#Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

babochkas · 1 year

Text

i'm putting this post under a read more because it's long & i'm sorry it's related to the drama but, i really need to clear up the situation on my end:

to start with, i've never sent anyone anon hate. i don't support that at all because i know how shitty it is to get it. my post today was absolutely a vague, but not about anyone in the rpc and i specifically stated it was related to twitter lesbophobes that spread into the tumblr community (NOT THE RPC COMMUNITY, i never specified rpc & my wife clarified in their post as well it was not the rpc) and specifically mentioned seeing topics of conversion. this post i made didn't even specify if it was about bronseele. i never mentioned their names. but because i posted it on seele, my current main blog, it's tied to that. accusations of anon hate and biphobia. it was absolutely horrible timing, absolutely looks suspicious, but: i had no way of seeing this because i don't follow. i do not keep tabs on the people i block and avoid them from my radar entirely. i never talked nor judged anyone's portrayal or interpretation. people are making accusations STILL because of a matter of shit timing and coincidence related to someone ive had blocked. i want to say clearly, i did not send the anon that was received. i did not even know of it, nor the post that prompted the anon. i have not ever sent anon hate, and have not vagued about anyone in the fandom's portrayal.

again, my original post was kept vague in wording because i woke up (around 3pmest, i have bad insomnia so my schedule is weird) starting my day seeing people on twitter erasing the canon rep of my favorite characters (i'm not talking just up for interpretation characters, i mean seeing people straight up talking about leona/diana in league - excuse vulgarity - "taking dick to cure their mind.") & then while looking at fanart on tumblr shortly after, saw more of the same with other ships i like art of. of course, as a lesbian, i am very passionate about these cases of rep, and of course very triggered by seeing the lesbophobia i was seeing on twitter (the conversion i mentioned in my post, which i followed up with by saying i was seeing more of it on tumblr) not the best wording & def should have clarified but, i just woke up for the day, i was tired, and my brain hadn't fully kicked into gear so i opened my tumblr app to check my notifications and make a quick vent post. it had nothing to do with bisexuality, nothing to do with a bi interpretation, nothing: it was about the disgusting and harmful conversion posts and discussions i was seeing. i had no idea about what was going on hours before because i was asleep. i was logged in on seele, so i just made the venty post (again specifically about conversion therapy comments) and didnt think anything of it because i didn't know what was going on, basically until i started finding out about the accusations.

i do want to note again, i did try to unblock to send an IM clarifying before everything really blew up, but IMs were off & i was already being told of more being said by others so i did make a heated post. it isn't deleted, though i did make it private because i don't like leaving drama up. as with rule updates, they're tagged as "tbd //" and later removed.

on a related, but separate note:

people who talk to me and know me, know the kind of person i am. i have been in way more fandoms than hi3, hsr, or even genshin. i've been on this site a long time and multiple people have known me for years. they know that i keep to myself a lot of the time & only seem to get dragged into drama when it relates to setting boundaries. as stated in my rules, i am exclusive and not dupe friendly. this often leads to me blocking simply for comfort. otherwise, i have only ever blocked people for breaching my rules. breaching my triggers. have i always handled my blocking in ways people prefer it to be handled (via a DM beforehand, knowledge of why first, etc?) absolutely not. especially not when it's related to my triggers, as i state in my rules, seeing those untagged/unfiltered sends me into a trauma response. i have, in the past, contacted people prior to softblocking or hardblocking to let them know why - and these instances have ended in things varying from my mental health being invalidated, being called names (bitch, most often) & often, honestly, end up escalating to something worse.

aside from trying to defend myself, i have only ever, ever said anything about drama in relation to someone harassing me, making violent threats, calling names, etc. i've kept to myself, blocked these people to keep my distance, and it's still somehow a problem. they are still coming to my accounts to keep tabs or, if they deem fit, find ways to stir the pot again. i know people were keeping tabs on my posts, because these people who i've had blocked for years now were making posts about mine. not even knowing what it was about. honestly, after being told of some of the people who have been known to stalk and harass the blogs of myself and other mutual friends, i got paranoid. because it was not only just straight up block evading me, but these people i've been avoiding have harassed, have made violent threats, have called names and been disrespectful when i tried to end on peaceful terms. i won't say names because it doesn't matter. i'm not here to start a witch hunt, and on the same note, i'm not wanting a target on my back when i've already had problems of varying degrees with these people.

that brings me to my dni. in regards to my dni additions, i did add a new group on there due to a prior callout, and this situation: namely, because i felt this was on a level of baseless accusations as a previous callout mention and it did heavily upset me after seeing what i was accused of because of this. my dni does not change according to fandom, and has remained the same (with minor updates) since my time in the league fandom. the recent update including the lesbian erasure dni rule was added as it was in my original rules on my caitlyn blog (my caitlyn carrd can be found here, the last rule being established as i also have a diana, and planned to write neeko - canon lesbians to the league universe. it's something i've been vocal about there as well.)

i am a very firm believer in curating your own space of comfort. write what you want with who you want, but my rules and dni are for my space. to explain why i do not want to engage with certain topics or people who have made me uncomfortable, often due to situations that are related to my triggers and ocd. regardless of this, i do not condemn anyone for who they decide to write with, because at the end of the day this is just writing. i wouldn't accuse or try to instigate drama between two people without first talking. just wish i had been extended the same courtesy.

#drama //#last post and im leaving it up because i need this to be known.#tw drama

5 notes · View notes

arcanehobo · 1 year

Note

I ask that respectfully because your blog doesn’t specify otherwise and it’s important to me to make sure men aren’t interacting with my blog.

I know it is presumptuous to see a masculine person with he/him pronouns and say “that’s a man” but for my own personal boundaries I need to check.

[This was preceded by a message asking "Are you a man?"; I have no other context whatsoever.]

