#I am Salma Fucking Hayek!

[rosalie-starfall]

I am Salma Fucking Hayek!

Dyslexic and has combined type ADHD

Was sent to boarding school in Grand Coteau, Louisiana at age 12, but was soon sent back home after getting into trouble for frequently terrorizing the nuns.

#Salma Hayek #Black Mirror #Joan is Aweful #Dogma #serendipity #Bandidas #Sara Sandoval #Eternals #Ajak #30 Rock #Elisa Padriera #Drunk Parents #Nancy Teagarten #Frida #Frida Kahlo #Magic Mike's Last Dance #Maxandra Mendoza #Wild Wild West #Rita Escobar #I am Salma Fucking Hayek! #my gifs #Actresses : Salma Hayek #the facts that she is dyslexic #has ADHD #and was sent home from boarding school for terrorizing the nuns #she is my hero #and I Love her #Salma Hayek Pinault

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

in my heart i am doomed to be perpetually at odds with gay internet fandom for the simple reason that i don’t love any fictional dynamic on earth more than two characters gender irrelevant who are platonically attached to each other whose relationship is so intimate and bizarre that other people can’t process the fact that they’re not fucking. the scene in 30 rock where salma hayek screams “i KNEW your relationship was too weird NOT TO BE SEXUAL!” is how i want characters reacting to my ideal duo all the time with the condition that it is not in fact sexual. the closer and more passionate and more knowing and more tender and more intense their relationship is the more my reaction to “should they get together” is “absolutely the fuck not.” this is my cross to bear. yes this post was inspired by a gifset of nick and schmidt from new girl but it widely applies

[meat-wentz]

the circus was…not popular in the 2000’s?

okay i have to pull out my book of receipts here because let me tell you i think about this so often because in the moment i wasn’t registering how much circus/circus-adjacent imagery i was being exposed to and it was only when i looked back and realized that my 14 year old ass wrote a legitimate attempt at fiction on the doll palace dot com about a girl who gets swept away by a hot demon with side bangs to join, of all things, a circus, did the gates burst open to the flood of 2000’s circus imagery that had been forgotten. so like i’m gonna DUMP like you wouldn’t believe so get ready for a long post.

now first, this is how i define circus-adjacency: magicians, magic, burlesque, anything showy and flashy with a typically large vivacious cast, big teased hair and those small little doll lips with white powdered faces and big blush, grainy filters and red drapes, vegas and casinos and poker for some reason, and you know what fuck it i’m adding pirates in here too.

so let me tell you, first and foremost, the actual CIRCUS was thriving, particularly when you look at cirque du soleil. when you look at their wikipedia page, the 80’s are marked as their start and struggle, the 90’s as their expansion, and 2000-2009 as RAPID GROWTH. you couldn’t watch tv without a cirque du soleil commercial, pop in a dvd without a cirque advertisement, couldn’t drive without seeing a cirque billboard, people were raving about them, they were essentially the new sexier blue man group. now a few things happen in the 2010’s that result in their decline in popularity, they have to close shows due to recession, accidents resulting in death, the tsunami closing their show at tokyo disney, etc. essentially all that plus the cultural attitude is shifting away from the circus, we’re done with that we don’t want it anymore, sorry cirque. but when i say that cirque is probably one of the most popular live shows you can see, i mean it.

now music and movie and television wise, WOW, a lot happening there, let’s take a look:

1) i want to express so hard that i watched lady marmalade at like 7:00 am and then my ass went to school like it was a moment and no wonder i was struggling with my sexuality it changed me deeply and 2) i’m leaving out britney and fob because i already used them as examples and i’m also leaving out gwen stefani because she and i have beef from this time period but rich girl and whatcha waiting for have these very glamorous dollified pirate and alice in wonderland visuals. now please for the love of god watch the intro to criss angel mindfreak:

not to mention, british boyband take that released an album called “the circus” and had a whole accompanying circus tour where they rode a giant puppet elephant through the crowd and they performed in a giant red tent and lady gaga opened for them???? which sounds wild enough but then you see something like this and your whole brain collapses:

now if you think that’s where it stops you’re so damn wrong, because i read approximately 8 or 9 of these damn books:

which revolves around a boy who joins a circus to become a vampire’s apprentice and all sorts of gnarly shit happens to them and everyone is some sort of creature, and that turns into the feature film the vampire’s assistant which inexplicably stars john c reilly, josh hutcherson, salma hayek, willem dafoe, orlando jones, ken watanabe and more.

