#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 22

A/N - So this is the last part my lovelies! (Well there will be an Epilogue) i just want to thank everyone who has kept with this til the end and for all the love you’ve shown. 💕

"Buck, i cant stop looking at them" i smiled down at my two boys laying side by side in the hospital cot.

"I know, their perfect" he beamed before turning and kissing me "you did so good baby"

"I didn't do anything, i didn't even know what was going on!" I chuckled, when they took me down to the OR the babies heart rates dropped suddenly and they had to give me a general anaesthetic and get them out quick.....when i woke up again i had my two boys.

"You did everything! You carried them for the last... what, 8 months? You've kept them safe and healthy"

"I guess i did do that, I've got the stretch marks to prove it" i rolled my eyes.

"we still need names, we can't just keep calling them 'the boys' you know"

"Mmmhmm okay but can we talk about it after i sleep?" I asked covering my mouth as i yawned.

"Sure doll, you get some sleep"

"You'll watch them?"

"Of course, Steve will probably be in here in a minute he was so excited" Bucky shook his head and laughed.

"Okay, Just let me sleep for an hour and wake me up okay?"

"You got it".

When i woke up again i looked over to see Bucky sat with his eyes closed, both boys sleeping on his chest. He wasn't asleep just resting his eyes, his thumbs gently stroking over their tiny legs as they slept soundly. It was the most beautiful sight ive ever seen, i couldnt help but reach for my phone and snap a photo.

Yes im gonna be that mom who takes photo's of everything! Don't judge me!

"What are you doing?" He asked opening one eye and looking at me suspiciously.

"Taking a photo of my boys" i smiled "i told you to wake me up in an hour Buck, how long did i sleep? Its dark out!"

"4/5 hours" he shrugged casually "enjoy it while you can doll, you wont sleep well for a while"

"Unless they take after their mama and like their sleep too? God i hope they do!"

"Their gonna need a feed, you feeling up to it?"

"Yeah".

Bucky got up and carefully passed me one of the twins while he kept the other close to his chest and sat back down.

"His so tiny.... i feel like i'm gonna break him" i said as i lowered my gown and tried to get the baby to latch onto my breast "He latched on straight away.... oh my god this is so weird..."

"Thats my boy" Bucky winked making me laugh quietly so i didn't disturb the baby.

"So names..... i was thinking Steven and Samuel as middle names? Both of them are important to us" i said looking down at the baby in my arms.

"I love that idea, they'll love that too"

"Is Steve gonna Cry?"

"Probably" Bucky chuckled knowing what his friend was like.

"Okay and first names?"

"How about Thomas....After your dad? I know you miss him" Bucky suggested.

"I really do, i wish my mom and dad were here to see this" i quickly wiped a tear away "Thomas Samuel Barnes?"

"I like it doll"

"Me too" i smiled looking down at the larger of the boys in my arms "i think this is Thomas"

"Okay and now for this little man"

"How did we not decide on names before today?" I shook my head.

"Because we've had our hands full with the girls and Jack's case.... we thought we had more time" Bucky shrugged before getting up and switching out the babies.

"I don't really know what names i like"

"Me either, i didn't think it would he this hard to name them" i said as i got comfy with the next baby.

"You know just before the girls went to bed i heard Allie talking to the bump again.... how do you feel about Theodore?" I asked raising an eyebrow questioningly "thats what she called one of them.... we could call him Theo or Teddy for short?"

"Theodore Steven Barnes? It kinda works" he nodded "for the record i'll probably never call him Theodore"

"It doesn't surprise me babe, the girls rarely get called by their full names either"

"Thats true"

"So are we agreed?"

"I think we are" he grinned as he got settled with Thomas again.

"Did Steve come see them while i was sleeping?"

"Yeah but only for 10 minutes, i didn't want to disturb you.... plus visiting hours where nearly up. His coming back up later with the girls though, then his gonna take them home and watch them til we're aloud to go home"

"Sounds perfect, i miss my girls already"

"Im sure their missing you too"

"Their probably too busy with Auntie Becca to care" i smiled over at Bucky who was shaking his head.

"Okay Teddy is done, can you take him please.... i think i need some more pain relief"

"Sure doll" he laid Thomas in the cot and took Teddy from me before sitting back down to winding him.

I held a hand to my stomach and winced as i pressed the call button for the nurse.

"Your gonna be feeling that for a while doll, your gonna have to take it easy too. Let me help you with things"

"I'll be fine...."

"You will take it easy and let yourself heal"

"But Bucky you cant look after the girls and newborn twins on your own! I can't just sit around and do nothing...."

"You can and you will, Ive already spoken to Steve and his gonna come stay with us until your better"

"Okay, its not like he isn't always there anyway. I sometimes wonder if he actually lives with us and i just don't know about it"

"You don't mind that Steve's around alot do you?"

"Course not, i love Steve"

"Good, you'd tell me if you had a problem with it?"

"You know i would"

"Ms Y/L/N, how you feeling?" One of the nurses smiled as she walked into the room.

"I need something for the pain, other than that im good" i smiled at her.

"Okay lets see what i can do about that".

It was about an hour later when Steve walked in with Becca and the girls.

Steve came straight over to me and placed a kiss on the top of my head, Rosie was cuddled up to him but held her arms out to me as he leaned down.

He let her down to lay beside me and she instantly cuddled up to me.

"Hey mama, how you feeling?" Steve asked.

"Im doing okay, sore.... but its worth it"

"Their beautiful" he nodded looking down into the cot beside me we're they both slept.

"Congratulations you guys, their beautiful" Becca smiled hugging Bucky before getting a closer look at the babies.

Brooke and Allie stood with Bucky looking down at Thomas and Teddy.

"Girls, these are your baby brothers" Bucky said quietly to them and they smiled.

"Their so tiny"

"What are their names?" Allie asked turning to look at Bucky.

"Well this one, this is Thomas" he pointed to the bigger twin "and this is Theodore" he pointed to the smaller one, Allie gasped and looked up at me.

"I knew it!.... i knew that was his name!"

"Okay can i hold one now?" Steve asked practically bouncing on the spot making us laugh at him.

"Sure Steve, hey Buck why don't you let him hold Teddy first?"

"Sure doll" he carefully lifted Teddy and placed him in Steve's arms "this is Theodore...."

"I know that Y/N just said so"

"Theodore Steven Barnes"

"What!? Are you serious?" He said his eyes going wide.

"Yeah pal"

"Guys...." he said with tears in his eyes "i dont know what to say"

"Told you he would cry" Bucky chuckled and Steve gave his his best bitch face.

"If i wasn't holding Teddy id kick your ass"

"Yeah whatever pal"

"Language! Uncle Steve!" Brooke said with wide eyes as she turned to look at him.

"You said a bad word Uncle Stevie!" Allie added making us all laugh.

"Yeah Uncle Steve you said a bad word! Don't be saying bad language words around my kids"

"God your such a mom already"

"Y/N?" Allie said walking over to the side of my bed.

"Yeah babe?"

"Does this mean your our mom too?"

I looked over at Bucky who shrugged with a smile, i knew he was telling me it was my choice what i told her.

"Yeah Allie, i'm your mom too..... if you'll have me?"

"Really??" Brooke asked coming to stand beside Allie.

"Yeah"

"And... can we call you mom?"

"You can if you want to, whatever your comfortable with" i smiled brushing a piece of hair back from her face.

"Im gonna call you mom" Allie said casually before running back to her dad who was smiling as he listened to our conversation.

"You guys are gonna make me cry again" Steve said sniffling from the chair in the corner.

"I think i might join in this time too" Becca added quickly wiping a tear from her face.

After spending the longest two days in the hospital the boys and i were finally aloud to go home. It was the best feeling being back home, knowing i had Bucky and all my babies under one roof and plus Bucky and Steve had been amazing.

They wouldn't let me do much though.....They'd even carry me upstairs!! I was now managing to walk around by myself, slowly, but i was on the mend.

Sam and Wanda came to visit us the day we got home, Sam had actually cried when we told him Thomas's middle name.... even though he tried to hide it.

