#a lot has been happening in my life recently

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for checking my friend's blog after they cut contact for our whole friend group without saying anything?

This happened near the start of this year, I (21f) had gotten home after a very upsetting personal matter and decided maybe calling some friends would help me feel better, but I noticed one friend (23x) in our shared server had a white name instead of green in the server, so duh I was worried cause it's not like we had any recent fights (we called the night before and had fun, it was like normal) so I naturally went to dm and ask if they were alright, discord said I couldn't dm them and I saw it's cause they also unfriended me.

I was getting a lot more worried so I checked Tumblr, and it said their blog was deleted. So I went to our shared friend and told them about it, and they said the blog was still there cause they used an alt account to check. And then they noticed they were also unfriended, and basically the whole group of us realized we all got blocked on tumblr and discord.

Some of them reached out on whatever contact they still had cause we were all really worried since this friend has attempted before. A few days pass and we finally get a response, I'm not gonna like..say word for word what was said cause that feels kind of a breach of privacy. But basically it...did not make things better! It just made us all feel like our friend of nearly 3 years didn't trust us enough to say "hey I'm taking an internet break" or "I'm going through something I may leave discord"

A few more days pass and here's where I think I'm an asshole or like. Weird and creepy or something. I check my friend's blog, I scroll through and see if there were any posts that were like ..this was a planned thing (like, posts talking about needing a break from friends or discord) or if the "taking a break lol sorry I didn't tell you guys and just blocked you on everything" was a lie and this *was* an attempt or something.

And then I saw a post of our friend saying (from my memory) something along the lines of "these bitches do not know how much I can ruin their life I need to make an aita on reddit ugh" and like...I already naturally have very bad paranoia so that kinda full on put me in a panic attack.

I vented about it, and it turns out some friends brought that up to them and they got super mad and said I was being a stalker and that they didn't want anything to do with any of us anymore. Was I am asshole/in the wrong?

I'm really sorry for making this super long, this was my first aita so I hope I didn't like..make this too venty? It's something that's been bugging me for months.

#aita #am i the asshole

[evanbuckleyrecs]

Buddie AUs over 20k

To catch up on recommending fics in my bookmarks, I'll also try to make some lists instead of posting one fic per post. Though some fics might also still get their own posts even while added in a list.

To start, here are some finished Buddie AUs with more than 20k words

(I made this list in March so it doesn't have any newer fics. Soon I want to spend a day dedicated to catching up to new fics and adding posts to my queue here)

what if you're someone I just want around by ReallySmartLadyMarieCurie

20k, Rated T

"Eddie pauses in his typing, glancing at Buck and trying to figure him out. He seems so eager to help and to please, so willing to take some of the burden in order to make others happy. It’s the sort of presence that Eddie’s been craving in his life. One that he’s missed since Shannon’s fatal accident. And he’s incredibly handsome. He’s got conventional good looks and a beautiful smile, but that pink little splotch above his eye, which Eddie guesses is a birthmark, is really what brings it home."

Or, Eddie Diaz is a successful boxer who's been making a big name for himself in recent years. Buck is a fan, but he certainly never expected to end up at Eddie's house after the man calls 9-1-1 when his son gets sick.

I love the way you spoil me, baby by rosebuddiekin

33,8K, rated E

“I, uh, I was actually at that coffee shop to meet with someone else. You see, for the past few years, I’ve been a sugar daddy on a site that connects people looking for similar things. I was supposed to meet with a prospective baby that day, but then I saw you. And I felt drawn to you, so I messaged the guy I was supposed to be seeing and told him I had to cancel. I just, I thought you should know. That I should be upfront about it from the start.”

Eddie’s fork drops to his plate, making a small clatter. He can feel that his mouth is agape. He’s very glad he hadn’t taken another bite or sip of anything while Buck spoke. Because what the actual fuck? Buck… is a sugar daddy.

