#I feel proud because of continuity

[dykedvonte]

The Khans - My Introspective

I don't like the Military and I don't support a lot of the actions the NCR does to the Mojave in New Vegas but in terms of the Khans I feel like the fandom infantilizes or diminishes the fact that they are or at least one of the most violent raider groups in the Mojave.

What happened at Bitter Springs was a tragedy, innocent lives were lost and the fact that the NCR swept it under the rug and continued to hunt down Khans that are truly trying to back down and resettle is horrendous, but there is a history to the NCR's aggression towards them.

The Khans first appear in Fallout 1, the main faction of raiders in the game besides the mentioned Vipers (who don't actually appear if I remember correctly). They came from Vault 15 along with the members that would form rival groups; The Vipers, The Jackals, and Shady Sands. They are a very large and foreboding raiding party, known for burning towns and encampments they attack and taking survivors as their slaves or slaves to sell. They are a big reason why the Jackals and Vipers are actually so small in New Vegas, they wiped them out.

Their main targets where Shady Sands and Junker town, the former of the two would be what became The New California Republic. This explains a big part of their animosity towards the Khans, only furthered by the fact the Khans kidnapped Tandi as a young girl, the girl that would go to offically found the NCR out of Shady Sands. When the dweller saved her and killed much of the Khans, this allowed the NCR to develop into what it currently is as they no longer needed to focus on fighting off constant raids.

When the Khans became the New Khans in Fallout 2, they barely resembled the Khans as they were led by Darion, Garl Death-Hand's son (former leader of the Khans). They were smaller and refortified vault 15, still planning to take down the NCR (at this time nowhere near as imperialist as they are in FNV) as mostly a revenge/power ploy. They manipulate The Squat, a group of y'know squatters, that lived in the upper levels, promising and lying about repairing the vault and offering them ransacked caravan resources if they kept the NCR away. Being their only life line The Squat had no choice. Still the chosen one got rid of them and they left New California for the untapped Mojave.

The Great Khans, the most current iteration, continued in the path as the original Khans, regrouping and gaining information from the Followers who hoped they'd use their new medical knowledge to heal themselves. They gained more members and a substantial part of Vegas territory before they were run out by the three families. They were pushed to Bitter Springs where they first and foremost continued to pick off and attack NCR settlements, most of which consisted of caravans, towns, and camps as they saw them as easy like in their old days. It was the killing of four influential Republic members (non-military) that brought on Bitter Springs.

Bitter Springs was the result of years of hatred and animosity and likely the goal to send a final message to the Khans. It does not excuse the fact that innocent men, women, and children were slaughtered with few survivors. It does not excuse the fact that the NCR has yet to make amends for this and continues to try and persecute the Khans even in moments of surrender.

This post is not to defend what happened but to give a quick rundown of the Khan's history and their history with the NCR. It's to remind people that the NCR is not just their military power but an actual group/settlement of people that were also attacked indiscriminately by the Khans. It's to point out that the Khans were not a band of indigenous people (no matter the comparisons) driven from their homes but raiders who fed into the brutal cultures of the west coast wasteland and were in turn treated to the same things.

My frustration comes from the fact that FNV has so many comparisons to indigenous struggles but the groups it chooses are not comparable at all. Their oppression hinges on not being familiar with their past, which explains why they have the reputation they do in canon. The "tribes" are often not even groups of minorities or have goals/desires out of acquisitions of power and I feel like it is important to both acknowledge that this is bad indigenous rep because it is not supposed to be. It is supposed to be a comparison of the in-game groups and how they all do the same things and justify it in their own fucked up ways, some better at it than others.

FNV of all the Fallout games (in light of it being heavily Western based) distastefully uses indigenous imagery and theming for groups that are sad mimicries of American indigenous cultures at best and outright offensive at worst.

#this is also to say the NCR is barely different but they imply New California is a city and safe and that once the NCR military leaves #they will properly try to settle and revitalize the area unlike the goals of almost every other group #the issues arise from the tensions of the hoover dam battles the legion and the corrupt leaders chosen in what is a terse time #but the khans are interesting to me and I like the named khans we have in FNV but they are treated to be almost innocent at points due to #all the Ls they keep taking despite admitting to their raider roots and being PROUD #they partnered with the Legion and before i hear they didnt know they were slavers at a point too and likely didnt care if they believed it #would not affec their own. the Mojave is an unforgivnig place and sometimes you make unforgivable alliances since they alienated all their #other options through their continued and consistent behaviors #like i could go on how bad the native rep is but I would not use any of the tribes cause they barely count the only difference from the NCR #is they organize themself differtently like id use the tribes in Honest Hearts cause holy shit is it bad and racist like at least the Mojav #tribes are just white dickheads brutalizing each other and not the characatures of native people the Sorrows Dead Horse and White legs are #like yikes I hated playing white savior the dlc #this is also semi personal because i dont see a lot of POC people in the fandom talking about the Khans and so I dont know if the proper #perspectives can be added because just because something can represent a culture or group doesn't mean it does or that it was the primary #thing they were trying to get across #like feel free to ask and talk to me more about it cause grrr #fallout #fallout new vegas #the great khans #the khans #new california republic #the ncr #fallout 1 #fallout 2 #papa khan

