#Blindsided (2013)

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

Maryland’s top utility regulator was watching the news one February morning when a headline blindsided him: Two suspects with neo-Nazi ties had been charged with plotting to take down Baltimore’s power grid.

Jason Stanek, the then-chair of the state’s Public Service Commission, said Maryland regulators were “caught flat-footed,” not hearing a word from law enforcement before the news broke — or in the months afterward. Federal prosecutors have alleged the defendants were driven by “racially motivated hatred” to try to cut power to hundreds of thousands of people in the state’s largest city, which has a predominantly Black population.

The FBI declined to comment on its communications with the Maryland commission. But Stanek’s experience is not uncommon.

A POLITICO analysis of federal data and interviews with a dozen security, extremism and electricity experts revealed that despite a record surge in attacks on the grid nationwide, communication gaps between law enforcement and state and federal regulators have left many officials largely in the dark about the extent of the threat. They have also hampered efforts to safeguard the power network.

Adding to the difficulties, no single agency keeps a complete record of all such incidents. But the attacks they know about have regulators and other power experts alarmed:

— Utilities reported 60 incidents they characterized as physical threats or attacks on major grid infrastructure, in addition to two cyberattacks, during the first three months of 2023 alone, according to mandatory disclosures they filed with the Department of Energy. That’s more than double the number from the same period last year. DOE has not yet released data past March.

— Nine of this year’s attacks led to power disruptions, the DOE records indicate.

— The U.S. is on pace to meet or exceed last year’s record of 164 major cyber and physical attacks.

— And additional analyses imply that the true number of incidents for both 2022 and 2023 is probably even higher. POLITICO’s analysis found several incidents that utilities had reported to homeland security officials but did not show up in DOE data.

According to a report on grid security compiled by a power industry cyber clearinghouse, obtained by POLITICO, a total of 1,665 security incidents involving the U.S. and Canadian power grids occurred last year. That count included 60 incidents that led to outages, 71% more than in 2021.

While that report does not break down how many of those incidents occurred in which country, the U.S. has a significantly larger grid, serving 145 million homes and businesses, with nearly seven times Canada’s power-generating capacity.

Law enforcement officials have blamed much of the rise in grid assaults on white nationalist and far-right extremists, who they say are using online forums to spread tactical advice on how to shut down the power supply.

Concerns about the attacks have continued in recent months, with incidents including a June indictment of an Idaho man accused of shooting two hydroelectric stations in the state.

But law enforcement officers investigating alleged plots against the grid don’t necessarily alert the Energy Department or other regulatory bodies.

“We have no idea” how many attacks on the grid are occurring, said Jon Wellinghoff, a former chair of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission, which regulates the U.S. electric grid. “It looks like they’re escalating if you look at the data. But if you don’t have enough data, you can’t discern patterns and proactively work to stop these things from happening.”

Wellinghoff was FERC’s chair when an unknown sniper attacked a Pacific Gas and Electric substation in San Jose, Calif., in 2013 — an incident regulators have described as a “wake-up call” on the electricity supply’s vulnerability to sabotage.

Last year’s record number of physical and cyber disruptions to the U.S. power system included several incidents that captured public attention, such as a December shooting attack against two North Carolina substations that left 45,000 people without power for four days. The state’s medical examiner has blamed the attack for the death of an 87-year-old woman who died after her oxygen machine failed, ruling it a homicide. Nobody has been charged.

“There is no doubt there’s been an uptick over the last three years in the amount of incidents and also the severity of the incidents,” said Manny Cancel, senior vice president at the North American Electric Reliability Corp., the nonprofit body in charge of setting reliability standards for the bulk power system. He is also CEO of its Electricity Information Sharing and Analysis Center, which gathers and analyzes data from power companies.

Cancel said NERC has “seen two pretty substantial increases” in incidents coinciding with the 2020 and 2022 election cycles.

Grid attacks that led to power outages increased 71% from 2021 to 2022, totaling 55 incidents in 2022, according to a NERC briefing to utilities that POLITICO obtained. That increase was primarily due to a rise in gunfire assaults against critical infrastructure.

The largest outage reported from a physical attack early this year — which occurred in March in Clark County, Nev. — affected more than 11,000 people, according to DOE data.

But the state Public Utilities Commission was not aware of any outage due to an attack occurring that day, spokesperson Peter Kostes told POLITICO by email. That’s even though state regulations require utilities to contact the commission within four hours of a significant outage.

The state’s largest utility, NV Energy, said in a statement that it had reported the incident to local law enforcement “as soon as we learned about this incident ... so we can continue to increase our resilience against ongoing threats to the energy industry.” A spokesperson for the utility did not respond to multiple requests for comment on whether it had informed the commission.

Federal regulations also require utilities to report cyber or physical attacks to DOE, including physical attacks that cause “major interruptions or impacts” to operations.

They must also tell the department about disruptions from weather or other causes that meet certain criteria, such as those that cut off service to more than 50,000 customers for at least an hour, an uncontrolled loss of more than 200 megawatts of power, or a utility voluntarily shutting more than 100 megawatts, according to an Energy Department spokesperson. The spokesperson provided the information on the condition that they not be identified by name.

The Energy Department’s records don’t include at least seven reported physical assaults last year and this year that the Department of Homeland Security and the affected utilities said caused substantive economic damage or cut off power to thousands of customers. POLITICO found these incidents by cross-checking the department’s data against warnings issued by DHS and the FBI’s Office of the Private Sector.

DOE said the incidents may not meet its reporting thresholds.

Several of the incidents missing from DOE’s data involved clear physical attacks, based on other agencies’ descriptions. But the utilities involved said they did not report the incidents to the department because the attacks did not affect the kind of major equipment that could lead to widespread, regional power failures.

One of the incidents not found in DOE’s records cut off power to about 12,000 people for roughly two hours in Maysville, N.C., after a shooting damaged a substation in November, according to a DHS report. The FBI’s investigation into the incident is ongoing, according to the intelligence agency.

The utility affected by the incident, Carteret-Craven Electric Cooperative, reported the incident to NERC’s Electricity Information Sharing and Analysis Center, but didn’t report the attack to DOE because it was a “distribution-level” incident, said Melissa Glenn, a spokesperson for the utility. That means the outages caused by the damage would have been limited to local power customers and not lead to the wider blackouts federal regulators are most concerned with.

In another case unreported to the Energy Department, a substation owned by the East River Electric Cooperative serving the Keystone oil pipeline in South Dakota was attacked by gunfire late at night in July 2022, according to DHS. The incident caused more than $1 million in damage and forced the pipeline to reduce operations while repairs were underway.

East River co-op spokesperson Chris Studer said the utility reported the incident to local law enforcement, which brought in the FBI. East River also reported the incident to NERC and its E-ISAC, along with regional grid agencies, but said it did not report it to DOE because the attack did not affect the bulk power system.

Brian Harrell, a former assistant secretary for infrastructure protection at DHS, said in an email that utilities have too many competing agencies to report to, and suggested reporting be streamlined to NERC’s E-ISAC.

“This lack of consistency, by no fault of the utility, suggests that the numbers may not paint a complete picture,” he said.

