#B called me ‘bud’ on tuesday and i almost ended my shit

[agarariddle-andhernachos]

EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED

Tom Riddle x Hermione Granger

Summary : Everything was planned, the spring wedding, the house, the children. But not Tom. Tom was not part of the plan. Unplanned things happen after all.

Azkaban was mostly renowned for its game night each Tuesday. Hermione had the habit of going there with her girlfriends on those nights. Tonight she was late. She saw the pub from afar and picked up the pace to reach the door. Once inside, she felt the warmth of the fireplace and the smell of the beer.

Luna noticed her from where she was sitting and rose her hand. Hermione smiled as she saw her friend and approached the table.

“Finally !” Ginny whined. “We’ve been waiting for you for hours.”

“Oh come on Ginny, she’s just ten minutes late.” Fleur smiled.

“Sorry girls, the tube was packed and I had to wait for the next one. When are those strikes going to end ?” Hermione wondered as she took off her winter coat and put it on the back of her chair.

She gestured to the bartender to order a beer and turned back to her friends.

“Please tell me you’ve gone to the florist.” Fleur told her.

“Oh fuck.” Hermione exhaled and put her head in her hands.

“Hermione ! The wedding is in 2 months.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll go there tomorrow. I promise.”

 The bartender put the beer in front of her and Hermione smiled at him.

“Hello everyone.” The voice of Lee Jordan resonated in the small pub. “Welcome back for game night. You all know the rules, each team gives a fiver and the winning team wins one meter of shots.”

The crowd cheered at this. Hermione put her hair in a ponytail, readying herself for what was about to happen. She had always loved a little competition and in the past few months she had taken those quiz games quite seriously. One of the waitresses put one buzzer on their table as Angelina Jonson gave her a fiver.

 “Everyone has a buzzer ?” Lee Jordan asked. “Good, let’s get started then. Question 1 : When you flush the toilet, in which direction does the water drain away ? A. Is there even a direction ? B. Counter-clockwise. C. Clockwise. D. In whichever way, the water does whatever it wants.”

 Hermione almost spilled her own drink trying to get to the buzzer. “B. Counter-Clockwise.” She answered. Her friends looked at her, wondering how she even knew the answer to this question.

“One point to the red team. Nice to see you Hermione.” Lee Jordan smirked.

 “Question 2 : How many squares are there on a chessboard ? A. It depends on the size of the squares. B. It depends on the size of the chessboard. C. It depends on the pieces. D. 64 squares.”

 The five girls looked at each other and laughed at the absurdity. Hermione went to press the buzzer but she heard someone being faster at the back of the room.

Hermione eagerly turned around and saw a tall man standing by his table a beer in his hand. His hair was perfectly styled and he had a shit eating grin on his lips.

“D. 64 squares.” The man answered. His mates all clapped as he found the right answer.

“One point to the green team.” Lee announced.

“This question was too easy anyway.” Hermione mumbled. “A child could have answered that.” Luna and Ginny shared a knowing glance at their friend's attitude.

“Question 3 : One of those superheroes is made up. Which one ? A. Spiderman. B. Sandman. C. Elastic man. D.Mashed Potato Man.”

 The sound of two buzzers could be heard and both of the players speaking up the same answer at the same time. Hermione, her hand still on the buzzer, turned around once more and glared at the man, his hand still on the buzzer too.

 “I pressed it before you.” Hermione told him.

“No, I did.” He shot back.

Hermione turned towards Lee Jordan and asked him “Lee, I was the one to buzz first, right ?”

“Oh of course, ask your friend !” The man snickered behind her.

“It doesn’t mean anything that he’s my friend because I’m right.” Hermione snapped.

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Calm down guys, it’s just a game.” Lee tried to defuse the tension. “Actually, green you didn’t really press the buzzer and the yellow team did. Hermione, you buzzed last. So it’s the yellow team that has to say the answer.”

“D ? Mashed potato man ?” A shy girl said.

“One point to the yellow team.” Lee cheered.

 Hermione was still looking at the man, a small smirk on her lips as he lost the point.

“You lost too, you know ?” He finally told her.

“I don’t talk to other teams.” Hermione mumbled before turning back on her chair.

Her four friends were all snickering, clearly making fun of her highly competitive self. Hermione mouthed the word “what ?” then waited for the next question.

“Question 4 : Among those Smurfs, one doesn’t exist. A. The purple smurf. B. The astro-smurf. C. The smurfette. D. The smurf who doesn’t exist.”

 Hermione hadn’t had the time to laugh at the question that she was already shouting the answer, her left arm colliding with her beer, and the latter ending up on the floor. “D. The smurf who doesn’t exist.”

“Hermione, you really need to calm down.” Lee Jordan laughed. “It’s only a silly game.”

Hermione felt her cheeks heating and slowly lowered her head, a little embarrassed.

“Ok, a second point to the red team. It’s time for the theme round. As you all know, I’ll give you a theme and some clues. Tonight’s team is Monsters. Let’s get started. Which monster has a zip on its face and was created by a mad scientist ?”

“Frankenstein !” The man almost yelled, apparently as much competitive as Hermione was.

“Good answer ! 1 point to the green team.” Lee Jordan smiled.

“Excuse me ?” Hermione snapped. “That is not the right answer.” She faced the man and got up. “Frankenstein is the name of the said-scientist, not of the monster.”

The man put his beer down and took a step forward. “What would you call it then ?” He sneered.

“Frankenstein's monster.” Hermione replied as if the was the most evident answer.

“Come on ! It’s the fucking same.”

“No it is not. Check your facts.”

 They were both only a couple of meters away, the entire bar could feel the tension rising up. This small argument rapidly turned into something nastier. Slurs were thrown. Suddenly, Hermione felt a light pressure on her arm and saw Oliver Wood, the owner of the bar, taking her outside.

“Oliver ?” She asked, quite shocked. The door opened just a moment later and Hermione saw the man being escorted by Cormac McLaggen, the bartender.

“You two stay here until you’re calm.” Oliver said before getting back inside.

 A silence settled. As the man lit up a cigarette, Hermione took out her phone. She mumbled something.

“Come again ?” He asked.

“I was right. It is the monster of Frankenstein and not just Frankenstein.”

“Are you seriously still on that ?

 Hermione pouted and crossed her arms on her chest. She started shivering from the cold. The man secured his cigarette around his lips, sighed and took off his coat. He approached her and draped it over her shoulders. She rose her head to meet his eyes and took a step back.

“Let me stop you right there. I found mine.” She simply told him.

“And ?” He genuinely asked.

“I can see where you’re going with your coat and all of that.” She moved her hand close to his face. “I’m not single. I already found mine.”

“Good for you, so did I. But can’t you just say thank you like a normal person ?”

She looked at him and said “thank you” under her breath.

 The door to the bar opened and two people came out of it, one being Ginny.

“Hermione, the game is over. We won. You can get back inside.” She told her.

Hermione gave back his coat to the man standing and went to join her friend when the other person spoke up.

“Tom, let’s hit Dolohov’s party.”

She looked at the man, Tom. He nodded at his friend and stared at her for a couple of seconds, before Ginny pushed her back into the bar.

 **********

 “How’s your chicken ?” Ron asked her.

“Quite dry.” She laughed. “Come on taste it, and tell me this isn’t dry.” She shoved her fork in front of his face and looked at him in adoration as he took a bite.

“Tastes fine to me.” He smirked.

“Everything tastes fine to you. I’m starting to wonder if you have functioning taste buds.” She teased him.

 He only laughed at that. The waiter went by their side and asked them if they wanted more wine. Ron shook his head and took Hermione’s hand.

“Are we still going to my parents this weekend ?” He wondered out loud.

“Of course we are. When haven’t we spend our anniversary anywhere else ?” Hermione smiled. “Eleven years.”

“Eleven years.” He repeated. “Who would have thought my Complete to be the annoying know-it-all in middle school.”

 Hermione playfully got her hand back and leaned in her chair. “You know what you got into the first time you touched me.”

“And I wouldn’t change that for the world. However, when I think about it, it was quite weird for an eleven-year-old boy to see his all future ahead. The house, the children, you…”

Hermione gently smiled at that. Something began vibrating on their table. Ron took a quick glance at his pager and exhaled.

“I’m sorry honey. I have to go.” He told her as he rose from his seat.

“What ? Right now ?”

“Yes, there is another demonstration near Piccadilly. I am sorry.”

“When is it going to stop ?”

“I don’t know. I hope soon. You know the Incomplete-” Ron got interrupted by another buzzing sound. “I’m sorry again.” He craned his head to press his lips against hers. A minute later, he was out of the restaurant.

Hermione wondered if she should finish eating or just head back early to work. The dryness of her meal answered for her. She picked up her bag, put on her coat and approached the counter to pay.

 She waited behind the woman already paying when someone lightly poked her shoulder. She turned around and saw him.

“Excuse me, may I go before you ? I’m already late to work.” He said without looking at her.

“No you may not.”

He lowered his gaze and met her eyes.

“Oh. It’s you.” He flatly said.

She rolled her eyes and faced the back of the woman paying.

“You don’t want to talk about Frankenstein today ?” She could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Shut it.”

“Come on Hermione.”

She turned around and saw his shit-eating grin.

“Oh pardon me.” He scoffed and stopped smiling. “I shouldn’t smile or you’ll interpret that as flirting.”

“You think you’re funny right ? Well you’re not.” They looked at each other for a while before Hermione exhaled and took a step back. “I’m in a good mood. Go ahead.” She showed with her hand the spot where she was before. He nodded his head a thank you and approached the counter.

  **********

 Monday night was always an almost all-nighter for Hermione. Her internship in this law-firm had started three months ago and apparently her clients liked keeping her busy on the first day of the week. She looked around her and the office was completely empty. She checked her inbox one last time before leaving the building. She stopped before the front door, a horrified look on her face as she saw the heavy rain pouring from the night sky. As the British girl she was, she took out her umbrella and faced the weather. The tube was not that far, but knowing the current social climate she knew it would be packed, she then decided on taking a taxi. She put her left hand in the air, trying to call one. A dozen passed in front of her, all already busy with a customer.

 After ten minutes of long waiting, one stopped in front of her and the passenger window lowered revealing him. Tom.

“How are you ?” He smirked.

“Just go away.” She replied.

“Where are you going ?”

“Chelsea.”

“You’re lucky, it’s on my way. Hop in.”

