#Dragongirl Writes

[transgenderdragons]

girls who are studying to be a doctor so they can pay for their Ultimate Fursuit

#theyre jackies BEST FRIEND but they live so far away from each other :[ #they also use dragon/dragonself pronouns but i forgor to write them in crying emoji #oc: ezra #my art #my ocs #the dragongirl to jackies buggirl <3

[dragongirlcloaca]

Two girls of vastly different sizes trying to have a bath together, and all the lascivious fun that unfolds?

This was a fun prompt, and gave me an excuse to write about a mousegirl and a dragongirl!

[Extreme size difference]

Peering over the edge of the tub into the turbulent water down below, Lexie watched as the bathtub began slowly filling. She turned around and watched as Aria undressed, dumping her clothes in the laundry hamper in the corner. She caught Lexie watching as she unclasped her bra.

“Pervert!” She giggled, snatching up the mousegirl by the tail and dangling her over the water. Lexie wiggled, squeaking incessantly until Aria set her back down on the rim of the tub. Despite the threat, she still whistled as Aria finished stripping, a feat that earned her a pair of musky dragon-sized panties tossed at her head, burying her. Lexie wriggled free of the underwear and undressed herself, tossing her own clothes in a pile with the panties. Aria walked over to the tub, now mostly full, and shut the water off. She climbed into the tub, careful not to splash water over the edge with her massive bulk. She settled in, stretching out as much as she could. While the tub was a bit on the small side for the large dragon, it was practically a swimming pool for Lexie. The mousegirl dove in headfirst, and paddled around lazily before coming to rest on the soft scales of Aria’s stomach.

“You seem to have a lot more fun in the bath than I do,” Aria commented.

“Perks of being a mousegirl,” Lexie replied.

“And yet you still need me to wash your fur for you,” Aria said, cocking an eyebrow playfully as she squirted shampoo into her paw.

“Maybe I just like your gentle touch,” Lexie teased. Aria began shampooing the mousegirl’s fur, rubbing the vanilla-scented soap into her coat softly. When Aria reached her crotch, she playfully teased Lexie’s cock, for a moment and then moved on to shampooing her legs.

Once she had shampooed the mousegirl from head to claw, Lexie dove back into the water, shaking her tiny body to rinse out the shampoo. Meanwhile, Aria started cleaning her own body, using a brush to scrub the dirt off of her sapphire scales. She started with her neck, then moved on to her arms, belly, and legs. She flopped over onto her front, and leaned over the edge of the tub, propping her upper body out of the water.

“Think you could do my back for me?” Aria asked, and Lexie stopped swimming laps of the tub and scaled up onto her girlfriend’s back. The brush was rather large for her size, but she managed, pushing it back and forth as she scrubbed down Aria’s back. Once she had finished, she let Lexie off, and then got up and sat on the edge of the tub, water cascading down her scales. She flashed a coy smile at the mousegirl.

“It seems I missed a spot,” Aria said, tactfully eyeing her crotch. “If only a helpful mousegirl could come and clean it for me....”

“Why certainly,” Lexie said, smiling. She swam over to where Aria sat, using the dragongirl’s large tail as a ladder to climb out of the water. She stopped at the base of Aria’s tail, and she handed Lexie a smaller brush. Lexie licked her lips, and approached the dragongirl’s crotch. Her comparatively massive dick was still partially flaccid, and she had to push it aside to crawl under Aria’s perineum and reach her butt. It was dark and cramped under Aria’s crotch, smelling equally of vanilla and her musk. Lexie felt around above her for the pucker of the dragongirl’s hole, and began to scrub it teasingly. Aria moaned, careful not to move and squish the poor mouse under her ass. She gave her dick a few strokes, and it quickly grew fully erect as Lexie continued rimming her with the brush. After a few minutes, she grabbed Lexie’s exposed tail and tugged her out, setting her on her cock. It dwarfed the tiny mousegirl, but she clung on to it, toying with the sensitive area at the back of the head and eliciting more moans from her girlfriend.

Lexie’s own arousal had been steadily growing, and she started frotting her dick against the dragongirl’s. Soon Lexie and Aria were both panting, and the mousegirl manoeuvred so she was laying on the head of Aria’s cock, her stomach coated in precum. She began thrusting into the dragongirl’s urethra, arms wrapped tight around her dick. She came, shooting cum into Aria’s cock, but was then blasted off by the force of Aria’s own orgasm, and splashed into the water, covered in cum.

Lexie scaled back up onto Aria’s tail, making a futile effort to brush the cum out of her fur with her paws. Aria grabbed the mousegirl and lifted her up, licking her from bottom to top, but this just spread her cum further and left Lexie also coated in a layer of dragon saliva. Lexie giggled.

“I think I need a bath!”

#A1 #Writings #F4

[limpfisted]

not only is wyll a horsegirl, wyll is a mermaidgirl, a bird/hawkgirl, a wolfgirl, a doggirl, and above all a dragongirl.

like do u think wyll isnt writing elaborate friendfiction in his head about lae’zel n her red dragon whisking wyll away to the stars.

ur a FOOL. theres no twitter!!! they have to walk all the way to baldurs gate!!! what else is he going to do. count trees. there are only so many trees

#ooc #hc

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

Hey howdy, good night.

I just wanted to say that I write a draft-first chapter for my Rescue Boy Bad Ending inspired by DragonGirls ¨Electric¨ fic, but is in Spanish as I'm bad with English 😅😭. I wanted to send you a link so you could review it and see how I go it, but I'm too tired to translate...

But that's all I wanted to say. If you want to read it before I edited completely just tell me I see if I can translated it...

good night

I would happy to read and suggest edits to an a translated version!

[renarys]

tumblr. uuhhhhh (can't think of what to write) ...meow meow. :3c

HI i like to make all sorts of artsy things, lately my primary obsession has been miniatures and making my own figures to 3d print! so here is me working on making both the catgirl and dragongirl versions of my FF chara into custom nendoroids. isn't she so fluffy and cute so far...!? i love adding too many minuscule details ^_^

#3d modeling #ffxiv fanart #custom nendoroid #au ra!taka #miqo'te!taka #they are actually two separate characters though #don't worry about it #my art stuff

[specksizedgoddess]

Writing suggestion!!! Big giant dragongirl catches a mousegirl stealing some of her treasure! So the dragongirl eats her up and our mousie friend find herself liking it wayyyyy more than the treasure she tried to take >:3

THANK YOU MWAH MEAH ONE SECOND

#MWAH MWAH THANK YOU

[vatican3]

i need your (or any willing anons') thoughts on goatgirl nihil and dragongirl imp having ritualistic sex. yes its for the fic im writing-

Can I legally @ Tumblr user bunnielav. They’ll see this. Also anyone feel free to send your thoughts. 😚

#mtxt

[tooies]

crucial information to my lore is if i write a post that begins with "girl who" or "dragongirl who" thats talking heads sorry thats not what im trying to say my keyboard just recommended i put that word after the word talking. either way those posts are about me

[jheselbraum]

Really glad the tloz fandom is starting to acknowledge that they don't actually think that leaving Zelda as a dragon at the end of totk would've been better writing, and realizing that what they actually want is Zelda the big tiddy small tiddy, apparently, dragongirl. This is because I now get to enjoy a variety of dragongirl zelda fanart and it's wonderful everyone's designs are really neat!