Wanda had sat cooing at the twins for hours and saying how much she couldn't wait to meet her little bundle of joy.

I was sat in bed just finishing the feeds, Bucky was next to me holding Teddy, the girls were asleep on the bottom of the bed, we'd been watching Aladdin and they had all fallen asleep halfway through. I smiled as Aladdin and Jasmine were singing about 'A Whole New World' realising my whole world was in this room, i never thought id be this happy.

"You okay doll? You seem a million miles away" Bucky asked pressing a kiss to my lips.

"Yeah, just thinking about how lucky i am that i met you. You've made me the happiest woman in the world Buck.... you gave me 3 beautiful girls and my handsome boys, who already look so much like their daddy by the way!" Bucky chuckled as he laced his free hand with mine "i love you baby"

"I love you too, i couldn't ask for a better mama for our kids" he smiled bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing my fingers "marry me?"

"What??...." i looked at him with wide eyes "did you just...."

"Yeah" he nodded with a huge smile on his face "make me the happiest man in the world and say yes?"

"Are you sure...? I mean i dont want you asking just cause we're having a moment...."

"Doll, this isn't just me being in the moment i promise" he said leaning over to the drawer in his bed side cabinet. When he turned back to me he had a black velvet box in his hand "ive had this for a while, i was just waiting for the right time"

"Buck...." i gasped feeling my heart racing as he opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring id ever seen.

"What do you say doll? will you marry me?"

"Yes!! A hundred times yes!" I smiled with happy tears as he slipped the ring onto my finger and kissed me.

"Its you and me doll, always"

"I think i'm okay with that".

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense @heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan @ladymelissastark @93generation @sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple @Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31 @superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language @booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27 @jesseswartzwelder @saiyanprincessswanie @stormi-ames @death-unbecomes-you

#reader insert #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers #chris evans #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #home

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[jisokai]

Hello! The jumin cheating fic was really a heart breaker. Can you write an alternate ending (happy ending) loving your writings by the way ♥♥

aaa im sorry this has taken so long!! ive been trying to get a system up where i write for 2 inboxes a day so i can catch up to them all, but then i get two more… but feel free to keep requesting!! it helps motivate me to get shit done! someone also requested an angsty ending to the scenario, so ill try to get that done later today and link it up. the original post is here, and my masterlist is here,, enjoy!! 

this scenario could take a few different endings, so i decided to write two endings (normal and good) you could consider happy. [spoiler for the scenario] i wrote a normal ending where mc dies but on good terms with jumin, and a good ending where she lives and jumin makes things right [end spoiler] im not gonna say what the bad end is but you can probably guess what im planning….

jumin cheating scenario - good & normal ending

normal ending [death mentions]

- it only took jumin a week to find where you went- he had all sorts of connections, you couldnt hide forever- but you tried really hard- as soon as he saw where you were headed, he knew you were headed to your parents house- you wanted to tell them about your illness and plans to travel the world for a few of your remaining months- currently, you were planning to stay home for a couple more days, leave for about three months, and then come home and stay with your family when you grew weaker and neared death- but jumin showed up a week into your stay with your parents (a variable you didnt take into account but really shouldve)- he starts apologizing, tears falling as he begs for your forgiveness and a possible second chance- he promises to do better and stay faithful, trying everything he can to win you back and stay with him- you sigh and close your eyes, deciding to explain the situation- you tell him that the cheating wasnt what drove you away, but that you might die soon- you explain you dont want to go back to that life and spend the last bit of it with someone who already has your replacement- you tell him your plans to travel and see the world before its over- hes in shock when he finds out about this and offers to try and get doctors behind you to fight for a cure- you just decline and say you dont want his help and youve already accepted what was to come- he hesitantly leaves you after that, understanding your situation and telling you to call if you ever need anything- the next day theres a large sum of money transferred to your bank account and you accept it, what do you have to lose?- you have a wonderful three months of travel, seeing so much and meeting so many great people- you return home and spend your last remaining time with your family- jumin comes by to visit a couple times, holding your hand and telling you he loves you, even after all hes done- when your time ends and your body lays limp on the bed, jumin cries and mourns for you- days pass and he still mourns, unable to let you go- he ends things with the other person, he cant bring himself to do it anymore- he carrys on, but its not the same without you- he reverts back to his unemotional state and works like a robot, efficient as ever but tangled inside- however, once a year when he visits your grave, he lets himself cry 

good ending

- you didnt make it on the plane- you sat at the gate, waiting for your group to be called while jumin was running around the streets looking for you- but when you stood to get in line, he was running down the halls of the airport- and a scream of “MC!” got your attention, making you look back in awe at the business man clumsily running to get you back- jumin stands in front of you panting- “mc,, please come back and think this through. i promise to do better, ill do anything.. just, please not so soon. i cant live without you”- you sigh and he just continues his rambling before you have to cut him off- “jumin i have a terminal illness. im probably going to die within six months”- hes shocked, eyes widening and the fear is so big in his eyes- “ i wasnt planning to leave you until i found out. i didnt want to live like how i am for the rest of my short life”- hes speechless, unable to understand what you were saying- “m-mc oh my god… when did you find out? what do you plan to do?”- “i found out earlier today and i plan to see my family and then travel around the world”- he still cant understand it, “mc come back to me, please.. we can get the best doctors and treatments, im sure of it! we still have time, we can make this-”- you cut him off “jumin no. six months is what i have and i cant spend that time mending a broken relationship.”- he took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes “two months. come back to me after two months. ill give you the money for travelling and leave you alone. afterwards, come back to me. ill find the best people i can and we will push to cure you. please mc, i cant live without you.”- you hold eye contact for a few moments and sigh before replying- “jumin i love you and i believe in you, but even if i live, who knows if youll cheat again. will it really be worth it? no matter how long i live, i dont want the rest of my life being spent with someone who isnt loyal”- he put a hand on your shoulder “two months”- ,,…..- you sighed and agreed, “fine. but you only get two months in return. if i dont seem to be recovering, we’ll give up on it. i dont want needles in my body for the rest of my life either.”- he smiled so big his face hurt, “deal.”- two amazing months passed and you were back in his apartment- during his two months he found amazing doctors and treatments and would do everything to cure your illness- he had ended his affair, devoting himself entirely to you- the first month was hell, trying to get samples and make comparison, choosing treatments and setting up a plan- but when the second month came, you went a week without vomiting blood and new hope arised- you knew treatment would be long, but the signs were so big you had to do it- the full recovery took over a year, but it was so fucking worth it- jumin was there by your side for the entire road- he checked up on you everyday and sat with you every night to help you sleep- his commitment to you during this time restored your faith in him and the relationship you both have- when you fully recovered, the two of you decided to try again at love- you also became well known for being a survivor of a certain terminal illness and traveled to give speeches and talk about your story- you paired with his company for advertising and starting a new branch in health related business- but most importantly, your lives became one again and you could return to how your relationship used to be- he makes sure to tell you he loves you every day, he makes sure to sit by you in the mornings long enough to watch you wake up, and he works to prove his love every day- and he saved you in a way, so why wouldnt you let him try again?- and youre so happy you did, because things truly did work out in the best way possible

#jumin han #jumin mysme #jumin mystic messenger #jumin x mc #jumin x reader #rfa #rfa boys #mystic messenger #headcanon #mystic messenger headcanon #scenario #mystic messenger scenario #jumin scenario

[lotus-0398]

A/N:Hello! Im back with a new one. Ive been busy but hope you huys like it!

You can ask me anything and request anything if you like! ✨

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

You and Jin met in middle school. You were two years younger then him. He was your senpai in a way. He was alone and you sat by his side to make him company and thats where all started. You two love food, animals, coffee and other stuff. You two began to hang out and even though he graduated and moved to another school for high school. You two would still be in contact. You guys would hang out in arcades, at the pool, having picnic or just a sleep over in his house or yours. You guys were having the best days.

