#I just want to exist w/o pain or anxiety or fear of abandonment | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lyssawritesfanfic · 3 years

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lessons in love

You and Ines have been living happily together for the past year, and when one says happily, there’s truly nothing but days of bliss. Hard grueling work, but bliss nonetheless. Which is why you feel so guilty when you admit to yourself that you feel a teething, unpleasant yearning for more in your chest. Stupid, childish girl! What more could you possibly want! Every day you and Ines work hard together to achieve your goal of making the Depths a better place, and every night he holds you in his strong, muscular arms as you both drift to dreamland. However simple, every meal you eat is delicious and filling. However difficult, every day is rewarding in its own way. So why? Why are you so... lonely? You don’t like that word, but it’s the closest thing to a definition you can think of right now. This morning, as every morning, you woke to find Ines facing away, his broad back to you instead of his lovely face. You used to not mind, but for some reason it fills you with sadness now. Is is that you want him to keep holding you? The thought fills you with warmth that’s not unpleasant, but incredibly unfamiliar. You suppose that since you were indoctrinated into a world where love wasn’t legal and the concept didn’t even exist to you that there may be something you’re missing. It’s possible that even Ines doesn’t know. But the thought that you’re making him anything less than joyful makes your heart hurt. Is he unsatisfied? Is that why he’s turned away when you wake? Are you making him feel lonely? Or perhaps he only holds you out of a feeling of obligation now that you’re living together. Oh god... what if? You try to banish the idea from your mind but all throughout the day it gnaws at you like a wolf savoring the flesh of its prey. What if you’re just a burden?

