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marginaletchings · 4 months

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Apropos of nothing: I think people see Stella as "underdeveloped" because of 3 reasons:

A lot of people understandably get upset at cheating partners and sympathize with the partner who was cheated on-- sometimes to a degree they become blind to the nuances of why someone would pursue a partner outside an exclusive relationship in the first place.

Her lack of screentime.

People claiming she was "suddenly" nothing but abusive. ExCUSE me???

Warning for discussion of abuse, child abuse, childhood trauma:

The thing is... people seem to forget how verbally abusive she was for years. Stolas said it himself, and we SEE her loudly going on and on and on about his apparent lack of abilities in bed. I see fans happy to note that she's married "without consent" (as though this isn't also the case for Stolas???) and fail to understand that she is still clearly using him for status. If she were emotionally involved AT ALL, ever, do you really think she'd be going on and on about their sex life?? It would be humiliating in any other circumstance except where she uses it as leverage to demean her husband. All she's ever done is take her shit out on him. Stolas seeking comfort from someone else--albeit through dubious means--is his escape from that abuse and loneliness.

For the screentime: Tons of screentime or a lack of it isn't a good metric for how "deep" a character is. I'm also not gonna lie, not all characters need to be DEEP-- we have a fuckton of characters throughout media who are cruel, petty, and mean, but for some reason we still get to see them in a sympathetic woobified light. Stella, in my opinion, could use more screen time, sure, but do we really need to see her ~angsty backstory~ about how tragic it is that she was married to Stolas? Or maybe we could just admit, like, some people are just mean and miserable and can't take the level of shit they dish out to others. She's not angry he "betrayed" her, she's angry he's doing something she sees as disgusting and potentially ruinous to her status and standing in society.

Finally, I want to point out how she's clearly always had a terrible temper, Stolas points out she's been verbally and emotionally abusive for years, presumably the whole marriage, and she clearly neglects Octavia at "BEST." In little Octavia's room, we can see pictures she's drawn with just her and Stolas. We also see Stolas sigh when Stella tells Stolas to go to Octavia when she wakes up from a nightmare--that always came off to me like a parent absolutely frustrated with the lack of effort another parent is putting into raising their kid.

Stella is ABSENT from Octavia's life and always WAS-- Octavia is nothing to her except a means to an end. What's worse, is Octavia clearly has abandonment issues--gee I wonder why that is (Stella)--and they manifest in her fear of losing Stolas, too.

Not to get too personal here, but my parents had a similar dynamic in terms of my mom is a raging toxic shitbag and my dad is a sensitive man trying to make things work for the sake of his kid(s). I want to point out some (imo) important points here:

Stella having more "nuance" doesn't change the fact that she's still a toxic, gold-digging maniac. Regardless of her circumstances, which have always been privileged, she still chooses to be this way.

Octavia's fear really hits close to home for me. I was always close to my dad, I was the baby, the only girl and youngest by six years, and my mother was abusive and neglectful--when I was five they fought almost every night and once my mom threatened my dad with a steak knife. I grew up having nightmares into high school about being in a moving car and suddenly both my parents vanished, leaving the car without a driver on busy roads or precarious cliff edges. The fear that my dad might suddenly decide to abandon/neglect me just like my mom was an irrational but extremely understandable fear that I am STILL working through in therapy at the age of 34. Octavia actually makes me feel seen and heard in number of ways, and it drives me crazy that y'all will make excuses for Stella "only" neglecting Octavia. Fuck OFF with that.

No one thinks Stolas is without fault. Neither he nor Stella wanted that marriage on an emotional level, but judging by their behavior, and how cunning and driven Stella is (she has nuance, y'all just don't want to see it because it doesn't make her your pathetic babygirl, but an independent, conniving and ruthless demoness) she likely would've been more on board by the time they came of age and were married. Time to get power and money! And with Stolas trying to make things "normal" for Octavia, I cannot see Stella being interested in playing along. Stolas kind of just lay down and took it for years, didn't have the courage to suck it up and boot her out once Octavia was born, and started the affair with Blitz without actually using his brain beforehand.

Like. Don't get me wrong: I LIKE Stella. I hate, loathe, want to kick the teeth of people who act like her but I enjoy her as a character. Let this bitch be petty, cruel, conniving, all about living her best life (no matter the cost), and a screaming karen. Let her be Cersei Lannister, for fuck's sake: All of the above, and not as smart as she thinks she is, but she's got determination in SPADES to get what she wants.

I'll never understand why y'all are so mad about her other than just wanting more screen time. But don't let me catch you going "it's just neglect, other people had worse" or what the fuck ever. Also, her being awful doesn't make Stolas look good, it just makes the whole situation sad.

Two fucked up and extremely flawed adults are both hurting their child, but at least ONE of those adults actually gives a shit. It's a low as fuck bar, but it's Hell's royalty, idk what y'all were expecting.

PS: People who want to get shitty about this and not act like civil g-damn adults are gonna get blocked. I work 45-50 hours a week and use a cane, I am in too much pain and too tired for dumb bullshit. Y'all can either disagree politely or earn a hard block from me.

#helluva boss #helluva stella #helluva stolas #helluva octavia

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seek--rest · 24 days

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17 & 20 (and 12 too if you like hehehe😈)

Rattling the bars of my enclosure because of you.

17 is answered but I’ll ask BACK to tell ME what YOU think of my work check and mate! 20 is also answered.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

It already is

Kidding, mostly. I think it would be a demonstration of false humility for me to pretend like my work hasn’t been well-received over the years. For a small corner of fandom— I am that bitch and unfortunately for the insecure, I don’t try and pretend I’m not or make myself smaller to appease people. I DID try to do that and it still led to bullshit so frankly, I don’t give a fuck if my existence makes you feel bad about your own writing skills that sounds like a you problem. I’ve had a lot of fics get a lot of love in the most basic of ways (hits, kudos, user subs) that almost by any metric, I’m a “popular” writer which is not always what it’s cracked up to be but to complain about that on main when most people struggle to make 100 hits is the worlds smallest violin. I know that.

I also think that anyone who writes and posts their creative works online and then says “I don’t want anyone to read this, I do not want any feedback, nor do I care if anyone likes it” are by and large dirty rotten liars. We want people to read our work and we WANT people to enjoy it. It’s why we write and post, rather than just write purely for our own selves and enjoyment.

Do I want my writing— and thus myself— to be famous? Fuck no. The parasocial relationship people have created with me, the nonsense drama and just flat out making shit up because my biggest crime is 1) saying my opinions on my own blog, 2) writing extremely fast and extremely well, 3) more or less putting my money where my mouth is when it comes to creating the things I want to see has only ever led to miserable bitches doing their damndest to make sure I am also miserable.