Grid experts said these data gaps clearly indicate a lack of understanding about which agencies utilities need to report to and when.

Utilities may be using a “loophole” based on definitions of what constitutes “critical infrastructure,” said Jonathon Monken, a grid security expert with the consulting firm Converge Strategies. He was previously senior director of system resilience and strategic coordination for the PJM Interconnection, the nation’s largest power market.

There are “lots of ways” to work around DOE requirements, Monken added, but as he reads the regulation, utilities are required to report any operational disruptions caused by a physical attack.

“[I]t appears the information you collected shows that companies are still missing the boat when it comes to mandatory reporting,” he said. “Not good.”

One former FERC official who was granted anonymity to speak about a sensitive security issue said the commission also received no alerts from law enforcement officials about the planned and actual attacks that took place last year. That omission hinders agencies’ ability to respond to these kinds of events, the person said.

A spokesperson for FERC declined to comment on the commission’s communications with law enforcement.

But Cancel defended government agencies’ response to these incidents, and said federal investigators may have had specific intelligence reasons for keeping FERC and state utility agencies out of the loop.

“I’m not a lawyer or a law enforcement professional, but you had an active criminal investigation going on,” he said. “I don’t think they wanted to sort of blow the horn on that and compromise the integrity of the investigation.”

An FBI spokesperson offered no direct response to these criticisms in an email, but said the agency “views cybersecurity as a team sport.” The person commented on the condition that the remark be attributed to the bureau.

The FBI urged utility executives last month to attend security training hosted by intelligence agents in order to ensure they are up to speed on the threats posed by bad actors.

“We can’t do it without you,” Matthew Fodor, deputy assistant director of the FBI’s counterterrorism division, said during an all-day FERC technical conference on Aug. 10. “The challenges that we have — and DOE can probably speak to this better than anybody — is limited resources.”

People attacking the electricity supply have thousands of potential targets, including power substations and smaller but critical pieces of utility infrastructure. The smaller pieces often go unprotected because federal standards do not require utilities to secure them.

Nearly half of the 4,493 attacks from 2020 to 2022 targeted substations, according to the NERC briefing from February, making them the most frequent targets for perpetrators over that period.

Details on how to carry out these kinds of attacks are available from extremist messaging boards and other online content, researchers and federal security officials say. These include maps of critical entry points to the grid, along with advice that extremists have gleaned from incidents like the assault in North Carolina.

Stanek, the Maryland electricity regulator, said he was “disappointed with the level of coordination and communication” that federal and state law enforcement displayed in handling the alleged plot in Baltimore. No trial date has been announced for the case, which is in U.S. District Court in Maryland.

Maryland’s Public Service Commission is in charge of ensuring that the state’s power system keeps the lights on. Regulators need to be kept informed of threats to the system so they can coordinate with other agencies in case an attack succeeds, Stanek said.

At the same time, he quipped, maybe he was better off in the dark after all.

“There’s a lot of colorful details in [the FBI report],” Stanek said. He paused, thinking. “And honestly, as a regulator, had I received these details in advance and shared the information with trusted sources within state government, I would have had sleepless nights.”

“So perhaps the feds did a favor by only sharing this information after everything was all said and done,” he added.

#us politics #news #politico #2023 #alt right #domestic terrorists #neo nazis #fbi #power grids #power outages #Department of Energy #canada #white nationalists #Federal Energy Regulatory Commission #US electric grid #North American Electric Reliability Corp. #Department of Homeland Security #Office of the Private Sector #counterterrorism #cybersecurity #utility infrastructure #maryland

[jennyboom21]

💭💭💭

Why is this going the way of a failed SpaceX launch?!? WHO ARE THEIR PEOPLE?!? WHY DON’T THEY HAVE A CELESBIAN CONCIERGE WORKING WITH THEIR PR REP?!

Also, those of us with eyeballs and experience know this timeline is fucked.

The Sherlock Homos are assembling this overlappy timeline as we speak. All I’m getting from this is that at best, they were having an emotional affair, at worst, they went to Cannes to cheat in private.

Bush, 41, and Harris, 37, went public with their blossoming love affair this week and both are currently in the process of divorcing their spouses. They said they have only been together for two weeks.

The One Tree Hill actress filed for divorce from ex Grant Hughes in early August citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ while Harris initiated a formal split from wife Ali Krieger, 38, last month.

A source with knowledge of the situation has told DailyMail.com that Krieger was blindsided by the split, with Harris telling her their marriage was over with no discussion after her return from Cannes.

The source said: ‘Apparently Ashlyn came back right after Cannes, ended their marriage and said there was nothing to even speak about regarding it. Just over.’

Video posted to Instagram by bourbon brand Johnnie Walker showing the feminist panel event on June 19 includes a section where the new couple smile and giggle together, with Bush reaching over to touch Harris as they discussed 'the impact that deep, creative partnerships can make to challenge societal systems and narratives.'

A beaming Bush is also seen telling Harris ‘love you’ during the public panel discussion.

The pair have claimed they have only been dating for two weeks, with a source telling People that there is ‘no salacious story’ behind their new relationship or impending divorces.

The insider added: 'After being friends for years, and running in the same social circles, Sophia and Ashlyn went out on their first dinner date a couple of weeks ago.

'Although it's new information to the public, Ashlyn and Ali's divorce began months ago and they have been living apart since the summer.

'This is so recent, and they are both beginning new chapters.'

The new couple have been spotted together repeatedly in recent weeks and were pictured together at Seattle's Lumen Field on October 6 where they watched OL Reign's final home game of the season.

OL Reign's star player is Harris' USWNT teammate Meghan Rapinoe, 38, who has played for the soccer franchise since 2013.

In the clip, which surfaced on Tuesday, Bush is seen hanging out with Harris and a group of friends.

The video shows Bush and Harris walking side-by-side onto Lumen Field after the match before enjoying a celebratory chat with Rapinoe.

In polaroid photos shared by Kari Fleischauer, an executive at LA's Angel City Football Club, the lovebirds are seen posing with their heads pressed close together for a group shot.

Weeks before their trip to Seattle, Bush and Harris enjoyed a 'cozy' double date in New York City with What Not To Wear star Stacy London and her girlfriend Cat Yezbak, according to Page Six.

An insider claimed that Bush and Harris have already been dubbed 'Bushlyn' by their friend group and that the soccer star 'snuck' into the Beacon Theater, where they watched comedian Chelsea Handler perform on Friday, September 29.

'Ashlyn snuck into the theater wearing a mask to join Stacy, Cat and Sophia,' the source told the outlet.

'It wasn't clear they were on a double date until Stacy moved over so Ashlyn could sit next to Sophia.'

It was not until 'the lights dimmed for the opening act' that Ashlyn decided to '[remove] her mask.'

Bush's surprise rebound romance with Harris comes just two months after she filed for divorce from her husband of one year Hughes.

On Tuesday, a rep for the 41-year-old told Page Six that he wants Bush to be happy. The rep said: 'Grant will always want the best for Sophia and is supportive of all that makes her happy and fulfilled.'

