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meat-wentz · 1 year

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the circus was…not popular in the 2000’s?

okay i have to pull out my book of receipts here because let me tell you i think about this so often because in the moment i wasn’t registering how much circus/circus-adjacent imagery i was being exposed to and it was only when i looked back and realized that my 14 year old ass wrote a legitimate attempt at fiction on the doll palace dot com about a girl who gets swept away by a hot demon with side bangs to join, of all things, a circus, did the gates burst open to the flood of 2000’s circus imagery that had been forgotten. so like i’m gonna DUMP like you wouldn’t believe so get ready for a long post.

now first, this is how i define circus-adjacency: magicians, magic, burlesque, anything showy and flashy with a typically large vivacious cast, big teased hair and those small little doll lips with white powdered faces and big blush, grainy filters and red drapes, vegas and casinos and poker for some reason, and you know what fuck it i’m adding pirates in here too.

so let me tell you, first and foremost, the actual CIRCUS was thriving, particularly when you look at cirque du soleil. when you look at their wikipedia page, the 80’s are marked as their start and struggle, the 90’s as their expansion, and 2000-2009 as RAPID GROWTH. you couldn’t watch tv without a cirque du soleil commercial, pop in a dvd without a cirque advertisement, couldn’t drive without seeing a cirque billboard, people were raving about them, they were essentially the new sexier blue man group. now a few things happen in the 2010’s that result in their decline in popularity, they have to close shows due to recession, accidents resulting in death, the tsunami closing their show at tokyo disney, etc. essentially all that plus the cultural attitude is shifting away from the circus, we’re done with that we don’t want it anymore, sorry cirque. but when i say that cirque is probably one of the most popular live shows you can see, i mean it.

now music and movie and television wise, WOW, a lot happening there, let’s take a look:

youtube

1) i want to express so hard that i watched lady marmalade at like 7:00 am and then my ass went to school like it was a moment and no wonder i was struggling with my sexuality it changed me deeply and 2) i’m leaving out britney and fob because i already used them as examples and i’m also leaving out gwen stefani because she and i have beef from this time period but rich girl and whatcha waiting for have these very glamorous dollified pirate and alice in wonderland visuals. now please for the love of god watch the intro to criss angel mindfreak:

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not to mention, british boyband take that released an album called “the circus” and had a whole accompanying circus tour where they rode a giant puppet elephant through the crowd and they performed in a giant red tent and lady gaga opened for them???? which sounds wild enough but then you see something like this and your whole brain collapses:

youtube

now if you think that’s where it stops you’re so damn wrong, because i read approximately 8 or 9 of these damn books:

which revolves around a boy who joins a circus to become a vampire’s apprentice and all sorts of gnarly shit happens to them and everyone is some sort of creature, and that turns into the feature film the vampire’s assistant which inexplicably stars john c reilly, josh hutcherson, salma hayek, willem dafoe, orlando jones, ken watanabe and more.

anyways we have pirates of the caribbean which was huge, but we also have lots of vegas representation for some reason: poker face, 21, ocean’s movies, street magicians, cirque, huge rise in popularity of professional gambling etc. i went to vegas with my friend and her parents in 2008 as a 15 year old and the highlights of our trip were going to circus circus, a penn and teller show, and picking up xxx show girl cards off the ground.

you’ll notice that the primary musicians that are latching onto the circus aesthetic are emo (and emo-adjacent) and mega popular starlets, and with the rise of internet fame culture and paparazzi swarms and the constant constant barrage of an audience that puts you at the top only to pray on your failure so they can watch it live on television, like i think it makes sense for them to adopt this metaphor, as britney so aptly put it “all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus,” to see millions of faces peering at you, throwing popcorn, telling you to get on the trapeze just so they can watch you fall. these are also WIDELY popular mainstream artists with very queer and femme leaning audiences and are consistently not taken seriously while being extremely exploited.

similarly to film at the time too, where you see a lot of romances, a lot of musical theater, a couple horror movies, etc. the magician thing i think is fully an exercise in masculinity but i think that’s a different story.

and i think it’s interesting with lots of 2000’s trends returning that we can already see what’s popping up again, vampires are back (hello iwtv and wwdits), pirates are back (hello ofmd), and even the circus is slowly making it’s way in (the greatest showman which i don’t want to even think about or really include because that was already 5 years ago, but hello guillermo del toro my beloved bringing out nightmare alley, and honestly even a small shout out to the quarry for having scary circus elements).

and like i don’t have a full whole explanation as of yet for why the circus became such a cultural staple, but it’s for certain that it very much was. thank you for coming to my 2000’s circus themed ted talk i’m sorry i did this to you.