OR: Buck is a sugar daddy who wants to spoil Eddie rotten and take care of everything for him. Eddie has never had that sort of relationship but is willing to give it a try. There is plenty of adventure along the way.

Sunny skies & summer high by prettyboybuckley

Sequel to a one shot, 43,8K, rated E


"Well, I kind of want to kiss you right now but that's usually something that happens at the end of a first date, right?" Buck asks, doing a weird movement with his eyebrows in an attempt to be funny.

Eddie chuckles, wrinkling his nose a little.

"I guess, yeah," he mutters. "Think we're doing this a little backward already anyway, so are there any rules to follow?"

He's got a point there, and even then Buck has never really been the kind of guy who follows rules, so he ends up leaning over the center console as he uses one hand to pull Eddie's face towards him. It's a short kiss, a simple peck hello that Eddie chases after when Buck pulls away again.

OR: Buck and Eddie sneak around behind Eddie’s family’s back, spend the summer together, smoke a lot of weed, and fall in love along the way

Kiss me before It's over (if only for a minute) by Bob_loblaws_lawblog

54,2K, Rated E

Evan Buckley is living out his childhood dream as the star hitter for the Philadelphia Phillies. He’s climbing the ranks, improving his stats with every single game – he’s unstoppable.

That is, until the Los Angeles Angels get a new pitcher seemingly out of nowhere. Known for his strong arm and tricky curve balls, Eddie Diaz is one of the few pitchers in the nation who consistently makes Buck strike out, and its infuriating. Even from the sixty feet that separate them between the batter’s box and the pitcher’s mound, the weight of Diaz’s gaze is enough to make Buck’s blood boil.

Because Buck doesn’t get nervous on game day, he never feels calmer than when he steps up to the plate with the bat in his hand – it’s where he belongs. But when he sees Eddie Diaz standing on that mound, his stomach flips and nerves spark across his skin.

Because if there is one thing Buck knows for sure, it is that he hates Eddie Diaz.

… Until he doesn’t.

Traded by princessfbi

23,7K, rated M

Really, it was Lena’s fault. She’d been the one to demand a video when Eddie had finally caved and sent an SOS to the group chat asking if anyone was willing to trade.

“Is anyone interested in trading jerseys with me? Preferably for a smaller size,” Eddie had said because knowing his coworkers, one of them would’ve been a smart ass and gave him an even bigger size. “I ordered an XL because I’m usually a XL but… the way it fits makes me look like I’m fucking one of the players.”

Eddie wasn't trying to go viral. He just wanted to trade his jersey. But then something called Booktok got involved.

Bartender!Eddie Diaz x Hockey Player!Evan Buckley

Snowed Inn by brewrosemilk

31,1K, rated M

Rivaling for a promotion, journalists Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz get sent to a small town where they are each to write a piece on a once illustrious inn and its rich history. For two talented and overconfident authors, it sounds like an easy assignment - but in between a violent snowstorm, blocked roads, heated stares, and a struggling inn, Buck and Eddie may just have to abandon their rivalry and accept each other as partners.

Don't play games (come my way) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

43,1K, Rated E

Buck hates Eddie Diaz.

Ever since his publishing company and Eddie's merged, the man has been nothing but a pain in Buck's ass. The way he nitpicks all of Buck's company emails, the way he spends half his day bickering with Buck, the way he makes Buck's stomach flip and the way he's started haunting Buck's dreams... yeah, it's one hundred percent hate. Definitely. Buck's sure of it.

Because what the hell else could it be?

Falling slowly; sing your melody (I'll sing it loud) by princessfbi

55,3K, Rated E

Buck didn’t like him at first.

Eddie Diaz was all hard lines and strict rules with a bone structure that could cut through glass and scared away his fans. Which... if you asked Bobby, was the point but still!

He also yelled at Buck which was fine. It’s not like it hurt his feelings.

It didn’t.

It didn’t, Maddie!

It also definitely didn’t turn Buck on either. Nope.

Stop it, Maddie!

