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dxrlinggxd · 2 years

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analysing the lyrics to 'august' by taylor swift

this is gonna be a long post but i put a lot of effort into it so i hope you like it <3

before i begin, let me explain the folklore love triangle to the unaware. taylor swift's 8th album, folklore, has a love triangle, with all 3 characters getting a song from their povs. the basic story is this: betty and james are together, james sees betty dance with another guy at a school dance (and to add to it, he has social anxiety). he's upset, and while he's leaving, he runs into augustine. he and augustine have a summer fling, but betty finds out and is mad at him. james then breaks things off with augustine and tries to win betty back. the ending is left up to the audience's interpretation.

[note: taylor has used he/him pronouns for james & she/her pronouns for both betty and augustine, so those are what i will be using in this analysis.]

betty's song is 'cardigan', james' song is 'betty' & augustine's song is 'august'.

i'm going to be doing a deep dive into the lyrics of august, happy reading <3

salt air and the rust on your door, i never needed anything more

the opening line sets the scene. they're near the sea, at a beach, possibly staying in a cabin, a typical setting for a summer romance. augustine says 'your door', not 'the door'. already, he (james) is the one with the upper hand. it's his door, his cabin, his terms, but that's all she's ever needed. she's going along with whatever he wants because she'd do anything & put up with anything if it means being able to be with him.

whispers of "are you sure? never have i ever before"

whispers. this is augustine recollecting what happens, and even when she's reminiscing, they're whispering. the moment is in private. it's precious. there is a fond, longing undertone. even after what has happened, she'd still do anything to get that back. the 'never have i ever before' probably means that this is either her or both of their first time having sex. never have i ever is also a popular teen game, so that lays down a light, playful atmosphere. it's a happy memory.

and the whispers themselves: this could either be 1) a conversation between her & james, or 2) one of them saying both sentences. the "are you sure" sounds like asking for consent. they're probably losing their virginities to each other. either way, one thing is clear: uncertainty is a prominent theme in this memory. they don't know what they're doing, but there's a thrill to the unknown, to the riskiness of it all.

"but i can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away into a moment in time, 'cause it was never mine"

to her, this memory exists outside of time. just thinking about it makes her feel everything she did then. however, she also knows that despite how attached she is to it, she has lost the memory to time. she's holding onto whatever she can, but the truth is, it's gone. it was never even hers. the worst part is that even back then, she knew it never belonged to her. she knew she was nothing but a distraction, a lapse in judgement, but she went with it anyway, because she took whatever she could get. she'd rather be a distraction than be nothing.

"and i can see us twisted in bedsheets, august sipped away like a bottle of wine, 'cause you were never mine"

again, adding to the "never have i ever before" part- they slept together. losing one's virginity is a major experience, and that, coupled with the fact that the experience was with james, makes this something she remembers every single detail of.

when teens drink alcohol, it's rarely wine. it's usually beer, or vodka, but never wine. the usage of wine shows how they were trying to be adults, pretending that they were making a mature decision by being together when really, they weren't.

it was sipped away like a bottle of wine. slowly, they got drunk on august. they took sips, and went about it slowly, day by day, until there was nothing left and they had to face reality. if we're taking it literally, they probably spent the entire summer drinking and hooking up.

and finally, "'cause you were never mine." the first part of the chorus ends with "'cause it (august) was never mine", as if blaming the month, the season, and/or time itself. she was blaming fate. here, though, she switches. it's as if, while reminiscing, she has come to terms with the fact that the problem here wasn't with august, it was with them. with him. it wasn't august that was never hers, it was james.

the difference between 'slipped away' and 'sipped away' is stark. one says that it was fleeting and happened quickly & the other says they took their time with it and enjoyed it. the tone of the memory changes with the emotion that augustine reminisces them with. we must remember that both james & augustine (who narrate what happened) are unreliable narrators.

another interesting detail is this: in the previous line, she says "lost in the memory", which is very vague. she isn't delving into the details, just brushing it off, saying "oh, yeah, it was a nice time i guess, but it's in the past now". she follows that up with "it was never mine". in the second line, however, she gets specific, like she's actually thinking over what happened. "twisted in bedsheets" is a specific memory. and when she really lets herself think about what happened, she needs to accept that HE, not it, was never hers.

"your back beneath the sun, wishing i could write my name on it"

again, visual imagery. the picture being painted here appears to be after james and augustine sleep together. augustine must've woken up before him because she's looking at how his back looks in the sun. she wishes she could do something as public as writing her name on it. it's a metaphor for not wanting to have to be a secret, but she knew, even while drowsy and possibly hungover (remember the mention of wine), that it could never be.

also interesting is that "your back" could also be her saying "you're back". it doesn't make sense in the complete context of the line, but thinking of it as an exclamation, a secret exhale hidden within the lyrics is heartbreaking.