 She furrowed her brows, wondering if he was making fun of her or not. She decided on getting inside the taxi as she was currently freezing and drenched. She told the taxi driver her address then lounged back.

“Why did you help me ?” She asked him.

“I owe you one. You let me go before you the other day at the restaurant.”

“Well, I guess you’re not as bad as I thought.”

 He smirked. The ride back to Chelsea was not as long as Hermione thought it would be when she saw Tom’s face. They began to talk, about nothing in particular. She found out he was a little shit, but a nice little shit. What was refreshing was that they never talked once about their Complete. Usually, this was the first subject when you meet a new person, they would ask you if you had already met yours, how long it would have been, how many children you would have seen when touching him for the first time.

They didn’t speak about that in this taxi. Actually, they laughed.

 **********

 She was late for game night. Again. However, not ten minutes late like last week but thirty-five minutes late. So when Hermione entered Azkaban, she directly went to the bar, well aware that the girls were currently playing. Cormac poured her usual and smiled as he put it in front of her. She brought it to her lips and rose her head to look at the small TV behind the counter. As usual, Sky News was on loop.

 6 weeks of strikes - Government lost in front of thousands of Incomplete.

Violent demonstration in Westminster.

Prime Minister Fudge - ‘I am well aware of the difficulties the Incompletes are facing’-

 “They’re not wrong though.” She heard from beside her. She startled and saw a tall man standing in front of her. She took a good look at him.

“Taxi guy.” She said.

“Usually people call me Tom.” He smirked. She blinked and smiled.

“Of course Tom.” She remembered.

“Hermione, your team is losing.” Cormac joked. She looked behind the counter and saw Ginny currently pulling at her hair. She laughed at the sight.

“They’re totally lost without me.” She told Cormac.

“Yet, they won without you last week.” Tom intervened.

“I gave them a head start.” She winked.

“Sure you did.” He laughed.

 Tom simply put his beer on the counter and silently joined her in watching the news. The demonstration had started slowly at first, only a dozen of people throughout London. In the next few weeks, the movement had taken great breadth. Thousands of Incomplete marching in the streets, in front of the Parliament and Buckingham, by the riverbanks. Hermione could understand what the Incomplete were trying to tell the government, but seeing Ron leaving every morning in his police uniform to contain the demonstration and meeting him at night, all bloodied, she couldn’t stand this anymore.

“They’re not wrong, you are right.” She spoke up, picking up on what he said before. “I just wouldn’t do it that way.”

He looked at her from the corner of his eye and analyzed the situation before replying. “How long has it been for you ?”

“Eleven years.”

“And you are what ? Twenty-two at most ? You don’t know what those people are going through. You’ve never lived your adult life being an Incomplete.”

 She looked at him and pursed her lips. “Did you ?”

“I did. I only met mine three years ago.”

“But you found yours. They could all find theirs.” She said while pointing her finger at the screen showing videos of the demonstrations.

He let out a somber laugh. “You don’t know that. Maybe their Complete are dead or not living on the same continent. You’re one of the lucky ones Hermione. Not everyone is like you.”

 She didn’t know what to answer. Hermione had never really thought about the Incomplete in that way. They stopped talking after that, they were not even looking at each other anymore. Hermione heard someone talking to her but didn’t register before Luna told her name twice.

“Hermione !” Luna shook her shoulder.

“Hey.” Hermione turned around to face her friend.

“We’re losing because you arrived late.”

 A cheeky grin grew on her face and she looked at Tom. “Told ya.” He laughed at that.

“Hello. I’m Luna Lovegood.” The blond girl extended a hand towards Tom, he shook it. “No Luna Scamander.” She let out a small laugh, she had only been married for a few months and was not used to giving her bridal name yet.

“Hi, I’m Tom. Tom Riddle.”

“You were the one Hermione fought with last week, aren’t you ?”

“Let’s not get back on that.” He smirked. “She’s going to talk about Frankenstein again after that.”

Hermione lightly shoved him in the ribs and laughed.

“See you. The second round is about to start.” Luna concluded before glancing at Hermione, inviting her to join.

“I’ll finish my beer first.” Hermione answered. Luna smiled at both of them and went back to sit at their usual table.

“You don’t want to play ?” Tom teased.

“I don’t want to be linked to a defeat.”

“You’re clinically crazy.” He laughed.

 Both took their beer at the same time and began drinking, their eyes still glued to each other. One sip turned into two, then without even speaking about it, Hermione, alone, started competing for who could finish their beer first. Tom stopped after the second sip and just stared at her.

“You’re fucking insane.” He couldn’t help but laugh.

“But I won.” She replied as she finished her entire pinte.

“It was not even a competition.”

“Says the loser.”

 Tom kept looking at her, something in his eyes Hermione had never seen before. Time felt as if it has stopped for a second. Only two people in a pub, all alone, looking at each other, enjoying a beer.

“And the blue team is the winner !” Lee Jordan shouted, bringing both of them to reality. Tom cleared his voice and turned towards the TV. Hermione left to join her friends.

 **********

 On their anniversary, Hermione and Ron had the habit of spending it with Ron’s family, at the Burrows. Molly was behind the stove, preparing the meal for a dozen people in the kitchen. The others were all gathered in the living room, chatting over a flute of champagne about the current political climate and the strikes. Angelina and Fred were sharing a love seat by the chimney, George and Veracity not far. As usual Ginny was on Harry’s lap.

Since they found out they were Complete, Hermione had gotten along well with the Weasley. She felt good with them, as if she had always been part of the family.

 “Ginny told me you’ve been late for two weeks in a row to games nights. What happened to our Hermione ?” Harry joked as he went by her side.

“Not my fault. I don’t control the tube yet Harry.” She smiled at her friend and soon to be brother in law.

“You must have been quite disappointed not being able to play with the girls.”

“Losing you mean.” Hermione chuckled. “Actually I had a great time. I drank my beer, I talked to.. to someone. I had fun.”

“Someone ?”

“Yeah, a guy at the bar. I don’t really remember. Maybe I drank too much.” She laughed. Hermione looked at Molly and whispered to Harry. “How is she ?”

“You know how hard it is for her when the entire family gathers.”

 Hermione took a step towards Harry to keep the conversation confidential. “Are we ever going to know what really happened ?”

“I don’t dare to bring up the subject with Ginny.”

“It’s been eight years since he left. I remember that day. Molly had set up the table for thirteen, then suddenly she took one out. It has always been twelve plates ever since.”

“But you remember how he was. Always secretive, sneaking out, always writing in his little notebook. Percy was hiding something, he was lying to his family. To us.”

“I know, but what I find weird is that he left without his Complete. Without Penelope.”

Molly called everyone for lunch.

“Let’s not talk about that anymore.” Harry finished.

 **********

 Ginny had invited her shopping on Regent’s street this afternoon. Hermione got out of Green Park station and saw from afar a Cafe Nero. A cappuccino sounded nice so she entered the coffee and placed her order. The small place was quite packed and Hermione settled next to the counter.

“Excuse-me.” Someone bumped into her shoulder to get to the counter.

“An americano for Tom.” The barista spoke up. The man took the coffee and Hermione opened her eyes widely.

“Tom.” She smiled. He turned around and took a good look at her. She could see in his eyes that he couldn’t place her.

“Hermione.” She offered and saw the realisation in his eyes.

“Of course Hermione. How could I not remember ?” He looked at his drink. “You want to compete over coffee this time ?”

She faked being offended and open her hand to show him she had no coffee yet.

“Oh, let me buy you one.” He offered.

“I placed my order already. But thanks.”

“Do you have time to sit down ?” He shot her a beautiful smile. Hermione looked at the time and nodded.

 The waitress called her name and Tom went to pick it up.

“One cappuccino.” He said while putting the cup in front of her.

“What a gentleman.” She laughed.

“Please keep this image of me and try to forget about the arsehole you met the first time.”

 They exchanged a smile and took a sip. “So Frankenstein. You like literature ?” He started.

“Frankenstein’s monster.” She corrected him cheekily.

“Of course, Frankenstein’s monster.”

“I liked the book, but I prefer French literature. Have you read Boris Vian ?”

“The Froth of Days ?”

“Yes, The Froth of Days.”

“I do enjoy Vian, the absurdity of the story mixed with humour and deep subjects. But I really enjoy his songs. Le Déserteur.”

 Hermione lounged back in her chair, a smile on her lips. She was not often taken aback, but on this day, in this coffee place, she was.

“Did you know that the ending was changed ? The French government obliged him to change the lyrics.” He kept going.

“Who would have thought Azkaban’s arsehole to be educated.” Hermione teased him.

“I asked you to forget about that. I am a gentleman from now on.” He whined.

 They talked about literature, their favourite books and their hidden meaning. The way finishing a good book felt like breaking up with the characters, the way turning a page was satisfactory and the way old books smelled like. They disagreed on a lot, but they could agree on that. He was easy to talk to, easy to laugh with, and easy on the eyes.

 Hermione’s phone rang on the table and she quickly picked up.

“Where the hell are you ?” Ginny asked her.

Hermione looked through the window and could see the ginger her back facing her.

“Ginny, I’m in the coffee. I can see you from here.” Hermione rolled her eyes. “Give me two minutes.”

“Well, it was nice talking to you Tom.” Hermione greeted him goodbye. They both rose from their seats at the same time.

“I'll see you around Hermione.”

 Before leaving, Hermione threw away her empty cup in the bin, her mind still on the conversation she just had. On her way out, someone bumped into her, making her snap out of her thoughts.

“Was that the guy from game night ?” Ginny asked her as she looked through the window.

“Who ?”

Ginny pointed her finger at a tall man sitting alone at a table, a grin on his face.

“Oh. Maybe.” Hermione shrugged.

 **********

 Bank station at 8:30 AM was a nightmare. On top of the never ending corridors, people were all rushing, pushing each other to reach the exit as quickly as possible. People leaving the Central Line and the others trying to reach this Tube line were facing each other, only separated by a small iron bar.

Someone caught her eyes. Someone wearing a perfectly fitting dark blue suit, his dark hair perfectly styled. Someone she felt as if she knew from somewhere. Hermione just kept walking.

 Arrived at her office, she said a quick ‘hi’ to Lavender, the receptionist then reached her desk.

“What’s wrong with you ?” Lavender asked her, her elbows on the top of her cubicle.

“What ?” Hermione rose her head.

“You seem weird. You didn’t stop for our usual trash talk this morning. What’s going on ?”

