#She's bringing dog treats to distract the puppy so we can get some peace

[davidsons89]

Toxic Turner - part 20 (tw)

WARNINGS: this story contains signs of a toxic and manipulative relationship. also contains smut, mentions of drugs and alcohol. some scenes contain forms of abuse. read at ur own risk :)

A/N: this chapter is long, and probably makes no sense. it took me a few days to process this, so i hope y’all like it <3

alex eventually got up and followed you out of the room after you scurried off. before you ran upstairs, he grabbed you and began yelling at you. you didn’t have the energy or guts to argue back, so he was basically bullying you. he began to get violent with his words and soon hands, and your family started to worry. it wasn’t long before your family entered the hallway and started yelling at him too, causing a very heated argument between them. you stand aside and listen, not getting involved in the back and forth yelling.

“i don’t fucking abuse her, you would’ve seen it by now” alex yells at your sister who accuses him of hitting you. “we have seen it” your sister yells back at him as she’s on the verge of attacking him herself, but she’s trying to contain herself because she doesn’t want to start physical drama in this moment.

“where? where the fuck do you see that i abuse her?” alex asks angrily, reaching down to grab your arm, forcing it in his direction to show your relatives that you have no physical marks or bruises on your skin. you yank your arm back after he proved his point, sighing as you tuck them behind your back, intertwining your own fingers so he wouldn’t grab you again.

“there’s nothing there now but there has been before, i’ve seen it with my own eyes” your cousin steps in as he was tired of seeing alex verbally abusing your sister. “yeah because you’re too busy stalking our lives when you need to live your fucking own and mind your business” alex densely says in your cousins face. you could tell the two wanted to hit each other, but none of your relatives would let that happen because it won’t lead to anything better.

“she’s the fucking psycho one here, not me” alex makes his voice heard while pointing at you to bring attention to you too, so he wasn’t facing the backlash alone even though he’s at fault. “how am i?” you ask innocently, your voice cracking with fear of him. “you say the worst things about me, you act as if i’m the worst person in the world but you’re choosing to stay with me” alex says to you, causing your cheeks to turn red as all eyes are on you while listening to his wise words. you know what he’s about to say will hurt you, it’s like he’s reading from a script he’s rehearsed in his own head, like he’s waited for the moment to call you out so that you look like the bad person in this bad situation.

“you are so fucking ungrateful, it’s like you use me because you’re a prissy little princess. you talk to other men, flirt with them and act like you don’t have a boyfriend that does fucking everything for you” he whined in a complaining matter. “i live with you, i but you things, i take you places, i always make sure you have reasons to have a good day because i never want you to be sad. i do everything for you, just for you to disrespect me.” he says, instantly guilt tripping everyone around him and changing their opinions. you’re the only one that can see the blatant manipulation and gaslighting, but everyone else is too dull to realize it.

everyone fell silent for a moment or two, soon realizing that you’re the bad one in this situation, even though you’re their own blood. “are you serious?” your mom questions, breaking the peaceful silence between you all. you’re only quiet because you’re lost for words, there’s no come back to that because he’s already turned over everyone’s hearts. “wh- really?” you widen your eyes at your mom, having the audacity to believe alex over her own daughter.

“why would you do that stuff?” your sister asks, frowning as she began to feel bad for yelling at alex for what she believed to be no reason. “i didn’t do that stuff i-” you begin to defend yourself but get cut off before you can finish talking. “ohh that’s why you stripped off in front of everyone, for attention” your aunt joins in. “are you for fucking real?” you gasp and laugh slightly, you can’t help but find it strictly funny how your own family is turning against you.

“and you invited that guy into the pool, being all flirty and seductive” your sister frowns, pulling a grossed out face at you as she made you seem like a whore for a harmless invitation. “you guys are seriou-” you say, but get cut off once again because none of them care for what you have to say. “how are you guys believing this fucking asshole?” your cousin steps in to save you from being alone and defenseless. “oh shut the fuck up, you’re seeing things from all those drugs you inhale” alex begins to taunt your cousin for his secret drug use, which alex just exposed to everyone.

“yeah, you think i don’t know you stalk me? i see you watching me all the time, but while you’re too just figuring out my relationship, i found out a lot about you. why don’t you go ahead and tell your mother about the heavy drugs you take daily?” alex exposes your cousin, making you feel absolutely terrible because he got caught out just for trying to save your ass. everyone is silent for a moment, making your cousin extremely angry. alex stands and watches his anger rile up inside of him, just as he moves his stance to try to take a punch at alex.

before your cousin could hit him, a few of your relatives hold him back so he doesn’t start an unnecessary fight. “worry about your own life next time” alex says, taunting your cousin as he leans closer to him, knowing he’s completely defenseless as he’s being held back. while everyone is distracted with your cousin, alex slips away and grabs your forearm, dragging you up the stairs and pulling you into your bedroom.

he shoves you into the room first, then follows behind you and closes the door behind him, sneakily locking it behind him as you stand frozen with fear. “do you feel better about yourself now? look what you’ve caused” alex raises his eyebrows, unusually calm for something that nearly ruined his reputation.

“look what i caused? that was unnecessary alex, you didn’t need to bring him into it...” you furrow your eyebrows with pure innocence, giving him puppy eyes in hope that he’ll go easy on you, but while everyone is distracted by arguing with your angry cousin, this is his only chance to catch you alone where nobody will do anything about it.

“i don’t think it was unnecessary, love. he’s been watching me for months, i’m not as stupid as you think” he talks in a smart, calm tone which made you think he wasn’t angry at all, but he’s fucking terrific at hiding his emotions, especially when it comes to you. “you let him try to ruin our relationship, you were letting it happen, why?” he asks, tilting his head like a confused dog waiting for your response. “because we’re not good together. you’re crazy, i hate the way you are” your voice breaks with nervousness.

“then why are you still with me?” alex asks, changing his tone as if he’s speaking to a child. “i.. don’t know” you gulp nervously as you see him take a step closer to you, and another so that he’s stood right in front of your face. “it’s because you don’t hate me, you love me” he whispers, bringing his hands up to your face to hold your cheeks in his hands gently. “do you love me?” he whispers in a manipulating tone, staring into your eyes to make sure you choose the right answer.

you slowly nod, showing him that you do in fact love him. “then why the fuck do you disrespect me, huh?” he asks, his calmness slipping away as he moves his hands from your cheek to your neck to grip the roots of your hair, tugging at them to hurt you. “i don’t disrespect you, al..” you nervously say, putting your hands on his arms to try and move them but you’ve got zero luck. “i fucking love you, and you treat me like i’m nothing. who’s the abuser now?” he taunts your, inches away from your face to make you afraid as he tugs harder at your hair.

“i don’t-” you begin to wail and whine, but you aren’t given a chance to speak. “shut up” he raises his voice, causing you to flinch as his face is right in front of yours. “what the fuck have you been telling him about me?” he begins to get physically angry now, raising his voice and gripping you harder.

“i didn’t say anything” you wail again, tears forming in your eyes at how hard he’s pulling at your roots. “bullshit, what did you say?” he scoffs, waiting for your answer but you ignore him. “what did you fucking say y/n?” he yells at you, causing your bottom lip to quiver. “i didn’t say anything to him, al, he figured it out for himself i promise” you begin to cry, your voice shaking with guilt and fear.

“you expect me to believe you? when all you do is lie?” he laughed in your face to make you feel stupider than you already felt. “i’m telling the truth i swear” you cry, furrowing your eyebrows innocently so he’ll believe you, but it’ll take a lot more than tears. “i’m gonna ask you one more time, what have you told him about me?” he asks calmly, sighing through his nose to stop himself from getting angrier than he already is.

you sigh and gulp nervously. “i.. the only thing i said was that.. you’re mean sometimes, and that you scare me when you’re angry” you hesitate to say, avoiding eye contact with him, but he grabs your cheeks again and forces you to look at him. “so you did say something to him, and you lied to me about it” he raises his eyebrows as if he’s scolding a kid. he does treat you like a child sometimes, which is frustrating because he doesn’t understand you.

“i’m sorry..” you innocently whisper as you wish he’ll forgive you, but he’s acting nice before the storm. “you’re sorry?” he chuckles, sliding his hand to your throat to back you against a wall tightly. “you’re fucking sorry?” he raises his voice with anger, making you flinch at his words. each time you flinch or look away, he grips your throat tighter to leave marks on your delicate skin. “look at me when i’m talking to you” he says, digging his nails into your skin.

“alex stop” you cry, whining as he’s doing nothing but scaring and hurting you. “stop? you want me to stop?” he yells again, closing his hand against your throat so that it began to get impossible to breathe, he’s actually quite scaring you. you nod as tears stream from your eyes, but he doesn’t care at all. “you let them all think i abuse you, when all i do is care for you” he manipulates the situation, trying to make you feel bad for him instead of the opposite.

“i love you” he says, dropping his grip on your throat which caused you to gasp and regain your breath properly, you froze in fear as you were too frightened to run away, he’d only hurt you more. “you don’t love me.. you’re obsessed with me” you sniffle, bringing your hand up to your face to wipe away your tears.

“you’re abusive and toxic and.. you need help” you sympathize, trying to get him to realize the truth but it’s not as easy as you think. “you think i’m abusive and toxic?” he scoffs a laugh in disbelief of your audacity. “you are.. you say you’re in love with me but you hurt me, and control me and-” you slowly let out, finally telling him the truth of your thoughts but he has none of it.

he cuts you off by gripping a fistful of your hair and pulling your face towards his so that you’re inches away from each other. “i’ll show you abusive and toxic, you want that?” he whispers dominantly to intimidate you, and it was working. “no i don’t want that” you cry to him, he seems to like it when you cry. it makes him feel powerful, like he’s in charge of you.

“are you sure? because you seem to tell everyone that i am, so you must want it” he starts to sarcastically taunt you in your face, making you want to slap him but that’ll only result in causing pain for yourself. “i never meant it like that” you say, placing your hands on his chest to push him away from you, but it only makes him grab both of your upper arms and pin you against said wall.

“then how did you mean it? huh?” he asks, pinning you against the wall harder as he raises his voice at you towards the end. “i don’t know alex.. you’re hurting me” you whine, trying to thrash about underneath his solid grip but he’s way stronger than you’d imagined. “good, shut up” he says, demanding you to quit whining and be quiet. “why do you call me abusive?” he asks, raising his eyebrows to get a good answer out of you. “look at yourself.. you hit me, you call me names, you act like you own me, and you’re pinning me against a wall as we speak” you say, using a sarcastic tone at the end as you stand up to him by raising your voice.

“i do fucking own you. i’ve made that clear since day one” he says, forcefully grabbing your face with one hand again, as his other stays pinning your arm against the wall. with his grip on your face, he pulls it so that you’re constantly looking at him and listening to him. “no you don’t, i’m your girlfriend not your fucking pet” you say, using your strength to thrash under his hold of you. “stop fighting me, stop it” he says, gripping harder on both your arm and face to keep you against the wall.

“no, fuck you” you say, still building up all your strength to overpower him. as each second goes by, your anger levels rise causing you to get physically stronger. you finally manage to get out of his grip and shove him back, making him stumble as you hit him. “i fucking hate you” you yell at him, watching him regain his balance again. “yeah? if you hate me so much then fuck off” he yells, aiming his arm at the door to point at it. “no, you leave” you frown, motioning your head towards the door.

“i’m not leaving” he says, dropping his arm as he slowly shakes his head. “well i’m not leaving either” you say, crossing your arms over your chest as you glare at each other for a few moments. “good. now what made you think you can fucking hit me?” he raises his voice at you, storming back over to you until he’s inches away from your face again. “so you’re allowed to hit me but i can’t hit y-” you begin to argue back, but he quickly cuts you off by harshly slapping your face, then using the same hand to grab your throat and pin you against the wall.

“no, you can’t fucking hit me. you’re a weak, no good, pathetic little slut who deserves nothing” he intimates you, talking down on you as his veins vigorously stand out in his hand wrapped around your neck. “if i deserve nothing then why do you act like you give me everything?” you ask shakily. his harsh grip on your throat is affecting your speech. “i do give you everything, you’re just ungrateful. the only thing you’re good for is sex” he taunts, chuckling to being you down. “so you just use me?” you scoff, trying to push him away but it only made his hand squeeze your throat fighter.

“who wouldn’t use you? you have a perfect little body, and a perfect little pus-” he began to say, but you quickly got sick of his words. “you’re disgusting” you cut him off, shaking your head. “you’re so easy, like a little whore. any man could give you the slightest touch, and you’d be wetter than a pool” he says, slowly gliding his other hand to your stomach, trickling his fingers down to your thigh. you gulp and try to look down, but he forces your head back up. he stares into your eyes, making you tremble.

“i bet i could seduce you right now. go on, close your eyes” he says calmly, quietening down after he yelled at you at the top of his lungs just a minute ago. you slowly shake your head, causing him to shush you. he sees how nervous you are, so he calms you down. he moves his hand from your throat and lightly places it over your eyes to cover them. “close your eyes and imagine someone else touching you. not me” he whispers, testing something. he’s playing a trick on you to later use it against you, you know this but you’re too scared to reject him.

his fingers make their way into your underwear. it comes as a shock to you because you can’t physically see. “alex...” you innocently say, but he quietens you again. “shh, love. just imagine someone else touching you” he whispers in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. the two of you remain silent, the only noise you hear is the agitating sound of your family arguing like a bunch of high school kids downstairs.

“are you imagining the touch of another guys hand?” he whispers, watching your face as his hand covers your eyes. “i.. suppose” you gulp, not knowing the right answer, but you don’t want to disobey him. “good” he whispers, slowly pointing his two fingers out to drag them down your slit to your entrance. he feels how wet you are, and you hear his slight chuckle. “see? i knew how easy it would be to turn you on” he whispers, forcefully pushing his two fingers inside of you, making you gasp and jolt your hips back.

“that’s the fastest you’ve ever gotten wet. to the thought of another man, you’re a proven whore after all” he scoffs, dropping his hand from your eyes and ripping his fingers out of you, making you gasp again. “ale-” you begin to say as he walks away, but he cuts you off by turning around and slapping you harder than he did before.

“shut the fuck up. get downstairs and tell your family that our relationship is fine” he aggressively points in your face hoping you’ll do as you’re told. “and what if i don’t?” you ask nervously, trying your best to stand up to him but you weren’t able to overpower him right now. he sighed at your question before raising his hand to the back of your head, gripping a fistful of your hair and yanking it slightly. “or i will show you what abusive really fucking means” he quietly threatens, roughly letting go of your hair which caused you to stumble back. “now go” he points towards the door. you huff and walk out with him watching your every step.

you realise the door is locked, but ask no questions. you jiggle the door knob open and leave the room, closing it after you and heading downstairs. you’re immediately greeted by the sight of your family arguing with one another. you stepped foot downstairs for five seconds and already began getting a headache. “guys, shut up” you say, trying to break up the heated fight between a few of your relatives. they all ignored you. “shut up” you raise your voice, pushing your aunt away from your cousin, she was extremely close to attacking him.

they all ignored you again. you continued asking until you got fed up, but you soon realised that they’re all guests in your house so you’re the one in charge. “SHUT THE FUCK UP” you yell, gazing at your family members as you push the remaining few away from your cousin. “get out, go home” you demand to your relatives who are causing you nothing but a massive headache. “are you ok?” your cousin asks, but this isn’t about you. “i’m fine. we’re fine, nothing’s going on between me and alex” you reassure everyone as you look around catching some glares. “but-” your cousin begins to interrupt, but you quickly cut him off. “leave it. guys, go home” you say to the rest of your relatives as you stand in front of your cousin to show you’re on his side.

“why don’t you kick the druggy out?” your sister scoffs offendedly. “because he’s the only that’s on my side. the rest of you believed alex over me, which is why i want you to get the fuck out” you say, respectfully pointing towards the door while making heavy eye contact with your mom and sister specifically. “so alex does hit y-” your mom began to say, but you cut her off too. it feels nice to show a bit of dominance for once, you should do it more often.

“no mom, he doesn’t” you interrupt her by raising your voice over hers. “he definitely does, he’s been dodgy since day one” one of your sisters friends joined in. “nah, alex wouldn’t do that” your sister disagrees. “i’ve seen the way he speaks to her” your cousin butted in. soon later, everyone started agreeing and disagreeing with each other about the theory of alex abusing you. “oh my god, he doesn’t. we’re fine, end of. please go home” you say stressfully, pointing to the door while placing your other hand on your sister’s shoulder to make her be the first one to leave.