"will you call when you're back at school? i remember thinking i had you"

she's either older than him (which would be weird and illegal because james is 17), goes to a different school, or they never interact at school. for the sake of analysis, i'm going to assume it's the 3rd one, but it's open to interpretation.

which means they weren't friends at school. they did not hang out in the same groups. she doesn't even expect him to acknowledge her in public, all she wants to know is if he might call her. in private. she hates being a secret, but she's begging him to let her be one because all the bare minimum is enough to get her by.

the second line is sadder when you remember that just before this, she was wishing she could write her name on his back, but knowing that she couldn't. she KNEW, the whole time, that this was just a fling for him, but deep down she a part of her still thought he truly cared for her, that she was as important to him as he was to her.

(but i can see us...you were never mine)

"back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough, for me, it was enough"

the first part here is a throwback to when they were younger and 'innocent'. when they'd make a mistake, it wouldn't be the end of the world, they'd just learn. that was before her august with james, because that became something she couldn't come back from. if you've heard 'betty', you know that inez, betty's friend, finds out about their fling and tells betty (and possibly more people). seeing as augustine was never a part of their group in the first place, she will likely be always remembered as the girl james cheated on betty with and nothing more than that. this is something that's going to deeply, deeply affect her, both socially and mentally.

but back then, before she'd asked him to get in her car, before the affair, before heartbreak, she'd just been a girl wanting him, and at the time that was enough for her- but it no longer is. now that she knows what it's like to have had him, she doesn't want to go back to merely liking him from a distance.

something else worth noting here is the phrasing of the line. it's as if she's pleading "what you gave me was enough for me, i promise, i don't need anything else, just please come back." or: "i was happy just liking you from the sidelines, but then you turned up and ruined my life", which would have an angry undertone. the beauty of this is that she gives no elaboration, it's just you and your imagination. interpret it how you like.

there's some more wordplay here: when she says wanting, it sounds like she's saying one thing. as in, "one thing was enough." because that's all she needed- him.

"for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all, cancel plans just in case you'd call and say meet me behind the mall"

the "for me it was enough" makes sense as a sentence both with the line before it and the one after it. the sentiment is the same: she was happy with the arrangement. there are contrasting themes here because she's in a messy situation. she's aware she deserves better. she knows she shouldn't be settling for the bare minimum. but now that she's lost what they had, she misses it and wants it back. she doesn't need anything more than what he's ever given her. even at the time of the fling, she prioritised him so much that she'd even cancel plans in case he decided to call her (again, him being the one to call re-emphasises the fact that he's the one with the upper hand here).

"meet me behind the mall" is, taylor swift herself said, the core of the song. it highlights how secretive they were. they could always lie, say they were going to a mall to hang out with their friends or to shop, and then secretly hook up behind it. it's also interesting when you parallel it to the fact that they were also hooking up along the beach, which is a completely different setting. this implies that this affair lasted for a while. there's alliteration used here, too.

wordplay, again: meet me behind the mall also sounds like "meet me behind them all", which, again, goes to prove how staying a secret was the most important part of their relationship.

"so much for summer love and saying us, 'cause you weren't mine to lose"

a heartbreaking contrast to augustine calling what they had "summer love" is james telling betty (in the song 'betty') that what they had was "just a summer thing". and with the second part of this line, again, we're running in circles. she thinks she deserves better, she wants him back, she's being positive about it and then she isn't. but as we're nearing the end of the song, after going through the myriad of emotions and thoughts she had in the aftermath of the affair, she seems to be coming to terms with a single fact: he was never truly hers in the first place.

(chorus x2)

some wordplay: over here, the words "never mine" repeat. it almost sounds as if she's saying "never mind". as in, forget everything i've said, it's okay, i'm okay.

"remember when i pulled up and said get in the car, and then cancelled my plans just in case you'd call, back when i was living for the hope of it all (for the hope of it all), meet me behind the mall" (x3)

we think the song is over after the bridge and third chorus, but she comes swinging again. the fact that she sings this part thrice shows just how massive an impact all this has had on her. if we take the "never mind" into consideration, this hurts more because she thought she was over it, but she isn't.

she isn't ever going to forget what happened. even though she's come to terms with what has happened, she still can't stop thinking about all of it. she's still hung up, because memories don't let one off that easily.

from 'betty' we know that the fling began after augustine asked james to get into her car. we've only been getting snippets of their time together throughout the song, but now, she's replaying the entire affair, right from the beginning. the line that is sung with the most emphasis is "meet me behind the mall" because this line is what perfectly captures their relationship: lying to everyone about going to a mall and then meeting each other, the promises that he made to her about being with her only for him to ditch her the moment august ended, everything she gave up (like the plans she cancelled) just to be able to spend some time with him, and the fact that all of this was on HIS terms. he was asking her to meet him behind the mall, and now she's the one left reminding herself of all the promises he didn't keep.

before i end the analysis, i wanted to address one more thing: her name. both betty and james are named in the lyrics, but augustine isn't. we only started calling her that after taylor swift said that in her head she calls her either augusta or augustine, meaning that until then, we were all calling her 'the august girl' or 'the other girl'. the thing is, that is how probably everyone in the story thought of her as well. (earlier in the analysis, under the "back when we were still changing for the better" part, i talked a bit about this.)

taylor herself talks about this in 'folklore: the long pond studio sessions', where she says that the 'other woman' is always thought of as a bad person, with augustine, she really, genuinely liked james, trying to act cool in front of him (pulling up and being the one to ask him to get into her car, for example). augustine was intentionally left unnamed, because her story is the one that's always left out.