So, obviously this answer doesn't fit with the general theme of this blog. But the anon posting the ask is, well, anon, so I don't have much option in replying to them, and it feels kind of discourteous to not reply, since the answer is clearly meaningful to them. I'll leave this up for about 48 hours, so the anon can see it, and then - probably - take it down again. [ETA: Although now I've spent a chunk of time thinking about and writing an answer to it, maybe I'll leave it up. It is, regretfully, a bit on the mansplain-y side, but with the lack of context, it's the best I can do.]

So, anon, that's a big question. I don't really feel qualified to answer it as written, because the culture I live in makes it pretty clear that "man" is something other people tell you you are or are not, not something you can claim for yourself. There are debates and accusations around the term "real man". I am not attached to the term, and have been generally amused by the attempts of others to tell me that I am or am not one.

If you're asking if I'm trans in some way, I'm unconvinced that that is any of your business, and your asking makes me suspect you're some kind of TERF. I've deleted TERFy asks here before, and dealt with some mild hostility from people who object to my he/him pronoun badges in real life too.

If you're asking if I'm biologically male, I feel that's also not really your business, any more than your sexual characteristics are any of mine. But out of an excess of courtesy, I can say that as far as I know, yes, but I've never had any examination of chromosomes, or any of the myriad other conditions and states of being that would make that debateable. However, "biologically male" starts to verge very close, again, to TERF stuff, and if that's the gist of what you're asking, you can fuck right off and continue to fuck off a bit further after that; my use of pronouns on my profile is mostly to help establish a cultural norm for the people to whom they are important, and partly to politely give people a set of pronouns they can use to refer to me.

If you're asking if I identify as a man, or male - which are two different things, related only by social construction - I'm not sure if I do or not. To be honest, I identify more as a wizard or as a GM or as a cook than I do as male or a man. It's not a question that's important to me, and hasn't been since I was a child (and even then my main question was whether I was "allowed" buy the Sylvanian Families toys or not).

I hope that goes some way toward answering your question, anon, because frankly, it's a bit weird to just post up out of nowhere and ask it.

It is possible, given the "interacting with my blog" line, that you are in some way asking me to post some DNI stuff in my profile. While I try to respect other people's DNIs - I don't want to read stuff written by people who don't want me to read it, unless they're legislators - I also think they're complete nonsense (and if I hit "follow" from a post or Tumblr rec, I don't see them). More broadly, if a tumblr blog is viewable, there is nothing stopping a malicious actor from viewing it while not logged in, or logged into an alt account. There are a lot of ways to establish safe spaces into which you can allow people on a whitelist; discord, newsletter subscriptions, private email, locked Twitter accounts, etc. Tumblr doesn't have the technology for that. Notwithstanding my fervent desire for TERFs and Nazis (to pick two meaningful categories) to not participate in my life, I don't have even the slightest expectation that either group would comply. So I will not be posting any such stuff on mine.

Some more context would be very nice, if you're inclined to give it, anon, because this ask has arrived in out of the blue, and I'm still half-thinking it's a new variety of spam.

8 notes · View notes

cherrykamado · 2 years

Note

Hi, first off I wanna say that I read your rules and I'm not sure if you don't want someone like me interacting but my age is in the link to my masterlist. But feel free to block me if you want, I won't be offended lol.

I know we don't really know each other so sorry if I say something that upsets you somehow.

This might be kinda long, sorry heh. It's kind of a rant too but I really needed to get this off my chest..

But thank you very much for that survey about the lack of interaction on Tumblr. The results from it and the discussions from you and other people has really opened my eyes about this place and just being a writer on the internet in general.

It made me really sad once I realized if I just stopped posting or left, people would most definitely just move on since there are plenty of other content to consume out there.

It's honestly making me think about switching careers from writing to art 💀

Idk if things will change no matter how much I beg for interaction and honestly, things might not ever get better/change.

I normally tend to think about my readers first. Of course I write for myself too but sharing my content with other people is part of the joy and happiness...

Whenever I'm writing the next chapter of my story, or just anything really, I get butterflies and my stomach churns with excitement about how my readers will react to it.

But once I post it and receive nothing, all that work and effort and energy just feels wasted. It makes me wonder if people are actually reading my stuff or enjoying it at all.

The thousand likes feel empty and meaningless after a while at this point.

I wonder if one of the other reasons readers don't wanna comment is because the writer might not reply to it and it feels like...there was no point in commenting? Idk, but I do try my best to reply to almost everyone's comment. It's just sometimes idk how to respond but I always read each reply left by someone 😔

Now, I'm one of those people who write a lot more than read on Tumblr and I do have a separate blog for reblogs but I only reblog the content that I personally loved and actually read.

And I think that's reasonable. I won't be able to consume all the content I find on here and I definitely won't enjoy all of them either. Just cause of personal preference.

However, I am kinda guilty when it comes to not commenting on other people's works. I always do a full dive on their blog to make sure I don't accidentally piss them off by interacting 😅

I need to do a better job at commenting though, I do.

Being a writer is tough. I want to delete my blog and never write again. But I love writing too much to abandon..

I'm currently on a break right now but I remembered your survey and I was like "oh right, I wanted to see the results."

So I logged back on just for you heh <3

But I'm still on break despite being here for this brief moment lol.

I still want to write but I'm not getting the feedback I need on Tumblr. Wattpad sucks and there a lot of minors there so that's kind of a no...AO3 might be the next best option but other than those places, I don't know where else to go. And it feels like my writing days are already over.

I can't write anymore without being sad these days so I'm going to mull it over during my break.