[coquelicoq]

after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.

#AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA #i was actually so upset after he tried to kiss me. technically he did kiss me but not on the mouth because i would not turn my head lol #but i was like you know what i am an adult and i am going to be soooo mature right now. watch how mature i can be #and sent him this text #and then got that response and honestly now i feel a lot better about everything?? for some reason #i am not really understanding all of my reactions to this situation i need some time to process #but ultimately i have learned some new things about myself (or i probably will once i have processed lol) #and i'm actually quite proud of that text because i could have psyched myself out too much to send it #which i think would have just made me continue to be stressed about this #but i didn't!! i wrote it and i sent it and i didn't overthink it. yay me #sorry 2 everyone who wanted me to have a sexy time but it turns out i did not want to have a sexy time! #and i decided to take some advice that i should only do things i want to do <3 thank you to all my wise friends #it is a work in progress because he asked if he could hug me and i didn't really want to do that but i said okay #baby steps! working on it! #i feel insane though because i usually have a much easier time saying no than most people i know #so i don't know what's happening. it's because i gave him my number. i felt like by doing that i had consented to other things #but i hadn't. and even if i had i can withdraw consent at any time. yes. i do know this

[pregnancyismykink]

That moment when you start a brand new WIP instead of finishing any of the 20 others you have partially written, knowing this new WIP will likely be way too long for you to ever finish, much like the other WIP’s still currently staring at you from the open word file 🙄

#sometimes I really hate the way my brain works #I get super into an idea #start writing #feel confident in it #and then boom another fucking wip #and brain has lost all ability to continue the others #and it’s sad because I really want to share them with people #because I’m proud of them #but THEY ARENT FINISHED #my writing #rant #ugh stupid brain

[kaseyskat]

being both a sparrow apologist and a normal enthusiast is so difficult sometimes I am sitting here imagining them bonding and crying over canon and so few people truly understand me

#kasey rambles #dndads #no you guys dont understand. sparrow is a good parent! to me!!! #which is highly ironic because i was FURIOUS at him on my first listen #BUT. theres a post that puts this into words somewhere. about how judging sparrow for saying something #when he was in a state of complete vulnerability #FEELS like thoughtshaming a bit. because like #i think sparrow has this mentality of. i dont have to be proud of someone to love them. and i will love them so hard in spite #because he gets too in his head and he worries and he doesnt want normal to be like him #and he feels like this about henry and lark too- hes not proud of them. in fact theyve both actively mistreated him. but he loves them #and that's enough #its like. we're not sitting here bashing on grant for the REALLY shitty way he inflicts his own self loathing onto link #because we know grant only says this when hes vaguely sauced #but sparrow gets SO much heat for saying hes not proud of normal when he was both drunk AND sauced simultaneously #and maybe like. if there were signs that sparrows let this mentality ruin their relationship in the past? #but theres not. the reason it hurts normal so much is because it was UNEXPECTED. #it made him doubt his own memories and his history but. as far as we know. its only doubts. sparrow loves normal so much #and sparrows always been the first one sitting there apologizing (which is another story: we love seeing him continue the oak cycle) #and loving. and accepting normals anger. #god this was such a rant im sorry for anyone actually reading my tags shdjfkdkkfvk #i just have such strong feelings about how like. in comparison? sparrow is NOT as bad of a parent as yall think he is #and i think the only reason we think otherwise is because we only see him through normal #if we got his own pov? youd forgive him just like we forgive henry #also i would kill for sparrow choosing normal over lark i feel like thats a decision hes gonna have to make pretty soon