that's the end of the analysis. thank you so much for reading till the end. please let me know if there's anything i left out, i'll add it and credit you.

and to everyone out there who's had their heart broken, regardless of which side of the story you were on, i'm sorry. we all deserve people who acknowledge our existence, at the very least. we deserve to be remembered, to be talked about, to have our emails replied to. we deserve better than the bare minimum, but the sad part is, we don't necessarily even get the bare minimum in the first place. we're all breaking each other's hearts and sobbing into our pillows about it and breaking each other's hearts all over again. i don't know if love is real, or if at some point the cycle stops, but i do know this: spotify is free. as is youtube. and amazon music. and soundcloud. go plug those earphones in and knock yourself out.

@taylorswift @taylornation

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jaynaneeya · 1 year

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Feeling so many feelings about the lack of romance in Headless: A Sleepy Hollow Story (spoilers ahead so please watch it before reading this. Actually watch it regardless of whether you read this.)

I feel like the general perception of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow is that it's about Ichabod and Brom fighting because they're in love with Katrina. But if you actually read the story, them wooing her feels like more of a status thing than an actual romantic thing, and Katrina is so underdeveloped that we have no idea how she feels about any of this. Naturally, with Sean Persaud playing Ichabod and Mary Kate Wiles playing Kat, my expectation going into Shipwrecked's version was that they were absolutely going to be in love with each other and their romance was going to drive the story, much as Poe and Annabel's had driven their previous series. Ichabod and Katrina don't end up together in the original story, so if I'd thought about it I might have anticipated some tragedy would pull them apart, but regardless, I thought this was definitely going to be another MK/Sean love story.

And then...it wasn't? Ichabod definitely had a crush on Kat, but she was responding very confusingly, and the story was way more about hijinks with the horseman's heads and the history of Sleepy Hollow and the quirky townspeople than about their relationship. Which was great and kind of what I was hoping for, so perfect, yay, another fabulous Shipwrecked ensemble piece.

And THEN. Out of NOWHERE. We got a wedding plot twist. And here's where others might disagree with me about the lack of romance thing, because I feel like a lot of people definitely interpret the fact that they stayed married to mean that Brom and Matilda fell in love with each other romantically. But from my perspective it absolutely looks like a queerplatonic relationship. They don't even want to kiss at their wedding. Also the fact that Brom was SO OBSESSED with Kat for a full DECADE but then just completely forgets about her when he accidentally marries someone else? That screams aroace pretending/convincing themself to have a crush. Brom even says that "there's always been Tassels and Brunts, forever, getting married and stuff." Brom decided he was supposed to end up with Kat, and he had no alternate plans for if that didn't work out, so he was just waiting for her to come back around to that idea. But then when he marries Matilda instead, he's just like, "Okay, cool, this works." Matilda seems pretty annoyed by Brom early in the series, but she's also mildly amused by him, and definitely recognizes that he's trying to overcome his own toxicity. They've known each other so long that even though they probably don't realize it, they already deeply care about each other as friends. And she's clearly lonely and terrified of losing the few people she loves, so having one of them closer to her probably seems appealing. So they stay married. But I don't believe it's romantic or sexual attraction that brought or kept them together. Which of course is just my personal headcanon, others could reasonably disagree, but I'm just saying, the series at no point disproves this theory.

And then, after the friend group continues to get closer, both to each other and to solving the mystery of the head, we get the immensely satisfying explanation for why Kat's behavior has been so confusing. She never cared about him, she was manipulating him. And what is so. fricking. cool. about what happens next is, Ichabod, instead of dwelling on this heartbreak, turns to his friends, and they all work together to save the day. And in the end, he doesn't have a romantic partner, but he has a community, and he seems to be perfectly satisfied with that, and I think that's so incredibly beautiful.

Poe Party is also about friendship, but the catalyst for the events of the story is Poe's desire to win Annabel away from Eddie. But in Headless, the story is driven by a combination of Ichabod redeeming his family and Matilda trying to save her friend (I realize people are probably going to ship Matilda and Kat, too, but there's no canonical indication that their relationship isn't platonic). I already appreciated Shipwrecked for telling stories that place a lot of emphasis on deep and complex but not romantic relationships, but Headless really takes this several levels beyond what they've previously done. Of course, this is far from the only way Shipwrecked has leveled up with Headless, and it's probably one of the less intentional or noticeable ways. But as an aroace person who has only recently started unpacking the ways that amatonormativity has impacted how I see myself and the world, it means a lot that my favorite creators keep telling stories about people who are very easy to headcanon as aspec.