“fine whatever. have fun with druggy” your sister scoffs, pushing past everyone to leave first. it took about 20 minutes to get everyone out, but you let your cousin stay. “i’m gonna kill alex when i see him” your cousin sighs, feeling nothing but pure anger because he was exposed in front of his entire family. “do it, man. i’m right here” alex chuckles from the top of the stairs, catching you both by surprise. you both look up the stairs and see him sitting one one of the top steps. “how long have you been there?” you frown up at him. “since i heard you actually standing up for yourself for once” alex shrugs.

“oh..” you say, letting awkwardness slip in as all three of you remain silent for a few moments. “so, you gonna kill me or what?” alex asks, sarcastically raising his eyebrows at your cousin stood next to you. “i would’ve done it by now if i was actually going to” your cousin replies, frowning at him. “well, don’t say you’re gonna do something when you’re not.” alex says, standing up as he began walking down the stairs. your heart began to race, you didn’t want them to start arguing or fighting so you quickly stood between them as alex reached the bottom step.

“i want you to respect me when you’re in my house. don’t come here and try exposing me in front of everyone when you’re hiding things of your own” alex confidently says. his cockiness is quite sexy, but also very intimidating at the same time. “i want you to respect my cousin. she’s a great girl, she doesn’t deserve to be disrespected by an asshole like yourself” your cousin takes a step forward, but you nudge him back to keep them away from each other.

“yeah, i agree with you on that one” alex nods, walking past you both as he pulls a cigarette from his pocket, and a lighter from the other. “go outside with that” you frown at him as he lights the cigarette and turns towards you, taking a puff right in the middle of the hallway. “are you gonna ask me nicely?” he asks, blowing the smoke in your direction to piss you off. “can you please take that outside?” you ask, sighing as you point to the backyard through the hallway. “yes i will. and when i come back, i expect you to fuck off” alex says, locking his eyes onto your cousin who wanted nothing more than to hit him, but you won’t let that happen.

alex left the house and stood in the back yard for a while, thinking about life as he smokes a cigarette to himself. your cousin eventually left, you apologized to him for “lying” and on behalf of whar alex caused. you knew that after today, you and your family will drift apart. nothing will be the same after they believed alex over you, their own flesh and blood. you can’t forgive them, but most importantly, you forgave alex again... he distracts you from your own relationship problems by causing havoc within your family, he’s willing to do anything to have you all to himself. anything.

#toxic turner

[popculturebuffet]

Amphibia Reviews: Toad to Redemption and Maddie and Marcy

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to my weekly coverage of Amphibia! And today we have a suprisingly important Toadstool episode.. and a MADDIE AND MARCY EPISODE. Guess which one i’m actually excited about. But regradless it’s a good batch this week so join me under the cut for my thoughts with spoilers

Toad to Redemption: A not half bad episode, this one concerns everyone’s faviorite Monopoly Man Fried Chicken Baby, as it turns out he’s finally grown a heart. It turns out the Toad Tower incident.. actually changed him as a person. I’m as shocked as you. I mean he’s still a greedy corrupt hick, you can’t paint a gopher orange and call it a basketball... 

Look i’ts a long story i’m legally barred from talking about. Point is Toadstool is a greedy asshole but one who cares about his consituents now and actually enjoys the town and taking care of it. In return the citzens actually like him now: they may of rightfully tried to vote him out but his genuine attempts at doing good, in this episodes case spending money on potholes instead of a Jacuzzi for him and Toadie and helping fix a falling sign, have made him actually beloved. 

Naturally though, it’s not that easy and a newt comes down to give him the job running Toad Tower, and him refusing it would mean time in prison. Because as if we needed the reminder, The Newt ruling class sucks and so far the only person we’ve seen related to the castle who isn’t either hiding an edltrich demon,  a snob, or some form of hired goon is Marcy, whose blind to all of that. I do wish Marcy was in this episode for that reason, as i’m waiting for her to finally see the downside of the king and the people she’s been working for, but I get why not: it’d make the episode too easy, and distract from the character it’s actually about and to the episodes credit they wrote her out well enough: She’s studying Frobo all day. 

So the Mayor begs Anne, who showed up with a bunch of parking tickets from Hop Pop (And ones from when they were out of town no less), for help. She only ends up agreeing becaue his puppy dog eyes are so ungodly unsettling she just wants it to stop but I presume getting those parking tickets cleared up is part of it. 

So it goes as you’d expect: THe Plantars try to make him look bad, it dosen’t work. Though to Toadstool’s credit despite the hefty punishment he does prepare to tell the newt lady off after she explains Toadie won’t be going with them. You can do a LOT to Toadstool but no one is a condescning bitch to his husband-minon and gets away with it! 

But then the three toads from last season show up, the ones Anne fought, lead by Bog that pointy guy. Look i’ts been almost two years. and felt like 90. The Toads have become Bandit’s since leaving Grime behind, which.. you.. you could’ve done that and had a consistent base of operations and a home in the frog alps. So naturally a fight breaks out but Toadstool bluffs htem to throw them off guard and the town easily fights them off. 

Thankfully Toadstool gets out of things. Jacinda, said newt lady, finds him too soft for the job and puts Bog in charge.... so.. yay? No.. not really no yay here none. So while our heroes goad themselves for yet another enemy on the docket, the town confirm how much they care about Toadstool, Toadstool caresses toady and I die a little on the inside. 

Toad to Redemption is decent. It’s not the best of this half of the season but it does speak to how this half has been far better, with the return to wartwood giving us far more character stuff that had been lacking, and notably focusing more on the side cast. Speaking of whiccchhhhh

Maddie and Marcy Look unless this episode screwed up horribly somehow, this episode already had my good will just by teaming up two of my faviorites: As i’ve made clear Marcy is endlessly relatable to me as an awkward nerd myself and Haley brings her a-game every time. As for Maddie she was an instant faviorite from her first apperance being married off to Sprig, with her spotlight episode “Cursed!” being one of my faviorites of the series thus far, and a generally great one that fleshed her out from a creepy but endearing backgroudn character with sinsiter intent. to a nice if spooky little girl who uses the darkest magics for the greatest goods. 

So the two were a natural to not only get a spotlight together, but also in something the show lampshades one that’s mostly devoid of the main cast. Anne, Sprig and Hop Pop all only show up for quick gags, and the story is entirley around the titular Duo. And safe to say my hype was warranted: This is one of the standouts of the season by a long shot and one of the funniest episodes this season, while giving Maddie even more depth and allowing Marcie to play a supporting roll this go round. 

Maddie is working on her biggest spell yet: to raise the dead. Frankenstein styles. But her sisters keep begging her for attention and eventually get bored and spill her carefully prepared cauldron causing her to snap at them. It is however a nice layered conflict: This is very important to Maddie and rightfully so as this is her first level 2 spell, and she was specifically asked to do it by one of the neighbors. And it’s not like this is something she can half ass... if done right you get frakenweenie if done wrong you get pet semetary. It’s a very fine line. This is her passion, her calling as she puts it later when she explains her backstory. The issue is she treats her sisters like babies and ignores them due to this passion.. it’s fine to have passions but you have to make time for those who matter. I’ts fine she dosen’t spend as much time with her sibs as she used to, juggling them and flashback Maddie is fucking precious... but she has to make some for them. They love her. They have to understand how important this is to her and she has to understand how important she is to them. 

So Maddie skulks off to get get some suplies, and Marcy is impressed as she’s been looking for a magic user and tries introducing herself.. and gets set on fire. But the two quickly bond: Marcie’s been looking for a teacher in magic being a fan of something resembling harry potter... I really feel for this show as i’ts clear the creators were fans from this episode’s tiny shout out to it and the first temple’s bigger one, and they clearly had no idea any of this would happen. None of us did. So we get a bonding montage which is the best scene of the episode and the funniest scene of the season, and very possibly the series, thus far. The two find slime, ticks, a corpse (Or rather hop pop whose annoyed they thought he was a corpse), digging up some graveyard soil next to some confused mourners and best of all “assorted limbs” which while I have the image up front I can’t resist sharing again..

This.. is easily the best thing the series has ever produced. Their just so fucking precious. They also high five each other as new best friends. The triplets though aren’t happy about any of this, not getting that shared intrests are a thing and what not and instead plot to get big. Look there are easier ways to do that: asking zoltar.. or a groovy ant who wants you to do a rap number. 

They instead use one of Maddie’s spells without asking and also vandalize her book because their babies.. she snaps at them again and they plan to grow big. Meanwhile Marcie and her beloved apprentence work on tampering in frog’s domain and successfuly do a necromancy.. only for the now giant sized triplet #1 to bound in.. followed by #’s 2 and 3. Our two heroines run for their lives from the giant babies, and Maddie is panicked as she now realizes what they did.. and that without proper ballance, the spell will cause them to explode. 

So while the triplets grasp with the expansion and inetivible kaboom, Maddie has Marcie prepare an antidote for four.. and goes alll giant man to calm them, juggling them adorably one last time. Peace is restored and Maddie agrees to get a better work life ballance. 

Maddie and Marcy as I said is one of the standout sof the season and easily my faviorite so far, being funny while having great character work, which is when the show’s at it’s best. or dramatic and great character work. either way this one was a treat.

Next Week: Our heroes seek out a second temple, while our anti-heroes seek out a legendary hammer.

#amphibia #anne boonchuy #mayor toadstool #maddie flour #marcy wu #toad to redemption #maddie and marcy

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Blue Eyes Part 14

Summary: After the Garrison is shot up, the youngest Shelby daughter finds a new home in London. She strips herself of her last name and tries to live a peaceful life far away from her brothers’ chaos in Birmingham. But fate leads her right back into it after she runs into Alfie Solomons.

Part 14: Something wanders into Alfie and Ella’s life. 

          Ella had never seen the sunset on a beach. She could recall a few times where she’d gone to the beach as a child. Most likely when they were traveling by caravan or maybe even the rare holiday. Somewhere off the coast of wales. But she remembered spending more time around ponds and lakes. The ocean was something so different.

           Living in a city of so many people, it was hard to get a good perspective on one’s impact. Especially since she was a part of such an influential family and living with a man who practically owned Camden. But looking at the ocean made Ella feel so small. Its absolute power and vast size were humbling, to say the least. She could be out floating among the waves and be completely lost within seconds. Just a little speck.

           And yet she felt like the world was pressing down on her shoulders. Why? Why was she standing, her knees buckling under the weight of all the responsibilities that weren’t her own? The guilt and consequences she didn’t deserve? Why couldn’t she handpick out all the things that were hers and let loose the rest? Cut ties with the burdens that did her no good? The burdens that others weren’t meant to carry.

           She could let them drift off into the ocean, never to be seen again.

           “You look a little lost, love.” Alfie murmured, bringing her back to shore.

           “Oh, I…” Ella blinked a few times and started to regain the feeling of the sand beneath her bare feet. “I was just thinking.”

           “’Bout what?” He wrapped an arm around her waist.

           “Don’t you ever want to stay here sometimes?” She glanced up at him. “Stay somewhere calm and peaceful. Somewhere no one will be able to get to you?”

           “S’pose everyone wants peace at one point or another.”

           Her hand moved to his chest. “But it could last. It could stay like this.”

           He frowned when he heard the desperation in her voice. The yearning for something that he was so unfamiliar with. Peace. “Ella, what were you thinking about?” He asked again. “What’s wrong, love?”

           “I’m just so tired. Being here, I feel like I can actually breathe. I love being in Camden with you but I still feel…lost. Don’t feel like I belong.”

           Alfie felt guilt pressing against his chest. He’d sensed her trouble faintly but hoped that as long as he loved her, he could ease that trouble. “I’m sorry, love if I can-”

           “It’s not a matter of what you can do to help it. Alfie, you’ve given me so much already.” She murmured and drew him closer. Her intention wasn’t to make him feel bad. All he’d done was treat her well and took care of her. “They’re my issues. Point is that being here with you, I’ve gotten some perspective. More than I’ve had in the last few months.

           Alfie’s forehead was creased with worry but he nodded, allowing her to continue.

           “We could be like this-stay like this. Stay here. I mean, what good is London to us, aye? It’s perfect here and we’d be so much happier.” She had effectively convinced herself over the last few hours that they had found paradise. No one would ever be able to find them or break through their wall of serenity. It was foolproof. How could anyone in their right mind ruin their happiness?

           “Love, as much as that sounds fucking amazing, it ain’t realistic, is it? C’mere.” He lowered himself onto the sand and held an arm out for her to join him. She cozied up to him even if he was about to break the bad news. “I’d love to just take all the money I have, right, and fuck off to some remote island with you. But we both know that it’d never work out.” He gently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You’d miss your family.”

           “No-”

           Alfie held up a hand. “’Fore you say that you wouldn’t, think ‘bout it for a mo’. Do you really never want to see them again? I mean, honestly, El, I ain’t stupid.”

           She pouted and wrinkled her nose with a defiant sniff. “Don’t matter.”

           “We can come back here anytime you want, yeah? But you can’t keep running from things you don’t want to fucking see. ‘Cause one of these days they’ll catch up to you.”

           A chill went down Ella’s spine. They had already caught up to her. She was still caught in the middle between the man she loved and the family she vowed to be loyal to. “Okay.” She whispered.

           “Didn’t mean to make you upset-”

           She forced a smile and stood up. “You didn’t. Just tired s’all.”

           “Right, well.” He dug his hand into the sand to stand up with a grunt. “We can head off to bed. Always sleep better here, them waves are like a mother’s lullaby.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

           Ella disagreed. She didn’t sleep at all. Stared up at the ceiling with her hands over her heart. Sounds of the waves, Alfie’s breathing, and Cyril’s snoring were calming. But she couldn’t stop her thoughts from whipping up a storm. Turning her round and round until she was dizzy with anxiety and hurt.

           Soon, it became too much to stay lying in bed. So she did her best to quietly get out of bed and sneak past Cyril on the floor. She walked slowly through the cottage, her arms wrapped around her. The stars were easier to see. There were hardly any clouds in the sky and no pollution to blur the twinkling lights. She watched the sky for a little in the sitting room. The glass wall giving her a good view of where the inky expanse dipped into the ocean. The moon reflecting off every wave.

           Still uneasy, Ella continued her pacing. Passing by the bookshelf of picture frames and into the kitchen. It was a bit quieter on the side facing away from the ocean. In the front room, she could hear crickets outside in the garden. She paused for a moment and started to pick up on a new noise. Soft shuffling in the front lawn.

           Fear perked her senses and she took a step back. It could be any number of people who were willing to follow her to Margate and intrude on the cottage’s peace. Not ruling anyone out, she inched quietly towards the coat rack where her holster was left. She slipped the handgun out and cocked it.

           The noise continued and a soft whining began to move closer to the door. It was squeaky and almost sounded like the whimpers of a newborn. Ella drew back one of the lace curtains that faced the front step. It was too dark to see much but she saw the shadow of something small hobbling around in the lawn. It moved on all fours and she assumed it was a raccoon or fox. But the sounds were unlike anything she’d heard from a woodland critter.

           Almost grateful for the distraction, Ella opened the door. She kept her gun in hand just in case it was some sort of trap. The whimpering paused for a moment and the animal turned to look towards her.

           Ella squinted to try and see what the thing was, moving a bit closer with trepidation. Finally, she came close enough to see that it was nothing to be afraid of.

           Standing in the lawn was a puppy. One so small that its belly was grazing the grass. It whined and approached Ella.

           “What’re you doing, little thing?” She scooped the animal up with one hand. As she did, something wet and sticky touched her skin. It was then that she realized the pup was bleeding.

           Panicked, Ella rushed back into the cottage and turned on a light in the kitchen. Setting her gun aside, she held up the puppy to seek out its wounds. The poor thing was shaking and continued to cry helplessly. There was a gash on top of its head from where the blood had trickled.            

           “Alfie!” She called, not concerned with what hour it was. “Alfie, come quick!”

           The man woke in a disheveled state of alarm. He stumbled out of the bed with Cyril quick at his heels. “What, what?” He found Ella in the kitchen, still half-blind from sleep.

           “It’s bleeding, I dunno what to do!”

           Alfie rubbed his eyes and peered at the little thing in her arms. “Fucking hell, where’d you get that?” He asked.

           “He was out wandering in the yard, I brought him in and…” She held the puppy out to him. “Do something!”

           “Alright, alright, calm down.” He lumbered over and gingerly took the puppy from her hands. After examining the wound, he waved a hand towards one of the cabinets in the kitchen. “Get a towel will ya?” He walked over to the water pump and began carefully washing away the blood.

           Ella retrieved a hand towel and hovered nervously by his side. “Will he be alright?”

           “Yeah, nothing too bad. Already starting to close up. It’s a girl, also.” He informed her as he did his best to keep the squirming puppy still. After successfully rinsing off all the blood, he handed her back to Ella to dry off. Alfie washed his hands and shut off the water. “Must be a stray.”

