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#Mango Goes to Jail
roseverdict · 1 year
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How Can AvM Be Canon Within AvM? (Analysis/Headcanon)
Alright, so it's been, what, two, two and a half weeks since The King came out and downright imploded the fandom? There's so much going on during every second and every little detail counts. There've been revelations of Mango and Purple's narrative foiling, of what Mango's backstory means for the ages of the rest of the cast, and of what this means for the Beckerverse at large.
However, one odd little loose end continues to nag at a lot of us, it seems.
How is it possible for the original AvM video to exist within the continuity of the AvM "Shorts"?
I've seen a lot of speculation about whether in-universe Alan just has his screen recorder on all the time or not, and what this means for the apparent father figure to the very sticks in the video. Are the videos like vlogs in-universe? Do the sticks know they're being watched by millions of strangers?
I'd like to think I've figured it out. See, a post like this almost could have been made months ago, back when Green first saw Mango's explanation of the plan to Purple…except we didn't have one key factor then that we do now.
And that key factor…
…is Herobrine.
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Lemme explain.
See, a lot of pieces of the puzzle fall into place once you work out Herobrine's whole deal. For context, in the original AvM video, he possesses Red and forces them to battle the rest of the Color Gang for seemingly no reason. When he next appears in Monster School, he's…
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…a teacher?
Now, I'm not going to talk too much about the ins and outs of Monster School- that's not a canon I'm familiar with. What I am familiar with, though, is the previous Animation Vs. videos. Why on earth would a Minecraft cryptid who, by all appearances, should have a grudge against ROYGB…not have a grudge?
I mean, you've seen him in action.
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If Red wasn't an unexpected-but-welcome visitor, we would have known. Instead, we got Herobrine making Red come to class. Almost like saying "Get in here- you might actually learn something."
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And while he's pretty insistent that Red sticks around for class, as visibly Not A Mob as Red is, he's also a pretty chill teacher, all things considered.
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At least, until his students are endangered.
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Now, how does this characterization of Herobrine mesh with that from the original AvM, when the characterization for everybody else is so rock-solid that we're able to associate Minecraft proficiencies with stick figures who are visually indistinguishable save by color?
Simple: it doesn't.
Now, I'm not saying we've got two Herobrines running around, I'm saying that the Herobrine we meet in Monster School is, as it were, Beckerverse Herobrine's natural state.
The original AvM was an acting gig.
I'd even go so far as to suggest that almost all the "Animation Vs" videos that aren't AvM "Shorts" were planned out in-universe, and there's a simple way to tell which ones would have been planned and which ones weren't.
Does it happen on Alan's desktop (or an expansion of it)? It was most likely planned.
This goes for Vs. Youtube, Vs. Mario, Vs. Arcade Games, and Vs. Minecraft. An argument could even be made for AvM S1E1- The Rediscovery.
It does not go for Vs. League of Legends.
(Don't worry, I'll be coming back to Herobrine later. I'm not through with him yet.)
Now, Vs. League of Legends, while originally teased at the end of Vs. Minecraft, does not actually pick up from where Vs. Minecraft left off. It takes place sometime after season 1 of the AvM shorts, and it takes place within League itself.
It also features Purple.
I won't go into too much detail, but suffice it to say that the bit of character development we get here does seem to translate directly to the Parkour episode of AvM S3- in the previous AvM short with Purple in it, the rainbow squad leaves on less-than-friendly terms with Purple, what with Blue and Green being left to fall to their deaths and Purple being tossed in Minecraft jail, and all. In Vs. League, however, we get a good, old-fashioned stick fight between ROYGB and Purple, and it would be expected for the two sides to part as frustrated acquaintances at best…
…and then they go for another round, this time switching up who the 'villain' is and getting Purple to play with them.
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Then, in Parkour, Purple uses this newfound trust to get them into the parkour trap. (And I could yell (hyperfixation) about Purple here, too, but I'm trying to focus purely on the meta right now so skdjskdjdk)
See, season 1 of AvM originally takes place on Alan's PC, but it does take a detour through the Nether and out through multiple different Minecraft worlds before the sticks finally get back.
Season 2, short as it is, takes place entirely on the desktop. (Or desktop-adjacent, in the case of the Lucky Blocks episode. Even in that trippy Lucky Block Dimension, the sticks can still influence the desktop directly.)
Season 3…well.
Season 3 takes us out of Alan's PC right from the get-go, and while there is a brief return or two before the end, it's still a direct continuation of what's been happening on the other side of the portal.
And what a happening it's been!
We've got the squad being split up multiple times, we've got a looming threat on the verge of deleting Minecraft, and we've even got a brief detour through somebody else's copy of the game.
But how does all this mesh together?
Well, like I said, if my theory is correct, the Animation Vs. videos (minus Vs. LoL) were all staged, at least to some degree. That means that, for all intents and purposes, Herobrine's original possession of Red was planned out beforehand and given the green light.
Maybe some of the other AvM videos were too, maybe they weren't. Unless we see them within the context of new AvM videos themselves, I don't think we'll ever know for sure.
But the videos that follow the sticks off the desktop are almost certainly videos that just don't exist in the Beckerverse. If in-universe Alan has a screen recorder trained on his desktop for funsies, he likely doesn't send his digicameras to follow the sticks around as they leave to do who-knows-what.
So what does this mean for the father figure to our favorite stick figures?
I propose that the Animation Vs. videos that could have been filmed using just Alan's screen recorder were, while videos that involve the sticks leaving to go who-knows-where weren't. The build battles, the first two music-related episodes, the first rollercoaster video, those were all done with at least the knowledge that what they were doing was being recorded. (I personally like to think in-universe Alan runs any "hey remember this? let's make it a video!" ideas past the sticks before uploading, but that's just me.)
Blue and Green leaving for the Nether the first time and ending up on Purple's Macbook, and everything that comes directly of it? That happens "off-camera" and probably isn't uploaded to in-universe Youtube.
The events of S3 as a whole, taking place almost entirely off of Alan's PC, wouldn't have been recorded, either.
Which brings us back to Herobrine. His first appearance, his acting gig, was definitely on Alan's desktop. In this context, it'd be like if you managed to successfully get Bigfoot to shoot a video with you- you shoot the video, you bid Bigfoot farewell, and you never expect to run into him again.
Except Red did.
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When Herobrine sees Red in the halls, his first instinct is not to tell Red to get lost, the way it would be if he'd recognized Red and left ROYGB on bad terms. He squints at Red- and I would bet money that he does recognize them, because how many stick figures would a Minecraft Creepypasta brought to life even know?- and invites Red to class.
That's not something you do with somebody you dislike, especially when kids you care about, your students, are on the line and you've got the means to protect them.
Now, we know from Monster School and The King that Herobrine is perfectly capable of what we saw in the original AvM, but that he's also capable of so much more. The Doylist explanation is just that Alan and the crew came up with more abilities to show off after growing their skills for years on end.
The Watsonian explanation is that, well, in a scripted video, Herobrine didn't need to pull out all the stops. The original AvM was plenty entertaining as it was, and the sticks are durable enough to do things, like, say, brawl with each other in a website without end. If the first AvM was scripted, who's to say they were even really endangered?
(The AvA videos and the actually-short shorts…kinda hurt my brain to think about in this context. So I won't. At least, not yet.)
But they were definitely endangered in The King, and when Herobrine is in danger of getting pulled into the staff, nobody moves…
…except for Red.
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Red was possessed in the seemingly-scripted original AvM video and, if they'd had a bad experience with being possessed for a video, they likely wouldn't have brought attention to themself right at this moment. If they hadn't, they might have beaten themself up over not doing so later, but their first thought in the moment wouldn't be to get closer.
But it was. They did.
And we all know what happened next.
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We know that plot points from the original AvM are still true in-universe, scripted though the video may be.
Herobrine's abilities...
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...the power of the Minecraft icon...
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...that's all stuff that comes back later on.
Which brings us to the Mango man himself and the moment that's breaking all of our brains.
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In-universe, if the only videos that exist are the ones that take place solely on or around one guy's desktop, who's to say stick figures in the interspace believe that anything that happens in them could be real? They don't go on that guy's PC. As evidenced by the Minecraft booth from Mango's backstory, they need a whole Star Trek holodeck-on-steroids setup to even get into Minecraft without using Minecraft mechanics directly, and this likely goes for other games as well.
Mango, however, was desperate enough to turn to Minecraft myths for his revenge plan. He's already considering things outside the box- who's to say he can't get the Minecraft icon from wherever the ROYGB sticks are?
So when he puts up his posters declaring that he wants to find the sticks who most people probably consider to be actors, who else would respond than the one stick we on the outside have seen before, the one stick who knows that the videos may be scripted but the abilities are certainly real?
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When Purple sees Mango's Minecraft basement, they're looking around in awe, sure, but given that the use of Minecraft mechanics seems to be restricted outside of Minecraft, to the point that Mango needed to make a shady alleyway deal to get his hands on a command block…well, I'd be surprised too.
But they recognize the Nether portal for what it is, and they don't hesitate to follow Mango through.
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There's probably a lot to be said regarding Purple's motivations at this point- given the assumption that Vs. LoL happened off-camera, for Purple to then turn around and lure the sticks into the parkour trap for Mango…there's something more going on there, there's gotta be. Something that might have been expanded on in a musical number, perhaps?
however this post took several hours of thinking to do and the better part of a day to make legible for tumblr, and i wound up passing out at one point, so i think i'm done for now wodjskdkd. i'd like to think i've at least clarified which videos would be available in-universe and why.
now if anybody needs me, i'm gonna go rewatch s3 and cry again :',D
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thelasttime · 8 months
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so many of my fruit opinions are basically "awful fruit, but good as a flavor." mangoes? jail. mango iced tea? incredible. same goes for peaches, oranges, apricots.
i also like bananas in things (pancakes, bread, etc) but not on their own. the opposite is true with apples though because i think cooked apples are so incredibly awful
mangoes JAIL???????? PEACHES JAIL?????
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Character Palette/Personality Palette
If I have seen the movie/show/or whatever this character is in I will let you know! But if I haven't I'm just gonna give my best guess to their personality or what I think they like and everything. I will make them two palettes, one based on their appearance and one based on what I think their personality is. If you'd rather not see this just block the tag "character palette and personality guess" I figure no one's tagging anything like that so it should be easy to filter out. If you genuinely like this character and I roast them please understand this is all for fun and it’s just a joke. If you wanna send me a character for a palette and my guess at their personality/interests just drop it on anon or off anon and I'll see what I can do.
Alright so this Satsuki Ito from the Japanese media mix project Paradox Live. I've never heard of it until now but I saw this character and immediately got excited. I can't wait to go in on this man. Let's fucking get into it!
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First of all, love his color palette. So sick. Whoever designed him needs a raise. The hair, the color choices, the tattoo placements and the jewelry? Amazing. That being said this is such a fuckboy fit. I love it. This man would cheat on you with someone who looks just like you and find a way to make you believe it's your fault. He definitely borrows money from his girlfriend but doesn't pay her back. He vapes, I can literally smell the mango through the screen. He looks dumb but in a fun way. This is such a trailer park kind of look too. Like, I see him idolizing his big brother who taught him how to turn an apple into a bong. This is such a smoke-weed-out-of-a-crushed-coke-can kind of vibe. I can smell the bottle of 3 in 1 he uses in the shower. Like, I smell it through the screen just barely covered by the intense scent of like axe body spray. All of his money goes into vape juice or video games. He either delivers pizza, works in fast food or works at a gas station. I feel it, I feel like I've fucking seen him at one of those places. He doesn't live with his parents either, he lives with his grandma who's just really normal and she has no idea what a soundcloud rapper is but she's still proud of him anyway cause he's like her only grandson who hasn't went to jail yet and is the only who's able to kind of hold down any kind of a job. But he acts so hard around his friends saying shit like "Yeah, we should go beat the shit out of him right now!" and then his grandma is like "Did you just cuss in my house?" and he instantly goes all soft like "N-No, ma'am!" and he sets the table for supper and shit. I'm not gonna lie, I like him. And the more I look at him the more he's growing on me. I can see him getting his own car, it's not perfect but it's his and it's got the back lights busted but all taped up. He'll probably end up with the first woman he gets pregnant. And he'll be like "How can it be mine? I used the pullout method." and his grandma will be like "You'd better do the right thing." and he ends up marrying her and names the kid something stupid and he doesn't know a fucking thing about babies but he's really good at being a dad. He's the kind of guy who'd buy his child Jordans even though they can't walk yet and will grow out of them way before they even can. His favorite movies are the Fast and Furious movies. Tokyo Drift is definitely his second favorite one just underneath whichever one has The Rock in it. His theme song would probably be Tipsy by J-Kwon.
