#I’ve done my piece on the lines as a whole but I know that uuuh

[seaglassdinosaur]

“Poseidon’s never helped me before. He wasn’t gonna start now. I would’ve never made it to Hades.”

Okay, it is honestly impressive how much we can get from these lines; the first two sentences are an expression of Percy’s perception of futility in trying to get Poseidon’s help. The third says a lot about how Percy sees himself, not just in relation to the quest, but also more broadly himself as a person because of how he’s been set up in the world.

The ‘would’ communicates Percy’s reflection on his life, had it been uninterrupted by his impending (and now accepted) death. And it can be read in two ways: one, Percy, if he escaped from the Chimera wouldn’t make it to Hades because obviously his father doesn’t care enough about him to save him. He would die of poison before making it to LA.

Two though, and more sad, is that even if he were the one making it down the stairs, even if he were at his best, even if he beat Echidna and the chimera, even if they’d never encountered them, Percy doesn’t believe he could ever have completed the quest. Percy suddenly understands how poorly-prepared he really is, and has the despairing thought that if he can’t handle the chimera, how could he ever have hoped to make it the rest of the way across the country?

No doubt there is a bubbling up in this moment of insecurities he’s been harboring for a long time about his ability. Ones that may have been assuaged a bit by going to camp and finding out he’s normal by demigod standards. But now in the face of death, Percy recognizes his feelings of perpetual inadequacy, and gives in, believing them to be true. Of course he was going to fall short, of course he was always going to fail; the Oracle told him as much. He was just dumb enough to forget it and think he could be a hero.

#I’ve done my piece on the lines as a whole but I know that uuuh #word tense can be boring and annoying #so I’ve cut it to my favorite part here #however I did add to my og text #I hope this makes up for it #look. Percy. neurodivergent. not having a ton of confidence in himself? that’s real #and it just gets horribly compounded when you think about it #he’s twelve he’s the chosen one he has all the responsibility in the world and he’s about to die #yeah I can’t predict him feeling too good about himself right then #pjo tv show #pjo #Percy jackson #pjo adaptation #pjo show #pjo tv series #my post

[soranis-sunshadow]

Looking back

@cruelfeline wanted a snippet between Hordak and Glimmer where they contemplated on how much of a fuckup either of them is.

I took it as a prompt and I hope this little oneshot scratches that itch.

It was always better to go to a banquet than to host it, Glimmer thought to herself while making her way down the long hallway of the reclusive palace wing. If she felt at odds or tired or just not in the mood, all she had to do was signal Bow and he’d take her home. But as a host, she WAS home, there was nowhere else to go to. Besides, since she was the esteemed host, she couldn’t leave early. It would be in poor taste.

This year, the anniversary of the end of the war was hosted in Bright Moon and she had to find a secluded place in her own home to take a breather from all the commotion before she had to return to the party and smile and nod and… try not to feel like such an imposter.

She finally found her favorite overlook, the one where she came to sulk whenever her mother gave her a stern -and justified- talking to, the best view and the music of the party down in the main hall was muted. No sooner did she lay her hands upon the balustrade that she spotted movement to the periphery of her vision. It was another person she really didn’t want to interact with due to the sheer awkwardness: Hordak. He was sitting by himself in contemplation, looking on into the distance in the last light of the day.

She and he stood meters apart on the balcony in silence for a while. He seemed to look at peace while staring off into the sunset. She tried to do the same. Her maelstrom of thoughts made it difficult.

During the war, she had never met him face to face, all she knew was what other people said of him – both her own and other hordesmen that were captured and interrogated.

Their first meeting in the flesh had been memorable… for very terrible, nightmare inducing reasons. Even now, she couldn’t look at Hordak without seeing Prime discard his errant tool then threaten to destroy her world in a dulcet voice as if it were the most trite of things. It probably had been to that monster…

Hordak hadn’t been what she – an everyone else thought he was. What made it even more jarring, and unexpected, had been his eagerness to repent and atone following the war.

Glimmer had decreed that Prime’s little brothers were not at fault for what they had been made to do for their creator, all of them, Hordak included. She couldn’t in good conscience persecute any of them whilst knowing, intimately – unlike the other monarchs- where they came from and what had been done to them.

Hordak however, decided to be difficult, because of course he did.

He insisted that even had his actions been in the hopes of serving Prime, they had been his actions, his mistakes. He owned them, and he owed Etheria. He had decided- by himself - to rebuild the things he had a hand in destroying not out of a desperate bid for forgiveness but because it was what he had been convinced that it was the right, and the just thing to do.

It made it very awkward for her to interact with him… whenever she invited Entrapta to these events, he was always her plus one. Entrapta was a sore spot for Glimmer. She had decided that the Dryll princess would be the first one to be invited whenever Glimmer hosted any event. It was the least she owed her.

She had learned that Entrapta endangered herself to save her back when she had been abducted on Prime’s ship… a few weeks before that, Glimmer had argued with Adora and Bow to leave her on Beast Island for the time being. It was a shame that stung deeply. Entrapta had been a far better friend to her than she had been to Entrapta. To make matters worse, Entrapta seemed either oblivious or not to hold it against her. It made Glimmer’s guilt even worse. At times, she wished Entrapta HAD been angry, she wished the other princess would give her a piece of her mind, at least then, she’d be able to make it up to her.

Huh!

No wonder Hordak “punished” himself with reparations and reconstructions…She couldn't stop a heavy sigh from escaping her. It wasn't an invitation to talk but he seemed to take it as one since the noise startled him out of his contemplation and he slowly turned towards her.

“Good evening, your grace.” It was always a bit comical when one of Prime’s clones bowed to her, they would have to bend over comically low to match her height. Hordak didn’t. He merely bowed his head smoothly and lowered his ears to convey submission.

“Uh, hey.” How dignified of her. She wished she had half as much grace as her mother had. “Uuuh,-“ he looked at her with that blank face that had been conditioned into him. ‘Ugh, say something Glimmer, this doesn’t have to be this awkward. Make an effort, for Entrapta’s sake at least!’. “- lovely sunset, right?”

He blinked slowly then turned back to the vista. “Indeed.”

‘C’mon! Give me SOMETHING to work with here!’ She thought to herself. “What do you think of the party?” That had been a host thing to ask, it was appropriate and neutral right?

It wasn’t... The answer came in that calm, low, dignified and slightly husky voice of his, a voice that had cracked from screaming and had never recovered. His posture betrayed his unease. Hordak further stiffened at the question.

“It is,-“ he paused considering his words carefully “quite sumptuous, your grace.” He bowed again. It was clearly at least as uncomfortable for him as it was for her.

This wasn’t helping… ‘Good job Glimmer!’ If it hadn’t been weird and both of them had enjoyed the companionable silence before, now she had made things awkward.

While considering what to say next, he saved her the effort by saying. “Your guests are enjoying themselves.” Was that a compliment? Was he trying to compliment her? She knew from former interactions with him that he had a very stiff and formal way of talking, very unlike his progenitor. Words fit poorly in his mouth. It was so curious how, despite having the same voice and the same face, almost… they sounded worlds apart. He held himself differently too, Prime had filled every space he was in, he owned every room he walked into. Hordak on the other hand seemed perpetually on eggshells. Was that why he was here by himself?

“You are my guest too.” She said to him, trying to sound warm and welcoming but it came out a bit defensive.

The unasked question hung between them in the dying light of the day.

He saved her from asking it once more. “My presence… makes some of your other guests uneasy, your grace. I did not wish to impose.”

“Impose? Nonsense!” She waved it off with a chuckle. “You and Entrapta are welcome here, I’ve expressly invited the both of you myself. There is no way you could ‘impose’ in any way!” Then it hit her… “Did anyone tell either of you that you were imposing? If they did, tell me who it was and I’ll have a chat with them.”

He huffed out a chuckle then turned towards her once more. A small, tentative smile made its way on his face. “No such thing your grace, the initiative was all mine.” The shared gaze was broken as he looked at his feet then back into the distance. “ I wished to prevent it from becoming an issue. Many of your kinsmen are weary of me, and for good reason. My actions on your world did not endear me to most of your kind.” It seems that guilt had brought them both on this overlook.

“I should name this ‘the shitty overlook!’ Hah!” She laughed. “Because everyone comes on this balcony to feel shitty.” He looked at her, one browridge raised in inquiry. “You’re here because of the whole conquest thing and I’m here because I’ a terrible friend.”

Glimmer continued. “We both did regrettable things during the war.” She too looked on into the distance, the line of bleeding orange light got thinner and thinner as night overtook it, a thin line of fiery hues reflected off the surface of the turbulent lake. Silence hung between them for a few minutes.

“You did what you thought was necessary, your grace.” Despite the curt tone, it was a reassurance. It was uncanny for Hordak of all people to be the one trying to comfort her.

“We both did. It still doesn’t make it feel right.” Both of their closets had skeletons cramped in them.

“It may not but, at the time, you saw no other way to do your duty.” He sighed deeply. “Hindsight is indeed, not a charitable beast your majesty, but it is unfair.” He clicked his claws on the balustrade. The motion was somewhat distracting. ” You know things now that you couldn’t have possibly known back then. Within the constraints of the time and the data available, you did the best that you could, the best that could be expected. You were a formidable opponent.” As sound as his logic was, it did little to assuage the anger she aimed at herself.

“And I had my friends take the fall for me because I thought it was necessary.” She sighed and hugged herself. “I was wrong, even back then but I didn’t want to admit it, I thought the ends justify the means. They don’t. They never do.”

“It’s easy to overthink the choices made when one is aware that there were other options, other paths that could have been taken.” He sounded, small and sad, his own demons haunting him.” The reality of it is that, in the moment, you may not have been aware of other possibilities and time had not been on your side. You decided to move forward down the only path you saw before you. The alternative would have been admitting defeat. Had you done so, you wouldn’t be here to second guess yourself. It was, in general, the right thing to do even if you are left with the consequences of your perceived momentary oversights. You have the privilege now, to make up for your mistakes – a privilege you wouldn’t have had should you have not done the things you did. “

“Thank you. I needed to hear that.” She hadn’t known she needed it nor would she had ever asked for it and that’s exactly why the point had hit home. “She was right, you’re a good listener.”

He chuckled again, an animate chuckle that rippled through him as he shook his head and turned back to look at the lake. She made her way closer and took in the familiar view. Neither of them said anything after that.

They watched the stars appear on the night sky, reflecting off the surface of the lake, somewhat distorted. The ripples of the lake made their twinkling even brighter. The night was peaceful.