One day he came to you and told you he was a trainee at Big Hit. You were so excited and hugged him. You fully knew that was his dream and you were gonna be there to support him. Also you were beginning to have feelings for him. You dont want to be away from him, you want him to know that youll be there for him, that you care for him, you loved him and that he was everything to you. You didnt dare to tell him yet.

Months have passed, days, hours and you were close to all the members. You brought them food almost every day made by you so they will eat well. Also they debuted and they were being successful. You were happy to see Jins dream coming true, for you studying was hard but it was all worth it to have a future. Thank God you took clases online because you couldnt stand being in a room full of people and having to dress all days just to go to college was something you didnt want. But you could dress up all days for Jin. Yes you love him and still you havent confessed to him. You began to be very shy around him again and talking more to the others. Jin noticed this and one day he took you out of the practice room and placed you to the wall.

“Jin.. wh-whats wrong?”you stuttered. And looked down.

He looked at you and sighed” Why dont you talk to me so much? We used to talk a lot non stop.. did i did something wrong?” He said sad and you grabbed his hand

“No.. you havent done anything bad.. i just...”you kept silent. Thinking if you should tell him.

“Y/N... whats wrong? Is something bothering you?..i would do anything for you to be confortable you know?.. and i have something to tell you.. im gonna explode if i dont tell you.. i.”he bit his lips and looked at you in the eyes” i like you.. like a lot..and i cant stand you talking more with the others than me.. i know we dont like go together because now im a singer.. and having this life is difficult.. plus having someone its even more harder..i..”he kept silent. You looked at him.. you began to tear up and hugged him

“We can work this out.. i like you too.. Jinnie.. i.. ive fallen for you.. but i didnt know how yo say it to you. “You said all shy and he smiled widely.

“So.. you are telling me that.. like a year ago i could have tell you how i felt and we would be Girlfriend and boyfriend by now?”he got closer to you. You blushed immediately and nodded. He chuckled and placed a finger on your chin to make you look at him. He slowly got closer to you and your lips met. It was a sweet and tender kiss. It was better than you expected, he hugged you by the waist still kissing you gently and softly. After a few 5 minutes you two parted and immediately you hide your face in his chest. He laughed at your action and placed a kiss on your head.

“I have to go back sweetie.. ill text you or call you later okay? I love you..”he smiled and walked away waving at you. You only looked at him blushing and waving back at him.

Day by day your relationship was great, amazing, he was lovely, caring, made food for you and had the best dates. But there were times when you two fought because of his work. You knew it would be difficult but its more difficult when you see him on TV flirting with other women because thats his charm. You miss him so much, everyday. And the calls and text are less and less each day since they got even more famous. Going to USA, Japan, Europe and winning the billboard for the first time. You began to feel lonely in your home, you just wanted him to be there by your side. But even though distance is hard between a couple you knew he would never hurt you or chest on you. Besides his members wouldnt let him in any way.

4 years have passed already, four years of relationship, of good and bad moments. But you werent feeling good one day. You felt sick, your hair was falling constantly. You didnt know what was going on but you thought it was something you ate. So you didnt bother to go to a hospital. You told Jin and he immediately got home.

“Babe are you okay?? How do you feel?”he says softly.

“Im better.. but i still very sick..”you said softly..”can we cuddle? Ive missed you a lot... i feel lonely..”you said with tears and he hugged you.

“Im sorry... i know.. but bare with me babe.. im here.. imma do all i can to be here more often or bring you with me..”he says and you smiled softly.

You two cuddle until you fell asleep in his arms. He just admired you and brushed your hair when he noticed he had brought a lot of your hair in his hand. He was in shock. You were losing hair, this wasnt normal. Usually you dont lose that many hair when brushing it. He began to worry even more. He sighed and kissed your cheeks. “I love you..”he said softly..

“I love you too...”you said in your sleep and he giggled.

Three months have passed and you felt even more sick than ever. But you didnt tell anything to Jin. You just pretended to be okay for him. Today you were gonna have a date with him. He sent you a box with all you should wear today. You were very excited so you prepared yourself for today, doing makeup, hair and everything. Jin knocked on the door and you went to open it up and there he was with a bouquet of sunflowers and chocolate. He looked so good in that pink button up shirt and black pants.

“Hello beautiful. How are you today? You look stunning..”he smirked and gave you the flowers.

You giggled and smiled”Thank you handsome. You look amazing, that color suits you..”you gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“Mm thanks. Shall we go princess?”he smiled and you nodded.

Both of you went out of the house. It was a very romantic and planned date, he was like a prince and taking good care of you. You loved him and that wasnt a doubt. You two had so much fun talking about everything, eating, drinking and suddenly the other members, your family and his got there. You frowned and looked at him quickly. He was on his knees and you gasped placing your hands on your mouth to hide it. You didnt expect this, you teared up and he began saying:

“Y/N.. we met in middle school in the cafeteria. You sat by my side and talked to me. You were my first friend and only one since then. We fell in love and began our love story 4 years ago. I cant imagine living without you. I promis to take care of you, to make you happy and be there for you always.. i knew from that start that i wanted to be with you forever. That you are the perfect one for me even thought we dont always match or get along in something’s. I love you and.. Y/N would you marry me?”he said wit the biggest smile. You looked at everyone around with tears in your eyes, you looked at him again and nodded non stop. He stood up placed the ring on your finger and hugged you. “I love you princess..” he said and you started crying even harder.

“Also babe.. i want to plan our wedding for the next month. I want to be your husband immediately. “He smiled and you laughed.

“Hahaha really? I mean if you want me that badly why not do it in two weeks?” You said joking

“Thats not bad! Lets do it! I already have things that i want. Lets discuss it later okay?” He said.

You blinked a few times and smiled.”okay..”

He kissed you again softly and you responded. After the dinner and date, he took you home and he made love to you.

Two weeks have passed and today was the day were you and Jin were getting married, everything was planned, it was gonna look beautiful and it was a simple wedding. The most expensive of it all would be the honeymoon and both of your dresses and his. Your friends were helping you get ready. One did your makeup, the other your hair, other helped you put on the dress. You looked perfect, like a princess thats gonna get married to her prince charming. You smiled widely looking at yourself in the mirror.. You still felt very sick but you did all you could to be fine today in your wedding. The girls told you to go since it was time and off you go.

Everything went perfectly and now you were at the reception to dance, eat and have a good time. You were in your second dress, more light and easy to walk. You were looking at Jin dancing with his band mates. You smiled widely but suddenly you felt dizzy, sick, headache, and you passed out.

Jin noticed quickly and went to you. Trying to wake you up but nothing helped. He quickly carried you and went off to the hospital.

*FlashBack to one week ago*

You went to the doctor to get a check up. Because you were still very sick and your hair lose was worrying you too. So you went, waited to be checked. When you went inside and they checked you, gave you a paper to do all the exams and test. You went that same day.. and in a matter of 30 minutes your resulta were available. You went to the doctor again and he gave you the news that you had Cancer. You looked at the doctor in shock at first, but you slowly came to realize what he just said. Tears started to fall, silence among the office and you cried hard. But the worst thing is that the cancer is very advanced and its taking over your body. You cried even more. You stood up and went out, you paid and got to your car. You cried non stop on the way home and you didnt tell anything to Jin. You want him to be happy, you would do anything in your hands for him..

*End of the Flashback*

When he arrived at the hospital, they immediately took you. They did blood test and everything. After a few hours they came to him and said the news that you had terminal cancer. He kneeled down and cried hysterically. His band mates came in that exact moment and hugged him.

“Jin Hyung.. whats wrong?”said JK

“Tell us.. we are here for you..” said RM..

“Y/N...Y/N has terminal cancer “ he cried out loud and they all looked at each other.

“You need to be strong for her Jin hyung..she needs you now more than ever..”Suga said and brushed his hair.

“Suga is right Hyung” said Taehyung.”Its gonna be tough.. but we are with you too Hyung..”he said softly.

Jin stopped crying loud and tried to calm down. He nodded and hugged them.”Thank you guys.. thank you..” he sat down and sighed hiding his face crying again in silence. He felt useless as if he didnt do anything for you. He wasnt home often, the fights, he remembered them all. “i need to do something for her.. i feel like an idiot..i need to show her how much i love her!..”he said softly to his band mates. They all looked at one another and RM smiled.

