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ladybirdswritings · 6 months

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Silken Webs & Pirouettes - Miguel O’Hara x Reader

Summary - Miguel is forced to dwell over the consequences of his own actions. Ballerina!Reader & CEO!Miguel. Alternate Universe with most of the characters included as seen in "Across the Spiderverse." Many cameos ahead. Miguel is a successful business owner but personality is canon. This is a steamy reader insert, Miguel x You! Enjoy and pls leave me lots of love and comments as it keeps me motivated <333

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seven ,, miguel’s POV

“You have some cojones, Miguel O’Hara.”

My eyes slowly lift from the place where they were once glued, the small tree. It still stands, the shattered and jagged bite of glass the most unavoidable ornament. Right in the enter for my eyes to see.

It’s been a week, one week of plain, suffocating normality. No clumsy girl, no doe eyes that I can only seem to fill with tears. No intimidating someone who I can’t guess the reaction of, no excitement.

My girls must feel it too. Maybe they liked having those stupid ribbons and pearly white smile bouncing around the office. Maybe they liked the distraction. Too bad. It’s better this way…

“Jessica, mi amor— though I always enjoy your visits in with me-”

She raises a suspicious brow at my words but I continue before she takes the first chance she can to interrupt me, as always…

“Today isn’t the day.” It really, truly fucking isn’t.

I sound apathetic, unbothered. Truthfully, I am bothered. I am bothered because it's been a week and yet I feel this uncomfortable burning at my mind. It’s inhuman, unnatural. I’ve yelled at dozens before, girls even sweeter than her. Girls with pretty eyes and pouty lips, melting into expressions of horror and sorrow. It was expected, needed. They needed to become better, to not be weak.

So why the fuck do I feel like I was in the wrong this time?

Jessica, coiled locks tamed back with a headband and stomach protruding with her soon to be first-born, she huffs as she sits down on my corner chair.

“This still work?” She asks. Stupid question. I regard her with dark, annoyed eyes and a single nod. She immediately presses the button, then heat and vibrations engulf her. She moans in content, enjoying the ease of tension in her back from carrying that child around.

“Oh yeah, it does. God I love this thing.” Her voice is vibrating.

Good, she should. It’s for her anyways. There’s no other moody, bossy and inhumanly hungry pregnant woman in sight. Gracias a Dios. Me mataría.

She’s distracted, I believe for a second that maybe I’ve just been saved by that expensive fucking chair but oh no, lately I’m just proving to be an unlucky bastard. She talks again.

“Where was I… oh yeah, that’s the problem, Miguel. It’s never the day with you. But shit, when I get curious and decide to check those security tapes and see you caging a small girl against the wall and making her hunch over in fear? Today is gonna have to be the day. What the fuck happened to morale? Why couldn’t you take it out on Moon, on someone we know, at least.” She doesn’t understand, I don’t expect her to.

I narrow my eyes, lifting from my seat. I don’t like being on her level. I feel suffocated there, with all these questions. Boss of my own empire and yet I’m getting an inquisition by a woman I hired. Regardless, my mind is clearer when I stare out at the city, looking down at all those people. I feel big, powerful. Like I know everything. I do, mostly. This time though? I don’t.

Me está volviendo loco.

And that’s because of that fucking girl. Es un misterio, un enigma. Never in my life have I sat across from someone I don’t fucking understand. I didn’t get this successful from not understanding the idiots around me, no. But her? I didn’t expect the dramatics.

“I don’t always like what I have to do, but I know I have to be the one to do it. Involving my personal life into her work is not only inappropriate but it is disrespectful.” I sound uninterested, lazed with my words. I know Jessica, they won’t be enough for her.

“You know what’s inappropriate? Your employees watching Lacy walk into your office in shorts that barely cover her nonexistent ass. You think they don’t know you’re banging her in between meetings?”

My jaw ticks, and I exhale all the air from my lungs through my nose.

“I know they know.”

I do. I do and I don’t give a shit what they think. I have urges, needs. No, not wants. Needs. Uncontrollable, demanding. My eyes glaze over my window, memories of fucking Lacy here with her pretty tits hung for the world to see. The thought brings me peace.

Jessica leans forward or tries too with that protruded stomach of hers.

“Oh you do. Okay, right. So that’s okay but a picture of Gabby isn’t?”

Gabby.

Mi princesa.

The name is like the crown on Medusa’s head. But I don’t let it freeze me, no. I don’t let it stop me from moving. Working. Breathing. Reacting. I react. I react before it can stop me and if that stupid girl would’ve done as she was told, she wouldn’t have had to be on the other side of those reactions.

I hate it.

Fucking hate it when they utter her name. Jessica… she’s lucky she’s pregnant and lucky she’s Jessica because coño, I would case her up against the wall too if she wasn’t.

“No, Jessica. It’s not okay. Lacy equates to a fucking— masseuse.” I snap.

“She’s massaging something alright.” She interjects.

“Carajo.” I exhale, reaching angrily at my silk handkerchief and tossing it with force to the leather loveseat. There’s no winning with her. Back in my throne, I collapse.

She’s infuriating, and she’s lecturing me over a girl that was only here for a week and has already caused so much trouble. Me está dando vueltas la cabeza.

“What is it Jessica, huh? What— are you dumbstruck by her stupid ribbons and worn-out clothes too?” It’s the only explanation for this. The girl must be a witch.

She sucks her teeth at that,

“Nope. I never even met the girl. Seems like it’s you that’s dumbstruck.”

Me?

That thought… it’s stupid.

My fists clench, a sting of pain burning at the place where she dug those nails into me. There’s skin dented there.

“Cállate.” I warn. But she’s Jessica. She’s not Mary Jane, not Cindy or any of my other obedient girls. Es un dolor de cabeza.

To no surprise, she does anything but shut the fuck up.

“Look, I could give less of a shit if your dick does a dance for her or not—”

“Dios mío…” She’s gone crazy.

“My point is— we don’t know her. We don’t know her, and she could talk. She could tell the story of how you emotionally and fuck— almost physically assaulted her to the Bugle and then what?”

I shake my head at that. She’s fucking wrong.

“I would never put my hands on her.” Not her. Not any woman.

Jessica displays two defeated palms up in the air, annoyance laced in their lines.

“But ya did, Miguel. You did when you grabbed her chin. And wether you and I know that it was softly or not, it doesn’t fucking matter. It’s about what they believe, what they see and you look psychotic on that tape.”

I turn my face from her, grinding my teeth as I search my mind for a way to answer back. To explain.

I can’t. I can’t and it makes me angrier.

“You’re not invincible, Miguel. People get tired of your shit and we agreed. We agreed that if you kept the reins on your issues, it would be enough. You don’t have to come to the gatherings or the holiday meetings. They know you don’t give a shit about any of them-”

“They’re employees.” I interrupt. Their job is to follow my orders and keep smiles on their pretty faces. That is morale.

“Yeah, they’re employees and they don’t get paid enough to deal with your shit.”

My eyes say it all, she knows that’s not true. Their checks are full. My girls have paid off debt, bought houses, taken vacations and bought all their materialistic heart desire. Some within their first year with me. Jessica sighs, shaking her head at my stubbornness. Silence blankets us and I fucking prefer it that way.

“My point is that people can walk, Miguel. They can walk when they aren’t happy. When they read the outsiders input on your bad behavior. Nobody wants to work for an asshole and fuck, I don’t blame her for walking out. Actually, I respect her for it. The girl’s shoes are practically falling off of her feet and she’s wearing skirts in the winter, yet it looks like she’d rather starve on those ice-cold New York City streets than work for someone who spits on her effort and time.”

Her words strike me silent. It seems like Jessica Drew is the only one who can make me have nothing to say. Què maravilla. I won’t admit that it’s because she’s right. She isn’t.

…

She might be.

My silence, it prompts her to continue. She shuts the seat off, groaning as she stands to her feet. She waddles to me, one hand on my cherrywood desk as she bows her head to speak to me.

“Look, I know this shit isn’t easy. I get that. You and I? We’re day ones. Peter and I watched you build this company up from the ground. We watched you make something of yourself. The bastard kid out of Nueva York turned into the bastard man above it. And I- … I lost her too, Miguel. Lost her. I didn’t forget her, and I sure as fuck don’t want to run from her. If someone was so fucking kind enough to put effort into making me that—”

Her eyes glow golden as they fall upon the small tree, on the shattered ornament with that beautiful, delicate smile. My girl. Against my own will, I find myself stuck, gazing at it too.

“Shit, maybe I’d promote them. That? That’s special, it’s kind. Most people don’t have the guts to do that, especially not for a boss— let alone a new one… but as always, you’ve laid down the cement on yet another grave. No chance in hell she comes back, no chance we fix this before Jameson gets his dirty hands on it.”

Jameson. Maldito cerdo.

It was his men that he sent out that day. All of them gathered up on my doorstep like fucking vultures, flashing their lights at the place where my baby girl just— fuck...

He was a lucky son of a bitch that day. I would’ve snapped that cockroach’s neck if it weren’t for Murdock.

Fuck…

I don’t like loose ends. No, I don’t like being wrong. I strive every day of my life to be anything but it. I was wrong once. And look what it cost me? My baby’s life. I won’t make the same mistake again. Not with my company.

Sure as hell not because of the balding bastard and a delicate girl with ribbons in her hair.

No.

“I’ll convince her.” I will. I’ll mail her check with a note attached. An invitation back. Maybe I’ll raise her pay. She could use it, anyway.

But Jessica fucking Drew. Always finding microscopic holes in my plans. She laughs at me.

She fucking laughs at me as she straightens her back, hands resting on the place where her baby kicks.

“Sure, good luck with that. She might’ve hunched over and cried but damn— I saw the way she dug those nails into you. She’s a tough one… besides, I think it’s best If you keep away. Don’t wanna make their new front cover story more interesting.”

Que mierda.

I raise my hand, pinching at the place where tension pools between my brows. Fucking Jessica. Analytical, frustrating, and always convinced she’s right.

She is tough… that girl. Un fuego.

I saw it when she sat in my chair and dug her nails into it, and I saw it when she dug her nails into me. I saw it when she pushed my hand away, straightened up and wiped those tears off her pretty face like they were nothing more than meaningless water on her skin. She turned her back on me. No one ever does. No one has ever not succumbed to my hand. And she’s lucky, I never offer comfort to any of the girls I yell at. No, they don’t need it. They’d accept it, regardless. Not her.

Un enigma.

Jessica sighs, turning from me and finally leaving me to be. Leaving me with no solutions, only loose ends. She must feel my eyes burning holes into her back. Frustrated fucking holes. She stops.

Carajo.

I sigh now, allowing my eyes to fall shut into the comfort of darkness. A place behind my lids where no Jessica Drew exists.

“There’s another gathering tonight, actually. Perfect way to win your people back before you even lose them.”

She’s smiling, she’s proud of her stupid little idea. I don’t need to open my eyes to see it. The ache in my neck makes my head fall into my palms— and though every part of me wants to tell her to get out?

“What time, Jessica?”

🏷️’s: @reirain @needybitez @migueloharastruelove @laysmt @maomaimao @daisy-artfield @poutysprouty @chorizobeets @luvlylaurakisses @to-the-endoftheline @bimb00

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s0lam33y · 4 months

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long game

[ day 5 Of Shuriri Week ]

@shuririweek @mal-urameshi @neptoons1998

a/n: I wasn’t gonna post today but I’d drafted this up!

Shuri has never been the biggest fan of phones. They’re not very convenient, limited as well. The most use she’s found for it is Google searches and why do that when she has her own AI?

But she somehow found herself waiting for her phone to ring. She’s in her lab, all alone, it’s too late for anyone but her to be in here anyway.

Her phone finally vibrates against her metal desk and she picks it up immediately. She smiles much wider than she should at the stupid screen. They’ve been keeping in contact for the past year, ever since Riri was sent back to MIT after the war. She and Riri call once a month if they’re both lucky. And today happens to be their lucky day.

“Wassup, Shuri.” Riri smiles, she looks as beautiful as ever, Shuri thinks. Her thick hair is pulled back into a sleek bun that Shuri has yet to see her in until right now. Her face is clear with subtle eye bags beneath them that Shuri has noticed have been beginning to worsen.

She’s got her phone on the wall behind her desk and is dressed in an oversized sweater that allows the fabric to slip a little past her shoulders.

“Hey,” Shuri smiles as she watches the scientist work diligently on a worksheet of some sort. She has this gentle crease in between her brows when she’s focused, Shuri wants to tell her she thinks it’s adorable but she holds herself back.

“Sorry for not calling you last month, I’ve been real busy.” Riri apologizes quickly, looking up momentarily to make sure Shuri understands what she is saying.

“It’s fine, I was busy too.” It’s not a lie. She was very busy but she had to make sure to clear her schedule on the day they were supposed to call and her heart sank a little when she was sent a text instead.

“How are you? I know the Royal duties are a lot. But you’re doing okay, right? You would tell me if you weren’t, right?” Riri asks while

keeping her eyes on her assignment.

Truth is, having the throne is not as bad as Shuri had imagined. She barely has time to do things she’s like but she knows it’s what her mother and father would want for her, what her brother would want for her. It’s what her people need. That’s what keeps her going.

“I’m okay,” Shuri honestly says. She wishes she could spend the rest of her days watching Riri, being with her makes her feel like herself. Not like she’s a queen or just royalty but like she’s Shuri and nothing else.

“I’m glad.”