Unfortunately for them:

I have literally outlived every single one of them and always will because I write what I love. That other people enjoy it is amazing and flattering but even if— and ESPECIALLY when— people don’t come up in droves for EVERY single thing I write, my desire to create isn’t derived from the attention. It helps and it is undeniable a boost when you write something that becomes mega popular, but it is not the driver and that to me is what would be the difference.

Someone who wants to be famous in fandom— as I’ve seen many times before— has crashed and burned every single fucking time.

Not me tho stay safe!

Meta asks

#seek speaks #fandom meta #fandom discourse #fandom nonsense

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gammafish · 10 months

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Oop how many times must you fail before it is socially acceptable to give up? 🤔 I've had about, I dunno, 15 interviews in the past 2-3 months? And no one wants me lmao, even for more junior positions, way below my qualifications. It's so embarrassing, it's pathetic. I'm finishing up a fuckin PhD in science but it's not a flex of any kind, it was a pathetic waste of time and effort, and I did it only because it was funded and I had no real concrete idea what I wanted to do. I regret it so much. It's all a fucking joke, I'm in the worst place I've been in year - one bad decision after another, and I'm living back home with an abusive parent, a place where I don't even have a single friend, and have minimal income from some part time job. It's been bad for years, for more than a decade, but given my current situation, I don't think I'm being unreasonable or hysterical for wanting to end it all? 🤔 I think my reasons are pretty valid.

The only things that keep me here are the wish to try a few more things before I go, but I'm realising more and more that, obviously, I'm no artist, no writer, and I will never make it, will never be able to even have minimal income from it.

After an entire childhood of people telling me I'm going to make it big in the world, that I'll be someone special, someone important, I'll have it easy in life (all based on ... school grades lmaooo??), now not being able to land a job even as a junior physicist? That surely is pathetic. Logically, I know that my family mounted unrealistic expectations on me, and I don't care about disappointing them, but rather myself - their expectations of me became my own expectations, so I'm living with a constant sense of failure. I mean, I am, by every metric. I don't have a full time job, I don't have a social life, friends (near me), a partner, a driver's license, a house or flat of my own, a stable and defined career, and I'm rapidly nearing my 30s.

It's not unreasonable to want to end it all, right?

Heh, it's been a long time since it's been tumbeler therapy time :''D idk why it's so satisfying to just type this shit up and let it out into the void. Wish I could go to therapy but I can't talk about my feelings in my native language, which is where I am now lmao 🤡

#tumblr therapy #lmaoo just rambling really #dont mind me obviously

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novamm66 · 3 years

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I need to tell you about my weekend. I want to share my story, one for myself, and also for anyone else who may be struggling with life.

Let me start by saying how sorry I am that I have been so quiet lately. I have barely been making it day it day and while I have managed to go to work almost everyday, I have barely had energy left for any else.

I would also like to give a trigger warning. I am going to talk about my own suicidal thoughts as well as some pretty dangerous things (I am fine but it was awfully close). I don’t want to cause distress for anyone so read with caution.

Recap: my partner of 20 years, married for 15walked out on me in December.

So this past Friday I received an email from him, 3 months after he left, giving me the explanation I had asked for when he went. His explanation was simply confirming what I already suspected. It was the last paragraph that really kicked me in the teeth. He confirmed that he was going public with a new relationship, someone that he had known for years and I had suspected for months.

The fact that this, finding someone else, was his solution. While he claimed that I was not to blame (and I’m not, his depression made him do it) but his actions spook louder to me.

By Friday evening I was ready to die again. My demons were having a holiday and everyone was invited. I was ready for any way out. Now, I have been here before, many many times, and I reached out. I have amazing friends, and one of the best, got me to her place and sat with me through the worst of the storm.

I regained enough of my footing that I got myself through Saturday, couldn’t get off my couch but I promised to go to another friend’s place for an afternoon of sun and bonfire. Which we did, and it was amazing.

Now comes the scary part. The drive home is about 45 minutes on the highway. Our speeds here are 110 km/hr. About 10 minutes into the drive I was passing an 18-wheeler when it hit an air pocket and the driver lost control. I found myself between 24 metric ton truck and the cement wall of an overpass.

I was sure I was dead. I thought, “Shit, I’m dead,” then I did everything I possibly could to stay alive. The goddess was looking out for me because the truck drive knew his stuff and didn’t panic. He regained control of his truck and only hit me with the back end of his load. I drove with the hit and keep my wheels on the asphalt (barely). My car was not pushed onto the gravel and into the barrier. If it had, my car would have flipped straight into the overpass. I would not be writing this, I would have just disappeared, to be forgotten except my art and writing would remain.

I cleared the overpass and pulled over onto the median turned off the car and got out. Sat my ass in the dirt and put my head between my knees for a moment. Then dealt with the realities of having an accident on the highway. (I live in Nova Scotia, Canada so I had rescuers at my car with in 60 seconds of stopping. A paramedic on her way to work was first. And the truck driver arrived back at my car, he felt so bad, my heat went out to him. Then it was cops and damage assessment and roadside paperwork.)

I can also say that I am a tough bitch. After all of this I got back in my car and drove home. Where I promptly poured myself a very generous drink of my 12-year-old aged tequila and thanked all my guardians by name.

Now I come to the point of my rambling story. That moment, knowing I was dead but fighting like fuck to stay alive, in the midst of a depressive, suicidal episode, really put things in perspective for me. While I know my demons will get the upper hand again, I also now have the knowledge that when the chips are down, everything in me, including my demons, fought to stay alive. That gives me power over them, in a way I. have never had before.

My new life has been easier this past week, I have gotten the damage to my car repaired and the truck driver is covering the cost (we are avoiding insurance for reasons). There has been no delayed injury to myself, I didn’t think there would be but you never know, and emotionally I have been more stable then I have been in months. I got to look my ex in the eye and say what I wanted to say, perform the ritual that ended out union in my heart, mind, and soul. Waiting for the year is just paperwork now.

I have gone the the beach every other day to give thanks to the goddess for her protection and strength and she has graced me with her gifts, the best is pictured above. She gave me a heart to hold on to until I can mend the broken pieces of mine back together.

Thanks for listening Universe. Love you.

#sea witch #Nova lives!#tw sucidal thoughts #personal struggle #personal growth #it was scary as fuck

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nokas-meme-den · 3 years

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Shit heard in Ghost Stories meme

"When this bitch kicks, I'm moving to Vegas."

"Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?"

"I don't care about your cat, he's probably dead."

"Principals always look like lesbians."

"When a stronger spirit appears, the weaker spirit cowers. But all evil spirits cower before Jesus!"

"Oh my, what a gifted seamstress. I hope you're not a homosexual."

"If you want something to happen, you just need to pray! And not be a Muslim. Or Jewish."