After a traumatizing home invasion, Bobby Nash decides to hire a bodyguard for his lead singer.

Musician!Buck Bodyguard!Eddie

More fics to be recommended soon!

#911 #buddie #911 on abc #buddie fanfic rec #buddie fanfiction #rated m #rated e #20k+ #alternate universe #buddie recommendations #buddie au #911 abc #911 fanfiction

[tastytoastz]

I just want to say that the most recent chapter, at the time of writing this, of your fic (where Pac and Mike travel back in time to a 2b Fit, forgive me for forgetting the name) had me so enthralled. I've said this before but I don't think there are nearly enough fics that thoroughly explore the absolute internalised homophobia a man would develop in a place like 2b, so to have a fic like yours properly portray it is like a dream. That chapter has been stuck in my mind since I first read it, and I've reread it a couple of times.

I can't get over how well you showed that he wasn't just angry, but genuinely terrified. I love the emphasis on him being above all just so fucking scared of that information existing out loud. It's such a good angle. And he's not completely dead shocked by the revelation, and jumps straight into denial, which makes it come across - to me, anyway - as if he has already been aware of this fact about himself for a while, like he knows, and he actively works to hide it everyday. There's so much implied in what isn't said . It leaves you wondering how long he's known, how much he thinks about it, if anyone else in his life has ever known, if he has witnessed first hand what happens to people like him (has he ever watched someone get killed for that while having slurs and horribly vulgar and vivid insults thrown at them, and tried his hardest not to picture himself in that position, as the victim?) ... And most of all you wonder what the aftermath of the interaction looks like on his end. Is he panicking silently up in that room, expecting a mob at his door by morning? What is he thinking, what's running through his head? What does he expect to happen now?

I just love the angle you took and how it was written, and that you decided to pick up the heavy subject matter and write it where a lot of other writers seem hesitant. It's so intriguing .

Thank you so much for this ask!!! I could go crazy over this chapter as well and point out so many details, I'm gonna get into some here, but not all (since I wanna keep some stuff ambigitous/secret still and cuz if i mentioned it all it would be a long post, but I will probably go deeper into some more things once the fic is over cuz I have so many things and smaller details I wan't to get into!!! ) (Also I guess if you want to keep thing ambigious and not 'peek behind the curtain' about some things with this fic don't keep reading)

I have seen some people say Fit's reaction to Mike's comment is with self-denial but honestly it's a lot closer to just being him denying Mike and Pac's words. He's not lying to himself, he's strictly lying to Pac and Mike, and I'm glad I was able to make that clear and people are picking up on it!

Not gonna go to much into it right now ( that's for later in the fic 🤫), but he's very aware he is gay.

As a queer person myself homophobia is sadly not something i'm unfamiliar with. I have experinced it directed towards me and I have seen it happen to other people. Meanwhile i've also done research about internalised homophobia as best I can. I know it's a heavy subject matter (and the fic has a lot of violence/gore as well, it's rated M for a reason) so I'm glad so many people are intrigued by the fic despite it (however I fully understand if someone would not like the themes and cuz of that won't read it). I'm hoping to portray it and handle the themes as best i can.

I also think it would just makes sense from a character perspective, you have a man who has been on 2b2t for years, surrounded by slurs for all lgbtq memebers and wathcing people get specially targeted for stuff like that, and that would fuck with you as a closeted gay person. Not only bring you fear of being "found out", but also adapting homophobi language to look less like "one of them" while also just ingraning it in yourself.

Fit's been told the person he is bad, and knows that if people find out he's gay there will be a lot of negative consequnces, so he hides it. And then here comes Mike, not only saying that he knows he's gay but also that "it's obvious" that he likes Pac. For Mike and Pac it's a factual thing they know, while they also know is dangerous to Fit in the wrong hands. They also think it's obvious Fit likes Pac beacuse they know what to look for.