Anyway here's his palette based on his character design.
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And here is his palette based on what I think his personality is.
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chorda-tendinea · 2 years
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avm ep 29 predictions
ahh i know it's a bit late to be getting predictions in (literally less than an hour before the episode release orz) but if any of this stuff happens, i wanna be able to say i called it so here we are
predictions in chronological order of when i think they'll happen in the episode (under the cut tho cos this post is quite long)
major predictions (stuff i really think will happen / otherwise put a lot of thought into)
this place is where mango tested their command block staff and that's why it's all messed up
this theory was actually proposed to me by my brother, who suggested it after the first teaser gif for this episode was released (the one with all the flying animals)
at the time, we wanted to come up with a reason for all the weird stuff going on in the teaser but now that we've gotten the second teaser gif and the name of the episode, it might not hold true anymore since it looks like the episode will focus more on note blocks
anyway most of the reasoning behind this was just. the mobs kinda look like they're flying as if they were in creative mode cos they're just floating
so i joked that this is what it would look like if you ran /gamemode creative @/e (as in the command affects all mobs and players)
finally getting info on what happened to purple before current arc (episodes 20 - now) / before they met the colour gang
i really want to know what happened to them after ep 10, after they got dragged offscreen by the villagers,,,, i've come up with 3 possible scenarios and if any of them end up being canon i will SCREAM
scenario 1: they got put in the jail cell blue and green were put in and remained there for an unspecified amount of time, which probably made them very lonely and desperate for connection. this is now a great time for mango to come in and rescue them, thereby indebting purple to them forever
scenario 2: they got exiled from their own desktop by the villagers, who basically kicked them into the nether and destroyed the portal after them. maybe they're desperate to go back, and that's what mango offered them in exchange for their loyalty
scenario 3: exile again, but they go and live on the colour gang's desktop while they're still going through the events of portal arc (eps 8 - 14). you ever wonder how they got onto the colour gang's desktop to be there for the events of vs league of legends? yeah
i also really want to know how they met mango, but particularly when they met
^ i go into more detail about this in my timeline post (link coming soon but essentially the timeline of events for purple goes creation -> ??? -> ep 9-10 -> exile / imprisonment -> met king, agreed to serve them -> vs league -> still working for king / inner conflict -> current arc) but i think it would be very interesting for them to meet mango before vs league, since that way, mango likely forced them into betraying the colour gang in the parkour plan, which means they never chose between the colour gang and mango :"
i really hope we find out why they chose to follow mango,,,, like what did mango offer them that was so important to them that they ignored all the warning signs saying mango never really cared about them? (notable examples include mango shoving purple aside immediately after giving them a headpat in parkour, and the scene where mango blasts purple through a wall using the staff in ultimate weapon)
^ personally, i think initially they might've wanted power but it quickly became more about affection / friendship / validation, and mango knew and exploited this to keep them loyal and controlled
as for their backstory, i have absolutely no idea SHDJSHD but this episode is probably the most information we'll ever get on purple so might as well hope for it
also maybe they could convey all this to us using the same visual speech thing that red and second did in lush caves? it's quite complex information so i don't think gestures will be enough here
why i think green is in a good position to forgive purple
they've got the most information on purple in general, since they saw the mission briefing in parkour and they were there for the events of episodes 9 and 10 (villagers and the end)
from what they told blue and yellow in ultimate weapon, they know that purple's serving king and they're not equals since there was a frame in their visual explanation that showed purple kneeling in front of mango on their throne, then another frame of mango commanding them (timestamp 3:30 if you'd like to see)
^ so like. maybe they'd believe it if purple told them they didn't actually want to betray the colour gang but they were forced into it / they still want to be friends
they actively extended friendship to purple in vs league (they held their hand out to purple after second initiated their introduction, and they stayed back to encourage them to join in the match at the end)
purple sacrificing themself to defeat king
i really don't want this to happen actually but i can see it so clearly it's awful
look. it's just that purple is so loyal to mango despite how badly mango treats them, so if they do end up joining the colour gang i just. i wonder if that loyalty will carry over with the same intensity
second rediscovering their powers in the fight against mango
mm i actually didn't come up with this theory independently (i think maybe i saw a post by @/tulipsempai that made me consider it?) but i think it's an interesting scenario
i feel like it's fairly likely cos it feels like something that would happen in canon to give the colour gang a fairer chance against mango (since they're very overpowered right now, with both The Blocks and the staff)
but also i don't want it to happen cos it would go against my headcanon for how second's powers work,,,
basically, i think that their powers will only activate if they die, and i don't want anyone to die next episode ashjdg
anyway i don't think mango will kill anyone cos they'd just respawn back at the desktop, so it'd be more beneficial to keep them prisoner so they don't cause trouble yknow
the end portal texture theory
so you all know how the black hole that mango made with the staff in ultimate weapon had the end portal texture on it
i think there's absolutely no reason why it should look like that, unless it's really an end portal
the reasoning behind this is that if it was just a black hole, it could've used the night sky texture that was used for the witch's portal potions in ep 21
therefore, the end portal texture must mean something, right? (i really hope it's not just to look cool asjhdgh)
additional theory courtesy of @nano-blob, who i presented the end portal texture theory to first: what if everyone gets sucked into the black hole for an Epic Finale Battle in the end (which is actually still plausible since mango probably made another black hole at the end of the raid, judging by the motion and the visual effects)
minor predictions (a fair chance of happening / what-if scenarios / not much impact on how the episode as a whole will go)
purple didn't run into this portal for any particular reason, they just wanted somewhere to be alone and cry
green being mad at first then sympathising (maybe upon seeing that they're upset?)
^ alternatively, green telling purple that they got a taste of their own medicine and that they deserved it ("now you know how it feels to be betrayed, huh?")
purple thinking that green came to kill them but actually green's just concerned about them
green offers their hand / an opportunity for friendship to purple and they refuse initially cos they don't think they deserve it after the betrayal in parkour
green pulling some kinda pied piper deal with the noteblock they have in the second teaser (like using it to communicate with a bunch of mobs and rally them against mango)
it's possible that the colour gang might not defeat mango this episode, and we might have a final episode of just them fighting against mango
purple helping the colour gang fight / defeat king!!!
colour gang being distrustful of purple and green has to explain why they're friends again / why they've decided to trust purple now
wishful thinking (i want this to happen SO BAD but i know there's a very real chance of it not happening)
i'm sure you all can tell but i really really want purple to be emotional this episode,,,,,, a lot of things have happened to them tbh and they deserve to let it out
purple using invisibility potions to hide but they still give themself away cos green can hear them crying,,,,,, we've never seen their inventory so i don't think they have potions anyway but GOD IF IT ISN'T ANGSTY
purple joins the colour gang permanently and they go back to the desktop together,,,,, look i just want them to be friends so bad asjhd (also i need more canon purple content please)
i know it's not gonna happen because of what we saw in the teaser but i'm still audgdsu over the idea of one of them falling into powder snow and the other having to save them (either way works but man,,, it would be such a good plot device to show green that purple still thinks of them as friends / doesn't actually want to hurt them) (alternatively, to show purple that green doesn't want revenge / that they're just concerned for them)
^ the above theory was written before we got the teaser gifs that confirmed they're not in a snow biome, but an alternative version that could still work in the current setting is either purple or green getting into trouble and having to be rescued / needing help (trouble is very vague cos idk what's going to happen next ep)
other theories (varying probability and coherence but i thought they were interesting)
my sister proposed the possibility that this place is a trap before the teaser came out, and initially i refuted it cos i thought that purple running into this particular portal wasn't planned on their part (ie. they only came here because they were upset and wanted to run away after being betrayed). but now it's actually looking more likely cos of the noteblock trees and the episode being called note block universe?? it probably means nothing but well. it's green and their main thing is making music,,, it's just that the correlation is too strong and i don't like it
a scene where purple tries to hide from green behind a tree or smth but gives themself away cos they tapped a note block seems to have an ok chance of happening to me but also?? i feel like that's not enough of a reason for the trees to be note blocks cos it's too weird to have such a simple purpose
^ that was written before we learnt that the name of the episode is note block universe and therefore the main focus will probably be note blocks, but i think it's still an interesting scenario
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khadijahelbesbeesy · 2 years
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We just went somewhere quiet. You were physically tired. You had a long day but you wanted to spend some time with me. We initially wanted to sit at the gardens but you knew some people there. You said you just didn’t want to converse with them. We took another route, found a little quiet area. It was very dark. Found a bean bag infront of a large mango tree. You said it made you feel safe. I loved the tree. There was a cat, quickly became attached to us. You let me exercise my anxiousness for a bit. You let me sit a few feet away from you on the edge of the short concrete bench. You know it takes me a while to warm up. You respect it. You put on some music. You talk to me about your life for a bit. I talk to you about mine. I’m taking up very little space. I’m very quiet. You might not talk to me but you’re still mumbling lyrics to a song or just simply breathing. You eventually move to the side of the bean bag you tell me to come sit just to be a little bit more comfortable. I agree. Although on the same bean bag, you are still around two feet away. You don’t want to obstruct any boundaries. The cat wants to join us. You speak to her gently. You make a joke about asking the cat for consent to come closer. You’re speaking indirectly to me. You’ve done it a few times. Every time using a cat. I appreciate it every time. Never had to say anything back. I do eventually come closer. You speak to me a little. You use male pronouns it’s adorable. I pull myself a little closer to you. You’re sleepy. You keep dozing off while you set one hand on the shoulder closest to you. You set your arm behind me but not touching me. My head start to hurt. I feel sleepy. I look behind only to see you arm. You catch my thoughts right away and you tell me to lay my head on your arm if I want. I do. You’re happy to see me do it and you lay your hand on my shoulder. You slowly start drawing circles on my shoulders and rubbing my arm. I’m enjoying it. You notice it and you keep going. You see that I’ma little anxious. My heartbeat picks up and you are aware. You think a little before you lift yourself up a little to use your other free arm to play with my hair. You lightly push it behind my ear and you continue to repeat how much you enjoy seeing me calm and happy and that playing with my hair is one of your favorite activities. I tell you you’re going to make me fall asleep and you say I shouldn’t worry about that. The cat starts to crawl in my lap. She is very soft and warm and nice to look at. You doing your magic along with the little cat…… i make a mental note that this must be what god talks about when he speaks about heaven. Eventually I sleep for a few minutes and you keep doing the same motions. Your body accidentally jerks while trying to take a good look at my face and I open my eyes and tell you that I’m still awake. You smile and nod. A minute or so goes by and I tell you that I’m sorry that I’m not the touchiest person. You think I’m referring to the shoulder rubs and you stop right away, swiftly removing your hand away from me. I tell you that I don’t mind your touch at all. I just can’t bring myself to touch anyone. You bring your arm back to my shoulders before removing it again. You tell me you’re a bit confused but I don’t elaborate and you forget about it. We talk a bit more and we réalisé that it’s a bit late you notice your phone has ran out of charge. I tell you that it might be time to leave and you agree. I lift myself up and we walk home. We talk and gossip but it’s our usual. I’m still thinking about what happened a few minutes before hand, I know you are too. I can’t make anything of it. It feels so wrong yet the most comforting thing in the world. I wish things were a bit different. I wish I wasn’t or you weren’t. I wish society wouldn’t quite literally jail us if they figure out what we were doing. I love you. I’m almost sure you love me too. But we can’t say it to each other, can we? We belong to something that we’re not willing to lose. But I love you, I just need to say that.
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partlyrobot · 3 months
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This week Ben is dealing with some critic’s remorse, but Andrew is here to help him process his thoughts and improve his video game assessment method.  After talking about what’s new for each of them, they get right into the definition.  From unwanted Instagram solicitations to well-known Chicagoan movie reviewers… the conversation goes to some strange destinations before settling down upon the task at hand.  Andrew provides his input on Ben’s plan of attack, Ben learns a cool new word to add to his vocabulary, and they end the show with some advice and a silly drink name.