#apologies for anyone who read this #idk how to tag this #2000s #ask #anon

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jerich0two · 2 months

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Jazz cat! (Lest we forget who my favourite is)

Been seeing a few posts with overlord-era Husk playing the saxophone and I am ALLLL for it. This post is for ME. I am the demand for Jazz Saxophonist Husk Content. If only I knew how to draw a sax... or someone playing one... oh, well!

#hazbin art #hazbin hotel #fanart #hazbin hotel husk #husker #husker hazbin hotel #overlord husk #deepest apologies to anyone who actually plays sax #i tried my best but that thing is COMPLEX #also the music notes dont mean jack shit i aint clever #also also this isnt meant to be the overlord au ive been seeing #even though that looks awesome #this is just a prelude to my inevitable zib obsession when i finally sit down and read the lackadaisy comic #jeri's art tag for convenience purposes

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 12 days

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Average Drama Enjoyer observes some peak drama.

#dungeon meshi #toshiro nakamoto #laios touden #kabru #izutsumi #Before anyone mistakes this as mischaracterization: The joke here is that it's ambiguous what the hell he means.#Kabru does love getting into fights a bit more than average but he's mostly here for the drama.#I screenshot the scene of him going 'The dark arts!' with a little smile everytime I re-read dungeon meshi. He's so catty. I love him.#And shout out to Izutsumi for adding fire to the drama. Girl said 'I am the listener. I heard that shit.' and refused to apologize.#Joke two: the deep cut - Welcome to more propaganda for whatever the hell is going on between Laios & Shuro & Kabru.#Laios trusting Shuro with some *heavy* information because he admires him so much! And wants to be his friend so badly!#Kabru also has another great character moment when he immediatly clocks Laios as not being as malicious as expected.#We love a character who can put the clues together! It is such a good subversion of what role we think Kabru is to play in this story!#Now he's eager to befriend Laios - who is barely interested and currently trying to befriend Shuro - who is barely interested and...well.#The painful triangle of people trying to get to know the other person better and being rejected...Friendship triangle.#We have all had a friendship triangle situation before. Right? You guys have also struggled to read people. Right?#Laios is universally relatable. Right?

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pokeberry5 · 7 months

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inspired by those textposts about dick rocking up to the rest of titans with tim for the first time and kori et al. being like: is that the stalker kid???

bonus:

warm ups:

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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Am i the asshole f'r getting mine own neighbour burn'd at the stake?

i wenteth to the farm'rs marketeth lasteth weekend, and hath bought mine own goat - daisy. I intend'd to selleth the cheese yond the lady maketh. Mine own neighbour claim'd yond t wast in fact h'r goat yond wond'r'd off of h'r landeth, and the lady wouldst liketh t backeth.

i didst not wisheth to shareth the cheese, and toldeth h'r to leaveth me beest.

i didst some bethinking, and realis'd the lady may has't been a beldams! how didst the lady knoweth yond daisy hath appeared at mine own doth'r lasteth weekend? daisy wast a gift from god, i sayeth!

i rep'rt'd h'r to the church and yest'rday the lady wast burn'd at the stake.

though i feeleth guilty. P'rhaps i wrongly accus'd h'r? h'r 16 children art v'ry upseteth (though, those gents shouldst beest greatly joyous as those gents receiveth half a bean m're f'r dinn'r) and i am not making much wage on the cheese.

so. Am i the asshole?

#aita #am i the asshole #joke aita #btw my apologies to anyone who's clutching their head reading my attempt at antiquated dialect #what do you even call that. i know it's not middle english cause that's canterbury tales

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web1entropy · 2 months

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[redacted] & ren headcanons (1/?)

characters: [redacted], ren, angel | reader word count: ~900 (not proofread) content warning: other than typical yandere themes, light angst, & wiretapping, the post is fairly tame a/n: i'm using the term 'headcanons' very, very liberally here. this post serves as a way for me to get a better feel for ren\ [redacted] (more so the latter than the former).