“I know what you can do.. write your feelings.. what you want to let her know..”RM said softly

“Yeah! Thats a great idea..”said suga”I can help you with the beat.”

Jin looked at them and thought about it” i think is the best way to express my feelings for her.. i love my wife.. i love her.. i.. cant live without her..”he says softly”She is everything to me.. she has been in all stages of my life.. “

Suddenly the doctors came and spoke to Jin. They told him everything and let him go see you. He quickly went and opened the door to see you with the oxygen tubes on your nose, your hair still on fleak, he approached to you and kissed your forehead. “Jagi im here.. i love you..”he said..

You opened your eyes and looked at him smiling softly”Hey honey.. i love you..more.. im sorry i didnt say anything to you..”you teared up and he hugged you.

“Shh.. its okay.. its okay.. im gonna make you more happy.. im gonna do everything for you.. we will go through this until the end.. i love you so much “he kissed you softly and you kissed back with tears. You really love this man very much. He is everything to you.

After two weeks you were released from the hospital. You guys went to have a dinner, then to the park and went home.

“Honey... i want to watch a movie and cuddle up with you...”you said with a low voice.

“What do you want to watch? Something romantic or something funny?”he smiled at you.

“Hmm... lets watch comedy. I want to hear your laughter. “You said with a smile and his heart broke. Why? Because he forgot how to laugh ever since he found out about your cancer. He wasnt himself and he would only pleased you. He looked at you and nodded

“Okay Jagi! Go to bed and ill be right there with the movie alright?”he went to look up a movie and you went to the bedroom. After a few minutes he went up and saw you on the bed all dressed up in a sexy silk short bed dress. He smiled widely. “Wow.. baby... you look amazing!”he hugged you tight and kissed your forehead.”so sexy.. you know how much that dress drives me crazy..”he smirk and you blushed.

“Haha.. it wasnt my intention..or maybe it was” you winked and he laughed hard. You smiled and hugged him. You loved and missed his laughter.. “i like it when you laugh... i know that you are trying to make everything for me.. to make me more happy.. to be with me and pleased me... but lets be happy together.. lets be pleased together.. yeah? It makes me happy seeing you laugh.. lets go normal again? Yeah? Lets just live the moment. Can you do that for me?”you grabbed his face and looked at him with teary eyes and he looked at you with teary eyes too. Jin just nodded and kissed you softly. But that kissed became a needy one and hungry. That ended up in bed making love to one another.

The next morning he had to work so he left you a letter, he made you breakfast and did everything before work. When he got to the company the guys were waiting for him.

“Jin hyung!”said suga very cutely for some reason.

“Oh.. hey Suga.. whats up?”he said relaxed.

“I fixed a bit the song you composed and its great. I cried so much just so you know”he smiled with his gummy smile.

“Really?? Wow.. thank you!”said Jin happy.

“Now you need to go to RM”suga said and Jin did as he said. He knocked on the door of his studio.

“Namjoon? Are you here? Its me..” said Jin

“Jin Hyung! Come on in.. Jhope just picked the beat and now we need to record” Rm looked at him.”You okay?”

“Yeah im okay. And thank you for helping me.”he smiled .

“Anything for you and your wife Hyung”Rm smiled”Now lets work”he giggled and Jin nodded.

They began the recording process, they record plenty more to make sure he was doing it right. Then the hearing if its okay, fixing mistakes, etc. After 9hr working and doing everything they finished it and it was done and good to go. He smiled and went home. When he arrived you were in the bathroom vomiting blood. You didnt felt good. Your cancer was killing you, it was advancing.

“Jagi? Are you here love?”he said softly. You didnt respond. “Baby? “He ran quickly to your bedroom, you werent there, he went to the bathroom and there you were sitting, looking all weak and pale. He bit his lips trying not to cry and sat down by your side rubbing your back.”You okay? Need to go to the hospital?”he said softly and you said no with your head. He picked you up and hugged you. He walked to the bedroom and laid you there softly, then he cuddle you up to his chest.”Jagi... i want you to hear me.. can you?”he saids with a smile and kissed your forehead. You just nodded weakly.

He began to sing softly.

‘We're too different

You know that well

We aren't able to embrace

Each other's realities

 "I don't understand"

"I don't remember"

Words that will always just be words

I don't expect them

 I love you (x5)

To your warm touch...

 I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you

 To your warm touch...

 Please hold me

Please catch me’

You were crying softly and he felt your tear since the were falling on to his shirt.

“Dont cry Jagi.. i love you”he kissed you softly and you responded the same way. You loved this man so much. He was everything to you and you are everything to him. After a while both of you went to sleep. It was a peaceful night until you got up and ran to the bathroom. You were feeling more ill than ever and began to vomit and fell on the floor of the bathroom. “Agh... mm...”you tried to get up but you didnt have strength, hou felt your vision getting more blurry and blurry until you passed out. Jin immediately heard something hit the floor and ran to the bathroom. There you were all weak and unconscious. He panicked but tried to relax. He picked you up and soon he was driving to the hospital crying non stop. He texted his band mates. He got to the hospital and they took you. He just sat in the waiting room and cried in silence. The boys got there as soon as possible, saw him and hugged him tight, all of them and Jin broke crying out loud. “I dont want to lose her... i cant lose her please...”he said with a crack on his voice.

“Shhh she will get better hyung”said Jimin.

“Try to stay calm okay?”said Namjoon.

After a few hours the doctors came and talked to Jin. You were in a room but they said you wont make it. He froze and bit his lips. They had you in intensive care but you were no longer in the body. You were not gonna wake up. He immediately went to see you. He grabbed you hand softly, kissed it, kiss your forehead and your lips.”Jagi... i dont know if youll hear me but.. here i go.. i love you with all my heart... the day i first met you was.. like magic.. i fell in love with you in an instant. Youre my everything... with you i have it all.. without you. Im empty... i love you so damn much.. if i lose you ill lose my mind but... dont fight if you cant no more... if you have to leave me do it.. i know youll take care of me from heaven.. i know youll be watching me and supporting me.. i.”he broke crying but tried to finish” im so glad i met you and have you as my wife.. youre the love of my life forever and ever. Ill miss you..”he kissed your lips softly and when he finished kissing you.... you passed away. He could hear the machines going blank. He bit his lips hard and cried softly, he hugged you one last time. He went out the room and the boys were there outside.

“Hyung! What happened?”said Jungkook.

“She... she is not with us anymore..she passed.. away..”his lips trembled and tears were falling down his cheeks. Everyone gasped and their eyes went wide. They immediately hugged him.

Months have passed since you passed away, Jin was okay but he was missing his other part: you. They were on tour and nobody knew you passes away. Only Bighit employees and the guys. He misses you so much. When they went up stage and sang all of the song in this new comeback and stuff. They got to the end were they all thank and say how much they love ARMY. Bow it was Seokjins turn.

“Armyyyyyyyyyy!!!”he said with a smile. “Aaaaarrrrmyyyyyyy”he said playing.” Um.. i wanted to thank all of you and the staff for everything. Army is the reason why i wake up.. and keep going.. because..”he started to tear up.” As you all knew i got married.. and my Jagi is everything to me... i loved that woman with all my heart. But for the past few months ago she got ill and.. she died three month ago..”his voiced cracked and cried in silent ,the others cried too.”she was everything to me.. i feel empty but.. im glad im here today in front of you Army.. and sing this special song that.. is dedicated to my wife..”he smiled with tears and he began to sing ‘I love you’.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed! 😭💜

#BTS Fanfiction #BTS fanfic #Jin #Seokjin #JinHyung #I love you #Fluff #Angst #Y/N #You x Jin #Love #Bangtan Seoyondan #bangtan #RM #Jhope #Suga #V #JK #JM #Jimin #Jungkook #Taehyung #Namjoon #Hoseok #Yoongi #School Au #Idol Au #Cancer #Sad

[hunchoskeazo]

Chapter 3 “The Breakdown”

“So its been a few days that ive been in this hospital and aint heard from nobody wtf is up.?” As i sat there and thought because what else am I suppose to do.