"What the fizzityuck was that?"

"Where's the damn cat?"

"These pajamas are gay."

"Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you come to the scary, isolated pay phone on the bad side of town, alone?"

"Maybe you have a hidden talent you don't know about! Like Paris Hilton being an actress! Oh, scratch that."

"THINK OF A BIG BLACK MAN CHASING YOU!"

"A car accident... must have been hit by an old Chinamen. I don't mean to be racist, but those people CANNOT drive."

"You'd be surprised just how many transgressions a filthy little sinner like you can rack up in just a day."

"Look, a little Jew boy."

"Come rub my nipples."

"Drop the Krispy Kreme, Serpiko! We need your help here!"

"My BS detector is going DING!"

"I can read. Not well, but I can read. And those letters... are BACKWARDS!"

"The weird part is, I'm not even high. Not a bit. Totally sober!"

"The internet was a blessing from the Lord Jesus to spread the word of God throughout the world, but then Muslims and pedophiles stole it and used it to lure out and seduce children like you."

"Hey, want some candy little boy?"

"You can use it if you promise not to be on the phone too long. I know how you Pagans take advantage of others."

"A bunch of somber, quiet people against a red nuclear sky near a river of blood. Wow, that doesn't look threatening at all."

"Why? Because Jewish people rock!"

"That's so sweet... in a 'you scare the crap out of me in an Emily Rose' kind of way!"

"Here, you can take pooky-poo. He used to be my man, but we broke up."

"The V on my sweater stands for 'Very Big Deal', but that's beside the point."

"Come on, jump... I SAID JUMP!"

"Yes, the animal cemetery. Hear the plot point bells going off?"

"I hope Stephen King never sees this."

"She's looking straight at us, I don't think we hid very well."

"Those 3 to 4 cardboard boxes aren't going to hold them for long!"

"Lord reveal your salvation, for I am your favorite among these heathens."

"Yo sensei Dave, what's haps on the snaps with the craps?"

"You two-timing son of a bitch! Who's gonna take care of these little bastards!?"

"Oh splinter ohhhhh!"

"Shut up. You're here, and you're an idiot."

"Years ago, people went in there but they didn't come out. Not unlike your sister."

"2.2 Celsius... Metric system. Who thought this was a good idea again? I'm just gonna put 100. No one's gonna know."

"Oh perfect, it's in Japanese. Ching chong nong ding tow! Wait, that's Chinese."

"God, can you go bomb an abortion clinic or something?"

"Creepy Japanese men can be cabbies too y'know. But women should never be allowed to drive."

"Obeying horror movie rules, I'm going to go out alone. You stay here while I go look for help."

"I'm not giving you a reach around."

"You're such a bitch."

"First we do a geographic montage to show we traveled a long way from your house. There, that should be enough."

"I'm gonna beat you retarded."

"Jesus saved my ass."

"And what a lovely little ass it is, too."

"¡NO CORRAN EN EL HOSPITAL, CABRONES!"

"Now that is some really nice animation."

"Nice rack. Mind if I make 'em a little bigger? Ahahaehehahhha boobies. Loooove boobies. Nice lips too. I USED TO HAVE LIPS!"

"Lunchtime BJ?"

"Let's see... purple, for your hair. Can't tell this was a goddamn anime."

"Okay. Stop trying to look up my skirt. IT'S A CARTOON!"

"Holy time machine, Batman, it's 1973!"

"Holy pre-Parkinson's Michael J Fox Christopher Lloyd Back To The Future plot ripoff device! Where's my DeLorean?"

"I'll grab her ass!"

"Oh damn anime, look what's happened to my eyes."

"Leo! Leo! Leo! Leo! Goddamnit! Goddamnit! Goddamnit! Goddamnit!"

"It's the chick from The Ring! I mean, The Grudge! What movie are we ripping off again?"

"Oh my god, did that spell work? You know, like the one where you write your name in an eraser? I hear the head cheerleader's having an abortion."

"Such a bitch! Stop being such a friggin' skank and give it back!"

"Sometimes yes means no!"

"Moshi moshi! I mean, hello."

"Tomomi? Ain't no Tomomi girl living here, so what?"

"Get your cracker ass into some rehab, I ain't got time for this bullshit."

"MOTHAFUCKA."

"Run! She's a ghost and a bitch!"

"I'm goin' fuckin' crazy."

"HEY! Maybe if they paid their fuckin' phone bill, you could call again!"

"Nobody's talking to you. Just drive the bus, bus driver. Fuckin' nosy."

"Oh, sorry. All you little yellow people look alike to me. And African Americans, but not the Mexicans. Why do you think that is? I mean, don't you find that just the weirdest thing?"

"Romans 1:26, God gave them over to shameful lusts!"

"A view of the blood-stained lake. AHHHHHHH"

"Oh it may be blue now, but soon it will be redder than Republican Texas."

"No, I'm serious, bitch. I swear to god. Blue."

"Maybe this vase isn't nailed down."

"We go with the snow but not the snow that is yellow!"

"Alright everybody, it's 4:30. School is finally over. Time to go home, load up that bong, and watch Pokemon!"

"Leave me alone, I'm doing my standard anime 'elbows up' pose."

"Oh wow. I can't even comprehend how inappropriate this is."

"GOD YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK."

"God you are four of the ugliest fucking kids I've ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on. I can't wait for this bitch to kill you."

"NANIIIIIII?"

"Oh my, definitely a 10."

"If you do, I'll suck you all for a Scooby Snack."

"Any closer and there'd be insertion."

"I may be a successful doctor, but first and foremost I'm a Jew."

"You know what I hear? I hear the sound of you shuttin' the fuck up."

"Let's see... 7?"

"What the FUCK are you talking about!?"

#roleplay meme #sentence starters #crack meme

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roguestarsailor · 2 years

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The shows itself is not terrible! Vegas is quite organized in the way it needs to be here. I am still upset with how much I’ve spent and it’s wild to me the one who booked the spot did not even know how the lay of the land is versus the other folks have been to Vegas and were dragging their feet at planning so we all booked this place that’s so far from the action, so inconvenient in every single way.

I’m upset about this group dynamic. I actually wouldn’t mind spending time as a group more but the girl who asked me to come on this trip with actually hates them or at least want to minimize interaction with them (ask me why she said yes in the first fucken place!!). My confession is that I am making excuses to her so that I can spend more time with them. I’m sorry but I’m really tired of this shit and her company. Which is mostly complaining about everyone in the group and the absolute chore of having to hang out with them (ask me why she said yes in the first place!!!). I’m jealous but also a bit annoyed with how loud her voice is and it seems when she’s nervous is gets louder.