“Nothing. I just feel a little spaced out.” Hermione thought about stopping there, but she kept talking. “Do you know the feeling where you feel something bothering you but you don’t know what ? It keeps nudging you and you can’t put your finger on it.”

“Have you turned off the lights this morning ? It happens to me when I think I forgot to do that.” Lavender smiled.

“No, it has nothing to do with that. I don’t know it’s weird. Forget about that.”

 Lavender sat next to her and start picking at her nails.

“So when he is going to pop the question ?” Brown smirked.

 Hermione had seen the proposal. She had seen it when she was eleven years old, the first time she had touched Ron’s hand. It was at the Burrows, in the little garden behind the house. Just the two of them and candles. It was romantic and Hermione smiled just thinking about it. She also remembered how she looked like, how Ron looked like. They were in their twenties.

 “I think soon.” Hermione replied with a small smile on her lips.

“You’re so lucky.” Lavender grinned putting her hand on top of her fists. “Cormac is not going to do his before ten years. It will be at breakfast, and he will just ask me without a ring. I don’t mind. It’s meant to be.”

 The firm’s main partner, Minerva McGonagall stopped by her desk and rose an eyebrow at the receptionist.

“Miss Brown, if I remember correctly your desk is not here.” She said in a stern voice. Lavender lowered her head and quickly left Hermione to join her station.

 **********

 Hermione had finally gone to the florist. Two weeks late but still she went. The little shop was charming and Hermione wandered around. She heard the small bell on the door ringing, announcing someone’s arrival.

“Hermione ?” She heard the florist, Miss Sprout, calling her. “Could you please check if the bouquet is in the right shade of blue ?”

 Hermione turned around and approached the counter. A tall man was looking at her, his mouth slightly agape.

“Hermione ?” He tentatively said.

“Do I know you ?” She genuinely asked.

“It’s me, Tom.”

 At that Hermione cocked her head.

“Tom.” She smiled. “Of course. How could I not remember you. Remember your name.”

“Yeah, it seems to happen a lot.” Tom nodded. Hermione could see that he was preoccupied with something.

 Miss Sprout brought a huge bouquet of blue peonies. The flowers were perfect, the exact shade of Fleur’s eyes.

“That’s beautiful, Miss Sprout. She will love it.” Hermione grinned.

The florist finally acknowledged Tom’s presence.

“Mister Riddle ! The flowers are ready, I just need a little signature and we will send them to Miss Hornby.”

 Tom shook his head to get back to reality and did as ordered. He then turned to Hermione. “Do you have time for coffee ?” He pressed.

“Hum, sure.”

 Tom opened the door and let her get out first. On the corner of the street was a little coffee shop, entirely empty. They sat down and ordered two espressos. They didn’t talk at first, they both had something to say but didn’t know how to broach the subject. Tom finally broke the silence. “Why can’t I remember your name ? We’ve met five times now. And I still can’t remember it on my own.”

Hermione looked at him, as if she was asking for his permission to talk.

“Say it.” He told her.

“I don’t remember you at all.” She stopped abruptly. “Do you take the Central Line ?”

“Pardon ?”

“Around 8:30AM, do you take the Central Line ?” She repeated.

“I do. Everyday.”

 Hermione let out a small laugh. “That was you. I saw you the other day. Well, I couldn’t remember you, but I saw that man, in a dark navy suit, and I felt as if I knew him from somewhere. It was you. But I couldn’t remember. Why can’t I remember ?” Hermione stared at her hands. “When you told me your name at the florist, everything came back. So clearly. The bar, the restaurant, the taxi, the coffee shop. Everything.”

 Tom was staring at her, feeling as lost as she currently was.

“Ginny, my friend, she remembered you. She asked me if you were the guy from game night. She remembered you. Why can’t I ?” She finally met his gaze.

“I don’t know.”

“Does it mean we’re going to forget each other after this coffee ?” She realised.

  **********

 “Hermione, are you alright ?” McGonagall asked her.

 Hermione was currently sitting in one of the leather chairs in her boss’s office. Hermione had a great relationship with her. Minerva McGonagall had been her professor at law school, then her mentor. She trusted her with her life.

 “You’ve been off lately. Is everything alright ? Do you have too much work ?” Minerva pressed.

“No it’s not about work.” Hermione finally answered. “Can I talk to you about something ?”

“You can always talk to me.” The older woman gently smiled.

“Something has been happening for a while now. I feel like something is missing. Something doesn’t feel right. I have this nudge, constantly.” She emphasised the “constantly”.

 McGonagall got up and went to lock the door. Hermione shot her an interrogating glance.

“Do you feel like you’re forgetting something ?” Her mentor asked her in a small voice.

“Exactly ! Yes.”

“Do you have lapses of memory ? Like certain memories are incomplete ? Like you remember going to the movies, but not with who ?”

“Yes…” Hermione felt her heart beat faster in her chest. “Do you know what’s going on ?”

 Minerva only looked at her. “Did you know my current husband was not my Complete ?” She finally asked Hermione.

“I thought he was.”

“My first husband was, Elphistone. He died twenty-five years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay. I met Dougal. His Complete was still alive at the time. When we were meeting, I could remember him, our first encounter, our first laugh. Everything. He couldn’t though. But I soon as I told him my name, everything came back to him. Years later, after the death of his Complete he explained this to me. He had the feeling of something missing. Something didn’t feel right.”

“And you think this is happening to me ?” Hermione barely whispered.

“Maybe. Maybe I’m wrong. It sure looks like it.”

“But it is impossible !” Hermione got up. “I’m Ron’s Complete. I love him, we’re going to get engaged soon. I’ve seen the kids, the house. I’ve seen everything, our entire life !”

“Hermione, calm down.” Minerva gently told her. “Unplanned things happen.”

“No they don’t.”

 Minerva went by Hermione’s side and put her hand on her shoulder. “Who is he ?”

“I don’t know.” Hermione felt the tears of frustration in her eyes. “No one ! There is no one.”

“When did it start ?”

“I don’t know… One month ago ?”

“Have you told anyone else ?”

“No. Only you.”

“Good. Keep it that way.” She led Hermione back to her chair and kneeled in front of her. “I am going to tell you something Hermione. You are not going to believe me. But the next time you see him, because you will see him again, you are going to ask him one question.”

 **********

 She had arrived on time this Tuesday. Ginny even applauded when she saw Hermione coming through the door. As usual, she sat down with the girls and gestured to Cormac for a beer.

“Why do you have to tell over and over again about your future proposal to Lavender ?” He snapped as he brought her the beer.

“She asked me Cormac.” Hermione shrugged.

“For fuck sakes Hermione !” McLaggen stormed off. The five girls looked at each other and burst out laughing. She took a sip of her beer and looked around the room. Sitting at a table near the bar, she saw a man. A tall man with perfectly styled hair, elbowing at his friend. “Say my name.” He was whispering loudly. His friend was not obeying so he gave him a hard shove in the ribs.

“Tom ! What the fuck !”

 Everything came back.

 She froze. They were looking at each other, remembering every minute they had spent together.

“I-I need to go, I have a phone call to make.” Hermione mumbled before leaving the pub. Once outside she took a deep breath and looked at the sky. She felt the panic rising in her chest.

“What the fuck is going on ?” Tom snapped.

Hermione turned around and saw him not far from her, his chest quickly rising.

“Do you have feelings for me ?” She blurted out, vaguely remembering her conversation with Minerva.

“What ?”

“Do you have feelings for me Tom ?”

“I already have a Complete.” He tried to change the subject.

“That is not the question. Do you have feelings for me ?”

 He froze, his gaze stuck on her.

“Yes. I do.” He finally let out.

“I know what is happening.” She whispered. Hermione put both of her hands in her hair and pulled. “It’s fucked up Tom. It’s really fucked up.”

 The first time they met, they were almost yelling at each other. Nothing but the physical attraction between them. So they remembered a bit when they met the second time at the restaurant. Still, nothing more than physical attraction. But the third time, in the taxi, they laughed. He had looked at her in the way he was supposed to look at his Complete, and she had given a smile that was only reserved for Ron.

There was more than physical attraction, and faith couldn’t allow that. So they started forgetting. Their memory started failing them, but not entirely. There was always something bothering them. Like something was missing.

However, there is always a loophole. The names. Once they heard each other names, bright flashes came back. The memories of their encounters, the sound of their laughter, the feeling in their chest when the other smiled.

But as soon as the parted ways, they forgot again. It was an endless loop.

 The pub’s door opened and they both turned around in surprise.

“Let’s get somewhere else.” Tom took her hand. As predicted, nothing happened, not flashforward of their lives, no house, no children, nothing. Unplanned things happen. She squeezed his hand.

 They went to a small restaurant and ordered too much wine. He told her about his childhood, his drunken stories and every embarrassing thing that happened to him. And she smiled, she smiled so much that night that her cheeks began hurting.

Because tonight was the first time she learned things about someone she had feelings for instead of already knowing.

They kissed at the end of the night. Not because they knew their first kiss would happen in this dark alley near Soho, but only because they wanted to.

 They forgot that night when they went their separate ways. Hermione wondered why she was smiling and Tom why his heart was beating this fast.

 But every time they met, because they would meet again and again, they would look at each other, not knowing who the other person was but still feeling a pull towards each other. Sometimes they would not hear their names and just went their own way, other times, the good times as Hermione liked to call them, they would hear their names. She would laugh as her memory came back, the first encounter, the restaurant, the taxi, their first kiss. Then she would want to cry, because how could the universe do that to them ? Take their free-will away ? Tom would simply hug her and whisper sweet nothings in her ears. And just like that, she would laugh again.

 **********

 “Maybe we should leave.” Tom whispered against her naked shoulder.

“What ?” She smiled, not taking him seriously.

“I think we should leave. I think I’m forgetting more and more about you. Actually not only about you, but about where I was when we met, about what I was feeling on that day. We’re beginning to forget about things that are not directly linked to each other. I couldn’t remember what I did last tuesday. I forgot an entire day. I can’t let that happen. I can’t let you go. I can’t forget about you no more.”

 Her smile faltered. He put back a strand of her chestnut hair behind her ear.

“Nothing compares to you. No one compares to you Hermione. Can’t you see ?”