#glimmer #hordak #entrapdak #spop fanfic

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG148! X___X/*

- I still can’t believe that the “Extended” in the title was for (amongst other things) long-due [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF ELIAS GETTING BRUTALLY PUNCHED]. “George Icarus” would laugh in his grave from vindication if only his skin hadn’t been used during The Unknowing.

And it was so varied! Ben did a Great Work at it because it sounds like Basira got very creative in that scene? At first, sounded like a punch in the guts; got the feeling, right after, that it was her pinning her against a wall or the table, an arm twisted in his back, holding him by his hair? And with the:

(MAG148) BASIRA: Mm–hmm. ELIAS: [ASPHYXIATED NOISE] [STRANGLED] B–… But I… can see how maybe I… should have mentioned it…!

Sounded like Basira blocking his windpipe (ha.) with her forearm, pushing higher. Don’t know how other people are Hearing This Scene but I do appreciate that, anyway, it was moving and slightly different every time, we could hear it, and it was Various Shades Of Elias Having A Bad Time.

… well. I HOPE he was having a bad time. Because getting savagely thrashed around and then going:

(MAG148) BASIRA: [EXHALE] So. Why d’you agree to see me. ELIAS: I missed you. BASIRA: Right. That’s why you’ve been refusing my visits since we got back. ELIAS: I–I thought it might have… [EXHALING] been an idea to give you some space. BASIRA: Oh, and how’d that work out for you? ELIAS: Ah… Not–not ideally. […] Goodbye, Detective. I shall miss our little chats.

Is. Uh. With Jonathan “do I miss being chased?” Sims and now this, what is it with Beholding types and being-addicted-to-the-things/people-wrecking you. Was Elias fond of Gertrude in the same way.

(And what does it say about Elias that this scene was, like, a big moment of *BREATHES* in the last string of episodes, while it’s still about a prisoner getting beaten up by an ex-cop, who also threatened to make his overall situation worse, while prison guards should supposedly have stepped in to protect him? Not too surprised about the fact that the officers didn’t intervene spontaneously (they have had to deal with Elias for a year. Elias who has blackmail material and has such a Charming Personality.), and Basira had many reasons to lash out (used as coerced material for Elias to trap Daisy, basically a hostage; was recently sent all over the world on Elias’s bullshit leads), but. Still. Not great from Basira. Technically. (You did amazing sweetie, bastard had it coming.))

- I also wondered if Elias wasn’t actually a bit. High. During the whole altercation. Because he was reaaaaally… uh. Making things worse for himself here and there? While being absolutely aware that Basira was pissed and ready to kick him harder? And if really sounded like someone who was too out-of-his-mind to truly assess the situation.

On the one hand, some bits felt like they were feeding the Elias-is-actually-Jonah theory:

(MAG148) ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. […] ARCHIVIST: … I–I don’t know, I mean… We still don’t really know… what Elias actually is…? I thought… Maybe if he was more like me than we realised…

(And Jon miiiiight have thought about it too.)

… and on the other hand, the more shittiest he gets, the younger and younger he sounds to me, a sneaky opportunistic lazy little thing who just happened to get his hands on some power recently, and not a 200y-old person. Elias in s1? Can accept that yeah, 40-50y old. But he’s been losing ten years at a time to my ears ever since, and he’s currently at “early 20 stupid idiot”.

- Anyway, I have a special fondness for the line:

(MAG148) ELIAS: … And, hum… No more violence, Detective. Or I may have to call in the guards.

Because he sounded so Dramatic and Righteous, a bit reminiscent of… stereotypical thin old lady holding her bag, very blank face and solemn? I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but Ben’s delivery in that one cracks me up a lot.

- On the one hand, ahahaha, Elias is Being His Useless Self, Basira ranted about it, Jon&Basira acknowledged that he wouldn’t be helpful in anything but “useless gloating”, Elias himself looks… only Good At Bullshitting (like Jon described in MAG145). … On the other hand, it’s generally when Elias has been proven… less threatening than what we could fear, that he tends to prove that no, he can harm, and has ways to do it, and won’t hesitate.

Jon spitting at his face post-kidnapping in MAG102 and Tim telling him to fuck off in MAG104? Was followed with Melanie’s “performance review” in MAG106. The assistants scheming to take him down, ~fooling him~ with Martin acting as bait and Melanie finding proof to force Section 31 to arrest him? Was still followed by Elias designating Peter as the Head Director (and potentially having planned this… for a while… since he had sent Peter to meet Martin in MAG108, and Peter had already come in the Institute in MAG100), plus revealing that he knew about Jon’s dreams all along.

So, uh. If the current trend is to deride Elias… he might prove, soon-ish, that yeah, he’s not as big of a menace that he likes to make you think, but he’s still a Threat.

- SPECIAL WORRY OVER:

(MAG148) BASIRA: And when exactly were you planning to tell us he’s been feeding on innocents? [SILENCE] ELIAS: Ah… [HUM] I’ve… always thought that a man’s eating habits were… his own private business. BASIRA: Mm–hmm. ELIAS: [ASPHYXIATED NOISE] [STRANGLED] B–… But I… can see how maybe I… should have mentioned it…!

… because it puts to mind:

(MAG127) BASIRA: Can we cut the bullshit? ELIAS: What “bullshit” might that be? BASIRA: The part where you pretend you don’t spend your whole time watching us. ELIAS: … Sometimes I’m eating.

And alright, at that point, Jon had already attacked two people, could have been a reference to that. But mostly, what is Elias eating, or whom? He’s been in prison for (almost?) a year by now – how does he himself Feed Beholding…? I understood their exchange as… Elias saying that his situation had actually gotten worse in prison while she was away (?):

(MAG148) BASIRA: Right. That’s why you’ve been refusing my visits since we got back. ELIAS: I–I thought it might have… [EXHALING] been an idea to give you some space. BASIRA: Oh, and how’d that work out for you? ELIAS: Ah… Not–not ideally.

But I’m not sure, since he also pointed out that his “special treatment” was guaranteed because he was giving the police useful information. So. I don’t know. But beginning to fear that he actually has the entire prison under his control, and that he’s just in the right place to cause damages and get the Archives team in the direction he wants, while being sure that Jon won’t try to compel him…?

- Amusingly, this episode made small references to fantheories! There was the what-the-heck-is-Elias bit with Elias saying that he had been in the game “a long time now” (which sounded very orientated towards the Jonah Magnus theory); the connection between Elias and The Web, with Elias claiming that uuuh… Spiders are best ignored:

(MAG148) ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…! Assuming you have a plan. Do… you… have a plan? Detective?

(And on the one hand, Elias is almost explicitly saying that he has no connection with The Web (although as usual, you can also read his sentence while focusing on what’s missing: it would work perfectly if he was actually talking about himsel in third person); on the other hand… he’s also doing exactly what Annabelle described re:The Web, ie constantly making people under or overestimate you as fits your plans. So. Yeah. Could be that Elias indeed has no plan at all, or barely any, and is mostly waiting for Jon to keep digging his own grave and Create A Beholding Ritual from scratch because Jon is too impatient. Could also be that Elias does have plans, and is mostly trying to get Basira to not factor him in too much at the moment – if so, it worked.)

And there was the “Detective” bit:

(MAG148) ELIAS: [SNIFF] Good evening, Detecti– [PUNCH] OW! [EXTENDED SOUND OF BRUTAL PUNCHING.] BASIRA: Useless, scheming piece of shit! ELIAS: Detective, this is quite unnece– […] BASIRA: No. No, I’m done with your game! ELIAS: Bas… Basira, let’s– […] Assuming you have a plan. Do… you… have a plan? Detective? BASIRA: … Why do you do that? What is that? ELIAS: Uh… Do what? BASIRA: You always call me “Detective”. Is that supposed to mean something? ELIAS: Honestly? I just like the way it sounds! BASIRA: [DISGUSTED EXHALE] ELIAS: … And, hum… No more violence, Detective. Or I may have to call in the guards. […] I’m sorry to say, Detective, but you’re becoming predictable…! BASIRA: [EXASPERATED GRUNT] ELIAS: Goodbye, Detective. I shall miss our little chats.

On the one hand: Elias explicitly says that no, ahah, the “detective” bit is just a random thing (for added drama? I mean, someone had been hand-gesturing a looooot, if the shackle sounds are any indication); on the other hand, Agnes was the living proof that Believing And Faith Is The Key when it comes to Fears, and that you create things if you think hard enough that they’ll work out. So. Even if the “Detective” is a title he went for because it literally sounded cool, it could become… something.

On the third hand: gdi Elias, give credits where it’s due!!! Georgie had been the first one to call Basira a “detective”, in MAG122!!! (… and I was assuming, until then, that he had Watched the scene and adopted it because indeed, it sounded nice; and this episode is… leaning in that direction, snorts.)

(… but worried/suspicious about Georgie’s tendency to be spot-on with key words or key concepts. Besides the “detective”, she also nailed “anchor” and “avatar”, which had been used during Gertrude’s time, according to Gertrude’s tapes… But Georgie couldn’t know that yet, and Jon hadn’t heard those yet back when he was discussing the concepts with Georgie.)

Anyway, glad that Basira highlighted Elias’s insistence over “detective”, and absolutely Not Surprised But Still Facepalming that Elias just. Used it even more than usual afterwards. He’s so shitty, Elias PLEASE…

(+ Bonus to the list of Current Fantheories nudge: we got a Beholding statement about technology which included wiring everywhere. Was that a nod towards the Webholding speculation going on?)

(… and meanwhile, we still don’t have that kind of joke or winkwink between Martin and Peter over the fact that they could potentially be blood-related. Mmmmmmmmmm.)

- Okay, Elias was a total useless cracky bust this week but I can’t help but always be wary of him and what he is saying, and he said about The Dark:

(MAG148) BASIRA: Unless you’ve got another crisis for me? ELIAS: [PAINED GROAN] No, no! [PANTING] … No. I–it–it’s fine. I–I’m, I’m sorry. BASIRA: Oh yeah? For which part? ELIAS: [HIGH-PITCHED] … All of it…? BASIRA: You sent us to the North fucking Pole for no goddamn reason. ELIAS: A, a–hem… miscalculation.

… And the thing is. That.

1°) Manuela didn’t explain how Elias and Rayner knew each other and had been “friends”. It seems to be going to feed the “Elias is Jonah” theory, since we know Jonah and Rayner were acquaintances back in the days, but… Manuela has now been taken care of, and who, besides Rayner himself, could have willingly talked a bit more about it?

