#And I dont want shit to just keep getting worse

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

if your dog is above knee height for me standing up i dont want that beast around me like if he is big enough his snout can reach my hip or higher fucking keep that thing away from me and on a leash dont you dare „he just wants to play“ me bro i dont want your dog to be able to get saliva on me i dont want to smell his breath and im honestly fucking scared of him jumping on me or worse humping me because dogs sometimes do that! not everyone is scared of being bit some people like myself just think dogs are unpredictable and gross and i hate that dog owners think everyone loves their salivating humping sniffing stinky piece of shit domesticated beast as much as they do i dont! i dont even want to see photos i already know your dog is ugly and i can smell him through the screen. small dogs however 🥰 except pugs because they have instagram influencer face

#rant #random #i might have some dog related trauma but i also think i dont need to have that #to expect dog owners to put their beast on a leash #and keep it away from me!

[factorialsotherfandoms]

*flails hands of warning* I am being depressing here!!! Fatalistic even! I'm trying to words why I'm enjoying this less than other murder minecraft! I'm talking about concerns I have! Please don't read if this is going to upset you!!! Or if you wanna fight! I'm just hashing out my thoughts!!! Because I can't go back to watch and enjoy and chill until I've been through with them! Gotta pour salt on the ground before I can fill the bottle up with sugar! This is only me talking shit not me talking about bits I've liked which have absolutely existed and if I was having no fun I'd just turn the ducking streams off and not come back! It's just morning and I hurt anx so I'm grumpy!

tbh my biggest concern with purgatory is the knock on effects after it for ccs who genuinely seem not to be having fun. Like they can just not play more, but IC bridges are still burnt (often with OC friends which is miserable to play long term), and like... I'm not actually sure how long Etoiles even if he drops now could still enjoy stuff if q!phil still has issue with q!etoiles after. And I'm pretty sure at least some of them would back off to let those who did have fun continue trajectories it sent them on, and I would miss them?

And it sucks because I know there is fun to be had here, but it's not to everyone's tastes? And it's the people who aren't or weren't having fun who get the biggest consequences after? Because it's an RP reward for a PvP event?

I guess the biggest part of my problem and why I keep thinking there has to be an around or loophole for the eggs it is because it's an rp reward for a mechanics event? And yes all has some rp and some mechanics, but the eggs are most valued as characters at this point. And the fact it's an rp reward means people not having fun are going to have a much harder time stepping away from it.

I'm also concerned about people (red) logging in as much as they are. Because they do not log in that often normally and it's going to burn some of them out.

Idk I want to have fun and I enjoy bloodbaths, but the stakes feel wonky and it's really hard when the people on at my timezome either aren't having fun, are bitching about it, or have potential massive knock on consequences.

If they lose their eggs to this, Fit and Phil are going to be unwatchable. I already can't manage Tubbo. If Fit is miserable Pac is miserable, if Pac is miserable Mike is miserable. For most of the streams I remember it's just those guys hanging out with their eggs. Which we havent had for a while and honestly I kinda enjoy seeing less of them but for the angst because it opens more options, but imagine how fucking intolerable Fit and Phil are going to be near each other if only one of them's egg/s survive? Because the other one did something? Theyd both understand but theyd both be /awful/. Add in that Etoiles is rifted with Phil and oh look theres everything that regularly happens for the PoV that best matches my schedule gone (I enjoy Tazercraft more, but Phil has my exact schedule, so I tend to follow him because no language barrier and I don't miss bits of development for him)

And I know the stakes are the same for everyone, but they're not? Pomme and Richas are basically safe, which covers other morning hours. And Leo and Dapper are also in massive danger, but I don't watch that late normally, so it's less of a concern for me personally?

It's why I have to tell myself the reward isn't the reward, because if it is, everything gets shifted in directions I am not interested in seeing.

Now I think I wonder if part of the reason Phil is depressing to watch is that he's run the same numbers I have, from the same assumption of you can save 4/7 eggs if you win, and realised he can't save both Chayanne and Tallulah even if he wins. Which yeah he has the overthrow the eye thought he did actually share with someone this session but we keep being told it's pure PvP by like Quackity. Which. Tbh pure PvP leads me towards either there is no cursed team or the cursed team is only defined after the fact because??? The stakes??? In terms of reward one team losing is clearly worse???

