing! Wishing you all the inspiration and joy. When they FINALLY kiss, I'm going to lose my mind, lol.

Hi! Thank you so much! 💜

I feel you on the ending of the drama. I think it was a pretty satisfying ending considering everything that had happened, but it's true that it left a lot unsaid, unresolved, and unexplored. And so, unsurprisingly, my first thought was that I wanted to know what happened next. But I also soon realised that the only way I would get it exactly the way I wanted was to write it myself, so here we are.

Tale as old as time xD

I didn't set out to write what is essentially turning out to be a second season, though, (my timeline for the first draft was very contained and to the point!) but as I started writing I just couldn't help going deeper and deeper, adding more and more details. I guess because the characters are just that interesting? And there's just so much potential? And so much to explore? Every character has so much room to grow!

How could I possibly cut any of that out?

So yeah. I just can't help myself. And I'm so happy to hear that the characters feel accurate and realistic! I think that's probably one of my trademarks by now — I make a sport out of trying to capture the characters' personalities as well as possible. And so it's very satisfying to hear that I've managed! Thank you!

As for when they finally kiss, I'm probably going to have a mental breakdown when we reach that point, simply due to the pressure I'll be under. What if I don't deliver? What if it's not what everyone is hoping it'll be? I'll never be able to forgive myself if the kiss ends up being underwhelming after such a long wait x'D

Like, I know exactly how and when it'll happen (not when as in which chapter but at which stage in the story) but I also have to write it well. At that point, I will have put you all through such a long, drawn-out slow burn that the stakes will be incredibly high. And I am terrified of disappointing you.

But, that said, I'm too stubborn (and too fond of this story) to let that stop me. So we'll get there eventually! And I hope you will enjoy it when we do! And that the road there will be just as enjoyable as it has been so far!

Thank you so much for the kind words 💜

#Amethystina Replies #k-s-morgan #Who Holds the Devil #will be the death of me #But mostly in a good way I guess? #Though I'm also terrified of it #It's turned into such a monster #And so many people are reading it #I'm not used to that #I'm a very shy person #Send help #Also #I'm slowly working my way through all the comments #But it's a slow process with the burnout and stuff #But I'll get to them eventually! #I promise!

[amethystina]

Hiiii🩷🩷 I have a question... does Yohan think that Gaon loves Soo Hyun in a romantic way😳? If so, oh boy thats a huge misunderstanding to clear. Also, thank you for the amazing update!!! I'm sure as hell sticking around on this journey to see these two work out their feelings!!

Hi there! 💜

Yes, he does. Because Yo Han's got no reason to believe otherwise, based on how Ga On is behaving. He can tell that Ga On is attracted to him, sure, but that's physical. And sexual and romantic attraction are two entirely different things. One doesn't guarantee the other and just because you feel one — or even both — you don't actually have to act on it.

I'm more or less writing Yo Han like a bisexual demiromantic, i.e. he's good at recognising sexual tension/attraction but he's not very experienced with love. He's never really been in love before because he's never allowed himself to get close enough to someone to actually fall in love. And when you combine this with his upbringing and lack of social interaction with other people? Love is probably pretty tricky for him.

Not in a "he doesn't feel it" way because he does — and he knows that he does — but he's not the best at reading it in other people. Not at all helped by how he just doesn't get the whole "love at first sight" thing (because, again, demiromantic), which has made him wonder if, just maybe, his concept of love is different from everyone else's. He knows what love means to him and he's seen other people be in love (like Isaac and his wife) but applying that to his and Ga On's relationship is very difficult for him, especially with Soo Hyun complicating things.

Like, if Yo Han tries to compare how Ga On behaved around/treated Soo Hyun (who he assumes Ga On was in love with) to how Ga On behaves around/treats Yo Han, he can see a lot of differences. And it's a problem when his method for figuring this whole situation out is: "That is how Kim Ga On behaves when he's in love and, if he doesn't, he's probably not in love with me." Because that misses the part where people don't always behave the exact same way when they're in love (because it can be influenced by who they're interested in) and, if anything, it should be the other way around.