anyways we have pirates of the caribbean which was huge, but we also have lots of vegas representation for some reason: poker face, 21, ocean’s movies, street magicians, cirque, huge rise in popularity of professional gambling etc. i went to vegas with my friend and her parents in 2008 as a 15 year old and the highlights of our trip were going to circus circus, a penn and teller show, and picking up xxx show girl cards off the ground.

you’ll notice that the primary musicians that are latching onto the circus aesthetic are emo (and emo-adjacent) and mega popular starlets, and with the rise of internet fame culture and paparazzi swarms and the constant constant barrage of an audience that puts you at the top only to pray on your failure so they can watch it live on television, like i think it makes sense for them to adopt this metaphor, as britney so aptly put it “all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus,” to see millions of faces peering at you, throwing popcorn, telling you to get on the trapeze just so they can watch you fall. these are also WIDELY popular mainstream artists with very queer and femme leaning audiences and are consistently not taken seriously while being extremely exploited.

similarly to film at the time too, where you see a lot of romances, a lot of musical theater, a couple horror movies, etc. the magician thing i think is fully an exercise in masculinity but i think that’s a different story.

and i think it’s interesting with lots of 2000’s trends returning that we can already see what’s popping up again, vampires are back (hello iwtv and wwdits), pirates are back (hello ofmd), and even the circus is slowly making it’s way in (the greatest showman which i don’t want to even think about or really include because that was already 5 years ago, but hello guillermo del toro my beloved bringing out nightmare alley, and honestly even a small shout out to the quarry for having scary circus elements).

and like i don’t have a full whole explanation as of yet for why the circus became such a cultural staple, but it’s for certain that it very much was. thank you for coming to my 2000’s circus themed ted talk i’m sorry i did this to you.

#apologies for anyone who read this #idk how to tag this #2000s #ask #anon

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Met Gala 2023 Presented By Me

With this year's theme being "in honor of Karl Lagerfeld", a fashion designer whom I'm learning from the fashion community is "ew", lets see what we got:

~The Models~

-Rihanna being fashionably late, wearing an egg?-like top that opens to reveal a simple yet beautiful dress (she's got a baby bump!); the "no shit" was iconic honestly

-Jared Leto fursuit (its cause he was dressing as Lagerfeld's cat)

-Harvey Guillen coming through with a lovely floral suit, I'm not usually one for light pink but his was very pretty

-Who let Lil Nas X have access to the arts and crafts box (but he looked stunning, the mask was gorgeous and he's got more confidence than most to pull off what I'm now calling a Full Bedazzle)

-Kristen Stewart going full butch queer, the eyebrows and hair were rugged inspired and most didn't like it but I think that was the point?

-Pedro Pascal and his knee against the world (as well as spreading the red is superior agenda cause it is)

-^ but with Salma Hayek cause holy shit this is the red agenda

-Bryan Tyree Henry continuing to remind me how much my taste in men has improved over the years because he is so fucking fine ANYWAY-

-Lizzo giving me feminine gender envy despite the odds

-Janelle Monae doing a Janelle Monae as is customary (I'd love to know what the inspo was for her if so let me know!)

-Bella Ramsey you are so gender thank you (and they served too, the Thom Browne suit with the white accents is simple yet very classy)

-Every year I give one (1) free pass for a man to wear a standard suit, this year goes to Ke Huy Quan because I couldn't say anything bad about him if I tried (at least he had some style, the fingerless gloves were cool)

-Obligatory Gwendoline Christie was there and existed comment by me because I am in love and I am not ashamed of it

-Florence Pugh's fit had mixed reactions, the shaved head, headdress and white dress look were really good but I think the way the dress came out had people not fully digging it, I can understand but I'll appreciate it nonetheless

-Anne Hathaway in all her fuzzy glory (the hair's a beehive on a very felted dress but like it worked? marks for originality and being able to pull it off)

-Loved Stephanie Hsu's bedazzled suit, won't be able to stop thinking about it actually

-Tems was stunning, I'm a huge fan of the floating leaves design we need more nature-inspired looks

-Olivier Rousteing and Jeremy pope slaying with their "Karl who?" and cape apparel

-Gotta shout out Yara Shahidi for going with something unique, the pearl's color palette works surprisingly better than I expected with the gold (personally I would have more gold trim in the top half but that's just me)

-Let Lady Gaga's outfit for the Met Gala this year be a lesson in misinformation because the pictures circulating Tumblr are not in fact from the 2023 Met, she didn't attend (it is a stunning outfit though)

-Jenna Ortega looking almost like a dapper pirate in the absolute best way possible the gender envy the style I am going insane

-Doja Cat living up to her name (Cats should take notes honestly the makeup was really good. She also kept answering reporter questions by meowing. Because she's Doja. Anyway.)