“Hey, are you okay?” Ines’s voice snaps you from yourself as you meet in the hallway at Hound’s headquarters. “Yes! I’m fine!” you do your best to plaster a smile on your face but you know Ines will be hard to convince otherwise. “Hm... you don’t look fine. Are you eating enough?” “I can’t not when I live with you.” Despite your statement he brings you closer, clinically running two fingers over your hip bone. You do everything in your power to suppress the gasp that threatens to escape as he does. When he pulls his hand away, you feel that familiar ache of loneliness that’s been plaguing you. “Well, you’re not emaciated, but it couldn’t hurt for you to eat a bit more.” Ines smiles warmly. “I’ll cook a little extra tonight.” He’s looking at you so fondly but you can’t help the feeling of guilt bubbling up inside you. Again, he does something solely for you sake at the expense of his own time and energy. But what was that just now? That involuntary gasp you had to stifle? That feeling of satisfaction when he touched you and loss when he stopped. You’ve always enjoyed the feel of Ines’s touch, but this was... different. Hm. Maybe Adage will be of some help. He is a doctor, after all. “Um, you know what? Maybe I am feeling a bit under the weather. Is it alright if I go see Adage now to make sure everything’s okay?” “Absolutely. You’re no good to anyone if you’re unwell. Do you need me to go with you?” “No! No, definitely not! I mean... um... we can’t have the two top brass abandon fort at the same time.” “Hm, I suppose you’re right. That would be setting a bad example, but...” Ines leans in close. “I do get a little irrational around you.” His hot breath tickles your ear and sends another blissful shiver down your spine. Yeah, this definitely can’t be normal. You really need to see a doctor. “O-okay! I’ll, uh, see you at home later!” It’s all you can manage to blurt out before quickly turning and running away to hide your crimson cheeks. And maybe it’s your imagination, but you swear you can hear Ines sigh sadly as you leave. xxx As you knock on Adage’s door the anxiety only gets stronger. What if this is an illness and you end up being even more of a burden than before? “What?” “Um, Adage... I think I might be very, very sick.” “You must be. You’re not the type to seek help. Sit.” You obey the doctor’s instructions and sit on the exam table as he checks your temperature, peers down your throat, and tests your reflexes. “You’re fine. Why do you think you’re sick?” “Then I guess there must be something wrong with my brain.” “Explain.” “Well, I feel really unhappy and lonely even though I have no reason to be. It’s the worst when Ines touches me and suddenly stops. Like... he touched my hip today and I suddenly felt so hot and feverish, but it also felt good? And then when he took his hand away it was almost... painful? It’s very unsettling, and I--” “Wait, hold on.” Adage crosses his arms, a very grave and serious look washing over his face. “Are you telling me that you and Ines haven’t ever fucked?” “What’s fuck?” “Doing ‘it’. Sexual intercourse. Sleeping together.” “We sleep together every night.” “Clothes on?” “Why wouldn’t they be?” His eyes widen in shock, then he bursts into laughter. Uncontrollable fits of giggles and wheezing. “Wow, I knew that man was patient but to think you’ve kept him waiting THAT long! Ha!” “Hey, I’m really concerned, you know. Can you just tell me what’s wrong with me?” “Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re just horny.” “What’s horny?” “Ask Ines.” Adage has a devilish grin on his face which makes you question his advice, but you realize you’re going to have to tell Ines soon enough. You give a frustrated sigh. “Augh, fine.” “Can’t wait to hear how this turns out.” xxx By the time you get home, you’re greeted to the inviting smell of omelets. Ines turns as you come in, a smile spreading across his face. “Oh, you’re back just in time! I made your favorite, sit down.” For some reason you feel extremely timid and just stand in the doorframe for a moment, then make your way to the table. This doesn’t escape Ines’s notice. “Hey... is-is everything okay?” Ines places a plate of omelet in front of you before sitting next to you, looking at you with incredible concern. He takes your hand in his and runs his fingers over your knuckles. “I...” You make to pull your hand away but he holds it tight, refusing to let you go. “Please... just talk to me...” You hear sadness and fear in his voice, and as you look up at him you can see his eyes are heavy with worry. Shit, you can’t keep him like this. Out with it already! “Um, so... I talked to Adage...” “And? Is... is everything okay?” You take a deep breath, steeling yourself. “Ines, what’s ‘horny’?” His eyes narrow dangerously. “What did Adage talk to you about? Tell me everything he said. Why did you discuss something like that?” “Well when I went to him and told him everything that I felt was wrong with me, he started laughing about how we always sleep with our clothes on and haven’t ever... the word he used was ‘fucked’? And then he said there was nothing wrong with me, I was just horny. He wouldn’t tell me what it meant though and told me to ask you.” “That bastard...” “What’s wrong?” For some reason, his face is flushed a shade of scarlet you haven’t ever seen. It’s... adorable. It makes you want to kiss him for a very long time. Weird. Well, you always want to kiss him, but... what was that just now? “He also said that you were too patient. Is there