The divorce is the second for Bush who divorced her One Tree Hill co-star Chad Michael Murray in 2006 after a union that lasted just five months.

Bush attempted to get the marriage annulled on her grounds of fraud, but her efforts were unsuccessful, and the divorce was ultimately finalized in 2006.

She then went on to date Jon Foster, her co-star on Stay Alive for a year. She also dated another One Tree Hill co-star Austin Nichols on and off for eight years.

Harris, meanwhile, had been with now-estranged wife Krieger for 13 years, with the pair meeting at a 2010 USWNT training camp.

The couple tied the knot in 2019 with Rapinoe serving as Harris's maid of honor. The pair went on to adopt two children: daughter Sloane Phillips Krieger-Harris, two; and son Ocean Maeve Krieger-Harris, 15 months, in 2021 and 2022.

Harris filed for divorce from Krieger on September 19, saying their union was 'irretrievably broken.'

Krieger has yet to make a public statement about her ex-wife's new romance with Bush, but she did take to Instagram after the news broke to share a quote.

'Sleep well tonight, sis. Major shifts are happening. Things are changing. Doors are opening,' it read.

#the celesbians are restless #sophia bush #ashlyn harris #woso drama #Ali Krieger

[audrasmythe]

BLINDSIDED - for a scene from my muse's past in which they were betrayed or shocked by what someone did

There is a moment she doesn't quite understand what's happening. He's looking at her, those sharp eyes so full of what looks like genuine regret. It's possible she understands completely, that what he's just said has been a long time coming. But such willful, blinded ignorance, is something she can't quite admit to herself. "Auds," he says, and the name makes her want to gag. How dare he. How dare he? She wishes her gaze looked venomous, but she can only ever look sad. Big, brown eyes. There's a moment of silence between them and he takes a step forward. No opportunity for her to move, to say anything at all, for the quiet is broken suddenly by a shrill cry. "This is why," he pleads, one hand gesturing to the room the noise came from. Their bedroom, where their son had, until now, been asleep in his cot. "This is why I didn't tell you. I knew you'd take it badly." A scoff escapes her, "How could I take it well?" Audra starts towards their room, knowing he won't follow. He wants to have this conversation even less than she does. "How could you not tell me this before-" Spins around to look at him, hands shaking with something. It might be fear, it might be anger, they feel the same. "-before I had our fucking baby, Alistair? Our son? Why did you wait til now?" Before she can move, he's in front of her, taking her hands in his. "Because I knew- you wouldn't understand that I was protecting you. You wouldn't understand until you had someone you loved as much as I love you." Her lip trembles and she can feel herself soften.

(Audra finds out her husband is in the Syndicate and that she's been unwittingly working for them too - circa 2013.)

#( answered. )

[skepticalarrie]

do people really believe Louis was clueless that 1d would go on a hiatus and he genuinely believed the band would get back together and that's why he didn't think of his solo career? meanwhile the other boys did but no one thought to inform him? I've seen so many of those takes on twitter and even on tumblr too which they basically pity poor louis like he is naive or worse, an idiot. meanwhile louis is the smartest dude that knows the industry like the palm of his hand and is always two steps ahead. they really underestimate Louis and i don't blame them cause that's the light louis paints himself in that interview for his own reasons which once again we can't know. but it still shocks me how easily manipulated people's opinions are.

I just- I think people are jumping to all kinds of weird conclusions because of this interview and I don't think what he said is even that telling?! He probably never really spoke about the hiatus so openly, but he definitely said similar things before around 2017-2018. It's common knowledge that Louis had a hard time accepting the hiatus.

I don't think Louis was blindsided and I don't think that's what he's saying AT ALL. C'mon, Louis didn't sit in the corner and let people decide things for him and that's not what he's implying here. I just think that what he's saying is that he didn't want it and that it was hard for him because he didn't really have a clear vision of what his solo career may be like, Liam and Harry signed big deals right away and that's scary as fuck if you have a history like Louis has. It doesn't mean they all wanted the hiatus except him, it doesn't mean people were not telling him things. I think all of them would like to stay in the band... but for me, it's pretty clear that at some point the situation in the band became unsustainable for some of them. I mean, they all knew how complicated it would be to take a break, I don't think any of them could predict what would happen and how things would go as solo artists. And that's what I think he's saying when he talks about the fact he wanted more direct answers when the hiatus came up, but I don't think anyone had the answer, they just had to go for it. And Louis doesn't like that, he's a practical person, he wants a plan, he wants things his way.

So although I think his answer is honest, it makes people read between the lines and lean towards - once again - an angle where Harry was the one who wanted the hiatus and Louis was miserable about it. And that's unfortunate and couldn't be further from the truth. None of them ever said the hiatus came specifically from one of them, Louis never blamed Harry for that. And Harry never said he wanted to "break free" from the band... tabloids were saying he wanted to go solo since 2013, but the one who dropped the band was Zayn. Tabloids kept saying Harry wanted to be a solo musician, but the first thing he did when they finally went solo was to act in a movie instead. And to this day, he has nothing but amazing things to say about the others and his time in the band. So it really sucks how they're willing to play along with all of these stupid rad narrative...

#ask #hiatus #louis x 1d

[words-after-midnight]

15 years of Life in Black and White 🌙 (draft start date: June 7th, 2008)

In honor of the 15th anniversary of the day I started the draft of Life in Black and White (June 7th, 2008), I'm sharing some of the contents of "Annex C," my personal collection of "memorabilia" from my years spent writing the book of my heart - these include photos, journal entries (I kept a dedicated "novel diary" for Life in Black and White from 2008-2013), original concept art and notes, and other things. Hope you enjoy!

Here I am at age 20 (and, notably, pre-transition lol) in 2011, with the finished second drafts of both novels - the story was originally written as a duology totalling over 400K words, but the second drafts pictured here total about 370K. I believe Life in Black and White (then the first novel) was around 220K, and It's All Inside My Head (then the second novel) was around 150K.

More under the cut!

My tattoo appointment card + the actual tattoo I got for the novel on February 12th, 2013 (aka the two-year anniversary of the draft completion date). If it gets published, the publication date will most likely be added under the original completion date.

My original cover concepts for the two novels, designed in 2010. I kind of dislike these now, but I've kept them for posterity. Last name redacted because I was using my real last name at the time, which I'd rather not share!

Me (right) and a friend at her place on Thursday, February 10th, 2011 - two days before I completed the draft of Life in Black and White. I had about five chapters left to draft/finish drafting at this point. I was Very Tired.™

The original opening to Resolution, originally the second of three parts in the first novel, Life in Black and White. Today, Resolution is the first of two acts in the single novel, and Gabriel's story starts much later in his life. Note the third person narration.

Me with Saturday in 2013. In case you didn't know, she was named for Life in Black and White - specifically the draft completion date, although the draft start date was also a Saturday. I adopted her in October 2012 - she's going to be 11 in July!

Card from our community NaNoWriMo package from my first of three consecutive NaNoWriMos I spent drafting this story. I'm talking about the regular NaNoWriMo in November, to be clear - my first Camp NaNoWriMo was July 2013, during which I started the draft of The Dotted Line.