-Anok Yai's dress reminds me of those ornate beaded lampshades, I wonder if that's where she/her designer got the idea

-Emily Blunt giving me gay panic once again WHY IS SHE SO GORGEOUS (she's got a giant fucking bow tie that's what clowns wear why is she able to pull it off this is so unfair)

-Conan Gray looked like an actual prince I am obsessed

-I saw someone said Cardi B was giving goth Barbie and that is honestly the best way to describe it

-Yung Miami having a beautiful look cause her outfit was underrated this year

-I thought Emily Blunt and Bryan Tyree Henry were all I had to worry about and then Julia Garner came in with a steel chair

-Ella Fanning's look captivating me specifically

-And cause I can't comment on every person or we'd be here all day, go check out the underrated outfits from Amanda Seyfried, Alton Mason, Glenn Close, Sora Choi, Ava Max, Jessica Chastain, Taika Waititi and many more!

~Final Thoughts~

-The palette this year was very black and white... literally. Lots of outfits in black, white, or both. I'm not really into the fashion community so I wouldn't know but I'm guessing its a signature theme of Lagerfeld's? Let me know! I'm always down to learn more about other communities and their history

-I'm also assuming Lagefeld's got a thing for flowers cause there were a lot of flowers imbedded into the outfits, they looked lovely~

-As well as long flowy dress/coat tops cause there were a lot, and I loved how people mixed it in with the flowers. Lots of the men did it this year and it looked fantastic

-Speaking of, I'm proud of the men for actually dressing up this year omfg its insane how many male celebrities will go to a literal fashion event and pull up with nothing but a plain ass suit and though most of them this year did wear suits, there was much pizazz. Like, actual life put into those outfits. So yeah, you love to see it

-Overall, a very nice Met Gala. The crazy stuff came from the usual people who go all out, and we got plenty of highlights from people who embraced the theme, with the occasional unique look to really stick it out

Thank for reading and see you all next fashion event!

#ive been making more commentary posts lately #i usually dont get into stuff like this #but I've been enjoying looking at the outfits cause who doesn't #and that's led me more to actually learning about the themes and designers #I think I'll keep up this tradition #met gala #met gala 2023 #karl lagerfeld #review

[totalviridescence]

Review: Black Mirror’s ‘Joan is Awful’ is awful.

Episode Rating: 2.5/10

—

This episode heavily relys on meta gimmicks and celebrity cameos for its humor which fall flat and its attempt at a plot twist is laughably bad.

The scene where Salma Hayek is yelling and making poop jokes is especially grating. Topped off by the cringe, “I am Salma fucking Hayek” scene that we’re supposed to think is epic for some reason, despite this episode showcasing Salma Hayek’s bad acting. It lacks zero charm or appeal that Black Mirror originally had in its earlier incarnations. The excuse for how the “quantum computer” works which they provide very little explanation for (see TV Tropes) is basically that an actor can license their digital likeness to Streamberry (in-universe netflix) that will then generate an entire show using CGI. This explanation shows a clear lack of effort or research by the writers which would put CGI directors and artists to shame, as CGI renderings take wayyyy longer than this episode implies. This episode basically just rides off of the coattails of that age-old “nobody reads the terms & conditions” joke that old people on Facebook enjoy. It somehow manages to be even worse than Season 5’s ‘Rachel, Jack, and Ashley too’ episode, which i’m sure that both Black Mirror viewers and scientists alike both previously thought was impossible.

I would typically give this a 1 but Michael Cera being in it gives it an extra 1.5 even though i’m almost entirely sure that he was held at gunpoint to be in it.

#netflix #letterboxd #movie review #episode review #episode recap #black mirror #joan is awful #salma hayek #annie murphy #black mirror review #black mirror season 6 #black mirror s6 #black mirror s6 e1

[coweggomelet]

i as always am full of opinions and i have a lot of opinions about a particular first monday in may so i’ve decided to share my EXTREMELY UNQUALIFIED opinions on met gala 2023 looks

TO PREFACE! fuck vogue fuck anna wintour fuck karl lagerfeld. he did some good and mostly bad. racist, homophobic, misogynist (especially towards women of color).