[lewishamil10n]

my brain is so full of fuck tonight

#sth sth feeling unfulfilled. i know its only middle of the night thoughts but ive been so low lately. im not where i wanted to be #and i regret my career choices n i regret not standing up for myself but also i dont blame myself bc younger me was v much a people pleaser #and i just didn't wanna upset n disappoint my parents in any way . they're so proud of me when they tell ppl what i do and on the inside #im just cringing bc there's no joy in it anymore n im not even 30 n wont be for a few yrs yet im not SUPPOSED to feel this way #my job situation isnt good n all i can do is hope n pray im able to go abroad because if i cant im literally afraid i will give up #n also i regret not standing up for myself to my mum n stopping sertraline . i wonder who i would be today if i had continued meds #n now there's a v good chance im gonna need more medications for what seems like undiagnosed n severe adhd #n i am just. so fucking burnt out n no one around me gets it !!! 'why arent u happy' im just not! im not! and idk what to do about it !!! #ugh sorry im just venting #tbd #remy.txt

[bylertruther]

one thing about me is i WILL go insane over just how much jonathan and will love each other and how will is such a gentle, kind, and loving little guy because he got it from his big brother who has always led by example and shown him nothing but unconditional support, love, and care while asking for nothing in return because to see him well and happy and living a better childhood than his own was more than enough

#beloved tumblr mutual notebooknonbinary reminded me of 'he ain't heavy he's my brother' and i promptly Died #they're so................. charlie heaton the actor that u are. #jonathan going to community college to stay close to his family jonathan in s2 sensing that something was wrong while he was away #jonathan who saw his brother hurting n cast aside in s4 and reached out bc no one else would or could #and who saw him truly as he is and heard him and his truth loud n clear bc he KNOWS will #jonathan who has only ever loved his brother and wanted to make him feel safe and proud to be who he is in a world tht tells him he's wrong #without holding any resentment over the sacrifices he's had to make and continues to make for him #god....... GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! #love is real and i know it is because jonathan invented it (real) (not clickbait) #byers #mine #jonwill

[the-trans-dragon]

It's hilariously therapeutic to watch Cutthroat Kitchen because a lot of the time, when a man loses, he has the funniest little reaction.

Like even if the judge was very clear and explicit about why he got voted off, he'll be like "I thought my dish was great. I shouldn't have been voted off. I deserved to win, because I'm a good chef no matter what the judge said." (When they've done things like serve uncooked meat or used a plain century egg as garnish)

Like goddamn, people are surviving just fine, without constantly being upset with themselves for small mistakes? They can even ignore huge mistakes and chose to believe they are perfect, and apparently this has been a successful survival technique for them because they're still alive.

So maybe I can forgive myself for small things. Maybe I can be nice to myself about it. Apparently I could even lie to myself about it and pretend it wasnt a big deal or wasnt my fault I'd probably be fine--so it's probably okay if I let some cereal expire, and if I can't fend off the guilt and self-loathing about it, then its a valid option to just say "well its the cereal's fault for expiring" or something silly to escape the pointless unbearable guilt.

Like I don't plan to do that for meaningful mistakes, but why not resort to Overconfident Man Confidence to dodge debilitating shame over throwing away a single paper bag that I've been reusing for months and it's finally beyond use but I feel like I'm wasting resources and should fix it? My guilt and shame aren't playing fair or logical so I am allowed to use sneaky tricks like "borrowing confidence from a man raised to believe he is never wrong" to fight back lol.

#sorenhoots #i know its just a silly show but it makes me happy when i see people lose gracefully. when theyre like “dang i did mess up on that. ill #remember that in the future as i continue to be the great chef i know i am“ like yay growth and happiness and kindness. but when theyre lik #“i guess the judge doesnt appreciate FLAVOR” when they have concocted a flavor generally unliked--yknow its good to push limits with art bu #when you are making something to be palatable you...have to....make it palatable lol. and if you want to be proud of your weird dish then #thats super cool and i love that but when you blame your loss on “it isnt my fault they didnt like my absolutely bizarrely seasoned food” #mmm it is kinda ur fault at that point. and in a competition to impress judges you might not always win when you gamble and take risks. #idk. maybe it doesnt even matter! who cares about humbleness? why do i care that they recognize their own limited control and power #over their circumstances? probably im just mad because i cant relate to their uninjured ego. perhaps i should try to have a stubborn ego #just once and see how it goes. maybe next time i die in a video game i will say “uwaa well its the DEVELOPERS fault for making the game too #hard“ and see how it feels :p probably feels silly but maybe it will widen my perspective and allow me to see a third option besides #self loathing or refusal to admit fault. :3

[rosemirmir]

Just saw rider time ryuki with a friend. I did like it, but also I have so much I need to process before I have any thoughts I can actually put into words