TL;DR Matilda and Brom are in a qpr, and Ichabod is happy being single with friends, and this means a lot more to me than it probably should

#headless series #shipwrecked comedy #headless spoilers #not quite canon aspec representation #but DARN close #unnecessarily long post is unnecessarily long #was this partly prompted by a youtube comment complaining that ichabod doesn't end up with a romantic love interest? maybe so #i'm not here to invalidate anyone's ships #this is my personal interpretation #but just the fact that it's so easy to interpret the story and relationships this way makes me happy

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kitweewoos · 1 year

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Moodboard prompt! The other mousestead with pining Jay? Hurt me lol

Mouse isn't one for romance, always taking men home to bed just for the night, but there's something special about Will Halstead. Once he's clean, he bumps into his best friend's brother at Molly's where he's taken up a side job. Will is bright, and warm, and when their hands brush, it feels like an electric shock. Will stays late at the bar, long after the last patron had stumbled out, listening to Mouse talk about his day, and offering his own anecdotes. He didn't expect anything from Will, just a friendship that grew with each long chat, except that Will pushed his phone across the counter and said, "gimme your number. I want to send you something." It was a meme and Mouse cackled, and it felt good to laugh with someone like that. They texted often, and repeatedly, and some nights, Will would call Mouse when he wasn't working so they could talk all night. They fell asleep on the phone, and woke up to say good morning before they finally hung up.

"I know you're not a big relationship person, but would you go on a date with me?" Will asks, and Mouse grins because of course, if there's anyone he'll break his rule for, it's a Halstead. Their date was a disaster, Mouse spilling a drink into Will's lap from nerves and Will accidentally bashed his head into Mouse's when they leaned into kiss goodnight, but it was the best disaster Mouse could have hoped for. He wanted another, and another, and he got them, because Will laughed when he did, and pulled him in correctly for the best kiss in the world.

On the other side, Jay Halstead has to watch his best friend, the man he's been in love with since they were soldiers side by side in the desert, fall in love with someone else, and even worse, his own brother. He stares and watches as they go on dates, and hold hands at Molly's, and lean into one another when they're watching the game together, and they kiss in front of Jay as if it's not breaking his heart with each one. He loves the way Mouse's face lights up, and he loves the way Mouse laughs, and he loves the way Mouse is happy. He just wishes that he was the one making Mouse smile like that. He wants to hold Mouse's hand and kiss his cheek and wake up next to him in the morning. The day he finds out that Mouse is not only in a relationship but in a relationship with his brother, Jay is going to tell Mouse about his feelings, and hopefully take him out for tea and dessert.

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you," he starts, but Mouse cuts him off.

"Actually, before you say anything, I need to tell you something, because, uhm - I'm dating Will, and have been for a couple weeks now. He's been nervous to tell you, and I told him I would handle it before he got out of work today, because we're meeting up at Molly's, and I didn't want to spring it on you when you see us together."

"You, you're dating my brother?"

"Yeah, I hope that's okay, because I really like him, a lot, and I can see a future with him, and you know that's not something I really do with anyone."

Jay has to sit back, and watch as they fall so grossly and blissfully in love, and pretend that he was happy for them, that he wasn't dying inside waiting for something that couldn't happen, wouldn't happen. He paints on a smile, and he pretends he's happy, and he lives each day knowing his heart belongs to someone who will never love him back.

#chicago pd #chicago med #cpd #cmed #one chicago #other moustead #greg mouse gerwitz #mouse gerwitz #will halstead #jay halstead #cmed moodboard #cpd moodboard #chicago pd moodboard #chicago med moodboard #ask tag #talk to me #hey nonny nonny #kit creates #kazoo moodboard