My first ever entry in my dedicated novel diary for Life in Black and White, exactly one month after I started drafting the novel. I was seventeen years old here, having just finished my junior year of high school. At this initial stage, I was so obsessed with the project that I barely left the house the entire summer of 2008. All I wanted to do was write this story. Side note: I had a prologue? I had a Part 4? At least I can rest with the knowledge that "Chapter One" (now "A Rush of Blood to the Head," I don't number my chapters) is still completely dysfunctional, despite being a completely different chapter and part of the story.

More evidence that all I did the entire summer of 2008 was write this novel.

Back when I still referred to Gabriel's relationship with Jeff as a "subplot" and decided officially to develop It's All Inside My Head (now Act II of the novel).

Date of the ending change, six days after I started drafting It's All Inside My Head. I no longer believe I was blindsided - it was more like a puzzle piece falling into place, a fragment of subconscious knowledge that finally found its way to the surface.

February 11th, 2011, re: composing the ending sequence and finishing the novel. My feelings haven't really changed as I approach the finalization/querying stage, tbh.

2012, re: second draft of trainwreck.

#writeblr #libaw #writing #15 years

[finexbright]

https://www.tumblr.com/finexbright/712545239800381440/can-we-please-talk-about-the-1d-part-of-the

About this ask 100% AGREE !!

Don't want to be that person but if it was really all just harry wanting the band to end so he could be a solo artist we would have seen him do what zayn did. Where he left the band earlier and not long after started working on a solo album. Obviously zayn had other issues to but clearly he had plans [since before 1D] of how he wanted his music to go and what kind of artist he wanted to ve so he went and did that the minute he could.

We KNOW people [ie. the azoffs] were talking to/trying to convince harry to come with them since 2013 but he didn't he stayed in the band through the 5 album contract and did solo music once the band organically ended. Louis wasn't blindsided he knew it was going to happen and he knew it had to come to an end he just couldn't fully accept it bc he had barely figured out who he was within the band so now he essentially was starting over as a soloist.

Liam has said himself if that band had continued and specfically continued on the schedule they were doing he's not sure what would have happened to him and if he would even be here today. The band unfortunately had to end they all knew it.

Lastly with the part you mentioned about louis putting out an album in 2017/18 if it wasn't for personal tragedies and a shitty label trying to hold him back is so true. We have THIS from a BTY promo thing that SHOWS he was planning a tour.

Along with the fact most of walls was written much earlier than when it was put out shows you he wanted to put out an album and go on tour in 2018 but they didn't allow him. Not sus at all we got this as some teased promo and than louis ends up as a judge on the xfactor the following year. 🙃

yeah i don't have anything else to add, i agree with everything you've said!

#bria 💫

[talkativetrashpanda]

One of the things I’ve been dreading has happened. We had to put Emma to sleep. I’ve lost dogs before, but that pain was NOTHING compared to this. Emma was more than just a pet. I grew up with my first dog, Kristen, and she passed away when we were fifteen. I was devastated, we’d literally grown up together, but I was too young to have a deep connection with her like I did Emma.

2013 was a horrible year. Arguably the worst in my life. We lived in a duplex owned by my grandfather, he lived on the other side. I was very very close to my grandfather and we spent A LOT of time together. I literally spent time with him every single day. I was a senior in high school when he had a massive heart attack and died.

We’d just been there. Not even ten minutes before. We asked what he wanted for lunch, and mom headed back to our side to cook. When we came back, he was gone. He’d had a massive heart attack that (thankfully) killed him instantly. But my mom and I found him. It was an incredibly traumatic experience that I still have a crystal clear image of in my brain, but at least I’m able to talk about it now.

He died in October. Kristen died EXACTLY a month later, to the day. It was devastating, trying to cope with two major losses. A few months later, I experienced a third, when my boyfriend of three years dumped me in a text message and ran off to florida with some whore. We’d literally been planning a life together after school. He’d given me a promise ring, which he said he’d replace with an engagement ring once we graduated. He’d given me absolutely no indication he’d changed his mind and I was completely blindsided. It was for the best in the long run, but at that time, it felt like I’d lost everything.

We’d said no more dogs after Kristen, but we were all so heartbroken and lost that we decided to get a puppy. I’ve taken the long way around to explain that we raised Emma, and I don’t know how we would have gotten through all that without her. My mom said she knows for certain that dog saved her life. I know she saved mine.

Trying to go on without her is just…it feels impossible. I got through everything with her. She was there every time I was sick, or had surgery, or had my heart broken. She was the one that comforted me when I was hurting and now she’s gone.

It’s even worse for my mom. Emma was basically her emotional support dog. I’m pretty sure she loved Emma as much as she loved me. When she was coping with my grandfather’s death, she’d sit up at night and hold Emma and talk to her. Emma always listened, too. She’d cock her head when you spoke to her and she’d make eye contact the whole time. And she was so damn smart.

She had such a huge personality too. She’d argue with you, she’d throw tantrums like a toddler. She was smart enough to understand you and stubborn enough to ignore you. God, I still can’t believe she’s gone.

We knew it was coming. We knew she had heart failure and we were on borrowed time. We tried to prepare, but how can you? Nothing compares to the real thing. We were given 12-14 months, and we got sixteen. We could see her deteriorating. We could see her beginning to struggle. But she was so damn happy and playful.

We called her wiggle butt because she’d always wag her tail so hard her whole butt shook. She was still doing it when my parents took her to the vet. But she was struggling to breathe and we swore we wouldn’t let her suffer.

I was worried about how my mom would take it, I figured it would destroy her and I was right. They brought her home and she was in a little box, sort of like a coffin. I’d originally said I didn’t want to see her, but mom said she just looked like she was sleeping so I went to say goodbye. And she did, she looked peaceful. It was what came afterward that’s been really traumatic.

Mom was convinced she was still breathing. She made me feel Emma’s chest and was begging me to tell her she was still breathing. Obviously she wasn’t. I had to tell her. She still wouldn’t let Emma go. I told her she had to and she started screaming that she couldn��t. Having to pull my mother away from my dead dog is something I’ll never be able to unsee. Then she started having a panic attack and I had to make her breathe. She was inconsolable. She heard dad begin digging the grave and freaked out. She’d originally said cremation would be silly and expensive but she couldn’t stand the idea of burying her. Then she freaked out about them burning her. I told her she had to choose. She finally chose cremation and I was able to call a place and make arrangements. A family friend offered to cover the cost.

I haven’t really had time to process my own grief and feelings. I expected my dad to stay strong, as he’s usually the strong one, but both my parents have been wrecks. So I’ve been the strong one, making the arrangements and taking care of things. Unfortunately we had to go to Nashville literally the next day for my wrist surgery. It’s been a time.

My dad said something he meant as a compliment, but upset me. “You’re handling this so well.” That’s something I have heard my entire life, and it was never true. I just got better and better at hiding it. My childhood was pretty damn traumatic in an unconventional way (death, death, medical trauma, more death, etc) and I didn’t deal with any of it. I just packed it away. For YEARS I heard “gosh, Allie has handled everything so well, she’s so mature. I couldn’t have handled it. I’m impressed with how she takes everything in stride!”