I also as an aside think it'd really help if the admins were open with the players about how the mechanics work, and had been open in advance about the exact timescale. No hate to them, they obviously want secrets and surprises, but I'm sure Cellbit would be less annoyed if he'd known 2 weeks not like 4 days so he didnt plan and commit as hard to a specific arc plots for himself, or if its had been suggested to wait until after to start something big, and Etoiles would be happier if he could see how scoring worked and knew how shit was assembled so he could more accurate judge what is fair. Shit like beds not working as respawn points and if armour actually is not giving defence should absolutely have been told in advance, though, and to everyone. Admins are new to PvP running so entirely understandable and theres obviously so much work gone into it and they want this to go well and people to have fun, but its misery.

Also splitting people from their friends was obviously intentional but is absolutely contributing to people feeling miserable. Both the ccs who are and the watchers.

Pulling back to morning hours again where dynamics are a huge part (I assume later streamers too but I know these)... Tazercraft are split (potentially interesting but I really really hope they played this in advance especially given how little Mike can get on atm and that they /stream together/ when time allows), and Phil has nobody who shares his stream times and he regularly spends time with on his team (which when we account for afterwards and knock on effects... ow, because people arent going to long term adjust their schedules over this or at least shouldn't). Fit and Pac are managing to still be cute, but can they sustain it over this divide? Tubbo and Fit were already on shaky grounds and this will make them worse. Mike is barely here because life.

Lose any eggs and have the tension from it split up morning hours and honestly I'd rather Phil just streamed hardcore a while because then at least its solo player isolated not cut yourself from your friends and loved ones over a BS AI making you betray each other for what you thought was the sake of your children.

After the first day where I watched Missa farming stream I've only really watched red and green, but blues spawn fucking sucks and is misery itself.

I am begging for team back up hours sometime, but the more Quackity talks the less I expect it.

But, really, my biggest problem is the streamers I enjoy or at least their characters are fucking miserable, when I try change PoV its still miserable, and as far as I can tell they're going to continue being miserable once the event is over.

#qsmp neg #fandom neg #I am just bitching I know this is what I'm doing shhh #Let me get the salt out so I can enjoy it again later #Also I dont want plot deathed eggs because we've already had 2 months of grief arc from their parents #And I dont want shit to just keep getting worse #There needs to be a win and a break /sometime/ #Genuinely want green to get a win #And for red to throw #Just for today #Like istg guys if the cursed thing is real you need to keep the teams balanced for a bit

[puppyeared]

i have to say its a strange experience taking classes on branding and marketing while being vehemently anticapitalist and scorning the economic system

#i shit you not ill be in class and theyre talking abt how to make brands memorable and use words to describe their tone and feel #and at the same time i see starbucks endorsing genocide and greedflation and AI techbros scheming us into extinction #its extremely fucking dystopian. and its even worse when u have teachers telling u to use chatGPT and midjourney for #placeholder text and images. like damn. this is really the industry im going into huh #i feel complicit doing this because i want to pursue graphic design but its chilling to see ppl get really worked up abt branding #do u not feel used?? doesnt it feel like youre giving a faceless entity a mask to gloss over the ugly parts?? cuz i do #i get excited at the design and UX aspect of things like how people think and how design and user interfaces are planned around how #we think and act. but when the endgoal becomes marketing or doing it for companies it just feels like a waste #like i think this is what bill watterson meant when he didnt want calvin and hobbes to be commercialized #i dont want to do anything else unless it comes to that like i change my career path somewhere down the line. but fuck dude #im just gonna keep using unsplash and lorem ipsum as much as i can because i sure as hell dont wanna add to the problem if i cant solve it #yapping #vent

[boyywithluv]

.

#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it. #every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better?? #i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it. #and thats scary for me. #but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content. #i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating. #i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good. #i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good. #ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame. #not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain. #when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!! #but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft. #i don't think im making sense but like. #you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times. #so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

[judadisyourjudaddy]

i keep thinking "hey i should maybe get into one of those animes/games that my brother really likes because that way we would share another interest and i'd understand what hes talking about and he wont have to keep spoilers from me anymore!!" but if i THINK about danganronpa i am DOOMED.

