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forkanna · 3 years

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[AO3] [WATTPAD]

NOTE: The beginning of this chapter hits a little harder than it did when I wrote it, because my own grandparent is in ill health of late. That's partially what's been complicating my life. I promise I will post fanfics other than this one very soon - including a certain one a certain fandom has been clamoring for.

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"Grandma? What do you do when you feel like life is over?"

The elderly proprietor of Marukyu smiled, even if she didn't turn away from the stove. Rise tried not to think too hard about all the new wrinkles that were forming around the corners of her eyes, how much slower she walked than she did before Rise took off for fame and fortune. Those thoughts didn't bring any joy to anyone. Might as well focus on the positives.

"What on Earth are you talking about, Ri-chan? You are still so young. You have many years ahead of you, you should not be thinking about such things yet."

"I… can't help it." She tried to turn her thoughts aside from actual mortality and toward her situation with her classmate. "A friend I really like is fighting with me, and I don't know what to do. I think- no, I know I hurt her feelings on accident. But she's really hurt and she thinks I did it on purpose."

"Hm? What could you have done, dear mago? You are so young, I'm sure it was nothing."

What could she say? How was she supposed to tell her kindly old grandmother that she might not be entirely straight, her friend might not be entirely female, and their relationship might not be entirely platonic? The woman was very traditional, even if she very rarely had an unkind word to say about anyone.

"I told a secret to a friend. Another friend, I mean. And I thought I could trust her with it, but I know now I shouldn't have told her at all… because the whole school found out, and the first friend is embarrassed."

Her grandmother laughed as she lifted a block of silken tofu from the box in which it had been setting, placing it on the counter to be cut into smaller pieces. Rise fell to work right away, since this was her job at the moment as sous-chef. "Ri-chan, it is not something to worry about, I can assure you. These things happen. But if you don't talk to your friend, don't try to work things out, you will regret it later in life. I promise you that, as well."

That, she could absolutely believe. "Yeah. She's just so angry, I don't know what to say to her. Is there anything I can say? Or should I just keep letting her know I want to talk and let her be the one to come to me? I don't know what to do!"

"Ahhhhh, yes, I can understand your concern there. It is like… playing go." They both chuckled, because the raw soybean liquid she was now straining to make the milk base for tofu was also pronounced "go", even though she was referring to the board game. "You are worried what every move you make will be the wrong one. To give up too much territory would be a costly mistake. But to do nothing is the worst move of them all. Then you will have not played, and you have already lost."

"But I…" That was hard to argue with. If she didn't lift a finger at all, she would lose Ai. Sure, if she risked it all she could still lose her, but they were better odds than giving up now. "Y-yeah. Thanks, Grandma."

"Of course. And I know, it must sound silly from an old lady like me, saying your troubles are so small. I know to you, they seem like mountains. But looking back from the mountain I stand on now, they were the foothills. You'll see someday."

Slumping, she set the knife down now that the tofu had been sliced into portions. "If I live that long…"

"RISE!" Suddenly she was being whacked with a spoon, and she ducked and covered her head. "Don't talk like that! You will have a long and healthy life, or I will send you right back to this world to try again! Do you understand?"

"Yes, Grandma," she said with a little bow. Even though she was smiling. So what if her parents were idiots? She had family; she wasn't alone. Sometimes life gives you exactly what you need — no more, no less.

~ o ~

However, what Rise had not been given was a plan of attack. And the longer she tried to think about it, tried to come up with something to put into play the next day, the more she continued to come up blank. So she decided to focus on practicing her vocals. The exercises were second nature by now, but she was still so rusty after only occasionally singing over the past year. Getting back into the game meant all parts of it, not just the "fun" ones.

Nothing happened the next day at school. Literally nothing. She did try to seek out Ai a few times, just in case they could smooth over the unpleasantness after she had her single petty act of revenge. Maybe that was it. Maybe they could be friends again, if she apologised… but Ai was either skipping, or very artfully avoiding her at all turns. She never saw her once, and she wasn't even responding to her texts or voicemails. Ghosted.

That evening, after dinnertime, she came calling around the Ebihara residence. But the woman who answered told her they weren't receiving guests. Probably a maid, but it also could have been a secretary of some sort. It definitely wasn't Ai's mother…

Thursday seemed like it would be much the same as the last. Unfortunately, an incident toward the end of the day interrupted an otherwise dull existence. Rise had been hoping for something like that — until it happened, and made her eat her wish.

