#I just remembered I never really talk much about Roman's issues as a trans man?

[masquenoire]

Apart from upper body surgery, Roman didn't require much else to maintain such a masculine figure. When he was dropped as a baby, the resulting fall damaged the pituitary gland in his brain, causing his growth (and aggression levels) to go haywire the day he hit puberty. Before then he remained a very small child, one easily pushed around by his parents but remembering every strike, every insult and slap he suffered at their hands until he was old enough to fight back. It came as a nasty shock to Mr. and Mrs. Sionis when the child they resented for years as being slow, ugly and unfeminine seemingly transformed overnight into an uncontrollable monster hellbent on tormenting them at every opportunity.

#💀 || musings #💀 || headcanons #gender dysphoria tw #gender dysphoria cw #child abuse tw #child abuse cw #I just remembered I never really talk much about Roman's issues as a trans man? #He does take testosterone injections to maintain his musculature but that's about it #He's very inclined to mistrust doctors and medical procedures after getting locked up in Arkham #Treating him like a freak in his opinion #The rest of his body though? All natural #And his parents HATED it #It's all their own fault for dropping him on his head the day he was born #Otherwise he might have turned out very differently #But yeah Roman's angry for REASONS #He literally can't help it due to the injury his brain sustained #Frankly it's amazing he survived to adulthood bc of repeated neglect #Like letting him suffer from a rabid racoon bite bc they'd rather not be late to the big bash the Waynes are throwing #Leaving Roman at home alone to suffer all weekend and nearly DIE #So yeah Roman is a modern marvel as to how durable the human body is 😂 #Can I force myself to do one response today let's see #Wope up very late and very tired bleh

[emy-loves-you]

Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 6

Who the F*ck’s Rebecca? OR How the 3 Gays got Together

Virgil learns about Roman’s childhood, specifically his sister and how he ended up dating Patton and Logan.

Warning: Misgendering of a character (but no one knows that the character is trans)

Yes, Roman and Remus are brothers. Explanations are listed at the bottom

Chapter 5 | Masterlist | Chapter 7

V- (2:07 PM) Let it Go was the best song in Frozen and you cannot convince me otherwise

R- (2:07 PM) I respect your opinion, but hear me out: Love is an Open Door

V- (2:08 PM) No

R- (2:08 PM) What about Fixer Upper?

V- (2:09 PM) Still no.

P- (2:09 PM) I really liked Olaf’s song about Summer!

L- (2:10 PM) I personally enjoyed the reprise of First Time in Forever.

R- (2:10 PM) You like almost any song with a reprise

L- (2:10 PM)I will not argue that, as successfully executed reprises are “lit.”

R- (2:11 PM) Ah, and who among us could forget the absolute BOP that is… that weird ice-cutting song.

P- (2:11 PM) I don’t know, Roman. I think that song is, pretty COOL

R- (2:11 PM) Oh, lookout

V- (2:12 PM) What? He’s just saying it’s a CHILLED out groove.

R- (2:12 PM) Ugh

L- (2:12 PM) We might need you two to leave this chat if you don’t stop.

Virgil laughed, throwing his phone on the bed and stripping out of his clothes. He just finished jogging home from Janus’ (he didn’t own a car right now, preferring to walk or have Janus pick him up). It was a lazy afternoon in late September, and all Virgil wanted to do was get out of these sweaty clothes and maybe take a nap. He heard his phone go off multiple times as he got dressed, probably Patton and Logan arguing about the purpose of puns. He flopped down onto his bed and grabbed his phone, checking the new messages.

P- (2:14 PM) Lo, the Princes are calling.

L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman not to answer, Patton. We’ve been over this.

P- (2:14 PM) They’re asking about us, Lo.

L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman to hang up. They’re not worth it.

P- (2:15 PM) They’re yelling now, L. They brought up Rebecca. What do I do?

L- (2:15 PM) Just walk into another room, Patton. Ignore them. Do you want me to call you?

P- (2:15 PM) No, I’m good. Just keep texting me. I need a distraction.

Now, Virgil had no idea about what the fuck was going on. But he knew how to distract someone. He’d just have to trust them to tell him later.

V- (2:16 PM) Did you know that octopi have 3 hearts?

L- (2:16 PM) What

P- (2:16 PM) That just means they have more love to give!

V- (2:17 PM) The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

P- (2:17 PM) Such a good bird!

V- (2:17 PM) Babies do not regularly produce tears until they are 1-3 months old

L- (2:18 PM) Ah, I think I understand now

V- (2:18 PM) A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time. It stands for 1/1000th of a second

L- (2:18 PM) Falsehood. A jiffy is 1/100th of a second

V- (2:19 PM) Sorry, my hand must’ve slipped.

L- (2:19 PM) You would be unable to walk on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus or Neptune because they have no solid surface.

L- (2:20 PM) An asteroid about the size of a car enters Earth’s atmosphere roughly once a year. However, it burns up before it can reach us.

L- (2:20 PM) The highest mountain known to man is on an asteroid called Vesta. It is approximately three times the height of Mount Everest.

P- (2:21 PM) I think they hung up. Thanks for keeping me company, Kiddos!

L- (2:21 PM) It was not an issue, Patton.

V- (2:21 PM) Yeah, no problem Pat. Now can someone explain what just happened?

L- (2:23 PM) As you can probably tell, I am not home at the moment. Apparently, Roman’s parents decided to call him and an argument broke out. The rest is not my place to say.

Virgil bit his lip, refusing to look at his phone screen. Did Virgil have the right to ask about that. It was obviously a very sensitive topic, and Virgil had only known Roman for about 3 months now. Virgil felt like he knew a lot about his 3 crushes (their quirks, their favorite sweets, their goals in life), but he knew very little about their lives before Virgil had met them. Which was fine; they knew very little about Virgil’s life, too. But he desperately wanted to help Roman; to make him feel happy and safe and loved. Virgil sighed, setting his phone on his nightstand. If Princey wants to tell me what’s going on, I’ll listen. If not, I’ll just have to deal with it.

Virgil woke up from his nap to the sound of his phone going off. He blindly felt around for it, his face still firmly planted in his pillow. He finally found it, turning it on before he lifted his head to read the text. It was a private message from Princey.

R- (3:02 PM) You’re probably wondering what happened today.

V- (3:02 PM) I am, but you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. I’ll respect your privacy.

R- (3:02 PM) As much as I appreciate that, you still deserve to know.

R- (3:03 PM) Do you mind if I call you? This doesn’t feel like a conversation to have over text.

Virgil thought about it for a moment. He originally never wanted to call Roman, simply because he might recognize Virgil’s voice as Anxiety’s. However, not only was Virgil 99% confident that Roman had never even heard of The Dark Sides, Virgil’s head was still foggy after his nap. Before he knew it, he was already calling Princey’s phone.

“Virgil?” Roman didn’t sound as… grand as Virgil expected. His voice was subdued and slightly hoarse, probably from the screaming match with his parents.

“Heya, Princey.” Virgil cringed at how gravelly his voice sounded. He’ll need to get some water after this conversation is over.

“You sound so tired. Oh my stars, did I wake you up? I’m so sorry. I’ll let you get back to sleep-”

“Princey, it’s okay. Just finished my nap. Might not talk much, but ‘m all ears.”

“Alright. Where do I even begin?”

“Take your time. ‘m not pressurin’ you or anythin’.”