No I just got excellent at concealing and repressing and has crippling anxiety and depression and wanted to die a little bit.

But I digress.

Hearing those words again were triggering. I can’t do that again, I can’t repress everything again. I’ll lose my mind. But right now I have to be the strong one, the level headed one, and I feel like it won’t be long before the dam breaks.

#trauma #grief #grief and loss #pain #emotions #repressed trauma #death #dog death #trauma blog #personal blog #trigger warning

[releaseholiday]

No but harry "friends" with jeff since like 2013, he would have left right away if he wanted. He would be first member to leave, or leave when zayn left but he didn't till 5 albums. I thought these are 4 mature individuals talked it through, and all decided to go solo but just didn't tell us because we would get hurt. They could have spoke after hiatus of starting solo career. Louis did his first single before any of the boys, "just hold on". Harry was there to support him. He did Back to you? I don't understand why harry would not tell about solo career. You are telling when they are left such a hit band like 1d and did not discuss all about it? Lol

Oh pls the whole Louis was blindsided by the hiatus is suuuuch bs. Like sure maybe he wasn’t ready for the band to end, I could definitely believe that since that was all he’d known, but I’ll never believe they didn’t discuss it before making the decision cmon

#@hemorrhage anon yeahhh he’s been losing followers for a while

[themwordcic]

I’m currently writing this listening to the beautiful silky harmony of Lewis Hamilton’s 2013 Mercedes flying around Silverstone. It’s a real pinch me moment but then I remember everything I’ve faced in the past few hours that lead to this moment.

I waited tentatively for 2 months for the announcement that tickets to the 2023 Silverstone Festival were live. And December 1st during my very hated Game Design class my prayers were answered. The tickets were live! Did I know how I’d get to the event? No of course not. Did I know where I would possibly stay during the three days of thrill? Absolutely not! Did that matter? Have you met me?! All I needed to hear was Silverstone and Formula One! When I was planning this amazing trip I didn’t think of the little things that would cause that all too familiar gut wrenching anxiety. I didn’t think that since I was doing this by myself that I would have to walk through those gates, deal with security and other fans of motorsport all over the place. I just didn’t think, instead I was totally blindsided by the fact it was Silverstone!

In the past 72 hours (3 days) I’ve been challenged. Oh how I’ve been challenged! I’m talking almost crying in the company van repeating “I don’t think I want to go anymore” like a holy prayer. I mean after all it was my money, if I wanted to waste it because of the growing feeling of fear why the hell would it matter.

The list seemed small at first, but like a video game there were levels. Each time I thought I’d fought the big boss villain another entered in arena.

1. Dealing with the security at the entrance (with a little support on day 1)

2. Collecting my program (from a stall surrounded by strangers who seemed to know exactly what they were doing!)

3. Dealing with maps (I may have passed geography but map reading is not one of my skills)

4. Talking to strangers about the world of F1 based books (in fact my collection has grown by 11 in just 2 days)

5. Finally finding and collecting my radio on day 2 (after writing it off as a waste of £15 because I was too shy to ask)

6. Asking a family of strangers to look after my stuff for a few minutes (took over half an hour to hype myself up to ask)

7. Having to talk/maintain eye contact whilst ordering food or a much needed cider

8. Attending a concert and actually dancing and singing along without a care (because come on it’s The Sugababes)

9. Dealing with the stampede of people trying to exit at the end of the night. Very overwhelming not to mention it’s in the dark with only soft fairy lights to guide your way…. I’m clumsy enough in the day time!

10. Joining and waiting in a queue for the Ferris Wheel (Can now confirmed I am 100% scared of heights but the pretty race cars in the distance did help distract a little)

This list of ten doesn’t seem like a lot, but from an Autistic individual doing it solo I need to see it as a time of growth. A time of proving to myself I can do it!

So I’ll leave you with this… The anxiety is temporary, the memories are forever!

#the m word cic #anxiety #mental health #autism #f1 #formula one #Lewis Hamilton #Silverstone festival #motorsports #daniel ricciardo vibes #silverstone 2023 #anxiety things #neurodivergant

[fcble]

blindsided for andrew!

BLINDSIDED: a scene from my muse’s past in which they were betrayed or shocked by what someone did

SONATINA — In which Andrew experiences a cutthroat reality. WORD COUNT: 2.2k SETTING: February 2013 WARNINGS: Mentions of drinking, weed

MOVEMENT I: EXPOSITION.

Andrew meets Nyssa at a house party. He probably shouldn’t be here because he’s three weeks into the second semester of his freshman year, and because he’s a guy. As it turns out, one of his suitemates knows a guy who knows a guy who lives in said house, and that’s why Andrew is half-heartedly participating in his suitemates’ heated debate on whether or not Skyfall can really be considered the best James Bond movie when it released less than a year ago. Andrew is of the opinion that it can, recency bias be damned. The wall vibrates gently against his back in rhythm with Nicki Minaj’s “Starships.” The music plays at a volume that might shatter his eardrums while a small crowd tries to scream the lyrics louder than the speakers.

It’s exactly the sort of scene he would avoid if it weren’t for the free booze. He finds it bothers him much less when he’s tipsy. 

She stops him on his short trip back to the keg, standing firmly in his path. Andrew tries to get around her, but she tiptoes and yells into his ear, clearly in reference to his faded t-shirt, “Top three High Violets songs?”

He doesn't even have to think. “‘Ciné,’ ‘44 Down,’ ‘The Believer,’” he yells back. He doesn’t know who she is, but if a girl wants to talk about dream pop band The High Violets, then Andrew will talk.

“You aren't old enough to drink,” she says, and plucks his annoyingly stereotypical red Solo cup out of his hand.

“Does that matter?” he asks. He doesn't bother arguing, because he knows he doesn't look 21.

“Not to me. Parker”—she uses Andrew's cup to gesture across the room to the lead “Starships” singer—”whose dad owns this place, hates when there are freshmen at his parties.”

Then, as if an afterthought, she adds, “I’m Nyssa.”

“Andrew.”

“You're the freshman who passed Carver’s 3115 with a perfect score.”

“It wasn’t hard.”

When Andrew picked out his first round of college courses, he had no idea that MUSIC UN3115: Independent Composition I, with its surprisingly nonexistent list of prerequisites, was one of the most difficult electives a music major can take, especially when taught by Professor Julia “Hardass” Carver. He certainly never expected to return from winter break as a minor celebrity within the small music department.

He doesn’t tell her about the sleepless nights and the countless office hours and the awful, looming feelings that nothing he makes will ever be good enough. The feelings creep further and further into every aspect of the thing Andrew loves so much. He’s fairly certain his perfect score came not so much from his own efforts, but from the tiny bit of warmth left in Carver’s heart to pity the only freshman in her class.

“You must be the only person to think that,” Nyssa says.

He shrugs. For the most part, school has always been easy for him, and he expects college to be the same.

“Let’s go somewhere quieter,” she says decisively and grabs Andrew by the wrist.

He thinks briefly about his suitemates, probably still arguing about the James Bond film franchise, and follows.