00:00:21 - A loaded question, the preferred condiment for pizza, and emulsions o’ plenty00:02:23 - Soul Hackers 2, Kelly LeBrock, the word queer, the Dead Milkmen, and magnets00:05:46 - You MUST listen to the “Yahoo!” hold music by Snow, and the kids definition 00:07:40 - The Two Vague Revue, missing for a while, Mango misses Dad, and verbs00:09:05 - Miriam gets overlooked, Aldous Huxley, interesting, Ben sings, and removing letters00:12:35 - Reading the dictionary, the grammar rabbit hole, Howard the Duck, and the movie00:14:17 - Performance reviews, when you are wrong, magnetic superfluids, and MRI’s work00:16:22 - IG book review solicitations, the 100th level, make 100, and the joys of PayPal00:20:46 - Instagram jail, Andrew loves the USPS, Rudy Flores, and Andrew’s seminars 00:25:08 - Podcast mission, carrier pigeons, vocalizations at Sam’s Club, and loopholes00:27:23 - Remembering Gene and Roger, a greenroom priming, and can’t say that on PBS00:29:35 - High Noon in space, review the impression, up or down, and Godzilla (1998)  00:34:43 - Andrew’s warning about “Poor Things,” a synopsis, and movies on a first date 00:38:03 - The “Speed” tagline, put a shark under it, math, and more acceptable in comedies  00:40:22 - Mixed feelings, how the sausage is made, review philosophies, and troll policing00:44:02 - The benefits of using rubrics, and “Aesthetics, Mechanics, and Story… oh my!”00:47:54 - Summarizing the 3 categories, food critics, and Guy Fiery in the mirror universe00:50:26 - Influencers, formulas, the new segment, 3 ups n’ 3 downs, and Andrew’s suggestion00:54:35 - Loose ends in stories, speaking your truth, entertaining reviews, and tax season00:57:22 - Reviews can be helpful, a Mark Twain quote, learning by doing, and John Deere 00:59:51 - Read reviews objectively, some people are jerk-holes, Die Hard, and sex on a bus
Follow Andrew / Partly Robot Industries on…His website: https://partlyrobot.com/On Instagram: https://instagram.com/partlyrobotOn TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@partlyrobotOn Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/partlyrobot
Follow Two Vague on…Our website: http://www.twovaguepodcast.com On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/two_vague_podcastOn YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@twovaguepodcastOn X-Twitter: https://twitter.com/TwoVaguePodcast
For show appearance and other inquiries, contact us at: [email protected]
 References and Hashtags:- To support Andrew’s “make 100” Kickstarter… https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/partlyrobot/make-100-booger-bear-comic-mini-zines- Check out Rudy Flores’ art projects and services… http://www.rudyfloresart.com/ AND https://www.hexandhew.com/- For all your fictitious carrier pigeon deliveries… https://flypigeon.co/
#Podbean #DIYPodcast #ApplePodcast #VideoGames #Trivia #Comedy #Talkshow #Kickstarter #Make100 #HexandHew #Partlyrobot #2VP #TwoVaguePodcast #CarrierPigeons
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lomfenny · 10 months
Text
I wrote a thing.
Day 1
First foot over the threshold, and I already want to set the place on fire.
It's nothing wrong with the house. It's a fine house. Small, cozy, close to work. And free too, as it is an inheritance. From my uncle who isn't dead. Yet. He's in jail, but not in death row. It's just that he won't last. I know him like that.
This is his summer home, up here on a hill, just a scooch over from the rest of civilisation. I wonder if the people here knew him. If they remember him. If they've heard.
Maybe that's it. Maybe it's the burden of living in a space that a life-taker inhabited. Maybe it's the burden of knowing that I'll think about it later on, likely on a bad day.
Well, nothing to be done about that. It's a fine house after all. Small, cozy, close to work. And free too, as it is an inheritance. It'll just take some cleaning up. Remove some cobwebs, some dust bunnies.
And that ant hill near the door.
Day 3
Maybe the sun will set the place on fire for me. I didn't know this place got so hot.
I have a soda, long since warmed by the weather and my hands. I hate my hands now. I also have mango cubes. I got them from my closest neighbours. They brought a fruit basket over yesterday, wanted to welcome me. They're nice. They're new. They never knew my uncle.
My sister hasn't called yet. She said she would.
I've taken down the cobwebs because I don't like spiders. They come into my spaces, build their own little webs, spin their little lives. They don't discriminate in how they catch the flies and the mosquitoes and the butterflies. The pests, the parasites and the proper.
A mango slice falls out of my hand, lands next to the ant hill. I should remove that. But it's hot, I'm lazy, so later.
Later.
Day 7
I don't hate my job. It's at a convenience store, and the owner is nice. Mr Gates have me a free chocolate today.
I don't hate the town, either. These people don't know me beyond "new person". They haven't asked where I live, so I don't have to lie. I like not having to lie.
There's a community college in the town. I don't go to school anymore, but I tip my hat to those who are willing to die for 4, 5, 6 more years. Sometimes, students come to the store. Some older than me, some younger, but all within my age range. Makes them talk to me. Think we'll relate with each other just because we're all from the same generation and none of us has died yet
I talk to them. Don't give them discounts, though, even when they ask. I've only had this job for five days, can't do that. Won't.
When I get home, I look at the ant hill. There are ants there, as always. I think of removing it, as always.
I go in, as always.
Day 16
I've made a friend. He says we're friends, my sister says the things we've done are things friends do. She didn't call, I did.
His name is Terrence, says I should call him Terry. Thank goodness, Terrence is too many sounds, releases more air than saying Terry does. This is the true way you measure word length. Not with letters or syllables. With how much breath and energy you need to refer to another human being, to acknowledge another existence besides your own. Everyone has a limited number of breaths. Save yours for shit that matters.
Terry goes to the community college. He came in and started talking. Didn't shut up. Didn't ask for a discount, though, so I didn't write him off. Gave me a cookie, even.
He took me to a park, we fed ducks, domestic shit.
It's good shit.
Day 20
Mr Gates have me a free orange. Says I should stay healthy.
It's juicy.
Day 21
I met some old ladies at the park. They have tiny dogs. They're cute and tiny. The women call me cute and tiny.
But I'm not.
Day 29
I don't hate this town.
Terry and I are dating? I think? Kissing is what you do with someone if you're dating them, right? Unless you're married. Then, it's just to remind yourself that you own someone.
He invited me to a party at his friend's house. I don't know anyone there. I don't remember anyone there, afterwards. Everyone's a little drunk, a tad stupid, and a smidge less stressed.
Good shit.
Day 33
My sister comes to visit. It's a long drive, I didn't expect her to come. She has a new car, red like barbeque pit embers. It burns my hand under the sun.
"How are you liking it?" She asks me.
"I'm liking it."
"Better than home?"
"..."
"Okay."
We share melting ice-pops that Mr Gates gave me.
"That's so ew!"
She's pointing at the ant hill near my door. It's bigger now, and a couple of ants have come to lick at the drops from from our ice-pops.
"Lets go inside." I tell her. Wouldn't do to fight the ants over leftovers. Not in this heat.
Day 42
My neighbours invite me over for dinner. Say a young person like myself should have people with them around dinner time. They don't ask about why that is not the case for me.
I like them.
They're nice.
Day 58
My mailman doesn't feel nice. He doesn't sound nice, or smell nice, or look nice or look at me nice, but this is too much to explain, and I can't just say he ain't nice based on these few observations, so I say he doesn't feel nice.
I catch him as he's about to drop some letters in my mailbox, so he just gives them to me instead.
"How you like the house?" He asks out of the blue.
"Fine." I hope to escape conversation with him. He doesn't feel nice after all.
"Your uncle said the same thing. Never stayed long, though. Thank God."
Under the sweltering heat, I freeze, unable to move as the mailman walks away. Only when I can't see him anymore do I start to speedwalk back to my house, flipping through letters as I go.
I pass by the ant hill, dismissing it and the letter from my cousin, asking if I want to visit her anytime soon.
I go up the stairs, dropping the rejection letter from the university I applied to and refusing to pick it up.
I burst through my room door, holding the damning one.
"Your Uncle, Weston." It says on the front.
Like I don't know the fucker's name.
Day 61
Everybody knows. This town is a small one, the mailman is popular. Thus, everybody knows. And everything changes.
Like it usually is every time juicy news gets revealed, it starts with whispers. In the store, at the park, on the way home. People on the streets who recognize me whisper about me and shuffle away when I get too close to them. Close being within four feet. The old ladies won't let me pet their dogs anymore.
But I don't hate this town. It's still a nice town. It's no one's fault that my uncle abducted, abused, and annihilated several, several people in his life.
No one's fault, I think.
My fault, the people think.
Day 70
Terry comes over to my house for the first time. Ever.
"You live here alone?" He asks after he's done inspecting my ground floor.
"I have ants."
Terry laughs like he thinks I'm joking.
We watch a movie, eat some cookies. He puts a hand on my thigh sometime around nine pm and says he hasn't seen upstairs yet.
I'm not dumb.
We go upstairs.
He leaves the next morning.
Day 80
It feels like days are simultaneously longer and shorter now. As temperatures climb higher, tempers grow shorter.
A customer snaps at me, tells me to watch myself, lest he call the police on me. For what? I don't now. But I know it's meant as a threat, so I watch myself.
Terry doesn't invite me to anymore parties. I get the feeling it's less of his own choice. But we still hang out.
My neighbours still invite me for dinner.
I don't hate this town.
Day 87
My uncle sends more letters. I don't read them, I don't need to. The contents fall from the lips of residents who seem to care less about me overhearing their conversations.
The mailman is reading my letters. He's not even bothering to be careful or discreet about it. Such audacity is a mildly respectable.
I pass by a couple and the man tells his partner that "Weston Fisher had other properties. Maybe other bodies are there."
"Old Mr Fisher says he'll never talk to the police, never tell them where all the bodies are! My cousin told me this!" Is what I hear at the park from some eleven year olds.
"Are you going to see your uncle?" Is what an older woman outright asks me at work.
I don't act like it doesn't gaze me because I can't act to save my life. I'm not a theatre kid. It shakes me and quakes me and throws me to the ground to get tossed around like salad.
But it's not like I can just move. Moving is expensive! I still have my job, and my dating friend Terry, and my house with it's stupid ant hill so I can't move yet.
Day 90
Some of the college kids come by, try to follow me home. I lose them by heading towards the police station.
They smelt like drugs.
I change course after they're gone, go straight home with my grocery bag. Mr Gates gave me a discount and I bought food and toiletries and a can of bug spray.
It sits in my kitchen, unused because I'm lazy.
But, I find a single ant wandering my floor as I come out of the bathroom.
Ants have great smell, great sight, great strength and great speed.
None of this stops my shoe, though.
Day 103
My neighbours very politely asked that I don't come by anymore. They never say anything about my uncle.
I don't like them.
They're nice.
Day 118
"Why you never answer him, huh?" The mailman asks me as he hands me my unsealed, read letter.
"Guess." I respond.
He watches me go inside.
He isn't nice.
Day 130
"Should I — should I ask about your uncle?"
I look at Terry, wondering what to say here. "Do you want to ask?"
"Not particularly, no."
"Then don't. Or do. Do whatever pleases you, dude."
"You please me."
"That line is three words too long."
"I'm three too long, but you never complain."
"Shut up."
Endearing. Charming. Handsome. Unchanged. Terrence is longer than Terry.
It's worth the breath to say.
Day 150
Terrence is out of town for a month. His aunt had a baby and the timing matched up with a family reunion. He worries about leaving me, because Terrence is sweet. I tell him to get out.
Mr Gates also has to leave town for a bit. He's visiting his daughter in university. Funny enough, it's the same one I applied to. He makes me promise to look after the shop, saying he'll being me a souvenir from his trip. I tell him everything will be fine.
Day 151
Some of the college boys jump me on my way home. Drag me to an alley, ask unnecessary questions about my uncle and whether I'm a murderer like him, get nothing in reply, beat me up and make it home in time for dinner while I begin a long trek uphill, made that much harder with bruised legs.
Day 152
It happens again.
Day 154
Terrence calls. He asks whether I'm fine. I say yes while holding an ice pack to my stomach.
Day 155
I order tasers and pen knives and other self defence tools.
But I can't bring myself to use them. Frustration makes me curves the bullies taunt me.
Criminals only cry when guilty, they say.
I think of my uncle, teary eyed and droopy the last time I saw him.
I stop crying.
Day 160
I'm woken up in the middle of the night. I don't know what it is yet until I throw off my bed covers and discover ants, the tens of them, crawling over my legs and sheets. I
It's not disgust that fills me, or discomfort or irritation. It's a rage that can only be defined as pure.