"Attention, please!" called Noriko Kashiwagi in her throaty purr, crossing her arms to prop up her breasts and put them even more on display. Rise had long ago become desensitised to her teacher's little inappropriate displays, but that didn't mean she wasn't far more comfortable in Ms. Sofue's classroom, despite her Egyptian headdress. At least she didn't behave as if she were auditioning for a porno. "Mmm, yes, all eyes on me, class! All eyes on me!"

"Ugh," Kanji muttered from behind her. "No thanks, old bag." Rise tried not to snort.

"That's better. Now… would anyone care to explain this?"

She held up a manilla folder. An empty manilla folder. One of the girls in the front row raised her hand, and the teacher pointed to her. "Is… it's a folder, right?"

"It is. And there was supposed to be something in there. Would anyone care to guess what?" Dead silence. "The answers to yesterday's quiz. But it seems they walked off. Now, if some young, strapping boy would like to come forward and… reveal himself, maybe a little detention with me can straighten him right up."

While she was chuckling in way too flirtatious a tone than was appropriate, making most of the class wonder if they should be reporting her, Rise was glancing around the room, trying to see if she could spot the perpetrator. Not that she knew what to look for exactly; Naoto would have been the one with that skill set, and she wasn't in that class. But she couldn't help idly speculating anyway.

"No one? Very well. I will give you until the end of this class, or you will all be serving detention if the culprit doesn't come forward." When the predictable grumbling broke out, she raised her voice a little to say, "But! Confess your sins, and I may be more lenient! Now take out your books, we must get started."

"Shit," Kanji grumbled under his breath as the students rushed to obey. None of them were coming forward, but none of them wanted to get in trouble for something else either. "That gross old lady is gonna find some way to pin this on one of us. I just know it."

"Would you relax?" Rise hissed under her breath, glancing back at him as she opened her book. "She probably just misplaced it while she was too busy thinking about new ways to make the boys in her class feel uncomfor-huh?"

She cut off when she felt a page slide over her fingers in a way that wasn't natural. Looking down, she saw a piece of paper fluttering to the floor. Did somebody toss it onto her desk? No, it was much more likely it had been tucked in the pages of her book and fallen out when she opened it. Brow furrowing, she stooped to pick it up.

And her heart stopped. It didn't take her more than a couple of seconds to figure out what she was looking at.

"What's that?" asked one of the boys. She had barely looked up at him when everybody else was craning their neck, trying to see. Instinctively, she drew away, even though she would later regret doing so.

"Miss Kujikawa, do you have something you care to share with the class?"

"Oh. Well… yes, Miss Kashiwagi, this fell out of my textbook."

The woman slunk through the classroom toward her. Really, she started to think she ought to get a phone set up somewhere to grab video of the audacity of this cougar! She snatched the page out of her hand, stared at it… and her eyebrows shot up.

"This is it. The answer key." A ripple of gasps spread throughout the room, followed by hushed whispering. "Oh… but why would you need this, Kujikawa? Your grades have been consistently splendid."

"I… I didn't take it, I promise! It was just there already — I've never seen that before in my life!"

Noriko shook her head and tsked. "My, my, such acting skills. Not that I'm surprised, Risette. I would say that you must have been stealing the answers all along and that's why your grades are so high, but… this is the first time an answer key has gone missing."

"Miss Kashiwagi," Kanji put in suddenly, "come on, that's crap." Rise saw the teacher flinch at his disrespectful coarseness, and was thankful he pushed ahead immediately afterward. "Why the hell would she put that somewhere as stupid as her book if she was trying to cheat? Nobody's that dumb."

"Or careless," the teacher agreed with a long sigh, staring down at the page thoughtfully. For a long few seconds that had Rise's stomach twisting into knots. "Kujikawa, I'll supervise while you retake the test after school. If you score an above average grade on it, no cheating, I will choose to believe this somehow found its way into your book by mistake and we will forget the whole thing. But I had better not see you pull anything like this again, understand?"

The pop idol deflated somewhat. She had really been hoping the teacher would just believe her outright, and she wasn't thrilled at the idea of having to retake a test for no good reason. But all she said aloud was, "Yes, sensei."

"Mm. Now, if any of you choose to admit to a little prank on Kujikawa, you can raise your hand now, or see me after class. Where I can punish you suitably."

If only she didn't add that sinister chuckle as she walked back to her desk, hips swaying too much to be accidental…

"What the hell?" Kanji hissed to her as the teacher began to give their lesson for the day in earnest. "You didn't do it, right?"

"No, I didn't."

"Then how'd that thing get into your book? It was in your bag before you even walked into class."