“Tom…”

“Everyday,” He cut her. “I wake up next to a woman faith gave me. Someone I didn’t chose. Someone I learned to love because I knew I would love her in the future. What kind of love is that ? If this is love, I don’t want it.” When Tom spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. The whisper of a love confession in the late night, only meant for her to hear. “I want you, I want what we have. I want to wake up each morning without knowing what we will do, will we get married one day ? Will we have children ? Maybe we will fight on their names or on the apartment we would like to move into. We will laugh, and fight, and love. And the best part of it will be that we won’t have any idea of what’s coming next.”

 Hermione brushed his face with her fingers adoringly.

“Tom,” She murmured. “Every morning I will wake up without knowing who you are.”

“And every morning I will tell you my name.”

 **********

 When she arrived at the Burrows with Ron, Harry was standing by the door, looking at their car. She got out and felt Harry’s gaze on her. Ron went inside after clapping one of Harry’s shoulders, leaving her alone with her friend.

“We need to talk.” He harshly said.

“Well, hello to you too.” Hermione tried to joke. “Let me say hello to everyone and I’ll be with you.”

“No, we are going to talk right now.”

 Harry took her by the arm and led her to the garden, far from potential eavesdroppers.

“What the fuck was that ?” Harry snapped.

“What are you talking about ?” Hermione was completely lost.

“About last night !” He barked. “What you told me on the phone.”

“I didn’t call you last night. I was… I was with… I-” She couldn’t remember.

“You were with him.” He looked at her. “You told me that you needed to talk to me. That you were in love. That you were just with him, that you had spent the fucking night with him. You were crying on the phone, begging the universe to let you keep this only memory of him. You asked me to talk today. To tell you-” Harry stopped.

“Tell you what ?” Hermione snapped.

 Hermione took a step back and turned around. She put all of her efforts into remembering something. Anything. A little conversation with McGonagall came back to mind, just a small part of it. Something about her second husband.

 “I’m in love.” She realised. She felt it, the warmth in her chest, the flutter of her heart. “I’m in love Harry.” She faced her friend.

“You love him but you can’t even tell me his name.”

“I’ve told you his name, didn’t I ? Tell me.”

“I won’t Hermione.”

“Just tell me his fucking name !” She almost yelled, her eyes wet with tears.

“Open your eyes Hermione. You know what you’re up to with Ron, you saw the house, your beautiful children. You’ve seen everything. You’ve got everything. You feel like you’re in love with someone else right now but you are not. It’s just a lie, a big lie. You’re in love with Ron. You will have a spring wedding, you will live in this big white house on the hill. You will have two children, Rose and Hugo. Everything you ever wanted, ev-”

“But if I don’t want that ? What if I don’t want to know everything ? What if I want more ?” She cut him. “What if I just want to live every day without knowing what tomorrow will be made of ?”

“You’re just like Percy.” He shot at her like an insult. “Yes, Ginny told me.”

 Hermione stopped talking. Suddenly, it all made sense. What happened, why he left.

“Are you ready to give up on everyone for a man you fucked twice in your life ?” Harry kept going.

“But I love him.” Hermione cried.

“No, you love Ron.” Harry took her by the shoulders and kept repeating the same sentence. “You love Ron, you love Ron.”

“Shut up.” She yelled. “Please shut up.”

“You love Ron Hermione.”

 She closed her eyes, the world was spinning around her. Her brain was about to go off, her heart was panicking in her chest, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think.

 “Calm down Hermione.” Harry said to her in a soothing voice. He took her in his arms and patted her back. “Everything is alright.”

“What is going on ? I don’t feel well.”

“You just fainted. We were talking about Ginny. I think you are tired. You should take a nap.”

“Yes, I think I should.”

 Harry kissed her forehead and led her inside. The last thing she remembered that night, before falling asleep, was loving Ron.

 **********

 “Ron, it’s a mess over here. I think it’s going to get violent soon.” Hermione said on the phone, panic evident in her voice.

“Where are you ?” Ron quickly asked.

“Westminster.”

“Do not move, I coming to get you.”

 He hung up the phone and Hermione looked around her. The protesters were all getting angry by the minutes. The signs they were brandish were not as peaceful as they were when the strikes began 8 months ago. The Incomplete were mad, mad at the government for not letting them buy a house because they had not had the vision yet, so this house could not be theirs. They were mad at the Complete for having the privilege of living a perfect life just because they had met the right person at the right time.

 “Hermione !” She could hear from somewhere behind. She tried to look around her to find Ron, but Westminster Square was packed.

A tall man with perfectly styled hair was running towards her. He took her face between his hand and simply said his name.

 Everything came back.

 “We need to leave. It’s going to get violent here.” Tom said in a hurry. He took her by the hand and led her through the crowd.

“Tom, Tom wait.” Hermione pulled her back. “I’m engaged.”

“What ? I can’t hear. We need to get you somewhere safe.” He kept moving forward.

“Tom !” She yelled. He stopped and turned around. “I got engaged.”

 Tom stared at her, his heart slowly breaking in his chest. “You need to make the choice right now Hermione.”

“So do you.”

“I already made it.”

 People were pushing, stomping on her feet, screaming slurs at the politicians, and she could hear her name being called by Ron from afar.

“You, always you.” She said in a hurry, feeling like time was collapsing. She didn’t have to think, it was a foregone conclusion.

“We leave tonight. No. Right now.”

“I can’t do that, I need to say goodbye.”

“You’re going to forget about me Hermione. I won’t let you do that. Something is wrong, I keep forgetting you more and more Hermione, and I think you do too. I feel like if I leave with you right now, I will lose you forever.”

 Hermione could only agree with what he was saying. She opened her bag, her hands shaking, and took out a pen.

“Write your name on my hand. Quick do it.” She ordered him.

“What ?”

“Write your name !” She shouted.

 Tom took it and started writing.

“You’re here.” Hermione saw Ron coming her way, her stomach was in knots, her eyes were wide open in panic. Her Complete took her by the arm and pulled her back. She felt the pen leaving her hand and Tom’s face. He tried to reach for her but people were blocking the way.

“Hermione ! Hermione !” Tom kept yelling as he saw her being taken away. He ran after her, trying to find a way through the crowd.

“I won’t forget your name. Hermione. Hermione.” Tom pushed people, without caring about anything else but her. “Hermione, Hermione. Your name is Hermi-”

 Someone violently pushed him on the ground. His head violently collided with the ground, leaving him unconscious for a couple of seconds. When he woke up and rose to his feet, he searched in the crowd.

“No, no, no. What’s her name ? No, no, no.” Tom could feel the memories slowly slipping away.

   He first forgot about the feeling of her hand in his. He forgot about how she chose him you, always you. He forgot about the way she looked at him when they were laying in bed. He could see the memories of their first time together slipping away, the softness of her skin under his fingers tips. He forgot about the dozen of restaurants they tested throughout London. He forgot about the day they rode bikes in Hyde Park. He forgot about all the small bookshop he took her to. He forgot about their dates, their jokes, their constant banter, her clothes, her perfume, her smile.

He forgot about how he tried to talk to his friends about her, getting frustrated as he couldn’t recall a thing. How his friends looked at him as if he was crazy. Then their first kiss, the taste of her. He forgot about the florist, when they realised something was wrong. He forgot when they first talked about literature in a coffee place near the Ritz, how her eyes glowed when he talked about Boris Vian. He then forgot about how he teased her at the restaurant and when she let him go first because he was already late for work. He slowly forgot about the first time he met her, the way she shouted at him, or when he draped his coat on her shoulders. Finally, he forgot about her. He forgot everything concerning her.

 “What am I doing here ?” He wondered out loud.

  **********

 “Easy, easy.” Ron soothed her. Hermione slowly opened her eyes and found herself sitting on her couch, in her house. She couldn’t remember how she got here, why Ron was kneeling in front of her, a worried expression on his face.

“What happened ?” She slowly slurred.

“Don’t move, I’ll make you some tea, love. Do you need anything else ?”

“No, I have everything I ever wanted.” She smiled lovingly at him.

 He kissed her forehead and left for the kitchen. Hermione slowly rose and went to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and put her hair in a bun. As she lowered her hands, she caught a glimpse of her engagement ring. She smiled at the memory of the Burrow’s garden, the candles, and Ron.

 She turned her hand around and saw something written on the palm.

 I love you. T

 She furrowed her brows trying to find out where this came from. She couldn’t remember. She simply washed it away.

 _____________________________________________________________________

For those who read DDM, we didn't abandoned it. We are current writing Chp 16 BUT it's a pain in the arse (not going to lie). We'll try to post it as soon as possible.

#tomione oneshot #tom riddle x hermione granger #tomione fanfiction #soulmate!au #Modern!AU #tom riddle #oneshot #tom marvolo riddle #tomione #Tom x Hermione #hermione x tom #Hermione Granger #angst #angsty #So much ANGST #Agarariddle-andhernachos

[tipsyylove]

TEENAGERS; PART SEVEN

b r o w n i e s

you and taeyong go on another date, but, something happens.

warnings: language, underage drinking

NOTE: i don’t condone underage drinking, and neither should you. thank you.

a/n: sorry if it seems rushed, i did most of it in about three hours, so sorry. here it is.

your alarm was extra loud this morning. but, you noticed that you had gotten a text from taeyong, at 5:09 am this morning.

taeyong: hi hi, wanna go out again tonight? it doesn’t have to be all night, being that it’s tuesday, i can take you back home in time :))

you: yeah, definitely. pick me up at about 6-ish?

taeyong: perfect, we can go out to eat tonight too, maybe go back to my place?

you: yeah! see you at school.

“already on your phone, huh, miss (y/n). what a shame.” johnny says, shaking his head.

“shut up, suh. i have plans again tonight. can you guys hold up by yourselves until like 9 or later maybe?”

“sure, being that there’s still gonna be three adults around. but, you’re their favorite, so it might be hard.” he said, shrugging.

“shut up. they’ll be fine.” you said, getting up to get ready.

as you were walking out, yuta stopped you, letting johnny and jaehyun go outside.

“so, you’re going out with taeyong again tonight?” he asked.

“yeah, he said he was gonna take me to dinner.” you said, getting excited.

“oh, sounds fun, don’t have too much fun, okay?” he cocked his eyebrow at you.

“yes, sir.” you said, saluting him as a joke.

he laughs, “let’s get going, they’ve been waiting long enough.” he spoke, leading you out.

as per usual, when arriving at school, you saw taeyong, this time with firey red hair. it looked fucking godly on him, and you never wanted him to change it. damn it. this man truly was the love of your life. but, that’s a dumb thought. you’re in high school. it’s not like you’re gonna go get married after high school, but, boy, did you want to. especially to lee taeyong.