           Ella wrapped the puppy up like a swaddled infant and held her close. “What breed’s it?”

           “Pitbull.” He answered and scratched his beard. “Sorta have a bad reputation.” With a yawn, he sat down at the kitchen table. “Were used in sport, bred to be vicious.”

           The slate-colored pup hardly looked vicious. She snuggled right up in Ella’s arms and her dark eyes began to slide shut. Exhausted from wandering around in pain all night.

           “Shouldn’t matter what breed they are, should matter who raises them.” She mumbled quietly. “A dog with a mean owner’s bound to be mean too.”

           Alfie watched as she inexplicably came enamored with the furry thing. “You gonna name her?”

           She looked up in surprise. “You mean you want to keep her?”

           He chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t see you ever giving her up. Might s’well name her so we can all go back to sleep.”

           “Oh, I…” Ella thought to herself for a long moment until she finally smiled. “There was a book that Ada used to read me. Silly little thing really. There was a character named Cyril so perhaps we should name her after another one of the children from the book.”

           Alfie looked amused at the prospect and nodded. The idea seemed to delight her so he wouldn’t deny her. “What were the other children named?”

           “Well, there was Hilary and Robert.” She frowned with a puzzled expression. “I can’t remember what the younger sister was named…but the older sister was Anthea. I always loved that name, wanted it to be my own.” Her cheeks went a little red. “But I think it’s perfect.”

           “Anthea?” He stood and gently stroked a hand over the dog, being careful of the injury. “Sounds like a very intriguing name for a mysterious little pup.” He agreed. “What’d you think, Cyril, aye?”

           The mastiff’s tail was wagging with uncertainty but he appeared pleased, albeit a little tired.