This hotel room is stupid as shit. Everything here is luxury wannabe. The toilet is a fucken closet and the walls are so so so thin — every sound is amplified! I am sharing the room with the girl and she won’t ever leave the room to hang out with the others so I will never be able to poop in peace! The ceiling fan is drying out my eyes and I’m cold as shit but she needs the room to be subzero to sleep. The shower is completely glass and they decided to put a window on the wall that divides the bathroom and the bed so everyone can see who’s showering?? Sexy for couples I guess????? Every single thing in this room screams McMansion chic but somehow very appropriate for Vegas.

So talking to some of the Lyft/Uber drivers and any stranger I’ve spoken to here, I always ask what’s your favorite thing about Vegas or what do you like about living in Vegas. The best answer is this guy who was born in “chicago” (Des Plaines) and moved out when he was young to LV and then moved back there for a year or two and then left again to permanently reside in Vegas tells me that he loves that there’s so much to do in LV, can easily drive across LV in 40 min to 1hr, can easy drive anywhere, loves the heat and sun all year round, can tan all the time and can afford a home. Which I’m like sir you get that and more in chicago (maybe less about the housing part and heat) but I didn’t want to say if your metric for living is Des Plaines, IL vs LV then of course LV is gonna sound great. Since I didn’t grow up with cars being so casually used, I don’t understand how people complain about being in the cold and yet love the heat but just constantly drive around to get anywhere. The only pleasant time they spend in the heat is their backyard or by the pool. There’s no way they are ok with spending time in the heat doing anything; it’s just lazing around or driving a car around (idk can’t be me personally)! Anyways, didn’t sell me on this desert hellscape.

I said my goal was to say no more and prioritize my feelings over others at my expense and my energy. But I failed those two goals so fucken hate. I’ve never regretted my decision so much. FOMO? Fear of not living my life? Felt bad for that girl who didn’t know anyone else going? Ok I said yes because of BTS concert but tell me why I didn’t do my own research. It BTS didn’t happen, I would have been here and I think it would have been the absolute worst.

I genuinely enjoyed yesterday more though. Living on the strip would have made it easy to get to the main attraction. It will cost more for room but potentially easier to get anywhere. Might honestly even out the same as how much we’re e spending doing rideshares everywhere. The performances were amazing. Well chippendales were meh and I didn’t particularly enjoy it (the men can’t really dance, they just grind of things to loud music, but excellent male form from behind tho). BUT BTS AND JABBAWAUKEES WERE SO GOOD! Genuinely had such a good time and it was so so good! Mob museum was really cool but gruesome in a way that made me feel heavier and nervous as I moved through the gallery. Fremont was a lovely place and I would have much rather stayed there the entire time. Felt less screaming for your money but the lack of shade was disgusting!! Anyways, it’s not all negative but I am afraid of the bill that’s coming soon. I’ve never been more excited to get on an airplane to leave though.

#amandathoughts #my souvenir here is most definitely gonna be covid #i wore my mask for the most part #it feels silly to wear it that much when the group didn’t wear it #so if one of us catches covid then it will spread to all of us anyways #i hate it #las Vegas #travel

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fakesurprise · 7 years

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Magician Series AU: 2

2. The Logan Estate

We snag a cab to the Logan Estate, or at least Charlie calls one, and we get into. It’s only an hour walking: I’d do it, but Charlie clearly has no desire to.

“Mind doing a magic trick?” she asks, but she asks it in the way kids at parties do.

“Like what?”

“Shutting up.” And she looks out the window and says nothing else at all, not even checking her phone when it beeps with some notifications.

I’ve ticked her off, and I am not sure how. I didn’t do any magic tricks, I’d like to think I was honest and starting to walk to The Development was instinct. Well, the Logan Estate, but it was called The Development until the official name was revealed. Is she mad we started walking when she has no desire to walk that far? I don’t know.

The drive is about fifteen minutes, the cab driver playing music in the front and ignoring us. After we’re about halfway there, I look over. “Charlie?”

She looks back from studying road signs and businesses as if they were more than visual speed bumps of ugliness for the eyes. “Nathen.”

“You’re mad at me. I’d like to know why?”

“Guess.”

“You didn’t walk to walk an hour, and I assumed you did. That,” I add as her eyes narrow, “would be the simple explanation.”

“The simple explanation,” she repeats.

“You are technically ten or twenty pounds overweight, using boring metrics that don’t work. You also have no desire to change that, but get angry when people say you are overweight.”

Charlie says nothing. It’s the kind of nothing that probably starts wars.

“You aren’t comfortable in your skin: it’s high school, and no one is that. But people have different body shapes, we’re all growing into ourselves so declaring that you are overweight or should lose weight is, at best, stupid. That the metrics of BMI don’t work won’t stop people from making judgements that piss you off?”

“I don’t mind judgements. To judge is to be human. It’s when it’s ill-informed that I get pissed off. You, then: do you mean that, or are you just saying what you think I’ll like? You want people to like you, you don’t get that by telling them what they want to hear. You get it by being honest, if the person is me.”

“So you give people black eyes for honesty?” She follows my glance down to her hands, which aren’t fists yet, looks back at me. “May I suggest that saying you want honest and then hitting people for it is counterproductive?”

“It’s called teaching people tact. Which is how you make your point without making me into an enemy.”

“I don’t – I’m not trying to.”

“Oh?”

“The BMI stuff is fact.” I know she’s goading me, but if I let her then it’s not quite the same. “Runners learn about that by osmosis through sweating.”

Charlie laughs at that. “I like that. Why do you run? It can’t be to get in shape: running isn’t that good for the body.”

“To get away. Run well enough and you lose yourself. It’s like meditation but with a purpose.”

“Running from what?”

“Family. Expectations. Fears. The usual.”

“I don’t run. I walk, but not stupid-far. Every time I think it’s being a traitor to give in to the magazines that do nothing except spread lies. Or make it easier to believe them.”

She pulls out her phone, checks it and ends the conversation.

I have no idea if I made things worse. Sometimes I never do. I think, maybe, when I do is when I definitely don’t.

The cab pulls to a stop outside the Logan Estate. Large stone wall, metal gates, a camera. It looks like something out of a movie without even trying, the house beyond it a gleaming glass and steel structure towering over the suburbs but somehow seeming not to. We get out, and Charlie walks up to the gate.

“Hey. We’d like to meet who lives here.”

There is no response, but he gate opens soundlessly. I spot at least two cameras tracking us. The interior is a lawn and garden around a simple brick road. The bricks are painted yellow, but I have no idea if that’s a joke or not. We can see the clouds and moon through the building; some expensive architectural trick so the house doesn’t cut light and shade from the neighbours.

“What do you know?” Charlie asks.