“And you? I hope you’ve been enjoying yourself on campus.”

“I went to a party last week, shit was ass. I don’t drink like that so it wasn’t really my thing. I do wish I was in Wakanda using your cool ass tech.” Riri mentions, hearing a small laugh escape Shuri’s mouth.

“Mhm, I bet. How’s the progress on your suit?”

“Good, slow but it’s moving,” Riri admits, finally putting her pencil down and giving Shuri her full attention. It almost makes the Royal nervous.

“You lookin’ a lil tired these days, you been sleeping?” Riri questions. She herself knows how much time equations and models can take to make, as a scientist they understand that they don’t get much sleep but it doesn’t stop them from being concerned for each other.

“M’fine, I just have long hours of training and building.” Shuri sighs as a soft yawn sneaks its way out of her mouth.

“Mhm, yeah. You really gotta start taking your own advice, Princess.” Riri says with some sass in her tone. Shuri doesn’t have a rebuttal instead she chuckles because she’s afraid that if she says anything it won’t come out coherent.

She isn’t sure if it’s the rasp in Riri’s voice or the title. It’s not very accurate since she’s been crowned Queen but since Riri’s known her, it’s stuck to her like glue. Just like Riri has.

She pops up in the royal’s brain involuntarily, when she sleeps, and when she eats. It’s all consuming but a part of her doesn’t mind at all and the other is trying to fight it because, at the end of the day, they’re just friends.

“Listen, I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? You-“ Riri begins.

“But we just-“

“No, I can tell you need sleep. I want you to talk to me when you’re full of energy and got some comebacks ‘cause this ain’t the Shuri I know.”

“You’re irritating.”

“Whatever…g’night, Princess. Sleep tight.”

“Goodnight.”

Riri hangs up and the only thing Shuri can think about is her friend. She knows now that she’ll play the long game. And a part of her, a rather big part of her doesn’t mind at all.

#riri williams #shuri udaku #shuriri #shuririweek2024

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lucysweatslove · 7 months

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I have way too much on my plate and am in such a bad mood.

Last night my parents decided to have another argument over my dad’s new speakers. For context, he got his old set in the 90s. He started looking into a new setup a couple years ago. This was a huge source of strife in their definitely not super rocky marriage (sarcasm) where my dad would go to Best Buy just to listen to cool speakers and have to hide it from my mom. Note that both my parents are working professionals and have more than enough money for new speakers. They have a very nice retirement nest egg and are well off enough to literally pay for my med school without any issues. They paid off their home years ago.

My dad is also huge into music. For as long as I can remember, his music collection has been super prized and special. Once I took one of his CDs and almost lost it, and it was so distressing to him that he moved his entire collection away from the family’s. He would put loud surfer music on to relax when I was a kid and spent a lot of time watching music performances from the 60s and 70s. He got Sirius XM when I was in middle school and would routinely quiz me on the music, saying I should just be able to recognize a band from their style. When I was a young teen, he shared another album with me when I was sick, and that was like, the most special way he knew how to connect.

My point being, music isn’t a new hobby and my parents have more than enough money to get him a fancy hifi set. My mom just kept refusing because why aren’t the “top of the line” speakers from the 90s good enough?

Well my dad finally got his new speakers but decided to move them to his (home) office. So he did. And that set off another argument with threats of divorce.

And they brought my little sister into the middle of it using hugely manipulative language. Yeah my sis is now technically an adult, but she’s still their child and it’s grossly inappropriate to put your child in between the two of you. She’s a human, not a pawn.

So I woke up in a shit mood already, and I had a busy day of a doctor’s appointment, a therapy appointment, clinical medicine workshop, then a class where I have to give a stupid chalk talk which I’ve been so sick and so busy that I just. Haven’t had time to prepare at all.

And as I start getting dressed, I realize I have no idea if I’m expected to be in professional dress for the workshop because there is no indication online if we have guest panelists or speakers or sim patients. But the professional clothes are all overstimulating and itchy and I was like *this close* to mini meltdown status, so I emailed the course lead to ask… put on clothes that were just comfortable in the mean time… packed a bag with professional clothes to change into if needed..

I get an email back that doesn’t even answer the question, stating that professional attire is required for patients, sim patients, speakers, and panelists. Which I knew. I didn’t know if we had another of those today, because there isn’t any info about it online. I emailed back but haven’t heard back.

My doctor is now running 45 min late (I’ve been here for over an hour), I had to turn off the lights in the exam room because they were too bright, and I had to cancel/reschedule therapy because it was supposed to start at 11.

I’m not mad at anybody in particular other than my parents. I’m just annoyed and overstimulated and want to crawl into a dark pit and sob.

And of course in the car to the hospital, I was practicing telling the nurse I would like to decline being weighed. Because I know it would be triggering. But when she grabbed me, I couldn’t do it.

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nevadas-night-time-novelist · 2 years

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Deimos + lil sister reader

Today had been mentally taxing, and all you felt like doing was just laying above the covers of your bunk and staring up at the metal ceiling. You may have been just a tween, but everyone has to earn their keep at SQ, regardless of age, gender, disability and any other defining factors.

Thanks to your small frame, you were perfect for scouting and espionage, covert spying and relaying information to your superiors. Some of them were assholes, some of them were nice. Unfortunately douche bag supreme Clark had been the one overseeing you today, and nothing was ever good enough for him.

“Eyyy, there’s my favourite sister.” You didn’t break your gaze from the ceiling. “Hey Deimos.” “Whoa, that didn’t sound too cheery. You alright pipsqueak?” Deimos crossed the room and sat on the edge of your bunk, tilting his visor back to get a good look at you.

“Hard mission. Plus Clark was debriefing me.” “Oh, him.” Dei squeezed your arm reassuringly. “He’s a dick, don’t pay him any mind.” You sat up and wrapped your arms around him. “I hate him. I wish I could be doing stuff like you, at least your boss is nice to me.”

Deimos embraced you in return, resting his chin on top of your forehead. “Doc is nice with you? He’s not nice to me.” You laughed softly. “That’s because you mess around when you’re supposed to be working.”

He laughed in return. “Hey, if you can’t have a little fun while you’re working, what’s the point?” Dei let out a soft purr as he snuggled into you, his pyrokinesis radiating a comforting warmth throughout his body.

“Y'know I’ve got some free time, what’s say you and I grab some ice cream and other junk food and settle down in my room where we can watch whatever cheesy movies you want. Being cooped up in here and thinkin’ about negative shit isn’t gonna to your head any better, you feel me?”

Deimos himself was no stranger to depression and self loathing, he was blessed enough to have people around him who cared enough to break the mould and pull him from the depths. “Please.”

He wrapped you in your sheet and scooped you into his arms, carrying you off to his own shared room with Sanford. “Fordie is out, so it’s just you and me tonight.”

“Good.” You blurted out, before realising how mean that sounded. “I-I just meant you and I don’t spend much time together anymore, don’t get me wrong. I love Ford.” Dei’s usual grin faded.

“Uh…Oh…Yeah.” He rubbed his cheek against yours. “I’m busy a lot. I feel guilty about leaving you behind all the time, trust me. When I’m away I think about you all the time. I swear, I’m gonna make more time for you. Doc’ll understand, and he can have words with Clark and his attitude too. Pretty sure the old man scares him.”

He set you down on the couch and pulled out a secret chest full of junk snacks, his and Ford’s secret stash. You flicked through Dei’s collection of movies as he set the chest on the table and fished out a tub of ice cream from his mini freezer, and a couple of cans of soda from the mini fridge.

Deimos nestled next to you, tossing his own blanket over you both and handing you the ice cream and a spoon. “So, what we watching sis?” You’d binge movies all night, shooting the shit with your big brother and devouring snacks, grateful that he was making an effort.

In the morning, Doc was irritated that Deimos was late again, storming into his room and- stopping dead in his tracks, venom on his tongue dissipating in an instant as he saw Deimos and his sister both snuggled together, cozy and fast asleep on the couch.

Come to think of it, Deimos had mentioned to him several times recently that he’d wanted to spend a bit more time with you. Perhaps its time to take you under their wings, train you up from just covert missions and start you in the big leagues.

You might just be a kid, but Doc needs all the help he can get, you’ve proven your capabilities, or so Clark had said. Besides, Sanford and Hank both enjoyed working with you too, the former gushing about it openly, the latter always in a better mood. And Doc would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy your company too.

Maybe its time to run with the wolves.

#madness combat #madcom #madness combat x reader #madcom x reader #madness combat reader insert #madcom reader insert #x gon deliver to ya #deimos #deimos x reader

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seaside-writings · 2 years

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Hello, all you wonderful and lovely people!

I know I should have posted this a week ago, well maybe a little more than a week ago lol, but I didn't really have time to do so.

So now here I am posting a late birthday prompt list for you all, based on one of my favorite horror movies "Happy Death Day" which I know isn't that much of a horror movie more like a thriller, sci-fi, romantic comedy, but I still put it in the horror category, for a few different reasons.

It's been one of my favorite movies since I saw it back in 2017, and I've kind of started a small tradition where I watch it at some point during my birthday. Whether I watch it by myself, or with my loved ones I always watch it at some point.

This is why I thought it would be fun to make a prompt list about it as a gift for you all on my birthday. And it would have been if I had just been able to post it on that day.

Still, I hope you all enjoy this late birthday gift from me to you. I'll try to do better about posting on time next year.

I hope you all stay blessed and safe throughout your day.

Lots of Love & Wishes: Celia 💙

Prompts:

"Today is the first day for the rest of your life," - "I can't change what I've done, but I can start trying to be a better person today." - "What I really want to know is, how did you figure it out? "Because you've killed me before!" "... Then I guess I'm just going to have to do it again," - "Anyhoo, her little plot was super lame. Poisoning a cupcake? Really? We're Kappas. We don't eat cupcakes," - "I know I've been a bad roommate, but... isn't this a bit much? What the hell!?!" - "So, uh, now that your bedroom is officially a crime scene and all, where are you planning on crashing?" "Is that an invitation?” - "I'm not sleeping in my car again! It smells like Hot Pockets and feet!" - "I just knew there was something wrong with her. She never wore make-up, never posted cute selfies, and she literally owned a pair of crocs. All the signs of a psycho killer," - "Wait, you've been killing me over some stupid guy?" "Oh, that's not the only reason. You're a dumb bitch, too!" - "You know, it's funny, you relive the same day over and over again, you kind of start to see who you really are. If my mom saw me now, and who I've become, I don't think she'd be very proud," "Don't say that," "It's true. I'm not a good person. Maybe it's karma, maybe I deserve it,” - "I know you're really not into girls. But it's okay. Love is love. Now go out there and get yourself a fine piece of man-ass!" - "Well, look, I don't know you all that well, but... it's never too late to change," - "Look, I know... it's none of my business, but... I think something like this is bound to have some pretty serious consequences," "You're right. It is none of your business," - "Safety's off. Thanks for the tip," - "You're a feisty little shit, ain't you?" - "You know, when I was a kid, I always got to skip school. We'd go to the beach. My dad would buy us this like huge birthday cake. And put just one candle on it. We'd blow it out together," - "You know, it's a real nice surprise, you comin' and visit me like this... - "Woof! I like you. Damn shame," - "Get out!" "I just want clean underwear!" - "Who takes their date to Subway? Besides, it's not like you have a footlong," - "Would you stop looking at me like I just took a dump on your mom's head?" - "Impressive," "That was nothing," - "Is this a joke? You think I would actually try to poison you with a freaking cupcake?" - "Whatever, you won't remember any of this anyway," - "You killed me. "What?" "You poisoned it. But I never ate it before," - "Are you under the influence of alcohol or any other controlled substance?" "No! That is what I'm trying to... Wait. If I am, does that mean that you're going to arrest me and lock me in a jail cell?" "That's how it usually works," "I'm drunk!" "... You are?" "Wasted. And I'm high. You know, pills... weed... you name it, man, I'm on it!" - "Well... Don't expect me to just let you get by in my class after this!" "Already dropped it, asshole," - "What stupid little self-help book did you get that from?" - "Whatever. Clumsy hos. I better see you at the meeting today," "We'll be there!" - "Go on, take a bite," "You really are crazy," - "Eat it, bitch!" - "You had access to him. Did you drug him first? You knew that if he escaped, everyone would assume that he killed me. But it was always you," - "Yeah. I'm supposed to be with mine. I don't know, I couldn't bear the thought of sitting through another uncomfortable celebration while we both pretend that everything is awesome," - "Give me a list of names of everybody who knows it's your birthday and whoever has a reason to try and kill you," - "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you wouldn't stop sleeping with him," "What?" "But he just kept choosing you over me. I guess all he wanted was a cheap slut like you!" - "Going somewhere?" "Yes! As far away as possible!" - "Stop it, you're freaking me out," "Well, how do you think I feel!?" - "You stupid little whore," - "Okay then. I'll take it down to the police. I'm sure they can tell us what your little birthday treat is made of," - "Whoever's killing you knows it's your birthday," - "Your wife loves you so much, so if you don't have the guts to tell her the truth, at least have the balls to leave," - "I was wrong. I thought that if I stopped running that I could beat it. But it's never gonna stop," - "What was that for? “ “I have to run, but what are you doing later tonight? “I... Nothing,” “You want to take me out for my birthday? “Heh, what's the punch?” “Look I know it's really random but I promise I'll explain everything tomorrow, well assuming there is one,” ”Well...” ”Just say yes,” “Yeah, all right, cool,” “See you then,” - "You sure you wanna wake up in the dorm room again?" "Only if it's yours," - "It's been so much worse. All of this running and hiding has made me so miserable. And I think I finally figured it out. I mean, it took something, like, totally crazy, but... but I'm here. And I love you. And I'm so, so sorry that I hurt you," - “It's never too late to change. I mean, especially if what you're saying is true, each new day is... it's a chance to be somebody better,”

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suugrbunz · 2 months

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Hey! 💝anon here.. That was me giving tips earlier.. Been back on Tumblr for just a couple days, clearing out my old account, saying hellos to old online friends. Thank you, so much, for how you inspired my story last year. You motivated me - so much!