Hope you're doing okay during these tough times ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ♥︎ take care

HI HUN OFC NOT !! it's totally okay n i'm glad you're telling me what you think !! and also sobs u logged back on for me??? im so honored 🥺🥺

look, it's completely valid. what you feel is SUPER valid. it's not wrong to want attention for what you do, because even if you're writing for yourself, you share with others whom you know are going to like the same as you. and one seeks validation (i do seek validation!) and it's completely fine. it's not wrong at all to want it !! besides, you're posting something that took you hours, days, effort. and when that's not well appreciated it tends to hurt. it does.

and look i'm not perfect either !! ofc there might be some things i need to get better at, i need to reblog more and try to be better at giving feedback. i think that —and this is also something quite a number of ppl came up with in the survey— it's important to support each other amongst writers. yeah, we're not entitled, but since we like and appreciate when someone reblogs/comments/leaves some kind of feedback, i believe it's important we do it in return too!

there's a point i cannot stress enough and it's something i'm sure tons of writers in here struggle with, and that is the amount of interaction does not make you a better/worse writer, and certainly doesn't determine how talented you are.

surely, lack of interaction makes it hard to get it in mind, and it's discouraging overall, but i really do hope you realize you're talented regardless the amount of notes you get. and i really hope one day you can go back to writing again — for yourself. even if you don't post it. as long as it makes you happy.

i hug you tight tight and send u tons of love hunny<3<3

#🍒 — mail #lovesickwriter<3 #IM SUPER SORRY THIS TOOK ME AGES TO GET TO #ALSO I realized you also go by cherry !! dnsfjadngk I LOVE<3

2 notes · View notes

khrfandomconfessions · 3 years

Note

to admin, im curious, how much user do u think r relatively active in this fandom according to your notes? like how many same people regularly interact with the asks, and maybe you can get the feel of how many same several people sending you asks by the grammar style and stuff. I think it can be a pretty good indication of how many of us are still... here, in this fandom, even if many just like and reblog stuff and don't necessarily post anything

That's actually a very interesting question since it's something I'd been observing myself lately.

It's important to note that the activity on my blog alone is not a good indicator on how active the fandom is as there are many I can imagine who are very active in the fandom but either have no interest in this blog or don't know it exists. I find when going through the tags there are actually quite a few people making original posts too especially compared to some other smaller fandoms like this one.

That being said going off my activity alone each post gets at least 1-3 likes but they do tend to be the same 3 to 5 people (they could also be changing their names which could be throwing me off but also thank you guys for interacting with the posts <3). Other posts can also range from 5-10 notes it normally depends on the subject matter and how many of the same kinds of confessions have been posted before it. For example posts about shipping and all it's hot takes used to get quite a few notes but since they're so common now and are posted frequently I noticed they stopped doing so well. However, certain posts do get more interactions sometimes even getting somewhere between 20-30 notes or even more. I find this happens more often when a bigger/more popular blog reblogs or interacts with it. It's a rarer occurrence though but still notable if we're looking at how active the fandom is.

In terms of how many people are submitting confessions themselves it's a bit harder for me to tell as I'm not the best at distinguishing between writing styles and such. At times it can be obvious when someone is submitting multiple confessions (especially when they are of the same subject matter or in response to another confession) but for the most part I tend not to look into it to much as there's not too much benefit for me to try and remember writing style or grammar cues since I post most of the things I get and if anything breaks the rules I just delete it. The only thing I can really add to this is that I tend to get 1-2 confessions every 1-2 days on average, and this very well could be the same 2 people. After certain confessions get posted or even just on random days though I will suddenly get 7 or more confessions within an hour or two. Lately I was back to getting 1 confession a day when suddenly this time when I logged on I had 8 new confessions in the inbox.

I would say my final answer is yes, the fandom is actually very active here considering it's age, the fact it's been completed for a while now and that there's no reboot or renewal. I'm sure it's even more active on other platforms like Twitter. The fact alone that a blog like is able to stay this active for this long also says something I think. I don't know if this helps at all or is even interesting to anyone but yeah thank you for sending in the question.

#long post #sorry started to ramble a bit #admin post #admin answers #khrfandomconfessions

3 notes · View notes

terrible-roleplay-experiences · 4 years

Note

This was EXTREMELY insensitive, and I'm still flabbergasted by it. There are so many problems to get into regarding it (no trigger warning/being too soon after the blm protests/romanticizing protesting or riots and what happened/etc etc etc) BUT my big issue in regards to it? They're taking the narrative of black people being murdered, & extremely angry and changing it to be about two white people falling in love in a "creative" way. I'm disgusted. (link sent in dm's)

log here

Thanks for sending this log link back to me for a second time! And with that being said...

This prompt is disgustingly, horrifically insensitive to what the fuck is going on in the U.S. right now. And honestly, I do agree with you, anon. I personally think that there some gray areas when it comes to topics like mental health (ex: suicidal thoughts/attempts, OCD, etc.) or abuse. Like, using writing/roleplaying as a way to work through those things if you’re fighting the impulse to harm yourself or give in to intrusive thoughts. I’ve done that. Spice used to do that. We never glorified our mental illnesses in the process and got something productive out of it (as in, we didn’t harm ourselves and could process our feelings in a safer way).

I very much do not agree with using the protesting or the black lives matter movement as a roleplay prompt. I do not think roleplaying is how you bring awareness to either of these things. We KNOW policy brutality happens in the u.s. and to be honest? I don’t think a roleplay prompt is going to do anything. If someone doesn’t agree that people of color are disproportionately attacked by the police, a roleplay about a fictional couple isn’t gonna fucking change their minds.

If anything, I think someone might look at this and go, “Well, they’re using the protesting for a prompt. For a fictional couple from a fictional show.” And they might just use correlation to be like, “Well, it’s probably not real”.

The protesting is NOT ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE. It is about the black community. This is, quite frankly, just an epitome of white privilege in my opinion. IMAGINE looking at the black lives matter movement, the protesting, george flloyd’s death, and then making it. about. a white couple. oh my god.