something I should know?” “Well...” Ines can’t meet your gaze and now it’s your turn to be concerned. “Ines, please tell me. What is--” “Don’t! Don’t... say it again...” “I need to know what’s wrong with me! Please, Ines!” You feel tears threaten to well up in your eyes. Is there something so wrong with you that it can’t even be said aloud? “God... you’re just... too cute...” “Huh?” In the blink of an eye, you find yourself pinned to the floor, Ines’s mouth on yours, kissing you fiercer than he ever has before. His tongue pushes past your lips and tangles with yours, his fingers curling around your hair as he holds you tight to him. You feel something stiff through his pants pressing against you and... why do you desperately want whatever that is? You manage to grab hold of his face and pull him away from you. He’s panting a bit, cheeks beyond red. “W-what was that? What does that have to do with--” “Everything.” He cuts you off and kisses you again, stroking his fingers down your collarbone. You instinctively gasp as you feel that delightful shiver again. “Tell me exactly what you said to Adage...” he whispers in your ear. “I’m going to cure you of your ailment while you do. I think you’ll come to understand that way.” “Oh... okay. Well, I--” Ines nips at the patch of skin beneath your earlobe, dancing the tip of his tongue across. Your back arches in inexplicable pleasure, a soft girlish cry escaping you. You feel his hot breath as he chuckles almost devilishly. “Go on... tell me.” “I... I told him how lately I’ve been... feeling a bit... lonely.” “Even with me here?” his voice is low and husky, his teeth dragging down to your collarbone. Your body writhes beneath his but he pins your hands down by the wrists. For some reason, though, even restrained like this, you don’t mind it. In fact, it’s... absolutely exhilarating. “Ah..! Y-yes...” “What exactly is it that makes you feel lonely, then?” His kisses slowly and gently trail to your chest. They turn into bites, then he sucks, rolling his tongue across the newly forming welt. “Ha...! I... I don’t... know! I just... feel lonely when you stop... touching me...” “And when I touch you?” he continues to leave small marks just above the neckline of your shirt. “I... I feel... so good.” “And when I stop?” Ines pulls his body off of yours, moving to sit up properly next to you. “No...! Please don’t...” you feel yourself breathless and the horrible ache of loneliness returns. You reach up to grab at his shirt but he deftly dodges you. “Tell me. How do you feel when I stop?” A pathetic whine escapes your mouth. You feel a hunger inside of you that has nothing to do with the nearby omelets. “I feel like... I need you to keep touching me.” Ines takes your hand in his. “Like this?” You shake your head. “I like that but... no... the way you were before...” He sighs and chuckles, then positions himself over you again, looking deep into your eyes. “Sometimes I forget how young you are... How much you don’t know... How much you still have to learn...” He brings his palm between your legs, cupping the place that’s somehow giving off immense heat even through your clothes. Almost on instinct your hips rise up; you want more of that. That right there. That’s what you need. “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll teach you.” His lips meet yours in a soft, fleeting kiss, then he once again holds your wrists in place, trailing kisses down your neck, your chest, until he stops at your nipple. He flicks his tongue across it and again you writhe beneath him, yet strong you may be, you’re no match for him. Your hips buck upwards and you cry out in pleasure. “Lesson one... lovers can do much more than kiss... and most of them do.” “A-ah...! So... so have I been... bad?” He looks up at you, tightening his grip on your wrists. “Why, do you want me to punish you?” Ines takes your nipple into his mouth, sucking now, a wave of euphoria crashing on you. “Because I can, you know... I can punish you in the sweetest way... I can give you...” he bites down now and you cry out in an overwhelming intoxicating mixture of pleasure and pain. “...everything I’ve been wanting to give you for the past year...” he bites down harder. “Ha...!” “I can give you all that right now. Make up for a year’s worth of loneliness... a year’s worth of longing...” he removes his teeth and sucks gently now, reverently. “Would you like that, darling?” “P-please... I don’t want to ever feel lonely again... I want you to keep touching me.” “Mmf... damn...” you feel Ines shudder in the same way you did earlier. “How do you manage to be so adorable?” he whispers as he moves to your other breast, teasing that nipple with calculated flicks of his tongue. “Ah...! Oh god...!” His grip on your wrists tightens even more and you can feel sweet bruises forming in the shape of his fingerprints, and for some reason, the thought of wearing his touch like that sparks something needy in you, heat rising down to your pelvis in a shocking crash. “Lesson two...” he murmurs as he makes his way down to your navel. God, yes... so close... so close to where I... “Drawing it out for as long as possible makes it that much more fun.” he teasingly licks your waistline above your pants, then comes back up to leave another bite at your ribcage. And while you trust him implicitly, your legs cross and squirm in a desperate attempt to be touched there again. “I-Ines! Please...! I want--” “Oh no no, darling... you said you’d have me give you a year’s worth... unless you