His first night in Nyssa’s company passes under the fluorescent lights of an IHOP, deep in conversation. The hours fly by, until their single order of fries grows cold, and the waitress asks them in a not-so-nice tone of voice to leave if they aren’t going to eat.

Andrew mentally adds “kicked out of IHOP” to his list of things he never expected to happen in college.

MOVEMENT II: DEVELOPMENT.

In the days that follow, he learns more and more about Nyssa Mercer in a steady stream of bits and pieces from a number of places—Nyssa herself, his suitemates, upperclassmen talking too loudly in the halls between Andrew's classes. He learns she's a junior studying music with a focus on theory—similar, but not the same as his composition. One semester into college, Andrew has already mentally categorized all of his classmates within their major. There are the rich kids coasting on their parents' money. The people who played in All-State bands or orchestras and still think they're better than everyone else. Those who picked music because they thought it might be easy and aren't serious about it. Those who picked music because they are serious about it. Andrew places himself firmly in the last category. Nyssa, on the other hand, seems to defy categorization. She's serious about music in a different way—not as a composer or songwriter, but as a fan, or maybe a critic. She studies it like it’s a science.

According to his roommate, Marcus—a double major in clarinet performance and philosophy—she comes from East Coast old money or West Coast Hollywood royalty or some combination of the two. Andrew hasn't bothered to ask where she's from, and she hasn't offered the information.

The upperclassmen speak more about the freshman she chooses to associate with than her. Andrew doesn't mind, because her friends are becoming his friends—to the dismay of his friends. Marcus, for one, makes it clear that he has, quote, “no fucking clue what she sees in you.”

Andrew doesn't take it personally. He has bigger fish to fry than thinking about what his roommate thinks of his company. Nyssa wants to write music with him. She's working on a demo to show her aunt who does something at Universal Music.

Sitting on a brightly rug on the floor of her studio apartment, Andrew realizes there might be something to the Hollywood rumors. He also thinks there are more organic ways of making it into the music industry. He says as much, and Nyssa laughs at the suggestion, though it's not directed at him and without a hint of malice.

“It's the way the industry works,” she says, self-assured and confident about that world away from Anderew.

He knows she's right, but some other part of him thinks it's different now. The times are changing. All anyone really needs is a camera, a microphone, a YouTube channel, and the perfect timing to go viral. He has the tact to know when his opinions aren’t exactly valued, so he mentions none of that. Instead, he sits silently and dreams up melodies while half-listening to Nyssa talk.

The more time he spends with her, the faster the semester seems to fly by. Andrew begins to suspect he spends more time in Nyssa’s apartment than his own dorm. It has its own appeal: it isn’t a space shared with three other people, and it’s mere blocks away from their favorite miniscule live venue. More than that, he enjoys the conversation with Nyssa’s upperclassmen friends. He’s the youngest person in the room, but he’s almost always been the youngest person in the room. He adjusted to that years ago. Now he’s adjusting to the heady scent of weed that comes with the small, intimate parties she hosts, a far cry from the house party they met at. The gatherings feel less like parties and more like what he imagines an eighteenth-century Enlightenment salon was like.

Andrew’s suspicions are confirmed one night when he accidentally locks himself out of his real dorm room. It’s by the far the most stressful event of the semester, because he never slips up like that. He knocks as loudly as he dares for some time after two in the morning, and when no one answers, he calls Marcus until he picks up. 

When the door finally opens, Andrew is greeted with a deadpan, “I thought you were spending the night with your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“I would have bet money you were sleeping with her.”

Andrew feels himself flush. “That's illegal.”

He hears a muttered something that sounds like, “That’s never stopped you before” and chooses to ignore it. He’s certain Nyssa doesn’t see him in any sort of romantic way.

It isn’t until Andrew’s eyes adjust to the darkness that he sees the form of another person in Marcus’s bed. Marcus crosses the room in three hurried strides.

“My friend is staying the night,” he says with a slight pause before the word “friend.”

Andrew nods automatically, because he doesn’t care. It isn’t until a few minutes later, when he steps into the shower, that he realizes he’s cockblocking his roommate.

After that, Andrew returns to his normal routine of spending most of his free time and some of his time that shouldn’t be free with Nyssa. His grades don't slip, because he's too smart for that. His attendance does, and so Andrew's new favorite college perk becomes not the lack of parental supervision, but the way no one takes attendance. It does bring about the new problem of sneaking into the music department to use their private studios, dodging his professors and anyone else who might know him.

They develop a system. It’s always Nyssa who reserves the studio and spends the first ten minutes of the reserved time alone. 

If anyone thinks it’s suspicious that she spends so much time in there, Andrew never hears of it. The professors dote on her, having reviewed much of the music they’ve written. Nyssa always presents it as her work, because it would be odd for Andrew to make an appearance at office hours when he hasn't been to class in two weeks. When they're in private, she never ceases to emphasize his importance to their work.

MOVEMENT III: RECAPITULATION.

Then it's the week before finals, and Nyssa disappears. Andrew learns of this when he finally deigns to attend class again. The gossip spreads quickly through his peers, many of whom knew her by reputation, if not personally. He learns she’s left—dropped out, presumably—in favor of a record deal. No one seems surprised by this turn of events, because everyone knows it’s what she spent the last semester seriously working towards. Andrew’s place in all of this remains unmentioned. He’s gone from the freshman who aced 3115 to the freshman who aced 3115 and let it get to his head, evidenced by the way he missed almost half the semester.

He holds his phone under his desk and sends her a quick congratulatory text. It doesn't deliver, so he jabs the retry prompt a few times. That doesn’t work, so he gives up any pretense of hiding his phone and checks Instagram instead. Their last DM was a meme post shared by him that she hasn’t read. A bit disgruntled, he checks her posts. There’s a new one of Nyssa at an airport, judging by the United Airlines plane in the background, captioned “thx for the good times.” She’s mentioned a few people, and Andrew reads it over twice—skimming quickly at first, then slowly, name by name—looking for his username. He’s nowhere to be found. He sits back in his seat and swipes numbly: Nyssa in their school’s recording studio, Nyssa and a few of her friends at a concert, Nyssa posing for a faux graduation photo, Nyssa at the iconic Santa Monica Pier. Not a single image features Andrew, confirming his worst suspicions.

He takes initiative and blocks her first.

That night, in what can only be described as a moment of drunken weakness, Andrew confesses it all to Marcus. There are smarter decisions to make than getting blitzed when his finals are mere days away, but Andrew’s rationality went out the window ages ago.

His roommate already knows the general sketch of Nyssa’s flight, so Andrew fills in the details of his own role as an unknowing participant in her master plan.

“That goes against Kant’s categorical imperative completely,” Marcus—also drunk—says when Andrew finishes speaking. It’s a genuine, earnest response, but also a reassurance so shocking that it snaps Andrew out of whatever melancholy he had almost lost himself in. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the guy who read Thus Spoke Zarathustra earlier in the semester and made it a tenet of his very being.