#he keeps telling me he thinks i'd kin nagito komaeda #like this was (probably just 2) years ago when he first said this so i gave it the benefit of the doubt like #surely he cant think that anymore #but if i fucking bring it up he says it again #he said it might be worse what does that mean #i dont want to find out but also i want to get into the silly game/anime with the scary fandom #the thing is he said the same shit about izuku midoriya too #then i started watching bnha and he became a really high kin #this is too many tags #sorry i'm just scared of th

[snekdood]

i need more friends that i can give the responsibility of perennial native plants and perhaps shrubs and trees to

#p sure my apartment complex would only be down with just me using like flowers n stuff...... but i got trees n shrubs here toooooooo..... #that produce fruit...... .. . . .... . . #probably why they dont want it #but goddamn thats just gonna make the squirrels worse if we deprive them of anything @-@;; #how to explain biodiversity and the cycle of life to normies who think grass is the only plant that exists @ google? or anyone?? #'theres too many squirrels' #'and that doesnt have to be a problem if we just let bushes and tall plants and more trees grow in places where theres vast expanses of #just grass' #'bc then natural predators of squirrels will be more likely to live here and naturally deal w the squirrel population till its healthy' #how do i emphasize how bad grass is to someone who probably doesnt even care that much about the env to begin with #GOOGLE HOW DO I GET PEOPLE TO CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT AND QUESTION THEIR ACTIONS #BUT NOT SO MUCH THAT IT MAKES THEM GET LOST IN THEIR GUILT AND SOMEHOW TRY TO TURN IT ON ME INSTEAD #IG FOR MAKING THEM AWARE OF THE HARM THEYRE CAUSING #and then they just shut down and try not to think about it until they keep ignoring it and nothing changes and hhhhhhhhhhh #oh and how do i do this to my landlord without the risk of being hated by him and thus treated Differently #my problem is i have no filter and i say whats on my mind so idk if i can be nice about it BC THIS SHIT IS P URGENT TO ME

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[chaosinstigator]

if y’all love and appreciate daniel's input on the team so much... why not repay him in the form of a car he can actually drive

#dr3 #daniel ricciardo #visa cashapp racing bulls #vcarb #visa cashapp rb #f1 #last year he was fucking taken out by other peoples parts on track and so far this year its his own team who claims to work to improve #the problems hes presenting to them only to unlock new ones/other ones instead like #the fuckin floor thing yknow how he prefers to drive by now surely why the fuck would you do this when you know itll make things worse #make it make sense?! #anyways i was happy w peters interview but now im just tired yall cant keep praising him and then pulling this crap do you know how #irritating it is to have to keep reminding people of his technical issues bc they keep happening ofc people are gonna be dicks about it bc #they just want a reason to talk shit they dont bother actually getting into whats going on adsfgh sorry sorry im pissed off actually #barely 5 am and im already fumin its gonna be fun to watch quali ey #joey rambles #i just want him in the fuckin redbull already we know he can drive it we saw the proof last year he can pull podiums with that one GIVE HIM #THE GOD DAMN REDBULL #FUCK

[qumiiiquinnquin]

ill never be good enough at anything

#vent #events of today only proved it #im genuinely so close to giving up completely #i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing #I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im #the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did #i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships #i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long #i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math #i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive #hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough #i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi #i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i #know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out #i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on #just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height #the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly. #ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from #if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic #i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me #i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.

[moshieee]

Ew, essays :[

I miss the old days of kindergarten when we attempted to color butterflies and ate erasers and glue

-🎁

I hated kindergarten

Essays may suck but at least now I'm not the weird kid in the corner wishing I had friends

However yes I absolutely despise essays with all my being... in fact!

Achievement unlocked: you somehow found a topic moshie hates enough and on a bad day to start them ranting in the tags...