“(sigh) You’re right. I guess I should start at the beginning. I grew up in a very... conservative household. My parents expected me and my sister, Rebecca, to be perfect. ReeRee was my partner in crime. We did everything together up until highschool. My parents expected me to get a football scholarship and date the hottest girl in school. I did those things, not because I wanted to, but because they wanted me to. ReeRee was a different story. When my parents signed her up for cheerleading, she tried to join the football team instead. When they told her she should wear her hair in a ponytail, she cut it off to match mine. I didn’t understand, and it made me angry. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror; she was starting to look more and more like me, and yet each change made my parents angrier. Why was looking and acting like me a problem? I thought they liked this version of me! One night in the summer before junior year I was really frustrated and I took it out on her. I told her to stop acting like me. I knew she didn’t deserve my anger, so I went to Patton’s place to cool down. By the time I came home, my parents refused to acknowledge that I even had a sister. I pushed her away, and now I’ll never get her back.

After that, things changed. I was so angry, and everything I saw reminded me of her. I quit the football team, because every time I went down to the field I expected to see her. I dyed my hair, because every time I looked in the mirror I saw her staring back. I stopped caring about what my parents thought, ‘cause it was their opinions that dragged me into this mess!

I had already been friends with Patton since Freshman year, but me and Logan had been at each other’s throats . We were always bickering about something, and sometimes I used our arguments to vent out my anger at whatever was wrong at the time. I didn’t even realize how much I had cared about Patton and Logan until I learned about the LGBTQ+ community. My parents were super strict, and Patton and Logan didn’t exactly flaunt their relationship. I had no idea that liking guys was even an option . Once I learned about it, my parents quickly tried to shut it down. Everyday, they’d start their day telling me that ‘homosexuality is a sin’ and ‘God made you to be the gender you were born with!’ If they had told me that before ReeRee left, I might’ve believed them. But by this point, I didn’t care about a single thing they told me.

So one day, I’m arguing with Logan about who knows what, and suddenly we’re inches apart, and I remember pa saying ‘ a boy should never kiss another boy.’ And just think, ‘Fuck it.’ And now me and Pocket Protector are suddenly making out behind the school building. Microsoft Nerd asks why the hell I decided to make out with him of all people, and I break down right there. He agreed to keep it a secret, but he refused to do anything more than a simple make-out session until he had Padre’s consent to do so. Which I understood, consent is important, cheating is bad.

Now we’re having these ‘sessions’ at least once a week for almost 4 months. Patton eventually walked in on us and he was understandably upset. I explained what had happened and that I’ve had a crush on both of them for a while. And they’re like ‘cool, we’re polyam.’ And now I’m starting senior year dating two men, which mom and pa were not okay with. I told ‘em to fuck off and we moved away as soon as we graduated. They still call occasionally, asking when I’m gonna get my life together and get over losing ReeRee. I haven’t blocked ‘em yet in case they find her or change their minds.”

Roman finally took a deep breath. “Sorry about the rant. Didn’t realise how badly I needed to get that off my chest.”

Virgil snorted. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Told ya I’d be a good ear. And Princey?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t gotta do anything to impress someone else. You bein’ you is good enough. And if Rebecca could see you, I’m sure she’d be proud as hell. And don’t be ‘fraid to hit me up if you need someone other than your SOs to rant to; I’ll always be here for ya, Princey.”

“... Thank you, Virgil. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that until you said it.” He sighed, and Virgil could hear the sound of running water. “I’m gonna go drink some water. My throat burns like a bitch right now.”

“Same. Catch you later?”

He could hear Roman chuckle to himself. “I guess you shall. Farewell, Storm Cloud. And pleasant dreams!”

Virgil blushed. The way Roman said his nickname… it made Virgil’s gay heart nearly explode. He quickly hung up and buried his face back into his pillow. I’ll get water later. AFTER my heart stops racing.

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Now, for those of you wondering about why Virgil doesn't realize that Roman and Remus are brothers, I'm gonna put a quick explanation here, 'cause I don't know how to casually fit this into the story. 1.) Remus has never told Virgil his deadname or his last name. He's probably told Janus (since their pretty close) but Virgil doesn't know. 2.) Remus has never told Virgil that his brother's name is Roman. Additionally, when Virgil is talking about the 3 gays, he only calls them "Pat, Lo and Princey." 3.) Roman's parents didn't tell him that Remus transitioned, so he doesn't know that Rebecca now goes by Remus. Also, none of the characters have actually sent pictures of their faces, so none of them have any idea what the other looks like. 4.) It is a total coincidence that both twins moved to the same town. Remus believes that Roman still lives in their hometown, and Remus could be dead for all that Roman knows. There is no logical reason for them to think "maybe Virgil's friends with my long-lost sibling" 5.) Virgil would NEVER out his friends like that. He tells Janus and Remus everything, but he would NEVER betray Roman's trust like that. Same thing for telling Roman about Remus. Roman might know that Remus is trans, but he doesn't know about Remus' background. ONE LAST THING: Roman and Virgil will eventually see each other face-to-face but WON'T recognize each other's voices. This is because during the phone call Virgil is still groggy from waking up and Roman is still hoarse from screaming.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst

#useless gays #sanders sides fic #LAMP fic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

Royal Growing Pains - Chapter One

A/N: Well, everyone, we’ve started posting! Here’s the first chapter of Royal Growing Pains, the Roceit fic no one knew they needed but we wrote and shared anyway! Hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit

Royal Growing Pains Tag

Roman sat in the back of the carriage, making its way through the pre-dawn light. He was holding a bouquet of flowers tightly in both hands and staring resolutely at the wall on the other side of the carriage. He would not cry, he would not cry, he would not cry!

“Veronica, I know you don’t want to get married, but please, you act like you’re going to a funeral,” his mother chided.

“It’s Roman,” Roman huffed under his breath. “I may as well be going to a funeral. You signed my death warrant by marrying me away to some man I don’t even know!”

His mother sent him a look that had Roman gulping. It was the look he and Remus always received as children when they’d kick up the dirt and get muddy and scuff their shoes. It was the you need to behave crossed with one more word out of your mouth and you will wish you had never learned how to speak look. “Don’t be like that, Veronica. Damien is a lovely man, who will treat you like the princess you are.”

Roman just continued to stare at the carriage wall. That’s what I’m afraid of, he thought, but didn’t dare say.

Remus and Father had to attend to business before they could come to the neighboring kingdom to see the wedding ceremony, but Roman just wished he could have his brother here with him. Even if Remus was the one who let it slip that Roman was trans, even if he was impulsive, and rowdy, and a bit too loud at times, he was Roman’s twin brother. And he understood Roman better than his parents ever could.

“You will always be my little victory, Veronica,” his mother said in a false-kind tone that had Roman’s teeth on edge. “And we will be visiting, rest assured, to make sure that Damien is keeping you on the straight and narrow.”

Roman sighed. “Mother, that really isn’t necessary,” he said, still resolutely not looking her in the eyes. If he didn’t have to hold the infernal flowers his mother had given him, he would have torn the frilly pink dress she had forced him to wear into shreds by now. It was the twenty-first century. Why Mother thought that riding around in carriages before dawn and insisting that he wear a dress was a good idea, or even a widely accepted one, Roman didn’t know.

“Of course it’s necessary,” his mother said with a stern tone. “Until you can clearly see that you are a princess and not a prince, we will be visiting you.”

“Joy,” Roman muttered.

The scenery outside the carriage slowly grew more visible as the first peeks of the real dawn were starting to shine through the carriage windows. Roman could see the rolling green hills and pastures, a few cattle out this early, and the farmers tending to them in kind. He could smell the faint but undeniable scent of the sea, and Roman remembered that this castle was set atop a mountain that descended to a beach below. Maybe if Roman was lucky he would get to jump off a cliff. Not that his mother would give him the chance, but he certainly could cling to the hope that she might be careless for a moment.