For Fit it sounds like these random guys, despite his best efforts, knows he's gay, the other says he has photo evidence he's gay, and then said he is awful at hiding it. These two people could ruin his life and have him killed so easily. That's what Fit heard and that is terrifying.

This is also one of the reason this fic is only from Pac's POV becuase I want it to be as unclear for the reader what Fit is thinking as it is for Pac. You don't know how Fit thinks in the past, what ideas he has or how he looks at thing which I think it both intruging for readers but also terrifying. You never know what Fit's next move is going to be.

Once again, thank you so much for the ask! I love talking about my fics so thank you for giving me a reason to!

#toast fic #I should really have a tag for this fic or something umm #I'm worried bout the future fic #that works for now #ask #tw homophobia #it's very late for me right now so i hope this makes sense and is readable

[crguang]

Hi, I've been reading your fanfics lately and I've become obsessed with your writing! I'm not good at English so I keep to myself.

I wanted to share my feelings, because I think you should know what a great job you do! Not only did you make me have a different perspective on Kafka, you also made me see character development more clearly! (I also write a lot, and it's one of my difficulties.)

It's incredible how his stories gave me an addictive feeling, something I haven't seen in any other Kafka fanfic! Please keep it up!

In fact, I have ideas in my head about how Kafka would react to R's death? Or what exactly would make her cry? I wonder, and I think your point of view would be quite accurate.

first of all, don’t worry about your english!! it’s great, and it’s not my first language either so i understand the struggle. thank you for your kind words i cant believe my writing has inspired/helped you in any way, im especially happy it changed your mind about Kafka hehe. trust meee i understand how tough characterization is, i focus way too much on the details and it can get pretty frustrating. i take it seriously too, so when something doesn’t go my way or i can’t portray a scene the way i see it in my mind, i lose it a little bit.

ouhhh, kafka and death is a pretty intimate affair in my opinion. she deals with it all the time but we don’t know if she’s experienced it— she sees suffering as something euphoric, fascinating. we know she doesn’t care for her victims because of it, that and the fact that she’s following what she truly believes is destiny. if it was their destiny to die by her hand, why would she mourn? i think it would take a lot to make her cry, she’s very resilient and can withstand a lot + she doesn’t feel fear and there are lots of complex emotions born from it (anxiety, dread, panic) so in my opinion she’s not very attuned to these as well. i’ll expand on the “not feeling fear” thing because its absolutely insane; its a primal instinct that makes us do or not do so many things. it’s connected to so many other emotions— we feel sad because we fear losing people, we feel helpless because we fear not being good enough, etc. kafka wouldn’t be able to understand all of that in a visceral way. we know she worries to an extent (for the trailblazer, for blade) and that also stems from fear but so far, it’s been somewhat superficial. she checks up on them like once and that’s that. here again, following and believing in a scripted future makes it so that she doesnt have much to worry about. it makes me believe that she would often realize things after they’ve happened, like “oh, i don’t like this…”

losing someone she genuinely cares about might paralyze her, at least at first. death doesn’t obsess her because fear is self-preservation and she cant feel that. she is logical though, and knows not to put herself/others in certain dangerous situations. she doesn’t fear her s/o dying, she just knows she doesn’t want it to happen. what she can feel though is sadness, and that only happens during/after the fact. grief is soo complex, that’s why i think it would paralyze her afterwards— she’d feel this immense loss that she hasn’t prepared for, and kafka is rarely caught by surprise. she wouldn’t know what to do and her logic won’t save her; so many things don’t matter when you’re dealing with emotions that feel all-consuming, she knows death is inevitable, so what? she knows this was always a possibility, so what? that doesn’t tell her how to deal with it. she’d go through the motions as usual because life didn’t stop for her but she’d have this constant tightness in her chest like fingers curled around her heart. the tears would find her on a tuesday morning as she’s cleaning her gun or putting on her boots. to me, her feelings have a little lag; she doesn’t feel apprehension much so they would have to hit her afterwards. in my most recent fic im writing about her being a player for laughs but i still make her fall for the reader at the same time they fall for her, she just realizes it way later. this is long as hell im so sorry but to sum up i do think she would cry a lot because she almost never does and her body would need the relief.