#favorite one is still the dragongirl zelda where #shes like an american dragon jake long style anthro dragon #and is like 15 feet tall with 5 of that being neck

[bluekightdragongirl]

Links

Fandoms

Homestuck

TMNT

Red Vs Blue

Transformers

Undertale

Tags

#note

#south rp (status: CLOSED)

#miscellaneous

#art

#fanart

#time distortion au

Notes

I will update the last row of windows on the banner when I think of some fandoms.

[knightdgblue]

AU Summary:

Optimus is transfem and has a familial connection to Sari and Soundwave. Bumblebee joking that they are the older sibling of the three. Navigating the world different from canon, Optimus does what she can to protect her family and their home.

About Me:

I'm an artist that dabbles in different types of art. Writing, drawing, animating; I do an okayish job. I'm an adult and I have a job that takes a whole week so if you don't see any posts in a while, it's fine!

Tumblrs:

Writing Accounts:

Website:

(I am still figuring it out, I’m bad at coding)

Miscellaneous Accounts:

Note:

Please don’t ask why I censor my cuss words, I’m just uncomfortable with them okay.

#transformers #optimom au #maccadam

[zeemczed]

Silly AU idea: Fantasy setting with Dragongirl Ellen and Adventurer Nanase, where Ellen fails very hard at being an intimidating monster because of cute girl and Nanase fails very hard at getting the treasure she was supposed to because of cute girl.

...I might end up writing this. D&D head is clicking into gear.

[dragongirlcloaca]

I thought about asking for more story prompts, but then I realized just how many I already had written down, so I thought I might as well list them in a post so I can see which ones people are most interested in seeing first! (Poll at bottom of post)

Violet & Bunny 1. Shower sex, sounding, and watersports 2. Hypno

Julie & Mienne 1. Solo story with Mienne having some fun with herself while Julie is away for the weekend [CURRENT WIP] 2. Medical examination kink/speculum play 3. Beach sex 4. Foursome with Lena & Mya Raya & Ci Extreme penetration with magic

Lena & Mya 1. Musk/scent kink 2. Aforementioned foursome Friday Mutual/casual masturbation with a friend

NEW ENTRY Dragongirl HRT TF story

I'm currently a thousand words into a story about Mienne, so I think I'll focus on a different set of characters after that for variety, but other than that I'll be happy to oblige whatever prompt people want me to write first!

#A1 #Writings

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

The Stranger, Part 5 Final Chapter

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Dean x Reader

A/N:  This is the last part of The Stranger. Once you read, if you feel like you want more from this particular world, I have ideas, and I’d love to continue it. But I’d love to do so as a requested series - one written with prompts or requests by you! If that’s something you’re up for, finish this part and feel free to send me an ask!

Thanks for taking this ride, I love you all!!

Series Summary: Reader finds a stranger wandering the road, his head and clothes bloody. He’s disorientated and doesn’t remember who he is. She takes him in and they get close until he starts having nightmares about monsters and killing people.

Then one day, a sleek black car pulls up and a tall man gets out, wearing lots of flannel and has shaggy hair. He claims that the stranger is his brother and he’s come to collect him.

Series Warnings: Talk of abuse, anxiety, language, canon divergence, smut, 18+ NSFW

Word Count: 6.7K

Banner Graphic made by me. GIFS ARE NOT MINE. CREDIT TO OWNERS.

Everything Tags: @his-paradox  //  @sorenmarie87  // @lefthologramdeer  //  @grace-for-sale  //  @redm81  // @becs-bunker  //  @docharleythegeekqueen  //  @moonchild-shoshanna // @idontfuckingknowgurl // @geeksareunique

SPN Tags: @soythedemonqueen  // @kazosa  // @lucifer-in-leather// @perseusandmedusa // @tiquismiquis // @mrsbarnes-rogers  // @yorkeylover // @through-thesilver-lining // @illysamorgan// @fictionalabyss // @gettinjoyful // @auntsalgal // @stuckupstucky// @miss-spnm0mma // @teller258316 // @sphollis-blog // @sweet-things-4-life // @hobby27 // @sweetlythoughtfulbird // @theoriginalvicki // @dreamchester67 // @xxwarhawk// @assassinofmasyaf // @mahalaraewolfe // @negans-wife // @superwhovianfangirl // @toobusynerdfighting // @vickyfarley // @missihart23

THE STRANGER Tags: @unlikelycollectortimetraveler // @chalicia // @kurage14 // @earthtokace // @attractiverandomness // @dizwinchester // @myunrulylife // @mirandaaustin93 // @supernatural-dolan // @keepmyselfalive19 // @superflurry // @anathewierdo // @babykalika2001 // @lipstickflannelleatherjacket// @brimorganbooks // @pilaxia  // @artisticpoet // @dawsonfyre // @xalgaliareptx // @xi-i-i-whatsyouremergency  //  @brokenhearted-littlegirl // @sammysgirl1997

The sun had not quite yet started its ascent in the sky by the time you reached your destination. Ellen and Jo’s truck had veered off the road about a mile ago, but Sam instructed you to keep going. You two, along with one of the other hunters along for the ride, were to scout out the far side of the shifter’s homestead. It was more than several acres and lots of places to hide, so having everyone take a position was the best way to try and figure out where they might be keeping Dean.

Sam talked strategy over the walkie-talkies Ellen handed out before leaving the bar, and you could hear Jo chiming in with her two cents. Once he was over and out, he briefed you on what they had decided and started breaking down the best ways to kill a shifter.

“Here,” he said and handed you a gun. “It’s Dean’s favorite. Ever shot one before?”

“Yeah, when I was younger. I hate the damn things.”

“Well, unfortunately, you’re gonna need it. Its loaded with silver bullets,” he retracted his hand with the gun in it, released the clip and showed you the modified rounds. “One of these to the heart will drop a shifter no problem.”

“Wouldn’t a bullet to the heart drop anything no problem?”

“Not in our line of work,” Sam answered. “Unless, you have something like silver, or witch killing bullets.”

“Bullets to kill witches?” you laughed, “Seriously?”

Sam nodded. “You’d be amazed at some of the things you need to take out a particular monster.”

“And out of curiosity, where do you find this stuff? Just a supply run to the local Monsters-B-Gone quickie mart?”

“Maybe not as public, but, yeah, there are certain shops out there that have a secondary business. Harvelle’s is one of them sometimes. Hunters can get more there if they need it than just a beer. Other times, its all stuff we have to make or find ourselves.”

“So Y'all have your own private network of resources?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Sam agreed. Before he could go into more detail, the walkie buzzed and Ellen’s voice crackled through.

“I got eyes on Dean. They have him tied up in the barn. Two standing outside the doors talkin’. Jo’s gone to try and get a closer look with Todd and Bruce. You guys down there on the far end, seein’ any movement?”