2°) We’re past July 20th 2018 (MAG147) and. There is still the fact that a partial solar eclipse is bound to happen on August 11th 2018 (from real life). On the one hand, yeah, The Dark seems to be Absolutely Done For by now; on the other hand, they just tend to. never be truly done for and actually, surprise!, still be around and kicking. (And Jon had seen members of the cult, at the beginning of the season, meaning… there are still some of them around, even after their “last” collective attempt with Rayner in February 2017…? How come there were still people that Jon managed to identify as cultists, if the cult doesn’t exist anymore and their leader is dead…?)

- ALRIGHT NO, ACTUAL SUPER SPECIAL DUPER WORRY IS THAT ELIAS DROPPED SOME “ADVICE” AGAIN

(MAG148) BASIRA: Or that we were being stalked by some freaky spider woman. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about that! ELIAS: Ah, uh, y–yes… W–well… To be honest, I’d… advise you to leave that one – well alone. BASIRA: Oh yeah? ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…!

Because I Remember Too Well two big pieces of “advice” that Elias had given Jon, and:

(MAG037) MARTIN: Sorry… Look, Jon, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case. ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily, he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.

(MAG116) ELIAS: Oh, and, Jon – technically, I can’t stop you, but I would heavily advise against bringing any… rogue… elements. MARTIN: You can just say Tim. ARCHIVIST: I will take it under advisement. ELIAS: Hm. Anyway, don’t worry about staying in contact, I’ll know when it starts.

AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO SASHA (WHEN SHE WAS ALONE WITH THE TABLE) AND TO TIM (WHOM JON ALLOWED TO COME TO THE UNKNOWING).

(+ Bonus, to Daisy:

(MAG082) ELIAS: I leave the matter of Jonathan Sims up to you, though I will not tell you where he is. I suggest you close the case and move on, but if you find yourself unable to do so, my advice is to kill him quickly. There’s no telling what he might be capable of.

… Like, yes, at the time, it was hilarious to imply that Jon could be a threat for anyone or anything, and it was mostly a “hEY” moment because Elias was… encouraging Daisy to go Hard on Jon, who was currently lost and sleep-deprived and spending his days researching on his computer, drinking tea, cleaning Georgie’s kitchen and catsitting The Admiral. But. Elias’s “advice” to Daisy didn’t age well / aged TOO well.)

………………… so additional current fear is that, yeah, Basira will end up not leaving The Web alone and. It. Will. Get straight back at her.

- Also SHIT, Basira:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: Did he say anything about Annabelle? BASIRA: Not really. Sounds like he’s not too worried, though. Says to just ignore it. ARCHIVIST: [SNORTING] Yeah, good luck with that!

… this is NOT what Elias said. He basically said that you couldn’t do anything about it anyway. That’s. Not exactly the same thing. (And he sounded a bit scared of that one.)

- Gaaaasp, this season has been so vulgar so far, gaaaaaaaaaaasp

(MAG131) ARCHIVIST: Oh, I… Melanie, I–I’m so sorry, I– MELANIE: Oooh, fuck off?! ARCHIVIST: I was trying to save your life. MELANIE: Yes…! Well, you did! […] It didn’t stay in my leg because of some Ghostly Masterplan; it stayed… because I wanted it. ARCHIVIST: … Shit. MELANIE: Yes.

(MAG132) BASIRA: Jon, you stupid idiot! What did you think?! DAISY: … Hi.

(MAG143) BASIRA: [SIGH] So, what, this was another waste of time? What, no Church, no Dark Sun? … I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch…!

(MAG148) BASIRA: Useless, scheming piece of shit! […] You sent us to the North fucking Pole for no goddamn reason.

(I’m amused because, is the use of “fuck” actually a sneaky way to get a higher rating for episodes with actually harder content? Here, we had a beating up taking place in a cell; MAG131 had Jon trying to self-harm. MAG080 had a murder live. … Well, MAG065 and MAG104 were their Own Things and it’s the True Power Of Tim: getting to say “fuck” even when the episode content is otherwise typical.)

- Statement tiiime and I’ll go very fast because I messed up my timing again:

* Obligatory Gratuitous Tim Tears because I’m conditioned to think about him with the simple mention:

(MAG148, Sunil Maraj) “But there’d been some… problem, and the whole place had to be closed up for months. Samson said they’d found asbestos, I heard it was a lease issue, but… doesn’t really matter.”

-> (I KNOW, IT’S ABSOLUTELY GRATUITOUS… … but I think the beginning of MAG090 is still one of my favourite exchanges of the entire series, I relistened to it so many times, shut up >>)

(MAG090) TIM: … You do know, right? I mean, you must know. ELIAS: Know what? TIM: About this place. About what it does to us. ELIAS: [SIGH] Tim, this place is very old. It has all sorts of… idiosyncrasies, and not all of them are good for the people who work here. TIM: I think I’d prefer asbestos.

(+ Melanie’s old haunted building in MAG028 has had its share.)

(Yes, I’m aware of the RQ crew’s Personal Experience With Asbestos.)

* Same hat, statement-givers:

(MAG148, Sunil Maraj) “Now, I’m not sure I can legally name the shopping centre I was working in to you guys, but let’s just say it wasn’t the Westfield. […] The security office was a mess. The company I worked for – again, dunno if I can legally say them, but you can look it up, you know […].”

(MAG051, Antonia Hayley) “You’ll forgive me if I don’t give their name; I still hold out hope that I might go back to work there someday, and I’d feel like an asshole dragging their name through the mud, even if it is just to you and your strict confidentiality procedures. If you’re desperate, they shouldn’t be hard to identify, but it’s not really relevant to what happened.”

Not Telling You But You Can Find Out Easily Anyway (except if you’re not even interested in doing the follow-up properly and/or to try to see if this place is still dangerous :[[[)

* I��M EXTRA-SAD FOR SAMSON SINCE HE HAD A SMALL CHILD gdi, I’m even more upset when you know it will mess up people from the victim’s surroundings…

* Old tech obviously reminded me of MAG065, but this time with less of a trapping theme – 100% Beholding at work? And is there something with the 80s tech specifically…? Sergei Ushanka, according to the story, had died in 1983; the old Tecton multi-camera recorder was said to be from the late 80s here; and we don’t know how long the tape recorders had been in the Archives, only that Gertrude was using them at least in the 90s (so they could be a bit older).

(* I did wonder, when the statement-giver mentioned how he tended to shop a Treat for himself from time to time, and with how aware he was of the cameras… if he wasn’t trying to avoiding saying that he was actually shoplifting from his workplace.)

* That’s the 4th Beholding statement this season, And This Is A Lot More Than Usual, And I’m Scared. Beholding is just… looming. There. More and more present.

* Laughtrack.wav because oH MY GODS, JON??? JON, DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF WHEN YOU READ A STATEMENT????

(MAG148, Sunil Maraj) “So I lost my job last week. I mean, I quit, they didn’t fire me or nothing, but you know like, sometimes you quit because you want to, and sometimes you quit because you’ve got to?”

With the fact that the place Sunil had gone to was described as a “mess” that they had to sort out; that Samson didn’t have a lot of emotional support and was not in a nice headspace when they arrived (“Samson took it harder than I did. […] being thrown from one post to another all the time was really kind of getting to him. He tried to talk to me about it a few times, but honestly we weren’t that close…!”); that Samson got obsessed with putting the place in order and only focused on that and then began to follow his friend through the camera lens (or his own lens.)… It sounded an awful lot like Jon’s situation in the Archives, and the first paragraph and the mention from Sunil that a bit of distance had helped??? Sounded VERY oddly on point??? Jon, what does it say, if even Beholding is giving you “hey, sometimes, you don’t want to, but you still have to” talk through a statement???? Jonathan???

(Jk aside, because indeed, I think Gertrude was right to point out that the Fears don’t really have a consciousness, and it would sound very counterproductive from Beholding to invite its local avatar to hold up on feeding from innocents, but. Still. The rhetoric question sounded waaaay too exactly fitting for Jon, holy Mew.)

- Jon’s spiel about “ignorance” was a bit of surprise, I didn’t expect him to obsess over it? Because it… has been very present in the past, in the Archives or with statement-givers precisely explaining how “ignorance” doesn’t protect you from anything (+ is… still, in a certain way, Beholding’s domain):

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) “And now I stare at it and not a word of it is even enough to fully describe the fact that I itch. Because ‘itch’ is not the right word. There is no right word because for all your Institute and ignorance may laud the power of the word, it cannot even stretch to fully capture what I feel in my bones. What possible recourse could there be for me in your books and files and libraries except more useless ink and dying letters? I see now why The Hive hates you. You can see it and log it and note its every detail but you can never understand it. You rob it of its fear even though your weak words have no right to do so.”

(MAG036, Nicole Baxter) “when I asked the two of them who they were, they just shook their heads and told me to leave. I asked them what was going on, and the old man looked at his companion, as if asking permission, said something about knowledge being a good defence here. She shook her head and said that leaving quickly was a better one. I didn’t need to be told a third time.”

(MAG039) MARTIN: Then why do you– ARCHIVIST: Because I’m scared, Martin!. Because when I record these statements it feels… it feels like I’m being watched. I… I lose myself a bit. And then when I come back, it’s like… like if I admit there may be any truth to it, whatever’s watching will... know somehow. The scepticism, feigning ignorance. It just felt safer. MARTIN: Well… It wasn’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, it wasn’t.

(MAG047) ARCHIVIST: Yes, well, thank you for that, I suppose. And you still hadn’t told me why you… “intervened” at all. MICHAEL: [CHUCKLE] I’m normally neutral, yes, but… the loss of this place would have unbalanced the struggle too early. I am keen to see how it progresses. ARCHIVIST: You make it sounds like there’s a… war. MICHAEL: Eh…! Then I will say nothing further. I wouldn’t… wish to tarnish your ignorance prematurely. … Goodbye, Archivist. ARCHIVIST: Wait! [SCRAPPING OF CHAIR] Ah… ah, ow… ah… M– Michael…? Michael!

(MAG089) JUDE: Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge.

(MAG098) MARTIN: Yeah, we talked. Not long, he– Y’know, I think he thinks that the distance keeps us safe, you know? Like, like, if he just makes sure that we’re not involved, we’re somehow fine. TIM: He’s an idiot. Look, we didn’t know what that door was, and it still trapped us. Ignorance isn’t going to save anyone. MARTIN: No, I mean, you’re right, I guess. He was… Y’know, we know about Sasha now, and… he said he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. Like, y’know, it’s his fault. TIM: Isn’t it? MARTIN: No! No, it isn’t! I mean, you heard Elias… We never really stood a chance. TIM: Yeah. Maybe. But Elias wasn’t actually the one who offered me the job down here. MARTIN: No, I– Sure.