How dare they?
How. Dare. They!
Because I haven't bothered to clean up my crumbs, crumbs that they sustain themselves with.
Because I haven't used my insecticides to decimate their home.
Because I haven't paid them much mind, because I've ignored them this long, they dare to come attack me! To disturb me!
How dare they mistake my negligence for benevolence?!
Day 161
I message Terrence and Mr Gates, ask them when they'll be coming back to town. Terrence says in two days, Mr Gates says in four.
Good.
My house is finally on fire. I predicted this, don't know why I bothered putting it off for so long.
The flames eat at the structure, pieces crumble down to ashes. It's beautiful.
It's the starter.
I walk away from the house, my body coated in flames. Squirrels and insects flee from my blazing form.
What? did they think I was normal? Did they the I was mortal? Because I catered to the whims and followed the general rules of society.
I am the incarnation of Iphrit, the son of hell.
I am beyond these ants.
Day 162
I don't hate this town. Hatred is such a tiring emotion. It is a finite fuel, an ignition point.
I dislike the town. This is my fuel. It is infinite and will last.
The entire town is on fire. The police station, the suburbs, the park. Everything.
Except for Terrence's house, Mr Gates' house, and the store. I like those two, I won't destroy them.
I stand at the top of the ant hill that once was this town. I have doused it in my fury.
They wanted my attention.
God help them, they have it.
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adamgnade · 2 years
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“How do you get up the will to look if you’ve been looking all your life?”
The heat of July in the dark heart of summer. Bats flit scattershot in the reddening dusk. Interstate 80—the middle of a dry spell and the farm fields passing. Dark green cornstalks in blazing swelter.
Buy trash t-shirts and chocolate bars at truck-stops. Live off Chex Mix and yellow drink. Drive until you see roadside phantoms walking. Think about wounds that won’t heal. Think about severance, isolation, a burning Earth.
Later—Mexican radio, static in the slurry heat and you picture mangos, tamarind candy, cracked concrete, electrical sky, dance clubs, communist bookstores, radical murals vivid as fresh blood in the grass.
Later—sweet old country songs like a pile of sugar with red ants eating it. Commercials for lawyers and class action lawsuits, ads for debt relief. Passing by an empty baseball field, a pro-life billboard with the photo of an out-of-focus infant, billboards for credit unions, another church beside the road with white vans in the parking lot.
Everyone you know has been hurting for so long you keep asking yourself when it began, how it began, and you get no answer.
This much you know—sometimes if a thing goes on long enough it feels like it will never leave.
So, at what point is pain just the new way you live? How do you bust down the walls of a jail always rising? The idea is to walk away from the things that hurt you and to find what you love and to love it profusely. But how do you get up the will to look if you’ve been looking all your life?
When do you call off the search party and resign yourself to grieving?
When do you take down those lost dog posters with that photocopied picture of what you most need?
Ask yourself this in the heat of July.
-Adam Gnade
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lanezhou5 · 2 years
Text
fake gucci scarf 6
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ledamemangociana · 3 years
Text
help? :(
i absolutely H A T E to do this, especially at a time like this, and i truly wouldn’t do this if i had any other choice, but i am quite desperate at this point :(
for understandable and valid, if unfortunate, reasons, i haven’t been able to work properly for almost a year now. over the past few months as well, my ONE SINGLE freelance client has been touch-and-go, and in fact asked me not to do any work in february and april, meaning i had two months where i had literally no earned money. no income has come in, but bills still keep rolling in as per usual, and it is rough goings.
i know we’re all out here basically passing around the same hard-earned 10 dollars, but if anyone can spare anything, any help would be greatly appreciated. i know im not the only one with bills to pay and meds and essentials to buy, so it absolutely feels selfish and shameful to be begging on the internet for change, and i would honestly rather be on the giving than asking end. so im very, VERY sorry to have to be asking for help like this, but i really am in a hard spot right now.
for anyone who can/would like to help, paypal is the best way to do it. if you’re unable to or would rather not give anything, that’s totally fine, although i would request a reblog of this post please in case it reaches someone who can help.
thank you from the bottom of my heart for any help that can be extended my way, monetary or otherwise.
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broodybatboy · 2 years
Text
Gwyneth Berdara: Headcanons
@gwynweek2022 Day 2: Favorite Character Traits
Tumblr media
Warrior, scholar, & total sweetheart
Imagine Gwyn knocking Azriel out during a fierce hand-to-hand spar. Total lights out, can’t move, flat on his ass, loud *thud* type of knockout. Everyone suddenly stops training and stares at her.
The priestesses are jaw dropped. Cassian is in awe. Nesta mutters a “holy shit” and Emerie a “wow”
Azriel, too stunned, just lays on the floor for a little bit longer looking up at her with so much pride
Gwyn mortified and suddenly full of panic because oh my god she just hurt the the Shadowsinger.
Azriel suddenly laughing. A sweet joyous sound. He picks himself up, looks at Gwyn with such admiration and slowly reaches for her fist and lifts it above her triumphantly.
Gwyneth Berdara, ladies and gentleman.
After long and tedious nights in the library, Gwyn finishes her scholarly research on the Valkyries, Merril finishes the book, and Gwyn gets to add to special acknowledgments.
Gwyn writes a tender, simple thank you to Nesta, Emerie, Cassian and Azriel. The ones who made this possible for her. The ones who helped show her true power. The ones who didn’t let her break. The ones who made her strong.
There’s a celebration dinner. She gives a little speech. Shows off the book. And acts like it’s not a big deal.
Cassian loudly and obnoxiously makes sure that is in fact a major deal. He practically tackles her. Nesta and Emerie are emotional and squeeze her in big hugs. Once recovered, Gwyn goes and hugs Azriel. He pretends it isn’t warm and lovely. He ignores that they fit perfectly together. When she whispers “Thank you. Especially you.” Azriel pretends that he can still breath. And everytime he looks at her, Azriel pretends that his heart isn’t slamming in his chest.
Gwyn at 7am and at midnight with the brightest smile and a voice that can light up the day
She’s slow to anger, but once someone crosses or underestimates her, hell truly hath no fury
Analytical -- a good decision is one that’s made after thinking it over properly (and sending herself into a panic overthinking it)
Ambitious and just a teeny bit extremely aggressive
“She’s perfect. I love her”- Me, Nesta Archeron, Emerie, Azriel, you, & literally everyone
Practical, patient, and uses her head
A quick learner and is good! at! everything! examples:
Game night? The undefeated Monopoly champion - sends Cass to jail 5x's and makes Azriel sexually frustrated
Knitting? Here's a matching scarf, hat, and gloves with a hand-embroidered "A" surrounded with blue stars
Making dinner? Here's a gourmet burger with a toasted taleggio cheese crisp, mango chutney, black truffle aioli on a brioche bun.
She loves the smell of fresh parchment and leather
An old soul who knows old loves songs & ancient poems
A deep sense of curiosity for anything and everything around her
Gwyn asking the real questions:
So, what is the optimal dagger length? What are the merits of a friends-to-lovers romance versus an enemies-to-lovers in a maintaining a healthy relationship? Do bigger wingspans truly mean bigger...? Why is the Night Court divided into three sociopolitical factions? How are the Illyrians racially and economically oppressed? Do you sing? So, what actually is Mor’s truth power? What hair potions does Cassian use? What are the imperialist downfalls of a High King monarchy? But really though, do you sing?
The singing and wingspan questions are of particular interest. She has her theories. It’s best to be thorough and conduct extensive analysis
Nesta & Azriel have the BIGGEST weakness for her. Once she gives them the puppy dogs eyes they are goners.
Nesta: She’s my best friend.
Azriel: *aggressively shows off wrist with friendship bracelet*
Nesta: She’s my wife.
Azriel: *dramatically waves arms at the mating bond*
If Gwyn asked them to jump off a cliff they would do it twice.
The Favorite™ (sorry Cassian)
She is the giggliest, cutest, happiest drunk
She becomes a trailblazer, unafraid and marching forward to the wide road ahead.
Despite all the pain she has endured, Gwyn keeps on burning bright. She is beautiful, brilliant, and believes in the good around her.
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zhanyes · 3 years
Text
Tianshan dating headcannons because i also love these two dumbasses too
Also dedicated to @el-mundo-real who requested tianshan headcannons 🖤
. . .
- Literally no one knows whether they’re dating or not. Not even themselves because they don’t talk about it
- Jian yi thinks they’re dating already and Zhengxi says they’re still getting there (somehow they’re both right) and they make a bet
- He tian likes staying over at Mo’s and he’s gotten pretty close to mama Mo
- Mama Mo teaches him how to knit !! He tried to knit a scarf for Mo but it came out a little messy and tangled. Mo still wears it anyway saying it’s a waste of yarn if not used (He’s actually really touched)
- He eats dinner there about 5 times a week and sleeps over thrice a week. He’s a permanent fixture in the house now, he has his own plate and mug, utensils, toothbrush, a spare key, and more than half of his closet migrated to Mo’s closet
- Sometimes Mo “accidentally” wears He tian’s sweaters and He tian dies a little bit every time
- Sometimes He tian deliberately wears Mo’s clothes and it’s always tighter and a bit shorter on his body so when he moves his arms the shirt rides up. Mo guanshan shouts at him to change and to stop contaminating his clothes but his ears are red anyway
- They bicker A LOT. Over the smallest things because He tian loves riling him up and Mo gets riled up too easily
He tian, for the 7th time in 5 minutes: “What does this thing do?”
Mo guanshan, losing his mind: “THAT’S A FUCKING MICROWAVE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT DO?!”
- There are times when homicide is the best option
Mo Guanshan: “I acknowledge that I can be mean sometimes-”
He tian, in the bathtub: “Sometimes?”
Mo Guanshan: “Shut the fuck up. So I brought you a bath bomb as a peace offering.”
He tian: “That’s a fucking toaster.”
Mo guanshan: “Exactly. A bath bomb.”
- Contrary to what his actions say, Mo guanshan is actually relieved that He tian spends most of his time in their apartment. He tian never told him but he can see how lonely the other teenager is
- Mo guanshan tries to teach He tian chores because He tian knows nothing about cleaning or doing everyday things
Mo guanshan: “How the fuck do you not know how to wash dishes where the hell do you eat?!”
He tian, drinking milk straight out the carton: “Obviously on plates, Momo. I just throw them away after.”
Mo guanshan, sputtering: “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THROW OUT PLATES?!”
- The first and only recipe that He tian managed to cook successfully is instant noodles with boiled egg that’s not quite cooked enough. Sometimes he brings Mo noodles as breakfast in bed and he looks so proud of it Mo has a hard time saying that the noodles are overcooked and that noodles aren’t exactly breakfast food (he eats it anyway)
- Mo sometimes, only sometimes, brings He tian grocery shopping because he needs to learn how to buy food for himself. Somehow He tian always ends up in the miscellaneous section where he has a pack of ballpens he’ll never use, 2 journals he’ll also never use, a couple of scented candles, various dog clothes and leashes for the dog he doesn’t have, a couple’s mug, and a vase in his cart
- He tian stopped trying to barge into Mo guanshan’s bed and sleeps on the futon on the floor beside it. It’s not the most comfortable and he had a hard time sleeping on it at first but he likes being in Mo’s company even while sleeping
- Sometimes Mo would move in his sleep and leave his arm dangling on the side of the bed, He tian grabs it of course and Mo wakes up to sweaty palms. He still leaves it for a few moments before harshly slapping away He tian’s hand
- Mo’s hands aren’t smooth at all because of working all the time and practicing the guitar but He tian loves them all the same. He likes to feel the contrast in textures with his slightly smoother hands
- He tian has a thousand pictures of Mo guanshan sleeping in various angles and poses. He has his favorites framed and keeps it on his bedside table in his apartment so when he’s sleeping there he still feels like they’re sleeping together
- Mo guanshan has a few of He tian sleeping but he swears up and down that he'll never do anything as disgusting as that. He makes one of them his wallpaper.
- Sometimes when they don’t feel like sleeping yet they stay up talking and arguing about random things
Mo guanshan: “Why would aliens be in space? The ocean is definitely the way to go.”
He tian: “But why would they be in the ocean? They’ll drown.”
Mo guanshan: “They’re aliens maybe they have gills or some shit.”
He tian: “I’m telling you they’re not in the ocean, Mo.”
Mo guanshan: “And I’m telling you you’re wrong, bastard.”