The carriage continued its way down the road until they were at the base of the mountain. His mother got out, and Roman reluctantly followed her, heels clicking uncomfortably on the asphalt. Just because his mother had taught him to walk in these infernal things did not mean that he was going to enjoy them. His mother would brush it off as “The price to pay for beauty” and demand he keep them on.

Soon, however, he saw the reason that they were getting out. It appeared that the Queen and Prince Damien had come down here personally to greet them. Roman’s cheeks tinged a dusty pink as he looked at them. The Queen was a sight to behold, covered in jewelry, and wearing a light green dress that rivaled his mother’s in terms of extravagance. But Damien. Damien...was cute. He was wearing an understated suit, charcoal grey, with a yellow shirt underneath. And, Roman realized with an inward gulp, it was a three-piece, meaning he had a waistcoat underneath. And Roman had a thing for men in waistcoats.

It was entirely too cruel, therefore, to know that Damien would never know Roman’s true identity. “Your Majesty,” Damien said with a bow to Roman’s mother, and to Roman he said, “Your Highness.”

“You certainly enjoy your theatrics, Diana,” the Queen said. “I didn’t realize that you coming over at dawn would mean that you were, quite literally, showing up here at dawn.”

“You know me, Rose,” his mother said. “You know this is to be expected. Besides, Veronica here was having a few...issues around home as of late, and we thought it would be best to bring her over here now, rather than later. We didn’t want Remus to fret over her all morning before the trip.”

Damien’s eyes kept evaluating Roman, and he wasn’t sure if Damien could read his discomfort, or if he was simply sizing Roman up to see how attractive he was. If it was a case of the latter, Roman would smack him the second they were alone. Mother may disapprove, but he disapproved of this entire thing. Mother would have to live with it.

His mother was looking at him expectantly, and he blinked back at her, uncomprehending. “Please forgive Veronica, she has been rather confused as of late,” his mother said in the best polite voice she could muster. “Veronica, the flowers?”

“Oh,” Roman said listlessly. He held the flowers out to Damien. “Your Highness, these are for you.”

“These are lovely,” Damien said with a small smile. “Where were they grown?”

“Our garden,” Roman said, a genuine spark of joy coming to his eyes as he continued, “My brother and I used to go on all sorts of adventures back there. We would be fighting dragons, or exploring space, or being the most feared pirates on the seven seas.”

“And you were never the damsel in distress?” Damien said.

Roman scoffed. “Never. I would much rather be a part of the action, rather than just sit down and watch.”

Damien gave Roman an amused look. “Perhaps there’s a reason you always preferred to fight?”

Roman shrugged. “I mean, in all honesty I would have preferred to be a knight, than a princess!”

Damien’s eyebrows shot up in shock and his smile grew more amused. Roman’s mother elbowed him not-so-subtly in the ribs. “Enough,” she hissed to him. “You are a lady, act like it!”

Roman was not discreet as he glared daggers at his mother. “Talking about what I enjoyed as a child does not deprive me of my manners,” he quipped.

“How very true,” Damien said. “Would you care to continue this discussion later? Once I have finished my morning studies?”

Roman shifted. Did he want to spend more time with Damien? On one hand, he resented the prince. This was his parents’ way of trying to keep him in line, and Damien was like an anvil he was chained to as he sank to the bottom of the river. On the other, none of that was Damien’s fault. Neither of them knew each other very well, and he was just having a “wife” thrown at him for no good reason. The very least he could do was allow Damien a chance to know him better. “I would enjoy that,” Roman said, smile fading some, but a small spark of hope remained.

Of course, once his mother spoke again, that spark was immediately snuffed out. “Perhaps we ladies should have breakfast together, just to get to know each other? Would you like that, Veronica?”

Roman knew his mother wanted him to say yes, even though he would rather do anything but. “Actually, Mother, I did not sleep very well last night, and I would prefer to catch up on sleep before eating, if that’s all right?”

That was a reasonable request. His mother couldn’t say no without a very good reason not to, and Roman knew that wasn’t the case. “I suppose,” his mother sighed. “But you must eat something for breakfast sooner or later, Veronica, no waiting until lunch!”

“I understand,” Roman said, biting his tongue to keep back the sarcastic remark that he only waited until lunch to avoid his parents when he was back home.

His mother gave him a false smile and he looked away, not dignifying her with a response. Fighting with his mother got him nowhere, and he would rather not be confined to his room in the week it took for the wedding to come to fruition. “I don’t suppose there’s a room I could use to rest until later in the morning?” Roman asked.

“Of course,” the Queen said. “Damien, would you mind showing our lovely guest to her quarters?”

Roman tried to not visibly flinch at that.

“I would love to,” Damien said with a smile at Roman. “My dear?”

Roman plastered a fake smile on his face and followed Damien into a small convertible, which he used to drive them both up the mountain. Roman looked at the scenery more than he looked at Damien. The mountain wasn’t covered in jagged rocks and sharp edges. At least, not on this side. The road they used slowly wound up further and further, back and forth on the one side of the mountain until it would reach the base of the castle. “So, how was the ride over here?” Damien asked. “Riding in a carriage before dawn doesn’t sound like a comfortable start to the day.”

“It was fine,” Roman said, voice soft as he continued to stare out the window at the countryside.

“Your mother must be quite the theatrical woman,” Damien prodded.

Roman grimaced. He really didn’t want to have a conversation this early in the morning, let alone have a conversation this early in the morning with a man he had just met, no matter how cute he was. “She is,” he said. “She arranged this, after all.”

Damien sent Roman a glance. “Forgive me if I come across as rude, Your Highness, but you don’t seem pleased about being here.”

Roman shrugged. “The day is still quite young, Your Highness, and I’m very tired. I usually don’t wake up for another hour at least. All I really want right now is a warm bed and some time to rest.” Roman heaved a sigh. “And forgive me if I come across as rude, but I hardly know you. It’s hard for me to get excited about marrying someone when I don’t know who they are.”

Damien gave Roman a rueful smile, and Roman felt a pang of guilt in his chest. “Yes, I’m much the same way,” he said. “Which is why I hope to use this upcoming week to get to know you better. I would very much like to know the woman I’m to marry.”

Roman flinched minutely and Damien sent Roman another glance. “Did I say something wrong?” he asked.

“No, no,” Roman assured. “I would like to get to know you as well. I’m...well, I’m just not over the moon about the thought of being married at all. I’m not some sort of...of chess piece to be used in hopes to avoid a war, and I’m not some mold that my mother can use to live vicariously through. I’m my own person, but sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who understands that.”

Damien looked at Roman quizzically as they pulled up to the top of the mountain. “Surely you had some choice in who you were to be married to? I understand your parents were quick to try and find someone to be your betrothed, but you must have at least heard of my name before my parents called?”

“Well, I had heard about you online,” Roman said. “It’s hard not to hear about royalty in the tabloids. But no, I didn’t get a choice in who I might be married to.”

Damien looked...shocked? Outraged? Roman wasn’t sure. “I...you must forgive me, Your Highness, I may need some time to think about that before we talk next. I will escort you to your quarters, and then I must finish my morning studies, but once that is done, if you so desire, we can talk again, or you may have some time to yourself.”

Roman nodded. “That’s fine,” he said. Especially if it means I don’t have to continue this conversation.