TO INTRODUCE! i’m extremely bored with this theme. partly because i have zero familiarity with anything to do with fashion and that includes even super prominent designers like karl lagerfeld. partly because having the theme based on ONE designer seems like it limits the creativity and expression a bit. it’s like there’s nowhere to go. basing the theme off fashion that already exists just seems so boring! you can’t get shit like zendaya’s cinderella dress and rihanna’s egg train and blake lively’s oxidation transformation or any of the AMAZING looks from previous years with a theme that’s based on pre existing fashion. all the attendees are already boxed in. that’s my take anyways, i could be Very wrong. also i will be skipping people i don’t know unless their look is Very Bad or Very Good or I Feel Like It

TO BEGIN!

rihanna & a$ap rocky

i love her lil flower egg she looks so cozy. almost looks like eva from wall-e. his look feels more campy to me but it’s honestly pretty cool and interesting and it’s better than the five million boring black suits so i like it 9/10

sabrina dhowre elba & idris elba

the skirt is interesting but that’s it. the suit is a step up from boring black so i’ll give him some credit. unexceptional 3/10

jenna ortega

STUNNING. INCREDIBLE. the strands of necklace? the woven look? the little half jacket? the bow? the gloves? the shoes turned to platform heels? the CORSET??? it looks like someone tore up the cinderella wicked stepmother’s dress and it looks SO SICK 1000/10 nailed it love her

taika waititi

he looks like he’s playing benvolio in a production of much ado about nothing where they’ve done like a modernized 1950sish? (is that when men wore waistcoats and those pajama coats like that?) theme with the costumes and set design. and one of the sets is a bar instead of someone’s garden or something. i love it 9/10

anne hathaway

QUEEN. another woven texture and i still love it. the slits are fantastic, very sexy very cool. the tits part of it makes me think of katy perry music videos and i dig that. gotta be careful though she might be stealing a $150 million necklace 9/10

pedro pascal

i fucking love this look. i love the red and the coat is glorious. not to mention the shorts. like normally i’d hate that but i’m really digging it. he looks like he’s a don in a mafia movie with really obvious color imagery but it’s like, 1/4 yale boy yacht party 9/10

kim kardashian

i honestly really like the arm train, it’s really beautiful and elegant. unfortunately the body part doesn’t match that vibe at all in a way that doesn’t work. also i feel like i’ve seen that exact type of dress before. not a fan. also frankly she shouldn’t have been invited back for RUINING a historical artifact. 2/10

salma hayek

another red look and i dig it. i like that kind of skirt and the bodice is cool, they don’t match BUT in a way that works! it’s interesting! also i see that lil bit of lace on her leg poking through. 7/10

jennifer lopez

gorgeous but a long train alone doesn’t make a look interesting. gotta give me more than that and the hat is not working for me 4/10

eileen gu

a good look for a children’s ho— *i am shot in the head and die instantly and my body is dragged into an unmarked van by masked people in nondescript uniforms*

8/10

#anyway i have zero fashion knowledge please forgive me if i get things wrong or miss glaringly obvious things #i can only do 10 cause that’s the amount of images they’re letting me add #and also if it was longer than that it would feel excessive #i always have more thoughts tho so maybe i’ll do more later #also i should say that a lot of work goes into creating these looks #none of these are judgments on the people unless they are #or the designers cause i know they’re working hard and getting little acknowledgment #anyway enjoy #2023 met gala #met gala

[mylovefelicity]

The movie truly struck a mark.

First things first - I love Frida Kahlo.

everything about her.

(may god grace me with the strength to embrace myself as she did. ameen)

I esteem her appetite for life; her unnerving courage; her bolstering originality; and, most importantly, her relentless strength. She was one of a kind, and she knew it. She did not let the world estrange her. Instead, she aptly estranged the world while paying no heed to it.

PIYOOO BEHAVIOR

Until it is not, the world is dialectical.

Wolf said she detests the point of view of men. So often, so do I.

As women, we find it so hard to find suitable role models...we spend our entire life searching for a becoming narrative and an authentic voice.

Today, Frida is a voice for many women finding comfort within while trying to find their identity and humanity in a world structured for someone else. finding themselves in their personhood. Through their notions, their rules, and their words.

The world is dialectical. The struggles of womanhood will always be dialectical. And more so, internal.

at their core, all questions about every periphery in life are really the same:

why can't I seize the day when I really want to live and love for myself?

why is it so hard to find comfort within?

why do I only see myself through his eyes?

so often I found myself wondering: why is it so hard for me to relate to male artists making songs about ambition? why are all femme artists writing about love? why? i mean I love to read about love and the charms it offers. I value companionship, and giddiness, and softness. but erm, what about the rest?

I want to be a person.

I want to be strong

I want to carry my kindness with pride and strength.

I am a person

I'm more human than I was yesterday.

I will create a life ever-so-beautiful,

Like I have so far,

I will try to live every day for myself.

Everyday a little more.

got a little sidelined. oops. Coming back to the review. My favorite things about the movie:

Ofc it’s a passionate biopic of a true idol. I believe the movie aptly captures the true nature of Frida Kahlo - as someone with an endless capacity to experience life in its rawest form.

