#I'm still kind of mad about it

[babbeldumpsterfire]

Reminds me of when I was 13 and my mom’s old car got a Laura Pausini cd stuck in its cd player for months: whenever she wanted to listen to some music, that was the only option available. It was also my prized possession, the only authentic cd that I had of that singer: needless to say, I was very jealous and wanted to keep track of it, so everyone got to suffer through the best hits of Laura Pausini anytime we drove for more than 10 minutes anywhere. In the end everyone got sick of Laura belting ‘ho l’inquietudiiinee di viveeereee’ and I don’t know how but my father unstuck the cd one fateful evening, and returned to me a very broken cd lmao

#never got another cd as a substitution either #my father burned another cd with the same songs and that was it #I'm still kind of mad about it #but to this day anyone in my family still despises those songs except for me #the cd player also got irremediately damaged #so Laura definitely didn't go down without a fight #(putting all this in another post because I realized neil was tagged and I didn't want to hog the og post with my dumbass story lmao) #babbelbabbles #good omens #queens #stuck cds seem to be a curse of the past #I'm glad we have usbs now

[just-posting-kalone]

Finished Dual Destinies!! Simon Blackquill and some other stuff

#apollo justice #dual destinies #ace attorney #ace attorney fanart #athena cykes #simon blackquill #GOD I LOVE ATHENA (AND SIMON!) #I heard a lot of bad about DD so I was skeptical #but in the end I had a lot of fun with it! #even though I'm a big aa4 fan #still kind of mad that they decided to just ignore most of the stuff from it and never mention them again #beanix you will be missed #you were too powerful for this world #the kristoph line was... something #ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION THE PHANTOM STUFF??????????? DUDE #ace attorney spoilers

[miabrown007]

the summer after finishing university in New York, Marinette gets invited to a camping trip with Alya and Nino and his best friend. which, honestly, is for the best. at least she has more time than the four years she's already had to figure out how to reach out to her one-time superhero partner, with whom she fell out of touch after the reveal.

only, it's Adrien Agreste waiting for them on the meeting point, beaming so hard at her that it's blatantly obvious they know each other well. in her panic, what is Marinette supposed to tell Alya and Nino to protect their identites, if not that they used to date?

(fake exes AU x there was only one tent)

#miraculous ladybug #writing prompt #ladynoir #adrinette #if you thought fake-dating was ridiculous enough get ready for: fake exes!! #Adrien is sunshine. his lady!! he's so happy to see her again!!! but also she did kind of ghost him for years is she mad at him? #Marinette is dying inside. maybe this would be easier if she ever fell out of love with Chat Noir and not just dated for sport during her B #Alya doesn't understand how could her best friend hide a relationship all throughout highschool but she wants to know all about it! #Nino's pretty sure Adrien is still in love with Nette which makes everything so much more complicated. couldn't they just stargaze in peace #I'm clearly having a lot of thoughts about it but I also do not think this is getting written unfortunately #poor boy sitting in my drafts for a year now. someone liberate him!!

[norue67]

The existence of Ingo’s alpha fight means that at some point, Ingo waltzed into Jubilife Village followed by three enormous, towering monsters. And the entire village was like “yeah this is fine, he probably knows what he’s doing” lmao Also note that his alphas all have red eyes. That means he didn’t even catch them, they’re still wild. This man somehow convinced a bunch of wild alphas to fight for him just by talking to them nicely

#pla #pokemon #legends arceus #ingo #ress #cyllene #bidoof #wyrdeer #basculegion #kleavor #ress's bidoof is actually kind of a monster though #that bidoof fucking killed my dialga when i first fought him #WHY DOES IT KNOW ICE BEAM?? #i'm still mad about that #comic #shitpost #when you are as cool as ingo you can do whatever you like #i love that for the alpha fight he doesn't even do his pointing pose #he just stands there and lets them maul you

[cuntastic-mrs-cunt]

i think the most annoying part about riftan is how people in the fandom treat him 😭 like, most of the fandom seems to either hate his guts or wants him to be in their guts. i just don't get it

#riftan calypse #under the oak tree #utot #uot #scrolling older posts on the under the oak tree tag is... not an experience i thought it would be i guess #i kind of understand? like #ill idolize character but #i cannot imagine myself mashing bathing suit areas with them. #and its hard to form deep and insightful opinions about characters without knowing the whole story #and this isnt to say that people can't rant about them and/or their behavior (obviously) #but after reading his behavior in book one AND his pov.. like how can u not sympathize with him at least a little #i have more to say but i've already gone on long enough #if i'm still mad tmr ig i'll js post about it then #ranting in the tags #rambling in the tags

[damn-it-a-hogwarts-legacy-blog]

It’s so weird and kind of lonely to be in a fandom that is so largely neurotypical (or the neurodivergent people are just really good at masking, idk lol). I actually can’t remember the last time I was part of a fandom where the majority of people I interacted with weren’t ND.