Damien opened the front door to the castle, and gestured for Roman to walk in. When he did, he gaped a little at what he saw. The entire front room was lit by a chandelier hanging high above their heads, and the walls were all painted a rich but warm yellow. “I...wow,” he managed. “It’s...wow.”

There was a small laugh behind him. “Most of the hallways are painted this particular shade of yellow, I’m afraid. I was hoping that at some point I could repaint it a lighter, more pastel shade so it doesn’t look like a banana threw up all over the place,” Damien said, amused.

Roman laughed before he could help himself. “It is a little bright,” he agreed. “But I don’t mind it too much. So long as not all the rooms are painted the exact same shade of yellow. That is not the only color I want to see the rest of my life.”

“No! No,” Damien laughed. “Your quarters, at the very least, are painted red. The library uses light blues, there are some shades of green if you know where to look, and most of the rest of the castle is cream or white. But the first thing you see is...banana throw-up.”

Roman laughed a little more, as Damien led him down hall after hall until they reached a stairway near the back of the castle. “Now, I’m taking you this way so I can show you the secret back exit that I used to sneak out as a young child,” Damien said, pointing to a nondescript wooden door next to the stairwell. “That door leads to a mudroom, and beyond that is the back of the castle. Beautiful view of the ocean, if that is something you want to see.”

Nodding a little, Roman considered the merits of using that door to run away from this life, from this responsibility, from this nightmare that his future had become. But he couldn’t do that right away, not with Damien right here. He allowed himself to be led up the stairwell, and down one final hall to a room that was bare bones enough for Roman to believe that it was a guest room. Damien said, “And this will be your room for the week. After that, I believe our parents will be expecting us to share a room, at least for the first night as a newlywed couple.”

Roman felt his stomach pitch sideways. He hadn’t even thought about the implications of being a newlywed. He’d be expected to have sex? And enjoy it? The very thought of that made him feel like he was going to throw up. “Does this room have an en suite? Or is there a bathroom nearby?” Roman asked.

“The bathroom would be two doors down,” Damien said, pointing. “Should I leave you to rest?”

“Please,” Roman breathed.

Damien nodded and Roman walked into the bedroom, kicking off the heels at long last and yanking himself free of the dress. He didn’t much like sleeping without any clothes, painfully aware of his body, but it was briefs-only or in that dress, so he unhooked his bra and crawled into bed.

His mind was reeling. If Damien hadn’t been so mild-mannered, he would have tried to run by now, no matter what anyone thought of him. But he was trying to be nice, to offer Roman a place to feel safe. Even if he didn’t know what safe actually was to Roman, he was trying, and Roman couldn’t fault him for that. That was more effort than he got from most people back home.

What was he going to do? Obviously, he couldn’t marry Damien, not when he didn’t love him. That would just be cruel. Damien would no doubt try to make him more comfortable with the whole situation, but no matter what he did, Roman just couldn’t become Damien’s queen. That was not an option.

As he drifted off to sleep, he knew that a solution had to be forthcoming, one that would solve all of this, where he could be seen as the man he wanted to be, and he didn’t have to marry anyone he didn’t love, and Damien wasn’t left with an uncaring “wife,” because damn it, he resented Damien but everyone deserved to be loved by someone . He just hoped that solution showed itself sooner rather than later.

Tag List: @loganpatton @lilbeanblr @kittyboof8 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @sanders-trash-4ever @hamilspntrash @swords-and-kittens @phantomfander @narniasfinestavengingsociopath  @rjmeta @ambersky0319 @anni-cat-flower @idosanderssidespromptssometimes @nafsbluebery @lunareclipse-13 @sanders-sides-crofters @blushy-gigglee-mess @wannacrymetoo @kaytikitty @magicalspacepanunicorn @bootsinthesun @pricklyfish777 @flowersanddinosaurs @leiasolo77 @voidvirgil @birdybabybird @enby-phoenix @luna–28 @justagaygoose @the-prince-and-the-emo @fandomsandanythingelse @randommuffinyt @snekky-boi @thesoftestlittlepuffballwegot @twilight-trix @abby5577

#roceit #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #royal growing pains #our creations

[preevelynn-blog]

ManyVids Interview

Tell us about your cult:

I am the High Priestess of the Cult of Yith. We are a cult that is dedicated to learning all there is about consensual sexual perversion and deviancy. We accept every kind of gender identity and expression and sexuality.  The main goal of our cult is to collectively have as many different kinds of sex and orgasms as possible for the sake of knowledge. We only condone fully consensual sexual interactions and fully condemn any kind of nonconsensual sexual act. The Yithians collect data on all the different kinds of sexual activities that our cult members are a part of and they add it to their grand libraries that hold knowledge from infinite places and times.

The Yithians are a species of highly evolved extraterrestrial (and sometimes terrestrial) beings who can  swap their consciousness with individual creatures through not only space, but also time. A Yithian living on prehistoric planet earth could potentially swap bodies with Genghis Khan, or Abraham Lincoln, or a random person living in the year 2045. They can swap their consciousness with creatures and beings from anywhere in the universe at any time. This is how I first came into contact with them. They must have taken control of my body in the past because I now exist in strange dreams that involve them. I understand that all they seek is knowledge and I’ve always seen knowledge as power, so I’ve created the Cult of Yith to use my own talents as a sexual deviant to help the Yithians gain knowledge about human sexuality. It’s very convoluted, I know. The bottom line is that if you join the Cult of Yith and you have interesting, fun, consensual, and unique sex eventually when the Yithians come back to Earth and claim their rightful place as rulers of the planet, we will be given the role of librarian in their grand libraries for our contributions. Plus your life will just be better with a religion that fully supports your odd kinks.

What role does music play in your life?

Music plays many different roles in my life. The biggest role music plays in my life is that of a way for me to communicate. Music is also a friend, an enemy, a religion, and many more things. I am almost always listening to music unless I am sleeping and I create music every single day. It has a near constant presence in my life. I create music for all the porn that I make. It may not be very good, but it’s something I made and that makes me proud. My favorite art has always been art that is provocative and socially conscious. I think in American society right now we need to be pushing for sex work to be more protected, socially and legally, and music is a great medium to do that. Music can be a wrapper for a message that makes a message an easier pill for humanity to swallow. I love to make music that focuses on and is influenced by sex work, intersectional feminism, and the rights of genderqueer people while theatrically wrapping it all up in a recognizable package, such as the imagery of a religion or cult. *hint hint nudge nudge* Music, and all art forms that I indulge in, are a way for me to unapologetically say what I want to say.

What do you see as the major issues facing the LGBTQ+ community in adult entertainment?

I think one of the most glaring issues faced by LGBTQ+ people in adult entertainment is the remaining stigma around trans and gay performers and the silence of many cis industry members about this topic. Performers and managers steer away from gay and trans people for a lot of different reasons and some of these reasons are direct reflections of a past that’s already been thoroughly gutted and exposed as idiotic and queerphobic. There are some very stark differences between how cis and trans performers in the adult entertainment industry are treated. For example, segregation between cis and trans women is alive and well on MyFreeCams to the extent that MyFreeCams doesn’t allow trans women to perform on their site even though they are supposedly a “women only” cam site. In their rules and wiki there is a lot of trans exclusionary language. On their wiki it says “Natural-born women” only and on their official site rules they say nothing about disallowing trans women, but they do say “No men.” So if a trans woman can get through the background check (Which I did because they don’t ask for a picture of your genitals) and gets banned from the site, what rule did she break? It’s pretty safe to assume she only broke the “No men” rule even though she isn’t a man. MyFreeCams won’t address the issue at all and when I got banned from their site my account was deleted, they took all the money I had earned during my show, and I never got a response as to “why” I was banned. Their silence protects them.

