#always feel anxious posting anything emotional but feel like this one deserved a proper update

[wispscribbles]

Mw3 spoilers (just a long personal ramble)

Hiii. So

As soon as the pre-release came out on, I hunted down spoilers, because I know myself and knew that if someone died and I got that information out of the blue, I wouldn’t take it well. Jokes on me, because I still haven’t been taking it well lol

I won’t talk about how Soap’s death was handled or the quality of the game. Plenty of smarter people are doing so.

I try not to talk a lot about myself and irl stuff on here, but will just say: I am very unwell, mentally. (Cue silence because that’s not surprising at all) Something I am very aware that I do, is that I latch onto fiction with my whole being, usually one specific character. For some reason, I always latch onto the character that ends up dead, usually in a way that make them only exist to further the motivations of other characters. It sucks.

So my hope for Soap has never been great, but for some reason I was still so shocked?? I don’t know, I tricked myself into thinking this time was different. Such an iconic character with so much good setup for great character development. I knew someone would die, but ow. To me, he was the element that made 141 seem more like family than coworkers. Soap’s interactions with the rest just livened up the games so much and made them all shine. Especially Ghost. Their dynamic, man.

Soap was the character that intrigued me enough to jump into the cod rabbit hole. It feels very hollow without him.

I keep telling myself that it’s silly to be so hurt over something fictional, and that I can just treat it as a mcd fanfic and move on, but nope. Brain’s stuck in the bad stuff. It’s a bad habit of mine to let something like this affect me so much, but well. Logic vs feeling and all that.

I really did find so much comfort in Soap this last year, that I severely needed. It feels a little like losing someone I know, someone who helped me through a rough time. I related to something in him and felt inspired. I only started writing after getting into ghostsoap, I started working out and I got back into art after a very long burnout. It may be fiction, but the impact is not.

So that was pretty much the worst case scenario of what mw3 could be to me. I always knew the risk, but, once again, ow. But there also seems to be plenty of good stuff in the game that I enjoy. I’m happy with the Ghost and Soap dialogue, the whole team working together and seeing Laswell and Farah and Alex and Nik. I hope I can be inspired by some of the new content once I’m calmer.

And I was worried they would ignore Ghost and Soap’s relationship after their development in mw2, but they genuinely seem to have gotten real close. It’s nice. I thought the shipping might scare the game devs into never having them appear in a scene together again, so that’s a plus.

Bottom line to all this is: I probably need a little break to get my head sorted. The grief is surprisingly real, it’s triggered some old stuff for me (haven’t been sleeping or eating, been stuck in some old thoughts). I’ll need to calm down and become a bit more normal about this again. Part of the grief isn’t so much about Soap himself, but also just the safe space that this account has been. The very nature of how the fandom is going to interact with Soap and Ghostsoap is going to change now, and man… I liked how it was, y’know? Could’ve used a little longer in that bubble. There’s going to be plenty of new fics and art, lovely stuff as always, but many of them will be tinged with grief, and I’m not in a place where that won’t break me a little.

I will hopefully come back to posting and making stuff once my brain settles down. I have so many drafts for fics and ideas that I hope I can return to. I’ve gotten so used to drawing these lads that I doubt I can stop tbh

The version of Soap that we love is already evolved from the games due to all the time and care the community has put into the character. The games may have killed him, but luckily, he’s fictional. We can do what we want, same as before.

I’m not even saying that I wish they hadn’t killed him. The games are crafting a story that fits their audience. It makes sense.

But I will choose to live in one of the many universes we’ve created for Soap, where he is alive and cared for, with a found family and a spooky lieutenant with a soft spot for him. Good for him.

Hope you’re all taking care of yourselves. RIP canon Soap (again). Thanks to Neil for a wonderful portrayal. And no matter where we go from here, thanks for a wonderful year of creating with you lovely folks. Seriously, some of the kindest people I’ve met in fandom. <3

Lastly: fuck you Kevin O’Reilly, but more importantly, sincerely thank you. (CallMeKevin video about mw2 got me into this mess. Otherwise I was keeping cod at an arm’s length, but he’s my fav youtuber, so I watched it. And here we are!)

#if u don’t wanna read: I’ll be taking a small break for mental health reasons but expect to be back and creating for this fandom again <3 #mw3 #mw3 spoilers #cod mwiii #mwiii spoilers #call of duty mwiii #ghostsoap #wispy update #always feel anxious posting anything emotional but feel like this one deserved a proper update #you’re all wonderful ppl ily #hopefully see you soon !