Your heart jumped at the sound of his name. You just wanted to get out the truck and start running towards him but deferred your instincts in favor of the professionals and sat quietly. Sam picked up the binoculars and scanned what he could see of the property.

“No, nothing back here. It’s still a bit dark, but I can see the rear door to the barn. We can leave a lookout here, and I think there’s enough cover to get us to the door. Any chance you guys can take the front? If there’s only three left—”

“Wait, Jo’s back—” the walkie went silent and you and Sam passed each other a look of concern. When it came back to life, Ellen was quiet at first, the white noise filling the silence of the truck. “Sam… there’s a bunch more than three. Jo said she saw at least six or seven bodies down there. Can’t be sure they’re all shifters, but, we gotta be real careful.”

An idea popped in your head, and you knew none of them would go for it, but it was the only thing that could possibly work.

“Sam… Ellen, can you hear me?”

They could.

“I have an idea. I know I’m new to all this, but it could work. Just hear me out…”

  Explaining your idea, both Sam and Ellen shut you down immediately. They wouldn’t even consider what you proposed until Jo spoke up from somewhere behind her mom. You were glad she was supporting your plan, even if it was for the wrong reasons.

“Look, it’s the best chance we have, and I know the risk. I want to do this,” you said into the walkie, but was looking straight at Sam. “I need to, for Dean.”

Finally, they agreed to it, albeit with a few tweaks. The first of which was to meet back up on the road and then go over it all one more time. Once you had, you pointed out that the sun would be up soon, that if it was going to work, you needed the cover of dark or at least very early morning. Sam handed you a silver blade and showed you where to put it for best use, along with Dean’s gun. Once you had them firmly secured, he handed you one of Dean’s jackets, which helped to hide your weapons a little better.

“You sure about this?” he asked watching you shrug on the coat, pausing before climbing into Ellen’s truck. “What if you have to defend yourself? You sure you’ll be alright with the gun?”

“Sam, stop worrying. I’m sure. I’ll be fine, and it’ll work. I grew up with an abusive step-father and step-brother. I know how to take care of myself. And, I took drama in high school. I think I can play a part when I need too,” you said, trying to remain confident and giving him a wink.

Sam chuckled, but there was a layer of nervous behind it. “Alright. We’ll see you soon, and hopefully, Dean too.”

You got in your truck and cut the wheel back towards the shifter’s home base. Ellen took off in the other direction and the others were probably already in place. You made yourself look disheveled and tried to muster up a bit of hysterics. Being exhausted and stressed helped lend to your appearance and you hit the gas, driving the truck like a lunatic down the road and slamming on the brakes just in time before hitting the man standing at the cattle gate. Luckily, the headlights hit his face and gave you the answer you needed about the guard at the entry.

“Whoa, this is private property. You can’t be here lady,” he said approaching your open window. He was on high alert, but your tear stained face and whiny tone distracted him just enough to move his hand away from whatever weapon he hovered over.

“I—I need to talk to Sam! Please! I’m being chased, he’s the only one that can help me!”

He studied you for a brief moment trying to understand your request.

“Sam, Dean, are they here?! Sam told me this was the safe house! We got separated and—”

“Ohhh, Sam. Um, yeah, he’s… uh…” the guy turned to survey the property behind him. When there was no one else in sight, he turned back to you and was about to speak, but you didn’t give him the opportunity too.

You quickly let the silver knife slip from the sleeve of the coat and you pierced the shifter in the heart. When the body hit the ground, you jumped out of the truck and quickly opened the gate, not bothering to close it again once you drove through.

The road you drove along was bumpy and full of holes, but you drove fast enough that you barely felt the jostling of the old Ford. You reached the main house where several men were standing on the porch. One of which, was the imitation Sam Winchester.

Quickly re-securing the knife in your sleeve, you jumped out and made a big deal of calling for him.

“Sam! Sam is that you!?” Seeing him walking towards you, even knowing he wasn’t the real Sam, cause a chill to run down your spine.

“Uh… Y/N? Yeah, I’m… it’s me. You okay?” he asked, feigning concern. From the corner of your eye, you could see the other men snickering but to play your part you had to pretend to not notice.

“No! I’m not! I’m being chased! I don’t know who they are, but they showed up to the store and I barely got away. I’ve been trying to find you everywhere! Where’s Dean? Is he alright?!”

You grabbed the scruff of his shirt, being overly dramatic and desperate. He helped you up by the elbows. For a brief moment you thought he may feel the handle of the knife, but he didn’t. You expected him to ask about the guy at the gate, he didn’t, so you continued with the strategy.

“Please, I need to see him. I need both of your help! These people, they’re following me… Two women, and one guy. I didn’t see him well, but I saw the girls, they were shooting at me! Who are they?!”

FauxSam was trying to stifle a smile until you mentioned the people chasing you. “They’re not good people. We’ll take care of them. As for Dean, well I’m sorry to say Dean is indisposed at the moment. I feel terrible we didn’t get back for you. We took care of the problem then went for drinks. He’s been tied up with some blonde ever since.”

“He—he what?” you whimpered. It wasn’t real, that you knew, but just the idea of it was enough to lend authenticity to your reaction.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. But, you know… I’ll tell you what. I’ll take you to him, let you see for yourself.”

“Yeah,” you sniffled, dragging the back of your hand across your face. “Yes, I need to see for myself!”

He helped you up off the ground and motioned for the others to come over. You were trying to get an idea of where everything was, so when it was time to go, you could make a fast getaway without any surprises. FauxSam told them to go back inside and get ready, someone may be coming after you.

They nodded in understanding and he started you down the path towards the barn. As you got closer, you could feel his grip getting tighter on your arm, and you knew that he had no intention of letting you leave the barn. You just had to get inside, first.

When you reached the doors, he unlocked the latch and pulled it open with one hand. Dean was sitting on the floor, passed out. His head and face were bloody, his arms tied around a post behind him.

“Dean?!” you cried, knowing it would prompt the confrontation, but you also hoped it would wake him up. It didn’t.

FauxSam pushed you forward into the barn, but the doors didn’t close behind you. A tall, blonde with resting bitch face came from the shadows with a length of rope. “See, told ya Dean was tied up with a blonde. Am I a man of my word, or what?”

From outside, there were shouts and an eruption of gunfire coming from the house. FauxSam turned to the blonde and pushed you at her. “Tie her up!”

She did as told while he took off outside to see what was happening. She grabbed a fistful of your hair and threw you down to the ground near Dean hard enough for your head to bounce off the wooden beam you were about to be tied too.

“Might as well let you two be close for the remainder of time we keep you alive,” she snickered as she bound your hands together near his.

Dean was still unconscious. You could feel his hands against yours, and regardless of the situation, felt a rush of relief. They were still warm. The moment the blonde turned her head, you shook your arm the best you could and finally felt the knife slipping down into your hand. Going at it completely blind, you let your hands feel around for the best place to start cutting. The consistent sawing motion against Dean’s hands must have been enough to wake him up. You could feel him moving behind you and nearly burst into tears of relief.