This is a really important issue because MyFreeCams is probably the biggest cam site in the world and they sponsor so many huge events and conventions related to sex work. So you’ll have safe spaces and events for MyFreeCams models that are essentially spaces and events for women, but trans women are excluded. MyFreeCams is a huge part of the industry and they should treat all women equally, we should demand better from the large companies that represent the different aspects of sex work. Just a reminder to all cis models on MyFreeCams, 40-50% of your hard earned money is going to supporting this behavior. I understand you might not have the privilege to leave, but that’s not stopping you from emailing MyFreeCams asking why trans women aren’t allowed, or from putting them on blast on social media. On other issues too, we should not be silent. When MyFreeCams is transphobic we need our cis allies to call them out and be loud because they don’t care about what trans people think. If you’re an ally and your manager is being homophobic don’t be silent, call them out. Homophobes and transphobes don’t care about queer people, they will mostly only listen to other cisgender straight people. Power structures are torn down from the top, not the bottom. Please help.

What are your favorite fetishes? Are there any you got into thanks to making content? Any you keep for your private life and don’t film?

I think my favorite fetish is blasphemy targeted at Roman Catholicism. I got into blasphemy from doing private shows for ministers and active church goers who wanted me to really dig into their religion and basically replace their God with myself. I was raised Roman Catholic and I find the King James version of the bible to be very problematic and anti-queer, so I revel in the opportunity to tackle something that often puts me down. Whenever I do one of these shows I often start by detailing to my submissive the passages in the bible that condemn me as a trans woman, specifically the ones in deuteronomy, and explaining how their God wanted me to be in league with the devil by creating me this way. Then I will go on and explain how Satan and I are converting God’s own angels and humans against him by helping them to see the light of sexual deviancy. Then we do all kinds of naughty things in MY name instead of God’s name.

I find it refreshing and empowering to fight against something much more powerful than myself that actively oppresses me and people like me. The Catholic church is one such force and I revel in the opportunity to not only voice my opinions about the Christian mythos, but also to get someone who is a part of it to realize how anti-trans their own book can be. It is beneficial and positive for both me and the submissive and every single submissive I’ve done a blasphemy show with has returned more times than I can remember for the same experience.

Who are your: musical heroes, adult entertainment heroes, and political heroes, and why?

I don’t really have many heroes. I think some of my biggest influences when it comes to music and porn are Marilyn Manson and Natalie Mars. Marilyn Manson’s provocative style just really makes my inner goth girl squeal, and I think Natalie Mars is just so gosh darned physically talented. I wish I could take the things in my butt she does.

What is the most heartwarming thing you’ve ever seen?

That scene at the end of the Witch where the girl talks to the goat.

What is the most annoying question that people ask you?

It’s not a question, but I hate when guys want to talk about how they are straight, but they would still fuck me. Like, yeah… duh… if you were gay you would probably want to fuck a man?

What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?

Ariana Grande

What sexual fantasy would you like to make a reality through making an adult vid?

I would love to recreate the exorcism scene from the Exorcist, but instead of Regan and two male priests I’ll be possessed and two sexy female nuns will fuck the devil out of me.

Say something to your fans:

I appreciate you all and if you respect and support me I respect and support you. <3

Fast 10:

The Best Topping/Ice Cream Combination Is:

Spaghettieis from Germany

One piece of entertainment I wish I could erase from my mind so that I could experience it for the first time again is:

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

If I could have an orgy with anyone on Earth it would be the following people:

Marilyn Manson (1994 version), Katie Marovich from CollegeHumor, and Peter Steele (Also 1994 version).

If you wanted to talk dirty to me you should say:

Describe giving me oral sex and then cuddling me.

The sexiest outfit I own is:

A lace bodysuit that one of my biggest supporters of the name Ser_Koopa bought me!

This sex toy I love and this sex toy I dislike:

I love my fleshlight and I’m not a fan of plastic prostate massagers.

If I could time travel I’d visit this era:

1994 for the metal or some time in the future when I’m not living way below the poverty line and I’m comfortable.

The best way to start the day is:

Yoga!

One thing I wish I knew more about is:

Stocks and investments

The one major sex tip I have for people is:

Communicate. It’s always a good idea to ask someone if they are ok during a sexual experience.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #477

“hell doesn’t want them  /  hell doesn’t need them  /  hell doesn’t love them”