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: What it is, right, your twin left her coat at CG earlier & it's my neck if it's not back in her hands by me next shift Jimmy: pass it on Janis: Hmm Janis: Are you sure you've got the right person here? Jimmy: Grace Cavante is your sister isn't she? One of Janis: Unfortunately Janis: No doubt she'd rather you gave it to her yourself and that feeling is mutual, like Janis: Get a clue, lad Janis: couldn't be less obvious 'less she left her knickers Jimmy: Stop your chatting, a sec Jimmy: nowt's mutual that's why I'm asking you to get it, not her Jimmy: The resale's nowt either, I had a look Janis: You're in my inbox? Janis: Knew you were lost Janis: Poor Gracie, first you pie her then you call her cheap, gutted Jimmy: I've been round your family tree about 4 times Jimmy: Can't call myself lost Jimmy: You gonna grab this or nah? Janis: Unlucky, but I ain't gonna cry for you Janis: Wrong twin, again like Janis: What's in it for me? Already told me I can't flog it Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: well I'd shout you a muffin but if you're anything like her, I'll be the one eating it when you don't & I'm watching my figure meself Jimmy: guess the pleasure of my company works if you are? Janis: Tell you ain't from 'round here Janis: No 🍀 Janis: Nothing like her Jimmy: sounds more like my luck's finally in Jimmy: got enough stalkers Jimmy: more than I've done shifts Jimmy: what you want then, other twin? Janis: Not that I doubt how special you are Janis: I completely do, by the way Janis: You get to thinking how you can make me having to fucking regale every detail of this frankly riveting convo to my sister worthwhile and I'll get to walking, yeah? Jimmy: You wound me, girl 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: I sought you out, whereas she's been in my inbox unread since my moving in date, that'd do for starters Janis: If the situation's a dire as you reckon, you'll have plenty consolation, boy Janis: Welcome Janis: State, honestly Jimmy: You're my consolation if you do me this delivery Jimmy: feeding me to the wolves in lipstick if you don't, basically Jimmy: 'ave it on your conscience if you want, mate Janis: Fucking Hell, if I start atoning for all her cringe or offering myself up as 'consolation' to every lad she makes a tit out of herself in front of I'll never get anything done Janis: Ugh, alright, brains, do your job for you as well, shall I? Just put your mate's number on her to-go 'stead of yours, yeah? Jimmy: alright but how many of 'em are coming to you direct for help, I'm making myself look as much of a tit here, aren't I? Jimmy: brutal you Jimmy: newbies don't have mates to throw under buses Janis: Well, don't be fooled by how available I seem Janis: phone never stops, like Jimmy: I'll find another way then Jimmy: if you stop by for coffee I'll misspell your name like we never chatted, don't worry Janis: Barista bants, how cute Janis: Whatever, it's on my route, I can get it tomorrow AM Jimmy: what you prefer, Janet or Janice? Let me know Janis: 😑 Janis: If you want my sister to ride you, keep on taking the piss, she'll love that, like Jimmy: if you want me to be nice to you, keep using your sister for that A+ excuse Jimmy: 'cause nah, there's nowt more appealing than her getting on her bike Janis: Ha, fuck off, you're the one with a tips jar and manager to keep happy, dickhead Janis: I'm not saying she's not fussy, I'm just saying it might take me several cups of coffee to give you enough 3rd degree burns for her to be #overit Jimmy: funny Jimmy: & im just saying I'd rather give me ex a bell & have her do her worst ruining my life long distance Janis: Worth a shot then, isn't it? Janis: Just try and be less Janis: this Janis: she might reckon you're a changed man Jimmy: is it gonna change your sister's mind about me if I do? Jimmy: 'cause her mates have homewrecker written all over 'em Janis: It was a poor choice of friendship tat, yeah but they ain't the brightest, bless Janis: idk, probably help if the girl was real, mate Jimmy: she is real but shes also real far away Jimmy: & really hates me Jimmy: that's mutual unlike the attraction your little twin is harboring 💔 Janis: 💔 Janis: fuck someone here then, ain't gotta be all 💕 just look enough like it that they write you off their hit lists, yeah Jimmy: proper romantic you Jimmy: I'll go back to the drawing board if its all the same Jimmy: don't need another lass falling for me, do I? Janis: 🙄 Janis: If I had such an easy out, I'd use it Janis: fucking blood ties, such bullshit, along with romance but there we go Jimmy: Easy? yeah alright, Juliet Janis: Not saying you've gotta off yourself with the poor bitch, steady on, though peak 💘 so it is Janis: You're either a 😻 magnet or you ain't, can't have it both ways Jimmy: I just wanna be left alone Jimmy: shouldn't be a lot to ask but until I master leprechaun for fuck off, it apparently is Janis: Preaching to the choir...nah, fuck that, preaching to the big man himself Janis: You work it out, you've got my details now you fucking stalker so hmu then and not before k Jimmy: you know the saying, get stalked enough, become fucked off enough by it to become the stalker Jimmy: or summat Janis: Tragic Janis: No doubt you coulda been something, kid Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: still could Jimmy: if you help me Janis: I don't know how to make a latte, soz Jimmy: not a requirement of dating me, and yeah, my boss is gutted Janis: you what? Jimmy: go out with me Jimmy: you said yourself it don't have to be a love story Janis: um yeah but you should both at least be somewhat into it, ideal world Janis: know you already called me out as the romantic here but Jimmy: nah, you're what I need Jimmy: I won't get tempted Jimmy: keep it easy, like you also said Janis: 🖕 Janis: Like I said, show me how it's worth my time and I will Jimmy: your sister would hate it Jimmy: not like I'm asking you to marry me, you look enough like her that'd be like asking myself to honeymoon in Vietnam Janis: You're a cunt, also, obviously not well-traveled Janis: say what you like Janis: it would be amusing to piss her off and I'm always up for finding new ways Jimmy: so you in? Jimmy: 3 date minimum Janis: You mean I actually have to spend time with you? Jimmy: as long as people think you are, do what you want Janis: Fill your boots Janis: but don't just be saying I let you finger me on your lunch break, like, that isn't working on anyone, least of all my sister and her stupid mates Jimmy: come get your sister's coat and we'll make the magic happen Jimmy: coupley pics and #s will work Jimmy: all they do is sip & scroll Janis: How magical can you really be, then? 