- On rare days they would stay up talking about their pasts and about life in general, with the lights closed and the only source of light is the moonlights from the window
- One of these nights, Mo told He tian about what happened to his dad and their restaurant, why they’re in so much debt over it and He tian holds Mo’s hand tightly throughout
- He knew better than to say that he could pay for that debt so Mo doesn’t need to worry anymore (He still says it anyway and Mo blew a fuse) but he swore to help Mo through other means
- The next day he orders a whole carton of mangoes, apples and peaches in his apartment and learns how to peel properly through youtube and Zhengxi
- He goes to Mo’s part time job in the grocery and helps him peel fruits, Mo guanshan doesn’t mention anything when he notices the bandaids on the other’s hands but he does cook him beef stew for dinner
- As expected He tian’s presence brings more customers and the manager asks if he wants to work there permanently but he said he’s only working for Mo so the manager can give Mo a raise instead
- Once, Mo got sick so he missed his part time job for the day (He was supposed to give away flyers on the streets) and got extra pissy because He tian didn’t visit him and wouldn’t answer his phone 
- Apparently He tian took over his job for the day and he only finds out when he goes to the manager and the manager asks when his ‘boyfriend’ can come back to work again because the customers love him
- He tian almost never talks about himself but once he talked about the puppy who disappeared after he saves it and then found out that it’s still alive after all these years
- Mo keeps quiet about it the whole time he was talking and the next few days he takes time to knit a small dog plushie and leaves it on He tian’s futon
- He tian didn’t cry, he didn’t (he did), but he hugged Mo and whispered a sincere thank you. For once, Mo lets it happen
- Mo quickly regrets his decision when He tian names the plushie “Chicken sandwich”
- He tian brings Mo in a lot of not-dates (according to Mo) like arcades, ocean parks, festivals, and fairs because he didn’t get to go as a kid and he wants to experience it for the first time with Mo
- They get crazy competitive in every game. Every. Single. One. If it’s a co-op shooting game they would compete on who kills the most enemies, if it’s a harmless crane game it becomes a competition of who can get the most plushies
- They both each have a photobooth strip. Mo keeps his as a bookmarker in a journal, and He tian has his in the back of his phone.
- They go on a double not-date with Jian yi and Zhengxi and it ends up in almost getting chased by a police car at 2 am in pokemon onesies and holding a bag of chips 
- Sometimes Mo would visit his dad in prison and just rant to him about He tian
Mo guanshan: “The nerve of that guy to do something like that in front of a teacher urgh.”
Papa Mo: “Your boyfriend sounds like a fun guy, son. I want to meet him soon.”
Mo guanshan: “BO-BOYFRIEND?!”
Papa Mo: “Yes???”
Mo guanshan: “No??? That bastard isn’t my boyfriend??”
Papa Mo: “Are you sure about that?”
Mo guanshan: “...Yes?”
- Enter gay panique because he doesn’t actually know whether He tian is his boyfriend or not
- They don’t call each other boyfriends and they never talked about it so no??? But they’re also not just friends so maybe??? Do they go on dates?? Can grocery trips be considered dates??
- He rings up Jian yi and the blonde just laughed for 5 minutes straight without stopping and he wonders how he’s still breathing
Mo Guanshan, after hearing Jian yi laughing for 5 minutes: “Are you fucking done?”
Jian yi, trying to catch his breath: “Man this is some top-tier entertainment.”
Mo guanshan: “WELL?!”
Jian yi: “Look bro literally no one knows whether you’re dating, fucking, planning each other’s murder OR planning a murder together.”
Mo guanshan: “What if it’s all of the above?”
Jian yi: “Then congratulations…? Please don’t murder me?”
Mo guanshan: “Urgh you’re fucking useless I should have called Zhengxi.”
Jian yi: “Wait don’t, I don’t wanna lose the bet. How about this, there’s a festival upcoming for couples and families, if He tian asks you then you’re probably, maybe, dating?”
Mo guanshan: “That’s stupid. AND WHAT BET?!”
Jian yi: “Ah woops gotta water my dog.”
- Mo tells himself that it’s stupid and there’s no way he’s falling for that...but he feels disappointed anyway when He tian doesn’t ask him the following days
- He tian asks on the last day before the festival, but he asks mama Mo first and Mo guanshan second cuz he wants to celebrate with both of them. He confessed that he’s never actually went to a festival with a family before so he was trying to build up courage to ask
- Mo guanshan is an absolute goner after that
- On the day of the festival, they find Zhanyi there on a date but decide to leave them alone. While they were leaving Jian yi kept throwing Mo guanshan so much winks that Zhengxi thought he got something in his eye
- The festival was fun but Mo couldn’t take his eyes off how happy and content He tian looks
- Queue cliche fireworks scene but it’s He tian being amazed by the fireworks and Mo looking mesmerized at him thinking, “Ah, I want him to look at me like that.”
- The next day, he drags He tian to visit his dad in jail
Papa mo: “Oh this is a surprise, you’ve never brought someone before?”
He tian, trying to introduce himself: “Hello, sir. I’m He tian, Mo guanshan’s fri-”
Mo guanshan, cuts him off: “Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend, dad.”
He tian:
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crystalas · 3 years
Text
It’s only a matter of time
Okay I’m on here mainly for the fanfics so here goes...hope you like angst and stuff X3 bring a cup of tea its a long one! 
The story: MK and Red Son wake up trapped by Macaque who has plans for them and he isn’t going to take no for an answer. 
Chapter one: the nightmare begins
Monkie Kid woke up with a grown, he felt stiff and cold, his back and neck aches horribly which wasn’t surprising as he found himself waking up on a stone floor.
Wait. Why was he sleeping on a stone floor?
That thought got his brain firing on all cylinders as he sat up quickly, which made the chains on his wrists clank and jangle. He looked down at them adding them to the list of ‘what the heck was going on?’ MK surveyed his surroundings and saw he was in a stone-grey cell with no windows, one jail door, a bucket to which he could guess the reason that was there for…
And an unconscious Red Son who was also chained to the wall.
Oh, he had soooooo many questions.
Red Son shifted with a groan and sat up rubbing his head, as he groggily took in the sparse jail cell he looked down at his chains and then he caught sight of MK.
“NOODLE BOY!!!??” he screamed. “What is the meaning of this?!”
“I was going to ask you the same thing!” MK shouted back. “Is this one of your schemes?”
“Oh yes Noodle Boy my brilliant diabolical plan was to chain myself up in a cell with you, you saw through it so perfectly!” Red Son declared slowly clapping his hands, “All my hard work has come undone by your brilliant wit and clever thinking!”
“Ok sorry you can rein back the sarcasm now!” MK growled, he got to his feet and yanked on the chains testing their strength. They didn’t seem magical or anything special, as far as he could see they were just normal chains.
“Well, whoever did capture us are morons, I can tell you that much” Red Son exclaimed as he got to his feet, MK turned to look at him.
“What makes you say that?” he asked and Red Son just stared him in the eye as his hands erupted into flames, the metal bands on his wrists glowed cherry red then white hot before melting off and hitting the floor with a sizzling thud.
“Because only a fool would try and chain me up without heat proofing my restraints first” he answered and began to walk towards the door to inspect it. MK checked his ear more out of habit and found to his surprise that his staff was right where he left it last, he pulled it out and regarded his chains for a second. He remembered how Monkey King had been able to break Spider Queen’s webs by simply tapping them with the staff so he tried that. He tapped the chains with a little force and with a ringing clang the both chains fell apart the individual links clanking to his feet. He walked over to the cell door where Red Son was kneeling looking at the lock with a keen eye.
“Hey I can try and open it if you want?” MK offered but Red Son just gave it a push and it opened without so much as a creak.
“Wait it wasn’t even locked?” he asked dumfounded.
“I stand by my statement; our kidnappers are morons…” Red Son muttered.
“Yeah, I mean they didn’t even try and take the staff” MK said as they left the cell to find themselves in a dark hallway. Red Son lit a flame in his palm and began walking, MK not wanted to be left in the spooky dark dungeon without a light source followed.
“To be fair even if they had thought to, they would have struggled to do so. What with the whole ‘only those deemed worthy thing’ unless they had MY gauntlet of course!” Red Son declared proudly.
They walk the corridors silently for a while, it unnerved the two how quiet and dark this place was even as they walk by windows there wasn’t even the glimmer of stars or moonlight. There were no city sounds or wildlife noises or anything that could help them figure out if they in an urban or rural area.
“So… um do you remember anything before waking up here?” MK asked desperate to get rid of the unsettling silence.
“I remember being in my work shop, I was tinkering with the truck when I heard my mother call me…then…” Red Son stopped walking as if to try and collect his thoughts. “Something grabbed me from behind. You?”
“I remember being on a delivery run, the address was this little run-down apartment. Then yeah something grabbed me as well when the door opened.” MK answered, the silence returned as they continued to wander. They came to a door that opened up to reveal a large dojo training floor, they looked around as they walked through keeping an eye out for any movement.
“Why do you think they kidnapped us?” MK wondered as he looked at the wooden weapons that were on a stand nearby.
“Besides the obvious? I mean you are the Monkie Kid” Red Son muttered “My guess is that someone thought they could force a marriage out of me” this got a tsk of amusement out of Red Son and a look of bemusement from MK.
“Marriage??!”
“Yes, it is demon custom to capture your intended betrothed as a way of showing your strength and cunning. A stupid tradition that should have died out over a century ago in my opinion but there are still plenty demons out there that like to cling to the old ways.” Red Son explained they left the dojo floor and carried on inspecting the other rooms as they did. There looked to a shrine room, bedrooms, maybe a kitchen but it was as sparce as their cell was. There was nothing that gave them any indication on who took them or why.
“Sounds like you’ve had your experience with that sort of thing…” MK ventured; Red Son scoffed.
“When my father the Demon Bull King was first imprisoned by you-know-who, I was next in line to be head of the family however I was too young so my mother ruled in my stead… the amount of times demons thought they could take me so they could claim the title was beyond annoying. Ever wonder why I know teleporting magic?” Red Son explained looking back at MK.
“So why don’t you use it now?”
“To put it in a way your simple mortal mind could comprehend I need to know the location of my destination and the pathway to it, I can’t just ‘whoosh’ my way out of sealed room I need a window or an air vent or something…” Red Son said as he opened another window and gave an irritated growl as it only opened to empty darkness. “And I’m not leaping into that until I know what’s out there!”
MK gripped his staff tighter and he could feel his instincts tingle, Red Son also seemed to feel something because he could see his fists clench and he began to walk faster to the door. He opened it wide and found…
“What the hell??!” MK cried out.
The entire dojo was in a cave, Red Son lifted the fire ball above his head and made it grow larger the light illuminated the cave as far as they could see which wasn’t very far to begin with. The cave was barely large enough to house the dojo they had been in, MK used his staff to pole vault up to the roof tops making sure to stay in the light, using his golden sight he looked around getting more desperate as claustrophobia began to set in.
“I don’t see any tunnels!” he called from on top of the roof tiles “I don’t see anything that looks like a way out, not even inside the dojo!”
“Then how do we get out of here?” Red Son shouted back.
“Easy, you don’t!” a voice declared and they spun around to see a dark furred monkey being standing there as if he had been there from the start.
“Macaque?!” MK spluttered.
“Uncle Mango?” Red Son squeaked at the same time, they both turned to look at each other.
“You know him?” they both asked in unison.
“It’s cute you remember that name Red” Macaque chuckled “Kinda makes me feel bad about what’s ahead…”
“What do you want this time Macaque?!” MK snarled feeling a little safer from his high vantage point, Macaque looked up at him with a smirk.
“Why to carry on with our training of course. My little student” he grinned.
“I was never your student!” MK growled getting ready for a fight but Red Son seemed to beat him to the punch as he strode up to Macaque his hair angrily aflame.
“I demand you release us from this…place!” he shouted “Where are we?”
“This is my dojo, and only I can travel to and from it unless you know shadow magic of course” he sniggered, Red Son growled and his fists began to burn with fire.
“Release us now or I will make you!” he roared.
MK felt a chill down his spine as this conversation went on, something was wrong, something was very, very wrong here. Macaque was too at ease with Red Son and MK both armed and angry at him, then it hit him like an ice block to the gut.
Only a fool would try and bind Red Son without fire proofing it first.
Only a fool would leave MK with his staff.
Only a fool would leave the cell door unlocked and let their prisoners just wander around on their own.