Warning there are curse words, poor spelling, and caps locks

Sorry in advance

#asks #off topic #seriously tho i hate essays so much #one of them is already 5 pages and thats just the rough draft #i better get a fucking high pass on that shit or i will scream #shes actually making us focus on out writing process and OH HO.HO BOY IS MINE A MESS #I SWEAR ITS LIKE TRYING TO MAKE A SKETCH BUT YOU KEEP PAINTING CERTAIN PARTS BECAUSE IT HAS TO LOOK NICE #ONLY TO RELIZE OH WAIT MAYBE THAT DOESN'T GO THERE AND I SHOULD ACTUALLY SHIFT IT AROUND #OR MAYBE I COULD SWAP THIS TOO BE THAT LOOKS AWFUL AND IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE TILL ITS A RIVER OF BLOOD AND PAINT #AND SHE WANTS TO SEE MY ROUGH DRAFT??? HONNEY YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT READING THE MARIO SUNSHINE SPEEDRUN CATEGORY BACKWARDS THEN #UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE FUCK IM TRYING TO WRITE ITS WHY I HAVE TO WRITE IT ALL IN ONE GO OTHERWISE I HAVE TO LOOK BACK AND UNDERSTAND WHAT #WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE LOOKING THROUGH THIS MESS!!! OOOHH WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO ORGANIZE THIS WELL SHIT THATS GOING TO TAKE EVEN #LONGER YOU ALREADY GOT ME WRITING WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME STOP MUCH LESS MAKE ME SWITCH SUBJECTS TO ANOTHER ESSAY HALF WAY THROUGH OH BU #AND GUESS WHAT!???? ONE PAGE! DOUBLE SPACE! AND IM NOT GOING TO GIVEN GIVE YOU A DIRECTION TO WRITE IN JUST ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT WE LEARNED #IN THESE LAST TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS FUCKING HELL DO YOU KNOW HOW INDECISIVE AND FORGETFUL I AM??? MUCH LESS THE FACT KTS ABOUT ETHNICS #I DIDNT EVEN EANT TO TAKE AN ETHNICS CLASS I WANTED ETHICS I FUCKING HATE EVERY SO MUCH RIGHT NOW #LIKE YEA SURE I KNOW THEY'RE IMPORTANT BUT I STILL HATE ESSAYS and j know my teachers are trying their best... #but jeese ethnics is such a difficult topic because on one had yea i relate to what these people are going through im part of the LGBT #are statistics are very similar but im also bery much a white person and not openly trans/non binary i dont want to look like some stuck up #white person going oooo look at the poor minorities i can TotAlLy relate and now im going to talk about me #because im genuinely scared of coming out idk whos accepting and whos not at least online im safe and can block people... #jeese im sorry for the rant i shouldn't have gone on that much less my art blog #this is supposed to be a positive blog but i just need to put this somewhere or i feel im going to cry out of frustration im sorry #rant post #system #oops moshie got emotional

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[dimonds456]

I have a lot of mixed feelings about MatPat.

On the one hand, he definitely has a streak of bigotry. The pyro episode really comes to mind on that one, and his refusal to they/them Kris was also not cool, and there have been a lot of other examples here and there.

But he has been getting better. One of his Livestream hosts uses they/them from what I can tell, and I haven't heard any word that he's misgendered them anywhere.

But also, his theories have just been getting lower and lower quality as his channels kinda turned into something one step below a content farm. His Digital Circus theory, for example, he came up with ON GTLive and then just cleaned it up for the episode.

But he was also hosting all four channels. Each channel will have its own host now.

He made a lot of mistakes, but so does everyone.

Am I defending him? I dont know. Do I forgive him? No. Do I honestly care? ...I don't know.

I'm glad he's stepping away. But I'm also gonna miss him.

Like he said in the goodbye video, he was a lot of peoples childhoods. Mine was one of them. He's definitely not the best person nor was he the best influence, but he did help me realize that being a nerd and being passionate are good things. And his passion helped me want to create.

I'm glad he's leaving, but it also feels like my childhood is going with him. One last step towards that all-encompassing 21 in a few months from now.

I'll miss you, Mat. I hope you can continue to grow as a person and support others more in the future. Teach your son what the world failed to teach you when you were younger.

Also read the tags, please, okay Tumblr? Thanks.

#im scared to post this. i know people on here dont like him and i 100% understand why #but i also fear that people assume he can't grow #i may be wrong as ive been staying away from matpat drama but from what ive seen? #mat makes mistakes. then he listens to people when they tell him he fucked up. and he tries to do better. #people forget that hes a person sometimes. #and like i said i could be wrong. there might be evidence out there that hes an evangelical or something #but i havent seen it. i do know about the homophobia and transphobia from the past #but i also know hes apologized and that stuff hasnt really resurfaced #i want him to do better and continue to grow away from the internet #but if im wrong then im wrong. #just please dont harass me for this post okay? #if hes worse than i think he is you can tell me but please dont be mean about it #ive had enough people yelling at me.over this shit recently. #mat if youre SOMEHOW reading this? thanks. your stuff helped me watch to enrich my stories more #give people something to hunt for #you aided my passion #and i wouldnt be who i am today without you man. #so please. keep growing. keep doing better. and i guess i'll see ya when i see ya. #dimond speaks #not maintagging this cuz i dont wanna get killed lol

[bakudei]

#warning: vent #might fuck around and delete all my social media because im having a hard time lately and my mental state keeps getting worse #like i deleted some apps already but just knowing that the pages are still up is bothering me #and i dont want to be rash bc i might feel better later and then ill be upset that all my shit is gone #but rn i genuinely just feel like im being replaced and forgotten and i cant contribute anything worthwhile anymore to anyone #so i might as well just delete everything because theres no point in it being up #idk im just. idk