😏 Janis: Fuck it, worth it just to piss her grafting you down the drain Jimmy: I'll fake rock your world, Jasmine Janis: Sure 👌 Make me forget my name half as many times as you have and you'll have fucked enough brain cells out to make me a thick Northern twat, clearly Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: hope you're a better actress than you are sweet talker, love Janis: That ain't the one, fucking hell Janis: pick a better petname if we ain't taking time to remember Jimmy: let me know what you want me to call you Jimmy: Baby, right? I bet you're one of them girls Janis: 😒 Hilarious Janis: My daddy issues are pretty non-existent, soz to report Jimmy: what then? Jimmy: Can't call you Juliet if you aren't ride or die for me, darling Janis: I'm remember your unfortunate accent now Janis: it's probably best you don't speak Jimmy: strong, silent type Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: It's your fantasy, kid Janis: Big yourself up however you gotta Jimmy: fantasy? nah Jimmy: necessity Janis: You've not gotta warn me Janis: Not swooning over this chat Jimmy: 💔 Janis: We're all gutted Janis: push that down and smile for the 'gram Jimmy: 😁 Janis: That's the spirit Jimmy: I know yours is more 😏 Jimmy: control yourself if you can, Jenna Janis: Make no promises to control myself so Janis: 👊 behave or deal Jimmy: make one or its off Jimmy: your sister & his mates break enough of my boundaries Janis: If the problem is they're swinging for you, I'm gonna go right ahead and victim blame Jimmy: probably keep that off the 'gram, girl Janis: We laying down ground rules here and now, yeah? Jimmy: you got something else on? Janis: It's the Easter hols Janis: so no Janis: fuck all Jimmy: then may as well Janis: Alright Janis: No posting without getting the other's go ahead first Jimmy: done Jimmy: same goes for agreeing to go somewhere/do something as the power couple we're pretending to be Janis: 'Course Jimmy: & if you tell your sister summat let me know too 'cause she loves questioning me over her coffee Janis: Ha Janis: I do my level best to avoid her but easy Jimmy: you're not gonna brag about what a good boyfriend I am 💔 Janis: We'll have to work out how good you are first, like Jimmy: good enough that I'm off limits your sister & her mates Jimmy: no more no less Janis: Can do that Jimmy: don't fall in love with me for real, can you do that? Janis: 😏 Are you for real? Janis: Ego to go with the accent, is it Jimmy: just checking you're not like your sister for real Jimmy: could be protesting too much for all I know Janis: And this could just be a really bad come on for all I know Janis: we'll have to trust on this one thing, deal? Jimmy: Yeah Janis: Sorted Janis: Make me sound good, as I will be for you Jimmy: how good? Jimmy: nobody knows my dating history, what's yours? Janis: Likewise Janis: all you gotta do is make it realistic enough that people stop asking if I'm a dyke Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: Are you a take it slow girl or hook up on date 1 type? Janis: Won't be getting that graphic on the 'gram, leave it out Jimmy: But it won't stay on the 'gram, will it? Jimmy: People chat Jimmy: what reputation do you want? Janis: Probably better to not be a slag init Jimmy: but don't be keeping me waiting too long if you don't wanna sound gay Janis: alright, irresistable Janis: 2nd date, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't, by the way Jimmy: Don't matter Janis: Does Janis: Who needs the pressure of being a beard? This ain't what this is, got it Jimmy: It'd be less pressure, probably Jimmy: you'd be better at faking it Janis: Sorry to disappoint you and all the girls 😒 Jimmy: if its the only time you're gonna, I'll cope Janis: Naturally Janis: Aim to please Jimmy: save it for the 'gram, Judith Janis: Reckon I'm being nice rn? Janis: Poor boy 💔 Jimmy: nice matters less than gay Jimmy: Don't wanna be your mate Janis: Good thing too, aiming to please here, keep up Janis: just saying, starting to doubt how 😍 they are now Jimmy: come see for yourself Jimmy: I'm working as we speak Janis: 😏 Wow so hot Jimmy: it could be if you're ready to kick this off Janis: Why not? Janis: Sooner we get it done sooner we'll see results Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Laters, babes Jimmy: Cute Janis: That's why you're with me Jimmy: I'm not yet Janis: You're gonna be salty 'cos I won't ride you in your hipster hangout today? 