The story finished. I adidn’t do a huge amount with Maureen & Lyam’s relationship; they had a few more moments together, bonding & learning to trust & appreciate each other. Their final moment in the story was their first kiss! (I can send a snippet if you’d like?)

I turned 19 last year (so, a bit younger than you I suppose :)) It’s been good, getting offline. It’s given me more time to do other things; learn gardening from an elderly relative, do some singing (on my own lol), spend time with my family, learn about things that interest me.

Anyway. Hope you’re doing okay and taking care of yourself, and you can find ways to make life easier, whatever those ways are.

I understand about the streaming service thing. My family usually just watch cheap second hand DVDs (charity shop sells 20 DVDs for £1!), and occasionally use the cheaper version of Netflix (with ads). I use Internet Archive (archive.org) for books and films (manly older, lesser known films), it’s free, so that’s a good option.

And totally, get away from Instagram & TikTok! If you think you’d be happier without it, drop it! People online can be really nasty. I quit looking at Reddit, & basically all comments, last year after I suffered a deep depression (due to peoples’ extremely nasty comments toward a part of lgbt that I identify with) Doing a lot better now.

IDK, and it’s not my business, but hope something works for you. The best people, the ones worth knowing, are those who appreciate character and kindness over consumerist beauty ideals (I say consumerist cause it’s in my belief that we’re pretty well brainwashed to think “perfect looking” people look good; a way of getting people to keep buying makeup they don’t need and the latest fashions)

Ahh, hope this isn’t too much, I write fast and am only basing this all off a couple posts I saw you made, so I’m real sorry if it’s too much! I’ve got a ton of spare time today so I’m just rambling.

I can’t be coming back to online socialising like I used to, as it took up so much of my limited spare time last year, so this is a rarity, just to say hello. Hugs 🫂

💝anon

i literally cried seeing it was you— i was noshing on a gyro, crying alone in the kitchen. I have hereditary depression, so it won't get better. It'll always be there. It's just worse than normal lately. Hoping it'll calm down, I wrote and edited some of my book today.

This is like writing a lovely old pen pal, ah, it's nearly therapeutic. I think of you often. I'm nearing tears as i write this because something about talking to you has felt so homeward bound. I love archive, that's how I watched the clash movie, Rude Boy! I have some unread books I wish to finish, one is kafka and the other is khalil gibran. You should see the khalil gibran book, it has such an ornate cover.

I adopted a cat since we've last spoken, she was beside my neighbours house during a storm. I had been taking out my dog and heard her meowing. When i approached her, she immediately came to me. Oh, her name is Laila, she's a tortoise shell.

I definitely have to agree, we are brainwashed constantly to see aging as a sign of lost beauty. Similarly, we are taught that our bodies are never enough because whatever the trend is— it isn't for a girl with an hourglass body. I told my mother the other night, through lots of tears i have never truly loved myself. I mean, around puberty is when confidence develops, at least in my opinion. I got bullied for my body developing into what it now is. So, you can imagine what eating disorder shit i go through because of it. Only fueled by my mother also having a fucked up perception of body-image as well. I am trying my best to understand that my value is an independent variable from the weight on a scale.

Please send me all the writing you wish to, I remember loving your writing. I started publishing my book, but it's completely different. I had to change everything; it was going nowhere. I couldn't get a plot to stitch together. I was nearly at the point of deleting it. Then, out of the blue, I woke up after some dream and was like— "what if I used tamino as a faceclaim? What if x, y, z?". Soooo, i ended up experimenting with it and i actually followed through on replacing nick (i want to implement him in the new book tbh, i miss him). Ah, i hope you find the time to read the chapters I have published... that is if you want to read them, truly there is no pressure there. Again though; please send me your work.

#💝 anon #౨ৎ guys my favourite anon is back 🥹

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heyitssashag · 1 year

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Happy New Year! It’s 2023! Already. Still wondering what happened to 2020 or 2021. 😳

“Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

I always liked that quote. It’s very true.

This morning I spent some time going through old photos and just reflecting over this past decade. Unless some sort of miracle cure comes out, it’s unlikely I’ll be around for another decade. I don’t want to be one of those people who remain in denial until their last breath. If my time is coming, I want to go with grace. There’s no point in fighting it. Cancer isn’t something to fight, anyway. At the moment, it’s part of me. Maybe one day it will decide to leave but in the meantime, it’s here. Hangin’ out. I’m not thrilled about it but I’ve also accepted it. I’ve been reluctant to talk about how I feel about this. Not supposed to. Have to “stay positive”. 🙄 Well, I can stay positive while still talk about dying. After all, none of us are immortal. I don’t know any vampires. We all have to go at some point. Yes, it feels emotional to discuss but that’s okay. Regardless, none of us know when we’re going to go. Over 12 years ago I had a cousin who was only 19 years old that passed away in a fatal car accident. I also have a grandmother who smoked for over 50 years and is still independent at 93 years old. So my point is, none of us know when we’re going to go so it’s okay to talk about it. That being said, I do get emotional. Like I am now. Hmmm. I may wait to talk about this more at another time. Ya. Let’s do that.

So ya… as I was saying, earlier, I’ve been reflecting a lot. A picture showed up in my memories for today that hurt. A lot. ☹️ It’s just a picture of me and Ella but my Ex was behind the camera. We all went out for the last time together (as a family) on New Year’s Eve, 2016. Unfortunately, he spent the previous night with someone. Which I knew and allowed to happen. I just didn’t want to come to terms with it. Didn’t want to face that shit was about to hit the fan. I never felt lonelier than when we were together - not all the time but I’d say over half the time. We were together 9 years. So that’s a lot of loneliness. Darn, now I have that song from Team America stuck in my head. 🎶 I’m so Ronery …So ronery… So ronery and sadry arone… 🎶 😂 Anyway, on that New Year’s Eve night, I bought tickets for us to go to a family-friendly party that he made us miss because he was so late getting home. He wanted to just stay with his new girlfriend. He was an absolute jerk the whole night. The joke of it all was that he was trying to make me out to be the villain. It took everything in me to not blurt out some nasty things. I kept my mouth shut. For Ella’s sake. A week later I saw a text from his girlfriend pop up (which he actually denied initially 😂) ….aaaand ya-da-ya-da-ya-da the rest is history. I may talk more about it later but that’s enough sad crap for today. It’s New Years Day after all - supposed to be happy! 🥳🎊😆

Ella and me downtown Vancouver Dec 31 2016.

I did manage to get out for a 5km walk this afternoon.

Even did a little running in there. I stopped a few times to catch Pokémon. (My kid hates the fact I play Pokémon. She says I’m way too old and I kind of agree with her but whatever.) It was for a 2023 virtual race so I’ll be getting that funky medal in the mail at some point. lol. Below is the virtual completion certificate. Not sure why this excites me. Must hit some sort of point in the brain that releases dopamine. 🤪

Below is a picture of all the medals 🏅 I got for 2022.

That represents a whole lotta walking and slogging right there! (…and $$$ but it would work out to be the same if I had a gym subscription). I don’t plan to do as many this year. I’ll be doing the longer challenges, instead.

We had the sun trying to peak through the clouds a few times. Was nice along the water.

I’m so tired of the dark days. I’m looking forward to the sun going down a little later. 4pm is way too early. By the time 7pm hits, it feels like it’s midnight. lol. I think by the end of January, it goes down closer to 5.

Anyway, that is a summary of my first day of 2023. Exciting stuff. lol. After tomorrow, Ella’s back to school and hopefully we will return to some sort of a schedule again. Between Covid and Christmas, I’m feeling a bit out of sorts so I’m looking forward to getting back into a routine. Ella mentioned she was feeling blue. I had her write down 10 things she was grateful for and we talked about it. She seemed a lot more positive after that. The power of gratitude! I think I’ll sign off for now with some things I’m grateful for:

Ella 💕

Family & Friends

A comfortable bed

A nice, warm home

My walk today

Food in the fridge

Health care

It didn’t rain today

A hot cup of tea

My cat Steve 🐈‍⬛

…and thank-you for reading. ❤️

#gratitute #grateful #metastatic breast cancer #breast cancer #cancer #new years eve #new year #new years 2023 #new years day #thankful #new year goals #fitness goals #keep walking #walking in nature #running #races #finisher medals #medals #Conquerer challenges

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theliterateape · 1 year

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A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part One

By Don Hall

Author’s Note: This is the first year in a very long time that I will be spending Christmas away from Kansas and my family. It will also be the first Christmas I’ve ever spent working and, given that I work at a casino, my first Christmas in a casino and my first Christmas in the desert.

As this holiday comes crashing through and the New Year comes next, two benchmarks approach. Both the mark of my first year in Las Vegas (I drove my Prius filled with crap out of Chicago on February 12th) and my fifty-fourth birthday. The year has been one of huge, sweeping change, a fresh start in a new place in a new industry, and some rather serious if not completely naval-gazey observations about things in general.

Rather than walk you through all of that happy crappy horse shit on Christmas Day (I’ll save the staring into my naval pieces for the New Year/Decade), Joe Janes flew out to Vegas for Christmas and he and I went head-to-head at BUGHOUSE! Our topic: George Bailey: A Wonderful Life or a Miserable Failure?

This morning, we start with my argument. Later today, Joe will present his. FYI: he won. Go figure.

George Bailey: Having Friends Bail You Out Isn’t Enough

The warmth of that final scene is supposed to make us hug our loved ones and revel in the glow of a town surrounding their failed banker by bailing him out all in the Spirit of Christmas.

But did that room full of people really know George Bailey? Did they fully grasp his horrible failure as a human being before throwing down the money he lost?

Who was George Bailey and why do we in the Age of Cancel Culture want to see him escape his tragic fall?

First, understand that the film was pretty much critically panned at the time of its release in 1947 and recorded a $525,000 loss. It didn’t become the feel good classic until the 1980s when public television began playing it because it was free to do so. The 1980s when the world was celebrating problematic films like The Breakfast Club, Wall Street, Risky Business, and Porky’s.

Second, George Bailey in his own words:

George Bailey: How old are you anyway?

Mary Hatch Bailey: Eighteen.

George Bailey: Eighteen. Why it was only last year you were seventeen.

George Bailey: [to Mary] You look older without your clothes on.

George Bailey: You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?

Third, the George Bailey his many friends did not know:

George is that guy who graduates high school and then comes back to the high school party to troll recent graduates.

At the party, George becomes reacquainted with Mary, graduating that night. Mary is smart—she advances to college—but that isn’t what interests George. Walking home, he speaks lines seemingly from the Weinstein couch: “How old are you, anyway?” he leerily asks Mary, who replies that she is eighteen and wonders if that is “too young or too old.”

Later, when he learns he will be stuck in town managing his late father’s bank, George drunkenly makes his way to Mary’s house, where he “shakes her,” yells at her and forcibly kisses her. I suppose a later scene where he asks her if he can masturbate in front of her, she says nothing, so he does.

After George and Mary have married and had children, George releases his workplace stress by screaming at his children and destroying family belongings—incidents that today would be seen as red flags for domestic violence

Annie is the Bailey family’s African-American maid. At one point George’s brother slaps her fanny. All in jest, though one wonders how an older minority woman, as Annie is, might take such sporting if she weren’t dependent on a privileged white family for her room and modest income.

So, George is a sexist, a creep, a sexual assaulter, a potential domestic abuser, and a passive racist

He’s also a tragically bad businessman. Entrusting the money of the poorest people in Bedford Falls to a known drunk and a man who needed string on his fingers to remember things. You’d think after George caught the drunken Mr. Gower poisoning kids, he’d learn not to trust alcoholics but he was far too self-involved to learn that lesson. It all indicates that George had checked out somewhere around the time his selfish fucking brother reneged on his promise

George had kept the business running, in an agreement with his brother that Harry would take over after he returned from school. But Harry and his new fiancée, Ruth, had other plans. Ruth tells George her father offered Harry a job in the research business. While Harry says nothing’s set in stone yet, it hits George that his dreams really are turning to dust

Did Harry truly understand how much George hated him after that? The look of horror, panic, and hopelessness George gets on his face after Harry reveals his casual “I’m in love and have opportunities so go fuck your dreams of world travel” says far more than words

When George discovers the $8,000 missing, he loses his shit. “It means bankruptcy and scandal, and prison. One of us is going to jail. Well it’s not gonna be me!” George tells the exhausted and addled Uncle Billy, making it clear he’d send his uncle up the river if the money doesn’t turn up

Finally, when he sees that Potter, a bitter old man with a successful if not completely cutthroat business whom he has intentionally alienated throughout the first half of the film, is going to have him jailed, he decides to commit suicide. Not out of chronic depression or a chemical imbalance. Not out of grief or any sort of mental illness he may be suffering. He decides to take his life because that’s just easier than taking a breath, figuring out where the money went, and solving the problem.