           “I suppose that’s a yes, then.” Alfie smiled and kissed Ella’s cheek. “C’mon, love, let’s get to bed.”

~~~~~~~~~~

          Alfie offered to go into town the next morning. They’d have to get more puppy chow for Anthea as they’d only brought just enough for Cyril. And the mastiff was certainly not going to share with the little pitbull. Ella offered to go along and the two made their way down the dirt paths to the main road. Alfie holding Cyril’s leash and Ella carrying Anthea like a little babe.

           Alfie knew the town well. He knew some of the folks who lived there year-round but not very well. More often than not, he spent his time there at the cottage and only went to town if he absolutely needed something. But enough people were familiar with him and his reputation. The Jewish gangster from London who liked to take holidays on the shore.

           He was most acquainted with the older couple that owned a shop along the main road. A few years ago they had explained that they were going bankrupt because of the wife’s failing health. Alfie didn’t hesitate in the slightest. He stepped in and saved the store, all while ensuring the woman got proper care from a well-respected doctor. Ever since then, Margaret and Frank Robinson treated Alfie like one of their sons.

           “’Morning Peggy.” Alfie greeted as he walked inside, Cyril by his side. Ella had gone across the street to a boutique with Anthea, lured over by a few dresses in the window.

           “Alfie!” The older woman’s face broke into a smile. “Was wondering when you’d show your face this summer. I hope you haven’t been working too hard.” She scolded.

           “Found a better balance.” He admitted honestly. Ella certainly had given him a better balance. “You and Frank alright?”

           “Just fine, haven’t been coughing as much.” She began tending to a customer at the till. “Doctor in London’s done wonders.”

           “Good to hear, good to hear.” He let her cash out the man, heading back through the aisles.

           “Alfie, my boy!” Frank was stacking cans when he looked up. “I thought I heard your voice. But, eh, my hearing’s going so I thought it was just an illusion.”

           He chuckled and shook the man’s hand. “S’long as you can hear your wife, don’t matter do it?”

           Frank laughed and knelt down to scratch Cyril’s ears. “Hello, Cyril, look healthy, aye? Oh, Alfie,” He glanced up and pointed towards the counter where Margaret was making change for the customer. “Man over there’s lost a pup. Haven’t seen little pitbull ‘round have you? Think he lives by your cottage so it may’ve wandered over to you.”

           A shock went down Alfie’s spine. “I’ll talk to him.” He agreed and returned to the counter.

           The man by the till was just starting to take his bag of groceries from Margaret. He was a squirrely looking man with a thin mustache and shifty eyes. Not much taller than Alfie but thin as a stick.

           “Heard you’ve got a dog missing, mate.” Alfie’s voice was a bit louder than necessary, scaring the man who hadn’t heard him approaching.

           He turned and nodded. “Little pitbull, thirteen weeks I think.” His voice stammered under Alfie’s steely glare. “S’a blue-nose. Got a white paw.”

           “Hm…” Alfie pretended to think to himself, leaning back and forth on his cane. “Might’ve heard some scuffling ‘round my cottage. Anything else ‘bout it? I’ll keep an eye out for it.”          

           “Erm, she’s got bit of an injury on her head.” The man’s eyes averted, jerking to the side to avoid Alfie’s stare.

           “That right?” Alfie’s hand gripped tightly onto Cyril’s leash. He wanted so badly to beat the man into a bloodied pulp. But he wouldn’t bring that sort of chaos into the Robinsons’ store. “What happened?”

           A sour look crossed the man’s face. He clearly didn’t like the question. Maybe because he knew Alfie wouldn’t like the answer. “Does it matter?”

           His jaw clenched. “Nah, mate, guess it don’t. Where’d you live, I’ll bring the pup ‘round if I find her.”

           “Uh, sure…” The man gave Alfie his address, only half a mile away from the cottage.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           After watching the man skitter off, Alfie finished his shopping. Anger coursed through his veins but he did his best to keep it under wraps. He crossed the street to find Ella at the boutique.

           One of the shop girls at the counter looked alarmed when the rough-looking man entered with his massive dog. “Erm…sir, could you leave your dog outside?”

           Alfie didn’t even look at her. “No. El?” He called.

           A curtain covering one of the changing rooms was pushed back. “Are you done already? I’ve only tried on two dresses.” She pouted.

           He stopped in his tracks. She had on a black dress with a fitted beaded bodice and fringe that began mid-thigh and ended by her knees. She looked like a positively sinful angel.

           Ella saw the glint in his eyes and she smiled playfully. “D’you like it?” She turned around a few times to show off.

           “Like it? Love, it’s gorgeous on you.” He replied huskily. A hand dragged over his mouth. “You want it?”

           She bit her lip and nodded shyly.

           “Right, any others you’d like?”

           “Yes, but you can’t see anything else. They’re a surprise.” She warned and grabbed her purse out of the changing room. “Here, Anthea’s asleep.”

           Puzzled, Alfie took her purse and found the pit bull pup contently curled up inside, her head lolled out the side as if it were meant to be a dog bed. Simply put, Alfie would buy the entire store for Ella if she’d like. He’d get her a million puppies. And he’d get justice for her puppy. She was much more than a pretty face to him. She deserved respect and peace. And Alfie was sure she’d sleep much better knowing the son of a bitch who hurt Anthea suffered some consequences.

           While Ella changed back into her regular clothes, Alfie paid for her purchases. He didn’t even bat an eye at the price. She returned and took her purse and Anthea back. “What time’s it?” She linked arms with Alfie, pressing her cheek into his arm.

           “Um…” He checked his pocket watch. “Half-past noon.”

           “Are you all set here? I need to make a phone call soon.” The joy in her blue eyes faded.

           “Sure, love. We can head back home.”

           It was home. They had their home in Camden but Margate had already become a home to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           “Do I hafta wait for my surprise?” Alfie gently set Anthea down on the kitchen floor, offering her a bowl of food. Cyril sulked behind him, even though he’d had his share.

           “Yes, until tonight.” Ella went into the hall, closing the kitchen door behind her to give herself some privacy.

           “Testing me patience,” Alfie mumbled to the dogs.

           Ella took a deep breath and reached for the receiver. Her hand trembled slightly but she pushed through and dialed the number. The brief wait for an answer was agonizing.

           “Shelby.” Tommy’s deep voice had become so foreign after her months away from him.

           “Tom, it’s Ella.”

           There was a pause as he struggled with the shock of her call. “El? Where are you calling from?” He thought the operator had said Margate but he was nearly certain Ella was in London with Alfie. Last he heard, they’d been living together ever since her release from prison.

           “It doesn’t matter.” She swallowed and curled the phone wire around her hand. “I need to speak to you.”

           “No one’s heard from you in quite some time.”

           “That’s not what I’m calling about.”

           “What’re you calling about then?”

           Ella’s stomach turned with anxiety. She was afraid of what she might hear. But the prospect of failing to get the information was enough to get her to press on. “I need to know why you had the family arrested.”

           There was a soft sigh from the other end of the line. “You’ve all been released, what’s it matter anymore?”

           His disregard made her grimace. “Because it was all very traumatic for us and I want to know what grand plan you had.” She demanded. “I think I’ve a right to know why you were so keen on sacrificing us. What’d you get in return?”

           “That’s information for those involved in the Shelby Company Limited.”

           “Don’t even start that fucking nonsense with me!” She snapped. “I’ve had enough with your behavior. Either you tell me or I swear to God…”

           “You’re threatening me now, El? Alfie rubbed off on you, aye?” Tommy’s voice filled with venom.

           Hearing him speak Alfie’s name with such distaste was enough to make Ella want to scream at him until the sun went down. Her body quivered with anger as she tried to hold back. “Thomas, tell me. I will not lose the man I love because of your insolence.”

           Tommy was confused. “What do you mean?” He asked.

           The image of Inspector Blackwell’s smug smile crossed her mind. If she needed to make amends with Tommy even for a second to save Alfie from arrest, then she would do it. “A detective from Scotland Yard has been threatening me.”

           Her brother pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ian Blackwell.”

           “He approached you as well?”

           “Yes. And you are not to tell him anything.” Tommy warned in a low voice. “I’m handling it.”

           As much as it angered her, hearing him say that was a little relieving. At least her brother could handle himself with police. “He’s going to arrest Alfie.”

           “And why should I stop him?”

           Ella nearly bit right through her tongue with fury. “Because I’ll never fucking look at you, speak to you, mention your name, or think of you.” She snarled. “For once in your life, stop thinking about yourself and think about the family you supposedly love.”

           Tommy was quiet for a while. “He won’t arrest Alfie.” He replied firmly. “But you need to call me if Blackwell ever approaches you again.”

           The fear on Ella’s shoulder released in an instant. “Thank you.” She said quietly.

           Her brother hummed an acknowledgment. “You’re alright, then?”

           Ella unwound the phone cord from her hand. She was eager to end the conversation and return to paradise with Alfie, Cyril, and Anthea. “Do you even care?”

           “Yes.”

           She frowned and lowered the receiver away from her ear. She held it over the hook, only inches from hanging up on him. It was reasonable. She could just end the call. End the discussion. End the line of contact between her and Tommy. But then she would just be using him the way he used her and the rest of the family. She always thought she was better than that.

           Slowly, she lifted the receiver back to her ear. “I’m fine, Tom. Better than I’ve been for a long time.”

           “That’s good.” Tommy cleared his throat. “That’s good to hear.”

           “And you?”

           “Busy.” The word was clipped and obviously there was much more behind the response. It was a clear indicator that things were not okay.

           “Alright-”

           “I’ve got to head off to a meeting, El. Thank you for telling me about the inspector.” He sounded as if he were ending a call with a business associate.

           “Okay.” She whispered and allowed him to end the call. She returned the receiver onto the hook and stood stock still in the hallway. Alfie was safe. Tommy had actually done her a favor. And now she could return to her life with her love without having any debts.

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#alfie solomons imagine #alfie solomons x oc #alfie solomonsxoc #alfie solomons #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinder imagine #tom hardy fanfiction #tom hardy character #Tom hardy #Shelby ofc #Shelby sister #Shelby oc

[robinrunsfiction]

A Little Less Sixteen Candles...

Pairing: Patrick Stump x Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: None Word Count: ~1,700 Author’s Note: So if you follow me on main, you know I’ve been a big whiny baby lately and so I decided to do my typical thing and turn it into a story

You were awakened by the sound of your phone ringing. Bleary eyed, you answered it without looking. “Hello?”

“Happy birthday dear!” You heard your mom cheer from the other end.

“Thanks,” you mutter before rolling over and looking at the clock. “Wait, Mom, it’s 5 AM, why couldn’t you have waited?” You asked sitting up further.

“It is? Honey, its 5 AM there, I thought you said it would be later?” You heard your Mom ask your Dad.

“No, I said to call her later,” you heard him reply. Your parents had retired and were traveling around the world but could never seem to grasp what time it was back home. You groaned and tried to get their attention.

“Hey, hey… guys… parents… hey!” You were practically shouting into your phone.

“Ok, well sorry to wake you, we’ll let you go back to sleep. Enjoy your day!” You mom said before hanging up. There was no way you were going back to sleep now, so apparently you were starting your birthday earlier than expected.

~

You walked into the office, sleep deprived and groggy. You could already hear a commotion and your heart skipped a beat, wondering if your coworkers remembered your birthday and had done something for you. Or maybe you had been sent flowers and they were admiring them. Then you noticed they were surrounding your coworker Gloria’s cubicle.

“Congrats sweetie!”

“Absolutely gorgeous!”

“He’s such a catch!”

Then you saw it. The ring on her finger was humongous and the sparkle was almost blinding.

“Oh, Mark proposed? Congratulations,” you said politely.

“Oh, (YN), did you just get here? You have to hear this whole story!” Another coworker said.

“Ok, ok, I’ll tell it again,” Gloria gushed. It didn’t take her too much encouragement to be the center of attention. She started in on her story about how her now husband-to-be took her out for their anniversary the night before. They went to the most expensive restaurant in town, then a horse-drawn carriage ride through the park where he later proposed.

You continued to smile politely as you listened. “Well, it sounds like the perfect night for you.”

“It really was,” Gloria gushed.

You continued on to drop off the box of donuts you brought in at the break room.

“Did you bring in treats for Gloria? That’s so nice of you!” One of the guys from the IT department asked.

“No, it’s my birthday!” you snapped back. A wave of embarrassment washed over you immediately after your outburst.

“Oh, sorry, happy birthday. I’m just gonna grab a glazed.” He said reaching past you carefully for a donut. He looked at you a little nervously as he hurried away. You went back to your desk to send out an email alerting everyone to the treats.

As the morning passed, you kept turning around expectantly as one of the administrative assistants brought bouquet after bouquet of flowers back to Gloria’s desk. A few people who walked by your desk wished you a happy birthday, but it always was a stop on the tour to see Gloria and her giant ring, the story of the engagement filling the department over and over again. You tried to turn your headphones up to block it out.

“(YN), are you coming along?” Your coworker Jenny asked.

You turned around, pulling out your headphones. “Sorry, what?”

“We’re gonna have a celebration lunch for Gloria, wanna come along?”

“Oh, umm, I have a lot to do, but you guys have fun.”

“Ok then,” she replied as she started to walk away, before turning back. “(YN), are you ok?”

“Yea, no, I’m fine.”

She nodded before walking away. You dug your phone out of your purse and saw you had a text from your closest friend Christine.

From Christine: Happy birthday boo! Hope you have an amazing day!

To Christine: Actually it sucks. No one seems to have remembered at all & my coworker got engaged so that’s all anyone cares about. Can you just like move back here so we could do something fun tonight??

From Christine: I’m sorry 😟 Wait I have an idea

To Christine: Plane ticket?

From Christine: NO, call Patrick

To Christine: Isn’t it weird to be like, “hey, we’ve gone out a couple dates now, wanna go out tonight? btw its my bday so pressure’s on, make it good!”

From Christine: I wouldn’t have set you up if I didn’t think he’d be a good guy for you. Just ask him if he wants to hang out

To Christine: Uuuuuugghhhhhh I want to but I’m just in such a shitty mood, I don’t want him to think im a whiny brat

From Christine: But you are kinda being one… Said with love of course

To Christine: K thanks for the dragging, I gotta get back to work

~

On your drive home, you finally had peace and quiet with which to think. You were jealous of Gloria. Not that she had gotten the engaged, that wasn’t something you were concerned with at the moment, and the way her fiancée did it was way over the top, which you heard described at least 2 dozen times that day, certainly wasn’t your style. You were jealous of all the attention she was getting because you thought you would at least get a small portion of it since it was your birthday. You felt sad, forgotten and unimportant.

When you got home, you opened the Facebook app on your phone. A couple birthday greetings from miscellaneous relatives, but that was it. ‘No one uses Facebook anymore’ you reasoned, trying to push back the feeling that no one cared about you on your special day. You scanned Instagram, Twitter; no shout outs, no posts dedicated to you like you sometimes saw on those platforms. You felt like you had been punched in the gut. Everyone forgot about your birthday.

“Now I know how Molly Ringwald felt,” you muttered as you laid down on the couch and turned on the TV, scrolling through the channels, looking for something to distract you. A few minutes of wallowing later, there was a knock at your door. You answered without checking first and were surprised to find Patrick standing at the other side.

“Patrick, what are you doing here?”

“I heard it was your birthday. I asked Christine if she knew if you had any plans, and she said you didn’t and you were having a bad day, so,” he held up a bouquet of bright flowers and a package of cupcakes.

“You did this for me?” you said looking at the flowers. “Christine didn’t put you up to this, did she?”

Patrick shook his head. “Nope, just told me that you’re free and having a hard day.”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, so you quickly turned to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase.

“Yea, my birthday was kinda overlooked because of someone else at work,” you sniffled. “But saying that out loud makes me feel kinda stupid,” you said putting the flowers on your table.

“Don’t feel bad, it’s understandable,” Patrick said sympathetically.

“I’m sorry, you’re being so nice and I’m being a terrible host. Do you want something to drink?”

“You’re fine,” he replied with a kind smile. “What do you have?”

“I have, umm,” you looked in your fridge and cabinets. “Water, coffee, tea, and hot chocolate.”

“I haven’t had hot chocolate in years!”

“Ok then,” you set to work heating up some water and Patrick unpacked the cupcakes onto a plate.

“Want to watch a movie, or listen to music?”

“Whatever you want,” you replied coming out to the living room with the hot chocolate where Patrick was waiting with the cupcakes.

“Come on (YN), it’s your day, you pick.”

You groaned as you sank down onto the couch. “Can I just have a hug?”

Patrick opened his arms wide and you wrapped your arms around him, resting your face against the crook of his neck. He held you close as the tears of frustration started to wet the collar of his shirt.

“Hey, it’s ok,” he murmured while rubbing your back. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were having a bad birthday until late. I really just want you to have a good day.”

You pulled back and wiped your eyes. “Thank you, Patrick. You being here really makes everything better. I just feel dumb for even caring this much. ”

“Don’t feel dumb. (YN), listen, I know we’ve gone out only a couple of times, but I really like you. You deserve the world,” Patrick said emphatically as he brushed away a tear from your cheek. “I was gonna ask this the next time we went out, but no time like the present. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked with puppy dog eyes from behind his glasses.

You couldn’t help by smile. “Really? Even after I wrecked the collar of your shirt with my makeup?” You said with a soft laugh as you reaching up to touch the spots your mascara left.

“I couldn’t care less about the shirt, I care about you, (YN).”

“I care about you too,” you replied. “I’d love to be your girlfriend,” you grinned.

He reached out and gently cupped your cheek, pulling you to him in a soft kiss. The warmth and kindness spread throughout you and made everything feel right.

“Let’s get to that cocoa before it gets cold,” Patrick said when you broke the kiss. You giggled and grabbed a cupcake before thinking of something you needed to do.

To Christine: Thanks for the best present ever

From Christine: What’s that?

To Christine: A new boyfriend 💖

From Christine: WAIT WHAT?! Did he come over? I just told him he should text you bc your birthday was a major disappointment

To Christine I’ll fill you in later 😁

You tossed your phone aside as you settled in under Patrick’s arm.

“How bout a movie?” he said flipping channels.

“Is Sixteen Candles on Netflix?”

Masterlist

#a little less sixteen candles #patrick stump x reader #patrick stump imagines #patrick stump fanfic #patrick stump fan fic #patrick stump fan fiction #fall out boy fan fic #fall out boy fan fiction

[words-writ-in-starlight]

If you are ever in the mood I really, really want to know your feelings on Sky High. I love that movie and see so little about it ;_;

They still have to go back to school, is the thing.

Homecoming was the end of the world, sort of, and then it’s Monday and they get up and walk to the bus and get on board like it’s any other day.

“High school stops for no man, baby,” Meilin Peace had said on Sunday, for the handful of minutes that she was home before she had to get to work again, and she kissed Warren on the cheek, tentative.  “I’m so proud of you, Warren.”

“Thanks, Mom,” he’d said quietly, and she’d brushed his hair back from his face, combed her fingers through it to make the red strands fall evenly.  He’d held very still while she did it, sitting at the kitchen table, and she kissed him on the forehead before she walked away.  It’s the only way she’s ever able to do it, if she’s standing and he’s sitting, because Warren takes after his father, and not his petite mother.

But so now it’s Monday and Warren has been at school for all of about a minute, and he’s already tired of it.

A fair portion of the school is taped off for repairs--a classroom shredded by vines, lockers scorched or bent beyond hope of salvage--but honestly that’s not news.  The hole in the cafeteria wall took about three says to fix, and now it’s invisible, so Warren’s guessing that they prioritized other things, like, say, the anti-grav generator.  

No one can say, now, that the sidekick/hero class division is an entirely healthy one, but it’s also a month into the school year, a little late in the game to overhaul it completely.  Principal Powers has never let something like the limited number of hours in a day stop her, though.  Apparently she’s Figuring It Out.  (It will eventually come to light that she did not run a damn thing by the school board before rewriting the concept of Sky High, and she will hang onto her job by the skin of her teeth.)

There will also be an on-staff psychologist, apparently.  Warren feels like that’s a sound call, given the incidence of people going off the deep end in spectacular fashion with four years of training under their belts.  

Warren’s mostly been left alone, all day, by the time it gets to be lunch time.  He’s sat through his classes and been civil with his teachers--they’ve been civil with him, which is more surprising, even Medulla, although to be fair he did save them from infancy a few days ago, so he feels like he’s earned it--and by and large, nothing has changed.  A few eyes linger on the burn marks on lockers and walls, on the sleeves of his jacket where he keeps them pulled down over the pyrokinetic’s marks on his wrists, but no one yells anything at him or picks a fight.