–whereas ren types in a way that exudes warmth\ friendliness by injecting as many emoticons (as socially acceptable) and tries to match your texting energy by responding in kind (sending memes back, responding with a sticker, or reacting to your messages), the opposite is said for [redacted].

–[redacted]'s texting style leans more towards being terse and straight to the point, thereby coming off as a bit... dry. moreover, they prefer to abbreviate most words to save milliseconds from *being away from you typing. you could write the most long-winded paragraph with multiple subtopics nested within and they'll respond with a simple "lol yea" or "oh?" before maybe offering a further commentary on whatever you wrote.

–they try to offset this effect by responding with a (purple) heart (if it's contextually appropriate).

–to further elaborate: it's not that they're uninterested in talking with you (as if such a concept is even possible; their leg rapidly bounce from exaltation as their eyes are glued to the screen because holy shit-- you're talking to them over anyone else, which means that your attention is on them and no one else!), it's more so that they don't have anything to share and they prefer that the focus of the conversation shouldn't shift away from whatever you wish to talk about.

–80% of the time, the conversation will conclude in [redacted] asking if they could call you instead. in general, they'll always opt for voice-to-voice communication since a little indelible past incident that had occurred on an online forum (?!) made them detest texting.

–chatting with you through video or voice calls assuages past memories of staring vacantly into nothing, one hand partially covering their face while the other picks up lint from their clothes, a frigid sensation spreads from deep crevices of their heart to the end of their limbs as they listen to the audio from their monitor of you speaking with some person (i.e. your friend). in your voice, they hear a vivid lilt that is a sharp contrast to the tone you've used with them when they attempted to approach you in real life.

–after doing it on photographs they own of you for years, it's no wonder one of their favourite act of physical contact is gently tracing your countenance: from the bottom of your chin, up to your lips, moving high to the arch of your apple cheeks— upon which their thumb lingers there for a few seconds, lightly stroking the spot below your eye —, then drawing upward from your temple to the outline of your eyebrows. finally, they consummate this gesture by placing a peck on the tip of your nose.

–[redacted]'s sense of humour is a derivative of a specific form of trolling -- being as provocative as possible while hiding behind the scrim of sincerity. it took time and practice to learn how to perfect and effectively manipulate a persona that can elicit a strong response from others. along the same vain, (affectionately) bantering with them is a bit of an issue since it's hard to get a rise out of them. it's further complicated by the fact that they know you more than you know yourself. nevertheless, it becomes easy to tease back once you find out that their weak spot is anything related to you :3c.

–it requires a decent degree of social and emotional intelligence to play a persona (whether it's acting out whoever is your current subject of affection or impersonating someone for nefarious purposes :3) and make it convincing to observers.

–Unfortunately, they don't have a meme folder on standby-- so they were taken completely off-guard when you hit them with a meme in lieu of a response. cue a distressed ren frantically searching up 'funny meme' on google images (of all places) while muttering 'not funny. gross. not funny. absolutely not. not funny. what the hell does that even mean?!'

–you're the only person [redacted] have saved to their contact list (and the only number they've memorised by heart). on nights that drag long and sleep deprivation begins to set in, hunched in front of the intense artificial light of their monitor, their gaze lingers on the 'dial' button on their screen as they can feel the dull ache in their heart stir over how easy it is to reach you; yet, they know good things never came easy to them.

–ren's freak out at the movie's jump-scare was a genuine reaction, not because he's afraid (as one might surmise), but because of how high-strung he is from that day's rollercoaster of events-- and now he's in your apartment watching a movie together like it's the most normal thing in the world?! he was deep in his reverie of domestic bliss and before it got cut short by the ear-piercing scream from the tv.

–they might or might not have attempted to make a short video game confessing their feelings to you. they'll resume their project after the events of the story and make it as an anniversary surprise.

–[redacted] being a fan of gothic music... i needn't elaborate more...(also I firmly believe from the bottom of my heart that pictures of you by the cure is one of their favourite songs.)