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “But I keep thinking back to an old professor of mine, back when I briefly studied neuroscience, talking about consciousness. About how we still don’t honestly know what it is – where it comes from, what aspect of the brain makes it possible. And I wonder if there might not be consciousnesses out there, so far beyond our comprehension that we could not properly recognize them as such. Minds so strange and colossal that we would never know that they were minds at all. Perhaps… out there, in the endless Vast, it would not notice or recognize us in return. And I wish that I could convince myself that ignorance was the same thing as safety. But then… how many weeds have you unthinkingly stepped on in your lifetime?”

(MAG117) TIM: I used to blame my brother for going off on one and poking around where he wasn’t wanted; I used to blame myself for not… helping him, but now? Now it doesn’t matter. I read through enough of these things to know that it doesn’t matter. The only thing you need to have your life destroyed by this stuff is just bad luck. Talk to the wrong person, take the wrong train, [SCOFF] open the wrong door – and that’s it!

(MAG137) GERTRUDE: Gerard may have a connection to The Eye, but I’m not convinced it will be enough. And I will admit I’ve grown… fond of the boy. I wonder, if I told him about Eric – whether he’d follow in his father’s footsteps. Still, that’s not like it kept Eric safe in The End.

(MAG146) ARCHIVIST: … I never thought I’d miss those days, when I could throw out some half-baked speculation about drug abuse or mental illness, and whoosh, away all the statements went. There is… nothing in the world more reassuring than ignorance which we can mistake for certainty. But no. Almost every one of those statements, those… people… that poor old man…

(MAG147, Annabelle Cane) “And in that vast, dark space of ignorance lies… free will! Isn’t that marvellous, Jon? Free will… is simply ignorance. It’s just the name we give to the fact that no one can ever really see everything that controls them…!”

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: I honestly don’t care, if Mr. Maraj was chased down and consumed by his voyeuristic former friend, or if he has forgotten the whole affair, living in… blissful ignorance.

I’m a bit ? at the fact that Jon is still holding on to the idea that (feigning) ignorance can help, although it’s been repeatedly demonstrated otherwise. Though with MAG146, it was akin to idealising the past: he was afraid already, back in season 1, and was just trying to not attract the attention of things out there by pretending he didn’t know anything, and it hadn’t worked. (I’m also a bit surprised that Jon is making the equation that knowledge/understanding/awareness fundamentally means Pain: both this and ignorance have been proven to not protect you, in this universe.)

- The… Martin mention…

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Basira… BASIRA: Yeah? ARCHIVIST: I’ve been meaning to ask. The… tape. The one of the, uh… my victim. You said Martin gave it to you. BASIRA: [EXHALE] Yeah. ARCHIVIST: How was he? H–how did he look, was he, uh… BASIRA: I don’t know. I didn’t… see him. He just left it on my desk with a note. ARCHIVIST: Oh… Right. BASIRA: Yeah. ARCHIVIST: … Can I ask what it said…? BASIRA: Hum… Yeah. It said to, uh… “Talk to him.” ARCHIVIST: [INCREDULOUS NASAL LAUGH] … [INHALE, EXHALE] I’m gonna get something to eat.

1°) Still not 100% sure that Martin indeed decided to pass the tape to the other assistants, or if… someone decided for him when he was hesitating.

2°) … not showing your face feels awfully Lonely, Martin D:

3°) Jon still gratuitously wondering about Martin for Unknown Reasons, uh.

4°) Ah. Ah. Ah. When Jon lost it at the “Talk to him”, I was reminded of many things:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: … Why are you here Martin? MARTIN: Well, well, Prentiss is out there and you can’t run so– ARCHIVIST: I mean at the Archive in general. Why haven’t you quit? MARTIN: Are you giving me my review now? ARCHIVIST: No… We’re clearly doing a whole heart-to-heart thing and, truth be told, the question’s been bothering me.

(MAG058) TIM: Look: I tried talking to Elias about it, but it doesn’t seem to do any good! MARTIN: He’s just under a lot of pressure. You know how messed up he’s been since Prentiss. TIM: How messed up he’s been?! MARTIN: Of course, I’m sorry – sorry, I didn’t mean that you weren’t, just– TIM: No! Because I didn’t start stalking my co-workers! MARTIN: Maybe try talking to him.

(MAG065) TIM: Shut. up. ARCHIVIST: … What? TIM: Shut up! Just stop talking. I’m sick of this, I’m sick of you! We didn’t kill Gertrude, and no one wants to kill you, you pompous idiot! […] After everything you’ve pulled, you should be gone. But no. Instead, we all get to talk about how you’re feeling, because we’re worried about our stalker boss!

(MAG069) MARTIN: Not like Tim. ARCHIVIST: Hm. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … Just talk to him, please. ARCHIVIST: I think we’ve said more than enough. I doubt there’s much more words can do for us. MARTIN: You can’t… work together like this. ARCHIVIST: Ironically, I think working is all Tim and I can do together. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … Look. Jon… when was the last time we all just… talked? Just talked, without all of this– ARCHIVIST: Thank you for the tea, Martin. MARTIN: … Oookay. Fine. [OPENS DOOR] He’s not wrong, you know. [CLOSES DOOR] ARCHIVIST: … [SIGH] [WEAK VOICE] I know.

(MAG099) GEORGIE: Look, when’s the last time you spoke to someone who wasn’t me? ARCHIVIST: That’s… I… I–I talked to Martin a, a… a… a few weeks ago…? GEORGIE: Did you talk to him? Or did he talk to you, while you tried to find a way to escape? ARCHIVIST: I… uh… GEORGIE: Look, you’re worried. I get it. But if you really think you’re turning into something… inhuman, you need people around you. You need anchors. ARCHIVIST: All my “anchors” are just as deep in this as me. GEORGIE: Well, you still need them. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Maybe you’re right. I… I’ll talk to the others. […]

(MAG102) ARCHIVIST: Oh, and… I suppose I… I did tell Georgie I’d try to talk to Martin. [DEEP SIGH] [...] ARCHIVIST: An–anyway, I–I–I should go. I–I’ve got a few leads to follow up. MARTIN: Right, right. ARCHIVIST: I’m, I’m sorry, Martin. We haven’t… I know we haven’t talked much since… Sasha and everything. MARTIN: Well, I mean it’s not too late, y’know. Unless the world ends. [MARTIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] ARCHIVIST: Yeah.

(MAG116) BASIRA: Do you think he bought it? MARTIN: We’ll talk about it later. ARCHIVIST: I doubt we’ll get time, we need to go. MARTIN: It’s fine. We’ve got this, okay. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Okay.

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: I wish I could talk it through with Martin. … Or Tim. [SHORT SAD CHUCKLE] Or Sasha. But we never really did that, did we…? … Everything’s changed.

(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: I, er… I heard about your mother. MARTIN: … Yeah. ARCHIVIST: I am… so sorry. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Thank you. [INHALE] It’s… [SHAKY EXHALE] It’s better, this way. ARCHIVIST: If–if you do need to talk, I– MARTIN: I can’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, o–of course.

… Martin who, unless there was a Plan going on and they were in a rush, had always pushed for talking, and who is currently absent and “silent”.

- Update on That Little Soap Opera You Call An Archive and cat is out the bag about Elias being (having been?) Basira’s intel:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: You should have let me come with. BASIRA: No. Besides, he wouldn’t have seen me if I had. ARCHIVIST: I can’t believe you’ve been seeing him all this time. BASIRA: Oh yeah! That’s the terrible secret sabotaging the trust between us. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Did he mention it at all? My, uh… BASIRA: Oh, your new diet? Nothing useful. Didn’t seem too fazed by it. ARCHIVIST: [LONG SIGH] Right.

… I do agree that Jon’s “secret” is not comparable to Basira’s but. She really shouldn’t minimise the fact that she hid her connection with Elias from them: Elias admitted that he had needed her to go away to get Jon to go inside the coffin and learn to harness his powers further, meaning that no, Basira’s been played, and they’ve been going in the direction Elias was nudging them towards through his sessions with Basira. That’s bad. And unless Elias was preparing Jon for The Dark with this (which he tried to imply, but I’m reaaaally not convinced given how… he only began to talk about that threat after Jon had expressed concerns about it), that means he had other plans.

Plus, Daisy picked up on the pattern of Jon’s attacks pretty quickly; Elias probably knew, already, that there would be a third victim after the coffin…? And. Ssssssssssssssssh. Melanie and Daisy won’t take the fact that Basira has been in contact with Elias kindly. At all. And they’ll be right to do so.

Confrontation probably incoming soon (since Daisy wasn’t aware of “Floyd” in MAG147, which means… Basira has been keeping a lot of information from them), it. Probably won’t be pretty. I would like to hope that Melanie&Daisy are a bit more suited to making things progress in a better direction (laying down unpleasant truths on the table but… in an actually helpful way) but… we’ve never got that in TMA so far. Usually, when there is resentment, it explodes and it shatters things and relationships beyond repair.

- In fact, the way Basira has acted so far in season 4… is really reminiscent of how Elias had described Daisy?

(MAG082) ELIAS: You haven’t even followed up on any of the other potential suspects or leads, and shown no interest at all in the fate of Sasha James. All you care about is where Jon is, because you’ve decided on a course of action, and you’re going to follow it through.

I wonder – after Basira basically lost her centre of gravity (she thought Daisy was dead for seven months), did she try to act like she thought Daisy would have…? She got the single-mindedness, the ruthlessness, the obsession with getting things done while not paying attention to her surroundings…

The fact that she savagely came at Elias, and how she treated Jon this episode, really highlighted for me… how indeed, she has been an internal mess this season, trying to be in control and failing absolutely everywhere. She… didn’t achieve anything, didn’t get a “win”? Elias explicitly told her that to get Daisy back, he needed for Basira to be away (like, RUDE.) because only Jon could pull that one off; he subsequently presented Jon has the only one able to “see through The Dark” which, once again… didn’t leave a lot of space for Basira to do anything significant at all, except to be there and take care of some logistic matters. Before that: she had lost Daisy, she had seen Martin drift away, she was only witnessing Melanie getting frantic and angry. Melanie had been the one to stab Jared while Basira & Martin were trying to flee, and Helen was the one to trap him. That’s a lot of… occasions to feel powerless and resentful – and that might be why she’s exceptionally snappy at Jon right now, and not really able to connect anymore with Melanie or Daisy? Because the situation has gone totally out of her control, and she had to be in the one in charge while being faced, again and again, with the fact that she wasn’t managing to achieve anything?