More noise from out front. You did your best to move faster, but the knife was taking its sweet time getting through the ropes. Dean moaned behind you. You glanced over your shoulder to see where blonde Barbie went and found her standing at the entryway trying to make out what was happening at the house. She turned quickly towards you, snarled a smile, and you watched as she seamlessly transformed into you.

The timing was unfortunate. Just as you realized what she was doing, Dean woke up. He didn’t see you tied up behind him, just the fake you by the door.

“Y/N?” he asked groggily, trying to shake the cobwebs out. “What the hell…”

“Dean, it's not me!” you called from behind him, causing him to turn as much as he could and saw you tied up with him.

“What the hell?!” he barked again, looking between the two of you.

She started to mimic your voice, pleading with him to look at her. Pay attention to her. He was listening, and just as the knife broke through the ropes, Dean was trying to get up on his feet. With the jumbled mess of knots, you had cut through his binds instead of your own. The knife fell from your hand just before he got up. You were desperately trying to find it, but couldn’t.

All you could do is search for it blindly as you watched Dean approach the other you. She couldn’t help but wear your expression of surprise as he stalked her way.

“You’re supposed to be tied up!” she screamed in your voice.

“Yeah, well, you’re not supposed to look like my girlfriend!” Dean bit back. That’s when you saw he had the blade, having grabbed it as he was getting up. He raised it and quickly plunged it right into her heart.

A small scream escaped you before you bit your lip to hold it back. Dean turned back to you, his face going momentarily soft before he was on his knees by your side and cutting you loose. The moment your arms were free, you curled them around his neck and held him tightly. Standing, still in the embrace, Dean wrapped you up and buried his face into your neck.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, his words muffled into your neck. The feeling of his breath against your neck made you squeeze him tighter.

“I can’t believe we found you.” Your voice broke slightly, and he pulled back for a moment to gaze at your face.

Dean gave himself about fifteen seconds to take you in, leaving you with a soft smile. “We gotta go.”

“I know—” gunfire, a bit closer now rang out “—they’re coming. Come on!”

You grabbed Dean’s hand and headed towards the rear barn door. Just as you grabbed the handle, the door was jerked open and Sam was standing there. He saw Dean and a smile broke out across his face. He gave you a nod of approval and grabbed his brother by the shoulders, pulling him into a tight embrace.

Dean wiggled out of it and pulled you close to him, as he raised the knife in his hand in defense. “Back off you freak! I know you’re not Sam! Try to scam me with some second-rate replica of my Baby, then try to hurt my girl?! Man, you don’t know the depths of pain I wanna reign down on you!”

“Dean! No, it's me! The real me!” Sam held his hands up defensively, taking his finger off the trigger of the gun he was carrying. “Dean look at me. It’s me. I’m your real brother. The shifter, the one that took my form, he’s dead. We got ‘em.”

From behind, Ellen and Jo came running up, both of them splattered with blood and breathless. Ellen smiled at you and Dean. “Glad you’re both still standin’.” She gave you a wink and pulled Dean in close, giving him a quick squeeze.

“Ellen? Jo?” Dean questioned his face a mixture of surprise, confusion, and relief.

“I’m all for family reunions, but we better book it, still a few shifters left as far’s I can tell. Todd and Bruce got a couple round back, but there’s a lot more gunfire from out from then there should be,” Jo informed before turning back and checking the perimeter.

Dean still looked suspicious, but seeing Ellen and Jo, with Sam, gave him enough trust to follow when everyone started to move out of the barn. Within a few minutes, you pushed through a couple yards of thicket to find most of your caravan waiting for you.

Todd and Bruce were just pulling in and getting out of their truck, but there was no sign of the Nate, other hunter that had come along for the ride. When Ellen silently questioned where they were with a single look, they both slowly shook, then hung their heads. A moment of silence rippled through the small group, and for the first time since hooking up with Dean’s family, you could feel the enormous sense of loss they collectively had. Dean’s fingers curled into yours and squeezed your hand; he didn’t let go.

“We’ll take care of Nate proper, but right now I need everyone to put ‘em out. Gotta check and be sure everyone’s who they say they are.”

Everyone obliged, and everyone passed the silver test. Dean, realizing Sam was really Sam, embraced him with a hard smack on the back and sigh of relief. “Man am I glad to see you.”

“Same here,” Sam replied; his whole expression was smiling. “Took us a while, but we found you. We got some catching up to do, huh?” Sam’s eyes flickered to you, but his attempt to be subtle went unsuccessful.

Ellen cleared her throat. “First thing’s first, let’s go see if we can find the others and rid this Earth of any other shifters we come across. Y/N’s truck is still up by the house. Let’s circle back ‘round, see what we can see.”

“Whoa,” Dean griped and tugged on your elbow so you couldn’t walk away. “Your truck is up there. Why? Why were you anywhere near these things? Speaking of… how the hell did you get tied up in there, cause last I remember--”

“She’s the reason we got to you so easily, Dean. Y/N had the plan, took out the guy at the gate, got us a way in to easily distract them,” Sam answered and looked at you, a sense of pride written across his face. “You did great.”

Dean turned to you with a look of pride and fear, “I guess we have some catching up of our own to do.”

“Guys, we really gotta go. Plenty of time for this later,” Ellen said with a warning.

Everyone agreed and dispersed between the vehicles and headed back towards the area of the gunfire. Your truck was where you left it but now surrounded by half a dozen bodies. When you got out of the truck, you reached around and removed Dean’s gun from its hiding place under the coat.

“I believe this belongs to you.”

He took it from you and held it with great care. You could tell from his expression that he remembered it, which probably meant he remembered more, if not everything else about his life. Ellen’s words from before echoed in your ears, plenty of time for that later…

“Stay here, okay?” he said, checking the clip and turning off the safety. “Jo will stay with you, right?” his gaze asked her not to challenge his request.

“Yeah, whatever,” she huffed and turned back towards the house.

“Keep the engine running. This won’t take long,” he said and kissed your forehead before joining Sam, Ellen, and the others to check out the house.

Once they were inside, you could feel Jo’s eyes on you. You tried to act like it didn’t bother you, but you were one more dirty look away from being unable to hold your tongue.

“So, you and Dean… that’s a thing?”

You shrugged. “We’re close.”

“I could tell. But Dean’s a sweet guy. He likes to take care of the people he cares about.”

“I know. Even when he didn’t know who he was, all he wanted to do was help me.”

“Exactly,” she said with a raise of her brow. “Guess what I’m sayin’ is, don’t take too much of his affection for anything but, you know, him wantin’ to help. This whole life is new to you, so you don’t know the rules.”

“The rules?”

“Mhm. Hunters… they don’t get to have a life you know. Husbands, wives, moms, dads, kids… they always get broken up cause one of them dies ugly. It happened to Sam and Dean, happened to me. Hell, to every hunter I’ve ever known. They all got a sad story that kicked off the life for them. We don’t fall in love or settle down. We deal in whiskey and one-night stands. So, if you’re thinkin’ Dean is gonna be anything more than that for you, you got another thing comin’.”