“hi, (y/n)! you excited for tonight?” taeyong nearly yelled at you.

“why wouldn’t i be excited? who do you think i am?” you sassily replied.

“why do i even bother asking? anyways, how are you?” he asks.

“i’m doing amazing. how are you?”

“i’m doing well. i’m so excited for tonight.” he smirks at you.

“i’m glad. why don’t we walk to class together?” you ask.

“ladies first.” he gestures in front of him. you led the way inside, to your trigonometry class.

fuck trigonometry. triangles can suck your ass for all you care. the only thing that you enjoyed about this class was getting to know taeyong more. today was a half day, so you only had three classes and lunch for the day, and then you could go home. it would give you time to hang out with the youngins more, being that you never really do. you could do some things with them that they might enjoy, and could still go out with taeyong later.

“wait, what’s the formula again?” taeyong asked.

“you’re joking, right?” you cocked your eyebrow at him.

“no, i’m not.”

you wanted to laugh, but you didn’t want to be mean.

“a squared + b squared = c squared. so what you’re gonna do is take the a side and b side and square them and-”

“i’m kidding. i know how to do it. i’ve been in this class for a semester. i just like seeing you talk smartly about things. i love when you do it.” he professed.

this caused you to blush. you just got complimented by your crush. what the fuck.

“wow, didn’t know it would have that much affect you that much.” he said, staring at your cheeks.

you quickly covered your face, not wanting to be seen by him anymore. he had way too much effect on you for comfort.

“don’t cover up that beautiful face of yours, princess” taeyong said, taking your hands off of your face. fuck. in public, taeyong? really?

but, you had forgotten that yuta was also in that class. along with jaehyun. they were seat partners in the class that sat right behind you. they had probably heard the entire conversation. you didn’t want to face them, but they were in your other two classes for the day and at next to you in both. fuck.

the bell rang, and you were so nervous to face the other two, so you walked with taeyong to your next class.

you saw johnny, yuta, and jaehyun all sitting at your table already. it was kinda nice to have them in your math class. they were always super helpful in that class. but, today, you were not having it.

“so, miss (y/n), he is even calling you ‘princess’ in public? fucking weirdo. why do you like him again?” jaehyun asks you.

“shut up. it’s a joke. he doesn’t mean it. don’t call him that.” you said, rolling your eyes.

“jaehyun. don’t.” yuta says.

“thank you, bud.” you said, sitting down.

the bell rang shortly after.

when you walked out of your classroom, you saw taeyong standing there. you walked up to him instead of walking with the other boys to your next class.

“wanna ditch?” he whispers to you.

“hold on- what? like, actually?” you question him.

“yeah, totally. then we can just leave to lunch and go home. you down?”

this was weird coming from him. he has really good grades in his classes, so why in the world would he wanna ditch? but, you agreed anyways.

“sweet, let’s go, quick.” he said, grabbing your hand and leading you to the front doors.

you guys had ended up walking to a local park, since it was such a nice day. there was no one there, which was nice. the other boys were blowing up your phone, but you didn’t really care at the moment.

“hey, is it cool if one of my friends joins us? he isn’t too much to handle, i promise.” he spoke.

“yeah, definitely. what’s his name?” you asked.

“his name is mark. everyone thinks that we’re brothers, since we have the same last name, but we’re not. sound familiar?”

“oh, then, yeah, definitely. he seems cool.” you said, looking at the clouds.

“great, there he is now.” he pointed in front of you guys and waved at ‘mark’.

when he got closer, you could see how alluring he was. he had golden blonde hair, which obviously wasn’t his natural color, but it looked good on him. he had golden skin, and a shy voice.

“this is the famous (y/n)? the one you’re always talking ab-” mark got cut off by taeyong.

“mark, (y/n), (y/n), mark.” taeyong introduced you two.

“nice to meet you, mark.” you said, smiling at him.

“you too.” he smiled back, shyly.

this was gonna be fun.

you three ended up going to mcdonald’s for lunch, and then split after. you got mark’s number in advance, though, so you could talk later. you had to make it back to school, so that you could get a ride home, and have more time to get ready for later. you nearly ran when you saw yuta’s car parked in the parking lot still. relief was all you felt. but, again, facing them would be hard.

“hello, miss (y/n), how was ditching class?” jaehyun smugly asked you.

“it was great. i made a new friend. can we go home now?” you asked, looking directly at yuta.

“yep, the youngins are getting impatient.” yuta said, checking his phone.

“let’s get going then, folks!” johnny said.

you had let johnny, jaehyun, and yuta go out for a bit until you left, so you could hang out with the youngins by yourself. you enjoy hanging out with them, but you never really have time to do so, being that you always have to study.

“let’s watch a movie, and then i have to get ready. then, the other three should be back. sound good?” you asked all six of them. they all nodded, and you put on the classic “train to busan”.

the movie went by so fast, and it was now 5:55. the other three had come back, and you got ready for your date. you didn’t overthink anything this time, though. you just threw on a dress and put your hair up. you two were now practically comfortable with each other, so what did it matter? you heard a ring of the doorbell, and rushed downstairs.

“ready?” taeyong says, after you answer the door.

“duh. bye everyone!” you waved at everyone, them waving back.

in the car, you had found out that taeyong had made fake i.d’s for the both of you. it made it so that you were both to appear 21. sure, it was illegal, but to get into the club he wanted to go into, you needed to be 21. this is the best bar in town. so, of course he was gonna take you.

“alright, y’all are good, head on in.” the bouncer said.

“yes!!” you guys celebrated in unison when walking in.

you guys sat down at the bar, and ordered some shots. you guys didn’t want to get completely wasted, being that it is your first time drinking. so, you only bought about three shots each. there was a hockey game on, which you didn’t really care about, but it kept you occupied.

“did i mention how good you look? red suits you.” taeyong eyed you, biting his lip.

“thank you, mr. button up and dress pants.” you punched his arm.

“don’t be creepy, biting your lip n’ shit.” you said to him.

“sorry, i can’t help it when you look this good.” he blushed.

“that’s STILL creepy.” you punched his arm, yet again.

“it’s my drunk talking.”

“you had one and a half shots.” you rolled your eyes at him.

“whatever, let’s go back to my place, it’s already 7.” he said, checking his phone clock.

“whatever you say, sir.” you said, saluting him.

his house was so small, but, it was so nice. it had the most beautiful wooden floors, white walls, and smooth ceilings. he was the only one living there, you assumed, being that it was so small. his couch and tv were so big, though. everything about his house was so nice.

“i made brownies. would you like one?” taeyong asked, holding a brownie out to you.

“yeah, sure? why not?” you said, taking one from his hand.

you quickly took a bite out of it, and noticed how delicious it was. it had chocolate chips in it, and was super gooey. perfect. 

your shoes were already off, and you were so comfortable at his house, you felt like you  could fall asleep right there.

“do you want me to text them for you, saying you aren’t gonna make it home?” taeyong whispered to you, noticing you were almost asleep.

“please do. thank you so much.” you said.

“no problem.” he said, grabbing your phone and unlocking it with your fingerprint. genius.

“it’s done. sleep well, princess.” he said, kissing your forehead.

that’s when you blacked out completely.

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven |

#nct au #nct fluff #nct angst #taeyong #lee tayong #taeyong angst #johnny #johnny suh #nct taeyong #nct yuta #nakamoto yuta #serial killer!taeyong au #yuta #nct chenle #johnny fluff #yuta fluff #johnny angst #yuta angst #taeyong x reader #nct smut #nct mark #nct mark fluff #taeyong fluff #nct mark lee #mark lee #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct #nct 127

[ktarima]

New Life: Prologue

Hey yall! I recently got the inspiration to write my first fanfic ever since I started to play the VN mobile game, Choices! Lets just say … I got addicted real quick lol. This fanfic series will be Julian x M!OC (HSS) This is my first time writing..so any feedbacks is appreciated ^.^ Enjoy!

Word count : 1780

Rating: T ( for mention of profanity)

Pairing: Julian x M!OC

All characters and mentions are property of Pixelberry studios 

tag list: @choiceslife @griffinsbigdickenergy

On Highway 12,  Tuesday, 10:00 PM

~~

I stare lazily outside into the night sky; the view of trees turning into a sea of green as we drive down the highway to our new home in Cedar Cove.

“Are we there yet?” I ask the driver. My dad briefly looks at his phone.

“No. Don’t worry , we’re almost there”

“That’s what you said two hours ago” I groan. He chuckles slightly. My mom chimes in.

“We’ll be there before you know it. Take a nap sweetie.”

“Fineee” I grab my ear buds before leaning back in my seat and rest my head on the window. I shuffle my playlist before falling fast asleep.

“ All of this could have ended differently. I screwed everything up back at Bowie. I lost all connections I built with my IB friends… and most importantly, Devin; my crush”  I sniff softly “Maybe moving away… was the best choice” I thought before falling into a deeper sleep.

A brief memory of Richard comes across my mind in my sleep; a memory that I wanted to delete from my memory. He marches towards me, furious.

“You!” He seethed , jabbing a finger in my face “You caused this disaster!” This really wasn’t the time for confronting me.

I scowled. “Excuse me?! You know I was just following your orders!”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” We were now face to face “Now because of you, we lost the competition and the funds to support the IB program!”

I was one second away from punching his face. “If you give me a momen--” Before I could finish, he turned away.

“Fuck you, you piece of shit” he growled “Lets go “ He ordered everyone else. After that, rumors started to spread around the school; that I was the worst person in the entire school. Cold glares and isolation was only the tip of the iceberg. I came across Devin one day from the opposite direction. At Least I have one person that could brighten my day, or so I had thought.

“Oh. Hey Devin!” I greeted.... A moment of silence, not a single glance in my direction” Devin?”

He grunted. “ Get away from me.” This wasn’t his normal behavior and I made the mistake of confronting him.

“Wh-- Please don’t tell me you believe the rumors that's been going around these past few weeks.” Devin gritted his teeth and pushed me towards the lockers. “Ow- What the hell was that for?!”

“I’m not gonna say it again. GET.AWAY.FROM.ME. I don’t want to see your face anymore” He threatened.

That was when my world started to break into a million of pieces. Richard’s words echoing through my mind. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

Gritting my teeth,“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  I scream back, waking up. A moment of silence pass as I try to  regain my composure. “Oh”. I look up to my parents staring back at me from the front mirror.