#14 days with you #14dwy ren #14dwy redacted #^ the world's most emotionally constipated guy attempts to write romance (failed) (ambulance on scene?!) (triple dog death barrage!!!)#edited the post to insert a 'read more' divider even thought i was pretty sure i included it initially?#apologies to anyone who had to scroll through all of that in the search

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baselicoc · 11 months

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A small spider-man 2099 reading guide

Just watched atsv and wondering where to start getting into Miguel O’Hara? Hate trying to figure out comic timelines? Well hopefully this guide can help a little bit. Please note its far from a definitive guide and could probably use some work but I'm hoping it helps someone out! Also not including spider-verse appearances or those in most other comics, because we could be here forever listing every comic appearance and this is meant to be a quick guide Miguel's original appearance was in Amazing Spider-Man #365, but that was more of a preview than anything else. I've split it pre-2000's and post-2000's, but listen to me if you have to pick one comic to read out of all of this make it the original 1992 run. You basically cannot go wrong with just reading 1992. A few have been marked with asterisks because you really don't have to read them but it felt wrong to not include them on the list.

Pre 2000's

Spider-man 2099 (1992): Literally Required Reading. Keep in mind that the last two issues had different writers and are kinda disregarded by just about everyone. Issue #16 starts the crossover event Fall of The Hammer, a mini-guide to which I've included below. The Special and Annual take place in between issues but it's easiest to just read them last.

Spider-Man 2099 Meets Spider-Man (1995): It's short, it's sweet, give it a read.

*2099: World of Tomorrow (1996): At the time this was meant to close off all the 2099 plots, theres lots of other 2099 characters in here but a fair bit of Mig.

*2099: Manifest Destiny (1998): Further closure to the 2099 world, again lots of other characters but still a solid read. Basically waves away the last two issues of sm2099 (1992) in a slightly hilarious way and worth reading just for that.

Fall of the Hammer crossover mini-guide:

Spider-man 2099 (1992) #16

Ravage 2099 #15

X-men 2099 #5

Doom 2099 (1993) #14

Punisher 2099 (1993) #13

Post 2000's

*Superior Spider-man (2013) issues #16-19: Largely set up but its cool too

Spider-man 2099 (2014): You can read this without the Superior Spider-man setup but depending on your prior comic reading experience you may be a bit confused. If you're a seasoned reader and used to taking weird comic shifts in stride due to missing some random issues of a completely different comic you'll be fine

Spider-man 2099 (2015): Solid run, I don't have much to say about it honestly

Marvel's 2099 (2019 event): you are better off looking up a separate guide for this one it is not my ballpark

#spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o’hara #miguel o'hara #atsv #<- tagging that one to help people who are just getting into him #spiderman #miguel #sm2099 #sm2099 reading guide #spiderverse #fr though read the 1992 run #anyone who knows more than me please feel free to correct me on anything i've just seen some people wanting this and thought i may as well #extra apologies if anyone has done this before but i cannot go in migs tag #<- walking thru hell for real #i felt like i should do this because as a comic character lover all i do is post comic content #by god though if i can convince ONE person to read 1992 run it will be worth it #mig does not have enough comics to truly be as complicated as some other comic characters but i know it can be nice to have it all set out

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prince-kallisto · 3 months

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MMFKFJHD

NMSZMSMSNANNAS

KNDHAHAHAHAVVG

HES SO HES SO

MY HEART CANT HANDLE THIS SNXJSJZBXBD HIS VEINS IM IM HES SO HANDSOME

AND AND THE NOTCHES IN HIS GLOVES OUGH. THE CUFFLINKS DEAR LORD ANXJSJSJDNHXDB

HIS GOLDEN TALONS IM AJDJSJSJD PLEASE CLAW ME ACROSS MY FACE SO I CAN HAVE A FOREVER SCAR FROM YOU, CROWLEY

#apologies to anyone who had to read this…#I promise I’m not usually like this ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡#IM TRYING TO BE NORMAL ABOUT HIM BUT #THEN THESE OHOTOS IN HIGHER QUALITY OUGHH #dire crowley #kallistopost #Crowley Thoughts

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mewtwo24 · 9 months

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Sasaki and Hirano, Compare/Contrast Brainrot

Okay like I saw a post about Sasaki and Hirano’s friendship and I just. Started thinking about it and now I can’t stop. Especially after reading Hirano to Kagiura.