“I don’t expect anything from Dean,” you bit back, eliciting a raise of one thin brow from Jo.

“If you say so,” she mumbled. “Guys like him, they don’t even know what the apple pie life is all about. Girl like you,” she paused giving you a once over, “you wouldn’t know how to handle a guy like him.”

“For the record, you don’t know anything about what Dean and I have, don’t have, or have been through. Don’t assume to know anything about me Jo, ‘cause I guarantee, you’d be wrong. I don’t need to have grown up a hunter to understand what loss feels like, or pain, or pain because of loss. You think you have the market cornered? Or is this just your way to try and scare me away from pursuing Dean when this is all over?”

Jo scoffed. “Please, if you really want the headache, you can have him. He already tried his luck with me and failed.”

“Then you’re a bigger idiot than I thought.”

“Excuse me?” she challenged, just as the back door opened, Todd and Bruce exiting and letting the door go to sharply bang against the frame.

She rolled back on her heel and turned back towards the house again. The back door flew open again and Ellen came out with Sam and Dean, who were carrying out one of the other hunters who’d been lost. Your gut lurched at the sight of them carrying their friend, now covered with a sheet and being gently laying him in the back of Ellen’s truck.

“Place is cleared out,” Todd said, “We’re gonna roll out if Y'all are good.”

“We are, thanks, boys. We’ll get him home and have a proper pyre built for a hunter’s funeral.” Ellen nodded towards the body in the bed of the truck. “I’ll give ya a call when we do.”

Once the goodbyes were said, they hopped in their truck and headed out. Suddenly feeling awkward, you walked around to the cab of your truck, climbed in and watched as Sam and Dean chatted with Jo and Ellen. You tried not to let what Jo said permeate too deeply into your mind, at least not until you could have a moment alone with Dean. Everything had gone down so quickly, you barely had a moment to appreciate in the fact that he was alive and well. But her words echoed nonetheless, and they were starting to create a cavern of doubt.

You watched through the now dirty windshield as Dean hugged both Jo and Ellen as they climbed into their truck and drove off down the long driveway. The brothers paused to talk for a moment and ended the quick conversation with a hug. When they both approached the truck, Sam came around to the driver’s side and motioned for you to roll down your window.

“Why don’t you let me drive back. You drove all the way here, and its been a long night,” he popped the door open, “slide over.”

You did so without any hesitation, glad to have someone else do the driving. Dean climbed into the passenger side, closing the door behind him. “Ready to roll?” he asked looking between you and Sam.

Sam nodded and took off, not too far behind Ellen and Jo. Dean put his arm around your shoulder and drew you into him. The adrenaline was finally wearing off, and exhaustion was setting in. Despite the million thoughts racing through your head, you closed your eyes and buried yourself into Dean’s side. He kept his arm protectively around you for the entire ride back to Harvelle’s Roadhouse.

  The funeral happened later that night. Todd and Bruce returned briefly to pay their respects, along with the other half dozen hunters that were at the bar. Once the flames died out, and the business was done, everyone began dispersing in separate directions. Ellen went back to tending bar, Jo and a few others were discussing a possible case, and Sam and Dean were talking near the wreckage of the Impala.

In the time since you got back, you were weighing your next move. You needed to find a moment to talk to Dean and figure out what it was that he wanted from you, and you from him. But with the funeral preparations and the amount of people constantly interrupting, you’d given up and just laid low. The more you watched Dean in his element, the more you convinced yourself of what you had to do.

By the time the sun had set, and the half moon was high in the sky, Dean found you sitting in the bed of your pickup. You were looking up at the stars starting to come out, slowly swinging your feet back and forth.

“Hey stranger,” he smiled, extending his hand out to offer you a beer.

You shook your head in decline and moved over so he could take a seat next to you.

“How’s it feel to be home?” you asked, trying to maintain an even exterior and not let your melancholy show.

“This isn’t exactly home, but it's nice finding my brother. Ellen and Jo, too.”

“So, did it all come back, or just some of it?”

“Most, I guess,” Dean shrugged, “some things are still sorta blank, but I know who I am. I remember my parents and a lot from my life.”

“Then why don’t you look happy? I thought you’d be glad to have found them.”

He sighed beside you and took your hand. “I am, really. But, I just wasn’t ready to leave what we had yet.” Dean’s voice broke the slightest bit, but you couldn’t look at him, nor could he look at you. “I never really had normal before and staying with you gave me that. I think that’s why I resisted remembering anything.”

“But now that you have, you can’t deny you’re back where you should be.”

His head snapped around, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“I just mean that you’re with your family. This maybe isn’t your home, but you’re back in your life. You gotta admit, it's much more exciting than stocking shelves at some crappy general store in the middle of nowhere.”

Dean scoffed, “Don’t underestimate the power of normal, sweetheart.”

You hopped off the bed of the truck and tucked your hands into the pockets of his coat that you were still wearing. “I don’t. Trust me. That’s why I’m gonna head home. Get back to some kind of normal.”

“You’re leaving?” Dean was hurt, it read through every feature built into his expression. “Why?”

“You’re where you’re supposed to be. I need to go home and do the same. I am not cut out for this sort of life, and now that you remember, how could you think about coming back with me? What you and your brother do it too important. I know the rules now, I get it.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah… a hunter’s life is about the job. Normal living doesn’t exist.”

Dean shook his head and sighed. “Look, I don’t know what you think you know, but it’s possible—”

“It’s not,” you said, cutting him off abruptly. “It’s not for me. I’m sorry, Dean. I better get going, long drive, and I’m already beat.”

“Y/N, please, just stay here for tonight. Have some real food, get some sleep. I’m not ready for you to go yet.”

“I can’t Dean, I have to go home.”

“And then what, this is over?” he asked desperately, motioning between the two of you. “This is just done?”

“You were only staying with me because you didn’t know where to go. You had just remembered your name, and that there was someone out there named Sam. Well, Sam’s here. This is your—”

“Don’t say it again. This is not where I belong!” he shouted, quickly regretting it. “I’m sorry, I—I’m just not ready for you to go, that’s all. What we had, before all this shit blew up was pretty damn good, I think. I’m not ready for that to just be done because I remember who I was.”

“It was good. Great, in fact,” you agreed, fighting the urge to touch him, “But I told you, your life would come crashing in, and it did. Nearly killing you. That’s not something I can watch happen on a regular basis. So, better to let it end now before either of us were too invested.”

You felt yourself being cold, and it was the exact opposite of what you truly felt. Letting him go hurt more than many of the hurts that had come before it. This one was deep, but somehow you convinced yourself it was what needed to happen.

Dean sat quietly for a moment. He slid off the bed of the truck and stood close enough for you to smell the liquor on his breath. “I guess I can’t make you stay,” he said softly, “but you gotta know that I stayed because its where I wanted to be. On that couch, watching that crazy lady with the lights, feet up on the coffee table with my girl at my side.”

The heat of tears burned beneath your lids, and you didn’t think you’d be able to hold them off much longer. If you stood there and continued to listen to him talk, you’d never be able to leave. You shoved your hands deeper into your pockets, forcing them to stay there so you didn’t reach out for him. But it didn’t stop him from reaching for you.