[the-canary]

Sky Full of Song - B.B (8/10)

Summary: Giving a recovering amnesiac the proper musical education he was missing, wasn’t supposed to involve feelings, right? (Reader/Bucky Barnes)

Prompt:  “Should I reveal exactly how I feel?”

Word Count: 1431

Masterlist

A/N: This is for @redgillan writing challenge. thank you so much for @springtime_bluebird for the lovely song suggestion! two more chapters and maybe a mini epilogue, thank you to everyone that had read this series so far. a bit of a filler, but it builds up the last couple of chapters.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.5 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 

Not a lot of people know this, but Two is a paranoid person by nature, it’s been implanted in her personality since she’s was a child and first learned how to use her powers (she’ll also tell you that it didn’t help that her father was a huge conspiracy theorist). She always needed to have her back against the wall and taught herself most things so nobody else could do it for her, and unlike the others in her group she went directly to S.H.I.E.L.D when she felt it was time, not because they found her. The years might have eased some of her tendencies and having Four and Seven, who left their hearts open too much and were into “believing in people”, might change her mind from time to time -- but for all that she still fell asleep with a knife underneath her pillow and looked twice (Four would certainly laugh at that pun) before doing anything else. Maybe, that’s why Security Director Hill had her watching over the members of her strange group.

“He has been adding something to the gloves that electrifies her nerve endings, I am sure that under extreme pressure it would turn into something she wouldn’t be able to control, due to how little training she actually has. He probably plans on discharging it during her upcoming mission with the Avengers, but her own emotions seems to have speeded up the process,” Two explains sitting across Maria Hill on a hazy afternoon in Downtown Manhattan.    

“Are you saying that he didn’t expect her to lose control?” the older woman questions, as she takes down a few more notes.

“Yes,” Two laughs, “I don’t think he was expecting her to fall in love.”

“Is that something we should worry about?”

“At the current moment, no. She’s still trying to figure it all out,” Two smiles softly for moment remembering you humming happily to a familiar song the other night,”But, I’ll keep you updated.”

“It’s like watching a television drama, isn’t?” Maria quips, and Two is confused for a moment  since the woman never makes a joke -- they weren’t really that close, but it’s nice for the moment.

“Something like that,” Two murmurs, thinking about about how much you had changed in such a small amount of time, she was proud of you but she was also scared. Damn, she really was like the big sister of the group.

“And what is your recommendation on how we should proceed?” her superior asks, pushing her out of her stupor and into the bigger issues at hand.

“She’s stable enough for the mission to move forward, and if anything should happen both Wanda and Vision should be able to stop it. He is constantly being monitored so we can arrest him at anytime,” Two declares confidently as Maria nods. Nothing more is exchanged on the subject.

It takes you awhile to get used to Wanda, but she is quiet when she needs to be and pushes you when you need it. You share some modern American music and she shares the music that her and her older brother used to enjoy, though she doesn’t talk about him much. It’s in-between all that she starts helping you manage your powers in little ways, whether through breathing exercises or teaching small hand movements similar to her own to redirect the electrical charges -- that’s when she brings in Vision. He is kind though a little strange as he helps control your powers bit more, as you use him a target practice every once and awhile, but you’re all fully aware that nothing could happen to him due the the complexity of his being. It was also fun to play a song and see how long it took him to figure out which one it was.

“I think she’s ready,” Vision declares looking at the three targets you had taken down with one blast. An electrical hum surrounding you completely under your control as it sends details on all the tech in the area, depending on how far away it was.

“Really?” you grin at the sight of both of them nodding their heads, a light laughter ripples in the air and for the first time you aren’t afraid of your powers.

tenth night through twentieth day.

Bucky plays the songs twice over when he first gets the flash drive, after asking F.R.I.D.A.Y if they could put them in his personal device. There are songs from every decade that had you looked over in your short time together and while some near the end aren’t really his taste, the feeling that you thought of him through them caused him to smile just a little more. After that, he tries to think of the sense of the word and tune between all the songs, looking for little meanings of what you might feel for him. Some are more obvious than others, but Bucky doesn’t dare get his hopes up, not after everything he had gone through and done. He doesn’t deserve someone bright and caring like you, but at night when a certain song hits he can dream of it a little more.