*Picked up the phone and called Rik*

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

*No Answer*

( Called Ashley)

*Ring*

*Ring*

Ashley:Hello

AJ:Ashley!

Ashley:Hey Boo How you doing I been up there but you was sleep so i was gonna comeback today.

AJ:Oh... You been up here to see me?

Ashley:Why wouldn’t I? She asked so confusingly.

AJ:Oh... Nah i just aint know you came up here....They say I can get discharged tomorrow you gonna come get me..? I asked

Wait.. where is my car hold on..

(I checked my app)

“Yes i have a tracking device on the whip A nigga like me gots to.”

AJ:Oh its outside in the parking garage... Who drove it here.? You did.? I said with concern 🤔

Ashley:Uhhh no rik drove it up there...

Aj:Oh ok... (How she know that I thought to myself but didnt say nothing).“Well ight wyd rn”

Ashley:Nothing Missing you she said. She gave me the cutest look when she said that.

AJ:Dont be saying it like that girl i said with a smirk on my face.

Ashley:Ha Whyy? And Do you still need me to come get you?

AJ:Oh yeah actually leave your car imma send you a uber come here and we’ll drive my car.

Ashley:Oouu yes Ok ill be there in the morning.

AJ:Ight Bet

(Phone Hangs Up at the same time the doctor walks in and some man in a suit.)

I grimmed him “Who tf is you?” i said with a aggressive tone.

Detective:Hello Mr.Davis My name is Detective Johnson(He put his hand out for me to shake it)

(I just looked at him and his hand.)

Detective Johnson:Oookkkk then anyway. Im here for your case to try and figure out and find the person that did this to you.

“Nah Im good bro bro”

Detective John: Whether you good or not Im still on the case and im here til its closed. So either you gonna let me help you because as of right now your an innocent victim. Or you can become a prime suspect Your choice.!

“Man whatever” I said with a attitude like a bad bitch😂😂😂

DetectiveJ:Oh ok thats what i thought now can you tell me what happened.(He pulls out his pad and pen.)

“I went to visit my mans and someone started shooting next thing i know i woke up here”

Detective:(Writing on the pad) Ok who is your mans? He asked

(Dead Silence)

Detective:You gonna answer the question Mr.Davis?..

(Dead Silence)

Detective:Ok We’re done for the day Thanks Doc we’ll be in touch and i will be seeing you very soon mr davis. (He hit the back of his pen on the pad and put them both in his pocket. Right before he walked out the door He said...)

Stay Safe Mr.Davis (He side eyed me with a smirk and walked out)

Doc:Why was you not cooperating with the detective?

“I dont move like that doc” i said with a nonchalant tone.

Doc:But he’s here to protect you and help you.

“I dont need help or protection this some street shit i gotta handle that the feds cant handle the only thing they get out of it is a ceremony and funeral that they family and coworkers gotta plan for them so no i dont need they help.”

Doc: Smh just dont learn... You know what can i tell you something? She asked

“Yea go ahead” as i stared out the window.

Doc:I get alot of patients just like you in here from gang violence and me being a young black doctor its hard. Seeing young black kings lose their lives in my hands because of the streets it breaks my heart everytime.

(Guilt knocked down that brick wall of pride i had built up just moments ago.)

Im going to just say this one thing before i leave out this door just please cooperate please, because i see something in you and obviously you are on gods green earth for a reason. So please cooperate but get some rest before you leave tomorrow i will come check on you 1 last time before i let you go ok.

“I looked at her and shook my head and said “Ight I gotchu doc”

Doc:Ok Bye Mr.Davis she said so innocently and walked out the door.

(I laid back moments later the nurse walks in and looks at me with a grumpy look)

“Aye you the one that forcefully put me to sleep man you betta not be coming in here to that shit again and you in here by yourself aww hell nah this old lady about to rape me I cried out.”

Nurse:Boy shut yo ass up i dont want you im married.

“SO” i yelled out🤔

Nurse:I am about to put you to sleep tho(She hurried and grabbed the IV and injected the sleep juice in it.

“Wait wait let me—-

(Right before i fell asleep i heard the door open)

——:Pay close attention to the people around you adrian....

(It got dark)..

“I popped up it’s the next morning Dr.taylor and the nurse are already in the room.

Doc:Hello Mr Davis are you ready to go home? She said with a big smile on her face.

“Yea I am actually”(Picked up my phone and texted ashley and sent her money for the uber)

Ashley:Ok imma be on my way in 15 mins.

Doc:Ok let me finish up your paperwork and you can get dressed and leave.

“Ok” I said

As she finished my work i thought to myself was I dreaming or did someone actually come in here and say that to me.... “Fuck It” i said out loud.

Doc:Whats that..?

“Oh oh nothing” I looked at my calls Rik called me but its not a missed call...

Wtf maybe i answered but was still sleep. I hate when people call me while im sleep man.

(I called back no answer)

Ashley:Im omw babe.

I texted back “Ok im about to get dressed im just waiting on them to get done with my paperwork.

Ashley:Ok im omw.

Doc:Ok heres your discharge papers and your prescriptions that you pick up later on today ok...

(She hands me the papers)

Doc:Ok im going to let you get dressed ill be out here when you leave.

“Ight thanks doc i really appreciate you and everything you do.”

(She blushed and clutched her clipboard said thank you and walked out the room.)

“YOU LEAVE TO LADY” i said jokingly loud

(The nurse giggled walked out and shut the door i hopped up and locked it to make sure she fasho couldn’t comeback in and went to the bathroom.)

*15 mins later*

I walked out the bathroom from a hot shower someone knocked on the door.

“COME IN” i yelled

(They jiggled the knob)

Lmao “Oh yeah I forgot i locked the door”

(I unlocked and opened its ashley she walked in smiling and smelling good than a mothafucka with a couple bags in her hand.)

“Ooouueeee who told you to come up here like that red bottoms on, hair laid, lashes on eyebrows done, cleavage out wassup.”

She said “Boy stop it” as she was blushing hard. “Look I got you some stuff to put on everything i just bought yesterday.

(Breds ,Purple brand all black Jeans and a red/black vlone shirt)

“Ight bet”

(Before i was just about to reach for the stuff)

“UNHT UNHT you not gonna give me a hug first damn can i at least get a thank you..!!

I smirked “You right you right im sorry babygirl”

I hugged her and wrapped my arms around her and grabbed her ass she hugged me so tight and she smelled so good I wanted to eat her. She kissed me on my neck i sat down on the bed and pulled her close to me by her hips we started kissing.

She tongue’n the kid down i started to get hard through my towel she felt that and grabbed me and slowly started kissing me from my neck down my chest to my 6 pack...😏

*Knock Knock Knock*

She jumped up i jumped up “UH YEAH COME IN” i yelled

Doc: Its me i have one more thing to give you so stop by the desk before you leave ok.

“Ight i gotchu doc”

(Door shuts i gasped and we looked at eachother and laughed)

“Yea let me hurry up n get dressed” and looked down at mini me and said.

“Control yo self man”

She sat down and crossed her legs, bit her lip and fucked me with her eyes. I grabbed my stuff and went in the bathroom and got dressed.

(Moments later) “Ight im ready”

We grabbed all of our stuff and walked out.

“Im about to stop at this desk realquick”

“Ok” she said and walked ahead”

“Ok whats the deal doc” i asked

“Here (She gave me a card) look on the back”

It was a sticky note with a number and a name on it. I looked down the hall at ashley she was looking the other way. I looked back at doc.

“Call me whenever you need something...Anything..”

I hesitated at first then said “Ok i gotchu” and walked away.

(Caught up with ashley)

“Whats that in your hand?”

“Oh its a card she said to call them if i have any questions about anything....”

(I hurried and put the card in my pocket.)