Dean took your shoulders in his hands, looking you square in the eye. “You came all this way because in your gut you felt like something was wrong. Your gut was right. You found my friends and my brother because you knew I needed help. Your plan, the one you knew would work, is what got us out in almost one whole piece. I trust your gut. So, if you tell me that this all meant nothing, and your gut, right here and now is telling you to go. Then, I won’t stop you. But, if any part of you believes what I do and that this isn’t over, please stay. Just tonight.”

You thought about what you wanted, and what you felt needed to be. You wanted to stay; thought you should stay. Everything in him was pleading with you to do so. But the voice that spoke over that, the one that lived in the worst parts of yourself, was the loudest. That voice was urging to you to run far away before you could get hurt or before he could hurt you. It was the voice of fear.

“I wish I could Dean, but I have to go home,” you said flatly and avoiding his gaze.

The corners of his mouth drew down into a disappointed smirk. “Well, uh, alright then.” His hands slipped from your shoulders and back to his sides with a thump. “Thank you, for all you’ve done for me; for saving my life. I won’t forget it. I won’t forget you, ever.”

Time was running out for you to maintain the will to leave. There was so much you wanted to say but somehow held it in. “Take care of yourself, Dean.”

You turned away quickly, the tears wouldn’t wait any longer. Sam was walking towards you from the bar with a smile. It faded quickly when he saw your cheeks wet from the ones that escaped already.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You didn’t look at him or say anything. You just climbed into the truck and turned the ignition. Looking up, you saw Dean standing in your side view mirror. He was angry and sad, all of which showed throughout his body. You hated yourself for leaving, but the fear was settling in over everything the way it always did.

Fear. Its what drove most of your life. You grew up in it, lived it every day. It conditioned you to stay quiet, not follow your gut.

You cut the wheel and turned sharply, straight down the dusty drive that took you to the main road. The last bit of sun’s light was gone in the west. The stars and moon giving you a sheer blanket of light in any direction. All the emotion that had built up over the last forty-eight hours came pouring out as you blindly barreled towards the STOP sign.

Fear is what made you stay after your mother died. Fear is what made you bring Shane back when you knew he’d be nothing but a bully. Fear is what kept you living in the house where you grew up petrified every day and working at the store when it was the last thing you wanted for your life.

The only time fear wasn’t an issue, was after you met Dean. He made you better. He made you brave. He’s the reason you left home and set out in the unknown. You would have never done that before. You always played things safe, and now your conditioning was pulling you back to that when it was the last thing you needed or wanted.

Your inner voice screamed at you to stop, making you slam on the brakes and put the truck in park. Hanging your head, your body just expelled every last bit of emotion you’d stored up until you felt like there was nothing left. Time wasn’t of importance, but you were there long enough for Dean to walk the length of road. He gave you a minute, but when you didn’t get out of the truck, gently knocked at your window.

When you opened the door to the truck, he stepped aside to give you room, but the moment he saw your face streaked with tears, he didn’t give you a chance to stop him. Dean pulled you into a tight embrace and rested his lips on the top of your hair. When he felt your body stop shaking, he pulled away just enough to really look you in the eyes.

“Gonna stay?”

You nodded softly.

“Good. Hungry?”

You nodded again, this time with a slight chuckle.

“Ellen’s got a feast in there. C’mon. I’ll drive us back.”

  SIX MONTHS LATER…

“No, I didn’t get it yet, Ellen. I’ll call Sam though, he was supposed to bring it back with him… I—I don’t know…. He’s due in tonight I think…”

Ellen chatted on and didn’t let you answer before asking another round of questions. You were trying to balance restocking behind the counter, as well as hold the phone between your ear and shoulder. When blessedly, the little bell rung over the door, giving you an out to end the call.

“Ok El, look, gotta go, Todd just came in. I’ll text you when I hear from Sam.”

Quickly ending the call, Todd greeted you with a grin and came over to the counter. “Hey, girlie. You got the goods?” he gave you a cheeky wink, eliciting a dramatic eye roll from you.

“They’re round back. Why do you have to make it weird?” you asked playfully disgusted, going back your business behind the counter putting away the new shipment of herbs.

“’Cause, he’s just that kinda guy,” Dean said, coming out of the warehouse with an armload of boxes. He placed them down at Todd’s feet and extended a hand in greeting. “Aren’t ya Todd?”

“We’re all known for somethin’,” he said and winked again before picking up what Dean left on the floor. “Thanks for these. Our friends in the north appreciate your efforts.”

“Well, there’s about five dozen of each in there. The rock salt rounds are on the bottom. The others are mixed in the top boxes. Either way, just let me know what you need more of and when.”

Todd nodded in thanks and tipped a wave to you before heading out. Dean got the door for him and as you watched Todd leave, you felt yourself smile. Dean caught a glimpse of your wistful expression and walked around the counter to where you were.

He grabbed your hips from behind and pulled you back into him. “Where’d your mind go?” he asked, his breath warm and inviting on your ear. If you didn’t know he had to leave to meet up with Sam, it would have been enough for you to lock the door and pull him back into the warehouse for a quickie.

“Just thinkin’ bout how much I love all this,” you replied, motioning to the store in front of you, then reaching around and grabbing his ass with a squeeze. “And this. Feels crazy that this is life now.”

As you looked out around the store, you realized how much things really had changed. Sure there were still all the usual items the regular customers purchased. But now that included hunters, too. Stocking the shelves with anything that they could use that wouldn’t bring too much suspicion, and all the things that would be weird to have on the shelves were available in the back. Salt rounds, special herbs, silver, dead man’s blood… whatever you needed to kill something ugly, could be found or located through your new business.

“Deciding to take on a hunter’s life isn’t easy,” he said, resting his chin on your shoulder, “but what you’ve made here, is a damn good way to live it.”

“What WE made here. I couldn’t have done it without you and Sam.”

From behind you, the secondary phone line started ringing.

“Is that the bat phone?” Dean asked moving you aside to check. “You get that, I gotta run. Sam should be about an hour out. I’ll be home soon,” Dean said, turning you to face him so he could kiss you. The phone rang again, and he pulled back. “Better answer that, or the people of Gotham are gonna be cranky.”

You hit him playfully in the chest. “Be careful. I love you, jackass.”

“I love you, too. Won’t be late!” he said and gave you a playful smack on the ass just as you picked up the receiver.

Clearing your throat, you answered, “Stranger Things, whatcha need?”

 Dean paused for a moment before heading through the back door and out to the parking lot. He watched her on the phone behind the counter taking an order and smiled to himself. She was happy, in her element and yet still finding her place in this new life. Somehow, they’d made it work, finding a balance of normal, and not so normal. Even when the scales were tipped on one direction over the other, Dean was happy. Because after a hunt with his brother, or at the end of the day working in the store, he could come home relax on the couch with Netflix and his best girl by his side. For the first time in his life, he felt a normalcy and completion he didn’t think could exist. But it did. Here. With her.

