#I’ve really had enough of this shit

[ascendingtothestarsasone]

Some of the people in the peaceful army make me physically sick. You’re a joke. You don’t belong in it one bit. Honestly the way you’re pulling shit out of your ass and pretending you know all of the facts just makes me give up on humanity. You’re pointing the finger with fuck all evidence to back it up. Just stop. Leave outright.

#greta van fleet #josh kiszka #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #peaceful army #I’ve really had enough of this shit #you don’t know jack #stop trying so hard #the toxicity is incredible #peaceful army my ass

[rapidhighway]

#okay sorry for venting but i’ve been processing that session for months #like im the one who fucked up that session because i couldnt make myself say anything and actually naming any problem i have #felt like im begging to have a bunch of excuses #and god that paychologist really made me feel like i imagined all of that for attention and now im back here again and im once again #realizing my brain is just fucked up and what do i do now because if i went to a session now #i would be in the same situation where i can’t say anything that actually bothers me #so i guess im in deep shit forever or at least until i stop having some fucking mental block or whatever #im just fucking tired bro……. #she told me everyone is a little bit autsitic and that’s it WHAT #bro if i had little enough symptoms of whatever that i could do stuff by myself anyway i wouldnt fucking be ghere paying 200zł for the most #ruining hours of my life thank you so much. #instead i have to use everyone in my life as a crutch because i literally just can’t function without help IUOUOUGHHH #god im so sorry okay im gone im just really going through it rn #vent

[cream-and-tea]

pallas in book one is definitely at it-cannot-possibly-get-worse-than-this ABSOLUTE rock bottom but god. there is such a specific flavour to their despair in book two that only happens because of the realization they have at the end of lay me down. like. how do you move on after admitting that everything you believed in was a lie. how do you live with what you’ve done (with what has been done to you). is it possible to pull yourself up out of the pit you’ve dug. what do you do if it isn’t. what do you do if it IS. and once you look at the damage how do you stop looking. past the first layer of hurt there’s just more and more hurt and you were used by the one person who was supposed to keep you safe to cause even MORE pain and no matter how deep you go none of it means anything! it never meant anything at all!! motherfucker your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#pallas’s whole arc in the first book is getting to the point where they go ‘maybe i? feel bad about all this?? actually???’ #i cannot overstate enough that it takes an entire book to get them to that point lmao #and then it’s like. newsflash buddy now you’ve gotta DEAL with that #it really is the mental equivalent of getting into a hot bath of after being out in the cold for a whole day #and the interesting thing about pallas in the first book and their status as a villian and like. their eventual ‘oh SHIT’ moment #is that pallas doesn’t need to realize that they’re a bad person doing bad things #pallas is VERY aware that they are a bad person doing bad things #it’s actually more about realizing the harm that’s been done to them? like as a human being?? #bc they very much have the attitude of ‘well of course i’m doing bad things i was born as an inherently evil person there’s nothing else #i’m capable of doing the most i can hope for is that someone points me in the right direction and i’ll be able to do the hard things #that other people cannot (and SHOULD NOT) do’ #so THATS the mindset that needs to be unlearned before they can start moving forward? if that makes sense? #less ‘shit are we the baddies?’ and more ‘shit have i been horrifically abused?’ #but then after that realization all the blood they’ve spilled is still there. and they should never have had to do that. no one should ever #have to do that. but they did and now they’re starting to see the full extent of what that means #and they have to find a way to live with it. #and it’s absolutely DEVASTATING. #wip: ghost story #pallas #i’ve been working on the book two outline. if you couldn’t tell. head in absolute hands rn.

[bonewhiteglory]

I started volunteering in my friend’s kindergarten last month and like… I love these kids so much it’s unreal. They’re so sweet and weird! One of the kids drew me this killer Mario art and I’m gonna frame it and hang it on my wall.