I'm guilty of never taking Salma Hayek seriously. My god, she is not just a personality actress?? She is so TALENTED AAAAAA.. Thankfully, she had Oscar nomination for the role, which serves as a testament to her talent. Thanks to Harvey Weinstein, she wasn't taken that seriously after.

The movie was just so beautiful. And vivid. SO colorful. There was something new to be noticed in every frame. love for pets, embraided pillowcases, plants, love n lust, mouthwatering cuisine… surrealism….MY GOD, THE SURREALISM..how Kahlo's paintings just melted into slow-motion animation…as a reflection of the ongoing phases of her life.

Contrary to popular belief, I loved the sex scenes as well. Salma Hayek is MA, a lovely and sexy human. More so, something about Frida and her sexual ownership made those scenes especially empowering. but aa later I learned that the shooting of these scenes was extremely uncomfortable for the actors, and harvey weinstein coerced Hayek into shooting the nude scenes in specific angles. so Harvey Weinstein ullu ka patha hai.

Overall, I loved the film. I wasn't bored. At all. The film is a cinematic artifact and a vision for those searching for meaning within. It is a reflection of life and its enormous wonders, as well as tormenting pains.

one last night, fuck you harvey weinstein. for trying to taint a feminist film about a feminist icon…but ideas never die...? or do they?

it's so fulfilling to hate people for the right reasons.

Frida Kahlo I love u

app queenshit thi

[starlightervarda]

Hi, genuine, good-faith question. If they still cast Rose Hathaway’s father with that accurate ethnicity, would that still be considered as acknowledging her heritage, even though they cast a different ethnicity (apparently, idk Sisi Stringer’s heritage) actress as Rose for that new television show rn?

Her FATHER would be Middle Eastern but Rose would be what her actress is, which is NOT remotely MENA in any feasible way. That's not how representation works, it just isn't.

Abe is not the protagonist here, Rose is. Rose is all I had and still had, and hoped for, and she was ripped from me not once, but twice now, because no one gives a shit about MENA girls outside of highly-politicized narratives that are stifled by religion and suffering.

We don't get to simply exist and have adventures like every other demographic does in the West. If we do, it's by accident and completely unacknowledged like the casting of Lebanese Latinas like Salma Hayek and Emeraude Toubia, whose Mideastern half is never highlighted.

It hurts that Rose has been racebent twice and no one gave a shit. It hurts that instead of anyone caring about my hurt, I get responses like this

Like holy shit, congrats on telling me how racist you are while trying to #checkmateatheists me, while trying to silence me, you horrendous piece of shit. All of the sudden it's 'why does Rose's race's matter' when YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHY IT DOES.

Creating shitty false equivalency about Lissa being blonde, like there is a shortage of tall, skinny, blonde women in Western-International media, to try and shut me up while using terms like 'exotic desert princess' like...tell me you're a racist yankee without telling me.

Rose was conceived by the author as, and described as very much looking like her father, who is Middle Eastern. I found Vampire Academy by chance in a bookstore as a child and felt seen and was so excited for BOTH adaptations. What do I get both times? NOTHING. This role should have gone to someone of MENA-descent, this role was meant for a MENA actress who will now never get a chance because the white creators can't be arsed to care.

Like, I can't explain to you how upset I am at this, how aggravating it is to not be allowed to be rightfully angry in peace without some asshole being like 'why does it matter'? Love how representation stops mattering when it's MENA people, who to this day are still displaced in stories about them by Hollywood casting South Asians or 'ambiguous mixed people'. It's telling me that everyone who isn't white are so interchangeable to you that distinction doesn't matter, ethnicity doesn't matter, experience doesn't matter, nothing matters.

But God forbid a character described as red-haired is played by a blonde in the movie! Then everyone suddenly has a problem! How convenient!

I'm just so fucking tired. This keeps happening, people meant to look like me are always played by literally anyone else.

Sorry if I come as ragey, none of this is directed at you, I'm just upset and suffering from COVID again.

[un-necessarycontext]

Hall Passes That Hit Close to Home

“Who’s your hall pass?”

At some point in our lives, many of us get too old or too married to play Fuck, Marry, Kill. Though let’s be real, you’re never actually too old or too married to play it, you just realize we live in a society and talking about fucking and/or killing other people might be a bit much for company.

Anyway, for those of us who for whatever reason, societal or not, feel like they can no longer play Fuck, Marry, Kill the way they used to, talking about hall passes seems to be a good way to fill the void.

What’s a hall pass?

For those who’ve never heard the term or didn’t bother to see what looked like a truly forgettable movie of same name, a hall pass is a person who you are allowed to step outside your marriage for in the hypothetical situation wherein they, too, are interested in having sex with you.