Which breed of dog do you find most scary? I'm not scared of them personally, but the sheer potential of the Tibetan mastiff is terrifying. I mean the thing hunts bears. What’s the secret to your success? What success? Do you keep any photos in your wallet? Yes, of some of my nieces and nephews. I need to organize my wallet and get all of them... Would you ever wear a white tuxedo? Eek, I think white wouldn't look good on me. I'd wear a black one, though. Do you prefer brown or white bread? Brown/wheat. Have you ever spent an entire day in bed? Ohhhh yes. I did that for years, literally until yesterday. I used to do everything in my bed. Now I've finally moved into the spare room when I'm on my laptop. Don’t you just find it annoying when people get too much plastic surgery? No? Do what you want with your body, boo. Whose birthday is next, out of all the people you know? My boyfriend's. Do you have embarrassing parents? Dad can be embarrassing. What’s something that really matters to you? My mental health. Tell me something interesting about one of your close relatives: Uhhh. I'm blanking. I'm not really close to my extended family. Do you like the smell of freshly-mown grass? NO NO NO I HATE IT. If given the opportunity, would you employ a monkey-servant? Absofuckinglutely not. That's horrible animal abuse. Do you get a lot of earwax (don’t be shy)? Yes. It's partially why I got wax adhered to my eardrums: I was pushing too much back with using q-tips too much. Do you find green eyes attractive? Very. Who depends on you the most? My pets. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? My mother comes to mind absolutely instantly, given she only has one kidney. Can you really be racist to a white person? It's possible to be racist towards any race... I've never understood this question. What was the first website you made an account on? I want to say Neopets. Do you listen to any podcasts? No. I'd love to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's, I'm just so bad with keeping up with podcasts. I've tried. Do you prefer long or short surveys? Long ones, if you couldn't tell. I combine surveys for a reason: I'd be spamming the FUCK out this place otherwise. Do you enjoy making YouTube videos or just watching? Watching. I miss making them honestly, but I just don't have the motivation to dedicate to even a short project. When I edited videos, I was VERY slow at it, and I just don't wanna invest the time anymore. Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I would be MORTIIFED. I don't know how some people can do it so confidently. Would you want to be in a collab channel on YouTube? I could see myself having a gaming channel where I was either with a friend or s/o. It'd be fun, like chilling on the couch and just chatting while playing. Not trying to be funny or anything, just... chillin'. Some people (myself included) enjoy that content. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? I haven't, but it'd be cool. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. Do you prefer hoodies or sweaters more during the autumn? Hoodies. What's the best Halloween costume you had as a kid? I don't remember. Does family come to your home for the holidays, or do you go to theirs? We go to my older sister's place. Have you been diagnosed with CoVid-19 since the pandemic began? Not yet, but I'm getting tested Friday. How often do your pets have to visit the vet? Venus, essentially never unless she has a serious issue. Reptile doctors aren't very available here. Roman has only been to the vet once to get neutered. And I think his shots? How many times have you been in the hospital in your lifetime thus far? A good number of times. Cheese-Itz. Cheese Balls, Goldfish, or Cheetos? Ohhh, I think I have to go with Goldfish, but I like them all, save or Cheese Balls. Have you ever made your own trail mix before? What did you put in it? No. What is your favorite thing to eat alongside peanut butter? Chocolate. Do your pets sleep on the furniture or in their own pet beds? Venus is obviously in her terrarium, usually sleeping behind her water bowl. Roman always sleeps in my bed snuggling me. :') If you have dogs, how often do you take them for walks? We don't have a dog. Does anything on your body cause you chronic pain? Any chronic illnesses? Yes, my legs. I have chronic mental illnesses for sure. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? Just rolls, ha ha. I'm not a fan of Thanksgiving food in general. Would you prefer cake or pie as a birthday treat? Cake; I don't like pie. What is something annoying about the person you like/love? Nothing he does really annoys me. What is something that makes you feel old? My knees and energy level in general, ha ha. And how early I can go to sleep nowadays. When's the last time you experienced a panic attack? Over what? Hm... I don't like to abuse the term panic attack, so I'm not entirely sure. I'm definitely familiar with them, but shit's gotta be pretty extreme for me to consider it a genuine panic attack and not an anxiety attack. Which professions do you feel deserve the highest amount of pay? Probably surgeons. Do you donate to a specific charity or cause on an annual basis? No, but I desperately wish I could. :/ What's the highest amount of money you received in a card? I want to say $300? My paternal grandpa was way, WAY too generous. Like seriously, I think the dude met my sisters and me ONCE. I really do wish I'd taken up Dad's offers to go to Michigan with him before he passed away. I only turned it down because he didn't have WiFi, which is a horrible, selfish excuse. I wanted to know him better. Did you get any scholarships or grants towards your education? I think? Have you ever wondered what your pets are saying to you? Roman? ALL the time, especially because when I talk to him, he usually answers in his own kind of meow. It's adorable. Have you ever had to turn someone in before? For what? No. Describe a time where one of your parents embarrassed you. Oh my goddddd. When Dad was helping me take care of my laptop when it was broken, he was consistently SO rude to the employees, convinced they were trying to scam him into paying more money. Which they certainly weren't. I wanted to DIE when we were in that store. Do you prefer grapes, raisins, or prunes? Grapes. The other two are gross. Have you ever had a party when your parents weren't home? No. What is something that irks you about your sibling(s)? Nothing. They're wonderful women. If you get married, will you take your spouse's last name? Yes, please get rid of my last name. Do you still eat Lunchables as an adult? Hell yeah, man. What's your favorite comfort food? Ice cream. If you had to work in a store, which would you choose, and why? An actually good pet store. Not a chain one that gets their pets from breeding farms and doesn't know jack shit about the animals. You won't ever see me adopt a pet, especially a reptile, from places like PetSmart and Petco. They are so goddamn ignorant. Hell, I'd probably be willing to work with people if I was an employee in a proper pet store, because I'd be so excited about the animals and helping them get adopted into homes that will suit and treat them well. If you were a teacher, which subject would you teach? English or science. Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Hell no, I HATE summer. Do you have a desk in your room? Not my bedroom, no, but in the spare room/my "office," I do. I've finally moved into there to get out of my bed except for sleeping. I'll tell you, my back sure hurts, though. What did your favorite backpack in high school look like? Yo, I had the COOLEST Ouija board backpack. The zipper was even a planchette. Do you wear band tees? Of course. Frosting: chocolate or vanilla? Chocolateeeee. Ice cream: chocolate or vanilla? Depends on my mood. Do you drink protein shakes? No, I can't stand the taste. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Nothing unrealistically expensive. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Man, I can't pick! My sisters and I had a whole lot. Do you have a PayPal account? No. Would you be interested in building a water feature for a garden? If *I* wasn't the one building it, sure, ha ha. A koi pond would be amazing. Do you consider the letter "Y" a consonant or a vowel? I see it as a consonant, but I know it can be a vowel. Pick a side, Y. Would you rather wear a tie or a bowtie? Hm, idk. Which birds are most common around your neighbourhood? Sparrows or robins? Idk. Are you the kind of person to look at accident sites, when passing them by? Admittedly, yes. Morbid curiosity is real. Have you ever seen a polydactyl cat? Only online. Are there any languages you could try to work out what some words mean? A good deal of German, probably. What is your dearest stuffed animal that you own? Why is that? My stuffed moose Brownie, which I got from Cabela's in Ohio. I cuddled him every night as a kid for MANY years. He's on my shelf now. <3 Have you ever had to try to pronounce words that have letters with umlauts? That's common in German, so. Are you more an Eeyore, a Piglet, or a Tigger? I'm Eeyore and Piglet's child. Name something awesome from another culture that is not part of yours: I'm not educated enough on other cultures to answer this, sadly. What are you grateful for NOT having? Various health conditions. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Man-o-wars. I mean c'mon, they have no brain. Do you currently own any teddy bears? Yeah, stored away. Have you ever caught fireflies? All the time as a little kid! My sisters and I loved that. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Not legally (to my knowledge), but I have a number of trans friends who have. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? No. At least, I don't think so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? Holy fuck no. What was the last necklace you wore? It was my bottlecap one with the Halo of the Sun from Silent Hill 3 as the center. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Can it only be physical items? If that's the case, gimme a bit of candy, some money for a tattoo, a Mountain Dew, a new meerkat plushie to cuddle, a weighted blanket... Stuff like that.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''the devil's rejects'' by rob zombie

[lilnasxvevo]

I wrote an essay once when it was really late and I was really frustrated

I am not going to send it to my literary journal and I did not even hand it in for the class I wrote it for (the next essay I wrote was passable enough to submit) but I think it is kind of funny so I am going to share it with you

Zoom Zoom

           Draft number four of this FUCKING essay because I can’t FUCKING write. I just through out the last three because they sucked and excuse my language but I’m so frustrated at myself and I typed the wrong homophone in the last sentence and I went back and changed it but then I changed it back so you understand where I’m at right now because I NEVER!! MAKE!! SPELLING MISTAKES!! I was on the editorial staff of my high school newspaper for two years and that shit was flawless! I was editor in chief and that shit was free of god damn error! I do not make! Spelling mistakes!

           I’m so frustrated because part of me just wants to write about a motherfucking TV show and the rest of me is like, “No, Thomas, that’s so fucking stupid, write about something that’s serious, something people can take seriously, something people can respect, but NOT something boring” and I’m like OK!! WELL!! THAT’S A TALL ORDER YOU’VE GIVEN YOURSELF TOMMY BOY!!

           I’ve been trying to copy the style of the essays we’ve been reading in the last three drafts I just started and abandoned. I wrote…lets see…(I will be keeping all future grammar and spelling errors that I make) over 1300 words that way so far today. Fuck it!! I am going to be writing like ME and what I write like is a protagonist from a really sub-par young adult novel. I read a lot of those! But I was already like that before I read all those books. Actually most of the ones I read are pretty great. Holly Black, David Levithan, uh those Girl, 15, Charming but Insane books I forget who writes them but if I look it up I have to stop my timer and that is just not happening—check em out, they’re great. Oh, Eoin Colfer, too. I have his autograph! I actually also have David’s.

           I made a list of all the things I could write this essay about. I didn’t want to write about being queer again because I don’t want you people to pigeonhole me. There’s like 50 items on that list. I’ll spare you. The list sucks. I texted my best friend “What should I write this essay about” and she said “Roman Catholicism” and I was like “Maybe” and she was like “Vampires” and I was like “LMFAO you will never believe what I wrote last time spoiler it was vampires.”