- I extra-hope that Daisy and Melanie step in soon-ish, because it… sounds… like Basira is being accidentally toxic for Jon at the moment: she’s still partially counting on him and his powers to fight off other spooks (although aware of what it means), and Jon was trying to avoid the food analogy until she hammered it in – he then… went with it, too, and sounded clearly resigned.

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Did he mention it at all? My, uh… BASIRA: Oh, your new diet? Nothing useful. Didn’t seem too fazed by it. ARCHIVIST: [LONG SIGH] Right. […] BASIRA: Yeah. Jon, we’ve been over this. The “key” is to not force people to feed you their trauma. You know, just don’t do it. […] Any luck finding her? ARCHIVIST: I haven’t really been trying. Doing that sort of thing consciously, it… makes me hungry. BASIRA: Oh well, then find a statement to your taste, and read it. ARCHIVIST: Yes, yes, I know, thank you. […] … [INHALE, EXHALE] I’m gonna get something to eat.

Melanie threw jokes around it in MAG147, and Jon had been using food analogies too before (+ both Mike and Jude presented it as “feeding what feeds you”) but here… it really sounded like a capitulation, and I really don’t think that… presenting what Jon is doing as “eating” is going to help them stop it. Making jokes about it has its limits (it’s still a sore spot for Jon at the moment), and presenting it as “feeding” isn’t really neutral, and only reinforced the idea that it would be an unavoidable necessity, when the point is to stop?

- And we got Jon, extremely… emotionally-stunned at the end of the episode:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: Does reading a statement of The Ceaseless Watcher count as a sort of… auto-cannibalism, I wonder? Or some sort of… bird-like regurgitation of Fear, re-consuming second-hand terror. … Whatever the analogy, I’m finding it harder and harder to ignore the diminishing returns. How much less satisfaction each one gives me. My desire for “follow-up”, for “verification”, for… [HUFF] “proper digestion”… of the experience, it grows less and less. […] I just find my mind already wandering to the next statement, in the hopes that it won’t be… quite as stale.

1°) … I think this is the first time Jon has referred to The Eye as The Ceaseless Watcher, and WOOPS, because coming from him, it sounds a bit more… grandiose and my-patron than “Beholding” or “The Eye” in passing.

2°) Indeed obsessed with the “food” and its quality, and disregarding entirely the grand pattern or the people hurt in the process. No mention that the manual could have been a Leitner; nothing about the fact that technology-based statements tend to be rare (he had told Tess, in MAG065, that they didn’t have many resources but that a student was dedicating their research to this). Nothing, just the statement, consumed without any appreciation or questioning, and the fact that it happened to someone… wasn’t enough to want to learn about it.

(3°) oh gods, his melodrama is definitely too much for me, though.)

4°) … Current problem definitely sounds like he’d “need” a live-statement to properly heal after having watched The Dark Sun, back in MAG143? Jon did mention that he was not entirely back to shape. So. The problem, at the moment, really seems to be tied to him using his powers and the question is what will happen first: Jon having to use them again to neutralise something attacking the Archives or trying a ritual, or Jon attacking someone with A Story – whether it’s a civilian or an avatar?

- Lots to unpack here:

(MAG148) BASIRA: Yeah. Jon, we’ve been over this. The “key” is to not force people to feed you their trauma. You know, just don’t do it. ARCHIVIST: It’s not that simple…! BASIRA: No, it is. Or I put you down. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … That’s… I mean, that’s hardly… BASIRA: Daisy has been managing. ARCHIVIST: Daisy is… [PAUSE] [SIGH] Yeah. She’s managing. Did he say anything about Annabelle?

1°) Not The Right Way To Go, but I still feel like Basira got a point: if Jon doesn’t want to stop, if he doesn’t have any solution to stop, if he only spends his time repeating that he is unable to stop… then there’s nothing differentiating him from the other monsters? Although it’s not helpful, it’s not worded in a way that is even remotely contributing, it’s absolutely savage, it’s a bit transparent that Basira might be pissed at herself because the victims happened right under her nose while she was at the Institute (and she specifically let Floyd happen).

2°) Aaaaaaaaaand I can see where Basira is coming from, too: since, unless he’s pretending right now, Jon… indeed didn’t know until this episode that Elias was Basira’s intel. And Basira had told him, sternly, to stop Knowing about her – which he… did, in the end? He didn’t know about her activities, in the same way that he kept away from Martin? And he was using the same rhetoric with his Insights at first: that he couldn’t control it, that the droplets would sneak around the door anyway. But telling him off / giving him a motivation to stop… more or less worked? (He had random knowledge with Basira in MAG140, but not about the Broad Picture of her plans…?)

3°) Jon is not helping his case at all in the way he keeps repeating that he can’t really stop it…? Okay, so, Daisy had pointed out how Jon was casually self-destructive/prone to go for things that could kill him. But he sounded almost… defensive, here? I heard the beginning of his sentence, after the silence, as a shock because he didn’t think that what he had done (and was at a risk of doing again) warranted death…? And what we really don’t need re:monster!Jon is for him to grow an active self-preservation instinct….? But, Jon, indeed, what are your options other than stopping entirely or going full monster and being taken care of in a definitive way? Going after other spooks to feed (HI, PETER LUKAS IS RIGHT THERE)? Being sealed in the coffin again (but he managed to come out once, and he “had regrets” about going inside – he probably wouldn’t go willingly)?

4°) ………………. I’m………………… worried about Daisy……………………….. I don’t know if Jon’s half-sentence meant that Daisy is Having A Hard Time And Not Exactly Managing (managing to not hurt people, but being deeply affected in the process), or that Daisy has Basira and is not alone so that their cases are not comparable, or that Daisy didn’t give herself to The Hunt like Jon did to The Eye in his coma (and that Daisy could be removed from her patron’s influence in the coffin; Jon was still using his powers inside, and found the way out thanks to them), or… that… Jon… knows something about Daisy… that we don’t know yet… which might be that Daisy has been Hunting again behind Basira’s back… (I’m especially worried because of the fact that Basira puts her as an example of actual success, Someone Managing To Step Away From A Fear… as if precisely, it’s meant to be an illusion, and she’ll have to face that things are less pretty and hopeful than she thought. Basira has always been biased for Everything about Daisy: she was already… allowing Daisy’s killings during her officer’s day although she did have a strong sense of justice for other matters, and she was still taking Daisy’s defence in MAG117.)

(But at the same time, it… would feel a bit pointless to me, if the overall conclusion was that there is no hope and nothing positive to achieve, that yes, Daisy should have killed Jon when she had an occasion; and Tim was right; and they all should have died in The Unknowing just like Tim did because you either become the hunter or the prey; and the things hurting and manipulating you are bound to successfully turn you into an uncaring predator, too…?)

- Okay, so remember how Tim was giving off the feeling that he had Given Up, between MAG092 and MAG104? Thaaaaaaaaaaaat’s Jon now.

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: … Whatever the analogy, I’m finding it harder and harder to ignore the diminishing returns. How much less satisfaction each one gives me. My desire for “follow-up”, for “verification”, for… [HUFF] “proper digestion”… of the experience, it grows less and less. I honestly don’t care, if Mr. Maraj was chased down and consumed by his voyeuristic former friend, or if he has forgotten the whole affair, living in… blissful ignorance. I just find my mind already wandering to the next statement, in the hopes that it won’t be… quite as stale.

1°) But at the same time, oh my gods, just cut out the melodrama Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, seriously.

2°) Cutting the bird analogy because Jon. Don’t. Jon, gross, Jon.

3°) … Same Guy who was complaining about His Feelings in MAG139 (around two months ago in-universe), so what the heck happened/is happening for Jon to just. Collapse like this.

One Thing We Know About Jon since season 1 is that inaction tends to take a big toll on him; while Basira remedies to it by trying to do anything, Jon… tends to be unable to focus on anything else once he has a Current Threat or an objective in mind (yes, Aza, I know, it’s ADHD). He was extremely aware that they were waiting for Jane Prentiss to strike, and that they could only wait for her to make her move; he knew The Unknowing was coming and, even with their plan already laid out, he was restless waiting for the day; he repeatedly pointed out in season 4 how the fact that nothing was happening was becoming overwhelming:

(MAG031) ARCHIVIST: It’s… been two months now since Martin returned and we became the ones being… hunted. Are we being hunted? Martin’s still living here, and I’m leaving less and less. The worms keep turning up. We kill them, but there are more each week. What is she waiting for…?

(MAG115) ARCHIVIST: Whatever Elias has Daisy doing, it seems to be working. Nothing’s made a move on me or the Institute since I returned, and last time I saw her there was the distinct smell of burnt plastic. So I suppose I’m safe. But everything just feels like… killing time, running down the clock. I don’t think I like it. God, do I– do I miss being chased? That’s depressing. No, it’s… I just miss feeling like I’m moving, like I–

(MAG130) ARCHIVIST: … It’s been two weeks since I heard from Basira. I’m not waiting any longer. I’m getting Daisy back.

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: Can’t honestly say I blame them, none of this is easy. Everyone’s just trying to get through as best they can. Living one day at a time. [SIGH] But I can’t afford to be just living one day at a time, I need… a plan. But I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve… And no one… no one wants to tell me.

(MAG137) ARCHIVIST: I feel like I’m on a deadline, like I’m running out of time somehow – and I don’t even know where to go! What to look for, o–or… [EXHALE] Just casting around blindly for more clues to just… drop into my lap. Everyone else is… running towards something, or running away, and I… [SIGH] I don’t know what I’m doing. [PAUSE] [SIGH] I’m just tired. Think I might go lie down for a while. Get a cup of tea [HUFF]

(MAG145) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] The more I listen and learn, the more it seems to me we’re all just… “groping about”. Trying desperately to find out what we’re actually meant to be doing. […] But I’m really starting to worry that there aren’t any answers. Not like I want there to be. There aren’t any answers in Ny-Ålesund; there aren’t any answers in the past; I’ve been inside The Buried, and there were no answers there. Elias always seemed to know what was going on, to have a plan, but… I sometimes wonder how orchestrated some of it really was. […] It’s just this nagging sense of unease that won’t leave me. … I was so sure I’d find something up there. But instead, it was just another broken person trying to come to terms with the wreckage of their life. And here? I reached out, I took another tape, eh!, hoping for a bit of guidance, but… [HUFF] To be honest, this hasn’t helped.