I feel like they’re messed up (repressed is probably what I actually mean) in the same way but in opposite directions and that’s why they like…get along, but in the strangest manifestation of that phrasing? They care about each other almost from a periphery, from the vantage point of someone who understands, but, since they’re also still figuring it out, they don’t know quite how to interact with or guide the other?

And it’s killing me because--idk if it was just me--I kept going feral over every single time I was reading the manga and Hirano would go “oh yeah I do [insert fuckign batshit intimacy] with my roommate, this is a normal senpai/kouhai thing to do” and Sasaki literally always reacts with:

“.” (Huh. I don’t think that’s normal but who am I to judge these things. Let’s ask the local social barometer.)

“Hey Hanzawa, this [reiterates what Hirano said word-for-word] isn’t normal is it?” (Translation: “this would be inappropriate to do with Mya-chan even though I’m clawing at the walls just thinking about it”)

And Hanzawa, bless his heart, who is only a fraction more normal about social interaction than everyone else is just like:

“.” [W H A T]

“Sasaki, what. Of course you shouldn’t be doing that. W H Y ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS”

AND THIS HAPPENS MANY TIMES IN THE SPAN OF TWENTY CHAPTERS. I CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH THE HILARITY BUT ALSO CONCERN IT INSPIRES TO WATCH.

More detailed analysis under the cut, I just can’t stop laughing at the way the manga compares them:

Sasaki fascinates me because, as I take stock again, it feels like he’s got this dread when it comes to change (e.g. Ogasawara and his gf dating--thus changing his relationship with both of them, asking Miyano out--risking losing him, confessing that he’s dating a boy to his sister--risking her enduring and fervent disapproval). So much of his younger teenage angst was related to being reluctant to start or do things, and while it’s easy to assume laziness, I don’t think that’s the case? He says in the manga: “There’s nothing I can do, so how am I supposed to know what I want to do then…?” I get a sense that this trapped feeling contributes to his dissatisfaction and stasis more than a refusal to do anything at all. I don’t think he lacks capacity; he’s proven to be exceptionally clever and even studious when he feels motivated.

Considering the lack of interest his parents had in his life (let alone his hobbies/skills) and his sister’s overbearing scrutiny, I feel like it makes sense he’s struggled so much with his self-actualization. I feel like he perceives it as being caught between hot and cold extremes constantly; like no matter what he does, he’ll either receive indifference or loud chastising. So why bother at all? It would explain why he likes Miyano’s temperament so much, considering the latter quite literally is defined by his normalcy and even keel. When Sasaki wants to move forward in their relationship, Miyano seriously considers both their feelings, and thoroughly weighs the realities of what it would mean to be together before replying. While Sasaki wants to be closer to him, I think so much of his willingness to wait was the fact that Miyano wasn’t evading him. Miyano was being honest and thorough about meeting him halfway, without insulting his feelings or flat out ignoring him.

(Side note: I fully agree that Sasaki’s sister is a positive influence in his life, in that she actually gave a damn when he was downspiraling and miserable, and pointed out that all kids need limits and guidance. But she is loud and forceful about her acknowledgement, and I feel like this is very grating to Sasaki. For better or worse, it’s clear he has a hard time with such a direct and intense approach about what he should think and feel, and about what he needs. Sasaki shows indications of a kind of mindset where he thinks he needs to shoulder all the tough and heavy things alone, so it makes sense to me that he would be uncomfortable with his sister proclaiming how he is lost or bereft of attention/discipline.)

I think there’s also the fact that Miyano witnessed Sasaki at his most vulnerable--and instead of lashing out--offered him help and sympathy, real warmth and patience. Sasaki has always meant a lot to me as a character, maybe because he resonates in such a poignant way. He’s somebody who has lived under such emotional extremes, and as a result deeply values a sense of normalcy. Where one could argue Miyano is unassuming and ordinary, I think that’s part of why Sasaki likes being with him. With Miyano, he doesn't have to guess at the distance between them; Miyano is earnest and careful about those differences, and is very direct about addressing them with reciprocity.