I’m certainly not leaving anytime soon, I have too many wips to finish and screenshots I want to post LMAO. But it’s kind of isolating too. I always feel like I make things awkward when I start talking about ADHD because it’s clear very few people know how to respond.

I don’t blame anyone for it or hold it against anyone ofc. If you don’t live in that world, it can be very hard to wrap your head around it. There are plenty of aspects of autism I will simply never understand despite having so many friends with that diagnosis. I don’t always know what to say to them either.

Anyway, I don’t wanna make it seem like I’m just feeling sorry for myself lol. If you’re also ND, you’re not alone. Real life can be really lonely for a lot of us, and I suspect that’s why so many of us seek out spaces online in addition to (or instead of) irl interactions. Whether you write fics, draw or just discuss/reblog, your contributions to our little fandom are just as valid and important as anyone else’s. 💚

#hogwarts legacy #off topic #my ODD demons are telling me it's time to celebrate triggering miserable people by talking about my neurodivergency #so thank u to all the kind people who let me live rent free in their heads merely for talking about having ADHD lmaooo #truly--I feed on the misery of snowflakes and their impotent rage is delicious #ie stay mad lmao I'm still ND B)

[captainhysunstuff]

A reactionary comic about rereading a fic that I recently recommended that was way darker than I remembered, lol. I still love it for how they pretty much drive each other crazy, but that word choice and the consent issues... *cringes* At least there are valid warnings beforehand, and the first fic was pretty PG. Sorry. *laughs sheepishly*

#drawn by me #my fancomic #sort of a review of a fanfic #Death Note #lawlight #self portrait #Light Yagami #L #aggressive making out #it's just that I'm usually seen as maybe a couple steps below wholesome and felt weird about my recommendations after rereading them #and it was on fanfiction.net so they don't have the in depth tagging system that Ao3 has so there is a bit of blindness #but still thank goodness the author did provide warnings and actually recommended people skip certain chapters #L and Light are NOT nice to each other in Concerto in D Minor to say the least #that and Violins Light are still very influencial for me and for inspiring my love of these two driving each other to the edge of madness #and *spoilers* they don't even have sex in it! the majority of the explicitness is just from violence and non-consensual... torture touch? #it also follows my weird trend of starting off kind of silly to more serious when it comes to tone #and of course driving Light into a horrible crisis~ #sorry for my lack of artistic activity. I'm still in the process of drawing the next installment of my fancomic #but I did wanna do this as a psuedo apology for my recommended fics. I was honestly shocked by how dark/brutal it gets lol #I do still recommend them if you can handle it. It’s honestly not the darkest thing I’ve read lol

[artheresy]

An argument over whether or not Dan Heng is Dan Feng seems to have begun getting sparked again in certain parts of the Fandom and it does nothing but hurt my head to no end

Both sides cherrypicking or treating it like a strange situation, making false equivalents. "Yknow governments don't consider people who've lost their memories to be separate people" that's a flawed argument to use in favorite of DH = DF because it's not just he lost his memories. He literally grew up, experienced his own childhood, had a whole identity cultivated based on those experiences and that life and continues to live his own life. To treat the situation like it's just him getting a bit of amnesia is wild to me

But also I hate when people continue to insist he's running from Dan Feng and his past and how he's miserable and shouldn't ever confront the past and deal with it as if his and Blade's whole stories aren't centered around rebirth and karma, paying for your past life's karma. He needed to confront the past to ensure a freer future! He literally has!! And he will continue to do so because he realizes this, DH isn't dumb and he's grown since we first saw him. He understands

But yeah uh I'm so tired

This whole thing feels very Ship of Theseus. What makes the ship what it is, the physical aspects of its planks, its sailing history, or both?

For him, the question is what makes someone who they are? Is it the body that makes them up and any inherent genetic factors (like traits)? Is it their experiences, how they've grown up, and the identity they've developed in that time? Or is it both factors mixed together?

Personally in the case of Dan Heng, I think it's both! Yeah he has a lot of traits from Dan Feng. There's a lot inherently there. But we can't disregard his own experiences and the identity that has formed based on his history and what he's seen.