His decision to off himself and leave his family and the host of poor people in town whose money has evaporated is narcissistic, sociopathic, and selfish to a degree that those friends who bail him out would stop in their tracks and say “What the fuck?

Instead, he is redeemed.

In the unwritten sequel, when George discovers a few months later that Billy has been quietly funneling funds to pay for his drinking problem, he decides to buy a shotgun, kill Mary and the kids and then turn the gun on himself until Clarence comes back and shows him how Zuzu grows up and creates a strain of agriculture based on the science of flowers that can feed the world. The third unwritten film, has George older and on trial by the FDIC for financial malfeasance. He plots to wear a suicide bomb to the trial and thus end his troubles but this time Clarence shows up, slaps him repeatedly in the face and tells him maybe suicide is the right choice. Once called on it, showing himself to be the coward he always was, Bailey turns state’s witness against his uncle

In a time when society no longer truly embraces redemption for mistakes, the idea that we can all sit down and feel good about a suicidal, abusive, sexist, racist, avoider of responsibility like George Bailey is out of place. We now look toward Punishment instead of Rehabilitation, Revenge in lieu of Redemption. We no longer Forgive or Forget

He may have a room full of friends but they don’t know what we know. He will never be held accountable for his mistakes. Bailey is a tragic failure and should be cancelled

Don’t even get me started on the Grinch or Ebenezer Scrooge.

#christmas #George Bailey #BUGHOUSE!

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grahamstoney · 8 years

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The Top 10 Things That Make Me Angry

New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/anger/the-top-10-things-that-make-me-angry

The Top 10 Things That Make Me Angry

I feel like this guy some times

I’ve been doing a lot of work around anger lately; an emotion that I used to suppress and internalise much to my detriment. It’s not healthy to suck down your rage. Now that I’ve started to release the internal pressure cooker, things have become a little explosive and everything seems to be pissing me off.

So for your amusement, here are my Top 10 Things That Make Me Angry:

#10: Being Ignored

I’m at the cash register at the local farmers market last weekend, and the guy behind the counter is too busy talking to his mate next to him to get around to serving me. I’m not actually in a hurry until the point where I start being ignored. Then suddenly time becomes of the essence.

“Hello!!! Would you mind actually serving me, instead of just talking to your mate? I got shit to do today!”

One day soon I’ll have the confidence to actually say it, rather than just think it.

#9: Unsolicited Advice

Since when did everyone on the planet become a life coach? Seems like every second day someone is dispensing unsolicited advice that I didn’t ask for, don’t need and think isn’t even very well suited to the problems I’m facing. Yet the stream of bullshit keeps flowing my way.

Well [intlink id=”1930″ type=”page”]I actually am a life coach[/intlink]. When I’m coaching a client, giving advice is the last thing I do. First I validate their feelings and make sure we both fully understand the problem; consciously and unconsciously. Then we deal with unconscious blockages. Then I ask them what they think they should do to solve their own problem. I only ever offer advice if I know of some resource that they’re genuinely not aware of, and when I’m on top of my game I only do it after getting them to explore the options first. Then I’ll task them with it as homework. Given that they’re paying me to coach them, it’s hardly unsolicited!

Unsolicited advice is a whole different story. Shove that up your ass where it belongs.

#8: Abandonment Conditioning

Ivan Pavlov worked out that you can condition animals with rewards and punishment, much to the delight of pet owners everywhere. Given that humans are animals, many people have worked out that you can condition responses from humans too; and some controlling, manipulative authority figures use physical, social or emotional abandonment as their chosen form of punishment.

Catholics call it “excommunication”, Scientologists call it “disconnection”, controlling parents call it “time out”; I call it bloody annoying. It’s especially annoying when done in response to my legitimate feelings, because other people can’t handle their feelings.

#7: Pretending Not To Be Angry

One of my counsellors described environments where everyone habitually denies their feelings as crazy-making. It’s the best and most succinct description I’ve come across for the impact of collective emotional repression and denial. It drives me nuts when an angry person responds with raging denial when I offer empathy for the fact that they’re clearly angry.

The conversation tends to go like this:

Them: “&@^$*&*@#&$^!”

Me: “Sounds like you’re angry.”

Them: “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!”

The reason your heart is racing, your throat is tensing up and you’re shouting at me is because you’re angry. There’s nothing wrong with being angry, but it would make both our lives a whole lot easier if you could learn to identify/accept/acknowledge your anger… instead of denying and dumping it on me. Quit pretending that you’re a robot and start acting like an actual human.

#6: The Forgiveness Speech

Another variant of people pretending not to be angry is when they launch into what I call The Forgiveness Speech when I start talking about my experience of anger. It’s the one that goes:

“You need to learn to forgive”

“Being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”

… or some other enlightened wisdom. These people really piss me off. It’s not that what they are saying is wrong, it’s the fact that invariably they’re saying it to avoid the fact that deep down they’re full of unacknowledged rage that they don’t want to face.

#5: Being Told I’m Wrong, When I’m Not

Another thing I really hate is being told that I’m wrong, when I’m not. Especially when it’s by a stupid person being aggressive. Or aggressively stupid. Bad, bad combination. Don’t even get me started on the topic of religious nonsense or people trying to push their limiting beliefs onto me.

I relate to the quote by Bertrand Russell:

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”

Stupid people telling me that I’m the one that’s wrong, really piss me off.

#4: Denying My Experience

People telling me that I’m wrong about my own experience really gets me. Who is the expert on my own experience? I am, obviously, because I was at the centre of it. I might well be wrong about my interpretation of what happened, my feelings about it might seem irrational (well duh, they are feelings after all) and my memory of it may be flawed; but it’s still my experience. Don’t go rejecting my reality and substituting your own just because you don’t want to deal with the truth.

#3: Not Feeling Heard

I get that other people’s point of view is important to them, and sometimes my feelings, opinions or beliefs might seem like a threat. That’s no excuse for not listening to me when I have some emotions running that I’d like to have acknowledged. The problem isn’t really so much that other people are not listening, since I’m sure their eardrums are vibrating nicely, their ossicles are amplifying appropriately and their auditory nerve and auditory cortex are working just fine.

It’s that I’m not getting any empathic feedback to allow me to feel heard.

If my feelings, beliefs or opinions are really too frightening to acknowledge, get yourself some therapy to learn to deal with it, rather than shutting me down.

#2: Being Talked Over

When you talk, I listen. When I talk, you listen. This is how a respectful conversation works. It’s not rocket science. I get especially angry when other people start talking over me just because they don’t like what I’m saying. This usually happens when other people get upset at what I am saying, as if simply being upset is a license to stop acting respectfully. Well it’s not.

When we’re upset is the most important time to have good boundaries based on mutual respect in place. And that means: Don’t talk over me!

#1: Criticism When I Need Empathy

By far the thing that definitely pisses me off the most is when I’m upset about something and I receive judgemental criticism instead of the compassionate empathy that my brain really needs.

Being criticised for how I feel definitely tops my list of the most annoying things on the planet.

Lately I’ve been noticing the harsh coldness of supposedly well-meaning people launching so-called “tough love” at me when I’m distressed, rather than actual empathic love. It’s always an avoidance tactic because what I’m feeling is making them uncomfortable about their unresolved emotional baggage, but that doesn’t help me any when I’m upset. It just really gives me the shits.

Wear your anger on your forehead with my Make Anger Great Again cap, available now in my online store.

#abandonment conditioning #anger #being ignored #being made wrong #being talked over #criticism #denial #emotions #empathy #forgiveness #not being heard #pretending #unsolicited advice #Anger #The Shits

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keefwho · 2 years

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November 24 - 2022

8:53 AM

I gotta find a way to tell my parents I don’t want ANY of their food for thanksgiving. What will probably happen is mom will make me a plate and I’ll take it to eat in my room but I’ll just throw it out. I know the status of their food/kitchen, its GROSS. REALLY gross, this isn’t me being a clean freak. Their kitchen is filthy by normal people standards. And their idea of food safety is fucked too. I don’t want to eat from a kitchen with 5 dogs in it, rotten food on the counters, most things past their use by date, perishables that have been left out for hours before being put back in the fridge, and BUGS everywhere. Fuck man. Mom’s saying she’ll give me a whole miniature hen and a pie and asking if I’ll eat with them for Thanksgiving. As much as I’d like to in theory, I won’t be.

With literally anyone else, I’d just tell the truth. I’d just say I don’t want to eat your food for “X” reason. But I know my parents won’t understand and will jump to some wild conclusion and suggest I see therapy or some shit. Nah, ya’ll are just FILTHY by anyone’s standards. THEY need therapy, for real. Its such a dysfunctional household.

10:54 AM

I hate when I get lonely but also don’t want to talk to anyone. There’s maybe 2 people I can think of that I’d actually want to spend time with today but they are both busy. So its gonna be a melancholic day unless I end up feeling like socializing with strangers or something. Its totally my fault for being picky.

12:24 PM

My plan is to push through my mental anguish until I get work done, and then I can start doing something to counter how I feel. Maybe I’ll force myself to be social, or dedicate myself to some project like my VR furry world or trying to learn guitar again.

I don’t know why it feels impossible for me to make friends. I’ve clearly already made some. But strangers seem like unreachable people. And I don’t really want to make new friends, I like the ones I have. I just wanna spend time with them. Having to talk to strangers because no one is around feels like I’m just meeting my body’s needs which is kind of like using them for my own gain. I know it’s probably a mutual exchange but I still don’t like it. I should get over it and accept myself as a social creature like everyone else is. I gotta do what I gotta do.

1:18 PM

I think the idea of eating breakfast before 10am, then having 10am - 6pm be busy hours is a good idea. It makes me not feel so rushed with comms because I never operate so late but now I have the ability to without thinking I’m doing too much.

2:07 PM

My whole day is off. Its sad boy hours and I’m late to finishing things. Im gonna shower and try to finish up with commissions.

4:03 PM

I wanted to eat my little Turkey pot pie today but I’m not strong enough for it right now. It would be a little mental exercise because I have this aversion to eating things out of the bottom of my freezer even though I’ve confirmed it’s functioning properly. It’s not a very big challenge but today my mental strength is at 0. I’d rather eat something familiar and cozy especially since my appetite today has been poor.

I hope my parents don’t expect anything out of me today. They tend to take holidays very seriously. Like it’ll be a deep personal offense if I don’t go over there and eat with them. At least thats how it used to be. I can’t remember doing anything with them for Thanksgiving last year but I think that’s because they went to a friend’s house or something.

11:48 PM

Sometimes I get really tired of my own art. Probably because I have to look at it constantly. But it sucks because I can’t really get a grasp on the actual quality of anything I make until a lot of time has passed.

I wish I could just do something differently but its never that simple. I don’t even know what I’d want to do different. Anything I choose to change about how I draw has to be slow and gradual for me to know if I really like it or not. Or how practical it is. Maybe I need some more time to play around. I often stop myself from experimenting because I’m always working on things that I don’t want to take risks on.

The solution to all my art problems is usually getting some new info into the system. Something I haven’t done in a long long time is copying art that inspires me. Watching tutorials can also help.

My night was SAVED with some bestie time. I don’t think it’s healthy that I tend to rely so heavily on time with my friends but how do I/ should I fix that? Maybe it’s normal to feel lonely when the only people you want to hang out with are unavailable. Am I supposed to emotionally leave them behind temporarily for other people? I think I’d rather be a little sad for awhile and wait for them. I can take care of myself in the meantime.

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heartshapedboxxxxx · 2 years

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so I’m at the park now with my son, it’s his happy place. i’m at a bench writing, which is my happy place. thankfully it’s not busy, i can hear him laughing and i can see him and i know he’s safe. normally it’s slammed & i go into overprotective mom mode, and have to watch like a hawk, because it’s a very scary world and i don’t trust strangers. Especially at parks. There is a little caterpillar crawling near me.