And a lot of things this season seem to have contributed to the aimlessness and the pointlessness. Jon managed to remove the Slaughter bullet from Melanie, and to get Daisy out of the coffin in the month following his awakening. Since then… Nothing tangible happened, and Jon has complained about his lack of goal; he’s been aware that Martin is in a bad place, but has been stuck with his promise to trust him. Trying to take a peek through The Lonely backfired; going to Norway to fight The Dark turned out to be a letdown (and even the Dark Sun didn’t kill him); going to Hill Top Road didn’t help, Annabelle denied any Big Involvement; and now, even Elias seems… absolutely useless and out-of-his-depth.

So cumulating that with Tim’s recent death, Georgie deciding to stop trying to help him, the fact that Martin is actively not interacting with him, the fear of Something happening in 2018 for the Institute’s 200th anniversary (… well. Assuming that Jon is fearing that one and not enthralled by it.), the knowledge that he’s Indeed Turning Into A Monster (which was… a gigantic concern of his, in season 3), and then the fact that nothing is leading anywhere, that there is no apocalypse to focus on and try to stop… there are enough elements for Jon to let himself sink and stop trying at all.

(Additional fear related to Jon’s wording in that moment:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: How was he? H–how did he look, was he, uh… BASIRA: I don’t know. I didn’t… see him. He just left it on my desk with a note. ARCHIVIST: Oh… Right.

That was generic and all, but. Pointedly not “Did he look mad/disappointed/worried/tired” etc. There is still the nagging fear that at some point, Martin would begin to appear in Jon’s dreams because Beholding’s protection would fade away, and it’s not going into that direction, and Jon has been Thirsty For Anything Martin all through this season but… Let’s say that if, yeah, Martin was beginning to appear in his dreams: could be the final nail in the coffin (ha) to make him definitely unmotivated/depressed and make him give up on trying anything because there is no hope of anything feeling better ever again, uh.)

- While, at the same time, if there is no “catch” to it, we’ve had counterexamples of people who went through an awful place and… managed to fight back and (more or less) find their footing again. It took some efforts from Georgie! Melanie was hurt, manipulated into signing up with the Institute (we. still don’t know. what that static was, when Elias asked her if she wanted the job.), emotionally tortured (even if it was unrelated, it took 42 episodes for Elias To Get What He Deserved for that.), under influence… and acknowledged that it was her, was lost, and went to seek therapy – and if she’s not currently being preyed upon again, or at least if her therapist is genuinely using their sessions as actual therapy… it seems to be doing wonders with her (she’s less aggressive while still snappy, more aware of her surroundings, able to word her discomfort – it’s not fixing her life but it seems to… help! And that’s the point of therapy, to give you tools or insights to regain some control over your life!). Daisy, if she hasn’t secretly fallen back to The Hunt, has been more peaceful, is trying to communicate, is staying away from what could make her snap or hurt her (trying to find company to chase the loneliness and The Buried’s flashbacks), and has been trying to pull Jon back up when she could (sharing her Archers listening with him, taking him out for drinks).

Basira and Jon are currently sharing the title of In The Worst Headspace in the team right now, and it’s… probably an exceptionally bad idea to allow Basira to try to be the one monitoring him at the moment, although they don’t have many options. At the very least, she… doesn’t seem to be, at all, the one person he should be talking to if they want to avoid Jon sinking deeper. But Georgie, Melanie and Daisy…? Extra-hard for Georgie since:

(MAG094) GEORGIE: And I realised I was in my bed. According to my phone, I had been for several days. I numbly got myself some water, and ignored my weeping mother. She tried to hug me, but her arms just slid off my limp shoulders. And that was my life for several months. Eventually, the memory began to fade, and I started to feel again. I took the year out of university under the umbrella of “medical reasons”, and by the time I met you I was, well, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person I was before, but I had started being able to actually live again. I never learned for sure what happened to the people in the Medical Science building, […] and I never saw Alex again. There was one thing that never returned to me afterwards, though. Since that day, I’ve never been able to feel afraid. My fear’s just… gone. I’m not foolhardy. I can still recognise danger, and I understand the likelihood of harm, but actual fear? Simply not something I experience anymore. And I’ve never been able to figure out if it was cauterised, or… if it was stolen.

She Doesn’t Have To Do Anything For Him, but seriously, if someone has to remind Jon that “hey, I lost someone I cared about so much, my life became a mess, I became emotionally stunted, I even lost one of my Feelings forever, but I pulled through, and I’m still impacted, but I also have My Life” is not a fatality, and is good at giving valuable advice (/kicking Jon’s butt in the right direction, whether he elects to ignore it or not)? There is Georgie Spooktacular Barker.

- So, overall, still! Findint! it! very! hard! to feel sad over Jon’s current state since MAG141? I mean, I wasn’t even feeling !!! over the Martin mentions once the episode finished, because… Yes, I was immensely fond of the Jon->Martin bits this season, but I don’t especially care over Jon who only cares about Martin and not about victims, and is more interested in the Fears mechanisms at work and the statements-as-food than in the-victims-as-people?

(Because, like, yes, Jon has been through a lot in the first three seasons, he lost people he cherished, witnessed abominations, suffered and suffered, and being depressed is a Thing and makes everything hard. But in Jon’s case, it now comes hand-in-hand with “having repeatedly hurt people, being aware that it was happening, liking it, trying to convince himself that he was mindcontrolled into doing it – and still having hidden it from people who could have monitored him to ensure there wouldn’t be any further victims”. Whatever Jon’s reasons (denial, fearing he would be abandoned or the disappointment or to have to acknowledge that He Had Turned Into A Monster Like The Others, etc.), I’m still “Mm-MMMMm.” at the whole ordeal because, with the added bit of “I don’t want to stop” and him insisting that he can’t stop at will? There is nothing differentiating him from a serial killer or assaulter trying to present himself as The Victim Who Only Do These Things Because Of Uncontrolled Instinct And Who Has Had A Hard Childhood, while he… isn’t… the main victim…, and doesn’t deserve anything right now except to be stopped – people need to be protected from him first, and I don’t feel like I can care much about his story or his Worry Over Martin when I know that he’s hurt people, and that they’re still being tortured (Jess…). Whether or not the Spooky Powers influence indeed pushed him to do it and it’s actually impossible to truly fight against it… Jon’s main fault, a fault that is his and his only, is truly that he hid what he had done from the others, and kept repeating to them that he could be trusted. That the first victim happened? He wasn’t prepared for that one, alright. The following four, nop, you tortured them, and the fact that it happened was absolutely your fault, Jon. And it doesn’t feel especially tragic or sad to me right now, just “shrugs, so that’s how it is? Yeah okay goodbye Jon, then, I guess”…?)

(It’s also Daisy’s case! But I’m biased because 1°) a bit more impermeable to this rhetoric from a man’s mouth, especially given how we learned it through a woman’s recalling (and how heavily MAG142 just felt coded like a regular physical assault), 2°) we haven’t heard from one of Daisy’s victims from their mouth, 3°) … presumably, Daisy was only going for the kill with spooks-or-spooks-influenced-people-who-had-hurt-people; it was bad and Not Okay, even more given that she was still a police officer back then, but on the scale of atrocities, it still feels a bit less nauseating than going after innocents like Jon did, 4°) Jon is still currently the MC, so obviously, his actions and their consequences will get scrutinised a bit more since… it’s “his” story, first, and why does his story deserve to be told? 5°) I’m really expecting Daisy to die soon-ish, since she has a redemption arc-vibe to her, and it would already lay out the groundwork for a Satisfying Death – whether she snaps again like she did in The Unknowing and has to be killed-killed for real, or sacrifices herself, or dies trying to achieve something Good but being prevented from it. … But yes, I’m fearing a bit that we’d get the testimony of someone explaining how Daisy had absolutely wrecked their life unwarrantedly a few years ago, at some point.)

(- I wonder if it’s not Team Archives’ cue to… try to research about Adelard Dekker, though, if they want to find a way to stabilise Jon / ensure that he stops attacking people.

Because Annabelle Cane, whether she’s lying or not, claims to barely have intervened, and outside of ensuring that Jon stays alive, has certainly not been presenting herself as an ally, and is aware of Jon traumatising innocents but sees it (officially) as a Jon problem. Elias is (officially) a bust, and doesn’t care about Jon’s rampages. They’ve never met Peter Lukas, so can’t know if he’s knowledgeable about other spooks (Martin knows but, also, Peter could be bullshitting as well as Elias – and please, don’t ever tell Peter that he might be the Most Knowledgeable Guy around, or his head won’t fit through that door). Whether we can trust that or not, the three of them claim to not be that much in control, and are certainly not Allies On The Side Of Not Hurting People.

Gertrude, Gerry and Leitner were the most knowledgeable people around, and they are already dead and definitely silenced (Jon has burned Gerry’s page). But there is still Adelard’s case: Jon knows that Adelard was collaborating with Gertrude in the business of stopping Spooks (binding the Not!Them to the table in MAG078’s statement, helping to move Gertrude’s things and to temporarily stop an avatar of The End in MAG114, contributing to stopping The Flesh’s ritual attempt in MAG130). If Team Archives was searching for someone’s help to deal with Jon’s current status, and their overall situation… he’s currently their last resort?

I’m still expecting Adelard to be dead, by now, or to have turned into an Extinction avatar or something; and even if he’s still around and mostly on the side of stopping the Fears… I doubt that he would be super receptive over the concept of “Jon might be salvageable”. But if they have to seek out someone for Spooks-related help… he sounds like the best candidate.)

Title for MAG149 is… I don’t know, feels so non-threatening (well, like a “casual” statement not having anything to do with the current Awful Situation) that my instinct is to think it may be a small respite, and my reasoning is to get Prepared to be slapped extra hard? I have… no clue about a potential “Archives life” meaning for this one (unless it takes place in a café or something??).