           I have ADHD. Sometimes this surprises people! Sometimes it does not! Usually it doesn’t surprise other people who have ADHD because we go based on our lived experiences instead of stereotypes unlike SOME people. I was diagnosed when I was 17 which is super super late but they literally, and you can look this up, base most criteria off of the symptoms of little white cisgender boys, who are usually hyperactive, and I was inattentive type. My third grade teacher used to slap my desk with a ruler when I spaced out. She never brought up my attention issues to anyone else. I hated her. I still hate her. Curse you, Cathy Sellers!!

           I have chilled out on the caps lock because maybe that was kind of a gimmick. Ok. Well. The ADHD. I actually don’t remember why I brought up ADHD, which is classic ADHD. Oh. I think it was to say that maybe you will be surprised that the inside of my head is this giant mess. Not to be all “welcome to my twisted mind” or that edgy shit. Maybe I’m trying to make an embarrassing essay on purpose. The point is some people think I’m very composed and stuff and the inside of my head has never once been composed. Well, maybe a few times. I miss standardized testing because they don’t really matter and they were fun to focus on and it was fun to fill the bubbles in and they made me feel smart. I am smart. I promise I’m smart. Sometimes people think I’m dumb because I’m a trans man which I don’t understand but I promise I’m smart.

           I just slapped my face to try to get myself to wake up a little bit. I am wiped. That cold that’s been going around is kicking my ass, though not as bad as it’s kicking the ass of other students in this class who I have maybe potentially had to drive to the pharmacy this week.

           I am so obsessed with this show on BBC America right now called Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. In ADHD circles this is sometimes called a hyperfixation—it’s kind of like the special interests autistic people have, surprise surprise ADHD and autism are both developmental disorders and they have a lot in common. Dirk Gently is all I can think about. It’s a really great show and I loved it last season because it has the actor Samuel Barnett as the lead actor and I swore my fealty to him in like 2014 and then he got a lead on a TV show which is crazy because he never gets big roles like that so I was like NICE!!! Yeah, so last season was sci-fi, and the show is really great and it has this big diverse cast and all the characters are really interesting and the show never leans on stereotype instead of fleshing out a character as a unique person and there were electric crossbows last season that were designed by that Adam Savage dude from Mythbusters. So but this season, THIS SEASON, is SO good because apparently the show is planning on “switching genres” every season but with the same main cast so now they’ve been running around trying to find each other after everyone got separated at the end of last season (spoiler) and now they’re all in Montana and instead of sci-fi it’s FANTASY which is my FAVORITE. There’s another dimension that’s this great high-fantasy nation called Wendimoor and there’s a door between the valley of Inglenook and this one town in Montana for reasons that I refuse to explain, just watch the show. Ok and in Inglenook, there’s—it’s kind of sketchy how it works but there’s this guy named Panto Trost who has pink hair (his whole family has pink hair and it’s unclear if it’s genetic or if they dye it as a tribal marker or something, and when I first saw it I was like, HOLY SHIT, WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT), and he’s the prince of Inglenook, and there’s this guy named Silas Dengdamor, who’s some kind of minor prince in Inglenook somehow, and THEY. ARE. A GAY INTERRACIAL HIGH FANTASY COUPLE. THEY ARE IN LOVE.

           And the guy who plays Silas, Lee Majdoub, he’s really active on Twitter and Tumblr, which is crazy because almost no one is active on Tumblr under their real name and it’s mostly just depressed young adults like me, but Lee fields questions about the show all the time and talks about how it was an honor to play a gay prince and he has so much love for Silas and he put so much work into this character which you can tell because he has an answer ready for everything. Has he ridden that train we saw? Is he gay or bi or what? What are his hobbies? If he lived in our world what would his favorite movie be? His five favorite songs? Does he agree with his family’s stance on the feud? (Oh my god I forgot to MENTION that the Trosts and the Dengdamors are TWO FAMILIES AT WAR, which makes Silas and Panto basically gay Romeo and Juliet, but hopefully they won’t die but Dirk Gently is a “don’t get attached” kind of show.)

           And did I mention he’s respectful??? My favorite answer he’s ever given is when someone asked him what it was like to kiss Chris Russell (the other actor), which is a question every fucking presumed-straight actor gets when they play a gay role, and since there is a 4 inch height difference between them, Lee answered something like, “It was a little weird because Chris is very tall, so I felt a little like Natalie Portman in Thor. Natalie Portman and I both have dark hair so we’re practically twins.” Also he is very handsome. It is important that Lee Majdoub is very handsome. Okay, it’s important to me.

           Wow, glad I got that off my chest. It’s kind of all I ever want to talk about. Two weeks ago, before I could do my actual writing assignment for the day, I had to freewrite about Kevin Spacey for like AN HOUR. What I wrote ended up being kind of unusable for this class thus far, I just haven’t been pleased enough with the way it handled a very sensitive topic to hand it in, but it was about Kevin Spacey and Jeffrey Dahmer and OUT magazine and news media and Anthony Rapp and me.

           I wanted to write about a historical figure for this paper but all the ones I could think of that I have a strong connection to were gay. While I was typing that sentence, I thought of Dorothy Parker. Well, shit. Another day, then.

           This paper is what we call a RISK!!! pleasedontfailme

           Here are some excerpts from the other three papers I tried to write today:

·         Sometimes I sing and dance in front of them. Sometimes I scream. One time, I stood on a desk.

·         The last time I told her I was proud of her I could only do it because she had consumed an obscene amount of wine and called me to talk about one of Shakespeare’s history plays

·         I am afraid that I am a husk a husk a HUSK a husK a husk a husk a husk of Corn-ell because

I promise these essays were not good. These were the only good parts. I wanted to include them because I wanted you to understand that I covered a lot of fucking ground before settling on whatever the fuck this is. I am sorry if you feel you would rather be reading one of those other essays, but I did not want to write them.

           I just scrolled back up to the top because I remembered abruptly that this essay doesn’t have a name. It’s called Zoom Zoom now. When my sister is bored while she drives, she says, “Zoom zoom! We’re zooming!” She is 24 and has a master’s degree. This particular catchphrase of hers always comes to mind when I try to describe how my brain works—childish, too fast, bored. Her boyfriend says “Brroom brroom” when he drives. I think he picked it up from her. He calls me Thomathy. Because Thomas can be Tom for short and Tom is like Tim and Tim is short for Timothy. Get it? He says “Thomathy” sounds like a disease. I think he likes me anyway. Even though one time during a heated game of Monopoly I told him I would eat chips at his funeral.

           I have three cats. One is ten years old, the other two are one. I have a rabbit. He’s a jerk. That’s all you need to know about me. Oh, I’m from Wisconsin. My favorite color is orange.

           Yeah so thanks for coming to my TED talk. Please buy a t-shirt on my way out, they’re $20. I know TED talks don’t usually have t-shirts but I want your money. Yes. Now scram.

  Are they gone?

Jesus, I’m so fucking tired.