Now then, Hirano. I know very little about Hirano’s home life other than his being an only child. But to be honest, that does tell us a bit--paired with his subtle social anxieties. I will never forget Sasaki saying to Miyano ‘that’s because Hirano plays favorites with his kouhais’ about the gap between his behavior towards his younger classmates versus everyone else. While Sasaki’s petulance is uproarious, there is something to that. (I also love how this exposes Sasaki, lowkey, because he’s basically saying that he’d only do that with his favorite people, aka Miyano. But otherwise he could never be bothered to care about a rando, and that’s hilarious.)

I think Hirano--because he doesn’t really have a sense of how he’s supposed to relate to other people--tends to follow the same strict guidelines you might see in a rule book (DISCIPLINE COMMITTEE COUGH COUGH). Supposing he was taught--or simply feels responsibility towards younger kids as a result of reflective parental neglect--it would explain why he feels this rigid need to treat kouhais like little siblings. At first glance, and honestly when you consider his general aloofness, it doesn’t make much sense that he has a mothering sensibility otherwise.

Now then, because I realized this while writing and I have to inflict this on everyone else in rapid succession, this would explain his initial staunch discomfort with Kagiura’s affection. In the context of Hirano’s lifestyle/mindset:

Hirano → relationships with people? Don’t understand that, refer to following flowchart:

→ younger = responsibility, must protecc

→ same age = keep them in line

→ older = respect (but only if I feel like it HAIR DYE NOISES INTENSIFY)

Mind you, I don’t think this is limited to his platonic/friendship relations. I think this permeates into so many other aspects of his life, since sociality is inevitably a focal point for all human life. If he feels an uncharacteristic leniency and profound affection for Kagiura, then it must be because he's a kouhai he wants to protect, nothing more. He has no other reason or definition by which to ascribe to those feelings. Hirano doubly insisting he can’t be attracted to men is because he’s been so inundated in the widespread social signals, the social rule that has been long standing--and remains a pretty powerful message even now--that it’s unlikely (and that’s a gentle term) he’s attracted to another man.

After all, He is So Good At Being A Normal Young Man. He’s in the discipline committee. He gets excellent grades. He’s a kind and helpful senpai. He keeps his classmates in line. Of Course He Likes Women, What Do You Mean Gay.

He’s basically that meme like: “'Men can be attracted to other men' actually statistical error. Average men only feel attraction for women. Sasamiya is an outlier and should not be counted."

Both Hirano and Sasaki hate change/unpredictability, but I really love how complex their differences are in regards to how they experience that and feel that. Sasaki hates change, but he’s not necessarily emotionally repressed? He’s able to express what he feels for Miyano because he feels it so strongly, and it comes naturally when he does. In fact, it’s so natural that he becomes impulsive--and that’s why he gets so anxious about moving too far or too fast by accident. He has the overthink override, where if the attraction is too strong he simply Can’t Shut Up About How Much He Loves Miyano or stop hugging/kissing him.

Hirano hates change in the sense that he’s so ensconced in this idea that This Is Normal Human Behavior, that he completely loses sight of how he actually feels about anything--because he rejects/suppresses anything he can’t coherently define in a scripted, linear way. And being asked to tread that unstable, unsteady ground is tantamount to throwing a cat in water with no warning. This is why it’s so sad but also HYSTERICALLY FUNNY to see him like “wym I have feelings for Kagiura. It's perfectly normal to start yelling with all the wounded rage of a scorned housewife over my kouhai not letting me wake him up for morning practice. That is what it means to be a senpai.” Because he has no blueprint for how he’s supposed to express a love that goes deeper than friendship (with a man no less), he defaults to these overly simplistic structures that can’t support the complexity/maturity of such adult human feeling and exchanges. They worked for him just fine before, so why won’t they work for him now?