Also it was wild to finally see the gay sex scene with context

#i think my biggest gripe with it was how tezuka was written because i cannot see him murdering and betraying people #there is the excuse of the fact his memories were wiped #also he had gay sex. good for him! #funnily enough the gay sex scene in this was the only thing I knew about ryuki for a while #even though I knew about it i still was losing it but my friend completely forgot it existed so he was losing it too #hagino looked good in this tho and I am always happy to see asakura being himself #goro-chan.... his arc in this stabbed me in the kidney #I enjoyed how he did a very kitaoka-like strategy with tricking asakura and waiting until he was weak enough to strike #kitaoka would be very proud #thats all Ive got for now. ive got much to think about with this one #apparently this is the canon continuation...? but the ending for the show is still my ending personally #a show like ryuki I feel lends itself to you picking what timeline and ending you like most #linky posts

[tidekissed]

i also scored well on an assignment i thought i bombed so. we're just kicking ass. gonna try and keep up this momentum for the rest of my essentially last semester so that i finish undergrad looking really good.

#tidepool chats #honestly just. so proud of everything ive done #despite the MANY roadblocks and curveballs that got thrown at me #in the end im only taking 1 extra semester than i would have #and am only abt a year behind because of the year i had to take off #so that i didnt. die. #literally. #so. now i'm just going to continue working hard academically and on my health #and i will finally get what ive always wanted. and i am so fucking ready. #it's such a good feeling when you can SEE people around you starting to realize just how smart you are #like yes i am brilliant. glad you've caught on. #and it's so much progress to be able to even say that about myself #just. yeah. even though it's hard i've made SIGNIFICANT strides #just. happy. gonna keep kicking ass.

[saturnisfallingdown]

not to get controversial or anything but like....  happy isn’t normal, happy is hard, it’s impossible sometimes. but you did it, and you didn’t need worshipers or new identities, you just helped someone. so, for what it’s worth I’m proud of you jasper,

#/reference #IM FEELING THINGS OVER THIS MONOLOGUE AGAIN #lucids #cult-ish #jasper jasperson...... come back to meeee i miss youuuuuu #'and thats cool because happy isnt normal its hard its impossible sometimes but you did it so for what its worth im proud of myself' #literally continues to help me so much!!! supporting loved ones leading to greater self love is so so important and like uwuaeue!!!!!

[spottedenchants]

(all IDs in alt text)

Just over a year ago, I had a dream Essek held Caleb's hand, stayed up until 5 am trying to write it out, and then a week later posted my very first fanfic. Now, here we are! :3

Thank you so, so very much to all of you that have given this not-so-little-anymore story a chance (haha) and for all your kind words and encouragements- it means more to me than I'll likely ever have words to express ;w;

If you haven't checked out Touching Sentiments but are curious about it, see below the cut for a taste of what it's got! 💜

You can find Touching Sentiments here! :D

#essek thelyss #shadowgast #jessties #jessek #xhorhas kids #critical role #also obligated to write: graphic design is my passion /j #i was gonna have the demi slides say demirose instead of spelling out demisexual and demiromantic but #i'm assuming most people don't know demirose is an abbreviation because i most certainly did not until recently #but that aside it is maximum sap hours right now #i didn't know this was a thing i could do!! it's mindboggling!! it's fun!! #i'm proud of this baby!! look what she's become!! #kept me alive this past year that's for sure #this feels like the only thing of my own that i've been able to celebrate these past few years aside from continued existence #today also sucks really really bad #so maybe that's just the Bad Thoughts talking i dunno #there will probably come a day when my enthusiasm for this fades but until then i'm holding tight #what a joy this has been #and i have so much more to share!! #ahh!! excitement!! #i'm mustering every ounce i can!! #chanse talk #touchsent meme #chanse writing

[depresseddepot]

yes my sourdough turned out badly and yes my mother laughed at me for failing and YES i am crying like an idiot but i will be so brave about it and i will not let her meanness dissuade me from trying again