He’s playing one of the happier songs when running on the treadmill, a bit more anxious than usual since he hasn’t received an update from Steve (who was on a mission) in quite sometime and the post-notes come to an abrupt halt the night after Wanda had visited him. He didn’t know if you were getting better or if they had found the reason behind the control of your powers, which what from Bucky understood was very loose to begin with. He keeps running, lost in thought until Sam is pulling him out his daze.

“Hey Tin Man,” Sam grins at the lost look on Bucky’s face as he takes his earphones off,”Steve and rest of the team are back. Meeting in an hour.”

Bucky nods, though he doesn’t completely trust that grin on the bird man’s face. He proceeds to take a shower and heads to the meeting room 10 minutes before all of the Avengers --calling himself still feels weird-- are supposed to meet. Steve and Tony are already there and seem to be talking about something on the side with Wanda. His oldest friend stops to look at smile with a nod, as Bucky takes his place next to Natasha and Clint, but he can’t help the paranoid feeling setting into his bones.

When Bucky had joined the Avengers after his extended stay in Wakanda, he had given Steve and Tony a map of all the HYDRA bases that he remembered and a list of things connected to each them whether it was supplies, communications, or a research and through the past year the Avengers and small recon teams had been hitting them strategically to further destroy the damn organization.  It seemed that they were close to competing that objective.

“We don’t know what these HYDRA supercomputers have,” Steve picks up explaining, “But, our recon teams and Hill think it might be something big.”

“Didn’t the last time Steve and Nat messed with a super computer, it blew up in their face?” Sam questions as said teammates turn to look at him with frowns, as he shrugs stating that it was just the obvious.  

“Yeah, but we’ll bypass that with one of our recruits,” Tony explains, as he glances behind himself for a moment as if waiting for something. Everyone looks at him in confusion as Tony shrugs. Bucky immediately picks up a pair of familiar soft steps running towards the room and blue eyes turn to directly meet Steve’s, who gives him a sympathetic smile.  

Bucky’s fists tighten a little because he is aware of only one person who would be able mess with a supercomputer (and anything electronic) within the compound ins such a manner. The door behind Tony swishes open as he moves to the side, he’s wearing a smile on his face as he introduces her like a proud father. There’s a timid smile on her face as she turns to look at all the Avengers. She hasn’t changed that much from the last time Bucky had seen her, aside from a new set of earphones and gloves, but she somehow seems more confident, like she has finally bloomed underneath the sunshine of camaraderie and training.

“Sorry, I’m late, still not used to be up during the day,” she laughs and scratches the back of her head, “But, it’s an honor to met everyone. I’m Seven.”  

Part 9 

#maisieswritingchallenge #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes song fic #fabiola trying to write #series: sky full of song

[calvarineharrod]

25 things I've learnt at 25:

Lists usually remind us of order...

Grocery lists, itineraries, pros and cons, marked calendars, full inboxes, an array of neon post-its and not forgetting the dreaded PING! of a cellphone reminder.

Throughout life, we go through seasons of pain and gain. It's inevitable. For me, writing is cathartic. It's a outlet for my spiritual tap to run open. It's a window to invite visions and sounds to enter.

Our 20s is a metamorphosis between childishness and real adulting.

Since I'm 25 right now, I'm not relinquishing this opportunity to finally pass on some of my "wisdom" to other people reaching this 'tender' age. 

Herewith below is MY list of what I've learnt at 25:

1) Age: is just not just a number: you're half way to 50! "You cannot live the same way for 75 years and call it a life." Wisdom should grow with age. Be alert, stay woke and make sure you don't waste your youth for its a short time. 

2) Goals: are very important. Without goals, we live so aimlessly and not driven to be better, live better. Set realistic goals and update them. The "Dragging feet mentality" is the worst feeling. Goals keep you challenged and motivated. Don't despise moments of difficulty. Cultivate resilience.  

3) Discovery: One of my favourite things about being 25 is that you start to get specific about the things you like and are completely unapologetic about it. I know the type of food I want to eat, places I want to visit, conversations I want to have and the company I wish to be surrounded with. It's very liberating. 

4) Fix your Axis: start to get serious about your career. Shift your focus on productivity. Live to please yourself. 

Head in the direction of your dream job. Being 25 is probably the oldest age to get an internship so take any opportunity that allows you to be your best version.