Relegating Kagiura to the role of kouhai makes it easier for Hirano to conceptualize why he cares so much for him, but it also limits the scope of his view. He’s using it as an umbrella term in a sense: of course he doesn’t find every little thing about Kagiura infuriating/boring/troublesome. Being the older person means being responsible and chill about everything. But that’s the thing. He’s not indulging Kagiura the same way he indulges Miyano, despite him qualifying them the same way. With Miyano it’s super clear Hirano really does just see him as a baby duckling, someone to treat gently and usher around. His behavior around Kagiura is so astronomically different in comparison, it’s nearly comical to try to compare them:

It’s Kagiura’s birthday. Hirano, who probably hardly remembers people’s birthdays, deadass went around asking every person he was close to (like, 5 ppl) for advice. He agonized over it for days on end. He gets Kagiura tickets to a basketball game and an alarm clock, and spends the entire day with him. He asks Hanzawa if he can use party poppers to celebrate Kagiura on the day of, and to get around the rules when he’s told no he has everyone go hog wild with them at the Christmas party in a loophole maneuver to celebrate. Reminder to myself and everyone reading, this is BEFORE he even hears a word about Kagiura’s feelings.

THIS IS BEFORE EITHER OF THEM ARE IN ANY KIND OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. HIRANO, WHO IS MR. “i only study or drag people to baby jail, what do you want,” SPENT ENTIRE DAYS PAINSTAKINGLY PLANNING ALL OF THIS. FOR KAGIURA’S BDAY. AFTER ONE OFFHAND COMMENT FROM KAGIURA OF LIKE mannnn having an xmas bday sucks ass, they just try to lump it tg with holiday presents booooo :///

That Hirano conceptualizes Kagiura as a kouhai has been established. But another angle that’s equally crucial is this equation:

Hirano → adore person? Devote Every Minute To Being Nice^TM

→ hate person? angry cat hissing sounds/smack with paper roll

→ mild dislike? Lowkey grousing/sarcasm/dismissal

→ neutral? (this is most people btw) refer to earlier chart for appropriate social etiquette

This is pretty much where Hirano gives himself away. Because even in his most inflexible rules for himself, we’ve never seen him convey so much feeling for anyone around him so helplessly. It can be argued that he might have in the past, but honestly, I doubt it. The feeling is so confusing and new to him that it leads me to believe so much of his difficulty accepting what he feels is related to its unfamiliarity. He can’t trust it as real precisely because he can’t control or neatly define it. (This made doubly disconcerting by the fact that he doesn’t have a typical social structure to work from either. If his parents, for instance, are anything like Hanzawa’s, it’s possible his conception of love between a couple is about devotion to remain together to fulfill a sense of status/purpose to create a new life. He would have zero concept of love that comes from the very depths of a person’s emotional being, a call and response that is as instinctive as it is fulfilling.)

Sasaki feels an intense desire to be close to Miyano, and thus acts accordingly because he trusts his feelings. On the other hand, he has trouble measuring the distance between himself and others. (e.g. he thinks he will lose his friends if they date, his sister acts like a parent but is also a kid and that makes it hard for him to know how to interact, he struggles to convey himself properly to Miyano when he brings up escalating to dating). Hirano, on the other hand, doesn’t realize the intensity of his affection and heartfelt proximity to Kagiura because he’s so busy tying himself up in knots over what he’s supposed to feel and think that he doesn’t trust his feelings. Rather, he is only given away by how obscenely his actions expose him. Comparatively, he has less trouble measuring the distance between himself and others when it comes to anyone but Kagiura.

(Perhaps obviously, Kagiura has Sasaki’s whole ‘if I don’t hug/kiss/bark at him I’ll die’ emotional expression and Miyano has the cautious measuring of distance between people and difficulty accepting gay like Hirano.)

God they’re both so quintessentially queer it hurts me. One can’t shut up about his love, and the other literally cannot open his mouth and express his feelings or he’ll die.

NARRATIVE FOILS EVERYONE

(Also unsure if it’s me but wow. They are so. Autism. And that also kills me akhfjldghjgdsfhkdfjhg)

#hirano to kagiura #sasaki to miyano #hirano taiga #sasaki shuumei #kagiura akira #miyano yoshikazu #hanzawa masato #if anyone manages to read through this i salute you #i just couldn't stop thinking about the two of them #mind you this is only what i noticed on a first reading of the manga #i can't guarantee i won't breach containment again upon a second reading i apologize in advance #AUGHGHGHGHGH [myriad agonized noises]#truly the sasamiya-verse exists to inflict emotional dmg on me #also all my love to everyone who's replied to my posts with such kind words/affirmations????#im not really used to fandoms that like analysis alhlgdhdkskhjasf #i found my people? it seems

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