This is the last part of The Stranger. Once you read, if you feel like you want more from this particular world, I have ideas, and I’d love to continue it. But I’d love to do so as a requested series - one written with prompts or requests by you! If that’s something you’re up for, finish this part and feel free to send me an ask! 

#dean x you #dean x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester fan fics #dean winchester x reader insert #spn fan fiction #spn fanfics #dragongirl writes #the stranger

[endwalkr]

pspspsppspspsppsps 2. 6(mostly curious if she even has a natural hair color ajhsfsjds). 8. 10. 15(besides raha 🔫). 20. also i keep forgetting to ask but do you want the Alpine Chandelier back or can i desynth it?

okay disclaimer i dont have a lot, if any, lore written out for aeda, so this is more or less an excuse to have some concrete thoughts about her. under the cut because i dont know how long thisll get

2. Does your WoL have a recurring nightmare (or more)? What is it?

ok i answered this with a paragraph and tumblr didnt save it to the draft. attacka. anyway i said she probably dreams about 1) fully turning into a sineater (cause even though it didnt happen, emet was REALLY chastising about it) and hurting people. 2) since graha is her girlfriend, she probably dreams about him a lot too. shit like finding him fucken dead in miami (amaurot), him actually managing to sacrifice himself at mt gulg, the soul transfer to the source not working, THAT BULLSHIT HE PULLED IN ULTIMA THULE. she may be a bit worried abt him i think.

6. Is that their natural hair color?

i dont think so! she started off with brown hair (like mine lol, wonder why that is) no idea how hair dyeing works for miqote, given the tail and ears and all, but im sure it works somehow. the aesthetician is a magician! (aeda is probably his favorite customer LOL)

8. How do they feel about the fame/infamy that comes with being a Warrior of Light/Darkness?

honestly its hard to even wrap my head around this in the first place, i cant even imagine what it must feel like. i think that probably over time she kind of gets a bit desensitized to it -- or decides to try not to think about it and just focus on herself, the scions, and achieving their goals. the pressure of all those expections in both the source and the first must kind of be a lot. she cares about the people a lot (otherwise she would never have been here) so she probably understands that they need a hero to look up to. nevertheless its an insane pedestal to be put upon so i wouldnt be surprised if having to save the day for everyone gets too much LOL as for the sort of mythical reputation she has, for people who dont know her, she probably understands as well, but when people are sceptic of her or just assholes abt it (cause god some ppl are needlessly cruel to her) she thinks like "i understand your sitiation but none of you have any idea that im also just a little guy and not some sort of demigod. like im just doing my best"

10. Do they misuse any of their abilities?

i dont... think so? i think she genuinely tries to do whats best, i feel like she would think it cruel to hydaelyn to misuse her gift. (as for her more physical strengths, still i dont think she would use those for evil shes a good girl.) but then theres the issue of all the violence, which in her mind could be perceived as her "misusing her abilities", because despite the fact she and the scions are doing whats best for the world at large, she has kind of had to kill and destroy a lot. of enemies. and sometimes they were not even really enemies. it probably doesnt feel great that she knows how much blood and destruction is on her hands

15. Which NPC are they the most similar to?

(EDIT i somehow read "NPC" and my brain redirected it to scion LOL uhm whoopsie) like... physically or personality wise? im not allowed to mention raha apparently, though he without a doubt is a carbon copy of her. accidentally i swear. i like my cat to have coral pink hair and red clothes, not my fault a certain catboy dresses like that too!

anyway. as for more personality wise... im... not allowed to mention graha...... soo... maybe alisaie? cares a LOT, very passionate and determined, but can be a little bit reckless and impulsive at times?? i think in aeda's case its rather that she forgets her limits at times, shes been through worse so she can push herself through this right?? promptly collapses. lol. i think she does lose herself a bit like that. she knows she has to be responsible and careful, seeing as how many people are depending on her, but honestly i dont blame her for b. br. breaking. her limits. um what's that police siren in the background

20. When in the story was their highest point? When were they at their lowest?

well there have been lots of highs and lows in the story. a lot of moments of "ohh god its really all just terrible right now" but the first notable one is probably the end of ARR and the bloody banquet. it was such a sudden change of events, her being accused of REGICIDE, all her friends scattering to the winds, being hunted for sport in uldah, her CITYSTATE... not to mention her seeing alphinaud have a bad time with the crystal braves. thank god haurchefant was there to offer them some hot chocolate because good lord that situation was dire. also i think she had a really bad time when haurchefant died. lol. that was like the first time she really lost someone that she was close with. (you got a storm coming bby girl)

ANYWAY that was just one. the second low was, well, when she had an entire norvrandt's worth of light in her and ALSO EMET SELCH SHOT HER CATBOY GIRLFRIEND . like the section in shadowbringers from mt gulg to defeating emet was not extremely intense story wise (like stuff Happened but we were just trying to make our way thru the tempest mostly), but obviously the wol was fucking going thru something. the fear of her fully turning into a sineater and 1) destroying the scions and 2) allowing emet to use the crystal tower to commit atrocities 3) possibly also endanger the source if emet decided to unleash her there. thats not great. LIKE SHE WAS READY TO SET OFF TO THE TEMPEST ALONE WTF. thank god the scions are fucking ride or die . basically the "this is fine" meme except she was trying to stop herself from becoming a monster. um.

OOF. AS FOR HIGHEST MOMENTS. why is this one significantly harder to think of??? its just been kind of shitty things happening all the time LOL. i honestly dont know because while there were some times of respite and peace, there was always another threat looming on the horizon you know?? i guess some good moments for her were

1) defeating nidhogg and finally bringing about an end to the dragonsong war, saved estinien and all of ishgard was happy. not very long lasting though because in the next patch a poisoned alisaie falls on yr doorstep sjfjdj aeda did get to hang out with aymeric though!

2) like, after 5.3? all the scions happy and safe back in the source, new additional catboy girlfriend scion, a time of some rest after the ordeals of shadowbringers and being able to kind of come back home.

3) after endwalker maybe... like 6.1 is delightful for her because she gets to go back to her beginnings, adventuring, instead of having the world on her shoulders. but all the memories of what happened in endwalker must kind of weigh on her still... being in elpis, the world falling apart everywhere, people turning, killing zodiark, hydaelyn passing, ultima thule, ultima thule, the last area in the game, all her friends sacrificing themselves one by one (yeah they came back but STILL), ultima thule, GRAHA'S STUPID FUCKING CRYSTAL BRIDGE THAT RUINS MY LIFE EVERY TIME I SEE IT, the twins, ultima thule, meteion, zenos, and nearly dying at the edge of the universe... shit fucking sucked bby girl. so i dont think she has moved on yet. but the transition of her laying down the sword and shield for now and picking back up a role less of a protector but an adventurer (the bow), it being the first time pretty much ever, that she didnt have a conflict or threat to keep in the back of her mind, i think she has potential to flourish.