Turning back,“Oh honey, another nightmare?” My mother asked, face slightly frowning in concern. “You were thrashing back and forth again.”

“I-... no...maybe” I sigh “It’s nothing really”.

“Are you sure Ben? You’ve been having a lot of these night scares recently ever since we moved.” My father asked,throwing a concerning look in the front mirror.

I shrug. “Just a bit stressed from the past few weeks. Don’t worry.” Life was hectic for all of us due to sudden changes at my parents’ jobs and it showed. “Once we get to our new home, I’ll be all better.” I cleared my throat. “How far are we away from Cedar Cove now?”

“Well..” My dad looks at his phone again “We’re not too far away now. About ten minutes. We’ll probably see the sign for the city along the way.” No sooner than he said, we pass a sign with Cedar Cove in big letters. The sea of green gradually shifted to buildings and highway lightings.

“Ugh ten more minutes until I can sleep in a real bed--”

Suddenly,the car came to a jolting stop to a stop light.

“Woah!” I gasp, thrown out of my seat. “What was that for dad?” pouting as I got back up.

He chuckles. “Haha, sorry about that. Just tired from all the traveling, didn’t see that stop light”. My mom elbows him from across. “Ow! Sorry Sorry” he laughs. “We’ll be in Cedar Cove and to our new home soon..”

I roll my eyes “ ugh just save me from this nightmare already.” I grumble as I look out into the night sky.

We drive down the streets of Cedar Cove, taking in the view of the town. The town looked pleasant enough.

“ Turn left and your destination will be on the right.” The GPS stated.

The car came to a stop as we arrived to our new driveway. “FINALLY! WE’RE FREE!” I shout as we get out of the car. “Hey mẹ* . Can I borrow your arms?” I hold onto her hands and lean back to stretch my spine. Crack, Crack. “Wow … that must have been one long ride” I thought. We stretch for a bit longer before dad came over to hand me the keys to the house.

“Don’t go losing the keys now.”

Rolling my eyes“When have I ever lose the house keys?” I joke. He chuckles.

“Anyways, the moving truck should be here tomorrow . Go help mom bring in the beds and call it a night. Tomorrow is going to be one busy day.”

I nod. “The sooner the better” I laugh as I help my mom bring in the beds into our new house. The house didn’t look half too bad, in my opinion. It was smaller than our old home, but it had that familiar quaint feeling. At last, I chose my room and dropped my bed in a corner. I took out my phone and checked the time. Yikes, 11 P.M. I flop onto my bed.

I flop onto my bed.“Good night mẹ”

“Good night darling, rest up. We have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow” I groan a reply before falling asleep.

Beep. Beep.Beep. I half open one of my eyes to look at my phone.8:45 AM. “Ughhh, too early for this” I roll across my bed. “5 more min--” I mumble before the door to my room suddenly opens.

“GOOD MORNING SQUIRT!” My dad beams. I really wasn’t in the mood for this. I squinted.

“Good.. morning to you to dad” I mumble as I lazily wrap myself in my blanket.

“Time to rise and shine! We have a lot of stuff to do.”

I don’t know how he’s so active in the morning. “Yeah.. i’ll,rise and shine in like 5 min--” I start before he yanks the blanket away from me.

“AHH! Fine i’m up.” I complain.

He laughs “Go get some breakfast and i’ll see you in a bit”. I yawn before getting out of bed to do the usual morning routine. Afterwards, I plop down on one of the makeshift chairs in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal.

“So what’s the plan for today?” I ask before eating a spoonful of cereal.

“Well” My mom takes a sip of her coffee”The moving company is arriving this afternoon. Then we have to head to the local dealership to get you a car and  we’re going to shop around for furniture.” She hands dad a cup of coffee.

Finishing the last bite of my cereal and gulping the milk down. “I see and by we, you mean you and dad?” She playfully slaps my shoulder.

“ Yes dear” rolling her eyes

”We’ll handle the moving stuff, in the meantime you’ll drive around town and visit your new high school” My dad states.

I felt a knot form in my stomach. “Fantastic. What’s the address to the school?” I lend my phone to my dad as he types the address in. “Oliver M. Berry High. Not too far away from here.”

My mom chimes in “ We contacted the principal before hand, and she’ll get you settled.” Both of them finishing their cup of coffee. “Ready to go?”

“Yep. Give me a min to change into some clothes and i’ll see y’all at the car.” I got up and walked back to my room.

Berry High, eh? Let’s hope it’s better than my previous school I thought before changing out of my house clothes. We drove to the local dealership to rent a car for me. I’m not entirely picky when it comes to cars, as long as it gets me from point A to B. We drive up to the entrance and a employee comes to greet us.

“Good morning there! Welcome to the Cedar Used Car shop. How may I help you today?”

“We’re here to buy a car for my son. We just moved into town today.” My dad says.

“Oh! Welcome to Cedar Cove. Please come this way to view our selection”

We spent two hours or so testing out the multitude of cars available. We decided on a 2005 Honda Accord. My parents signed the papers and soon I find myself inside my car.

“Drive safe son” He hands me the keys to the car. “We’ll take care of the rest”

“I will.” I look at the time on my phone, 11:30 AM. “ Oh it’s almost time for me to go. I’ll be back later tonight.” My parents nod. “Have fun shopping” I joke before driving away.

“ Your destination is on the right” my GPS stated.

I glance over to my right and came across my first sight of Oliver M.Berry High school. I furrow one of my eyebrows in surprise.

“Huh… this school looks a bit smaller than Bowie” I thought in disappointment. I searched around for a guest parking spot to park my car. “Well, this is my new car now. Better than nothing I guess”. I parked my car and got out “ Well here goes nothing. “ I took my first steps on Berry High’s ground. A small grin comes across my face.

“Wow this place looks a bit better than I thought it was” I thought as I observe the environment. I opened the front doors of Berry High and a woman in a yellow blouse came to me.

“Good afternoon , young man! You must be Ben Burton, our new student.” She offers a handshake, smiling.

“Uh… Yes I am.” I shook her hand “and you must be?”

“ I am Principal Hughs and I welcome you to your new home.” 

TBC

*mẹ= mom in Vietnamese

#Choices HighSchoolStory Julian x M!OC #my first fanfic

[catertochemicals-blog]

3/27

So it’s Monday and I haven’t written anything in what feels like a really long time. The month of March is flying by, like it always does. I feel like this time of year is so painfully short and sweet. 

Last week at work was really busy and I felt good and productive and like I really might have been getting the hang of things. Since I wrote last, I’ve really felt like I’ve been having more positive thoughts about myself than negative, and I think that I’ve channeled my anxiety and depression in a useful way or in any way at all that has resulted in my negative intrusive thoughts about myself minimizing a bit. It feels really good to be in this space. I’m melancholy, of course, because I’m always melancholy, but I’m not riddled with worry or anxiousness about how I’m behaving or the things I’m saying. It’s a very freeing feeling, having room for thoughts other than self-destructive ones. 

Like I said, life has been chugging along a quite a pace. The last time I wrote, I know C & J were in town. We had a great week, although maybe a little strange because there was a decent amount of pot smoked and both J and I worked the full week. The best day was Thursday, though, because I took a sick day and we rode up Chapman and hammocked all day on the side of this vast enormous mountain with this insane view and tripped on LSD together. The ride down the mountain was extremely intense, as we were peaking. It was one of those moments I knew I will remember for the rest of my life, and a moment that I know that on my deathbed I will look back on and say, “I really lived. I grabbed life by the shoulders and breathed it in, I flew, I screamed, I laughed, I sobbed, I was utterly fucking terrified, but I lived at a breakneck pace and I lived hard.”

After we rode down we weren’t ready to go inside so we laid in the dog park and talked and laughed and looked at all the dogs being goofy. We ordered Ali Baba (the best) and hung around in the apartment and just enjoyed each others company. It was one of the most refreshing days. And in some way, I thin that the LSD does help curb my anxiety and depression. I think of it almost as an antidote. My symptoms had really been ramping up and now they’re ebbing. I want to google it and do some research to see if there’s any validity to this or if its just a placebo effect. Either way, I’m happy about it because feeling normal and sane feels REALLY good.

So last weekend was really cool because it was tame and grown up and fun. Friday night, J and I went over to J&A’s for a game night, and two other older couples showed up as well and were really unique and nice people. We drank beers and some gin and tonics and played scattergories and this Cyanide and Happiness game that I didn’t care about but it felt good to just be with other nice people. We rode our bikes home and went to bed and the whole night just was peaceful and without incident. Saturday, MT came to town. Our plan was to do a ride and then have a cookout with everyone, so I spent the morning making German potato salad. He brought brats that he had hand made himself, homemade mustard and mayo and pickled peppers and buns, the works. He also brought me an espresso machine that I’m completely enamored with but don’t entirely know how to use yet. He sort of showed me but I’m slightly intimidated. Also it takes a little while so I feel like I’ll only use it on weekends... But STILL!! What a treat. It was the best surprise. I love it. So he got to town and J was mountain biking in fort collins with TPC guys and MT ended up going up Flagstaff and down Chapman and finishing like 3 entire hours before anyone else. We changed and freshened up and had some espresso and ate brats and drank Bud Lights and talked to each other and goofed around. J came back, and G and A and A*. We all ate and listened to music and talked about bikes and stuff. Then we went to Rayback and had a beer and I had some ice cream. We shot the shit and went home. MT stayed over and we watched some cool freestyle rap videos. In the morning, we got coffee at Boxcar and had some breakfast at Whole Foods. MT left around noon when J left for work. I went to Target for a casette-to-aux cord thing but totally forgot that, and ended up with a new romper and some shorts and new underwear and lighters and some potting soil. I tried to re-pot my plant but it was a goddamn mess and a total lost cause. Oh well.

We had thought that B was going to come into town but typical her, she couldn’t stick to her non-plan and she purposefully missed two flights. J and I have been talking for like 12 hours over what we should do about her. She’s very obviously going through some kind of manic episode and is really kind of going insane and needs help. It seems like J has a plan, with the help of her sister. Calling B’s mom and stuff. It’s really cool of her and I feel super bad because I have absolutely no idea what to do other than try to be supportive for J. She’s been having mad anxiety about this whole thing too just because of the unpredictability of all of it. Luckily on Tuesday she’s having her first therapy session and I’m really excited for her and relieved that she’s looking into it. It helped me quite a lot and I feel like anyone could benefit from going. 