wish for me to stop?” “N-no!” “Then I intend on savoring you.” His eyes are filled with such love and gentleness that betray his cool words. “I intend on making sure you fully understand everything.” “Y-yes... teach me...” “Mm... I have many things I’d like to teach you.” Ines then gently removes your pants and panties, leaving you completely exposed beneath him. You... why aren’t you embarrassed? Why aren’t you feeling the need to cover yourself in shame at your nakedness? And why is it that all you can think about is how badly you want him to be in the same state? You don’t have to worry about that for long, however, as he himself removes the last of his clothes, leaning down and kissing you deeply. “You must forgive me... I’ve been yearning for you for so long that I’ve left you feeling lonely. It was getting so difficult to sleep beside you and hide my longing...” Proof of his arousal rubs up against your thigh. “This is what happens to a man when he wants to make love... very obvious, no? Hard to hide. I didn’t want... to pressure you, so I turned away each night.” You see a semblance of guilt in his eyes as he says that, softly stroking your cheek, wiping a burgeoning happy tear from the corner of your eye. “Never again, though. I’ll never let you feel lonely again. I should have spoken to you about it instead of waiting for it to be so bad you decided to consult Adage...” he kisses you again and again, possessively, and you hungrily pull his tongue into your mouth. God, you’re so glad. You’re so happy. You weren’t a burden. You weren’t even ill! You were just a lovesick fool who didn’t understand. But now you have Ines to teach you. His hand trails down to your crotch, parting the lips there. You’re soaking wet, somehow. “Lesson three... this is what happens to a woman when she wants to be made love to.” He shows his fingers to you, slick with your juices. “It seems someone has been wanting me, too.” He licks away your wetness before bringing them back down, his index finger teasing your opening. “Oh god! Oh my god...!” your legs quake at his touch, knowing immediately that this, this exact touch, is what you’ve been craving. Ines smirks. “Oh darling... you’re so sensitive. Will you even be able to handle the real thing?” “W-what? That... that isn’t the real thing? And it feels that good?” “Mm... I wanted to draw this out but you’re making it... impossible for me to resist you...” He positions himself above you. “L-lesson four...” his voice trembles a bit in an attempt to maintain composure. “This lesson... will be a question I want you to answer...” His shaft pokes at your entrance, an aching tease. “Why do you think our bodies are designed to be like this... when we wish to make love?” “D-does... is that... do you go inside... of me?” “Correct.” He strokes your face gently, smiling warmly at you, and with that, he slams inside of you, burying himself all the way to the base, and you both let out gasps of utter bliss. “Oh my god! Ohhhh...!” you let out a loud moan of ecstasy as he fills you. “Shh... I don’t want anyone else to hear the noises you make just for me...” He silences you with a kiss, cradling your face as he slowly moves his hips against you. You grab his arms and memorize the curvature of his muscles, your tongue twisting with his. Ines brings his arms around your back, then slowly lifts you up, careful not to break the contact between you, until you’re sitting on his lap, face to face with him. “Oh, you’re so beautiful, you know...” “Nng...” You can’t even respond, all you can do is bite your lip in an attempt to hold back your sobs of euphoria. His hands make their way to your hips and he bounces you up and down on him, each time he lowers you a girlish squeal escaping you. “Ho... god... I’ve been wanting you so bad...” He buries his face in your chest, lapping at your sweat-slicked skin, tasting every inch of you he can reach. You tangle your fingers in his hair, clenching and unclenching, hardly able to control your own movements as your body spasms in unparalleled ecstasy. You move your hips against his, pushing him even deeper into you, shivering as you do. Ines shudders similarly, letting a low growl out against you. “Sh-shit... I didn’t... want to finish this so soon but... I...” his voice is husky and ragged. He looks up at you, eyes clouded over with both lust and love. Something deep within you threatens to erupt, about to release something you’ve never experienced before. “Ah...! Ines... I... I feel like... I’m going to explode...!” “Nngg... f-fuck...” He quickens his pace, nails digging into your ass as he relentlessly moves you up and down on him. You feel your body break apart in euphoric electricity and you let out a loud cry that you could no way possibly suppress as you feel his seed shoot up within you. You collapse onto him, your body spent and ragged. “Oh... oh god... that was... amazing, Ines...” “Heh... yeah.” You look down at him, his brow wet with sweat, and you kiss him. He’s such a good man. He waited patiently for so long for something this good? You can’t even begin to imagine. “ines?” “What is it?” “Thank you for teaching me.” He kisses you fiercely and you feel him begin to harden again inside you. “Oh, honey... you keep saying things like that and I’ll never be able to let you go.” “Then don’t. Don’t let me go.” You kiss him back, gently rocking your hips against his once again, and you spend the rest of the evening and well into morning learning and discovering every inch of each other.