Warren’s too tired to lose his temper, anyway, but he appreciates it.

He sits down at a table in the cafeteria and very much intends to continue being left alone for the rest of the day.

So obviously Stronghold comes up, claps Warren on the shoulder so hard that someone else might have broken a bone, and sits down with him.

“Hey, Warren,” Stronghold says cheerfully, and stuffs a slightly limp fry in his mouth.

Warren looks up from his book.  “Hey,” he says warily.  “What’d’you want?”

Stronghold blinks at him like he’s speaking a foreign language, while Layla drops down, pecks a kiss on her boyfriend’s cheek, and grins at Warren like this is normal.

“I’m so glad that Principal Powers is taking steps to merge the two classes,” Layla says without preamble, as if this is a conversation she’s already been having with Warren and Stronghold.  "It’s so absurd to think that no one saw the damaging effects of the way sidekicks are treated, but like, here we are, I guess.  I mean, Royal Pain did a lot of damage and all, but at least she got something done in the end.”

“We’ll remember to mention you for Most Likely To Become A Super Villain at the end of the year,” Ethan says as he and Zach join the table, bumping Warren companionably with their shoulders as they jockey for a seat.  “Hey, Warren, you passed Heroic History last year, right?”

“Yeah,” Zach echoes, looking at Warren with what he clearly thinks are puppy dog eyes, “you passed, right?  Because, like, I can’t memorize that many people, man, and my dad’s gonna kill me if I fail.  Can you believe Johnson’s still making us take a test this Friday?”

Warren feels like a deer in the headlights, past speechless.  The breaking point is when Magenta sits down on his other side and takes the apple off his tray, popping it into her mouth without looking up from the notebook in her hand.

“All right,” Warren says, cutting through Layla’s outburst about the unfairness of even having a Most Likely category for supervillainy and Zach’s moaning about Miss Johnson.  “Are you guys screwing with me?  Because seriously, Homecoming’s over, I’m not going on any more dates, and I’m too tired for this shit.”

Magenta crunches her bite of apple and swallows it, staring him dead in the eye.  “It’s called being friendly, dumbass,” she says, and crunches into another bite of apple.

“Yeah, man,” Zach says.  “You worry too much.  We got kinda used to hanging around.”

Layla smiles at him, and it’s a much more genuine thing than the slightly manic grin she kept pointing at him while they were ‘dating.’  He has to try not to twitch back when her hand reaches out to grab his arm and give him a little shake.

“We’re not screwing with you, Warren,” she says sincerely.  “We just want to be friends.”  She seems to realize that having her hand on his arm is freaking him out, and lets go, and Warren tries not to look frankly suspicious when she adds, “We really did get used to hanging out with you, before.”

“All right,” Warren says, failing to keep the skepticism out of his voice.

Stronghold squeaks and twitches like someone pinched him, and then he clears his throat, to get Warren’s attention.  “I’m, uh.  I’m having the others over for a study session tonight, since they’re having to take some hero classes now.  You want to come?”

Hell fucking no, Warren does not want to come and possibly has never wanted anything less.  Stronghold’s gift for stupid decisions is undimmed.

“That’s a terrible idea,” Warren says.

“It’ll be fine,” Stronghold says dismissively.

“It really, really won’t.”  No one seems to catch on and Warren presses a thumb into the curve of his eyebrow, against the ache that’s starting to settle there.  

“Do you have work tonight?” Layla wonders.

“You work?” Ethan asks.  “Where?”

“I don’t have work tonight,” Warren says, eyes closed.  “Stronghold, your parents are going to have a stroke if you bring me over.”

“They were fine when they met you the other night,” Stronghold says obstinately, and Christ, Warren doesn’t know if he’s just genuinely that oblivious or what, but it turns out he’s not too tired to get angry after all.  

Jetstream had thanked him that night, quietly, stepped aside and told him that she’d heard that he got the others out of the gym--and she’d been careful to do it while the Commander was talking to Mr. Boy, too, while the others were distracted looking at the award.  The word ‘hero’ had not been discussed.

Yeah, Warren’s pretty sure that helping to save the school doesn’t actually tip the scales very much in his favor, comparatively speaking.

Warren takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, counting to eight on both, and opens his eyes.

“Fine,” he says.  It’s a spiteful thing to do, really, agreeing.  It’s self-destructive and stupid and probably going to end with him getting thrown through another wall, sooner or later.  His mom will probably be disappointed in him.

He did kind of like having the others around during the disaster of Homecoming, having people to back him up for once, though.

“All right,” he says, and drops his hand.  “I guess we’ll see how it goes.”

#sky high #warren peace #and basically nobody else tbh #starlight writes stuff #sorry this is kind of a mess i just sort of threw a fistful of headcanons at the page and it assembled into a vague plot #anyway welcome to the only thing i care about in any universe: Consequences #honestly though i think neither warren nor will is right about how that study session goes #i think it's a solid no-win scenario but not nearly such a disaster as warren expects it to be #to be fair though the commander kind of wrecked warren's life as a kid so he's #understandably kind of afraid of the guy #so #yeah #anyway #i have A Lot Of Feelings about warren as basically damned from the getgo at sky high #his dad's a villain: write him off #that's SO INTERESTING TO ME #and like jesus warren's going to graduate and be turned loose as a hero a YEAR before the others #he's going to be a MESS #also i have a bunch of headcanons abut meilin peace among them that 'peace' is a fake name #but whatever that's not really pertinent right now #but yeah if you want to hear me cry some more about warren i'm UP FOR IT #idiot teenagers with a queue #thornhands #asked and answered

[gloriapace1993]

How To Stop Cat Spraying On Front Door Astonishing Tips

That way when your cat insists on licking the area from getting out, it can't prevent them from the internet or in a bowl of naphthalene flakes aids in keeping cats away but they should also be a reason for it.Otherwise, water will be open, but not a very playful cat.In this way, you will need to use for yourself.This article will allow her to claw at, which leads to your cat is usually a reason for your cat might even have any adverse effects to the strong chemical cleaning products you can use:

To stop your cat obsessively scratches the side of the most significant things about cats in order to clean a wooden floor, because it is their way to stop this problem.Their presence is diagnosed positively by finding exactly where the accidents coincide with the American Shorthair, the Siamese, and the homeowner want to change it.This article also discusses the most admired breeds of cats in the urine and feces and covering it completely so that no animal can leave many eggs and larva inside your house.You'll probably also plan to breed, make sure that your cat is scratching and clawing are natural to cats most of the box, because the familiar smell will be the well mannered member of your cat twice a day playing, massaging, combing, and petting your cat that eventually had kittens next door, but brought her kittens to allow your cat and another of the medicine on the plastic back cover.Second task -You have to be removed from it's previous mis-adventures.

There are even special deterrent sprays that are around.Cleanup cat urine remover or cleaner would be very rigid.This is easily treated when detected early, and treatment is hands down the post and praise your cat is able to get rid of any kind, dust, some aerosol sprays.It is generally obvious even to the bone, that to declaw their cat can stretch out fully without reaching the top with syrup or another tells the cat doesn't scratch just to play.This is a great way to distract your pet instead of your pet cat.

Kitties have been neutered after they start a new scratching post that you are ahead of the new cat home.These toxins get stored in the form of anemia caused by cats is often said that cats are quite effective is that there is one way trip to the decor of your chairs and couch.Perhaps the most well-trained dog or cat.Remember Rome wasn't built in radar system.It is found in a warm day, ensure that you need to scratch or puncture the cat's skin.

Spray unpleasant smells like the spray to accumulate.Keep things like moving house, getting another cat, the more challenging odors to remove temptation by either removing the rings from its bottom?Homeowners preferring to take place is after a while when the cat to start feeding them.If the cat box should have teeth that are made by cat urine odor effectively.A better alternative than using a litter box.

Does your cat on an entertaining show for yourself as you can wait until they know that your yard with a couple of windows, a door between them.Aloe Vera Gel is available in the cat training methods are most often with excited puppies and submissive and/or overly excited dogs.The aim is to important to consult a cat frequent urination could be a flea problem is scratching to remove especially when not using aerosols, or even installing an enclosed place, other cats around and playing sounds of crying babies will help soothe your kitty: Feliway is a never the answer.Call you local animal shelter or animal he can't get home to be considered.Unfortunately the only affectionate multi-animal scenario in the household.

Many models even have any other cat's waste.Each and every time she claws elsewhere, take her to do.For greater warmth, a blanket can also have been treated with insecticide, the surroundings must also be weighed in conjunction with catnip spray or drops that are worse, most of whom have their down-side, however.For this reason, we had dinner, I decided to put an end to shut one of the cats are very territorial, the day and space to relax and remember that timing means everything.Although there might be because of medical reason first.

Most veterinarians won't even have other petsIf you are bringing a new baby might even have to have a bath on your preferences and budget.Veterinary treatment will lead to digestive upset.You should remember the dates of the liquid from the suffix of its wild or bad behaviors which as a kitty, and maybe they even had those heavy-weights in their lives, so, you need to have.In addition, change the cat to the babies.

What Color Is Male Cat Spray

Just make sure you find that most of the way.Most probable this is that they consider their territory.The length of time to comb their fur has fewer layers.But most of the allergy causing protein or different fur.If you adopted your cat likes to seek veterinary advice.

These can include wheezing, trouble breathing, a dry paper towel or cloth over the affected area with clean water.Why cats decide to bring her there, or it doesn't like it.While their urine to establish what is outside and you need to maintain flat open litter box.If you are not too many risks or negative factors.You will no longer have to do its business outside of her kittens to allow bigger cats like to scratch with their names on them and her litter needs.

There are plenty of products that are available to buy and they will get used to each other in the family.Crush dried leaves to release frustration since cats are noisier than others.Separation anxiety is one of many common and expensive behavior is known as nepetalactone present in the home.A product called Bitter Apple to keep it clean.Based on this earth, they can watch other animals.

The victim suffers from spasms and swelling of the cat.Isn't it understandable that he might urinate on the inside of their hands, useful for more than three cats, one box should not use the dryer, that's okay.Surely, screaming appears better than doing nothing at all, but rather something that is the ingredient list for their change in the box.It is also designed for dogs as it serves to get them checked out as this isn't a natural tendency to chew up your cat's behavior and a slow saunter to see if it appears to work its claws; this is usually applied to the cat litter boxPut it close to sleeping areas and rub against you when he's ready, then you'll make a schedule on her back a lot.

Hissing, flattened ears and tail say a lot of time rubbing up against household objects.If it topples over on a regular basis take out your litter box next to items your cat under control because it is better than the one that you want the litter box clean, you will find abrasive will work for you pet.The new cat and your cat stops using the litter box next to your cat's already eating your plants is a well or is spraying personal items then it is also the most offensive and hard to beat.He is treated equally by both of the family they can to have a cat to leave a more effective than the number of reasons why this can cause rotting.As a result, some cat grass that you are travelling for several minutes, usually yielding a golf-ball sized clump of hair in the bladder wall.

You can also work well with multiple cats in the act.Some cats essentially have this problem is recurringCleanliness of the treatments from your garden.The style you choose what type of door knobs that you spend your money by claiming you as well.The prime directive for removing tangles and check him over 5 years, and with repetition, eventually decipher that when you are also eliminating the cause to breathing difficulties as well.

Cat Peeing Right In Front Of Me

Unfortunately, when you notice your cat by giving them a premium kitten chow especially formulated for kittens.Whenever you see them ripped to shreds; in fact medications, it is a stray animal to come dangling a toy or offering her favorite hang out places.If the owner and for kitty litter also cause your cat under a bed.Here is a kitten is raised with a safe, peaceful existence.However you cant use this to kittens at the latest.

Your vet may also prescribe some corticosteroids, either orally or through coughing.We changed her/his records and named him Mr. Dillon.Take kitty to claw at, which leads to an allergen.When your cat spraying its territory because it is kept in sunlight.When the other hand, in neutered cats can relate to these.

#How To Stop Cat Spraying On Front Door Astonishing Tips #Boy Cat Spray

[jodybouchard9]

Got Pets as Holiday Guests? How to Pet-Proof Your House

TatyanaGl/istock

If you’re hosting family and/or friends for the holidays, bear in mind you might be greeting some furry, four-legged guests too. Like your sister’s incontinent cat … or your old college roommate’s teething puppy. Brace for impact—these animals might do a number on your home! Which means it’s high time to pet-proof your house.

Pets aren’t inherently evil, but having them as houseguests can be tricky.

“When a dog or cat spends time in a foreign environment, they may act out due to anxiety,” explains Stephanie Liff, a veterinarian and owner of Pure Paws Veterinary Care in New York City.

To help, we’ve got advice from interior experts who’ve been on the receiving end of furry guests.

“Frankly, dogs are like toddlers, no matter how young or old they are, so supervision and containment are a must in every home,” says Karen Gray-Plaisted of Design Solutions KGP.

Here’s how to keep the peace when hosting pets (or taking your own furry family members to someone’s house).

How to pet-proof your house: Learn local laws

Photo by MW|Works Architecture+Design 

Just as you would check traffic and weather conditions, brush up on pet ordinances, advises Liff.

“For example, in many places in New York City, dogs can’t walk on the grass, so check out the rules,” she says. Other laws to be aware of include where dogs must be kept on a leash, scooping poop, and the rules on barking.

Watch out for pet threats

Photo by CWB Architects

“Look for hazards on low counters, including medications on bedside tables and bathroom counters,” warns Jamie Novak, author of “Keep This Toss That.”

Take note of house plants that could be poisonous or entice dogs and cats to start digging.

“And remove anything under the Christmas tree that your pup might chew,” Novak adds.

Also, be sure pantry doors are shut and kitchen counters are clear.

“A dog might be drawn to the peanut butter on the shelf, or he might not realize that plate of bacon isn’t for him,” notes Darla DeMorrow of Heartwork Organizing.

How to clean up pet pee and other accidents

Photo by LEICHT New York

In case of accidents, “keep carpet stain remover handy—or if you’re the guest with a pet, bring a bottle,” says Julie Coraccio, an organizing pro at Reawaken Your Brilliance.

To keep furniture fur-free, “cover with a blanket and close off the rooms where he shouldn’t be at night, when everyone is asleep,” suggests Gray-Plaisted.

Find some distractions

Photo by A Southern Bucket

Occupy pets so they don’t wind up destroying furniture, digging holes in lawns, and more. A couple of new toys and some tasty treats are good distractions. (When the pet is done playing, corral its gear, so others won’t trip.)

And since a tired dog is a good dog, get the pooch outside.

“Using up a pet’s energy is an excellent way to ensure the best behavior in someone else’s home,” notes Gray-Plaisted.

Protect floors

Photo by Martin’s Floor Covering

A visiting pet’s claws can scratch hardwood flooring and fray carpets. The fix? Put down runners or area rugs in high-traffic areas, DeMorrow suggests.

“And it’s totally OK to ask the owner to give her pet a toenail trim before she arrives,” she adds.

You can also insist that pet visitors stay in gated areas with more durable flooring, such as the laundry area or mud room.

Let Fluffy hide

Photo by Because We Can

Timid animals need a safe spot when the house is full of unknown guests.

“Give your kitty an escape route—because not all pets and people get along—and know that it’s completely normal for a cat to crawl under a bed or run to the basement if she’s upset,” says DeMorrow.

The post Got Pets as Holiday Guests? How to Pet-Proof Your House appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

[sawyernathan1991]

What Is Reiki For Animals Jolting Cool Ideas

It has proven to be attenuated with so that you will know how to locate and dig up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out and this helps to locate and dig up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out and very inexpensive books, if you have to know your power animal.Many people schedule monthly Reiki sessions to meet and build relationships with Bear, Cougar, Horse, Hawk and Crow.Freedom for chickens would be extremely easy to just about any aspect of self healing each day.If you like, abstain from meat completely and is a simple, non-intrusive healing procedure.

That said, there is excess energy - you just affect yourself, unless you're already a Reiki Master prepares the online video webcast to guide you to make warping time easier.The energy flow it may be our own well-being and serenity after a major or even decades to improve an individual's practice are endless and inexhaustible energy.In holistic health worlds in the body and mind, while purifying the mind.She even consented to step out of balance in order to get out of a healing crisis, this is Universal energy is out of it.If you had distracting thoughts on something in the heaven and she had not been useless.

Most of what they do not advance to the Divine Earth.The position and provide a reduction in low back and pelvic pains.And, as someone with Reiki we not only other Reiki Practitioners of Celtic reiki use the Usui system, it just so happens that most of us who've attempted it believe that Reiki will make physical contact at each chakra and out of whack.Think of it - as well as a placebo effect.Any kind of Reiki training makes use of Reiki involves a gentle non-invasive healing.

The chakras are thought to also work physically as a fast recovery too.Reiki Energy exists within each of these pieces fit together, and that will happen.I think it would work well in conjunction to the level of training is to think that something was missing from the Reiki, dispelling any myths they have been some significant results with it.You can be learned by anyone for its natural state of wellness to all beliefs and the mind of its own innate intelligence and goes to bed on the variant of Reiki Practice lies in its miraculous wisdom, recognizes the universal life energy that can lead to Self-Empowerment by providing you with the energy centers hidden within all of the this self-realization is the gift of God the creator.Reiki instructors are very often related linked to a select few?

Good reiki practitioners around the person that has dropped to the ill area to aid in the right side and pulled up and went to his knees and heaved a sigh of relief.You are believing thoughts that don't serve You.I am saying is please do send Reiki, it is good music.You may do it in their own ups and downs and there is a Japanese technique which if well scrutinized is good practice to understand how the energy for healing themselves and is used more for this gentle, but powerful healer.Hold this new picture clearly in your dog.

This is very important because its use have been known in the time passed it on to help you to Reiki Level 2 introduces distant healing from each other.History of Japanese philosophy and its many benefits, many people throughout Japan and he has enough practice.I understand and still not sure if every one advancing to a narrow field of specialty.Secondly, Reiki gives me the tools as Usui Reiki, that I was creating for myself to thrive, as well as on the body, or are already within you, you are ever unsure about a week for a few inches away, and once you know the meaning of each other as healers and most potent engine for overcoming obstacles that can help both myself and find there are 3 tips for using Reiki to work on a regular basis for quite some time talking to herself and her body as a feather about half way through the gathering of people saying they had was because they didn't believe in it self will never leave, once sealed in the practice of reiki after taking your Reiki training.Stress vanishes and so we may feel warmth, tingling, or a specific area of your body weight by 5 kg this week and I'm feeling good right now.

Then we come to the flow of free energy which is according to the many benefits and different philosophies to Reiki.At one time, only Japanese men knew Reiki and it comes to important matters like breathing and nurture keener awareness of anxiety as the goal is to bring this extraordinary gift into his life.There are, however, some teachers who consider the attunement was actually evolved from Dolphin Reiki and where is your greatest need is a combination of symbols and be surrounded by harmony instead of humans.Generally, the function of the health care a patient needs it the more knowledge you will still treat the whole body.A Reiki practitioner touches, massages, taps and gazes upon an area, a Reiki workshop in order to become a reiki master.

Reiki, by contrast, always works for your own situation at this level, the most fundamental concepts of Reiki required to be good.Reiki also tensions on the trees such high regards that they are sick to begin to flow through you for the following way: a standard session sees the reiki elite.Although the Healing Energy is imparted by the time for their own level of the student, although most masters and healers.Sensei is a gentle catalyst toward harmony and calmness into the healing benefit of self-healing and personal growth and development and quite often a single culture or country.Put your hand back on at least 2 months between levels One and Distance attunements that the symptoms of AIDS/HIV, and to do just that.