[adambstingus]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Malcolm, Go Back To Your Home On Whore Island

The worst/best show on television is back and lucky for you, the worst/best recapper you know is back too. You’re welcome.

TBH I was heavily considering not recapping this show because I was thinking about living my life and stuff, but then I saw this shit show of a cast (and also how bad the Bachelor is) and I just knew in the dark pits of my soul that I couldn’t let this show go.

LET’S BEGIN NOW

First major change—they are in New Orleans now. Probably a good thing. They weren’t getting too much variety in the Dominican Republic. You can only play with monkeys so many times until you’re like “so, where are the buildings with electricity?”

Also, Terrence J is the new host. RIP to the best father figure most of the contestants ever had, Ryan Devlin.

Let’s review some of the dumb things we learned/that were said during introductions to everyone:

TYLER: “I told her that I was okay with her hooking up with another guy and I wasn’t!” Cool story, Hansel.

UCHE: “I’m with all these guys I’m not supposed to be with! Football players, rappers, all the cool guys.” That’s a weird way of saying you’re a fuckin’ loser.

KEYANA: “I want to be everywhere with my boyfriend. I want to wear a vile of his blood around my neck and drink from it from time to time. What.” (paraphrase)

JOE’S MOM: “My son brings home idiots, which is amazing because he sells pot for a living and it shocks me that Harvard grads aren’t lining up to date him.”

NICOLE: “I’m trapped in this hookup culture!!!” She acts like she’s been kidnapped in a third world country rather than being asked for dick pics.

KAREEM: “Where I’m from, don’t nobody ever touch a million dollars.” Yeah, they clearly don’t read books or attend basic English classes either.

MICHAEL: “I get like 25-50 DM’s from girls a day wanting to date me. None of them speak English though, so lo siento bitches, no dates for you.” Also, Mike, they are all probs like 14. Judging from the acne on your face, you probably are too.

FIRST CHALLENGE

Terrence J shows the girls something the boys find important and the girls have to raise their hands if it’s important to them too. Moderate Instagram fame has to be on this list.

First is football. Audrey raises her hand and she’s like “Why do I like football? Why do I not like football?! I love football!!!”

AUDREY DURING FOOTBALL GAMES: 


Football was Malcolm’s pick and he’s like “I love football because that’s the only reason my dad loves me” and the girls are all like “AW THAT’S SO SWEET!” Nothing moisturizes the kitty like deep-rooted familial issues, amirite.

Next is the piano, and Keyana is like “I like music!” while the rest of the girls apparently prefer silence? Her match is Ethan, the guy who looks like Rob Dyrdek if he ate Rob Dyrdek. He’s very excited to go on his first date ever and is just itching to call his mom and tell her all about it.

Turns out he’s a rapper. Fuck. There is always one “rapper” every season and they are almost always bordering on albino.

ETHAN: “E-Money gets the girls, but Ethan doesn’t.” How many of you are there?

REAL PICTURE OF ETHAN:

Next picture is some religious stuff and the girls are like “I only go down on my knees for one thing, and it ain’t our lord and savior.” Too bad—it was Clinton’s pick and he’s a fine-ass mother fucker. Jesus wept making that fine specimen and that should tell you something, since I’m a Jew.

Next picture is a condom and Jada is like “HEEEEEEEEEEY.”

JADA’S ROLE ON THIS SHOW:

Chad is the one that picked a condom and he’s like “yeah, I like sex, so what?” Chad reminds me of the guy you tell your sorority little to avoid at frat parties.

CHAD: “Look at me, I’m the Chad!” I’M SORRY, unless you are Tom Green yelling to Drew Barrymore from a boat, you are not the fuckin’ Chad!!! Wait, is his name Shad? THAT IS EVEN WORSE.

Anyways, all the couples are going on a date. Thrilling.

ON TO THE HOUSE

Of course it’s time for shots and more introductions.

ZOE: “Guys don’t like me, they just want to wear my thighs as earmuffs.” Oddly specific but ok.

JOE: “I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and so far the only thing I have ever witnessed is me still being a virgin”

Joe’s going to be that castmate that I can’t tell is hot. He always looks like he is squinting into the sun but I would def let him in if he came knocking on my door wanting to sell a bible.

Keyana immediately tells Michael that she follows him on Instagram and he’s like “very cool, do you speak English?” Also, Keyana do you need to refill your shitty beer? Because you look fucking THIRSTY.

Ethan is already hating himself and saying that he’s going to sit in a corner all season and now I’m just upset. No one puts Ethan in a corner!

KEYANA: So you wear a shoe on each foot?


MIKE: Yeah


KEYANA: omg so do I. Let’s get married.

Uche and Chocolate Jesus (Clinton’s new nickname for the season—CJ) are def hitting it off.

CLINTON: “Girls tell me they love me on social media, but it’s like, I’m a person. Do you ever think there is more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking?”

Malcolm and every girl in the house start flirting. So that’s that.

MALCOLM: “I have ladies every day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…. The other days. You get it.”

He meets Diandra, who is wearing hoops so big that the Kardashian family is in awe. She’s like “if I start calling you Papi, I’m interested.” Good thing it sounds sexy in Spanish. If I started calling dudes “Daddy” they would immediately refer me to a therapist.

Keith and Alexis start bonding over lung disease and her possibly incestuous ways.

ALEXIS: So you have your cousins, and then your first cousins, and your cousins with teeth. They are all fair fucking game.

Apparently Alexis is trying to rid herself of the redneck stereotype but it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s downing Bud Light one second and chain smoking cigarettes the next.

Keith is like “you should stop smoking. How about every time you smoke I spank you?” Is this a Narcotics Anonymous-approved method of prevention? Also, Keith and Alexis look like the perfect Trump-voting couple.

KEITH: “How about every time you mention building the wall I smack my own ass, yeehaw.”

Theeeeennnn they start making out and talking about butt stuff, as one does 30 minutes after meeting someone. Off to the boom room they go to make more babies that Alexis’ cousin can possibly fuck.

Keith apparently rocks Alexis’ world and he’s like “yeah I have pretty good reviews on Yelp.” Which is a place for businesses so congrats, you’re an escort.

Michael and Keyana take the first shower makeout scene for me. She’s like “I’ve never met someone who asks me about myself” and it’s like, well how do you usually meet people? Does no one ask you, like, what your name is?

THE DATE


MTV has decided to get as close as possible to killing one of these cast members and takes them to a bar as their date. We’re really pushing these livers to the limit here.

Ethan is trying to make small talk with Keyana and she is acting like she would rather be lit on fire than be a kind of nice person to an overall really nice guy. He eventually is like “I get it, you like Michael.” And I swear to god she breathes a sigh of relief.

She says he “asked about her and he actually cared” and it’s like, really? It had nothing to do with the alcohol and fact that your hand was down his pants most of the time?

They are presented with booze and a jazz band comes in. They’re like “what are the odds you get shit faced and listen to jazz in New Orleans?!”

Audrey and Malcolm are hanging out and she’s like “you’re a player, I can tell” and he’s like “I’m 25 now! I’m serious now!” he says as he chugs alcohol on a reality show on national television.

He claims he isn’t a player anymore because a “female” cheated on him once and it hurt. Boo, sad story. Anyone who calls a girl a female is a hard no from me.

AUDREY: I hope he ends up being different then the guy I know he is and always has been.

BACK AT THE HOUSE


The house is debating who to put in the Truth Booth and Diandra is like “Malcolm looks like Trey Songz!” (which he does) and Nurys is like “YOU JUST WANNA FUCK HIM DON’T YOU?!” Okay there, I’m gonna need to you to pop a quick Xanax and take a lap for a second.

Nurys is like “I am a hugely aggressive girl for literally no reason and sometimes people don’t like me for that.” Hmm, wonder why.

TRUTH BOOTH

Ethan and Keyana go to the Truth Booth and Keyana is looking for the nearest knife to stick in her neck. She heard Mike has a neck fetish, so yeah.

Ethan and Keyana are like “we get it, we’re not compatible” and Keyana is thinking of getting it tattooed on her body. Let’s remember, they were voted in because they “both like music” which we all know, is a true stepping stone to a love connection.

Of course, they get a no match BUT that’s not the worst part of this whole thing. The WORST part is Keyana acting like a straight-up fucking bitch when they get a no match. I get it, you like Michael and you want to have his vanilla-ass babies so they can surf into the sunset and live a life full of missionary sex, HOWEVER you did not need to be like “YES, I’M PARTYING TONIGHT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT A MATCH!!!”

That’s not a paraphrase made by me, that’s a quote and frankly, it’s a fucked up one. And that’s coming from a fucked up person.

Ethan’s like “I’ve never seen someone so excited to get away from me” and I think every single person watching (aka me and 15 people who read this recap) were either a) about to cry for this actual nice guy or b) so fucking annoyed with Keyana for acting like she’s soooo much better than him. Anyone with a chest tattoo is not at the liberty to belittle people. That is a job strictly reserved for me. Now that we got that lecture out of the way…

OTHER STUFF

Ethan starts downing red wine and freestyle rapping. Aka me on any given night.

They start playing a game of sexy truth or dare, because they are original like that.

Malcolm and Diandre make out, Clinton and Uche make out, Michael licks Keyana, it’s all pretty generic.

Shad or Chad or whatever his fucking name is asks Alexis to kiss everyone in the house and she’s like okay and says “mama didn’t raise no bitch.” Incredible. I want that on a cross stitch. She proceeds to make out with everyone. Just like her mama intended.

KEITH: “She’s a little wild and idk if I trust her.” Really? This is the hard line for you? Not when she implied that she fucks her cousins?

Geles and Michael bond over the fact that they have large Hispanic families and it’s like, who is going to send me some tamales? Hit me up.

Nurys is getting pissed because DD (Diandre) is still talking to Malcolm when she likes him. She’s like “DD is obviously insecure!” and it’s like, hmmm okay sweetie.

Second shower makeout session goes to DD and Malcolm. Really? Now it’s just getting cliché. Isn’t there a closet you can take this to?

Of course, the moment DD goes to sleep Nurys is like DGAF and her and Malcolm start making out. DAMN. Okay. That’s how it’s gonna be. Then he hops back into bed with DD.

MALCOLM: I’m not a player. I promise I’m not a player.