Again I can't stress this enough... It is a false equivalent to compare him to people who lose their memories or get amnesia, he didn't just lose those memories. He started life from the beginning, a whole different kind of life. And even then, the amnesia topic comes with its own debates. Isn't there a whole other thought experiment regarding someone put to trial who ends up with amnesia and what their verdict should be?

I guess in the end, it's all up to people's own philosophical beliefs after what constitutes a person. My personal belief that DH and DF will always be connect but the separation between them is also meaningful is something based on my own ideas of what consisitutes a person and their individual identity, similar situation with how I see Rukkhadevata and Nahida as connected but still not the same person exactly. At the end of the day again, it's personal beliefs

But what I can't stand and can't stand by, is someone acting all high and mighty like they're perfectly right and everyone else is wrong, especially when they're cherrypicking or not holding all their evidence to the same standard. According to some ppl, apparently it's better in the CN fandom where instead of treating it like "I'm right you're wrong" people have divided themselves into "DF and DH one person" and "DF and DH two people" groups and most importantly of all, they treat both like theories and just keep to their space and tag which they believe when it's relevant. Why can't we just do that? Why can't we follow in their footsteps instead of bringing up this argument every so often with the same tired flaws from both sides?

#Lore discussion in this community can be so tiring #I wish more people would be open to their viewpoint being challenged instead of believing they can never ever be wrong #And seeing people throw out wild accusations #Like someone saying people are transphobic if they believe dh is df like what? #I get it if you identity with dh and read it as a trans narrative personally even if I dont #Doesn't mean you can call people transphobic over it #I dunno I'm tired #Everything I see this topic I get mad #“He says you're my past in the ichor of two dragons!!” #He also says right after “But you won't follow me into my future” so your point is? #Additionally if we're being 100% real that animation feels like it's less about his rejection and eventual acceptance of DF specifically #It feels more so like his rejection of the role of Imbibitor Lunae given what I've talked about about the DF being there would never say #Any of those things how it's based on his biased view of him and is a projection of things he was told growing up likely #So I'm tired #One of the only good arguments I've ever seen to say DH is DF is in regards to how he clings to DF's old stuff #I have things to say about it personally #But it's a MILES better argument than some of the other ones I've seen and even then my arguments against it would still be an up for #Interpretation kind of thing like the initial argument rather than pointing out someone is looking at the full picture #Again I respect how people see it! Believe what you want to believe about it again it's all about our own perspectives #Just don't be a dick to people on either side if you don't agree with them #Dan heng #Dan feng #Hsr #Honkai star rail

[dootznbootz]

I think some folks MAY have gotten the wrong idea about how I feel about Circe with some of my posts. So, to clear the air...

Homies, I love that fucked up sorceress.

I love how we're never given a reason why she turns people into animals. That's so funny and so awful. And another potion-making magic gal?!?! I love that she's just basically vibing on an island doing whatever she wants. I even love the fact that she scares Odysseus shitless! She's morally gray and that's why she's FUN.

I just sincerely hate when people try to girlboss her or have her be a victim of SA when she never was Looking at you, Miller. Especially when she was actually the one who coerced Odysseus in exchange for his men being transformed back into humans. And even then, while he was clearly afraid of her, (it's in the language of the Odyssey) she likely meant him no harm after a certain point. He just didn't know that.

Why does she need a reason to do awful things? Why can't she just be a goddess who does whatever she wants? That's the reason why I love her!!! She's fucked up!!! :D

I hate what the Telegony did to her as well! >:( You're telling me, this sorceress goddess, who makes potions (!!!) wouldn't have magic contraceptives??? Would WANT CHILDREN?!?! WITH THE PATHETIC WIFEMAN?! No. Fuck no. Eugammon of Cyrene, I have beef with you 🤬

Anyways!!! Understand all the "#anti circe" I have is simply Anti "Girlboss Circe" or the book. I genuinely think she's neat af as her morally gray, fucked up sorceress self and just get frustrated with...everything :'D