Usually, this person is a celebrity, the thought being that there’s no way you’d ever actually manage to bang them and thus all parties involved in the agreement feel secure.

It’s all very innocent fun.

It can also tell you a lot about someone’s tastes. Do they go for someone astronomically hot for their hall pass? Or are they more likely to be seduced by someone perhaps not as conventionally attractive, but has an outsized public personality? It can say a lot about your type.

(This, by the way, is how I came to realize my husband finds women with strong eyebrows to be very attractive.)

Is That Your Type Or…?

Bringing this around to Declan, several years ago, we were all enjoying ourselves at a work happy hour. We were all a few drinks in and the conversation wound up coming around to the subject of hall passes.

Our coworker, Kasey, posed the question to me: “Who’s your hall pass?”

I inwardly groaned.

I should state now that my hall passes, like most people’s, reflect what I find attractive in others. And what I usually find attractive are tall, ridiculous, goofy men.

I have never once been attracted to shorter men who have no sense of humor but are otherwise objectively hot. I honestly don’t understand what others see in them.

This is all to say that I’m one of the weirdos whose hall passes aren’t incredibly gorgeous humans, though they’re very much gorgeous in my eyes.

“Jason Segel and Matthew Lillard,” I finally answered.

Predictably, I was met with a sea of blank faces and spent the next five minutes explaining who each of those actors are and why in the world I’d want them over, say, Henry Cavill.

Eventually, everyone moved on and a few minutes later, the question was posed to Declan.

“Who’s your hall pass?”

He sat back and pretended to think for a moment, scratching at his beard and running a hand through his wild hair.

Then, for a brief moment, he turned and looked at me, before smiling sheepishly and admitting, “Selma Hayek.”

All right then.

So, Declan likes Latina women with large racks.

At this point, I should clarify that I am a half-Latina woman with a large rack.

Huh.

It was a little thing and no one dwelled on it—Kasey seemed more interested in discussing her hall pass with Ryan Gosling, but it’s something that’s always stuck in my brain. Declan likes brown women.

I’d already known at the time that I shared certain physical traits with his wife: curly brown hair, dark features, outsized boobs. We don’t look alike, she and I, but we don’t look different, if that makes sense.

A big difference is that she’s white and I’m… well, I don’t know what I am. During the winter when I’m paler I can pass for Italian. But once the weather gets warm and the sun hits my skin, it becomes clear pretty fast that I’m not 100% Caucasian.

And I’ve had to learn—as unfortunately many women of color have—that not every guy is into that.

But Declan, it would seem, is. And while I would never go so far as to compare myself to Salma Hayek’s beauty standards, I can’t help but wonder…

I also can’t help but wonder what Declan might have thought if I’d mentioned another one of my hall passes, who might be a tip off as to what else I happen to find attractive: Michael Sheen.

Wild salt and pepper hair, unruly beard, at times hilarious and at times unhinged? Sounds familiar.

#emotional affair #work crush #work husband #married crush #hall pass

[glittter-vamp]

I just know you guys are hot as fuck 😭

Eli definitely is! I would describe us as...Salma Hayek and her husband 😅(I am the husband)

#asks

[tiggymalvern]

Joan is Awful

Last night, we watched the first episode of the latest Black Mirror series, and in how many different ways can I start saying OMG? I've loved Salma Hayek for years, ever since I first saw her in Desperado. She rocks. And as far as I can tell for an actor I really know nothing about, from what I read, she seems to be a more than reasonable human being? But she's absolutely AWESOME for doing this. Reading this script and everything involved, and saying, 'Hell, yes, I'll do that!' She really is that fabulous. I am sold. And Charlie Brooker. How long ago must he have written this? At minimum a year, I assume, with time for edits, and casting and filming, then post-production edits, and for the whole series. Then it comes out practically simultaneously with all the stuff that's emerged this week about what the SAG were asking to people to sign and... Hey, Charlie, can you please stop writing Do Not Create the Torment Nexus? Because every time you do, people create the fucking Torment Nexus. Just dodge that enormous orange-red ball next time, yes?

#black mirror #salma hayek #charlie brooker #joan is awful

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

Black Mirror 6: Joan is Awful

It was a really pleasure to watch the new episode of Black Mirror.

Even more interesting now that Streamberry (aka Netflix) is integrated in the show and in the principal menu you could see some of the other episode such as Noch Henry, Sea of Tranquility, Finding Ritman (Bandersnatch), The Callow Years (from Michael Kellow from the national anthem), HotShots (from 15 million merits), Botherguts, a documentary on Victorious Scalane, Ashley Oh (from Rachel, Jack and Ashley too) and a project titled Junipero dreaming.