Jaw setting as she stared through the blackboard, Rise growled, "Oh… I have a pretty good idea."

~ o ~

This time, Ai was lying in wait like a supervillain in her lair — even if it was just on the roof. Rise was already shaking her head and clapping as she walked up to her.

"Thank you, thank you." She even took a little bow before raising up to smirk devilishly at her. "And I'm sure you're pissed but trying to put on that brave face."

"You think this is tatemae? No, no. You're getting the real Rise, live and in colour."

"Sure, okay, whatever. But you must be here because of my little gift."

Rise leaned her elbows against the ledge, staring out over Inaba through the fence. Just sighing and thinking. Ai regarded her warily; she could see as much out of the corner of her eye. But she didn't say anything further as she waited for the response.

"It didn't feel good."

"That's it?" she snorted. "Wow."

"It didn't. Because you were my friend, and I miss you, and… I don't want to fight. Doesn't matter, though; I know I really messed up, and you're mad. And I can't change that; maybe… I can't ever change it. But does it have to go down like this? Really?"

Ai's tone wasn't as jovial now. She was still ice cold, not betraying any pain or rage. "Yes."

"Fine. But now it's my turn to let you know something."

"And what might that be? Please, Risette, bless me with your tiny little thoughts."

Rise spun to glare at her. "Oh, there it is. You think I'm small-minded, huh? Because I didn't know how to handle this from the beginning. Well I guess I was. But don't you think this is a pretty childish way to react? Trying to embarrass me, get me kicked out of school?"

"You mean the way you almost got me kicked out of school? Which could still happen, you know; I fooled them once, but what if I slip up? Or you slip up again? Could still come crashing down around me. I'm used to shitty rumours circulating about me, y'know; these rumours are just new and unwelcome because they could mean the end of life as I know it. Hell, you could still just out me again more publicly, and then I'd be royally fucked. But I'm going to force your hand." She took a step closer, glowering down into her eyes. "I am going to push, and prod, and ruin, and unravel, until you either have to kick my ass, leave in defeat, or out me on purpose. You could do that, you know; it's always been on the table. But you really think you're a good person under all that fame and stardom and self-involvement."

Rise burst out laughing, biting as the sound was. "Whoa, whoa, amazing! You're sitting there, calling me vain again! YOU! I thought we already did this one."

Ai rolled her eyes. They were both drawn tight as bowstrings as they tried to navigate this situation, being so close to a person that had been everything in their eyes once. Rise knew she still felt that way. She only could guess whether or not her feelings remained requited, despite this feud.

"Fine. Then your days are numbered. I promise I'm going to be so happy when you're dragged off your pedestal, cutie."

"Sure," she snorted. "Because we both know that's not true."

"Oh, it's not?"

"No. You still love me." Even while Ai let out a blast of harsh laughter, Rise pushed ahead. "And I still love you. So you doing this to me? It's only going to be a bad look for one of us."

Ai's dark smile finally faded into a blank look. "I didn't think you would admit it. Wow, I really wrapped you around my finger, didn't I?"

Rise felt that. She saw the glimmer of hope, she knew she had to grasp it. But with Ai dead set on her current path, she didn't know how. So she simply whispered, "I will do whatever you want. Okay? Anything to make it up to you. I already would. But you have to act like I'm not a monster first, just… give me something to grab onto. Tell me how to be better."

Ai frowned, brow creasing the tiniest bit. She leaned closer, and Rise felt her heart leap into her throat — amazed this was going to happen, here, on the school roof where anyone could see them! Her eyes began to slide closed…

But before they were shut, she saw the smirk and her heart was already sinking. The writing was on the wall. Words weren't necessary; all they did was pour salt in the wound Ai had already ripped freshly open.

"You can't be better, because you can't be me."

Then she strutted confidently off toward the stairwell, leaving a bruised and battered survivor on the battlefield. Even if Rise wasn't the victor, nor had she died; it was something of an emotional break-even. But she would need a while to recover from the skirmish regardless. Anyone would have.

~ o ~

It took Rise until she was already walking home from school, a successful retake of a test she hadn't cheated on already under her belt, to realise the silver lining of all these events. The temptation to be so unbelievably furious with Ai was strong, as was the painful longing for release — to give up, to either forget about Ai forever or just retaliate to give her what she seemed to want. The idol didn't know what to do but she felt like doing nothing wasn't acceptable.

But eventually, as she was staring into the rippling water of the Fuefuki, it came to her. Clarity. The realisation that there was a flipside to just how ardently her former friend was pursuing this line of vengeance.