I don’t know how many people actually look at this blog, given how infrequently I update it and the lack of messages I’ve gotten. But I do have a platform, so I want to say some things while I’m on the subject of all these things. I stand with the protesters. I stand with the black lives matter movement. Police brutality exists in the U.S. There is still very much systematic, institutionalized racism in this country.

https://defund12.org/ is a website that has email templates for a TON of cities in America. If you want police departments to be defunded, but don’t feel comfortable talking to someone on the phone, don’t know who to call or what to say, use this website! The templates already have the writing you need to let people in charge (mayors, governors, etc) know that the police department needs to change on a national level as well those peoples’ email addresses. All you need to do is in fill in the brackets with your personal information information, then copy+paste into your email and send it off.

here is a very comprehensive list of petitions you can sign related to racial equality and black lives matter. The petitions mainly involve It also has resources on how you can donate internationally or with no money, and black businesses you can support

this google doc is really important not just because of how comprehensive it is, but because it’s the only doc I’ve seen thus far that includes bail funds. i haven’t checked out every single bail fund, but from what i have seen, it isn’t just limited to the blm movement, but like to people who are incarcerated unfairly or targeted because they’re a person of color, an immigrant, lgbt, etc. it also has organizations you can donate money to. and finally, the doc has a lot of protest information - knowing your rights, numbers you can call for an unlawful arrest, safety tips when protesting, deleting your digital footstep, how you can treat a rubber bullet or tear gas wound, etc.

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/?fbclid=IwAR3dPRLtkvI-D9uEz-gkljtw9-Pn_BFjKGdWwSJ9VM-csI139kIKpplyLKw THIS website is also the most comprehensive thing I’ve seen going around. It overlaps with topics I’ve listed already (donating, who you can text or call to put pressure on to make systematic changes, petitions, etc). The new additions are the information relating to the BLM movements in Canada and Australia, a missing person thread, standing with Hong Kong and how you can help, and a few other things.

And finally: this google doc is specifically for white people. it’s a starter pack on how to be an anti-racist ally that includes resources and tools regarding racism and anti blackness.

It took me a good minute to compile this list of resources and links, which is part of why there was such a delay in answering this ask. Like I said earlier, I might not have a lot of followers, or activity on my blog, but having almost 110 followers means I can’t just sit up here and commiserate with the anon, in my opinion. I believe that it’s also my job to offer a lot of comprehensive resources on how to help protest and support the BLM movement in america if you cannot physically protest what’s going on (or how to protest in person if that’s what you wanna do).

-Mod Strawberry

1 note · View note

fair-fae · 6 years

Note

this is nervewracking to ask, but i'm going to do it anyway. what did cyril do that was abusive? i can't see it, and honestly that just makes me scared that i do some of the same things and don't recognize it.

Hey, anon! This is a perfectly fine question and there’s nothing wrong with asking it (the issues lies in people who don’t see the abuse and then decided obviously that means it’s just not happening… and then go the extra mile of harassing the victim and their supporters). Thank you for asking! I’ll try to explain as best as I can, but the best advice I can give is to Google signs of emotional abuse and you can find a lot of lists of certain behaviors. Most are framed in terms of romantic relationships, but they can happen with friends, family, RP partners–anyone, in real life and online alike.Cut for length and general sensitive content dealing with emotional abuse and the dreaded “drama”

Here are some common ones that imo appeared in the logs:Isolation

Abusers often try to isolate victims from their friends/family and any other relations they might have. A sad and lonely victim makes for an easier target, as does one with no support network to help them escape their abuser. It also means less people around to find out about the abuser’s true nature. In the logs we see him try to cast doubt on her friends, telling her that her friends were bothering him and calling him “her keeper” or coming to him about her private conversations with them that they were displeased about (yet refusing to say who, to leave her questioning everyone), not mentioning her friends and tumblr followers were worried about her and trying to reach her until after the fact, etc.Walking on EggshellsA lot of people in abusive relationships describe it as feeling like “walking on eggshells.” They try to avoid doing things that might set off their abuser… but their abuser has to keep them from being content and confident to keep them in control, so they’ll find smaller and more irrational things to get upset at them about. Replying “if you want” to being asked about taking screenshots becomes a point of contention. “When are you going to stop being sad?” becomes an angry question. She’s blamed for deleting her own blog even though he knew she did it for her health/happiness. She’s blamed for the smallest inconvenience of people asking him if she’s okay even though she has no control over them choosing to reach out to him and for the most part didn’t even have any knowledge of it. Rather than answer them or ask them to stop contacting him, he ignores them, then blames her for him continuing to receive questions from them and the perception he believes that people think he had a falling out with her.

Gaslighting

This is what I saw the most of them in the logs and the most alarming thing. Gaslighting is turning everything around on the victim and making them doubt their own memory/sanity/intelligence/credibility. No, that didn’t really happen, you’re lying. No, what I did to you wasn’t that bad, it was normal, you’re just dramatic. No, I didn’t really say that, you’re misremembering. It’s a lot of lies, justifications, twisting words and scenarios, and taking things out of context.You can see how everything is spun as her fault and actually hurting him. Her deleting her blog is her fault. Him receiving messages about it is her fault. Her not doing anything about the messages is her fault, even though he just now told her it was bothering him, even though he just now told her he was still even receiving them past the first couple ones. Her being unhappy is her fault and a bother for him. Her not being enthused enough to do things with him is her fault, why doesn’t she appreciate that he so generously offered to hang out just to make her feel better? Obviously it’s all because she just hates him. He’s not treating her like an inconvenience, that’s just her mental illness telling her that. She tries to talk to him about her feelings and the way he’s treating her, and rather than acknowledging it, he turns it around–rather illogically and irrationally–about how he is actually the one being mistreated and inconvenienced.Passive Aggression