Finals weeks comes to bear anyway. Andrew briefly considers submitting one of the songs he and Nyssa wrote—one he wrote almost entirely by himself—for his 3116 final. He thinks about how many professors she showed their work too, and stops considering it. It's his song, but Nyssa has already gone around saying it was hers. Would anyone believe him over the new darling of the music department?

He spends two sleepless nights dredging up something presentable from the depths of his hard drive. He scrapes by with a 93 and a comment that reads, “What happened?”

He doesn't dare besmirch Nyssa's name, not when the department is still buzzing with her success—never mind the fact that she has yet to release a song. 

Eight months later, Andrew listens to Nyssa Mercer’s debut single. She’s the latest new pop star on everyone’s minds, the pretty, angelic, all-American girl who gave up an Ivy League education and cold-called producers until someone told her yes. He gets all of this from the comment section of her music video.

The song has been altered—polished, mostly—but Andrew can still hear the echoes of himself. He knows the chord progressions he favored all those months ago and the minimalist, tinny percussion he was obsessed with. Despite himself, he checks the song’s credits. Nyssa’s name is there, as a composer and a lyricist, alongside a handful of other names Andrew doesn’t recognize. He presumes them to be her new Universal Music team.

He doesn’t know why he expected anything different.

#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ yejun. ] #╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ writing. ] #andrew's college years untapped free real estate 🔥🔥 #also space for enlightenment mention 🔥 bc that's my roman empire #and twice as long as i wanted it to be 🔥🔥

[madokamagicasecrets]

Logically I know it's the case but I feel like I always forget Madoka Magica Rebelliom released in 2013 and get blindsided by posts about the show and movie from 2014

[goldkirk]

Updates updates

- drove home, saw family, had pizza for ONE EVENING, almost all of us got the plague

- plague sucks but definitely not as bad as if I didn’t have the booster, holy shit I can tell it would’ve been a lot worse. my body keeps trying to get going and then doesn’t need to and I’m like. wow. is this what it’s like to not be in excruciating full body joint pain and a 103 fever and raging coughs that pull muscles. incredible

- had shockingly good first in person interaction with family after moving, then got blindsided with p devastating family news two days later

- on the upside, it made me snap out of stuck-in-the-past-and-not-doing-anything-for-my-own-life mode so I now plan to focus all energy as soon as I get back to WA on building as much of a stable and financially stable life as possible in a giant speed run for a few years so I can give the kids a safe place to land literally asap that will be healthy for ALL of us not just flying in crisis mode at Mach 5

- just started a new job in my company with more data and data reporting work, like a split between client interaction, back end work, UX design, data interpretation, content editing, and presentation creation. Scary but exciting

- I am finally actually okay on money. I am finally actually okay on money. I cannot believe I’m not scared about money every single day right now. I have never felt this ever and I’m still crying occasionally over how grateful I am to those of you who helped me out in the past, you have no idea how much of a difference you made. I wish I could do something to give back but I promise for sure I’ll at least pay it forward however I can

- WHY DID I EVER LIVE HERE. HOLY SHIT IT IS SO HOT I CAN’T WALK OUTSIDE MORE THAN A COUPLE MINUTES MAX.

- I haven’t injured anything in weeks and am not even subluxing most joints I used to now, this is incredible and I’m so happy. I’m in less pain daily than I think I’ve been in since 2013

- I had two major moments recently where I was able to go newer routes instead of having no highway in my brain besides old damaging ones and let me tell you kids, apparently when push comes to shove, all your teeny little million-bad-day-moments of exhausted rewiring do actually add up. So when you’re frustrated that you can only sit and think about how you could do better or what you’d do if you had the ability but you’re stuck in depression or panic or w/e, please be informed that apparently that’s still actually wiring up pathways in your brain. Action isn’t the only thing that builds the highways—just thinking through them does too. So. You’re doing good work still, even when you don’t think you are.

- turns out my hair just hates WA soft water. The second I washed it in MO it had more curl without any conditioner or gel than it has had WITH gel in it in WA for MONTHS. Unbelievable. Is there a reverse hard water filter that puts minerals IN your shower water?

- Aoife. Is a Very Good Girl.

- turns out I haven’t needed antihistamines for full body itchy stress hives since I actually met my family and got it over with. What a stupid amount of stress I built up over that in the past month. I can’t wait to never again get questions about why it looks like I’ve rolled my whole head and torso in plant venom at random five days of the week

- Aoife is so so so so so so so so so so SO good with all the little kids even the babies. Even when she got overwhelmed and totally pooped out she was unfailingly gentle with them. She’ll parkour off of any adult since people reinforced that unfortunately, but she is an absolute angle with tiny humans and even lets the tiny 1-2 year olds boss her around. Hilarious

- I didn’t realize I was depressed but I think I’m finally un-depressed enough to realize “oh shit I was depressed huh. I’m still depressed huh. Better keep working on that”

- on that note. i finally don’t feel like there is no hope or point to ever writing Hymn again. So hopefully soon I’ll have enough not depressed brain to actually imagine non-depressing scenarios for it. Jesus all I could think of was trauma and depression city for that fic. And that’s not what anyone needs—I can write great grim dark but the point of Shutterbug is comfort and found family and HANDLING symptoms not chapter after chapter of more bad news or symptom incidents. Jeez. Anyway I have an inspo folder again so I’m trying guys, I’m trying. I don’t know what I’m the world will be next, or who I’ll finally find a voice through again, but I’m trying. Maybe it’ll be damian! We haven’t had damian in a bit. Or cass. I want cass so bad but she’s just too not depressed for me to get in her head right now. We’ll see!!

- Highly recommend a new fun strategy called “if you don’t like your own personality, an army of RPG OCs can help you try out and build a new one just fine”

- when I get back to WA I’m going to try paddle boarding and build up to going regularly enough i can buy my own board and rent a spot for it at a marina. I have to wait longer to start doing aerial training bc I keep injuring my back but paddle boarding will give me sweet sweet sunshine and core stability and solve most of my “I hate exercising for the sake of exercising” problems. Pls pester me for photos if I haven’t posted any within a month

- if we’re plague free by next week, I’m going to see a rock concert for the first time! And not be afraid of sinning while I do it! no one can make fun of me because there’s nothing to make fun of and no one can shame me because there’s nothing I’m doing wrong.

#(exhausted but genuine) hell yeah baby #fist pump from where I lie flat facedown on the floor #we’re growin! we’re healing! #we’re not there yet but we’re further each year #will I crash soon and absolutely have giant fallout when I have emotions again after this extra numb period? #I’m sure I will #but hopefully if my plan works out I’ll have a pillow of some mindless healthy daily routine habits and some good experiences built up #before it happens #personal

[femmchantress]

Hi have been watching Rwby since 2013. It’s a rough around the edges fun show with engaging characters and a lot of heart that only gets better with every season bc they started off with a budget of a baked potatoes and like 10 people working production and steadily grew from there

I completely forgot I asked y’all’s opinion on ruwuby and got kinda blindsided by this lol. But thank you for the input! :3 oh but quick follow up question, is there any gay stuff, like, at all before season 9?