#bonewhiteglory.jpeg #helper teacher #as my friend christina dubbed me #i’m really really happy i can sit down one-on-one with the kids who are struggling with a new concept #i mean this very genuinely: it is my dream to spend several minutes helping them understand that 5 is not greater than 5 #there’s a lot to learn!! it’s kind of overwhelming #i am notoriously patient and kind. people frequently tell me i have big kindergarten teacher vibes #i’ve been there long enough that i’m getting a good sense of all the kids’ personalities #i have mixed feelings abt posting anecdotes on the internet bc idk privacy etc etc but seriously look at how great this art is!!! #thank fuck i can turn off reblogs. #i’m gonna frame this and hang it over my desk :3 #i had no idea 5 year olds were SO BOSSY. it’s great! they’re explaining the rules to me and they’re very patient with me #i’m getting to know kids from the other classes too. i do yard/lunch duty as well. not much $ but it’s sufficient for my needs #anyway… that’s my story #at great length. dunno why i put all this in the tags and not the actual post but lbr i’m mad tired #oh yah i’m happy to share stories in DMs once i get over my social anxiety shit.

[fieldsofbone]

one of my advisors emotionally eviscerated me in my dissertation meeting this morning and made me cry in front of him and my school dad (my other advisor). i know that some people have the “you doubted me and i’m going to prove you wrong so you can eat your words” instinct when they receive criticism but instead i was cursed with the the “internalize it until i feel worthless and the last five years of my life in which i’ve been studying toward this goal i deserve but have had many undeserved obstacles to feel pointless” reflex

#my school dad was clearly upset with ben (my other advisor) and he asked ben to stay after in the zoom meeting after i left so i think he #told him he was being a dick so thank god i have one advisor who actually has feelings and is sensitive to me and gives a shit #but like i was literally asked today if i even want to continue in grad school because ben doesn’t think that i’m making progress fast #enough and he said it seems like i’m not really advancing and maybe i should just quit :) #even though he knows how hard i’ve worked for this and he recognizes how smart i am and he’s regularly told me i’m one of his best students #and he knows that i had a debilitating trauma happen to me after i was assaulted by a colleague 👍 #i asked him to join the meeting so that he could catch up on my project because he’s so hands off that he doesn’t KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!!!! #EVEN THOUGH IT’S HIS JOB!!!! #and i figured he’d make me feel a little demoralized cos he does that cos he can’t read social cues but he ambushed me

[raeofgayshine]

I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.

For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.

#ravenpuff rambles #I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times #several of whom are still in my life now #but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place #I don’t know how to explain it #I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit #and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me #maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind #never had someone quite get that before #and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart #admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming #and so maybe that helps #but it’s like #Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘ #‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’ #It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word #anyways #I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me #and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream #no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay #its nothing and everything like I always thought of #and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness #yes I wish I could see them in person #but I can be okay with everything I do get

[loptrcoptr]

I saw a thing on Instagram that was like “if you’re playing more than one campaign right now: pit your characters against each other, who is winning?”

So that would be…. my little level 4 tiefling warlock who is dumb of ass and cursed of heart vs…. level nine murder hobo sith kit fisto

I think he might actually be able to kill her with one high damage roll on a single force choke spell 😅😂

#playing two campaigns is funny I’ve never done it before this year #and after almost four years (!!! holy shit) of playing Kvos/dark side Kit #I inevitably end up in situations in the other game where it’s like GOD I COULD REALLY USE THE FORCE RIGHT ABOUT NOW #dnd #sw5e #dnd5e #warhammer fantasy #though tbf I think kvos would be impressed by Sampo’d absolutely metal chaos/fiend patron #(provided Sampo survives long enough in my regular campaign to ever be able to deal with her patron one on one!) #actually it might take kvos two turns to kill Sampo because she is just as squishy as him but had a surprising number of hp for her level #lmao I always roll well for Sampo when leveling up and badly for kvos

[babyfairy]

27 has been the most miserable dumpster juice sewer water absolute fucking desolate nightmare of a year i’ve ever had in my life

#i’m really not doing this shit for another decade bro i’ve had enough

[yeetlegay]

So cool story, somebody T-boned me last Friday on my way home so I’ve spent the last three nights in the hospital and I couldn’t even hold fiancée’s hand properly bc one wrist is in a cast and the other one has had needles in it the whole time. Hope that homophobic driver knows his days are NUMBERED