A classic way to make people feel like shit but then pretend you did nothing and act like it’s all in their head. Look at the language he uses. Calling her “childish and rash” for “expecting” him to answer messages about her even though she never said she expected that. “It’s better than nothing” when she tries to do something to address the people messaging him as soon as she finds out it’s bothering him. “I don’t think you handled something well - whatever - people handle things in different ways” in regards to her deleting her blog for her own happiness. “I would have hoped we could resolve the problem if we’d talked it over” as if he wasn’t the obstacle in that.Those are just a few examples from the first album (the others get into less passive aggression, and more… downright aggression but still have plenty of examples, “delete them - so you don’t just repost them later without my knowledge again.”).ControllingnessThe staple of abuse is an attempt to control the victim. Look how weirdly hung up he is on her deleting her own blog and not doing it in a way he approved of (I almost wonder if he’s upset because he lost the status points of having a “tumblr famous” ship partner?). Look at how, even after they stopped being friends, he wants to keep her character on his ship page after she’d asked him to remove it and he admits to intentionally doing it to make her talk to him and give him leverage over her. Look at how he won’t let her go talk to her own friends in private for advice regarding him and shames her for it being an invasion of “privacy,” as if the logs showed some personal/RL info and not just him being unreasonable. Look at how concerned he is with people on tumblr not assuming the two of them are on bad terms. Look at how, even after they stop being friends, he browses her blogs for posts he believes are about him and tries to tell her what she can and can’t say on her own blogs.It’s evident in his branding post, as well. If people cut ties with him on terms he doesn’t like, they can’t RP having a brand–because he said so. Even if they change the story of how they received it and what character gave it to them. Even if they had that idea before they met him and asked him to RP it with them. Even if they change the look of the brand so it’s no longer his design. This isn’t even a unique idea or something he came up with on his own. Branding slaves has been a RL practice. It’s been made into a trope with… pretty much every fictional slave storyline.And while I’m generally of the opinion of the opinion that IC =/= OOC, IC does not exist within a void unaffected by OOC and vice versa. It’s just speculation since there’s nothing wrong with RPing the type of character he does, but there could very well be a reason he’s drawn to an antagonist/rapist/slaver/abuser/sadist/kidnapper type character.Lack of Care for BoundariesShe says she doesn’t want to be friends anymore, she blocks him, she asks him to delete her number, so what does he do? He not only keeps her number, but texts her because he hopes she hasn’t blocked him there, too. Not even to make an apology, just to say “I would have hoped we could resolve the problem if we’d talked it over” as if he hadn’t been an obstacle in that and “if you change your mind, I’ll be here” to put the onus of fixing the problem on her. When that doesn’t seem to get a response? He keeps their ship on his page despite her asking him to delete it and says, “I used it to make a point, since I knew that you wouldn’t continue the conversation unless I had something to get your attention.” He knows she doesn’t want to talk to him, so rather than honoring it or even finding a respectable way to approach her and make amends… he’s does something against her wishes that he know will upset her so she’ll feel compelled to reluctantly reach out to him. And when he gets that platform he wanted, does he use it to apologize? Nooope! He uses it as leverage to make her delete her screenshots of their conversation.Ultimatums How do you make someone do something they want to do? Give them an alternative that’s even worse. You want your name removed from my ship list so people don’t think you’re associated with me after you’ve realized I’m not someone you want to be around? You have to message me, delete your logs of our conversation, and not say anything about me. You don’t want me to embarrass you by posting logs of your confession to me and me rejecting you? You shouldn’t do things I don’t like, then… oh, but I’d never actually do that, don’t worry, silly! :) :) :)General Narcissism There are numerous times he demands he should be more appreciated. I did all these things to try to cheer up you, be grateful no matter how I’m treating you now. I’ve been so nice to you, how dare you say you feel like I don’t care even when I’m disregarding your feelings. Heck, look at the posts about his rules regarding his branding. He acts like it’s a revolutionary idea he came up with all his own and anyone he’s RPing with is being graced with this groundbreaking idea and if they keep some element of it in their RP after cutting ties with him they’re just “piggy-backing off" his time, effort, and energy to make up for their “lack of creativity” like srsly dude??Even though he refuses to apologize or acknowledge any wrongdoing, he really wants her to forgive and her to make things up to him, to still be his friend, to still have a positive opinion of him so he won’t lose that control. He can’t just let things die. Look at how many times he brings up being “villified” to her friends, the community, etc. He is desperate to have the world see him in a good light, which goes back to the other things mentioned. Control over the perceptions people have of him. The power of popularity and being liked to better isolate victims. Respect from the community to lend credibility that he’s trustworthy and definitely not gaslighting.

And not directed at you, anon, but in general.. for all the people trying to spin at as someone mad they got rejected who was actually terrorizing him… really? The only person who brought up her feelings in the logs was him doing it to spite her. idk I’ve dealt with a lot of admirers not taking rejection well and lemme tell you, I don’t invite them to hang out IRL (I try to avoid seeing them IRL, actually), I don’t ask them to hang out with me in game, I don’t go to lengths to contact them when they’ve blocked them, I don’t ship with them and try to parade it on my blog even after the ship has been retconned, I don’t desperately try to stay in contact with them and convince them to see me in a positive light, I don’t manipulate them into messaging me when I know they don’t want to talk, I don’t try to control their lives and their blogs, and I definitely don’t threaten them with ultimatums. Honestly, nobody deserves that in any context, even if they were a terrible person themselves.