It’s all about privacy in general. People are way too much posting online and they don’t know their content. 

Bad people are more likely to be given the spot light, than good people, that’s reflected in Joan herself. 

No one sign reads the terms and conditions and we are not aware for what we are signing up.

Oh and Masaka appears briefly in this episode. She was from Play test episode. The joke here is : appearing in an earlier episode of Black Mirror means that she signed her likeness away to be used in other episodes which is why she appears here. 

There is also a social media called Smithereen and the newspaper has an article saying grains going out of style, which is a device from the entire history of you and this allowed people to record their entire day it let to nothing but unhappiness with characters obsessing over everything and having it all held up on a microscope is something that Joan is subjected too. On the back of the newspaper we can also see that there’s an advert for TCJR which is an odd to the software company takisoft which appeared in Bandersnatch. 

This is brilliantly comments on how shows are over dramatized and elements are changed and altered to make things appear a certain way, sure Joan is pretty bad, but they still elevate and change some aspects of it to make her appear worse. The show and its depictions are what’s seen as the truth with everyone’s perception being that it plays out like that it’s a really good analysis of how based on a true story in True Crime dramas can often sway public opinion as they tend to go for drama rather than documenting the history.

As they need content, the producers and creators don’t hesitate to bail their actors from jail, for example. 

Charlie is awful can be a reference to Charlie Brooker.

Being shows within shows there needs to be a top level to it all but unfortunately for Joan she isn’t on that one, in order for this show to work the characters need to believe that they’re real so all our responses are programmed to be the way we see them, there are theories that we could all exist in a simulation without even knowing it. 

And for once, it’s almost an happy ending. 

So good quotes: “- But maybe he’s just a little bit, like....vanilla. You know? Like, even the food he cooks is bland.”  “- I know. But you did accept it, and so they’re in the clear.  - No, no. No, no. They can’t... They can’t do this to me. - There are only so many ways for me to tell you they absolutely can.” 

“- What the fuck kind of advice is that?  - It’s the only kind I got.” 

“- You know I don’t read this crap. I am a dyslexic, talented actress with questionable English. That’s why I overpay you to protect me. I mean, doesn’t my asshole have any rights?”

“- But we found that our subjects just didn’t buy it. It didn’t chime with their neurotic view of themselves. What we found instead was when we focused on their more weak or selfish or craven moments, it confirmed their innermost fears and put them in a state of mesmerized horror. Which really drives engagement. They literally can’t look away.”

“- Let’s kill this quam-puta. This is not called Salma Hayek Gets Everything Explained to her but doesn’t understand it still.”

#black mirror #black mirror season 6 #joan is awful #black mirror review #black mirror 6 review #netflix series #netflix #netflix show #streamberry

[writing-winters]

because I am a masochist, let's.finish this ridiculous House Of Gucci. maybe there'll be some good jokes?

- did Bloomingdale's have gift cards in the 80s? didn't everywhere still have certificates?

- there was just a whole scene that made zero sense. I think, maybe, based on 45 years of watching dumb movies written by NTs, that Adam was telling Gaga he wants a divorce? but, like, all he said was that he's sending her and the kid to Milan, and Gaga like, had a fit? for all the crap dialogue I didn't need in this thing, they sure skimp when it's necessary

- omg, is that Imhotep from The Mummy?!?!?!?

- oh, good, Pacino is back

- more Paolin' time

- I don't know if you can be racist to Italians, but this movie is doing its absolute utmost

- so yes, it was a divorce, cuz now he's with hearing Marlee Matlin on a fugly lips sofa

- that is Salma Hayek!

- a pussy bow and a scarf, Gaga? no

- Anna fuckin Wintour? much rather have watched 3 hours on her, tell you what

- no idea what's going on here, but I love that Rothko on the wall

- all I can think when I see mud baths is Louis Litt. Gaga and Salma gonna get Litt up!

- and now there's a murder plot? what the fuck does this movie even want to be?

- that Hansel, so hot right now

- oh, Tom Ford! who makes better movies than this, and I think that's definitely saying something, given his reviews

- nope, not Imhotep

- ...and that's what we were building to? why wasn't this a crime drama, then? why such a boring family melodrama for 2 hours, only to become vaguely interesting in the last 10 minutes?