#I have these same feelings with Medea and Medusa and so many others. Penelope too. Let them do something fucked up just to be fucked up #I'm a “god forbid women do anything” in the sense of 'she did a fucked up thing. That's why she's fascinating. Don't take her awfulness #away from her!!! please! I wanna study her under a microscope!'😭 #PLEASE #...I actually kind of don't like the idea of her actually caring about her nymphs :P maybe she “protects them” but like... #I see her as a “Why are all of you dancing? Oh. it's a birthday? hm okay. Just make sure your duties are done.” while not caring #whose birthday it is. She's not really shown to be close to them during the Odyssey and idk just seems in character for her to not give af #save me morally gray circe #<-making that a tag now because...yeah. She absolutely wouldn't save me though. #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #anti madeline miller #anti circe #<-THE BOOK! I HATE THE BOOK! LET HER BE AWFUL YOU COWARDS #Why do women need to be SA'ed to be strong Miller?! >:( #...Ima say it. The pathetic wifeman is more relatable to me than Hot Snake Monster Lady when it comes to this stuff.😤 #I just sincerely hate the fact that people erase what happened to him you know? It's silly but it means a lot to me. #Also I think she got bored of him immediately and simply let him chill at her place. #She's a goddess. She's got better things to do and she absolutely doesn't love him and he absolutely doesn't want her. #I don't have with Eugammon btw. He's dead and I'm exaggerating but I STILL hate the Telegony >:( #tw sa #kind of??? idk #barely mentioned but yeah #Calypso though?? Yeah. I hate her in practically everything except Pirates of the Caribbean because that's not Odyssey Calypso

[431989]

more resident alien posting. predictions... spoilers so beware

well. i'm upset that the shows going to have a difficult time having more serious scenes now. and that's probably what it's going to try and set itself up for.

i reaaaally would have loved to see this show do something ACTUALLY different and good. by different i mean in terms of writing and not necessarily drifting from source material. yes i'm still sour over last ep, but i wouldn't be AS sour if everyone on the show didn't treat harry and asta's relationship as "mother and child." and also if the show didn't take such a nose dive into the type of comedy it's putting out.

ALSO? IN A RECENT INTERVIEW? Sheridan going on to state that harry would lose his first """love""" (more like lust. awesome that a show trying to teach human emotion gets those two things mixed up) and then realize there's love everywhere or something? why does this feel like "weird" people are forever left to the role of outcasts. already fucked it up once i guess the guy's trying to fuck it up more. could've just left it at "he'll lose his first love, then he will have to reconcile with his feelings." but he had to drop in that last corny bit.

like. the show's source is already good. i don't understand all these decisions they're making to try and make it seem "unique." and now to get numbers back they're dumbing it way down. WHICH. BY DOING SO. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE YOUR DRAMA? like how am i supposed to take anything seriously in the show. i *could* in season 1 and parts of season 2, but now it's just whatever. it's too goofed up for me to care. and now people who love the goofy won't give two shits about whatever message you want to drop or plot you want to develop. i dont give a shit about the greys!!! i dont care what theyre doing!!!! who gives a fuck if theyll blow up the earth. none of the characters really care anymore either. oh well!!!

also, predictions kind of. i'm not trying to say this will be the be all end all but it certainly could be a turn the show takes. in one of the issues of the comic (suicide blonde i think), harry is investigating the "suicide" of a woman. by the end of the issue, he catches up with her ex-lover and ex-roommate. they were both ladies. and the girl who died had a drinking problem btw. and was constantly seeing boys. i'm all for gay couples on screen as a gay guy myself but it'll feel so cheap to pair darcy and asta together despite the way theyve been played on screen. maybe its doable. i don't know. but i genuinely could care less considering the overall tone of the show's drifted more towards a sitcom than anything else. i think the small handful of 40+ year old gay wine moms would probably love it, but the vast majority of viewers wont. either they'll hate it and say it's forced diversity (there's already people saying that about the gay couple on screen this past episode) or it'll be another nothing moment to a further nothing story. if anything it'd feel one step removed from tokenization, considering they see harry as a manchild. ableism! show's trying to seem fucking wholesome but they can't be bothered to care about their nd viewers. like "haha look we have a main gay couple!!! what do you *mean* our show has rampant ableist tropes, we have a gay couple!"

i'm just so bummed. the show's cornered itself into a sitcom so meaningful moments aren't a thing anymore. plus the comparison of harry to a child is really getting at me. like he's a grown man as a human, and hes a grown alien thing as an alien. it's such a big slap in the face to any person who cherished the witty and unique story telling of the first season... like.... i don't know.... people who would've been fans of the comic too? i have small gripes about the comic, but at least it takes itself more seriously. but the show runners haaate the people who read the comics. why? i dont know. well maybe i do know. probably seen as too nerdy and weird for their idea of the show's viewerbase. despite the fucking basis of the show being weird and nerdy.

they couldve done the darcy asta thing better if they do go down that road. i'm just saying i wouldn't be surprised. they already scared off everyone who would've cared for something like that, so i don't know how they'll manage to find an audience that cares. everything in s1 was so organic and felt real!!!!! now its just!!! nothing!!!!!!!!!!

im also thinking about the fact that after posting that one resident alien drawing i did, i've had to block tons of people because they're freaks. loud and proud conservatives. man this shit sucks.