Ok so my AC broke at the house and it’s a reminder that owning a home is no joke. When shit breaks it sucks. The house was 78 degrees. I realize many people don’t have AC in their homes. My friend said it’s a want, not a need. It really makes you realize how lucky we are for those little things we take for granted or don’t really think about often. This has forced me to get out of the house and make as much money as possible so I can fix this problem. I had to fix it once a few years ago and it was only $150. Hopefully that’s the case again, cause that stuff can be pricey. My guy friend is going to teach me how to check certain things and work on things since I don’t have a father figure and my beloved step grandfather is gone, it makes it really hard sometimes. I’m good at artistic and creative things, great with people & psychology…but assembling things, fixing things, car things, and house fixing things doesn’t exactly come naturally to me lol. I hope to one day be more saavy with that type of stuff. So this summer I probably won’t be in that house much, and seeing as I spent most of 2020 in the house cause of Covid, and spent too much time there last year too, I think this is actually a blessing in disguise. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways like this to force us to get off our ass and do something different. Honestly I like being home sometimes but this is the year to be active and make things happen. I also really need to go through everything in my basement and figure out what to get rid of and donate, which I’ve been dreading and procrastinating doing… but because the basement is so cool compared to the upstairs, it’s like I’m looking forward to going down there now. Isn’t that weird? So instead of bitching about how hot it is, I realize I gotta just stay positive and see the silver lining. My friend told me to suck it up and get a fan lol. I absolutely love honest people. I finally finished filling out all 21 of the journals I bought during quarantine. It’s an accomplishment because I used to constantly start new journals and never finish them and now they’re all filled out. This is like my on the go journal. I need to inspire people like my lungs need air. I’m currently in the brainstorming phase before the next big steps I’m about to make for my future. My head is getting more clear by the day. I’m determined to make the best future for my son. Life has not been easy for me but I’ve been humbled by everything I’ve been through and I see all the lessons very clearly. So the message today is no matter how shitty certain problems seem, it’s important to be grateful. I’ve never appreciated my car AC so much! My Ford Escape hardly ever had working air, the verano did but that car didn’t last long, so I’m extra thankful for my current car’s AC. I literally could live in that car. Lol my friend saw it and said it’s “so me”. It’s so funny because I literally knew he was gonna say/think that. He’s always been super into cars. I’m very thankful I saw him, we talked for five hours and I could’ve continued talking for longer but it was late. I love those people you can have deep conversations with and never get bored. I’ve known him since the 9th grade. He’s a good person and kind hearted. It’s always been platonic only.. and I feel God was like wanting me to have a really quality friend in my life again. I’m very thankful. So yeah it’s still my high cycle, I feel it. I worked out yesterday and feel great. My stomach fat is starting to burn off. I realize how many calories I burned as a server and the job was keeping me in decent shape. Ever since I stopped serving I realized I gained a little weight. I don’t like that certain clothes don’t fit like before so I’m determined to get fit again and feel my best. Life is too short to be unhealthy. Everything in moderation! Have a beautiful day and enjoy the simple luxuries of life. ✨

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sukirichi · 3 years

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sweet lies [03.final]

His lies were way too sweet – and you were too addicted to make him stop.

cw. toxic! megumi, SEXY TOXIC MEGUMI 🥵, toxic college settings, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasm, orgasm denial, explicit smut, car sex, biting, scratching, sukuna is a sex god, MEGUMI WITH A LIP RING, slight angst

note. FINALLY FINISHED THIS SERIES AAAAHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THIS SERIES TYSM FOR EVERYTHING! lotsa lub lub for each and everyone of you! anyways let me just say...sweet lies sukuna can politely rail me.

series masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03

It’s…a different story when you have to move back and forth between your newly made acquaintance slash fuck buddy, Sukuna, to your actual fuck buddy and crush, Megumi.

Sukuna’s polite enough to not meddle into your business as he’s promised, which you’re extremely thankful for, but you should’ve known the bubble of happiness would pop the moment you stepped out of your apartment. You’ve left your phone unattended and on silent, earbuds always placed inside to ignore Megumi’s calls.

It’s funny, actually, that he’s never replied much to you before other than occasional dick pic and ‘you awake baby?’ but ever since you’ve been…pre-occupied, suddenly you’re on top of his contacts.

You grumble at the vibration of your phone, Megumi’s name flashing on the screen. Back then, you would’ve soared and jumped to pick up the call, voice sultry and toes pointed at the ceiling as you try to keep in your giggles. Now, you’re dreading it, glaring at his annoyingly handsome contact icon that used to make your heart skip a beat. You’re studying in the library and have been doing a terrific job at avoiding him so far, and today won’t be any different.

With a sigh, you completely flip your phone upside down and turn back to your book. You’re on the second line of the paragraph when you feel large, warm hands caress the back of your neck, tilting you upwards to meet his curious – and certainly annoyed – blue eyes.

“Babe,” Megumi drawls out, minty breath fanning your cheeks.

He looks absolutely stunning today, plain and casual yet so handsome in just a black hoodie and sweatpants, his dark hair slicked back to reveal his forehead. For a guy who sure pounded into your skill he had no interest in you that went beyond sexual, he sure did know you well enough, the slight tugging of his lips a sign he could easily read through you. It makes you huff away from him, scooting – trying is the keyword – away from his touch. Megumi’s persistence leads him into you placing you right above his lap and cages you between his arms, chin on your shoulder and his breath floating over your ear.

You can’t help but squirm in embarrassment. Half of the students in the campus library have turned to look at you, and Megumi merely smiles at the attention, audacious enough to kiss the shell of your ear.

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! In reality, you really do want to fuck him.

“Why have you been ghosting me?”

“I wasn’t ghosting you, Megumi, it’s called being busy. You ever tried doing homework?”

“You’re so mean to me today,” he pouts, but that pout soon brightens into a smile when you scowl at him. Megumi, albeit never really paying attention to you, your facial expressions have registered as second nature to him now. It doesn’t take much before you soften under his hold, still as mushy as ever, and the nasty fucker basks in it proudly. “There’s a party tonight at Okkotsu’s house, said his parents were away in Greece or some rich family shit. Wanna come and get wasted with me?”

“I don’t know, Megs, I have an essay to finish…”

“Come on, it’s just one night. It won’t hurt,” he shrugs and sways you to side to side, causing your heart to sway side to side in giddiness. It’s this – moments like this – that really fools you into believing Megumi likes you. And that sweet lie only turns sweeter from his words that drip like honey, “Plus, I’ve missed you. Can’t think straight when we’ve been apart for too long, baby.”

You pretend to think about it.

That slight falter in a split second brings about a waver in Megumi’s confident you didn’t think would be possible. Not that you can blame him; you never did have to think about it whenever he invites you to fuck around with him. In fact, you say yes a lot faster than he can ask you something, but something’s been changing you lately – or rather someone.

In the end though, you’ll circle up right where you belong.

Relishing in the rarity of having Megumi coddle you with kisses and affection, his perfume still as boyish and vanilla that deluded you into his faux aura of a sweet boy, you melt one more time. Hopefully, it would transition into a one last time before Megumi’s completely wrapped you around his finger.

“Fine. I’m leaving if it’s too noisy though.”

“Awesome,” Megumi chirps, pulling you in for a long, solid kiss. It takes you back by surprise that you end up wide-eyed above him, stiff hands on his shoulders as you feel him smile through the kiss. Then, just as you’re about to kiss him back with the same passion, Megumi separates himself from you and squeezes your ass. “Promise we’ll have fun, babe. I’ll even bring extra condoms.”

You’re not surprised he left afterwards.

But are you hurt? Most definitely so.

Fuck Fushiguro Megumi.

You were going to leave him, block him, ignore him, avoid him, and carve him out of your heart for good. It’s what you deserve – to be freed from such a toxic guy like him. His pretty face shouldn’t be an excuse for you stick around any longer. That party…well, it would be your last one, you’re never going back!

Still, it’s not that easy to let go. Years of following him around with puppy eyes and spreading your legs open for him like it’s the most natural thing to do isn’t just going to disappear in a day.

It’s for closure, you lie to yourself. That’s all it is – you just need closure. So for one last time, you’ll fuck around with Megumi, then you’d leave him. For good this time.

And yet – your mind still races back to him. His throaty, boyish laughter and the stupid way his eyes crinkle into half moons, his large hands slapping his knees when you tell him a really silly joke. Okay, he didn’t really laugh that much because he’s already passed out in the times you crack jokes after sex, but the few times he did, though? It’s magical, beautiful, phenomenal.

He’s so awful yet so irresistibly charming it’s a huge tug of war between your rational mind and foolish heart.

You couldn’t focus anymore in the library. If you wanted to pass your exams, you need to be somewhere that won’t remind you of him, in a place where a stronger aroma would conceal his lingering scent. The best option was to hang around in a local café closer to your apartment than on campus, and you’ve completely ditched your usual get up to just opting for lookinglike a complete shut in – bags under eyes, heart torn over a stupid boy, the usual Iced Vanilla Latte with the condensation sticking to the wooden table and soft lofi music playing in the background – it’s just the perfect atmosphere for you to wallow in self-pity.

And wallow in self-pity you did, your cheeks squished against the pale furniture while you sighed for what seems like the hundredth time that day. At the back of your head, Megumi is still giving you one of those slow, long kisses reserved for only when he’s half-sleepy, your heart doing insane back flips as you reminisced whatever moments you once had.

You’re so lost in your own train of thought you fail to hear the scraping of a chair, followed by a heavy body plopping across you. “Well, this is kind of gloomy…”

At the sound of that awfully familiar, deep voice, you sit up straight in a frenzy. Sukuna smirks at your reaction as he loudly sips from his matcha latte – which you would’ve never thought he likes – and sits back at his chair, legs crossed against one another. Unlike Megumi, he doesn’t seem to pose any other malicious intent, so you bury your head in your arms, wishing for the ground to just open up and eat you already.

“I’m sleep deprived and haven’t eaten anything except Red Bull and coffee,” you try to explain, “I look horrible.”

“Don’t say that. You’re gorgeous all the time.”

From under your arms, you scowl at nowhere in particular, ignoring the heat rushing from the back of your neck. Sukuna didn’t seem to be flirting with you, and one peek at him swirling his straw inside his cup proves your theories.

However, the offhanded compliment falls so naturally from his lips it takes you a back, and not in a good way. Defensively, you cross your arms against your chest. You knock your toes against Sukuna’s knees under the knees to get his attention, the taller man peering at you under his lashes, tongue innocently swirling around his straw.

I fucking hate men! – is what you want to say, but something different comes out. “Why are you even here? Aren’t you asleep in the morning because of work?”

“It’s my day off,” he sets his cup down, placing his chin on both of his palms. Sukuna’s gaze travels from your face down to the abandoned papers before you, a scowl immediately making its way to his face. “Got too bored to cook so I came here for a light snack. As for you…ew, are you doing essays? I hated that shit in college.”

“Yeah, I hate it too,” you numbly agree, “Can barely function right now.”

Sukuna’s eyes lit up the moment you nearly fall on the table again, his palm quick to caress your cheek. If he can feel the intense heat of your skin from the sudden gesture, he makes no comment about it. Instead, Sukuna hauls you from your seat, nodding to your bag and papers before he rushes you out the door.

When Sukuna said he could make you feel better, the last thing you thought of was going to the nearby park. Now, you find yourself sitting comfortably with him, aggressively licking on the vanilla ice cream he’d gotten you from an ice cream man that passed by. It’s a great way to kill the time – or just to enjoy the day despite the rough start – because the sunlight feels warm on your skin, the trees above you shading you from extra shade.

Next to you, Sukuna is surveying his ice cream with the least interest, his brows furrowed as he notes, “Your crush is toxic. I suggest you cut ties with him and get it all over with.”

In part of making you feel better, Sukuna’s subtly given you clues you could tell him whatever’s going on in your mind. It makes you wonder if maybe you’ve been that obvious that even Sukuna could read you, but you’re thankful that he understood, because you really did want to rant about it. Your friends are just a one call away, but they’re not any better. They’ll keep claiming ‘Megumi just needs time’ because they know it’s what you want to hear to make yourself feel better. Though, every once in a while, you needed to talk to someone who could actually slap the harsh reality at your face, and who else would be more suitable than a mature adult like Sukuna?

Looking at him now, the contrast between your roommate and your crush is immense. Where Megumi is all bark and no bite, all needy and never giving, Sukuna’s silent and compliant, an extremely good listener with the patience of a monk.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yeah it is. Just block his number and avoid him. He’ll get the answer soon enough.”

“You don’t understand,” you groan in defeat. Sukuna faces you with worry written all over his face, seemingly tender in comparison to the tattoos marking his skin. Sometimes, it’s so easy to forget he’s actually a lot more decent than Fushiguro fucking Megumi, but you end up slipping anyway, turning to the sky just as tears prick at your eyes. “I…I love him, okay? I’ve always been in love with him even though I know I’m just someone who warms his bed. I know that much and yet…I can’t seem to let him go.”

Sukuna is silent for a full minute. You thought he’ll offer you some adult wisdom only people like him would now, but Sukuna simply snorts, happily licking at his ice cream as if you didn’t just break down in front of him. “Shit’s tough then.”

“You’re great at comforting, you know that?”

“Oh, I wasn’t comforting you,” he smiles and pats your knee, “Come on, let’s go home. I know just how to take your mind off things.”

With the way he’s caressing your thigh and his voice turned an octave lower, you chastise yourself for feeling aroused when you wanted to cry just seconds ago. But his fingers are inching closer and closer to your inner thigh, and he’s warm and strong – so fucking nice too that perhaps fucking him wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

But like always, Sukuna never fails to surprise you.

You expected he’d take you right to his room the moment you’ve crossed the door, but Sukuna dashes for the TV before carrying a huge blanket and heaps of pillow. You watch there, stunned. He makes quick work of fluffing the pillows before grabbing your wrist and pulling you above him the same way Megumi did a while ago.

The only difference? Your heart doesn’t skip a beat. You’re not intoxicated by his scent. You’re not trying to squirm away from him nor do you feel like a silly little schoolgirl who’s fallen in love at first sight.

Where Megumi is deceivingly charming, Sukuna is more like a strong pillar to lean on, which you do exactly. Your head rests on his shoulder, both of your legs tangled under the blankets he’s covered you with. He’s blinking as Tangled plays on the TV, the faint sensation of his fingers playing with yours comforting and way too comfortable. It should feel weird to hang out with a guy like this without him wanting to shove his dick deep inside you minutes later (your movie marathons with Megumi never really finish as previously planned) but with Sukuna?

It feels natural. It feels great. It feels like home.

You’re gaping at him long before you realize it, one of your hands absentmindedly playing with the strings of his hoodie. Sukuna hums along to I Have A Dream with a small smile on his face, one that forms into a playful glare as he catches you staring at him. “Don’t look at me like that. Disney is a classic.”