im yapping im sorry😭 your question was super interesting and it really got me thinking but let me stop lmfao. i hope i kinda answered it along the way😭

#i swear im normal #sat answers

[bbbrianjones]

one reason i am forever grateful for the internet is keeping things forever. this is my favourite picture of my cat who passed away three years ago, i don’t have many pictures of her so every picture i have i hold very close to my heart. i uploaded this to tumblr in 2016 and it’s still there!!! even though the phone i took the picture on is gone!!! i get to see her lovely green eyes and disappointed look once more </3

#That’s how she would greet me every morning when i got back to school from school #like some weird jungle creature #yeh I am emo posting again #a lot has been happening in my life recently #and i just want a fucking break #pls don’t reblog btw - she’s mine!!! not yours!!!!! #i don’t know how to turn off reblogs :((

[canonkiller]

do you consider your self made?

#my art #self portrait of sorts #been musing a lot on disability recently and how being relatively freshly unable to do Most Things has changed my perspective on things #for a long time growing up i was fixated on the idea of being An Impact On The World yknow? mainly the next Big Writer #(and that it would be sooo impressive that everyone would make my books bestsellers when i was only 12 because it was That Good) #and i mean. obviously that didnt work out as originally planned because i was 12 and learning. but I've felt a lot like #I've kind of built my sense of self on those big achievements. even if they were only big to me. and a lot of them #are now out of reach or very difficult to reach. and it's been a lot to. recontextualize #to take what ive been told my whole life and ignore it in favor of just being being enough. #things will happen as they happen. i havent earned anything by suffering but it hasnt ended the world either #im here doing what i Can do for as long as I'm able to do it. and thats all i need to be for now #just making sure that i Do do the things i can do rather than assume i can do them later #anyways. love you #cw: #top nudity #artistic nudity #the dreaded ambiguously presenting nipple #if you put any pro weight loss eating disorder shit on here ill kill you btw #my body is sexy because im in it and im still alive. not because its struggling to stay that way #lindwormposting

[mozzaremi]

[alister312]

fuck it, posting that one doodle i made for that ask from a few days back that i didn’t realize already had a stellar image in the ask

#this is not my Big Gregstophe Proposal Headcanon™️ but it’s something i could still totally see happening lmao #south park #gregstophe #christophe delorne #gregory of yardale #also MAN I haven’t drawn them in forever…… mostly sketching various fankids these days haha #also been writing a lot of fankid stuff recently. specifically my tophlovski/gregstophe/style divorce au w dani #someday I’ll have more time/energy outside of obligation writing to go back to wmcg…… someday 🥺 #anyway this has been snippets of life updates in the tags w alister hope whoever’s reading has a good day 🥰

[theygender]

The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃

#rambling #for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to #estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone) #and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments #and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms #it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me #(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲) #and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately #like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related #dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me #but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially #as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess? #like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally' #and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder #thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance #dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone #typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis) #and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself #and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex' #and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭 #tmi #request to tag

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

If you wanna be happy (because Ze with students) but also sad at the same time (because of what he says) ... this is your video