“I never saw them move in. Heard the kid was one of those fast-track to college ones. Mother runs one of those companies that’s rich without boasting about it. Real estate, trade, other things. Pays money not to be on those lists of rich people for privacy.”

“Huh. There’s even cameras in the bushes.”

We don’t turn back. The front of the house has no stairs, double doors of frosted glass opening as we reach them. The kid beyond it has messy hair and a befuddled look on his face. “Hi. I’m Jay.”

“Hi,” I get out. I’m staring and can’t help myself. He has to the biggest eleven year old I’ve ever seen. “Nathen. This is Charlie. I live down the street, and thought I’d say hi.” I add quickly.

“Oh, good. I was worried no one would.” And he grins. “I could use friends, if you want to be friends? Come on inside.”

“Holy shit,” Charlie breathes. At the grin, I think. It’s open, honest, trusting. Not the kind of thing you expect from someone richer than anyone you know.

Jay waddles down the hallway, chatting away. “Mom had the house built after everything went south so I stay here, she stays in the other houses. The entire place is automated too,” he says proudly. “So neither of us worry and I get the house to myself even if it’s far too big.”

“Wait, you stay here alone, and you’re – how old?” Charlie asks.

Jay stops and turns back. He looks surprised we don’t know. “Oh. I’m eleven. I was having a snack, if you want to join me?”

“How big a snack?” It slips out without me thinking.

“Nathen,” Charlie hisses.

Jay just laughs. “Not that big,” he says cheerfully and turns back to continue.

I doubt I could stop myself if I wanted to. We pass a living room with furniture so modern it probably hurts to sit in, and then enter a kitchen that boasts two islands, stoves, three fridges and enough glass and steel to maybe make a bridge. There is a kitchen table with four regular chairs and one larger one along with two pizzas that smell both homemade and amazing.

“I maybe like food a lot,” Jay says, his grin shameless and unabashed.

We sit as Jay gets plates from one of the islands along with cutlery and pop. He pushes one of the pizzas toward us and begins eating the other.

“You consider two medium pizzas a snack?” Charlie asks in a dazed tone.

“Well, I only had one supper,” and Jay says that so seriously I have no idea if he’s joking or not.

I eat pizza. “Tact. Someone said something about tact,” I whisper.

Charlie shoots me a dirty look and then looks at Jay. She asks him his favourite subjects and the conversation turns to English class and then video games from that. Jay finishes one pizza before Charlie and I, easily, and then asks us how we like school.

“It’s fine,” I say, which isn’t a lie because it isn’t anything at all. I have no idea what is going to happen to him at school. Or what his last school was like. And I can’t think of any way to ask at all.

I pull out cards, and ask if he wants to see a magic trick.

Jay’s eyes widen and the look of rapturous joy on his face beats any trick I can attempt.

I try anyway.

#writing #prose #magician series #high school AU #this is insanely hard to write :)

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thejcbelmontblog-blog · 5 years

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Sorry for the delay...

I am still trying to keep to a schedule for posting on time, at least weekly. So I am sorry that I didn’t post last week. Seeing how I didn’t get much done due to family being in from out of town and starting a new job, I wasn’t very happy that I didn’t get to write as much as I would have liked. But I’m trying not to get discouraged. Life happens and I just have to stop trying to be a perfectionist and stop making excuses and just write. My new goal this past week was to try to start writing everyday in an attempt to warm up for November. I did write one day out of 3, so not great but at least I tried. I’m going to post what I wrote below. Be warned, it’s not edited and it is very rough. Hope to accomplish more this coming week.

Warning the following is a hard look into a writers mind when they have placed no boundaries on what they wanted to write. There is also no proofreading done on this. Not everything I share here will be perfect, especially the milestone of my first one thousand and six hundred and sixty-six words. Enjoy:

The lap top is mocking me. I stare at it across from the room, smoking a cigarette and trying to read while I wait for my grocery delivery. “I’m going to write,” I tell it, defiance in my tone. Well I hope there is defiance, but I fear there is a whine and more of an apology than showing strength of character. The food still hasn’t arrived, I sigh. I want to try to test out my writing schedule, get two weeks of writing in before November starts. I want to write everyday as if it’s a habit I can break. I puff away on another cigarette and wonder where the groceries are. The lap top looks at me accusingly and I really can’t blame it. Since I’ve started work I haven’t opened my laptop and I’m saddened by this. I was prepping so hard and really wanted to finish outlining the novel I’m planning to write in November. Dissappointment and guilt swirl in me. And my laptop is snickering at me and gloating. I roll my eyes and wonder where my groceries are. I try to read and it doesn’t work. I need to write. I don’t even know what I’m going to write but I have to write. I’m aiming for my daily goal for November, one thousand and six hundred and sixty-six words. I need to be able to do this. Why? My laptop asks. And I don’t really want to have conversations with inanimate objects but then I realize that I already have whole conversations in my head and with traffic lights and other things. So what’s the difference if I speak to my laptop? I wonder idly. Two hundred and eighty six words in and I still need more. Where the fuck is my food? I’m not hungry but I don’t want the dogs to be barking when they show up and have dad to be in bed already. Silly dogs bark at the silliest things. Ding, finally the food is on the way. I can put away my groceries and throw out the garbage and then I can write. It’s only like almost nine o’clock and I need to get more than a thousand words down on paper. Where is this even going? My laptop is laughing at me openly now. As I run out to the garage and turn on the lights so the driver doesn’t run away. He brings the bags up to the door and I notice he’s missing a hand. Interesting. The one hand man did it! He delivered my food. I thanked him and he left. Hope his night is more pleasant than mine. I wanted to go to bed early this evening. I went to bed too late last night and now my computer is screaming with laughter. I’m afraid to call it stupid. It might break on me and then what would I do for National novel wirting month? Would strangers be willing to buy me a laptop? Donation? I’m not so sure. I know my family couldn’t be able to assist. And I just started the new job. And I’m a temp making the worst pay. But whatever at least I’m not at the other place, it was literally trying to kill me. I’ve opened my lap top and I’m typing away. I’m not quite there yet. I’ll let you know when you are my laptop purrs to me. It’s kind of getting creepy, as it dings at me and tries to make me loose my rhythm. I told you I was worried that it would do this. I’m sorry baby. Don’t be like that. I want a cigarette now but I’m now half way through. I think. What’s half of one thousand and six hundred and sixty-six? Well I’m over the six hundred and forty mark. So I have to be close. Not even a whole page… Oops spoke to soon, new page alert! I’m typing as fast as I can. I’m trying not to concentrate on the typos. I’m deffinetly turning those off for next month. I’ll have to figure that out since I’m using Scrivner and not word. Why? All my research is there. It’s a pretty nifty program. It’s like writing in a binder with folders and everything is labeled and organized and I really love it. Kind of like my new job. I get to organize and do research and paperwork. People keep asking me how I’m liking it so far. I think tons of people have up and quit on them because why bother asking that and reassuring us that we will get the hang of it though it might take six months. Pshh. It took me almost a year when I first started at the call center before my metrics started improving. Thankfully I was able to rise up and get off the phones and help fellow agents. Too bad the man came in and made changes. That’s when the job began to try to kill me. I really want a cigarette, but I’m doing so good. It’s been at least 13 minutes since I started this. Actually a bit longer, closer to fifteen maybe twenty because I had to make an emergency call for my dad to my mom. She’s traveling. She loves to travel. This is not being edited by the way. I might post this up on face book and yeah this all stream of consciousness but I’m not caring. And shit, fuck, damn and balls, I realized that my math was really off. Six hundred and forty words is not half of one thousand and six hundred and sixty-six. I have a feeling some one will comment on my messed up math before they read that I realized it. But to be fair try to do math and something else at the same time. My laptop is giving me a look. Oh fine yes I like to do math in my head while I’m driving. But that really doesn’t count, I’m paying enough attention not to hit anything and I’m trying to calculate complex equations. Like what are the odds of getting a specific license plate (and before last week I had trouble spelling license, but now I’m writing it several times a day five days a week and my spelling has improved already. Or at least by one word). So where was I, oh yes so I was trying to calculate the statistics of getting any specific license plate and I needed to know how many could New York state have in going at one time if they needed all of them. Then I noticed that commercial cars and trucks (not the big rig trucks but the pick up type trucks) had different license plate configurations. See residential (?) plates start off with three letters than have four numbers. Where as commercial plates start with two letters and then have five numbers. It’s fascinating. So I started to calculate it. I’m afraid the number was pretty big, too big for me to calculate with out pen and paper or at least a calculator on hand. Any ways new update I am at one thousand and two hundred and four words and I’m pretty pleased with my self. It’s about ten minutes since I last checked the clock. We can count the words between now and when I mentioned thirteen. I typed it as a number up above and that kind of pisses me off right now. But I’m just going to keep going. My laugher is echoing around me. Oh shit it wasn’t the lap top that was mocking it was my own head. Figures. I knew I needed to write and I was feeling pretty guilty about getting the number of words down. Oh cool, new page alert. Over three hundred words to go and now I’m feeling like I’m watching my mileage on a lease. That happens too. Well a lot. And a lot is two words people. Ohhh that’s what I should write about tomorrow, rants on grammar and spelling that I hate. Just kidding. Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t really want to try to plan a story or scene while I’m prepping for national novel writing month but I think I might try a short story on Thrusday. I’m getting my hair done tomorrow, and no I’m still going to write but I’m going to put some effort in to plotting my novel. I’m still writing even its not consecutive words on a page. I’m sticking my tongue out at you all. Why did I want to do this? Oh yeah. Because if I don’t challenge myself and get into the habit of writing I will never finish anything. I have to be at least as good as Rocky Flinstone if not better and I can’t prove I am with out finishing something. Anything. I just need to keep going. Its hard and believe me I know it. But I’m at the one thousand five hundred and eight word mark and I can’t believe it. In about forty five minutes of rambling on and wishing for a cigarette but denying myself I’m almost at my word count. And if finish plotting my book and lay out the scenes, this will be even easier because I know what I’ll want to write and keep going. Sometimes it’s harder to blindly write and jump on to that white page and dirty it all up with the words inside your head. Less than a hundred words to go and silence decends on the house. The dogs are sleeping softly on the living furniture and dad has gone of to bed and I’m typing away. Click click click my fingers speed across the keyboard, the closer I get the less I worry about typos and I’m free. Just running with the thoughts and the words and I’m almost there. I’m not sure how I’ll end this, but thank you.

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maestasbqhansonet90insuranc-blog · 5 years

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smoothshift · 5 years

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I just picked up a 2019 BMW 330i xDrive... via /r/cars

I just picked up a 2019 BMW 330i xDrive...

After some back and forth on if I should keep my 2015 Lexus RC350 F-Sport AWD, I ended up on the get a new car side of the ledger, mostly because a 2-door coupe isn't the best way to transport a baby that is on its way (and if I'm being honest, the RC just wasn't that interesting to me in 2019 any longer).

So my search started. Needs- 4 doors, new vehicles only, great tech, sporty drive, great safety features. I had driven a Q50 last year and was really unhappy with the interior. I'm not a big fan of Acuras, so I wasn't interested in the TLX. Nothing from GM or Ford has interested my in the last 10 years in this price range. The Volvos are nice, but drive a bit boring from my experience.

I zeroed in on a few cars - 330i, C300, A4, G70, and IS350.

Great interior, great tech - the virtual cockpit is amazing, and the interior has great materials throughout, although the design is getting a bit dated now.

Drove really well- excellent power from the base I4, smooth delivery through the rev range, nice steering feel (although a bit numb around town), controlled ride

Boring styling out on the outside. I mean really boring. Even the 2019 refresh doesn't do much for me.

C300

Brilliant interior- from a pure 'luxury' perspective, the upgraded C300 interior with open pore wood trim, the full digital cluster and the extra large centre LCD just screams luxury. It's beautiful, it's super functional (loved the way you could control everything with the Blackberry style thumb thing on the steering wheel), and the quality is impressive. What wasn't that impressive was the creaking. But it looked great!

The exterior is very pretty, but the wheel selection is lacking, and there are just so many C300s in Toronto that the car just doesn't feel special. I know, there are tons of 3-Series and A4s as well, but the Merc just feels more ubiquitous.

The engine was fine from a power perspective, but sounded like a jar full of marbles. Everything I said about the interior but in reverse. This engine sounds like something you expect from an entry level subcompact. It was that bad to my ears. Especially compared to others here.

It drove very floaty, even with the sportier upgrade bits. The suspension is clearly catering to a softer ride, absorbing most impacts, and it doesn't really feel fun to drive at all.

Pet peeve : the shifter on the steering wheel means there is nowhere to rest my hand while driving. This annoyed me WAY more than I ever thought it would.

G70

The process to test drive this thing almost made me not test drive it. First had to submit a request online. That's not bad, in fact it's great. I hate dealerships. It then took 3 calls from a gentleman who could barely speak english, to set up a time. Then I had to book 2 separate times because I wanted to drive two different cars - one with the base engine and one with the big V6. In theory this should be an awesome way to treat a customer, in practice it's annoying to have to block off two different times on two different days.

The 2.0 is a janky engine. Lots of lag, and the manual transmission is one of the worst I've driven. The 3.3 is a monster, although it's a lot closer than the spec sheet would suggest. I still felt lag with the 3.3 that I didn't feel with any other car, but at the higher rev range it's noticeably faster and strong than others.