#discourse #long post #longpost

69 notes · View notes

mypapawinchester · 7 years

Note

Hey there, I wanted to share you this thought about Jeff. I've discovered him (and your blog as well) a couple of months ago and since then I have been super hooked up with him and his roles. I don't care about the drama he was being involved, because I'm not from USA, I'm not aware about their social situation (there's always two sides of it) and I honestly don't care because is not my reality. The only thing that really got me off was the fact that he has his wife backing up his ass (Pt. 1)

Like he cannot defend himself. Maybe I've idealized him with the characters he has interpreted, i.e. being an independent, strong man who speaks whatever he wants. But as soon as he gets himself into a difficult situation, Hilarie has to join the conversation, telling things like "we understand, we don't know you, we etc". I got it, they love and support each other, and I totally praise that, god bless their marriage. (Pt. 2)

But with all this drama, I get the feeling that Jeff is a bit of a coward to justify himself and his sayings without having his wife to speak up for them both. My husband usually gets himself into internet fights, and he is the only responsible of getting out of them, because he is a human being and his individual thought is important to have me to back it and help him, you know what I'm saying. (Pt. 3)

I don't know what do you think, maybe is a weird thing to point at, but I lost some interest in him. Maybe, like I said before, I've idealized him and the way he would act. Anyway, I love your blog, and forgive me for this long text, I wanted to know what do you think about this! xoxo ♥ (Pt. 4)

It’s normal to lose interest in celebrities after putting them on a pedestal. It happens all the time. ButI think it’s a bit unfair to call someone a coward based on our perception ofsomeone’s behavior on social media.

As I’ve said, I didn’t keep track of what wasbeing said and by whom so I can’t talk specifics. But we don’t know them or theinner workings of their relationship. What we think they are like is nothingbut the result of our own assumptions. Whatwe do know is that they’re both busy people (with their families, farm andwork) who don’t spend a lot time on social media.

With all due respect to youand your husband, drama on social media is different when you’re a celebrity. Itcan affect your entire alive, you can lose your job and credibility very fast(and permanently). We, on the other can, can just log off, delete our accountand start new. Unless we committed a crime, no one will know and no one willcare. Hilarie wasn’t blindly supporting her husband, she was protecting herfamily and their livelihood. Because she knew that if things got out of hand it would affect theirprofessional and personal life.

To publicly admit you are wrong and be humble enough to apologize takesa lot of courage. And judging by the usual discourse on social media, it’s aquality not many people possess.

Again, I understand losing interest in him or being disappointed afterthis. I just don’t think it’s fair to call him a coward.

Btw, thank you! and no need to apologize, I love long rants lol

#ask #anon #jeffrey dean morgan #hilarie burton

10 notes · View notes

copperbadge · 7 years

Note

Hi Sam! I'm curious about your magical time management skills: you have a full-time job, are super active in fandom, answer countless asks, write fanfiction and books, and still have time for jogging and many other stuffs. How do you organize yourself? I feel super overwhelmed due to lack of time and end up not doing what I want do. Do you allot time to do stuff? How does your typical day looks like? And any useful tips for us slackers.

I dunno how helpful it’ll be – I mean, some of it is time management, and some of it is that I have spent a long time working on arranging my life so that I have as much free time to pursue my own interests as possible. This hasn’t consciously meant giving up things like close brickspace friends and romantic relationships but in some ways it has kind of worked out that way. (Not that I couldn’t have those things if I chose to work towards them, in other words, but they don’t come naturally to me and I don’t mind the lack.)

So, I will give you a rundown of my average day, but before we begin, I will also give you some context! And this will be long so I’ll put it under a readmore.

I have at present no romantic partner, no children, no pets. This sounds sad, but I’m not complaining; I could work towards those things and choose not to, for a variety of reasons, some good, some not. I would like to have a partner, but honestly at this point in my life it’s as much because it’s cheaper to cohabitate; I am very independent and not, I suspect, built for the kind of daily intimacy that romantic cohabitation requires.

If I were to get a pet it would probably not be a dog, since when I was dogsitting for R I had real trouble with the concept of properly caring for a creature whose life was so scheduled, who required specific attentions at specific times – I have owned dogs before and love them deeply, but never in an apartment or as a solitary person. I would probably get a cat or an axolotl (axolotls: like being alone, require very specific but easy-to-procure stimulus, look like tiny water dragons, sound like fantasy aliens).

I have very few close brickspace friends, not by design but just because I’m kind of a private homebody, and my extensive network of online friendships is satisfying in that regard. But online friendships, while not LESS of a time commitment, are a different kind of commitment – you can multitask while hanging out with online friends, you don’t have travel times, if they’re running late you’re not stuck waiting and vice versa.

I also am not in school, which is much more life-consuming than many jobs. School is a way of life; work can be, but doesn’t have to be. And I am very fortunate (in the literal sense of “it is luck that brought me here”) to have a job where I spend the vast majority of my time a) on a computer and b) in self-directed, non-public-facing work. For most of my day, every day, I guide my own workflow, I choose what to work on and when. Of course I have deadlines, but within the strictures of those deadlines I am free to triage my time as appropriate, and because I’m on a computer with unrestricted internet access, I can take ten minutes to log onto tumblr, read some things, respond to some things, and then go back to my work.

So I am starting from an advantageous position: few personal commitments, unstructured time throughout the day, and a job where when I leave for the day, work stays at work.

So here’s what a normal day is like for me. Bear in mind this is for comparison purposes rather than because I think it’s particularly ideal.

I wake up around 4am; if I haven’t slept well or feel like I need it, I may go back to sleep for about an hour. Normally when I get up I either work out from 4-5 (weights, running) or I sit on the couch with my laptop and check out what’s been going on while I was asleep. We’ll circle back to this, but I go to bed quite early, so at this point I have generally had at least seven hours of sleep. Also, I am a morning person, so I go straight from zero to lucid, which is nice.

I answer email, check tumblr, check my RSS feeds (podcasts, news, fanfic, a couple of NSFW blogs that I can’t have on my tumblr feed because I read it at work). I look at my calendar so that I know what’s on offer for the day – my calendar doesn’t cover work stuff, but primarily anything I want to or need to do after work. My family has a mutual Google Calendar that we all use to schedule stuff the others should see, like whenever I take a vacation, and my parents also use it as their central calendar, so I can see what they’ll be up to on any given day. I’ve been thinking of switching over to a private Google Calendar, but out of habit for years I’ve used a custom-built spreadsheet, now in Google Sheets, that looks like a calendar:

That’s July. This kind of layout works well for me because it’s easy to go in and change things, and I get a good “high level” view of the month. As you can see I’m traveling quite a bit; I’m tracking new TV shows, peoples’ birthdays, events I may attend (I will probably not be at everything happening in evenings on the week of the 10th), baseball games I have tickets for, and possible plans for camping. Google Calendar would work as well and would have some significant advantages, I just haven’t got off my ass to switch over.