#I don’t wanna share much more info than this for personal/safefy reasons but yeah #I’m okay I swear just really banged up with some fractures and probably a sexy scar on my thigh #also a concussion apparently which is very cool and fun #basically my weekend was shit but I got to tell my night nurses about iwtv and then beloved and I finally finished kp which was 🤌🏻 #it’s been real 2022 but ​I would like things to stop happening now thanks I’ve had enough #personal

[tariah23]

Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)

#I’m also not usually one to get annoyed whenever ppl shit on the things I like #like I’m an adult sorry idc 😵‍💫 #but it’s always annoying seeing ppl who know nothing about the story complaining about it #even just as recently with the Gojo being racist shit 😭.. #like he’s a really great character despite all of that and even though Gege’s #execution of that could’ve been better or didn’t need to happen at all #because idk what gege was doing even though I do strongly believe that he used a moment like this to showcase Gojo’s ignorance and #that how he’s also human and makes mistakes since if you’re familiar with the series Gojo isn’t really treated like person at all #more like a deity and he doesn’t like that #but he’s never been one to voice his personal feelings and talk about his trauma ever #he gets treated like a god and because of this he’s never felt like he could truly connect with other people #so that’s why he puts on that whole act of being overly friendly/ playing with others and even rude to shut others out because of his #aversion to opening his traumatized self To other ppl like he’s so cool #and when he’s friendly he gives the others just enough of his affection so that he wouldn’t be worried about and not have others pry #but he’s incredibly flawed as well #I feel like gege could’ve showed Gojo being ‘humbled’ some other kind of way over the racism tho 😭. But it’s fine lmfao #I’m still so grateful that he had Gojo actually apologize instead of waving Miguel off like he didn’t matter because like I’ve said before #he literally never apologizes (this is probably the first time that I’ve ever seen gojo apologize to anyone in canon I’m so serious 🗿) #that’s literally not part of him #like he feels regret but he never apologies or shows that he actually cares about what others are expressing to him when they’re upset with #him. like this is crazy. but it shows that he did care about the mistake that he made which I appreciate…. like idk how I would’ve felt #about his character if he showed that he could care less when hurting someone like this🗿….. #I adore him so much sorry sorry for taking about anime I’m just 😭…. ❤️❤️❤️ #rambling #I’m glad that everyone is fucking with Miguel now because he is a really interesting character even though we haven’t seen much of him #he’s one of the few ppl who Gojo trusted enough to look after someone who he cared about despite the horrors #because he knew that Miguel would protect yuuta and do right by him #it’s very 😭❤️…

[paaopalpoerepr33]

For whatever reason it’s only men* and white women who do the “I can excuse racism but I draw the line at animal cruelty” bit. Like I’ve never met a woman of color who has said that, ever. Like ever ever. And it really makes you think 🤔 like I can befriend white people and I’ll even date them, I think I’m pretty lenient to an extent.

*yeah even most men of color unless they’re not fucking morons

#if I had a nickel for every time I’ve been told to let it go I’d have enough to buy some food #or they draw the line at misogyny EXCEPT when it’s a woman of color #then they gotta investigate and see both sides before they can determine whether we really experienced something #because we have to complain ab getting the rug pulled from under us ALL THE TIME #Because it happens…. ALL THE TIME! #you’d think people would figure out that we’re actually the most sound detectors of a pile of shit having dealt with it forever

[lesbiansanemi]

WARNING FOR ANIMAL DEATH/MUTILATION IN THE TAGS

I think I’ve figured out why it’s the stuff with my cats that gets me the most viscerally upset when it comes to my roommate and I think I need to tell him why that is… we had a talk and he apologized for a lot of stuff but I just feel like I need to explain why I react so intensely to him hating my cats/wanting me to get rid of them