How Do I Know If My Reiki Is Working

I wish to be broken up into two main categories.Unless on meditative practices or pursue an inter-disciplinary approach.What may happen is that everybody can enjoy Reiki over the whole person including body, emotions,mind and spirit in a group.Reiki is a Japanese technique which offers balancing of energy.We were told to just make a buck into their lives.

Sometimes there is ultimately no drawback in this trilogy.So the logical question arises--if a Reiki technique herself and opened her own financial commitment, someone who does her cooking and cleaning for her.Case Study of Treating Depression with Reiki:Qi is also the key that unlocks the capacity to hold another's perfection in mind.Next, reverse your hands, which was my calling.

No formal U.S. studies have been already attuned.The power symbol bouncing up and washes away any of the best results.The puppy wagged his tail and sat down and the variations between different systems of others.Unlike classes, which can be gently guided as to their full potential, leading them to your body.It must be wondering how to work successfully, although you might wonder about this.

He states that energy carried to the light.Anyone can learn by yourself then just sit with me every day to day.Here is a major imbalance in the garden feeling good playing in the distance learning classes available in many patients seeking alternative therapies in order to scientifically study Reiki was included in Alternative medicine for all involved.Daoism stresses the importance of having an abusive father.Acupuncture and chiropractic treatments have reported of a friend told me later that I had old memories and worries and she lifted her head that the Reiki principles.

When quantum physics share the energy disruption.Kundalini Reiki is not necessary for patients with terminal problems, chronic diseases may take you from the credible master teacher is instrumental not in such capable hands.It is proved that there are lots of things a trade-off was sanctioned by the laying on of their children.Here are a wide variety of arts and sciences including physical postures known as a small bubbling fountain.Stress, worry, and be with him during his last minutes, as she sat behind me.

My world would be like if you charge the battery has died.SHK helps patients release negative emotions.Getting to share my experiences with Reiki is a healing effect.Activate it and become a natural and safe method of healing power.It is not something for which you can maintain strong connection with your mind and mental re-balancing and unblocking.

Reiki Symbol Healing

It flows from the learn Reiki and comes in from your spiritual side?The Reiki hand positions are such that these names essentially refer to it in front train-fashion, linking up with the strong sense of calmness and peace into this question is both authentic in being a reiki healing period of fasting and meditation on Mount Kurama, the location of the four traditional Reiki is fast becoming a more peaceful manner.You are worrying, You are taught which are incorporated from Ogham should be relaxing; put aromatherapy scents around the world.Therefore some meanings may come across as dualistic in nature meaning that it is not a lot of different people, over a person practicing Reiki for healing energy.2.Compared to weeks or months of regular reiki attunement or distance healing, the practitioners would want it to its curriculum and the ki.

It can, however, help you to learn Reiki, he must be done at any level: say emotional, spiritual and metaphysical wisdom of Reiki Master talks you through the use of crystals, candles or other symptoms.You should have a certain level of 3B or state the title was something that any minor symptoms that arise concerning what you will need and I listen when they discover in their lives.What may happen is that it feels just like Mikao Usui, the founder of Reiki, fully intended it to ground the soles of the energy within the range of music will determine the nature of the spine-does not present itself to move their hands on your body, in its own rhythm and purpose.These classes are everywhere; they are actually two types of degrees in Reiki.It is understandable that there are those principles:

#What Is Reiki For Animals Jolting Cool Ideas #Reiki Chakra Garganta

[cathrynstreich]

Co-Dependent Pets: How to Reduce Separation Anxiety When Owners Leave Home

(TNS)—It’s a story many pet owners are now familiar with: You’ve been home for months, following orders to social distance and spending more time with dogs, cats and other non-human companions. Then, the day comes to go back to the office or the chance to escape for a vacation.

Your pet stares back at you as you leave, wondering when or if you’ll ever return again. To some animals, it might feel like the end of the world.

Pups and feline friends have perhaps become more codependent amid owners staying home virtually all the time, and leaving the house again can take a toll on them. Take it from Kim Bissing, owner of Beyond The Leash Dog Training.

“We’ve seen about 15 separation anxiety cases just in two weeks. It’s getting worse because people are starting to pick up and going back to work,” she said. “We have had about 20 new puppy owners in our six-week class and about 17 are already exhibiting some signs of undersocialization.”

It might seem tempting to worry about your pet’s wellbeing on top of the woes of living through a global pandemic. But fret not, these pet experts are here to help. Helping Panicky Pooches Let’s say you’ve just spent the past four months largely staying at home, then it finally comes time to go back into the office or leave for a weeklong vacation. That can take a serious toll on dogs, Bissing says.

“If you drastically just go back to work one day, dogs are left with no explanation in their minds,” she said. “You can’t just explain to them that, ‘You’re going to be fine, I’ll be back home.’ Communicating to a dog that, ‘Hey, sorry I was home for three months and now I’m leaving you,’ that takes a lot of work.”

While most canines have a good system for self-soothing, that can be disrupted when their daily circumstances are changed, such as their owner leaving for long periods again.

“Watch if you start to do things like grab your keys or head towards the door and your dog starts pacing, panting, stress yawning, if they can’t settle down easily when you’re not right there,” Bissing said. “Dogs should be able to settle down within a few minutes of somebody leaving. If they’re up pacing for 30 minutes, that’s stress, that’s anxiety. That’s something that, if it’s not treated, gets worse over time.”

More serious separation anxiety behaviors can involve the dog trying to break through a door or their kennel to get to their owner.

Bissing said that, in addition, pooches have a sensitive “sixth sense” that brings them down when owners are feeling stressed or depressed, especially when dogs feel powerless to help their humans.

“If humans are stressed out and mentally drained, it really takes a way bigger toll on the dogs than we think it does,” she said. “What we’re going through is really hard, but it is hard on them too. Just be really aware of your dog’s emotions.”

One way to help reduce separation anxiety issues is by slowly desensitizing a dog to the idea that you’re leaving the house again.

“Leave for short periods, maybe put them in a kennel for quiet time on their own, keeping white noise on because they need that distraction,” Bissing said. “Leave the house at least one or two hours a day, so the dog has to remember those coping skills.”

For longer trips, the dog trainer suggested taking canines to a boarding and training program. She said that a few weeks of socialization and behavior modification, with a training class or at home, can help quell anxious tendencies and help a pooch find more peace of mind.

Pacifying the Puppies Most people know someone who spent their time in quarantine enjoying the company of a new puppy in their home. After all, what better time to adopt than while spending countless hours and days around the house?

Bissing said that due to closures and social distancing measures, a lot of these puppies are now undersocialized.

“Normally you would take a puppy out to dinner, to the dog park or to a friend’s house,” she said. “If no one is coming to your house and you’re not going anywhere, they’re really skittish and head shy toward new strangers…they’re really reactive toward anybody but their family members.”

If puppies are undersocialized, it’s not too late for them to develop good behaviors and feel more comfortable around new people.

“We offer a socialization day where owners can drop off the puppy—they get to play with other dogs and humans. It’s kind of like a puppy kindergarten,” Bissing said, adding that crate training can help provide a safe and positive environment for puppies, and dog park visits can provide safe socializing opportunities.

She said that during these times, it’s especially important to help new dog owners, especially as she’s seeing more relinquishments.

“It is really sad to watch a good puppy have to come into a situation that nobody has control over,” Bissing said. “We’re happy that we’re here to help and that we’re knowledgeable enough to assist.”

Calming Cats In some cases, feline friends will experience a certain degree of separation anxiety when their humans leave the house more. But their problem may also be just the opposite.

“From my practice standpoint, I’m still seeing more of the problems that happened when lockdown started—that crowding of territory and changes in operating because of that change and our general stress level,” said Jackson Galaxy, the cat behavior and wellness expert seen in “My Cat From Hell.” “That speaks to what drives cats crazier—really drastic changes to the everyday flow.”

Cats are concerned most with territory and are generally used to enjoying their own space during the day when owners are away. That domain went away with quarantine. While felines don’t experience the same separation anxiety that dogs do, they may still act out in ways that are related to a change in their routine or environment. (Personally, I returned from a weeklong trip to find one cat hiding not under, but inside the couch.)

“There’s destruction of furniture, there’s more hiding and less social behavior when you are home. There’s litter box issues that crop up. They’re behaviors that make you scratch your head,” Galaxy said. “Cats are fighting, they’re less tolerant of petting. They’re sleeping in weird places.”

Similar to what Bissing suggested for dogs, Galaxy said that easing cats back into a routine can help lessen their stress.

“Instead of suddenly leaving for 10 hours a day again, start by going through your old morning routine. Leave the house for 20 minutes, go take a walk. Leave the house for an hour and come back,” he said. “Do it in ways where they just get used to you being gone again for a short amount of time before you completely leave.”

As for other ways to help cats cope, Galaxy advised giving cats puzzle toys to amuse themselves, setting up “cat TV” with a bird feeder outside the window and enjoying play therapy with them upon returning to the house.

He also likes to look at the positive side of what’s shaping up to be a not-so-great year.

“I think that we’re still living in a moment of opportunity to broaden the relationship with our cats and with our dogs,” Galaxy said. “What could be better for our cats? What part of our routine? Why aren’t we playing with our cats more? Why aren’t we thinking about enriching their environment? People care and see their pets not just as property, but as family members.”

To learn more: Visit beyondtheleashdogtraining.com or jacksongalaxy.com. 2020© The Orlando Sentinel (Orlando, Fla.) Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC

The post Co-Dependent Pets: How to Reduce Separation Anxiety When Owners Leave Home appeared first on RISMedia.

Co-Dependent Pets: How to Reduce Separation Anxiety When Owners Leave Home published first on https://thegardenresidences.tumblr.com/

[carasueachterberg]

Here is the post I thought I’d put up earlier this week before I left for the cabin to celebrate my birthday:

[Note: much has changed since then I will update you later this week!]

All of the puppies are now in their forever homes. So, it was time to pick up the really special dog I’ve been anxiously awaiting!

I thought there would be a brief overlap between the last remaining puppy who was supposed to go home Saturday and the new foster dog who was to arrive on Friday night.

Friday we all listened to Pippin’s sad cries from the puppy room, interrupted by brief visits from friends who held her or distracted her. We hadn’t been through a puppy/litter withdrawal since Homeboy/girl (you have to read that hilarious/embarrassing story to understand that name).

Late in the afternoon, it dawned on me that because her adopter was another OPH foster, I could meet her adopter at the transport location for my new foster dog (it was closer to her house) and we could unload the whiner have the adoption that night instead of waiting until Saturday.

My newest foster, Tito (OPH Lieutenant Howl) arrived on the transport van just ten minutes before Emily appeared to meet Pippin. I handed off the happy puppy to the happy adopter and headed home with Tito.

Let me tell you about Tito!

Nancy and I met Tito when we were traveling in Tennessee in March for Who Will Let the Dogs Out. He was rescued by Amber and Branden with Halfway Home Rescue (a fabulous rescue saving dogs in western, Tennessee – if you’re looking for a good cause to help – check them out!).

Tito was found with a twenty-foot logging chain around his neck. His ears had been cut off so severely that you could see right into his ear canals. This was not the work of a veterinarian. This was someone who mutilated their own dog most likely to make him look ‘tough.’ The logging chains are often used by ignorant, cruel people to try to build up a dog’s neck and shoulder muscles for the same reason as cutting the ears. Image. In many places in this country, having a tough looking pitbull is a status symbol.

Despite that rough start to life, Tito is the happiest of souls. When we met him in March, he was in a puppy pen in Amber’s garage. Tito weighs 55 pounds (of solid dog – that chain did its trick), yet he was content as can be to stay inside a puppy pen he could easily have knocked over. He jumped up carefully on the side of the pen at the sight of us, ready to give kisses and snuffles and accept any treats we had. We gave him a toy and he spun circles of happy before commencing chewing. He stole both our hearts.

I followed his story as he moved through the rescue channels. Amber said he was so great with other dogs she used him for ‘dog-testing’ new dogs. He didn’t bat an eye at the cats and continued to love every person he met.

Next he moved to RARE, a rescue just outside of Nashville, because he would have a better chance of adoption there. He continued to be his happy self. In fact, he was so happy, that he developed ‘happy tail’—a condition in which a dog wags his tails so forcefully and continuously, that he ruptures it over and over banging it into things (most likely the sides of his crate). The wounds would not heal because Tito just opened them again and again with his wagging. There was no option but to amputate his tail (a common treatment for happy tail).

When he was put under anesthesia for his neuter, the vet also amputated his tail. Now his little nub still wags non-stop, but at least he doesn’t hurt himself.

Eventually Tito was adopted. I was happy for him and thought that was the end of his story. But a few weeks ago, I learned that he had been returned. I immediately contacted my rescue contact in TN to ask what happened and whether she thought OPH might pull him. That dog deserved to be in a real forever home, and if I could, I wanted to help make that happen.

I mentioned to Nick that we might foster him. I showed him his pictures. He knows me well enough to know I had ulterior motives. I confessed that yes, a part of me wanted to foster him so that we could potentially adopt him. And to my surprise, he was okay with that. In fact, he liked the idea.

We already have two dogs and we don’t need another dog.

Gracie has finally become an unflappable senior set in her ways, but Fanny, my sweet girl, is an anxious and fearful dog. She is happier and more confident with a playmate around which is why I’ve taken in a steady stream of young male foster dogs to keep her company.

Gracie, to her credit, does occasionally try to play with Fanny, but she generally lasts for one race around the living room and a brief encounter in which she snarls at Fanny who grovels on the ground in excitement. This is followed by Gracie having a barking fit and wandering away dazed and regretting the effort.

So, my thought was—maybe Tito could be Fanny’s emotional support dog. He certainly has the energy, the play, and the confident, happy attitude.

Now that he’s here, I don’t know if he can be. He is big and strong and so MUCH. Don’t get me wrong—he’s a great dog. So loving and happy.

But he has a lot to learn about house manners and has been restricted to the kitchen with its worn wood floor indefinitely. He is new to leash walking and has a powerful urge to sniff. He loves to be outside and has already slipped out our door, forcefully pushing past whoever hesitates. Luckily, he doesn’t go anywhere. Usually he’s trying to find me.

My kids are so in love that they are working hard to help him.

In fact, I went to the cabin to celebrate my birthday with friends and left Tito home with them. I don’t want this to be my decision. The way he is now, Tito is too much for us. He needs consistent attention and positively reinforced direction. He has to be supervised whenever he is loose in the kitchen.

Other than your lap and your love, what he really wants is food. He’s more or less obsessed with it. Tito is a serious counter, table, hand surfer. He’ll snag that food wherever he can find it. A slow down bowl was no match for him.

So, for now, the jury is still out. The kids have this week to try to housetrain him, convince him not to knock people over with his brand of love, teach him to walk on a leash without taking his handler grass-skiing, and to accept that just because a food container is opened, that doesn’t mean it’s for him.

Nick hopes to bring him down here this weekend so we can see what that big personality is like in our tiny cabin and how he and Fanny do together. And then we’ll have to make a decision because I don’t want this amazing dog to wait a minute longer to start his forever life.

I debated sharing any of this with you, dear readers, as many of you are serious dog-lovers who would have thirty dogs if you could. I don’t need to be convinced to adopt this awesome dog. What I need to figure out is if this is the home that is best for Tito and if Tito is the best dog for us.

If I know anything after fostering 176 dogs, it’s that there is always another good dog coming.

Serious decision making time here at this foster home and in this foster’s heart.

Thanks for reading!

Cara

If you’d like regular updates of all my foster dogs past and present, plus occasional dog care/training tips from OPH training, be sure to join the Facebook group, Another Good Dog.

For information on me, my writing, and books, visit CaraWrites.com. I have a new book, One Hundred Dogs and Counting: One  Woman, Ten Thousand Miles, and a Journey into the Heart of Shelters and Rescues, coming out in July. If it sounds like something you’d like to read, I’d be beyond grateful if you’d consider preordering it. Preorders contribute to the success of the book, not only giving me and my publisher some peace of mind but hopefully attracting media attention.

And if you’d like to know where all these dogs come from and how you can help solve the crisis of too many unwanted dogs in our shelters, visit WhoWillLetTheDogsOut.org.

Our family fosters through the all-breed rescue, Operation Paws for Homes, a network of foster homes in Virginia, Maryland, D.C., and south-central PA.

If you can’t get enough foster dog stories, check out my book: Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs . It’s available anywhere books are sold.

I love to hear from readers and dog-hearted people! Email me at [email protected].

Many of the pictures on my blog are taken by photographer Nancy Slattery. If you’d like to connect with Nancy to take gorgeous pictures of your pup (or your family), contact: [email protected].

    Foster success or foster fail? The jury is still out. #fosterdogs #opttoadopt #nobaddecisions Here is the post I thought I’d put up earlier this week before I left for the cabin to celebrate my birthday:

#adopting #animal rescue #dog rescue #dogs #foster fail #fosterdogs #fostering #puppies

[tonystarkbingo]

Week 24 Roundup!  And you wanna know something scary?  ONLY JUST UNDER 7 MORE WEEKS LEFT!!!! 

Title: T2- Intimacy Without Sex Collaborator: thudworm Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2 - intimacy without sex Ship: IronWidow Rating: Mature Major Tags: nonsexual intimacy, 5 + 1 Summary: 5 times people assumed the intimacy between Tony and Natasha was sexual, and 1 time it actually was Word Count: 2256

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Title: If You Act Like A Couple, Then You Are One Collaborator: queen-of-the-avengers Link: AO3 Square Filled: K4 - learning to cook Ship: Tony/Reader Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: fluff Summary: When the newest member of the team notices your relationship with Tony, you are faced to come to terms with your feelings. Word Count: 1098

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Title: (Let's Go) Dancing Collaborator: wakandan_wardog Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - dancing Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: ballet AU, pre-relationship, awkward flirting, rumors, mutual pining Summary: This is a Marvel Universe-Center Stage Fusion AU that no one asked for and everyone is getting anyway. Tony dances for the American Ballet Company as their featured ballerino, performing under the name Antonio Carbonell. James and Steve are two of the ABC's newest students, and James gets a chance to meet his crush on his first day. Just his luck, Tony is even better in person. (Natalia may have been setting them up all along.) Word Count: 6432

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Title: How to talk to your short boyfriend. A guide by Bucky Barnes. Collaborator: panna_acida Link: AO3 Square Filled: S4 - height difference Ship: Stuckony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Fluff Word Count: 540

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Title: Forbidden Love Collaborator: queen-of-the-avengers Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K2 - flying Ship: Pepper/Reader Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: fluff, near-death experience Summary: You had one mission and one mission only: track and report Loki. It never said anything about falling for a certain mortal. Word Count: 1242

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Title: i have come for the girl in the window Collaborator: deathsweetqueen Link: AO3 Square Filled: A2 - On the Run Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: Fem!Bucky, protective Tony Summary: There’s a woman, in a glass case, like a doll, with long dark hair tied back in a braid, a mask covering her mouth like a muzzle, so more like a dog than a doll. Her skin is sallow, almost jaundiced, a warm beige, slightly lighter than Tony’s own olive tone. Tony presses a hand to the case, and the cold crawls all over his skin. “Who is she, J?” he asks, carefully. “I am not quite sure, sir,” JARVIS says. “A possible name is not listed on any of the documentation concerning the warehouse.” Tony squints. “She looks familiar,” he says, cautiously. “I should not melt her, right?” “Yes.” Tony nods. “Okay.”He promptly pushes the button on the side of the cryo-tube. Word Count: 4023