“Unht unht give it here let me see the bitch probably put her number on the back”

“Man what” i started laughing

“Give it here” she yelled

I pulled the card out my pocket she look at both sides.

“Mmhm sneaky ass” she said in slight disappointment. “Let me find out you fuckn her.”

“Come on na babygirl” i smirked and we walked to the car..

After a long day of shopping eating and talking shit we go back to her crib.

“Omg im so tired and my feet hurt” she cried out

I laughed and said “I bet they do”

“Boy shut the fuck up you always talking shit” she said so agitated.

“I walked over to her and said say it to my face”

“Boy fuck you”

(I picked her up and carried her to the room)

“Put me down Aj you gonna drop me stop playing.” She yelled out.

I threw her on the bed and got on top of her and started kissing on her she immediately calmed down and relaxed her body n started kissing me back. She placed her hand on the back of my neck while my hand maneuvered my way between her legs.

“Oh you ready ready” i leaned up and said

She smirked and grabbed my hand and put my fingers in her mouth.

“Oml”😩 this girl so freaky i think thats why i love her.😂

She hopped up off the bed and walked real slow and sexy to the bathroom while taking her clothes off at the same time.

“Come here daddy” she demanded and waltzed in the bathroom.

“Oh you aint gotta tell me twice” i hopped up so fast i fell flat on my face pants to my ankles shirt halfway on.😂 Its up there.

I walked in the bathroom she already hot and wet. Im about to fuck this girl like a dog.

I stepped in and stood right in front of her she looking up at me and im looking down at her.

I grabbed her neck kissed her i picked her up and Pinned her to the wall and started sucking on her neck she wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck and moaned in my ear.

Now yall know when a female moan in my ears it do something to me.

I couldn’t wait i was so hard i was throbbing.

I stuck my dick inside of she gasped.

I went in slow to open her up she so warm and tight.

“Fuuuck” i said slow and low my strokes became faster her grip became tighter, she dug her nails in my back.

I went faster and deeper her moans became louder.

“Ahh AJ” she moaned

I just knew i was about to be a father.

“Fuck it” I said out loud and released.

“Dammnn“ i said outta relief because i just released so much stress.

“Damn the hospital fixed you up you aint never did that before.” She said while she finished showering.

“No cap”😂

We both finished showering she got out before me but i felt the vibes change mins later before she got out.

I finished up turned the shower off and grabbed my towel and walked out the bathroom.

“Whats up?” I asked out of concern.

“........Im not ready AJ..”

“😕Wow You not ready....Why?”

I sat on one side of the bed she sat on the other side.

“Ive been taking birth control pills”

“Man what!!! When was you gonna tell me this we just talked about this a few weeks ago and you said you was ready.” I yelled

“Well yeah that was before you stopped answering my calls and stopped being over or around me all the time.” She cried out

“Ive been working you know that.”

“AJ you know ive been told that before ive been in this same situation before and the person i was in that situation with fasho not you obviously im just scared to go back down that road because im still dealing with that by myself you have to give me that.” She said with a scratchy voice as if she was about to cry.

I started to feel guilty again by another women.

It became dead silent...

“🤔You know i never understood why mothafuckas let otha mothafuckas hold them back from their blessings that they asked for... that they been praying for... A mothafucka standing RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU”

“Maybe Im too genuine.. Maybe I aint what she want..Maybe...”

“Man Fuck this shit” I said while jumping up and storming to the living room.

“WHAT” she yelled

(She jumped up right behind me and chased after me.)

I pounced on the couch and turned the game on.

She came and stood right in front of me with her hand on her hip silk robe half way open, skin soft and shiny with the meanest sexiest look on her face.

“AJ really this what you gonna do while we talkin.?”

*Pat Tap Tap* Controller Buttons

She scooted over in front of the tv.

“Man Move” i said in agitation

She dropped her robe and i dropped my bottom lip Along with the controller.😂

“You ready to listen now?”

“Yes maam” i said with such thirst that i was ready for whatever.

I laid back on the couch and she climbed on top of me and was under a spell after that.

What can I say Imma sucka😋😁

Fb:HunchoSkeazo

Ig: HunchoSkeazo

Tumblr:HunchoSkeazo

Youtube:Huncho Skeazo

We The Future Ent Copywrite 2020

[bubblyernie]

How scouts backpacking left me fucking traumatised

Okay first of all lemme say this happened over the Canada day weekend so that already sucks. AND ALSO. IM NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY TRAUMATISED. I've had 2 breakdowns and I'm paranoid and anxious as fuck after I'm back so please, I just need to write this down. Please please don't spread it around or anything. So what happened is that, as a senior Canadian Scout (14), I have the opportunity to follow some Venturers (one rank up from scouts, ages 15-18) on a 4 day backpacking trip in the middle of one of the largest natural reserves parks in Ontario: Algonquin. And everyone knows it's filled with all sorts of bugs, so many that you can look an inch away without seeing a swarm. It sucks. Backpacking is basically hiking for 6-8 hours a day (15+ km) carrying your tents, clothes, food etc. on your back, which is like, maybe 50-70 pounds. So that already sucks because where we went, it was so rural that most of the paths weren't even paths, just clutters of old logs and rocks, all going uphill. There are 18 of us so we had to carry a lot. We start off at 3 am, Friday morning. Day one was so bad to begin with. We hiked for hours on end, and I got bites all over my arms and legs and face. It's impossible to avoid it too, and I was fully covered from head to toe but my hands. We made it to the site around 4 in the afternoon and settled in and all that. It's backpacking so our "bathroom" is basically a tri-legged chair with a hole in it where you put a plastic bag and a bunch of other shit. It's really gross and boring so whatever. Anyway, I'm so fucking tired, out of breath and dehydrated. Since I'm younger than practically everyone there, I've never done this wild shit before and I'm freaking out because my lungs hurt and my legs are so badly aching, I knew I physically and mentally couldn't make it through the next several days. I sweat like, a gallon of sweat and since we were in the middle of nowhere, we can't shower. It's fucking sweltering. So damn hot. Day two, I wake up in my tent with my friends and they both see I have DOZENS of dots all over my face. Not mosquito bites, they were other bites from a different bug. My hands were also practically useless from all the black fly bites so I'm fucked. My leader also sees my face is a mess so they put on after bite and all that shit whatever. That's great. 13 people left to go visit some place that's 20 minutes away (idk) but me and a few others stayed behind to pack up the tents. We were planning on heading to another camp site that was around 5 hours away. There were so many mosquitos and my face was actually on fire that once we were done, I sat down and just cried for a little. Now here's the thing, around noon, we headed out for the next campsite which sucks because you're supposed to start earlier. What sucks even MORE is that it starts STORMING. THUNDER AND FUCKING LIGHTNING. AND WE'RE TREKKING IN THE MIDDLE OF HELL. AND THE WORST PART. WE WENT THE WRONG FUCKING WAY. SO WE HIKED FOR 2 HOURS BEFORE REALISING WE CANT MAKE IT TO THE NEXT ONE AND SET UP CAMP IN THE SAME PLACE AS BEFORE. I'm actually having a super hard time breathing, as well as a few other scouts who came with me because we're all 14. This is Canada day too, so it's the WORST FUCKING DAY EVER. We had a decent time back at the camp, and I'm actually dying. My neck and face are covered in hard, sore bumps and my hands and arms are dead. My clothes weren't even waterproof so I was all wet. The third day comes around, and my face is better, which is good. But then we realise we have to get the fuck out of here to the next camp if we want to leave on time. So we pack up but my friend, who is also 14, starts feeling really shitty so we have her some painkillers. And I'm worried about my friend and also panting like a dog because we're dying of heat and lack of energy. We make it to the break point and sit down and have a rest or whatever. We actually hiked 4K which is surprisingly good and not as hot and difficult as the first day. Fine. Understandable. Then it fucking rains. It sucks. We have a choice now, because our leader is concerned how the "younger ones", me, my sick friend and my other friend, are near the brink of death, to either head directly out of the forest or towards our other camp. Everyone votes to go home because it's raining and hot and we're being eaten alive by 4 types of bugs. As we walk in the rain, we go uphill so that makes it automatically harder. The bugs are viscous as fuck and keep biting us. My neck and face are red and they got me in my stomach and my shoulder and MY FUCKING ASS which REALLY SUCKS. After like, 4 hours, we make it out alive and rush to the cars to unload everything. The rain stopped by now, thank god, so we pack up, do the whole ending ceremony thing and get the fuck out. Yes we ended a day early. Good The trip home, today, stops at 5 am. I got no sleep for 22 hours, and it's currently 6 am when I am writing this. I'm crying and paranoid because I constantly see things flying around when they aren't there, and I showered so much my mosquito bites hurt. My face is covered in bites and everything hurts. I have blisters all over my hands and feet from walking so much I just want to fucking stab someone. My stomach hurts, my legs hurt and I can't sleep. My face looks like I got acne over the course of a weekend. I'm too scared to leave the house I fucking hate this.