You fight back a smile. “Wasn’t complaining,” burying yourself deeper into his warm embrace, you’re lulled into an early slumber with Sukuna’s humming combined with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

His plan worked efficiently – for a moment, you forget your heart was aching to begin with.

After screaming internally for a good hour and a half, you arrive at the party anyway. The stench of weed, alcohol, and sex hanging thickly in the air is more than familiar to you by now. You ignore the catcalls you receive as you make your way to Megumi and fuck, he just had to look even sexier tonight.

He’s ditched his e-boy getup with a plain white shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, a Converse, and that black leather jacket he always refused to wear. Megumi really woke up and chose violence today, the minimalistic silver chain around his neck only adding to his appeal. You should’ve run away then – he literally screams trouble – but you’ve never been one to shy from that. Truth be told, you’re only pulled in harder, swaying your hips side to side as you sashay to where he’s laughing along with his friends.

Clearing your throat to get his attention, Megumi finally lays his eyes on you.

You’re glad you took the extra time to dress in your best outfit today – a lace orange mini dress that accentuates your cleavage just enough for a tease, paired with black combat boots and a white purse slung from your shoulder. Pride pumps through your veins when Megumi steps away from his friends, his hands encircling around your waist almost possessively. He smirks through your hair, those addicting lips trailing lower and lower down to your neck until, “You smell like another man.”

Now that you weren’t expecting. He doesn’t seem to be mad, perhaps a little jealous judging by how he’s grinding his crotch to your abdomen and tugs you closer, but this is Megumi in the question. He never gets jealous, so you flatten your palms onto his chest, eyes daring and red lips upturned into a smirk as you ask, “Why do you care?”

Megumi raises a brow – which really shouldn’t have been such a sexy thing – at your spunk. Normally, you’re too sweet and submissive to him, never would’ve even dared to dress something as revealing like this, but maybe you’re tired of being sweet.

Maybe this time, you wanted to match Megumi’s spice, fight fire with fire.

Megumi chuckles above your lips and swipes a thumb over your lower lip, humming when the coating doesn’t stain his fingers. He’s mentioned before he hates washing the lipstick off his dick, and the fact you remember that has him groaning at your ear. Unsurprisingly, Megumi’s already hard. He nibbles at the shell of your ear, possessive hands brushing over your collarbone as a silent promise of what he’ll be doing to you tonight.

“Like I said, this pussy is mine.”

You should say no. It’s evident in the darkness of his eyes he’s daring you to say no, but it’s too much. The cramped space that diminishes space until it becomes a myth, his hands rubbing circles at your hip, the glint of his new lip ring under the disco lights and anything, everything about Fushiguro Megumi just makes you feel so weak you can’t say no.

Satisfied with your silence, Megumi sweeps you upstairs. There’s already a round of Truth or Dare going on with a bunch of drunk and half-high college students, the lights red and the aroma of weed thick in the air.

It bothers you so you stick close to Megumi, nose stuck at the collar of his leather jacket. He’s not satisfied with just you sitting next to him; Megumi is territorial. He makes sure you’re comfy and using his lap like a throne, clasping both your hands in your lap while he boredly stares at his friends. Okkotsu Yuta, the host who used to be super shy in his freshman year but became one of the most sought after guys in his junior year, sits across from you in the circle. He’s already giggling in his drunken state while Nobara Kugisaki makes the mistake of choosing dare, flinging her bra straight at a very enthusiastic Yuuji.

They spin the bottle and it lands straight at you. Megumi hums in anticipation at the crook of your neck, his little sounds mixed with his heated touches sending fire straight down your core. It’s inebriating to have him this close, but you need to keep a straight head if you want to survive.

Fighting the arousal pooling at your stomach, you offer a flat smile. “Truth.” As expected, the crowd isn’t pleased. They holler, “Booooo,” with their hands cupped around their mouths, the others snickering at you, though you’re quite satisfied with the safety of your choice. You could be crazy with Megumi, but being crazy around others isn’t something you’re comfortable with.

Thankfully, Yuta shushes the crowd dramatically with a threat he’ll kick them out with his infamous Katana that’s been passed down by an ancestor. Once everyone’s calmed down, Yuta smirks at you, eyes wiggling as he asks, “Who’s the best dick you ever had?”

You don’t think twice about it. Someone else’s face pops up for a split second, but it’s so natural, so obvious that you would say – “Megumi.”

“Speak louder, baby, they won’t hear.”

“It’s you,” you suddenly grow shy at the attention, whatnot with Megumi shamelessly trailing hot kisses down your neck now for everyone to see. He’s shameless as he rocks you back and forth on his thigh, all the while keeping eye contact with the other guys whose eyes are zeroed in on the swell of your breasts that are an inch away from popping out from your dress. It’s the best time to submit, the perfect time to give him what he wants, and his expert hands prompt his name out of you with a single suck at your neck.

“Fushiguro Megumi.”

“Damn, Megumi, you’ve trained your bitch well.”

“’Course I did. My dick does all the disciplining,” Megumi cups your jaw to tilt your face at him, cooing at you as you flush embarrassed from everyone’s snickering. “Aw, don’t pout baby, it’s all just harmless jokes. You know I treat you like a goddess when we’re alone.”

“Yo, man, get a fucking room!”

Megumi ignores Yuuji’s comments and makes an offhanded comment the latter is just jealous because he hasn’t had his dick wet in days, ensuing a close dog fight between the guys. Maki has to step in and kick the strawberry haired boy back to his seat, scolding her cousin to back down. Meanwhile, you cling to Megumi like a scaredy-cat, head empty with nothing but the way he’s never hold you this close and proudly before.

Just one last time.

“Megs, your turn.”

“Dare.”

Yuuji slaps his palm over Yuta who usually gives the dares. The older guy rolls his eyes but lets it slide, knowing that Yuuji could also let loose with his dares. Megumi isn’t afraid though, he stays docile around you, leaving little nibbles at your ear and even squeezing your boobs at one point. You know he’ll never back down from Yuuji’s dares, even as his eyes darken with mischief. Now, Yuuji is a nice guy, but something doesn’t quite feel right with the way he’s staring Megumi down.

“I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

Megumi freezes.

Time must’ve stopped because everyone is chanting, “KISS, KISS, KISS!” but he makes no move. You stay there, staring up at him wide eyed with your arms looped around his neck. Your heart is beating a mile a minute in your chest the moment Megumi’s eyes gaze down to your lips, smirking as he leans closer, leans down lower, and you close your eyes, waiting for the salacious kiss that would sear at the back of your mind. But it never comes and a gust of wind flies by through you, and before you know it, Megumi’s leaned over your shoulder, his hand cupping the cheek of this girl named Alicia who you’ve heard about from your friends before that she’s Megumi’s current pick.

Alicia was never supposed to kiss him back. Your friends told you, they promised you she wasn’t the type of person to fall for the likes of Megumi, and yet she’s smiling through the kiss. You’re still in Megumi’s lap but your vision is of the audience, their jaws dropped and Yuuji slapping Yuta’s thighs. “Oh, shit! That’s gotta hurt!”

You don’t think twice.

You push yourself off Megumi and run out the room, the sounds of their chaotic laughter mocking you to no end. You know – you fucking know – you’d never quite belong in Megumi’s circle. Everyone knows you’re just another one of his bed warmers, and they also know how much you’re hopelessly in love with him, begging, hoping that one day he might return your affections.

It makes perfect sense with each step you take further from the room. This has to be staged, intentional, because there’s no way Yuuji would’ve said that if he didn’t already have an idea maybe Alicia reciprocated Megumi’s feelings.

But what about your feelings?

Does no one really care? Were you really reduced to just another body count?

Your chest squeezed uncomfortably as you pushed past the crowd, ignoring everyone’s protests from how rough you were. You don’t stop until you’ve locked yourself inside a restroom, tears freely falling down your face. With trembling hands, you fall back to the floor, dialing the only person you could trust right now.

He picks up not three rings later, voice still gruff and laced with sleep. “Hello?”

“S-Sukuna,” you whimper, pathetically wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. “I’m – can you please pick me up?”

From the other line, you can hear Sukuna shuffling for something in the background. Keys dangle and he locks the door, the sounds of his rushed footsteps so relieving to your senses. “Where are you? What’s wrong? Did someone force themselves on you?”

“No, I just…I want to go home.”

“Text me the address. I’ll be there soon.”

You text him the address and end the call. From the outside, the bass is thumping so hard it makes your head pound. You’re already feeling dizzy from crying so much, hands clutched around your chest because it hurts so much.

Stupid Megumi, fucking stupid Megumi – but aren’t you the stupider one? You’re the one who chose to keep being with him despite the warning signs. You’ve heard what everyone said about him, his reputation as a fuckboy isn’t exactly a secret, but you hoped, you sincerely hoped you could at least be good enough. But you’re not not good enough – Megumi just simply doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better and he needs to go to hell, so then why does it hurt so much the more you picture how he’s humiliated you like that?

Your dress is beyond soaked from how much you’ve cried. At this point, you just feel achingly numb. The pounding in your head is matched by the soft knocks rapping against the door, and thinking it’s Megumi or one of his lackeys, you wrap your arms around your knees.

“GO AWAY!”

“Sweetheart, it’s me. Open up, let’s get you home,” It’s Sukuna. Scrambling for the door, you push it open and jump into his arms without a second thought. Sukuna effortlestly catches you, and the dam you thought had dried up in you breaks again. He stiffens as you cry on his shoulder, fists balled around his shirt in a vice-like grip. “Who the fuck made you cry? Is it him again?” he growls, “I seriously want to knock the living daylights out of him.”

“Don’t start a ruckus, Sukuna.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he visibly softens at your state. Sukuna rubs your back soothingly and lets you cry like that, shielding your vulnerable state with his arm. He moves you to hide your face in his chest and kisses the crown of your head, so gentle and unbelievably tender. “I don’t pick on someone weaker than me. That’s bullying.”

You don’t utter another word as he leads you out of the house. He mutters under his breath on how kids are so wild these days and he really can’t imagine he was once like that. Sukuna’s car is parked on the curb, and you rush for it, eager to go home until he stops you. He wraps his jacket around your shoulders to offer you some modesty and you offer him a weak smile, allowing him to embrace you from the sides to guide you.

“Hey!” Megumi calls out, “Hey, what are you doing with her? Let her go,” his footsteps echo behind you just as you clench your eyes shit, “I said let her go!”

“Don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid,” Sukuna mutters to himself like a mantra.

“Yo, steroid guy, you deaf or what? I said let my girl go—” Megumi falls on his ass. He stares up at whoever punched him, eyes wide at Sukuna’s arm raised, but his eyes are on you. “Ow! You fucking bitch, you broke my nose!”

“Shit,” Sukuna laughs beside you as you wince at the soreness of your knuckle. “That was hot.” Somehow, you find the ability to smile. You’ve always wanted to top Megumi, but seeing him below you like this, weak and clutching his broken nose while whining about it like a little bitch, it feels a lot more satisfying.

You want to scream at him, to release all the profanities that have manifested your anger throughout the years. But Megumi crawls back with something unreadable in his eyes, the edges of his lips tinted red with a smack of lipstick, probably from Alicia.

The sight has you scoffing. Maybe you don’t have anything to worry about after all – Megumi hates lipstick stains with a passion. If he ever gets with her, they won’t last long enough.

That fact is enough for you to flip your hair over your shoulder, glaring at Megumi one last time before dragging Sukuna down by the collar. His laughter ceases the moment your lips collide, your hands teasing around his neck to brush at his undercut. Sukuna moans through the kiss, the way he’s explicitly grabbing the flesh of your ass a sign he’s aware what kind of game you’re playing. You make a mental note to apologize for this later, but for now, you’ll shamelessly savor his tongue and the minty aftertaste, grabbing at his large frame that picks you up with no ease.

You leave Megumi gaping at the lawn after that, your finger middle raised right before Sukuna speeds off.

Fuck, that has never felt so good. This feeling…it bursts through you. There’s this certain satisfaction in finally having the power at your fingertips this time around, and you you’re your wicked smile through your hair, too absorbed in your own feelings that you don’t register Sukuna’s worried tone at first.

“So…do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He doesn’t pry afterwards, just shoots you a curious look. Just moments ago, you were crying and feeling like you’re on the verge of breaking down, but this adrenaline rushing through absolutely cannot fuck around anymore. The image of Megumi realizing he’s lost you is so exhilarating, and you twist your torso to face your roommate, grinning at his handsome features. He looks so delicious like this, black button up shirt left open at the top, his veiny, muscular arms driving one hand on the steering wheel and the other gently caressing your thigh. You suck in a deep breath, licking your lips as you purr, “Hey, Sukuna.”

“Yes?”

“Pull over.”

“Wait, why? We’re so close at home.”

“Pull over, I’m done,” you insist with a glare, although the animosity isn’t directed at him. Sukuna keeps his eyes on the road before he spares you a glance, smirking at how you’re already unclasping your bra from your seat.

“Oh, I see how it is. You’re going to use me as a stress reliever.”

At his words, your arms still behind you. You glance up at him with wide, worried eyes that immediately reach out for his hands in assurance. “N-No, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Usually, sex is a lot crazier when the other is angry. Use me as you will – I don’t really care,” he licks his lips and suddenly slams on the brakes under an empty parking lot, already flipping something in the engine. You’re taken aback as Sukuna discards his shirt in a second, his large arms carrying your frame to the backseat with him. Sukuna spreads your legs as he helps you get rid of your dress but it’s too tight that you just give up, leaving the material bunched under your boobs instead. Sukuna’s eyes darken at the lack of material under your dress, his fierce gaze shooting up to yours as he massages your inner thighs, his breath labored.