Macaque was a lot of things but he wasn’t a fool.
“Red Son hold on something isn’t right here!” MK said but Red Son wasn’t listening as he was already pouncing to attack, fire blasting as he leapt forward to land a hit…
MK watched in horror as gold bands on his arms, legs and around his neck began to glow and magic began to pulse over his body; Red Son dropped to the floor screaming in pain clutching his neck as he tried to claw the band off of him. Macaque step over the convulsing demon and looked up at MK who took a step back.
“Aw don’t worry bud; I didn’t leave you out” he smiled and muttered something. MK’s head was suddenly gripped in what felt like a hydraulic press, he clutched at his head in pain and his fingers found something under his bandana something made of metal and it was pressing into his skull with all the weight of an elephant. He staggered around trying to get whatever was on his head off but the pain only seems to getting worse with every passing moment. In his stumbling he lost his footing and fell to the floor with a painful thud but that was nothing compared to whatever was trying to crack his skull open. He screamed and gasped as the agony was knocking the air of out him and he just couldn’t breathe!
The pain was suddenly gone, but all MK could do was lie there shaking from the shock and taking huge gulps of air as he suddenly remembered how his lungs worked. He opened his eyes blearily and saw Macaque standing there waiting politely for the boys to regain some composure. MK grabbed his staff and used to it prop himself up.
“Here’s how things are going to go” he declared as Red Son got to his knees snarling at him with rage. “I am the master you are my students. You will obey my instructions to the letter, I say jump you say how high that kind of thing. If you try to escape, or defy me, or attack me, or basically do anything I don’t like…” Macaque trailed off as he muttered again. The agonising pain returned in a crashing wave that sent both boys to the floor.
“Well…you get the idea”
“How did you get these accused bands?” Red Son demanded.
“Did I say you can ask questions?” Macaque inquire and Red Son gave a staggered groan as the band glowed once more. “No, I didn’t. Now up you get my little students” both boys glared at him defiantly.
“Stubborn, aren’t you?” Macaque laughed “Well this just make it that more fun for me”
MK and Red Son cried out as pain rippled through them again.
“Please. Get up”
MK staggered to his feet and the pain stopped, he glanced at Red Son who was also getting to his feet.
“Good boys” Macaque said calmly and began to walk back into the dojo. “Please. Follow.”
“How dare he bark orders at me!” Red Son muttered under his breath “When my father finds out about this, he’s going to smash that sub human into a pulp!” only for him to drop to the floor again with a strained groan, MK ran to his side to help him back to his feet.
“Until we get these things off of us, we better play along, ok? We’re only hurting ourselves” MK whispered to him.
“I didn’t say you could talk” Macaque demanded looking back on the two, they flinched as they now knew what was coming and was made right as the bands once again activated, causing both of them to fall to their knees.
“Please. Follow” was all Macaque said after that. Every attempt to get away or attack or even just to talk to one another resulted in them lurching to the floor as they received punishment. Macaque would just stop and wait for them to get to their feet before barking the same order at them. They soon stopped trying anything and just followed quietly behind Macaque as they lead the back to the cell, they had started in. Inside the cell was two of Macaque’s shadow clones each holding a folded bundle of clothes.
“Please. Get dressed” Macaque exclaimed, both boys looked at him wanting to say something about what the hell was going on or how they were not getting undressed in front of each other but Macaque just smiled and tilted his head as if to say ‘wanna try it?’
MK sighed and grabbed the first bundle and Red Son with a frustrated growl did the same with the second. MK just let his clothes drop as he took them off Red Son however took great care to fold his up and put them in the corner. They found with a sickening feeling in their stomach that the clothes they had to wear looked similar to what Macaque was wearing but simplified. Red leggings with tawny yellow robes and a brown belt sash.
The shadow clones took their old clothes and held them for a second, as Macaque looked at his students in their new attire.
“Now boys I don’t think those fit your new outfits, hand them over” he demanded, MK felt his hand go to his bandana as Red Son gripped what looked like a beaded necklace with a horned pendant.
“This is my family insignia I am not taking it off!” Red Son growled but saw the look in Macaque’s eyes and flinched before looking sadly at the pendant before taking it off and handing it over. MK took his bandana off as well and threw it at the shadow clone in disgust. As they did their clothes ignited into purple and black flames and vanished into ash, Red Son gave a horrified gasp.
“That pendant was handed down through the generations of the Demon Bull Family!” he screamed “How dare you just destroy it for your little power tr…” he couldn’t even finish his rant as he fell to the floor once more gasping and writhing as magic ripple over his body.
“Red, the sooner you learn to do as I say the less time, you’re gonna spend like this” Macaque sighed as he knelt down to pet Red Son on the head. “I was commissioned specifically to train you two up, and that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Why?” MK blurted out but winced back as Macaque stood up to look at him sternly. He looked at MK for a moment before giving that horrible smirk again.
“Why indeed?” he said simply “Now I want you boys to get settled in, I’ll be bringing supper shortly.” And with that he and his clones left as Red Son laid there trembling as he recovered. They remained frozen in place until they heard the sound of the hallway door closing, once they heard that click MK rushed over to Red Son who was struggling to move.
“What did he mean he was ‘commissioned’ to do this?” MK asked as he helped Red Son to sit up.
“It means Noodle boy that there is someone else in on this!” he whispered, “Someone powerful or high up because they somehow got a hold on Guanyin’s binds!” he pulled down his collar to show nestled around his neck was a gold band, he also showed MK the same kind of bands on his wrists.
“They also managed to get Monkey King’s Skillet!” Red Son said sadly pointing at his head and for the first time MK actually tried to feel for the cause of his pain, as he felt the metal band dread ran through him as he remembered Monkey King telling him how torturous it was to have on and how he hated every second he wore it.
“How do we get them off?” MK whispered back trying his best not to panic.
“We don’t” Red Son said coldly “Only the one who placed it or something with stronger magic can remove them, so our first priority is to get out of here and find my parents or … ugh Monkey King they would have a good idea how to do it.”
MK started to pace the cell trying to suppress the rising urge to freak out and panic.
“So, what now? We’re trapped?” he asked.
“We need to remain calm” Red Son said quietly.
“How? We’re trapped in a dojo that in this shadow realm cave thing, Macaque has magical shock collars on us, we both have our powers but we are still helpless!” MK babbled “Oh god Pigsy is probably freaking out; he must be worried sick…they all must be worried sick…”
“Which means they will start looking, my mother is a wind master which means she can scry the winds.” Red Son said quietly, MK spun around to demand how the hell the most anger management challenged person he has ever met can be so calm in this situation when he saw that Red Son was clenching his hands so tightly his knuckles were white.
Red Son is freaking out just as badly as I am, MK thought he’s just better at hiding it.
“What…what’s scry mean?” he asked.
“It means anything the wind touches mother can see. I seriously doubt Macaque even with his shadow magic could have taken us without a breeze catching something, not to mention he took me in my own home which has security cameras in my work shop. Someone will notice and will find something that will lead them here!” Red Son stated slowly “It’s only a matter of time, we just need to stick it out. ‘Play along’ as you said.”
MK sat down next to Red Son taking deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down.
“You’re right.”
“I know…”
“What do you think he has planned for us?”
“I don’t know…Uncle Mango was never this…twisted when I was a child.” Red Son muttered, “Or maybe he was just better at hiding it. Or I never noticed…”
“Uncle Mango?”
“Oh, nothing blood related, same way Monkey King is considered my uncle it’s more of a god father thing you humans do”
The cell fell to silence as MK ran out of energy to talk and Red Son didn’t feel like answering more questions. They both just stewed in their own thoughts on their new predicament.
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rpmemes-galore · 4 years
Text
Ant-Man ... sentence starters
“Wait, what? Fired?“
“How is retirement?“
“He’s ugly... I love him!”
“Your fiancé is an ass-hat.”
“Hope you don't catch him.”
“It’s not a suit, it’s a vessel.”
“It's not, you son of a bitch!”
“I love it when he gets cocky.“
“Would you like some sugar?“
“I couldn’t be happier about it.“
“Baskin Robbins always finds out.“
“Damn! They find out who you are?“
“Oh, we don't... we don't make that.”
“I think we should call the Avengers.“
“That is one messed up looking dog.”
“Your very existence is insulting to me.“
“Be the hero she already thinks you are.”
“There is a reason I buried these secrets.“
“Everyone deserves a shot at redemption.“
“You deserve everything coming your way.“
“This is awesome. It’s awesome, you know?“
“I thought you were supposed to be at work?“
“Oh, this is easy. I'm getting the hang of this.“
“No! I’m finished man. I’m not going back to jail.“
“Why don't you pick on someone your own size?“
“No, it wasn’t a violent crime. It was a cool crime.“
“He is no security risk... unless we make him one.”
“If only you protected (name) with so much ferocity.”
“No, no, no. Wait! This guy… this guy fits your M.O.“
“His failures as a mentor and as a father forced us...”
“Did you think you could stop the future with a heist?“
“If the job goes bad, you know I got your back, right?“
“I want you to break into a place and steal some shit.”
“You know that jobs don't come easy for ex-cons, right?“
“It is not about saving our world. It is about saving theirs.“
“The moment things turn hard, you turn right back to crime.”
“I don’t remember what it’s called, but I feel bad for this guy.“
“The world sure seems different from down here, doesn't it?”
“Is daddy a bad man? I heard some grown ups say he's bad.“
“No, I didn't steal anything! I was returning something I stole.“
“Why are you telling my life’s story to these guys? What do you want?“
“Yeah, yeah. Well, you’re fired of course. I mean, I can’t really keep you on.“
“Well, I’m very happy in this job, and I really just appreciate the opportunities, and...”
“My days of breaking into places and stealing shit are done! What do you want me to do?”
“Okay, so there's an old man, he has a safe and he's gone for a week. Let's just roll with that.“
“You guys are breaking down walls, you’re healing. It’s important... I ruined the moment didn’t I?“
“If you want to grab one of those mango fruit blasts on the way out the door, I’ll pretend I didn’t see it.“
“And the more I read about what you did and stuff, I’m like, ‘Wow, I know this guy? I’m in charge of this guy?’“
“It means that you would enter a reality where all concepts of time and space become irrelevant as you shrink for all eternity. Everything that you know and love, gone forever.“
146 notes · View notes
2sunchild2 · 5 years
Text
Daminette au: When Karma bites back
Au created by the one and only Ozzie Osbourne @ozmav this is dedicated to you ♥️♥️♥️
Tags ûwû: @realrandomposts @slytherinsheashire @kelelamentia @justatempo-writes @maxdark158 @maribat-archive @mindfulmagics @chloe-bourgeois-is-big-gay @jaynintodd @miraculous-mangoes
===================================================
“Are you nervous?”
Marinette looked at her husband through the bathroom mirror. He was leaning against the doorframe of the hotel bathroom, looking at her with concerned eyes. She sighed and put her hairbrush down and turned around.
“About what? They already have their deluded opinions of me, I’m just going to see if they acquired any brain cells since high school.”
He said nothing. He simply chuckled and strolled towards her to embrace her in a comforting hug and tucked her head under his chin. They stayed like that for a good minute before he released her and cupped her face, “You’re a terrible liar, Angel.”
She pouted and pushed him away, “Shut up, I have to fix my hair, shoo.”
Damian smiled and walked out.
Marinette looked back at herself in the mirror and sighed.
“Tikki, would you mind helping me out?”
The kwami only let out a giggle.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
“We can always back out you know,” she looked at her husband, “You don’t have to see them again.”
“Yeah I know, but I want to. I’m gonna the bigger person here.”
They drove quietly to the school, though the silence was interrupted by Damian’s laughter. Marinette’s eyebrow twitched. He was mocking her. She hated being mocked. Keeping her eyes on the road, she calmly asked him, “And just what, is so funny darling?”
“How can you be the bigger person if you’re so short?”
Marinette scoffed and parked the car, “I can kick your ass.”
Damian stared back at her lovingly, “I know.”
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&
If you ever told eighteen year old Marinette she would come back to François-DuPont for a high school reunion, she’d laugh at you and would proceed to make fun of you.
As soon as she graduated from that hell hole, she attended Regal Academy to pursue her career as a designer, and she managed to find a tight knit group of friends. Felix joined her in designing, specifically men’s fashion, Allegra became a musician, Claude became a famous theatrical artist and Allen was a composer working with Allegra. She had other friends too, she was a social person after all. Luka, Chloe and Kagami. She cherished those idiots and loved them with all her heart. She and Chloe put their differences aside and turns out, they actually have quite a lot in common. During her last year of high school it felt like it was just her and Chloe against the world. And then Kagami and Luka came.