#geniusart's lame ass posts #I just want to die #I can't sleep

[kayteebeee]

So..I'm doing it.

One of my fears used to be, ‘not being able to ever produce my own child(ren) when the time came.

Well then along came a boy and we really hit it off. We hung out everyday, we would watch the stars and talk for hours. We eventually became inseparable. Sneaking over at each others houses, spending the night.

One day are current single lifes froze still. We found out we were having a baby. You immediately told me, it was my body and I had every right to do what I wanted because I was the one who would or would not be growing life inside of me. I instantly knew that I wanted that baby, and I told you if you didn’t I understood you could leave.To mine and everyone else’s surprise…you stayed.

So I could then check off that fear and add the frowned upon for having a child out of wedlock to my list.

No one would of suspected a thing. We were ‘oh god, gag me’ adorable. Are photos, are posts, just how happy we were….everything seemed *perfect* he was great. Really he was when I was pregnant. He could not tolerate the sound of someone else puking but he always made sure I had water and a face towel. I would always see his hand through the crack of the door real quick then vanish before he could hear more. He helped give me my shots, he helped me eat right, and he gained weight with me and took a lot of shit from his family and friends about it and that I was more grateful then he knows.

What I guess I dont get is how anywhere between all that…between the rawness, the realness, and the excitment of feeling our son move in my belly and all of that….what made him think it was okay to go ahead and cheat on me while I went away? Most people dont know and didnt know. I was ashamed… I had no idea..

He although had an even better idea. To mask the dark secret with a shiny engagement ring. (It could of been from a gum-ball machine for all I cared because I worshiped the mother fucking ground that he walked on I loved him that much.) So that,covered his dirty secret for what…a good week or so?

He just kept helping me cross off that list…

Getting cheated on by the love of your life while you were carrying his,child✔

And then of course I caved in when he CRIED saying how sorry he was, and he did not know why he did it..and how it would never happen again.(funny story…) So I did it I took him back. I wanted us to work because I loved our son, I loved him, and I loved us.

What felt like a year passed by with the casual bickering and fighting and he always wanted to work and play with his motor bikes and never spend any quality bonding time with our son. So I came up with a compromise. Our son and I sat ourside and played on a blanket and he worked on his bike,gave us a smile,or two..and then drove off to ride on his bike….every day. Or I would pedal on a pedal bike and pull our son in a baby trailer while he rode ahead on his motor bike. Sometimes he would even have the nerve to tell me to have dinner done by a certain time… He was,home the entire time..never came up to say anything like, “hello I’m home from work I’m gonna work on something real quick and ill be up looks great thanks,babe love you” NOTHING he wanted it done at a,specific time and it was (as usual).

He always said that I complained, and started fights all the time, but really it shouldnt have been so fucking hard to GROW THE FUCK UP the day he watched OUR son be brought into this world. (Which of course he almost passed out to anyway..-.-)

The only thing I would argue repeatedly would be to spend time with our son and me as a family..but its like telling others that we fought all the time made it easier for him to just brush off. He never had to realize its because if him. He never cared to fix it, and he never will for anyone. He does what he does best..lie,cheat,steal, and ignores all his issues.The more I write this the more I wonder why the FUCK I put up with all his bullshit for so fucking long.

Now I’m a single mom. ✔ He picks up and drops off our son. He just isnt always spending time with our son. I’m sorry but having others watch our son “Until I get off work” code for until he can finish what he has to do. (Because oh god his life is so hard seeing his son for,only a few hours,a few days a week. He doesnt have time for himself..even though he got to pick the hours he works and has a day job because I gave up my schedule so I could even make any money to support our son myself…because we all know he cant afford to help me help our son but he can afford eating out every day and parts for his truck and other junk.)

He came to pick up our son a few nights ago after I told him if he was going to have our son for the night if he could get him no later then 7-8 its bedtime he is sick he needs to get better. He gets here I get our son in the carseat. I give him our sons bag of stuff and I was like, “okay your taking him home to bed right?” And hes like, “no” I laughed and said, no really you are going home, right?“ And he said, “i’m going out” and then repeated it again.. So I livid was like, “Mkay you go out our son is gonna stay here and go to sleep then have fun.” And got pissed and drove off like an ass and then called me screaming at me. Threatned to break his phone (because of course all the important shits in my name,duh) then said how he will, just move out of state and get out of my life since that is what I want and I keep our son from him. I sent him respectful texts explaining my concern and the issue.. To which he replied, “sure” and my son and i have not heard from him since.

So today when I was driving. Windows down, sun setting… Music playing..smile on my face on my way to pick up my son. I finally got clarity I got this I’m free I will do what I need to for my son. I am not alone IM DOING IT!

[viralhottopics]

Nashville lies at the heart of a divided country: Trump got bubbas to the polls

As the president staged a rally attended largely by out-of-towners, Democratic-leaning denizens of Tennessees Brooklyn pondered an urban-rural rift

Men in stetsons, check shirts and jeans swing their partners around to the thrum of drums, fiddle, keyboard and steel guitar of Mike Oldham & The Tone Rangers. The walls at Roberts Western World in Nashville, Tennessee, are coated with beer logos spelled out in neon or on lampshades or mirrors, old concert posters, photos of country music greats and three rows of cowboy boots for sale. The tiled floor is barely visible under the heaving crowd.

At this and other honky tonk bars on Broadway, Nashvilles main tourist drag, the music is old country: songs about drink, divorce, hardscrabble heartbreak, the miserable struggle to make ends meet. It is a playlist that has taken on new resonance in the era of Donald Trump, like a requiem for white working class voters in small towns who, feeling left behind with nothing to lose, propelled him to the White House.

But Nashville is a booming city where southern civility, religion and conservatism collide with a young, creative and liberal population. Paradoxically, the heart of country music is increasingly at odds in class, culture and politics with the heartland that surrounds it. In this it mirrors the dislocation of other burgeoning American cities that are islands of Democratic blue in deep red Republican states.

There is a vast gulf in ideology and approach to the world, said Bruce Dobie, a Nashville-based media entrepreneur. Its just crazy right now. My street and city are overwhelmingly Democratic. Were astonished by everything we see at the moment.

Dobie estimated that when the US president rolled into Nashville on Wednesday for a campaign-style rally, around 80% of the crowd was from out of town. Trumps warm-up acts were country singers the Gatlin Brothers and Lee Greenwood, whose rendition of God bless the USA earned a cheer with the words to the hills of Tennessee. Trump joined him on stage, grinned, shook his hand and raised two thumbs up as the crowd chanted USA! USA!, some with fists raised, in a near-religious frenzy.

So Im thrilled to be here in Nashville, Tennessee, the home of country music, southern hospitality and the great president Andrew Jackson, Trump said, referring to the 19th-century populist described by the state museum as champion of the common man and notorious for forcing Native Americans off their land.

The crowd waved signs including Promises made, promises kept, Lefty media lies and Women for Trump. Carma Williams, 63, a retired office manager who had travelled from 70 miles away, said: I love him because hes honest. Hes doing everything he said he would do during the campaign. I think hes the first president whos done that.