“What position do you want?”

“Fu-fuck, I don’t know, just fuck me,” you whine, spreading your legs farther to make space for him. He’s a tall guy with long limbs that he shrinks even with his fancy car, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. Sukuna seems a lot more focused in fucking you in that moment because he’s unhooking his belt, diving down for one more kiss that is a lot heated and rushed than the previous one for show.

“I want to get rid of his face from my mind, I fucking hate him so much,” you can’t help but bite down on Sukuna’s lip, hard enough that it draws blood. Sukuna groans into your mouth, the sound so utterly deep and sexy you drip down on his seats even more.

“You’ll still go back to him after this?”

“No…it would be stupid if I did,” you roll your eyes.

“Good girl,” Sukuna praises as his lips leave a wet trail from your jaw down to the valley of your breasts. His smile is quickly replaced with a sinister grin, one of his hands cupping your breasts at the same time his teeth dart out to playfully nip at your breasts. He really shouldn’t look so enticing under you like this, and you’re so caught by his devilishness you fail to realize he’s already rummaging through your purse. “But I think lover boy still doesn’t get the message. We’re gonna have to punch it through his dumb skull.”

He hands you your phone, Megumi’s contact right before you.

“Sukuna, what’re you doing?”

“Call him,” Sukuna moves up to fish a condom out of his wallet and slides it to his already throbbing cock, chuckling at the way your eyes widen at his girth as if you hadn’t taken him before. “Call him and let him hear how I fuck you better, sweetheart. Boys like him won’t get the message unless you tell them directly.”

His hands clutch the backseat until his knuckles turn white, aligning himself with your entrance. You’re wet enough that he slides in easily and you moan loudly at the intrusion, pretty little gasps a sign of your pleasure. Helplessly, you grip at his bicep while your legs shake from how tense you are, the tantalizing movement of his hips pulling breathless moans from you. “And what better way than to take what’s his, right? What did he call this? His pretty pussy?” Sukuna scoffs, “Fuck that, stupid little boys can’t even fuck you right, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“Ngh, Sukuna, that f-feels good, right there!”

“Right here?” he teases with a stroke of his cock that brushes against your tight walls. Sukuna’s face contort into pleasure when your tight pussy sucks him in, falling forward just to rasp in your ear. “Call him. Then, I’ll fuck you however you want me to.”

You don’t know how you’re able to swipe on Megumi, but he picks up in the speed of light like never before. Sukuna mouths loudspeaker and you follow his commands, Megumi’s voice booming through the sex-filled air of the car. “Where the fuck did you go? The party wasn’t over yet and you’re hanging out with some beefy, tattoed guy? It’s your roommate, isn’t it?” Megumi curses at someone before continuing, the aggravation evident in his tone. “He’s such a fucking creep, I swear if he lays his hands on you again I’ll—”

“You’ll do what, kid?” Sukuna challenges, “Oh and mind you, she’s the one who asked me to fuck her. As her concerned roommate and the more mature adult, I believe it’s my duty to listen to her complaints and make her feel better, especially when she keeps whining she’s not being fucked good.”

“Sukuna!” You whine and slap his arm, but you’re smiling, the pleasure and satisfaction of slapping Megumi this harshly making you feel greater than ever.

“Are you sleeping with her?” Megumi sounds like he’s losing his shit, and you sincerely hope he does. “Gosh, Y/N, how low can you be? I thought you were my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Since when?” you attempt to scream, but Sukuna’s gripped your thighs and pulls your lower body closer to his cock in time to meet his thrusts. Your body slides off the seat and you’re left screaming Sukuna’s name, the latter wearing a shit-eating grin at the way you’re creaming around him. Somehow, your attention reverts back to Megumi’s whining. “You’re a fucking dick, Megumi, I honestly hope you choke on your small dick!” you shout and end the call, slapping your hand on your face as you throw your phone away. “I hated saying that.”

“Because you still like him or…?”

“No, because he was actually a good fuck and his dick is huge,” you say through pants. Sukuna must’ve hated how you’re talking about Megumi’s dick when he’s literally rearranging your insides, and Sukuna grabs your leg, manhandling you into the position he likes. You’re immediately on your knees with your back flat to his chest, your arms locked between your bodies as Sukuna takes you from behind. Your head falls back to his shoulders where Sukuna leaves messy open-mouthed kisses to your sweaty skin. “I fucking hate him. He’s such an asshole.”

“Hmm, well don’t spend too much energy thinking about him anymore,” Sukuna snarls at your skin, releasing your hands just to rub at your swollen clit. “Just let loose and let me take care of you. I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t even remember meeting him.”

The honest side of you wants to moan, the familiar tightening of your abdomen appearing already. He’s hitting all your sensitive spots that you can barely think, only feel, but you also feel so powerful and enraged that you cup Sukuna’s cheek, narrowing your eyes at him. You hit his thrusts by pushing back against his cock that causes him to slide in deeper, the large man groaning deep within his chest.

“You sure about that?”

“Oh, hundred percent confident, baby.”

“Let’s see what you got then,” you teased him. Pretending you’re not seconds away from coming is an even bigger challenge than leaving Megumi, but for the sake of riling up Sukuna, you would do it.

“You’re challenging me?”

“If I don’t cum at least twice, then that’s going to be a damn shame.”

“Twice? That’s not even the minimum,” he shakes his head tauntingly at you, increasing his pace until the sounds of his balls smacking your ass and both your groans are filling the dead silent night. It’s so lewd and dirty that your tongue lols out from the pleasure, eyes shut tight because you’re close, so fucking close! “You’re going to lose your fucking mind,” Sukuna said as a final warning.

You didn’t think too much of it until he pulls out of you seconds before you came. The crestfallen look written all over your face makes him laugh, but Sukuna only turns your body and goes down on his knees, hitching your legs over his shoulders. Your chest falls up and down as he dives down to your sopping, abused cunt, hands threading through his hair before he rudely flicks it away. “No. Hands to yourself. You’re not allowed to touch me,” he hissed, but his roughness is softened only by a little bit when you whimper so sweetly for him. “Don’t pout, sweetheart, you’ll get your chance when we get home. For now, since you’d so rudely woke me up and left me without inviting me for dinner, I’m starving.”

Sukuna dips between your thighs, tongue poking out to take the first taste of your juices. Your reaction is instantaneous and gratifying; head thrown back, nails dug into the seats, legs quivering and falling open wider to welcome the warm, wet muscle that licks flat from your entrance up to your clit.

“Fuuckk, Sukuna, slow down, ngh—”

“He ever ate you out this way?”

“No, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Can you take it, sweetheart? Should I stop?” You know he’s teasing you, the sniggers muffled from your pussy lips are still heard but you can’t fight back, not when your legs turn to jelly at his ministrations.

“Keep going, fuck, please, I will slap you if you don’t make me cum tonight,” you threaten, and Sukuna smartly responds by sucking your clit into his mouth. He rolls it between his teeth, careful enough not to hurt you while plunging two fingers deep inside you, curling it into a come-hither motion that stretches you pleasurably. “Too, oh, shit!”

“You can’t even talk properly,” he chuckles, and the vibrations that come afterwards shatter your entire world. “And this is just my tongue. Feels too good?”

“Yes, yes, too good!” you cry out, “Sukuna, em coming!”

Your orgasm has no build-up whatsoever. You lay there panting with a silent scream as your nails scratch against his seats, toes curled as it comes down into you in one, hard slap. Sukuna hums as he licks up the arousal trailing down your pussy to not make even more of a mess. “Already? I haven’t even started yet,” he sighs sarcastically, “Don’t think I’m done with you. I did say you’d lose your mind, right?”

Sukuna has now joined you on the seats, flipping you to the side where he hooks one leg under his arm, your other leg extended to your side that remains flushed at the seats, his thighs squishing yours. It’s utterly challenging to move in this position and you’re completely at his mercy, the sight of his tall, dominating figure above you forcing you back into a submissive space. He doesn’t give you much time to recover before his cock is pushing past your pussy once more, bottoming out in one, swift thrust.

“’Kuna, too sensitive, mhhm—”

“You’ll take it,” he breathes out while peppering kisses at your ankle, “Come on, you’re a good girl, yeah? Give me one more.”

“Su-kuna, it’s too much!”

“Just one more.” Sukuna elicits moans from you the harder he thrusts, leaning forward until you’re crying out from the stretch of all the muscles in your body. He’s being nice today by letting you cum more than twice in the exchange of holding back his, because he’s absolutely throbbing inside you. He picks up a rougher pace from where he left off, saying your name through gritted teeth as you tighten around him. You’re squealing and whimpering from behind your fists, overly sensitive still from your previous orgasm.

His hips roll in such a mind-numbing manner before Sukuna rams into you utterly deep, your bodies flushed so close you can feel the heat pulsing from his skin. Sukuna tenses above you before he brings you to your orgasm, with him following not long afterwards.

Sukuna pulls out with a groan and ties his condom in a knot, discarding it above his clothes. Upon hearing your soft sighs, he immediately rushes your side and pats your cheek to wake you up. “Hey, look at me,” he commands, though his voice is gentle and soft. “You good?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out through fluttering lashes, “Yeah, I’m just tired,” extending your arms to him, you wrap your legs around his waist to bring him close. “Come here. Want cuddles.”

Sukuna gives in to your request for a few minutes and stays wrapped up with you. It’s perfect to be in this state, to be held so close and not just touched, the intimacy of it all bringing about unfamiliar warmth that only ever makes itself present when he’s here. “As much as I want to stay like this, we’re sweaty and sticky,” Sukuna murmurs through your hair, his hands roaming all over your skin. There’s no other sexual meaning behind it even as his rough palms graze past your mound. His touches are more like him exploring your body out of curiosity, out of the desire to just have you this close. You’re unsure what to feel about it and your mind is uncannily clear after an orgasm, but Sukuna’s already sitting up with you above him before you could ponder about it any longer. “Let me take you home first, then we’ll cuddle. What do you think?”

“Oh fuck,” you cut him off upon seeing the flashing of your screen. “It’s Megumi. Fifteen missed calls.”

“Lover boy is crazy,” Sukuna snickered behind you.

“Good thing I’m crazier,” you shut your phone off and throw it to the passenger’s seat, beaming up at Sukuna and giving him the puppy eyes from behind your shoulder. “Can we get milkshakes on the way?”

“I think you got enough milk.”

“Sukuna!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he raises his hands in surrender. You pout until you feel something hard and wet poking your bottoms, and Sukuna smirks, gesturing to his erection that you haven’t noticed. “You do know that I’m still hard, right? I’ll fuck you again when we get home.”

“You could’ve just let me suck you off.”

“Nah,” he refuses, “I want to feel you come around me,” Sukuna cockily winks at you, and your mouth falls open, gasping in disbelief at how vulgar he could be. He steals a quick kiss then as he tugs his pants up, the sight of him rolling his sleeves back up to his elbows thoroughly…compelling that you’re left salivating at the ripples of his muscles. “I’ll just wait ‘til we get home. Right now, I need to treat someone like a princess and get her some food.”

“You should stop saying that,” you blurt out defensively, “Sweet lies won’t get you anywhere.”

“I wasn’t lying about anything. I meant every word I said.”

The tension thickens in an instant. Sukuna looks at you warily – or perhaps worriedly? – before he situates himself back in the driver’s seat, starting the car right after you’ve fixed your appearance. Considering it’s already late, he’s struggling to find any restaurant or diners open to appease your cravings, though he doesn’t complain about it.

You fiddle with your hands on your lap, unable to find a proper explanation to his behavior. “Sukuna…” you start off nervously, refusing to look him in the eye. “Do you uhm…do you like me?”

“What kind of question is that, sweetheart?”

“I meant…maybe you just like me for my body, you know?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he tilts his head towards you, “I’m too old for drama and playing with people’s feelings. Like I said, the cards are all in your hands now. If you want us to just have casual sex, I don’t mind, but if you also want to be, uhm…” Sukuna awkwardly rubs at the back of his head with a clear of his throat, the tables turned because now he’s the one who can’t meet your gaze. “…something more, then I won’t refuse that either. I’m up to whatever you want to do.”

“And if I said that…maybe I’m considering getting to know you better?”

“Then maybe I would happily say yes.”

You smile at how easily he lightens up the mood, feeling a smile already playing on your lips as you giggle. “Just a maybe?”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he groans, averting his eyes from the road (it’s empty anyway) to get a quick peck. You whack his arm and his laugh only grows louder; he knows you’re not really angry, because he kisses really good and you like it a lot more than you’ll admit.

“I’ll be a hundred times of a better boyfriend than what you’d expect.”

“You’re really confident, huh?”

“Oh, I’m confident I can treat you well,” he nods proudly, head tipping back to the backseat. “I did just let you ruin my leather exterior and let you walk away while I have a raging boner. Do you have any idea how much self restraint a man has to have to let that happen?”

“Probably an immaculate one. Megumi would never let me go unless he’s came.”

“Yeah, well, fuck that guy,” Sukuna doesn’t even bother to try and hide his hatred for your former crush, and you’re smiling like a lovesick fool on the seat. “You’re with me now. So, since I want to spoil you, how many milkshakes do you want?”