Love the exterior of this car, but the interior is lacking. Materials are good, but it feels, for lack of a better term, like Hyundai Plus. This is something I always felt with my Lexus as well- parts sharing is not over the top, but there is enough shared design spirit that you know you're driving a car from the mothership. The fact that the infotainment is borrowed from Hyundai doesn't help either. The quilted seats are fantastic.

Handling and suspension are on par with the best in my comparison. Sharp steering, suspension soaks up bumps while being communicative. You can go very fast in this car without really feeling like you're going very fast.

Value is incredible. But I knew that going in.

IS350

Not much to say here- I had a big lease incentive if I stayed with Lexus because of my RC, so I felt compelled to keep this in my comparison, even though I felt it was going to be a 4-door version of what I already drove.

Engine feels great, just like it did in my RC - the big V6 just feels smoother and sounds nicer than the others in this comparison. The product of regular aspiration.

Interior was nice in 2015, and still holds up in 2019, but the tech is laughably outdated. No CarPlay, everything controlled by the crappy Lexus touchpad. They need to get this right for the next gen or they're toast.

Drives very similarly to my RC - pretty soft and needs the F-Sport bits to feel more engaging.

I love the exterior style of the RC. The IS always felt like the style was immature - the back end feels like it needs more inches to round out an otherwise awesome front end design.

330i - the winner plus some first week thoughts

I didn't even know the 2019 was out when I went shopping - I went in assuming I was going to test drive the F30, a car I had driven 2 years ago and wasn't enamoured with.

The G20 absolutely destroys the F30 in all the important metrics for me- interior and exterior style, infotainment, and most importantly, the driving dynamics.

Drive is very firm and controlled - this is easily the sportiest feeling on the road, tons of feel in the electric steering, and the suspension is the firmest of the group. This may be a product of being the M-Sport, and some may not like the very firm ride and would rather have the more in-between feel of the G70 or the A4. I loved it. One thing I've really liked so far is just how responsive the wheel is to inputs. There isn't much slack in the wheel when steering, so it just feels razor sharp.

iDrive 7 is a pleasure to use, simple menus, tons of customization available, can be used with the touch screen or the control knob. Lots of hard buttons to get around instead of drilling down in on-screen menus.

One more infotainment note - these assholes at BMW include CarPlay for 1 year, and then charge $100 CDN per year afterwards. Which fine, it's a choice. But their CarPlay implementation has been super buggy in my first week. The phone keeps dropping, or CarPlay just doesn't recognize apps. I'm hoping Apple takes them to task for this shit.

The digital cluster is awesome. I've since read reviews that don't like them, but it's a really unique design and looks great. It's not traditional, but nostalgia isn't my deal anyways. Wish there was more customization in colours, etc. (the Audi wins in this sense), but the BMW gauges fit the personality of the car perfectly.

Engine and power - I know the sound is pumped in, but in Sport mode, the 330i has an awesome growl with all of the pops and noises you want to hear, and sounds the best of this group. Power is shocking for a 2.0 turbo - it's not as fast as the 3.3 in the Genesis, but it's way more than enough for what I need, and the almost 300 lbs/ft torque means you're never without push. No lag noticed anywhere. As a general statement, I'm incredibly impressed with the power output from all of the I4s in my test group - 10 years ago these cars would have been the performance variants of these models, and now they're the base vehicles.

Braking - the M-Sport brakes with my car are very very strong, but in my first week I'm also finding them very touchy. This might be more my problem as I acclimate to my new car though.

Safety- All of the cars in my comparison had tons of safety features. Being the newest, the BMW stood out to me. There are a ton of active safety features, plus driver assist functions on this car. Some of really useful (automatic braking if necessary), some are overly dramatic (the wheel pushing back if you change lanes without a blinker on). Luckily they're all customizable. These cars are my first experience with semi-autonomous driving, and it's a bit freaky, but you quickly learn to trust the computer. Maybe. Possibly. Who am I kidding, it still freaks me out.

Lights - their own section just because BMW Laser Lights are killer. They shape to the road ahead and the active high beam assist is amazingly bright without blinding everyone in front of you. Huge thumbs up.

Looks - I've always loved the 3-Series style, and I think the 330i in M-Sport guise is an awesome looking car- take off the badges and it could pass for an M3. I know this infuriates some people, but I love that I can buy a reasonable sport sedan for a decent price that can still look this good. The LEDs in front make it look menacing, and although the rear lights are reminiscent of the IS350, the overall look is really sporty and still distinctly BMW. The kidneys in the front have grown in size, but pictures overstate their size - in person they fit with the front great. Twin pipes in the back too to complete the aggressive look. I got mine in Portimao Blue - and it's stunning.

Price - list is higher end for this group, but whether it's because I'm a master negotiator or they can't move them yet, I was able to get mine for invoice more or less. So the actual price came in mid-pack. Maintenance, like all BMWs, is included for 4 years in Canada.

If I had to rank the cars, I'm going : BMW, Genesis, Audi, Mercedes, Lexus.

Any questions, let me know. I'm tired of typing!

#reddit #autonews #auto #cars

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agenthurt · 7 years

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Starting Over In Quality

i had an awesome day today at work on my birthday, and sharing at length on my blog seemed better than sharing a ginormous Facebook post to scroll through (links are friendly).

For newcomers, i spent 12 years at a major manufacturer going from entry labor to senior quality engineer. i was a miserable troll of a person by that time. Eventually, my mouth caught up with me and I was fired because of an extracurricular activity that led to a serious witch hunt internal to the company. I spent 4 months being unemployed.

Through some connections, I landed a quick interview semi-local out of the blue. We’re talking “hey call me. are you interested in basic inspection? can you come in this afternoon?” I was highly motivated to take a large pay cut, and couldn’t expect to make what I used to make, but I knew my base asking price to pay bills. After the interview and tour, I was excited at the opportunity and knew this was looking very positive upon the fact that some key cornerstone skills were sorely lacking from my career. This would help. I got an offer and immediately accepted.

I have always had a knack of hanging out with the miscreants, and immediately hit it off with a guy sitting next to me. We have very very similar personalities, and I could see how angry and at the end of his rope he was. My group’s dynamic was a bit dysfunctional and I vowed to 1: not let shit bother me as much, and 2: help this younger guy not be me at his age. I got a bit of a warning for that one, but I didn’t let that douse our friendship or my desire to help this person in his future desire to go down the career path I have fallen into.