#its the meeting with the students in Chernivtsi #absolutely watch the video but have the tissues ready #besides tissues it is a really really good talk with the students #also this is the meeting where he talks about the movie the english patient that one anon recently mentioned #some lovely moments also some ze smiles and laughs #and they let him do it outside in nature! ❤️ #the double comment VOVA 😂😂😂 #the part about him not respecting/valuing time before the time is something he mentioned several times before 💔 #and in the end it is closely related with his family 💔 #his kids literally grow up now #having a lot of special and important moments you cant do again #he cant be there for them and to live these moments with them #and he already missed moments in the past pre war and pre presidency because of his work #the question remains if he would change something now with this new knowledge and if he could travel back #but on the other hand if the spends more time with his kids in the past other things wouldnt have happened #maybe he never would have been president #maybe they would never have filmed SOTP #maybe other kvartal things would never have happened #but also maybe other things would have happened #or moments would have happened totally different #for better and worse #and endless “what if” and regret and “what could have been” #“i can no longer call my daughter a child because she is almost 20” 💔 #sasha hopefully gave him a really long hug after that and reminded him she is stil his child despite being an adult #also that part a bit later...he has nothing but work 💔💔💔 #they all need time but there is no such time...not enough never and not at all because there is only work #so even though he now realized he didnt value time enough he still has no time #not only the kids needing time with him but also he needs time ❤️❤️❤️ #love the part about his values have not changed and in this regard he is still the same because YES yes he is #the part about life chosing you and going in different directions

[tittyinfinity]

when you're disabled, being financially abused by your parents never ends

#so you're telling me that you got 5k this week from claiming me on your taxes #while hounding me about how i haven't been contributing enough to bills & expenses (i was giving you what you asked for!) #and none of it will go to me because ''i owe it to you for living with you'' #despite the fact that 5k nearly covers the mortgage for the entire YEAR #DESPITE THE FACT THAT I COULD PAY OFF MY OWN LANDLORD AND MOVE OUT #btw i literally only let her claim me on her taxes bc she said she'd be giving it to me. and this is the third time she has done this. #promised me it wouldn't happen again. she used me. #she does this thing a lot #where she acts like she's helping people but only does it to hold it over their head #i told her i could have been paying her more for bills but she told me i didn't have to #and now she's complaining that i don't pay enough #i will literally tell her not to help me sometimes #bc she'll do it anyway and then later on you hear ''i did something nice for you so if you don't help me with a favor right now... #...I'll do everything I can to sabotage your life'' #so she literally only does it for personal gain #so that she can have an excuse to feel like she's better than all of her kids and that we're just stupid ungrateful assholes #all 3 of her kids could be telling her that her logic is wrong and she won't budge #another thing that happened recently is that she told me i needed to pay her back for a gift she bought me that got stolen #which is also something she does a lot. buys me things without asking and then telling me i have to pay her back for them #i had way more stuff stolen that i had personally bought #i didn't ask for that fucking keyboard sorry. I ALREADY HAD ONE. #and she's been going on about how ''she's the one who's ACTUALLY being affected'' #she is FULLY AWARE that the dude she lets over has stolen from us MULTIPLE times #but apparently it's my responsibility to pay her back for something out of my control #STOP BUYING ME SHIT AND TELLING ME I DON'T NEED TO PAY YOU MORE IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD #IF I'M SUCH A BURDEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LEAVE #.bdo

[thebeautifulfantastic]

<3

#been thinking a lot about how whenever i have a dream or an idea marinating in my brain for long enough it then becomes something that i am #determined to pursue. and that no one can really dissuade me from #it simply becomes a permanent part of my creative direction in life #i guess you could say that's kind of the same thing as having a special interest but not QUITE #like for example. what i'm thinking of right now is my desire to start a band #and i come up with a lot of crazy ideas on a day to day basis but a good amount of them end up being simply fleeting or dictated by my mood #the ones that stay though... those are the one that actually HAPPEN #i've wanted to sing in a band for at least a year now #to be honest it's probably been longer but it's been at least a year of me being consciously aware of it #and it just made me realize. this desire has stuck around in my brain for quite a while now #and i think that means it is going to happen someday #i don't know exactly how yet because the way i originally thought it might happen (me going to music college) didn't work out #but it's been a year and i'm still thinking about it and keeping my eyes open in case i meet the right people to make music with #i know from experience that when i put my mind to something i WILL get it done #in the sense that i will surprise myself with how stubborn i can be when it comes to not stopping chasing my dreams #and i've had big goals in the past that i did achieve because of this #i'm also like. surprisingly adaptable??? i only recently learned that about myself but i be pulling Plan B's out of my sleeves #so that's all to say -- i'm choosing to believe that i will start my band someday and it will be better than i can imagine right now #and in general i'm choosing to believe that the things i truly love and truly want in my life will only become more clear over time #even if i'm confused and lost at times NOW... if i keep moving forward in time it will all make sense #and a lot of times situations do work out exactly the way they were meant to but in the most unexpected of ways #i don't know how coherent this all was but yeah #starting a band is only the most recent example #belle speaks