Around five, I usually get up and fix breakfast; often I’ll put on something to listen to while I cook and/or eat. If I’ve been working out, all the stuff I did – checking email, tumblr, etc – is pushed forward, and I do a bit less of it. But essentially from 4-6 I’m working out, eating breakfast, and getting a start on the personal-life aspect of my day. In terms of social media, this is the time I’m most likely to like something or save it to drafts to deal with later; I don’t spend brainpower on responding this early in the morning, usually.

I have some fairly…prescriptive routines for the rest of the day, and that works for me, I like structure. Other people may find this sort of thing doesn’t work for them, and that’s okay. This is, again, for comparison purposes, not to dictate how your life should be.

At six o’clock my alarm goes off, warning me that I have nine minutes before I need to stop what I’m doing and start getting ready for work. This is by design, so that I have a buffer zone in which to shift my mental attitudes from morning routine to something more focused. I hit snooze on the alarm and then at 6:09 I turn the alarm off and get in the shower. I shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed in clothes I laid out over a rail the night before (I have an electric heated towel rail, one of the best random-ass things my mother ever gave me, and in winter I turn the heat on so I come out of the shower and into warm undies; in summer it’s just a convenient place to hang clothes). I dress, grab my bag, take my keys off the doorknob and put them in a pocket of the bag, and I’m out the door around 6:25. I catch the 6:40 express bus to work. I usually read on my tablet on the bus (currently reading The Last Runaway by Tracy Chevalier after remembering how much I loved her prose in Girl With A Pearl Earring) and I get to work around 7.

At work I have routines too: I set down my bag, hang up my jacket, and before I do anything else I get my 32oz mug and go to the kitchen to get ice water to sip on throughout the morning. I come back to my desk, turn on my monitors, and log into my computer.

I check my work email first, to make sure nothing is on fire from yesterday, since I leave work quite a bit earlier than most of my colleagues. If nothing is urgent I delete anything irrelevant to me, respond to anything that needs immediate response, and move on to a quick glance at email and tumblr, then I open my “daily bookmarks” folder. My daily bookmarks folder is mostly stuff that either I can’t or don’t want to put in my RSS reader: a couple of messageboards, a few real estate sites I’m watching for my dream home to show up, a couple of tumblr tags (I don’t follow tags on tumblr because I don’t like seeing shit recur constantly on my dash), and some activism facebook pages because I despise facebook but it’s the only site some of these organizations use. If it’s Monday, I also open my Monday bookmark folder, which is a combination of sites that rarely update and “event” sites (the cinema I’m a member of so I can see what new movies are coming, the calendar of a local band I like, the events page of various cultural centers). I review these quickly, closing most tabs and setting aside anything I need to look at more indepth like an event I’d like to attend. Usually basically I fuck around on the internet until about 8, unless work has something urgent for me.

The one scheduled task I have daily at work is news clipping, where I read several news sites and save off articles of interest to our staff, which need to be turned in by mid-morning. Realistically this could take 15 minutes of focused work, but I like to read the news, too, so from eight to eight forty-five or nine, I’m usually reading a very specifically aimed sort of news, saving off articles, and archiving them appropriately.

After that, the day is, in many ways, mine to do with as I please.

I organize my life by using Google Tasks, which is a little pop-up to-do list in gmail. I have a to-do list for every day, and anything that doesn’t get done one day gets moved to another day, depending on how urgent it is. So at nine or so, I open Google Tasks and start moving each task around based on how urgent it is or how quickly I can do it. Urgent work and fast tasks go at the top; less urgent work, stuff I’m less enthused about, and stuff I can’t do at my desk (buying a card for Father’s Day, picking up groceries after work, etc) goes at the bottom. Some tasks are recurring – every Monday, for example, Radio Free Monday is at the top of the list because it’s time-sensitive.

You can see RFM there at the top; I have to email some information about a 5K to a friend, but I need to get his email from another friend first; I have some registration and hotel issues to attend to for an upcoming conference; I have to write up some evaluations, and do some reading for a presentation I’m giving. I should stop by my PO Box after work. Other stuff will no doubt be added when I check my work email (documents to be prepared, research requests) but this is where I start the day. You can also see I have stuff with pushed out deadlines – Credit Cards is a monthly reconciliation for my corporate card, which I will do ON the 26th rather than BEFORE it, and quarterly I check my 401K, so I won’t need to do that until August 7th.

“PRESENTATION: Reading” will probably get pushed to another day, because by the time I get down that far on the list, I won’t have a ton of brainpower left to do a lot of reading and analysis. It’s ok, my presentation’s not due until the 30th.

And then I just work through my to-do list. Some days I’m really good at getting it done. Some (rare) days I spend most of my time reading tumblr and fucking around because I’m not having a good focus day. But again: this is a job in which I have the luxury to do that, and I’m very lucky.

Rather than take a traditional lunch, I usually eat two small meals, at 11am and 2pm. Usually I bring most of my lunch for the week on Monday and just reheat tupperwares as I go, augmenting them with cheese and crackers; sometimes I’ll throw in a protein bar from a stash I keep in a little box on my desk. Most of my lunches are cooked on the weekends, when my time is a lot less structured. You’ve probably seen my COOKING DAY posts; sometimes I just set aside a day to cook and rest.

I’m gonna tackle fandom and social media here because truthfully my job has enough spare time built into it that this is when I do the majority of my fannish activity, at work, in small chunks. And yes I am very active in fandom but occasionally in very limited ways.