Almost 3 weeks in and I have had 2 days where I am frustrated and asking myself what I am doing. The first time, I was still very much “I don’t need to put up with this shit! I can go somewhere else and make triple this money!!!” But I aired my concerns, had a few discussions with friends, and calmed down. That’s me and my personality. I’m getting better. The 2nd day was just plain being overwhelmed. I have so much basic stuff to learn and am frankly learning through failure. I hate to have to ask the same question twice. Being the know-it-all at my previous employer to knowing nothing is very difficult for me. I also see so many opportunities to help and effect change, but I have to put my time in to be a trusted voice. It is difficult to go from decision maker and steward to “nah, we can’t do that” and not being able to gain buy in to start making those changes right away. Plus, I am a newbie to the shop culture so I want to be groomed for bigger things, but I worry that I will make people nervous that I am out to get them. Manufacturing is cut-throat enough, but business is super cut-throat when an intelligent person comes in because a lot of businesses will just chuck the senior person in favor of the youngish. And now that I know more history of the company, it is very understandable for remaining senior leaders to be nervous since the new ownership gutted a lot of people.

I have been wearing t-shirts, tennis shoes, and jeans every day to work because manufacturing is dirty. But part of my upcoming responsibilities will be to interact with a customer entity when they come in weekly. Since I started to learn about the outgoing inspection process yesterday, I decided to wear business casual to work for the customer visit, in case I was to meet this individual(s). I also had a couple of other reasons:

1. Had a negative interaction with a leader and decided “I’m going to dress for the job I want.”

2. I had to go get a new driver's license picture (by the way, it is less head and shoulders now and more “your fat face only.”

3. Customer - I want to put my company’s best foot forward. If I am to be that face, I want them to start to gain trust in me. Appearance is a lot.

i picked out a purple button up shirt, not thinking the fact that my boss wears purple almost every day (I guess it is her favorite color). She’s very old school, I respect her knowledge a lot, and I hate not being able to read a person when I am an open book. My management style is also extremely different than hers. But later today after a business conversation around a new role, I decided to break the ice around my shirt and this led to what I feel to be a positive interaction.

At my old job, we used calipers, the occasional mic (both OD and ID), and steel rules, not to mention static wrenches relating to machines and systems, castings, forgings, sheet metal, and torque (all metric). With this job being lots of piece parts and electrical components, I have gone home almost every night and pored over gauges, machining techniques, math theory, metrology, and tried to write down as much as I can when I am shown. The required paperwork can be confusing and the Quality Engineer in me sees so many chances for cutting wastes but still meeting standards requirements.

But today, I didn’t have one thing come back that I did that day. Everything was completed correctly and I’m averaging 10-15 inspection loads per day (I’m getting toward the velocity goal considering the wide range of part variation and in process inspections we also complete). By the way, this job is classified as a Quality Technician, but when you look at ASQ, this is really more of a Quality Inspector role with a sprinkling of QT.

I had a threaded Aluminum first piece that I checked (about 20 features?) and had a friendly heated discussion with the husband and wife team operators around threads. We are required to check thread function, pitch diameter, ID (peak to peak), and ID (valley to valley). Best way to check some of these is with a Johnson gauge, something I didn’t even know existed, and evidently isn’t made anymore. When I went looking for it, I stopped in the CNC cell and started using the 0.625-24 2A gauge appropriate for the threads. I was set to sign all four features off when the operator told me he just uses that for the thread depth and that I had to use the Johnson gauge. If there is one thing I know decent, it is joints and function. Since the gauge is “before plate” it was just fine, even if the inspection check sheet required actual values. Okay, maybe I was pushing my boundaries a bit here....but we had a great conversation (or agree to disagree, at least) about thread function, measurement, and plating. Pitch diameter can be important when you coat plating, but if the customer specification truly isn’t requiring the plating supplier to conform their threads to the “after plate” gauge (which in my experience is “must meet before plate dimensional requirements), you are setting up your fasteners to fail every time. You’re talking microns, micro-units, and whatever BS imperial measurement requires. Someone might tell me I am wrong, and I would happily go back tomorrow and tell the operator he was right. I still measured the parts =P.

GDNT started out VERY daunting for me years ago, but I had a great CMM operator at my last employer. He explained a lot and I slowly understood how a CMM/roamer operates, how to read reports, and know what I am looking at. True Position has always been cringeworthy. Today, I started to piece together how I could go about measuring, interpreting, and understanding TP with hand gauges (we don’t have a CMM...a whole other opportunity/story). I got about halfway there and my new work buddy helped me bridge the rest of the understanding. I feel really confident about measuring linear TP after our discussion.

i bumblingly found a major quality issue on some parts that historically have been difficult in process. I was on the right track with a drop gauge, and the experts found a better way to measure, but still found a nonconformity. I was astounded at the teamwork from office and shop alike. The supervisor is a gruff and very knowledgeable, hard-working individual. I was so thankful to participate with the team and learned a ton about the failure root cause contributor. Our lead engineer came from my old employer and in my few interactions, he has been great at explaining, sharing, and showing what’s going on. His practical approach toward proving theory is something that a lot of engineers lack.

After this happened, my supervisor and team lead asked to speak with me for a few minutes (I thought for sure I was in trouble because I was heavily multi-tasking and carrying on a conversation about politics and prepping with my work neighbor buddy). But I was pleasantly surprised to be asked if I had any interest in learning how to program testing. Our electrical testing is highly computer language made and the knowledge is greatly lost. I guess one of the QT’s before me knew how to do it, but made some mistakes in the testing that caused some problems. I positively expressed that I was up to the challenge to learn and accept the responsibility. I have always been more of a do-er in learning than someone to sit in a classroom, which is why I never made it far in a computer engineering degree. Another great thing to add to my resume.

I also got an email from a recruiter looking for an electrical Quality Engineer about an hour away. This would more than double my pay. It is nice to feel wanted, especially considering I have 3 weeks of electrical experience. But, I want to learn a ton more about machining, gauging, and electrical before I would feel confident to take the position that was described. I would really love to step into my boss’s shoes when she retires, but my resume will be pretty fracking solid in 2-5 years if I want to go back to making a lot more money than I am. Frankly though, making 62% less a year has never felt so good. I even make less than I did with OT when I was performing labor on an assembly line. You know what though, as long as I can pay my bills and spend some money on my hobbies, I don’t even care. The only stress I have is about being overwhelmed and that will get better as months go on. I love 99% of the people at my job, and they have all been so warm and friendly. I am willing to pass up the pay to learn things and be a stronger Quality Engineer. With skill, and trust, and time, hopefully I will be able to jump to a Quality Manager role. And if not, I still have a very impressive and well-rounded resume by the time I am 45 years old. Even if I don’t make it to that age, I have a job that I don’t mind getting up at 5 AM to going to for 8.5 hours away from the safety and comfort of my home/dog. I only hate life a couple times a week rather than every waking minute. There is a bar a block away for a quick after-work beer, and I’m not wishing away my life for retirement like I was.

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