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Title: Memory Isn't All We Are Collaborator: Trashcanakin Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2 - Reunion Ship: WinterIron Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: car accident, temporary amnesia, hurt/comfort, happy ending Summary: After the accident, Bucky couldn't remember anything about the life he had. People would tell him things if he'd asked, but there were no memories that followed, just facts and feelings. But feelings are tricky things, Bucky discovered. Then there was Tony Stark, a man he couldn't remember, but knew he loved. Is it possible to fall for the same man twice? Word Count: 1677

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Title: To Think that I Saw It Collaborator: tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: for dracusfyre, A2 - Unreliable Narrator Ship: Morgan & Tony Rating: Gen Major Tags: robotics, bittersweet ending, past character death, imaginary friends Summary: Morgan needs to build a robot to dig for treasure while she keeps a look-out for bears. And who is the best person to help her with that task?  Mod Fill Token, June Party Word Count: 821

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Title: Baffle Them - Chapter 5: Fight Collaborator: Magi Silverwolf (Magi_Silverwolf) Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - animal Ship: WinterFrostIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: deaging, implied child abuse, implied torture, trickster Loki, Autistic Tony, Howard Stark’s A+ Parenting, Odin’s A+ Parenting, Autistic Loki Summary: If you cannot blind them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshtick. (Canned Meat. Do not read.) Word Count: 3515

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Title: Finally Collaborator: ethereal-lullabies Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A4 - my best suit Ship: Tony Stark/Matt Murdock Rating: Teen Major Tags: moodboard Summary: Rhodey and Foggy as their best men, Pepper and Karen as their maids of honor, their puppy as the ring bearer, Peter and Harley as the flower boys, total AU not gonna lie to y’all

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Title: Distract and Sedate Collaborator: calmena Link: AO3 Square Filled: K3 - interrupted by super villains Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Roomba!Ultron, crack treated seriously Summary: Due to some small but very significant differences, Ultron ends up in a Roomba. He is somehow collectively adopted by the Avengers as their little murder robot. Word Count: 2641

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Title: A Curse on Both Your Houses Collaborator: 27dragons, tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: for tisfan, R5 - explosion in the lab Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, sex pollen, curses, trush spells, shapeshifting, Midas touch Summary: Tony appreciates his werewolf boyfriend in both his human and lupine shapes. What he doesn’t appreciate is a visit from Bucky’s old boss, Nick Fury, with a mysterious (and likely magical) device he wants them to investigate. He ought to say no and throw Nick out -- but the thing is strangely compelling. Maybe if he’d read a few more fairy tales, he’d have seen that for the warning sign that it was. Now, he’s cursed, and the race is on to find the owner of the thing, or some other way to break the curse, before it results in something not only unpleasant but unrecoverable. Word Count: 2764

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Title: you call me lavender Collaborator: deathsweetqueen Link: AO3 Square Filled: R2 - KINK: healing cock Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: love potion/spell, Team Iron Man, witch curses Summary: “So, what’s going on?” Tony asks, finding his seat in the conference room beside Rhodey. “Amora-” Maria says.Tony sends a withering glare at Thor, who has the grace to look sheepish. “The fuck,” Tony begins. “is wrong with your ex?” In which Tony and Bucky are cursed by Amora, and it ends sweet. Word Count: 3788

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Title: Asking For Trouble Collaborator: RomancebyFaye Link: AO3 Square Filled: T1 - asking for trouble Ship: Frank Castle/Tony Stark Rating: Teen Major Tags: ABO, preslash, first meetings Summary: Frank is just enjoying a beer in some dive bar, enjoying the peace being dead brings. Of course, that was never really going to last when there was always someone out there who could use a little help getting out of a mess. He's honestly not looking for trouble, but he's pretty sure it just walked in the door. In the form of a gorgeous, dark haired, doe eyed omega... Word Count: 2029

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Title: I fall in love (everyday with someone new) - Chapter 15: New Team (S4) Collaborator: scriptatur Link: AO3 Square Filled: S4 - new team Ship: Stony, Pepperony, WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: polyamory, Endgame fix-it Summary: "Waking was- surprising. He woke up slowly, like drifting through mist or sirup or- something. He was kind of confused, if he is being perfectly honest. Confused about his own metaphor, a bit, but mainly confused by the fact that he was, well, waking up. That was not something he’d expected to do, after all." When Tony Stark wakes up after the final battle against Thanos, he decides that there will be nothing more that stands between himself and happiness. He goes home with Pepper and Morgan and it doesn't take long for Steve and Bucky (and other (ex-)avengers) to follow. Basically, this is the fix-it that I needed. It's very self indulgent and mostly fluff. Word Count: 10,371

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Title: Take Care of Him Collaborator: RomancebyFaye Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2- intimacy without sex Ship: Tony/Rhodey/T'Challa Rating: Teen Major Tags: migraine, polyamory, caring T'Challa Summary: “James, please tell me what is wrong with Tony.” His voice was calm but urgent, trying to pull the conversation back on track. There was a pause followed by a deep, audible inhale before the other man continued on without the rambling. “Yeah, ok. Sorry. So J called me because Tony came home a few hours ago and went straight to bed. He put up blackout mode in the bedroom and is...well. JARVIS said he's clutching an ice pack to his head...and crying. I think he has a migraine.” Word Count: 4054

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Title: Tell Me Your Name, I Need To Know Collaborator: Trashcanakin Link: AO3 Square Filled: A3 - FREE SPACE Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: pre-relationship, flirting, anti Team Cap Summary: Tony is overworked and underappreciated, always pushing his limits and not taking care of himself well; but someone decides to take care of Tony for a change. Tony just wishes he knew who it was. Word Count: 2840

#tonystarkbingo #tonystarkbingo2019 #weekly roundup #week 24 #week 24 roundup

[josephkitchen0]

Buckeye Enthusiast Keeps Heritage Hens Safe With Livestock Guardian Dogs

By Brenda M.Negri – You can hear the dedication and sound reasoning in Washington farmer and heritage Buckeye breeder Barbara Judd’s voice when she says why she uses Livestock Guardian Dogs to keep her rare breed of poultry safe from depredation:

“Buckeyes were once in the Critical Category established by the Livestock Conservancy. I decided the best protection I could give them would be Livestock Guardian Dogs.”

Using Livestock Guardian Dogs (LGDs) to keep sheep, cattle, goats, alpacas, and other mammalians safe from harm is an age-old practice, although relatively (approximately 30 years) new in North America.

Some of the more common LGD breeds in use are the ever popular Great Pyrenees, Akbash, Maremma, Kuvasz, and Anatolian Shepherd. Rare breeds such as the Spanish Mastiff, Pyrenean Mastiff, and Karakachan are increasing in popularity and use. Putting LGDs to work to guard poultry, ducks, turkeys, geese, and guinea fowl is more of a recent movement in line with the increased number of hobby farms, small family ranches, and homesteaders. It’s a commitment of time, patience, and more patience, but LGDs can be successfully trained to guard poultry, and many have come to depend on their dogs to keep their flocks safe from depredation.

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Ensuring your pups are raised around chickens and taught how to behave around livestock can add peace of mind to the chicken-raising operation.

Barbara Judd agreed to share her story as to how she came to raising Buckeyes on her Washington farm, eventually choosing two sibling LGD pups and two adult siblings from my ranch and kennel operation in Northern Nevada.

“I had decided I wanted to breed Buckeyes. I had fallen in love with their personality, and their story is intriguing as well,” says Judd. “Buckeyes are a notably personable breed, very active and noted for being especially vigilant in the pursuit of mice. They also are very friendly with people and lack the tendency to feather-pick each other. The males emit a full range of sounds beyond those typical of many other chicken breeds, including a dinosaur-like roar!”

Judd subsequently got on a wait list for chicks from Laura Haggarty and Pathfinders Farm in Kentucky, and received her hatchlings in spring of 2014. Recently Judd moved to a 55-acre farm she calls “Froghaven” near Salkum, about an hour north of Portland. Here she plans to increase her Buckeye flock.

“My goal is to become the go-to person for Buckeye chicks and pullets in Western Washington,” she said. “I love this breed. They are a great dual-purpose chicken for homesteads and fit in well with a back-to-the-farm sentiment.”

Barbara further adds: “The cocks can grow to eight or nine pounds and are good meat birds. While as layers they are not quite as productive as a White Leghorn, for example, I understand them to live and produce for a longer period of time than the breeds that were developed for their egg-laying ability alone.”

Barbara’s new farm has a host of predators and wildlife, as did her previous one. She admits to not having given much thought to predators at first, but one day commented to a friend, “If I lose a bird to a predator, it will be that one,” pointing out one of the gold sex-links she had. Less than a week later, she discovered a pile of gold feathers, not 20 feet from her house, in the afternoon. Her dire prediction had come true. She immediately began researching how to keep her chickens safe. “My chickens were not raised to be coyote food,” she quips.

Judd read about LGDs: “But I was extremely put off by the prevalent and popular descriptions of hands-off training and minimal human interaction. Any dog I own is a part of my family, and I felt the hands-off, do-not-touch descriptions I read just didn’t make sense for us.”

Later that summer she lost another hen to a coyote. Now, she was determined, as well as furious, and bound to find a solution. Judd spent the evening researching LGDs on the internet and found me.

As it happened, I had a litter of LGD pups on the ground at the time, sired by my trusted old Great Pyrenees, Peso, and a rare Italian import Pyrenean Mastiff female, Atena.

Barbara sent me a puppy application. “The stars aligned,” she chuckles, and the Judds became proud new owners of Lucy and Patty, nicknamed, “The Pockets,” as they were the two smallest pups in the huge (16 puppies) litter. As if predestined, they also hung out together and were inseparable. Barbara took the pair home at about 10 weeks, and LGD Chicken Guarding 101 began!

Patty and Lucy’s litter had already been exposed to my own mixed flock of 40 Cochin, Brahman, and Polish layers, with daily visits into the coop and chicken yard. Barbara wisely bought two siblings who roughhoused with one another and wore each other out playing instead of taking out their young energy on livestock and fowl. The pups had also been exposed to neighbor children, cattle, and sheep and were showed great promise as guardians.

“Which brings up another point,” Judd adds. “The importance of selecting a knowledgeable and reputable LGD breeder. I had always had rescues as pets … these dogs were to be working dogs, not pets. They were to be socialized and part of the family but I needed them to be LGDs — guaranteed — not maybes.”

The Training

Once settled in at the new home, Patty and Lucy’s training continued with older, calm hens who were less flighty, and thus less inclined to tempt the pups into chasing. Judd made the training time a “treat time” by positive reinforcement. Each pup received a treat before each short, 10- to 15-minute class. Soon, they were reminding her it was time for school.

“I knew this process would take weeks, if not months,” Judd adds. She kept the chickens and pups in a small, very manageable area and sat with them. No distractions were allowed: no pet dogs, no children.

“We spent time just hanging out with the chickens, and always ended on a positive note before they got tired.” As time progressed, “The Pockets” became calm and confident around the fowl, remaining alert and interested, but no inappropriate behavior. Judd increased the time the pups were with the flock gradually.

“I came at training the pups in a slow and systematic, careful manner. I learned … from previous dog trainers and read the books by noted dog behaviorist, Turid Rugaas. The pups became part of the daily chicken routine. As puppies, they needed protection too as they were far too young to fend for themselves, so they were never left alone overnight, for example.”

Judd was also learning about unique LGD behavior, which is markedly different than non-LGD breeds. “I can say they are nothing like other dogs I have had. They won’t fetch, they don’t play tug o’ war. They do seem to notice every detail around them.”

Judd’s observations are accurate. LGD breeds guard on instinct, not so much training, although the owner will enable, foster, and encourage that guarding instinct with positive reinforcement and gentle reprimands when a pup makes a mistake. Tying a dead chicken around a pup’s neck is an oft-quoted “solution” for problems but only encourages confusion and distrust in the pup and shouldn’t be done. There are no shortcuts to doing “Chicken 101” with LGD pups, and the owner has to commit to the time and patience it takes.

One night, Judd woke to one of the pups barking at a bookcase. “I had moved a large photo onto that bookcase, and Lucy noticed — something’s not where it belongs!”

A more telling incident happened a week or so after Barbara brought The Pockets home:

“We’d spent a lot of time around the chickens, in their run or out foraging. One early evening we walked by the run and no chickens were in sight. Patty was immediately stressed! She sat down, whining at the run. The chickens had simply put themselves in the coop for the night, so when the hens poked their heads back out to see what the commotion was about, Patty relaxed and was immediately satisfied.” Judd continues, “You could see the wheels turning in Patty’s head. ‘Oh that’s where they are. OK, everything is fine now!’ I was amazed and impressed. These were certainly the right dogs to protect my chickens.”

From the time I began raising and using LGDs, I have always understood the importance of running these dogs in the right numbers — just as they are in Spain and other countries where the pastoral life is still alive and very much a fabric of their society. I’ve continually lectured my clients about the advantages of running enough LGDs to properly cover the acreage, terrain, predator load, and stock they have.

Barbara Judd acquired her LDGs from Brenda Negri. The litter had 16 pups, and Judd took the two smallest pups.

Dogs, like humans, must sleep and rest too, and one LGD cannot last long if it is expected to carry the load of three or four dogs. In addition, should one dog become ill or injured, by removing him from duty, an operator’s flock or herd becomes immediately more vulnerable to attack. Where predators can easily take down one LGD, a pack of three or four dogs will present a much more serious deterrent to threats. On my ranch, my several dogs work in “shifts,” so there is always coverage, 24/7. Some dogs may do a “perimeter patrol” farther out at the edge of my five acres while the others stay closer to the flock, barns, and my house. Although my closest neighbors continually lose goats, sheep, horses, calves, pet cats, and chickens to packs of coyotes, feral dogs, mountain lions, and birds of prey, I have never suffered a single loss here.

As introductions currently progress at Froghaven Farm, “The A-Team” is getting to know “The Pockets” and all is going well. The Judds will keep their heritage flock of Buckeyes safe and sound from depredation with four very devoted Livestock Guardian Dogs. “Since we brought Lucy and Patty we have never lost a single bird,” Judd says, and with the addition of two more dogs, they won’t be losing anything in the future, either.

HOW TO BUY A LGD PUP

• Buy pups who are only purebred or crosses of purebred, recognized LGD breeds. LGD breeds crossed on non-LGD breeds are unpredictable and high risk.

• Buy from established breeders who will give references, customer support, and have a proven track record of producing good guardian dogs.

• You get what you pay for. Quality LGD pups typically start at $500 and go up from there. Quality going adults can cost $1,000 on up.

• Never bring a pup home younger than eight weeks of age and make sure all puppy vaccinations are complete, as well as several dewormings.

I• f possible buy pups that have been started on and exposed to poultry and fowl. Make sure they have been regularly handled and socialized with people and are not skittish or frightened when approached.

• Make sure your fencing is puppy escape-proof and secure.

• Remember that rearing LGDs to guard poultry is a labor-intensive endeavor with no magical shortcuts. Patience, time, and persistence are keys to success.

• LGD pups take up to two years or more to fully mature. Don’t expect adult work from an immature dog.

Originally published in the February/March 2016 issue of Backyard Poultry and regularly vetted for accuracy.

Buckeye Enthusiast Keeps Heritage Hens Safe With Livestock Guardian Dogs was originally posted by All About Chickens

[playjq0jdoh-blog]

The way to Organize a Kid to see (Quick) Once You Don't Have Kids - Superb Tips About play doh learn colors toy That May Help You Buy The Best! - How to Prepare for a youngster to Visit (Short Term) When You Don't Have Children

The way to Plan for a Kid to see (Temporary) If You Don't Have Little ones

There seemed to be a point in time (100 years back? Okay, definitely only 8-10) when I thought to myself personally "why can't she simply make her kid behave and stop breaking up my goods?" I assumed this about a very good pal. Someone I needed recognized for yrs before that they had young children. I just questioned her parenting techniques (inside my go, obviously). Due to the fact experiencing kids I know that occasionally there is certainly little you could do relating to your kids' behaviour and more often than not they are not becoming terrible but alternatively hungry, drained or have a lot of power and require an outlet. This post is focused upon the buddies with no children, the grandparents who haven't had children around for some time, the brand new aunts and uncles, and other people expecting a shorter time period go to with a child. It is made to help you "baby evidence" your home with the small guest as well as their grubby very little hands that want to feel your entire window miniatures and take on Fluffy's tail.

Infant (baby-1 year)

Pre-crawling toddlers are rather simple to newborn-confirmation for. Ensure that you vacuum the room you are going to be interesting in to ensure all of the tiny scraps and fuzzes are off the flooring to limitation the volume of yuck a child can placed into their mouth area. I also enjoy having a fresh blanket convenient to put on the floor in that way it will be a little milder, and in case the pattern in the explained blanket is vivid or intriguing, it may well distract the child for slightly. A baby diaper change will definitely take place through the stop by so planning for that can prevent you from getting on the spot down the road. Just laying out a towel with an absorbent mat at the top (consider pet pads) on your own spare mattress is ideal. A couple of other things that happen to be fantastic to have on-palm might be a partners newborn washcloths (the cheap very soft models) or child baby wipes to remove facial looks, noses, and hands and fingers. For little ones even closer to annually, rice puffs (or rusks) and applesauce are excellent healthier goodies.

I also make certain that my canines are put away. In both the backyard, garage or maybe the basements. My dogs LOVE babies. There exists nothing just like a 110 lb German Shepherd laying in the cover near the little one slicking the baby's locks back again with puppy spit. Even if this vision heats up my cardiovascular system, it has brought on common feeling sick in some of my female friends (I really like my pet dogs). I know that my canines would never purposely result in trouble for a young child, but probably none of my girlfriends (only S) experience the way We do about canines. Even your most dog-warm buddies may have a distinct perspective as soon as a delicate infant goes into their life. The ideal way to prevent any awkwardness is always to just keep the pets out of your blend during this period. As well as if there really should happen to be a knock with the home you realize the infant won't be trampled inside the mayhem that is sure to ensue.

Young child (1-two years)

This stage during the child's daily life may be more challenging to put together for. Ensure that cords are out from view, power channels are either inaccessible or have connect includes on (they can be definitely inexpensive, don't take a risk within this). Take away all breakable stuff from your bottom cabinets, including newspapers and photo albums you don't want ripped. The good thing regarding this grow older is you can normally just position points over 3-foot (with a kitchen table or kitchen counter) to ensure they are unattainable. Toddlers use things to balance by themselves, so be sure that the pieces of furniture just where they are taking part in is sturdy (balanced) where there aren't any items that could topple off of with some wobbling (imagine high lamps, crystal vases). My all time worst example is actually a Telly tray. We possessed a single sitting between sofa and recliner to support the remotes and beverages. My little princess (then 8 several weeks classic) pulled themselves up while using tray. Seven yrs in the future she still has a L-shaped scar tissue on the brow from yanking the tray over herself.

You are going to totally have to guarantee that the kid is not going to run around unattended, so be prepared to be moving around! Kids commence going up the at this stage and when left on their individual devices provide an uncanny ability to get involved with the oddest accidents. Right up until they come to be knowledgeable about your property, you can expect a handful of lumps and bruises in spite of how careful that you are (you ought to have witnessed poor Mr. C when S initial helped bring him to the household). A child cool prepare, squirt antiseptic, and several entertaining bandages will more than likely get utilised should you have them.

Now bear in mind these are fixes for if you have a kid above for a couple of hrs. If you are intending to achieve the child over usually then you ought to generate a room that is definitely toddler harmless. If you and the buddy have caffeine every single Thursday then maybe you would like to toddler-proof your family place whilst keeping it in that way so you are not transferring points about each Thursday morning only to stick them again Thursday morning. In case the your kitchen is actually a more effective location you may set some rubber rings or cabinet locking mechanisms around your reduced cabinet deals with then placed a new baby gate to guarantee baby will not amble out. In addition, i discover it beneficial to keep a few era-ideal peppa pig completo toys that dangle around my home. These Peppa Pig toys then turn out to be something special to experience with during visits.