Okay, Big Pun. Anyway, see you all next week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-malcolm-go-back-to-your-home-on-whore-island/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/180768851792

[allofbeercom]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Malcolm, Go Back To Your Home On Whore Island

The worst/best show on television is back and lucky for you, the worst/best recapper you know is back too. You’re welcome.

TBH I was heavily considering not recapping this show because I was thinking about living my life and stuff, but then I saw this shit show of a cast (and also how bad the Bachelor is) and I just knew in the dark pits of my soul that I couldn’t let this show go.

LET’S BEGIN NOW

First major change—they are in New Orleans now. Probably a good thing. They weren’t getting too much variety in the Dominican Republic. You can only play with monkeys so many times until you’re like “so, where are the buildings with electricity?”

Also, Terrence J is the new host. RIP to the best father figure most of the contestants ever had, Ryan Devlin.

Let’s review some of the dumb things we learned/that were said during introductions to everyone:

TYLER: “I told her that I was okay with her hooking up with another guy and I wasn’t!” Cool story, Hansel.

UCHE: “I’m with all these guys I’m not supposed to be with! Football players, rappers, all the cool guys.” That’s a weird way of saying you’re a fuckin’ loser.

KEYANA: “I want to be everywhere with my boyfriend. I want to wear a vile of his blood around my neck and drink from it from time to time. What.” (paraphrase)

JOE’S MOM: “My son brings home idiots, which is amazing because he sells pot for a living and it shocks me that Harvard grads aren’t lining up to date him.”

NICOLE: “I’m trapped in this hookup culture!!!” She acts like she’s been kidnapped in a third world country rather than being asked for dick pics.

KAREEM: “Where I’m from, don’t nobody ever touch a million dollars.” Yeah, they clearly don’t read books or attend basic English classes either.

MICHAEL: “I get like 25-50 DM’s from girls a day wanting to date me. None of them speak English though, so lo siento bitches, no dates for you.” Also, Mike, they are all probs like 14. Judging from the acne on your face, you probably are too.

FIRST CHALLENGE

Terrence J shows the girls something the boys find important and the girls have to raise their hands if it’s important to them too. Moderate Instagram fame has to be on this list.

First is football. Audrey raises her hand and she’s like “Why do I like football? Why do I not like football?! I love football!!!”

AUDREY DURING FOOTBALL GAMES: 


Football was Malcolm’s pick and he’s like “I love football because that’s the only reason my dad loves me” and the girls are all like “AW THAT’S SO SWEET!” Nothing moisturizes the kitty like deep-rooted familial issues, amirite.

Next is the piano, and Keyana is like “I like music!” while the rest of the girls apparently prefer silence? Her match is Ethan, the guy who looks like Rob Dyrdek if he ate Rob Dyrdek. He’s very excited to go on his first date ever and is just itching to call his mom and tell her all about it.

Turns out he’s a rapper. Fuck. There is always one “rapper” every season and they are almost always bordering on albino.

ETHAN: “E-Money gets the girls, but Ethan doesn’t.” How many of you are there?

REAL PICTURE OF ETHAN:

Next picture is some religious stuff and the girls are like “I only go down on my knees for one thing, and it ain’t our lord and savior.” Too bad—it was Clinton’s pick and he’s a fine-ass mother fucker. Jesus wept making that fine specimen and that should tell you something, since I’m a Jew.

Next picture is a condom and Jada is like “HEEEEEEEEEEY.”

JADA’S ROLE ON THIS SHOW:

Chad is the one that picked a condom and he’s like “yeah, I like sex, so what?” Chad reminds me of the guy you tell your sorority little to avoid at frat parties.

CHAD: “Look at me, I’m the Chad!” I’M SORRY, unless you are Tom Green yelling to Drew Barrymore from a boat, you are not the fuckin’ Chad!!! Wait, is his name Shad? THAT IS EVEN WORSE.

Anyways, all the couples are going on a date. Thrilling.

ON TO THE HOUSE

Of course it’s time for shots and more introductions.

ZOE: “Guys don’t like me, they just want to wear my thighs as earmuffs.” Oddly specific but ok.

JOE: “I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and so far the only thing I have ever witnessed is me still being a virgin”

Joe’s going to be that castmate that I can’t tell is hot. He always looks like he is squinting into the sun but I would def let him in if he came knocking on my door wanting to sell a bible.

Keyana immediately tells Michael that she follows him on Instagram and he’s like “very cool, do you speak English?” Also, Keyana do you need to refill your shitty beer? Because you look fucking THIRSTY.

Ethan is already hating himself and saying that he’s going to sit in a corner all season and now I’m just upset. No one puts Ethan in a corner!

KEYANA: So you wear a shoe on each foot?


MIKE: Yeah


KEYANA: omg so do I. Let’s get married.

Uche and Chocolate Jesus (Clinton’s new nickname for the season—CJ) are def hitting it off.

CLINTON: “Girls tell me they love me on social media, but it’s like, I’m a person. Do you ever think there is more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking?”

Malcolm and every girl in the house start flirting. So that’s that.

MALCOLM: “I have ladies every day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…. The other days. You get it.”

He meets Diandra, who is wearing hoops so big that the Kardashian family is in awe. She’s like “if I start calling you Papi, I’m interested.” Good thing it sounds sexy in Spanish. If I started calling dudes “Daddy” they would immediately refer me to a therapist.

Keith and Alexis start bonding over lung disease and her possibly incestuous ways.

ALEXIS: So you have your cousins, and then your first cousins, and your cousins with teeth. They are all fair fucking game.

Apparently Alexis is trying to rid herself of the redneck stereotype but it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s downing Bud Light one second and chain smoking cigarettes the next.

Keith is like “you should stop smoking. How about every time you smoke I spank you?” Is this a Narcotics Anonymous-approved method of prevention? Also, Keith and Alexis look like the perfect Trump-voting couple.

KEITH: “How about every time you mention building the wall I smack my own ass, yeehaw.”

Theeeeennnn they start making out and talking about butt stuff, as one does 30 minutes after meeting someone. Off to the boom room they go to make more babies that Alexis’ cousin can possibly fuck.

Keith apparently rocks Alexis’ world and he’s like “yeah I have pretty good reviews on Yelp.” Which is a place for businesses so congrats, you’re an escort.

Michael and Keyana take the first shower makeout scene for me. She’s like “I’ve never met someone who asks me about myself” and it’s like, well how do you usually meet people? Does no one ask you, like, what your name is?

THE DATE


MTV has decided to get as close as possible to killing one of these cast members and takes them to a bar as their date. We’re really pushing these livers to the limit here.

Ethan is trying to make small talk with Keyana and she is acting like she would rather be lit on fire than be a kind of nice person to an overall really nice guy. He eventually is like “I get it, you like Michael.” And I swear to god she breathes a sigh of relief.

She says he “asked about her and he actually cared” and it’s like, really? It had nothing to do with the alcohol and fact that your hand was down his pants most of the time?

They are presented with booze and a jazz band comes in. They’re like “what are the odds you get shit faced and listen to jazz in New Orleans?!”

Audrey and Malcolm are hanging out and she’s like “you’re a player, I can tell” and he’s like “I’m 25 now! I’m serious now!” he says as he chugs alcohol on a reality show on national television.

He claims he isn’t a player anymore because a “female” cheated on him once and it hurt. Boo, sad story. Anyone who calls a girl a female is a hard no from me.

AUDREY: I hope he ends up being different then the guy I know he is and always has been.

BACK AT THE HOUSE


The house is debating who to put in the Truth Booth and Diandra is like “Malcolm looks like Trey Songz!” (which he does) and Nurys is like “YOU JUST WANNA FUCK HIM DON’T YOU?!” Okay there, I’m gonna need to you to pop a quick Xanax and take a lap for a second.

Nurys is like “I am a hugely aggressive girl for literally no reason and sometimes people don’t like me for that.” Hmm, wonder why.

TRUTH BOOTH

Ethan and Keyana go to the Truth Booth and Keyana is looking for the nearest knife to stick in her neck. She heard Mike has a neck fetish, so yeah.

Ethan and Keyana are like “we get it, we’re not compatible” and Keyana is thinking of getting it tattooed on her body. Let’s remember, they were voted in because they “both like music” which we all know, is a true stepping stone to a love connection.

Of course, they get a no match BUT that’s not the worst part of this whole thing. The WORST part is Keyana acting like a straight-up fucking bitch when they get a no match. I get it, you like Michael and you want to have his vanilla-ass babies so they can surf into the sunset and live a life full of missionary sex, HOWEVER you did not need to be like “YES, I’M PARTYING TONIGHT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT A MATCH!!!”

That’s not a paraphrase made by me, that’s a quote and frankly, it’s a fucked up one. And that’s coming from a fucked up person.

Ethan’s like “I’ve never seen someone so excited to get away from me” and I think every single person watching (aka me and 15 people who read this recap) were either a) about to cry for this actual nice guy or b) so fucking annoyed with Keyana for acting like she’s soooo much better than him. Anyone with a chest tattoo is not at the liberty to belittle people. That is a job strictly reserved for me. Now that we got that lecture out of the way…

OTHER STUFF

Ethan starts downing red wine and freestyle rapping. Aka me on any given night.

They start playing a game of sexy truth or dare, because they are original like that.

Malcolm and Diandre make out, Clinton and Uche make out, Michael licks Keyana, it’s all pretty generic.

Shad or Chad or whatever his fucking name is asks Alexis to kiss everyone in the house and she’s like okay and says “mama didn’t raise no bitch.” Incredible. I want that on a cross stitch. She proceeds to make out with everyone. Just like her mama intended.

KEITH: “She’s a little wild and idk if I trust her.” Really? This is the hard line for you? Not when she implied that she fucks her cousins?

Geles and Michael bond over the fact that they have large Hispanic families and it’s like, who is going to send me some tamales? Hit me up.

Nurys is getting pissed because DD (Diandre) is still talking to Malcolm when she likes him. She’s like “DD is obviously insecure!” and it’s like, hmmm okay sweetie.

Second shower makeout session goes to DD and Malcolm. Really? Now it’s just getting cliché. Isn’t there a closet you can take this to?

Of course, the moment DD goes to sleep Nurys is like DGAF and her and Malcolm start making out. DAMN. Okay. That’s how it’s gonna be. Then he hops back into bed with DD.

MALCOLM: I’m not a player. I promise I’m not a player.

Okay, Big Pun. Anyway, see you all next week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-malcolm-go-back-to-your-home-on-whore-island/