😂 Jimmy: I'm getting paid to be here, you're the one hanging out Janis: I'm picking up the bitch's coat, piss off Jimmy: You could do that when we close Jimmy: You're coming to see me Janis: You do this much? Janis: Suspiciously good at it Jimmy: Which bit? Janis: The bit where you fake a relationship Janis: Good tactic to get bare girls, like or what Jimmy: You're my first 💕 Jimmy: don't let it go to your head, Josephine Janis: as much as that'd get 'em throwing out the #goals Janis: secret's safe with me, boy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: don't have to go to these lengths up north Jimmy: girls just get if you're interested or nah Janis: 💔 it's a shithole, mate Janis: didn't you get told before leaving t'mines Jimmy: must've had too much coal in my ears or summat Janis: Don't know what you got 'til it's gone Janis: interested and interesting bitches included, obvs Jimmy: not only a pretty face you Jimmy: got it going on in your head too Jimmy: lucky me Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: Better take back what you said 'bout the leprechauns now you're coming up 🍀&🌹 Jimmy: if you save the humble for the #s I'll think about it Janis: Never been accused of being humble Janis: I guess the gay or nay is more pressing Jimmy: never checked a mirror or nowt, neither? Janis: 'Course, gotta spot myself at the gym, ain't I Jimmy: you can agree you're pretty then Jimmy: not an ugly duckling story either Janis: What's it matter, like Jimmy: im not fake dating one of them girls Jimmy: hates herself but still takes selfies Janis: that's another rule? i'll be thinking on my next then Jimmy: Can't prop up your self esteem Janis: Don't worry 'bout me, fake worry or otherwise ain't necessary Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: all worried out Jimmy: fake & real Janis: 🎻 Jimmy: customer service deserves a pity orchestra Jimmy: alright for you, rich girl Janis: I'll hire one out for date three if you earn it Janis: so 💸 Jimmy: just gimme the money Jimmy: if this was a naff teen rom com, I'd charge per date Janis: If I was richer, older and lonelier, you mean Janis: and you were desperate enough to be a rent boy Janis: you'd actually have to put out though so let's not Jimmy: only if I wanted top money Jimmy: the in it for the chit chat option would be more than I make at CG Janis: Then I hope to fuck you're a better fuck than you are bringing it with the chat, darling, no one is paying for this Jimmy: I'm not trying to impress you Jimmy: pay me and I'll be charming Janis: I'm not trying to pay Janis: Not that hard up, but tah Jimmy: don't complain about what you get then Janis: You ain't telling me what I can and can't do, babe Jimmy: I'm telling you I'm not here to listen to you whinge, babe Jimmy: Get a real boyfriend for that Janis: Have you tried talking to any of my sister's mates Janis: I really think it'll solve this whole thing Jimmy: I talk to 'em every shift Janis: That's not real Janis: that's wage slave robotics Jimmy: neither is this Janis: Whatever, do this at them then Janis: However fit you are, it ain't worth all this Janis: though, probably had worse, hm Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: bad boy baristas are this year's...whatever last year's fad was Jimmy: whatever I say that's brutal I'm playing hard to get Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: 🤢 Ick Janis: last year's fad was the clap so like, careful Jimmy: I repeat, you're what I need Jimmy: nothing else has worked Janis: 😍 Janis: I said yes, didn't I Janis: it'll be sorted Jimmy: are you on your way? Jimmy: 'cause it won't be 'til then Janis: Keen Janis: Yeah, though, gimme 10 Jimmy: try and look like someone capable of getting my attention Janis: I'm not giving myself a shit fringe for you Janis: get some taste Jimmy: you don't know my tastes, Joanne Janis: I can guess Janis: and be right Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: try Janis: any bitch described in any indie song ever Janis: not like other girls 'cept like all the other girls at the shitty pub/gig drinking pints 'cos you'll think it's dead cool, like her tongue piercing and real leather jacket Jimmy: thats racist Jimmy: just 'cause I know all the lyrics to Wonderwall Janis: 😂 Janis: like glass, boy Jimmy: I hope you're better at pretending to know what I like Janis: I know I ain't wrong but you can have the automatic upgrade for free Jimmy: Funny Janis: What, now I'm TOO confident? Jimmy: Nah, too obvious Janis: Err, me or your lack of taste? Jimmy: you Janis: How Janis: Fucking cheek Jimmy: You've pulled the first cliche you could out of your arse Jimmy: is how Janis: I'm sooooo sorry Janis: sure she seemed really special and unique at the time Jimmy: I'm sorry that you're just like your sister Janis: Now who's chatting out their arse Jimmy: still you Jimmy: she don't know me either but she reckons she knows my tastes too Janis: and you don't know me, you barely know the bits of her she wants you to, like Jimmy: I'm not trying to even fake know you Janis: Mutual, hence idc what you fuck Janis: and it was a joke, fucking hell boy Jimmy: funny you Jimmy: like I said Janis: So you keep saying Janis: go do some work, i'm just killing time on the bus Jimmy: I'm working harder than you Jimmy: this chat is a slog without all the coffee I'm slinging between the lines Janis: Do one then? Save it for the 'gram, rule no.1 Jimmy: 👋 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what do you do that isn't shit coffee there Jimmy: drinks or food? Janis: Drinks Jimmy: shitter tea, tasteless milkshakes & minging smoothies Janis: 🙄 Joy Janis: if you can make the smoothie at least healthy as well as minging, do that Jimmy: I can make it taste alright if you keep that off the 'gram Janis: That's big talk, babe Jimmy: secret menus aren't just for starbucks Jimmy: I'm here all day I have to make some shit edible for myself Janis: Fair Janis: I'm willing to be impressed by the smoothie skillz at least Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: I'll be brutally honest, idc if you are bae Jimmy: calling me bae is more brutal Jimmy: hate that Janis: 😂 awh bae Jimmy: leave off, Jill Janis: hot and cold, you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: tell me 'bout it Janis: planning our fake breakup already Jimmy: Are you? Janis: that's the fun bit, right? Jimmy: make me look better than my ex did and it'll be a start Janis: i'll break your heart Janis: that's the reputation i'll take Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: steady Janis: 🤷 Janis: i want what i want