[alethia000]

TrendsHealth 2017 February Issue No.369 - Cover Star Nichkhun

Nichkhun - A Walking Fresh Meat (Cute Guy), A Hint of Hidden Manliness

[Chn - Eng Trans: Alpaca, Irene] Please share with all credits to KVChuxin Union Soon, on February 24th -26th, March 3rd -5th, 2PM will hold 6 concerts, called “6Nights”, at SK Olympic Handball Gymnasium in Seoul, it will be the last concert before the other members go into military service. After a year and nine months since they last held a concert in Korea, many fans couldn’t contain their excitement and left their comments on Instagram. Definitely, many of the comments are for Nichkhun. It has been 9 years since he debuted in 2008 and grown up from a piece of fresh meat (cute guy) to a man, he uses his broad shoulders to support the weight of life. Learnt Chinese with Jiang Jinfu and Wei Daxun Recently, Nichkhun has been busy, he’s happy to be a singer and an actor. Although he was debuted as a singer, he also participated in lots of film and television programs. From the drama “High Kick!”, “One and a Half Summer” and “Looking For Aurora” to the film “Kindaichi Shounen no Jikenbo”, “Seven Something” and “Forever Young, Gardenia in Blossom”, the production groups are from China, Japan and Thailand, helping his career bloom in every field, and become a favourite of many directors. The directors and the actors who worked with him would become his good friends, such as the Chinese actors Jinfu Jiang and Daxun Wei. These similarly aged fresh meats (cute guys) were always getting together, and they worked with each other again after the filming of the drama. When their schedules were free, they would meet with each other; if they didn’t have time, they kept in touch by Weibo. Those people who have browsed Nichkhun’s Weibo would know that although he couldn’t type Chinese characters, he had a good knowledge of Pinyin (pronunciation Romanization system). He interacted with Daxun Wei, Jinfu Jiang and his fans frequently. He even posted a Weibo of himself with a face mask on, and there were more than 50 thousand fans who “liked” and commented, who else could achieve that? If we were to describe the friendship between him and 2PM, we wouldn’t even be able to fit it all within ten A4 pages. They stay together during concerts, albums recording, TV show filmings, and when a member has a solo concert, Nichkhun will never miss a chance to support his members in the audience. When Hwang Chansung, one of the 2PM members, filmed the reality show “If Love” in China, Nichkhun actively joined the program to help Chansung, from the beginning till the end, such a strong bond between them! Even the cutest boy will grow up one day, but when a piece of fresh meat (cute guy) grows into a manly figure, we cannot underestimate him. This year Nichkhun has a hectic schedule, and his rising time is coming! Q&A: TH: Last year you went to Hong Kong and Japan, what are you up to recently? N: Mainly attending 2PM’s schedules, we are busy during the album promotion and the concerts. During the rest of the time, I learn Chinese, and play golf to relax. TH: Could you tell us of your schedule last month? N: The concerts. I went to the solo concerts of 2PM members to encourage them. TH: Which identity do you prefer? A singer? Or an actor? Why? N: Both. When I am a singer, I get good reactions after the performance. Knowing that I can make people happy, I like that job. When I am an actor, I can display another “me”, so I also like it. Actually, I’m just an artist, I hope I can make a breakthrough to let people remember my work. TH: Which is your favorite song? Why? N: “Let it Rain”, because “Let It Rain” was written for my fans, it makes me warm when I listen to it.   TH: Several days before, you said you wanted to collaborate with Jackie Chan? Do you want to act in an action movie? N:  I said that during an event in Hong Kong. Because I admired him when I was a young boy and respected him. I wish to participate in his films and act in an action movie. TH:  What kind of moves (Kungfu) do you know? Thai Boxing? N: Of course. I grew up watching Thai Boxing. I know a little bit. TH: Do you have any plans to release a solo album? N: Absolutely, this year is really busy, there are many schedules and events going on and will be released later. Please be patient. A simple boy, a hardworking man At the end of last year, Nichkhun posted a picture on weibo that soon created an outburst within his fandom. The picture was a beautiful girl kissing his cheeks, this would be a scandalous issue for such a popular idol! Except, people who are familiar with him would recognize, that this girl is his younger sister Cherreen, who is a famous supermodel in Thailand herself. Nichkhun’s family has a simple structure: His father, mother, older brother, and two younger sisters. Therefore because of his ‘middle child’ status, it has gifted him a prince-like temperament; he is polite, he is thoughtful, and has grown into a warm-hearted man. When he talks about his two younger sisters, Nichkhun is full of delight, “I make calls to my sisters almost every day, and sometimes they would even come over to my home in Korea to visit me. They are very close and comforting family.” Care from his family has become the warmth of his world. When Nichkhun has time, he would go back to Thailand to visit his family, even if there is nothing much to do, he would still do some housework, or lay in the sun with them; to him these are joyful things to do. Nichkhun is also well-known for being nice to his fans. Not only is he polite and thoughtful, he is always concerned for their safety. Once he attended an event in Beijing, and his fans waited for him at the airport and followed him to the event venue. Every time Nichkhun appears in public, he would bow and greet the audience, once the staff around him could even see his eyes tear up. When we asked him why, his answer was, “I don’t know what good deeds I did in my past life, to have so many people love me and support me now. Really, every time I hear them call out my name, see their smiles, my heart gets filled with love.” Nichkhun who has not held a fanmeeting for a long time is eagerly preparing for one, and hopefully in the near future, he will be able to meet everyone face to face, to express his gratitude. “I really hope that my fans don’t spend their money mindlessly. Sometimes I have fans that donate under my name, then they would give me the certificates as presents, and this really touches my heart.” Many Chinese fans first met Nichkhun through the universally popular reality show “We Got Married.” The seemingly realistic love show has drawn many under its spell, and became fond of this Thailand fresh meat (cutie). As this reality show became popular within China, one’s real personality and behaviour is more or less exposed through the camera lens. From what we see of Nichkhun’s reactions, we are more certain, that when he is in love, he will show a simple and natural side of himself, and even sometimes a bit foolish. When we asked, “Which type of girl do you admire the most?” He answered, “Warm-hearted, kind and knows how to respect family members.” This answer should get a perfect score, since he has high standards for others, he must also follow these standards as well. When we asked if he can remember anniversaries in the relationship, such as birthdays and other important holidays, he mischievously answered, “I don’t think I can!” Those who have met Nichkhun in person will appraise him as “a simple boy, and a hard-working man.” Perhaps he can’t remember so many precise dates, since his schedule as an artist is so hectic, but if you remind him, he would definitely arrange everything well, no matter how busy he is. Q&A: TH (Trends Health): What’s your favourite colour? N: Red. It’s my fanclub’s support colour, I like it a lot. TH: What is the first thing you do when you wake up? N: Drink water. TH: What’s your favourite dish? N: Chinese hotpot, Korean samgyupsal, and Thai spicy stir fried pork. TH: How frequent do you work out? N: I have to work out every day. TH: What’s your favourite sport? N: Golf, and badminton. TH: Do you have an 8-pack and V-line muscles? N: You should look at this issue’s cover. TH: Do you like travelling? Which places have you been to? N: I’ve been to many countries for work, but haven’t leisurely travelled many times. TH: Do you read when travelling? Which books do you read? N: Sometimes I read, usually I read books on self-development. TH: What do you do before you sleep? Listen to music, or read? N: Exercise. TH: What do you do when you’re alone? N: Play games, listen to music, watch movies, and drink wine… TH: What is the current ringtone on your phone? N: A normal ringtone. TH: What is your wake-up alarm ringtone? N: A normal alarm sound, like “ding ring ring ring”. TH: What is your favourite genre of movies or drama? N: Romantic comedy. The above shows the real Nichkhun, sometimes confused, sometimes cute; sometimes filled with a royal prince-like temperament, and sometimes acts as a polite and well-mannered gentleman. In the era of nation-wide cuties as idols, to hold a place in this field is not very easy. Not only should you have your own uniqueness, but also should have an open global perspective and a good attitude. Luckily, Nichkhun has it all. [Chn - Eng Trans: Alpaca, Irene] Please share with all credits to KVChuxin Union

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