#i knew i fucked it up bc it didn't raise properly but i wanted to bake it anyway #and i was still so proud bc i made something. even if it was fucked up and bad i still did it #and ofc she came over and looked at it and laughed at me #all snotty saying ''you're not going to like it'' like i was stupid for even trying #im beginning to see where my issues are coming from lmao #im not even embarrassed bc i knew it wouldn't be right but. why does she always have to make me feel like im a fucking idiot #EVERY time i try something new she's super patronizing and treats me like im 12 years old #and when it does turn out well and im excited about it she gives me the cold shoulder for like a week #we aren't fucking competing to see who can be the better housewife. i just wanted to bake some fucking bread #i will not be ashamed. i will not let my mother make me feel small for trying something new. #this is why i still haven't told them about quilting #gritting my teeth i WILL eat my chewy fucked up sourdough and i WILL like it because i MADE it and SHE DIDN'T #and if she wants to act like this is a fucking competition that is her problem #i have met other mothers who are so kind and supportive and do it naturally because that is how they are #my mother will not be that way towards me but i can be that way towards myself. fuck her for making me feel worthless #i will move out and she will continue to think i can't even cook an egg without needing help #and i will thrive and barely speak to them and they will be confused and act victimized #and it is not my fucking problem

[howldean]

.

#honestly i think it’s okay to be black queer trans mentally ill neurodivergent and on the brink of a mental breakdown #and to not let that happen. maybe that makes me a horrible person what do i know #i’ve done what is in my capacity and i continue to be an educator. however i am also a literal 18 year old #everyone’s capacity is different and honestly. honestly i just need to connect with my friends irl who do activist work with me. because we #never actually learn to cope. that’s never included. no one teaches you how to maintain your existence #muttering to self radical joy radical joy radical joy existence is resistance over and over again #not only am i doing what i can. it’s okay if i feel like that’s not enough. my capacity is my capacity. and i’ve reached it #anyway i’m running a presentation about the ten stages of genocide on my campus and it’s a lot of work but i’m so proud of it and i’m so #excited to actually make it happen

[imthatwannabeauthor]

.

#idk #my mom says I’m like an oracle sometimes #that I see things and they become #and really idk about the truth of all that. I fear rather I am delusional and somehow good at guessing ? idk #but sometimes it truley does feel the lord spends time in my head #he doesn’t whisper to me so much as thoughts come about things and it’s like he says them #I suppose I shouldn’t say he. but it’s close to there so I’ll continue #he told me though dreams when I was little about the house problem #he’s told me of when bad winters will come #he’s told me of wildfires before they start and where they’ll go #sometimes it feel like he watched the phone through my eyes #observes the world with me #and he tells me the things he does not like #but mostly it’s him seeing videos of landscapes. creatures. humans reinventing themselves #and he tells me that he made this . he made these #he’s proud of them #but idk #I sound kinda delusional #but that’s ok I think because I’m not making descisipns or actions off of it or doing anything that hurts anyone or myself #so it’s ok #I don’t think I’d call myself an oracle #I don’t think I’d call myself a prophet either #both of those words are too. much for what this is #I do not hear enough for it to be either of those words #I need a lesser word than these #I just get dreams that tell me about things beofre they happen #I still dream about that fire and the houses in 2033 #I don’t know what that’s going to be #I still don’t quite understand those dreams #but it’s going to happen

[freedomofthemoon]

I did the thing!!!

And now begins the wait for the fallout.

#the thing is finally stand up for myself and have a difficult conversation #instead of continuing to ruminate and stew in my toxic sludge of emotions #or vent to everyone except those with the power to affect the situation #I might be wrong #I might not get the answers I want #but at least I am not stuck anymore #and I am so damned proud of myself right now #because for the first time in what feels like forever #I'm not running away

[courfee]

ok @carrythispictureforluck tagged me in this soooooo 

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

this is really not fair because titles is something i deeply struggle with so all my wips are just terribly named, especially in my wip folder where i barely ever give the correct title. half of these do have an actual title, i just didnt name the working document after the fic because i dont know how to title, so titles are usually the last thing i write. im gonna section this into fandoms tho cause otherwise i feel weird

hp:

- Jegulus 

- jegulus bits and pieces (idk if this can be counted as a wip)

-17. 10tihay 

-13.Tagebuch Scorpius Malfoy

-13. Scorp diary 

-3. Lily Potter

-6. Drabbels 

les mis: 

-He turns my cheeks the colour of his hair

-marius soulmate au

-kiss me with words

not a fic but my actual book:

-Emma Lilly Luise neu 

im only gonna tag @iceprinceofbelair and @messrsage cause idk who else writes things...

#idk how to title things #i usually just read 30 poems and then pick a line i like #also i was very tempted to write the actual name of the fic behind the file name #because at least for the scorp one i am really proud of it haha #but also that feels like cheating the rules #thank you so much for the tag i feel loved even if this is a desaster #disaster? #i hate this word i never know how to spell it #tagged #mine #im never gonna continue half of these honestly #like the les mis ones i dont think ill continue #hp #les mis