Back then, you were always too addicted to lies that seemed so sweet that you couldn’t be able to stop. But now that you’ve met Sukuna, perhaps the blissful truth is a lot sweeter, and it’s a much healthier addiction you’ll take any day.

taglist: @thesimpsclub @uwubby-1 @expectoscamander @your-consulting-fangirl @dora-the-grownup @cosmotoic @charlie-xo @kittaliapenn @sukunas-cult-leader @flowersgirl02 @cloudsinthecosmos @90s-belladonna @averysheart-raleighsdick @generousstudentpsychic-bat @kat-su-ki @issamomma @sklycan @ggsmashgg @dora-the-grownup @ninefuckingoneone @ambiguous-something

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sluttywonwoo · 2 years

Note

dear beautiful tumblr user hotgirlwonwoo, did we ever get a part 4 of vern liking his best friend bc that shit has been living in my mind rent free and i need to know what happens next!! (pls ignore if u've already mentioned smth abt not doing anymore - i've been off tumblr for a while & couldn't find anything in ur recents posts kalsfjaf) love u lots ! x

read parts 1-3 here

you sound breathless on the phone, vernon thinks. had you been crying? his heart drops to his stomach at the thought. he hadn’t meant to be so weird when you came over. he just… couldn’t help it.

vernon had tried getting off again after you left. but he was too distracted to cum. he could tell you were upset by the way you blew him off at the door, but he still managed to convince himself that maybe things would be ok. now you weren’t replying to his texts, and he was getting worried. so he called you.

“what?” you demand upon answering, and that’s when vernon hears it. the heavy breathing. it catches him off guard, you must’ve been way more upset than you had been letting on. had something happened? had you needed him and he pushed you away? “vernon? are you there?” you ask, yanking him out of his spiraling. he realizes he hasn’t said anything yet.

“oh, uh, you weren’t answering my texts,” he says stupidly.

“i didn’t see them. but you only sent them thirty minutes ago. do you expect me to wait around all day for you to message me?”

he shouldn’t have called. this was a dumb idea. you sound impatient and angry and yet the uneven breathing on the other end of the line makes him think about having you underneath him. his mind wanders to what you’d sound like if you were out of breath because of him, if you’d pant or moan…

“no, not at all!” he scrambles. “you just seemed upset when you left earlier, so i thought you might be ignoring me.”

“i was upset,” you admit easily. the next part is a little harder to verbalize. “you were acting strange, like you wanted nothing to do with me… so i was just taking time for myself— away from my phone.”

hearing this makes vernon panic because that wasn’t the case at all. it was the opposite, actually. he wanted everything to do with you, and it was driving him crazy. he had never had a crush on a friend before and he was still having trouble coming to terms with it, but he hadn’t meant to make things weird between you in the process.

“i’m sorry,” he says hoarsely, “i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to make you feel that way. i’ve just had… an off-day. it had nothing to do with you, but i shouldn’t have let it ruin our movie night.”

there’s a pause before you respond.

“it’s ok. i’m sorry you had a bad day. is it that professor again?”

“yeah,” vernon lies.

“you should’ve just told me! i could’ve typed up a strongly worded email for you or something.”

“i… was embarrassed about it. i’m not doing well in his class.” another lie.

“vernon, it’s just me. you know i won’t judge you about something like that.”

he does know that. but you would definitely judge him if you knew the truth.

“yeah, i know. i’m sorry.”

“i know you are. just… tell me next time, okay?”

“i will. and i’ll make it up to you! do you want to come back over? i know it’s kind of late, but we could watch another movie, or an episode of our show?”

“oh, um… i’m a little busy right now,” you answer.

vernon deflates, but he understands. he isn’t sure that he would’ve been able to keep his emotions in check if you were to come back over anyway. and then you’d be right back where you started.

“that’s okay!”

“i’m free tomorrow night, though.”

“i am too. you should come over then.”

“sounds good! i have one condition, though.”

“what is it?” he asks, willing to do quite literally anything for you.

“since you’re making up for today and all, i get to choose the snacks.”

“deal.”

he can hear you smiling through the phone when you continue. “okay, we have to have popcorn and red vines.”

“i’m on it. i’ll go to the store in the morning,” he assures you.

you work out the rest of the details together and then hang up for the night. vernon feels a million times better than he did when he dialed your number. he hasn’t ruined everything with you, at least not yet. he has twenty-four hours to get his act together so that things can feel normal between you two, and step one is getting rid of that pesky crush.

#answered #anon #seventeen smut #svt smut #vernon smut #hansol smut #mutually exclusive

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fandomout · 3 years

Note

heya! can i request lots of lip gallagher angst please? i love what you write and need him in my life </3

Thank you so much! I'm not sure when I'll be able to make more Lip angst or Lip fic's, but I'll be sure to try when I get an idea. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one. 💜

Lip Gallagher X Reader-Imagine trying to convince Lip that Helene, his professor, isn't the best thing for him, but he can't see the truth

Warning! Mentions of virginity and sex, but there is no actual smut. Slight fluff. Lots of Angst. Not sure if this has been done before. If it has, credit to them, and this is my version of it.

Smiles and laughs grace your best friend, Lip, and you can't help grin just because he seems happy. He tells you about his recent endeavors at college, specifically how he’s having the greatest adventures with his professor, Helene. When you 1st heard about this mysterious woman, you were initially livid, on the inside, of course. You wanted to know everything and nothing about her all at once. However, just like always you had to find a way within yourself to support Lip’s happiness. You always hold onto the friendship that’s graced the both of you with each other. Also, you couldn’t help internalizing Lip’s trauma's and emotions throughout the years. He deserved to go to school and become even greater than he already is, and although you couldn't always stomach the thought of him with someone else, you’d support that too to see him be loved. You were as it goes hopelessly devoted to Lip, so you hadn't really dated too much. Nothing could ever get serious when you’d hold him in your heart.

🖇

One day, you were at Lip’s dorm helping him clean up a bit when Lip seemed to really catch the fact that you'd apparently been single for “too long”. You scoffed at Lip and asked, “What’s that your business for?” He laughed at the comment and added, “I just want you to be happy. I mean we don’t get as much time these days. Me in college and with…” He smiled and looked off to space. You mouth her name as he says, “Helene.” You roll your eyes at it and shake your head and bitterly say, “I don’t need to be with someone to be happy.”

“I get that, but maybe you’d seem a little...a little...better?”

“Better?”

“You just seem a little down lately. Seeing as you won’t tell me what it’s about, I’m just trying to find an all around solution because I care.” His hand finding your shoulder.

”I’m doing fine, really. You're just so up in the clouds-”

“I want you up here too.” You sigh as the words are a rubber band to the heart as you wished he meant together...

“Lip, I don’t need someone.”

“It doesn't have to be serious. Just get laid.“ His insistent nature angers you to shout, “I can't! I’ve never-” You stop yourself too late. Your virginity has never been a topic of concern. You both just glossed over it. To you, it never seemed like Lip knew you hadn’t gotten that far, regardless, you never wanted it to be made so clear. Silence passed between you two before he started to laugh and said, “You’re fucking joking.” You looked down to your feet, which was when he actually believed your words. “No shit. No fucking way! You haven’t gotten laid yet!”

“Want to scream it out any louder! Shut the fuck up!” He laughed before he held his hands up in surrender.

“That’s crazy to me.”

“Of course it is. You bang anything that walks. Lip-”

“Even with any of your s/o’s, you never-”

“No! I'm a virgin. No big deal!”

“Yes. I just find it hard to believe nobody would try. Did they?”

“Maybe once or twice, and I shut them down.”

“Not good enough for you.”

“Something like that.”

“People are fucking stupid. You are hot, and it surprises me there aren't any more.”

“It's the story of my life.”

“What?”

“Getting overlooked.” You said simply before continuing to stack a book on a high shelf.

“Come on, that can’t be true.” He turns you toward him. “I see you unless I see dead people.”

“Haha.” You grin.

“I’m serious though. When you walk into the room, it’s brighter. Maybe you catch the attention of shy people. Maybe pay more attention?”

“Can we stop talking about it?”

“Yeah. Yeah.”

🖇

You were on your way home late at night when you got a call from Lip. You answered and immediately thought it was a bit late.

“Hey!” He said a little off.

“Lip, what’s up?”

“Just need a drinking buddy.” You hear a bottle crash on his side of the phone.

“You doing okay there?”

“Yup! Having the bez time.”

“You already started drinking without me. Where are you?”

“I think I’m on campus on like a lawn-can’t remember which one.”

“I’ll be right there. Stay on the li-” He hung up. You jumped a fence and ran all over campus with no sign of him, and he wouldn't take you calls. You finally found him toward the back exit of the campus. He was swinging his body silly with heavy footsteps. You rushed over to support him. Immediately, he detached himself. A pout on his face with slumped shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” He laughs dryly.

“Come on, sit down.” You have him sit on the curb and wish you brought him a bottle of water or something. “What’s this about?”

“Helene...She’s married. She has a kid.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. This must be shocking to hear-”

“I already knew.”

“What do you mean you knew?”

“These past few...weeks? Weeks, I think, I knew. Hell, her husband watched us-Well, watched us fornicate.”

“Gross.” You couldn’t help but say. He shrugged at your reaction, not really being able to defend that truth. “You agreed to it?”

“I did, but I feel her pulling away now. I haven’t changed anything though.” He turns quickly toward me like he’d get whiplash. He points his finger to his chest and hits his chest aggressively as he says, “I’m me! I’m still giving her everything I have!...It leaves me in a funk.”

“You want to be with her that badly?”

“Yeah.”

“But, it doesn't feel so good.”

“Right.”

“You know why?”

“Yeah. I just said she has-”

“I didn’t mean the family thing.”

“Then, why?”

“You should try a relationship that’s more meaningful.”

“This is meaningful to me.”

“I meant a healthy meaningful.”

“Who are you to tell me?” He said it harshly.

“You’re right. I have no right to tell you what’s meaningful to you. You have to admit you're not in the best situation.”

“You’re one to talk. You’d rather have nothing than search for something. I think your standards are too high.”

“Trust me, they're not that high… Top 3 are honesty, communication, and trust.”

“Hmm ...You want to tell me something?” He smirked.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m all three of those for you. I must be your dream guy.”

”You could be, except it wouldn’t happen obviously.”

“Are you sure about that?'' He found himself saying.

“Here we are talking about your women, I’m sure...” You bite at your lip. Your thoughts stop when you see a few tears branching out of his eyes. You comb your hand through his hair. As he looked for more comfort, he wanted to lay down. You convinced him to let you get him to his dorm. He allowed you that, and he cried himself to sleep on your lap. He snuggled into your leg while you rubbed his back. You’d already had a distaste for Helene, but now you really couldn't stand her. She’d been fooling Lip, and she still had the power to keep going along with it.

🖇

After the incident, Lip wanted to act like it didn’t happen. He had told you that they were working on it. He even said it might be the closest thing to a relationship he’s had. You wanted to be there for him, but you had to admit you couldn't support this harm. There is a difference in this case to supporting him. You didn’t want to be a part of any longer. You kept quiet about it initially since she’d only done “one” wrong by him, according to Lip. He talked to you less and less it seemed after it. You tried your best, but something always seemed to come up. You’d get calls from Ian or Fiona that he’s drinking a lot which worries you and hasn't attempted AA when they think it's becoming a big issue. Finally, you confronted Lip on the street.

“I can't talk now.” He said. You didn’t let him push past you and stated, “No. You are not ditching me once again. You have stuff going on. It probably has to do with that woman-”

“Helene. That's none of your business.”

“None of my business?” You look at the bag under his eyes. He reeked of alcohol on his disheveled clothes. “She’s ruining you, but that’s none of my business? What happened this time?” He took out a cigarette and lit it before he sniffed and gave you a side smirk.

“I just maybe happened to beat up her son after I thought she cheated on me with him. Isn't that funny?” He giggled and hiccupped.

“Why were you upset? You were fine when she had a husband to cheat on you with.”

“That was different. Anyway, I see you’re upset about the lack of time I’ve been spending with you, but I can fix it. Let go for a drink.'' He put his arm around your shoulder and was probably leading you to Kev and V’s. You removed the arm and snapped, “What you need is some water. You’ve had enough.”

“What do you mean I haven’t drunk today?”

“Tell that to your breath and clothes. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“I think this conversation is stupid and remember why I was trying not to talk to you.”

“You did it on purpose?”

“I just knew you’d get all worried for nothing.”

“For nothing? She’s not good for you to begin with. Lip” You hold his hand and softly say, “Lip, She was your professor and married.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.”

“Lip-”

“I love her! She sure is a hell of a lot better than the ones telling me otherwise. You have no right to judge me. Take a look at yourself!”

“What are you talking about?”

“You go around pining for me in hope someday you’ll be the one. You’re pathetic! You can’t be the one because Helene was! She is! You’re single because no one wants you! You try to act so high and mighty! If you're so great and talented, leave! You’re useless around here! You fucking suffocating me with your supposed love and care! Thanks so much for it! You-”

”Stop!...I get it. You don’t want me around. Get some help from a sponsor and go to the AA meetings.” Tears began to pour, and you sniffled. “You wouldn’t want to lose and hurt someone you actually care about.” As he saw your tears and hurt, he sobered up slightly and said, “Wait-” You quickened your steps to get away as fast as possible. He tried to follow after, but his drunken body wouldn't allow it as he reached forward and fell right on his ass. "Fuck!"

Hope your day got better

Part 2 Lip realizes his mistake

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