It would be a good title for an Extinction statement, and we’re indeed due for Martin’s meeting with Peter’s “friend” (and what does it say, that the episodes that potentially feel the less tense are about Martin and/or The Extinction?) – Adelard, Salesa, Simon Fairchild, surprise!stillalive!Rayner, Martin’s dad, another Lukas, Mr. Spider, Alfred Grifter…? If not, hum. Second half of the title has been used in the context of both Spiral and Hunt, and there is the potential musical angle (I’m not talking about “–ON THE COLD HARD GROUND – OH! (TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE.)” but that one crossed my mind too.) which makes me think of Slaughter. I… really… hope… it’s not Hunt, because WorriedAboutDaisy and I see how it could fit, if it were to refer to her Hunting again ;;

(Still no love for Corruption in s4, but Anil has guaranteed that we haven’t Heard The Last Of It. I know that statistically, unless an episode contains multiple Fears, each one would be supposed to get less than 3 episodes per season for them to be Equally Represented but x’) Corruption got the short stick this season, uh.)

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #the magnus archives #tma season 4 #tma spoilers/ #mag148 #tma liveblog #long post/ #*sighs and pushes placebo's 'song to say goodbye' in the m->j playlist*

[cherryyharryy]

Chapter 4: Vertebra   

 It drives you crazy, getting old

The sky was a beautiful shade of blue without a cloud in sight. The grass was freshly cut and the flowers were starting to bloom, decorating the walkways of each house Harry and Adeline passed by.

The windows were down and the sun was generous, grazing their faces with the perfect amount of warmth, not too hot, just enough to warrant the air conditioner and for Harry to ditch the jacket he’d brought.

He pushed the sunglasses further up his nose which had gained a few extra freckles, as did his slightly burnt cheeks and the tops of his shoulders, which had grown considerably since he finally put his New Year’s resolution into play and had been spending three mornings a week at the gym.

“It’s this left, up here.” Adeline slipped her hand into his over the console, flicking her eyes to his ridiculous jaw busy with a piece of gum.

“Stop starin’, love, you’ll make me blush.”

“Wasn’t staring.” She swatted his arm, and she definitely did not admire the way his smirk carved out his dimple or the way a vein in his neck swelled. “Couldn’t tell if you were blushing or not anyway. That’s a nasty burn.”

“Doesn’t hurt.” His hand left hers to tap at his rosy cheeks. “It’ll be gone soon. I’ll be a bronze god before summer even gets here.”

“Well before you golden up you need to slap some spf on that, especially since you’re gonna be in the sun all day, don’t wanna make it worse.”

“It’ll be fine, Addy. S’just a little burn.”

“Alright,” she mused. “It’s that house, the brick one with the oak tree in the yard.”

“You mean the one with a million balloons on the mailbox and a hundred cars parked out front?”

“Oh shut up.”

“Well I wouldn’t wanna miss it, now would I?”

“Just park the car, smart mouth. And help me get the present out of the trunk.”

***

Chatter and children laughing, the crackle of ice being stirred in a pitcher of lemonade and the high pitched barks of Daisy, the chihuahua, running around greeted Adeline and Harry when they stepped through the door. The house was full of family that she hadn’t seen since the holidays and plenty of people she’s never seen before.

“Which one’s your cousin?” Harry asked.

“Uuum, Grace is over there.” Adeline nodded towards a little girl in a soft purple dress. “Guess we should say happy birthday, huh?”

She adjusted the present in her arms, and only managed one step before Harry was yanking her back by the shoulder as a handful of kids ran by.

“If we can make it to the backyard before this tea set gets destroyed it’ll be a miracle,” he chuckled.

“Adeline!”

Adeline shoved the gift into Harry’s arms and ran to her sister, throwing her arms around her look-alike with a squeal. They latched onto each other like glue, only pulling apart when Brianne started to speak.

“Mom and dad driving you crazy?”

“They’re working on it,” Adeline chuckled. “And doing a fine job.”

“Well graduation’s around the corner. You’ll be free as a bird before you know it.”

Adeline looked over her shoulder, lips parting to call out Harry’s name but her voice was lost as soon as her sister pulled her back, resembling their mother more than ever with her brows scrunched in concern and her lips tight in a line.

“So what schools did you get into?” Brianne asked, holding her sister at arm’s length. “And you’re doing a double major, right? Oh, and you looked into internships I’m sure, before you picked a school?”

“Uuuh, well I applied to one and got in, so, that’s that.”

Brianne’s face twisted into a grimace, a disbelieving laugh matching her tone. “What do you mean, one? Addy...you need to make sure the school is a right fit for you and what you want to pursue.”

“I got a couple small scholarships. And my SAT score was good enough, sooo yeah, perfect fit. Plus it’s way too far to commute so I’m moving out in July.”

Brianne shook her head, but before she could continue Adeline beat her to the punch, pulling Harry over by his arm who’d been standing off to the side.

“This is Harry, I told you about him when you visited last month.”

“Hello, Harry, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Harry nodded, shifting the present in his arms. “Nice to meet you too.”

“So, Addy,” Brianne continued, “What program—”

“Lemme help Harry with this, it’s heavy.” Adeline yanked the gift from his grasp and marched towards the back yard, leaving her sister mid-sentence with Harry following right behind her.

“God this was a mistake,” she groaned, setting their present down by the pile of other wrapped boxes and gift bags. “I should’ve lied and said I had, volunteer work or something.”

“You’ve never volunteered.”

“Well I should’ve started. Like today.”

Harry pulled her into his side and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Just ‘cause you don’t have your whole life planned out like she did doesn’t mean anything.”

“It’s not even—she just, did...everything,” Adeline complained, throwing her arms up and letting them fall against her with a slap. “Dual enrollment, paid internship, graduated early, got engaged, got promoted. S’fucking annoying.”

“Heeey, watch it there’s kids here.”

“Don’t remind me. Just how I wanna spend my Saturday, standing out in the heat for a seven year old’s birthday party.”

“We’ll have fun. There’s cake.”

Adeline sighed and shook her head, looking up at Harry with her hand cupped over her eyes to shield the sun from her view.

“You need sunscreen.”

***

Harry was eating his words. Neither of them had any fun whatsoever in the two hours they’d been at this party. The only attention they were getting were demands of their future plans, spitting out answers to the same questions over and over again.

“What schools are you going to?

“Are you gonna study abroad?”

“You’re not just getting an undergraduate’s degree are you?”

They were currently camped out on the swing set, doing their best to hide without being obvious, each with a juice box and sour attitude, watching the twenty or so kids chase each other around the yard.

“She didn’t like it.” Harry sucked the last drop of his juice and flattened the box with his grip. “I mean she actually said she didn’t like it. Who does that?”

“‘Least she was honest.”

“Who cares about honesty? D’you see the look on her face? Might as well of given her a bag of rocks as a present, would’ve gotten the same reaction.”

Adeline shrugged her shoulders. She kept her head down, engrossed with the grass she was pushing up with the toe of her shoes. “Her parents got her a phone. Can’t compete with that.”

“And that’s another thing—who the hell gives a seven year old a phone?”

Adeline sighed and reached over to tug on his sleeve, gaining his attention away from the crumpled box in his hands.

“In other news, I’ve had about fifteen people grill me about school.”

“Yeah I know. Apparently journalism isn’t a ‘wise career choice’,” he mocked. “If one more person tells me to major in advertising I’m gonna explode.”

“Did you tell them how successful your mom is?”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” he grumbled. “And the fact that my mom created her very own local magazine means jack shit to these people. Or that it’s what I want to do.” He thrust his finger against his chest.

She hummed in response, kicking up a patch of dirt she’d been working on with a dandelion now uprooted. “Well I had my aunt very generously berate me on us wanting to go to the same school together.” Adeline straightened up and turned towards Harry, lifting her nose in the air as her voice came out in a whine to imitate her aunt. “Addy, dear, you don’t need to be concerned with that boy. It’s better if he goes to a different school so you won’t have to see him after you break up.”

“Oh so now we’re breaking up?”

“Yep. And I should pick a major right now. Like right. fucking. now,” she grit.”

Harry looked over with an amused smile on his face, reaching over to link his hand with hers. “You okay there?”

Her eyes were big, and he knew what was coming before she even opened her mouth. “What if you don’t get into Peru? You’ve already been waitlisted on all the surrounding schools. The only other one left is basically on the other side of the state.”

He swallowed with a nod, no sense in trying to argue with her reason when he knew she was right. “If I only get into Chadron...then I only get into Chadron. If we wanna make it work then we will.”

“I want to.”

“I do too, love.” His thumb skimmed over her knuckles and he gave her hand a squeeze, forcing his own worries about being so far apart out of his mind. “Right now I’m just hoping I get into college. Those rejection letters suck.”

“You will,” she assured. “And—”

“Addy! Harry! We’re cutting the cake!”

They both groaned in unison, prying themselves off the swings and stretching their stiff muscles.

Adeline smoothed over the landscaping she’d done with her shoe, pausing to pick up the little weed to present it to Harry.

“S’kinda like a sunflower.”

He hesitantly took it, brows raising up in disdain. “S’nothing like a sunflower.”

“It’s yellow.”

“Are you two coming!?”

With another shared groan they sulked back towards the house, hands linked together with the dandelion tucked behind Adeline’s ear.

***

After the cake had been cut, which neither had an appetite for any longer, and the backyard was littered with shreds of wrapping paper, Adeline grabbed her purse and nodded towards the door.

“Go start the car, I’m gonna say goodbye to my parents and then we can leave.”

She flew through the house until she finally spotted her mom in the kitchen tying a kid’s shoe.

“Me and Harry are gonna head out. I’ll be home for dinner.”

“Wait!”

Adeline stopped in her escape already halfway out of the room. “What?”

“Can you just watch those three over there?” She nodded towards two little girls and a boy by the back door. “I’m taking Jeremy upstairs to change.”

The boy with now tied shoes smiled up at Adeline, a big pink stain on his shirt that he didn’t seem bothered by.

“Yeah, fine,” she grumbled.

Adeline trudged over to the kids and led them back outside, warning them with empty threats to stay where she could see them. She settled on a patio bench as they played in the yard with a few of the other children.

All was going well until someone called somebody else a mean name, and then a shove brought one of the little boys to the ground.

“Hey!” Adeline jumped up and ran to the crying boy, helping him up and dusting off his clothes. “You okay? Are you hurt?”

His whimpers grew louder until he was nearly screeching, tears pouring from his eyes.

“Hey, you’re alright,” Adeline cooed. “You wanna go inside? Do you want some candy? A popsicle?”

He pulled his hands away from his red eyes and nodded, his cries softening as she carried him in and set him on the counter while she dug through the freezer.”

“Okay, here you go.”

He didn’t waste a second grabbing the dessert from her hands, mumbling a thank you around the treat.