[latenightgasstationwalk]

My number 1 album of 2013. Queens of the Stone Age were in full effect on this one. Known for making significant thematic and stylistic changes to their sound, approach and delivery with almost every subsequent album, QOTSA saw the most drastic change in their sound yet with like clockwork. In my opinion it was their most ambitious move musically still to this day. 

Coming out a whopping 6 years after “era vulgaris” (another all time favorite of mine, and the only record I own on vinyl) a lot of fans were left wondering where the queens sound would go next.

As a musician who is constantly consuming, studying and obsessing over different styles of music, I’ve come to find that my standards aren’t high at all when it comes to what I’ll listen too. I know this is like a joke sentence people make fun of, but with the exception of music that has harmful political overtones I really will listen to anything and everything. And in my time doing so I discovered there’s really only 2 criteria I look for in an album to gauge its quality. So long as it sounds good and so long as it sounds new to me.

Like clockwork is an enigma in mainstream rock music in my opinion. With the title track “keep your eyes peeled” which as far as I know (I’m fairly certain) is the only song on the record that was recorded in C standard tuning, in line with a lot of their earlier albums where josh would play guitar tuned down way low, in C standard, through ampeg bass amps. But the song starts with an oppressive and looming rhythmic chug on that low C string that gives you the feeling an insurmountable force is striding towards you with ill intent. And the song only continues that way up until the very last second. The song sounds like a theme song written for the scariest guy in a place you’d never want to be. Only to completely blindside you with the next track “I sat by the ocean” that has this dreamy, optimistic yet melancholic post-beach rock sound too it.

And if you’re a budding guitarist? There is so many hidden guitar riff gems on this album. “I appear missing” and “my god is the sun” have some of the most infectious guitar riffs of the 2010’s. As well as some of the most hypnotic and addictive bass lines. I’ve always said queens of the Stone Age is one of those bands that you get so much out of if you’re a musician that loves to absorb every kind of musical sound you can. I think most people would be hard pressed to find a band that has such an inconsistent approach to music, but rock steady consistency in quality and sound. (Maybe king gizzard and the lizard wizard)

Every track is a pleasant surprise, I seriously think the band was at their best here, as I said my 2 number 1 criteria for any music is a simple “does it sound good?” And “does it sound new?” and I can’t stress the second one enough, excluding other genre’s and speaking exclusively on modern rock music, it’s very hard to find an artist that’s releasing versatile albums that expand into a wide array of other sub-genres or at least takes influence from them to create a rock track that is adjacent to another genre ever so slightly. QOTSA does that flawlessly here and every track is worth so many listens. One of the only albums I’ve found that has 0 skips. Even their most critically acclaimed album “songs for the deaf”, which I love very dearly, has a song I always skip on it. (It’s called 6 shooter, it’s just too fucking loud and annoying) and it’s kinda hard to give a 10 to an album that has a song that you always skip because it’s that bad.

But on like clockwork, every song is substantially different, well written, perfectly executed and so well thought out. every song keeps you guessing where it’s going next. Like being lead through a labyrinth by a guide who makes you wonder if he even knows how to read the map. But you follow anyway, because the adventure keeps you longing for whatever comes next.

But again, I cite this album as a massive influence on me and the music I make, and I can’t think of another rock album from that time that stuck with me for this long. Highly highly highly

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Did he treat Minka any better than he treated Jenny? I remember during SDCC 2013, they arrived together. There was a pap video. Later in the day, an interviewer asked him about his relationship status, and he kept saying "not touching it, not going there" something to that effect. They were already official at that point, and she was at the damn event with him, and he still wouldn't take her name or acknowledge her place in his life. That's shitty, imo.

He did that same kind of stuff with Jenny, too. Questions about his personal life are just off limits for him with journalists. (He did have to start answering some, though, after Jenny blindsided him with that Vulture article. That was fun.) I think the refusing to answer questions is his version of keeping it "private."

#ask

[ificouldflyhome369]

I'm sorry for coming here with my doubts but I just can't help it. I was trying to ignore this whole scenario but now I'm leaning more and more towards it. So the thing is, that we prefectly know that Louis is still bitter about the whole hiatus situation. He just didn't wanted hiatus and he was not ready for it plus he genuinely thought that they all will reunite shortly. So I was thinking that how could Larry be real when Louis actually had no certain idea about hiatus till 2015 and Harry was ready to go solo since 2013?? We know that Harry became super close with Azoffs in 2013 and by 2014 Jeff became his unofficial manager. We can see him every pap walk with Harry in 2014. And in 2015 there was clear solo Harry push. Jeff even introduced his team for Harry even befor he went solo. Many people started working for exclusively Harry when he was in 1D in 2015. Harry Lambert and Xander being two of them. And Harry himself said that he was the first one to suggest hiatus in 2014 because he didn't wanted to exhaust his fanbase. So it's very very clear that Harry was super ready for hiatus since Azoffs made him their mission in 2013. So if Harry had such a clear idea of hiatus and his future for this long now, then why Louis was entirely lost even in 2015. Louis said he was furious when hiatus was brought up in 2015. Louis still kind of holds a grudge with how hiatus happened and it was clear in the documentary. And i don't think Louis is lying about his feelings. He said that he was lost and had no idea what to do after hiatus and it's understandable because Harry had azoffs to rely on. He had no such problem.

So if they were actually together and they were a couple then how is it possible that they were standing on polar opposite sides of this situation? How is it possible that Louis had a misleading idea of hiatus even in 2015 when Harry was damn clear about it since 2013? If they were in love then how is it possible that Louis was screaming about not being ready for hiatus and as he said he was furious about it in 2015 and Harry walked on his pre laid path by azoffs?? Did Louis even had any idea about what Harry was planning for his solo career since 2013? Were they actually even together? Or was it just my dilution till now?

I love a good harry the bad guy who broke up 1D and threw everyone under the bus story arc. Liam has quite literally said that if he had stayed in 1d, he would be dead now. Think about that for a second. If they all didn't stop he'd be dead. Niall was forced to perform after knee surgery which fucked up his knee so bad he already has a knee replacement. You don't do that to young people unless it's absolutely necessary. You can only revise it 2 or 3 more times and they only last 15 years. So long story short, he's fucked. Louis was forced to have a fake baby which i cant even imagine what kind of nonsense went behind the scenes to make that happen. And if you believe that Freddie is not his son, then right off the bat you know he's lying which means what he's sharing publicly isn't going to be the complete truth. But this still doesn't mean he's lying about being blindsided. Feelings are complicated and is possible that he both knew the hiatus was coming but still been shocked by it. And let's not kid ourselves that zayn leaving didn't open up the discussion for their break. So no, Louis wasn't blindsided by harry and the azoffs. And if anything, they should be thanked for helping harry from getting out from under Simon's thumb. Jeff is not a bad guy.

Here's one of my favorite tiktoks and none of it has anything to do with this ask except one bit where James asks them to rethink the hiatus and Louis says it was time. Does that sound like someone who's upset and surprised by it. He was done too. And your doubting they were together because of what supposedly harry did to Louis. But why can't it be that he sacrificed himself FOR harry when he resigned with syco after the hiatus. That was probably some sort of a sacrifice he did to allow them all to take a break and for harry to start his career.