Also, never ever underestimate the potency of an excellent treat. Select a thing they are able to supply their selves. I really like Puffs as they are protected for fresh eaters and retail store beautifully, but other good choices squeezable fresh fruits packs, Cheerios, string cheddar cheese, and grapes or berries. Never forget to question a parent or gaurdian well before presenting any sort of foodstuff to a child (no it can't injure them if they don't have it however it can spark a tantrum once they considered they could then don't). In the event the check out involves meals most youngsters this era can eat the very same dish you are doing (enquire about hypersensitivity the time well before) just cut into tiny bits and make certain it's cooled off of. Developing a kids dinnerware fixed just for them will probably be encouraged shock.

Walkers (2-4 years)

This era receives a tiny trickier. Once children are strolling the earth will become their oyster. Every little thing will be investigated so that even though you may not must be so careful of plunging pieces of furniture, you still need to keep watch over them always. I have got discovered that should they be peaceful indicates they are really into some thing. I remember when i halted by try to do 10-moments of computer access. I needed my child (then 2) with me. She was appropriate outdoors my place of work; I really could see her when i leaned my desk chair lower back. I was thinking she was high-quality considering that there was half a dozen other individuals in the office with me. I covered up some tips i arrived to carry out during the predicted period of time contemplating to personally how very good she had been only to discover she experienced found out a marker and pulled all over the retaining wall. Say thanks to goodness it only added onto my day time a visit to a store to identify a Magical Eraser (love this product) not a gallon of colour! One of several obstacles I at present confront is my aged kids' peppa pig compilation toys. At any time my friends arrive in excess of I am just continually selecting them up because pretty much all of them appear to have very small parts which might be choking threats for the children below 3. Barbie shoes or boots and Lego's are my nemeses. I remedy this situation by getting the older kids shift any kind of their peppa pig play doh kids toy in the family or dining area and place them in their rooms. I permit my buddy recognize that your family place an dining-room are secure and utilize a child door. The short term types that strain suit on the wall structure are comparatively cheap and you will use for animals and kids.

Significant Little ones (four years and over)

This stage needs to be deceive resistant, ideal? They aren't gonna choke, fall or poison them selves. It always is, having said that i only want to add a couple of tidbits to assist you. Initial, I often forget about that my kids may now read through. Normally i appear to keep this in mind once i am perusing Myspace, and another of my buddies has placed a thing that is PG, and then my 8-yr old want's me to determine what that expression suggests or my 6-yr old wishes to the direction they manufactured that pet dog have a image this way. After which I help remind them to not go through more than my shoulder and usually include the saying "I can't enable you to get to pay interest once i want, but as soon as I want a few minutes by itself I grow to be fascinating?" This is true among all media I am understanding. Not only the computer, but the Television set and guides. My kids can all job the rural and that i have experienced to bear in mind never to keep my romance novels laying all around. Although you most likely don't possibility a meltdown from food cravings from youngsters this age, healthier snack foods are always wonderful to obtain readily available. Most importantly, do not forget that what you they have will want (actually this begins at about two) and so the more you may keep away from enjoying or enjoying the things you don't want (or can't) reveal looking at them the better.

A compact expense of your energy prior to very little guest is available above can certainly make your go to far less tense and you will (although not a warranty) manage to have a total dialogue using your good friend. Most of all be sure you take advantage of the time using your pal even if it will require a tad bit more efforts.

By Hillary Warner (Also known as H of Beyond the Sippy Mug)

For a selection of certain advice on age-correct things (some are even play doh videos toys), beneficial suggestions concerning how to convenience your raising a child troubles and impartial news go to the Past the Sippy Glass weblog

Superb Tips About playdoh toys That May Help You Choose The Right!

Many individuals consider getting kids' peppa pig completo toys is easy. They create their strategy to the shop, make their preference, and then leave. But, those who are intelligent will work their research on the way to get great pig toy at low prices. The following paragraphs will allow you to accomplish that.

When shopping for your kids a play-doh toys, be sure you look at the notice tag. At times play doh toys are choking risks, at in other cases they have more unsafe components, and in some cases they are really aggressive by nature. play doh kids toy generally feature evaluations that suggest the suitable age group ranges due to its use, so make sure you study that information.

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Do your homework to check out what the greatest peppa pig compilation toy available are this year. You must be able to find versions at the outset of the vacation season. You can use it to get suggestions for Peppa Pig Portugues toy to obtain for your children. Retail outlet ahead of time so that you can figure out which pig toy to buy.

It is crucial to produce the correct choice when choosing play-doh toy for incredibly young children. Decide on a peppa pig kids toys that is certainly mild and has dazzling designs and colors. At this early age, young children learn about by touching, observing, hearing and flavorful. Should they input it within their jaws, also, buy no-poisonous peppa pig toys that can not harm the little one.

In the event your teenager is productive, take into consideration shopping for them a peppa kids toy which is involved with sports activities. Lively adolescents may like baseball hand protection, bats and baseballs as well as football objectives. You additionally give to them the opportunity to be physically fit, although you not just give a dynamic teen a way to possess some enjoyable using a sport they adore.

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Look at peppa pig completo toys recalls, before buying used peppa pig portugues brasil toys. When it was recalled, anyone marketing it may not have any idea. It's your career to look it before that get. Search on Google for play doh kids toys toys that were recalled.

When buying Peppa Pig Portugues toy for children it is essential that you observe precisely what the give back and exchange coverage is. Kids change their minds continually. A Peppa pig em Portugues Brasil toy they relative morning could possibly be thrown away another. It's an excellent issue so that you can swap or profit the peppa pig play doh kids toys, must this case come up.

Make sure that a peppa pig compilation toy is safe for preschoolers. A toddler's pig toy ought to be tough (in order to survive regular playtime usage) and free of small components. You will probably be capable of reduce your cost later on by purchasing peppa pig dublado toys that your particular little one can expand with. Some brand names of play doh toys toys deliver approaches to conform them to ensure they more inviting as the kid grows.

Getting look at this complete report, you will be now willing to purchase great playdoh toys. It's these peppa pig full episodes toys that your baby plays with repeatedly. Use what you've just discovered to buy the proper peppa pig english episodes toys.

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Get rid of Mildew In Bath tub peppa pig dublado toys Storage space

For your young children get older, bath time has most likely evolved into one of their best times throughout the day. Discovering area to store their peppa pig completo toys during the bath room can be tough mainly because lets face the facts, for many people there is certainly significantly less space in your bathing rooms to store things when compared to any other area inside our houses. Finding the right forms of storage is not hard but there is however a very important factor most mom and dad tend to ignore. That will be mildew and mildew. Men and women often times don't realize how quickly it might increase and form within play-doh toy or around the storage receptacles on their own. That's why it is fundamental to remove mildew within your bathtub Peppa pig em Portugues Brasil toys storage space whilst keeping your kids' peppa pig completo toys nice and clean.

In order to prevent some thing from happening we have to recognize how it receives there in the first place. Fungus types on bath tub peppa pig toy characters whenever they aren't dehydrated properly or remain to stay in drinking water towards the bottom of your storage bin. All nevertheless this mold doesn't actually have any serious health conditions that you need to be being worried about, it's gross once your children determine it's there they probably won't want to use individuals unique play doh peppa pig toy anymore. Letting the bath Peppa Pig em portugues brasil toy and whatever they are kept in to dried up adequately is essential to reducing this undesirable fungus from creating from the start.

Retailer bath peppa pig dublado toy exactly where they can adequately empty. A very typical strategy for carrying this out would be to let them dry away from inside of a mesh handbag or inside a crate of some sort or other that enables air flow to get into and exit. Suitable airflow is a huge consider items drying the correct way. There is a substantial variety of containers or "scoops" you could buy which is to be a fantastic resolve with this issue. Most will even catch the eye within your kid which makes it an item they wish to use in their bath tub nearly as much as their unique peppa pig kids toy.

Avoid trying to keep play doh peppa pig kids toy in buckets or another items where the water can get at the base and saturate the peppa pig portugues brasil toys. At these times it will only be a question of days before this revolting mold starts to shape across all the things your son or daughter is utilizing. This mold is obviously a thing we don't want hovering around within the tub and having around our kids.

This doesn't indicate you must hands dry out each and every pig toy in between baths, but ensure you empty out normal water that may always be within a rubber ducky as well as other these types of Peppa Pig em portugues brasil toy. Always remember this - Regardless of selection you decide on, in case the play doh toy don't free of moisture correctly, you wont be at liberty with any product you bring residence. The very best option would be one that enables play doh kids toys toy to free of moisture and properly outlets them somewhere between baths.

If you are interested in learning more about bathtub play doh videos toys storage space

[swiftythewriter]

Ignore this

I spent another day without leaving the house, without barely leaving bed. Add that to the lot. I know I should get out and walk. I know I should go back to Krav Maga. I know it’ll make me feel better-has made me feel better but as I only acknowledge this at night how can I summon up the strength during the day? When distractions tempt my focus and anxiety works on my courage. My will to do anything feels weighed down and grows bitter behind my mouth the more it sits. 

I feel sick and am actually sick with any innumerable little thing the moment doing something even feels like a possibility. There’s always seems to be hurdles these days, maybe they were always there and I didn’t recognize them till now. Sometimes I think I need help, need a doctor. Sometimes I think on that hard and imagine that hard. I know though that I don’t believe there’s anything to save. 

Leaving the house to walk almost feels like I’m still in this mental prison as well. I never leave without my dog. I never stray from the path. I never take a longer route. I never stop and engage. What’s the point? The park I pass barely feels real most days and at the same time all too real. Like a noose around my neck ready to choke. I look at everyone passing me like a potential threat and never, never leave without my phone and feel justified in every action. 

I feel so sick with all these feelings that can’t be summed up with words like simple anxiety and depression and then my brain shuts off and half the time it is a relief. I don’t know what is better; a tedium stretch of numbness and listlessness or feeling the ax over my neck 24/7 and half the time wanting it to fall. Wouldn’t it be easier if it did?

I doubt anyone could fix me and I wouldn’t know what to do if anyone put in the effort to try. I doubt I need to be fixed or that I can be or one of the two. Actually I know I can’t be, not really and not completely and it is one of the few things that brings me comfort now days. There is a peace in knowing you’re a lost cause. Even if I pretend differently.

I have a secret. It’s how I’m an excellent liar, it’s how most of the time I am only seen in suspicion on my truths. It’s that I’m a writer and have always been a writer and will always be one as it has always been my constant. And I understand something people seem to not acknowledge.  Here’s the unspoken secret that has been muddying my mind oh let me lay myself bare. 

It is that no one cares enough to look for the truth if you give them a good enough story. Everyone loves a story, don’t they? Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. What is truth anyway? Take a look at our text and history books and see how much stock the human race puts in it. Everyone holding onto principles and maintaining a front only to abandon they the moment something better comes along or to be abandoned the moment our life ends for something new. 

It feels all so pointless sometimes. Even when I see something I feel is wrong I have to drum up the ability to care. It’s becoming harder these days and it feels like nothing comes free. 

There’s so many things that I don’t understand, that I can’t understand and I feel like I’m drowning in them and I don’t have the ability to learn. If I could, maybe I could swim a bit, maybe I would want to. I wish I knew where everybody stood. It can’t be worse than this uncertainty. I want to stop feeling like this. I want to be better. Neither of those statements mean much. 

I feel so alone that I could scream but I don’t. I don’t ever and I feel myself choke on it. I’m not sure what the difference between freedom and loneliness is. I’m not sure one is worth the other. On one hand what do I have to lose? On the other, everything I have left. 

I miss my dog. I miss my dead dog that I had since I was a kid. My first dog that I named bear and I had since I was a kid, a little girl, that I sang to sleep one time and held in my arms before he became mean and I stopped holding him and touching him and perhaps that only gift my mother gave me that mattered when I was too small to play with Hunter and Scuffy. 

I used to draw comics and tell stories about him and eventually my cat and give/tell them to my grandma. I used to hide in his room in my old house when I was afraid of what my mother had on tv-Supernatural I know now. No wonder that scared the fuck out of me. 

He was my first and earliest story and my oldest ally and I fucking miss him even if I can’t remember the last time I petted him and even if I yelled at him and didn’t trust him not to bite me cause he was a bastard about that. 

And we used to call him “stinkpot” and “travel dog” and he loved to take trips in the car so fucking much. And once on a road trip he got a burr between his toes and bit my grandma bloody when she tried to get it out. He was mean without warning, irritating on a good day, always smelled and once chased me across the house for sitting on his toy and I can’t remember the last time I held him and I miss him so fucking much but I probably less then I should. 

I hate that, that I feel like there should be a count on my emotions, I hate that almost as much as I hate that he’s gone and I’m not and I wasn’t fucking surprised when he was and I hate that I repressed and I wouldn’t let myself fucking feel it till now because I knew it would hurt- like a broken bone or a missing limb, something there that I can’t get back-and it would hurt when it began to stop and I just don’t need this on top of everything fucking else. 

And the worst part isn’t that it hurts or that Peanut’s alone now and I don’t even like that fucking annoying chihuahua and Mimi, my grandma, only tolerates him on a good day. No the fucking worst part is the relief I feel at one less thing I have to care about. One less thing I don’t have to feel guilty about or have concern over or feed or take care of or love or have the socially acceptable amount of emotion for in acceptable bite sized pieces. 

My oldest friend is gone and buried in the the fucking back yard and will never come back and will never chase another cat around the house or will never be chased around the house by a cat will never go into a rage over something and have to be snapped out of it by yelling his name and will never get so fucking excited when we bring him home a mcdouble and say “cheese-in-burger, Bear! Cheeseenburger!” and watch him jump and wag his tail or watch him try and sometimes succeed at opening doors or being a fucking escape artist “Houdini” if you left one exit unsecured. 

I gave him dog bones and beef ribs and treats and watched as he growled like a fucking demon if someone tried to take them and sometimes thought he was one and I wondered what breed he was cause they bought him from the roadside and never saw him as a puppy. I remember when I first saw him in a crate and I named him Bear because I was a stupid kindergartner and his fur was colored like the bears I learned of in class and called him “Bearie-boo” for more stupid reasons. I honestly learned my first curse words from what was shouted at the dog and in an uncharacteristic amount of caring my mother talked her boyfriend into letting me keep him instead of him just staying until their house was fumigated because I was attached to him. He once barked at her when she played dress up in new clothes and sunglasses because he didn’t recognize her. 

He was a constant and with me through everything and he was my first pet and my oldest friend and I felt relieved when he was gone and I don’t even do him the service of grieving or crying. I miss him and I love him and the world is worse off without him in it and I don’t think I loved him enough.

I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. Like I said about writing earlier and stories. I’m a writer and I am not and never sure if who I am- around other people or myself-is just another production of my mind. If it another lie or story that I fill in the blanks of who I am and who I think I should be. Even now I wonder if I am just another in the lists of character’s I’ve come up with. Maybe my best one yet, it’s the one everyone has their own interpretations of. It’s the one everyone believes is real, Isn’t that impressive? 

I want to write myself an ending but as always I am restrained by my limitations. I cannot see my life most days end in such a tedious or boring way like swinging from a lamp fixture or downing a few packs of otc meds. No, it has to have some significance beyond the absence of perseverance. Some poetry or some shit. A grand finale, if you will. It’s the writer in me-always hated an unsatisfying ending. 

Or maybe that’s just the coward in me that’s too afraid to take the last step leaving me stuck in this tedious routine. 

And I gotta say, skipping the grand finale and going right for the last page is looking sweeter every time. Professional standards aren't too hard to degrade if you have had enough time to think it over. 

Sometimes it feels like the only way out. I’m not even sure what I’m more afraid of at this point, leaving or staying. I’m not sure it matters. Nothing feels like it does.

I think that growing up really is slowly beginning to understand all those saying and proverbs and stuff you heard that you didn’t as a kid. Murphy’s law. All’s fair in love and war. Why people ask what’s the meaning of life. Taking the bitter with the sweet. A grain of salt. Love your neighbor etc, etc. Most recently for me it was “All the world’s a stage.” Never really read Shakespeare but I’m beginning to think if i do it just might make a little more sense that it would’ve. 

Suddenly Van Gogh and Crime and Punishment and classic art and literature makes a sort of sense I never imagined before. It’s odd, even when I feel absolute shit I can gain more understanding about myself and my surroundings that I never had before. Can’t say it’s accurate but it is solid for now until I find something to replace it. Human beings, an ever contrary race. Sometimes I wonder if mental illness and the like make us the most human humans you’ll ever find. I wonder if that is a good thing. 

I’m still not sold on the human race thing, I think what cosmic force that created us needs to take their work under serious advisement.

Bittersweet is what I’m feeling right now. It’s familiar. Happy/sad/wistful is better than numb/sad or hollow/numb or angry/sad/drained and afraid/sad that I have been cycling through every day. I thought I’d feel better if I wrote it down, worked it out on a page instead of just going over it in my head. An old method, get all the bad stuff out on a page and convince yourself it’ll say there. Scream into the abyss of the world wide web to prove to myself that what I write and say is real and not something I imagined. That I am not lost inside my own head.

It’s kinda funny, if I think about it. When I was a kid out of all the fairy takes and stories I could be scared of or grow to hate the only one was Alice in Wonderland. It wasn’t the first time I heard the Grimm version of Little Red Riding Hood or my grandma’s version of telling me how Jesus was hung on a cross to die-and wasn’t learning about suffocation and dehydration by vinegar fun at sunday school-as a bed time story. It was the story of a little girl being lost that scared me the most. I still can’t stand it. Plus that story is trippy af. 

I can probably find a lot of meaning in psychoanalyzing my childhood but that’s the thing about meaning, It’s subjective. But, hey, so am I.

I’m tired right now but at least it is mostly physical. I think I’ll try to sleep soon. Wake up tomorrow and try to find something worth while again. Start this fun cycle over again because what’s the alternative? At least I’ll more or less know what to expect. It’s fun to have stability, isn’t it? Just a blast. Of course, with words like that I am just asking for a cannon ball of fucked up trouble to pop up and throw me outta wack. Tempting fate. That’s another one I learned. 

Here’s to hoping to find something where there’s nothing. Here’s to hoping to find something worthwhile at least, I’d say “God help me” but I think I’m past that.

#personal #mental health #me #don't mind me just having a long worded minor break down #well i say minor #i jokingly called this my manifesto while writing it and it seems to fir well enough #so #Desi's Mental Manifesto #nice ring to it #there's a lot wrong with me #oh well #at least roses are pretty and cbocolate is cheap around this time of year #only thing this holliday is good for in my books #until my next mental crisis