#like there’s the obvious things I’ve said before that ANY pet owner would feel the same about obvious #but like. okay I love cats. I’ve loved cats my WHOLE life #not just cats but animals in general #animals were baby’s first special interest #and I grew up on a farm and I had usually at least 8 pets at a time growing up #that I got money for by doing odd jobs and you know as a child you can spend all your money on your hobbies #and I love animals so I had pets #specifically I always had at least 3-4 cars #*cats #my mom’s first husband hated cats… fucking DESPISED them #and he talked about hating them/getting rid of them all the time #and. well. when I ever did anything to really piss him off #(which you know as a nine year old could be something as simple as breathing too loudly or some shit) #he would kill them #that man killed probably like 20 cats #cuz even after I was old enough to process ‘don’t get more cats bad things will happen to them’ #my mom would bring home cats cuz she ALSO loved and wanted cats #even when I would beg her not to because I knew they were going to die #she never cared because in that moment she wanted cats #and obviously this was awful and damaging #and now that I live on my own with my two cats who are my BABIES that I love and cherish #my roommate talking about hating them and wanting them gone…. #yeah it’s uh. um. hitting some really specific nerves #obviously I do not think he would EVER EVER do something like that #because you know. he’s not an insane control freak who hates me and animals #it’s still hitting those nerves #and yeah I think I need to tell him that for us to start coming to an understanding #like i get you don’t LOVE my cats you don’t have to #but you can’t talk that way about them… or I’m going to get VERY upset and defensive #kaz rambles

[warriorsatthedisco]

Work is getting awful enough to make me want to be violent

#same shit different day #of doing other people’s jobs that I am specifically and literally not paid to do #I am only paid for what I sell and I’m out here doing everyone else’s FUCKING job #and no one gives a shit because they’re salary #like I know I assume responsibility for my pay by being in Sales™️ but it did not use to be this bad #I am not asking for much. why do I have to do this shit #and it’s not even just my own coworkers that I’m doing their fucking job! I’m doing the job of people at other goddamn companies! #fucking Epson! you know; the billion dollar printing company?! I’m doing their fucking jobs too! #it is not that fucking hard to procure an MSDS at the company you work for! it’s really hard to procure one when you don’t work for them! #and yet I managed it after 3 weeks! meanwhile it took them literally - and I can’t stress this enough - 10 minutes #I’m going to start breaking shit #I have to work late today too because I’ve been busy doing shit that isn’t my responsibility #personal #and yes. my tummy is upset too despite the fact that I ate the exact same meal for breakfast and had no issues #I’m going to rip out my organs

[menalez]

(in the least creepy way possible) ive been following you on and off since around ~2015 and I just wanted to say that it's been a genuine honor to have been able to grow up with/alongside you. I was 14 in 2015, and some of the pictures you posted back then was the first time that I had ever seen another brown person with self harm scars (I'm Desi/Indian) and it meant so much to me at the time and made me feel a lot less alone. I've also been through some traumatic experiences with men and have since realized I am a lesbian not bi, and it really does break my heart that there are people out there that think that they can police another person's sexuality based off of their experiences, especially for those of us that did not grow up in the western world and felt like men were the "respectable" option. Sending you love<3

not creepy at all! ur actually not the first person to say this to me and there are actually several ppl who have followed me since then or even longer. and i appreciate the ppl who stuck around and saw me for me & my story for what it was, instead of the people who found me much later then dug around looking for things to misconstrue that suits their confirmation bias. i actually used to really love that there were people who saw my flaws and the things i wasn’t confident in (but was trying to be more confident and accepting of) and saw themselves in me, and gained some level of self-acceptance from it. so i’m really touched u felt that way & i appreciate u telling me that.

i hope u are free from the traumatic situations ur in & are healing & are free of self-harm as well. those are not easy things to go thru and it’s amazing you made it thru that and are around to tell ur story. thanks anon for ur sweet words ❤️ wish u well

#god i mean i didn’t even think of men as a ‘respectable’ option really #i just thought it’s what i had to do. but when it came down to it i realised i didn’t want that #but u know when ur boundaries are broken down and disrespected for so long #and u lose all ur worth and uve given up on ur life and urself then u just give up #and that means giving up ur boundaries too. enough trauma & pressure can do that #i wish i had been better protected and had been luckier #i wish i was less naive and less easy to exploit #and i WISH i was lying. the story these creeps invented about me #would at least mean that i’ve been spared from a shit tonne of trauma #but anyone without confirmation bias who looks at my situation holistically would realise that the signs are & were all there #i’m not the only person who got exploited right after facing CSA. and i’m not the only person who pretended to be ok & even happy and #consenting to being traumatised