[baeshijima]

writing is hard, folks

#sophie’s idle chatter #okay ive talked abt this before but i have an oc various x reader series right? #but recently ive been having thoughts about aNOTHER oc various x reader fic #but its like #REVERSE isekai #so one of the ocs is the transmigrator instead of the reader and we watch little snippets of how the oc reacts #and reader and the other ocs are all part of this novel that isekai oc has read #and his fav character is reader - a side character/the best friend of the fl #or snth like that #and ofc the typical ‘everyone loves the fl’ trope happens bc its a cliche as fuck novel hes now part of #and obv theres gonna be like. inferiority complex. bc reader always got compared to fl throughout her life and stuff #and ppl mainly talk to her to ask abt fl #(oh. fl is female lead btw) #but reader bottles her feelings up n stuff bc what else can she do other than act like shes happy to avoid confrontation #and isekai oc is basically the only one who knows her inner struggles #EXCEPT FOR ANOTHER OC WHO IS READERS LONGTIME-ISH FRIEND #and hea more on the reserved side and keeps to himself but cares a lot for reader #who thinks he cares more for fl instead #and then woo modern school kinda setting bc wow modern fics #and now i cant write my other oc various bc i have this fucking dumb idea stuck in my head #i even have the characters planned with pinterest boards. as usual. #sobs #ofc its gonna be posted on quotev as always but hdjfjdnfjfkf

[paranormalglass]

yawns just so you guys know there's a chance i'm going to delete all my socials and deactivate everything and not come back due to mental health concerns

#^soggy speaks #i don't want to talk in detail about it (mental health wise) #but if i do decide to go through with it i will tell people it won't be out of the blue #i'll be thinking abt it for the next week and make a decision soon #it's mostly with how I personally interact and perceive things on here and how it impacts me #seeing constant news and things for example has really ruined my mood #and i get distressed a lot when i can't tell if people are being sarcastic or not which... on it internet happens a lot #the recent death threats also do play a role in this because I am a very paranoid person and those have been making me lose sleep quite #a lot recently #there's a lot happening in my life right now is basically it #if you actually read these tags lol uhh i love you have a good day

[thatdude-noah]

i think there's something to be said about the Guilt that comes with complaining about something that is Universal, or something that you know is Not A Big Deal. this happens a lot for me when i have complains / worries about social situations. like when i'm entering a new job and i'm worried my coworkers won't like me, or something similar. but at the same time, it feels silly to worry about this because i know that, realistically, i will be fine. i have always ended up fine. so i need to complain, but there's this Guilt associated with it. i keep telling myself that i shouldn't complain, it's not a big deal, i'll be fine, other people have done this and been fine. but those reassurances don't take the worry away. so then i'm in a perpetual loop of being worried, feeling bad for being worried, and being worried about that.

#this is all just a jumble of words never listen to anything i say #anyway. Big Life Change has happened recently so i am in a New Stage Of Life #and i feel bad complaining and expressing my worry because i know a lot of people going through the same thing! #and i know people who have gone through similar things and been fine !!! #i think i just need. a therapist. #if only i wasn't poor 👍

[discoreptile]

Wee ha

#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent #posting this on the 17th of August #So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em #But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself #But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway #This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this #But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end #featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem #I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half #Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore #It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao #I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat #My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so #so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao #He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place #Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit #Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner #Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening. #OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on. #It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything. #Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you