boy Jimmy: you think you're having my heart? how many dates we going on? Janis: work fast Janis: faster than i'm letting you Jimmy: up yourself you Janis: rich 😏 Jimmy: yeah you are, don't rub it in, girl Janis: I ain't though Janis: like you said, her coat's shit Jimmy: means she's got shit taste not a lack of funds Janis: You can't be rich with 10 kids Janis: trust Jimmy: you could Jimmy: could be a princess for all I know Janis: 😂 what kind of deep cover is this Janis: living in this hole Janis: going to that school, sure Jimmy: #humble Janis: funny Janis: you wish Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: I don't care what you are, do I Janis: 💸 and clout would be an undeniable bonus, regardless Jimmy: I told you, I wanna be left alone, clout is the opposite of that Jimmy: & I don't need your money, girl Janis: Okay so you can't be bought, get you Jimmy: that's not what we're doing here Janis: I know Janis: Serious Janis: you're just easy to take the piss outta Jimmy: piss off Janis: I'll turn around now, like Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: I'm not having the threat of you walking hanging over me head Janis: So serious Janis: Not a princess with a driver, there's no changing the bus route on the rest of this lot now Janis: no matter how moody you get Jimmy: I've got a kid sister I ain't babysitting you too Jimmy: Be serious Janis: Yeah yeah Jimmy: Or call it off Janis: Nah Jimmy: It's not a yeah or nah question Jimmy: it's me saying don't half arse fake dating me Janis: I ain't going to Janis: like you said, this ain't real, and ain't how it's gonna be but can't prove that 'til I get there Jimmy: 👌 Janis: That ain't a response either Janis: I ain't the only one with something to prove Jimmy: Show your face & I will Janis: Try not to look too disappointed Janis: don't doubt some of your fangirls will be watching Jimmy: How many times do you want me to tell you you're pretty when nobody's listening? Janis: Shut up Janis: That ain't what I meant Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: See? Don't start Janis: 😍 only dickhead Jimmy: calm down, dickhead Jimmy: I've got this Janis: First time, you admitted as much Jimmy: Faking it, yeah Jimmy: I've done it for real, that's harder Janis: You reckon Jimmy: I don't care what you think so yeah Jimmy: As long as it looks good it don't matter if it is Janis: That's same as the real thing let's not lie Jimmy: Nah Janis: Agree to disagree, darling Jimmy: Disagree and tell you to shut your face, Jodie Janis: Save it for your ex, Romeo Janis: 💘 such a romantic Jimmy: If I was, she wouldn't be an ex, would she? Janis: Giving you benefit of doubt Janis: LDR never works, you're a 15 year old boy Janis: got like what, 13 more before you find the one, isn't it? Jimmy: what makes you think long distance is what ex-ed her? Jimmy: I never said that Janis: Guess not Jimmy: You don't have to fake knowledge about me Jimmy: nobody's asking who came before Janis: You don't know girls if you think that Janis: undoubtly scoping their profiles as we speak Jimmy: don't doubt they have but they won't find owt Janis: not gutted for 'em Jimmy: only yourself Jimmy: you'll have to keep faking knowing everything Janis: suits me fine, boy Janis: the truth don't interest me none Jimmy: spoken like a decent liar Janis: you know it Janis: truly your lucky day Jimmy: 😍 Janis: Ready? Jimmy: If you are Janis: Fuck it Janis: Why not Jimmy: see, romance ain't dead 💕 Jimmy: how could I refuse? Janis: in it for the smoothie Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: got time to spit in it still Janis: Don't you dare Janis: Will actually fuck you up Jimmy: Get used to it, you're gonna have to kiss me Janis: Disgusting Jimmy: Sweet talking again Jimmy: Jeez, June, steady on Janis: You're the one bringing up necking when I've not even got in the door Jimmy: Are you ready or aren't you? Janis: 'Course I am Jimmy: then I can talk about it, can't I? Jimmy: it's too late for a no kissing rule Janis: If that's how you deal with bricking it Jimmy: piss off Janis: Too late now, babe Jimmy: it's not Janis: ? Jimmy: we don't have to do this if you're shitting yourself Janis: bitch, please Jimmy: I'm not gonna be your bitch, babe Janis: Not the pet name you want then? Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Have plenty of time to think on it when you're swooning 😉 Jimmy: It's so funny that you believe you'll able to think on anything Janis: 😏 Mhmm Janis: catch me mentally writing my shopping list to pass the time during Jimmy: You aren't even a good liar in private Jimmy: We're doomed Janis: Shut up Janis: Not seen such a romance since Kate and Leo Jimmy: 🎻 doomed, mate Janis: you wanna go down with the ship so bad Janis: drama 👑 Jimmy: I want you to put your riches where your big mouth is Jimmy: Stop your chatting and come on Janis: Keen as Janis: I'm nearly there, stop pining, it's embarrassing Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: Maybe I should just date your sister Janis: Go on Janis: I ain't gonna save you from the literal slag pile of exes, you ain't deserve it Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you don't deserve me Jimmy: well snide you Janis: You love it Jimmy: not having my 💘 Joan, I told you Janis: i don't want it Janis: just gonna 💔 it and bounce Jimmy: 😂 Janis: k i'm coming in guard your 💘 and 👀 'cos i look 🔥 Jimmy: I'll judge that Janis: you forgot what we're doing here or what Jimmy: If we're dating you gotta bring it as my girlfriend Jimmy: so nah Janis: 🙄 Janis: 'cos you look so fit in your stupid uniform 👌 Jimmy: We're meant to be improving your rep not trashing mine Jimmy: & yeah I do 👌 Janis: Really? Nothing to do with how scared you are of these crazy bitches k Jimmy: fed up ain't scared Janis: still Janis: you need me Janis: don't forget it, pal Jimmy: I won't if you don't, mate

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