Her heart warmed at the thought of seeing Chloe again. She hadn’t seen her since the wedding five years ago. Yes, she was married. At twenty two she had accepted Damian Wayne’s proposal and they got married the next year. Sure, she married young, but when you and your fiancé are already doing very well in life you don’t need to worry about anything.
She felt Damian squeezing her hand for reassurance. She looked at him briefly before looking back at the gym doors.
Here goes nothing.
@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@
Lila was a lawyer, a very successful one at that. She was rich, she lived a lavish life and she had a rich husband. Being Lila Agreste was amazing. That didn’t stop her from spewing lies fro her lips.
Her old classmates, except a few who didn’t care for her anymore, hung onto every word she told.
“Why yes, I did meet MDC. We didn’t get along at first but we managed to put our differences aside.”
It was no secret MDC was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. But the raven haired girl was far more successful than she was and she wanted people to know she still has connections to famous personalities.
Alya lightly flinched at the name, “Didn’t you and Marinette used to hate each other? You told us she used to bully you.”
Lila knew this question would come up so she smartly replied, “yeah well, we’re adults now. She apologized and we made up. We’re like this.” She crossed her fingers.
A loud scoff was heard and she, along with a few others, turned to see Chloe of all people standing there. Kim let out a low whistle and Alix elbowed him. She stood there in a gold dress that hugged her figure beautifully and she was dripping in jewels a champagne glass in hand.
“What do you want Chloe?” Alya rolled her eyes and put a hand on her hip. “Shouldn’t you be crying to your daddy about someone getting dirt on your tote? Oh wait— daddy’s in jail now for being a fraud right?”
The blonde only glared at the other girl and gripped her glass tightly. She took a deep breath, “I’ll have you know I no longer that connections to that spineless coward. I moved to New York with my mom and studied to become a human rights activist. But you wouldn’t know that, would you Alya? And just what are you doing now? Filming more gossip for your tabloid?”
Alya got predictably angry and wasbkut to hell at her before being stopped by Nino. He merely shook his head, telling her it wasn’t worth it, when she tried to defend herself.
“Chloe? Is there a problem?”
The rather large group turned to see none other than Kagami Tsurugi walk up to them. Chloe simply smiled, “No darling, everything’s fine.”
“You... you guys... are a thing?” Alya managed to spit out after the shock.
“Yes, is there a problem?” Kagami glared at the other girl who flinched and looked away.
“Kagami, don’t you think that’s a little rude?”
That voice gave Alya and Lila a sense of relief. There he stood, looking as good as he did in high school, just a tad bit more mature. His blond hair was cut short and his green eyes seemed to pierce through everyone’s soul.
“Adrien! Darling!” Lila yelled and jumped to hug him.
Chloe stepped back, eyes widened when she caught sight of a ring she realized what happened between those two. He got married. He got married to that lying bitch no less. He got married and... and he didn’t even tell her. He didn’t even invite her.
“I was just telling everyone how I met up with Marinette. I did give her the inspiration for her latest fashion line, after all.”
Chloe and Kagami opened their mouths to tell her off, knowing that Marinette got her idea when one of her employees told her how hard it was to find nice clothes in her size.
“You know,” a cold voice called out, “ I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about my wife as if you actually know her.”
All heads turned to see a brooding man with black hair and the scariest green eyes they’ve come to know. He wore a fitted designer suit and stood tall, with the aura only a business man could have. And by the looks of it, he seemed to be a pretty successful one at that.
And right there, holding his hand was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She looked stunning in the dark red red she wore. It was a simple backless halter top and the skirt of the dress had two long slits on each side that showcased her legs. She held herself with pride and most importantly dignity.
She scanned the room, ignoring the many eyes looking at her before they stopped on one couple. Her eyes widened with excitement and she could’ve squealed like a school girl.
“Chlo! Mimi!”
She grabbed her husband’s arm and dragged him across the room while she sped to her two friends and engulfed them with a hug.
“Oh I’ve missed you guys so much! How’ve you two been? Are the preparations going as planned? Do you still want me to make your dresses?”
A million questions were asked and the girls couldn’t answer any of them with how quickly Marinette was going.
“Angel,” her husband called her, she stopped and looked back at him, “Let then breathe a little. They’re won’t be able to answer any of your questions if you’re going a hundred miles per hour.”
Marinette smiled sheepishly, “I guess you’re right.”
There was a cough and the raven haired girl turned to see none other than her former best friend, Alya Césaire. Or Lahiffe. She was not invited to the wedding, but she was requested to make the dress. She only agreed because she was getting paid. Thought Alya did throw a fit for pay because “girl we used to be friends!”
Funny.
“Aren’t you gonna say hi?”
Marinette looked at her, genuinely confused, “Now why would I do that?”
“Aren’t you friends with Lila? You could at least eat civil and say hi to the rest of us.”
Marinette slowly blinked. Realization dawned on her quickly. Lila lies about her. She told them they were friends. They were far from it. If anything, Marinette hated that girl with every fibre of her being.
“I don’t recall saying I was friends with Lila,” she turned to Chloe and Kagami, “Do you girls remember me saying that?”
They shook their heads.
“Honey,” her husband looked up from his phone, “Do you remember me saying I was friends with Lila?”
“What? No. You told me you hated her ever since she threatened you in the school bathroom.”
Now it was Lila’s turn to flinch.
Her husband seemed lost in thought for a moment before snapping his finger, “And I remember you telling me how she told you she’d alienate you from the class, when she lied about napkins somehow being dangerous? Knowing Prince Ali. I know the man, he doesn’t know of a Lila by the way. Saving Jagged Stone’s cat, which he never had and being Clara Nightingale’s emergency contact? Don’t those two treat you like family Angel?”
“Damian, sweetheart,” she put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, “that’s enough.”
Lila glared at the man, “Who do you think you are?!”
He gave her a bored look, “A Wayne.”
Conversation stopped. Now everyone looked at the couple in the middle of the room. A Wayne. A fucking Wayne.
Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitfuck
“Hey now, let’s not argue about this,” there he was, trying to solve conflict like the fucking saviour he thought he was. Marinette scoffed and looked away.
“Mind your god damned business Agreste.”
“This is my business, Wayne. Especially if my wife is involved.”
Ah yes, another dress she was requested to make. She had charged extra for that dress because she was asked to make it a month before the wedding itself.
Damian simply glared at the blond boy, “You’re acting as if this doesn’t concern my wife either.”
“Damian, love, don’t bother. You’re better than this,” she put her hand of his chest and when he turned to look at her she smiled, “how about we get some champagne and sit at one of the tables yeah? Chloe? Kagami? Will you be joining us? “
“In a minute hun, we need to talk to them first,” Chloe replied dismissively and Marinette nodded.
“You have a lot of nerve trying to lie about her,” Kagami started, “ you know damn well she doesn’t want anything to do with you. And I’m sure you’ve made it clear you don’t like her, so why bother lying about it?”
Lila fidgeted. The classmates watched her expectantly. Fifteen seconds later Alix yelled out in frustration and dragged Max and Kim to the table to apologize.
“I... I.. um..” she started, not being able to form a proper sentence.
“You... you...” Chloe mocked. Adrien gave her a dark look but she didn’t flinch. She gave him a blank stare in return.
“You don’t actually know Jagged Stone, do you.”
“Was Spielberg a lie too?”
“Why’d you lie about everything?”
“Was it really all a lie?”
Lila, who couldn’t work this fast under pressure, walked away to the girls’ bathroom.
€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
The couple watched the mess unfold and waited while several people came towards them with apologetic faces.
“Don’t you think that was a little harsh?”
“Angel, it was well deserved.”
They laughed together for what seemed like forever. She was happy where she was. She had accepted their apologies naturally because she was a kind person. The same couldn’t be said for Damian but it didn’t matter to the rest of the class.
Adrien watched her. She looked so happy. She smiled like that when they were younger. She smiled like that when they were running on rooftops on warm Parisian nights.
He traced the finger where his silver ring used to be. He missed those times. He missed being with her. Maybe if he stopped Lila when he could, things would have been different. Maybe he would’ve been on the receiving end of that smile. Maybe he would’ve been the one to embrace her like that. And maybe, just maybe, she would look at him the way he looked at her. But she didn’t. All because of his passive stupidity.
He caught her husband’s eyes, who immediately glared at him and sucked in a deep breath. He whispered something in her year and she looked back at him. And all he could do was look away. She didn’t spare him a second glance because she turned around and gave him a peck on the cheek.
££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££
the end? maybe I’ll continue? This was getting long anyways. Should I make a part 2?
🤷🏼‍♀️ yes or no
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winbutlerscowbell · 4 years
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Terminator Dark Fate Analysis Mexico Edition
Welcome to the Terminator Dark Fate Analysis Mexico Edition, where I’m going to dissect, comment and give my constructive criticism at every reference, landscapes, locations and well, everything that goes Mexican in this movie of ours.
  First things first: I just realized the version delivered to the mexican theaters is DIFFERENT to the rest of the world, why? Because the characters who originally speak Spanish are DUBBED AGAIN, like double dubbed. So ironically, in Mexico we couldn’t get to hear precious things like “no mames”, WE WERE DAMN ROBBED.
OK HERE WE GO:
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That bridge is sending me, it really looks like a bridge from here or vial distributor like they call it in a more elegant way.
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No, forget it. That kind of bridge doesn’t exist here but nice try, I appreciate that.
Here’s where something really funny starts because what they say doesn’t match with the subtitles at all hahaha 
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The girl says “no mames” and it’s subtitled to “Oh my God” AND it was dubbed as “No inventes” hahaha this can’t be...
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And here, the guy says “yo siento lo mismo”, it’s subtitled as “I feel it too” which is accurate but when they dubbed it they went with “¿y esos ojos?” lmao
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Can’t forget to mention this ICONIC scene, of course.
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The moment when the cops arrive reminds me of the meme where there’s some thiefs robbing something and the cops are asleep but there’s someone naked or doing something else and a fucking troop arrives, here is one example of the meme I’m talking about:
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kidnappers - cops asleep, thiefs - cops asleep,narcos - cops asleep,an old lady selling flowers - the fucking troops.
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"¿Qué le pasó a tu amiga, wey?" the cop saying this hahahsha lmao like I said WE WERE FUCKING ROBBED.
The girl saying “qué pedo wey” when they’re arresting her hahah, I actually predicted at least one “que pedo” would be said in this movie and finally I can see my prediction turned out to be true #SamPatchVidente
The casa de papel guy aka the cop is going to be beaten the shit out for wanting to take Grace to the ministerio publico.
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Cops getting beaten the shit out of them: oil on canvas 
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And here’s the first mistake: the patrols have signs saying “policia municipal” and “cdmx” (Mexico City). In real life that’s impossible as “policia municipal” (municipal police) is one thing and “cdmx” is a totally different city, patrols can’t have both things but hey, the design is spot on.
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"Eso estuvo padrísimo wey" hahsha lmao this time I prefer the dubbing where they go with “eso estuvo padrísimo, güera”, cause I like when they call Grace güera.
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Never in my life I imagined I’d be alive to see this piece of art: Mackenzie with “Sí señor” playing in the background. The first time I saw this I was losing my shit even more cause Mackenzie was somewhere in the same room, probably watching the scene too. This is so powerful, wow.
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This is sending me hashaha, in the dubbed versión the guy shouts at her “pinche gringa ratera” (fucking gringa thief or something) and it’s translated to “Go to hell lady” come on hahahaha so I prefer that over the original version, damn it I wish I could have a hybrid version of this cause is gold.
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The heroic CDMX, fuck yessss! I would have loved to see the Popocatepetl. I’d like to think the suavicrema is in the background, so maybe is Chapultepec?. So what is a suavicrema? Could be like a brand of ice cream wafer and that tall building in the background looks like one, lol. Omg, ok I’ll stop.
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Next: we can see doña pelos in here cooking her food. Doña pelos or doña lupe is how we call every lady who sells food in the street, so for practical effects this lady is doña pelos.
Here’s the proof we call them like that:
It translates: “So doña pelos is taking marketing courses” cause she’s using an Adobe logo to promote her food of the day, which is “adobo de cerdo” hahaha
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Let’s move on.