Adeline sighed and leaned back against the fridge, checking the time on her phone and answering Harry’s text asking what was taking her so long.

“I heard screaming is—oh my God!”

A woman with dark hair came barreling towards the little boy, yanking the popsicle from his mouth and pulling him towards her across the counter.

“What!? What’s wrong?” Adeline yelped.

“Did you give this to him?”

“Yeah, he—”

“He’s allergic! Why would you do that?”

Adeline’s eyes shot open as she shook her head, mouth fidgeting around apologies. The woman glared at her, lip curling up as she examined her child.

“You better hope nothing happens to him. What were you thinking? Are you crazy?”

“I—I was just trying to calm him down, he—”

“Leah what happened?” Adeline’s mother rounded the corner, her face twisted with concern.

“Your daughter gave William a red popsicle.”

“Oh, Addy,” her mother winced. “Why would you do that? He’s allergic to red dye.”

“I didn’t know! How was I supposed to know?”

Leah pulled William off the counter and settled him on her hip. “I think I’m gonna take him to the hospital. And Adeline, you’re not to watch my child ever again.”

With that she was gone, a melted popsicle dripping onto the floor and a teary-eyed Adeline left to clean it up.

“Where are the other two? Did you leave them alone?” her mother asked.

Adeline froze as she pulled paper towels off the roll, uttering a quiet yeah. Her mom rolled her eyes and ran outside, yelling at her to clean up the mess.

Once the counter and floor were wiped clean she headed towards the front door, forgoing anymore goodbyes in fear of an impending break down. But as soon as she reached for the door knob Harry came waltzing through, his smile dropping as soon as he saw the first tear slip down her face.

“Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?”

She shook her head, mumbling a quick let’s go as she went around him for the door again.

“Adeline.”

“Can I fucking leave?” She gritted under her breath. “What Brianne?”

“Are you two leaving?”

Adeline looked to Harry and rubbed her eyes. “Yep.”

“Well you could at least say goodbye to Grace. And me.”

“Bye, Bri.” Adeline rolled her eyes. “I’ll call you when I get my life together.”

“Adeline why did you give William a red popsicle?” Her dad appeared beside Harry, his hands shoved in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. “His mom’s really upset.”

“Oh my God! Why can’t anyone understand that it was an accident?”

“He’s allergic, Addy,” her dad continued, “that’s not an accident, that’s a trip to the ER. You could’ve seriously hurt him, you need to be more responsible.”

She rolled her lips in and sucked in a breath, filling up her lungs as much as she could while she counted to ten.

“You need to tell Grace goodbye before you leave,” Brianne chimed in.

“Fine,” she bit.

Adeline grabbed Harry’s hand and dragged him through the house and out the backdoor where everyone was standing around. Her eyes skimmed over every kid that darted by, her anger boiling by the second.

“D’you see her?”

Harry shook his head, taking a step back to peer into the house for any sign of Grace. “No not yet. Maybe we—Ahhhhh.”

When Adeline jumped around, Harry was lying on the ground, well, on the long table that he now broke which was bent under his weight, on the ground. The crash itself was spine-tingling, an explosion of something shattering mixed in with his shouts.

“My tea set!” Grace came bounding over, her tiny hands pulling at Harry’s shirt. “Look what you did!”

“M’sorry, I—I fell.” He pulled himself up with Adeline’s help, groaning as she picked out shards of pastel porcelain from his backside.

“You broke it! You did it on purpose!”

“I did not,” he grumbled, frowning down at the child who had a scowl on her face. “I slipped. Was an accident.”

Right on cue Grace’s mother stepped out of the house, rushing over to her sobbing child to assure her they would buy her a new tea set. She looked up at Harry with her brows pulled in. “Harry, dear, you need to be more careful. Both of you, really. You’re older and you need to set the example, stop acting so crazy.”

Adeline bit her tongue. Example for what? If it was possible there’d be steam piping out of her ears and fire shooting out of her mouth. She held back a bundle of words, and instead of furthering her embarrassment she tugged on Harry’s sleeve and headed back inside.

Silently they both made it outside and back into his car, where they both slumped in their seats. After a few minutes of stewing in peace Harry started the car, flipping the visor down to block out the setting sun.

“Well that was eventful,” Adeline groaned once they pulled out of the neighborhood.

“They expect you to have your whole entire life planned out, but then God forbid you make a mistake, you’re treated like a child. S’crazy.”

Adeline shook her head in understanding. She dazed off at the scenery passing by, deciding to do herself a favor and push today as far into the back of her mind as she could. Her eyes started to get heavy, and before she fell asleep with her head against the window she slipped the little dandelion out from behind her ear.

She twirled it in her fingers a few times before turning to Harry and sliding the flower behind his own ear, running her hand down his jaw and grazing her thumb over his cheek.

“Ah,” he flinched, pushing her hand down. “M’burnt, don’t touch me.”

#ribsfic #ribsc4 #harry styles #writing #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harrystyles #cherryyharryy

[fanciful-follies]

-yeeeaaahh the entire gang is back together and everyone is (kind of) ok (at least they're all alive) -hhhhhh Aaron is so hurt 😭 -THEO NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE A CAPTAIN -"However, I have no desire to see anyone else die on this voyage" oh hell yeah!! don't let anyone die!! -looool John and Lafayette aren't being subtle at ALL ("John flicks his eyes up and down the Android, a smirk slowly making its way across his mouth" i mean,, they could at least TRY) (1/?)

-nooooOO Aaron isn't just hurt physically, but emotionally too :( -the talk™ bc Theo has no idea what's going on, rip -and again the question 'why tf does Alex trust Aaron so much?' (... bc he loves him!!) -"'Because he protects me,' Alex shouts" !!!! that's so cute (and true) i loved that part so much!! ❤️ -yeeaaah!! Theo believes/trusts him!! -"'They’ll be hung' 'I’m sorry' she says softly a few moments later.'But there is no other way'" OUCH THAT HURT ME SO MUCH (2/?)

-'And if you ever need a recommendation' it's what he deserves 🙏 -HELL YEAH THEO!!! LET ALEX SAVE THEM!!! 😍😍 - "What happened?" "Jefferson beat the shit out of me, that’s what" yikes, have I ever mentioned that Jefferson is a piece of shit? 🤔 -"I’m sure he wouldn’t refuse a check up by Doctor Laurens ;)" love that they're all feeling good enough again to make jokes (and make fun of John for liking Lafayette lol) -HE CALLS HIM GIL THAT'S SO CUTE (3/?)

-"I can’t hate him. I just can’t" 😭😭 -the friendship between Eliza and Alex is so cute 😍 -I'm glad Alex let Herc know that they're all going to be ok :') -"What makes you think I want you to stay behind? I told you already, I don’t want you to die. I’m not...you really think I’m that awful?” stop!! hurting!! them!!! (and me) [but also this part was sooo well written i lov it] -"But I wouldn’t have traded you for it" :'( -HE KNEW ALL THIS TIME?? (4/?)

-Aaron thinks he's exactly like the people that have hurt him the most wtf 😭😭 -ok just,,, the entire conversation between them was so good and sad and?? i loved it so much they rlly needed to talk to each other -“Hell, I’d let you kiss me now” he'd always let Aaron kiss him tbh lol -"So I just...I need you to trust me, too. I think I deserve that" uuuh of COURSE HE DESERVES THAT!! (5/8)

-Aaron finally apologized for the things he actually should apologize for :') -YEEAAAHHH HE ACTUALLY TOOK SOME GOLD WITH HIM!!! -Bellamy says goodbye for Herc and Maria has to make sure they don't take hours, but Aaron is just saying goodbye to Alex all alone? Like... they'll take even longer lol -THE BOOK!!! I'M ACTUALLY YELLING WTF HE HAD THAT ALL THIS TIME?? (6/8)

-yeah they're kissing!!!!! ❤️💕 -Alex wants to go with him but he can't 😭😭😭 noooo -they're kissing again!! ❤️💕 -"what are you doing?" "trying to get you to change your mind" THAT WAS SO CUTE AND SAD WTF :( - “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Aaron.” stop making me cry smh (7/8)

-"This isn’t…we’ll meet again, right?" if they never meet each other again I'll just cry forever -LOL Bellamy and Maria must have been waiting for a long time (like I said, they took longer than Bell & Herc lmao) -Maria!!! 💕💕 -"Alex is left to stare at nothing but the open sky beneath him" hm. this is the saddest thing I've ever read and I'm dying. (8/8) OK THIS IS IT, THE LAST COMMENT!!

- AT LEAST THEY’RE ALIVE lol that is the mood for this chapter. - Yeaahh he is not doing well. - And lolll I know, such bad timing. - Theo does care she’s just pissed. - John doesn’t know how to be subtle lmao

- He is REALLY not doing well. - The theme of this whole fic is that no one has any idea what’s going on lmao. - He really does tho. - Alex is going to reflect more on why he cares about Aaron in the next chapter but y e s this was a big moment. - Tbh Theo is v impressed by Alex. - I KNOW RIGHT

- IT IS WHAT HE DESERVES. - And lollll Theo is in a tough spot, but she def doesn’t want to be responsible for Aaron, Bell, and Maria dying. - Jefferson is the WORST. - And lmaaoooo they are all just so relieved to be done with everything and on the way back home. - It is v cute,

- :D - They are best pals and I love them. - And yessss he had to let Herc know. Otherwise Herc would probably try to break them out, too lol. - Aaahhh thank you!!! I loved writing that part. -

- Aaron is going to have A LOT to deal with after this whole thing. - THANK YOU. And yes, they needed to have that talk. And, well, no spoilers, but need to talk things through even more if they get the chance ;p - And lmaaooo that’s so true. - HE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE. ALEX HAS GROWN SO MUCH.

- I KNOW HE FINALLY GOT THERE. - And lolllll right, at least someone did. - And lololol Aaron really just wanted to be alone with Alex ;p. - AARON IS ALWAYS KEEPING SO MANY SECRETS

- Had to throw in a goodbye kiss lmao. - And gah I was so torn with that. Like when I was initially drafting this fic I was gonna have Alex go with him but then I was like wait wait nah Aaron still lied to him and kind of manipulated him and Alex has his friends and his mom he wouldn’t be able to just leave them behind. - Lots of kisses x - I LOVED THAT LINE TOO lol. - Oh man, that scene was my favorite.

- You’ll find ooouuuttt :D - Bellamy was definitely eavesdropping that whole time. -  Maria is a gem. - I KNOW AND I’M SORRY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for these comments (and for sending them again when tumblr ate them lol)