so it seems her highest moments are mostly moments of rest and peace, which for someone called the warrior of light probably makes sense, the poor thing. like i could recount the greatest victories but lets be real, saving the source and the first from destruction was not as joyful because it came at the cost of defeating one of the last ancients. pretty much everything aeda has achieved has a bittersweet tone to it, always losses on both sides, so i dont know if you can call those her greatest moments... being able to see the people she cares for be safe and happy makes her feel more powerful than all those battles she has fought.

bonus:

yeah ill take it back

shoutout to all the sexy bitches of this earth who read all this, i offer you photos

#asks #its honestly a little hard to imagine my current aeda in hw/stb/5.0 LOL cause i was a dragongirl at the time #regardless i care her #just in case: #long post #i hope the read more works sjgdghn #me: god i hate writing essays its so god awful i hate writing #me: writes all this bs abt my beloved wol<3 in like 15 minutes

[dragongirl218]

FFXV Week - Worst Cooks of Eos

Title: “Season 1 Episode 1″

Rating: G

Pairings: None/Gen

Warnings: Descriptions of gross food

Summary: “I’m Ignis Scientia, the chef of Kings.”  “And I am Ardyn Izunia, award winning self-taught chef and the best cook in all the Empire~”  “This season, we’ll take some of the worst cooks in all of Eos and compete against each other to see who can make the best chef out of this sorry lot.”

(Or, I am a huge fan of Worst Cooks in America and this is a crack fic based on the first episode of every season where we get to see just how awful the chefs are.  If you are at all squeamish about descriptions of nasty-ass food, please don’t torture yourself with this)

“Good morning, dear cooks~” Ardyn greeted as the group of Worst Cooks filed into the studio kitchen.  They all looked like poor little things, intimidated by the mere sight of of legitimate cookware and fresh ingredients, not to mention the two celebrity hosts.

“We’re going to start you off nice and easy today,” Ignis announced, which made the contestants snap their attention towards the crisp sound of his voice.  “You will have precisely one hour to prepare for us your best dish, which we will then taste and use that to determine who will be on which team.  And your time starts now!”

The cooks scrambled off into the kitchen, claiming workstations as their own and donning their aprons before running off towards the pantry.  It was a trainwreck, naturally; everyone piled up and trying to shove past each other, all while staring at every food and tool like it was from an alien planet.  Eventually things were sorted out and the cooking began.

Or what passed for cooking, at least.

The first fire was caused by Loqi Tummelt, the fierce General who grew up on rations and food from the Garrison cafeteria.  He had attempted to pan-fry some chicken strips but had neither breaded the chicken nor dried it off, which meant that as soon as the first piece hit the oil, it splattered and bubbled over and the oil caught fire in a dangerous flare-up.  He leaped back, instincts kicking in, but then he stared at the fire in confusion.

“Put it out!” Ignis called out from his perch on the balcony that overlooked the kitchen.  “Throw salt on it!”

The order got Loqi’s attention and he ran off to the pantry to try to find a sufficiently large supply.  But while he was gone, his “neighbor,” Gladio Amicitia had the brilliant idea to fill a bowl with water and made to throw it on the fire.

“No!” Ardyn yelled, and suddenly he was there, holding back Gladio’s arm and taking the bowl of water from him.  “That, dear Gladiolus, would cause the studio to burn down~” he explained in that gentle-yet-commanding tone he had.  At that point Loqi returned and dumped a whole bag of salt into the pan, which smothered the flames.  “You may wish to start from scratch,” he pointed out to Loqi before casually strolling back up to his observation point.

Cindy Aurum and Nyx Ulric also ended up with small fires at their stations, but thankfully those were managed with lids on pans until the flames died.

Amusingly, the only person who suffered a cut was Ravus Nox Fleuret.  The man with a prosthetic metal arm.  Ignis had warned him to use the handguard of the mandolin, but he hadn’t listened, and so he ended up nicking his thumb on the blade.  Thankfully all it took was a bandage and a plastic glove to fix that up~

“Time’s up!” Ignis announced once the clock hit zero, and so it was time to judge dishes.

First up was Noctis Lucis Caelum, whose plate drew mildly disgusted looks from both hosts.  It was a cold flour tortilla with a spread of canned tuna and jam slathered on and topped with shredded cheddar cheese, explained as a complete depression meal.  “...I’ll be honest here.  I’m immortal and I still fear I’d keel over if I consumed that,” Ardyn noted.  Ignis was braver and at least tasted the tuna and jam mixture, and immediately spit it out into a napkin.

Gladio presented what was dubbed a “Jailhouse burrito.”  Which is to say that he’d cooked a block of ramen in the plastic wrapping with boiling water, then rolled the noodles up and placed them under a brick to set them in a roughly burrito-like shape.  The kindest comment came from Ardyn, who called it “creative.”

Prompto Argentum was next.  His dish was blessedly mundane, though the presentation was... something.  “I made a meatloaf shaped like a teddy bear~!” he explained happily.  Both hosts had to admit that it tasted fine, though Ignis pointed out that the unusual shape meant that it was unevenly cooked and therefore the texture was on the unpleasant side.

Cindy presented blackened catfish.  Very blackened.  It, uh.  Caught fire during cooking, and she just rolled with it.  Add in the strange mix of spices and herbs that were both too spicy and too bitter, and Ardyn merely shook his head at the dish that could have been.

Nyx.  Um.  Well.  He tried to make spaghetti.  But his sauce was burned and his noodles were still crunchy and it was just a hot mess on a plate.  Which both hosts made abundantly clear.  Though Ardyn at least praised the fact that Nyx had poured a shot of whiskey for each of them -- Shiva knew he’d need it after this.

Technically speaking, Ravus’s dish was nearly flawless, with perfectly precise knife-cuts and a surprisingly good eye for plating.  Flavor-wise, however...  Let’s say that fish sauce, soy sauce, and Worcestershire sauce should never be mixed together, nor should they be combined with raw oysters in an otherwise fine salad.  In an aside shot, Ravus would admit that the accident that took his left arm also messed with his tastebuds, particularly in that it made him almost numb to the taste of salt.

Aranea Highwind... had a strange obsession with ketchup.  Her dish was essentially ketchup with a side of steak.  And even though it was drowning in ketchup, the steak was unbearably dry and leathery.  “I may need another century to finish chewing this,” Ardyn snarked.

Finally, Loqi presented his chicken strips and fries.  The fries were fine, which wasn’t much to brag about since he’d dumped them into a deep fryer straight from the frozen bag.  Ignis carefully cut open the chicken strip and grimaced.  “You’ve managed to singe the crust, but leave the interior entirely raw,” he noted.  Which got a confused stare from Loqi.  “...You know that raw poultry can carry diseases like salmonella, correct?”

“...Shit, really?” Loqi asked, seemingly only mildly bothered by it.

“What on Eos did we get ourselves into...?” Ardyn asked Ignis with all of the sudden regret in his voice.

#ffxvweek #worst cooks of eos #worst cooks in america #ffxv #final fantasy xv #my writing #dragongirl writes #yes i stole many of these awful ideas from past worst cooks seasons #but let's be real #i can't think of anything worse than what i've seen #like jesus fucking caelum #gross food tw