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No, it’s not “do you want your tamal”, it’s “tortita de tamal” aka the famous guajolota, that’s what she’s asking. A guajolota is “a sandwich composed of a tamal placed inside a bolillo or telera, which is a rounder version of a bolillo.” Yes, I got it from Wikipedia, don’t judge. 
Also, a lady selling garnachas (like quesadillas, etc.) AND tamales? That’s new.
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She also sells mangos? Wowowowow that’s versatility. 
And “le robo un manguito” “can I steal a mango?” Dani, you have to pay for that, you can go to jail for like 30 years, I’m serious, remember the meme of the cops?
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Someone said she may be a prostitute and I can’t even…so you can’t dress with whatever you want? But also I’m a little suspicious and she actually may be one depending on what zone is Dani supposed to live. 
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A pink cab! I thought it was a Nissan Tsuru because they always are but this time it’s not. Missed opportunity, production design team. 
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“Let’s put Frida Kahlo to emphasize this is Mexico, what a good idea , why not?” 
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Multifamiliar o vecindad? we're about to find out.
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Why does she have a bike hanging on the wall? Is that a thing? 
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The fruit on the table, the vase, and the squared table cloth, that evoked things in me.
About the music: I mean, it’s okay they put latin music but I am fucking sick to death of this Bomba Estereo song, I fucking hate it. There, I said it.
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147 likes, that’s how excited the guys who think they’re Dj’s or something are when they upload things to soundcloud. 
One thing I don’t understand is: if they live in Mexico City, why are they talking in english now? Did I miss something? 
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Never seen anyone in my life name a dog “Taco”, only “Chilaquil” but that’s another story.
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Arturitooo from la casa de papel! or how I like to call him: el cñor <3 (it means señor but with a c because it sounds the same).
Interestingly, now there are two actors from la casa de papel appearing here hahaha 
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LMFAO that’s a flagrant fucking typo: “tomalito” hahshaha that’s an unforgivable mistake. It’s “tamalito” obviously. 
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Now, what’s up with the serape blanket on the wall? Hahaha we call them sarapes but come on, we’re not like that…well yeah but no… It would have been funny if the serape had a drawing of the last dinner hahaha that would have triggered childhood memories.
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The cñor from la casa de papel is going to the imss for his medical check up. Imss is a horrible public health institution but that’s what we have so…
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Ok, this is GOLD: the serape blanket, a picture of la Virgen de Guadalupe, the couch covered with sheets and ANOTHER serape blanket, the sewing machine hahaha they missed the calendar from the fruit store or the butch shop, damn haha
Did taco survive? I guess not :(
Also when Diego sings: Y’all, you could have saved some good money by picking up another song, I mean, it’s a beautiful song by Juan Gabriel but I heard it was very expensive and now in retrospective you could have saved something in this little simple thing.
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So it’s a vecindad I guess.
And how did they hang the clothes in the middle? :v Can these people fly? That would be a Mexican super power to take advantage of the maximum possible space. 
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  Un viejo encueradooooo, tápese cochino.
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A green bussssss!!! We call them microbuses and the location gives me historical downton vibes because of all the people in the street. 
Oopppp another pink cab, I love it. 
I am the only person on this planet who is excited to see those microbuses in this movie, yes I am. 
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I FINALLY KNOW WHAT THE ROUTE OF THE MICROBUS SAYS! It says "LAGO DE GUADALUPE, E. ZAPATA" WHICH IS INCORRECT HAHAHAHA. Also, the man with the hat hahaha it’s Mexico City not Monterrey.
Lago de Guadalupe is not in Mexico City and “E. Zapata” maybe is the subway station but they’re absolutely not close to each other, well let’s move on. 
 The casa de papel guy aka Dani’s dad is speaking with a heavy spanish accent tbh
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And... Goodbye Mr. casa de papel :(
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They make it look as if everybody works there, it��s not a little town, you know?
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Why the fuck is an employee riding a bike inside the factory? I don’t get it. 
When diego says "chale" hahaha same.
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"Un robot, que chido eh" hahaha chido and it’s subtitled as "it's cool" adjka god help me please.
El señor Sánchez represents me.I mean, there was a little bit of criticism because all the mexicans represented here are white but hey, try looking for someone who looks like a mexican in damn Europe, they did the best they could.
Aaaagain: if they are in Mexico City, why the hell are they talking in english? I’ll never understand.
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Typical police guy distracted with the damn phone, yes we are in Mexico.
That policeman looks like Burt Reylonds (?)
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Wish Grace would’ve arrived in that microbus hahahaha
That microbus is weird, nope I don't know her. 
That microbus has the same route as the previous one but it has something else under “E. Zapata”, like “Tecnologico” or something like that, ooofff maybe it’s Tecnologico de Monterrey hahaha that college is kinda near Lago de Guadalupe so haha ok, let’s keep going. 
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Another distracted cop, my Mexico.
I love how Grace beats cops everywhere, this is an irrelevant scene for this analysis but I just love it so much.
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Back to the factory: "Qué hace aquí tu jefe?" jasjdd "que haces aquí, jefe", the slang is on point here haha
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"Olvidaste tu comida mijo" jasdjkhd
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"Me quieren reemplazar por esa pinche máquina" apparently translates to a "they’re replacing me with that damn machine" jaksdj at least put a “fucking” or something.
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Again that heavy spanish accent with that deep voice, hmmm
I’m going to ignore the Factory fight because there’s no Mexican stuff here.
Well, Diego and Dani keep saying “vámonos” and they don’t fucking leave haha
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“GET IN” and Dani saying "ya güera ya güera" jakdhakjd I love her
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Pink cab is saved from being destroyed by Grace.
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Here comes the policía municipal to spoil everything. 
Ok, my theory is they are in the limits of Mexico City and the metropolitan area aka the state which is also a kinda not very good looking place and omg hahaha I love that.
Here’s when Diego slips an almost inaudible “no mames”, I know I heard it.
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And well, THANK YOU GOVERNOR OF MEXICO CITY BECAUSE THE PATROLS ARE NOT THE SAME COLOR AND THEY’RE NOT ACCURATE ANYMORE, THANK YOU FOR SPOILING EVERYTHING.
These are our patrols now:
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Ugh.
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Noooo the tacos :( this really hurt a lot.
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This is where I think they enter a highway called “circuito exterior mexiquense” that effectively connects the metropolitan area of the state with Mexico City and I LOVE IT. I love everything, do I?
Also some say the Rev-9 is driving a snow plow truck, is it? The only time it has snowed in Mexico City was in 1967, a long time ago.
Everything is screaming “circuito exterior”, yes I’m getting those vibes and I’m here for it.
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Another pink cab is seen. Fun fact: because of its pink and white colors, we call them “hello kittys” and before that they were like wine color and gold so we called them “iron man”.
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“FASTER GO FASTER”  Grace: “shut the fuck up, dummy”  and giving looks that could kill.
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Hahahaha those license plates are so damn old and they say “Chihuahua” and “Guanajuato” ahaha doesn’t make very much sense.
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The car of my friend hahaha
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The truck behaving like my friend’s car.
Here’s where as a mexican citizen who used to drive every day in that highway, I detected some continuity details in the pursuit scene: 
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ROAD SIGN 1: Nextlalpan/Jaltenco haha on the opposite side of the road.
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ROAD SIGN 2: Querétaro/Toluca/Tultitlán on the right side they’re driving
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ROAD SIGN 1 again: first mistake fellas, now the sign is in the lane where they’re driving.
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ROAD SIGN 3: Ecatepec/Texcoco, how do I know? I just do.
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ROAD SIGN 4: This is my fave because in this one there's my shitty town hahaha SALIDA LECHERIA-TEXCOCO AV.JOSE LOPEZ PORTILLO Y COACALCO hahaha
It really looks like the circuit, I drive there a lot of times and Grace was there, destroying everything :')
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ROAD SIGN 4: My fave sign now is on the opposite side, mistake number two.
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Each and every one of the times I went to the theaters to watch this movie, in this scene everyone was like "ohhhh what? omg nooo" 
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ROAD SIGN 4: Mistake number 3, the sign of Lecheria is shown again when the Grace truck had already passed there on the other side of the road.
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ROAD SIGN 2: There's again the sign of Queretaro/ Toluca/Tultitlan when Grace's truck has already driven over there.
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ROAD SIGN 5: Toluca/Lago de Guadalupe, remember? Lago de Guadalupe,  just like the microbus route sign.
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ROAD SIGN 5: Just because I love to see Mackenzie with those signs in the background hahaha
Anyway, the circuito exterior mexiquense is a fucking mess and of course I love it.
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Dani, I wouldn't go to the police either, they’re a bunch of useless idiots and I'm sure they would blame YOU for everything and get you into jail for 40 years.
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Really bitch? RECETA MEDICA AJSDKASDK he's asking her for a prescription lmao her face I can’t...
Also I always wondered how Grace understood the pharmacy guy but now I know that in the version brought up here, this guy was dubbed to spanish while in the original version he spoke english, those little differences and  I’ll never understand why they did it.
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Typical guy filming the mess hahaha 
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"Qué pasa güera" traduced to "what the hell", nice (not actually)
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That looks like a little town but God knows where is it, eww
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Sure, we all have an uncle who is a coyote (no, not true). We call them polleros, not coyotes but whatever.
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"Ojalá ustedes no fueran tan blancas" "I wish you two weren't so white" hasjdaj Love it.
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So they're going to the famous BESTIA (beast), that's the nickname of the train because it's so huge.
I'm laughing hard because in some sites they called this scene "train station scene" hahaha this is everything but a train station haha ffs
Fun fact: I see that train everyday just without migrants, I think they ride the train in other certain places. This is a pic a took of the real bestia:
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LOS HEROES TECAMAC JAJAJAJAJA lmao lmao I can't fucking believe it jasjdkaja the little shitty town close to mine LOVE IT
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Ciudad Valles jaskdja
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Ciudad Victoria.
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China??? wtf now that's just random places.
EDIT: Someone replied to his post and told me it’s a place in Nuevo León and yes it is, CHINA, Nuevo León Mx. close to Ciudad Victoria AND LAREDO. And this means I don’t know my country enough. Gracias @vickysan24​
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Is this supposed to be Guanajuato? when on earth they went to Guanajuato? I need to talk to Sonja Klaus asap
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Mackenzie saying "hola" is one of the best things that could've ever happened to me.
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ahhh the food jasjdja has a lemon in it, I don't know, could be sincronizadas? hahahsha I think it’s eggs and beans with pico de gallo.
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Mastering the skill of grabbing the tortilla like a spoon, nice. She has my seal of approval.
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cartel de Sinaloa... really?! I really don't know what to think about this one...come the fuck on.
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So that's how they cross huh, they keep putting walls but people always will find a way.
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La migra got them:(
I’m going to do a big skip here. The border patrol and the detention center are next and key in the story but I don’t really know how can I bring something new in this analysis, maybe I’ll try later.
Next: When they find Carl.
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For a looong time I really thought those beers were Corona and now it turns out they weren’t, sad day but oh well there are much better beers out there, so... *nail polish emoji*
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Is that... MOLE DE LA COSTEÑA???? JAJAJSJAJD Did you think I wasn’t going to see that?! That’s a great product placement.
And another picture of la Virgen de Guadalupe.
I'm far from being an expert but i'm not sure if we drink beer like that, with the lemon in the bottle.
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Another beer?  Yes, thank you.
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Even Grace is not sure if beer is drank in that way.
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But beer with lemon and salt is everything, I admit it.
Ok, fast forward, no mexican things until the very end;
"Mataste todo lo que quería cabron" jsadkhdjha what a delight! and it’s been translated to "you took everything I had, bastard" lmao yeah, right. Sounds better in spanish, obviously.
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Yes people, only a mexican can throw herself to a Terminator and fight with it with her own bare hands.
And to finish this deep analysis, I want to point the great originality (sarcasm on) they had with some character names: Diego Boneta is Diego, Alicia Borrachero aka Carl’s “wife” is called Alicia and at some point the Rev-9 is called Gabriel, like hmm ok, I remember Diego Boneta’s character was rumored to be named Miguel but yeah it was just a rumor. Ohhh and the lady selling tamales her real life name is yes, you guessed it: Mona.
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If you’re reading this, I want to thank you for getting this far, for taking your time and I hope this “little analysis” helped you to understand some things better about the movie that maybe you’ve missed in your viewings or to discover new things about Mexico. Did I miss something? Let me know what you think.
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