#resident alien #ra posting #sorry this one's kind of long #i'm still mad #i'll still keep up i guess out of spite #no i'm not paying for shit either LOL #i'll also clarify that i was in a sleepy daze when reading the comic #so i could've glazed past some things or the connection i made in my sleepy daze might not make sense now #which do correct me on that #but buhhhhh #whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #god forbid a guy have meaningful development in a show he cares about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also for anyone tempted to read the comic its written by two english guys so. keep that in mind i guess. #this is alllllll making me want to make my own thing #guhh #tbvh the show took out a lot of the comics... mysticism... but then the show shat all over the work they did to make it real and charming #flanderization hit it hard #feels way more tokeny. and also harry atp is nothing more than described as a manchild #EDITTING IN THE TAGS THEY DID CALL EACH OTHER FAMILY DIDNT THEY #technically they hadnt done that yet for asta and harry on screen i dont think but the interviews are still there #god what a mess

[sb-essebi]

"I was surprised you'd stick up for Astarion"

Shadowheart. GIRL. He's biting me every night. You sleep right next to us. I'm bending my goody-two-shoes paladin ass over backwards to get him to like me. Do you not have eyes? You tought I'd sell him out to a monster hunter??? Girl. Girl, I figured out what your hand wound does. It's selective blindness. Shar, goddess of darkness, makes perfect sense, girl, Shadowheart, listen-

#sari plays bg3 #this woman! I swear!!! #driving me mad #I kind of hate that I've grown so fond of her?? #like. shar worship? BAD! and she can be unkind and uncaring and also ruthless. BUT. she also ends up liking doing good #and she CAN be cautious and patient and measured when she puts in the effort #and gale? he's not without sins. obviously. he's also very in the 'I regret that it didn't work' stage still rather than 'I regret doing #that' stage. which. I do get honestly? and he LOVES power. and he keeps spinning every story in a way he never admits he does love power #but he's SO nice. I love the way he talks. he's so intense about magic. so sweet about mystra. he's insane about his cat. #he locked himself in his tower moping for a year. it's implied that said tower was MEGA cluttered with artefacts before that. #how can you not love him at least a little bit? right? #I love how complex the characters are in this game #like even astarion- am I insane about him? yes. absolutely. I talk to him just to look at his face. I stare at his hands when he talks. BUT #he can be an asshole. just AWFUL. but I'm getting to know him so much and honestly who wouldn't be like that after what he's been through.. #I'm 20 hours into the game and already I can't wait for future playthroughs where I spend more time with different characters #karlach and halsin are so fun! wyll is such a disaster! lae'zel is such a bitch! I love all of them.

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet' #and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient- #kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an- #instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.' #like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues- #our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard- #of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things. #in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive' #but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity' #...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people! #who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish! #thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories! #and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly! #ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[miodiodavinci]

the burnout is real lads . . . . .

#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents #it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today #and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am #and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly #and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession #and it's like #neither of us have lost the passion for it??? #it's not that we hate our jobs #it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just. #no longer getting results. #i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero #not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly #because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes #i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . . #i still need to write three planning documents for tonight #one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it #but my god #i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three #i'm so close to the end though . . . . . #just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship #of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents #and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony) #but god . . . . . . . . #so close . . . . . . . . #so close . . . . . . #once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . . #i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;

[thesmokinpossum]

Why are HR people the most annoying fuckers on the face of the Earth?

#i have a job interview tomorrow and it's the third time this woman change the time for it #she didn't even mentionned it this time i just noticed that the schedule is different on teams #so i need to send her an email like girl WHEN are we actually doing that shit????? #also she made kind of a snide comment about my name when we were talking on the phone and i'm still mad about it tbh #like listen asshole just because your parents were boring as the entire fuck doesn't mean we all need to have boring ass name smh #i really want to work for this place tho so i'm trying to keep a positive attitude #but yeah let's abolish hr tbh lmao

[manasurge]

.

#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity #am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about #i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy #why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies #this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most #i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out #it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself #i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk #also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it- #- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop #i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me #not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE #no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me. #not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse #but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about #-everything lmao #stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse #delete later probably idk lmao