#lyssa writes fanfiction #lyssa writes fanfic #ines heinrich heine #steam prison #smut #fanfic #fluff #first time #love #true love #otome #hunex

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korean-tsundere · 3 years

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26 Things About Me

A- Age:

625

B- Biggest fear:

Abandonment, being left behind by the ones I love most

C- Current Location:

Richmond-upon-Thames, London, England

D- Drink you last had:

Whiskey at Marcel's

E- Everyday need:

Sleep and quality time with my family

F- Favorite song:

I'm a music producer, I have many.

G- Ghosts, are they real?:

I've met enough warlocks with the ability to commune with spirits to know they are real. Besides if all other supernatural beings exist, why can't ghosts?

H- Hometown:

Daegu, South Korea

I- In love with:

My amazing soulmates Skylar Leif and Daniel Park

J- Jealous of:

Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Why be envious of others when you may just have someone envious of you. I'd rather spend my life making the most of it than waste time being jealous of others.

K- Killed someone?:

Unfortunately, yes. While I am remorseful for causing their family pain by taking his life, he nearly killed my little brother and did kill my unborn niece or nephew before threatening my soulmates and then unborn children. I wanted to make sure he couldn't hurt anyone else I love. To his family, I am truly sorry for your loss but I had to protect my family.

L- Last time you cried?:

The day my children were born.

M- Middle name:

I don't have one.

N- Number of siblings:

Alot!

Technically 3 adopted siblings through David and Magnus (Atti, Ezra, and Raphael) and 2 in laws including their significant others (Kwan and Liam).

I have 1 platonic soulmate I consider a brother (David).

I share soulmates with 3 and consider them family (Joel, Alec, Ava), as well as their significant others (Gryffin who is married to Joel)

O- One wish:

For my family to always be happy, healthy, safe and have everything they want in this life.

P- Person whom you last called:

Liam and Isaac since they were watching the kids so that Skylar, Danny, Joel, Gryffin and I could have a night out.

Q- Question you’re always asked:

The most common: Soulmates, plural? Fiancées, plural?

Honorable mentions: What's it like being the adoptive son of Magnus Bane? Is it weird your platonic soulmate is marrying the man you consider your father figure?

R- Reason to smile:

My entire reason for living: Skylar, Danny, Hagen and Aera.

S- Song last sung:

I sang an old Korean lullaby to Hagen and Aera the other night to help them sleep but before that I was asked to rap on tracks I was producing for the singers Max, Halsey and IU. Occasionally I lend harmony vocals on tracks for artists I produce for.

T- Time you woke up:

This morning? 3 am because Hagen and Aera were hungry so Danny and I got up to change them and give them bottles so Skylar could get some sleep.

U- Underwear color:

Not that it's anyone's business but Danny and Skylar's but they are black. What kind of question is this?

V- Vacation destination:

I've visited nearly every corner of the world over the past 600 or so years but I have places I like going back to more than others. Brazil, Spain, Japan, Australia, Islands in the Caribbean.

W- Worst habit:

I have several. The worst would probably be trying to hide it when I am having issues with my anxiety and depression and forgetting to eat when I'm in producer mode. But I can never hide either from Skylar and Daniel or David.

I bite my nails when I'm nervous (though not as much anymore), I tend to scratch myself subconsciously when I'm anxious, I rub behind my ears and neck when I'm shy, I bite my bottom lip when I'm thinking about something, Danny says I tend to "purr" when I'm talking and stop to think about what I'm going to say next and do this little hissing inhale alot when I talk but I never noticed either.

X- X-Rays you’ve had:

Only a couple and that was because I went to the hospital so the mundanes who saw me hurt on the street when I was living on the streets in Daegu wouldn't know I was supernatural. Usually I just scan and heal myself or go to Magnus if I'm injured, the perks of being a warlock.

Y- Your favorite food:

Kimchi Stew and literally all meat

Z- Zodiac sign:

Pisces

#about #hc

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