I don’t read a ton of fannish blogs. I have a limit on my tumblr of following 99 people, and I choose those people very carefully. Some are friends, but those who aren’t personally known to me are people who post both low-volume and things that are of interest to me. I do not follow people who flood dashes not because I disapprove but because I don’t have time to wade through ten million gifsets of things that I’m not concerned with. I also follow a few artist or writers, but again, only if they’re of relevance to me. I follow Skottie Young because I really like his art and think he’s a cool dude, and most of what he posts is his art. I don’t follow Matt Fraction because while I think he is also a cool dude and I enjoy his writing, his tumblr wasn’t generally speaking about his writing or him, it was aesthetic stuff I didn’t care for and it was A LOT OF IT.

I don’t read a ton of fanfic. I have a couple of tags fed to my RSS reader and I subscribe to a couple of fics and fic writers, but even then I skim for interesting summaries and tag combinations I don’t find offputting. I don’t read fanfic at work, full stop; when I find one I want to read, I set it aside for a time when I’m at home and feel like reading fanfic.

Throughout the day I will check in on tumblr, in a very systematic manner: I read my dash, only the posts, and like or queue anything I want to reblog or examine later. I read my inbox and try to respond, but some asks don’t get answers for a really long time, because they require more focus or time or whatnot. I read my Activity page and open any reblogs with commentary; I set comments aside to be responded to en mass. I check my likes and try to clean out anything I’ve liked that could go in drafts or queue; I check my drafts and try to move just one draft into my queue (I constantly have a draft backlog). This all takes about ten minutes, then I go back to work.

I get AO3 comment notifications throughout the week, but generally I set aside a block of time either on Friday (if work is slow) or on Sunday to “clear out” my comments; every week I go through my comments, re-read each one, and either delete it or respond to it and then delete it. I don’t reply to a vast majority of them simply because I don’t have the time to respond to each one (I have tried, it was very stressful) and also because most of them don’t really a require a response. For everyone’s patience in this, I thank you.

So work is a long series of multitasking, breaks, deadline work, procrastination. It’s about average, I’d say, with anyone else in my situation. If I’m doing something after work, I check to make sure I know how to get there and what’s going on; if I don’t have all the info I need, I prepare a “brief” that has maps and directions and anything else I need, print that out, and toss it in my messenger bag. And then around 3:45 I pack up my bag, make sure I have my phone, and I head out to either (usually) catch the 4pm express bus home, or catch transit of my choice to whatever I’m doing after work.

If I don’t have something I’m doing after work, I come home, take my keys out of the bag pocket, hang them up on the doorknob once I’m inside, and set my bag down. I’m very specific about my keys here, as I was up above, as a way of demonstrating that I live a very habitual life. Stuff like keys, phone, wallet always has a specific place it goes, and it stays there if I’m not using it. I used to lose shit a lot, and rigidly adhering to “if this is not in your hand, it should be in X pocket” is what saves me.

I change into more comfortable clothes, usually yoga pants and a t-shirt. I make something for dinner and eat it, I unpack anything that needs to come out of my bag and pack anything that needs to go into it, and then usually these days I fuck around on the ukulele for a while. I don’t set a time limit on it, so sometimes I do it for half an hour, sometimes for ninety minutes. It’s a way of unwinding and finding stress relief, so it’s entirely voluntary and anything I do during this time is being done because I want to do it. I think it’s the only thing in my life where there are no external pressures anywhere and I have set no goals for myself.

I don’t think external pressures and goals are inherently bad. The goals I set for myself in my other hobbies, like writing and running, being in fandom, going to movies and such, are good goals and they help me do well. External pressure is something that exists in every human interaction; that’s just the nature of being a person in society, and likewise isn’t a terrible thing. And not everyone needs a release from those things, or finds that release in the same way. I like a lot of my life; I wouldn’t do things if I didn’t like them. But I have found that it helps to have one thing which only belongs to you and which has no goals or benchmarks. For me that’s currently the ukulele.

In the later evening – and let’s be clear, I get home at like 4:30 so “later” to me is 6ish – I’ll hop back on tumblr, maybe do a little writing, or attend or host a stream. I’ll chatter with people, respond to emails and posts, read things I had set aside for reading earlier in the day; it’s probably my most socially active time.

When I was in my twenties I did perfectly fine on five hours of sleep a night, but as I got older that stopped being comfortable, and also I started realizing that after a certain point in the day, I not only wasn’t doing anything useful or interesting, I wasn’t having a good time. I was being awake for the sake of not going to bed. So I adjusted my life to going to bed at nine, and when I started getting up earlier to run, I adjusted again. In order to do that, I created an evening routine, because going to bed is easier if you start out by doing other shit BEFORE going to bed.

Now, generally, I log off between 7 and 7:30. Sometimes I go to bed that early, but that’s when I close down social interaction. Not necessarily turning off the computer, but just gently shutting down on being “around” other people. I log off chats, I stop responding to emails and tumblr posts. I set them aside for the morning. I might continue to read my dash or listen to podcasts or whatnot until eight or so.

I change into pyjamas, wash my face, brush my teeth, lay out my clothes for tomorrow, and get into bed, usually with my tablet to do a little reading. It’s a very rare evening I go to bed any time past 8:30. And that’s my day.

I have actually some reasoning about why I go to bed so early, but I think it’s the most important part of a post that is REALLY LONG and otherwise devoted to the boring details of my day, so I’m going to make it a separate post.

I hope this has helped, Anon! As you can see, what helps me organize and sort out all my time commitments is schedules, lists, and an adherence to several fairly rigid habits – this may not work for you, and I don’t recommend it for everyone. But for me, it’s really the only way I can stay on top of everything, especially in cases where I’m dealing with some particularly intense depression. I’m happy to answer questions, though if people have commentary about the post they should remember to reblog or comment, since I don’t repost asks sent to me about other asks.

#Anonymous

134 notes · View notes