"Ohhh," she breathed softly with a slowly widening smile. Bittersweet though it was. "I get it. That's really sad… but I get it now."

Unfortunately, nobody was around to hear this revelation, so she didn't tell anyone. Not yet. That was something she could keep in her back pocket for a little while longer.

To Be Continued…

#we'll face ourselves #saphir de lune #forkanna writes #rise x ai #persona 4 fanfiction #p4 fanfic #jess the writer

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trulyyourstrina · 7 years

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18 Things From Wattpad

Literally the 18 things I learned from Wattpad, which I wrote back before my eighteenth birthday. Could be counted as tips or advice for all those newbies.

*This was originally posted for Wattpad Block Party - Winter Edition II

Hello everyone, it’s me Trina or better known as yourstrulytrina, returning once again to the Wattpad Block Party. On my first party, I did an interview with the leading men of my books and on my second one, I gave out some tips for the newbies who would like to survive the amazing community known as Wattpad.

So what am I going to do for this time? Well, since it’s my last block party before I turn eighteen (the next one would be probably February or around that) and I’ve spent a good three years here on Wattpad, I’m going to give out the eighteen things I learned from this place.

The majority of Wattpad’s population is the youth and as I almost reach legality, I’m proud to be one of them. Three years, so that meant I came here when I was fourteen and this website indeed help me in shaping me up during the critical years of maturation. These may help you, these may not. You may relate or maybe not. But like everything else I do in Wattpad, it’s all for good fun.

1.) This is a community.

Undeniably so. You need some help? The ambassadors are there for all your needs. Need some tips? A lot of experienced authors are willing to share their knowledge and experiences. Need someone to talk to? Just reach out and people will be there chatting with you until you feel better.

2.) Community or not, people are competitive.

You and I know that most people here wants to get discovered. They want their works to be shown to the world, praying that a publisher might contact them. So what do they do? They claw themselves up to the rankings, and with Wattpad’s new algorithm with the ranking system, it’s quite difficult to do so. It’s all friendly though, we all just want to get our stories noticed and read. To be frank, I never wanted to get published, it never came into my mind. The opportunity presented itself so I grabbed it.

3.) People will chew your work and spit it out before repetitively stomping it on the ground.

It hurts to see your sweat, blood, and tears be harshly criticized to the point that you feel your heart dropped to your chest. At first, I couldn’t control my emotions, I was kept up at night just belittling myself because of one comment. I never responded to it though, because I knew that it would be adding fuel to the fire. Now, whenever I see hate-filled comments, I just shrug it off and move on. Trust me, your heart will be made of stone if you continue to stay here.

4.) Doesn’t mean you should disregard all criticism.

Some people really want to see you improve. They’ll sit there, skim through your work, and then tell you what’s wrong and what needs to be changed. Doesn’t mean they’re a bunch of haters. It’s called constructive criticism; take it, it’s good for you. When people politely point out my mistakes, I’ll give them a silent thank you as I work on the problem. No need to be an arrogant bish about it.

5.) Being in Wattpad is like being in an abusive relationship.

Not really, but think about it. You’ll pour your heart and soul out on your writing only for someone to belittle it. Are you going to stop? Of course not, you’ll keep going even though your self-esteem is continually getting shot at. I’m at that point that I’m no longer excited when I update, I just feel an unsettling anxiousness which doubles when I see the comments. Fake it, until you make it, kids.

6.) The only thing constant is change.

I’ve seen Wattpad when the ‘followers’ were still called ‘fans’. There was still a status bar where you can say quick updates to your readers. The homepage actually showed the activities about you and the people you follow. When you click on someone’s profile, everything was there. No need to click on ‘About’ or ‘Conversations’ because all you had to do was scroll down. You can actually keep track of those who dedicated their chapters to you, because they were all listed down on your profile. You couldn’t put the media into the story itself, you can only place them at the side along with the cast, plus you can create slideshows. When your story is in-progress, you have a higher chance of climbing up the charts, now they prioritize the completed ones.

Not all are bad, just like the mentioned multimedia inside the story was a good touch. When Wattpad added the text alignment and the magic three (italic, underline, and bold), I sang hallelujah because it’s a struggle when you have the lack of controls for certain emphasis. One of my absolute favorites that Wattpad updated was in-line comments, it made tracking your reader’s opinion much easier compared to when I had to struggle with making them comment on what’s wrong or right.

7.) You’re a writer? Well, good damn luck.