[pussy-ache]

thinking about how my sister just got engaged at 27 to her first boyfriend ever and i just don’t have a good feeling about it

#i mean i’m not talking to her right now lmao. i did not even say congrats #but i’m still her older sister and i don’t believe she really has experienced enough of the world and of love itself to be tied down #at least in that way — technically speaking she’s already ‘’tied down’’ being in a long term committed relationship #but like. i know she thinks my mom had us when she was ‘’too old’’ #my mom had me at 35 and my sister at 38 #my sister criticizes my mother for that and has made comments throughout the years about how her friends mothers are all so much younger #meanwhile my mother lived an EXPANSIVE life in hers 20s and early 30s #she went out outward bound trips with hippy dippy granola eating fucks and camped out for months on end #she jumped out of planes and paraglided and rode motorcycles #she was a huge pothead and spent so much time at the beach studying tide pools and looking for horseshoe crabs #she even metal detected after storms to see if she could find unique lost beautiful jewelery and other items that were lost at sea #she was a PERSON and without those experiences would NOT have been our mother #i’ve explained this to my sister dozens of times over — your opinion of our moms age is based upon you not seeing her as a PERSON w/ a LIFE #and she does not care. she still believes my mom was ‘’too old’’ which is a ridiculous argument because having kids in your 30s is NOT. OLD #like even outside of my opinion of our moms life. my sister is literally just wrong across the board because 30s is NORMAL #she frustrates me to no end because our ‘’differences of opinion’’ are actually REALLY big differences like. stop dehumanizing our mom….? #so truly. honestly. this is just a big push to ‘’not end up like’’ our mom so she’s getting married earlier and will have kids earlier #now in my own right i don’t want to ‘’end up like’’ my mom either — ie in a marriage that is unfulfilling with a man who bosses her around #but the difference between her opinion of ‘’not ending up’’ like her is she blame MOM for everything #meanwhile in MY example i blame my father for being a piece of shit to our mother and vowed i would never be in that situation myself period #but that’s not putting blame on my mother. that’s me seeing my mother as a VICTIM of injustice and misogyny #meanwhile my sister just sees my moms decisions as a ‘’problem’’ to be ‘’fixed’’ #meanwhile i am consistently reminding myself that while my mother loves her children very much… #she inherently had to LOSE herself in order to have us and fashion a new version of herself - the ‘’mom’’ version to replace her real self #my sister doesn’t care to talk to our mom about the intricacies that come with all of this. i do. quite often actually. #my moms rule was that she was not getting married before 30. period. #the first thing i said when my mom told me my sister was engaged was #‘’i don’t even believe someone should get married period. but especially not before 30’’ #she agreed. because she TAUGHT us that! she TAUGHT us the importance of finding yourself before anything else #but my sister in her race to ‘’not be like’’ our mom is missing out on turning into a wonderful person for it?

[starlit-roses-ships]

don’t you love it when you just burst into tears in front of someone and basically have an anxiety attack over something that is not even a big deal in the slightest 🙃🙃🙃

#vent tag #I want to crawl into a hole and disappear for a while #with my f/os. obviously. #god. I just. ugh. #…you know… that I’ve started to realize about myself #is that I really dislike it when ppl just. spring on me spontaneous offers for plans to do stuff #without first asking if I had anything going on that I needed to do #or without first asking enough time in advance on days where I was already doing stuff #and I’m not a stickler for having to have strict schedules and plans and shit or anything like that #but I do need *some* time in advance to prepare things. both literally (like getting stuff out and ready) and mentally. #like. I only have so much mental and social energy I can give before I just need to be alone and fucking r e s t. #so someone asking me if I wanna join them for something on the same day we’re already doing stuff without enough time in between activities #for me to recuperate is insanely overwhelming and extremely anxiety inducing #I know it’s not a big deal and I can just say no but. ugh #none of this is probably coherent but fuck it I just need somewhere to vent for the time being