#bad movies #bad writing #house of gucci #so glad i got it from the library

[whokenobi]

To add to your tags; let's also not award people who clearly are 100% okay with racism. Sebastian really be like "as long as she has a pretty face, follows me around like a pet, doesn't criticize anything I do and is easy to fuck, I'm fine with her being racist". He really has low standards. But on the other hand, anyone who choose to be with him also must have them pretty fucking low lmao. /

if we are not awarding people who are okay with racism why did they just awarded Evans? as always you all love to pick and choose. i don't forget cevans awful photo from his Zionist movie with all the Black people behind nor his tweet saying a black man forgiving the white man killing his brother was "the most beautiful thing he's ever seen" and i don't forget him saying Sandra bullock, a white woman, was someone to "settle in" meanwhile Salma Hayek, a mexican woc was only to have "a good time". and since you're all still judging Sebastian for his ex partner's actions that she did before meeting her then let's judge Chris choice to stay with Jenny slate while she was sexist, homophobic and racist as fuck while he was dating her. i don't know if you're even gonna post this but if we are fairly criticizing people then let's do it and let's not pick and choose. 🙄

this is the only one i am going to post bc they all are essentially saying the same thing and as per usual, i don’t have the patience to sift through them all.

#ask

[goldengalaxy99]

OK so I know nothing of the eternals other than the fact that they're a group of celestial ancient beings... I think AND that the cast is glorious and diverse and honest to god the cast of my dreams 🥺😍

But that trailer made me wonder if they're gonna do a storyline where they're living normal lives on earth and then find each other and remember their celestial ancient lives that they had forgotten for some reason. I have no idea if this is in any way accurate but if we get something like that I swear I will scream

THE ANGST, THE YEARNING, THE FOUND FAMILY OF IT ALL 😭😭😭😭 pls marvel 🙏

#the eternals #i am here for this cast #ill be in the theater for you kumail nanjiani #our first brown superhero 🥺 #but also ma dongseok???? #gemma chan #Salma hayek #angelina jolie #and the two dudes from game of thrones that i actually liked lolol #richard madden #kit harrington #and its gonna have some gays #disney better not fuck this up

[nighthaunting]

my current flaming hot take is that shipping genn greymane with other people is fine but leaving mia out is boring and the excuses people make up to exclude her are, haha, wildly fucking sexist and ageist!

there's lots of fics where genn banging someone is excused with something like 'oh mia lets me but she doesn't want to know about it' or 'we've separated' or 'mia doesn't want to have sex with me anymore since there's such a difference in the demands of our sex drives' or even 'my dick is weird now from being a werewolf and mia said no thanks go bang someone else'

and these are imho cowardly ways to go about getting genn with whoever you're trying to get genn with

i need there to be a greater respect and acknowledgment of mia 'you call him the old wolf but i make him purr like a kitten' greymane's absolutely canonical and active sex life with her husband!

like genn can have a weird werewolf dick that doesn't mean he's not eating mia out and letting her peg him bc he drinks his 'i love my wife' juice

mia can be like 'oh genn you're too horny so i'm going to let you bang other people' but im tired of it being in a sad sexist way! just open their marriage!

let mia say 'genn you're too horny for me alone, go find someone hot and i will watch you bang them then give you the strap if you are a good boy'

or if you're really not into that, why not portray them as two queer besties who got married to beard for each other and were willing to have kids together and still have a loving and mutually supportive platonic relationship of DILF-MILF solidarity? or just make them both bi!!

i'm just tired of the constant theme that i've noticed that involves a middle-aged woman being relegated to the sidelines and constantly portrayed as ending her relationship and marriage because she's *checks notes* 'too old?' 'too frail to bang a werewolf?' 'incapable of carrying on a long-distance relationship?'

blizzard's constant compression of their wonky-ass timeline means that in the current canon mia is like, 50 at most! 50!! genn is like 53!

i am tearing my hair! i am rending my clothes and gnashing my fucking teeth! do any of you know what a 50 year old woman looks like? Lucy Liu is 50+ Monica Bellucci is 50+ Nicole Kidman is 50+ Halle Berry is 50+ Helena Bonham Carter is 50+ Salma Hayek is 50+ Viola Davis is 50+

i have become too incoherent to really conclude this post but please ffs next time you're about to write mia off so you can have genn bang whoever think for a moment and come up with a more creative explanation than just 'this 50 year old woman is too decrepit and old to fuck anymore so their relationship is just Over now'

*trails off into enraged screaming*

#mia greymane #genn greymane #world of warcraft #i started out with a better and happier post and then the sexism and ageism of it all jumped out #and now its an incoherent mess of screams and swears and talking about werewolf dick #🅱lease for the love of god understand that women don't just shrivel up and die after 30 #wanting genn to fuck anduin or whoever is fine #saying 'mia's ok with it bc she's an old hag so its fine if genn fucks around with a 20 year old' is uhhhh #literally the intersection of ageism and sexism at play in how we perceive older women