Inside Roberts Western World after Trumps rally in Nashville, Tennessee. Photograph: Jon Morgan for the Guardian

Outside the Nashville Municipal Auditorium there was a modest gathering of protesters. One stood out. James Walker was wearing a red Make America great again baseball cap, sunglasses, a beard, a black North Face jacket and khaki trousers. He held aloft a sign that said: Ive made a huge mistake.

The 31-year-old explained: I voted for Trump. I thought it would be a positive change, a change that Obama didnt come through on, and it would shake things up. It has shaken things up but in a bad way. I realise now that some of the things that were just campaign promises seemed to carry on beyond the election and become a reality.

Walker, who grew up in California and spent two years in the military, said he ordered the trademark Make America great again hat many weeks ago but it had only just arrived. So that was the spark: I know what Im going to do with this.

He expressed a desire for atonement. I dont know what thats going to be but this is the first step: showing up and being honest.

Walker now works as a wine broker and lives across the Cumberland river in east Nashville, dubbed the citys own Brooklyn with its embrace of beards, tattoos and artisanal foods, along with Jack Whites record label and an explosion of diverse guitar bands and songwriters. Walker added: Its mostly Democratic, blue territory. Only a few of my friends admitted to voting for Trump and did so in confidence. Today is the first day Ive gone public.

Beside him at Wednesdays demonstration was Lisa Kaas Boyle, an environmental attorney holding a bag that posed the question: What would Dolly do? a reference to country music hall-of-famer Dolly Parton, who supports gay rights but said of Trump and rival Hillary Clinton: I think theyre both nuts. Surveying the queue of thousands of Trump supporters that snaked up and around and down a grassy hill, she said: Im shocked by this huge turnout. It really feels like a gut punch for me. Im sure they came from far and wide. Its shocking to me that people have no regard for their fellow Americans.

Boyle has just returned to Nashville after 30 years, partly to be close to family and partly in response to Hillbilly Elegy, author JD Vances personal insight into problems of the white working class including alcoholism, divorce, domestic violence, drugs and hopelessness. As the Washington Post put it, elites in both parties are studying the book as a sort of Rosetta Stone to understand the conditions that enabled the rise of Trump.

The 52-year-old, said: After reading Hillbilly Elegy, I feel progressives have to be involved. I cant just hang out in California with my like-minded friends. I have to make a difference here.

In last years election, Trump trounced Hillary Clinton by 26% in Tennessee, a Bible belt state that was the birthplace of the Ku Klux Klan and was last won by a Democrat when Bill Clinton, a southerner, carried it in 1996. Among the few counties he did not win were those containing Memphis and Nashville.

There are a lot of liberal artists

Now, Nashville is thriving with an influx of young professionals priced out of other cities. A record 13.9 million people visited the area in 2016, up 45% over the past decade. The music industry is worth $10bn to the region, according to a 2013 report commissioned by the Music City Music Council, and includes Americana, jazz and other genres as well as country.

It has come a long way since the Grand Ole Opry barn dance became a radio hit in the 1940s, leading to a recording industry and stars from Hank Williams then to Taylor Swift today. It has long been seen as music of the conservative heartland when Elton John denied a rumour that he would perform Trumps inauguration, he suggested, Why not ask … one of those fucking country stars? Theyd do it for you but its relationship with politics has always been more complex than often assumed.

Downtown Nashville. Visitors to the area, drawn by its famous music scene, are up 45% over the past decade. Photograph: Jon Morgan for the Guardian

Bob Dylan, the troubadour responsible for some of the 60s defining protest songs, spent the end of the decade in Nashville and collaborated with Johnny Cash, the man in black who performed for presidents and prisoners. Merle Haggards 1969 Okie from Muskogee was regarded as a conservative anthem but he later defended the Dixie Chicks after they condemned George W Bushs invasion of Iraq and recorded a song in support of Hillary Clinton.

During last years presidential election an informal survey conducted by the trade publication Country Aircheck found that 46% of industry professionals supported Trump while 41% favoured Clinton. But unlike Hollywood, most prefer to remain silent, perhaps fearing that any declaration of allegiance risks losing half their audience.

Earlier this month an analysis by BuzzFeed found that of the 87 artists currently on either Billboards Top Country Albums or Hot Country Songs charts, only five Sturgill Simpson, Justin Moore, Chris Janson, Maren Morris and the Brothers Osborne have gone on the record with clear pro or anti-Trump views.

Sitting at the bar at the Red Door Saloon in east Nashville, Clay Johnson, 29, a composer, said: Trump probably got a lot more support from country music artists than hip-hop artists. But there are a lot of liberal artists. It would be wrong to paint them all as conservatives.

Musing on the urban-rural divide, he added: In rural Tennessee youll see people whove lived there and grown up there. In Nashville people tend to come and go like in any city. Its population versus space. Its shitty how one side can dictate how the other side lives because they live different lives. Its the same anywhere. When you live in the city, its different from living on a farm.

At another table as the clock ticked past 1am was Zie Campbell, 25, a freelance illustrator and teacher. Tennessee is a red state, Nashville is not, she said. Its a melting pot, as much of a New York as its going to get down here. This has been very hard for our specific community because we are surrounded by ignorance and bigotry.

In the rural areas theres not a desire to experience anything else. My dad smokes Marlboro Reds, Ill smoke Marlboro Reds. My dad listens to Johnny Cash, Ill listen to Johnny Cash. In the city you dont have that option any more: whether or not you are seeking it, youre forced to see others.

Zie Campbell, an illustrator and teacher in Nashville: This has been very hard for our specific community. We are surrounded by ignorance. Photograph: Jon Morgan for the Guardian

Campbells parents live 220 miles away in Knoxville. Her father voted for Trump but she found Clintons defeat devastating. She continued: I am an example of the exact opposite of my dads opinions. When the sexual harassment allegations against Trump came out, my dad and I had a long conversation. I cried. We decided were not talking politics after that.

If the other side is willing to bomb Dresden, how do you fight that?

How can the rift between urban and rural, between blue and red, be healed? I dont know if there is something to be done, Campbell said. I dont think anyone is trying to sway anyone else. I dont think theres a whole lot of grey area.

Dobie, the media entrepreneur, said: Thats the $64m question. If youre a modern Democrat youre not in the mood to pussyfoot any more, having been subjected to what amounted to the bombing of Dresden in the last election. Trump committed Dresden. No one is in the mood be accommodating or easy.

Were now in a moment when I dont see much room for sitting around the campfire and holding hands. If the other side is willing to bomb Dresden, how do you fight that? You really have to take it to the streets.

Both parties are likely to compete fiercely for what might be described as the country music constituency. Dobie said: Struggling to meet bills, shooting a deer, breaking up with your girlfriend the lyrics of the country song speak the needs, desires and concerns of the conservative folk and thats why its been successful.

Thats the crowd were all talking about. Thats the demographic thats up for grabs in America and Clinton couldnt harness. Trump got the bubbas to the polls; Clinton did not. The bubbas are listening to country music.

Clay Johnson, a composer in Nashville: Its shitty how one side can dictate how the other side lives. Photograph: Jon Morgan for the Guardian

The divisions here are reflected across America, after an election that exposed brutal faultines and the education split among whites was said to be the critical factor.

Nadine Hubbs, a professor of music at the University of Michigan and author of Rednecks, Queers, and Country Music, said: In the US, our cities are places where many of us go to prosper while small towns or exurbs or suburbs are often places where people are left behind.

Nashville and Austin [in Texas] are really good examples of this phenomenon. To bridge the gap there are economic inequalities we need to pay attention to. Often the most unbridgeable gaps are the ones created by contempt for another group: lack of respect and stripping of dignity.

The way people who are prospering look down on folks who are in rural spaces, often associated with country music, creates the kind of divisions that are really hard to bridge.

The elites talk about the need for education of people in rural spaces; well, we know almost nothing about them. The economic and social segregation of the classes is worse maybe than its ever been in our history.

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from Nashville lies at the heart of a divided country: Trump got bubbas to the polls

#Nashville lies at the heart of a divided country: Trump got bubbas to the polls