Literally, good luck. If I wasn’t too loyal to this website for opening the opportunities for me, I would have packed my bags and left. Readers are tactlessly opinionated, even to the point of dragging your name into other people’s business. I mean, just stop please. They complain and moan when we do something they don’t want and let me tell you, it gets on our nerves but we don’t do or say anything because we appreciate them. When they hit the last straw though, they have the audacity to go ballistic when we actually take action for the sake of our work, name, and sanity. And it doesn’t help that this is a reader’s app, we writers have the short end of the stick.

8.) It’s a good way to expand your network.

Publishing deals are flying all over the place. Those little stickers of promoters on the book cover? They’re more likely to show on the homepage and get your story known. Also, this is a good way to bridge out to other apps that offer serialized fiction, like my good ol’ buddy, Radish.

10.) The word ‘update’ can be one of the most annoying words out there.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my readers and everything. Sometimes, I appreciate when people comment that they want an update, but for them to say it just a minutes after I did, it makes me want to put my phone down and take calming breaths by the corner.

Just a tip, wait at least a few hours or so before you demand an update.

11.) There’s always room for improvement.

I’m not going to flatter myself and say that I was a good writer from the start nor am I an amazing write now. When I look back on the first ever version of my first story here on Wattpad, I can do nothing but cringe. It’s horrible, to spare you the boggling thoughts. I’ve improved… a lot. I still have a long way to go though.

12.) Research, please.

I live in the Philippines, my usual settings are in the USA. A lot of their culture and the things I write about are extremely foreign to me – I even had to look up how much a freaking cup of coffee costs. Not only that, but I try to make things as accurate as I can, although I do admit that I have a few slip-ups here and there. Did you know that my mom asked me if I was running away because I had about six tabs about European tours and trips? All for the love of my story.

Plus, just because you live in that place, doesn’t mean everything you’re writing is already accurate. Just double check to make sure.

13.) Age is just a number.

This is directed mostly to the youths of Wattpad, so of course I have to include this. We are at the stage where our minds drift off to the craziest dreams. Write it down, utilize whatever knowledge you have and ignore the fact that you’re completely surrounded by an intimidating bunch of adults. Let me tell you this, they don’t know how old you are and you probably don’t know how old they are. The only thing of concern between all of you is your writing.

But of course, be reminded that you need to be at least 13 before you sign up steer away from those mature stories until you’re at the proper age that is warned by the author.

14.) Be reckless, be spontaneous.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again – I created my Wattpad account with my sleep-induced mind. I posted my first story a few hours later, about midnight. When I woke up in the right state of thinking, I freaked out. That was one of the biggest step outside my comfort zone and look where it took me – you’re reading it.

15.) You have an army behind you.

With my machinegun, I plow through the battlefield with my army following in my direction. What’s my army? My readers. Their loyalty is the one thing I treasure the most, their opinions are what keep me up at night, their words are like the comfort or the slap that I need, and most of all, they’re there when I need them. The writing world is no walk in the park, you need your back-up with you.

16.) You’ll change.

There are a lot of external and internal factors for my switch in personality, but Wattpad surely had a big contribution to my current self. This community raised my self-esteem and self-efficacy by a mile, because it showed that my works can actually make an impact on someone else. I became tougher in terms of emotions. Like stated earlier, I’ve had my fair share of harsh criticism and once it got to the point that there were just too many of those, I’ve gotten used to it. I also learned to use my words properly, in the way that I should know which information I should share and which I should not.

17.) Every author is a good one, it just takes the right readers to acknowledge it.

The golden advice I say to everyone and anyone who asks for it. You can’t please everyone, but you can please someone who shares the same vision as you so don’t get discouraged when someone say that you’re not good at writing or your plot is horrible.

18.) Write for yourself because it’s your story and only you can hold the pen.

Well, keyboard for my situation. I made the huge mistake back then of letting my readers pressure me into creating an ending I didn’t want. I didn’t hate the story though, I still loved it because it became a learning experience for me. For me, that book was at the bottom of the list because that was my story to tell, not theirs. After that, I promised to only write for myself – having the public like it is just a bonus. Write to express, not to impress.

That’s basically it. Thank you @KellyAnneBlount for once again letting this girl join the Wattpad Block Party. Now let me ask you this question: What was one lesson you learned from your experience on Wattpad?

Thank you so much for reading, I hoped you like it. Some of you may relate, some may not. All I know is that I’m grateful that Wattpad has become part of my way through legality. Well, see you guys.

#wattpad #wattpad block party #yourstrulytrina #writing tips #writing advice #help #wattpad tips #wattpad advice

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