5) Nightlife: The club is not as exciting as your cosy bed. Having a rejuvenating 10-hour sleep session trumps a night filled with drunk, sweaty people, loud music and traffic.

6) Your interests WILL change - for example, shopping for furniture is waaaaay more exciting than clothes. Your style changes, your taste evolves, you crave authenticity. You want to eat soul food and drink merlot. It's quite hilarious. 

7) Happiness. We spend our entire lives and a lot of money trying to attain happiness. It's all a hoax. Your happiness always begins with you. You are a complete person. Please stop looking for someone or something to complete you. 

8) Stand up for Yourself: It's okay to disagree with someone but still be graceful. Being 25 means you have lived long enough to have figured out the pattern of life. Have an opinion. Stand for what you believe in. Be strong and courageous. Don't allow anyone to violate you. 

9) Be responsible. Don't drink and drive. At 25, you cannot ask your parents to bail you out, sort your bills and rescue you from trouble. Grow up. 

10) Independence: sounds great but requires discipline and maturity. If you wish to be independent, you must be willing to make sacrifices as well. Rent, Groceries and Petrol are more important than Dinners, Movies and Entertainment. 

11) Finances. This is huge one. A proper savings plan and retirement annuity must be implemented. Start thinking critically of your future and be precise of exactly where you want to go. 

12) Friends : by the age of 25, you should already have figured out whose in your life for a season or a lifetime. I don't waste time being friends with fickle people. Loyalty and respect is what I look for in friends. Quality over quantity any day! 

13) Get smart: my favourite hobby of all time is reading. Get into the habit of knowing what's happening in the world. You're 25! You should have an opinion surrounding politics, religion, comedy, entertainment, sport, music. Don't go with flow, stand out and honestly, don’t be afraid to offend. Of course not maliciously, but if you view offends someone, don’t be hindered by their reaction. 

14) Forgiveness: no matter what religion or values you follow, forgiveness is a difficult but necessary trait to develop. Forgive others and forgive yourself for any past mistakes. 

15) Marriage: this is sensitive and different for everyone. Don't stress if you're not ‘Married’. Yes, you might feel dis-heartened that you did not find your so-called 'soulmate'. So what? Stop living your life based on other peoples’ deadlines. I believe in timing. Everything you're going through is preparing you for a brighter future. 

16) Family: Don't tolerate an abusive partner, instigating family members. Find your inner peace. Family is not limited to blood relation and true family don't seek to hurt each other.They seek to build each other. Remember that. 

17) Faith. I am I firm believer in God. I daily remind myself that it's not about me but actually fulfilling my God-given duties. My purpose before being a daughter, sister, auntie, friend and lover is to be WORSHIPPER. My role model is Christ and I often use the famous "WWJD" when approaching a situation. Don't worship with emotion but always in spirit and truth. 

18) Dating: I don't believe in dating people just to pass time or when I'm feeling bored. If I don't see a future with you, I'm not going to date you and waste both our time. 

19) Value: People base everything upon face-value. You might have received bad treatment because of your race, age or marital status. Ignore it. Remind yourself daily of who you are and who you belong to and that's God. You are not the tail but the head. 

20) Women in Power: I love seeing a strong woman taking charge, shattering the glass ceiling and successfully leading her home, workplace or any situation. We deserve respect, love and comfort but remember that you must also offer these qualities in order to receive it.

21) Social media: straight and simple. Don't post anything you wouldn't want your mother to see or would be embarrassed of in 5 years’ time. 

22) Face-beat: Learn how to do your own makeup but also don't feel afraid to be comfortable in your own skin. Contouring and highlighting is great when you have a great personality to match it with.

23) Birthdays: are no longer exciting. You get anxious even thinking of getting a year older, especially if you haven't met your goals for the year. 

24) Time is precious:  spend it wisely on experiences and relationships. You will never have regrets about this. Remember, you can only wear one pair of shoes at a time and no matter how big your house is, you can only sit in one place at a time. Invest in people and do good service for them. Cut down and live frugally.

25) Instinct: at 25, your 6th sense develops in a drastic way. Trust your gut. If it feels suspicious, it probably is. Don't downplay your instinct. Own your truth and work on strengthening your instinct for it is an asset to your future well- being.

HOPE THIS HAS HELPED SOMEONE, ANYONE.

XOXO

#blog #blogger #20s #indian #southafrica #advice #like4like #christian #christianity #feminism #hopeful #womeninpower #glory days #happines #inspiration