At this point, it's probably better to look at how Ga On behaves around you, Yo Han, not Soo Hyun, if you want to figure out what he's like when he's in love x'D

... but he doesn't know that, of course.

So, in short: Yo Han knows that Ga On cares about him and he knows that Ga On is sexually attracted to him, but he has no way of knowing if Ga On is in love with him. Yo Han has too little experience with it to be able to gauge that.

But, at this point? He thinks that Ga On is just too in love with Soo Hyun to ever love him (which is what this post was about)

And, in a very heartbreaking way, he's kind of grateful that Ga On made it clear he's not going to act on what's between them because Yo Han assumes it's only sexual attraction and some confused fondness on Ga On's end anyway. And Yo Han would just... rather not if that's all Ga On can give him. Because, for once, he doesn't just want sex — he wants love, too.

... this man is, once again, a goddamn onion.

(and will make you cry just as much as one)

And, for my own sake, I'm going to have to make a detour and write Yo Han's POV of what happens after he's gone into his bedroom because I SWEAR THE FUCKING BASTARD WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. There is SO MUCH GOING ON in his head and snippets keep inconveniently popping up at irregular intervals, distracting me. And as soon as I push one aside, the next one pops up.

It's like a never-ending game of angsty Whac-A-Mole.

Someone save me.

ANYWAY. I'm glad you liked the update! And thank you so much for wanting to stick around 💜 I was genuinely worried about how you all would react to this chapter. Like, who's insane enough to throw in a rejection 400k into a story? People have probably gotten chased down with pitchforks for less.

So thank you for the trust, support, and dedication — it means a lot to me 💜

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Who Holds the Devil #Amethystina Writes #Even if she would prefer not to this time #Like #I ALWAYS know what's going through Yo Han's head too #But this is the first time when I genuinely can't focus because I'm just BOMBARDED by it #I WISH I COULD SHUT IT OFF BUT I CAN'T #So I'm going to write it all down just to get it out of the way I guess? #Maybe then it'll quiet down #Also #I guess it might be nice just for the sake of knowing exactly where he stands #I make no promises that I'll post it though xD #Second also #Do yourself a favour and don't ponder how that 'my love isn't like other people's' work in relation to 'I'm a monster' #And 'I will smother his light one day' #Because that's... yeah #That'll break your heart #I'M SORRY I CAN'T SHUT IT OFF OKAY

[amethystina]

hello there! Niki here. just wanted to congratulate you on hitting 400k words on WHtD! 🎉🎊🎂👯‍♀️💕 I wanted to make sure to celebrate this great achievement of yours even if I need to wait a couple of days before reading the new update 😥 I’ll make sure to enjoy it and then leave my big-ass live-reaction later on, but for now have a big 💜 from yours truly :) well done! great job! :D have a marvelous weekend!

Thank you! 💜

Though, to be honest with you? I didn't realise I would be passing 400k until I had already posted the chapter and looked at the total and I honestly felt my soul leave my body there for a second. Because DEAR LORD what am I even doing?

Especially since I know we're nowhere near done. Like, I have my notes, sure, but certain passages in my planned timeline are just one sentence and I know that one sentence might actually be half a chapter all on its own. So I really can't judge how much is left. I am HOPING we're at least halfway through but who the fuck knows at this point? Certainly not me x'D

ANYWAY. Thank you so much for wanting to celebrate with me! And, as always, take your time and feel no obligation whatsoever! I'm really happy that people are reading this fic and enjoying it as much as they are, but none of you owe me anything :)

Take care and I hope you have a marvelous weekend too! 💜

#Amethystina replies #e-nord #Who Holds the Devil #Amethystina Writes #Way too much tbh #Also #This newest chapter? #Without a doubt the most exhausting and difficult chapter I've ever had to edit #In my 10+ years of writing fanfics #I'm not even sure why? #But I guess it could be a combination of the length and my burnout #And the content I guess #Since it was a pretty emotional chapter #It was such a struggle that I kind of don't even want to look at it right now x'D